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Speaker 1: Here's some stories about shore. We made about a bunch

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Speaker 1: of doctor nurses. Stories. Yato around here, are Yato around here.

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Speaker 1: I gotta tell y'all, I got this song in my

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Speaker 1: head and you're gonna love it. It's an old standard, Joel.

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Speaker 1: I know you're gonna feel it. I can't. I'm ready,

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Speaker 1: ready or not? Here I come? You can't hide, Gonna

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Speaker 1: find you and take it slowly, yes, foojie's ready or not.

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Speaker 1: It never goes out of style, Joel. I've been singing

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Speaker 1: it all morning. Whole album still hits. You know, when

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Speaker 1: you got a song in your head, you wake Do

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Speaker 1: you guys wake up with a song in your head? Sometimes? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Sometimes certainly have. I very often will wake up and

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Speaker 1: I'll just be like, ready or not? Here I come.

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Speaker 1: That's not always that song, but maybe I was dreaming

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Speaker 1: about it or something. But this morning I woke up.

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Speaker 1: My dog licked my face, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: you can't hide. Gone up? He said, you're ready. You

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Speaker 1: can't run away from these tears I've got. Oh baby,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna make sure the lyrics right hold on. I

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Speaker 1: looked him up because I did not want to mess up. Ye,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you got one wrong yet. Wait wait, wait,

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Speaker 1: I looked it up because, for those of you don't know,

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Speaker 1: Lauren and I went to high school together. Lauren was

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Speaker 1: at my bar Mitzvah. Yes, Lauren, there's a bar mitzvah

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Speaker 1: game you called called coke and Pepsi, which is basically

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Speaker 1: just kids running around the dance floor, but you have

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Speaker 1: to have a partner, and Lauren was my coke and

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Speaker 1: Pepsi partner at So just you know this, this runs deep.

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Speaker 1: I want to get that one part she sings, you

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Speaker 1: can't run away from these styles. I got, oh baby,

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Speaker 1: hey baby, because I got a lot. Oh yeah, anywhere

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Speaker 1: you got that's too hot anywhere anyway, anywhere you go

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Speaker 1: my whole crew gun no, oh baby, hey baby. You

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Speaker 1: can't hide from the block. All right. Listen, Donald's not

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Speaker 1: here today, guys. So I had to do the loud singing.

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Speaker 1: So I'm done. That's set. The audience who hate singing.

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Speaker 1: That section is now over singing. Oh no, no, I

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Speaker 1: just don't know, you know, listen, people hate everything. So

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Speaker 1: I once saw a video on YouTube. I once saw

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Speaker 1: this is I once saw a video on YouTube that

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Speaker 1: was to this day one of the sweetest things I've

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Speaker 1: ever seen in my life. It was a father playing guitar,

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Speaker 1: singing with his probably four year old and they like

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Speaker 1: new harmonies and it was it brings a tear to

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Speaker 1: my eye thinking of it. And there were like this

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Speaker 1: is back when they would show down votes. There were

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Speaker 1: like thousands of down votes, and I was like, if

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Speaker 1: that isn't the ultimate example, wow, I hate joy. That's

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Speaker 1: the interwebt But somebody was like, took the time to

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Speaker 1: be like this adorable father and toddler singing to themselves. Nope,

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Speaker 1: thumbs down, not entertaining to me this. Wow. Um, well,

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Speaker 1: let me explain the audience. What's happening. We're doing a

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Speaker 1: special episode today. Um. Donald, don't worry, kids, Mommy and

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Speaker 1: Daddy aren't getting divorced. We're not breaking up. Um our

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Speaker 1: our friend Donald is shooting his new show and he's

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Speaker 1: loving it and it's amazing and he's having the best

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Speaker 1: time and he's getting that work and so we're so

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Speaker 1: happy for him. Um. But I felt like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we hadn't done a show. We did the Florence one,

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Speaker 1: which was so well received, Thank you for all the

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Speaker 1: love on that one. But we were going to be

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Speaker 1: off this week, and I just said to Joel, and

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Speaker 1: Joel said to me, we were like, let's do something.

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Speaker 1: And so I came up with an idea kind of

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Speaker 1: inspired by Jonah Hill and his amazing doc stunts, which

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Speaker 1: you haven't seen is really good, um, where he brings

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Speaker 1: his therapist on and sort of talks you know, and

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Speaker 1: shares some of you know, what he's gotten from his

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Speaker 1: therapist and just sort of shared the information. His was

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Speaker 1: done in a very artful documentary way. But I thought

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Speaker 1: we are called fake doctor's real friends. I do have

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Speaker 1: a coach psychologist who has helped me with a lot

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Speaker 1: of my life and certainly is the reason I was

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Speaker 1: able to write this movie. And um, I just thought

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Speaker 1: we could have him on and all shoot the ship

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Speaker 1: and it could just be a conversation about mental health.

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Speaker 1: It could be a conversation about anything anything we wanted

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Speaker 1: to be Joel and Daniel, I want you guys to

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Speaker 1: participate and steer it wherever you want. What do you think?

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Speaker 1: What do you think about that very here? Of course,

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Speaker 1: did you hear the doc is in bringing the doc there?

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Speaker 1: He is the whole team. Yes, So doctor Fader, meet

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Speaker 1: Daniel Goodman and Joel, Monique l and Joel. Nice to

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Speaker 1: meet you both. How's it going, Doctor Fanner, Happy to

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Speaker 1: welcome to the program. Um. So, as I was saying

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Speaker 1: to the audience, you know, we don't have Donald because

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Speaker 1: he's working, and I really wanted to thank you the

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Speaker 1: audience from the bottom of my heart. The the audience

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Speaker 1: response to a good Person has been just monumental. I

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Speaker 1: think it currently has a ninety five percent audience rating

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Speaker 1: on Rotten Tomatoes, which is just pretty unheard of and rare.

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Speaker 1: And I just you know, this audience, you guys who

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Speaker 1: are listening, guys and gals, have been with me the

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Speaker 1: whole journey. If you've been listening to this podcast. I

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Speaker 1: started writing this when we started this podcast, and so

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Speaker 1: you know, I really have a journal, in the sense

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Speaker 1: of an audio journal of my process. The whole time

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Speaker 1: I was doing this podcast, I was writing this movie.

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Speaker 1: So it feels so great to share it with you.

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Speaker 1: And and also I just thought I would go a

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Speaker 1: little bit. The idea behind this podcast, since we don't

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Speaker 1: have Donald and can't do an episode of Scrubs, was

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Speaker 1: to put out something and and talk a little bit

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Speaker 1: about the process of writing it. M and I thought,

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Speaker 1: who better to have on than doctor Fader, because he

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Speaker 1: I couldn't have done this without him, and I so

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Speaker 1: much of the things that I'm accomplishing in my life

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Speaker 1: I couldn't have done without him. And I first met

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Speaker 1: him about seven years ago. I believe there's a very

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Speaker 1: successful person in my life who will obviously remain anonymous

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Speaker 1: who I was just killing it. And not only was

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Speaker 1: he killing it, but he always seemed happy. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

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Speaker 1: And he was killing it in his career, he was

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Speaker 1: killing it in his relationships. He was happy, always happy.

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Speaker 1: And I said, bro, what is the secret? And he said, well,

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Speaker 1: lots of things, lots of work, but also I really

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Speaker 1: recommend my coach, my my psychologist, doctor Jonathan Fader. And

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Speaker 1: so we started working together and and I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to say. I mean, I have plenty to say,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to welcome you to the show. Dude. Hey,

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Speaker 1: thanks man, and thanks for all those those kind of words.

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Speaker 1: You know, I genuinely feel that this is something that

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Speaker 1: we've done fully together. And I think your courage and

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Speaker 1: the hard work that you put in, I mean, this

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Speaker 1: is hard work to change yourself and it's hard work

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Speaker 1: to get started, it's hard work in the middle, and

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Speaker 1: it's hard work all the way through. And you've worked

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Speaker 1: really hard. Well, I couldn't have done it without you

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Speaker 1: and I and I I guess I want to just say,

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Speaker 1: you know, will you explain just for you know, some

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Speaker 1: people on this podcast are familiar with different types of therapy,

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Speaker 1: and some don't know anything about it. Some have it

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Speaker 1: in their lives, some it's been you know, it's looked

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Speaker 1: down upon in their families. You know, we have people

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Speaker 1: who listen from all over the world and from all

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Speaker 1: walks of life. So will you just generally explain to

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Speaker 1: the layman what the difference is between a traditional psychologist

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Speaker 1: or traditional there I think of old school therapy, but

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Speaker 1: and what you call what you do, which is being

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Speaker 1: a cognitive behaviorist, because and I've been in therapy since

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Speaker 1: I was a little kid and seen all sorts of

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Speaker 1: therapists because I had OCD as i've shared on here,

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Speaker 1: and depression and anxiety. But I really feel like I

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Speaker 1: started to make some some and now all that's been helpful.

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Speaker 1: I don't mean to minimize any of it, but I

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Speaker 1: really feel like I started to make some some more

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Speaker 1: some larger shifts when I started working with you and

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Speaker 1: your style of working. So can you explain that in

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Speaker 1: basic terms for people? Yeah, I mean I think that

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Speaker 1: most people have a misunderstanding about what therapy is to

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Speaker 1: begin with, and that you know, just because of you know,

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Speaker 1: watching the Sopranos or watching the show, you begin to think, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is really about not not the killing part, but

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Speaker 1: you know, you begin to think that this is about

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Speaker 1: only about the past. It's about understanding your past and

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Speaker 1: going really deep psychologically into who people are. And this

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Speaker 1: comes from like, you know, the history it's for it's

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Speaker 1: the beard, it's the pipe, it's lying on a couch.

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Speaker 1: But that that way of doing things is that old

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Speaker 1: school way has really evolved over the years. And the

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Speaker 1: kind of therapy that that I do is based in

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Speaker 1: cognitive behavioral therapy, which really means two things. It means

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Speaker 1: we focus on the here and now, we focus on

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Speaker 1: changing behaviors and actively together in a collaborative way, changing thoughts.

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Speaker 1: As we were saying before too, it's it's not just

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Speaker 1: a one person kind of thing where someone just talks.

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Speaker 1: We talk together, and so it's much more like coaching

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Speaker 1: where you're jumping in. You're thinking together about which thoughts work.

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Speaker 1: We tell ourselves these stories. You know, we're all from

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Speaker 1: from birth right as soon as we learn to talk,

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Speaker 1: we tell ourselves stories about ourselves. And this work is

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Speaker 1: really about examining those stories, seeing which stories work and

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Speaker 1: which don't, and then how in a partnership you begin

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Speaker 1: to change those stories so your life begins to resemble

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Speaker 1: the story that you want. That's so well said, and

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Speaker 1: it jumps right into what I want to say. Is

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Speaker 1: one of the one of the biggest things I've got

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Speaker 1: out of working with you and the readings I've done,

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Speaker 1: is that you're going to make up stories. An experience happens,

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Speaker 1: and then your brain instantly goes to work making up

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Speaker 1: a story and an interpretation of what just happened. And

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Speaker 1: if you're an anxious, depressive person, that that could instantly

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Speaker 1: go to worry and negativity and the worst possible interpretation

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Speaker 1: of that experience. But you just but one just totally

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Speaker 1: made all that up and instantly accepted it as the truth. No, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I mean, as you know, I mean, I work with

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Speaker 1: you know, exceptional performing artists and like the one hosting

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Speaker 1: this show, but I work with a lot of athletes,

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Speaker 1: tons of athletes. You know, I've worked for many years

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Speaker 1: in the Major League baseball in the NFL. One of

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Speaker 1: the stories I wrote about in my book is exactly

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Speaker 1: what you're talking about. You know. There's a pitcher who's

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Speaker 1: in the major leagues for the first time, first time

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Speaker 1: in the big Show. He's up there, he's pitching, and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, he notices that his pitching coach

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Speaker 1: looks a little bit disturbed. He just sees it in

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Speaker 1: in in, you know, down in the dugout, and he's

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Speaker 1: up there and he's starting to think about, like, what

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Speaker 1: is this guy? What is he thinking about it? Right now?

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Speaker 1: He's just sucking totally. You know, he's really suspicious of me.

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Speaker 1: He's got all these stories going in his head, and

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Speaker 1: he actually kind of gives up a home run, has

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Speaker 1: a terrible outing, comes back in the dugout, and the

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Speaker 1: pitching coach he's saying, how are you doing all right?

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Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, But part of it is like your

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Speaker 1: attitude towardsman. He's like, dude, I've had I've had terrible

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Speaker 1: gas all day. I've been you know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what it was. The burritos last night. So you know,

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Speaker 1: you're right, man. We have this constant story that we

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Speaker 1: tell ourselves and it's very evolutionary, right. I mean, no

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Speaker 1: one gives you the handbook on on what it means

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Speaker 1: to be a human, right, we learned it along the way,

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Speaker 1: and so CBT cogon behavioral therapy and to some degree,

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Speaker 1: performance psychologies. It's all about giving people a better manual

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Speaker 1: about how to live as a human, how to change

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Speaker 1: your thoughts, how to interpret stories in a different way.

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Speaker 1: We need training on this, you know, and you never

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Speaker 1: we obviously never get a manual we get, you know,

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Speaker 1: we get, we learned. None of this is taught in school,

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Speaker 1: you know, we have In my school, we had to

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Speaker 1: take we had to learn. I always I always reference

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Speaker 1: proofs as the dumbest thing I learned because it was

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Speaker 1: like and I know some kids needed to be exposed

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Speaker 1: to mathematical proofs to go on and be math geniuses.

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Speaker 1: But I remember learning like therefore by the associative property,

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Speaker 1: whatever the fuck it was, being like this, my time

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Speaker 1: would be so much more valued with a communications course.

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Speaker 1: And actually my high school, I'm sure it's long gone,

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Speaker 1: but in the early nineties had one communications class and

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Speaker 1: I remember thinking, even at the time, thinking like, this

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Speaker 1: is pretty progressive for a public high school, and it

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Speaker 1: was amazing. It was it was about sharing, it was

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Speaker 1: about listening, it was about all this stuff, and most kids,

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Speaker 1: this is my me rambling going so much of what

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Speaker 1: I've learned, and and in late in life it would

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Speaker 1: be so valuable. I always think when I have some

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Speaker 1: Eureka moment with you or with a book, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, imagine I knew this in high school.

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Speaker 1: Imagine someone exposed me to this in my teens. How

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Speaker 1: much easier I could have navigated all all my emotions

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Speaker 1: and all my insecurity. You know. Yeah, And there's something

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean, Zach, it's really it's interesting you're

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Speaker 1: saying that, because there is some movement towards that, like

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Speaker 1: there's a whole social and emotional learning that's happening a

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Speaker 1: little bit more in school. But I agree with you,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I agree with you. I think that fundamentally,

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Speaker 1: you know, what we need to learn is how to

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Speaker 1: understand our emotions and how to understand our thoughts and feelings.

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Speaker 1: And we don't really learn that, right. We spend a

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Speaker 1: lot of time learning things that aren't that value of

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Speaker 1: all those proofs you're never gonna use again. But wow,

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Speaker 1: if people just learned how to listen better to other people,

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Speaker 1: if that's what was taught, Like if you were taught

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Speaker 1: how to empathize and how to listen, which is a

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Speaker 1: really hard skill to learn because we all listen to

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Speaker 1: reply and so how to I mean, it's one of

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Speaker 1: the most powerful things I got out of all of

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Speaker 1: this is like that interpretation, that negative thought you're having

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Speaker 1: is not the truth, and it's and it's not even

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Speaker 1: who you are. It's just this trigger response to an event.

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Speaker 1: And in my case, because I'm a warrior and I'm

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Speaker 1: anxious and i have OCD, the trigger response is negativity

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Speaker 1: and worry and fear and and I've been learning with

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Speaker 1: you that, Like that's just totally the web usepun like that.

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Speaker 1: The facts of what happened are our X. Okay, you know.

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Speaker 1: The fact is the pitching coach looked like he was frowning.

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Speaker 1: That is a fact. But my experience of it is

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Speaker 1: he's saying I suck. He's swirming, he thinks I suck.

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Speaker 1: Everyone in this fucking stadium thinks I suck. I do suck.

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Speaker 1: Why am I here, I shouldn't be here, and then

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Speaker 1: of course the next day you learn he just had gas.

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Speaker 1: And I do that every I do that a thousand

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Speaker 1: times a I mean, even with the work I'm doing it.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually trying to work on this. I'm obviously catching

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Speaker 1: myself now, but I'm still it's still a trigger response,

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Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? No? Absolutely, And that's

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Speaker 1: what's so great about you know, you talking about it

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Speaker 1: and being open about it, because you know everybody listening

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Speaker 1: does that. You know, it's evolutionary. You know we all

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Speaker 1: have this negative bias. It grew because humans need to

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Speaker 1: be negative in order to survive. Let's take a break.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. So the

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Speaker 1: rule of threes is a really interesting rule. It's it's

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Speaker 1: about survival. How long can you survive without food? I

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Speaker 1: want to take a guess, like three days, right, you

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Speaker 1: can survive longer, Actually you can survive. You're you're actually

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Speaker 1: thinking about about water. You can survive for three weeks,

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Speaker 1: But you're right, it's three days without water and it's

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Speaker 1: three minutes without air. So three weeks out without food,

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Speaker 1: three days without water, three minutes without are basically right,

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Speaker 1: and so you're you really we have this conception that

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Speaker 1: we need that those things, but we can survive longer.

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Speaker 1: But how long can you survive if you fail to

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Speaker 1: recognize a predator in your environment, if you don't notice

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Speaker 1: something dangerous, how long will you survive? Could be no

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Speaker 1: time at all, No time at all, we're dead. So

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Speaker 1: if you think about how our brains evolved, they evolved

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Speaker 1: to notice the thing that was wrong. Right, That's how

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Speaker 1: we're built. We're built to notice the thing that's wrong.

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Speaker 1: When I give a talk, I mean, you know, or

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Speaker 1: give a talk to a thousand people whatever, I go

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Speaker 1: up there, the first person I notice is the person

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Speaker 1: looking at their phone. Yeah, first person I know. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I did a Broadway show. Dude, I did

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Speaker 1: a Broadway show. And I would perform to two thousand

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Speaker 1: people or I don't know, something like that, and I

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Speaker 1: would I would see someone yawned, and it would fucking

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Speaker 1: ruin my whole show. Absolutely, absolutely, one person. I'm ignoring

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Speaker 1: the nineteen the nineteen hundred and ninety nine people that

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Speaker 1: are are hopefully enjoying it, and I see the one

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Speaker 1: dude yawn and I'm like, I suck, this sucks. We

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Speaker 1: suck totally, right. I mean, that's and that and that's

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Speaker 1: something that's universal and so you know, so the way

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Speaker 1: I talk about it, and you know this, you know,

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Speaker 1: is that there are three parts to being a human thoughts, feelings,

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Speaker 1: and actions, and that we spend most of our time

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Speaker 1: focused on feelings, when feelings is a thing that we

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Speaker 1: control the least. You can't directly if you're feeling shitty

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Speaker 1: and someone says, hey, cheer up, what do you want

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Speaker 1: to do? Punch the person in the face, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: that's you know, the worst thing you could say to

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Speaker 1: someone who's anxious has calmed down, right, that you can't

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Speaker 1: you can you really, you just you can lose your mind.

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Speaker 1: So what are the things that we can affect. We

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Speaker 1: can affect thoughts, and we can affect actions. The one

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Speaker 1: thing you directly control is what you do. And so

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Speaker 1: a lot of behavior of therapy is thinking about that

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Speaker 1: with people and as you know, doing experiments. You know,

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Speaker 1: there's this myth that we have to feel a certain

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Speaker 1: way to act a certain way, and it's just the reverse.

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Speaker 1: You know, by behaving a certain way, you can you

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Speaker 1: start to feel a certain way. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: hard to do. Without some coaching, right, that therapy doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to take forever, the myth of you know, sitting

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Speaker 1: on a couch and talking about your past for ten years. Look,

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Speaker 1: I mean therapy can be really effective done in short duration,

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Speaker 1: in six weeks, in eight weeks, and twelve weeks, if

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Speaker 1: you're really working with someone who's focused with you and

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Speaker 1: who's jumping in and helping you to as you were saying,

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Speaker 1: examine right, put into a record these thoughts. I always

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Speaker 1: tell people when I'm working with them. Look, you know

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Speaker 1: in your head there's a district attorney and a public defender.

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Speaker 1: Only when we get depressed and anxious, the district attorney

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Speaker 1: is like Harvard train. They're ready to go, right, they're

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Speaker 1: attacking every moment, right, But you need to beef up

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Speaker 1: that public defender. You need to school them. You need

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Speaker 1: to give them instructions about how to examine these thoughts.

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Speaker 1: You know, humans have these two errors that we jump to.

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Speaker 1: One is blowing things out of proportion and the other

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Speaker 1: one is jump into conclusion. And so as we were

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Speaker 1: talking about before, what a great coach, a great therapist

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Speaker 1: is going to help you do is to examine the

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Speaker 1: evidence and put things in perspective. The more you do that,

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Speaker 1: you know you're gonna have a different relationship to the

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Speaker 1: events in your life. As the famous quote says, things

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Speaker 1: are not as they are, they are as we are. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. I also feel like

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Speaker 1: you know, Um, and some of this, by the way,

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Speaker 1: not to plug shrinking, but some of this is happening

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Speaker 1: and shrinking. If you're watching shrinking. Um, there's a there's

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Speaker 1: a running joke called called boop where where they refer

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Speaker 1: to as a pattern interrupt And what I got out

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Speaker 1: of that is you can change the way you're being

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Speaker 1: with someone instantaneously and and they can't help but shift.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like in tennis, Um, if you if you,

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Speaker 1: if you hit the ball cross court, the opponent has

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Speaker 1: to has to there's no choice, has to shift to

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Speaker 1: the other side of the court. And aren't impressed. Talkingment

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Speaker 1: of sports enalogy. But by the way, I didn't realize.

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize until last night in the bath, as

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Speaker 1: I was thinking where I have my greatest revelations, I

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Speaker 1: was like, how funny is it that of all of

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Speaker 1: the therapists in the world, I have a sports psychologist

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Speaker 1: as why But um, yeahs like neither of us, neither

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Speaker 1: of us have credibility in that department. Well, you're you know,

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Speaker 1: you're not an athlete. They're terrible. That's I think that's

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Speaker 1: the thing that makes me good. Weren't you like the

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Speaker 1: weren't you like the psychologist for the Giants? I was

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Speaker 1: a psychologist for the New York Mets for nine years

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Speaker 1: and the New York Giants for two years. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: that's amazing that you don't know anything about sports. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know about it, but I can't. I mean, the

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Speaker 1: most you must need to know more than I know,

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Speaker 1: because I just know, like you're trying to get the

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Speaker 1: ball with the bat as far as possible. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think where I needed my own own techniques is

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Speaker 1: when I was asked to play catch with these guys

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Speaker 1: like on the field, and they saw what I was

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Speaker 1: really made up. That's funny. Um, but um this idea

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Speaker 1: of a pattern interrupt that you can change who you're

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Speaker 1: being and like the person that you've I hit cross court,

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Speaker 1: the guy has to the guy or gal has to

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Speaker 1: move to the other side of the court. Well, in

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Speaker 1: micro ways, you can do that anytime you choose in

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Speaker 1: your life. You've been Let's say you've been reacting to

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Speaker 1: a certain person's behavior. Your go to reaction is a

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Speaker 1: certain way, and then you try a pattern and drop,

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Speaker 1: and you just change who you're being in that in

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Speaker 1: that relationship and they have to move to the other

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Speaker 1: side of the court because your reaction is different. Do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Can you explain that more

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Speaker 1: particularly than I just did? No? I think you're explaining

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Speaker 1: it well. I mean, you know Marshall Lenahan, who's a

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Speaker 1: really you know, an innovator in the field. She has

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Speaker 1: a quote which she says, like, you can't think yourself

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Speaker 1: into a new way of acting, You have to act

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Speaker 1: yourself into a new way of thinking. And I think

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Speaker 1: a pattern disrupt the way we talk about that is

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Speaker 1: an experiment. And what I find to be really effective

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Speaker 1: is you know, once you start to do experiments in

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Speaker 1: your life, right, you know, once you start to try

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Speaker 1: something that's different, Yeah, you get a different result, and

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Speaker 1: that result is reinforcing. There's nothing more powerful than reinforcement

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Speaker 1: when we do something that A pattern destruct works because

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Speaker 1: usually when you do when you do a different action,

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Speaker 1: you have a different result, and if that result is reinforcing,

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Speaker 1: it's really powerful and it makes you want to do

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Speaker 1: it more. That just lights me up so much because

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Speaker 1: I want our audience to hear something that's so powerful.

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Speaker 1: Is like, that's instantaneous, that's not years of therapy. That's

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Speaker 1: something it takes. It might take courage in your situation,

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Speaker 1: and definitely might take vulnerability in your situation, but it's

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Speaker 1: literally something you can do instantaneously, which is I no

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00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: longer will accept just making up example, you talking to

426
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: me that way, the way that you're talking to me

427
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: is no longer acceptable, and my reaction to it will

428
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,719
Speaker 1: now be why even though for a decade it's been X.

429
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 1: And of course that takes courage. This is all about

430
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: courage and vulnerability. That's the theme of the whole wall

431
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 1: of working on yourself. But it is something you can

432
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 1: notice instantaneously, right, Doc, Absolutely, I mean I think you know,

433
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 1: to use the shrinking term. You know it is trying

434
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: those boops in your life. You know you're worried about um,

435
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 1: you know what someone's going to think of you if

436
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 1: you you know, behave in a certain way. Try that behavior.

437
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: What I tell people all the time, And this comes

438
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: from a long history of science in what's called exposure therapy. Yeah,

439
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: you know, exposure therapy. You know, so much of life

440
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: is by you know, finding ways to stop avoiding things.

441
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: Avoidance is the enemy of all progress, and finding ways

442
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 1: to stem avoidance is the key. So I mean really

443
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: simply with or without therapy, kind of making a list

444
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 1: of the things that you're avoiding and just in the

445
00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 1: smallest ways attacking those things is a disruptive pattern that's

446
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 1: going to help you achieve. That could be a huge

447
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: conversation that you're avoiding. That could be asking for a

448
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: raise at work, that could be changing, you know, starting

449
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 1: your screenplay, it could be starting your business. I mean,

450
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: it could be something small like a conversation, or it

451
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 1: could be something big like starting a business right entirely.

452
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 1: And I think you know the thing about I mean,

453
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,239
Speaker 1: I was just you got me thinking about shrinking. What

454
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: I love about that show is you know, it's a parody, right,

455
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: so he's just going and just telling everybody what he thinks.

456
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 1: But what I think is great about that is this

457
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: is he's just confronting avoidance. You know, what you find

458
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: in your life is when you start to do the

459
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 1: things you're afraid of, you get unusual results and positive reinforcement.

460
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 1: Positive re enforcement is so much more powerful than anything

461
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: that you could any kind of other reward. There's a

462
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,199
Speaker 1: story I tell about positive reenforcement. So one of the

463
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: biggest people who's evolved the field of psychology was this

464
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 1: guy BF Skinner, Right, he was a guy who changed psychology,

465
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: came up up with these ideas of positive reinforcement. He

466
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 1: used to do, you know, experiments with where he'd look

467
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: at how people will respond to it. And one year

468
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 1: his class decided they were going to actually respond to

469
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: him and use positive reinforcement operating conditioning with him. And

470
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: so what they decided to do is while he was speaking,

471
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: they were going to just reinforce his behavior, try to

472
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: get him to move to the left side of the room.

473
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: That's the behavior they were encouraging. And so they did

474
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: it by reinforcing him in the way that presenters like

475
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 1: to be responded to. So, how do you what do

476
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 1: you want to see when you're presenting? You want to

477
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: see smiles and applause and nodding yeah exactly. So that's

478
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 1: all they did. He had no idea what was going on.

479
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 1: When he moved to the left, one step to the left,

480
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: they just nodded and smiled, and then when he stopped,

481
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: they stopped. That's it. B. F. Skinner, legendary psychologist, spoke

482
00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 1: tucked into the left harbor wherever you were speaking, right,

483
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 1: And so you know, it's simply you know, making getting

484
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 1: And this is what depression is about. Whatever one people

485
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: want to say about depression, depression is about the lack

486
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: of reinforcement in your life. You're not getting enough positive reinforcement.

487
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: And so what a great therapist is going to help

488
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: you to do is forget about what happened in the past. Okay,

489
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: let's talk about getting you in a position to receive

490
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: reinforcement in your life. Where does that come from? Not

491
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 1: inside your apartment? Right, just not there, right, You're never

492
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: going to find that reinforcement. Like you know what, I

493
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: always jove of people a quarter to people come in

494
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 1: to tell me, Hey, I want to find a romantic partner.

495
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can tell you one thing where they're not.

496
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: They're not in your apartment. You're not going to find them, right,

497
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 1: So like, we gotta we gotta get out, We got

498
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 1: to start moving and shaking, and we're going to figure

499
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: out ways to do that. That dove tails with another thing,

500
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: not just looking for a partner, but I am I feel,

501
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: you know, one of the things I've been asked. I

502
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: just finished the giant press tour for a Good Person,

503
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: and one thing that kept coming up was, um, what

504
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 1: are the themes in overarching themes that that that journalists

505
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 1: were seeing in my in my three films, UM, Garden State,

506
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: which I was here, which I always mentioned, I wrote

507
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 1: with my brother Adam, who's a brilliant writer, and now

508
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: the latest one A Good Person, And so it's caused

509
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: me to examine. It's something I really looked at. But

510
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: I was again thinking about it in the tub last night,

511
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: where I do my great thinking, and I was thinking

512
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: that for me, it's it's about looking for The theme

513
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: is looking for human connection, and it really comes out

514
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,719
Speaker 1: of my my my loneliness. UM that I've felt my

515
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: whole life very even even when I'm surrounded by people

516
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 1: and friends and others, I have felt different and other

517
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: than and very lonesome. And so I think all three

518
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: films are are are about yearning for a deeper connection

519
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: to someone hmm. And and I think the response to

520
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: this film, um, since it's come out, and and and

521
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: the messages the beautiful, heartfelt messages and commons I'm getting

522
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: on Instagram and and and other social media platforms. I'm

523
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: seeing this connection to that obviously to grief and to

524
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: addiction and to but I feel people really tapping into

525
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 1: that yearning for a deep connection to other human beings. Yeah,

526
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 1: I mean, all your films are certainly about that. For

527
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, though, you know what, what's your hope

528
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: for what this film does? How does it? What does

529
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: it bring out in people? And what will what will

530
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: how will they walk away after seeing it? I hope

531
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,719
Speaker 1: that they feel less lonesome, I mean, or or just

532
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: or just that they see themselves in the movie. I mean,

533
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: the movie is obviously an extreme it's it's it's no secret,

534
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: it's in the trailer. It's about a vehicular manslaughter and

535
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: and and how that affects the lives of these two families.

536
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: And now, God willing the audience won't have something that

537
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: extreme in their in their life, but they will. Everyone

538
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: grieves something, Everyone has a pain in their heart about something,

539
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: and I and I hope that they that they that

540
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: they go and experience it and um and and feel

541
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: less a little bit a smige and less alone that

542
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: there's other people, Because when I'm really depressed and anxious

543
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: and lonesome and I just feel I just feel like

544
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 1: I'm the only one feeling those things. I know in

545
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: them in the macro that's ridiculous. I know that we're

546
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: all human beings, but but but that's what you feel,

547
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: that's what's overwhelming feeling. So I hope that people see

548
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: this and feel um see themselves and feel seen and

549
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: feel less lonesome. That's what I really hope. Yeah, well

550
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: I'm you know, what do you think people would be

551
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: surprised to know about you that that led to this film,

552
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: that led to this coming out, and led to this

553
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: come into fruition. I think probably that I've suffered from depression.

554
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: I mean that's something I just spoke about him really

555
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: openly for the first time on the Rich Role Podcast,

556
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: which is a podcast I really recommend everybody. It's my

557
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,959
Speaker 1: favorite podcast other than this one, obviously, But Rich Role

558
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: is just a fantastic interviewer, and he's he's just a

559
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: guy who wasn't addict and he turned his whole life around,

560
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: and then he became like one of those marathoners who

561
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 1: runs like insane marathons, and now he's just I don't know,

562
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: he's just a I saw him the other night and

563
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: I said, you're like my rabbi, Like I think I

564
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: was like, I think you're I think what you do

565
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: for me in my life is what a rabbi is

566
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: supposed to do for Jewish people, because I just find

567
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: him so inspiring. And but anyway, I'm rambling. Um, that's

568
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: what I think that people would be surprised to know.

569
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: Because I'm known for being a a comic actor. I'm

570
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: known for being silly. I come and do this show,

571
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: for example, and you know, throughout the pandemic, there were

572
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 1: times when I was really, really really depressed. Um, you know,

573
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 1: Nick was dying, Amanda's was fifty feet away in my

574
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: guesthouse in a ball crying, and I was very very sad.

575
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: And I would psych myself up to to be funny

576
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: on this podcast because I want to entertain people. I

577
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: get joy. I do get joy from making people laugh

578
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: and entertaining them, and I get I get a dopamine

579
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: high from feeling like Donald and I and Joel and

580
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: Daniel were funny, and I hopefully made people laugh and

581
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 1: made them feel good. But I certainly. Um. I think

582
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 1: that's the biggest surprise people would probably think, is that

583
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: I you know that I've suffered my whole life from

584
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: from depression and anxiety and and and it's actively working

585
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: on actively working on it with you to to be

586
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 1: able to tackle it better. I mean, I'm just listening

587
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: to what you're saying about the Rich Role podcasts and

588
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: the marathon and what he does, and I just think

589
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: of you and your life, and you certainly have run

590
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 1: a marathon through COVID and through all those things that

591
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: you experienced. What what has allowed you to do that?

592
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: I mean, how have you, in our work and on

593
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: your own been able to get through that and then

594
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: use that to produce I think, thank you. That's a

595
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: great question. I think I really just focused on. You know,

596
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: I'll tell you a story I'd never told anyone, and

597
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: that is that I don't know why this is my

598
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: answer right away, but I you know this, but no

599
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: one knows this. I was super sick in the beginning

600
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: of January. I got so I got strapped throat so

601
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: the worst I've ever had. It was so painful, I

602
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: couldn't even swallow water. I mean, I didn't know you

603
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: could get strapped, throught this bad and think I think

604
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: I had scarlet fever because I had a rash on

605
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: my stomach and I was like googling, Yeah, I was

606
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: googling rash. I finally was like rash and the strep

607
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: throat and it said scarlet fever. And I was like,

608
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: I got a fucking scarlet fever. And I tried to

609
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: convince my doctor. I was like, he's like, you wouldn't

610
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: get scarlet fever. That's for children in This's like rare.

611
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: And I was like, I have fucking scarlet fever, dude. Anyway,

612
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever convinced him, but anyway,

613
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: so I was so sick and I was so sad,

614
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: and I was so alone, and I remember just lying

615
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: on this heating pad because it was the only thing

616
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: that felt good. I didn't even have my dog with

617
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: me to I mean, I was just it was a

618
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: low point. And anyway, I put on this Burnet Brown

619
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: YouTube ted talk about vulnerability, which has gone viral for years.

620
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: If you haven't seen it, it's it's it's what broke

621
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: Brenee Brown as a self help guru if you will,

622
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: I don't know what you call her but she's amazing.

623
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: And it was her first TED talk and it was

624
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: about vulnerability and I just started sobbing. I just started crying.

625
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: Granted I was very sensitive and very sick, but I

626
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 1: just what she was saying about being vulnerable and having

627
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 1: the courage to be vulnerable. Um, I just felt this tears.

628
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: I cried for the whole thing. And uh. And so

629
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 1: I think that that obviously tapped into something for me.

630
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: And that's where it's a similar place that the movie

631
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: came out of. It was like, what if I, you know,

632
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: just wrote something that was incredibly vulnerable. You know, the

633
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: story of a good person is not my exact story,

634
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 1: but all the emotions and the feelings and the everything

635
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: that's that is the support structure of the plot is

636
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 1: my story. Yeah. And I think in what you've made too,

637
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: I mean, it just it speaks to the fact that

638
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 1: everybody has a struggle, um, and that it speaks to

639
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,399
Speaker 1: the fact that we're all experiencing and have experienced over

640
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: this past couple of years loss. I mean, if you haven't,

641
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: if you haven't experienced loss in the past couple of years,

642
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: in some way, you probably weren't awake to what was

643
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,839
Speaker 1: going on, Well, wasn't even men. You needn't even be death. Um,

644
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: it could be just the the this. I think we're

645
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 1: all in, I mean, this PTSD from what happened, and

646
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: we're all moving on, like, Okay, that was crazy. And

647
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: I really think. I was talking to my mom about this,

648
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: who's also a psychologist. She's been on the podcast, and

649
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 1: I was talking about last night because we were trying

650
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: to analyze this and this beautiful audience response, and my

651
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,720
Speaker 1: mom was saying kind of like, I think that there's

652
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:24,839
Speaker 1: a there is a collective grief in society that that

653
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: people might not even know is there within them, and

654
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: that that could be from their very real life experience,

655
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 1: of course, or or it could be just from the

656
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 1: experience of the trauma of COVID. I mean, you know,

657
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 1: I think what's what's the story within the story here

658
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: is you know, you were asking me about changing behaviors

659
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: and about dealing with grief and about dealing with depression

660
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: and overcoming it and how cogn behavioral therapy is a

661
00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: method for that. But the whole arc of making this

662
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,439
Speaker 1: movie was in fact all of that. For you. It

663
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: was it was quite a journey, you know, and and

664
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: it's this audience has been along for the whole ride,

665
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: you know, guys, Joel and Daniel I started talking when

666
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: we started the podcast. I thought he was telling even

667
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: writing it for a long time. Let's take a We'll

668
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: be right back after these fine words. You guys have

669
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: any questions for the doc, I don't mean to hog

670
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: expensive doctor's time. You guys, it was really fascinating to

671
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 1: hear the two of you talk, so please to apologize. Yeah, yeah,

672
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 1: so okay, I, similar to Zach, have depression. Um I

673
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: noticed it at like sixteen, but I also had add

674
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 1: which was also undiagnosed. So I got diagnosed with depression

675
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: when I was thirty and with add when I was

676
00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: thirty one. And when I started therapy. You know, my

677
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 1: first therapist was a lot like you. She was like,

678
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 1: all right, let's figure out what the problem is. Let's

679
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: really make a plan, let's go get it. And I

680
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 1: was instansed. I was like, I'm hurting, I don't know

681
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 1: how to start trying. I'm so angry and still confused,

682
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: and I'm still trying to get medicated despite being diagnosed.

683
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: It was like a whole process and it was frustrating

684
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 1: for me, so I went through two years of just

685
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,399
Speaker 1: the emotional kind of therapy, the let's just dive deep

686
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: and just talk about your past and all of that stuff.

687
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: And then at some point I was like, this is

688
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: not changing anything. So like on a new therapist, cognitive

689
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: behavioral therapist who helped me change and grow a lot.

690
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: But I say all that to ask, is there a

691
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: headspace you need to be in or a thing you

692
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: need to have done in order to be ready for CBT?

693
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: This is such a great question. I really I love

694
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: this question. I'm already married, but I would marry this

695
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: question if I wasn't there. I love this question because

696
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: you know, I think by our discussing this, you're really

697
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: going to help a lot of people. Look, the main

698
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: advice I have about therapists is if you feel like

699
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: your therapist doesn't like you, fire them. And not to

700
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: say that this therapist and you didn't get along, but

701
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: you know, if there's not mutual likability, meaning you don't

702
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 1: feel understood, forget, it doesn't matter what kind of therapy

703
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 1: they do they can do. You know, I don't know

704
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: scarlet fever therapy. It doesn't matter very like they're not

705
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,760
Speaker 1: the right person, and so what the research the science

706
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: shows us is the biggest effect of therapy is feeling

707
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: understood by the therapist and that there's mutual well you know,

708
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: likability and positive regard and so that's just like, you know,

709
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: it's like when I there was this club, the Palladium

710
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: that I in New York City growing up, and I

711
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: would go there. They'd be these amazing drag queens out front.

712
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: I would go up to the front and try to

713
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: get in, and they'd be like you you and look

714
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:56,719
Speaker 1: at me and dead in my face and be like

715
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: not you. So you know that later on Zach will

716
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: worked that out with me. But anyway, so they have this,

717
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: they have these these little ropes, right, the velvet ropes.

718
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: You can't get into a great therapy relationship unless you

719
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 1: get past that. And the entry fee is empathy. You

720
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: need to be able to show and demonstrate understanding of

721
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 1: the person and connect with them. It doesn't matter what

722
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: kind of therapy you do, right, And so I would say,

723
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: you know, to me, it's sort of seventy percent that

724
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: to your point, and thirty percent the techniques, right, and

725
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: so you know, you should find a therapist that you

726
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 1: feel like understands you. And a lot of the research

727
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 1: also shows because is such a great question, I could

728
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,760
Speaker 1: nerd out on this forever and I think it's really helpful.

729
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you got to be able to

730
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: do two things as a great coach. You have to

731
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: first be able to connect and demonstrate an understanding and

732
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: the hurt. Acknowledge the hurt, and show the person you

733
00:39:55,360 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 1: get the hurt. Only then will you be able to

734
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: teach or give skills. I'll tell one other story about this,

735
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 1: because your your question like unfull, you know, sort of

736
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 1: opened a door. But I was once in the clubhouse

737
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: of a professional sports organization and I was there and

738
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 1: there was a rookie. He was really struggling. This is

739
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: a guy who's just starting in sports, right, it's really struggling.

740
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 1: And I was newer at the field, and I was

741
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: just going after him. I was like, hey, man, why

742
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 1: do you try this? Why do you try that? Why

743
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 1: do you try that? And there was a veteran there

744
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: who knew me right and for a long time, and

745
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 1: he just sauntered over. Afterwards, the kid was like listening

746
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 1: and he was like, you know, playing my game, and

747
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: then he walked away and the veteran just like, look, Fader,

748
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,839
Speaker 1: people have to know that you care before they care

749
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: what you know, and that just like stuck with me.

750
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 1: It's a cool I think Roosevelt said it or something,

751
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 1: but that's stuck with me forever. To your point, well,

752
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: like this isn't even about therapy, it's it's about teaching.

753
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,240
Speaker 1: You know, if Daniel's teaching someone else audio video stuff,

754
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,399
Speaker 1: It's like if the person doesn't feel like you really

755
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: care about them, it doesn't matter what you say. It

756
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: doesn't matter the instruction, it doesn't matter the thing. So

757
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: your question is also just like a hammering home point, like,

758
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: find someone that you feel like cares about you and

759
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: that you care about you can develop relationship. There's instant

760
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: good feeling. Well within the first meeting, I feel that

761
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 1: you care very much about me, and I do. Man,

762
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 1: I trust you, and I feel like you're rooting I do.

763
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: I mean, the coach analogy is so strong. I feel

764
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 1: like you're rooting for me. Another really powerful thing that

765
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: I get out of our relationship is that I feel

766
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: accountable to you. I'm not going to let you down

767
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: because I know. It's like just like an athlete doesn't

768
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,399
Speaker 1: want to let their coach down and their team captain down.

769
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to let you down. So if I

770
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: committed to you that I'm going to write, you know,

771
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,879
Speaker 1: Monday through Friday for three hours a day, and then

772
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: I'll text him like I did it, or I'll send

773
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 1: him pages. We have this relationship where it's like I'm

774
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: not gonna not send him pages because I don't want

775
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: to disappoint him. And I think that's really great, a

776
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: really powerful thing. And you don't have to you know,

777
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 1: you don't have to be in therapy to do it. Obviously,

778
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 1: you can do it with your partner, you could do

779
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,479
Speaker 1: it with a friend. But if you're trying to start

780
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 1: a new habit really being accountable to another person that

781
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: you don't want to let down, that you can made

782
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: a commitment to. Let's say you're trying to do sobriety

783
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: for a month, or you're trying to um, you know, write,

784
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: or you're trying to you know, eat less. Whatever your

785
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 1: thing is that you have some sort of person. It

786
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: could be a therapist, it could be a parent, it

787
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 1: could be a friend, it could be a partner that

788
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: you're accountable to and that you don't want to disappoint

789
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: and that obviously you're honest with because if you're lying

790
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: with the hell's the point, right, Yeah, I mean you

791
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: know what you're saying is so valuable, Zach, because not

792
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 1: everybody listening is going to go to therapy for whatever

793
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,320
Speaker 1: reason right now, well some can't afford it. We should

794
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: say we we we advertise better help on here, which

795
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: I think is a is a new and affordable way

796
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 1: for people to seek out therapy. So obviously, um, you know,

797
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 1: I have a great privilege in being able to have

798
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 1: you in my life, so I do want to acknowledge that.

799
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 1: But there are ways to reach out to people and

800
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: and sometimes for those who can't, um, it could be

801
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 1: as simple as reaching out to a friend, not not

802
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: a friend who's going to give you bad advice. You

803
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 1: know who that person is, don't sort of you everyone

804
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 1: listening knows who's the friend not to go to. But

805
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 1: but but but just being in communication and sharing and

806
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: being honest and authentic that I've gotten just so much.

807
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: You know. My sort of word for my year now

808
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 1: is is vulnerability. Obviously, releasing a movie to the world

809
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: is the most vulnerable thing I can do is in

810
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: my profession, and it's it did take a lot of

811
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 1: courage to to just release something and then you know,

812
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: have and just show it to the world and have

813
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 1: everyone way in on it. But anyone who's listening's life,

814
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 1: whether it be as small as having a scary conversation

815
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: you're dreading or or you know, it's all about vulnerability.

816
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 1: It's all about saying, I'm going to do this because

817
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to be authentically myself and I'm going to

818
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 1: allow myself to be vulnerable and I'm going to do it. Yeah,

819
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,720
Speaker 1: you know, I mean I had I had a therapist

820
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: actually who once said to me, this is maybe twenty

821
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 1: years ago, who said, look, you know people people often

822
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 1: regret the things that they didn't do, not the things

823
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: they did. And um, and that made a lot of

824
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: sense to me. And I think, you know, what do

825
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: people who regret later in life? Mostly there are regrets

826
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: around relationships. Um. And when you speak about the word vulnerability,

827
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: you know, we all have someone in our life that

828
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: we could you know, finish this podcast and and be

829
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: more authentic too. Maybe they're a friend, maybe they're a partner,

830
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: But you know, I think there's so much My experience

831
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: has been that that finding the people that you can

832
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 1: build a little bit more clear already in vulnerability with

833
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: It's just such an enriching part of our lives to

834
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 1: be able to do that. I just a question for you,

835
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: and don't know, maybe maybe you cut this and this

836
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: is just a real we never talked about this, but

837
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 1: you know, how do you know that I care about you?

838
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: What are the things that that happened that make you

839
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 1: feel that way. I feel that you're authentic, and I

840
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 1: feel that you're genuinely interested, and I feel that you're

841
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: rooting for me, and I feel no matter sometimes I

842
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: fall down and I don't come through with something I

843
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: committed to you that I was going to do, or

844
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: I tried every technique you gave me and I still

845
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 1: felt depressed. But I always feel like you're You're in

846
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 1: my corner. You're like you're in if I was a boxer.

847
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: You're the guy that's pushing that weird thing on my

848
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: forehead and whatever that things. I don't even I don't

849
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 1: even know what that thing does. I get the sponge,

850
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: I don't get that weird push down on your forehead thing,

851
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 1: but um, I don't know. That's it. That's it and

852
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 1: I and I and I know that you are because

853
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: um you you root for me. I feel like you

854
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 1: you're You're one of my biggest champions, so I want

855
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 1: to thank you. Don't worry everyone, We're going back to

856
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 1: a comedy podcast. Some of the fans right now are like,

857
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: oh fuck, no, I promise you this will not be therapy.

858
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: Next week we're gonna have Donald back and we will

859
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,240
Speaker 1: be playing the bong hit noise on the sound effects

860
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 1: just to prove it to you. You're gonna kick off

861
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: the real doctors. Hold on, I gotta get the bong

862
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:33,800
Speaker 1: effects so every no one freaks out talk one second.

863
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: Yeah there it is every the show here in honor

864
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: of Donald's what you're trying to get into one day,

865
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,400
Speaker 1: shoon what you're trying to do. All right, we'll be

866
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: back being funny next week. I want to think, doctor Favorite.

867
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: I do want to plug your book because you've an

868
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 1: awesome book. Um and uh it's called remind me what

869
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: it's called, because I forget Life is Sport and I

870
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: know you're writing a new one, Um, but check out

871
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: Life is Sport if you want to read some of

872
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 1: these amazing wisdoms from this gentleman who's helped me so

873
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,879
Speaker 1: much I genuinely did from the bottom of my heart.

874
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:11,799
Speaker 1: I couldn't have written this film without you, and so

875
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 1: thank you. And I couldn't have written without this podcast

876
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 1: to be honest, Joelle and Daniel, because um, it made

877
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: me laugh and it was a hit of dopamine every

878
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: every week when we do it. So thank you guys

879
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: and audience. Um, thanks for listening, and thanks for a

880
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: welcoming doctor Fader into our community. And um, check out

881
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 1: a good person. If you haven't seen, it'll only be

882
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 1: in theaters a little while obviously, and then and then

883
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: it'll come on streaming. But I do think, um, there's

884
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: something really powerful about seeing it in the theater. It is.

885
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: Um there's something communal about about experiencing the emotions that

886
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 1: come up with this with friends, with family, with a

887
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: partner in a in a movie theater setting. So you'll

888
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,799
Speaker 1: only have a couple of weeks in order to do that,

889
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: and um, it just expanded this weekend tonight, I should say,

890
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 1: because we're airing this on the thirty first of March,

891
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: right DAYLD. So that's it. We love you. Anything else

892
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 1: you guys want to say, no, come back next Tuesday.

893
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 1: We'll be here, you know. What actually I think. First

894
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 1: of all, this is thanks so much for having me on.

895
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: It was really great to talk to all of you.

896
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: And you know, I love the questions that you had. Actually,

897
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 1: I think it would be helpful, Zach, just briefly if

898
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: you want to talk about the behavioral things you did

899
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: to write the book. I think that would be really

900
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: interesting to people. I mean, to write the script. I

901
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: mean yeah, I mean I think, you know, just talking

902
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: a little bit about what, you know, what were the

903
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 1: ways that you got it done. Everybody, everybody who's listening here,

904
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, almost to a person is trying to get

905
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 1: something done right. They're trying to lose weight, they're trying

906
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 1: to quit drinking, they're trying to speak differently their partner,

907
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: they're trying to write their own screenplay, whatever it is.

908
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,400
Speaker 1: They're trying to get something done. And you know, you

909
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: you really became a master of some of these techniques

910
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 1: that you and I worked on to well master no

911
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: by no means master, but thank you. Um. I just

912
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 1: practiced what you taught me, and that was some one. Well,

913
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: the biggest, most basic thing is is committing making a

914
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,800
Speaker 1: commitment to do it every day. Um, just like you

915
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: make you make a commitment, an important commitment to to

916
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: do anything in your life. When you know you commit

917
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: to someone in marriage, it's a serious commitment. UM. I

918
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: committed to doctor Fader and to myself that I was

919
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 1: going to write five days a week for a certain

920
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 1: amount of hours, and that even if I was staring

921
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 1: at the blinking cursor and and saying to myself, you suck,

922
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 1: this sucks, I suck that I was still going to

923
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 1: show up and be vulnerable. And some days it would

924
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 1: go great and some days it wouldn't. Um, But I

925
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 1: always I was keeping my commitment. I I and I

926
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:53,839
Speaker 1: would say to him, and he Doctor Fader always says,

927
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 1: there's there's great power in a streak. Meaning if I've

928
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 1: done that commitment and I've really wrote five days in

929
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:03,439
Speaker 1: a row, on Monday, I'm gonna I'm gonna start again

930
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: because I don't want to mess up my streak. If

931
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:09,280
Speaker 1: you're trying to go sober and you made it five days,

932
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: you don't want to mess up your streak. It's exciting,

933
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: you know, I've told I think I've spoken about this

934
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 1: on the podcast before, where I would take something as

935
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: simple as a paper calendar. You guys can do this

936
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 1: for free, and you don't. I use stickers, but if

937
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 1: you don't want to pay for stickers, use a pencil.

938
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 1: And I would just go. I would give at the

939
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: end of the day. When I was when I was

940
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 1: first attempting uh not you know, not drinking from month,

941
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:34,319
Speaker 1: I would uh, I would give myself a smiley face

942
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 1: at the end of that day. And I would see

943
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: all the smiley faces and I'd be like, I'm not

944
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 1: sucking up my smiley face streets. So it's so simple.

945
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: And I told I sold this to rich Role and

946
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 1: he was like, it's so funny, how reptilian, he said,

947
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 1: our brains are. It's just that we want that. We

948
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 1: want that, We want that fucking smile. It's like when

949
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 1: you're potty training your kids, you know, I know people

950
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: use stickers, like if you you you get a sticker

951
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 1: on the day, if you use the potty or whatever.

952
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 1: We still my brain, at a pretty six at the time,

953
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not fucking not getting that smiley face.

954
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: I want that. So even stuff like that really helped

955
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: me going for a streak. Getting affirmation, sending the pages

956
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:16,360
Speaker 1: to to friends and then getting feedback from them always

957
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: felt good. When I would people in my writing community,

958
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: I would send a scene to and be like, hey,

959
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 1: can I get your thoughts? And so getting that feedback

960
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: was helpful. It would it would inspire me when they

961
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 1: were like this is great, oh my gosh, keep going.

962
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: But really showing up, you know, showing up every day,

963
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: no matter how I felt, was was the key. It's

964
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: so huge. I mean, the gamification of your task is key.

965
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, people of what I've done with

966
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: some people, just have them order a light bright you know,

967
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:49,279
Speaker 1: twelve dollars online and just every day that you do

968
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: your thing, you put a little light bright key into

969
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 1: the light right right, No, it's good. It's the cheapest

970
00:51:57,840 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 1: you can do it. So this money money can't be

971
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: your excuse if you don't want my free version. If

972
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: you don't want my free version, no, my mind version

973
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: is free. Everyone should have a pencil. If not, just

974
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 1: pick your finger and use blood. I'm just kidding, but

975
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,320
Speaker 1: you can. Anybody can print a paper calendar off the internet.

976
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: But but if you want to spend seven bucks, you

977
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: can buy a light break. Go ahead, doctor Fader, Yeah,

978
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:24,280
Speaker 1: do it. And I mean I think, look, the reality

979
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:28,360
Speaker 1: is that you know just by having simple gamification and

980
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: also connecting it. You don't have to have a therapist,

981
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,320
Speaker 1: radio a therapist of coach, but finding someone. The science

982
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 1: shows if you say out loud to someone what you're

983
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 1: intending to do, and they hear it and they know it,

984
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: you're much more likely to complete it. And so just

985
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: those two simple things or things that anyone listening here

986
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: can do and make it much more likely that you're

987
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,720
Speaker 1: going to complete your goal. All right, On that note,

988
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,799
Speaker 1: m I know that we only had you for the hour,

989
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: So thank you so much. You're incredible. Life as Sport

990
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: is the book. Thank you, doctor Jonathan Vader, I love you,

991
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: dwelling dal And that's our show, Bob six seven eight

992
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 1: stories about show we made about a bunch of doctor

993
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 1: nurses and a janitor who learned him. I said, he's

994
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 1: the stories natural should know. So gada around you here,

995
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: are YadA around you here? As free watch shows that

996
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: no mm hmmm