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Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in

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Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

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Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands

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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals

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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo chariots to keep

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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,

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Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of

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Speaker 1: Jim see King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,

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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.

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Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to

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Speaker 1: give wisdom. Thousands. They said you would come Dropping Dropping Jim. Hey,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the Dropping Jim's Podcast. I am your host,

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Speaker 1: Debbie Brown. Big shout out to everyone that's a first

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Speaker 1: time listener. Welcome, Thank you for joining. This is a

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Speaker 1: space where we explore higher consciousness for your real life,

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Speaker 1: and we really lovingly explore our shadow work. Try on

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Speaker 1: some different self care tools and here beautiful perspective from

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Speaker 1: people all across the spectrums of well being and also

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Speaker 1: connecting deeper on my personal journey, your personal journey, and

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Speaker 1: finding all the common ties in between. So welcome back

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Speaker 1: to another episode. If you have been joining us for

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Speaker 1: this wild ride of dropping Jim's welcome back. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for listening. Huge shout out to everyone that

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Speaker 1: has listened to the show, connected with it, and then

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Speaker 1: gone that extra step by subscribing or leaving a written

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Speaker 1: review in our iTunes store. So so grateful. And if

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Speaker 1: you have a chance, and if you have the bandwidth

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Speaker 1: for it, I would really appreciate if you took a

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Speaker 1: second takes about sixty seconds tops um, to do that

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Speaker 1: today and share it with a friend. Any episode that

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Speaker 1: really felt resonant to you, I think sometimes, you know,

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Speaker 1: we think that we are in this isolated experience. I've

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Speaker 1: recently been exploring some deepening conversations with one of my

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Speaker 1: best friends, and you know, there are so many things

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Speaker 1: that we were each processing individually at the same time

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Speaker 1: but didn't know because we didn't talk about it. So,

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Speaker 1: if there was an episode that really resonated on your heart,

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Speaker 1: whether it's today's or an episode that you heard earlier. UM,

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Speaker 1: I highly suggest really in meditation or just taking a

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Speaker 1: moment with your eyes closed, see who pops up first

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Speaker 1: in your head. Send that person the show, or send

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Speaker 1: someone you think could put stentially dive a little deeper,

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Speaker 1: would enjoy this, you know, start some of those conversations.

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Speaker 1: When we think about the idea of building community, UM,

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Speaker 1: we often think of it as so far outside of ourselves,

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Speaker 1: like we're waiting for all of these new people to

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Speaker 1: show up. And in actuality, there is some really beautiful opportunity,

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Speaker 1: especially now coming out of this pandemic, so many people

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Speaker 1: have deepened their journey with themselves. There's this really gorgeous

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Speaker 1: opportunity to chisel and refine and elevate some relationships that

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Speaker 1: we do already have access to. So just a little something,

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Speaker 1: all right, today's episode? Okay. A couple of months ago,

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Speaker 1: I had a chance to go on the podcast almost thirty.

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Speaker 1: It is a wildly successful podcast. They have four hundred

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Speaker 1: plus episodes over twenty million downloads UM. It's been held

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Speaker 1: as the best wellness podcast to listen to right now

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Speaker 1: by covetre Lots and lots of awards and recognition. It's

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Speaker 1: it's an amazing show and and I had the chance

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Speaker 1: to be a guest on it. UM, so I have

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Speaker 1: an episode on there that you guys can check out.

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Speaker 1: I fell in love with the conversation and I feel

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Speaker 1: that I'm really in a season right now. Well God has.

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Speaker 1: God has continuously blessed me um with finding like minded

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Speaker 1: people really easily and beautifully. But I'm in I'm in

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Speaker 1: a supercharged season right now where I am really drawn

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Speaker 1: to specific people and I feel this really natural magnetism

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Speaker 1: between each of us. And I've been exploring so many

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Speaker 1: gorgeous conversations by just following my heart in that space

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Speaker 1: leading me to new friends. So, UM, don't listen to

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Speaker 1: Drake's song no new friends. UM, if you want to

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Speaker 1: stay stuck, stay there. But there's so much opportunity to

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Speaker 1: grow and expand, and so that's what it felt like

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Speaker 1: happened after I did that episode of Almost thirty. The hosts,

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Speaker 1: Krista Williams and Lynn the Simok are brilliant, just absolutely

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Speaker 1: brilliant women, and I have loved getting to know them

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Speaker 1: and so they're hopping on my show. They are very

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Speaker 1: self aware, highly highly processed, which is a trait I

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Speaker 1: love in my friendships and in people. Uh. And they

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Speaker 1: are just forging, um so many gorgeous new paths and

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Speaker 1: building powerful community and building powerful tools, and they're just amazing.

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Speaker 1: So I'm excited to have them on my show. We

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Speaker 1: have a lot to talk about quickly. I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of give you a little back in look um

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Speaker 1: at the fullness of some of the things that these

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Speaker 1: amazing women have been creating and been doing. So give

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Speaker 1: you a little background Krista. She is the co founder

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Speaker 1: of Almost thirty, a top fifty podcast, a global brand

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Speaker 1: in community. With a background and digital marketing, sales and

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Speaker 1: strategy at Fortune on hundred Companies, Krista left the corporate

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Speaker 1: world behind to build Almost thirty from the ground up

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Speaker 1: alongside her best friend and co host Lindsay. Since its

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Speaker 1: inception in it's grown to over twenty million downloads, been

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Speaker 1: nominated for so many incredible awards, and Kristin Lindsley lead

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Speaker 1: worldwide events, digital workshops, and a membership program to support

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Speaker 1: their communities conscious evolution. She's also the co founder of

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Speaker 1: podcast pro, a comprehensive program to help others create their

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Speaker 1: dream podcast. So if anybody if it's been on your

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Speaker 1: heart to create that dream podcast Check that out. And

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Speaker 1: Chris is also the creator of It's Krista, which provides

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Speaker 1: an honest take on health, wellness, spirituality, and style. Leading

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Speaker 1: speaker on so many topics and just overall badass. Lindsay

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Speaker 1: is the co founder of Almost thirty as well, and

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Speaker 1: she began her career as an actress and a singer

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Speaker 1: in Boston in New York City, which, if you follow

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Speaker 1: your story her stories, you see like just that amense

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Speaker 1: tal it in that way radiating through. And she has

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Speaker 1: also been a fit model and senior Soul cycle instructor,

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Speaker 1: which led her to her greatest creative endeavor, which has

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Speaker 1: been Almost thirty, which I shared with you. She's also

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Speaker 1: the co founder of podcast pro and she's a leading

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Speaker 1: speaker in all things wellness, and she actually just launched

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Speaker 1: this really beautiful program called Sacred Singleness Um that is

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Speaker 1: all about like deepening your spiritual journey while you're single. So,

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Speaker 1: without further ado, two of my new favorite favorite favorite

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Speaker 1: human beings, welcome to the show. You're just practicing the

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Speaker 1: dev trot breaking rock baby. I literally could not keep

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Speaker 1: taking my eyes off of you. Oh my god, so

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Speaker 1: literally everybody. I gotta tell you guys. First of all,

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Speaker 1: Lindsay and CHRISTI are so amazing. I was on their show.

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Speaker 1: It is one of the most amazing podcast episodes I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've ever done. Like we hit on so much.

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Speaker 1: And then the response that I was getting in the

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Speaker 1: d M s from this and the messages, I was

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Speaker 1: just like, Wow, we really went there. They have this

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Speaker 1: phenomenal space. I mean, they are a wildly as I've shared,

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Speaker 1: a wildly successful podcast. So I mean the space reflects it.

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Speaker 1: It's money, money, money, and it's like very gorgeous and um,

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Speaker 1: it's just perfect. And so they were so incredibly generous

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Speaker 1: and allowing with our studio that I typically record at

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Speaker 1: being shut down because of the covid um with letting

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Speaker 1: me come to their space and record. So I am

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Speaker 1: actually using their equipment. I'm in their phenomenal space. I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy you're here. It feels like it feels like

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Speaker 1: when you were on the Push, just like this little,

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Speaker 1: this little bubble where we're kind of well, we'll see

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Speaker 1: you guys in three hours. But when we first sat down,

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Speaker 1: we were laughing. You know, you guys know I have

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Speaker 1: a radio background and I was talking to them about it,

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Speaker 1: and so we did like a little rehash of that

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Speaker 1: and I did my little radio spiel all right, coming

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Speaker 1: up next. I literally love it. I'm like, because it's

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Speaker 1: so it's just so you're amazing. Thank you guys. So

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Speaker 1: something that you know, you the three of us were

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Speaker 1: at my house a couple of weeks ago. We're having

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Speaker 1: an epic dinner and UM, we had really got into

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Speaker 1: this really interesting conversation about women empowerment UM, and especially

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Speaker 1: about I guess the different stages of it or sometimes um,

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Speaker 1: the presentation of it that doesn't always feel real. So

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Speaker 1: I want to I definitely want us to get into

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Speaker 1: that UM and to get into some more of those

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Speaker 1: pieces of like what it is to be so spiritually

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Speaker 1: awakened and in these streets you know, Um, what it

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Speaker 1: is to date from that awakened space, I think is

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Speaker 1: so fascinating because you each our love and you found

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Speaker 1: such beautifully equally yoked relationships, right, And I think for

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Speaker 1: so many people, especially women listeners of this show, listeners

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Speaker 1: of your show, you know, sometimes it feels really isolating

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Speaker 1: when you become awakened and when you really begin to heal,

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Speaker 1: because you notice how many people are not, you know,

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Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh, well, I ever find someone

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Speaker 1: that speaks that language to me. I think that's like

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Speaker 1: our number one question from our girls are like I'm

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Speaker 1: on my path, but my man isn't. And then they

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Speaker 1: want to know what to do. They're like, I'm interested

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Speaker 1: in these things, but my person isn't. And I think

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Speaker 1: we've probably got all in that path. And it's like

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Speaker 1: the spirituality is so important, but you don't. It's also

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Speaker 1: part of the spirituality to let the person be on

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Speaker 1: whatever path they're on, you know, it to sort of

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Speaker 1: encourage them to be who they are more so than

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Speaker 1: be like you should be doing yoga with me. You

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Speaker 1: should be doing this with me, because there's like a

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Speaker 1: part of your process where spirits where you awaken. You're like, yes,

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Speaker 1: everyone needs to know about this. This is the best

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Speaker 1: I feel so connected. I am God, And you're like

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Speaker 1: everyone should awaken, and you then over time realized and

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Speaker 1: it sort of settles in your system that it's not

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Speaker 1: really your place to be the one that's awakening everyone.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's in their own divine timing. So yeah, it's huge.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's such a powerful topic and um, I'm

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Speaker 1: excited to talk more about it. Yeah, and you know,

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Speaker 1: let's okay. So first let's start here. Um, where are

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Speaker 1: you each from individually and give us, give us your

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Speaker 1: elevator of how you met each other and how you connected.

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Speaker 1: So I'm from Ohio, small town, small town in Ohio.

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Speaker 1: Baby and Lindsay and I met at Soul Cycle. So

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Speaker 1: I was auditioning to be an instructor. When I was

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Speaker 1: in New York, I was working in corporate jobs and

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Speaker 1: I was just so unfulfilled. I was like so desperate

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Speaker 1: to find a purpose. Like I was like, I know

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Speaker 1: that I'm here for a reason, and I really want

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Speaker 1: to find it. And it was so it caused me

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Speaker 1: so much anguish because I was so dead set on

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Speaker 1: figuring out what that was. And I went from corporate

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Speaker 1: job to corporate job. I was successful in the corporate world,

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Speaker 1: but I was really deeply unhappy. And so when I

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Speaker 1: found Soul Cycle, I was like, yo, I really love this.

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Speaker 1: I'm using my body, I love the music, I love

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Speaker 1: the community, I love being a leader, and I want

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Speaker 1: to audition. So I did everything I could to like

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Speaker 1: audition for Soul Cycle. I didn't get it. I didn't

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Speaker 1: get my first audition, and so what I did in

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Speaker 1: the meantime to audition again was UM, went and got

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Speaker 1: vocal lessons uptown. So every like Wednesday at my corporate job,

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Speaker 1: I would go uptown and get voice lessons because I

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Speaker 1: was trying to be better on the microphone at Soul Cycle,

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Speaker 1: because being on the microphone made me so uncomfortable. I

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Speaker 1: felt so uncomfortable. So I was getting these voice lessons,

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Speaker 1: I was preparing all these things, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I need to connect with an instructor to help me

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Speaker 1: with my second audition, and Lindsay ended up being that instructor.

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Speaker 1: She helped me with my second Soul Cycle audition, which

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Speaker 1: I didn't get and then UM, from that point, you know,

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Speaker 1: we were connected and we were both going through these

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Speaker 1: transitions that so many people go through in your late twenties,

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Speaker 1: where your prefrontal core texas coming online, your Saturn return

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Speaker 1: is happening, and you're really becoming conscious of how you

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Speaker 1: are in a specific role in your life and how

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Speaker 1: um your parents have impacted you, your relationships. There's a

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Speaker 1: lot of things happening, and so we kind of commiserated

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Speaker 1: on these transitions and how upset I was that I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like I had a purpose, and she was

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Speaker 1: going through her own relationship transitions and we're like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we can't be the only ones. I feel like people

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Speaker 1: talk about when you graduate from college and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: the real world, Like welcome to the real world. And

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Speaker 1: that's a really hard transition. But I feel like your

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Speaker 1: later twenties, when things get really real, felt like it

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Speaker 1: was even more. It was even harder, like the decisions

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Speaker 1: had more weight, it felt like. So we started to

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Speaker 1: record our conversations and then you know, five years later

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Speaker 1: we have a beautiful show and community and all this stuff,

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Speaker 1: and it's beautiful because I feel like I found my purpose,

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Speaker 1: you know, through it all. I have some questions about

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Speaker 1: Soul Cycle, But Lindsay person, I would love um for

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Speaker 1: a little bit of your background. Yeah. So I grew

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Speaker 1: up in a small town in Pennsylvania, just north of Philadelphia,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, I mean I was a performer of my

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Speaker 1: whole life, you know, kind of a theater kid, and UM,

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Speaker 1: just fast forward to that life in New York where

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Speaker 1: after college I was like, I want to pursue Broadway

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Speaker 1: and so UM, knowing that, I was like, well, I

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Speaker 1: have to get a bartending job, like you know, knowing

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Speaker 1: like you know, artists who are auditioning during the day,

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Speaker 1: how do they support themselves? They bartend. Um. Obviously there

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Speaker 1: are other jobs, but that's what I chose. And um,

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Speaker 1: so I was working at night and um auditioning during

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Speaker 1: the day, and I had a bunch of different jobs,

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Speaker 1: and UM, it was it was hard because I was

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Speaker 1: in my you know, mid twenties and like struggling and

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Speaker 1: super poor, but also really passionate about what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do. UM and expressing myself is like my my

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Speaker 1: life blood, you know, like it just makes me feel

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Speaker 1: so alive. So um that always kept me on my path.

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Speaker 1: And then, um, yeah, as Krista mentioned, I just went

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Speaker 1: through this like pretty intense breakup where the person I

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Speaker 1: thought I was gonna be with forever I just felt

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Speaker 1: completely disconnected from and and you know, it is kind

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Speaker 1: of that breaking point of Wow, I just feel like

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Speaker 1: my soul speaking so loudly, wanting to like work with

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Speaker 1: me in in evolving and actually pursuing and doing what

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Speaker 1: I truly desire and really just being who I really am,

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Speaker 1: because within that relationship, I wasn't who I really was. Um,

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Speaker 1: and am because I was kind of operating on what

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Speaker 1: I thought he wanted me to be, and so I

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Speaker 1: ended up cheating on him and just kind of like

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Speaker 1: throwing some gasoline on the entire relationship. And it was

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Speaker 1: really painful because I would never have expected myself to

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Speaker 1: do that. It was kind of this weird out body

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Speaker 1: experience where I'm like, my soul was so clear that

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Speaker 1: I had to move on, but like human Lindsay was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to have a healthy conversation with him, Like I

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Speaker 1: don't know what that looks like. So I just kind

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Speaker 1: of sabotaged the whole thing. And um. And so after that,

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Speaker 1: I was I was pretty you know, I was kind

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Speaker 1: of in a depressed state like season of my life

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Speaker 1: because I just felt so disconnected from myself and UM.

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Speaker 1: During that time, I started to go to sol cycle.

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Speaker 1: Eventually I became an instructor, and then they moved me

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Speaker 1: out here to l A. And that was really the

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Speaker 1: big event of my saddurn return was the move from

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Speaker 1: l A to New York, which really changed everything. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I could breathe, like I felt like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I just felt um, yeah, less of this, less of

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Speaker 1: this pressure to um be chosen in New York. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I'm going to take time like

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Speaker 1: I was actually chosen to come out to l A

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Speaker 1: by sol Cycle, I can kind of define this new

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Speaker 1: chapter of my life for myself instead of waiting to

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Speaker 1: be picked and cast or whatever. And it was just

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Speaker 1: a really beautiful beginning which eventually lead me to Christa.

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Speaker 1: When we met at sole Cycle and I just felt like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: we're having these deep conversations and it feels really good,

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Speaker 1: you know, simple deep conversations. I was like, ah, okay,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not alone, Like I don't have to just

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Speaker 1: do this all by myself, right and and so um

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Speaker 1: when we started the podcast, I'm always down to start

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Speaker 1: creative ventures, and I was like, let's do it. We

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Speaker 1: can record in my closet, your closet, and we'll just

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Speaker 1: figure it out, you know, And and that's what we did.

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Speaker 1: The thing that really stands out for me is just

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Speaker 1: the power of really having these intentional friendships, you know,

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Speaker 1: like like friendships that honor us where we're at in

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Speaker 1: the moment and that are also the catalysts for more

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Speaker 1: you know, friendships that allow for that kind of chiseling

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Speaker 1: and refinement to happen. And when I I've I've had

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Speaker 1: the pleasure of being able to experience to you both

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Speaker 1: and your friendship dynamic in person quite a lot. Um.

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Speaker 1: I know I shared this earlier, but I came on

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Speaker 1: the show and we just kind of all fell in

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Speaker 1: love with each other, and maybe maybe I just about

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Speaker 1: it the whole podcast. I welcome start every show with

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Speaker 1: the girls. You know, It's like, the thing that's so

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Speaker 1: really breathtaking to me about both of you is how

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Speaker 1: processed you each are, and that that's rare. I mean

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Speaker 1: it's really really rare, rare. I am a highly processed being.

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Speaker 1: I am so processed. I am always so blissfully deep

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Speaker 1: in my shadow work and just you know, really, um

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Speaker 1: and I really strive to be in a surrendered space,

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Speaker 1: and you guys are much the same. The second someone

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Speaker 1: meets you, it's like, oh God, the work they've done it,

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Speaker 1: they know it by heart, they can teach it. You know,

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Speaker 1: how does that like establishing that kind of connection Because

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Speaker 1: I think for a lot of people, and definitely a

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Speaker 1: lot of a lot of listeners of this show, you know,

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Speaker 1: the pieces I know I'm awake. I know I want

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Speaker 1: more for me. I know there's healing to be done.

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Speaker 1: How do I start surrounding myself with more people like

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Speaker 1: me or more people that can be a mirror for

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Speaker 1: me or aid me. And that's that's the piece that

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Speaker 1: gets really challenging and sometimes gets people stuck. So what

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Speaker 1: was that journey of you guys looking towards one another

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Speaker 1: and coming together outside of that that initial structure and

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Speaker 1: system of soul cycle. Yeah, and just a few things.

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Speaker 1: I want to answer that a few things. And you said,

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Speaker 1: it's like people say they want the mirror, but then

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Speaker 1: they get the mirror. And then because I know that

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Speaker 1: even within my intimate partnership with my fiance, it's like

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Speaker 1: I want the mirror, and then the mirror shown and

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Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh baby, this is bothering me. So

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Speaker 1: I think that's a point. And then on the work,

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Speaker 1: it's like, I think we do the work, you do

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Speaker 1: the work. And I noticed that the people that are

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Speaker 1: doing the most work don't talk about the work. They're like,

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Speaker 1: they're kind of it's literally part of the process of life. Um.

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Speaker 1: But for our relationship, you know, one of the key

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Speaker 1: parts was meeting ourselves deeper in process than if we

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Speaker 1: were younger, or if we were in college or we

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Speaker 1: were right out of college, because that was actually something

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Speaker 1: that was really bothering me. When I moved to l A.

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Speaker 1: I had shame around the fact that I had lived

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Speaker 1: in Ohio, Chicago, New York, and then l A. And

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Speaker 1: that I was having these friends that I was meeting

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Speaker 1: later in life, that I was having deep relationships with

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Speaker 1: people when I was older and I didn't carry a

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Speaker 1: lot of friends from I have a lot of friends

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Speaker 1: from college, and I have like one friend from home,

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Speaker 1: and I felt a lot of shame. I'm like, should

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Speaker 1: I have friends forever? Should I have all these friends

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Speaker 1: forever from home? Like should I be someone that has

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Speaker 1: this deep intimate relationship with tons of people at home?

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Speaker 1: And I realized, how, you know, coming fresh with Lindsay,

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Speaker 1: it's like I'm showing you who I am today, and

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Speaker 1: we're working with who I aspire to be. We're not

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Speaker 1: looking back to like the person that I was in college,

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Speaker 1: the person that I was outside of college, because she's

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Speaker 1: amazing and she exists, but like I'm able to start

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Speaker 1: fresh with her and just really be like showing up

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Speaker 1: as my best self and then we can build from there.

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Speaker 1: And so when people have friendships later in life or

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Speaker 1: they have these relationships, it's almost like you can have

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Speaker 1: a new expectation of people. And I always felt limited

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Speaker 1: by my friends that I met earlier on because they

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Speaker 1: had this expectation of me to be this thing. And

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Speaker 1: when someone's in process, like they are from a lot

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Speaker 1: from my hometown in Ohio, there's a lot of projections,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of limiting, there's a lot of um

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Speaker 1: unconscious behavior. So having a new friendship with conscious behavior

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Speaker 1: has been so powerful. But we've had we are mirrors

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Speaker 1: of each other, and we've had to lean in all

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Speaker 1: the time, and we've had to really do the work

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Speaker 1: together even when it's uncomfortable. But it's been, you know,

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Speaker 1: some of the most fulfilling work that I've ever done

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Speaker 1: in my life. To be truly seen is incredibly uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's like I find that with you know,

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Speaker 1: between us in romance relationships and even like with our community,

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Speaker 1: like to be truly seen, it's beautiful and can be

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Speaker 1: incredibly It's like new skin your or lack of that

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Speaker 1: kind of shell. And and also even the letting yourself

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Speaker 1: be seen that mechanism is such an interesting piece to play.

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Speaker 1: So much resistance we're noticing, you know, where is there

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Speaker 1: against nous or where is there any any subliminal thoughts

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Speaker 1: of unworthiness or not enoughness? And it's usually a reflection

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Speaker 1: of like, have I witnessed myself in that way? You know?

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Speaker 1: Am I comfortable witnessing myself in that way? Yeah? It's

400
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Speaker 1: been beautiful, Lindsay especially, it's like she's made her um

401
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: you know, some of the things that we've talked about.

402
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Speaker 1: I have my issues and not just bringing up hers

403
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 1: for ships, but it's like codependency and then um, like

404
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 1: we both struggle with abandoning ourselves that we're very cutely

405
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: aware of now and she's made those like her superpower

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00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 1: in a way where it's like she's very much able

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Speaker 1: to come into conversations and be like abandoned herself enough

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00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 1: to like let whatever is coming to surface come without

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Speaker 1: judgment or without projections. So it's like getting herself out

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Speaker 1: of the room, getting the ego out of the room.

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Speaker 1: And you know, for the parts of our relationship that

412
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Speaker 1: have been hard, it's not like it's been fun, but

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Speaker 1: it's been really rewarding. And I didn't even realize that

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00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 1: with other relationships. It only got to the part where

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Speaker 1: I wasn't I was done faking it in a way,

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Speaker 1: and I realized it was like they were friends with

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Speaker 1: my mask. They were friends with my ego like I have.

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Speaker 1: And this happens all the time. It's like, people can

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Speaker 1: be friends with your ego. People can be friends with

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00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:46,360
Speaker 1: the projection that you portray. And when you really get

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Speaker 1: down to it and you go past the mask, you

422
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Speaker 1: go past the ego, It's like that's when true connection comes.

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Speaker 1: And I realized for most of my life, I've been

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Speaker 1: really projecting a person, and it was very subtle. I'm

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00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: very real and authentic, and when people meet me, they're

426
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 1: truly meeting the real me. But there are times where

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00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: I would abandon myself or like just kind of have

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Speaker 1: to make someone feel good. I'd make it all about them.

429
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: I'd sort of focus on them, and so did not

430
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 1: do that was like such a shift for me. What

431
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 1: was one of the early conversations in the establishment of

432
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 1: your friendship and what this would become that you guys

433
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: remember was kind of like a moment where it felt

434
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: okay to be naked in front of each other. I

435
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 1: know there have been many, but I'm thinking of like

436
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: almost are in in our coaching sessions with Arin, there

437
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: just have been so many moments where within that container

438
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: of our with our coach Aaron rose Um, because we

439
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 1: are there for that purpose to connect and like kind

440
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: of unravel something's going on, it just feels super super

441
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: safe and guided, which is helpful, and like we're really

442
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: a both too, yeah, witness one another. And I think,

443
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: you know, one of the conversations I remember was around

444
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:11,479
Speaker 1: the fact that we are um such a beautiful mirror

445
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 1: and catalyst for each other's growth, you know, Like I

446
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 1: was talking to my I'm doing a program right now,

447
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: and I was saying that, like I just feel like

448
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: we're each other's duels, you know, like we really serve

449
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: as like one and especially as women, I just feel

450
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: like we serve as each other's support and guides and

451
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: we're not trying to do it for them, but we're

452
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 1: just there to kind of hold. And I really feel

453
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: that with with Krista, both in our personal friendship and

454
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,400
Speaker 1: sisterhood and past lifetimes and our business relationship, like we

455
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: really do balance each other out, We support one another,

456
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: We communicate telepathically, it's just this really beautiful system of

457
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: of support. I think the first years of the podcast though,

458
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: was like really there was like a low level of

459
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 1: anxiety between us a lot of the time because we

460
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: were both working full time jobs and we were both

461
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: just so stressed out, and I was like so like

462
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: obsessed with this and I just was like so taken

463
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: by it. I was like just wanting to just make

464
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 1: it happen. And it was always sort of like this

465
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: push pull of like who's going to do this, who's

466
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 1: going to do that, Like there's a lot of unknowns

467
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 1: building the business, and so that actually diffused, you know,

468
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 1: a few years into having the hard conversations and being like, hey,

469
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this way, how are you feeling? Like the

470
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: story that I'm telling myself is that you're trying to

471
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: control me or you're not doing enough or whatever that is.

472
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: And then you can always go back in therapy. We

473
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: could do therapy on our own and be like peeled

474
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: that back, like I'm feeling like this, like what is

475
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,359
Speaker 1: that saying about me? For me? I have a lot

476
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: of issues around trust with women. I have like trust

477
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 1: because of the way that I grew up and abandonment

478
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: issues as well, So I always sort of view things

479
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 1: that happened or trigger is that happened in our relationship

480
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 1: from that lens, and so then I can always sort

481
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: of process back, like, Okay, when did I feel abandoned

482
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: when I was younger? And like how is this triggering

483
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 1: that little girl for me? Like how is she feeling

484
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 1: abandoned again? And how am I feeling like Oh my god,

485
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: I'm scared she's gonna hurt me. I'm scared she's gonna

486
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: you know, I'm scared she's going to judge me. Or

487
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: I'm scared she's gonna, you know, not tell me the

488
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,199
Speaker 1: truth or something. And so the awareness of self is

489
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: so important because it helps you be in relationship with

490
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 1: people so much clearer. So when lindsay we're separating for

491
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: the move, it's like I can feel my abandonment like,

492
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna be abandoned, I'm going to

493
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: be alone, And now I can really work with the

494
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: energy of feeling frustrated much better. So that piece I

495
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: want to sit there for a second because you know

496
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: this is part of your process, and so instantaneously I'm like, oh, yes, yes,

497
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 1: oh my god, but I think what you just expressed

498
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 1: is actually, for so many listening a beautiful blueprint for

499
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 1: the experience of becoming more self aware. And so it's really,

500
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 1: you know, when we speak to like self inquiry or

501
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: that self investigation in real time, that's what it looks like.

502
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 1: It looks like I feel a charge in my chest,

503
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: in my body, or somewhere, I'm noticing a shifting that

504
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 1: is not comfortable. How can I sit with myself for

505
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: that moment and investigate that feeling before I react, or

506
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: before I potentially unload on a friend, on a family

507
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 1: member or so on. But it's like it looks like that,

508
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: and it's that quick, you know. And I think when

509
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: we think about doing the work, you know what the

510
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: work is when you haven't started it or you haven't

511
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: necessarily found your groove in it. Yet it does feel

512
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 1: like this enormous mountain. It feels like the mid term

513
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: you didn't study for that. You're always coming up a

514
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 1: little bit short, you know, we're always I wanted to

515
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: be better, I'm not quite doing it. It seems like

516
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: more opportunity to self criticize. But what it really is

517
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 1: is just a few reflective questions in the moment with

518
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: no judgment either way, With no judgment either way, like

519
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: what you just expressed, It's like okay, and I really

520
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 1: want I really want to frame it um around what

521
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: you said powerfully, which is like, Okay, the story I'm

522
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: telling myself is this. So if you are in a

523
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 1: conflict with a friend, with someone in your life and

524
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm feeling unappreciated, well, the truth is is

525
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: that true? Is that fact? Have you actually been able

526
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: to establish with proof and with conversation that that's a fact?

527
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: Or is it an assumption? Most likely it's an assumption.

528
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: So if it's an assumption, why would I assume that first? Right? Okay, Well,

529
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: I think I assume that first because of my past

530
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: and because of how I feel about myself and because

531
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: of things that have been in my history. Do I

532
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: have to apply that lens to this moment? You know?

533
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: And I kind of want to really illustrate that right

534
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: now into take that second to unpack it, because that

535
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: is those are the fibers of how this work actually

536
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: operates and how it changes your life. And I think

537
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: that this piece of it that you guys are speaking

538
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: to does not get spoken about enough. Everyone wants to

539
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: take well being to the point of like, okay, what

540
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,479
Speaker 1: is self care? You know, what can I what can

541
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: I do? Okay, I'm gonna do the yoga, I'm gonna

542
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: do the meditation. But the deepest parts of self care

543
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: are the granular shadow work. It's the really personalized experience

544
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: of investigating your own thoughts and seeing when you're not

545
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 1: always truthful with yourself, or when you have those old

546
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: loops of programming, you know, moving through your being. That's

547
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: so so powerful. It's being so present that you're able

548
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: to take that moment and I always forget that, you know,

549
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: in in doing those practices, that self inquiry in the moment,

550
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: that I can take time and space, you know. So

551
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: for example, you know, with family, in the moment, if

552
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: we're getting together and I feel you know, triggered in

553
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: some way, that I can create a bit of space.

554
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: I don't need to react in the moment. I can

555
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: actually ask for what I need, which might be hey,

556
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: like I would love to have a conversation this week

557
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: about it. You know. That's just you know, like I

558
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: forget that I can actually ask for what I need,

559
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: that I can take time for a little self inquiry,

560
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: that I can reflect and not because otherwise I am

561
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: just being so reactive. Yeah, the expediency is the ego,

562
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: you know, the ego needs now, the ego needs now.

563
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: It's like I am unwell, i am unsafe because I'm

564
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: not getting something from you and people. You know. Operating now,

565
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: not people, but learning how to operate now from the

566
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 1: space of like radical responsibility for my emotions is so

567
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: rewarding and just makes everything so much better. But at

568
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: first it seems hard because you're like, okay, so I'm

569
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: responsible for my relationship not being up to part. My

570
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: friendships aren't really fulfilling, my job isn't my purpose, and

571
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: you know, it's taken me eight to ten years in

572
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 1: my awakening to sort of work through those but making

573
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: the small steps of awareness and sort of playing with

574
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: that voice in our head because we all have the

575
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 1: voice in our head that's consciousness, you know, and kind

576
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: of talking. The voice is not us, you know, it's

577
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: really the understanding within that higher consciousness that you hear

578
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: the voice you are. You are what is observing and

579
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: hearing the voice. You are, not the voice. That piece

580
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, oh, this self talk thing has been

581
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: wrong the whole time, and That's why I you know,

582
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 1: I always say meditation is so important because that's where

583
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: you glimpse that, that's where you're able to really kind

584
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: of up outside of your own body, of your own self,

585
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: of your own human existence, and experience yourself as that

586
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 1: full or more vibrant, all encompassing energy that we are

587
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: when we come here. And I think taking the time

588
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: to like that thought that you were describing where you

589
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 1: ask if it's true? Is it? Can you prove that

590
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: it's true? And usually it's an assumption. It's like the

591
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: next step that I've been kind of trying out is like, okay,

592
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 1: let me try on what like the opposite of that

593
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: would be, and how how can I prove that that's true? Yes,

594
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: you know, and we don't think to kind of like

595
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: try on a new truth, um, because we've identified so

596
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: much with that other. And then it's like why are

597
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: we trying on truth? You know? It's like what I

598
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: love the phrasing you just used of the trying on truth.

599
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: But it's like when we take it even that step

600
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: deeper for each of us, like this is what self

601
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: inquiry is. Why am I wearing anything? Why am I

602
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: not just being? Why am I not just surrendered. Why

603
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: am I even thinking about it? I can just be

604
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,959
Speaker 1: I can be in flow, you know, I can be love.

605
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: And I think with the assumptions thing too, it's like,

606
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of times though I think with women,

607
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: especially the assumptions are wrong, but sometimes they're actually right. Yes,

608
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: And that's what's you know, really important too, is that

609
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: a lot of assumptions I've had about maybe stressed in

610
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 1: our relationship are completely right. She's feeling that, I'm feeling

611
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: that maybe it's my partnership. I'm kind of feeling like,

612
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: you know, we're not connecting. It's it's my intuition. And

613
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: so a lot of times that's what's important about the

614
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 1: self inquiries, like, Okay, these are the lenses that I

615
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 1: look at life at. I feel like I can't trust people.

616
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: I feel like, um, I'm too much for people. I

617
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 1: feel like I need to abandon myself to be loved. Okay,

618
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep an eye on those lenses, but also

619
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep an eye on my is my

620
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 1: intuitive sense saying, what is my soul telling me that

621
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: this is safe? That these people you know, our love,

622
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 1: that they are being honest, And I can sort of

623
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: work with those and always check in with these um

624
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: the way in which I look through the world the

625
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 1: lenses and see like, is this happening or is my

626
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: intuition really just telling me something that I need to

627
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 1: be aware of, because I think so often a lot

628
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 1: of the anxiety that people have, and mostly women, is

629
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: around like their intuitions speaking to them and them not

630
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: really trusting it enough. So it's just this like discrepancy

631
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: in between the way that they're living their life and

632
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: what their intuition is. Like deeply trying to tell them

633
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: thank you for bringing that forward, because it really is

634
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 1: that delicate dance, right, because if we have spent our

635
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: entire lives really not fully clear or investigated with self,

636
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 1: it is also so easy to completely desecrate our intuition system,

637
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: you know. And so that's the byproduct of all the

638
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: times we don't trust ourselves and all the times that

639
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: we are not exploring our limiting beliefs are patterns what

640
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 1: our past has brought to the table. Then we completely

641
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: eradicate and destroy our internal GPS system. And so then

642
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: when we're trying to do the work and we're beginning

643
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,280
Speaker 1: that felf inquiry, then we feel like we can't fully

644
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 1: even trust or that everything has to be spiritually bypassed

645
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 1: in some way, you know. And that was something you know,

646
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: I've had to learn a lot this year, was like,

647
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: my soul has an opinion, and my it's okay, I'm

648
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: not being judgmental. My soul has an opinion, Like this

649
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: relationship is not for you, is not judgmental. It's my

650
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: soul telling your preference, my preference. And I think there's

651
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 1: so much shame around around that because in the spirituality

652
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: world it should be like you know, it is love everyone,

653
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: treat everyone with respect, to be honest, be kind, but

654
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: also we shouldn't be tolerating situations, people, circumstances that aren't

655
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: for us, that aren't the best for us. And our

656
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 1: soul really knows the best on our path. So it's

657
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: like that balance to where you really don't you're not

658
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: being judgmental of people in a way that's unprocessed or

659
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:08,720
Speaker 1: like spewing your um your shadow. But really the beauty

660
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: of like your soul having a preference. Yeah, And that's

661
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 1: and that's the piece too, that is it gets fun

662
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: to really play with because I remember when I when

663
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 1: I first started doing some of the work that idea.

664
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, so what's the judgment. Well, no,

665
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 1: I don't want to judge. I don't want to be

666
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: in judgment. And then you know, the way it was

667
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: broken down to me was, you know, think of it

668
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: like ice cream, right, Like I don't like chocolate ice cream.

669
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: I don't hate it, I don't want to eat it.

670
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: I'm not saying anything is wrong with chocolate, and I'm

671
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: not saying you can't enjoy chocolate ice cream. I don't

672
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: like the taste. And that's my preference, you know. And

673
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: so it's like, even as we're looking through that lens

674
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: with the judgment of self or with the way we

675
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 1: feel about other people, people have unconditional love completely mixed up.

676
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 1: I unconditionally love everyone. I also trust people to be themselves,

677
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: and I give them what they can handle of me

678
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: because I know what their boundaries are, and I know

679
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: what my boundaries are, and I also know what my

680
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: preferences are. I can, on a soul level, unconditionally love

681
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 1: someone and wish for them the life they deserve, but

682
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,399
Speaker 1: it can also be my personal preference that I don't

683
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 1: enjoy our energy together or I don't think that it

684
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 1: is conducive to the life I want to live and

685
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: how I want to feel for us to be closely connected,

686
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to be beef. Yeah, I think,

687
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: especially as women, or at least in my experience, like

688
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 1: I feel so much responsibility for the other person's experience

689
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 1: in that moment because I'm if if I have a

690
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:46,320
Speaker 1: preference and I'm very clear about it, I'm also thinking

691
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: about how are they going to receive it? And that's

692
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 1: not our responsibility to manage, but it's it's hard not to.

693
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,720
Speaker 1: And that is the thing that I think, especially as women,

694
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: we say a lot it's it's the oh, but how

695
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 1: will they act? But are they going to feel bad?

696
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: That is between them and their life's curriculum. As long

697
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: as we're in integrity, right, I'm not saying go around

698
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 1: and tell someone, oh, you're full of it. But if

699
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: you're an integrity and you say, you know what, this

700
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good for me. So I don't want to

701
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 1: be involved how someone else feels and react to that

702
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: is so about them and their process and all the

703
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 1: variables we know nothing about, even the ones we do

704
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: know about. It still doesn't have to change your choice

705
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: and your boundaries. Yeah, it's liberating, but it is challenging.

706
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I almost but when women and

707
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: people have boundaries with me, I am like horned up.

708
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, you can't hang out like or you

709
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: can't do that, or like that's not working for you.

710
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: Like it's just such an attractive quality. Even I think too,

711
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,240
Speaker 1: you have great boundaries like you. I was even telling Lindsay,

712
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: like you you are an open book, but you you

713
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 1: protect parts of yourself, parts of your experience and self

714
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: rightfully so and I really respect that. I was like,

715
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 1: oh damn, Like she reveals over time and it's really beautiful.

716
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,280
Speaker 1: And I was thinking about that, how powerful that is. Um.

717
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: But just because you know we're talking all about this

718
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's really easy. Yeah, it's you know, it

719
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's easy. But I think compared to the alternative,

720
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: it actually is. You know, when I when I think

721
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 1: about what the alternative would be, which would be me

722
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 1: in any way disappointing myself, or me in any way

723
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 1: making a decision I knew I didn't want to make,

724
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: and then I have to eat the feelings of that

725
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: alone with me, and then project judgment onto myself. Nah,

726
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: and that's not serving anyone else, you know what I mean.

727
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: I've learned that in friendship. I've learned that with my partner,

728
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 1: where like he's so attuned when I when I abandoned

729
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: myself and it's a complete turn off to him. He's like,

730
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: what are you doing? You know I can tell when

731
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: his energy shifts as he feels that, and it's beautiful

732
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: because it's such a mirror to me to remind me. Um.

733
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: But yeah, and it's also not serving them, Like for

734
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: you to kind of like for me to mold and

735
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: shift in order to satisfy and manage someone else's experience

736
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 1: is actually not serving their life curriculum so perfectly said, Yeah,

737
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: you're robbing them of their opportunity to And the thing

738
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: about you know, the way I experienced it's it's everything

739
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 1: is really based on that energetic exchange. Everything is about

740
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: an exchange. And you know something, I've had to get

741
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: stronger and as a woman, like with my boundaries. And

742
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: thank you for that reflection, because I love my boundaries.

743
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 1: I am a very boundary person and it has just

744
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: so positively informed my life in so many ways. It's

745
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: given me access to new layers of myself. I say

746
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: no freely, and I really came to the under standing,

747
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, I was. I was telling people at work this.

748
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:08,360
Speaker 1: I said, I'd rather disappoint you than disappoint myself. So

749
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 1: for me saying no disappoints you, you'll be okay. But

750
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,439
Speaker 1: I'd rather you feel disappointed about something I'm not doing

751
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: for you than me feel disappointed about something I don't

752
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: want to do because it's a projection. Yeah, that's another

753
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: interesting thing coming into that, like experience of oh, I

754
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: am number one, my relationship with God and myself is

755
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: number one, and how our entire lives we've been programmed

756
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: to have everyone above ourselves and of God. It's like

757
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: the parents are number one, our friends are supposed to

758
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: be number one, our relationship is supposed to be number one,

759
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 1: you know, our job is supposed to be number one.

760
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: And then when you kind of come back, you're like, oh,

761
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 1: that's not working. To have my friends be my God's

762
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 1: not working, to have my relationship, my God's not working,

763
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: to have my work be, my God's not working. Okay,

764
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 1: So I need to be my own in relationship with God,

765
00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 1: and I need to be my own number one over anything,

766
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: and it's not selfish. It's like the most important relationship

767
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: ever and I've had to really step into that this

768
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 1: year as well. Yeah, and that's the point, right, It's

769
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: like we are all, in a non narcissistic way the

770
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: stars of our lives and everyone else is a supporting

771
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: character in what our life story is, and the same

772
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:25,240
Speaker 1: we're supporting characters and other people's lives. But we can't.

773
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,919
Speaker 1: You know, I believe that a core tentt of being

774
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: a human is showing up in service to humanity. I

775
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: can't do that unless I have shown up in service

776
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: to myself first period. And you know, throughout human history

777
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: we have trained women and all humans, but especially women. Golly,

778
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: we have had so many weights on our shoulders. Um

779
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 1: since the dawn of time. We have been trained to

780
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 1: think that our discomfort is and should be normal, and

781
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: that we should always be subjugated to be in service

782
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 1: to others and to be in a a system of martyrdom,

783
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: you know. And I feel so grateful that in this

784
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 1: moment in time, the age of the multi hyphen it

785
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: multidimensional woman is here. You know. I want to be

786
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 1: my full self. I want to live life fully expressed

787
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: when I leave this earth, I want all of the

788
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: creativity that I had inside me laid out. M hm.

789
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: I remember and um, I don't know if it's the

790
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: eighties or nineties, but Oprah did an episode on UM

791
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: mothers putting themselves first. It was all about how moms

792
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 1: should put themselves first over their kids, and everyone in

793
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: the audience booed wow because everyone was like, no, kids

794
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: should be first, like family should be first, and it

795
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 1: was like a very radical idea. So it's not long

796
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 1: ago that we kind of had this martyrdom as the norm,

797
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 1: you know, as the sort of thing where we're like, oh,

798
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 1: of course you lose their identity. Of course, your kids

799
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 1: become who you are. Of course, your family is how

800
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 1: you define your worth, of course, all these things. So

801
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 1: it is really beautiful that we've made it this farthest

802
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: quickly where people are realizing now that like you're worth

803
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 1: is in how much you love yourself and feeding into yourself.

804
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: And it's so interesting to have it um reflected in

805
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: like a family system because like, our parents are of

806
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: the generation that you know, did kind of like sacrifice

807
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: their needs and desires and their life plans. This is

808
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 1: generally speaking, and from like my mom's mom and dad's perspective,

809
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:32,359
Speaker 1: Like so they did like kids come first, they come

810
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: way not even second, like way down the line. And

811
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: for them to witness me like actually put myself first,

812
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,919
Speaker 1: great boundaries, make decisions for myself, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It's

813
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 1: like it is radical. It is kind of shaking up

814
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 1: their idea of like like their idea of themselves. And

815
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 1: I think too, it's like when when you are learning

816
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: how to do self work, or you are getting your

817
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 1: building up that internal courage and kind of tenacity to

818
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 1: go for self, you also have to investigate what are

819
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: these definitions of these systems we believe in, right, Like

820
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: even the concept of put kids first, Oh no, put

821
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: yourself first. Well, let's sit in what those definitions of

822
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 1: first are, because I think the quick assumption is that

823
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: if I were to say I don't put my child first,

824
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 1: that means that they are the afterthought of my life,

825
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 1: that I'm somehow neglecting them or their needs, or I

826
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 1: somehow have a disdain for doing the things for them

827
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 1: that are required. Right, And the lens that I look

828
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: through it from is like my son young quest he

829
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:52,720
Speaker 1: is the most profound joy of my life, the most

830
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: important important human beings, soul, experience of my life period

831
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: with to doubt, there is nothing, nothing that comes ahead

832
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: of my son. However, I still take time for myself.

833
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 1: And so it's not me saying me under the under

834
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 1: the understanding of putting myself first. It doesn't mean that

835
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: he ever misses a meal, that he ever misses a hug,

836
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 1: that he ever misses anything that I so gladly and

837
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: happily and gratefully give to him. But it does mean

838
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: that Mommy is not going to take on guilt when

839
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: I do something for me. It does mean that, you

840
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 1: know what, I will take a vacation by myself for

841
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: myself when I need to. And I know and I

842
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 1: trust that I have equipped him with the people and

843
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: the life that are most supportive for him, that will

844
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: love and nurture him, and he will be clear on

845
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 1: how I feel. It doesn't have to be a one

846
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: or the other. It can be this exchange, it can

847
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:54,919
Speaker 1: be both. And it's like when we when women are

848
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: coming into this space, so much of why they can't

849
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,479
Speaker 1: put themselves first, or why they think they are being

850
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 1: so righteous that they serve everyone else and oh no,

851
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: I never I don't have time to look at me

852
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: or do It's a cop out, it's a tool of avoidance.

853
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: We just have to more deeply understand the languaging around

854
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: some of these belief systems that we're hashing out as

855
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: our life values. And you're doing something for yourself as

856
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,279
Speaker 1: an act of love for your son, you know, it's

857
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: like under that umbrella of like he's first and therefore

858
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: I want to take care of for him. I don't

859
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: want him to ever, you know, seeing a mom that's

860
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 1: stressed out, seeing a mom that is on her last legs,

861
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 1: it's not going to endear to him the full understanding

862
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 1: of the power he can carry and wield in this world. Right,

863
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: It'll just be oh, my mom did everything for me.

864
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 1: Oh well, poor mom, I stress her out, yeah, or

865
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: I stress her out, or it's going to be like, oh,

866
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: she never got to do things. And so then you're

867
00:48:56,719 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: passing down this guilt because he didn't choose yourself all,

868
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:03,359
Speaker 1: because you didn't process yourself, you know. And it's it's hard,

869
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: it's challenging, and there's no judgment and that go at

870
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: your own pace, but it's just it really, that piece

871
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: of it investigating what are the deeper layers and the

872
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 1: stories even of the belief systems that I really love.

873
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, I think yeah. And two with being um

874
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: a mom, it's almost like the serving others and people

875
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: that serve others. It's an avoidance really of the self

876
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 1: because it's like if you eventually sit by yourself, you

877
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: realize that your self worth, your self love is based

878
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:36,800
Speaker 1: on others. You know, you're putting other people first because

879
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: of that reason, and there's so much deeper there. That

880
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 1: is actually really hard to because when you start to

881
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 1: when you start to create boundaries, people are like, what

882
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: are you doing? You are the mom that I walk

883
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 1: all over, You're the mom that's always there for me.

884
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: You're the mom that puts certainly first, like you're the mom.

885
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 1: So that is actually challenging, but it's like, again, the

886
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 1: most worthwhile thing that you could ever do, you know,

887
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: because just because you become a parent doesn't mean you

888
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 1: still don't have your individual destiny. It doesn't mean you

889
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: don't still have your you know, the vastness of whoever

890
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: you're called to be in this world. It's just you're

891
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 1: meant to be that and also shine your light on

892
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 1: this child and be a gift to them, and eventually

893
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,240
Speaker 1: the child will be a gift to the world. Hold

894
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:40,879
Speaker 1: that thought. We are coming right back. I really want

895
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: to get into some more of friendship intimacy with you guys. Um,

896
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: you guys have such a beautiful friendship and the thing

897
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 1: that I take away when I experience you both is

898
00:50:51,600 --> 00:51:00,160
Speaker 1: really the masterful support system you've created for yourselves so

899
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 1: that you can be great friends for one another. And

900
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: I hear so much thoughtfulness and deliberate action in that.

901
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 1: Something you shared a little bit earlier was that as

902
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:12,799
Speaker 1: a team, you know, going from friendship into a business,

903
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 1: especially a business like yours that becomes this successful and known,

904
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 1: there are the pressures to it and a lot of

905
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: friendships in that way. But you guys really supported yourself.

906
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 1: What structures did you put in place or what systems

907
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 1: did you put in place so that you can not

908
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 1: only live this big friendship life but also have vibrant

909
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 1: careers together. Yeah, it's definitely been an evolution and a

910
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 1: learning process because in the early years we were really

911
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: consumed with with building this and I think like through

912
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 1: a lot of our energy and time into the business

913
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: and not necessarily our friendship, and just as a background,

914
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:54,720
Speaker 1: we we met and started the podcast very shortly after.

915
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 1: So we've kind of been like, you know, um, deepening

916
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:01,439
Speaker 1: our friendship as we've grown the business. So it's been

917
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 1: it's been really cool. Um, but I think, you know,

918
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: we hit kind of a point where we realized how

919
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 1: integral our friendship is to the success of the business.

920
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 1: And that's not why we wanted to focus on the friendship,

921
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 1: because that is number one, but it was becoming so obvious. Um,

922
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 1: And so like what Chris has said earlier about just

923
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 1: kind of that like underlying tension, and so much of

924
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 1: it was, um yeah, there was a lot of pressure.

925
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 1: And also just building a business is like some of

926
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: the most confronting self study you will ever do. As

927
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 1: public figures too, Yes, as public figures people watching you

928
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: and and doing something that are not a lot of

929
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 1: women have done. You know, I think the podcasting space

930
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: was kind of like a lot of men in the beginning,

931
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: and so as you know, it's like there's not a

932
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 1: ton and so anyway, I feel like, um, yeah, we

933
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:09,280
Speaker 1: got to the point where we had to and and

934
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 1: and we really like looked at where we were projecting

935
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 1: and where um, our own stories in our head, Like

936
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 1: mine was like, am I ever going to be good

937
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 1: enough for this business? Because I don't really have a

938
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 1: background in corporate and I, you know, just felt like

939
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 1: I didn't have the tools, when really I have everything

940
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: I need in order to give to what we're creating.

941
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: It wouldn't have tapped us on the shoulder if I didn't.

942
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: But I was so wrapped up in like she knows

943
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: how to do this, this, this, this, and like am

944
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 1: I even worthy to be here for this thing? You know?

945
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 1: And um, So much of those stories were going on

946
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 1: in our heads and not in real life, and so

947
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: once we started to have those conversations, it's like the

948
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 1: pressure was released. It was like, oh, and what did that? What?

949
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: How did you begin that? Right? Like how did you

950
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 1: even kind of open yourself enough in that vulnerability to

951
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: start telling each other there, uh, this may not be

952
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: working well or I feel like this you're making me

953
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 1: feel like this. I remember one time I was like

954
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,800
Speaker 1: in the car and I called after work. It was

955
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: like a while ago, and I was like, I called

956
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: and I just was like wanted to speak to something

957
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 1: and say something about you know, how I was feeling. Um,

958
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 1: But it also has been what is deeply deepened us

959
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 1: is going through. You know, last year we had UM

960
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 1: just hard times, as many people did, and it really

961
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 1: those hard moments really shook us up enough to like

962
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: have to show up vulnerably because we were like so

963
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 1: scared and we were just so um unsure. So in

964
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,880
Speaker 1: the hard times, it's forced us to have to be

965
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:48,719
Speaker 1: vulnerable and it's forced us to have to be truthful UM.

966
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: But it's not like every time we say something something's

967
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 1: bothering us. It's not like we're communicating like every second

968
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 1: like hey, that was kind of annoying. You're like, hey,

969
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 1: that was it's really at the times when we're like okay,

970
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 1: I know that we're both psychically feeling that there's an

971
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 1: off situation happening. How are we going to approach this UM?

972
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: But for the tools that we've used, I mean, we

973
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 1: did we did an ayahuasca to retreat together in Costa Rica,

974
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:14,600
Speaker 1: which was helpful and opening. We did this UM retreated

975
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: on site. It's like a it's in Nashville and they

976
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 1: do group therapy work. So it's like this intense group

977
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 1: therapy work that we both did together that was profound.

978
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: And then this year, we really honed and on our support.

979
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 1: And we have a coach that we work with um

980
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 1: every month, and then we have a healer named Kiki

981
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: that we work with every two weeks. And so just

982
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: making sure that I have my therapist, you have your therapist,

983
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: we have our coach, we have our healer. How can

984
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 1: we make sure that we have people that we pay

985
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: to support us, but that we deeply trust. And it

986
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 1: really holds like a container for conversations that we have

987
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 1: on our own and also broadens our or deepens our

988
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:56,080
Speaker 1: awareness of the other. You know. It's like I think

989
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: we can get so wrapped up in our own stuff,

990
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:02,799
Speaker 1: and so if I'm aware of, you know, something that

991
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: may have happened to Christa before I even met her,

992
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 1: that might be you know, triggered now in a moment

993
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 1: between us, it just gives me so much more color

994
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: and more compassion where I'm like okay, like you know

995
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:18,239
Speaker 1: where my reaction, I'm less likely to react and more

996
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 1: likely to inquire or offer support or just hold space

997
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:29,880
Speaker 1: or give space. It's so impressive. But that's how, you know,

998
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 1: I thought about, like how do I want to spend

999
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 1: my money? Like I want to invest it in myself

1000
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 1: like once you also to have been It's interesting how

1001
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:41,360
Speaker 1: you transition, Like you know, before I was like labels, clothes, things,

1002
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 1: which is amazing, and then you kind of move out

1003
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: of that and you're like, how will this serve me

1004
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: to like help me multiply my energy and my time

1005
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 1: and my mental health. Like that's how like I'm spending

1006
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 1: all my money every month is on stuff like that

1007
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 1: because it just like feeds me in every way possible. Yeah,

1008
00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 1: it's funny. I had a meeting with my business manager

1009
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm a highly detailed person, very very detailed,

1010
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: but with the flow. But I like structures and you know,

1011
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: I like all the things, and so you know, I

1012
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: was he was telling me. He was like, who who

1013
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,799
Speaker 1: do you think you are? Lebron? He was like the

1014
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 1: body maintenance that you do? Like I do acupuncture all

1015
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 1: the time, I have regular chiropractic care, I get regular massages.

1016
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 1: I spend a lot of money on taking baths. I

1017
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 1: take like five baths a week and I use two

1018
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,920
Speaker 1: bags of epsom salt and a bath bomb and a

1019
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 1: little of this and a little of that in the bath,

1020
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: like a gold flakes, and I have you know, lots

1021
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 1: of lots of plant medicine to support me during the week,

1022
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,919
Speaker 1: and so and I and I do lots of experiences,

1023
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 1: so I get a lot of energy work done on myself.

1024
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 1: I get a lot of you know, I'm I'm so

1025
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 1: blessed to know healers. And so my monthly budget on

1026
00:57:56,280 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 1: things on on that kind of spending, Um, it ain't cheap,

1027
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: you know. But I was telling him, he was like,

1028
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: who do who do you think you are? Lebron. You're

1029
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 1: just like, but you're not going out there to play something.

1030
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, this is so that I

1031
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: can exist and I can show up impactfully in the world,

1032
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 1: and this is what my soul needs for my healing

1033
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 1: and all the things. And I said, but I'm not

1034
00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 1: necessarily the one that's going to run out and get

1035
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 1: the newest bag, right Like, I'm not necessarily the one

1036
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 1: that's going to spend a bunch of money on on labels.

1037
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 1: And and that's fine. If you do whatever however you

1038
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 1: want to use your money, um, use it. But I

1039
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 1: do have my I do have my vices. I do

1040
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 1: have my special things that I'll splurge on, but it's

1041
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 1: always connected to my soul. I will splurge on a retreat.

1042
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: I will split if I hear about some insane experience

1043
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 1: that's going to expand my heart or mind. Add two cards,

1044
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 1: you know, Whereas the ambercan says, um, She's like, people

1045
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: call me high maintenance, but it's okay because I maintained myself. Yeah,

1046
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 1: just so just like the highness, you know, like you

1047
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: can maintain yourself and whatever your priorities are, you know whatever.

1048
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 1: And we also we've had you know, financial experts on too,

1049
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 1: and it was really liberating. He's like, make sure you're

1050
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 1: covering all savings, spending, housing, but then if you have

1051
00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 1: one thing that you like have no limit on, then

1052
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 1: that should be your thing. Like my no limit is

1053
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 1: like health and wellness, spirituality, it's like my no limit.

1054
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:25,280
Speaker 1: It's like I know this is going to pay me

1055
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 1: in dividends in my life and my energy expenditure and

1056
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 1: my growth in everything. So it's like this is like

1057
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:34,479
Speaker 1: no limit. I love what you said that. And food babe, Yeah,

1058
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: that's my no limit and that's my non negotiable too,

1059
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 1: And I feel you know, I I thankfully I'm outside

1060
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 1: of the loop of womanhood, womanhood, martyrdom, right, and I

1061
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: think that that's what kept me ever feeling guilt about

1062
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 1: doing things for myself. But this idea that if you

1063
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 1: are able, if you're able, and you're not as a

1064
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:00,280
Speaker 1: woman who is moving through the world, who is also

1065
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:04,960
Speaker 1: processing your own life experiences and your spiritual curriculum, oftentimes

1066
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 1: raising children or supporting your household, if you have it

1067
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 1: to spare, you should be doing a fifty dollar massage

1068
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,800
Speaker 1: a week. Why not if you have the time, if

1069
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 1: you have the opportunity, the money, Why would did you?

1070
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 1: And I hear there are so many women I meet

1071
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 1: and it's it's so mind blowing to me that will

1072
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: be like I've never had a massage before, or I

1073
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,440
Speaker 1: only go, you know once once a year. I go,

1074
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: and I get like a relaxation on Mother's Day. Girl,

1075
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 1: If you don't sign up for a deep tissue, lay

1076
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:42,320
Speaker 1: yourself down, receive and receive and that's it. That's it,

1077
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 1: And that's funny. That's what we the three of us

1078
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 1: are talking about. When I walked into the living room

1079
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 1: just about you know, all of what it takes as

1080
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 1: a woman to get in a space where you feel

1081
01:00:56,800 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 1: comfortable enough to just receive and to not have to

1082
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 1: do and to not have to give even this is

1083
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 1: this is the perfect example. You know, if someone comes

1084
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 1: over and they're like, oh, I'll get that for you.

1085
01:01:08,520 --> 01:01:10,120
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, don't worry about it. No no,

1086
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 1: no no, I got it. Or oh I'm gonna run

1087
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 1: and take off the traps, I'll take it off your

1088
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:15,120
Speaker 1: no no no, no no, I got it. I got it.

1089
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,840
Speaker 1: To what, I'll just do it. Women do that for

1090
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 1: everything all the time, at work, at home, on the street,

1091
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,280
Speaker 1: and so like kind of a game I've been playing

1092
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: with myself in this last year is just every time

1093
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 1: I want to say no, I investigate why the hell

1094
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: I want to say it first, and then I do

1095
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 1: the opposite, And I said, why why am I constantly

1096
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 1: refusing help? But then sometimes feeling like no one wants

1097
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,360
Speaker 1: to help me with anything, or feeling like I'm so tired,

1098
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:46,680
Speaker 1: And so I started looking at all the times that

1099
01:01:46,720 --> 01:01:49,600
Speaker 1: I turn it down without even thinking, for no reason,

1100
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,760
Speaker 1: for no benefit. And then you're also robbing the person

1101
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 1: of showing up and being of service, you know. So

1102
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 1: it's like that energy exchange. We have to start to

1103
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 1: love of ourselves enough, start to disarm ourselves enough so

1104
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 1: that we can receive what our needs are we can

1105
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 1: really receive. Oh yeah, yeah, I've experienced that in female

1106
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 1: friendships where I not allowing that exchange to happen. For example,

1107
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:24,160
Speaker 1: like not um Kristen, I had this where I wasn't

1108
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 1: like sharing some intimate parts of like what was going

1109
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 1: on with me, And it wasn't like hiding from anyone

1110
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 1: who was just kind of keeping it close because I

1111
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 1: was like, okay, when I want to just process this myself,

1112
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:40,160
Speaker 1: but then also not thinking about how that is felt

1113
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 1: and how beautiful and beneficial it is to not only

1114
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 1: have a friend that I can trust and who supports me,

1115
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: but to be able to have that energy exchange around

1116
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 1: that thing and that's going on, that issue, that challenge, etcetera.

1117
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: And I just felt like, oh, I don't want to

1118
01:02:57,120 --> 01:03:00,160
Speaker 1: put that on people. Oh I don't want to, you know,

1119
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 1: add to the list, and I want to handle it myself.

1120
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:09,439
Speaker 1: And I'm really robbing my friendships of that opportunity to yeah.

1121
01:03:09,560 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 1: Just and that's a trauma response that it's protecting. Yeah,

1122
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 1: it's like yeah, or it's like what, yeah, maybe being

1123
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 1: let down when you told someone something good or and

1124
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 1: I think in the receiving, it's like the ying Yang

1125
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:29,520
Speaker 1: of life. Baby. People are People are doing a lot,

1126
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 1: People are putting out a lot of content, creating a

1127
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:35,720
Speaker 1: lot of things, doing a lot of work, doing a

1128
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,080
Speaker 1: lot of self work, doing a lot of all of

1129
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 1: these things, and no one is taking time to receive.

1130
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 1: And I can really relate to that of how much

1131
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:47,600
Speaker 1: energy expenditure I was doing for years and years with

1132
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 1: almost thirty. It's like, babe, where are you going? Well,

1133
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:53,280
Speaker 1: what's the goal here? Because you're doing all of the things,

1134
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:56,000
Speaker 1: you're manifesting your da da da da dada, but you're

1135
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 1: making no space from an energetic level to have that

1136
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,240
Speaker 1: come back to you. And I really felt that imbalance

1137
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: where I was like, yo, it's like cloud. It's like

1138
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: a cloud. I was like, you know, all of this

1139
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: is out here, but there's no room. I'm not allowing

1140
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 1: room because I'm onto the next. And that's really like

1141
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:15,000
Speaker 1: a product of our culture, a product of like the consumerism,

1142
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 1: the patriarchy, you know, that kind of thing where we're

1143
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:21,080
Speaker 1: just do do do, and we never receive. It's the feminine, Yeah,

1144
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 1: it's the feminine really lost, even because the femininists we're

1145
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 1: the matt like when we received, there's nothing better but

1146
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 1: we literally have been trained to not Yeah, you know,

1147
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,200
Speaker 1: and and that's the thing that I think makes it

1148
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 1: probably harder for women to get outside of that trap

1149
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:46,120
Speaker 1: in that box. It's we were brainwashed to deny ourselves

1150
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:51,080
Speaker 1: since the very first woman inhabited the earth, you know.

1151
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 1: And so then when we even begin to eate the

1152
01:04:54,800 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 1: apple baby supposedly that's so true, but you know, like

1153
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:07,040
Speaker 1: you and then but then when we you know, when

1154
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 1: we try to unravel ourselves from that, and then we're

1155
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 1: we're confronted with all of this guilt about it? Am

1156
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,880
Speaker 1: I allowed? Should I? Also? Why is this so hard?

1157
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:19,080
Speaker 1: Why don't I know how to? What's wrong with me?

1158
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:21,960
Speaker 1: Maybe it's all true, you know, It's just it's just

1159
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 1: this this brain fuck. I know, it's I've been thinking

1160
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:30,800
Speaker 1: about a lot lately of like in the way in

1161
01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:33,560
Speaker 1: this because I said, try to gamify things, like it's

1162
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,200
Speaker 1: fun when you are doing you know, try to gamify things.

1163
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, that's so funny that once

1164
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 1: again I was doing this or I'm showing up in

1165
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 1: this way, I'm expecting this or something and make it

1166
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 1: a fun game or fun conversation. But one of the

1167
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 1: ways I'm sort of gamifying my work around that is

1168
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:51,640
Speaker 1: thinking about my brain and how deeply entrenched the electrical

1169
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 1: circuits are between um limiting thoughts or limiting beliefs. It's like, wow,

1170
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:58,959
Speaker 1: those have been there for thirty years. Baby, they work

1171
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 1: really well. They are like they are really well. So

1172
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:04,480
Speaker 1: I always try and think about in my brain my

1173
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,280
Speaker 1: new circuits. I was like, Oh, my newly developed circuits

1174
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:10,960
Speaker 1: that are of constant positivity and believing in myself and

1175
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,680
Speaker 1: receiving in all of these things. I was like, I

1176
01:06:12,760 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 1: just need to feed those circuits more like I got

1177
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 1: to feed my new circuits my new neural pathways in

1178
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 1: my mind, because you really are, in a sense, rewiring

1179
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:23,440
Speaker 1: your brain, and because of neural plasticity, it's really possible.

1180
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 1: So when we're doing more work, we're doing positive self talk,

1181
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:28,960
Speaker 1: it's actually changing the fibers of your brain and it

1182
01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 1: gets easier over time. Wow yep, yes, And you know

1183
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 1: that's the thing is like, and I think we can

1184
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,520
Speaker 1: all attest to that. It's like, it's not it's it's hard,

1185
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:42,240
Speaker 1: it's in my experience. My experience was challenging at first,

1186
01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 1: but I made it so that it was so bad

1187
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:46,440
Speaker 1: that I had to do something, and now it just

1188
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:49,000
Speaker 1: gets easier and funner and more playful, because it's like

1189
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,880
Speaker 1: it builds on itself. It's okay to not be good

1190
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 1: at something right away, and it's okay to not know

1191
01:06:57,280 --> 01:07:00,360
Speaker 1: who we are right away when we begin this work.

1192
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:03,680
Speaker 1: And I think that's the piece that feels like such

1193
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:07,880
Speaker 1: an attack on each person individually, like when you're like, okay, well,

1194
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 1: I said I'm going to do the work. I'm gonna

1195
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:12,560
Speaker 1: start and I'm trying, but it hurts so much. Why

1196
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,920
Speaker 1: does it feel so hard? You know? And it's really

1197
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 1: just reframing it. It's new, and it's nothing is wrong

1198
01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 1: with us, but the programming we had it's working really well.

1199
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,280
Speaker 1: And so how do I now say, hey, programming, thank

1200
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: you for doing the job you were set to do.

1201
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:35,080
Speaker 1: But now we're changing core. We have a software update. Yeah, baby,

1202
01:07:35,240 --> 01:07:38,120
Speaker 1: now we got a software update that we're uploading into

1203
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:40,320
Speaker 1: the system. We're going to show up differently. And I

1204
01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 1: also think, too, what's the alternative? You know? For me,

1205
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:46,600
Speaker 1: the alternative was to literally be so anxious I could

1206
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 1: not It was debilitating, how anxious I was, how depressed

1207
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:54,280
Speaker 1: I was, and that what's my alternative be deeply uncomfortable

1208
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:57,720
Speaker 1: but deeply committed, or is it to be in this

1209
01:07:57,800 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 1: state of like this low level anxiety or to prey

1210
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 1: and that I felt like was normalized in my experience.

1211
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 1: I felt like everyone around me had normalized it. And

1212
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:09,440
Speaker 1: there is something to those that that means a lot physically,

1213
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 1: that means a lot emotionally, and I've struggled with them deeply.

1214
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:14,600
Speaker 1: So it's not something to to scoff that. It's not

1215
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:17,320
Speaker 1: something that's easy to get over. But the alternative to

1216
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:21,680
Speaker 1: the work is like a life that feels just unlived.

1217
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:26,920
Speaker 1: And if we think about any any opportunity to change,

1218
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:30,320
Speaker 1: like the beginning part of the process is always so

1219
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and confronting, Like even if we think back to

1220
01:08:34,120 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: like just being a little kid and like learning to

1221
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:38,880
Speaker 1: ride a bike, and it's like that that beginning is

1222
01:08:38,920 --> 01:08:42,240
Speaker 1: so frustrating and we want to give up, and it's

1223
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:44,920
Speaker 1: just constantly happening in our lives and so like to

1224
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:47,040
Speaker 1: Christ's point, if we can kind of gamify it and

1225
01:08:47,080 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: be like, oh another thing, okay, cool, Like I have

1226
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:53,960
Speaker 1: a new opportunity to become new again and to just

1227
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:57,559
Speaker 1: kind of yeah, see life in a difference in a

1228
01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:00,639
Speaker 1: different light, it becomes truly that gift. In the moment,

1229
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: you know, it's like wow, so so privileged to be

1230
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 1: able to be so aware that this is happening, fully

1231
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:12,280
Speaker 1: commit to like the new, the new period. What you

1232
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:16,040
Speaker 1: just said is so perfect and it speaks to my soul.

1233
01:09:16,120 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 1: And that's really that's how I approach life. And I

1234
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:25,680
Speaker 1: love that. I love that lens because our superpowers are curiosity.

1235
01:09:25,880 --> 01:09:29,360
Speaker 1: If we could just remove the judgment of self and

1236
01:09:29,479 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 1: move into a space of enthusiastic curiosity about these things,

1237
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:38,960
Speaker 1: it changes the whole way that we receive ourselves, the

1238
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:42,360
Speaker 1: whole way we process. We were talking before the show.

1239
01:09:42,439 --> 01:09:45,640
Speaker 1: We were catching up on many things, some of the

1240
01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 1: things I can't here um, but one of the things

1241
01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:57,840
Speaker 1: that you know that I had shared with you guys,

1242
01:09:57,920 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 1: is that what I realized over Easter was how much

1243
01:10:00,320 --> 01:10:03,640
Speaker 1: shadow work was coming up for me and how like

1244
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:07,400
Speaker 1: I had gotten really triggered by something and it kind

1245
01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:11,559
Speaker 1: of like I felt that familiar anxiety swelling in my chest.

1246
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:14,680
Speaker 1: I felt this need to control, I felt this desire

1247
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 1: to have an immediate reaction or to have it tied

1248
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:21,160
Speaker 1: up in a bow, and then instead of acting on

1249
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,280
Speaker 1: any of it, I took a breath and I just

1250
01:10:23,479 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 1: said when I felt gratitude because I said, gosh, you've

1251
01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:30,719
Speaker 1: come so far, and look how much work you've done,

1252
01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:34,639
Speaker 1: which has allowed this piece that you never noticed before

1253
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 1: to come up, this deeper piece that you hadn't paid

1254
01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:41,800
Speaker 1: attention to yet it has now been able to rise

1255
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:44,920
Speaker 1: to the surface because of all the obstacles that are gone.

1256
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:47,479
Speaker 1: And then and this will happen within a span of

1257
01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:49,679
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes, like that's how the process works

1258
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 1: in real time. But I remember then it it came

1259
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 1: in as this, like just this beautiful gust of wind

1260
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:02,639
Speaker 1: of joy, and I said, oh, okay, I have something

1261
01:11:02,680 --> 01:11:04,960
Speaker 1: I can think my teeth into. This is for my

1262
01:11:05,080 --> 01:11:08,360
Speaker 1: highest good. There is there is some healing to be

1263
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:11,240
Speaker 1: done here. There is a wound, but I found it

1264
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:14,160
Speaker 1: so I can heal it. It doesn't have to just

1265
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:17,200
Speaker 1: be there. And so then I started approaching it different

1266
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:20,720
Speaker 1: and I ended up spending um that evening just in

1267
01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:24,600
Speaker 1: prayer with myself and in meditation, and I explored and

1268
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:27,200
Speaker 1: I actually got to the root of what that anxiety

1269
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 1: was about earlier. And I felt like I got to

1270
01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:31,840
Speaker 1: a place where I made peace with it. And this

1271
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:36,120
Speaker 1: happened in a couple of hours. The alternative alternative would

1272
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 1: have been I could have behaved in a way that

1273
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:41,280
Speaker 1: changed the structures of some of my relationships in a

1274
01:11:41,320 --> 01:11:44,080
Speaker 1: way that I then burdened myself with guilt or judgment about,

1275
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,799
Speaker 1: and maybe I could have been holding onto that feeling

1276
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:50,000
Speaker 1: for the next year or two, you know. And so

1277
01:11:50,479 --> 01:11:53,360
Speaker 1: I just kind of like, I love that, break that

1278
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:56,439
Speaker 1: down and show that kind of road, because I really

1279
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:58,679
Speaker 1: want people to understand when we talk about the work

1280
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:01,920
Speaker 1: healing can happen in the twinkle of an eye. It's

1281
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:05,240
Speaker 1: all about our participation. What are we willing to do,

1282
01:12:05,479 --> 01:12:09,200
Speaker 1: what are we willing to let go of? You know? Yeah,

1283
01:12:09,280 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 1: and starting with you rather than kind of like forcing

1284
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:17,360
Speaker 1: yourself into the conversation with those that might have triggered

1285
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:20,639
Speaker 1: what came up. So I think sometimes we think, well,

1286
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:23,720
Speaker 1: it's because of them. Yeah, well they did that and

1287
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:26,439
Speaker 1: that's why I felt that way. But the deeper question

1288
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:30,000
Speaker 1: is how does it have that effect on me? What

1289
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:32,719
Speaker 1: is what is the older feeling? What is the first

1290
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:36,280
Speaker 1: feeling behind that one? Right? Like, how why would that

1291
01:12:36,479 --> 01:12:40,559
Speaker 1: upset me? Especially if I know truth to be something different?

1292
01:12:41,040 --> 01:12:43,679
Speaker 1: How does that hold me? There? Why has this become

1293
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:48,120
Speaker 1: a cell for me? Can I open the door? You know? Yeah?

1294
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:50,759
Speaker 1: Ram Das always says, if you think you are enlightened,

1295
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 1: spend a week with your family. That's one of my

1296
01:12:54,240 --> 01:12:57,280
Speaker 1: favorite quotes of all time because it's the biggest fact. Remember,

1297
01:12:57,320 --> 01:12:58,920
Speaker 1: I would be on my path. I would be like,

1298
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:03,519
Speaker 1: you know, I'm almost perfect now, I'm so spiritual. I'm

1299
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:06,680
Speaker 1: meditating every day. And then I would go home and

1300
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:12,240
Speaker 1: be like, Yo, what the fund again? And I'm like,

1301
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:16,040
Speaker 1: I don't care, It's just it's crazy. You want to

1302
01:13:16,120 --> 01:13:18,320
Speaker 1: check on where you're at spiritually, go hang out with

1303
01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:24,559
Speaker 1: your family? That is huge, huge, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm

1304
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,720
Speaker 1: always so blown away by both of your work on

1305
01:13:27,800 --> 01:13:31,400
Speaker 1: your show, on the podcast Almost thirty, which everyone please

1306
01:13:31,479 --> 01:13:33,320
Speaker 1: you have to listen to the show. Um, and they

1307
01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:35,320
Speaker 1: have like a million episodes, so there's so much to

1308
01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:37,800
Speaker 1: get kept to catch up on. They've been doing this

1309
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:41,479
Speaker 1: for a while, um, and you know, just been at

1310
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:45,320
Speaker 1: the highest level possible. But just our individual conversations, it's

1311
01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:50,280
Speaker 1: just you guys are both exceptional women and just so brilliant.

1312
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 1: So it is an honor to have you on my show.

1313
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:56,120
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and everybody listening you have to

1314
01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:59,960
Speaker 1: listen to episode I did on that show, so it's

1315
01:14:00,120 --> 01:14:03,639
Speaker 1: so unreal. A woman in her power, for real, for real,

1316
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:13,800
Speaker 1: trum Well, hopefully we dropped gems dropped DeBie Devah. We

1317
01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:20,040
Speaker 1: really appreciate. Catch you guys next time. Peace. Hey find

1318
01:14:20,080 --> 01:14:23,920
Speaker 1: me on social Let's connect at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter

1319
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:28,160
Speaker 1: and Instagram, or go to my website Debbie Brown dot com.

1320
01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:30,720
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts,

1321
01:14:30,880 --> 01:14:37,120
Speaker 1: please please please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe

1322
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:41,120
Speaker 1: and send this episode to a friend. Dropping Jims is

1323
01:14:41,160 --> 01:14:43,920
Speaker 1: the production of I Heart Radio and Black Effect Network.

1324
01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:47,920
Speaker 1: It's produced by Triple and Me Debbie Brown. For more

1325
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:51,080
Speaker 1: podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,

1326
01:14:51,280 --> 01:15:24,759
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.