WEBVTT - Cleo Wade: Toxic Self Talk - A Path to Reclaiming Yourself 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 I think our relationship to lostness and making peace with 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:05.520 the fact that it kind of comes up a lot. 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:07.600 We tend to act like it's like the big bad 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:09.360 Boogeyman and will it come? 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:09.760 Will it not? 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.119 It will be here, you will be lost, it will happen. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.120 That is a part of the human experience. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:16.120 Clear Way is. 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:18.959 A New York Times bestselling author and poet. Her work 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:22.800 explores hope, resilience, and the power of love. Her books 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:25.799 include Heart Talk, Where to Begin, May You Love and 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:27.639 Be Loved, and Remember Love. 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:29.440 We don't have to listen to the shadows just because 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:33.120 we can hear them. Every moment you feel that the 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:36.639 decisions or the voice in your head is someone else's voice, 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.839 you do have this ability to reclaim it and say, like, 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.600 is this what I want? Your life is your greatest 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:46.720 gift and responsibility. Yeah, And so in that there is 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:51.320 this relationship, a constant reclamation is this what I want? 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:53.440 I think? Is this what I need? 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:57.960 I'm Radi Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:01.880 we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:05.759 for raw and fielded conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:09.480 you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:10.520 Thank you for. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.760 Being here, my gosh, thank you for having me so excited. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:16.800 Honestly, I have to I'm such a huge fan of yours. 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:20.160 You have changed so much of my life just by 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.120 reading your one book, and I can't wait to read 0:01:22.200 --> 0:01:24.720 so many more of yours. But it has given me. 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.240 I feel like your books give words to people when 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.080 they feel like they can't express it themselves. I feel 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.480 like I've understood myself so much more through reading it. 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.880 I've noticed things about myself that I didn't even know 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:39.880 existed within me, and I just think it's so beautiful 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:42.760 how you share yourself with other people in order for 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:47.160 them to also feel like they can accept and understand 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:48.960 themselves better. So I just want to say thank you 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:51.560 so much. I'm so honored to have you, thank you. 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.160 Thank you so much, and thank you for reading it. 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:55.760 You were one of my early readers of the book, 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:56.400 So thank you. 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:58.040 It's incredible, it really is. 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.600 And I wanted to ask you because obviously, like you said, 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:04.680 you've done so many things in your life, but you've 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:08.239 got this beautiful way of expressing yourself, and I think 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:11.760 this day and age, people find it quite difficult to 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.680 express themselves through words, especially me. I can talk for 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:18.360 only myself, but I express myself through crying or through 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:19.880 emotion release in that way. 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:21.320 What do you think and how do. 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:24.239 You think people find it difficult to actually use words 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:28.480 to express themselves, Like how can people go about being 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:30.400 better at that? And what do you think stops people 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:31.639 from doing that? Well? 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:34.720 One thing I think is really important, and I say 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:38.040 that whether you feel that you're a writer or you're 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.280 not a writer, I think it's important to write down 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:45.160 what is going on. Yeah, because when you start to write, 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:48.640 you inherently have like an inventory of what's going on 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.280 inside of your body, and you're really able to sit 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.760 and see the stories you tell yourself and see where 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.400 you're maybe disrupting the stories by trying to kind of 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:58.280 bribe yourself out of a feeling or think that you 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.080 don't deserve a thing, or think that you're not worthy 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:03.920 of this or that or whatever, or diminishing something that 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:07.520 is reoccurring in your psyche or in your heart, and 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:09.320 you can see that you're trying not to think of it. 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.440 And so I think what goes on in our bodies 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:19.200 is often a swirling conversation around the stories we tell ourselves. 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:21.560 And if you can put the story on a page, 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:25.600 you can at least quiet the conversation, which is usually judgment, 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:30.160 irrational ideas around the story and around the narrative and 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.480 around what's happening. And so I think the more you 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:36.920 anyone has a practice of writing it for no other 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:40.760 reason but to release, but to identify, but to get 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.600 to know themselves better and better, which is so important, 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:48.840 I think that probably makes it easier to be expressive 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:53.560 in conversation. Maybe they'll be there could be more flow. 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.800 But I think also it's great that we're all different, 0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:00.119 and it's great that some of us are. You know, 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:03.920 for every talker, they need a listener. And I think 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:06.600 it's important to say to know if you're someone who 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.760 can express themselves in a really big way, and that's 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:12.080 that's great for you, or if you need a really 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.880 cozy nest, or you need just two people, and I 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:19.799 think it's okay too. It's more important to identify where 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.680 and how you can express yourself than if you can. 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:25.760 You always can, but you you just might need to 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.520 stop or you know, we just need to stop judging 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:32.200 ourselves for not being expressive in the ways other people 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:35.960 are expressive. So you know, I feel like for every 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.120 person I know who says like, I'm not great with 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.080 expressing myself, I was like, well, probably to me then, 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:45.600 or to a crowd or to a stranger, but you're 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.720 probably very good at expressing yourself to your partner or 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:51.000 your husband, or your best friend or the one or 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.400 two people you'd get really connected to, and that's enough. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.279 Yeah, And I feel like, I mean, I love what 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:57.920 you said about journaling. I've had it on and off 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:01.400 relationship with it. More so because I think when you 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:05.440 do end up putting pen to paper, it becomes this one. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.600 I would have a filter up first, because you're so 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:10.320 used to other people seeing everything that you do now right, 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.880 And then to push through that filter one It obviously 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.920 takes practice, but to push through that filter that other 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:19.040 people the lens that other people are seeing you with, 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:21.040 to then actually see you. 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:23.080 Sometimes it can be really scary. 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:25.800 And so I notice myself where it gets to points 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:28.360 in my life where I'm kind of trying to subdue 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:31.960 something or not really want don't want to actually acknowledge it. 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.840 I will avoid putting pen to paper because it's almost 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:38.400 too scary to even put it into words. And I 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.440 think sometimes that's why words can be harder than getting 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:46.080 angry or crying, because you don't have to necessarily be 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:48.760 as honest with yourself, but I do. I have started 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:50.880 seeing the importance of using words, even with all the 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:54.479 other tools of emotion release. But words I think are 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.960 necessary for communication between people, for people to be able 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:01.520 to understand you, because regardless of whether people will know 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:03.599 you're upset if you're crying, but will they know how 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:06.080 they can help you? Will they know exactly what's happening 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.600 in your heart, And really it's the only way that 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:12.559 we can help someone, help us, but also help to Really, 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.240 I think there's a words of the way that we 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.000 kind of hide from and everything else I think from 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:20.479 I can talk for only myself, but has been a 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:22.839 way to escape the words and be able to at 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:24.320 least just release a little bit out. 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.680 Yeah, and most of the time we're probably not of 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:32.240 the anxiety we have around speaking up or saying something 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:36.560 is not in the actual words, but what happens after Yeah. 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:38.720 My brother always says the best and the worst thing 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:41.960 about the truth is it gets instant results, and so 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:45.480 a lot of times, you know, the conversations we're avoiding 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:49.080 are really the results of the truth. 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:49.520 We have to share. 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.240 Yeah, it's not so much that you had to say 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:56.720 those ten words and make a sentence. It's that those 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.160 ten words to say the sentence are do you want 0:06:59.200 --> 0:06:59.800 to commit. 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:01.400 To me or not? Or do you know what I mean? 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:02.400 And I think that's hard. 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:03.920 It's the vulnerability of it. 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.719 I think when you end up sharing words with someone, 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:11.600 it's easy to kind of hide behind an external you know, 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.960 you can be very poised and you can feel really confident. 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:15.680 But as soon as and I noticed that with my 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:18.240 friends in relationships or that are dating, it's like I 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.280 don't want to tell him I like him, Like I 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:22.520 don't want to use the words I've already shown him. 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.480 I've showed up every single day, I've. 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:26.240 Sent him messages. 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:29.760 But actually saying those words it almost it's a full 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:31.840 version of you letting your guard down, and that can 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:32.880 often be really scary. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.240 I mean, there's movies and TV shows and so much 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:37.040 of our culture that is just around whether or not 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:39.440 you can say the words I love you, or the 0:07:39.480 --> 0:07:43.880 struggle to say the words I'm sorry, but those words 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:51.560 are shorthand for an entire experience of hope that you 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.440 have for a relationship with somebody. Right, So if you 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:58.320 say I'm sorry, you know, I'm sorry, it's really shorthand 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.960 for I see you and I recognize my own imperfections in. 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:03.360 How we are in community. 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:08.720 I love you is shorthand for I hope you'll hold 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:12.120 my heart with respect and not break it. 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:13.960 And that's scary. 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:15.160 Yeah, you're so right. 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.800 Within those small words or the two words that you say, 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.400 there can either be no emphasis or no meaning behind it, 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.920 or there can be so much emphasis and meaning behind it. 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:24.720 Well, that's why. 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:26.920 And when there is that, I think those are the 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.000 ones that are hard to say. I don't think it's 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.839 hard for anyone to say, you know, oh yes, can 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:34.000 I have phrase with that? Yeah? 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:35.160 Exactly, exactly. 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:39.320 I love how you talk about the difference between fear 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:44.920 based decisions or fear based living and then making grounding 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.600 choices like you use that in your book that you've written. 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.840 How would you say you can identify these fear based decisions, 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:55.240 like how can you reflect on yourself and recognize that 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:57.480 you are living from a place of fear? Because I 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:01.880 always find for me often can end up being on autopilot, 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.080 where if you've been living in that state for a 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.600 long time, that can end up being your normality. It's 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:10.360 like you don't know what can be without experiencing it, 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:13.560 and so your normality could be living from a place 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.160 of fear. You've just settled into it. So what would 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:18.720 you say are good ways to recognize that you're living 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:19.760 from a place of fear. 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:22.840 I think anything you can do that helps you to 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:27.160 be more as embodied as possible. So when you pause, 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:31.240 when you create space to breathe, when you create space 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:35.880 to kind of notice your heart rate, or notice how 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.199 your head is feeling, or notice where your shoulders are, 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.080 you can really see how the body wants to let 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.240 you know that there's anxiety or fear moving through it. 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:47.800 And I think that if you feel those things, like 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.080 if you feel you know, your stomach doesn't feel easy, 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:54.600 or your heart is racing, or your shoulders are a peer, 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:59.120 fear is not something that is comfortable in our bodies. 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.400 So if you do you any type of exercise for 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:04.480 embodiment to kind of sink in and like check in 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.960 with yourself, you'll usually find fear because it's it's not 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.720 really something I feel that is that feels at home 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:15.040 in us and so it you can find that disruption. 0:10:15.200 --> 0:10:18.600 I think, yeah, I agree, I think with the especially, 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:21.760 your physical body is just a manifestation of what's happening inside. 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.000 And as soon as you notice, like for me, it's 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.360 my breath when i'm when I'm a mode of fear 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.960 and i'm and i'm you know, functioning from that point 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.720 of view. I noticed my breath stays here like it's fully, 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.199 it's shallow, it doesn't go beyond my chest. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:35.800 Or I'm just not breathing at all, Like you're just 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.880 like and you're like, wow, I haven't taken a breath 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:39.280 all day. 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.760 Yeah, And I mean for so many people, fear and 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.800 whether it's fear or anxiety, both have similar symptoms of. 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:48.240 Your physical body. Either. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:50.440 I know, I know friends who go into rashes. They'll 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.920 lose their hair from it. You know, your physical body 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.400 tells you a lot and it will keep screaming at 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:56.960 you until you really listen. 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.440 And anxiety is fear. Anxiety is a symptom of fear. Definitely. 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:12.240 Anxiety is the kind of mind's way of saying, you know. 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:14.800 Be alert, be alert, be alert, be alert, be alert. 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.520 Something something is not something's going to happen, and that's 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.280 an and in that there has there there is an 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:26.160 underlying belief system that things don't end up okay. And 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:28.200 when we live in a world where there's so much 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:32.640 not okayness, it is very difficult to not succumb to 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:33.680 that mindset. 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:35.800 And is it is a fight for peace of mind. 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:36.439 It really is. 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:40.320 You have to have thirty different ways to have some 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.600 type of defense against anxiety, in some type of way 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:47.160 to grab on to peace and whatever that is, whether 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:50.800 that's by having certain friends or that you just feel 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:54.480 that helps soothe you, or noticing your own sensitivities. I mean, 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.880 you might just be going through like you know, we 0:11:56.880 --> 0:12:00.000 were talking earlier about if you take a red act 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:02.760 and then you have to come back and you're really 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:06.000 exhausted and you're really overtired, there might be certain things 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.520 you just have to cancel the next day because you're 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.320 trying to hold onto peace. And so you might say, like, 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:12.960 you know what, I was supposed to have this work 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:15.600 dinner with somebody who requires a lot of my energy, 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.000 and I don't have the energy for that, and so 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.920 can I give myself care in this moment? Can I 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:25.520 walk towards a sense of peace instead of a sense 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:31.319 of anxiety and cancel that you know and have that 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.679 kind of high integrity moment. Yes, And I think a 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.280 lot of anxiety, yes, is so much of it as 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:38.720 our genetic set. 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.720 Points, depending on what you're you know kind of mental 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:47.280 health world is like. And there's a lot that. 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.679 We do where we really feed anxiety. And I think 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.120 if we consider the ways that we feed anxiety as 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.880 a way that we are embracing fear, we'd want more 0:12:57.000 --> 0:13:02.600 to change those habits really allow anxiety to fish. 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:04.559 Yeah, because I think there's one part, which is our 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:08.480 internal anxiety. But what we often forget is that a 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:11.439 lot of our external world is, like you said, feeding 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.800 into that. So, yes, you may have an element of 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:15.560 it already in tending. There may be a lot of 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:19.320 things too worry about. But then how are you sleeping? 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:21.760 What are you feeding your mind? What are pouring through 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.480 into your senses? And I've been thinking about that a lot, actually, 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:29.040 because I go through bouts of watching reality TV, and 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:33.160 I do notice so much. I stopped watching scary things 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:36.480 or anything that makes me feel scared for the past 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:40.959 eight or nine years, and it made a huge difference 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.000 to my day to day anxiety. But randomly I'd get 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:47.040 recommended a show and I'd start watching it, and the 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:51.040 level of consciousness of what I'm watching feeds into my 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:54.600 daily activities, and I will wake up with anxiety when 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.480 I've been watching something that's been super high stress or 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:00.640 where people in the show are really anxious. And so 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.960 what you allow into your senses and every single sense, 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.040 at every single moment. And in Sanskrit there's a word 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.280 called some scars, and I love that word. It means footprints, 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.360 but it says that everything that you allow into your ears, 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.000 even the sense your eyes, you know, through every part 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.440 of you, leaves little footprints, some bigger than others, and 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:25.080 those footprints are then almost molding how you are then 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:28.800 shifting through the day. And for a long time I 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.440 stopped specific types of music, like I went through a 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:33.200 phase where I was really trying to see what a 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.360 difference it made, and so I stopped listening to any 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:37.880 kind of aggressive music. I wouldn't watch any TV that 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.640 was that stimulated me in that way. I would there was, 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:43.960 I had curated it, and I honestly can say I 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:45.880 felt so much peace during that time. 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:47.720 Slowly things started seeping back. 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.320 In yeah, but it really does make a difference, and 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.040 so a lot of anxiety could actually be prevented, or 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.400 our fear can be prevented just by changing so much externally. 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:00.280 Yeah, And you know, I have this conversation in my 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:03.360 household a lot, which is that you know, everything that's 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.440 big is always ten or twenty different things, and so 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.640 you don't have to think about the one big solution 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:11.760 for the big thing. You can just kind of tackle 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:15.040 it from the thirty different ways. So it just might 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.640 be the movies. I'm the same. I don't watch anything 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.720 that's stressful ever, like I just And it's really interesting 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:26.520 because I remember a few years ago, I think I 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.240 was having like eggshimmer or something, and so I had 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.400 seen this doctor who was was like, I'd put me 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:34.560 on some type of anti inflammatory thing. And I'm from Louisiana, 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.040 so it was the first time in my life someone was. 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:38.120 Like, you can't have hot sauce. 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:41.160 Oh yeah, And I was like, whoa what, because like 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:44.600 I'd never like obviously, like a hot hot pepper is 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:48.480 very inflammatory. And so I didn't have hot sauce for 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:50.360 like a year or something like that. And what's really 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.080 interesting is and when you have it again. It is 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:55.880 like feels like the spiciest thing on earth because you 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:59.360 actually have desensitized your palate if you have put hot 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:01.600 sauce in every thing for so long. 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.600 And so what's really interesting. 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:07.240 About a media diet if you will this idea that 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:11.800 if you have removed certain things, they are almost twice 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.680 as glaring or make you feel twice as much if 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:19.080 you start to incorporate them again. So you feel real 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.280 stress or anxiety by having the stressful kind of anxious 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:27.000 character or thing on or you know. I remember during 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:29.680 during COVID, I was like I couldn't watch anything where 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:30.920 like the world was ending. 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:32.920 Yes, you know, I was like, ah, but those of 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.360 the movies that were trending on Netflix at the time, I. 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.920 Was like, what is happening? What is like wrong with us? 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:40.560 Can we not like all the movies that were recommended 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:42.640 or that people were watching were all end of the 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:43.400 world movies. 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:45.840 I was like, what is like what are we doing 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:49.600 right now? This cannot be helpful? Like no, you know, 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:51.880 I don't know what is or isn't healthy for someone else, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.360 but like I feel pretty sure I could identify something 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:54.960 as helpful. 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:56.520 And I was like, there's just no. 0:16:56.600 --> 0:17:00.640 Way that like movies that are just seeped in doom 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.040 can could possibly help us right now. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:06.360 No, And I think we're kind of unaware and desensitized 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.320 to it because it's become so normal to watch things 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.399 like that. My friend was telling me they're part of 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:15.000 Netflix and they're saying the stuff that's actually being bought 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:20.320 is the dark, the gloomy, the scary, the intense, and 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.760 it's almost feeding into people's fears. But for some reason, 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:28.040 if you're and I think it is the concept of 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:30.960 if you're living in fear, it feels comforting to watch 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.240 fear too. But you're right, I think taking that time 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:35.560 away from it will help to. 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:38.040 The opposite. 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:40.360 I think I'm like literally one step away from being 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:42.600 one of those people who watches like the Christmas ham 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:43.960 all around. 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:46.680 I'm like, I'm this Plus. 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:49.520 I was like, I'm getting to that time of year there. Yeah, 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:51.160 what are your favorite things? 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:52.760 I mean, I would love to hear from you, Like, 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:55.000 what do you do on a daily basis to help 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:59.960 with those the fear levels, your mood, your energy levels, 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.280 what are your kind of not non negotiables, but the 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:03.639 things you found that have really helped you. 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:09.280 I think looking at any way of feeling good with 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.840 as much flexibility as you can possibly have without it 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:16.520 veering towards a space of non discipline is really helpful. 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.800 So I think this idea that you know, I know 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:24.560 so many people who are struggle to meditate until they 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:29.479 loosen up their idea of what meditating is. Perhaps you 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.520 can't sit on the pillow for the twenty two minutes, 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:34.879 or you or the TM mantra doesn't work well for you, 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:36.000 or the whatever. 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:37.280 But have you. 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:40.919 Tried a seven minute meditation in the bathtub and you 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:42.680 keep your eyes open and you don't and you don't 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:46.000 try to think you're meditating in a right or wrong way, 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.280 or have you decided that, Okay, I'm going to go 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:50.560 I do this every day, go on. 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:52.600 A walk in the canyon. 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:56.119 That I live in, and I am not on my phone, 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.440 and I just and I make it a walk of noticing, 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:00.919 and I just noticed things around me. 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:03.400 And so I just noticed, oh, that tree. 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.240 Looks different than it did the other day, or oh 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:08.040 I never noticed that that that house has. 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.280 A flower hail in the front, or you know. 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:16.160 And I think this idea that we practice noticing, especially 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.639 the natural world around us, because that is where we 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:22.880 belong and there so this idea that we are almost 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:28.919 giving this daily uh seeing and respect of you know, 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:32.920 the space in which we belong is I think really helpful, 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:36.119 and because it also helps us to feel big and 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:38.240 small at the same time, which I think is always 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:42.960 the most helpful kind of I think hadspace to be 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:47.280 in where you're like, yes, it's all important, and you know, 0:19:48.359 --> 0:19:51.560 what I feel is big and I'm small and a 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:55.280 part of something big, and in that I'm never alone, 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:58.240 and in that I always have some place to call home. 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:02.040 And so I think me, I definitely like my walks, 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:06.800 and I like to just truly have that flexibility where 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.000 sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.400 call a friend that you just really want to catch 0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:14.159 up with, or you know that hearing their voice is 0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:17.439 going to make you feel better. And I think about 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:22.520 following and moving towards what feels good and not being 0:20:23.000 --> 0:20:25.560 afraid to walk away from things that don't you know. 0:20:25.680 --> 0:20:27.160 I think so much. 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:30.240 Of the suffering we have or because we have relationships 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:32.119 we don't want to be in or they're not in 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.400 the right they're not the right dynamic, but we feel 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:37.480 we have to because of history or because of whatever, 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.760 or you could have one day where you were feeling 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:43.359 really high energy, so you commit to a lot of things. 0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:45.240 That you actually don't want to do. 0:20:45.720 --> 0:20:48.200 Yeah, And so I think actually having the like self 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:51.200 integrity to I always say this that there's no such 0:20:51.240 --> 0:20:52.680 thing as a hell maybe. 0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:54.879 So it's like is it a no or is it 0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:55.280 a yes? 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.840 And if it's in the maybe, then it's then it's 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:00.800 that's just not a real thing. Is just this kind 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:04.440 of purgatory we're in all the time. If you are like, oh, 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:05.480 should I go should I not go? 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:05.520 On? 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:08.080 I'm like, if you're asking yourself that, then like you 0:21:08.200 --> 0:21:11.360 have just you have decided that the only way you're 0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:13.480 going to move through this is in a space of 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:17.480 anxiety instead of just doing the thing where you're like, yes, 0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:19.679 I might let someone down, but if I need to 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:21.639 do this for myself, I need to do this for myself, and. 0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:25.800 You hope the people who love you can respect that. 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:26.280 Yeah. 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:28.840 No, I mean I'm definitely a culprit of that. I'm 0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:31.399 in the maybe state way too much. But I also 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:34.400 loved what you said about how you know, I think 0:21:34.440 --> 0:21:37.000 wellness and every part of our life, whether it's the 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:38.840 way that you should look the way that you should act. 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:40.840 Everything ends up. 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:43.240 You think you have to be so uniform with everyone 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:46.760 else because you jump on a trend or there's everyone 0:21:46.880 --> 0:21:49.520 ends up trying to do the same thing. But actually, 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:52.199 when you think about your own practices, and which is 0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:54.840 why I love ioveada so much, because it's such an 0:21:54.840 --> 0:21:55.640 individual thing. 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:56.760 Everything from your. 0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:58.920 Health to what you have to do for your mind, 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:01.640 to your body, to the food that you eat, it's 0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:05.199 so individual. And I think meditation practices, and even if 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:07.400 you're living with someone like for me and Jay, our 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:10.040 meditation practices also look different. I wake up a little 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:13.320 bit earlier than he does naturally, and he will walk 0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:15.639 about sometimes and he'll meditate, and I like sitting in 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:17.480 one place. You know, we have so many different ways 0:22:17.520 --> 0:22:20.480 of doing it, but we can end up judging ourselves 0:22:20.520 --> 0:22:22.919 based on what we see other people doing. 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:24.280 And then you have this deep. 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:26.560 Expectation of oh, I didn't feel that when I was meditating, 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:28.560 or I didn't feel that when I went on the walk, 0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:30.080 I didn't care about the flowers. 0:22:30.640 --> 0:22:32.120 But that's also okay. 0:22:32.320 --> 0:22:34.960 And I think there's also this element of consistency where 0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:37.800 I feel that there's this pressure of Oh, I've done 0:22:37.800 --> 0:22:39.920 this thing for thirty days, and you know that I 0:22:39.920 --> 0:22:42.879 can feel accomplished by But sometimes I'll show up to 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:45.280 my practice and I will be there physically but not 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:48.080 their mentally. And I've done that so many times. But 0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:52.040 what that has done for me is shown that I 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.000 can commit to something and it keeps that ball rolling. 0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:58.040 Like I do believe in a sense of freedom. But 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:00.359 then at the same time, I think there is a 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:02.880 beauty in showing up for yourself every day, even when 0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:03.639 you don't want to. 0:23:04.119 --> 0:23:09.040 There's a lot to be gained in having discipline, and 0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:11.080 I think in that that's where I mean, there's this 0:23:11.240 --> 0:23:16.000 fine balance of flexibility and discipline where the flexibility might 0:23:16.040 --> 0:23:19.119 be yes, I'm going to do this thing for thirty days, 0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:21.639 but I keep trying to do it in the morning 0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:24.199 and it's not feeling growing in the morning, so I'm 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:27.320 actually going to try it in the afternoon. Or you know, 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:29.560 as long as I just got on the mat every 0:23:29.600 --> 0:23:31.800 day for thirty years, maybe I did yoga for an hour, 0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:34.320 or maybe I did it for ten minutes, or maybe 0:23:34.359 --> 0:23:36.560 I meditated for did a two minute meditation, or maybe 0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:39.359 I did a ten minute and I'm at and I'm 0:23:39.760 --> 0:23:45.200 continuing to say through my practice of being disciplined about 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:49.200 something that I do believe this is important. Yeah, And 0:23:49.280 --> 0:23:52.680 I also am trying to understand how it can be 0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:57.359 create a high functioning something high functioning for me and 0:23:57.400 --> 0:24:00.400 so that I can truly reef the bend if it's 0:24:00.400 --> 0:24:02.400 because listen, I know a lot of people who meditate 0:24:02.440 --> 0:24:05.399 every day and are like nuts, you know, like and 0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:09.160 and but it's actually because maybe it's the wrong meditation 0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.640 for them, or maybe they actually really need a walk 0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:14.480 and need to go outside and have sunlight on their 0:24:14.480 --> 0:24:18.160 skin while they while they kind of leave their thoughts. 0:24:19.119 --> 0:24:20.640 And some people, if they. 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:24.080 Sit, they stew, yeah, and some so that's why some 0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:26.440 people need to you know, I feel that way a 0:24:26.440 --> 0:24:28.600 lot where I'm like, I just have to move because 0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:32.280 my like I am like, you know, I sit and 0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:34.800 write all day, so I feel that I churn all day. 0:24:35.080 --> 0:24:36.240 So I say that all the time. 0:24:36.240 --> 0:24:38.040 I'm like when I'm I I have to have a 0:24:38.080 --> 0:24:40.879 little like snacks all day when I eat, and because 0:24:40.920 --> 0:24:45.320 I feel like a little athlete that's like just churning, churning, churning, churning, 0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:49.199 like and so but that's just who I am so 0:24:49.320 --> 0:24:51.679 when I try to go from this churning, churning, churning 0:24:51.720 --> 0:24:55.639 sitting to the this sitting, it doesn't really translate. 0:24:55.800 --> 0:24:57.920 Yeah, I get that so much. I feel the same way. 0:24:57.960 --> 0:25:00.520 I have to have some sort of move in my 0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:03.439 day because even if I don't physically have movement, I 0:25:03.440 --> 0:25:08.800 feel stagnant internally. I found movements such a beautiful way 0:25:08.960 --> 0:25:11.840 to release. And whether that's in walking or whether that's 0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:15.159 a high intensity training class like whatever that movement is. 0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:19.119 I think movement of body really stimulates movement of mind 0:25:19.359 --> 0:25:22.159 and of I mean it stimulates so much well. 0:25:22.040 --> 0:25:25.080 Andrey know that because if you want to kind of 0:25:25.280 --> 0:25:27.800 start to rewire your nervous system, it is going to 0:25:27.800 --> 0:25:29.800 be a physical thing. I mean not to sound dark, 0:25:29.840 --> 0:25:32.639 but that's why they did like electroshock therapy, which is 0:25:32.680 --> 0:25:36.280 like very sick in the head obviously, but there is 0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:39.720 this idea that you know, we do know from data 0:25:39.920 --> 0:25:43.720 and studies that the body traps trauma, that body traps, 0:25:43.920 --> 0:25:45.360 I mean, all of these things. 0:25:45.119 --> 0:25:45.760 Live in the body. 0:25:45.880 --> 0:25:48.680 So you this idea that you are doing this movement 0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:53.119 out of you can start to repattern the piece at 0:25:53.119 --> 0:25:57.639 which your nervous system is moving and informing your mind 0:25:57.720 --> 0:25:59.960 and your kind of spiritual Yeah. 0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:03.199 I always find when I go off track or I 0:26:03.240 --> 0:26:05.960 don't show up in those thirty days, it's like my 0:26:06.040 --> 0:26:09.159 mind starts tricking me to be Like, you feel this 0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:11.919 guilt first of all, and then that guilt translates to 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:15.160 not showing up again. Yeah, And it's this tricky cycle 0:26:15.200 --> 0:26:16.520 that you go through where you're like, oh, well I 0:26:16.560 --> 0:26:17.679 didn't commit to your mindset. 0:26:17.680 --> 0:26:18.879 Well maybe you just shouldn't do it. 0:26:18.880 --> 0:26:21.280 It's just not for you, you know, take a break 0:26:21.320 --> 0:26:24.080 from it. But actually that can end up being I 0:26:24.200 --> 0:26:26.960 noticed that's actually either my lazy self or this feeling 0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:30.160 of I didn't complete and now I have to start 0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:33.640 all over again. And that guilt really stops me from 0:26:33.680 --> 0:26:35.119 the practice I know is good for me. 0:26:35.200 --> 0:26:36.680 And so actually the. 0:26:36.640 --> 0:26:39.320 Guilt doesn't help in any way. It doesn't fuel me 0:26:39.440 --> 0:26:41.800 to keep going. It stops me from doing something I 0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:44.919 know I actually love doing. And I think that that 0:26:45.160 --> 0:26:47.439 so many people can get trapped in that feeling of 0:26:47.520 --> 0:26:49.920 guilt where you end up wanting to do something that's 0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:52.080 better for you. It's like when I'm like, Okay, I'm 0:26:52.080 --> 0:26:54.320 gonna not gonna have sugar today, like for a week. 0:26:54.359 --> 0:26:55.840 I need to detox from it. I need to get 0:26:55.840 --> 0:26:56.880 away from it for a little bit. 0:26:57.240 --> 0:26:58.520 And then I have one piece. I'm like, oh, well, 0:26:58.560 --> 0:26:59.879 then I just ruined all events. 0:27:00.000 --> 0:27:00.280 I know. 0:27:00.400 --> 0:27:02.000 Give yourself a bit of grace. It's fine. 0:27:02.040 --> 0:27:04.960 It's not going back to the beginning. It's just stepping 0:27:04.960 --> 0:27:06.080 back and stepping forward again. 0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:08.600 Like it's not. You don't have to feel like you've 0:27:08.640 --> 0:27:09.440 failed or. 0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:12.359 Ruined everything by taking a break from something. 0:27:12.760 --> 0:27:15.960 Yeah, And in that, there is something to be said 0:27:16.040 --> 0:27:19.199 about being able to cross a finish line and be 0:27:19.280 --> 0:27:21.880 imperfect at the same time. And I think a lot 0:27:21.920 --> 0:27:24.919 of the times we are just conditioned to believe that 0:27:25.400 --> 0:27:30.560 crossing the finish line having been perfect is the only 0:27:31.320 --> 0:27:34.800 way to get there, and that's just not real. And 0:27:34.840 --> 0:27:36.880 so I think we can say, like, no, I got there. 0:27:37.000 --> 0:27:40.080 I still like and I tried, and how what I 0:27:40.119 --> 0:27:43.879 did was better than last week or better than yesterday. 0:27:43.560 --> 0:27:45.560 And that's okay. And that's also life. 0:27:46.160 --> 0:27:48.320 That is our human condition, is that there is a 0:27:48.400 --> 0:27:52.320 day where we can wake up and we feel completely 0:27:52.320 --> 0:27:55.399 different than we did three days before, or something goes on, 0:27:55.760 --> 0:28:00.479 or you know, I was with a friend of mine who'd, like, 0:28:00.840 --> 0:28:04.120 you know, her her dad passed a month ago, and 0:28:04.240 --> 0:28:06.239 I remember she was on this kind of journey of 0:28:06.280 --> 0:28:09.320 like she wasn't having wine and she wasn't doing something 0:28:09.359 --> 0:28:11.439 because she was getting she's her body, she was preparing 0:28:11.480 --> 0:28:14.520 her body for something, and you know her dad passed 0:28:14.520 --> 0:28:16.200 and she's like, oh, no, I need it. I want 0:28:16.240 --> 0:28:18.000 a glass of wine now, like you know these and 0:28:18.080 --> 0:28:20.960 obviously that's a very extreme example, but these things do happen, 0:28:20.960 --> 0:28:23.879 and we have to allow ourselves to be human or 0:28:23.920 --> 0:28:27.679 have or do so that we can also like you know, know, 0:28:27.960 --> 0:28:31.960 what is the life affirming decision for us? Like sometimes 0:28:32.000 --> 0:28:34.160 you just have to have eaten that junkie thing one 0:28:34.240 --> 0:28:35.600 too many times for it. 0:28:35.680 --> 0:28:38.760 To be like, no, I don't even want it anymore. 0:28:38.440 --> 0:28:40.760 Like I let myself have it like ten times and 0:28:40.760 --> 0:28:43.800 then it's just like I actually was, like I needed 0:28:43.840 --> 0:28:46.360 to happen until I didn't want it anymore, and then 0:28:46.400 --> 0:28:48.280 you don't even think about it. And I think we 0:28:48.560 --> 0:28:54.040 tend to become so kind of mentally attached to decisions 0:28:54.080 --> 0:28:57.920 we make around being well or happy or eating or 0:28:57.960 --> 0:29:00.640 all these things, when this idea that we give freedom, 0:29:00.720 --> 0:29:04.800 like you say, to our experiences around them, also gives 0:29:04.880 --> 0:29:08.200 us the free will to have discipline, so it's not like, oh, 0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:11.640 something dragged us and made us feel disciplined. And that's 0:29:11.640 --> 0:29:15.080 why I like the word to be disciplined rather than 0:29:15.120 --> 0:29:18.560 like obligated to or whatever, because then we, you know, 0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:21.400 we chose, and I think when you feel that you're 0:29:21.440 --> 0:29:24.280 not choosing because you're like I should, I should I should. Yeah, 0:29:24.680 --> 0:29:26.640 And it's like sometimes I'm like, I don't know, like 0:29:27.200 --> 0:29:30.000 hit rock bottom with it, like like have ordered the 0:29:30.160 --> 0:29:33.760 like you know, pad tie or like and it just 0:29:33.800 --> 0:29:36.880 have that indigestion one more time, like and because like 0:29:36.920 --> 0:29:38.920 your body will also just be like you can we 0:29:38.960 --> 0:29:39.760 can't do that now. 0:29:39.960 --> 0:29:42.479 Yeah, it is like that, you know. 0:29:42.880 --> 0:29:45.680 And so I feel like being like a kid growing 0:29:45.720 --> 0:29:48.160 up in New Orleans, I remember it's like like I 0:29:48.200 --> 0:29:49.680 have like like drinking. 0:29:49.400 --> 0:29:51.000 Like whiskey or something like that. 0:29:51.080 --> 0:29:53.080 Now I'm just like if I smell it, I'm like whoa, 0:29:53.120 --> 0:29:54.320 Like I can't even Like I'm like. 0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:57.800 I can't even you know. But it was because I 0:29:57.920 --> 0:30:01.320 was like out in high we'll sneaking into a bar 0:30:01.640 --> 0:30:02.480 like and. 0:30:02.520 --> 0:30:04.680 You know, didn't know what I was doing and we 0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:08.920 were just psychotic. Yeah, but you know, you just or 0:30:09.000 --> 0:30:11.000 you'll like have had that thing one too many times 0:30:11.080 --> 0:30:13.880 and your body's like, okay, can we like get on 0:30:13.920 --> 0:30:18.080 a roll. And even again, that embodiment, having that attunement 0:30:18.200 --> 0:30:23.959 to sell it does create a harmony between our wants 0:30:24.000 --> 0:30:26.800 for ourselves and our ability to be in and have 0:30:26.840 --> 0:30:28.120 that and become those things. 0:30:28.200 --> 0:30:30.600 Definitely, it does take a while to like we were saying, 0:30:30.720 --> 0:30:33.480 your body just gets trained to something, but it takes 0:30:33.520 --> 0:30:35.960 a while. It's not an instant thing of oh I 0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:39.760 started meditating, or I started eating salads and iver was amazing. Now, 0:30:39.840 --> 0:30:42.320 like it takes a while for your mind and your 0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:46.040 body to notice that this actually feels good for me, 0:30:46.080 --> 0:30:48.760 because at the beginning, it's discomfort. At the beginning, it's 0:30:48.840 --> 0:30:51.560 uncomfortable that, oh, you're swapping out that pizza slice and 0:30:51.600 --> 0:30:54.320 you're eating vegetables instead, Like why am I doing this? 0:30:54.840 --> 0:30:57.080 But eventually, when you you're right you have to, it's 0:30:57.120 --> 0:30:58.800 almost like you stick at it for a small amount 0:30:58.800 --> 0:31:01.160 of time and you notice that shift and that change 0:31:01.160 --> 0:31:04.360 in yourself, which hopefully then creates a new pattern or 0:31:04.400 --> 0:31:06.200 a new way of existing. 0:31:06.440 --> 0:31:08.680 And it's like we were talking about earlier, when you're like, 0:31:08.840 --> 0:31:11.520 if you just have happen, have an energized day. So 0:31:11.560 --> 0:31:13.960 then you commit to all these things and you're like, wait, 0:31:13.960 --> 0:31:15.680 hold on, I was just having a really like I 0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:17.239 was on a high that day of being like I'm 0:31:17.240 --> 0:31:19.320 feeling good. I'm feeling like I have a lot of capacity. 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:21.239 And I think a lot of the times, whether it's 0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:22.880 about how we want to eat or what we want 0:31:22.880 --> 0:31:26.000 to do for ourselves to feel well and good, we 0:31:27.160 --> 0:31:29.479 have one like kind of released day where we're just like, oh, 0:31:29.560 --> 0:31:32.000 I am just into fruits and vegetables today, and so 0:31:32.120 --> 0:31:34.920 then you're like, oh my god, I am now. 0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:36.680 This forever and da da da dah. 0:31:36.720 --> 0:31:39.000 And then there comes the judgment and the shame and 0:31:39.000 --> 0:31:40.720 the whatever when something comes around. 0:31:40.800 --> 0:31:41.520 When really we. 0:31:41.480 --> 0:31:44.840 Can say like wow, on any given day, like I know, 0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:47.640 I'm free to make these amazing decisions for my body 0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:51.600 and my health, and what can I do to detach 0:31:51.760 --> 0:31:55.520 from reasons why I would want them to be one way. 0:31:55.400 --> 0:31:58.560 Rather than another? And I think that's really important. 0:31:58.840 --> 0:32:01.360 I'm so that friend who at the beginning of like 0:32:01.360 --> 0:32:03.480 a Friday, I have all this time, I'm like, yeah, 0:32:03.520 --> 0:32:05.640 let's do this at night, let's do this, let's all 0:32:05.720 --> 0:32:07.600 hang out. I get to Midia, I'm like, why. 0:32:07.400 --> 0:32:09.880 Did I do that. Why did I just commit to 0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:10.360 all of that? 0:32:10.440 --> 0:32:13.040 I have no idea that friend waiting for your other 0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:14.400 friend to cancel before you do. 0:32:14.520 --> 0:32:15.240 That's always me. 0:32:15.480 --> 0:32:19.560 Yes, You're like, in the relief of them canceling, you're like, oh. 0:32:19.360 --> 0:32:23.160 Yeahs I you mentioned rock Button and it reminded me 0:32:23.200 --> 0:32:26.160 of something from your book where you speak about lostness, 0:32:26.680 --> 0:32:28.760 and I feel like I can I mean, I just 0:32:28.800 --> 0:32:30.320 keep saying this, but your book just felt like it 0:32:30.360 --> 0:32:32.360 was talking to me. But I felt that a lot 0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:34.280 of my life and I still go through waves of it. 0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:37.040 I think depending on what part of your life journey 0:32:37.040 --> 0:32:39.600 you go on, it's never just a onwards and upwards. 0:32:39.640 --> 0:32:42.160 It's always this ebb and flow of I feel like 0:32:42.200 --> 0:32:45.080 I've discovered something, and then you feel lost again. And 0:32:45.080 --> 0:32:46.760 then you feel like you've discovered something and then you 0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:50.880 feel lost again. What did lostness look like in your life? 0:32:50.880 --> 0:32:51.000 Like? 0:32:51.040 --> 0:32:54.560 How did you recognize the lostness in your life? 0:32:54.640 --> 0:32:58.880 I mean, I think there's micro moments of lostness where 0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:01.160 you could just have a day where you're disappointed and 0:33:01.200 --> 0:33:02.840 you're like, what's the point of everything? 0:33:02.960 --> 0:33:06.240 Yeah? And I think people go through that daily. 0:33:06.440 --> 0:33:11.040 I think there's macro lostness where people you know, finish 0:33:11.120 --> 0:33:13.840 one big goal, and because they're on the other side 0:33:13.880 --> 0:33:17.040 of that goal, they are now not really understanding how 0:33:17.080 --> 0:33:18.960 to like orient themselves to. 0:33:19.840 --> 0:33:21.280 What they want to be doing next. 0:33:22.040 --> 0:33:25.040 I think big changes change us, and if we don't 0:33:25.120 --> 0:33:28.080 get to know ourselves again when we've had a big change, 0:33:28.480 --> 0:33:32.400 we often feel lost. And so I know I've felt that. 0:33:32.480 --> 0:33:35.719 I felt that when I moved to LA. I felt 0:33:35.960 --> 0:33:39.960 lost after I had my first kid, because. 0:33:39.680 --> 0:33:43.600 So yourself, right, Yeah, well, and so much. 0:33:43.880 --> 0:33:49.800 Changes, and we have to really live in true observation 0:33:50.000 --> 0:33:53.040 of self and life when when big changes are happening. 0:33:53.320 --> 0:33:54.800 But a lot of the times we're just so busy 0:33:54.840 --> 0:33:56.800 trying to get through the change and do the next thing, 0:33:56.920 --> 0:33:59.200 or we're just busy, or we're grieving, or we're this, 0:33:59.320 --> 0:34:01.680 or we're that in this other emotional place that we 0:34:01.840 --> 0:34:06.000 just stop noticing. Yes, in the noticing and the observing 0:34:06.080 --> 0:34:09.279 is actually I think what's critical to us being able 0:34:09.320 --> 0:34:10.320 to kind of come home. 0:34:10.160 --> 0:34:14.239 To ourselves or steady ourselves, or feel. 0:34:13.920 --> 0:34:17.560 Like, yes, everything around me could look different, but I 0:34:17.600 --> 0:34:18.480 am familiar to me. 0:34:18.800 --> 0:34:22.040 Yes, I think when I think about my lostness, it 0:34:22.080 --> 0:34:26.920 was probably me doing again all these things externally and 0:34:26.960 --> 0:34:30.399 then suddenly it's me running after myself, trying to catch 0:34:30.480 --> 0:34:32.120 up with who I am, because suddenly I get to 0:34:32.160 --> 0:34:34.520 a point in my life where I haven't been doing 0:34:34.560 --> 0:34:38.040 the observation. I haven't been noticing the small shifts and 0:34:38.120 --> 0:34:40.840 changes I've been making, where I suddenly look at myself and. 0:34:40.840 --> 0:34:43.080 I'm like, how did I even get who? How did 0:34:43.080 --> 0:34:44.239 I even get here? And who am I? 0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:46.279 Whether it's in a good way or a bad way, 0:34:46.320 --> 0:34:48.319 it's me trying to catch up with the version of 0:34:48.320 --> 0:34:51.000 myself that I suddenly find I am, And so I 0:34:51.040 --> 0:34:54.640 always imagine it as you know, you're just constantly lost, 0:34:54.680 --> 0:34:57.120 like running through the forest of your own heart, and 0:34:57.719 --> 0:34:59.960 you're trying to chug along with this person. 0:34:59.719 --> 0:35:02.279 Who's going at the speed of lightning. But suddenly you're 0:35:02.640 --> 0:35:03.399 you know, it. 0:35:03.360 --> 0:35:05.479 Takes so much time to catch up with yourself if 0:35:05.640 --> 0:35:08.120 you're almost absent, you've been in darkness for such a 0:35:08.160 --> 0:35:11.000 long period where you haven't been checking in with yourself, 0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:16.040 and so it's almost like meeting someone. You've dated someone 0:35:16.040 --> 0:35:17.560 and then you meet them again in ten years time, 0:35:17.640 --> 0:35:20.480 you're like, you're a completely different person. And that's how 0:35:20.560 --> 0:35:23.359 I end up feeling about myself, where I've checked out 0:35:23.400 --> 0:35:26.839 from checking in with myself, and suddenly a year down 0:35:26.880 --> 0:35:29.719 the line'm like, oh wow, I haven't met you. Yeah, 0:35:29.960 --> 0:35:31.759 I need to get to know you again. Yeah. 0:35:31.800 --> 0:35:31.960 You know. 0:35:32.000 --> 0:35:36.880 There's a poem and remember love that is like five words, 0:35:36.920 --> 0:35:39.560 like the shortest page in the whole books, and it's 0:35:39.600 --> 0:35:42.839 called It's simple every time you change, get to know 0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:46.799 yourself again. And it's really interesting that because having just 0:35:46.880 --> 0:35:49.480 come up of touring this book, that was something that 0:35:49.560 --> 0:35:52.560 stuck out to so many people as a mantra to 0:35:52.680 --> 0:35:58.000 return to giving yourself attentious attention so that you can 0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:00.600 bring awareness to your experience, so that you can locate 0:36:00.719 --> 0:36:04.840 yourself in your circumstances. And I think so much of 0:36:04.840 --> 0:36:06.719 the time we are just the last in our list 0:36:06.760 --> 0:36:10.359 for our own attention, and because of that, we are 0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:13.879 just you know, we don't we're not embodied, and we're 0:36:13.920 --> 0:36:18.279 not aware, and we're not and we're you know, we 0:36:18.440 --> 0:36:21.319 are our circumstances. We are the person we're talking to, 0:36:21.480 --> 0:36:24.120 we are the thing we're doing, we are and we 0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:28.080 are never actually any of those things. And so it's 0:36:28.120 --> 0:36:31.600 really disorienting and it happens everyone, and it can happen 0:36:31.719 --> 0:36:33.360 just like and you could have just have one crazy 0:36:33.440 --> 0:36:35.640 day that totally hijacks you, and you could just be 0:36:36.719 --> 0:36:40.319 feeling like lost and not yourself or confused, or like 0:36:40.360 --> 0:36:43.960 by the way, something really big and horrible happens in 0:36:44.000 --> 0:36:47.040 the world and it changes every way you're feeling about 0:36:47.040 --> 0:36:49.239 your own life and everything else, and you feel really 0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:53.120 lost in that. So I think our relationship to lostness 0:36:53.239 --> 0:36:55.160 and making peace with the fact that it kind of 0:36:55.200 --> 0:36:58.160 comes up a lot in what can be a rituals 0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:02.879 to returning to self are so important because we tend 0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:05.160 to act like it's like the big bad like Boogeyman, 0:37:05.360 --> 0:37:07.240 and will it come will it not? And you're like, Okay, 0:37:07.239 --> 0:37:09.920 it will definitely come, like that's the good news and 0:37:09.960 --> 0:37:10.759 the bad news like. 0:37:10.719 --> 0:37:12.960 It will be here. You will be lost. 0:37:13.280 --> 0:37:17.360 It will happen frequently, and that is a part of 0:37:17.360 --> 0:37:21.439 the human experience. You can move through it. You can 0:37:21.560 --> 0:37:26.279 create a practice of returning to self and being life. 0:37:26.360 --> 0:37:30.000 Going from familiar to unfamiliar is the natural flow of 0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:30.799 our existence. 0:37:31.120 --> 0:37:33.480 When you went through your periods of lostness, what were 0:37:33.520 --> 0:37:36.400 the few things that helped you to return, you know, 0:37:36.520 --> 0:37:39.719 back to who you were or to help rEFInd your way. 0:37:40.000 --> 0:37:42.160 I think acknowledging it. 0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:44.160 I think a lot of the times we don't acknowledge it, 0:37:44.160 --> 0:37:46.920 and sometimes people maybe even try to help us acknowledge 0:37:46.960 --> 0:37:50.520 that we are, you know, like don't feel like ourselves, 0:37:50.640 --> 0:37:55.440 or we're you know, being even like extra grumpy about 0:37:55.480 --> 0:38:00.239 everything because we're not feeling at home in ourselves. If 0:38:00.280 --> 0:38:04.000 you can't accurately identify the wound, you can't heal the wound. 0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:06.000 And so I think a lot of it is that, 0:38:06.360 --> 0:38:07.879 you know, we just tend to think it's no, it's 0:38:07.920 --> 0:38:09.680 just this, and it's this, and they're just this and 0:38:09.680 --> 0:38:12.799 that's just and that's just that or whatever. And I 0:38:12.840 --> 0:38:15.680 think when we can say, okay, but what's my part 0:38:15.680 --> 0:38:17.200 of this, like what's going on on my side of 0:38:17.239 --> 0:38:19.279 the street and on my side of the street, it 0:38:19.320 --> 0:38:21.799 could be like, wow, I'm being really hard on people 0:38:21.880 --> 0:38:22.279 right now? 0:38:22.719 --> 0:38:24.640 Why am I being really hard on people? Like what 0:38:24.840 --> 0:38:25.640 is this saying. 0:38:25.360 --> 0:38:29.560 About where I am? And in that we can probably 0:38:29.640 --> 0:38:34.759 see that like, ooh, I'm feeling resentment and the resentment 0:38:34.840 --> 0:38:36.960 is like making me feel a little lost in who 0:38:36.960 --> 0:38:40.080 I am. And so I think kind of doing that 0:38:40.120 --> 0:38:46.760 work to like pause and interrogate yourself kind of Unfortunately 0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:49.480 in doing it with help if you can. But I 0:38:49.520 --> 0:38:52.319 think if you can't identify the wound. I remember when 0:38:52.360 --> 0:38:55.640 I went through being able to understand I was having 0:38:55.719 --> 0:38:59.520 postpartum depression, I was. It just changed when I could 0:38:59.560 --> 0:39:02.239 actually it to myself and feel it and know it 0:39:02.320 --> 0:39:05.520 was there. It changed my conversations with my therapist. It 0:39:05.600 --> 0:39:08.840 changed the type of support I asked my girlfriends for. 0:39:09.640 --> 0:39:12.200 It changed the conversations and type of support I asked 0:39:12.200 --> 0:39:17.080 my partner for. I mean, it changed really everything because 0:39:17.120 --> 0:39:20.560 I could I could say like, this is what's happening 0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:24.759 and so. And that was a profound period of lostness 0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:28.600 for me. But I think it was a little prolonged 0:39:28.600 --> 0:39:30.759 because I kept being like, oh, no, you just have 0:39:30.840 --> 0:39:33.680 brain fog, like so annoying hormones. No, no, no, Or you're 0:39:33.719 --> 0:39:36.320 just like oh or you're just like, oh my gosh, 0:39:36.360 --> 0:39:39.680 like la is so did da da? And you're like 0:39:40.239 --> 0:39:45.640 anytime you're focused on others or out other exterior circumstances 0:39:46.200 --> 0:39:48.759 is usually a sign that you don't want to look 0:39:48.800 --> 0:39:51.200 within and kind of say like, this is my wound. 0:39:51.440 --> 0:39:51.640 Yeah. 0:39:51.640 --> 0:39:55.279 I always think that whenever I start getting more attracted 0:39:55.440 --> 0:39:59.600 to gossip of other people or criticizing other people, or 0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:02.839 I reckon recognize myself noticing the bad in people more 0:40:02.880 --> 0:40:05.680 than the good. It's usually a sign for me that 0:40:05.880 --> 0:40:08.560 I have a lot of work that I need to 0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:10.759 be doing, all things that I need to bring up 0:40:10.800 --> 0:40:13.759 in myself, because the natural state is not to do them. 0:40:13.880 --> 0:40:17.040 Natural state is to see people and see the good 0:40:17.040 --> 0:40:19.800 in them before the bad, to be able to recognize 0:40:19.920 --> 0:40:22.480 the sweetness in someone before you recognize. 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:24.520 And or at the very least, even if you can't 0:40:24.520 --> 0:40:26.120 do that, even if you're sitting her being like I 0:40:26.160 --> 0:40:30.200 struggle because like her, like they are annoying they are, yes, 0:40:30.400 --> 0:40:32.440 and like they just are and they like rub me 0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:37.040 the wrong way. So even if that's true, acceptance is 0:40:37.080 --> 0:40:39.440 truly our natural state. So the idea that you're like, well, 0:40:39.480 --> 0:40:42.399 they are who they are, and you know that's why 0:40:42.440 --> 0:40:45.040 I have this boundary and you can keep it moving. 0:40:45.080 --> 0:40:48.320 But I do think that when you're like really ruffled 0:40:48.360 --> 0:40:51.480 by people and it's more than one and and and 0:40:51.520 --> 0:40:56.120 that's a and that's happening all around you, it's helpful 0:40:56.160 --> 0:40:59.000 to be like, wait, if I'm annoyed with everyone, yeah, 0:40:59.200 --> 0:41:00.719 like it's me, am. 0:41:00.640 --> 0:41:01.360 I the problem? 0:41:01.640 --> 0:41:05.200 Yes, exactly, like everyone can't be annoying. 0:41:05.360 --> 0:41:08.120 Yeah, When I moved to New York, I I just 0:41:08.200 --> 0:41:10.719 I felt that intensely because I had to give up 0:41:10.719 --> 0:41:12.680 I had been studying for six years. I couldn't use 0:41:12.680 --> 0:41:17.160 it in America. I had no friends, no family. Jay 0:41:17.239 --> 0:41:19.560 was at work all day, and I basically had no 0:41:19.640 --> 0:41:22.920 idea what I was supposed to be doing. I genuinely 0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:25.160 wandered the streets of New York. I'd take him lunch 0:41:25.200 --> 0:41:26.759 because it was the only thing that I knew I 0:41:26.800 --> 0:41:29.320 could do. And I kept trying to figure out what 0:41:29.520 --> 0:41:33.040 my purpose was. And it was that discomfort, the serious 0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:35.279 discomfort of just having to sit with myself, which I 0:41:35.360 --> 0:41:39.040 never had to do in my life before, without the distractions, 0:41:39.800 --> 0:41:41.880 and also not really having people to talk to because 0:41:41.880 --> 0:41:43.319 I didn't want to talk to my mom or my 0:41:43.320 --> 0:41:45.640 sister about it because I thought it would upset them. Yeah, 0:41:46.320 --> 0:41:47.799 and I didn't want to tell my friends that I 0:41:47.880 --> 0:41:50.160 was in New York and not really happy, because oh my. 0:41:50.120 --> 0:41:51.920 God, you've moved to New York. It's amazing. 0:41:52.520 --> 0:41:54.480 And I didn't want to really upset Jay that much 0:41:54.520 --> 0:41:56.680 because it was already quite intense for him that I 0:41:56.760 --> 0:41:59.480 was so upset, And so it was actually a beautiful 0:41:59.520 --> 0:42:02.440 time to be able to just I mean, at the 0:42:02.440 --> 0:42:04.200 time it felt horrific, but now I look by it, 0:42:04.239 --> 0:42:06.759 I'm like, that changed so much of me because that 0:42:06.800 --> 0:42:09.839 lostness physically of just wandering around, the lostness of sitting 0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:12.040 there and not even knowing what to do with myself, 0:42:12.640 --> 0:42:15.279 it allowed me to expand so much. Like I then 0:42:15.320 --> 0:42:17.480 decided to study so much more. I was like, if 0:42:17.520 --> 0:42:19.319 I don't know what I want to do, let me 0:42:19.360 --> 0:42:21.200 figure it out. Like again, I had to sit here, 0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:23.239 keep telling myself, I have no idea what I want 0:42:23.280 --> 0:42:25.040 to do. I've no idea what my purpose is. Or 0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:27.400 let me trial an error, let me try to do 0:42:27.440 --> 0:42:29.160 this yoga teacher. I didn't want to do yoga at 0:42:29.160 --> 0:42:30.239 the time, but I was like, let me do a 0:42:30.320 --> 0:42:31.200 yoga teacher training. 0:42:31.200 --> 0:42:31.719 It's near me. 0:42:31.800 --> 0:42:34.000 Let me figure out what I can learn about that 0:42:34.120 --> 0:42:36.799 and myself. I then studied, I evade, I did so 0:42:36.880 --> 0:42:41.000 many things to try and understand myself better from scratch, 0:42:41.080 --> 0:42:44.000 because I realized at that point I really didn't know 0:42:44.040 --> 0:42:46.560 anything about my new version of myself that was that 0:42:46.640 --> 0:42:47.240 was becoming. 0:42:47.560 --> 0:42:50.200 Yeah, you know, it's really interesting because there's a page 0:42:50.200 --> 0:42:53.040 to remember a lab where I quote my friend's mother 0:42:53.080 --> 0:42:55.960 who's in her nineties, and she had said to me, 0:42:56.640 --> 0:42:59.080 you know, I'd always heard people say this, you know, 0:42:59.120 --> 0:43:01.439 and I'm sure you have you where they're like, well, 0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:03.799 if you you know, you can't understand the good if 0:43:03.840 --> 0:43:05.760 you don't have the bad, or if you can't understand 0:43:05.800 --> 0:43:07.080 like joy, if you don't have pain. 0:43:07.560 --> 0:43:10.279 And I was always I was always like, really, like, 0:43:10.360 --> 0:43:10.759 I don't know. 0:43:10.880 --> 0:43:13.120 I do think you I do think we would know 0:43:13.360 --> 0:43:15.160 joy without needing pain. 0:43:15.800 --> 0:43:17.359 She said this really interesting thing to me. 0:43:17.360 --> 0:43:20.480 Which was she's like, you know, the thing about when 0:43:20.520 --> 0:43:23.120 you're happy all the time is you don't think because 0:43:23.160 --> 0:43:25.480 you're so present. You're just like I'm happy, I'm here, 0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:30.080 I'm in it. She's like, pain causes us to question life, 0:43:30.080 --> 0:43:30.799 so they say like. 0:43:30.760 --> 0:43:32.520 Why me, why this? Why? Why? 0:43:32.560 --> 0:43:32.799 Why? 0:43:33.320 --> 0:43:36.640 And in those questions that's how you become deliberate yes. 0:43:36.800 --> 0:43:39.160 And so this, that's how you create a deliberate path. 0:43:39.200 --> 0:43:41.359 That's how you do those things where you're like, wow, 0:43:41.600 --> 0:43:44.160 is there like do I have like a scratch? It's 0:43:44.200 --> 0:43:46.640 something in me scratching at yoga something to me, scratching 0:43:46.640 --> 0:43:49.640 at at at medicine, at like healing at ira Veda. 0:43:49.920 --> 0:43:51.040 You know all of these. 0:43:50.840 --> 0:43:54.040 Things, and and you you you you could hear the 0:43:54.080 --> 0:43:58.160 things that are whispering, because there's you're you're in this questioning. 0:43:59.280 --> 0:44:01.000 And when she said that, I was like, Wow, that 0:44:01.280 --> 0:44:04.439 really helps me understand pain. Yeah, because I never was like, oh, 0:44:04.440 --> 0:44:05.600 it's the only way you get joy. 0:44:05.680 --> 0:44:06.680 It's like that just never. 0:44:07.120 --> 0:44:09.680 I get it in theory, but I never it never 0:44:09.760 --> 0:44:11.279 resonated with me spiritually. 0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:17.239 And that I was like, yes, you need It makes. 0:44:17.000 --> 0:44:21.080 You ask questions, You say, why, like why am I 0:44:21.120 --> 0:44:24.960 not happy in New York? Why do I like, why 0:44:25.080 --> 0:44:26.960 does this thing I want not feel the way I 0:44:27.080 --> 0:44:28.960 thought it would. Why you know all of these things? 0:44:28.960 --> 0:44:31.239 And then you have to answer those questions and in 0:44:31.280 --> 0:44:34.680 that you start to chart a path that is uniquely 0:44:34.719 --> 0:44:35.080 your own. 0:44:35.360 --> 0:44:36.080 Yeah. I agree. 0:44:36.120 --> 0:44:38.439 I think there's so many different ways that people even 0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:40.799 come to their like spiritual path. And I remember someone 0:44:40.840 --> 0:44:45.759 saying to me, it's either through confusion and curiosity, or 0:44:46.120 --> 0:44:48.359 most of the time, it's through pain. You've been through 0:44:48.360 --> 0:44:51.160 something difficult and you're questioning life, you're questioning death, you're 0:44:51.239 --> 0:44:55.080 questioning why we're even here. And only at that point 0:44:55.160 --> 0:44:57.840 do you start thinking, I need to understand the world 0:44:58.040 --> 0:45:02.160 myself and how this will relates together and so many 0:45:02.160 --> 0:45:05.319 people I've met the spiritual journeys, and by that I 0:45:05.360 --> 0:45:08.439 mean connecting to yourself, connected to the universe, connecting to God. 0:45:08.480 --> 0:45:12.759 It all started through a position of pain and discomfort 0:45:12.760 --> 0:45:15.399 in the world. I loved this quote the semi quoite 0:45:15.400 --> 0:45:17.640 Seite loved in your book, but this one really hit 0:45:17.680 --> 0:45:20.480 deep for me. You said, we do not have to 0:45:20.560 --> 0:45:22.960 listen to the shadows just because we hear them. 0:45:23.560 --> 0:45:24.200 Where do you. 0:45:24.280 --> 0:45:30.280 Think negative you know, self talk and this constant almost 0:45:30.280 --> 0:45:34.839 not demonizing ourselves but speaking more negatively to ourselves than good, 0:45:34.840 --> 0:45:36.640 which I think a lot of us are in that position. 0:45:36.960 --> 0:45:39.200 Where do you think it ends up rooting from? And 0:45:39.320 --> 0:45:40.560 how did you. 0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:42.040 Have that in your life? And then how did you 0:45:42.120 --> 0:45:44.239 shift to the narrative you have in your mind now? 0:45:44.920 --> 0:45:47.360 When it comes to negative self talk, I mean obviously 0:45:47.440 --> 0:45:51.160 that comes from judgment, and judgment comes from this kind 0:45:51.160 --> 0:45:53.360 of deep conditioning that there's. 0:45:53.120 --> 0:45:55.680 A culture that tells us we. 0:45:55.640 --> 0:45:59.200 Are fundamentally broken or wrong. Because if you buy this 0:45:59.280 --> 0:46:01.440 and you do this, then you get more and more whole, 0:46:01.520 --> 0:46:03.080 or you get less and less broken, or you'll be 0:46:03.120 --> 0:46:05.160 more and more Okay, if you wear the right thing, 0:46:05.239 --> 0:46:06.759 or you take the right supplement, or you do that, 0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:10.080 you know, all that stuff and so and it's hard 0:46:10.120 --> 0:46:12.279 to shake that because that's the world we see. 0:46:12.320 --> 0:46:14.640 So when we see it in billboards and we see 0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:14.880 it and. 0:46:16.520 --> 0:46:20.640 It's in conversation, and it's how parents raise us because 0:46:21.000 --> 0:46:23.960 ultimately it keeps you safe to understand the way the 0:46:24.000 --> 0:46:27.839 world works. And so your parents want you to be scared. 0:46:27.560 --> 0:46:30.040 Of the same things that they felt kept them safe. 0:46:30.640 --> 0:46:32.919 And so it's like, you know, think that you need 0:46:32.960 --> 0:46:35.720 to get this in order to be safe or settled 0:46:35.800 --> 0:46:39.680 or happy or whatever. And so to me, a lot 0:46:39.719 --> 0:46:42.000 of that, you know, the poem that that comes from, 0:46:42.160 --> 0:46:43.640 you know, we don't have to listen to the shadows 0:46:43.680 --> 0:46:47.000 just because we can hear them is more of a 0:46:48.000 --> 0:46:52.080 rally cry to say, just reclaim yourself. Every moment you 0:46:52.160 --> 0:46:55.800 feel that the decisions or the voice in your head 0:46:55.880 --> 0:47:00.920 is someone else's voice, or someone else's opinion or someone 0:47:01.000 --> 0:47:06.960 else's directions home, you do have this ability to reclaim 0:47:07.000 --> 0:47:09.439 it and say, like is this what I want? I think, 0:47:09.520 --> 0:47:13.400 is this what I need? Because you owe yourself that, 0:47:13.760 --> 0:47:19.279 like your life is your greatest gift and responsibility. Yeah, 0:47:19.320 --> 0:47:23.680 and so in that there is this relationship of constant reclamation. 0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:25.280 Yeah, I think. 0:47:25.440 --> 0:47:28.200 I think that can be so difficult when you've had 0:47:28.360 --> 0:47:31.120 these constant layers put on you, and like you said, 0:47:31.120 --> 0:47:34.319 whether it's family, whether it's societal pressures, whether it's the 0:47:34.400 --> 0:47:37.920 labels people have put on you. And the only way 0:47:37.960 --> 0:47:40.719 I think you can really reclaim and keep coming back 0:47:40.719 --> 0:47:42.520 to what do I want? The only way to really 0:47:42.520 --> 0:47:46.799 know what you want is by, you know, deconstructing all 0:47:46.840 --> 0:47:49.080 of these these layers that have been put on you. 0:47:49.160 --> 0:47:52.239 And I always think about that because sometimes I get 0:47:52.280 --> 0:47:53.880 to who I'm like, is this what I want? Or 0:47:53.960 --> 0:47:55.960 is this what other people want? But if I haven't 0:47:56.000 --> 0:47:58.479 stayed in tune with myself, I don't know what I want. 0:47:59.120 --> 0:48:02.840 And I always think about the channel between like my 0:48:02.960 --> 0:48:06.840 heart or my soul and my mind, like this channel 0:48:06.920 --> 0:48:11.359 that can often be clogged up or filled with all 0:48:11.400 --> 0:48:14.200 this other stuff. So by the time what comes into 0:48:14.239 --> 0:48:16.320 my mind goes through to my whole, or what's happening 0:48:16.320 --> 0:48:18.799 in my heart goes to my mind, it's gone through 0:48:18.880 --> 0:48:20.719 so much that I don't even know whether it's me 0:48:20.840 --> 0:48:24.320 talking or someone else talking. And I think it's really 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.600 important and I've obviously still working on that so much, 0:48:27.640 --> 0:48:30.800 but to try and figure out how to unplug those things, 0:48:30.840 --> 0:48:35.840 because the clearer that channel is, the more comfort and 0:48:35.840 --> 0:48:38.160 the more confident you will get in being like, this 0:48:38.320 --> 0:48:41.279 is actually me. This I can confidently stand in who 0:48:41.320 --> 0:48:44.160 I am and I know that this decision is coming 0:48:44.200 --> 0:48:47.880 from me and nowhere else. But I think to unclog 0:48:47.960 --> 0:48:50.240 that and I think those are daily practices. It's little 0:48:50.239 --> 0:48:52.440 things that we've been talking about that whole. 0:48:52.239 --> 0:48:55.840 It's real maintenance. So it's me. I think if you think. 0:48:55.600 --> 0:48:57.920 That there is a there that you're like, okay, and 0:48:58.440 --> 0:48:59.920 I talk about this a lot, and remember love it. 0:49:00.000 --> 0:49:02.839 It's like, you know, we often talk about self care 0:49:02.880 --> 0:49:05.040 as something you either it's a battle you win or 0:49:05.080 --> 0:49:08.720 you lose, but it really manifests more as a bird 0:49:08.840 --> 0:49:11.480 in flight. There are times when you are kind of 0:49:11.640 --> 0:49:13.680 the elements are working towards you, and there are times 0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:15.840 when the elements are working against you, and it's like 0:49:15.880 --> 0:49:18.560 it's raining and you just got to find shelter and 0:49:18.600 --> 0:49:20.799 it's really really tough. And there are certain times where 0:49:20.840 --> 0:49:23.000 like the wind is at just the right place beneath 0:49:23.040 --> 0:49:26.600 your wings and you're able to cruise that it's different 0:49:26.600 --> 0:49:29.439 from one day to the next, and it is no 0:49:29.480 --> 0:49:33.719 matter what, still this movement of self. And so I 0:49:33.760 --> 0:49:36.040 think that every time we think like, okay, I got 0:49:36.040 --> 0:49:38.839 to the point where I unclogged you know that part, 0:49:38.920 --> 0:49:41.160 or I just got this or I got and you know, 0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:43.680 it's like anything else in your house that breaks, it's like, well, 0:49:43.719 --> 0:49:46.160 you know that like pipe is still connected to this pipe, 0:49:46.200 --> 0:49:48.160 and this one's probably getting like clogged. 0:49:47.920 --> 0:49:50.640 Up now too. And I think we. 0:49:50.520 --> 0:49:54.120 Get defeated really easily if we think, you know, if 0:49:54.120 --> 0:49:56.799 we when we approach it as and it's hard because 0:49:56.800 --> 0:50:00.279 it's daunting, but it's real. It is lifelong, like you 0:50:00.360 --> 0:50:03.799 will just every day, every single day because everything. 0:50:03.600 --> 0:50:05.680 That again every day you're taking out. 0:50:05.719 --> 0:50:07.879 It's like I always think of it as a sun 0:50:07.920 --> 0:50:10.759 pit where you're taking a shovel and you're taking it out, 0:50:10.800 --> 0:50:12.920 and then there's someone else that's pouring back in. You're 0:50:12.920 --> 0:50:15.719 taking a shovel and you're taking it out. But what 0:50:15.760 --> 0:50:17.520 parts are you taking out and what parts are you 0:50:17.520 --> 0:50:20.760 allowing to stay in you? And the voices that get louder, 0:50:20.800 --> 0:50:24.280 whether it's the shadows or whether it's your soul, It 0:50:24.320 --> 0:50:26.479 depends on which one you feed and everything that you're 0:50:26.480 --> 0:50:28.360 doing is feeding one or the other. 0:50:28.440 --> 0:50:31.239 Yeah, and or watching or seeing And so I think 0:50:31.280 --> 0:50:32.839 a lot of the times, and I think a lot 0:50:32.880 --> 0:50:33.440 of our you. 0:50:33.400 --> 0:50:34.960 Know, judgments. 0:50:35.040 --> 0:50:37.680 You know, if you're feeling like you're really judging, you 0:50:37.719 --> 0:50:39.919 should watch what you're watching and watch who you're with, 0:50:40.000 --> 0:50:44.080 because you might find that you are also surrounding yourself 0:50:44.120 --> 0:50:46.800 with people who put an exclamation point on your judgment 0:50:46.880 --> 0:50:50.160 because they're your friends who like to be judging and 0:50:50.200 --> 0:50:52.680 have maybe have those same judgments or have those same struggles, 0:50:52.880 --> 0:50:55.920 or what you're kind of who you're watching or doing 0:50:55.960 --> 0:51:00.839 on social media is like something that says, yes, your 0:51:00.880 --> 0:51:06.200 judgments are valid, instead of saying, hey, like pause, release 0:51:06.239 --> 0:51:08.280 your judgment, have a moment of joy, have a moment 0:51:08.320 --> 0:51:12.400 of discovery, have a moment of something different. And so 0:51:12.440 --> 0:51:15.600 it's really important, as you say, to to really be 0:51:15.680 --> 0:51:16.720 clear on what you're feeding. 0:51:16.880 --> 0:51:18.560 Yeah. I always notice, I'm like when I go to 0:51:18.600 --> 0:51:20.600 my for you page, and I really know where my 0:51:20.600 --> 0:51:23.200 mind's are depending on what's on there. And so I 0:51:23.280 --> 0:51:26.280 really started to try and curate that, whether it's quotes, 0:51:26.360 --> 0:51:27.759 or whether it's things that make me feel good or 0:51:27.800 --> 0:51:30.240 animal videos, you know, things that just really uplift my spirit. 0:51:30.320 --> 0:51:33.720 But I click on one little video that's about gossip 0:51:33.760 --> 0:51:35.200 of like this couple just did this. 0:51:35.920 --> 0:51:41.040 Suddenly your page was your Darker SLF. I'm like, I 0:51:41.120 --> 0:51:42.319 can even get on there. 0:51:43.200 --> 0:51:44.799 I like won't even open it, and I'm like, I 0:51:44.880 --> 0:51:46.080 don't need this mirror. 0:51:46.719 --> 0:51:48.680 No, it's but I always say it's a good It's 0:51:48.719 --> 0:51:50.280 a good but sad reflection. 0:51:50.440 --> 0:51:50.960 Sometimes. 0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:54.920 You also said in your book, I'm tired of feeling strong. 0:51:55.000 --> 0:51:57.360 I want to feel nourished. I love that line. I 0:51:57.360 --> 0:51:59.960 think that's this is so much in such little words. 0:52:00.280 --> 0:52:03.920 So busy, exhausting, distracted has become the norm. How do 0:52:03.960 --> 0:52:07.080 we get back to accepting and recognizing relaxation as the 0:52:07.120 --> 0:52:10.520 norm and not the exception or like the treaty, I 0:52:10.560 --> 0:52:12.520 do think. I mean, we've spoken about this so much 0:52:12.600 --> 0:52:14.759 to do with anxiety being a state that you can 0:52:14.800 --> 0:52:18.560 be constantly in. But what are your favorite ways to 0:52:18.680 --> 0:52:20.960 nourish yourself on a day basis, Like whether it's what 0:52:21.040 --> 0:52:23.040 the foods you eat, what do you like? Can you 0:52:23.040 --> 0:52:24.880 give me three things that you just it can be 0:52:24.920 --> 0:52:26.040 so specific to you, but. 0:52:26.239 --> 0:52:29.200 Well, I think gearing your day and that doesn't mean 0:52:29.200 --> 0:52:30.719 that you don't go to work, or you don't do 0:52:30.920 --> 0:52:34.840 or you don't fulfill your responsibilities or obligations, but gearing 0:52:34.840 --> 0:52:38.120 it towards ease, so saying how can I get this done? 0:52:38.320 --> 0:52:41.720 And ease is still on the table. Something we question 0:52:41.920 --> 0:52:44.120 that I found myself saying a lot on my tour 0:52:44.400 --> 0:52:46.879 was you know, in your dreams and your biggest dream 0:52:46.920 --> 0:52:49.799 for yourself is your body and your dream like in 0:52:49.880 --> 0:52:52.239 what you're dreaming of that in your greatest goal is 0:52:52.280 --> 0:52:55.480 your body in your goal. And I think in this 0:52:55.600 --> 0:52:58.480 kind of hustle and grind culture where we truly like 0:52:58.520 --> 0:53:01.160 the idea of hustle and grind is like your body 0:53:01.200 --> 0:53:03.960 doesn't get to exist because if you ground grind something, 0:53:03.960 --> 0:53:07.319 it turns to dust. And so what do we think 0:53:07.360 --> 0:53:10.000 our body's place is in our destiny, in our dream 0:53:10.600 --> 0:53:12.600 And so for me, what I found is just the 0:53:12.920 --> 0:53:16.680 moment these pauses to say, well, what does tomorrow's like 0:53:16.760 --> 0:53:19.319 planning tomorrow look like where my body gets to like 0:53:19.360 --> 0:53:22.120 belong in the schedule too, And that doesn't mean that like, 0:53:22.120 --> 0:53:24.440 oh so I'm like trying to get my workout class 0:53:24.440 --> 0:53:27.359 in because that's not like my body like belonging to it. 0:53:27.360 --> 0:53:29.839 That's something that I can check off the list as 0:53:29.920 --> 0:53:34.160 like a right thing I did that day for health, vanity, 0:53:34.200 --> 0:53:37.359 whatever my body belonging to. It means that like, I 0:53:37.400 --> 0:53:40.880 have some relationship with like ease and relaxation because I 0:53:40.960 --> 0:53:44.000 don't want my body to live and fight or flight 0:53:44.160 --> 0:53:47.560 in order to achieve. And so that might look like, well, 0:53:47.600 --> 0:53:50.760 you know, I'm going to have the babysitter come early 0:53:50.920 --> 0:53:53.879 because I know that even after the kids do get up, 0:53:53.920 --> 0:53:57.320 I can probably I think I could at least rest 0:53:57.400 --> 0:54:02.040 for an extra hour if that's possible, or I can say, 0:54:02.239 --> 0:54:07.560 you know, I'm going to order all of the like 0:54:07.760 --> 0:54:10.880 green juices that I like to have because I truly 0:54:11.000 --> 0:54:14.000 feel the like alkalie my body when you you know 0:54:14.040 --> 0:54:17.440 that feeling when you're just like so like salty or 0:54:17.480 --> 0:54:19.719 this or that, and you have that like moment where 0:54:19.760 --> 0:54:23.040 the like I mean plants are medicine, where you truly 0:54:23.080 --> 0:54:27.640 feel that the medicinal value of having something that is 0:54:27.760 --> 0:54:30.000 a life because I try not to look at foods 0:54:30.040 --> 0:54:33.440 as like good or bad, but life affirming or not. 0:54:33.880 --> 0:54:36.080 And so it's like I in all of the ways 0:54:36.080 --> 0:54:37.839 that I approach wellness, I think of like, well, what 0:54:37.960 --> 0:54:41.120 makes this feel life affirming? And my friend Jenna always says, 0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:43.880 you know, if you eat ninety percent life affirming and 0:54:43.960 --> 0:54:48.480 ten percent soul, then like you're always kind of you know, 0:54:49.520 --> 0:54:51.600 you don't feel that you have like fomo or weird 0:54:51.600 --> 0:54:54.560 attachment around what you do or don't have. And so 0:54:54.760 --> 0:54:57.879 for me, I think ways in which I can even 0:54:57.920 --> 0:55:01.400 ask for support, whether it's from you know, my partner, 0:55:01.440 --> 0:55:03.560 by being like, well, can are these things you can 0:55:03.600 --> 0:55:07.080 take off the plate of parenting because. 0:55:07.400 --> 0:55:09.200 I need to feel like I'm not. 0:55:11.040 --> 0:55:14.960 In a state of like the constant arranging and like 0:55:15.280 --> 0:55:19.040 scheduling of everyone all day long. Or I can say, 0:55:19.200 --> 0:55:23.200 you know, I have to be able to do my walk, 0:55:23.200 --> 0:55:25.400 so I'm going to do my walk during this time. 0:55:26.600 --> 0:55:29.600 And I think as far as nourishing, I'd say, like 0:55:30.800 --> 0:55:33.240 starting your day with something you knew grew from the earth, 0:55:33.320 --> 0:55:35.759 I think is just really helpful. It just is like 0:55:35.840 --> 0:55:39.760 so I think whatever it could be, because I do again, 0:55:39.880 --> 0:55:42.360 I feel that like, you know, we hold these machines 0:55:42.400 --> 0:55:44.719 in our hand all day long and they work in 0:55:44.719 --> 0:55:47.520 this really specific way, and then our brains start to 0:55:47.560 --> 0:55:50.719 think that like that the world created in on the 0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:53.399 phone is the world we live in, and we start 0:55:53.440 --> 0:55:57.680 to feel really this like distance from feeling like connected 0:55:57.680 --> 0:56:01.799 to something because ultimately we don't belong it, like in 0:56:01.840 --> 0:56:05.160 this world of technology, like we don't belong there. We 0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:07.560 have interest there and it's cool and it's amazing, but 0:56:07.680 --> 0:56:10.040 it's not like that's not where we come from, Like 0:56:10.080 --> 0:56:13.960 there's no spiritual home there. And the more we stare 0:56:13.960 --> 0:56:15.640 at a machine, the where we think that we are 0:56:15.680 --> 0:56:18.319 meant to function like a machine, which means that if 0:56:18.320 --> 0:56:20.359 we need to move slowly, we think we're broken. Because 0:56:20.360 --> 0:56:21.680 if your phone's moving slowly, you're. 0:56:21.560 --> 0:56:24.680 Like damn it, like you know, and think so fast. 0:56:24.960 --> 0:56:28.520 Yeah, And your body is you know, seasonal, like and 0:56:28.719 --> 0:56:31.400 the seasons go through your body and you have really 0:56:31.480 --> 0:56:34.040 slow moving kind of like winters where you find it 0:56:34.080 --> 0:56:35.560 kind of need to hunker down, and then you have 0:56:35.640 --> 0:56:38.880 these like really like active springs and these kind of 0:56:38.920 --> 0:56:42.720 cozy falls of like a winding down in this like summer. 0:56:43.080 --> 0:56:45.120 Like I mean, there there's just so many ways that 0:56:45.160 --> 0:56:48.120 the way that that that how energy flows in our 0:56:48.160 --> 0:56:51.440 bodies is similar to the natural world. And so I 0:56:51.520 --> 0:56:54.120 think whatever you can do that is connective to that. 0:56:54.280 --> 0:56:57.560 So I think even if it's like and without judging, 0:56:57.600 --> 0:56:59.640 it's like you know, because we've gotten to this point 0:56:59.640 --> 0:57:01.680 where people really judge you about fruits and vegetables. 0:57:01.680 --> 0:57:02.920 I think this is like kind of odd. 0:57:03.360 --> 0:57:05.120 Did you notice that You're like, wait, what's like the 0:57:05.160 --> 0:57:07.640 problem with the banana? Like and it's like and that's 0:57:07.680 --> 0:57:09.680 like the thing you want, like have the banana, Like 0:57:09.719 --> 0:57:12.239 there's nothing wrong if it was grown in earth, I 0:57:12.320 --> 0:57:16.120 promise you if it came out of soil, there's it's 0:57:16.200 --> 0:57:16.920 not harming you. 0:57:17.000 --> 0:57:19.760 Like, it's just not like have the potato. Who cares, Like. 0:57:19.840 --> 0:57:24.480 Yeah, it is the tips every time exactly every. 0:57:24.240 --> 0:57:27.880 Time, like or anything that is like has been processed 0:57:27.880 --> 0:57:30.160 in a lab. And and by the way, like no 0:57:30.320 --> 0:57:33.000 shade to any of those things. Like whatever you know 0:57:33.080 --> 0:57:36.000 you need for want for your ten percent soul, have 0:57:36.200 --> 0:57:40.480 your soul food. But I think this idea that we 0:57:40.560 --> 0:57:43.120 know every day, like how can I connect? 0:57:43.200 --> 0:57:43.320 So? 0:57:43.400 --> 0:57:46.000 Can I connect through food? Can I connect through like 0:57:46.120 --> 0:57:48.800 winding my day down when the sun goes down? Can 0:57:48.840 --> 0:57:52.200 I connect to starting like moving into my day as 0:57:52.240 --> 0:57:55.480 like the sun comes up and like acknowledging sunlight? You know, 0:57:55.680 --> 0:57:57.600 so often I think we like kind of go into 0:57:57.640 --> 0:57:59.400 these like dark rooms and get our work done all day. 0:57:59.400 --> 0:58:03.200 And it's like or like, can I move with the 0:58:03.200 --> 0:58:06.080 ways the day moves Like that's really nourishing. It's really 0:58:06.120 --> 0:58:11.840 nourishing to have to have like the elements water, air, sunlight. 0:58:12.080 --> 0:58:16.160 I mean, those things drastically change your points of joy 0:58:16.480 --> 0:58:19.200 and okayness. And so I think there's so much we 0:58:19.240 --> 0:58:22.120 can do that is just in a natural flow, if 0:58:22.160 --> 0:58:24.640 we just have a little intentionality, Yeah. 0:58:24.480 --> 0:58:26.640 And acknowledging that if we don't even realize what we're 0:58:26.680 --> 0:58:29.920 consuming from nature on a daily basis, that's keeping us alive, 0:58:30.000 --> 0:58:31.160 from the sunlight. 0:58:30.760 --> 0:58:33.080 To the air to the food that we're eating. 0:58:33.200 --> 0:58:36.480 This really beautiful practice actually that I learned and been 0:58:36.480 --> 0:58:38.920 practicing it for ten years, and it's it's a really 0:58:38.960 --> 0:58:40.920 great way to become so intentional. I talk about it 0:58:40.960 --> 0:58:44.080 in my book as well. But you offer back from 0:58:44.160 --> 0:58:46.640 the morning. I have an altar here in my home 0:58:46.680 --> 0:58:50.240 where that's why I do my meditation. But throughout the day, 0:58:50.240 --> 0:58:52.880 you can offer back all the elements that the universe 0:58:52.920 --> 0:58:55.160 gives you, all the earth gives you. And so in 0:58:55.200 --> 0:58:57.800 the morning, will like incense and that's like the scent 0:58:57.880 --> 0:59:00.520 and the sandalwood that comes from the earth. Every morning, 0:59:00.800 --> 0:59:04.200 I'll offer back water and I'll say a specific mantra 0:59:04.240 --> 0:59:06.600 for that, and then before we eat or drink anything, 0:59:07.040 --> 0:59:09.000 you place it up on a separate plate and you 0:59:09.080 --> 0:59:12.480 offer that back before you actually consuming yourself. And it 0:59:12.480 --> 0:59:15.840 has been such a beautiful practice to reget. And I'll 0:59:15.880 --> 0:59:17.880 offer a lamp in the morning, a light where all 0:59:17.960 --> 0:59:20.080 like a candle is offering back fire to the earth. 0:59:20.640 --> 0:59:23.040 And it's such a beautiful way to reconnect back to 0:59:23.160 --> 0:59:26.760 nature in a very simple way. You're simply just offering 0:59:26.800 --> 0:59:30.040 back what you're consuming. But what a lovely way to connect. 0:59:30.280 --> 0:59:34.160 I've just I've really appreciated that practice throughout the years 0:59:34.200 --> 0:59:36.880 because it helps me to just appreciate what I am 0:59:37.400 --> 0:59:39.680 as a person living within the earth consuming on a 0:59:39.720 --> 0:59:41.080 daily basis. Well. 0:59:41.160 --> 0:59:44.280 And if we want to talk about claiming our own 0:59:44.320 --> 0:59:47.240 peace of mind, like one way to do that that 0:59:47.360 --> 0:59:50.840 will be free every time is ritual, like creating some 0:59:51.040 --> 0:59:55.080 ritual around relaxation, and like all of those things you do, 0:59:55.200 --> 0:59:57.880 like the ritual, like it's just a way in which 0:59:57.880 --> 1:00:00.720 we focus on doing something, which is also how you 1:00:00.760 --> 1:00:02.560 could define a meditation, which is also how you could 1:00:02.640 --> 1:00:05.720 find any of these practices that help us to feel 1:00:05.760 --> 1:00:09.240 better about how we're moving through the world. We're leaving 1:00:09.280 --> 1:00:13.440 the busy mind state and saying I'm striking this much, 1:00:13.480 --> 1:00:16.560 and I'm lighting this candle and I'm deciding where my 1:00:16.600 --> 1:00:19.080 thoughts flow by saying thank you Earth for this and 1:00:19.400 --> 1:00:19.800 thank you. 1:00:19.760 --> 1:00:20.520 Dida da da da. 1:00:20.560 --> 1:00:25.440 Like all of those rituals create slowness. They create a 1:00:25.480 --> 1:00:27.680 way that we exit this kind of like to do 1:00:27.800 --> 1:00:32.680 list mind frame and go into this you know space 1:00:32.760 --> 1:00:37.000 of here's what I've decided I'm thinking about or not 1:00:37.080 --> 1:00:39.720 thinking about and really deciding and choosing our thoughts, and 1:00:40.240 --> 1:00:44.200 it gears towards gratitude, which we know that gratitude every time. 1:00:44.520 --> 1:00:46.640 Is this free anxiety release. 1:00:46.440 --> 1:00:48.520 Yes, serotonin boost yeah. 1:00:48.640 --> 1:00:51.440 Do you have any gratitude practices that you do during 1:00:51.440 --> 1:00:53.600 the day or is it just the general trying to 1:00:54.160 --> 1:00:56.880 see things, observe things, and feel You know. 1:00:56.880 --> 1:00:59.120 It's interesting because I think I feel like I talked 1:00:59.120 --> 1:01:02.600 with this in Heart Talk first book, but I like 1:01:02.680 --> 1:01:04.880 to have my little gratitude parties at the end of 1:01:04.920 --> 1:01:08.680 every day, which is just that I like to alchemize 1:01:08.680 --> 1:01:11.920 something I would consider a chore as something that's a privilege. 1:01:12.280 --> 1:01:14.600 So if I'm washing the dishes, you know, I'll say 1:01:14.640 --> 1:01:17.400 I'm so grateful that I got to feed my daughter's 1:01:17.440 --> 1:01:20.280 food that I made for them, or that you know, 1:01:20.360 --> 1:01:23.400 I think is and I get to understand how to 1:01:23.440 --> 1:01:27.320 feed them and have the privilege of being able to 1:01:27.320 --> 1:01:29.480 give them food in a world that is food and 1:01:29.520 --> 1:01:33.160 secure in so many places, and so all these things 1:01:33.160 --> 1:01:36.000 that I would be like, oh this sucks, like I 1:01:36.000 --> 1:01:37.640 don't want to wash the dishes, or I don't want 1:01:37.640 --> 1:01:39.400 to do this, or I don't want to like take 1:01:39.400 --> 1:01:42.400 out the garbage. It can say like, you know, I'm 1:01:42.560 --> 1:01:45.880 so grateful I like get to have like my garbage 1:01:45.960 --> 1:01:48.560 taken because there's so many places in the world where 1:01:48.600 --> 1:01:52.240 like you have to sit in your garbage, and you know, 1:01:53.560 --> 1:01:56.760 and that's like a way that people have been you know, 1:01:56.800 --> 1:01:59.960 we demoralize people or create inequities in the world. Is 1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:07.200 truly like sanitation, our ability to live in a clean space, yeah, I. 1:02:07.240 --> 1:02:09.400 Mean clean water. I have to. 1:02:09.440 --> 1:02:12.400 I think I function through the day in the same way. 1:02:12.400 --> 1:02:16.040 Every time I find something that I feel ungrateful for 1:02:16.120 --> 1:02:17.960 or that I'm having a negative thought about, even if 1:02:18.000 --> 1:02:19.560 it's through with my own body when I'm looking in 1:02:19.600 --> 1:02:23.760 the mirror or when I have a thought in my mind, 1:02:23.920 --> 1:02:26.240 I at least try and follow up with a thought 1:02:26.280 --> 1:02:29.040 of gratitude of Okay, well, I've just cussed myself out 1:02:29.080 --> 1:02:32.160 in the mirror, but I'm so grateful for my legs 1:02:32.200 --> 1:02:34.520 to be able to carry me, and you know, for 1:02:34.640 --> 1:02:36.360 me to be able to have a voice that I 1:02:36.400 --> 1:02:38.800 can you know, articulate and express myself, for me to 1:02:38.800 --> 1:02:40.920 have eyes that can see this world like at least 1:02:40.920 --> 1:02:43.880 something to not even balance it out, but to create 1:02:44.240 --> 1:02:47.720 slowly create a new pattern of thought, and that really 1:02:47.720 --> 1:02:50.040 helps me to get through the day, but also helps 1:02:50.080 --> 1:02:53.280 me to see different perspective that I wouldn't normally see 1:02:53.320 --> 1:02:56.400 if I was building on this negative talk like at 1:02:56.400 --> 1:02:59.120 every single moment. Whereas it it does, it almost balances 1:02:59.160 --> 1:02:59.920 it back out. 1:03:00.080 --> 1:03:03.000 And it proves the power of your thoughts and so 1:03:03.160 --> 1:03:05.680 in that, I think so often if we don't try 1:03:05.720 --> 1:03:09.800 to kind of again reclaim our thought pattern, our thought flow, 1:03:10.240 --> 1:03:12.400 we really do feel that we are victim of everything 1:03:12.440 --> 1:03:15.360 we think. And while we of course are not in 1:03:15.400 --> 1:03:18.440 control of our first thought, we just aren't. We usually 1:03:18.480 --> 1:03:20.120 have a lot to say so over the thoughts that 1:03:20.200 --> 1:03:22.400 follow y So like, we can't if you just have 1:03:22.440 --> 1:03:25.080 that fear, that irrational thing, or that anxiety, or that 1:03:25.160 --> 1:03:27.880 like doom feeling, or that inappropriate thought, or that whatever 1:03:27.920 --> 1:03:28.400 it might be. 1:03:28.360 --> 1:03:29.640 That you're judging yourself for. 1:03:31.040 --> 1:03:33.400 You know, if you don't have a practice of reclaiming 1:03:33.440 --> 1:03:37.840 how you think by whether that's inserting gratitude or looking 1:03:37.840 --> 1:03:39.800 on the right side side of things, or whatever you 1:03:39.880 --> 1:03:43.120 want to call it, then you will live a life 1:03:43.120 --> 1:03:46.240 where you your thoughts are the boss of you all 1:03:46.280 --> 1:03:48.760 the time, and you always feel that like, oh, I 1:03:48.840 --> 1:03:51.120 just can't do this because I'm not someone who can 1:03:51.120 --> 1:03:53.040 do da da da, And you're like, well, who says. 1:03:52.920 --> 1:03:56.920 Yes, you said, you said, you know, Yeah, that's so beautiful. 1:03:56.920 --> 1:03:58.520 Oh my god. I could literally listen to your voice. 1:03:59.040 --> 1:04:01.480 Is your Boudia book? It is, Oh my gosh, I 1:04:01.520 --> 1:04:02.680 could hear your voice all day. 1:04:02.720 --> 1:04:07.240 You have such a seething energy and personality. I really 1:04:07.640 --> 1:04:09.560 appreciated this conversation so much. 1:04:09.640 --> 1:04:13.080 I have a few questions I want to ask you. 1:04:13.440 --> 1:04:15.280 It's just like a final quick fire, but you can 1:04:15.320 --> 1:04:18.200 take as long as you want to answer. What's something 1:04:18.440 --> 1:04:20.560 that a lot of people don't know about you, but 1:04:20.640 --> 1:04:26.040 now they will, but you'd like them to know about you. 1:04:26.360 --> 1:04:28.919 I'm someone who watches the same movies over and over 1:04:28.960 --> 1:04:32.320 and over again and tell me, and I probably watched 1:04:32.400 --> 1:04:35.320 like one, like I probably watch a Meg Ryan movie 1:04:35.360 --> 1:04:39.280 every night. But there's something there's something like soothing about her, 1:04:39.560 --> 1:04:42.440 like and like in every movie she like chose for 1:04:42.560 --> 1:04:45.320 like a span of like ten years, was just something 1:04:45.320 --> 1:04:48.080 where you were like, this is a really cool reality, 1:04:48.200 --> 1:04:49.200 Like I wish this was the world. 1:04:49.200 --> 1:04:52.080 So it's like if you want my god, like my. 1:04:52.120 --> 1:04:53.680 Mom was obsessed with her going. 1:04:53.720 --> 1:04:55.800 I've watched every Meg Ryan movie out there because if 1:04:55.800 --> 1:04:58.080 I had that enjoy Roberts, yeah, oh, I. 1:04:58.120 --> 1:04:59.280 Mean beyond that. 1:04:59.600 --> 1:05:05.120 And so I watch, you know, the like Sleepless in 1:05:05.120 --> 1:05:09.240 Seattle and we're hearing that Sally and I. But I'm 1:05:09.280 --> 1:05:11.320 someone who just like does not I do not like 1:05:11.680 --> 1:05:15.080 integrate new things like I have. And I usually watch 1:05:15.120 --> 1:05:17.840 a rom com and I like watch one every like 1:05:17.880 --> 1:05:21.040 I fall asleep to one like every I guess fall 1:05:21.040 --> 1:05:21.600 asleeps out. 1:05:21.480 --> 1:05:23.200 The right word, but I like I have I have 1:05:23.240 --> 1:05:23.600 to have. 1:05:23.560 --> 1:05:25.680 That moment as if it was like some people go 1:05:25.680 --> 1:05:27.880 to the gym. I'm like, I have to have twenty 1:05:27.920 --> 1:05:30.920 minutes of like the world according to rom comms before 1:05:30.920 --> 1:05:33.000 I go to sleep, like and I just need to 1:05:33.040 --> 1:05:34.880 have it. And I don't like I don't care how 1:05:34.960 --> 1:05:37.440 late I go to bed. I like have to, like, 1:05:37.440 --> 1:05:39.640 like Simon knows, He'll be like, yes, like I have to. 1:05:39.960 --> 1:05:42.280 I have to turn off a like I usually turn 1:05:42.360 --> 1:05:44.280 it off before I go to bed, but I just 1:05:44.760 --> 1:05:47.600 have to even if I'm watching something else, I have 1:05:47.640 --> 1:05:50.200 to have that ten minutes of like the rom com 1:05:50.240 --> 1:05:52.560 Like we were just watching that, Like did you watch 1:05:52.600 --> 1:05:55.320 you guys watch the David Beckham documentary. Yes, we were 1:05:55.360 --> 1:05:57.200 just watching it. And Simon was like, okay, like good night, 1:05:57.240 --> 1:05:59.720 because we'd watch an episode and he'd go ready to 1:05:59.720 --> 1:06:01.600 like and to go to bed. 1:06:01.600 --> 1:06:03.400 I was going to bed and he's like, what are 1:06:03.400 --> 1:06:03.640 you doing. 1:06:03.720 --> 1:06:05.160 I was like, well, I have to like still have 1:06:05.240 --> 1:06:09.000 ten minutes to like calm down, Like it just calms 1:06:09.080 --> 1:06:10.160 my nervous system down. 1:06:10.400 --> 1:06:11.320 I mean, that's the best genre. 1:06:11.360 --> 1:06:13.320 And I feel like they really don't make They really 1:06:13.360 --> 1:06:14.920 don't make movies like they did back. 1:06:15.000 --> 1:06:16.240 I have a theory about this. 1:06:16.560 --> 1:06:20.000 I think that people think we don't have the patience 1:06:20.040 --> 1:06:22.760 to watch people fall in love anymore. So what ends 1:06:22.840 --> 1:06:24.880 up happening is that in these genres, it's like this 1:06:24.960 --> 1:06:28.720 quick thing of like I don't believe because they just 1:06:28.840 --> 1:06:31.040 don't fall in love, like and when Harry met Sally. 1:06:31.080 --> 1:06:33.280 The entire movie is not about that they end up 1:06:33.280 --> 1:06:35.440 together or they don't, but you watch them fall in 1:06:35.480 --> 1:06:38.840 love for two hours, like through these different circumstances, through 1:06:38.840 --> 1:06:41.000 these different conversations, where now they would just be like 1:06:41.280 --> 1:06:42.640 a montage of them being. 1:06:42.560 --> 1:06:45.080 Like we're at the movies, week, gone shopping, We've did 1:06:45.120 --> 1:06:45.400 it all. 1:06:45.520 --> 1:06:47.440 We are like had a day at a coffee shop, 1:06:47.480 --> 1:06:49.600 like all these things, and you're like it doesn't like 1:06:49.720 --> 1:06:52.800 work that way. You actually like you're not hanging in 1:06:52.800 --> 1:06:56.360 the moment of like watching them fall in love or 1:06:56.400 --> 1:07:00.440 fall out of love or like and so they that 1:07:00.520 --> 1:07:02.440 part and they think that we just are waiting to 1:07:02.480 --> 1:07:04.880 see like what's going to be the drama, Like what's 1:07:04.880 --> 1:07:07.920 going to be the conflict, And it's like nobody watched 1:07:08.440 --> 1:07:10.480 like there's like no conflict in. 1:07:10.440 --> 1:07:11.959 Like any episodes of Sex and the City. 1:07:12.000 --> 1:07:14.400 Like it was like like literally like nothing happens, but 1:07:14.480 --> 1:07:16.720 you watch these friends just like love each other all 1:07:16.720 --> 1:07:18.760 the time and like fall in love with each other 1:07:18.800 --> 1:07:19.600 for like ten years. 1:07:19.920 --> 1:07:21.280 Can you send me your whole list? 1:07:21.360 --> 1:07:21.680 Please? 1:07:21.720 --> 1:07:21.840 Oh? 1:07:21.920 --> 1:07:23.480 I will, Oh you're great, I will. 1:07:24.160 --> 1:07:26.680 What emotion do you find difficult to deal with the 1:07:26.840 --> 1:07:27.880 why if any. 1:07:29.000 --> 1:07:33.360 Uh, I'd say, you know, definitely, anger is something I've 1:07:33.600 --> 1:07:36.440 worked through and with a lot, in the sense of 1:07:37.200 --> 1:07:40.400 I think those fiery emotions where you're you know, the 1:07:40.440 --> 1:07:42.440 thing about anger, Like, there's nothing wrong with any emotion 1:07:42.520 --> 1:07:44.880 you have, right, Like jealousy is one of the most 1:07:44.920 --> 1:07:48.280 informative emotions you can have. It's only when we turn 1:07:48.360 --> 1:07:50.200 jealousy into violence that it's a problem. 1:07:50.280 --> 1:07:51.800 So if we say that like it. 1:07:52.000 --> 1:07:53.640 You know, I could look at someone and be like, 1:07:54.480 --> 1:07:57.720 oh my like jealousy, could say, oh my god, that's 1:07:57.760 --> 1:08:00.600 so amazing she has that. I'm so grateful that I 1:08:00.600 --> 1:08:03.880 can see somebody in real time achieving something that is 1:08:04.000 --> 1:08:06.240 lighting me up inside because now I know what to 1:08:06.320 --> 1:08:08.840 work for. It's helping me on my path to make 1:08:08.920 --> 1:08:12.560 decisions towards my goal. It's crystallizing something for me. Or 1:08:12.640 --> 1:08:14.920 I can say, how could she have that? I have 1:08:15.080 --> 1:08:16.920 this and they have that and she doesn't do da da, 1:08:17.000 --> 1:08:19.840 And like any moment in which like an emotion tells 1:08:19.840 --> 1:08:22.840 you your God and you're somehow deciding what someone does 1:08:22.920 --> 1:08:25.439 and doesn't deserve, or like you should be in charge 1:08:25.439 --> 1:08:29.439 of anyone else's destiny, Like that's obviously toxic. But if 1:08:29.479 --> 1:08:33.240 we pause before it turns into that, and we decide 1:08:33.600 --> 1:08:39.720 to keep it as information, then it's really helpful. And 1:08:39.760 --> 1:08:42.360 I think anger is something where you know, like in 1:08:42.400 --> 1:08:44.639 my household growing up, I would just see anger manifest 1:08:44.600 --> 1:08:46.960 as like yelling or whatever, and you're just like, I 1:08:47.040 --> 1:08:49.439 just don't want to be like that, and so you 1:08:49.479 --> 1:08:51.200 are afraid to actually have that. 1:08:54.040 --> 1:08:54.479 Feeling. 1:08:55.400 --> 1:08:58.479 But really, the thing about like anger is that it's fire, 1:08:58.560 --> 1:09:02.200 and fire is light. It's illuminating something in you, like 1:09:02.479 --> 1:09:04.439 it is illuminating your values. 1:09:04.479 --> 1:09:07.760 It is illuminating what you. 1:09:07.840 --> 1:09:12.200 Believe should or should not be. It is like it 1:09:12.240 --> 1:09:15.760 is illuminating like a history. It's illuminating like how you 1:09:15.840 --> 1:09:19.120 feel injustice. And we always have to be tapped into 1:09:19.120 --> 1:09:23.200 feelings like what we feel is or isn't just around us, 1:09:24.400 --> 1:09:26.080 And I think it really helps us to be an 1:09:26.120 --> 1:09:28.720 advocate for ourselves because we can feel that heat and 1:09:28.760 --> 1:09:32.360 we can feel the light, and the light brings things 1:09:32.360 --> 1:09:34.400 out of the dark and clarity to things. 1:09:34.400 --> 1:09:35.040 So when we. 1:09:35.400 --> 1:09:40.040 Hide from those hot emotions like jealousy or big sadness, 1:09:40.120 --> 1:09:44.720 jealousy or anger or big sadness, we do tend to 1:09:44.800 --> 1:09:45.400 miss out. 1:09:46.080 --> 1:09:49.559 But I think we're so you know, you watch so 1:09:49.720 --> 1:09:50.760 many people. 1:09:52.280 --> 1:09:55.320 Create violent manifestations of that, so like anger is great. 1:09:55.520 --> 1:09:58.559 Anger is like some of the most incredible information you 1:09:58.560 --> 1:10:00.960 could get about people in your life, life, about yourself. 1:10:02.120 --> 1:10:04.680 It's just anger. Obviously when it turns to violence, is 1:10:05.240 --> 1:10:06.759 you know, not helpful. 1:10:06.920 --> 1:10:09.120 Yeah, this is not in my list. But what does 1:10:09.160 --> 1:10:09.679 your tattoo? 1:10:09.760 --> 1:10:12.240 Day? Oh it says love. Why wouldn't you? 1:10:12.600 --> 1:10:15.960 Ah, I love that. When was the last time you 1:10:15.960 --> 1:10:17.360 had a really good cry? And why? 1:10:18.000 --> 1:10:19.559 Oh you don't say why? Just when was the last 1:10:19.560 --> 1:10:20.800 time made a really good cry? 1:10:21.400 --> 1:10:25.400 You know? I have been crying a lot lately. Yeah, 1:10:25.439 --> 1:10:28.000 and I'm so grateful. And I write about crying in 1:10:28.000 --> 1:10:31.360 this book because I was the person who was never 1:10:31.439 --> 1:10:35.639 a crier. And I had this revelation once in therapy 1:10:35.680 --> 1:10:38.240 where I had said to my therapist, like I hid 1:10:38.240 --> 1:10:40.200 my tears for so long they started hiding for me, 1:10:40.400 --> 1:10:42.360 so I couldn't like locate my tears. 1:10:43.080 --> 1:10:44.639 But it's because we live in a world that tells 1:10:44.680 --> 1:10:45.320 us not to cry. 1:10:45.360 --> 1:10:47.360 And and I write, you know, you're not supposed to 1:10:47.360 --> 1:10:49.160 cry at home, and you shouldn't cry at school, and 1:10:49.160 --> 1:10:51.000 you could shouldn't cry here, Like there's not a place 1:10:51.040 --> 1:10:55.200 where we say, like, these tears are welcome. And so 1:10:55.560 --> 1:10:58.160 I think because of that, this idea that we are 1:10:58.280 --> 1:11:02.120 like strong and not human happens in a human like 1:11:02.640 --> 1:11:05.760 is always going to have relationship to water and to 1:11:05.960 --> 1:11:12.840 cleansing into removing. And so recently I was having this 1:11:12.920 --> 1:11:15.479 cry and I was like kind of you know, I 1:11:15.560 --> 1:11:17.800 had been with my friend who his dad passed, and 1:11:17.840 --> 1:11:19.880 I was with her and her mom, and you know, 1:11:19.960 --> 1:11:22.240 I didn't feel I could cry when I was with them, 1:11:22.280 --> 1:11:27.120 but it was so horrible, and I remember getting in 1:11:27.160 --> 1:11:30.240 the car and like just really letting it go. And 1:11:31.360 --> 1:11:35.839 it was really weird because like not to sound like psycho, 1:11:36.000 --> 1:11:38.200 but I'm not, like I don't think about like live 1:11:38.320 --> 1:11:41.320 citing my own work. But I had this moment in 1:11:41.360 --> 1:11:43.679 the car because I was like, I still was having 1:11:43.680 --> 1:11:45.800 trouble to let it go even when I got there, 1:11:45.800 --> 1:11:46.840 because I was like, I'm going to cry in this 1:11:46.920 --> 1:11:49.799 uber and like now it's going to be this guy's problem, 1:11:49.920 --> 1:11:52.679 and like, and there's this poem in the book that says, 1:11:53.760 --> 1:11:55.680 the tears they shed and shed it is it is 1:11:55.680 --> 1:11:57.400 a gift. It is a gift to release what I 1:11:57.400 --> 1:12:00.680 can no longer hold in this idea that like we 1:12:01.000 --> 1:12:04.360 just don't have to hold it and that our tears 1:12:04.439 --> 1:12:07.000 come as a way to like let us release what 1:12:07.040 --> 1:12:11.479 we can't hold anymore, you know, really helped. I mean 1:12:11.520 --> 1:12:13.600 I wrote that poem because it was a mantra that 1:12:13.680 --> 1:12:18.320 helped me like kind of allow for myself to cry 1:12:18.360 --> 1:12:21.280 whenever I need to have the cry. And so whether 1:12:21.360 --> 1:12:22.960 it's like, you know, I'll have a tour stop and 1:12:23.439 --> 1:12:26.000 my tours, I meet every single person, and I talk 1:12:26.080 --> 1:12:29.000 to every single person every night, and there's so much 1:12:29.040 --> 1:12:31.320 that goes on, and so many of the you know, 1:12:31.720 --> 1:12:35.599 we don't really have like we don't like skim the waters, 1:12:36.479 --> 1:12:38.960 and so it was really you know, there were sun 1:12:39.040 --> 1:12:41.160 nights whorts just like needed to like let it go 1:12:41.240 --> 1:12:43.000 because I was that was a way that I was 1:12:43.040 --> 1:12:47.000 able to have held space for someone in a moment, 1:12:47.600 --> 1:12:51.160 but perhaps not continued to hold their offering to me, 1:12:51.200 --> 1:12:53.760 which I was so grateful that they felt they could 1:12:53.760 --> 1:12:57.160 share with me. And so I've been having a lot 1:12:57.200 --> 1:12:59.160 of cries lately and just been like the tears they 1:12:59.200 --> 1:13:00.120 shed and shed. 1:13:01.520 --> 1:13:04.559 That's so beautiful. I feel the same way I really 1:13:04.600 --> 1:13:08.599 tried to see. I love the definition of emotions, energy 1:13:08.640 --> 1:13:12.080 and motion, and I truly believe that emotions are not 1:13:12.080 --> 1:13:16.160 supposed to stay in you. It creates stagnancy. And you know, 1:13:16.240 --> 1:13:18.960 in an irate it talks about how when you allow 1:13:19.000 --> 1:13:22.200 emotions to stay stagnant and to be held in different 1:13:22.240 --> 1:13:24.080 parts of your body, it's actually the beginning of a 1:13:24.080 --> 1:13:25.600 lot of disease in the body and a lot of 1:13:25.680 --> 1:13:29.840 discomfort in the body, well, disase like disease exactly. And 1:13:29.880 --> 1:13:33.759 so I see, I really try and recognize the emotions 1:13:33.800 --> 1:13:35.519 I have, and I think that's why I do cry 1:13:35.560 --> 1:13:37.320 a lot, because a lot of my emotions come out 1:13:37.360 --> 1:13:40.200 and crying, whether I'm happy or sad or angry, it's 1:13:40.280 --> 1:13:42.400 just it pours out of me in that way, and 1:13:42.439 --> 1:13:45.120 I'm not in control of that. And I've started to 1:13:45.120 --> 1:13:47.240 see it as a really beautiful thing because I do 1:13:47.320 --> 1:13:50.960 think it allows that space for you to I mean, 1:13:50.960 --> 1:13:53.439 if you're at full capacity, how can you hold space 1:13:53.479 --> 1:13:55.120 for anybody else? And how can you hold space for 1:13:55.200 --> 1:13:58.240 even yourself because you're not allowing anything else to enter 1:13:58.320 --> 1:13:59.360 and release through your body. 1:13:59.800 --> 1:14:04.080 It's just what you need, like some people might need to. 1:14:04.160 --> 1:14:07.680 Like sweat every day exactly, like to have released that 1:14:07.840 --> 1:14:10.240 like and have that way that their body is able 1:14:10.280 --> 1:14:15.880 to shed experience or emotions or whatever, and they just 1:14:16.080 --> 1:14:18.040 that might be the relationship they have with the water 1:14:18.120 --> 1:14:20.759 and their body. Like, but you know, we are again. 1:14:20.840 --> 1:14:22.960 It's like when you think about these tears, when you 1:14:22.960 --> 1:14:25.559 think about the sweat, the whatever it is, it's like 1:14:26.280 --> 1:14:28.720 the earth needs the rain, then you do, and and 1:14:29.040 --> 1:14:32.080 the earth needs the rain like we need these moments 1:14:32.120 --> 1:14:37.559 of downpour and and that's what cleans our earth truly, 1:14:37.680 --> 1:14:39.639 Like that is what makes you know, if we didn't 1:14:39.680 --> 1:14:42.960 have these ways of like street cleaning or whatever, the 1:14:43.000 --> 1:14:45.120 streets would become clean by the rain that fell. 1:14:45.360 --> 1:14:49.759 Yeah, it's just amazing. Love our bodies, their human bodies 1:14:49.800 --> 1:14:50.479 is just so amazing. 1:14:50.760 --> 1:14:52.280 I know, they really are. 1:14:54.000 --> 1:14:54.559 So much. 1:14:54.680 --> 1:14:57.240 And if you have decided that your body is the world, 1:14:58.040 --> 1:15:01.360 all you notice is how the body behaves like the world. 1:15:01.439 --> 1:15:04.320 And all you'll want to do is keep putting your 1:15:04.360 --> 1:15:06.680 body in the real world with real people. You know, 1:15:06.720 --> 1:15:08.920 we talked about that so much on the tour. It's like, 1:15:09.120 --> 1:15:14.360 especially lately online, it's like if you are always online, 1:15:14.520 --> 1:15:17.680 you will always feel like there's no possibility towards okayness 1:15:18.080 --> 1:15:20.040 does no matter how many amazing people like and I 1:15:20.080 --> 1:15:22.680 say that as someone who like, I'm so grateful to 1:15:22.760 --> 1:15:25.120 be able to offer in so many ways that you do, 1:15:25.200 --> 1:15:27.800 and I know your husband does. Just offer help and 1:15:27.840 --> 1:15:31.400 support to people via the online world and at the 1:15:31.439 --> 1:15:36.160 same time being incessantly online, you will never feel like 1:15:36.160 --> 1:15:38.519 you're going to be okay. But I guarantee you, if 1:15:38.560 --> 1:15:42.160 you go somewhere and you sit shoulder to shoulder with somebody, 1:15:42.479 --> 1:15:46.040 you will feel that like there is this possibility for okay. 1:15:46.439 --> 1:15:47.479 Human just will. 1:15:47.400 --> 1:15:51.200 Because the like that's when we remember that, like, oh, 1:15:51.240 --> 1:15:52.880 I'm a flower and they're a flower, and we're just 1:15:52.960 --> 1:15:54.840 growing and it's just this thing and we're all in 1:15:54.840 --> 1:15:57.000 this together and we're these a live things in this 1:15:57.120 --> 1:16:01.360 a live place, and we're not like at the mercy 1:16:01.520 --> 1:16:03.679 of the worst image we saw today on our phone. 1:16:04.040 --> 1:16:07.680 Yeah, and that interaction between us as I always think 1:16:07.720 --> 1:16:09.000 about this, you know, back in the day, you'd go 1:16:09.040 --> 1:16:11.640 to your friend's house when you need to talk to 1:16:11.680 --> 1:16:14.040 them or when you're upset, and now we communicate even 1:16:14.120 --> 1:16:17.120 it kind of lessens the impact and the ability to 1:16:17.280 --> 1:16:21.160 connect through a vessel rather than being and seeing and 1:16:21.680 --> 1:16:25.559 exchanging energy and exchanging eye contact and physical touch and 1:16:26.520 --> 1:16:29.479 human interaction is what we thrive on. We all need 1:16:29.520 --> 1:16:31.880 to be around each other to collectively give and receive 1:16:32.000 --> 1:16:35.479 energy from each other, and I think it brings so 1:16:35.560 --> 1:16:37.400 much ease when you're able to do that on a 1:16:37.439 --> 1:16:38.360 regular basis. 1:16:38.479 --> 1:16:40.479 I totally agree. I totally agree. 1:16:40.600 --> 1:16:43.000 My last question to you is what kind of crier 1:16:43.000 --> 1:16:45.080 are you? So I have broken down the crier it's 1:16:45.240 --> 1:16:48.759 more of a fun thing. But there's the loud ugly crier, 1:16:48.840 --> 1:16:51.360 which is not ugly, but you know, the ugly cari, 1:16:51.960 --> 1:16:56.840 the ugly cris everything is just it's all now and yeah. 1:16:57.120 --> 1:17:01.880 Then there's the breathless, where it's it's like just the 1:17:01.880 --> 1:17:04.280 there's the sniffler and snotty, which is there is water 1:17:04.280 --> 1:17:07.559 coming out from every hole possible. There's the high pitch 1:17:07.640 --> 1:17:10.400 where suddenly they go like three octaves higher you just 1:17:10.479 --> 1:17:14.280 don't know. And then there's I'm not crying, you're crying. 1:17:14.320 --> 1:17:16.400 I have something in my eye, right, And then there's 1:17:16.400 --> 1:17:18.880 a silent cry where they go away they come back 1:17:18.880 --> 1:17:19.840 and you wouldn't even know. 1:17:20.720 --> 1:17:22.439 Yeah, which one do you think you are? 1:17:23.600 --> 1:17:25.920 I think for that silent one, there's also the person 1:17:25.960 --> 1:17:28.200 that like they go away, they cry, and you wouldn't 1:17:28.240 --> 1:17:29.720 be able to tell if their eyes weren't red. 1:17:29.920 --> 1:17:31.520 Yes, like you're just like. 1:17:31.200 --> 1:17:34.559 Like okay, and they're just like no, like I'm fine. 1:17:34.760 --> 1:17:35.360 Yeah. 1:17:35.400 --> 1:17:39.240 I feel that I'm like maybe more the silent cry, 1:17:39.320 --> 1:17:42.000 but not in like a hiding way, you know, where 1:17:42.000 --> 1:17:43.920 it's like I think that I just like go and 1:17:43.960 --> 1:17:46.720 it's like I have like just like tears streaming down 1:17:46.800 --> 1:17:47.640 my face. 1:17:47.360 --> 1:17:49.439 And it's just like and and again. 1:17:49.479 --> 1:17:51.640 Maybe it's because I like have yet to reach the 1:17:51.720 --> 1:17:54.799 point as somebody who's like a reformed not a good crier, 1:17:54.840 --> 1:17:56.280 and I'm trying to be a better crier. 1:17:58.080 --> 1:17:59.680 I don't know if I've reached the point. 1:17:59.400 --> 1:18:01.280 Of like cause the ugly cry is where we all 1:18:01.280 --> 1:18:03.840 want to be because like that's like that I had 1:18:03.920 --> 1:18:07.439 like free to just like emote like what I like 1:18:07.680 --> 1:18:09.680 what my body is like telling me, and like I 1:18:09.760 --> 1:18:13.320 have no care or like in the world for how 1:18:13.360 --> 1:18:14.200 this appears. 1:18:14.360 --> 1:18:15.799 Like the ugly cry is goals. 1:18:16.040 --> 1:18:18.759 No, I feel like from the being around your presence 1:18:18.800 --> 1:18:20.120 and the way that you speak, I'm not I can 1:18:20.160 --> 1:18:23.200 only imagine you're one of those artistic, beautiful criers where 1:18:23.200 --> 1:18:26.160 it's just like the tears just slowly generally roll down 1:18:26.200 --> 1:18:28.360 your face. It's like a romantic movie. 1:18:28.040 --> 1:18:29.960 Where you're just like it's like you're and you're staring 1:18:30.000 --> 1:18:31.599 out the window and you're just like. 1:18:31.920 --> 1:18:34.320 Yeah, and then your your poetry book is like playing 1:18:34.320 --> 1:18:34.920 in the background. 1:18:34.960 --> 1:18:36.320 Like that's how I feel you'd be. 1:18:36.560 --> 1:18:37.479 That's also how. 1:18:37.360 --> 1:18:40.280 Like a sociopath is gonna cry right like that, Like 1:18:40.360 --> 1:18:42.559 you could have like framed like oh this like nice 1:18:42.640 --> 1:18:46.360 poet or like a villain like who's like you know, 1:18:46.600 --> 1:18:48.840 it's a just about to get revenge and is like 1:18:48.880 --> 1:18:50.559 saying goodbye to like this cul world. 1:18:50.640 --> 1:18:50.880 You know. 1:18:50.960 --> 1:18:54.280 So but I think that like the ugly cry is goals, 1:18:54.320 --> 1:18:57.080 and I don't think I get ugly cry often enough. 1:18:57.479 --> 1:18:59.200 I think I more have the like. 1:19:00.040 --> 1:19:02.439 They're just like the tears are streaming down and I'm 1:19:02.479 --> 1:19:04.639 like and I'm like, you know, letting them, so I'm 1:19:04.640 --> 1:19:07.320 not doing the like I want to hide it. But 1:19:07.360 --> 1:19:10.720 it is just this like kind of like silent outpour, 1:19:10.840 --> 1:19:11.400 and I'm. 1:19:11.240 --> 1:19:14.760 Like, okay, like you know, well, remember love. 1:19:14.920 --> 1:19:18.040 Your book definitely brought many tears to my eyes, but 1:19:18.080 --> 1:19:22.880 in a really cleansing and uplifting way. So thank you 1:19:22.920 --> 1:19:24.519 for that. Thank you for all the work that you do. 1:19:24.600 --> 1:19:27.799 Thank you for writing such beautiful words and for anybody 1:19:27.880 --> 1:19:31.439 who needs to understand themselves better, needs a really good cry, 1:19:31.920 --> 1:19:35.120 please check out the book. It is honestly one of 1:19:35.160 --> 1:19:37.479 the few books lately that I haven't been able to 1:19:37.479 --> 1:19:37.920 put down. 1:19:37.960 --> 1:19:40.880 It's just it's beautiful. So thank you so much for 1:19:40.960 --> 1:19:44.080 being Thank you so much, Thank you so much, and 1:19:44.400 --> 1:19:45.920 look forward to many more conversations. 1:19:46.600 --> 1:19:48.519 Thank you, and thank you so much.