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Speaker 1: Fuck new Year's resolutions.

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Speaker 2: That as I'm curious to know as to why well

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Speaker 2: for me in this new year, I'm choosing not to

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Speaker 2: resolute if I cannot maintain the resolution dead ass. Hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 3: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 3: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 3: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 3: We about to take philosof to our whole new levels.

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Speaker 2: Starts right now.

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Speaker 3: Story time. I'm gonna take y'all back to January second.

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Speaker 2: Oh, go to the dates.

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Speaker 1: Yes, this is why I'm pissed. I'm not really business.

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Speaker 3: January January second, two thousand and sixteen. This was the

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Speaker 3: year that we had moved to Pacplex.

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Speaker 2: Ah. It's also the year I got pregnant with Cairo. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I remember, I think I'm the fourth.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that was our first year in the gym. That's

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Speaker 3: why I remember this so vividly. January second, we had

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Speaker 3: an influx of people signing up for memberships. Remember Dolo

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Speaker 3: and I had did the Elite Physique boot Camp. Yes,

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Speaker 3: we did the Elite Physique boot Camp. We had I

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Speaker 3: think it was seventy plus people come out to the

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Speaker 3: boot camp.

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Speaker 1: It was like, Yo, we're going to infuse all this

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Speaker 1: life into the gym.

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Speaker 2: Vengeance.

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Speaker 3: It was like, let's get ready to go, let's create

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Speaker 3: this right, boom, seventy five people came out.

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Speaker 1: January third, there was three people in the gym. Three people.

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Speaker 2: Yo, that's because you kill them on that first day.

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Speaker 2: They didn't even want to come back.

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Speaker 1: No, this is my issue. You know, we'll discuss what

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Speaker 1: the issue is.

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Speaker 3: Bottom line is, we have put all of this effort right,

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Speaker 3: and we had put all of this energy into creating

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Speaker 3: this great package for people pause for the New Year,

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Speaker 3: because we understand that people create New Year's resolutions.

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Speaker 1: We did everything that.

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Speaker 3: You were supposed to do to entice people to join

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Speaker 3: the gym, and they did join the gym, and they

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Speaker 3: never came back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they didn't just lie to us, they lied to themselves.

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Speaker 2: Baby in that bank account, because when that rear current

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Speaker 2: payment hits every month, how many people, how many show

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Speaker 2: of hands, how many people right now have that gym

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Speaker 2: membership that they taking money out of your account auto

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Speaker 2: debit every month and you ain't step foot in there.

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Speaker 3: In a minute, I got two for you and your

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Speaker 3: mom's I'm gonna raise both hands.

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Speaker 2: Three of us. I go to the gym, Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: need downstairs. Yes, but you know.

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Speaker 1: I don't go to the gym. I got a gym dance,

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Speaker 1: so I go there. Yeah. So that's my story.

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Speaker 3: Ever since that day, I've been kind of mad at

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Speaker 3: New Year's Resolutions. But I also have a bigger story,

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Speaker 3: you know that I want to discuss when we come

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Speaker 3: back about actually New Year's Eve, and then we'll discuss

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Speaker 3: why I despise New Year's Resolutions. All right, So for karaoke,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna let the first karaoke of the.

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Speaker 2: New Year, thank you so much. You know, I was

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Speaker 2: thinking of like ways we can like revamp the show

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Speaker 2: and all that, but I'm like, you know what, I

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Speaker 2: love the format that we have karaoke is always fun.

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Speaker 2: This karaoke came to me just thinking about like the

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Speaker 2: new year, seizing the moment, and also having met this

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Speaker 2: young lady, beautiful, young lady, super talented. We sat two

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Speaker 2: tables away from each other at the Usher concert. Yes

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Speaker 2: that my amazing husband, My amazing husband.

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Speaker 1: I don't think they heard.

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Speaker 2: My spectacular, incredible, amazing husband took me to the Usher

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Speaker 2: Residency show in Vegas back in November. We saw the

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Speaker 2: third to last show, yes on a random Wednesday, and

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Speaker 2: I'm so happy we picked that date because I got

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Speaker 2: to meet Victoria Moneue.

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Speaker 1: Whatsh yeah? And what didn't he call your name? Y'all? See?

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Speaker 2: Did y'all see?

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Speaker 1: Did you see that?

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Speaker 2: I called this album? Got to meet him in all

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Speaker 2: that good stuff. But she was just so sweet. I've

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Speaker 2: been following her for a minute now. I think it

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Speaker 2: was back in like twenty twenty is when I discovered

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Speaker 2: Victoria Moneue. And it's actually one of my favorite songs

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Speaker 2: that she she sings. You know all my mama is

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Speaker 2: popping right now too. But this one goes back to

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Speaker 2: like twenty twenty. I believe when it was released, and

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Speaker 2: I even kind of got you on it today, on

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Speaker 2: it so I got this feeling that you brought me

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Speaker 2: to you. Yeah you did, baby. Look what's your mind's

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Speaker 2: imagine the nation can do making shit true? Yeah you

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Speaker 2: do baby? Oh yeah, get it, baby, So let me

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Speaker 2: take away your pain, give me only your emotions landed

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Speaker 2: like a plane on my back. If you can't hold it,

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Speaker 2: life is but a dream that you manifested slowly, so

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Speaker 2: fucking fantasy. It's your motherfucking moment, period. Yes, it's your

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Speaker 2: motherfucking moment, y'all. Top of the year. Let's go. Let's

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Speaker 2: get it. That shit goes hard.

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Speaker 3: You did that, you did well, Thank.

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Speaker 2: You, because y'all know one thing I can't do is

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Speaker 2: holding no if you place it in my hand. Baby.

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Speaker 2: But I'm gonna araok, y'all, because that's what we do.

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Speaker 2: Season thirteen, dead ass. We're gonna pay some bills and

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Speaker 2: we're gonna get back.

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Speaker 1: All right. So now we're back, so back.

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Speaker 2: Talking about New Year's resolutions. So New York resolutions for

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Speaker 2: me aren't always necessarily like gym or fitness specific, but

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Speaker 2: I do know a lot of people use that as

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Speaker 2: an opportunity to feel like, Okay, it's a new year,

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Speaker 2: let's restart. I feel like this year was unique in

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Speaker 2: a sense because the first day of the year fell

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Speaker 2: on a Monday, and a lot of people I saw

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Speaker 2: just on social media and stuff, were just like, wow,

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Speaker 2: like this is perfect that it starts on the Monday,

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Speaker 2: because it's the beginning of the week, the first day

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Speaker 2: of the work week. Were prepared to really just let

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Speaker 2: it all rip and be as organized and to restart

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Speaker 2: and jump start on that day. For me, at least,

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Speaker 2: the kids went back to school technically on the third,

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Speaker 2: so for me, the week didn't start till the Wednesday,

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Speaker 2: so it was easy for me to be like, you

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Speaker 2: know what, I'll start next Monday.

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Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. You see what I'm saying on.

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Speaker 2: The next Monday, which has been the eighth.

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Speaker 1: So you you part of a problem.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I was trying to come up with

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Speaker 2: an excuse me.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I got what.

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Speaker 2: I don't I don't have.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you my perspective of why I hate

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Speaker 3: New Year's resolutions. I hate New Year's Eve. Maybe I'm

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Speaker 3: a scrooge. I'm a New Year's scrooge. But I feel

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Speaker 3: like around Thanksgiving. Now, even before Thanksgiving, like right after Halloween,

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Speaker 3: people start to And I watched this even when I

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Speaker 3: was a trainer. I watch people say, oh, this year

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Speaker 3: is a wash.

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Speaker 1: From the end of October.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and they spend the next sixty days just doing

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Speaker 3: all the wrong things and saying, it's the holidays, it's

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Speaker 3: the holidays. I'll start again come New Year's Day.

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Speaker 1: And I watch people say that lie to themselves for

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Speaker 1: sixty days leading up to New Year's Day. Then they

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Speaker 1: go out and party New Year's Eve and they enjoy

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Speaker 1: this one big moment that literally lasts less than a second.

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Speaker 1: The ball drops, and then it's reality.

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Speaker 3: Nothing in your life is automatically gonna change on January first.

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Speaker 3: And I watched those same people saying, eh, i'll.

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Speaker 1: Start next next year.

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Speaker 2: Ar yep.

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Speaker 3: But that cycle is so like detrimental because we're toxic.

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Speaker 3: You start, you start January thirty, say hey, i'll start

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Speaker 3: next year. You make all excuses, so you go through

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Speaker 3: the year. Then at the end of the year, you

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Speaker 3: let yourself indulge even more in the bullshit that you

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Speaker 3: was doing that year because you say, hey, i'll start

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Speaker 3: over January first, and then when January first comes, you

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Speaker 3: make no change.

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Speaker 2: No, I see that too, even just like so there's

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Speaker 2: so many different ways that we can decide to start over, right,

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Speaker 2: But thinking about fitness, for example, you have that New

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Speaker 2: Year's Day resolution that we're going to be fit, so

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Speaker 2: you go into it for maybe the month of January. Right,

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Speaker 2: some people are practicing dry January where they're not drinking

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Speaker 2: after partaking in tons of drinks at the end of

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Speaker 2: the year. So there's like this, you know, like a

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Speaker 2: like a cleanse, it's detoxing of sorts. And then you

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Speaker 2: get to like May June, when you clearly haven't been

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Speaker 2: on track since the new year, and the summertime comes

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Speaker 2: and it's well, does summer gonna get whatever? Body? I

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Speaker 2: get it? And then it's like, oh, we're going into

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Speaker 2: the winter. We're gonna start training for this summer body

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Speaker 2: in the winter. And then it becomes a vicious cycle

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Speaker 2: of never getting to where you want to be. But

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Speaker 2: how many people are doing that with just so many

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Speaker 2: different aspects of life.

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Speaker 1: All of their goals. Most people, and this is the truth.

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Speaker 3: I'm not trying to knock people, but most people tend

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Speaker 3: to get in their own way because they find reasons

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Speaker 3: to talk themselves out of doing it in that moment.

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Speaker 2: That's me. I will admit it. Yes, that's me.

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Speaker 1: I remember my taekwondo and jiu jitsu teacher Donna Commando,

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Speaker 1: right before New Year. This was in like nineteen ninety six.

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Speaker 1: I was young, didn't understand it, but she challenged us.

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Speaker 3: She said, I want you guys to treat every moment

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Speaker 3: like it's New Year's Eve?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, what you mean by like? I

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Speaker 1: didn't get it? You know, I'm twelve. What does that mean?

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Speaker 3: She was just like, see how excited people get they

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Speaker 3: prepare for New Year's Eve. There's like, why wouldn't She said,

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Speaker 3: why don't you treat every moment like that? You know,

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Speaker 3: you see some happy new moment. This is the first

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Speaker 3: time in this I've seen you. Right, when you see

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Speaker 3: someone for the first time in the new year, it's

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Speaker 3: happy New Year, you give them a hug, and then

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Speaker 3: after that you go back to treating them like it.

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Speaker 1: What's up?

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Speaker 3: It's like, how come as people we don't embrace every

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Speaker 3: moment as if it is a.

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Speaker 2: New moment, happy new moment.

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Speaker 3: And also when it comes to our goals, treat our goals,

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Speaker 3: like every day is the first day of the year

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Speaker 3: that starts on Monday. If we treated every moment like that,

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Speaker 3: every goal like that, every idea, every relationship, we can

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Speaker 3: all live better lives. And that's why I don't like

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Speaker 3: New Year, because it always gives people an out. I'll

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Speaker 3: start next year, and the next year it comes and

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Speaker 3: then you say it again.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: If there was no New Year, yes, and it was

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Speaker 3: just this was my continuous life, most people would say,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna start now, because if I don't start now,

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Speaker 3: it's just gonna spiral into something I don't want.

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Speaker 1: That's why I can't this. I despise the new Year.

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Speaker 2: I wonder if there's like a comfort zone that people

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Speaker 2: have with like the new year, the new months, the

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Speaker 2: beginning of the week. You know, there's something about that

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Speaker 2: time frame for people that they mentally say, now's the

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Speaker 2: time to start. But really, ultimately it's not the start,

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Speaker 2: it's the consistency, because I know I've had the issue

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Speaker 2: with the consistency of it all. Like it's nice to

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Speaker 2: think of a new beginning and the detoxing and the cleansing,

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Speaker 2: and here's what we're going to do. But the follow through,

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Speaker 2: I think is what most people have the issue with.

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Speaker 2: I E. Me. I know I've been you know, on

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Speaker 2: I've been guilty of that too, you know, not keeping

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Speaker 2: up with whether it was fitness goals or just just

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Speaker 2: you know, getting work done. But at what point does

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Speaker 2: it hit you that enough is enough? I think for me,

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Speaker 2: forty was a big, a big thing for me, where

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Speaker 2: I was just like, girl, like, you don't have all

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Speaker 2: the time that you thought you had.

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Speaker 1: You still got mad time.

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Speaker 2: I still have mad time. But I'm just saying, like

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Speaker 2: you really think about it, I need to get out

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Speaker 2: of my mind. I think about ages most people, so

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Speaker 2: much of life has gone and I still have more

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Speaker 2: to do.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, but even even that thought process, so

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Speaker 1: much of life isn't going. Babe, Like, you've lived forty years, right,

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Speaker 1: you could live to be ninety. That's fifty more years.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: We pray we want that, But if we keep looking

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Speaker 3: at things in that perspective, it will always be a

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Speaker 3: reason why we can delay.

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Speaker 1: Right, Let's just throw all of that away. Dens of

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Speaker 1: Washington said a quote.

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Speaker 3: I'm not saying it correctly, but it's like with confidence,

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Speaker 3: you'll never start and with consistency, you'll never finish. Now,

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Speaker 3: confidence wasn't the first part, but what I gained from

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Speaker 3: it was that, right, the first thing you have to

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Speaker 3: do is start. But like you said just now, which

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Speaker 3: I think was so profound, it's not just about starting,

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Speaker 3: because in the new year, that's what people do.

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Speaker 1: I go to the gym. I started.

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Speaker 3: It's not about starting, it's about consistency so that you

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Speaker 3: can finish and reach the goal. And most people won't

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Speaker 3: even try to be consistent because they'll just say, well,

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Speaker 3: I can start over again, and that's the out the crutches.

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Speaker 1: I can start over again.

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Speaker 3: Right, you can never start life over again, So why

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Speaker 3: do we keep putting a new barometer where we can

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Speaker 3: start over again? Life has already started. The only thing

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Speaker 3: guaranteed to this life is that it will end at

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Speaker 3: some point.

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Speaker 1: You don't know when. So since we don't know when,

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Speaker 1: we should value every moment as it's happening and not saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can start it again.

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Speaker 2: We see what I'm saying, We really should. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I think about so many people who have left this

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Speaker 2: earth with so much left to be done that they've

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Speaker 2: spoken about and wanted to do, and just never got

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Speaker 2: around to it, particularly me dealing with my uncles, the

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Speaker 2: loss of my uncle, and think it. I mean the

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Speaker 2: moments when he just said I can't wait to come

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Speaker 2: down and see you. When When can I come when?

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Speaker 2: And you just keep thinking you'll have time until you

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Speaker 2: don't have time. But also speaking to the consistency of things,

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Speaker 2: they say it takes what twenty one days for you

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Speaker 2: to form a habit or something of the sort. I

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Speaker 2: forget how long it is.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't know about the days, but I know

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Speaker 3: it takes over a thousand reps. Okay, So I know

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Speaker 3: that from sports, from exercise, physiology and theciology. It takes

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Speaker 3: a thousand reps of a muscle movement to become a

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Speaker 3: habit or become muscle memory.

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Speaker 2: Right, And maybe in the physical, but just in general, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: even if it means like waking up early every day,

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Speaker 2: I think it takes twenty one days or something like

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Speaker 2: that to form a habit or for you to break

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Speaker 2: yourself of that. So like even just with us and

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Speaker 2: our you know, nutrition journey that we've been on, you

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Speaker 2: and I deciding to just kind of cut certain things

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Speaker 2: from our diet and change certain things and finding alternatives.

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Speaker 2: It's to the point now where we just can't even

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Speaker 2: eat the things that we used to We can't consume

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Speaker 2: the drinks that we used to like. Things are just

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Speaker 2: so different. But that was also consistency and really the

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Speaker 2: willpower and wanting to change and be different and to

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Speaker 2: be better. So we believe in making changes when the

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Speaker 2: need for change comes. And of course there's no better

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Speaker 2: time than at the top of the year. But the

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Speaker 2: turn of an old year into a new year is

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Speaker 2: one that's a perfect metaphor for change, and it can

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Speaker 2: be the perfect motivator.

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Speaker 3: It can be Yeah, it can be the perfect motivator,

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Speaker 3: or it could be the perfect crutch. I'll just wait

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Speaker 3: until the new year.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, So let's think about it. Some things

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Speaker 2: that we're trying to consider when we think about a

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Speaker 2: new year, doing things over, starting fresh, asking each other

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Speaker 2: what we think we can do differently in our relationship

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Speaker 2: this year.

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Speaker 3: I think that's an important conversation for couples to have

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Speaker 3: throughout the year. This conversation is about the new year,

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Speaker 3: but I think that conversation is just important in general.

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Speaker 1: Right, what can we do? What can I do?

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Speaker 3: And we're gonna talk about this in a later podcast,

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Speaker 3: because we had a whole not even ordeal, but we

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Speaker 3: had a perfect example while we were filming yesterday that

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Speaker 3: you and I have noticed our growth as a couple. Yes,

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Speaker 3: and we were able to pinpoint like, man, you handled

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Speaker 3: that differently than you would have Oh, for sure, I

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Speaker 3: handled it differently than I would have.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 3: And it's also a good time for the new year

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Speaker 3: to also not only talk about what you can change,

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Speaker 3: but also point out growth, absolutely point out what you've

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Speaker 3: done differently, to say, you know what, we have come

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Speaker 3: a long way. Let's not just say everything helways has

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Speaker 3: to change. Let's look back and say, look, this is

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Speaker 3: where we were, this is where we are.

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Speaker 2: I think one thing that's worked for us over the

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Speaker 2: years is using the new year. Although we do have

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Speaker 2: frequent touch about where we are when it comes to

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Speaker 2: personal goals, family goals, career, individual together, the children, We're

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Speaker 2: always having touch bases throughout the year, whether it's quarterly, weekly,

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Speaker 2: about what we want to do, what we're doing, assessing

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Speaker 2: the situation, but even just being away with my girlfriends

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Speaker 2: from my birthday, I was encouraging them, those who are

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Speaker 2: in relationships to start the New Years as a moment

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Speaker 2: or as a time where you sit with your significant

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Speaker 2: other and you make plans for the year. You assess

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Speaker 2: the things that happened in the previous year, whether it's career,

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Speaker 2: you know, relationship based, family, whatever, assess the things that

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Speaker 2: worked that didn't work, and then you make a plan

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Speaker 2: for the new year and have those moments where you

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Speaker 2: can touch base. Because we've done that, yes, for several years,

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Speaker 2: I think it definitely helps with setting the tone for

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Speaker 2: the year.

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Speaker 3: It's funny you say that because I have a couple

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Speaker 3: of different group chats, and a couple of the dudes

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Speaker 3: in the group chats out then have asked me on

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Speaker 3: the side, like your d how do you set up

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Speaker 3: your ar Like how do you set up your year

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Speaker 3: to move forward and progress? And how do you decide

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Speaker 3: like what you're going to focus on for the year.

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Speaker 3: And for a large part of those conversations, I was lost,

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Speaker 3: like I don't understand what you're talking about. And you're like,

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Speaker 3: you know, the start of the year. I've never been

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Speaker 3: a start of the year guy. It's just every week,

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Speaker 3: every month. And what I did tell them was I

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Speaker 3: don't utilize the start of the year is to be

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Speaker 3: all and end off for anything.

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Speaker 1: Every month. I every month.

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Speaker 3: It starts with my finances, to my health, to my

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Speaker 3: mental health, to my relationships with my wife, to my sons,

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Speaker 3: to my friends. I'm always asking myself where was our

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Speaker 3: last month? Where am I now? How am I going

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Speaker 3: to get to where I want to get to next month?

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Speaker 3: And what I don't ever do is I don't judge

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Speaker 3: myself based on where I am in this moment, because

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Speaker 3: sometimes you don't realize how far you come until you

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Speaker 3: look back. Some of us are so like head driven

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Speaker 3: that we only look forward.

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Speaker 1: I do that a lot. And that's one thing you've

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Speaker 1: taught me.

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Speaker 3: Over the past couple of years was vow you're always

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Speaker 3: so upset about where you haven't reached yet that you

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Speaker 3: don't even realize how far you've come.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know what you're talking me.

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Speaker 1: I want to shit. I just know where I want to.

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Speaker 3: Go, right, But I will employ everybody the start of

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Speaker 3: this year, rather than saying I want to go here,

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Speaker 3: take a look back at the year before and the

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Speaker 3: year before that and the year before that, and see

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Speaker 3: where you've come or if you haven't moved at all,

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Speaker 3: and then only then should you make an assessment about

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Speaker 3: how you're going to move forward.

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Speaker 2: I think that's very key. But it's funny you said

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Speaker 2: to me when I said, Man, I'm thinking about all

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Speaker 2: the life that I've lived so far, and it's forty years,

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Speaker 2: and it's like, man, what have I really done in

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Speaker 2: forty years. It's a similar thing here where I'm also

402
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Speaker 2: looking at the things that I haven't accomplished yet and

403
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Speaker 2: the things that I still want to do, and still

404
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Speaker 2: feeling like I'm running out of time. Like we always

405
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Speaker 2: talk about this clock and this time frame that we

406
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Speaker 2: have in our minds, things that need to be done.

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Speaker 2: I forget who it was. Recently, I was reading up

408
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Speaker 2: on was it Quentin Brunson that just started like acting

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Speaker 2: or writing in her forties?

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Speaker 1: A lot of people I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I forget who it was, but she just started on

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Speaker 4: social started directing it like yeah, and it's like there's

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Speaker 4: so much I feel like when you start doing things

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Speaker 4: in your you know, the end of the thirties early

415
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Speaker 4: forties is when you really have a grasp on who

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Speaker 4: you are, what you're capable of, what you want, what

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Speaker 4: your non negotiables are.

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Speaker 2: And we'll talk about this in another episode with just

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Speaker 2: forties and what that means to us. But really at

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Speaker 2: that point, you just realized there's so much more time

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Speaker 2: that I have to the things that I want to do,

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Speaker 2: but I'm better equipped to do it now because of

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Speaker 2: my life experiences. So it really depends on how you

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Speaker 2: look at it.

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Speaker 3: And that's what I really want to employ people in

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Speaker 3: this episode. It's to stop looking at the new year

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Speaker 3: as a got to start now. It's a fresh slate,

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Speaker 3: and I'm gonna because once you start doing that, you

429
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Speaker 3: start to create all of these Like first of all,

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Speaker 3: you create these ceilings and expectation for yourself that if

431
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Speaker 3: you don't reach a certain spot at a certain time,

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Speaker 3: then it's quit.

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Speaker 1: I'll start over next year.

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Speaker 3: I implore people to start by looking back first and see

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Speaker 3: how far you've come.

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Speaker 1: Patch yourself on the back.

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Speaker 3: You, for example, forty years old, you graduate from college,

438
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 3: got your master's degree Magne coulaude. You've worked in multiple fields,

439
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 3: built a successful business, built successful businesses, had four children,

440
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 3: got married, move across country twice. You gonna see what

441
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like, there's a lot of things that you've

442
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 3: done that some people that's their goal that you've already

443
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,640
Speaker 3: done at forty, so for you to be like, man,

444
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 3: so much time has passed and I haven't accomplished anything.

445
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 3: We all do that as people, all of us, not

446
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,439
Speaker 3: just you. I've done that myself. I'm sitting here and

447
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here watching TV, and you guys know how

448
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 3: much I love film. I love television, and I'm watching

449
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 3: these films and I want to do a big blockbuster film.

450
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 3: So I'm watching I think it was Top Gun. Then

451
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 3: I watched Mission Impossible and then it's like a tear

452
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 3: rolled down my face.

453
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you were in the theater once, like for

454
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 2: a little strip of time, like just watching watch rooms. Yeah,

455
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 2: and k was just like, what room you looking at you? Like,

456
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 2: I know this movie good, but I mean, I mean,

457
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:12,640
Speaker 2: it wasn't.

458
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: Jerk, And I was just thinking, Nah, what i want

459
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,119
Speaker 1: to do. I want to add what I want to do.

460
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm forty years old.

461
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 3: You know how many people that have been in films

462
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 3: at that time? They forty And then Kate was like, yeah,

463
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 3: but have those people played in the NFL? And they

464
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 3: started a business. I'm not for profit, move across the country,

465
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 3: half for kids, wrote a book became a New York

466
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 3: Times bestseller, became an influencer.

467
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: And I was kind of like, yeah, that's nice stuff.

468
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 2: But I would ask that's literally just that. At random

469
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 2: points start the day, I'll see he looks a little

470
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 2: like pensive, and I'm like, what's the matter you, okay,

471
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 2: because first of all, I'm gonna be like, what did

472
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 2: I do?

473
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: You?

474
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,880
Speaker 2: Like, in this year, I'm not looking at what did

475
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 2: I do? Because it's not always me all the time.

476
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 2: I don't be doing nothing, I don't be doing that,

477
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 2: and I just be breathing. And sometimes this niggas look

478
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 2: like he's pissed, and I'm like, what's the matter.

479
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 1: He's like, Man, I just want to act, That's it.

480
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 2: I just want to act. I want to act. I

481
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 2: want to be respected as an actor. I want people

482
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 2: to see me. I want to be a THESPI and

483
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 2: I want to act. And I'm like, it's coming, babe,

484
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 2: it's coming. I know it is. I know it is.

485
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 3: And we went to Sherry's show Crystal and I this

486
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,400
Speaker 3: year and she had a mantra that she talked about

487
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 3: because she talked with Oprah and the mantra she got

488
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:23,679
Speaker 3: was later Greater Comes Later which, if you think about it,

489
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 3: Sherry didn't become a host of her own daytime TV

490
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 3: show until she was in her fifties. She's been a

491
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 3: comedian for over thirty years, doing the work, you know

492
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, doing the work. And now she's up

493
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 3: for every award, she's killing it and she's in her fifties.

494
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: Here we are just turned forty thirty nine, thinking, oh,

495
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 3: it is over, no time, there's no time left.

496
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 2: That was me at thirty. I was in shambles when

497
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,919
Speaker 2: I turned thirty, y'all. I was literally in shap I

498
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 2: was like the skinniest that ever was in my life too,

499
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 2: and just like stressed, like I'm thirty. The life is over.

500
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 2: It's like that top of the roller coaster and now

501
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 2: you're like on your way down. And I'm like, damn,

502
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 2: so thank you. And I was so excited about forty,

503
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 2: like I feel so excited about it. So many people

504
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 2: who are already in there forties tell me how amazing it

505
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: is here and so far, so good.

506
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 5: I will say, it is amazing here in your forties,

507
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 5: it's in. Things have been amazing. You're nearing there, Yes,

508
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 5: amazing for me and your oh appreciate.

509
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: And speaking of things we can do differently in our relationship.

510
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 2: This year, I am completely and fully invested in making

511
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 2: sure I'm finding moments to just do small things to

512
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: celebrate you and let you know how much you mean

513
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 2: to me. I think we get caught in the rat

514
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 2: race sometimes. I know how I get sometimes with just

515
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,199
Speaker 2: horse blinders on when there's things to be done and

516
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 2: there's kids, and there's work, and there's stuff, and there's stuff.

517
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 2: But I am looking forward to just spending more small

518
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 2: moments just you know, loving on you and also too

519
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 2: deval and I are not. We've kind of made the

520
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 2: decision together that when it comes to our relationship, we've

521
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 2: given y'all a whole lot. Yeah, but we don't give

522
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 2: you everything. We've given y'all a whole lot, And to

523
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 2: an extent, I think we've reached the end of sharing

524
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 2: about our relationship and marriage.

525
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah.

526
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 3: I mean not the end, because we're still going to

527
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 3: share because we love to share. I'm a content creator,

528
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 3: my wife's a content creator, and what better content and

529
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 3: creator about your life? Like there's no better content. But

530
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 3: and we're gonna do a whole podcast about this. But

531
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 3: our children are of paramount important to us, and we

532
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 3: really would be doing them a disservice if we didn't

533
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 3: focus on parenting more than we did content creation. And

534
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 3: the older Jackson gets, the older Kyro and kads getting

535
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 3: able to voice to us what they want and what

536
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 3: they need and require, they need us more and they

537
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 3: need less us entertaining people while parenting them. So we

538
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 3: are definitely making a choice to do things differently, especially

539
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 3: in this year, protect our peace as a family a

540
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,400
Speaker 3: lot more. Because when it was just CoDeeN and I,

541
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 3: it's easier to go out there and create content and

542
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 3: do stuff and feel comfortable. But when your children are

543
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 3: now out there on their own by themselves and people

544
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 3: like hey Jackson, I've seen hey Kiro, I know, and

545
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 3: they coming home and telling us, it's starting to get

546
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: a little scary, you know, because you know, you just

547
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 3: don't want your children to feel like they didn't.

548
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: Have a choice, you know.

549
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 3: So absolutely things will change for the ilyssis not in

550
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,439
Speaker 3: a bad way. This is just a way for us

551
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 3: to you know, y'all know us can I gonna be

552
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 3: D and K until we die?

553
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 2: Shout out to our patreon gang, who fact, that's where

554
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 2: you're really going to get, if anything, the content that

555
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 2: we continue to put forward. Yeah, this gear moving on.

556
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 2: So just to make that almost like I guess a

557
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 2: mini announcement that if you're going to want to see

558
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 2: the Ellises, that's where you're going to get it. It's

559
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 2: on Patreon. Because other than that, we're really just making

560
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 2: a conscious effort to step back. I mean, think about it.

561
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 2: We've been on the scene doing like Black Love. How

562
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 2: many years ago is that?

563
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 1: That was six years ago? Cairo was a baby and.

564
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 2: Just pregnant with Cas almost six years on going on

565
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 2: seven years. I mean, if you will, you can call

566
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,399
Speaker 2: deval and I the godmother and godfather of family content,

567
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 2: black love content, you know what I mean. We've been

568
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 2: doing this for a while. We've been with all the panels.

569
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 2: We've been talking about relationship, we wrote a book, we

570
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,479
Speaker 2: did the documentary. It's like, how many more ways can

571
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: we begin to or continue to tell our story without it,

572
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 2: you know, of course getting monotonous, and we don't realize

573
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 2: as devou star rises, as my star rises, there's going

574
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 2: to be new people who are exposed to the Ellison.

575
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 3: I don't know you, I don't think it will ever

576
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 3: be monotonous because life is an organism. It changes consistently,

577
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 3: so nothing will be monotonous. The conversations we have about

578
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 3: our family today will be completely different tomorrow once the kids.

579
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 2: Get about Love Story, particularly, But I don't.

580
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,199
Speaker 3: Think anything can become monotonist because it's always evolving. Like

581
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 3: I love Story. Think about the podcast I Love Story.

582
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 3: When we first started this thirteen seasons ago, it's not

583
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 3: the same as.

584
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: It is now. The way we spend about each other,

585
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 1: to each.

586
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 2: Other, for each other, spoken about Yeah.

587
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's always going to evolve.

588
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 3: I think for me, and I'm not going to speak

589
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 3: for you, but for me, the biggest issue is time,

590
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 3: Like I really want to be involved as a father

591
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 3: and as a husband right and as a mom. My

592
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 3: mind for the past seven years has been We're gonna

593
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 3: go spend time or do something. But how does this

594
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 3: become digestible content for our viewers as opposed to I'm

595
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 3: going to spend time with my wife, and I just

596
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 3: want to spend time with my wife.

597
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 2: Think about the amazing time we had spelling since us

598
00:27:55,000 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 2: spending the New Year. Sorry, I had such a good time.

599
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: I had such a good time at the end of

600
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: the year, y'all. It's making me stammer. But just from

601
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 2: my birthday trip my girls, to us being away with

602
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 2: my family and the boys and stuff for my mom's birthday,

603
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 2: my birthday, and the New Year, and we weren't documenting

604
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 2: any of it for public consumption. We were just living

605
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 2: in those moments and it was amazing.

606
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,479
Speaker 3: I also think that's why the podcast is going to

607
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 3: continue to be what it is, because now that we're

608
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 3: not picking up our phones as much and we're actually

609
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 3: living in the moment, which is what we've been talking

610
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,239
Speaker 3: about today. Living in these moments, these new moments from

611
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 3: the New year. Yes, living in these moments allow us

612
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 3: to tell you, guys what happened through the podcast.

613
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: So I know you guys have been seeing.

614
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 3: There's going to be our last go around for the

615
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: Dead Ass Podcast live show.

616
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: We're going to do a podcast about that, yes, but

617
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: Dead Ass Podcast.

618
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 3: Is not going anywhere for now. We're going to continue

619
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 3: to you see, k ready to be out the vale

620
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 3: ain't going nowhere. CA can goever this. I love doing this, No, I.

621
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: Love doing this too, But I also toy with and

622
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 2: contemplate the idea of like when you have something good.

623
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 2: At what point do you just say, you know what,

624
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 2: good things come to an end. Let us know how

625
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: y'all feel about that, y'all, let us know how you

626
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 2: feel about that. Because I go back and forth, I

627
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 2: go back and forth.

628
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 3: You think they're gonna tell us they want it to

629
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 3: be over. They listening like they're not. I don't know

630
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 3: what you're asking for.

631
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying, you know, the the podcast space

632
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: is very, very like saturated. Now, maybe there's other stuff people.

633
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: There's only one dad.

634
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 2: As I was going to roll out, the breakfast club

635
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 2: is going.

636
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: On for how many years?

637
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: This is like thirteen years for them, and they still

638
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 3: get up every morning and they like certain things. If

639
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 3: this was a scripted television show where we had to

640
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 3: find stuff to talk about, then I'd be concerned because

641
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 3: it's like, how many ways can y'all do this? But

642
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 3: this is a show where we discussed our life and

643
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: what's happening.

644
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: Our life is constantly happening. You know what I'm saying.

645
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 2: I get it. Yeah, And I.

646
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 3: Love to talk to people about it or talk about

647
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 3: because people get a chance to see.

648
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: I love to share.

649
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 3: I'm never going to be a pastor I'm not going

650
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 3: to be an attorney. I'm not going to be a congressman.

651
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 3: But the way I feel like I can help people

652
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 3: is by sharing my experience and using my platform to

653
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 3: share my experience, not through anyone else's sore. For me,

654
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 3: dead Ass podcast is a way for people to get the.

655
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: Real from us.

656
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I'm saying.

657
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 3: No one can tell No one is telling us what

658
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: to say how to say it. So for me, I

659
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 3: feel like this can go on as long as we

660
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 3: want it to go on, but as long as we

661
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 3: want it to and I'll say this publicly, if there

662
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 3: comes a point where you don't want to do dead

663
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 3: Ass Podcast, that's a conversation that we can have.

664
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: I just like being able to talk and this is

665
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 1: therapy for me.

666
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 3: So even if it's you know, if we shut down

667
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 3: dead Ass podcasts and I just have a dead Ass

668
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 3: with Devo, that's something that I feel like I would

669
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 3: want to do and that's not something we have to

670
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 3: talk about now.

671
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 2: But you know what I'm saying, No, I'm just saying it.

672
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: I've toyed with the idea and in the spirit of

673
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: us being transparent about where we see us going in

674
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 2: terms of content, you wanting to be recognized as a thespian,

675
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 2: as an actor. You know. It just has me thinking, like, Okay,

676
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 2: at what point does certain things close out and then

677
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 2: we open up a new thing or you know, what,

678
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 2: what is that going to look like for us? And

679
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: that's a part of like a new Year's thing that

680
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 2: we talk about. At the beginning of this year, you

681
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 2: hired someone new as an agent, like you got rid

682
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 2: of people who didn't serve you in that space anymore,

683
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 2: Like that was a new rebirth for you of Okay,

684
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 2: what's going to be the next thing that can happen

685
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 2: to take me to the next step, to the next level.

686
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 2: And sometimes that's necessary in order to elevate. You have

687
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 2: to reassess where you are and realize have I outgrown

688
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 2: this space? And can I be of service to others

689
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 2: in a different space or entity. And that's all I've

690
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: been toying with. So don't get nervous, y'all. I'm saying

691
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,959
Speaker 2: be over tomorrow. I'm just saying it's something I've been

692
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 2: thinking about. I've had enough.

693
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: Just put this in the air that I may not

694
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: be here next week, you know, Just let y'all know.

695
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: Put my two weeks in.

696
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: Now, But how also on top of the year, we're

697
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 2: thinking of the children and what we can do differently

698
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 2: as parents, and you've touched on that and us just

699
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: wanting to be present and wanted to make sure the

700
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 2: children are getting our undivided attention. You know how I

701
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 2: feel about that. That's paramount for me. I'll drop everything

702
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 2: all day, every day for my boys. So that goes

703
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 2: without saying. How do we approach making big changes in

704
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 2: our life? How did you fear in reaching the goals

705
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 2: you set last year? And are you carrying any of

706
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: those goals into the new year? Those are some good questions, trips.

707
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 3: I you see, these these are questions that I feel

708
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 3: people should be asking continuously, yes, not just on the

709
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 3: first day of the year, because these are these are

710
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 3: ways you just become better as a person period, you know,

711
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 3: like if you think about where we were last year

712
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 3: this time, and this is this is how I typically

713
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 3: just to answer these questions.

714
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 1: How I start my life. This is just my way,

715
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: I'm not saying so everybody's real.

716
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 3: I start out with financially because I can't do anything

717
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 3: in this world without resource to be able to do them.

718
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 3: So the first thing I do every the top of

719
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: every years and where was I this time last year financially?

720
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 3: Did I save money, did I lose money? Did I

721
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,719
Speaker 3: make investments that reached me benefits, or did I make

722
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 3: investments that I lost on? Like, I really dissect my

723
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 3: finances and say in the course of twelve months, because

724
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 3: sometimes you can't look at a snapshot and stuff changed

725
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 3: from month tomorrow, So you can look at a twelve

726
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 3: month calendar and say, Okay, I've gained access to resource,

727
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 3: so I've lost resources. So I used that time to

728
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: figure that out first.

729
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 2: That's in the first week of the year. We met

730
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 2: with our CPA, our financial advisor.

731
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 3: Yes, and there's a difference, there's different accounting, our tax

732
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: but he's our CFP certified Financial punn of shout to Sean.

733
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 2: Sean from he's been on the podcast before, but he

734
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: was like one of the first people that we touched base.

735
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 2: But though we speak to him pretty much like weekly,

736
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,239
Speaker 2: at this point, he's somebody who we speak to at

737
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 2: the top of the year just because, like you said,

738
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 2: you want that screenshot of or that snapshot of what

739
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 2: the year looked like last year and then a detail

740
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 2: assessment of you know, profits and losses and money.

741
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 3: Because he tells us, like the first thing he said

742
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 3: was this is where you were last year, and this

743
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 3: is where we are. So this is what you've gained,

744
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 3: this is what you lost.

745
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 2: This is what you can do.

746
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 3: This is what you Yes, this is what you can do,

747
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 3: because you shouldn't do. I hired a bookkeeper last year.

748
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 3: A bookkeeper is different than your certified personal accountant. An

749
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 3: accountant goes through all of your profits and losses and

750
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 3: they do all your tax things and make sure that

751
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 3: you're in compliance with the government. The bookkeeper takes a

752
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 3: look at every transaction on every account and tells you

753
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 3: was as profitable or if it wasn't.

754
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 2: And one thing I'm gonna do is transact. Okay, one

755
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,400
Speaker 2: thing I'm gonna do is transact.

756
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 3: One thing his he is a funny thing. Then and

757
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 3: I share. We share an American Express card. We share too,

758
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 3: we share a personal American Express card, and we share

759
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 3: the business American Express card.

760
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 1: She doesn't know this, but the bookkeeper told me.

761
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 3: She said, are you aware that the eighty two percent

762
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 3: of the spending on both cards is kadeen?

763
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 1: That's what percent?

764
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 3: She said, Yeah, about eighty two percent of the spending

765
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 3: on and I said eighty two percent as far as

766
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 3: she said, well, not total amounts spent, but total amount

767
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 3: of transactions. So of one hundred transactions, eighty two are

768
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 3: going to be yours for sure. I said, so how

769
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 3: much of those transactions?

770
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: You know?

771
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: How much of the spending? She said, oh, well, it's

772
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 3: about sixty percent. So I said, so it's not large things.

773
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 3: But she said, no, it's not large, but it's a lot.

774
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm a transact.

775
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, you go, she said, there's there's a couple of

776
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 3: days where she's had twenty plus transactions in one day.

777
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 2: That's a fact because some days I shut down and

778
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 2: I'm like bills to get paid. Don't get me in

779
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 2: a rhythm. Okay, cause don't get me in a rhythm

780
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 2: because you might have twenty on each depending on the day.

781
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 2: There's business stuff, that's household stuff. Is this that that?

782
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,840
Speaker 2: It makes sense? It makes sense? Twenty eight percent? What

783
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 2: was it?

784
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 5: Eighty two percent? I'm eighteen percent.

785
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 3: I'm eighteen percent transacting and try to that so, yeah,

786
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 3: you know how to act transact.

787
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: That's gonna be the new thing for K can not

788
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 1: act transact.

789
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put that shit on the T shirt.

790
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 3: Okay, But the bookkeeper pretty much gives you a full

791
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 3: accounting of where your money's going, how often it's going out.

792
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 3: I found out how much money we spent on fast food,

793
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 3: how much money we spent on travel, how much.

794
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: The business expense.

795
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 3: And then once you get all that information, you say, dang,

796
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: this amount of my investments reaped this amount of benefits.

797
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,879
Speaker 3: So once you have all of this information, you now

798
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 3: can set up a plan for the for the year

799
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 3: moving forward, which is what you and I did with Sean.

800
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 2: And it's great to have several eyes on it. Right,

801
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm going to miss something, miss something, so it's

802
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 2: great to have a couple of different eyes to say, hey, y'all,

803
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 2: now right, stop the transacting. It's to start saving, you

804
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 2: know it.

805
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 3: Also it also shows us where what it showed me

806
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 3: where our priorities lie. Most of Kadeen's transactions came through

807
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 3: the household, stuff for the boys, stuff for like she

808
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 3: would go for example, we say twenty transactions. She wasn't

809
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 3: out there buying twenty Gucci bags. It was she'd shop

810
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 3: in Amazon. And you know Amazon, sometimes they do each

811
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 3: individual transaction. Yeah, so a lot of your transaction home stuff,

812
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 3: stuff for the kids. A lot of my transactions were

813
00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: larger transactions, but it was mainly for business stuff. So

814
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 3: when I looked at the bookkeeper, she was just like,

815
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 3: you know, you spent a lot of time focused on

816
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 3: your businesses, Kate spent a lot of time focusing on

817
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:32,959
Speaker 3: the home.

818
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: But that lets us know where we are and how

819
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: it works for us.

820
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 2: That's our strengths, our strength, yes, for sure, because then

821
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 2: ask me not about the business. I mean, you do

822
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 2: do a good job of looping me in so I'm

823
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 2: aware of what's happening and the same, yeah, got to know.

824
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 2: And I'll always before I go to swipe the car

825
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 2: to do anything, I'm usually like, okay, babe, bike, business, personal,

826
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 2: you know, can we do this right now? Can we not?

827
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 2: The strike last year was how many months we were

828
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 2: in the strike?

829
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 3: Man six months? That was another thing last year. Look

830
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,439
Speaker 3: at the year prior. You look at what happened during

831
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 3: that year and say, how did we fare in that

832
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,959
Speaker 3: year when this happened. And I think over the course

833
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 3: of last year, Kadeena and I learned a lot about ourselves.

834
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: Because I was not working for six months.

835
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 3: I was the first time since the quarantine, and even

836
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: during the quarantine, TPS was still filming. I filmed two

837
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,760
Speaker 3: seasons of television during the quarantine, so I never felt

838
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 3: what it was like to be out of work for

839
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 3: that time. But then we're not filming since June and

840
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 3: then rolling around into December and not getting a paycheck.

841
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,319
Speaker 3: Kadeena and I really bogged down on our expenses and

842
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,359
Speaker 3: we realized how we can live like this even if

843
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,439
Speaker 3: we don't get paid. And I want to say this, yes,

844
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 3: when you have a partner, whether it's your wife, fiance,

845
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 3: child's mother, child's father, doesn't matter what it is, coming

846
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 3: together at any point and saying this is our wealth

847
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 3: strategy moving forward is how you can better assess what

848
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 3: your year is going to be. Because Kadeen and I

849
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 3: sat down with Sean, and Sean asked us Devalu and

850
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 3: Kadeen what are your career goals for the year. What

851
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 3: are your financial goals for the year. But then most

852
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 3: importantly he said what are your investment goals? Because they're

853
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 3: not all the same. And the thing is you can't

854
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 3: do all three if you don't have a good foundation

855
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 3: with your partner to say, okay, if my career goals

856
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 3: are For example, if cases my career goals are to

857
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 3: get established with creating my own haircare brand, that's going

858
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 3: to cost us money. If my career goals is to

859
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 3: get some more property or start building a gym, that's

860
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 3: going to cost us money. So it's like, how do

861
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 3: we decide where the money that we've pulled together is

862
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 3: going to go unless we sit down together and say, listen,

863
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 3: is our plan for the future.

864
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 2: And what I really appreciate about you and Sewan because again,

865
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 2: Sewan's been he's your godbrother, so he's been in your

866
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 2: life for a long time. But I've never made to

867
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 2: feel like any goal of mine or any you know, business,

868
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 2: you know, idea is less than what you want to do.

869
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 2: Like it's literally like, okay, we're gonna come to this

870
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 2: table and brainstorm. Does it make sense? So I never

871
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 2: take personally like devows endeavors are more important than mine

872
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 2: or vice versa. I think that's the beauty and a

873
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 2: partnership like this is that yo, if it's gonna be

874
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,439
Speaker 2: mutually beneficial to the family, and it's the right time

875
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 2: because certain things is just not the right time for it,

876
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 2: you know, it's it's always making sure that we're touching

877
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 2: based on those things, and it's a continual touch base

878
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 2: for sure. All Right, y'all, I think this was a

879
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 2: pretty good way to start the new year with y'all

880
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 2: a new season. Welcome to season three of Dead Ass,

881
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 2: I mean thirteen man, Welcome to season thirteen. Season three

882
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 2: is the team and you say, got my seasons all

883
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 2: mixed up? Season three is a team that it will

884
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 2: be out soon too. But welcome to season thirteen of

885
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 2: Dead Ass Podcast with Candadian de Val. Y'all. All right,

886
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: let's go pay some bills as we talked about money

887
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 2: and finance at the top of the year, and we'll

888
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 2: be back for the listener letters and moment of truth.

889
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 2: I'm excited to see what y'all got for the top

890
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 2: of the year. All right, we're.

891
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 3: Back listener letters, first listener letters of the year.

892
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: Let's see.

893
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 2: Let's see if y'all made it good for us for

894
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 2: the new season and the new year. You want to

895
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 2: read first, baby, or do you want me to go?

896
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 2: I'll go first. I want to say how much I

897
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 2: appreciate the podcast and you guys sharing your lives with us.

898
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,319
Speaker 2: See I get that. As I'm telling you maybe I

899
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 2: want to end this sometime soon. That's what happens though, right,

900
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 2: You put something out there and then God tells you

901
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 2: what you should do exactly answered answered prayers. Right all right.

902
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,879
Speaker 2: I am based in Canada, but originally an islander from

903
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 2: Haiti bonure funny, all right. I've been married for about

904
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 2: nine years now, and let's just say marriage is ghetto

905
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 2: what but it is still worth it. I love that

906
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 2: your story inspired me to move my family closer to

907
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 2: our relatives in the Greater Montreal area. Despite the hard times,

908
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 2: I can definitely say it was the best decision for us.

909
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 2: So thank you. I want to ask about your thought

910
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 2: process on expanding your family. I have one child. Our

911
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 2: first experience with pregnancy was difficult. Got into hospitalize bed

912
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 2: rest at twenty five weeks and then the baby decides

913
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 2: to come into the world two weeks later through an

914
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 2: emergency C section. From the day is spent on his

915
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 2: bedside at the NIKU to coming home with him on

916
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 2: an oxygen machine, the whole journey was traumatizing for me.

917
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 2: I understand before twenty twenty three it was a hard

918
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 2: no one having another child, but my husband and I

919
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 2: always wanted two children. My ovaries are doing a number

920
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 2: on me. Now I've now graduated to maybe. I'm currently

921
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 2: working with my therapists on the birth trauma because I

922
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: want to make sure either way that I'm not making

923
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 2: a choice by fear, which is super smart. I know

924
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 2: that I will be high risk or I will be

925
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 2: a high risk pregnancy with a higher chance of having

926
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 2: a second PREMI and probably be on bed rest. So

927
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 2: what made you guys want to have more children after

928
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 2: the first experience with your first boy? And please? When

929
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 2: are y'all coming to Montreal? See you now? I'm telling

930
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 2: you I want to end a tour. Y'all come here

931
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 2: to come to Montreal. We haven't even been worldwide yet.

932
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 2: We might not to reconsider this. I'm trying to put

933
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,879
Speaker 2: you guys on my date night list. Alrighty, it's thank

934
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 2: you for writing in. I already understand the anxiety that

935
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: comes with no matter how many times you've been pregnant,

936
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 2: no matter how many children you have every single pregnancy

937
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 2: as a woman, you feel this overwhelming sense of responsibility

938
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 2: to bring this precious life full term. And I have

939
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 2: family members, I have a cousin, I have friends who

940
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 2: have all had experiences where they've had early labor pre

941
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:50,240
Speaker 2: term labor babies in the NICICU, I mean micro mini babies.

942
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 2: My cousin had a thirteen ounce daughter who is now

943
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 2: a vivationous to year rold who is thriving and doing

944
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 2: so well second pregnancy. So I know that there's a

945
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 2: lot of different depending on the persons situation. There's a

946
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 2: lot of different interventions that can happen early in the

947
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 2: pregnancy that will help you to get to full term. So,

948
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 2: for example, my cousin who knew she was prone to

949
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 2: pre term labor, had a surclage put in and that

950
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 2: really helped her to us whole the baby. And it's

951
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 2: pretty much where they stitch your servix closed in the

952
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 2: very beginning of the pregnancy, and that is able to

953
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 2: kind of give you a barrier depending on how short

954
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,879
Speaker 2: or how weak your service is. Yeah, so now she's

955
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 2: made it to about thirty four weeks, she's a sedulity

956
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 2: section and she's right there and this is the first

957
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 2: time that she's full term. You can do maternity pictures

958
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 2: and all of that. So not sure what your situation

959
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 2: is this when it comes to pregnancy, but that may

960
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: be something you can explore with your doctor different ways

961
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: to see how you can maybe have early intervention done

962
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 2: to be able to bring a child full term. But

963
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: speaking to the first pregnancy that we had, in the

964
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 2: first birth, which was Jackson.

965
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: I pray God.

966
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 3: We said, if you make if my scene comes through

967
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 3: this okay and my wife is okay because we almost

968
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 3: lost care. I said, I'm never having another child, and

969
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 3: I will treat these two better than you ever seen

970
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 3: a man treat kids and a mother. Like That's how

971
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 3: I felt, because I was like, please, just don't take

972
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 3: one of my favorite people away from me, so I

973
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 3: know how she feels. One thing I will say very simple, anxiety.

974
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: Comes from fear. Fear comes from the unknown.

975
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 3: So the more you educate yourself and what you need

976
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 3: to be better, the better you'll feel about it.

977
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 1: Period.

978
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 3: You can talk about the trauma all day to a therapist,

979
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: but the only thing that's going to really heal you

980
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 3: from that fear of not knowing is knowing. So let's

981
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 3: get as much information. When it came down to having Cairo,

982
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 3: I read so many different books, I watched so many documentaries,

983
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 3: I watched clips on you. I did everything almost to

984
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,439
Speaker 3: the point where now people were calling me a doula dad,

985
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 3: because when it came down to the birthing process, I

986
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 3: knew everything. I so for me, I had the same

987
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 3: anxiety she had. But I just kept educating myself and

988
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 3: I said the more I know, the better. And when

989
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 3: I saw things happening, I said, well, based on what

990
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 3: they told me, this is normal, and it helped us.

991
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 2: There were no surprise. I mean, naturally with birth there

992
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 2: can be, but it's always a surprise.

993
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: Baby here like that the surprise all ship is coming

994
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: right now.

995
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 3: We did not know he was coming today, Like there's

996
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 3: always a surprise, but just knowing.

997
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna let yell in a little quick embarrassing

998
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: surprise that I had with Dakota's birth. So y'all, you know,

999
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 2: like it's possible when from like the pushing, like imagine

1000
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 2: like pushing and like what you normally will push out

1001
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 2: of everybody. I had a floating poop, Guys, I had

1002
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:36,760
Speaker 2: a floating poop.

1003
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: It was a cue.

1004
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 2: It was a little.

1005
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:42,360
Speaker 1: Baby poop.

1006
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 2: It was I was so embarrassed in that moment, like

1007
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 2: here I am like holding this beautiful baby in a

1008
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: moment and I'm like, is that poop floating through the

1009
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 2: rose petals. Oh my god. And it was literally like

1010
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 2: I saw it and my midwife saw it at the

1011
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 2: same time, and she had the little like fishing it

1012
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 2: that she could scoop a fish out of a fish.

1013
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 2: Take with that. She just scooped the poop and it

1014
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 2: was gone. And I could not stop being mortified in

1015
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 2: that moment.

1016
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 1: And then you pushed the whole person. I didn't look.

1017
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 2: Down at the cold and be like, I just pushed

1018
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 2: your six pound self out of me. So, yeah, I

1019
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: guess I should real talk.

1020
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 3: Nobody judges women like women like y'all judge yourselfl y'all

1021
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 3: judge yourself.

1022
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 1: More than a nobody else. People in there crying like baby,

1023
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,240
Speaker 1: somebody get the ship literally.

1024
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 2: I mean, it's ruining my photos. I'm like, can we

1025
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 2: photo shot the ship out?

1026
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 3: Like you know, I've seen it. I didn't even care.

1027
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: I was just happy you was healthy. I was happy

1028
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,239
Speaker 3: the baby was here, was crying. That's all I cared about.

1029
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 3: That stuff was minor.

1030
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 1: I really didn't care.

1031
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, all right, says good luck to you

1032
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 2: as you talk about with your spouse, baby number two,

1033
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 2: the good things that you have all the family there. Yes,

1034
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 2: so you know you'll have the reinforcements that you need

1035
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 2: to get you to a full term liber I'm going

1036
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 2: to put full term baby in labor. I'm going to

1037
00:47:58,680 --> 00:47:59,240
Speaker 2: put that out.

1038
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 3: For you at yourself on what you gotta do to

1039
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 3: get that baby to full term and do that that

1040
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 3: will help ease some of the anxiety.

1041
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 1: You guys got it for sure. We pray for y'all.

1042
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: Y'all got it?

1043
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:08,479
Speaker 2: Number two?

1044
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 1: Hello Devala Kadeen.

1045
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 3: Been a fan for a while now, Like I still

1046
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 3: have my dope dad to yoh, that's what's up?

1047
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: That long?

1048
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 3: About forty of those sean on a dad gang. Now,

1049
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 3: while I'm seeking advice from a married couple, I do

1050
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 3: have my own mindset on how I'm going about the situation.

1051
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 3: I'm dating my girlfriend of three years now. This was

1052
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 3: our first year living together and it was rocky, but

1053
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 3: as things improved, I decided we could take this to

1054
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 3: the next step. Now. I had foolishly proposed two times prior,

1055
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 3: both times without a ring. The second time I proposed,

1056
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 3: she said no, but I do. Sorry, it's funny. She

1057
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 3: was like, hell, no, nigg you ain't got a ring,

1058
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 3: but do better, and yes I will. That's what she said,

1059
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 3: Now fast forward. My girlfriend did tell me not to

1060
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 3: propose this year, but I thought we were on the

1061
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 3: right track. I put forth a better effort for the proposal,

1062
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 3: which would have me proposing in I don't even know

1063
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 3: what this word is vs.

1064
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: Three gold by the luminescent Bay. I think that's what

1065
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: it is.

1066
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 3: I thing, Okay, Well, we didn't get on we didn't

1067
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:20,479
Speaker 3: get to go on the trip. So I figured i'd

1068
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 3: make a Plan B, that is nigga WHILEY was led

1069
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 3: all the way up to Plan D.

1070
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 2: Listen when you get plan okay, sorry, took it away

1071
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 2: for the new year.

1072
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 3: If Plan D ain't playing A, then it's a problem

1073
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,719
Speaker 3: because in all my plans eight is a D, and

1074
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 3: that's what I'll be trying to give to K. All right,

1075
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 3: So Plan A means that D gonna get the d

1076
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 3: D K all right? Who alphabet suit make you happy?

1077
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: All right? All right?

1078
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 5: So when I finally found a chance, we're playing found

1079
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 5: a chance, she s said, no, didn't even look.

1080
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 1: At the ring. Man, I can't lie me putting my

1081
00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:58,240
Speaker 1: heart on my sleeve.

1082
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 3: That' shit hurt and put me in a not so

1083
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,360
Speaker 3: good place, and my emotions got the best of me,

1084
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 3: and we ended up having our first argument ever. I

1085
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 3: tore pictures of us off the wall and said some

1086
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 3: pretty hurtful things. We went to counseling and sort of

1087
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,280
Speaker 3: bounced back. I still apologize, as I know I caused

1088
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:18,359
Speaker 3: my own grief and apologize for reacting emotionally. She still

1089
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 3: feels hurt about it. What the fuck she feel hurt

1090
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 3: about now? I got a lot to say about this.

1091
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, and I'm not looking for her to hurry

1092
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 3: and get over. Get over what the man's been wanting

1093
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 3: to get married to you, but since he didn't have

1094
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,320
Speaker 3: a ring, you said no. But now he tried to

1095
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:30,879
Speaker 3: do something else, came with a ring, and you still

1096
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 3: said no.

1097
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 2: Finish the story.

1098
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 3: Niggas be trying to do a lot, and we finished

1099
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 3: the story. I called my own grief and apologize. And

1100
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 3: the fact is he's feeling shameful. He had to apologize

1101
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 3: for her that she said no to his apology. This

1102
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 3: is some mind fuck here. She still feels hurt about it,

1103
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 3: and I'm not looking for her to hurry and get over,

1104
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 3: and I'm willing to make the situation less painful as

1105
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,960
Speaker 3: long as she needs. Because I did mess up here.

1106
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 3: But my question is how will I know when or

1107
00:50:58,560 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 3: if I can propose?

1108
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:01,800
Speaker 1: This is? This? Is this sound crazy?

1109
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 2: This is gonna be a fourth time proposed?

1110
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,880
Speaker 1: Don't sound crazy to nobody else? Should I forget about engagement? Yeah, nigga,

1111
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 1: forget about it. Go ahead, propose to somebody else.

1112
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 3: She says, so far from that step, So it's like

1113
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 3: forbidding to even speak about it.

1114
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 1: She don't want to get married, bro, she don't want

1115
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: to get No, I'm not confused. I know what it is.

1116
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 3: I know exactly what. She does not want to get married.

1117
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 3: She doesn't want to get married. Let me tell you why.

1118
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,839
Speaker 3: We had this whole argument at one of the live podcasts. Right,

1119
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,000
Speaker 3: all of these women were saying, in order for her

1120
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:31,839
Speaker 3: to say yes to the guy, he needs to come

1121
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 3: with a certain ring on a certain day, got to

1122
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 3: be to remember all this stuff. And then I started

1123
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 3: asking him of what do y'all come to the table with?

1124
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 3: And they were like, oh, I want to know what

1125
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 3: she came to the table with. At least this time

1126
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 3: he came with a ring.

1127
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 2: It seems like she came with a lot of demands.

1128
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: You he's never gonna make her happy, bro.

1129
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't understand. It's just like she said do better,

1130
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 2: and yes, said, well do better at what the proposal?

1131
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,759
Speaker 2: Or do better at life? You know what I'm saying, like,

1132
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 2: what are we doing better at? It's either you know

1133
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 2: what you don't sist. I mean, I feel like at

1134
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 2: this point once it's like a third and fourth proposal.

1135
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 2: How I wonder how long they've been together. I'll say this,

1136
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 2: stayd my girlfriend for three years now. I'll say yes,

1137
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 2: he said he got a Dad Gang T shirt.

1138
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 3: So he's a father. I don't know if that's the

1139
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:16,799
Speaker 3: child's mother or not. He hasn't specified, but I will

1140
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 3: say this though, right. I have been with Kadeen since

1141
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: we were eighteen. Kadeen used to leave pictures of the

1142
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:26,840
Speaker 3: ring type she wanted on the refrigerator. She put it

1143
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 3: on my laptop, she put it everywhere.

1144
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 2: Manifestation.

1145
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 3: If I would have proposed to Kadeen without a ring

1146
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:33,919
Speaker 3: and said will you marry me, Kadeen would have said yes,

1147
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 3: Am I lie?

1148
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 2: I would have said yes, that's my point. I would

1149
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:37,399
Speaker 2: have I didn't care.

1150
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 3: There wasn't no it has to be this way. The

1151
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 3: pressure that I put on myself was on you.

1152
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 2: You said that before too.

1153
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: Yes, yes.

1154
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 3: Now, this is why I say when women was like, yeah,

1155
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 3: you put that pressure on yourself, That's why I say

1156
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:53,240
Speaker 3: that's a lie, because look, he didn't have that pressure

1157
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 3: on himself.

1158
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 1: He said, I love this woman. I'm asking to Mary man,

1159
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 1: I don't have a ring, and that bit. She said no.

1160
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 3: Twice, and then he got the ring and she said

1161
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 3: no again, like what niggas supposed to do.

1162
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, bro, I don't think she wanted to get married.

1163
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: I don't.

1164
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:11,319
Speaker 2: I wonder why they didn't go on the trip too.

1165
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: He said, well, we didn't get to go on the trip,

1166
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 2: so I figured I may plan was ready to plan

1167
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 2: d I wonder how he ended up proposing it either way,

1168
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:22,319
Speaker 2: It's like, come on, man, yo, I would love to

1169
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 2: hear her.

1170
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 3: I want to know from the viewers. I want to

1171
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,799
Speaker 3: know from the listeners. Man, what y'all expect.

1172
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: A man to do? Man, because y'all been telling us

1173
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 1: all this time. I don't care about the ring. I

1174
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: just want you.

1175
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 3: We don't watch movies where the guy and got the

1176
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 3: perfect ring and they didn't threw the ring and said,

1177
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 3: that's not about this.

1178
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 1: I want you.

1179
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 3: He came with himself and she said nah. She said, nah,

1180
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 3: I'm good on that, but you need to work harder.

1181
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:48,440
Speaker 3: I got you next time. Come on, come on now,

1182
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 3: y'all know how I just want one of the women listening.

1183
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 3: You know how hard that is from man. He proposed

1184
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 3: three times, and even after proposing got shut down, he apologized.

1185
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 3: And now and now he feels bad, like I feel sorry.

1186
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 3: I know I messed up anybody.

1187
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 2: Hopefully she'll get the mindset on the situation I want.

1188
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 2: Is this your mindset? Broh?

1189
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:11,479
Speaker 3: And now he's talking about some Hopefully you know she

1190
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:12,359
Speaker 3: she will get over it.

1191
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 1: Get over what turning you down three times?

1192
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 2: I think what she's changed. They probably was the hurtful

1193
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 2: things that he might have said. Maybe that particular arts.

1194
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: She deserved them. Stop yelling over that trouble. You scream,

1195
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 1: you laughing, but it's not funny. May be going through

1196
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 1: a man, be going through a lot, Okay.

1197
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 2: Going Everyone has to say of the year or two,

1198
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 2: got rowled up, got me riled up, rolled up.

1199
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 3: And I ain't mean to call your girl a bitch.

1200
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 3: I don't mean to call it bitch. She's not a bitch.

1201
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 3: A bitch with that move was bitchy. That move was

1202
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:44,240
Speaker 3: real bitchy.

1203
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: I ain't you know what I'm saying. I ain't ever

1204
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 1: gonna call a woman a bitch, but that move was bitch.

1205
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 1: You you know what I'm saying. That's messed up, man, bro.

1206
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 2: Let us know how it goes. Let us know where things.

1207
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 2: I guess one things cool off and if she gets

1208
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 2: over it, give us a follow up, please, because I'm

1209
00:54:57,840 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 2: curious and I wish.

1210
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: I wish I had another a girl over here. I

1211
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,359
Speaker 1: could just be like, here, propose us. She's gonna say yes,

1212
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 1: like I just wish. Like right now, you know what

1213
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying, anybody, his confidence.

1214
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 3: Is probably at the load, Like his confidence is in

1215
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 3: a basement right now. He's still trying to do whatever

1216
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,240
Speaker 3: he can do to make this woman happy.

1217
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 4: Man.

1218
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: I feel I feel bad for him, bro, like I do.

1219
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 2: Man, Sorry, brother, let us know how it goes. Let

1220
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 2: us know, give us a touch base because we were

1221
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 2: very was very invested at this point.

1222
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 1: I am, I want to know what's happening, man, very invested.

1223
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 1: Now if it turns out that he'll scum back, and

1224
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:27,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna.

1225
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 2: Be like, hey, man, right exactly, we don't have the

1226
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 2: full story. You wrote this listening letters. You ain't tell

1227
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,879
Speaker 2: us you did that, like right, right right. That's usually

1228
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 2: how it kind of slow leaks after. It's like a

1229
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:38,799
Speaker 2: bad fart, you know what I mean. It's like slow

1230
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 2: leaking slow.

1231
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:41,839
Speaker 1: Now you call my man a fart. He just got

1232
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,839
Speaker 1: he got denied on the proposal. Three times. You call

1233
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 1: my man a fart. Man, Go to the moment. Go

1234
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 1: to the moment.

1235
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 2: Well, don't be bitch y'all, and make sure you write

1236
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 2: in if you want to be featured as a listener letter,

1237
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:53,920
Speaker 2: because we love to hear from you. We're in season

1238
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 2: thirteen underway and we can't get enough of y'all. So

1239
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,800
Speaker 2: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail.

1240
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 3: That's d E A d A S S A d

1241
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 3: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1242
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,720
Speaker 2: All right, time for the moment of truth. We're talking

1243
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 2: new year, new me or not to resolute or to

1244
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,360
Speaker 2: not to resolute.

1245
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 1: Or I got an easy one, go for it.

1246
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 3: Live in a moment. Treat every day like it's January first. Yes,

1247
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 3: entreat every moment like it's December thirty first, at eleven

1248
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 3: fifty eight, and enjoy those two minutes and say what

1249
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 3: can I do with this new start? And don't let

1250
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 3: it just be that day that's my just every moment.

1251
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 3: I want you to take every day of twenty twenty

1252
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 3: four and say, this is a day I'm going to

1253
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,320
Speaker 3: create and enjoy and love and embrace.

1254
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,239
Speaker 2: I love that. I think my moment of truth to

1255
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 2: piggyback off of you, I think it's kind of hit

1256
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 2: the nail on the head. But also to just just

1257
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 2: be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself as you

1258
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 2: approach a new year, a new week, a new month,

1259
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 2: whatever it is. Be honest with yourself about what you

1260
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 2: want to do and don't want to do. Let's not

1261
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 2: fool ourselves into thinking like, oh, yeah, I can be

1262
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:04,719
Speaker 2: this and I want to be that. If you really

1263
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:06,440
Speaker 2: don't want to do it, you have to put the

1264
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 2: work in. And that's what I have finally done for myself.

1265
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 2: I've just been honest about where my priorities lie and

1266
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 2: the things that I really want to invest my time

1267
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 2: and energy on, and everything else is just a hard no.

1268
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 2: So I think being honest with myself has helped me

1269
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 2: think about how I want to approach the new year

1270
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 2: and each new week and each new month, because it's

1271
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 2: something that I feel like small goals and small bits

1272
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 2: of consistency will help me get to where I got

1273
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:30,720
Speaker 2: to get to.

1274
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 3: So what Kay is saying is, if somebody proposed to

1275
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 3: you in twenty twenty four and you don't want to

1276
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 3: get married, say no, gotcha, you're on her side. Be

1277
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 3: sure to find us on Patreon. But no, I hear

1278
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:45,280
Speaker 3: you though, because we did talk about that too. Being

1279
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 3: able to live in your truth and walk in your

1280
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 3: truth regardless of what everyone else feels, be comfortable saying nah,

1281
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 3: I just don't want to do that.

1282
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 2: Bro. That's me all day, every day, New Year, New decade,

1283
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 2: all that for real? All right? Be sure to find

1284
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 2: us on Patreon, y'all. Thank you to those who are

1285
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 2: subscribed and you're listening and you're watching, you're seeing all

1286
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 2: the good stuff. Who's watching my birthday recap? It was

1287
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 2: a vibe. It was a vibe, y'all. You can also

1288
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,880
Speaker 2: see exclusive dead Ass podcast video content and be sure

1289
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 2: to find us on social media. If you're not following

1290
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 2: us yet, dead Ass the Podcast and I'm Kadeen I am.

1291
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 3: And I am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1292
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 3: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, Make sure you get

1293
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 3: your copy of We Over Me, The counterintuitive approach to

1294
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 3: getting everything you want out of your relationship, and get

1295
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 3: them tickets to the Love Against the World Tour.

1296
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 2: Guys, y'all are in for a treat. I'm telling you.

1297
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Speaker 2: I'm telling you, I'm telling you, And with this being

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Speaker 2: the last tour that we're doing for the foreseeable future,

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Speaker 2: I think you want to get on it. Get on it.

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Speaker 2: You don't want to say that you missed it. So

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Speaker 2: whatever city you're in, whatever you're near, make sure you

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Speaker 2: get there. Dallas, New York, Charlotte, DC, Philly, Atlanta. All Right,

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Speaker 2: we'll see y'all there.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass Dead Ass is a production of iHeart Media

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Speaker 3: podcast network and is produced by Donor Pinya and Tribble.

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Speaker 3: Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the

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Speaker 3: Podcast and never miss a Thing.