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Speaker 1: Find Down with Jane Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm

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Speaker 1: her radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: You know, we always do this show right after lunch,

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Speaker 2: and it's actually it's and there's been times where I

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Speaker 2: haven't eaten lunch beforehand, Wolf, and it's not a good sight.

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Speaker 2: I could probably go back and in the first couple

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Speaker 2: of minutes back, Oh, I didn't have lunch that day?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, did you have lunch beforehand?

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Speaker 3: I had a bar.

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Speaker 2: You know what I want to have that I haven't

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Speaker 2: had a while? What tunefish?

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Speaker 3: It actually sounds really good.

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Speaker 1: Out of a tunic can.

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Speaker 3: That sounds good with some mayonnaise, some light mayo, a

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Speaker 3: little celery. Yeah, can you make that tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: Sounds great?

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Speaker 3: I actually would love that right now.

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Speaker 1: I know it sounds amazing.

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Speaker 3: And then we'll eat it on air because Mark loves

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Speaker 3: when we eat.

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Speaker 2: And that's a perfect thing to be on air. A

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Speaker 2: lot of souff smacking. Oh, that'll drive Mark up the wall.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: If I'm taking some deep breaths, it's because I've got

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Speaker 3: some new puppies on my chest.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's dying to see.

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Speaker 3: You know what's really funny about getting a boob job

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Speaker 3: is my friends that have gotten boob jobs before, They're

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Speaker 3: always like you want to see it? And I'm like, yeah, sure,

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Speaker 3: like I mean weirdo. But now I'm like every person,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you want to see my boobs and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: unzipping my I don't know what it is. I thought.

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Speaker 3: I started laughing to myself last night because before I

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Speaker 3: was that person that was like, I mean sure, yeah,

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Speaker 3: like I'll see And now I'm like every neighbor girl

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Speaker 3: I've showed my boobs do I'm like, you want to

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Speaker 3: see him? And I'm like flipping my boobs open?

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Speaker 2: Does it feel like artificial? So it doesn't seem as

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Speaker 2: like intimate or.

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Speaker 3: Something I think it feel. I mean, it's it's not

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Speaker 3: that I mean, yes, are they artificial, Sure, they're fake,

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Speaker 3: but it's like a new toy almost like you want

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Speaker 3: to see my new toy.

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Speaker 1: You got a new car, check come check out out.

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Speaker 3: It's almost not as like, for example, I was embarrassed

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Speaker 3: when I would show my boobs to my like I

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Speaker 3: would always hide, like my doctor, doctor unger who did

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Speaker 3: my boobs in Nashville, Like he was like my ariolas

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Speaker 3: looked like dinner plates. So it's like, you know, the

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Speaker 3: last time I showed my girlfriends, they were like and

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Speaker 3: had like the gasp thing. So it's like, now I'm like,

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Speaker 3: you want to see my babies, Like I'm like proud

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Speaker 3: of them in a weird way, and maybe they're not

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Speaker 3: as Yeah, it's not as like I don't know, it

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Speaker 3: sound as like ooh, like I'm like afraid to show them,

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Speaker 3: or I'm scared to show them, or I'm embarrassed or something.

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Speaker 2: So you think it's more of a confidence proud thing

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Speaker 2: instead of like you don't even feel like they're yours

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Speaker 2: yet because they're these brand new things that you haven't had.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, both, Like I think once I'm like they settle

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Speaker 3: and the scars are healed, I'm not going to be like,

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Speaker 3: check out my books. I think right now they Yeah,

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Speaker 3: they don't feel like mine for sure. So that's why

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Speaker 3: it's like it doesn't feel as but eventually I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to be like, yeah, you want to see you know,

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Speaker 3: unless like a girlfriend who's thinking about it. But I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to show Molly. But Molly's like, let me see,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like okay, and I'm like unzipping my thing

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Speaker 3: like and hoping, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, at the bus stop before the kids get there.

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Speaker 3: Literally that's what it was. But yeah, it's I'm right,

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Speaker 3: I'm seven days. So now it just feels heavy, like

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Speaker 3: just like a tightness. But I have no I have

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Speaker 3: no regrets. I just want the tightness, heaviness feeling to

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Speaker 3: go away, because that's the mornings and the nights suck

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Speaker 3: because it just feels really heavy. And they're a lot

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Speaker 3: bigger than I thought they would be. But the doctor

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Speaker 3: said they're going to go down, see which because I

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Speaker 3: want small. I want it small. And I here's the thing,

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Speaker 3: you know, it's it's so weird to even kind of

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Speaker 3: talk about because I think women should embrace their bodies.

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Speaker 3: I shouldn't have felt uncomfortable about my boobs, but I

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Speaker 3: mean you would see me even when you'd come in

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Speaker 3: the shower, I'd kind of like hide my boobs because

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Speaker 3: it was just And I think women should embrace their

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Speaker 3: bodies no matter what. But I also think it's okay

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Speaker 3: to do what you want to do, to have that

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Speaker 3: extra confidence.

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Speaker 2: Too, right, I think that's the thing, right, like society

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Speaker 2: or people and especially I mean I can't I can

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Speaker 2: only understand to a certain extent because I'm not a woman.

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Speaker 2: So I can't even imagine the pressure that you know,

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Speaker 2: society has put on women over the years. And but

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Speaker 2: I think it's okay. If someone wants to alter it

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Speaker 2: for their own personal reasons of feeling more confident for

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Speaker 2: whatever reason, then yeah, sure, I don't think they should

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Speaker 2: be shamed about it. And they also should be shamed

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Speaker 2: if they love their body the way it is. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't you know, there's a there's that fine line there.

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Speaker 2: But I don't think you all need to feel ashamed

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Speaker 2: or feel like you have to explain or defend yourself

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Speaker 2: for your decisions on your body.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, because I've heard, like some people be like,

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Speaker 3: well why would you change what God gave you? And

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Speaker 3: then the other thing is like you should embrace your body,

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Speaker 3: and like I am, I'm embracing it. I'm just also

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Speaker 3: doing what I want to do.

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Speaker 1: Too, which is tertrially fun.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's all good either way. But I'm already

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Speaker 3: kind of I'm like all right, like, hey, they're a

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Speaker 3: little more confident.

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Speaker 1: Yeah good.

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Speaker 3: I think the thing with my daughter, because someone did

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Speaker 3: DM me and said what will you tell your daughter?

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Speaker 3: And I think I would have I feel like that's

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Speaker 3: gonna sound like a total hypocrite. Right now, I feel

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Speaker 3: like I would have. I know friends that have had

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Speaker 3: them done when they were eighteen, nineteen twenty, when they're younger,

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Speaker 3: and in my mind, I always go, we'll love yourself.

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Speaker 3: And then I always say, wait till after kids, because

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Speaker 3: if you have a boob job before kids, your boobs

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Speaker 3: are going to get ruined and destroyed. But then the

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Speaker 3: same time, if it helps you get get confidence, but

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Speaker 3: then I would never like to Jolie if she's like,

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Speaker 3: I want a nose job, I'd be like, baby girl, no, Like,

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Speaker 3: you have the most beautiful nose. But how could I

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Speaker 3: say that when I'm like, well, mommy got boobs to

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Speaker 3: make yourself feel better.

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Speaker 2: And I think I think a similar a similar analogy

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Speaker 2: to this is like tattoos, right, Like jan and I

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Speaker 2: both have tattoos. Jolie the last couple of mornings has

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Speaker 2: drawn all over herself in the morning with a marker

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Speaker 2: saying they're tattoos, and I love tattoos.

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Speaker 3: I want tattoos, and you have a sleeve tattoo.

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Speaker 2: So you know, But it's one of those things when

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Speaker 2: the kids become of age. Right, even though we have

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Speaker 2: a lot and it's like we can't be hypocrite and

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Speaker 2: say no, you can't get one. But at the same

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Speaker 2: time we're gonna be like, well, volunteers, wait, you know,

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Speaker 2: and it's we look at them different, like their body

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Speaker 2: is this sacred thing, you know, that we've created and

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Speaker 2: we love so much and we want to protect it

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Speaker 2: and we want them to feel beautiful the way that

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Speaker 2: they God made them. But then we look at ourselves

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Speaker 2: they're like, I want this, I want that. So it

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Speaker 2: is it is a similar analogy to that on how

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Speaker 2: we handle decisions we've made or changes we've made to

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Speaker 2: ourselves and how not to be hypocritical but also supportive

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Speaker 2: to kids.

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Speaker 3: Well, and that's why I hope that the conversation because

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Speaker 3: when I was eighteen, I mean I've I had flat

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Speaker 3: boobs all the way up until I was pregnant, like

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Speaker 3: I didn't care, like I liked smaller boobs, and these

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Speaker 3: still will be very small when they go down. But

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Speaker 3: you know, if Jolie wants big boobs, that will be

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Speaker 3: hard when she's at a younger age because I'm going

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Speaker 3: to be like, you don't need the big boobs, like

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Speaker 3: wait till after you have kids, and then lift the

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Speaker 3: suckers up and then if you want bigger boobs in.

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Speaker 3: But like, because my dad he called me and he's like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I was watching your Instagram. He's like, why are you

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Speaker 3: getting boobs? You know? And I ended up talking to

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Speaker 3: him and I'm like, cause I'm a thirty seven year

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Speaker 3: old woman and f had two kids and they're saggy,

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Speaker 3: and I just want to have a little confidence boost dad,

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Speaker 3: And you know, but I appreciate you and I know

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Speaker 3: that you love me for me. So it's even when

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Speaker 3: the kids are thirty seven, thirty eight years old, we're

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Speaker 3: still going to be like, you don't need to change anything.

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Speaker 3: You're beautiful just the way you are. But it is

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Speaker 3: about just being like, you know, I don't know. That's hard.

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Speaker 1: The positive here is that.

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Speaker 3: I'll have perky chits.

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Speaker 1: That is one of the funnies.

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Speaker 2: Another is if the kid, if Jolie wanted to get

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Speaker 2: something down there, Jace wanted to get something done, whatever

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Speaker 2: it is, you know, it's ultimately our decision financially until

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Speaker 2: they're able to pay for it themselves. So really it's

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Speaker 2: not like when they are eighteen nineteen twenty, we still

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Speaker 2: have the final say and we're not going to let

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Speaker 2: Jolie convince us when she's twenty years old that she

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Speaker 2: has to have boobs, she has to have this done,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: What I mean?

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't even know if we want to touch

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Speaker 3: on this topic, but what happens if they come to

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Speaker 3: you at twelve thirteen and want to do gender reconstruction?

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Speaker 3: And you know, we got to tread lightly in this

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Speaker 3: topic too, because that's something where if they are identifying

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Speaker 3: with like if now I think you know, I don't

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Speaker 3: even know if we shoul go here, But I'm just

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Speaker 3: saying no, I'm I'm just I'm just saying, like, if

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Speaker 3: they're if they're twelve thirteen, however old there and I

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Speaker 3: don't know. I haven't done enough research. I'm not, but

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Speaker 3: I've been I've heard and read stories of kids being

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Speaker 3: twelve years old and saying, I am a female, I

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Speaker 3: was raised or genetically female, but like I am, I

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Speaker 3: want to be a male. I want to go through

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Speaker 3: the process of being a male. Like how could we

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Speaker 3: as parents say no to that.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say flat out no because I wouldn't want

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Speaker 2: to shut the door on maybe feelings that I don't understand,

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Speaker 2: but they are having but I would say, say they're

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Speaker 2: thirteen and they're having this talk with us or whatever.

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Speaker 2: I would say, come back to us in five years.

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Speaker 2: Talk to us in five years, because they're thirteen years old.

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Speaker 2: They're in the most impressionable timeline of their lives, right

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Speaker 2: the teenage years. If you still feel this way, you

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Speaker 2: can still if you feel like Jace, if you feel

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Speaker 2: like you're there's a girl inside of you, you feel like

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Speaker 2: you're meant to be a girl, fine, act that way,

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Speaker 2: be that way, dress that way, whatever it means to you.

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Speaker 1: Do that.

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Speaker 2: Let the physical transformation from a surgical standpoint be the

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Speaker 2: last step. That doesn't have to be the first step.

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Speaker 2: Let that be the last step. And if that's still

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Speaker 2: the case when you're eighteen or early twenties, okay, sure,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not gonna let a thirteen year old dictate

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Speaker 2: just because they're trying to find themselves and because of

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Speaker 2: the awareness of today's society with this topic, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's something that they could it is now. It is

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Speaker 2: now something people feel more comfortable identifying with. Right Like

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Speaker 2: when we were growing up, it wasn't really.

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Speaker 3: A I didn't know a transgender.

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Speaker 2: Right like, finding yourself this wasn't part of the options available.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean gay. I have found out gay when

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Speaker 3: I was in high school and transgender in my twenties.

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Speaker 2: Right, so, you know, but now because it's out there more,

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Speaker 2: it's it's you know, more talked about. Kids learn about

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Speaker 2: it at a younger age, and so it becomes this

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Speaker 2: I won't I'm not calling it an option, but it

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Speaker 2: becomes a possible direction if a kid's trying to find

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Speaker 2: himself at this impressionable age.

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Speaker 3: We've had Billy Lee on our show probably like a

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Speaker 3: year and a half ago, and we've actually remained friends.

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Speaker 3: She's transgender, and we still DM we still talk, and

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Speaker 3: you know, I think kind of what I took away

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Speaker 3: from that is you don't want your kids to go

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Speaker 3: through hardships or be bullied or I mean even from

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Speaker 3: the little thing of when like, you know, I found

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Speaker 3: out Jase had a stigmatism in his eyes and he's

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Speaker 3: gonna get glasses. I'm like, oh God, kids are gonna

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Speaker 3: make fun of him. It's like, you don't want your

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Speaker 3: child to have hard.

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Speaker 2: Just have to deal with adversity, even though we all

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Speaker 2: know that's what makes you stronger.

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Speaker 3: They add, it's what makes us stronger, and it's like

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Speaker 3: that they need that, but also like to add more

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Speaker 3: on top of it and more bullies.

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Speaker 2: Like that's just like I would be interested. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if we could get him on the show. But

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Speaker 2: Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union, so their son, you know,

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Speaker 2: he's like eleven, oh identify is came out to his

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Speaker 2: parents to say I identify as a female, and they've

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Speaker 2: been unbelievably supportive and I respect the heck out of that,

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Speaker 2: and I would like to think we would be the

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Speaker 2: same way. But this question we're talking about would be

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Speaker 2: interesting to propose to them, be like, okay, your son

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Speaker 2: now daughter, however they identify? They said they you know,

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Speaker 2: they want to be recognized as a female. They're young teens,

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Speaker 2: however old they are asked that question to them, they

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Speaker 2: proposed to sex change, say mom and dad, and obviously

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Speaker 2: they have the money to do it, like mom and dad.

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Speaker 3: I actually think I read something like.

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Speaker 2: I would like to have a physical sex change. What

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Speaker 2: they would say to their child that's of that age

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Speaker 2: and wants to identify.

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Speaker 3: Her name is what is it? Zia?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Zia, she's thirteen.

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Speaker 3: She came out at eleven, right, here, there you go.

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Speaker 3: And I think the bottom line is that whatever we

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Speaker 3: want to do to our bodies, from breast augmentations to

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Speaker 3: transgenders to our kids, it's just about really leaning in

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Speaker 3: because and I know I'm not trying to bring this

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Speaker 3: back around, like, but I did it when I wanted

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Speaker 3: to do it on my terms what I wanted, not

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Speaker 3: because I was trying to you know, have big boobs

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Speaker 3: because I thought Mike would like it or whatever. Like,

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Speaker 3: It's about like doing it for yourself, not for popularity,

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Speaker 3: not for this, not for anything. So that's I think

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Speaker 3: whatever direction you go from, whatever you want to do

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Speaker 3: to change yourself or make yourself feel better, I think

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Speaker 3: instead of bullying or being mean or passing judgment just

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Speaker 3: because you don't understand doesn't mean that it's it's you

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Speaker 3: should do what you want to do to make you

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Speaker 3: happy and who you feel.

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Speaker 2: And it stands the test of time. Yeah right, It's

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Speaker 2: not a it's not a knee jerk reaction in or decision.

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Speaker 2: It's something that you've talked about and thought about for

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Speaker 2: years and playing around so you know it's gonna be

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Speaker 2: this is we have a perfect guest for this kind

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Speaker 2: of stuff today because we have a doctor Hillary Goldsher,

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Speaker 2: who's a clinical psychologist for a private pri just in

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Speaker 2: Beverly Hills in Los Angeles. So we're gonna take a

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Speaker 2: break and then get her on and we have some

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Speaker 2: topics around kids that we want to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, some hot topics between Mike and I.

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Speaker 1: Sure, let's take a break, all right.

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Speaker 2: So, like we said, guys, we have doctor Hillary Goldchure

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Speaker 2: with us, who is a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills

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Speaker 2: and Hillary, doctor Goldsher.

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Speaker 1: What would you would you what do you like to

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Speaker 1: go by Hillary?

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Speaker 4: Doctor Hillary?

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Speaker 1: You're like, I worked hard for that doctor called me

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Speaker 1: doctor Hill. Yeah. Right.

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Speaker 2: So you know, obviously nowadays with with schooling and kids

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Speaker 2: and kind of all the changes that you know, society

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Speaker 2: isn't used to along along that lines, Jana and I

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Speaker 2: have have had a lot of discussions around schooling in

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Speaker 2: our kids' future and what that looks like. And we

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Speaker 2: both grew up public school. You know, you go to school,

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Speaker 2: I mean, blue collar type mentality, right, you go, you

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Speaker 2: don't miss you do this, And nowadays we just hear

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Speaker 2: a lot more things changing with co ops, with homeschooling,

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Speaker 2: it looks a lot different these days, and Janna brought

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Speaker 2: to me recently about the idea of was it doing

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Speaker 2: like a co op with some friends or a homeschool.

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Speaker 3: So okay, so this is just to kind of give

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Speaker 3: a little other sidebar. At times, I'll have to go

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Speaker 3: do a movie, right and it's you know, like we

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Speaker 3: just got done doing one in Vancouver and the whole

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Speaker 3: entire you know, it's a six six weeks in Vancouver,

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Speaker 3: and you know, in in July we're having to go

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Speaker 3: a month to Connecticut, and luckily that that time is

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Speaker 3: not during school time. But I started to kind of

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Speaker 3: have a little anxiety around it because you know, when

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Speaker 3: Jolie starts kindergarten in August and her public school, which

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Speaker 3: again I've always been like public, public, public. We're in

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Speaker 3: a great school zone. But she can only miss eight days.

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Speaker 3: And I know for us and our family, we're better together.

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Speaker 3: Mike and I are better together. I think we're better

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Speaker 3: as a family unit. But then I started to think,

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Speaker 3: am I being selfish by then taking the kids away

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Speaker 3: from their you know, activity, their activities or is it

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Speaker 3: cool because I'm like, hey, we're going to go explore

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Speaker 3: a different state now, and we're going to go here

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Speaker 3: and we're going to go to this museum and we're

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Speaker 3: going to see this. And you know, the kids a

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Speaker 3: private school, you can they just give your homework and

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Speaker 3: it is what it is. And it's again like for us,

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Speaker 3: like I think, am like am I being selfish by

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Speaker 3: wanting that for our family and for the kids?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, when we think of these sort of dilemmas which

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Speaker 5: are the details are different, but are on the hearts

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Speaker 5: and minds that I think so many people right now

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Speaker 5: in the face of the pandemic in the aftermath, it's

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Speaker 5: kind of making people rethink what is education going.

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Speaker 4: To look like for our family? For many reasons.

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Speaker 5: And I like to take a step back and really

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Speaker 5: recognize that most often when you're making these kind of decisions,

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Speaker 5: this may sound obvious, but really leaning into the fact

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Speaker 5: that there are trade offs, that it's imperfect, that no

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Speaker 5: matter what choice you make, what decision you come to

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Speaker 5: as a family, there's going to be pros and cons

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Speaker 5: on both sides, And it's so hard as parents to

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Speaker 5: sit in the sort of messiness of that because there's

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Speaker 5: just a truth to it. Right, whatever decision you make,

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Speaker 5: and maybe we'll talk it out and think through for

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Speaker 5: your family where it makes most sense to leave you folks.

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Speaker 5: But if you take her out of the public school setting,

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Speaker 5: there are trade offs, so she may miss the local

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Speaker 5: feel of walking to school, you know, the regular activities,

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Speaker 5: all of those things, right, And if you take her

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Speaker 5: to private school and you have the opportunity to have

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Speaker 5: sort of a more expansive lifestyle with more family time,

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Speaker 5: there's pros and cons there as well. So I think

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Speaker 5: stepping back and really accepting that part of your job

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Speaker 5: here as parents is to sort of deeply lean into

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Speaker 5: that truth, almost as like an energetic example to the

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Speaker 5: kids that like life is a little messy, like it's

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Speaker 5: full of trade offs, and when we make decisions, we

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Speaker 5: have to accept that and sort of be resilient and

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Speaker 5: be flexible and be spontaneous and to get to the

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Speaker 5: micro part of what you're talking about. I mean, those

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Speaker 5: are very real considerations, and it's sort of like coming

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Speaker 5: together as a family and figuring out what's our family culture,

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Speaker 5: what are our family values? How are we going to

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Speaker 5: prioritize this stuff? And that is such a hard question.

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Speaker 5: I mean, how do you prioritize family time and expansive

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Speaker 5: sort of lifestyle relative to her soccer games with her

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Speaker 5: friends or you know, welcome to school and having everything

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Speaker 5: so local. That's a tough one, but it's like that's

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Speaker 5: the deep dive that you guys have to do to

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Speaker 5: start to decide how do we prioritize and how does

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Speaker 5: that lead us to the path we're meant to be on.

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Speaker 3: I kind of have a twofold question. I know that's

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Speaker 3: not the right thing to do, but you know, the

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Speaker 3: first one is how can like, how do you do

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Speaker 3: that when we have different views as parents? And then

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Speaker 3: also another one too is I know, kids are so adaptable.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if that's the right word,

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Speaker 3: but they're you know, with the masks and stuff, like,

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Speaker 3: I know, they're still I got an email from this

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Speaker 3: school like they still have to wear their masks in

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Speaker 3: the public school and for some reason, I don't know

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Speaker 3: what it is, but isn't there some isn't that going

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Speaker 3: to like psychologically mess them up a little bit? I

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Speaker 3: mean the fact that my two year old son for

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Speaker 3: the past year and a half has just you know,

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Speaker 3: I mean, he's the most he's so afraid of going

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Speaker 3: outside the house now because and I'm like, have just

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Speaker 3: is he just going to be filled with anxiety now

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Speaker 3: because we go five minutes away from home, he's like

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Speaker 3: home home, home home, because he's not used to he

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Speaker 3: was quarantined. He's used to being quarantined and we're not

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Speaker 3: allowed to leave. And then like with my daughter too

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Speaker 3: in the mass, it's like, is that like messing them

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Speaker 3: up psychologically with having to like hide our faces? And

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Speaker 3: I don't know it. Just as a parent, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: how do I like help them with that?

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Speaker 5: Yes, I'm so glad you're asking this question because this

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Speaker 5: comes up all the time and work that I do

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Speaker 5: with parents in sessions and in lectures, et cetera. But

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Speaker 5: it's I think we have to make a distinction between

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Speaker 5: who impact a community crisis like COVID is going to

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Speaker 5: have on ourselves or our kids and potential long lasting effects.

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Speaker 5: So of course we don't know for sure, or we

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Speaker 5: don't have data on COVID and kids. It's not available

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Speaker 5: to us yet, right, But we use other studies and

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Speaker 5: evidence that we have around kids to make really good hypotheses.

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Speaker 5: And my hypotheses, and I think my industry's hypotheses are

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Speaker 5: that there's an increase in anxiety amongst our kids and

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Speaker 5: amongst ourselves. I mean, if we're affected, or some of

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Speaker 5: us are affected, how are our kids not going to

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Speaker 5: be affected? Right, So embracing that that's a truth, but

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Speaker 5: also recognizing that much like other anxieties that they can

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Speaker 5: resolve with time, they can be addressed with support and

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Speaker 5: with resilience and with empathy and strategic sort of plans

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Speaker 5: in place. So for kids, some kids, not all kids,

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Speaker 5: but some kids have a version of what you were

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Speaker 5: talking about with your two year old, where they're now

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Speaker 5: worried to go outside. They're worried to be exposed to germs,

434
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,640
Speaker 5: they're worried to be not physically or socially distanced. Right,

435
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 5: So leading into that, having a conversation with them about it,

436
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 5: saying to your son too, I have a three year

437
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 5: old and I have a six year old, so I'm

438
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 5: in it. I have two little boys, saying to your

439
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 5: son a version of gosh, I noticed, I noticed that

440
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 5: when we go outside or when we go do things,

441
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 5: that a party really wants to go home.

442
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 4: And I get it. I get it. You feel nervous.

443
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 4: We've been inside for so long.

444
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 5: It's so different to go outside. Not trying to fix

445
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,719
Speaker 5: it in the moment not trying to repair it, but

446
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 5: to really honor those feelings. Much in the same way,

447
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 5: if you were talking to your husband and saying, I'm

448
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 5: anxious about this, if he was like, oh, no, no, no,

449
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 5: it's going to be fine. That when you feel super

450
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 5: validating that, when you feel super supportive, right, you would

451
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 5: want them to say a version of like, oh my god,

452
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry you're feeling that way.

453
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 4: It's the same for our kids.

454
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 5: We want to say to them, I noticed you're feeling

455
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 5: that's so hard, that's so scary, and then later say,

456
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 5: you know, I was thinking again.

457
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 4: About how you were feeling anxious about going outside.

458
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 5: If we could come up with some ideas what could

459
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 5: we do and like take out a piece of paper,

460
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 5: what can we do?

461
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 4: We could bring your favorite we could.

462
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 5: Hold hands the whole time, to have a secret code

463
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 5: where it's getting really hard, so I know, to give

464
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 5: you a snuggle, you know, those kinds of things, so

465
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 5: that you're doing sort of a two part validating strategy

466
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 5: and also like giving him some robust skills and like, well,

467
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 5: what do I do when.

468
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 4: I feel those things?

469
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: Right, there's something that you had brought up, I think

470
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 3: on a past podcast. I don't think we were talking

471
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 3: to an actual, you know, specialist about Jolie's anxiety and

472
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 3: if it's if it's if we've maybe taught her, remember

473
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 3: how you're like you don't want her to get uh oh?

474
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 2: Where it felt it felt like codependent almost where our

475
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 2: daughter has a natural uh direction towards the dramatic. Okay,

476
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 2: she's five years old and she is she is a

477
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 2: drama queen princess dve already and we love her for it,

478
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 2: and we've done these. Janet did a great job like

479
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: doing like breathing exercises with her right and it's amazing

480
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 2: the fact that she's able to do that. She's even

481
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 2: we have a video of her doing it to our

482
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,679
Speaker 2: son when he was upset. It's like, oh, Jane's just

483
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,199
Speaker 2: breathed and it's great. But then when she gets super upset,

484
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: she's like I can't breathe. I can't breathe, Like help

485
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 2: me breathe, help me breathe. And you know it's like,

486
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 2: obviously the protective parent I mean wants to be like, okay,

487
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 2: let's do this like I got you, and then the

488
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 2: other part of me is like, am I enabling codependency?

489
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 2: Is she always going to need someone else to help

490
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 2: her breathe is, you know, But I don't want to

491
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 2: be like you got to do it yourself.

492
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: So it's like like you did to.

493
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: Me when I'm having a panic attack. You can breathe.

494
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 3: You're fine, You're breathing right now. Yeah, it's like what

495
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 3: he said one time. That's fun.

496
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 1: That was a long time ago, it was.

497
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 5: But yeah, when we have them in our home and

498
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 5: they're under the age of eighteen, our job is to

499
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 5: do everything we can to fill them with the right

500
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 5: resources and tools and support and guidance to get through

501
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 5: your hard stuff. We think about us. You're an adult, Jenna,

502
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 5: and you still have anxiety, and you still struggle with

503
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 5: how to deal with it, as many many millions of

504
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 5: people around the world do, and you need support from

505
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 5: your loved ones.

506
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 4: Sometimes you might need support from a professional.

507
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 5: Right. We wouldn't want to cut that off for you.

508
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 5: We definitely don't want to cut it off for Jobili,

509
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 5: who's five, Right, So I understand your concern. There's a

510
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 5: difference between coddling and not providing opportunities for your daughter

511
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 5: to take responsibility when it comes to feelings. We want

512
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 5: to air on the side of Wow, I'm so sorry

513
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,919
Speaker 5: this is so hard for you. Here's some ideas of

514
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 5: what we can do in this moment. I'm right here

515
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 5: with you, right and sure you don't have to take

516
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 5: it on.

517
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 4: That you have to fix it in that moment.

518
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 5: I mean kind of as you guys are sort of

519
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,360
Speaker 5: looking at each other and rowing eyes at each other.

520
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 4: That like, right, Jana. Part of I think what.

521
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 5: You want in the moment when you're feeling anxiety is

522
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 5: someone to go like, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

523
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 5: I'm here with you until it feels better. That's a

524
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 5: version of what you can do with your daughter too,

525
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 5: and she can't catch your breath and she just can't

526
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 5: get on top of it. For you, guys, not to panic,

527
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 5: I know that's so hard. Love, We'll just all sit

528
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 5: here together until you can catch your breath right here,

529
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 5: you know, kind of things as opposed to like escalating

530
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 5: with her. Oh my god, what I need to do?

531
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 5: Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little?

532
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 5: Like I'm right here, I'm right here, Love. When you're

533
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 5: ready to breathe, I'm going to breathe with you. You know

534
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 5: kind of thing that like you're escalating you know, I

535
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 5: hate to use the word drama, but to borrow it

536
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 5: from you, since that's the feel you get, that you're

537
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,479
Speaker 5: not contributing to it with your own panic or your

538
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 5: own uncertainty about what you're doing. You're just leaning into

539
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 5: the idea of like, right here with you, we're all

540
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 5: going to be together until it starts to feel better.

541
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 4: I know it's instead what's the next second, what's the

542
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:41,239
Speaker 4: next thing, what's the next thing?

543
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 5: And kind of escalating with her. And I always tell

544
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 5: parents that doesn't mean it's not messy. It doesn't mean

545
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 5: it's not hard to get in that for you guys,

546
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 5: just because you're saying those things, because you're doing the

547
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 5: quote right thing in the moment, doesn't mean inside you're

548
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 5: not dying, doesn't mean inside your heart isn't breaking.

549
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean it doesn't feel messy and yucky. Right.

550
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 5: I like to say all the time I feel this

551
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 5: way in my own household, that like, if it feels

552
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,919
Speaker 5: kind of messy and uncomfortable, I know I'm doing the

553
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 5: right thing. I'm not all the time, but when I'm

554
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 5: having tricky moments with my kids, that means I'm sitting

555
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 5: in the mess that means I'm not trying to fix

556
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 5: and I'm not trying to force them to make it

557
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 5: go away. I'm sort of saying, in this family, we

558
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 5: honor tricky feelings. I'm here with you, and I'll be

559
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 5: here with you until it passes. So that's like the

560
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 5: narrative you want to send rather than getting over fixated

561
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 5: on what the intervention is in the moment.

562
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 4: If that makes sense, No.

563
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 1: I love it.

564
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 2: I want to shift gears here for a second to

565
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: more like the education aspect, like with children, and you know,

566
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,959
Speaker 2: with especially with the pandemic stuff, with ideas of co

567
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: ops and homeschooling becoming more relevant, right and those options

568
00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 2: being more available. I again, I know, like I'll explain

569
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 2: at the beginning, was I just come from a family.

570
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: It's like you don't miss school. You go to school,

571
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 2: you come home, you do your homework, all that stuff.

572
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 2: And I know we have some friends at homeschool are

573
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: doing a co op and part of their motivation is

574
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 2: to kind of control the curriculum right, kind of dictate

575
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 2: what they think their kids should be learning and not learning.

576
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 2: My personal opinion conflicts with that, just because I would

577
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: still like, sure are Julie and Jay's gonna be chemists

578
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 2: or biologists.

579
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: I don't know.

580
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 2: Maybe, but if you take away history or science or

581
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 2: these general knowledge things that you learn in grade school

582
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 2: in high school, like how well rounded can you be

583
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 2: if you're just being like, oh, I only use this

584
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 2: in my life, So my kids are just gonna learn A,

585
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 2: B and C. So I just have a hard time

586
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 2: with it. I know we hurt.

587
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: Jane and I have discussed it a little bit.

588
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,959
Speaker 3: I think you still have to pass like a certain

589
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 3: like there's still a certain test, like to go to

590
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 3: the next grade, Like you have to know certain things right.

591
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 5: In public school private school. I'm not sure that that

592
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 5: is true.

593
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 2: Interesting, So I guess my question to you is, you know,

594
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: I'm sure, just like anything right, there's a give and

595
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: take on each side. But what's your personal opinion when

596
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 2: it comes to the education aspect for young kids and

597
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 2: kind of your belief?

598
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's such a good question, and I have to

599
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 5: admit that in the sort of during and in the aftermath,

600
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 5: if we can call it that of COVID, I too

601
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 5: have kind of been reevaluating my personal relationship with public

602
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 5: education versus private education. It's given us all kind of

603
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 5: a window into oh, maybe we can tailor make our

604
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 5: educational journey for our kids in a way that we

605
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 5: really hadn't thought about or didn't feel possible, and you know,

606
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 5: sort of trying to decide what I make of that.

607
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 5: And I too, wrestle with the idea of I want

608
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 5: my kids to be resilient and sort of meet challenges and.

609
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 4: Not be overly uh overly.

610
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 5: Guided, so that can there's room for struggle, So there's

611
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 5: room for you know, resilience building, and there's room for

612
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,239
Speaker 5: them to find their own path and make their own

613
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 5: mistakes and pick themselves up.

614
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 4: Uh.

615
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 5: Also, I've been thinking about the importance of meeting a

616
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 5: child where they are and having dedicated, like minded, really

617
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 5: really warm, lovely teachers to think about my children more

618
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 5: deeply than in a public school setting. And so those

619
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 5: things are really on my mind. And I have to say,

620
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 5: for me, I mean, and perhaps.

621
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 4: Not surprisingly since I am a psychologists, but for me,

622
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 4: you know, the idea that.

623
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 5: Who my child is and who the rest of the

624
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 5: children are around my child, and what best meets both

625
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 5: my individual individual child means I'm thinking my six year

626
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 5: old at the moment and the rest of the children's

627
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 5: needs and the dynamics of the classroom feel really important

628
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 5: to me. That probably leads me in the direction of

629
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 5: a private school personally. And I too struggle a great amount,

630
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 5: frankly with the idea of what a private school public

631
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 5: school setting can offer in terms of the child kind

632
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 5: of having to find their own way. So I think

633
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 5: it's important to suss out if you go to the

634
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 5: private school direction, kind of what's the balance there and

635
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 5: what ways does a private school encourage and implement very

636
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 5: clear ways on how children develop on their own way

637
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 5: of thinking, a sense of responsibility, how they handle mistakes

638
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 5: and failures, or is that kind of dynamic environment encouraged

639
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 5: or is it a little bit too narrow.

640
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 4: For those things to occur for sure? Right?

641
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,239
Speaker 5: And I think that if you can look, I mean,

642
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 5: and we're talking about a pretty privileged problem. I want

643
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 5: to acknowledge not everyone has researchs to send their children

644
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 5: to private schoo and I really want to acknowledge that,

645
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 5: and and not not everyone gets gets to have this discussion,

646
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 5: right if you're fortunate not to have it, really being

647
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 5: able to do a deep dive into what the private

648
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 5: school setting is and can you leave in those dynamics

649
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 5: that naturally more naturally occur in a public school setting.

650
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 5: In theory, can do that you have the best of

651
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 5: both worlds.

652
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 2: In theory in theory. In theory I have. I think

653
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 2: one of my biggest fears around kind of really changing

654
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: my mindset around it being more open to private or

655
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 2: homeschool or co opera whatever it looks like, is it's like,

656
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 2: I feel like the whole culture change right where back

657
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 2: in the day quote unquote, you know, come home, you

658
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 2: get bad grade, your parents ask you, like, what did

659
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: you do wrong? And nowadays the whole joke about they

660
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 2: go to the they go to the teachers, it's like,

661
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 2: what did you do wrong? Right, It's not their kids' fault,

662
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 2: it's the teacher's fault that they didn't know the information.

663
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 2: So along with that kind of running trend, I fear that,

664
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 2: you know, maybe parents that do co op or do

665
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 2: homeschool or private school maybe are trying to take some

666
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:21,399
Speaker 2: of the parenting off of themselves and really control what

667
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 2: their kids learn by having the teacher teach them everything

668
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 2: they need to teach, right, so then it's not on

669
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 2: the parents to teach them anything when the kids get home.

670
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 2: And I have an issue with that right, because I

671
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 2: feel like we're very hands on parents. We take pride

672
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,320
Speaker 2: in being the parents, and I think parents just put

673
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 2: too much on teachers plates and expectations that they expect

674
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 2: their kids to learn everything from top to bottom, and

675
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 2: they come home they don't know it. It's a teacher's fault.

676
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 2: It's like, no, no, you're a parent, you still have to

677
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 2: teach them. And so I make up that unfair stereotype

678
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 2: of that's the kind of parents that are doing the alternatives,

679
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 2: which is completely unfair for me to say. I'm not

680
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 2: saying that all of them are like that. That's it's

681
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 2: just like my fear is that's the kind of surrounding

682
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 2: that our children.

683
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: Would be in.

684
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I love that you're thinking about that, actually.

685
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 5: And I think that you can account for that or

686
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 5: buffer that potential dynamic in your own family culture, right

687
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 5: that if you decided to co operate homeschool or private school,

688
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 5: et cetera, that at the beginning, you sit down with Jolly,

689
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 5: who I think you said, is five and is ready

690
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 5: to participate in a version of the following conversation. So

691
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,360
Speaker 5: mom and Dad made this decision, We're going to homeschool

692
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 5: you and that we have amazing teachers, and we have

693
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 5: a wonderful classroom setting. It's going to be exciting and

694
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 5: fun and hear all the things that you're going to

695
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 5: get to learn about and experience. And also mom and

696
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 5: dad are going to be super involved in this because

697
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 5: we are dedicated to your education. It is our job

698
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 5: to make sure that you're exposed to all the things

699
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 5: that we think are important so you can be a

700
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 5: good citizen in the world, so you can make a

701
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 5: decision about doing something you love. So you're going to

702
00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 5: see your teachers being really invested and involved you learning,

703
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 5: but you're also going to see mom and dad really

704
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 5: investing involved in what you're learning and so that you

705
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 5: can you can continue. There's a continuum and you can

706
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 5: bring that dynamic that you're talking about, which I kind

707
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 5: of love home. I mean, I understand you're not wanting

708
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 5: to uh accuse teachers of.

709
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 4: Uh not doing enough or or parents are et cetera.

710
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,479
Speaker 5: Right, that that's not what you're getting up, But write

711
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 5: the idea of like, wait, I don't want to.

712
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 4: Hand this off. I want to participate.

713
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 5: And you can do that by bringing in you know,

714
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 5: supplemental projects, you know, books that you're interested in by

715
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,959
Speaker 5: having regular dialogue with your daughter or the teachers about

716
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 5: what's happening, what's not happening, and and supplementing through your

717
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 5: own teachings, through your own experiences that you have, and

718
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 5: just talking about what's important to you so that if

719
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 5: you're noticing she's not completing the homework or reading that

720
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 5: she's supposed to be doing, but that that you.

721
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 4: Take that on. This is something really important, Mom and dad,

722
00:36:58,400 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 4: we really are invested.

723
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 5: And the idea of responsibility and your responsibility this week

724
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 5: is to read three bucks.

725
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 3: Yeah for sure, right, Yeah, that.

726
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 5: Those important kind of life values and sort of parental

727
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 5: insights are not lost just because you've you've done a

728
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 5: different academic growth.

729
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:16,439
Speaker 4: Yeah.

730
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 3: And I just I mean I never and like you said,

731
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,240
Speaker 3: like it seems so privileged to be talking about private school,

732
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 3: and honestly, like I'm the cheapest person out there, and

733
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,919
Speaker 3: I've always been like, I am never sending my kids

734
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 3: to private school. And that's why I wanted to have

735
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: a conversation because I feel selfish that I'm because I

736
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 3: want the family to be together, Like that's the only

737
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 3: reason why. Because when I heard eight days, I was like, what,

738
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 3: like then I'm like, I could never go a month

739
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 3: without seeing, you know, my kids, and so it's you know,

740
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 3: just kind of talking that out. But I think, you know, again,

741
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 3: it's just like us having a conversation what's best for

742
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 3: our family and you know, when, if, if, and when

743
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 3: that happens that you know, I book ever the series

744
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 3: in Vancouver or whatever. You know, like what that looks like,

745
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 3: and you know how we make it work and how

746
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 3: our values might have to you know, mold a little

747
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 3: bit together. But I kind of want to switch gears

748
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 3: though on couples post pandemic, because I feel like, you know,

749
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 3: we saw a lot of divorces, but I also think

750
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 3: it's helped a lot of marriages. To what's one of

751
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 3: the things that you saw that has been that was

752
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 3: beneficial for couples during the pandemic and post pandemic.

753
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 5: Yes, well, a number of things come to mind, but

754
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 5: what rises to the top is the sort of mixed

755
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 5: bag of dynamics that have shown up.

756
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 4: So couples have been required.

757
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 5: To be physically and mentally and emotionally in the same

758
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 5: space way more than they were a higher and in

759
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 5: many of the couples that I've worked with that provoked

760
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 5: issues to reveal themselves and oftentimes folks found themselves in

761
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 5: my virtual office when they wouldn't have been right.

762
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 4: And so although it started.

763
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:18,720
Speaker 5: Tricky or sort of conflictual, it provided an opportunity for vulnerability, authenticity,

764
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 5: and eventually sort of connection and closeness.

765
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 4: So really this exposure to one another.

766
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 5: And I say it's bad because I've had both effects.

767
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 5: I mean, I had lots of folks to come into

768
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:34,760
Speaker 5: my office and feeling like pet peeves about their partner,

769
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 5: their frustrations with their partner, the lack of intimacy, lack

770
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 5: of communication, difficulty dealing with conflict was just enhanced and

771
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 5: increased given all the time they were spending together.

772
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 4: And it gave them an opportunity.

773
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 5: To face it and think about it rather than suppress it,

774
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:51,879
Speaker 5: dismiss it, avoid.

775
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 3: It and what like. Because for me, I think one

776
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 3: of the things that I have a hard time with

777
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 3: is in the moment when we're having an argument. And

778
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 3: we talked about this a few podcasts ago, but I'm like,

779
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,080
Speaker 3: it's over, it's done. Like I'm like, this is the

780
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 3: end of the world. Like, how do you not go

781
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 3: to that place when when you're in the like here

782
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 3: it is again. This is the same fight, and it's

783
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 3: not resolving, and it's not changing, and and it's and

784
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 3: it's that blow up fight. But to not go to

785
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 3: because he goes to the bedroom and he's like, it's

786
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 3: just another fight. We'll be fine, and I'm like, you know,

787
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 3: like this is the end of the world, Like I

788
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 3: can't do this anymore, you know, And he's just like.

789
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: Sweet till you get the email from the lawyer tomorrow, okay.

790
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 4: And I was gonna ask you you actually say that

791
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 4: out loud.

792
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,760
Speaker 3: I did say that the last time. Yeah, and shamefully

793
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,479
Speaker 3: I did say that the last time.

794
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's been a long time since you have it.

795
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 3: It's been a long time since I've said that. And

796
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 3: I think it's because I I'm not going to make

797
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 3: an excuse for it, but you know, in those moments,

798
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:05,279
Speaker 3: it's just feels so much that I'm like, how do

799
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 3: I not let it just take over all of me?

800
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 3: So that way I can just be like, it's just

801
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 3: a fight, we will be fine. Things need to change

802
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 3: and grow, but it's not the end of the world,

803
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,439
Speaker 3: and I don't need to throw in the I can't

804
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,720
Speaker 3: do this anymore. Expect a letter from Rose.

805
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, but I would I would do this.

806
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 5: I mean, and it's it's much easier to do this

807
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 5: in an objective, calm moment, but a good exercise sort

808
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 5: of trying to make a verbal agreement to not go

809
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 5: there is is a really good idea. Doesn't mean you

810
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 5: never will, doesn't mean you won't make them say, I

811
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 5: mean that's what it is human and through the.

812
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 4: World together as a couple.

813
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 5: Right, Let's at least try to commit to the idea of, like,

814
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 5: I'm really going to try not to do that. I'm

815
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 5: going to try not to leave that collateral damage along

816
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 5: with the difficulty that comes from the conflict. And I

817
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 5: think one of the ways that will help you do

818
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 5: that will help both you do it, depending on if

819
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 5: that comes up mutually, is leaning much more into the feeling.

820
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 5: So instead of leaning into the narrative of like, oh

821
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,879
Speaker 5: my god, here we go again. We're never gonna get

822
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,439
Speaker 5: through this. It's always going to be like this, things

823
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 5: will never.

824
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,919
Speaker 4: Change, we can't make it.

825
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 5: Really leaning into the feeling, either out loud or to

826
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 5: yourself or both of like I feel so hopeless, I

827
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 5: feel so scared, soangous, so angry, you know whatever, the

828
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 5: feelings are going to come up and be able to

829
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 5: if it's a safe enough space, be able to say that.

830
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 4: You could even say out loud, God.

831
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 5: I'm in that moment where I feel like saying to you,

832
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 5: we're never going to work, we're never going to laugh.

833
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 5: But instead I'm going to tell you I'm so angry

834
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 5: at you. I'm so angry at you that you just

835
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,839
Speaker 5: can't get this. I'm so angry that you won't put

836
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 5: your arms around me right now, I'm so disappointed that

837
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 5: this happened again, and that will there's a relief, there's

838
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 5: like a tension relief that comes from saying our true, deep,

839
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 5: vulnerable feelings that mitigates the need to say those other

840
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:01,720
Speaker 5: things because we feel so triggered right and you probably

841
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 5: notice this with your kids at least sometimes that if

842
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 5: you're able to name the feeling that there's a it's

843
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 5: like letting the air out of the balloon. That's a

844
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 5: way to help keep yourself from being heightened. And if

845
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 5: it doesn't feel safe, for lack of a better word,

846
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,280
Speaker 5: to say that to Mike in the moment, for whatever

847
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 5: sets of reasons, at least even saying that to yourself,

848
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 5: Like what's like, what am I really feeling deeply here

849
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 5: right now?

850
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 4: Why am I so triggered? I'm really scared?

851
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 3: I love that, Like I just feel hopeless. Like that's

852
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 3: because that's such a vulnerable and hopefully you know that's

853
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 3: just a way for you to settle.

854
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I heard that from you, like you came

855
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 2: in the room instead of saying you're going to get

856
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 2: an email from tomorrow being like, I just feel so

857
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 2: hopeless right now.

858
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: Yahyeah, that's it.

859
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 5: I mean, it gives me like the chills like talking

860
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 5: about it, because it's such a connecting, vulnerable thing and

861
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:52,479
Speaker 5: it's having a.

862
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 4: Dynamic way of fighting.

863
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 5: Is intimacy building, right, it is because if you say

864
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 5: it them, I feel hopeless, I feel scared, then you

865
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 5: can hear that and probably feel empathy or compassion or

866
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 5: love or a desire to comfort her or something, and

867
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 5: you're being vulnerable. So instead of hearing about Rose the lawyer,

868
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 5: you're hearing about like, oh, she's scared inside right.

869
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 4: For sure, closer to her. And so look, we.

870
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 5: Don't we don't, we don't that like a thousand of

871
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 5: that every time, But to the extent that we can

872
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 5: start weaving that into how we do conflict.

873
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 4: It makes such a big difference.

874
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think that's we need to learn how

875
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:35,479
Speaker 3: to do conflict better because we both want to be heard,

876
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 3: and that's you know, our biggest thing with our therapist

877
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 3: is trying to like that's I think the most escalates us. Yeah,

878
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 3: that's because we're just really one one one. We'd keep

879
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 3: going louder and louder and lotder, but so definitely we

880
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 3: gotta we'll work on our conflict. But we we so

881
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 3: appreciate you coming on and just talking about everything. I

882
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 3: could talk to you all day, but I know that

883
00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 3: you've got clients. Can where can our listeners find you?

884
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 3: Reach out? And can they actually use you as a

885
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 3: psychiatrist too?

886
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, so so two ways.

887
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, So you can find me at my website, which

888
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 5: is doctor Hillarygoldsure dot.

889
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 4: Com and it's g O L D S H E R.

890
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 5: And then I'm just doing a relaunch of my instagram

891
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 5: and it's at doctor Hillary LA and it will be

892
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 5: populated with content in like the next two weeks or so,

893
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 5: and it will be sort of chop full of like

894
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 5: parenting stuff, a couple stuff, and self care stuff. So

895
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 5: if you follow now it will be pretty empty, but

896
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 5: issue if you stay for a couple of weeks, it

897
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 5: will be it'll be populated soon. So yes, I'm taking

898
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 5: clients and right now everything is still virtual giving COVID,

899
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 5: but that makes my schedule a bit more flexible.

900
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 3: Awesome, Well, thank you so much.

901
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 4: Thanks for having me.

902
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 1: So glad to talk to you guys, you too, thank you.

903
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,919
Speaker 3: Sure we'll talk to you again. Okay, good bye bye.

904
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 3: I loved having like a real clinical therapist on psychiatrists.

905
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 2: No, it's it's good to talk through that stuff. And

906
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 2: I think, you know, on the topic of the education things.

907
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 2: It's just it's interesting to just have the conversations more,

908
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 2: you know, around just the possibilities of education and what

909
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 2: that looks like and to get out of at least

910
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 2: my own narrow mind and think about possibilities.

911
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, because we have friends that you're like co up,

912
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 3: you know, like you're in a homeschool wow. And then

913
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 3: then it's like, oh, actually, I really kind of like

914
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 3: the sounds of homeschool now, you know, and because of

915
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 3: certain COVID things or this or that or the other,

916
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 3: and it's just we just don't want to mess up.

917
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 3: I don't want to mess up as a parent, So

918
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 3: I just want to make the best decision. I'm trying

919
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 3: not to be selfish, but yet I'm being selfish because

920
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,240
Speaker 3: I don't want to be without my family during a movie.

921
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 3: I'm scheduling. I literally scheduled the next movie so that

922
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 3: I don't miss you know, Jolie's first day kindergarten, and

923
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,919
Speaker 3: then we don't have to be separated, right, But there's

924
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 3: going to come of time where you know, I guess

925
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 3: and this is all champagne freaking problems, but I just

926
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 3: I wanted to talk about really just like how it

927
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:05,759
Speaker 3: might affect.

928
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 1: Think about though. Everyone deals with this to an extent

929
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 1: based around their careers. So whatever your career is.

930
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 2: Right, you have to whether it's to move, yet you

931
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 2: might have to move for another opportunity. You might have

932
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 2: to you know, change your schedule because of how the

933
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 2: other person's work schedule is. So that everyone deals with

934
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 2: this on a different spectrum. This is just ours because

935
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 2: of the you know, occupation that you have outside of

936
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 2: the things that we do, and so it's just our

937
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 2: obstacle to face as a Family's.

938
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 3: Just so hard, you know, with my boob job and.

939
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:42,919
Speaker 2: Well I think that wraps up another episode. I gotta

940
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 2: take some pills, all right until next week.

941
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 4: L