Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazery. Here's Nicky. Oh my god, here I am.
Speaker 1: It's Nicky Glazer. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast. I guess
Speaker 1: what's going on with your brain? I don't know, dude,
Speaker 1: ter wait, are you hearing things to get fast? I'm
Speaker 1: hearing this song still, but it's like fast and weird.
Speaker 1: Might be Jesus Christ. I was getting my hair done
Speaker 1: yesterday and the girl thought there was an earthquake, and
Speaker 1: she was like, oh no, I think I'm just having
Speaker 1: a body problem. She was just like, there's an earthquake.
Speaker 1: I was talking about pedophilia at the time, so maybe
Speaker 1: it's a change of subject. But I was going into
Speaker 1: a lot of detail at a high volume because there's
Speaker 1: you know, blow dryers going off nearby about how everyone's
Speaker 1: been molested. So maybe it was a change of subject.
Speaker 1: But she was actually this girl that does my hair, Um, earthquake, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it really brings things to it. Think definitely,
Speaker 1: we're wor you here here in St. Louis are a
Speaker 1: lot of earthquakes. We are on the new New Madrid
Speaker 1: fault line. I wanted to say New Madrid, but no,
Speaker 1: it's we pronounce a new Madrid. Here. Um, so yeah,
Speaker 1: we're on a we're on a big fault line. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't even know I'm stroking out today because I
Speaker 1: forgot that. We just I've been having really short term
Speaker 1: memory loss that is different than when I smoked pot,
Speaker 1: where it would be like it would happen all the time.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I just I do something in literally seconds later,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, we need to do that thing, and
Speaker 1: they're like, we just did it. It's really it doesn't
Speaker 1: scare me for some reason, even though it probably should,
Speaker 1: because it's just such a now, like when we we
Speaker 1: snap so that when the video the video editors can
Speaker 1: all know, you know, we do like the like you
Speaker 1: know the little thing they have in movies where it's
Speaker 1: a clipboard and you're got clip you know that black
Speaker 1: and white thing that really is a thing that's in movies.
Speaker 1: People don't know that that actually exists in TV and stuff.
Speaker 1: It seems like I feel like everyone knows it from
Speaker 1: Wayne's World, remember three two, And they always would say
Speaker 1: they would always go one and don't say it, and
Speaker 1: you don't say the one. I don't know. You see
Speaker 1: so many videos where people go one and they're like hi,
Speaker 1: and you hear the person taping say one. Um. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I've just been having those go yes, go and or
Speaker 1: just someone's face just going from like dead to like on.
Speaker 1: And you know we talked about little time. I was
Speaker 1: just doing a bunch of press for our show. It's
Speaker 1: going international. It's just debuted in UM, South Africa, Romania, UM,
Speaker 1: and Canada. So I was just talking to a bunch
Speaker 1: of South African journalists and um just having that zoom
Speaker 1: moment of like the interviews over and just being like
Speaker 1: thank you and like keeping the smile going because it's
Speaker 1: still I still feel happy. It wasn't fake, but it's
Speaker 1: it's hard to just not drop your face immediately. So
Speaker 1: so you've been repeat eat you know yourself. You feel
Speaker 1: like do you forget other things? Like sometimes in the shower,
Speaker 1: I'll forget that I just washed my whole body, and
Speaker 1: then I'll go did I wash my body? You know
Speaker 1: things like that, Little things like that I forget a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll do stuff like that. I'll be like did I
Speaker 1: put those clothes in the dryer? Or did I pick
Speaker 1: up that thing on the ground that I meant to
Speaker 1: pick up? And then I'll go back and look and
Speaker 1: go it's gone. Yeah, I picked it up. I guess
Speaker 1: I don't know where I put it now that's a
Speaker 1: whole another conundrum. But you know, little things like that
Speaker 1: you're supposed to pay attention to. I think as you
Speaker 1: get older to be like, but it's not to the
Speaker 1: point where it doesn't matter if I remembered or not
Speaker 1: if we clicked, Like, that's okay, I can have that.
Speaker 1: I don't know when you start being alarmed. I guess
Speaker 1: when people start going, hey, we want to talk to
Speaker 1: you about something, and they like have this tone with you,
Speaker 1: like so we've noticed, Like, that's when hopefully forget that.
Speaker 1: Is that a passive aggressive that voice or is that
Speaker 1: just passive passive? I don't even know what that voice is,
Speaker 1: but gosh, is a triggering. Do you know whose voice
Speaker 1: is so triggering? I put on my Instagram story the
Speaker 1: other day Tucker Carlson obviously is just the i'd rather
Speaker 1: listen to. You know, Well, I was just gonna say
Speaker 1: something really dark, but I won't go there. But I
Speaker 1: just picked the worst thing that you could ever listen to. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd rather listen to someone mouth off about pedophilia. UM.
Speaker 1: But I just the way he talks is like and
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't do that. Like he talks like I said,
Speaker 1: he talks exactly in the same tone you would talk
Speaker 1: to someone to a child about like, well tonight you
Speaker 1: have to go to bed early because Santa is coming.
Speaker 1: Santa will bring you presents, and sometimes he doesn't like
Speaker 1: it is this cadence and this rhythm that is I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that's part of people go well, you know,
Speaker 1: because there are children, he's talking to people that have
Speaker 1: are simple minded and so you have. But it's not
Speaker 1: it's something there's something a little hypnotic about it. It's
Speaker 1: like a rhythm he does. But I don't I can't
Speaker 1: stand being talked to like a child and he talks
Speaker 1: to like but he's kind of talking like and the
Speaker 1: liberals want you to think this, like he talks about
Speaker 1: liberals and the way we talk like we're talking about Sanda.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's just I couldn't believe I realized
Speaker 1: he talks like he's talking to children. I hate him
Speaker 1: so much, don't. I don't think I've ever hated anyone
Speaker 1: more than him, and I just and someone said the
Speaker 1: other day he's getting more and more attractive and how
Speaker 1: that's irritating. He is a good looking man. He's goodly.
Speaker 1: He looks like, you know, a captain of a lacrosse team,
Speaker 1: kind of has the Wolff the waff haircut. I just
Speaker 1: don't like his. Don't have that tone with me, Tucker.
Speaker 1: I just want to see his He called you a
Speaker 1: good girl while he had that tone. He said you're
Speaker 1: doing a great job. No, because I knew it would
Speaker 1: it would be fake. He wouldn't be actually meaning it, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, good girl. I looked it up last night.
Speaker 1: I didn't even look it up. I was on Reddit,
Speaker 1: of course, going to bed, and someone was talking about
Speaker 1: one of the Reddit threads was what's something you're into
Speaker 1: sexually that your family would be shocked to find out
Speaker 1: about you? Or like the normal person And people are
Speaker 1: like anything because it's my family's gross. But I think
Speaker 1: that's an interesting question. Like your friends, like if Noah
Speaker 1: was into something and I was like, wait, what Noah
Speaker 1: the yeah, that was a good one. But anyone like
Speaker 1: Noah who's like soft spoken and like as a Chippernus,
Speaker 1: and why would think you would be leaning they'd be
Speaker 1: more shocked that you've only had sex with one person
Speaker 1: like it's the opposite effect for you. Well, I think
Speaker 1: because people expect you to love like the roasting I
Speaker 1: think makes people think I'm like dominant and like want
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, fucking small balls and your dumb
Speaker 1: little dick, I'm gonna sucking dominate you pussy. Oh you
Speaker 1: want that? You think you want that? Like that kind
Speaker 1: of thing that did pretty would be kind of fun
Speaker 1: to do. Because I was reading last night and people
Speaker 1: that are sub subs also like to be dominant, So
Speaker 1: I think that I could be good at being like
Speaker 1: because sometimes you know, I don't want to get into
Speaker 1: any details about my sex life, uh currently, because it's
Speaker 1: just perfect and I want to keep it that way
Speaker 1: by not talking about it explicitly. But um, there are
Speaker 1: times where I I do feel like putting a little
Speaker 1: bit of like, no, this is happening and you can't
Speaker 1: fight it is. I know that turns me on so much.
Speaker 1: That and so much of the porn that I watch,
Speaker 1: which is I go to um Reddit and I typed
Speaker 1: enforced orgasms, which is my favorite subgenres where like girls
Speaker 1: are tied up and like being forced to come like
Speaker 1: a ton of times. But now there's a lot more
Speaker 1: men on those also having forced orgasms where women tie
Speaker 1: them up and like are like you can't come, but
Speaker 1: like try to make them, so it's becoming more I've
Speaker 1: been following this subredit, never actually following it because I
Speaker 1: don't want that on my record, but going to the
Speaker 1: subredit for years now and now it's just probably men
Speaker 1: being tied up having it done to them, and there's
Speaker 1: something about it where I have learned so much what
Speaker 1: I like as someone who is a sub that I
Speaker 1: feel like I do a really good job at being
Speaker 1: a dom because I know exactly what we want to hear.
Speaker 1: And sometimes when dominant people are following into that role
Speaker 1: just because their person likes to be a sub, not
Speaker 1: necessarily that they are naturally a dominant person, that sometimes
Speaker 1: they don't get it exactly right because they don't know
Speaker 1: what it's like to want that. But I know what
Speaker 1: it's like to want it, so I can probably give
Speaker 1: it pretty good, if that makes sense. It is funny
Speaker 1: when someone's being a sub but then also wanting you
Speaker 1: to do what they want so they are dominant. Tricky
Speaker 1: game I play where I'm like, you know, I'll go, um,
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to me. Also a little slower.
Speaker 1: I'll just go you know, I'll just say like, I'll
Speaker 1: just just if you you know, if I have an
Speaker 1: understanding with partners that I engage in this kind of
Speaker 1: stuff with where it's like there's I've never explicitly had
Speaker 1: like safe words, but there's there's a tone I go,
Speaker 1: please stop doing I did do a cut Tucker, I
Speaker 1: had a little bow tie on that strangling me. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a tone where I go no, more like I
Speaker 1: don't like being slapped. I just don't. I don't like
Speaker 1: it shocks me. I like a slow like pressure. I
Speaker 1: don't like out of nowhere. Um. But then sometimes I
Speaker 1: do like that if it's gentle enough. But like there
Speaker 1: have been times where it's like, oh, we that falls
Speaker 1: in line with the rest of the stuff I like,
Speaker 1: but no, no that, And then I just go like like,
Speaker 1: I'll just do it as a character like, um, like
Speaker 1: I want to be good, but I just don't like
Speaker 1: being slapped, Like I'll do it as the like, and
Speaker 1: he's like get it, you know. But um, I was
Speaker 1: reading about because I've always been like, Okay, what am
Speaker 1: I really into? And when I look in porn, I
Speaker 1: can't there's I've always been like Mike the Men, Mike
Speaker 1: the Men, which is what that girl, this girl made
Speaker 1: me um in l A. She's a graphic designer artist
Speaker 1: and she made me a kind of colo with my
Speaker 1: face on it, says Mike the Men on it. Um.
Speaker 1: Because I just want men to be more miked in porn,
Speaker 1: because I want to hear them say the things that
Speaker 1: I want to hear, which is good girl like no,
Speaker 1: oh you think you're going to do that? No, that's
Speaker 1: so sweet you can't. Oh, look at you? Like. I
Speaker 1: like that kind of um at you from a man
Speaker 1: because I found that Yeah, like, god, you're fucking bags
Speaker 1: forty nine point six pounds. No, no, like it's always
Speaker 1: it's like eight nine a hair dryer. Um no, like
Speaker 1: like like right before we come kind of thing like huh,
Speaker 1: I love a orgasm sound love it? And I like
Speaker 1: when guys make noise like, oh my god. And that's
Speaker 1: what I read. Yes, I realized last night. The thing
Speaker 1: that I'm specifically into that I didn't know how to
Speaker 1: name for it. I've always heard, but I didn't really
Speaker 1: put two and together is a praise fetish. I like,
Speaker 1: pray is kink, which is you know, good girl falls
Speaker 1: into that, but also like it's a it's a wide,
Speaker 1: wide array of things. But if you like hearing like
Speaker 1: compliments on your body, compliments on how tight you are,
Speaker 1: compliments on how big your dick is, if you like
Speaker 1: being shrouded in compliments, you might have a praise fetish.
Speaker 1: And they got into the psychology of it, which I
Speaker 1: find is interesting because most people, for me at least,
Speaker 1: I don't like compliments because I feel awkward with them
Speaker 1: sometimes and you feel like you don't deserve them. Now
Speaker 1: when you are being forced to take them on, when
Speaker 1: you're in this like kind of fantasy world of sex,
Speaker 1: it becomes easier to have all these compliments. And it's
Speaker 1: also humiliating in a way to get complimented. A lot
Speaker 1: of us feel humiliation when people compliment us too much,
Speaker 1: and so humiliation is already a kink in and of itself.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times people have a praise fetish
Speaker 1: because it's a part it's partially humiliation because they're so
Speaker 1: embarrassed that they're getting all this praise about how hot
Speaker 1: they are or whatever. But I really definitely have a
Speaker 1: praise fetish to a degree where it's like I like,
Speaker 1: but there's gotta be I want to find a name
Speaker 1: for it of what I'm into, which is being told
Speaker 1: I can't until I've been like I've proven myself and
Speaker 1: then I can, and then I've begged enough. I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of times in porn, girls are like please,
Speaker 1: can I come? And the guy's like no, And then
Speaker 1: she's like please and they're like sure, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: make it work for it a bit more. There's more
Speaker 1: than just one not like get mad at her if
Speaker 1: she does, like I love when I know this is
Speaker 1: getting really kind of too pornographic, but no. My favorite
Speaker 1: porn is when the guy is like the girls tied
Speaker 1: up or whatever and he's doing such to her and
Speaker 1: he's like you can't come, and then she and he's
Speaker 1: like doing everything he can to make her, Like that's
Speaker 1: always what I asked for. I'm like, you do everything
Speaker 1: you can to make me come, and you tell me
Speaker 1: I can't, and if I do come, I've disappointed you
Speaker 1: and I'm in trouble and I'm gonna have to pay
Speaker 1: for it. Like that is my kink, and I feel
Speaker 1: like the best the one that I like the most
Speaker 1: is um God, what was I was on a tangent,
Speaker 1: then I forgot sucking ham drip um. So when a
Speaker 1: guy says you can't, you can't, tries to make you,
Speaker 1: you beg, and you beg and then oh yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: When they my favorite, and this happens very rarely. If
Speaker 1: you ever find a porn where this happens, please send
Speaker 1: it to me, please please, please, please please, because there's
Speaker 1: no category for it. The girl sneaks one in and
Speaker 1: the guy catches her because you can sneak orgasms by
Speaker 1: just like you know, not screaming, not doing stuff, and
Speaker 1: just but your muscles can track down there. So like
Speaker 1: anyone who has enough knowledge of what a female body
Speaker 1: does when it has an orgasm will know when it's
Speaker 1: actually happening, just because even if your face is like no,
Speaker 1: I'm not And when people go did did you just come? Oh?
Speaker 1: You think I wouldn't notice that, like getting and getting
Speaker 1: busted for it. And then my other one that I
Speaker 1: super can't find anything for is when a girl, like
Speaker 1: when perverted teachers, and I know that there's tons of
Speaker 1: those perverted male teachers, UM bring in a girl and
Speaker 1: she and they like make her, not make her do stuff,
Speaker 1: but they're like, oh, we're gonna show you like how
Speaker 1: to do some stuff, and they're like very gentle, very
Speaker 1: nice to her, and she feels like kind of like
Speaker 1: she has to do this because they're like older teachers,
Speaker 1: like elders of the church. I mean, who's the girl?
Speaker 1: A student, a hot student, and she's just like curious
Speaker 1: and wants the stuff, but she also feels like, am
Speaker 1: I going to get in trouble? And they're like, no,
Speaker 1: the only way you won't is if you do it
Speaker 1: here under the safe circumstances, kind of like you can drink,
Speaker 1: but only if you drink around me kind of thing.
Speaker 1: I love that, but it's and I like creepy gynecologists.
Speaker 1: I mean it's I'm all over the place gynecologists that
Speaker 1: don't fuck you, but they like do stuff with their fingers.
Speaker 1: I don't like because everything in a college this video,
Speaker 1: it always the guy ends up sucking the girl or
Speaker 1: like she and it's very obvious. I like where the
Speaker 1: girls like is this happening? And the girls like having
Speaker 1: an orgasm, but like almost a shame she is because
Speaker 1: she's like this isn't supposed to feel good, but like
Speaker 1: it is having and the girl likes it, by the way,
Speaker 1: that never is the girl and not that there's any shame.
Speaker 1: And if you do like things where the girls like
Speaker 1: I don't like this because to each their own great
Speaker 1: fantasies are a thing. They are not rape their fantasy.
Speaker 1: But for me, I like when the girls like I
Speaker 1: like this, and I feel guilty that I like it.
Speaker 1: I think someone could diagnose me with a personality disorder
Speaker 1: based one. I mean, I think I think everything you're
Speaker 1: saying aligns with people that like step mom porn. It's like,
Speaker 1: you can't have it, get into that. You can't What
Speaker 1: do you mean? I want to, but I won't let
Speaker 1: myself like. There's something about like a step dad or
Speaker 1: like a dad making the girl like go down on
Speaker 1: our step mom or something that I gotta be honest,
Speaker 1: it is intriguing to me. I don't have step parents,
Speaker 1: but like bringing parental things into it obviously is so
Speaker 1: taboo and wildly popular is probably number one on But
Speaker 1: I don't have any step siblings, so I can't as
Speaker 1: someone that has them. It doesn't doesn't do it for you, No, no,
Speaker 1: it just it doesn't. I don't let my brain doesn't
Speaker 1: go Hey man, I got a step sister, Melanie, I
Speaker 1: could jerk off to this, like it doesn't really connect
Speaker 1: that way for me. I don't have church elders either,
Speaker 1: and I still want that fantasy. And I don't go
Speaker 1: to the yologist. I've been waiting to get into one
Speaker 1: for years. Uh. They yeah, none of them will getting
Speaker 1: meds for you. I'm like, will you also check out
Speaker 1: my asshole? And they're like, no, we don't do that.
Speaker 1: Here is what I go. Most of the stuff I
Speaker 1: watch online, you guys are doing all the holes you think.
Speaker 1: Your ology goes into the proctology as well. I just
Speaker 1: love any three for one like a bogo. I don't
Speaker 1: know how people don't watch porn and just I've been
Speaker 1: trying to use my imagination and um it's I've got
Speaker 1: I've gotten far, but not far enough. Like it's just
Speaker 1: there's something it almost feels like, Um, when Charlie in
Speaker 1: the chocolate factory, remember when they're farting to keep afloat burping. Okay,
Speaker 1: well that was a different That was a porn I watched. Um,
Speaker 1: you know that when they're queaving so they can stay alive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know how they're trying to keep like they
Speaker 1: keep falling, and they keep trying to burp to like
Speaker 1: get it more up and up. That's how I feel
Speaker 1: with fantasies, is I get up high and then it
Speaker 1: starts to fall and I just can't. I can't keep
Speaker 1: I keep trying to keep the fantasy in the air,
Speaker 1: and it starts to dissolve away, Like my brain does
Speaker 1: not keep a storyline going. And it's not because of
Speaker 1: my A D D. It's not because of my short
Speaker 1: term memory. Wait, this is when you try to masturbate
Speaker 1: without porn with like a fantasy where I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: let's just run through like my ideal scenario of something
Speaker 1: that could actually happen in my life, and I start
Speaker 1: going with it. It's I used to feel like that
Speaker 1: you actually are more closer to you, like the idea
Speaker 1: of like you haven't been a kind of college in
Speaker 1: a while, you don't have elders. It's such a fantasy.
Speaker 1: It might be hard, but that might be hard far
Speaker 1: away from you, know, there are no fantasies of like
Speaker 1: backstage after a show, this comedian who has struggled to
Speaker 1: find loves most of your life and it was a
Speaker 1: virgin until she was twenty one, and is into anal stuff,
Speaker 1: gets a visit from a you know like it just
Speaker 1: Dave Matthews shows up like that. Those fantasies don't really
Speaker 1: who know? Have you typed that in? I probably? I
Speaker 1: wonder what the record is for someone typing in a
Speaker 1: specific thing they're looking for in a poor I've never
Speaker 1: I've I've just started getting before I typed in words
Speaker 1: and just gotten more specific because there is I just
Speaker 1: type in like natural kids. Yeah, speaking of I've got
Speaker 1: some manned I've I have kbts today big time. I
Speaker 1: feel like my my pre menstrual cycle starts eight days
Speaker 1: before I start bleeding and my boobs hurt so bad.
Speaker 1: Today I felt like my bones were made. I just
Speaker 1: feel heavy and I don't know, they just like are painful.
Speaker 1: They just feel like, oh, I've had to use a
Speaker 1: bra that is only like I never even fit in normally.
Speaker 1: They're just but they're not like luscious, They're just like
Speaker 1: they're like utters. I just I feel like disgusting today,
Speaker 1: but also okay with feeling disgusting. Noah, do you relate?
Speaker 1: We'll find out after this break Andrew. Every road leads
Speaker 1: to another road. If you take two, end up going back. Noah,
Speaker 1: do you get pre menstrual symptoms like eighteen years before
Speaker 1: your period even starts and then also five days after
Speaker 1: it ends, so that you never get a break ever
Speaker 1: all the time. But I I like having wait. What
Speaker 1: does the case stand for it? Oh? Cattle bell Okay,
Speaker 1: yeah they're cattle today. Yeah, so like I like having wait.
Speaker 1: I'm always like walking around just like cupping my boobs
Speaker 1: just to hold them as they're bigger. Yeah, that is,
Speaker 1: there's just one about that. In two days they're going
Speaker 1: to be amazing, they'll be like more full, but right
Speaker 1: now they're just like they feel they hurt and they
Speaker 1: feel like they're pulling on my skin, and like it
Speaker 1: made me feel like what girls must feel like when
Speaker 1: they get implants and they are still sore from surgery.
Speaker 1: And I felt a lot of empathy for girls who
Speaker 1: get their tips done today. It sucks that your kids
Speaker 1: feel their biggest while also hurting, because when guys want
Speaker 1: to play with them, you can't really get that rough
Speaker 1: or the pain actually feels good. Let's be honest with ours.
Speaker 1: Estrogen causes the breast ducks to enlarge, and pro gesture
Speaker 1: and production causes the milk lands to swell, that's why
Speaker 1: your kids are Oh okay, Well, yeah, I guess we
Speaker 1: learned something today. I learned that I don't want you
Speaker 1: to ever read about the female anatomy. I got more
Speaker 1: free if you need it, like porn search, the longest
Speaker 1: sports search. I went to Willco this weekend. Um to
Speaker 1: the Solid Sound Stival in North Hampton, New York, North
Speaker 1: North North Adams, Massachusetts. Anyway, it's where mass smoke. It's
Speaker 1: it's the Berkshires. I didn't know I was in the Berkshire's.
Speaker 1: It's so freaking beautiful. I flew into Albany. I was
Speaker 1: so when I did carpool karaoke with Wilco, which I
Speaker 1: talked about on the show. They were my favorite band
Speaker 1: since two thousand seven, and um, I used to be
Speaker 1: obsessed with them all these things, and over the years
Speaker 1: I've become an adult and less obsessive. But then you know,
Speaker 1: Carproclarioki called. They asked, who ed wod do it with?
Speaker 1: I said, will go, thinking they were way too cool.
Speaker 1: We did it. It was the best time ever. And
Speaker 1: while I was there a few months ago in Chicago
Speaker 1: doing that, they invited me to the Solid Sound Festival,
Speaker 1: which is their music festival that they it's like, will
Speaker 1: go sponsored and we'll go plays, and it's all bands
Speaker 1: that are friends with will go, and there's comedy there.
Speaker 1: And I always was like, God, I really want to
Speaker 1: go to that, but I don't want to ask to
Speaker 1: be to go, like I wanted to go perform in
Speaker 1: the comedy tent, and it's John Hodgeman is the one
Speaker 1: that does it, Nick Offerman. It's all these like kind
Speaker 1: of intellectual comedians that I felt like Josh Gondelman was there,
Speaker 1: but every year it's John Hodgman is is the one
Speaker 1: that puts it together, and he's, you know, an author
Speaker 1: and you know, he was on The Daily Show, just
Speaker 1: a brilliant guy. And I just felt like I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'd even fit in there. And so this
Speaker 1: year they were like, yo, yeah you should go. They
Speaker 1: mentioned in Chicago, and I was like, okay, And it's funny. Crystal,
Speaker 1: their manager, was like, everyone says they'll go, but no
Speaker 1: one ever shows up, Like you're the only one that
Speaker 1: She's like, it's really cool that you showed up. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Speaker 1: Like me and Nick Offerman, who played Um what's his name?
Speaker 1: On Parks and Rec. He you know, he talks like this.
Speaker 1: He has a mustache and he's grumpy all the time
Speaker 1: on the show. He really does talk like this in
Speaker 1: real life. And he is also one of the biggest
Speaker 1: Ron Swanson. He's also one of the biggest Willco fans ever.
Speaker 1: And we are very similar in that we both love
Speaker 1: Wilco and can't believe we're friends with them. Like he
Speaker 1: is exactly like me, exactly where And he's been going
Speaker 1: to the festival for years and years and years. He's
Speaker 1: been friends with Jeff for a while. He got Jeff
Speaker 1: on Parks and Rec and that's how they became friends.
Speaker 1: But Jeff Tweedy the lead singer of book Oh and So.
Speaker 1: But I'm I'm there, So I gots to go there,
Speaker 1: I go. They throw me on a secret show, but
Speaker 1: I'm really there just to like hang um. Chris is
Speaker 1: supposed to go with me, my boyfriend. The morning of
Speaker 1: we are going, he's not feeling well. He missed work
Speaker 1: the day before. We didn't hang out for a couple
Speaker 1: days because he was feeling sick. He does he's testing
Speaker 1: negative for COVID. No worries. I'm going to the airport.
Speaker 1: He's already there, and he's like, I just took a test.
Speaker 1: I'm positive I'm going home, and I'm like fuck. And
Speaker 1: so I go alone, and I'm like, it's just gonna
Speaker 1: be awkward because I feel like I'm already just kind
Speaker 1: of they loosely invited me, but they don't really want
Speaker 1: me to come, you know. I was looking forward to
Speaker 1: just having that time with Chris to like not feel
Speaker 1: in the way I don't want to be backstage, like hey,
Speaker 1: guys gonna hang and jam out. And I just was like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck. And I'm I'm someone who was constantly around people.
Speaker 1: People think that I like, I'm good at doing things
Speaker 1: by myself, but I'm not really booked on this festival.
Speaker 1: No one knows I'm there. I just I have no
Speaker 1: friends there. Josh Godalman is gonna be there, but he's
Speaker 1: not there until Saturday. And I get there on Friday morning,
Speaker 1: and but it was awesome because I get on the
Speaker 1: plane to go and I'm feeling like, God, I wish
Speaker 1: I had COVID. I don't even want to go because
Speaker 1: these people don't they don't even want me to go,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be so awkward, And then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I see that will Go's new album, Cruel Country,
Speaker 1: drops that morning, twenty one songs like almost triple album,
Speaker 1: and it might be triple but you know, and you
Speaker 1: can't tell on Spotify, and I'll like, Okay, I'll just
Speaker 1: start listening to this just to like gear up for
Speaker 1: the weekend, even though I kind of don't want to
Speaker 1: learn new music. I just want to see them play
Speaker 1: the hits, like I'm glad they have a new album,
Speaker 1: but I'm not ready to, like listen to music is hard,
Speaker 1: even if it's Taylor So or Will Go. But then
Speaker 1: I started listening and it was like so freaking good
Speaker 1: and healing, and I was still very anxious from like
Speaker 1: all the turmoil of last week in our country, and
Speaker 1: this album is about our country being like cruel and
Speaker 1: fucked up, but also like loving your country, and it's
Speaker 1: just it's almost like I I was like, I can't
Speaker 1: believe you put up this album like on a week
Speaker 1: where we needed it so much. But the truth is
Speaker 1: every week stuff happens in America. Where you go. It
Speaker 1: could have been you know, there was a shooting the
Speaker 1: week before or the week before, you know, like but
Speaker 1: this week it was just like, oh, I needed it
Speaker 1: so much, and I just spend enough time with it
Speaker 1: where I heard each song maybe three times, and then
Speaker 1: I selected a couple that I was like, these are
Speaker 1: my faiths. And then that night I get there, I sleep.
Speaker 1: I get there and I'm too scared to come out
Speaker 1: of my hotel room till four and head over to
Speaker 1: the festival. It's been going since twelve. I got in
Speaker 1: at twelve, Yeah, and I'm just like too nervous socially
Speaker 1: to be like, I'm just gonna wander around. But I
Speaker 1: go over. I wonder around by myself. It's just all
Speaker 1: Will go FA the next day on Saturday. So then
Speaker 1: I finally like right to Crystal, the manager, who was
Speaker 1: like so nice and was like, oh, I'm here just
Speaker 1: wondering around, and she was like, oh my god, come backstage.
Speaker 1: And so I go backstage and I meet everyone. I
Speaker 1: have lunch with Nick Offerman. We are like talking about
Speaker 1: how much we love Will Go and he's talking to
Speaker 1: me about how he got into writing books, and he's
Speaker 1: just he's he talks exactly like Ron Swanson, but he's
Speaker 1: the kindest man ever, and he's so in love with
Speaker 1: his wife Megan mollally, you know who plays Karen from
Speaker 1: Well and Grace. But he's like, he's like, I can't
Speaker 1: even believe I'm with her. He remembered that we interviewed
Speaker 1: him on our show You Up, which I didn't think
Speaker 1: he would even remember. So I didn't do the thing
Speaker 1: of like nice to see you again. I was just like,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, because I assumed he wouldn't remember
Speaker 1: his press tour four year, three years ago. But he
Speaker 1: was like, I believe I did your show when I
Speaker 1: was promoting one of my books, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you did, um. But then that I love about you, Nikki.
Speaker 1: You're so down to earth. You're a star, like you
Speaker 1: are a celebrity and people want to have you around.
Speaker 1: So I just I just like, this is one of
Speaker 1: the things that make you so lovable because you're so
Speaker 1: humble and like down to earth. Have bad self esteem? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just felt like no, I mean that's that's the
Speaker 1: thing is where I'm like, I I know, like I
Speaker 1: have to remind myself like I'm accomplished, like I deserve
Speaker 1: to be here, like I'm an artist, to like everything's okay,
Speaker 1: You're not less than even if I didn't have all
Speaker 1: these My IMDb didn't look like it does. I still
Speaker 1: deserve to be there. They asked me to be there.
Speaker 1: I'm a genuine fan. I don't want to be in
Speaker 1: the way. I'm not trying to be good. And so
Speaker 1: I get there and I don't know, it was just
Speaker 1: it was awesome. Everyone's so nice. And that night, uh,
Speaker 1: they're like, do you want to go side stage? I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: like and so I go side stage and the first
Speaker 1: night of the show, they play their twenty one song
Speaker 1: new album back to back with no like, no talking
Speaker 1: in between, just straight through. And there's just something so
Speaker 1: magical if you're a music fan out there and you
Speaker 1: like know what it's like to be this obsessive about
Speaker 1: music and especially your favorite albums, Like there's this will
Speaker 1: never happen to Me again where I have only had
Speaker 1: exposure to an album of my favorite band for one day,
Speaker 1: where I only know a handful of songs well enough
Speaker 1: to even pick them out and be like, oh, I
Speaker 1: like this one. But there's a familiarity. There's this sweet
Speaker 1: spot where it's like, I mean, Wilco never performs for
Speaker 1: crowds that don't know every single fucking word of their song,
Speaker 1: and if they do, it's one song here in their
Speaker 1: new song. This is a whole album that none of
Speaker 1: these local fans had any time to learn any So
Speaker 1: we're all just just dancing and like just watching, not
Speaker 1: lip sinking, you know, Like that's hard for me to
Speaker 1: concert to just like not know the lyrics. I had
Speaker 1: the best time of my life. I cried. I fell
Speaker 1: in love with songs. I fell in love with music.
Speaker 1: I just and then I thought I was being annoying.
Speaker 1: Um and because I was just so enthusiastic, and I'm
Speaker 1: the only one on the side next next to the
Speaker 1: sound guy that's doing all the sound for the monitors
Speaker 1: that the guys on stage are listening to to hear
Speaker 1: the music back at them, and he's running around. There's
Speaker 1: so much crew. I mean, what it takes to put
Speaker 1: on a music show next to like versus a commun
Speaker 1: show is obs. Yeah. I was outside in this place,
Speaker 1: mass moocha. If you've been, it's a it's a museum.
Speaker 1: It is the coolest festival this. It was so much.
Speaker 1: It was it was like unlike any other festival I've
Speaker 1: ever music festival I've been to. It's like contained and
Speaker 1: it feels like six Flags of music festivals. It's very
Speaker 1: easy to get around, it's paved, it's like it's just
Speaker 1: well done. Is a great festival. But then the second night,
Speaker 1: anyway on your comes feeling but feeling of first record here,
Speaker 1: like you listen to it first time ever on the
Speaker 1: plane and I'm like having like a little bit of
Speaker 1: a sob story for myself, like Chris Calm and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be alone. But as someone that you know, I
Speaker 1: think there's a ton of our listeners like can't listen
Speaker 1: to new You're just so stuck on even your favorite
Speaker 1: artists are old albums. Yes, but what a way to
Speaker 1: experience it where you go It doesn't even feel new anymore.
Speaker 1: It's like you. It feels like part of you because
Speaker 1: of this experience and because you got to And if
Speaker 1: Chris would have been there, I wouldn't have listened to
Speaker 1: that album, and that night I would have been listening
Speaker 1: to these songs for the first time, which is not
Speaker 1: the same as the third and fourth time. The fourth
Speaker 1: time you hear a song you love is maybe the
Speaker 1: best it will ever be. Right now, I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: literally in a honeymoon phase with the song Story to
Speaker 1: tell from Cruel Country. Please, besties, get on board with this.
Speaker 1: It is the saddest, most beautiful song. I don't even
Speaker 1: know what it means. Jeff is so poetic, but it
Speaker 1: starts out I have been through hell on my way
Speaker 1: to hell, and it's just it's just He's funny, it's weird,
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, and that song. I there's nothing better than
Speaker 1: when I find my new favorite song and I'm in
Speaker 1: this stage where I'm like, I just learned the lyrics
Speaker 1: to it, and I know how many times do you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite new song? That was it? I
Speaker 1: kill it? You know what it's like, Ariana ground Day,
Speaker 1: Pete Davidson. The flame will burn out, but it's too
Speaker 1: good to not have sex with it constantly. I just
Speaker 1: can't stop. I guess it's nice, though, to be a
Speaker 1: fan of Wilco, which I'm kind of a fan for
Speaker 1: my brain, it's hard with it when it's so lyrical.
Speaker 1: But it isn't though. This song isn't or is it?
Speaker 1: Because none of his lyrics make sense. It's all like
Speaker 1: weird No for me though, that's like where the lyrical
Speaker 1: like not? How like you wanted to make more sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but let's tell someone that's a huge fan. It's got
Speaker 1: to be fun because because when songs are so simple,
Speaker 1: you can beat them to death and in three days
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm kind of over it because I know
Speaker 1: every word. It's so easy my brain like as it
Speaker 1: was by Harry Stone. I like that a lot. Yes,
Speaker 1: that song, I've already it. Yeah, I had a great
Speaker 1: weekend in New York as it was. And then his
Speaker 1: other song Daylight. We're still seeing each other. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: going down on me a lot, but I'm getting tired.
Speaker 1: It needs to do more like the Stern version, the
Speaker 1: live version. It's nice that he can it can sometimes
Speaker 1: like it can shave its beard and be like a
Speaker 1: little bit different. That's how I feel like the Stern
Speaker 1: version versus the studio album. I'm like, oh I went
Speaker 1: a little bit more of a dirty version of Daylight.
Speaker 1: But um, I guess what I'm saying with well, like
Speaker 1: to overlook you can if there's gonna be a song
Speaker 1: to over listen to and that you won't get something
Speaker 1: that is something. Yeah, melodically it just doesn't go do
Speaker 1: what you think it's gonna do. It surprises you every time,
Speaker 1: but I just want to say. So. Then Saturday comes along.
Speaker 1: I sleep until fucking three o'clock in the afternoon. I like,
Speaker 1: I was too scared because I was so drained emotionally
Speaker 1: from the show the night before, and also I was
Speaker 1: feeling a little depressed. I was getting into PMS mode
Speaker 1: my kettle belt since were coming in and Anya and
Speaker 1: Matt and their friend Chris, who worked on all the
Speaker 1: songs that I made. He's a musician too. Um. They
Speaker 1: came from where they live in New York, three and
Speaker 1: a half hour drive. They were coming to hang out,
Speaker 1: and I got them tickets through Wilco, who are so
Speaker 1: nice and just give me any I want. They let
Speaker 1: me go to the merch booth and they're like, just
Speaker 1: anything you want. Just tell them you're Nikki and that
Speaker 1: Crystal said you can have anything, and I was who
Speaker 1: was the best? So because all I used to wear
Speaker 1: was Wilco stuff, so like to now just have like
Speaker 1: it's like supermarkets sweep or like I feel like one
Speaker 1: of those kids on the Nickelodeon where they used to
Speaker 1: like let them in toys or us and just grab
Speaker 1: a bunch of toys. That's that's what I like. They're
Speaker 1: at the Will Go Merch booth. But um so there, Crystal,
Speaker 1: I have my eye on the Geane jacket. I don't
Speaker 1: want to overextend, but if there is an extra gene jacket,
Speaker 1: um no, I want everything. I will literally take everything.
Speaker 1: Of Crystal's watching this, I was modest. I want literally
Speaker 1: every piece of merch and I will wear it every
Speaker 1: single day. And I'm not joking you. I want everything,
Speaker 1: but I was just trying to know. It's an interesting
Speaker 1: thing though, of like going overboard. But while trying to
Speaker 1: you want everything, but you wanted to see when people
Speaker 1: go have whatever you want to go, can I have everything?
Speaker 1: And they're like, well, we didn't mean that. You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: what do you mean. I got a hat, I got
Speaker 1: a short sleeve shirt. I got another short sleeve shirt,
Speaker 1: and I got a sweatshirt that I made that only
Speaker 1: had an ex sexual large, which is what I liked.
Speaker 1: But I know I had it a dress and it
Speaker 1: was Jeff Tweety dress and I wore it the second
Speaker 1: night to the show. So I'm side stage the second
Speaker 1: night and the second night there they just do they
Speaker 1: play what they want. It's just like a fun set
Speaker 1: mixed with some of the new stuff that is great,
Speaker 1: and um Anya was there. We're both side stage. No
Speaker 1: one else's side stage. By the way, there's not room
Speaker 1: for anyone else. And I feel in the way I
Speaker 1: feel annoying, but I'm assured that you were not. It's fine.
Speaker 1: And all the guys I know all the guys at
Speaker 1: this point because I did car pookaraoke. They're so freaking nice.
Speaker 1: And after the first night some of them said to
Speaker 1: me like, your enthusiasm was so nice for us, like
Speaker 1: how much you were into it. And I didn't know
Speaker 1: if they were being nice or not, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to trust that they meant that, and so
Speaker 1: tonight I'm just gonna really enjoy myself. And so the
Speaker 1: second night, I went on you right on the side,
Speaker 1: state like no, but do you do it? Before they
Speaker 1: went up? Did you already do your stand up at this?
Speaker 1: Stand up was during the day? Stand up was like, well,
Speaker 1: what it was amazing? It was with that, yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like so it was just it was just a
Speaker 1: comedy comedy show and it was awesome. I mean, it's indoors.
Speaker 1: It's a huge venue, huge room. It's where Wilco practices
Speaker 1: was practicing before they went on the big stage. But
Speaker 1: it was amazing show, Nick offered and me Johsh Gondelman,
Speaker 1: a comedian named io I forget her last name, she's incredible.
Speaker 1: Um uh yeah, and I did like jokes about Wilco.
Speaker 1: We were calling like, I was like, this is so great.
Speaker 1: It's not like Coachell at all, where everyone cares about
Speaker 1: what they look like. You guys like just don't give
Speaker 1: a ship and some of you should like did any
Speaker 1: of you even am I at a music festival or
Speaker 1: a float trip, like what's happening here? And it was
Speaker 1: just you know, giving them about and how much Wilco
Speaker 1: fans love wearing Wilco merchandise. I was like, none of
Speaker 1: you are trying to be cool where You're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna wear the band to the band. You're like, no,
Speaker 1: it wasn't At this point I was wearing Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't think I was wearing a Wilco shirt. But I
Speaker 1: was like, but I'm one of you. I love that ship.
Speaker 1: And then me and Josh Gondelman and um uh, We're
Speaker 1: backstage and Anya and Matt we were all trying to
Speaker 1: come up with like funny because Wilco fans are usually
Speaker 1: like older men, you know, like they just are kind
Speaker 1: of older people. And so I was like, your March
Speaker 1: booth is insane. Here you have every like they have
Speaker 1: so much March Crystal, who runs the merch, is like,
Speaker 1: it's just cool ship. And there's tons of like different
Speaker 1: Fannie packs and like hats and buttons and jean jackets
Speaker 1: and uh socks and guitar picks like anything you could want.
Speaker 1: And so we were just going over like we're taking
Speaker 1: Wilco songs and making them funny um like items. I
Speaker 1: was like, there's a lot of new items coming out,
Speaker 1: and I was like this, it's it's like fast fashion
Speaker 1: and there the merch booth has like thousands of options.
Speaker 1: I was like, and then Josh Gandaman gave me the
Speaker 1: line he was I was like, it's like forever forty
Speaker 1: one in there. And so then I was like, you
Speaker 1: guys have like Casino Queen. The songs is Casino Queen.
Speaker 1: I was like, they're coming out with a Caswino Queen,
Speaker 1: kraftmatical adjustable bed. There's the song heavy Metal Drummer. I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's the heavy metal hip replacement that's gonna be released
Speaker 1: on Sunday, So get in line for that. Let me
Speaker 1: go through the other ones. Um, you have the Um
Speaker 1: there's a song called can't I Need I Need a
Speaker 1: Camera And I was like, there's them I need a camera, Like, no,
Speaker 1: I would like a camera, not one one on your phone.
Speaker 1: I want to take it like an old picture, like
Speaker 1: just some old man pitching about it. Um, she's a
Speaker 1: jar opener for arthritic uh people. There's the sky Blue
Speaker 1: Sky Alice Um summer Teeth Denter's I Am trying to
Speaker 1: Break your Heart brand pacemaker and so yeah, I was
Speaker 1: just going off. But is the perfect person. He was like,
Speaker 1: this is what I was born to do. He's fantastic.
Speaker 1: He writes for Jesus and Merrow. He used to write
Speaker 1: for John Oliver Show. He's and he's a great comedian
Speaker 1: Josh gondleman Um and I have so much more to say.
Speaker 1: I do want to share one last thing. Uh that
Speaker 1: the best thing that happened to me that I put
Speaker 1: on my Instagram was that I felt annoying the whole
Speaker 1: time because I was dancing so much and having like
Speaker 1: the best time, and especially when it's all the songs
Speaker 1: the second night that I like know every word too,
Speaker 1: and I've and he played she Has a Jar because
Speaker 1: he knows from when we did um Carpolkaraoke that that's
Speaker 1: my favorite song that I want, like on my funeral playlist.
Speaker 1: And I cried when we did Carpoo karaoke to it,
Speaker 1: and it was just like, he just knows what it
Speaker 1: means to me. And someone one of the roadies came
Speaker 1: up to me was like, I just want to let
Speaker 1: you know I've worked with him. I've worked with hispan
Speaker 1: for twelve years. Uh, that's the fifth time I've seen
Speaker 1: them play that live. I just want to know. And
Speaker 1: then some of the band members later came out to
Speaker 1: me and was like, you know, we were playing She's
Speaker 1: a Job Like they did it for me. He did
Speaker 1: it for me. It was really really meaningful. And then afterwards,
Speaker 1: I just want to play this. So I am just
Speaker 1: gobsmacked at how amazing the show was. I feel like
Speaker 1: on I'm just like I feel like Hi, I'm just
Speaker 1: like just the happiest I've ever been. And they're walking
Speaker 1: off stage and um, I'm holding my phone because I
Speaker 1: want to film them walking off stage because they're right
Speaker 1: walking right by me, but I also don't want to
Speaker 1: be holding my phone because I want to applaud, So
Speaker 1: I put my phone in my Fannie pack um and
Speaker 1: just let it record so I could just have them
Speaker 1: coming off. And I wasn't trying to record them like
Speaker 1: acknowledging me, like I did not want them to be
Speaker 1: like I wanted to just applaud them and tell them
Speaker 1: great show, because they did. And so I'm I'm doing that,
Speaker 1: and then this is what Jeff says to me. And
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I caught it on tape because I
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't have believed it if I would have not,
Speaker 1: uh like recorded it. So I just want to play
Speaker 1: this really quick. So I'm applauding and you gotta listen
Speaker 1: to me. I played this for person and she was
Speaker 1: like it sounded like you were like, thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you for having like I'm so obsessed listen to this. Okay,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's honest, thank you for letting me
Speaker 1: lock out. Amazing. So wait one more time. I start
Speaker 1: out by saying a plus because I'm just like, as
Speaker 1: they're working by them like a plus plus because they're like,
Speaker 1: they haven't played live in a while, and I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to I'm trying to think of, like what I
Speaker 1: would want to hear if I really gave the best
Speaker 1: performance that a fan of mine could ever imagine, because
Speaker 1: that is what happened to me. So listen again, side
Speaker 1: stage person, Oh my god, it's at rock out. Thank
Speaker 1: you for letting me rock out. But he's like, you're
Speaker 1: the best side stages person ever, And so that is
Speaker 1: like I am now like I'm going to every local
Speaker 1: show i can because if they actually do like my enthusiasm,
Speaker 1: it's it literally is the best feeling I could ever
Speaker 1: have in my life. I would literally give up sex
Speaker 1: to just have that feeling the rest of my life,
Speaker 1: Like that was my favorite feeling of that. Although you
Speaker 1: did pick them from carpool karaoke and you show you know,
Speaker 1: lyrics to your favorite song, I'm sure when they see
Speaker 1: someone know the catalog, like you know, like there's something
Speaker 1: like I don't know, beautiful to it, and you showing
Speaker 1: up although you don't think you're important at times, it's
Speaker 1: just as like you showing up for them and being
Speaker 1: there for them. They feel the same way, and you
Speaker 1: need to like take that in a little bit. It's
Speaker 1: like you're a good girl, no like, but just take
Speaker 1: that into because you know what, in their mind, they're thinking,
Speaker 1: holy shit, this fucking badass comedian is like really enjoying
Speaker 1: an old man band, you know, or like whatever it
Speaker 1: is there. So you know, I mean, and I know
Speaker 1: as someone who has fans like me with Wilco that
Speaker 1: I and Jeff is someone who I I relate to.
Speaker 1: People were like, do you relate to Jeff because you're
Speaker 1: both from like the Midwest East from Belleville, which is
Speaker 1: very close to St. Louis. It's practically St. Louis and
Speaker 1: obviously Chicago band. Um, They're like, do you think it's
Speaker 1: because of like your Midwest roots? And I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: it's our depressed roots. Like he's a depressed person. He
Speaker 1: you know, grew up like addicted to things and with anxiety.
Speaker 1: And that's how that's why I like him so much.
Speaker 1: Is like I relate to him as being someone who
Speaker 1: does not think. He's could he thinks, so he's constantly
Speaker 1: like I know Jeff like because I am him. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I took him. Like the last thing
Speaker 1: I said to one was like, I want you to
Speaker 1: know this album is the best thing ever and you
Speaker 1: you need to notice you need to let it in.
Speaker 1: You need to let it in like this, I'm not
Speaker 1: bullshitting you. It is so freaking good and I hope
Speaker 1: you hear this. I hope you hear me. I'm not
Speaker 1: lying to you. And um, but I know it's it's
Speaker 1: hard because you just go there being nice or they
Speaker 1: don't really know that I kind of tricked them with
Speaker 1: this one thing, but it was. It was the best
Speaker 1: weekend and it's and like it's nice to you know,
Speaker 1: it's like that Chris couldn't go obviously, yes, and it
Speaker 1: would have been a whole different take that and the
Speaker 1: flip it and go, you know what. Granted, Maddenan you
Speaker 1: were there, but there's something about going to an event
Speaker 1: alone where you could literally be whatever the funk you
Speaker 1: want to be. And whether it's a fanatical fan or
Speaker 1: maybe someone that just sits at the lawn and doesn't
Speaker 1: even want to partake but just wants to have their
Speaker 1: own moment, there's something beautiful about that. So yes, I
Speaker 1: don't recognized. I was just like walking around quietly, like
Speaker 1: just observing it was. It was nice to be alone,
Speaker 1: but it was scary. And now I realize how people
Speaker 1: feel when they're like I don't I'm scared to go alone.
Speaker 1: Like it takes, it takes courage, and it takes a
Speaker 1: lot of like triumph over anxiety. But like, just just
Speaker 1: try it. You can always leave. That was my thing.
Speaker 1: I was like, I can always leave. I don't have
Speaker 1: to stay. That's the best about ven. You can always
Speaker 1: you can leave. You can always leave. So I think
Speaker 1: that's the thing. So many people don't want to do
Speaker 1: things that they're scared of because they're like, well, then
Speaker 1: that's just the way I'm going to be the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. It's like, no, you can always go
Speaker 1: back to the way you're doing it. Let's get to
Speaker 1: the news. Oh boy, I hope you had all the
Speaker 1: swells this weekend. Happy Memorial Day. All the swells, all
Speaker 1: the swells. Apparently, all the swells. It's Monday. You know
Speaker 1: what that means. It is Monday back, do you know? Okay,
Speaker 1: So you guys have some tour dates this weekend in Cleveland, Ohio,
Speaker 1: the Agora Theater and Carnegie of Homestead Music Hall in Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: and the Lyric in Baltimore on Sunday. And we got
Speaker 1: a celebrity coming to the Baltimore show. I'll tell you later.
Speaker 1: Really Ray Lewis, But yeah, we got good shows coming
Speaker 1: up Cleveland. I love performing in Cleveland. And then is
Speaker 1: that in Is it in Pittsburgh? Is that probably where
Speaker 1: that is? I mean, Pennsylvania has given us such great
Speaker 1: shows so far. Yeah, please come out to those shows.
Speaker 1: I think tickets are still available in Nikki Glaser dot
Speaker 1: com slash tour and yeah, let's thank you. No, uh okay,
Speaker 1: the first news story. According to the International Society for
Speaker 1: Sexual Medicine, there is no normal frequency sex for couples,
Speaker 1: providing everyone in the relationship is happy. So how often
Speaker 1: a couple should have sex depends on what the people
Speaker 1: in the relationship decide works best for them. Um, and
Speaker 1: that can range from no sexual activity at all to
Speaker 1: a few times a day, week or year, wow a day. Um,
Speaker 1: so curious about that. Well, you know, there's so many
Speaker 1: things where it's like, what's the right amount of times
Speaker 1: I should eat fruit or exercise? And no one ever
Speaker 1: just goes whatever you want. That's kind of the only
Speaker 1: time where it's like whatever, Like you sleep as much
Speaker 1: as you want, but people go that's a little too much,
Speaker 1: that's not enough. But you're essentially doing whatever you want
Speaker 1: all the time. It's nice to know that with sex
Speaker 1: it is kind of whatever you want as long as
Speaker 1: both parties are happy. Well, and that's that's the tough part. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, I don't know. I'm trying to do this
Speaker 1: thing where your dopamine le you don't always like I
Speaker 1: saw something where like stay if something's give and you
Speaker 1: like hi, dopamine making you happy, like you could almost
Speaker 1: reject it sometimes to make it. You know, you talk
Speaker 1: about this a lot to build up of it, you know,
Speaker 1: and a lot of couples, like in other countries whatever,
Speaker 1: they won't have sex for two like it's just we're
Speaker 1: not gonna have sex for two weeks because in two
Speaker 1: weeks we're gonna fucking want it so bad. And that
Speaker 1: if you keep whatever filling that dopamine up like we
Speaker 1: do with TikTok or whatever, like, then it's gonna make
Speaker 1: you sad and it's gonna start the bleeding. It stops
Speaker 1: being even exciting to do so, like, yeah, I love waiting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so if you funk once a week or once everywhere
Speaker 1: that does it, it's not a negative you Yeah, yeah, anyhow,
Speaker 1: but I agree I feel like though that it can
Speaker 1: be I don't know the kinds of sex that you
Speaker 1: have for me. Then this is obviously because we just
Speaker 1: heard everyone's different from me. I feel like I I
Speaker 1: think that there should be I would like just like
Speaker 1: cuddling sometimes, or just like intimacy of like touching and
Speaker 1: like kissing and just maybe dry humping, maybe not to
Speaker 1: completion a couple of times or whatever, or maybe just
Speaker 1: you know, a beach on the couch that isn't you know?
Speaker 1: And then there's sometimes where it's like, no, I'm going
Speaker 1: to lay out everything I want you to use on me.
Speaker 1: I want to lay out, I want to set the stage,
Speaker 1: put town towels. When they lay out the different ways
Speaker 1: that's going to kill them. It's probably the same spread
Speaker 1: uh war paint on um freedom. Yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's different kinds of sex. But that's that's interesting. Good
Speaker 1: to know. Next, tell me what you think about this
Speaker 1: coin Base, which is just like a cryptocurrency company, is
Speaker 1: reportedly testing out having employees rate each other in an
Speaker 1: app with a thumbs up or thumbs down after meetings
Speaker 1: and other interactions. What this seems insane? Yeah. The staff
Speaker 1: are reportedly asked to evaluate one another after meetings and
Speaker 1: other interactions. Based on how well they model ten core
Speaker 1: company values and um, yeah, who wants to model company values?
Speaker 1: Like who like? Let's do it in the metaverse two.
Speaker 1: You know what, if you give someone a thumbs down,
Speaker 1: you have to show your face? How about that? Yeah
Speaker 1: that's the thing. Well on on YouTube now you can
Speaker 1: unlike something and it doesn't show you how many unlikes.
Speaker 1: You only show positive So I mean, I don't mind
Speaker 1: hearing negatives. I just don't. I don't know. Oh, I
Speaker 1: dig employees should rate each other, no, because I think
Speaker 1: that it's competitive, and you would a lot of times
Speaker 1: I don't like something because they're better than me at something,
Speaker 1: or they're they're doing a better job, or they're naturally
Speaker 1: more inclined to this thing. So a lot of times
Speaker 1: I will if the worst version of me or thumbs
Speaker 1: it down someone who's actually doing a great job, because
Speaker 1: I don't I'm threatened by them. So your company is
Speaker 1: going to suffer because you're thumbing someone down because they can,
Speaker 1: you know, produce better than you. Yea, So maybe the
Speaker 1: company should just follow whoever is getting the most thumbs
Speaker 1: down is probably yeah, it's yeah, the negative stuff. I
Speaker 1: just can't. I just don't. I don't. I know criticism
Speaker 1: is important um to grow from, but I just don't think.
Speaker 1: I think we already are so all feeling constantly and
Speaker 1: inundated with comparing ourselves to people and feeling less than that.
Speaker 1: There's just there's no one should invite any of that
Speaker 1: in their lives. Yeah, I find sometimes I seek it out.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I never do. I even read
Speaker 1: Wilco's like well, after I listen to the album, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I wanted to see what people think of this, like
Speaker 1: you know, music reviewers. And so I saw stereogument posted
Speaker 1: something on Instagram and I'm like, I'll read it and
Speaker 1: I will stop reading it if it disagrees with if
Speaker 1: it is saying that they they're not good, I'm going
Speaker 1: to take it. Like I was almost reading it as
Speaker 1: like I'm in the band and they fucking loved it,
Speaker 1: and I was like yes, and then I were the
Speaker 1: next thing. Everyone I mean this, this album is critically
Speaker 1: acclaim across the board. And when I saw will Go
Speaker 1: this weekend, I you know, it's the day it came out,
Speaker 1: and I'm seeing everyone from the band and I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: not to trigger you. I don't know if you read reviews,
Speaker 1: but I just I'm not gonna say anything. It's all good,
Speaker 1: like you know, like I just want to say everyone's
Speaker 1: getting it and it's very exciting. But I had to
Speaker 1: I had to preface it that with like, don't you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to trigger you because smart people who
Speaker 1: I think will call are don't read reviews. And Jeff,
Speaker 1: Jeff I have heard uh used to not and now
Speaker 1: he kind of is in a like sometimes you just
Speaker 1: go through a period where you like seek it out
Speaker 1: and yeah, I think very smart people are susceptible to
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald, oh yeah, I don't see it yet. But
Speaker 1: he was just talking about how like he's like, I'll
Speaker 1: always take part in a poll, like no matter how
Speaker 1: smart you are, there you fun. That's why on Instagram
Speaker 1: I love those so but like, you know, to your point,
Speaker 1: like if I read a review for not even for myself,
Speaker 1: for like a band, and I really love the band
Speaker 1: and I love the album and it's a negative, I'll
Speaker 1: start going maybe I'm wrong, and I know I shouldn't.
Speaker 1: That's what I said when I said comments. I did
Speaker 1: an interview. When someone goes do read the comments, and
Speaker 1: I say no, But you know what, I know my
Speaker 1: friends and family read comments about me, and I know
Speaker 1: that they love me and they think those comments are
Speaker 1: probably wrong. But there's something in your brain that has
Speaker 1: happened to me. When I look at a picture of
Speaker 1: someone on Instagram or I look at a video, and
Speaker 1: then I read the comments and someone says something negative
Speaker 1: about it that I didn't notice, and then suddenly that
Speaker 1: is a part of my belief system about this, and
Speaker 1: I have been influenced, even though that person I don't
Speaker 1: know them. They misspelled things, They have made me skewed
Speaker 1: a little bit towards not liking this as much. And
Speaker 1: so to act like you or anyone who loves you
Speaker 1: is immune to reading reviews and feeling bad or comments,
Speaker 1: you're delusional and you need to stay away from them
Speaker 1: because there's nothing good there. It is going to the
Speaker 1: desert for water. It is. There's nothing. Yeah, there's nothing
Speaker 1: even the people that and you know who really gets
Speaker 1: off on it, the people that hate whatever it is
Speaker 1: and then they see another comment that just proves their point,
Speaker 1: and oh yeah, when I hate something, and then so
Speaker 1: I go, God, I wish I could comment this thing.
Speaker 1: And then it's already commented, and I get to like
Speaker 1: thumbs up it. Yah, that's a disgusting part of my soul,
Speaker 1: it really is. But I felt that was generally, when
Speaker 1: I'm jealous, this person is either really popular and making
Speaker 1: something that I think sucks and I just am mad
Speaker 1: about it, or they're really popular and they're making something
Speaker 1: that's really good and I'm convincing myself that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: even want to make something good like that jealous, I
Speaker 1: felt bad though, like Jack Harlow, who I really do like,
Speaker 1: I really I loved his last album. I wanted this
Speaker 1: new album to be great and it just wasn't for me.
Speaker 1: And then like Pitchfork, it was like two points like
Speaker 1: something really works always mean yeah and there and you
Speaker 1: know what part of me thinks Pitchfork is probably a
Speaker 1: snooty motherfucker like horse r P. Yeah. I mean like
Speaker 1: put someone writing a review. It's one person. Oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: And I just feel like part of me wants to
Speaker 1: be like fuck you, you hate him because he's so mainstream.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, you know what, I agree,
Speaker 1: and I felt bad. I wanted it to be better.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you can read a negative review and
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, we're all as artists to put out
Speaker 1: bad ship. I just want to say that to anyone
Speaker 1: who is maybe not an artist or whatever you do,
Speaker 1: Like you're allowed to have a bad day at work
Speaker 1: and like put out a shitty report or whatever you do,
Speaker 1: you're you know why, because it makes the good all
Speaker 1: that better. You're allowed to have a bad day at work.
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to put out a comedy special that isn't good.
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to put out a show that isn't good.
Speaker 1: We're all trying our best, and sometimes we You know,
Speaker 1: if you watch the Carlon documentary, how many times did
Speaker 1: he reinvent himself or do what he wanted to do
Speaker 1: and it just didn't hit with the zeitgeist? It just didn't.
Speaker 1: They didn't like it, or they made fun of them.
Speaker 1: Then he just shifts and does something else and everyone
Speaker 1: fucking forgets about it. No one doesn't. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to follow you, and it doesn't have to be who
Speaker 1: you are where. I have to allow myself to put
Speaker 1: out shit and love a redemption story like people do
Speaker 1: love like, you know, the shittier it is, and then
Speaker 1: if you really can make that left turn and make
Speaker 1: something great, God people because people go, I was right
Speaker 1: that it was bad, you know what I mean. Watch
Speaker 1: the Cheryl Crow documentary last night. It was all about this,
Speaker 1: let's go to break and come back with redd and
Speaker 1: top Boom boom boom, We're back. Um. I did watch
Speaker 1: the Sharyl Crow documentary last night on Hulu. It's so good.
Speaker 1: There's something in it that like, was so wild that happens.
Speaker 1: I want people to just to check it out. Rock. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think she ever did, but she did that
Speaker 1: song up with Crid Rock. I can do a really
Speaker 1: good Chryl Crow by the way, I'll do kid rock. Um. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the song? You know the song that they do.
Speaker 1: I've been searching for you for a long time. Can
Speaker 1: seemed to get you off my mind. I've been something dud.
Speaker 1: I don't know the lyrics, but it's always I do
Speaker 1: feel like I do it. Hold on, let me try
Speaker 1: it one more time. So yeah, it's called picture hold
Speaker 1: on kid Rock. Let me just look up the lyrics
Speaker 1: because I want to. Okay the lyrics. Um live in
Speaker 1: my life in a slow okay. Um, been been fueling
Speaker 1: up on cocaine and whiskey. I wish I had a girl,
Speaker 1: girl who missed me, I haven't sleeped and three damn
Speaker 1: that Yes, I put your picture away? Wait again, sat
Speaker 1: down and cried today I can't look at you while
Speaker 1: I'm lying next to him. Wait, hold on, trying too
Speaker 1: hard to do it. No, last night I was doing
Speaker 1: it so well that the dogs were like, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Because it was like, we want to soak up the sun.
Speaker 1: Who's doing a good affron like hardic if I can't
Speaker 1: do it without using the background, but I swear to
Speaker 1: god I could do a like please stop, please put
Speaker 1: pitchy fork. Um okay, so let's get to reddit. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm going to start with this is your reddit. Gotta
Speaker 1: feel like kill tonight. That's pretty good. Good, thank you? Okay,
Speaker 1: reading myself that people love it, leaving Las Vegas a
Speaker 1: different album. All right, here we go. Um um okay.
Speaker 1: So someone this is a mispronounced It's from the subreddit
Speaker 1: bone Apple Tea, which is uh a joke of bon
Speaker 1: bone appetite. Someone wrote bone Apple tea once and so
Speaker 1: this is subred of of mispronunciations. And someone wrote a
Speaker 1: tweet that said, my joints hurt really bad. I think
Speaker 1: I have Arthur writes this, which they probably just dictated arthritis,
Speaker 1: but it can correct to do. Arthur writes this, Um.
Speaker 1: This is from me, I r L. It's a tweet
Speaker 1: that I just relate to so much that I sometimes
Speaker 1: tweets you just go or Mames you go. How does
Speaker 1: someone nail it so hard? This is from armand Doma
Speaker 1: on on Twitter. I'm thirty two years old and still
Speaker 1: deeply terrified that consuming anything from the hotel room mini
Speaker 1: bar will somehow bankrupt my entire family. Relatable, so relatable.
Speaker 1: I am a woman that has more money than I
Speaker 1: know what to deal with. Sometimes I'm not bragging, but
Speaker 1: it's just true. And I still will not even think
Speaker 1: about touching anything in the mini bar. It's because we're
Speaker 1: told from when we're five, if you go near it,
Speaker 1: you funny. Sometimes it made me want to do it now.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm even scared to put like a water bottle
Speaker 1: in a hotel fridge because I think that there's like
Speaker 1: a weight in there and if I take it out
Speaker 1: and I think I took something out, and then they're
Speaker 1: going to bank, like literally, you will be homeless on
Speaker 1: the street because of because are um. This is also
Speaker 1: from UM. This is from to me I r L
Speaker 1: for me I r L. It's another subredit of just
Speaker 1: tweets that are kind of on the mark. Um. It's
Speaker 1: from Emily Mernane Uh Emily underscore mrnane on Twitter. It says,
Speaker 1: we don't need to get coffee to catch up. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I can just shoot you you a text to let
Speaker 1: you know I have no updates and I am doing bad.
Speaker 1: I love that because sometimes people want to get together
Speaker 1: and you go, what like, why do we have to
Speaker 1: bring coffee? And it is why do we have to
Speaker 1: make it a thing? I know? Um? Yes um. This
Speaker 1: is from a d h D Women of subredit. It's
Speaker 1: another tweet says tries to learn someone's name brain, No,
Speaker 1: we are at capacity. Me what brain? Angela, Pamela, Sandra
Speaker 1: and Rita Me. Those aren't even real people. Those are
Speaker 1: Mambo number five lyrics. Brain A little bit of Monica
Speaker 1: in my life? Me, please stop brain. The trumpets just
Speaker 1: I don't know why sometimes means that one probably doesn't
Speaker 1: work as much when I'm like reading it, but it
Speaker 1: really made me happy. Oh my god. This is another
Speaker 1: one from Emily Murnain that was on the last one.
Speaker 1: I did not know that I like two of her things.
Speaker 1: This happened over weeks at a time said people with
Speaker 1: good singing voices should not be allowed to do karaoke. Sorry,
Speaker 1: but it is not fun watching you do a little
Speaker 1: star search performance. I'm here to see drunk Keith fight
Speaker 1: for his life through living on a prayer as God intended.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow night is my birthday and we are going to
Speaker 1: um sing karaoke supposed be tonight, but my sister and
Speaker 1: brother didn't get back in town in time. Um and
Speaker 1: I'm excited to do some show crow and really I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about opening it to the besties. So I just
Speaker 1: want to say I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow.
Speaker 1: If you're St. Louis bestie. Wednesday Tomorrow, June one, If
Speaker 1: you want to come to Westport Social at around six thirty,
Speaker 1: we will be doing karaoke and hanging out. Um. I
Speaker 1: don't the karaoke rooms are small, so it might just
Speaker 1: be like a certain number of people can fit in
Speaker 1: at a time. But I would love to meet you
Speaker 1: and see you. If you just want to go to
Speaker 1: Westport Social. There's tons of stuff to do there. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a whole thing you can go alone.
Speaker 1: I will greet you, um so Westport Social tomorrow night
Speaker 1: at seven o'clock is when it starts. Um. This is
Speaker 1: one did I do this last week? It's from Thanks
Speaker 1: I hate it and it says your car will never
Speaker 1: make that noise for the mechanic your car is that
Speaker 1: your car is like, that's our special noise. I can
Speaker 1: only make that noise for you. Yeah, yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: I think with anything like you could. Also, you know,
Speaker 1: you're having a pain when you go to the doctor,
Speaker 1: and then when you get to the doctor it goes away.
Speaker 1: So you know, I swear to God you my kidneys
Speaker 1: are bleeding, Like now you're fine. My cars. You know,
Speaker 1: there's that light and it always turns for some reason,
Speaker 1: it turns off to and then you think your car
Speaker 1: is fine. I know, but the light is just broken.
Speaker 1: That's your car is bulb for that like actual yeah,
Speaker 1: final thought. Here's one from AskMen. It says my girlfriend
Speaker 1: just asked did you hear that? Ask? Did you hear that? Asshole?
Speaker 1: And then she farted what immature things do your partners do?
Speaker 1: I think that's so funny. It's funny. Where like um brando,
Speaker 1: well maybe fire and she'll go, I was just a
Speaker 1: two and it kind of was just doesn't make such
Speaker 1: a cute. But then all fucking all fire where the doors?
Speaker 1: Where the fucking the light goes on in my car somehow,
Speaker 1: and I'll go a little too, like if cover with it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's literally not a I don't know what do you do?
Speaker 1: That's someone said, grips ice cubes in her hands unbeknownst
Speaker 1: to me, then saunters up and so seductively wraps her
Speaker 1: arms around me, then shoves her ice cold hands on
Speaker 1: my belly. That's cute. Yeah, it's a little left turn.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend does that stupid what's that on your shirt?
Speaker 1: And then flicks my nose trick when there's actually something
Speaker 1: on my shirt. It's okay, though, I get her back
Speaker 1: by wetting my hands then rubbing them on her face
Speaker 1: while saying I hate it when I pee on my hands. Oh,
Speaker 1: I do that all the time whenever I go to
Speaker 1: the bathroom and wash my hands and it shakes some hands,
Speaker 1: I go, it's it's I just went to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: It's not what you think. It's p um uh. Someone said,
Speaker 1: I like to get in elaborate poses before I let
Speaker 1: one go. My wife just laughs and calls me an
Speaker 1: idiot for things my wife does. She likes to play
Speaker 1: punch me in the face and I'll sell it like
Speaker 1: I got hit by Tyson. She loves that one. I
Speaker 1: don't know what that is. I'm trying to think of
Speaker 1: funny things I do. My brother got me when we
Speaker 1: were younger. He put ketchup on his hand and grabbed
Speaker 1: a knife and I thought I cut him, you know,
Speaker 1: or like I had a night and then he like
Speaker 1: somehow he threw up and I thought I slid his wrists. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was going to the bathroom and I remember
Speaker 1: an old man saw me walking the bathroom was like
Speaker 1: are you okay? And I was like what. It was
Speaker 1: so scary to have an old man just like grab
Speaker 1: me and be like are you okay? No, got catchable man, um,
Speaker 1: I think that. I mean, we do so many dumb
Speaker 1: like little inside joke, gummy worm, But oh that was
Speaker 1: for another boyfriend. That was fucking weird. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I once my is like it's relatable, but it's also
Speaker 1: like you. But I don't understand how anyone doesn't do
Speaker 1: stuff like that for their boyfriend. If that if their
Speaker 1: boyfriend isn't grossed out by that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 1: he liked gummy worms. That was his favorite snack. He
Speaker 1: was coming to visit me in California. I was picking
Speaker 1: him up from the airport. I knew he would finger
Speaker 1: me immediately upon getting in my car, so I put
Speaker 1: a gummy worm in my vagina so that when he
Speaker 1: fingered me, he'd go, what the funk is that? And
Speaker 1: he pulled out a gummy worm and he did and
Speaker 1: it was funny. And then his dick was a gummy
Speaker 1: worm all weekend. Yes, boom, oh boy, um, I think
Speaker 1: that I do. Um, that's a fun Yeah, that was.
Speaker 1: That was a fun one. I mean, I what was
Speaker 1: one that I did? Chris? How long? You know? I
Speaker 1: would have grabbed his hand and go, I have something
Speaker 1: to show you, you know, when it comes right out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but people are like shocked that I did that. I'm sure,
Speaker 1: fox up my pah balance, But you know what else,
Speaker 1: fox up my pH balance? Down there a man's dirty hand.
Speaker 1: So it's like, who cares? What is? People go? You
Speaker 1: put up? You put a sanitary a thing that I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to eat right for the package. I put it
Speaker 1: in my vagina and you're acting like that's so shocking
Speaker 1: you put dirt men's dirty fingers and penises in your
Speaker 1: pussies or even your own fingers. Um. I think that
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of, like do you don't take
Speaker 1: a tit out? That's what I do if I'm wearing
Speaker 1: a tanktop. We'll have a serious conversation and I'll like
Speaker 1: just turn around and I'll just respond back and a
Speaker 1: couple of notice that is That's one of my favorite
Speaker 1: bits too, is just um acting like I like to
Speaker 1: play the character of I can't I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do with them. It won't stay in, the shirt
Speaker 1: doesn't fit, and I'll just just keep going like but
Speaker 1: it's not working. And kind of it's a Rachel Einstein
Speaker 1: move of like my boobs are too big and I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with them. She has a
Speaker 1: great bit about girls just being stupid, like my chips
Speaker 1: are just jump um. But I think playing that kind
Speaker 1: of dumb character is fun and I put my idea.
Speaker 1: I tried that kind of with Brenna over the weekend,
Speaker 1: where I go, should I should where this beating suit?
Speaker 1: And I turned around and I took my balls and
Speaker 1: I put them on top of the video. It was like,
Speaker 1: is this cool? Because we were all like debating on
Speaker 1: what to wear and I was like, nothing matters. Like
Speaker 1: she was a little worried about what she'd wear, and
Speaker 1: I was like, is this cool? And she goes, don't
Speaker 1: ever do again. It looks like you have a bald
Speaker 1: chicken and on top of you. And then I googled
Speaker 1: if you google bald chicken, it looks exactly exactly like
Speaker 1: what it looked like. Yeah, and it was I don't know,
Speaker 1: it was fucking That was one that is just those
Speaker 1: little bodily things that you were talking to someone with
Speaker 1: a straight face and then they suddenly see it and
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, that's always fun. Um. So
Speaker 1: there was one from ask Women. This is what I saved.
Speaker 1: It says, what do you feel comfortable doing platonically with
Speaker 1: women that you cannot do with men? So this is
Speaker 1: to asking women? Um uh, they said, I mean there's
Speaker 1: so many cuddling, holding hands changing in front of them.
Speaker 1: I don't hold hands with my girlfriends, do you know, No,
Speaker 1: never me neither. But I don't cuddle with them either.
Speaker 1: I've always felt uncomfortable with that. And the one that
Speaker 1: did cuddle me once, I think was gay, and the
Speaker 1: whole time I was like, I know girls do this,
Speaker 1: but I can't do that, um, complimenting them, especially on
Speaker 1: their appearance. This is my own shortcoming, though I wish
Speaker 1: I had the courage to compliment men. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's a woman. All. I feel constantly about how men
Speaker 1: don't get compliments. Let's step it up. Everyone compliment men.
Speaker 1: And I like, um, I like your Instagram today was
Speaker 1: really funny. Your post, the thing where you said the
Speaker 1: Italian steps trying to get pussy on Italian steps is
Speaker 1: so funny. And then when you changed the word of
Speaker 1: the um. Yes, the choice of penis was really really funny.
Speaker 1: It was really really well done. Um. Someone said, discussing politics,
Speaker 1: some guys get too emotional while discussing serious topics, so
Speaker 1: I prefer talking to ladies. I do believe talking politics
Speaker 1: sometimes with men is frustrating because a lot of them
Speaker 1: have to do with like women's issues, and you you
Speaker 1: are like, you don't get it, but like, how can
Speaker 1: they They're not a woman, So it's kind of like
Speaker 1: a losing battle. And sometimes you yeah, um, sharing beds,
Speaker 1: changing in front of each other, cuddling, on couch holding hands. Um.
Speaker 1: I used to share beds with my male friends all
Speaker 1: the time, and I just want to say I am
Speaker 1: so so sorry to all the men that I forced
Speaker 1: to sleep in the same bed as me because it
Speaker 1: was inappropriate, even though I knew that nothing would happen
Speaker 1: between us. You probably had a little bit of a
Speaker 1: crush on me. It probably was that comfortable for you.
Speaker 1: You probably were thinking, maybe she likes me, maybe she
Speaker 1: doesn't like probably kept you up. I should have just
Speaker 1: let you sleep on the couch instead of being like, no,
Speaker 1: don't sleep on the couch. That's stupid. I should have
Speaker 1: let you do that. Um, And I'm sorry for if
Speaker 1: I like lead you on or anything. You don't have
Speaker 1: to put on the little nighty and then be like,
Speaker 1: my dumb tits are sleeping next to you. Do you
Speaker 1: want to go any worm? Yeah, there's a globe worm
Speaker 1: in my pussy to keep us up. But we're platonic,
Speaker 1: Yeah totally, yeah, why are you being weird? Okay, we
Speaker 1: gotta go. Do you want to take us out on
Speaker 1: a wrap? Sure, I'll take us out on a wrap
Speaker 1: because you always know that I'm about the snap with
Speaker 1: a snap back. That's the kind of hat I wear
Speaker 1: with a heart attack from a big Mac. I got
Speaker 1: a loose sack that I put on top of my
Speaker 1: shorts and it looks like a bald chicken, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's a mick chicken from McDonald's. Man, you really brought
Speaker 1: the heat. I gotta go because I gotta meet and
Speaker 1: greet who with who. Well, I gotta go jump online.
Speaker 1: I'm pitching a show to Netflix, and it's gonna be
Speaker 1: fine whether they take it or not. I'll be okay.
Speaker 1: Things are just gonna go right. This is part of
Speaker 1: my day. My dad's gonna come over later. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go on I g Live. We're gonna play some music.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be about five hours long. And my dad
Speaker 1: lost his voice, so he was like, why should even come?
Speaker 1: And I go because you play guitar and you can
Speaker 1: just shut the funk up and just play and I'll sing,
Speaker 1: and he's like telling me about his weekend. I'm like, Dad,
Speaker 1: I don't care. Let's wait until we're alive and we
Speaker 1: can do this on air. Let's not have a conversation.
Speaker 1: It's not worth having. If we can share it with
Speaker 1: the world. That's what's happening. Your dad is literally the
Speaker 1: do we have to meet up to have coffee me
Speaker 1: with you? He really is. He was trying to have
Speaker 1: a conversation on the phone. I go, let's do it,
Speaker 1: Let's wait for Instagram live. This is very I'll be
Speaker 1: much more engaged if I know people are watching me
Speaker 1: and watch my dad. All Right, we gotta go. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much. We'll be here all week Um
Speaker 1: having a friend on the show on Thursday, Taylor, one
Speaker 1: of my best friends from high school, one of the
Speaker 1: originators of can't wait to have her in studio. But
Speaker 1: we'll be here tomorrow on my birthday. And you come
Speaker 1: to Westport, come to this weekend to see shows. I'll
Speaker 1: be as me performing for the first time as a
Speaker 1: thirty eight year old and don't be Cat and Jack
Speaker 1: London