Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Yew. Well, let's begin tonight with the weekends festivities. A
Speaker 2: big weekend for what we call Judeo Christians, two major
Speaker 2: religious festivals at the same time, and President Obama celebrated
Speaker 2: both of them, and what I believe is an attempt
Speaker 2: to convince me VILLI is a Muslim.
Speaker 1: Nice try, Nice try.
Speaker 2: Yesterday, of course, was Easter, which, along with Good Friday,
Speaker 2: commemorates the death and resurrection of Christ. And this morning
Speaker 2: the White House celebrated in the manner prescribed by scripture.
Speaker 3: In just about a half hour, are they going to
Speaker 3: start the one hundred and thirty fourth annual White House
Speaker 3: Easter egg roll? These are some of our friends here,
Speaker 3: the power Rangers out on the chipmunks, Wobblewobsie penguins.
Speaker 4: Can they has been trying to get on camera the
Speaker 4: entire time that.
Speaker 5: Here are the eggs, eggs.
Speaker 1: The eggs are here right now.
Speaker 6: We've got some Harlem globetrotters.
Speaker 2: It's great holiday for people who gave up LSD for lent.
Speaker 2: You see all them too, right, Actually this scene is
Speaker 2: true to biblical scholarship. I remember these characters from the
Speaker 2: Last Supper if I'm.
Speaker 1: Not mistaken, that was.
Speaker 2: One of you will betray me, all men, So the
Speaker 2: White House.
Speaker 1: Pulls out all the stops for Easter. Passover is the
Speaker 1: same weekend.
Speaker 7: Bring it.
Speaker 8: I'd like to wish a happy holiday to all those
Speaker 8: celebrating Passover. Led by Jewish members of my staff, will
Speaker 8: retell the story of the Exodus, listen to our youngest guests,
Speaker 8: ask the four questions, and of course look forward to
Speaker 8: a good bowl of mantza ballsuit.
Speaker 1: That's it. That's what Jews get.
Speaker 2: You get a huge shindig on the White House lawn
Speaker 2: for Easter with every children's character that has ever been invented,
Speaker 2: including this guy. Who is this guy Captain Planet? Oh
Speaker 2: what's his super? That way, he's Captain Planet.
Speaker 1: Hey kids.
Speaker 2: My selling point for my people is we're gonna have soup.
Speaker 2: It's the Avengers versus the Jewish members of my staff. Hey, kids,
Speaker 2: who wants to meet Debbie Wasserman Schultz?
Speaker 1: Where's everybody going? Look? And I get it.
Speaker 2: I don't want to say Satyrs are boring, but this
Speaker 2: isn't a photo we're showing.
Speaker 1: It's video.
Speaker 2: Allow me to get personal for just a moment, as
Speaker 2: a father of mixed faith children who are exposed to
Speaker 2: both Christian and Jewish holidays.
Speaker 1: I can't help but.
Speaker 2: Feel that we Jews are getting our asses kicked out here.
Speaker 2: In fact, you know what, Jews Camera three.
Speaker 1: What are we doing? We've already conceded defeat in the.
Speaker 2: Christmas v Honikah kerfuffle, seeing that the Christians are celebrating
Speaker 2: the birth of their savior, and Honkkah is acknowledging oil
Speaker 2: lasting longer than it would normally last. And to be
Speaker 2: honest with the truth be told, there really is no gauge.
Speaker 2: I mean, how much oil was in There could have.
Speaker 1: Been eight days worth of oil. We don't really know.
Speaker 2: I mean it could have been a very suitable amount
Speaker 2: of oil to Burford. It's not the point.
Speaker 1: It's not the point.
Speaker 2: The point is this, there's no contest there, Honika Christmas,
Speaker 2: no contest, But we can't afford to lose this one too.
Speaker 2: The key is the children, people, That's what Christians have
Speaker 2: figured out. You get the children, you win. Let's check
Speaker 2: out both sides. Holiday pitch okay, kids. Easter Weekend is
Speaker 2: an observation of Christ's crucifixion and resurrection. So boom bam boom, bam.
Speaker 1: A bathroom with candy.
Speaker 2: We got chocolate bunnies, We got candy eggs. We got
Speaker 2: choucolate bunnies who lay candy eggs.
Speaker 1: Fill with more chocolate.
Speaker 2: How are Christians the one that came up with plastic grass?
Speaker 2: By the way, we're the ones with hay fever. But
Speaker 2: all right, it's cool. It's cool. Jews, what do we got? Well,
Speaker 2: we're celebrating our freedom from slavery, so.
Speaker 1: Book bawl, let my people not.
Speaker 2: We're gonna gone with a freedom themes festival, or instead
Speaker 2: we chose to focus on the slavery part of the dinner. Hey,
Speaker 2: five year olds, basket filled with candy and jelly beans
Speaker 2: or horseradish still in root form? Would you like the
Speaker 2: treats a magical bunny brought you?
Speaker 1: Or a bone from a dead baby?
Speaker 2: Lamb, don't worry, we used its blood to mark the door.
Speaker 1: Oh which egg? Am I going to go for?
Speaker 2: The one filled with chocolate or the one filled with egg?
Speaker 2: Because it's an actual an egg, because that's what slaves ate.
Speaker 1: Taste it? Oh wait, before you eat it, make sure
Speaker 1: you dip it in saltwater.
Speaker 2: It represents the tears of your ancestors. Oh good, I
Speaker 2: see you're making more. We gotta take it up a notch.
Speaker 1: They're crushing us.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying we lose our traditions. We gotta adapt it.
Speaker 2: With a slight nod towards recruitment. I'm gonna say, we
Speaker 2: gotta go Jehovah's witness on this thing.
Speaker 1: But what's wrong with bringing a little zazz thinging outside
Speaker 1: the box.
Speaker 2: We've got a great story here, Moses parting.
Speaker 1: The Red Seas. How have we not turned that into
Speaker 1: a water park? Oh wait, I'll see you over.
Speaker 2: At the Red Sea ride when I'm done building ice
Speaker 2: cream pyramids.
Speaker 1: We gotta do something.
Speaker 2: Did you see who the Christians booked this year as
Speaker 2: their special guest.
Speaker 9: Star on this Easter Sunday, a familiar phase helping to
Speaker 9: deliver the Sunday sermon, quarterback Tim Tebow.
Speaker 1: They got tamo.
Speaker 2: Tim Tebow, superstar NFL quarterback helping them celebrate Easter hesdrawing
Speaker 2: like twenty thousand people to Texas.
Speaker 1: Who do we have same guests every year? Elijah?
Speaker 2: They can't be bothering to go off. Obviously, it would
Speaker 2: be great if we also could get a superstar Jewish
Speaker 2: quarterback to deliver the pass over story. But my guess
Speaker 2: is a superstar Jewish quarterback is around the same likelihood
Speaker 2: as Elijah showing up.
Speaker 1: But let's at least compete with the.
Speaker 2: Make believe Easter bunny ladies and gentlemen. I give you
Speaker 2: passover Pete the guitar playing pizza eating lion. What hey, kids, Hey, kids,
Speaker 2: have your passover pizza?
Speaker 9: Why?
Speaker 2: Now, I know technically you're not allowed to eat pizza
Speaker 2: during passion, But technically lions don't play guitars, and quite frankly,
Speaker 2: monies don't deliver eggs. So let's just say we should
Speaker 2: spend a little display when the kids turned thirteen with
Speaker 2: tell the real story.
Speaker 1: So Jews, we got to step it up a bit.
Speaker 2: If you'll excuse me, I'll be playing the latest title
Speaker 2: in my hot new Jewish video game, Passover Line red
Speaker 2: See Redemption, Go Wandering. It's a first person exodusr where
Speaker 2: kids can experience all the excitement of being lost in
Speaker 2: the desert for forty years?
Speaker 1: What should do?
Speaker 10: Right?
Speaker 7: Money, ask for direction? Man, you know where you're going again?
Speaker 1: Only thirty eight more years to go. We'll be right back.
Speaker 2: President Bush and his wife Laura were able to escape
Speaker 2: their political problems. Yesterday, at the White House's traditional Easter celebration,
Speaker 2: complete with adorable kids, fun egg related games, and my God,
Speaker 2: behind you in the rabbits look out, look.
Speaker 11: Out for the rat.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought those were giant killer bunnies.
Speaker 2: The first Lady kicked off the festivities in Washington.
Speaker 10: We know that spring has arrived when the White House
Speaker 10: lawn is filled with children for the Easter egg.
Speaker 2: Hunt, and summer in Washington is heralded by the vile, sulfurous.
Speaker 1: Stench of the unfound eggs.
Speaker 7: Fall.
Speaker 2: Fall, of course, brings the low gusts, the terrible, terrible locusts,
Speaker 2: which give way to the icy death grip of winter.
Speaker 7: Mantis on.
Speaker 2: Her remarks were interesting, but not as interesting as what
Speaker 2: the bunny was saying behind her.
Speaker 1: I think we also have that audio in Washington.
Speaker 7: We know that spring is a ride. Wrap it up, lady,
Speaker 7: it's not as hell.
Speaker 1: And this thing and I got to open a chuck
Speaker 1: e cheese in a half hour.
Speaker 2: Oh so, and an innocent, an innocent ritual, a blessed
Speaker 2: respite from politics or not. This year, an organized group
Speaker 2: of gay and lesbian parents lined up early for tickets
Speaker 2: because the event is traditionally.
Speaker 1: First come, first served, but not so this year.
Speaker 2: Only VIPs and Katrina victims were allowed in. During the
Speaker 2: morning session that the President was at, the gay and
Speaker 2: lesbian families were greeted by a different group. These fine
Speaker 2: Christian soldiers who enjoyed a traditional Easter gay yell that
Speaker 2: ain't right.
Speaker 1: Ain't okay to be gay?
Speaker 2: Okay, how about that isn't right. It isn't okay to
Speaker 2: be I'm sorry, I'm a stickler for grammatically correct hate.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: White House correspondent Samantha Bee attended the Easter egg roll.
Speaker 1: She joins us.
Speaker 2: Now, Samantha, I get that the president considers himself a
Speaker 2: social conservative, but he meets with the children of Katrina
Speaker 2: victims and says he just couldn't be there for the
Speaker 2: gay families.
Speaker 1: He couldn't have met with them. Well, why is that?
Speaker 10: Well he wanted to John, I mean, there's nothing he
Speaker 10: would have liked more than meeting with these gay parents
Speaker 10: in there soon to be gay children. But Katrina victims
Speaker 10: get priority. It's only fit he did help ruin their lives.
Speaker 10: The least he and Laura could do is let them
Speaker 10: keep the commemorative T shirts than you this is so
Speaker 10: much better than having a home.
Speaker 12: Sam.
Speaker 1: The Katrina issue aside.
Speaker 2: It seems like to an outside observer that the president
Speaker 2: purposely didn't meet with the gay families and denied them
Speaker 2: entrance while he was there and only let them come
Speaker 2: in after he left.
Speaker 10: Well, look, John, I mean there is a sense in
Speaker 10: many parts of this country that the Easter egg hunt is.
Speaker 7: A sacred institution and should.
Speaker 10: Be defined by one mother, one father, a kid, and
Speaker 10: a spoon.
Speaker 7: Bible.
Speaker 10: Bible is very clear in this John, in the Garden
Speaker 10: of Eden, the Lord hid eggs for Adam and Eve,
Speaker 10: not Adam and Steve.
Speaker 1: Sam. The Garden of Eden is the Genesis story.
Speaker 2: Easter and Jesus Resurrection is the New Testament.
Speaker 7: Okay, you're splitting hairs.
Speaker 10: John points, God doesn't want gays finding eggs. I don't
Speaker 10: know how many more ways he can say it.
Speaker 1: Sam, I don't think that God did say that.
Speaker 10: Okay, Well, it's a slippery slope. John. Once you let
Speaker 10: gaze into the Easter egg hunt, they'll want to be
Speaker 10: there for the Turkey pardoning, and they'll be at the
Speaker 10: White House Manora lighting. And do you really want to
Speaker 10: live in a country where gays get in to see
Speaker 10: that thing they do for the Jews around Christmas. Frankly,
Speaker 10: I'd rather be dead, Sam, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I really think you're taking this a little too far.
Speaker 10: Okay, let me make it simple, John, For one hundred
Speaker 10: and thirty years, children in frilly dresses have bent over
Speaker 10: to push pastel colored eggs with dainty spoons across an
Speaker 10: impeccably manicured lawn. Be ashamed to see that tradition be gade, John.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Samantha. Samantha B. We'll be right back.
Speaker 11: Happy Pasova and Happy Easter everybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope you enjoyed it.
Speaker 7: Did you have a good one? Did you enjoy it?
Speaker 11: Yeah, spend some time with the family. Easter is one
Speaker 11: of my favorite holidays because I gotta get to chew
Speaker 11: with the family.
Speaker 9: We get to eat.
Speaker 11: You know, remember how Jesus died for our sins and
Speaker 11: then came back as a giant rabbit who lays chocolate eggs.
Speaker 11: I haven't been to church in a while anyway, Happy
Speaker 11: East everyone, Let's catch up on today's headlines. Easter. It's
Speaker 11: an important holiday for any devout Christian and also for
Speaker 11: President Trump, who celebrates it today at the annual White
Speaker 11: House Easter Egg roll.
Speaker 5: President Trump standing by at sixteen hundred Pennsylvania for that
Speaker 5: Easter egg role. At this moment, they're singing the national
Speaker 5: anthem President Trump, flanked by the First Lady and the
Speaker 5: Easter Bunny himself or herself.
Speaker 11: Perhaps, Oh, I don't another anchor said himself or herself. Perhaps, Yeah,
Speaker 11: I still can't confirm if this mythical creature has a
Speaker 11: vagina or not.
Speaker 1: Not that sex is defined by genitorium.
Speaker 11: More on that at the top of the hour. Honestly, like,
Speaker 11: this is one of those moments where I'm like, American
Speaker 11: traditions never quite make sense to me, Like we're all
Speaker 11: just supposed to pretend that ridiculous creature belongs at the
Speaker 11: White House standing next to the Easter Bunny.
Speaker 12: I mean, sorry, I couldn't help it.
Speaker 1: I couldn't help it.
Speaker 13: I couldn't help it.
Speaker 11: Also, Americans sing the national anthem at the strangest times.
Speaker 14: Like I get it at sports, I get it completely,
Speaker 14: But standing next to the Easter Bunny, that's where you're like,
Speaker 14: we need to honor this moment with a meaningful display
Speaker 14: of patriotism.
Speaker 11: Bunny, put your hilarious giant club over your heart.
Speaker 4: This past Sunday was Easter at the White House, which
Speaker 4: is an important holiday for President Joe Biden, who is
Speaker 4: also counting on a resurrection for his campaign. But unfortunately
Speaker 4: this year, the timing of Easter caused a bit of
Speaker 4: a headache for Joe.
Speaker 12: The Biden administration is firing back at conservative criticism over
Speaker 12: the White House acknowledgment of the Transgender Day of Visibility,
Speaker 12: which coincidentally falls on Easter Sunday this year.
Speaker 7: The two days only coincided by chance.
Speaker 10: The Day of Visibility is held every year on March
Speaker 10: thirty first, while the date for Easter changes year to year.
Speaker 4: Yes, by total coincidence, Transvisibility Day happened to fall on
Speaker 4: Easter this year, which seemed like, I don't know a
Speaker 4: good fit to me. I mean, Jesus did identify as
Speaker 4: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 7: Live your truth, Queen. Now, you wouldn't think.
Speaker 4: That Easter falling on a holiday that's been on March
Speaker 4: thirty first for fifteen years would be that big of
Speaker 4: a deal. But conservatives process this like a child meeting
Speaker 4: the Easter bunny by losing their minds.
Speaker 7: I think everyone should be insulted by this. The intentional
Speaker 7: nature of this to me is I mean, I'm just
Speaker 7: going to say it.
Speaker 9: I think it's a demonic.
Speaker 10: They clearly want us to bow at the altar of
Speaker 10: the trans community instead of bow to God.
Speaker 7: We can't have one day for Easter.
Speaker 15: What the hell was Biden thinking when he declared Easter
Speaker 15: Sunday to be Transvisibility Day. Such total disrespect to Christians.
Speaker 15: And November fifth is going.
Speaker 6: To be called something else.
Speaker 15: You know, it's going to be called Christian Visibility Day
Speaker 15: when Christians turn out at numbers that nobody has ever
Speaker 15: seen before.
Speaker 4: This is America, buddy, Every day is Christian visibility there.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Conservatives threw.
Speaker 4: A hissy fit over this, including Donald Trump, who, by
Speaker 4: the way, is not exactly an authority on Christianity.
Speaker 8: I'm wondering what one or two of your most favored
Speaker 8: Bible verses are.
Speaker 15: I wouldn't want to get into it because to me,
Speaker 15: that's very personal.
Speaker 1: You don't want to talk about the Bible.
Speaker 7: It's very personal, So I don't.
Speaker 2: Want to get into I don't want to get into.
Speaker 7: Means a lot to you that you think about her
Speaker 7: site the.
Speaker 1: Bible means a lot to me.
Speaker 2: But I don't want to get into specifics. The Old
Speaker 2: Testament guy, or do Testament probably equal?
Speaker 4: Trump talks about Christianity the way I sounded every book club.
Speaker 4: Oh my favorite part of the book.
Speaker 7: I'd have to.
Speaker 4: Say the title and the symbolism, all the symbols. Definitely
Speaker 4: not hiding for my husband and children. I also love
Speaker 4: that he says I can't talk about it, it's too personal.
Speaker 4: Like he also has an nda with the Bible. Don't
Speaker 4: believe that horse faced Bible. But that's my Trump impression.
Speaker 7: Thank you. I'll work chop it op it.
Speaker 4: Trump beside, I have a question for the actual religious conservatives,
Speaker 4: why are you so upset about this transvisibility Day had
Speaker 4: no effect on your Easter? Nobody was at church, like, well,
Speaker 4: we were going to celebrate the resurrection, but instead everyone
Speaker 4: line up for your gender reassignment surgery. Please leave your
Speaker 4: penis in the collection basket. The anger just seems so contrived,
Speaker 4: especially when the people who were the most outraged knew
Speaker 4: so little about the actual holiday they were protecting, and.
Speaker 16: The transgender community purposely chooses the day of Jesus's death.
Speaker 16: There is resurrection whatever Easter weekend, Yeah.
Speaker 7: You know Easter.
Speaker 4: It was Jesus' King Senia or the day he was
Speaker 4: forced to leave the Big brother House.
Speaker 7: Whatever.
Speaker 4: But I'll ask him about it the next time I
Speaker 4: go to the You know what's the place with all
Speaker 4: the lowercase teas.
Speaker 7: Hanging on the wall that sent half makeing at church,
Speaker 7: Church that fit church?
Speaker 4: And you know what, the Fox audience deserves a higher
Speaker 4: level of con artistry.
Speaker 7: Than this, Jesse Waters.
Speaker 4: If you can remember the Green Eminem's entire sexual history,
Speaker 4: you can Wikipedia what Easter is. Look, I'm not here
Speaker 4: to pick a fight with Easter. Easter's great, probably our
Speaker 4: best holiday, featuring a bunny who crawled out of a nightmare.
Speaker 4: But the level of outrage over this is totally out
Speaker 4: of proportion to what ultimately was an innocuous scheduling conflict.
Speaker 4: I just I wish I knew the real reason they
Speaker 4: were upset. Luckily they left us some Easter eggs.
Speaker 17: It's absurd and Joe Biden should be ashamed of himself.
Speaker 17: And all these people say, yeah, but this is the
Speaker 17: day we've always recognized and gender visibility Day, Well recognize
Speaker 17: it another day, not on Easter Sunday. It's an affront
Speaker 17: to the Bible and quite Frankly, it's an affront to biology.
Speaker 17: There are two genders. People can't just go in and
Speaker 17: out of one like a revolving door. It's not normal.
Speaker 7: Ah, there it is.
Speaker 4: Thank you least interesting man in the world for saying
Speaker 4: the quiet part out loud. They don't think Transgender Visibility
Speaker 4: Day should be moved. They think trans people shouldn't be
Speaker 4: visible at all. Trans Day of Visibility could have been
Speaker 4: on National Pastaday and they'd be like, this is an.
Speaker 7: Affront to Feticini.
Speaker 4: And for what it's worth, there's a false premise at
Speaker 4: the heart of this entire controversy, which is that there's
Speaker 4: even a conflict between trans people and Christianity to begin with,
Speaker 4: there isn't. In fact, the Bible doesn't say anything about
Speaker 4: trans people. It does, however, say to love thy neighbor
Speaker 4: and to not judge other people, and perhaps the most
Speaker 4: famous of Bible versus, please do not sell me for
Speaker 4: fifty nine to ninety nine.
Speaker 1: You came off your label, I know.
Speaker 4: For more on the controversy, we go Live to the
Speaker 4: White House with Michael Costa. Michael, you were at the
Speaker 4: White House Easter egg hunt on Monday.
Speaker 7: What did you find?
Speaker 9: Well, I'll tell you what I found, Desie a ton
Speaker 9: of Easter eggs.
Speaker 7: Okay, it turns out you didn't even have to hunt
Speaker 7: for him.
Speaker 9: You just wait for the kids to find them and
Speaker 9: you take them out of their baskets. It's it's like
Speaker 9: taking candy from a baby.
Speaker 7: Congratulations.
Speaker 4: I mean more about Easter being pitted against Transvisibility Day.
Speaker 4: It seems like all this controversy ruined the day for
Speaker 4: the trans community.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding?
Speaker 9: This was the most successful transvisibility day in history. Fox
Speaker 9: News trans Awareness for five hundred straight hours.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 9: And the best part is we'll get another round in
Speaker 9: a few weeks when Greek Orthodox Easter goes up against
Speaker 9: Greek Orthodox Transvisibility Day.
Speaker 4: Okay, but then I don't think transgender the transgender community
Speaker 4: wanted this kind of attention.
Speaker 9: Well, look, I can't speak on behalf of the trans community.
Speaker 9: They've specifically asked me to stop doing that, But it
Speaker 9: seems to me that anyway a holiday can break through
Speaker 9: the noise, the better. There's just too many important days
Speaker 9: to remember. Easter, Memorial Day, Arbor Day, my kid's birthday,
Speaker 9: which is like every year. Supposedly, it's too much, and
Speaker 9: there's way there's no way to keep track of all
Speaker 9: these important days. You know, what doesny They need to
Speaker 9: invent like a spreadsheet, but for days, like a calendar
Speaker 9: one of those things you drain pasta with. That'll never work.
Speaker 4: Okay, But what about conservatives who say this was an
Speaker 4: attack on Easter?
Speaker 1: Does he? This was good for both holidays?
Speaker 9: What was the last time you saw people this fired
Speaker 9: up about Easter aka shitty Christmas? But now, thanks to
Speaker 9: this controversy, everyone and I mean everyone except for Jesse
Speaker 9: Waters knows what Easter is really about.
Speaker 4: Okay, So you're saying that the clash of the two
Speaker 4: holidays forced everyone to appreciate the true meaning of each holiday.
Speaker 7: Exactly.
Speaker 9: The lesson we learned this week is that Americans appreciate
Speaker 9: holidays more when they're outraged, which is why I believe
Speaker 9: we need to pit more holidays against each other. Let's
Speaker 9: put Valentine's Day on the fourth of July. Let's move
Speaker 9: nine to eleven to Halloween. Let's move Mother's Day up
Speaker 9: against Juneteenth. Do you love your mom or do you
Speaker 9: hate slavery? You gotta choose, does he?
Speaker 7: Michael?
Speaker 2: That is.
Speaker 5: The tough choice.
Speaker 7: That is incredibly offensive.
Speaker 9: You see, it's already working.
Speaker 7: Thank you, Michael. Michael costs everywhere.
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