WEBVTT - Keeping aBreast of the Situation 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:05.080 Find Down with Jane Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:06.359 her radio podcast. 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:10.000 You know, we always do this show right after lunch, 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:13.720 and it's actually it's and there's been times where I 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:17.200 haven't eaten lunch beforehand, Wolf, and it's not a good sight. 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:19.560 I could probably go back and in the first couple 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:21.200 of minutes back, Oh, I didn't have lunch that day? 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:23.800 Yeah, did you have lunch beforehand? 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:24.720 I had a bar. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:27.200 You know what I want to have that I haven't 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:29.560 had a while? What tunefish? 0:00:29.720 --> 0:00:31.280 It actually sounds really good. 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:31.960 Out of a tunic can. 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:34.760 That sounds good with some mayonnaise, some light mayo, a 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.239 little celery. Yeah, can you make that tomorrow? 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:39.000 Sounds great? 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:40.320 I actually would love that right now. 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:41.839 I know it sounds amazing. 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:44.839 And then we'll eat it on air because Mark loves 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:45.640 when we eat. 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:47.000 And that's a perfect thing to be on air. A 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:51.360 lot of souff smacking. Oh, that'll drive Mark up the wall. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:53.920 Yeah. 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:57.960 If I'm taking some deep breaths, it's because I've got 0:00:57.960 --> 0:00:59.760 some new puppies on my chest. 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:03.600 Everyone's dying to see. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:06.119 You know what's really funny about getting a boob job 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:09.800 is my friends that have gotten boob jobs before, They're 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:12.480 always like you want to see it? And I'm like, yeah, sure, 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:16.199 like I mean weirdo. But now I'm like every person, 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:17.880 I'm like, you want to see my boobs and I'm like, 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.960 unzipping my I don't know what it is. I thought. 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.240 I started laughing to myself last night because before I 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.000 was that person that was like, I mean sure, yeah, 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.720 like I'll see And now I'm like every neighbor girl 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.040 I've showed my boobs do I'm like, you want to 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.440 see him? And I'm like flipping my boobs open? 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:40.720 Does it feel like artificial? So it doesn't seem as 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:42.000 like intimate or. 0:01:41.920 --> 0:01:45.040 Something I think it feel. I mean, it's it's not 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.480 that I mean, yes, are they artificial, Sure, they're fake, 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:52.200 but it's like a new toy almost like you want 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:53.080 to see my new toy. 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:54.880 You got a new car, check come check out out. 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:59.400 It's almost not as like, for example, I was embarrassed 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.240 when I would show my boobs to my like I 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:04.840 would always hide, like my doctor, doctor unger who did 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:07.520 my boobs in Nashville, Like he was like my ariolas 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.079 looked like dinner plates. So it's like, you know, the 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:14.200 last time I showed my girlfriends, they were like and 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:16.720 had like the gasp thing. So it's like, now I'm like, 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.880 you want to see my babies, Like I'm like proud 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.560 of them in a weird way, and maybe they're not 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:27.639 as Yeah, it's not as like I don't know, it 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:30.359 sound as like ooh, like I'm like afraid to show them, 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:33.480 or I'm scared to show them, or I'm embarrassed or something. 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.320 So you think it's more of a confidence proud thing 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:41.760 instead of like you don't even feel like they're yours 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.440 yet because they're these brand new things that you haven't had. 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:49.160 Yeah, both, Like I think once I'm like they settle 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:51.880 and the scars are healed, I'm not going to be like, 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:55.160 check out my books. I think right now they Yeah, 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.320 they don't feel like mine for sure. So that's why 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:03.520 it's like it doesn't feel as but eventually I'm not 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:05.000 going to be like, yeah, you want to see you know, 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:07.880 unless like a girlfriend who's thinking about it. But I'm 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:09.919 not going to show Molly. But Molly's like, let me see, 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:11.959 and I'm like okay, and I'm like unzipping my thing 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:13.680 like and hoping, you. 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.919 Know, at the bus stop before the kids get there. 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:21.560 Literally that's what it was. But yeah, it's I'm right, 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:28.000 I'm seven days. So now it just feels heavy, like 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:31.040 just like a tightness. But I have no I have 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:34.440 no regrets. I just want the tightness, heaviness feeling to 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:36.960 go away, because that's the mornings and the nights suck 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:40.360 because it just feels really heavy. And they're a lot 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.720 bigger than I thought they would be. But the doctor 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:44.920 said they're going to go down, see which because I 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:47.560 want small. I want it small. And I here's the thing, 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:51.200 you know, it's it's so weird to even kind of 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.520 talk about because I think women should embrace their bodies. 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:56.560 I shouldn't have felt uncomfortable about my boobs, but I 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:58.080 mean you would see me even when you'd come in 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.320 the shower, I'd kind of like hide my boobs because 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.440 it was just And I think women should embrace their 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:05.560 bodies no matter what. But I also think it's okay 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.960 to do what you want to do, to have that 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:09.360 extra confidence. 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:12.080 Too, right, I think that's the thing, right, like society 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:14.320 or people and especially I mean I can't I can 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.440 only understand to a certain extent because I'm not a woman. 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:20.080 So I can't even imagine the pressure that you know, 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:24.719 society has put on women over the years. And but 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.280 I think it's okay. If someone wants to alter it 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:32.320 for their own personal reasons of feeling more confident for 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.440 whatever reason, then yeah, sure, I don't think they should 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.599 be shamed about it. And they also should be shamed 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.839 if they love their body the way it is. Yeah, 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.760 it doesn't you know, there's a there's that fine line there. 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:46.479 But I don't think you all need to feel ashamed 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.240 or feel like you have to explain or defend yourself 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:51.679 for your decisions on your body. 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.680 Yeah. Yeah, because I've heard, like some people be like, 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:56.840 well why would you change what God gave you? And 0:04:57.480 --> 0:04:59.480 then the other thing is like you should embrace your body, 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.360 and like I am, I'm embracing it. I'm just also 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:03.280 doing what I want to do. 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:04.640 Too, which is tertrially fun. 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:08.400 Yeah, and it's all good either way. But I'm already 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.320 kind of I'm like all right, like, hey, they're a 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:13.279 little more confident. 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:14.719 Yeah good. 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:17.800 I think the thing with my daughter, because someone did 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.039 DM me and said what will you tell your daughter? 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:27.120 And I think I would have I feel like that's 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.960 gonna sound like a total hypocrite. Right now, I feel 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:31.600 like I would have. I know friends that have had 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.720 them done when they were eighteen, nineteen twenty, when they're younger, 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:40.480 and in my mind, I always go, we'll love yourself. 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.680 And then I always say, wait till after kids, because 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.360 if you have a boob job before kids, your boobs 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:47.520 are going to get ruined and destroyed. But then the 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:50.560 same time, if it helps you get get confidence, but 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:52.320 then I would never like to Jolie if she's like, 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:55.440 I want a nose job, I'd be like, baby girl, no, Like, 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:58.039 you have the most beautiful nose. But how could I 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.240 say that when I'm like, well, mommy got boobs to 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:02.400 make yourself feel better. 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:07.880 And I think I think a similar a similar analogy 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.320 to this is like tattoos, right, Like jan and I 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.960 both have tattoos. Jolie the last couple of mornings has 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:19.119 drawn all over herself in the morning with a marker 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:21.839 saying they're tattoos, and I love tattoos. 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.000 I want tattoos, and you have a sleeve tattoo. 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.200 So you know, But it's one of those things when 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:29.320 the kids become of age. Right, even though we have 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.120 a lot and it's like we can't be hypocrite and 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:33.280 say no, you can't get one. But at the same 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.800 time we're gonna be like, well, volunteers, wait, you know, 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:38.119 and it's we look at them different, like their body 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:41.200 is this sacred thing, you know, that we've created and 0:06:41.240 --> 0:06:43.080 we love so much and we want to protect it 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:44.840 and we want them to feel beautiful the way that 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.040 they God made them. But then we look at ourselves 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:50.320 they're like, I want this, I want that. So it 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:52.279 is it is a similar analogy to that on how 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.760 we handle decisions we've made or changes we've made to 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:59.760 ourselves and how not to be hypocritical but also supportive 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:00.799 to kids. 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:03.440 Well, and that's why I hope that the conversation because 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.080 when I was eighteen, I mean I've I had flat 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:10.240 boobs all the way up until I was pregnant, like 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.360 I didn't care, like I liked smaller boobs, and these 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.120 still will be very small when they go down. But 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.080 you know, if Jolie wants big boobs, that will be 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.040 hard when she's at a younger age because I'm going 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.280 to be like, you don't need the big boobs, like 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:24.000 wait till after you have kids, and then lift the 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.240 suckers up and then if you want bigger boobs in. 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:29.360 But like, because my dad he called me and he's like, hey, 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:33.320 I was watching your Instagram. He's like, why are you 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.920 getting boobs? You know? And I ended up talking to 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:37.680 him and I'm like, cause I'm a thirty seven year 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:39.640 old woman and f had two kids and they're saggy, 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.320 and I just want to have a little confidence boost dad, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.760 And you know, but I appreciate you and I know 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:46.480 that you love me for me. So it's even when 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:49.240 the kids are thirty seven, thirty eight years old, we're 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:52.000 still going to be like, you don't need to change anything. 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:55.640 You're beautiful just the way you are. But it is 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.960 about just being like, you know, I don't know. That's hard. 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:04.360 The positive here is that. 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:05.520 I'll have perky chits. 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:07.600 That is one of the funnies. 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.880 Another is if the kid, if Jolie wanted to get 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.360 something down there, Jace wanted to get something done, whatever 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:19.480 it is, you know, it's ultimately our decision financially until 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:21.880 they're able to pay for it themselves. So really it's 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.520 not like when they are eighteen nineteen twenty, we still 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.800 have the final say and we're not going to let 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.840 Jolie convince us when she's twenty years old that she 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.240 has to have boobs, she has to have this done, 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:35.560 you know. 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:35.920 What I mean? 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:39.280 Well, I don't even know if we want to touch 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.440 on this topic, but what happens if they come to 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:46.880 you at twelve thirteen and want to do gender reconstruction? 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:48.760 And you know, we got to tread lightly in this 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:53.679 topic too, because that's something where if they are identifying 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:59.480 with like if now I think you know, I don't 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:00.760 even know if we shoul go here, But I'm just 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:05.839 saying no, I'm I'm just I'm just saying, like, if 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:09.080 they're if they're twelve thirteen, however old there and I 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:11.520 don't know. I haven't done enough research. I'm not, but 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.760 I've been I've heard and read stories of kids being 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:18.840 twelve years old and saying, I am a female, I 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.920 was raised or genetically female, but like I am, I 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:23.480 want to be a male. I want to go through 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.520 the process of being a male. Like how could we 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:28.280 as parents say no to that. 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:33.480 I wouldn't say flat out no because I wouldn't want 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.880 to shut the door on maybe feelings that I don't understand, 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:40.839 but they are having but I would say, say they're 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:46.120 thirteen and they're having this talk with us or whatever. 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:50.440 I would say, come back to us in five years. 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:55.360 Talk to us in five years, because they're thirteen years old. 0:09:55.920 --> 0:10:00.800 They're in the most impressionable timeline of their lives, right 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:04.760 the teenage years. If you still feel this way, you 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.960 can still if you feel like Jace, if you feel 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:08.880 like you're there's a girl inside of you, you feel like 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:11.960 you're meant to be a girl, fine, act that way, 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:14.280 be that way, dress that way, whatever it means to you. 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:15.920 Do that. 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:21.880 Let the physical transformation from a surgical standpoint be the 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:25.720 last step. That doesn't have to be the first step. 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.280 Let that be the last step. And if that's still 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:36.320 the case when you're eighteen or early twenties, okay, sure, 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:39.200 but I'm not gonna let a thirteen year old dictate 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:45.920 just because they're trying to find themselves and because of 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:56.760 the awareness of today's society with this topic, you know, 0:10:56.840 --> 0:11:00.079 it's something that they could it is now. It is 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:05.640 now something people feel more comfortable identifying with. Right Like 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:07.160 when we were growing up, it wasn't really. 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:10.040 A I didn't know a transgender. 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:13.880 Right like, finding yourself this wasn't part of the options available. 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:16.559 Yeah, I mean gay. I have found out gay when 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:21.800 I was in high school and transgender in my twenties. 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:26.800 Right, so, you know, but now because it's out there more, 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:33.080 it's it's you know, more talked about. Kids learn about 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.760 it at a younger age, and so it becomes this 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.000 I won't I'm not calling it an option, but it 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.640 becomes a possible direction if a kid's trying to find 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:43.319 himself at this impressionable age. 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.839 We've had Billy Lee on our show probably like a 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.040 year and a half ago, and we've actually remained friends. 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:55.120 She's transgender, and we still DM we still talk, and 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.880 you know, I think kind of what I took away 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:01.880 from that is you don't want your kids to go 0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:05.360 through hardships or be bullied or I mean even from 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.280 the little thing of when like, you know, I found 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.640 out Jase had a stigmatism in his eyes and he's 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.959 gonna get glasses. I'm like, oh God, kids are gonna 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.160 make fun of him. It's like, you don't want your 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.160 child to have hard. 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.640 Just have to deal with adversity, even though we all 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.240 know that's what makes you stronger. 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.160 They add, it's what makes us stronger, and it's like 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.959 that they need that, but also like to add more 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.520 on top of it and more bullies. 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:34.439 Like that's just like I would be interested. I don't 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:35.960 know if we could get him on the show. But 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:42.760 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union, so their son, you know, 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:47.480 he's like eleven, oh identify is came out to his 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.440 parents to say I identify as a female, and they've 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:54.400 been unbelievably supportive and I respect the heck out of that, 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:55.760 and I would like to think we would be the 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:59.600 same way. But this question we're talking about would be 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.160 interesting to propose to them, be like, okay, your son 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:07.160 now daughter, however they identify? They said they you know, 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:12.920 they want to be recognized as a female. They're young teens, 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:17.760 however old they are asked that question to them, they 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:21.120 proposed to sex change, say mom and dad, and obviously 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:24.280 they have the money to do it, like mom and dad. 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:26.079 I actually think I read something like. 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:30.679 I would like to have a physical sex change. What 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:34.839 they would say to their child that's of that age 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:36.840 and wants to identify. 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:38.120 Her name is what is it? Zia? 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.640 Yeah, Zia, she's thirteen. 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.439 She came out at eleven, right, here, there you go. 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.320 And I think the bottom line is that whatever we 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:51.240 want to do to our bodies, from breast augmentations to 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:56.600 transgenders to our kids, it's just about really leaning in 0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.440 because and I know I'm not trying to bring this 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:02.520 back around, like, but I did it when I wanted 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:06.400 to do it on my terms what I wanted, not 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:09.800 because I was trying to you know, have big boobs 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:12.520 because I thought Mike would like it or whatever. Like, 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.600 It's about like doing it for yourself, not for popularity, 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.360 not for this, not for anything. So that's I think 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:22.840 whatever direction you go from, whatever you want to do 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.720 to change yourself or make yourself feel better, I think 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:32.480 instead of bullying or being mean or passing judgment just 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:37.440 because you don't understand doesn't mean that it's it's you 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:39.120 should do what you want to do to make you 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:41.200 happy and who you feel. 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:43.720 And it stands the test of time. Yeah right, It's 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:46.920 not a it's not a knee jerk reaction in or decision. 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.400 It's something that you've talked about and thought about for 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.600 years and playing around so you know it's gonna be 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:54.160 this is we have a perfect guest for this kind 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.920 of stuff today because we have a doctor Hillary Goldsher, 0:14:56.960 --> 0:15:00.320 who's a clinical psychologist for a private pri just in 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:03.080 Beverly Hills in Los Angeles. So we're gonna take a 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.720 break and then get her on and we have some 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.520 topics around kids that we want to talk about. 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.840 Yeah, some hot topics between Mike and I. 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:25.560 Sure, let's take a break, all right. 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:28.080 So, like we said, guys, we have doctor Hillary Goldchure 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.560 with us, who is a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.400 and Hillary, doctor Goldsher. 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:34.680 What would you would you what do you like to 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.320 go by Hillary? 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:38.280 Doctor Hillary? 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:40.880 You're like, I worked hard for that doctor called me 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:46.640 doctor Hill. Yeah. Right. 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:51.120 So you know, obviously nowadays with with schooling and kids 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:55.080 and kind of all the changes that you know, society 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.360 isn't used to along along that lines, Jana and I 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.360 have have had a lot of discussions around schooling in 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:03.840 our kids' future and what that looks like. And we 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:09.040 both grew up public school. You know, you go to school, 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.840 I mean, blue collar type mentality, right, you go, you 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.880 don't miss you do this, And nowadays we just hear 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:18.600 a lot more things changing with co ops, with homeschooling, 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.960 it looks a lot different these days, and Janna brought 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.200 to me recently about the idea of was it doing 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:27.120 like a co op with some friends or a homeschool. 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:33.040 So okay, so this is just to kind of give 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:39.720 a little other sidebar. At times, I'll have to go 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.080 do a movie, right and it's you know, like we 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.480 just got done doing one in Vancouver and the whole 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:47.080 entire you know, it's a six six weeks in Vancouver, 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:50.920 and you know, in in July we're having to go 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:55.240 a month to Connecticut, and luckily that that time is 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.720 not during school time. But I started to kind of 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:02.040 have a little anxiety around it because you know, when 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:07.720 Jolie starts kindergarten in August and her public school, which 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.320 again I've always been like public, public, public. We're in 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.840 a great school zone. But she can only miss eight days. 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:17.280 And I know for us and our family, we're better together. 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:21.760 Mike and I are better together. I think we're better 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.000 as a family unit. But then I started to think, 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.720 am I being selfish by then taking the kids away 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:35.960 from their you know, activity, their activities or is it 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:38.320 cool because I'm like, hey, we're going to go explore 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.479 a different state now, and we're going to go here 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:41.919 and we're going to go to this museum and we're 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.199 going to see this. And you know, the kids a 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:48.399 private school, you can they just give your homework and 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.760 it is what it is. And it's again like for us, 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.960 like I think, am like am I being selfish by 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:59.800 wanting that for our family and for the kids? 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:07.200 Yeah, when we think of these sort of dilemmas which 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.280 are the details are different, but are on the hearts 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.560 and minds that I think so many people right now 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:16.520 in the face of the pandemic in the aftermath, it's 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:19.720 kind of making people rethink what is education going. 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.720 To look like for our family? For many reasons. 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.359 And I like to take a step back and really 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:28.480 recognize that most often when you're making these kind of decisions, 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:32.000 this may sound obvious, but really leaning into the fact 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:35.879 that there are trade offs, that it's imperfect, that no 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.040 matter what choice you make, what decision you come to 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.720 as a family, there's going to be pros and cons 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.600 on both sides, And it's so hard as parents to 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:50.000 sit in the sort of messiness of that because there's 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.480 just a truth to it. Right, whatever decision you make, 0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:54.760 and maybe we'll talk it out and think through for 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.720 your family where it makes most sense to leave you folks. 0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:02.240 But if you take her out of the public school setting, 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:06.040 there are trade offs, so she may miss the local 0:19:06.080 --> 0:19:08.840 feel of walking to school, you know, the regular activities, 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.600 all of those things, right, And if you take her 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:13.520 to private school and you have the opportunity to have 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:16.359 sort of a more expansive lifestyle with more family time, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.680 there's pros and cons there as well. So I think 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.200 stepping back and really accepting that part of your job 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:26.080 here as parents is to sort of deeply lean into 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:29.919 that truth, almost as like an energetic example to the 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:32.480 kids that like life is a little messy, like it's 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.199 full of trade offs, and when we make decisions, we 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:38.159 have to accept that and sort of be resilient and 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:42.159 be flexible and be spontaneous and to get to the 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:45.120 micro part of what you're talking about. I mean, those 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:48.800 are very real considerations, and it's sort of like coming 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:52.720 together as a family and figuring out what's our family culture, 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:54.800 what are our family values? How are we going to 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.879 prioritize this stuff? And that is such a hard question. 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:01.800 I mean, how do you prioritize family time and expansive 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:06.320 sort of lifestyle relative to her soccer games with her 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:10.160 friends or you know, welcome to school and having everything 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:13.040 so local. That's a tough one, but it's like that's 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:15.199 the deep dive that you guys have to do to 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:17.399 start to decide how do we prioritize and how does 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:19.280 that lead us to the path we're meant to be on. 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.200 I kind of have a twofold question. I know that's 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:23.800 not the right thing to do, but you know, the 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.919 first one is how can like, how do you do 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:31.959 that when we have different views as parents? And then 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:36.160 also another one too is I know, kids are so adaptable. 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:37.840 I mean, I don't know if that's the right word, 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:39.919 but they're you know, with the masks and stuff, like, 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:42.480 I know, they're still I got an email from this 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:45.000 school like they still have to wear their masks in 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:48.760 the public school and for some reason, I don't know 0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:51.800 what it is, but isn't there some isn't that going 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:54.760 to like psychologically mess them up a little bit? I 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:56.919 mean the fact that my two year old son for 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:00.240 the past year and a half has just you know, 0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:04.640