1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,800
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shure, and this is too much

2
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:19,479
Speaker 1: to say questions, tell it out you, Okay. So this

3
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,480
Speaker 1: week's episode is named after Pretty Little Liars, which was like,

4
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,159
Speaker 1: I'm sure most of you guys know what it is,

5
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,680
Speaker 1: but it was like a cult show when I was

6
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,880
Speaker 1: in high school, like we would like race home after

7
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,959
Speaker 1: school to watch it. At first of a Secret Life

8
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,479
Speaker 1: of the American Teenager, and then it was that one

9
00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,879
Speaker 1: because Secret Life kind of went off the rails and um,

10
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,600
Speaker 1: these sort of shows are known for jumping the shark,

11
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,879
Speaker 1: and they absolutely did. But Pretty Little Liars had an

12
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,240
Speaker 1: incredible theme song that was like two can keep a

13
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:50,320
Speaker 1: secret if one of them is dead. It was really creepy. Um,

14
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,400
Speaker 1: but it's also I believe a Benjamin Franklin quote, so

15
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,480
Speaker 1: very good advice to you can keep a secret if

16
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,240
Speaker 1: one of them is dead. So this week we're going

17
00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,480
Speaker 1: to talk secrets and the things that we feel like

18
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 1: we need to keep to ourselves. And I think I

19
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,440
Speaker 1: have like a hot take on secrets, and I think

20
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,360
Speaker 1: that you shouldn't have that many. I understand why people

21
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,720
Speaker 1: have them. I understand the point, and I know that

22
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,120
Speaker 1: UM safety is frequently involved and like, if you're protecting

23
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:20,319
Speaker 1: your yourself or someone else from you know, somebody who's

24
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:24,360
Speaker 1: going to hurt them, obviously that's a secret you should keep. UM.

25
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,039
Speaker 1: But I think that bad people use secrecy as like

26
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:32,240
Speaker 1: a control tactic because they can make you feel really

27
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,120
Speaker 1: close to them and like you're bonding over the secret

28
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:39,440
Speaker 1: you have, which like on a very extreme like scale,

29
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: people used to manipulate children when they're abusing them. It's like, oh,

30
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,160
Speaker 1: it's just our little secret, Like that's really fucked up.

31
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,320
Speaker 1: It's really sucked up. And there there are small secrets,

32
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,760
Speaker 1: therapy secrets. There's spectrum to everything. I always feel like

33
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,160
Speaker 1: I need to say that because some other things I'm

34
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,760
Speaker 1: talking about obviously are not as far on the opposite

35
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,680
Speaker 1: end of the spectrum as child abuse. But it's like

36
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,960
Speaker 1: it is a psychological tactic that people use to um

37
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:11,160
Speaker 1: to control And you can build a friendship off of

38
00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,799
Speaker 1: a secret really quickly, and you can have that feeling

39
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:20,720
Speaker 1: of intimacy really fast, maybe faster than you should. Maybe

40
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,760
Speaker 1: maybe you're not actually that close to that person, you

41
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,360
Speaker 1: just know something about them, and maybe they're keeping you

42
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,840
Speaker 1: close because they want to make sure you don't tell anybody.

43
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:33,160
Speaker 1: But that's also a thing. And if you meet a

44
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:38,040
Speaker 1: friend who has a lot of secrets, you should ask

45
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,840
Speaker 1: yourself why. And I understand that I'm like a very

46
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,160
Speaker 1: open person and having secrets and being private are kind

47
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:49,639
Speaker 1: of different things. Um, Being private is like you still

48
00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:53,120
Speaker 1: have people you turn to, but it's it's kind of different.

49
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:57,120
Speaker 1: Like you don't need to post your relationship on social

50
00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,560
Speaker 1: media because it's not really anybody's business. But if you

51
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,200
Speaker 1: when you're talking to people, nobody knows you have a

52
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,480
Speaker 1: boyfriend or girlfriend, that means you're keeping them a secret.

53
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 1: And it's like, why are you keeping them a secret?

54
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,079
Speaker 1: Do you don't want people to know that you have

55
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,160
Speaker 1: a boyfriend and girlfriend because you're going to cheat on them?

56
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,119
Speaker 1: Like that's kind of the difference between privacy and secrets

57
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:18,960
Speaker 1: is like are you actively hiding it or are you

58
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,000
Speaker 1: just kind of keeping it to yourself? Because it's two

59
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:26,160
Speaker 1: different things. One is more active. So there, it's it's tactic.

60
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,760
Speaker 1: It's a tactic that people use and so you you

61
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:33,080
Speaker 1: feel this false sense of closeness. Um. But one thing

62
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,080
Speaker 1: I don't feel like we acknowledge enough is that secrets

63
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:40,720
Speaker 1: involve lies because I fucking hate when someone tells me

64
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,320
Speaker 1: a secret and I know something and then somebody else

65
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,560
Speaker 1: asks me about it, and I've been told not to

66
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,440
Speaker 1: say anything because then I have to lie to that person.

67
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,960
Speaker 1: And I have a very strong stance online. I think

68
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,080
Speaker 1: that if you omit the truth or you tweak it

69
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,840
Speaker 1: or or anything, whether it's because you don't want to

70
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,960
Speaker 1: hurt someone's feelings, are not Like the time, that's just

71
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,320
Speaker 1: fucking lying, Like tell people the truth. And if someone

72
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,840
Speaker 1: directly asked me, like, hey, do you know what's happening

73
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,600
Speaker 1: with this, and I'm like, no, I don't. Actually I'm

74
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,720
Speaker 1: fucking lying. I'm sucking lying. Don't put me in a

75
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,560
Speaker 1: position where I'm gonna I just don't tell me the secret.

76
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,760
Speaker 1: Don't tell me the secret. I don't want to know. Um,

77
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,680
Speaker 1: unless there's something you feel like I can do to

78
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,400
Speaker 1: help you, or it's something that like nobody actually needs

79
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,720
Speaker 1: to know. Like my friend had a ex boyfriend that

80
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,640
Speaker 1: we all still were around, but nobody knew that they

81
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,840
Speaker 1: dated and he was kind of scary, so obviously, like

82
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,159
Speaker 1: that's a secret you keep because you're you're afraid, and

83
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 1: you also just don't want people to know that. Like

84
00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,279
Speaker 1: that makes sense. There's there's ones that you can have

85
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,560
Speaker 1: and ones that are just like sketchy. But I think, like,

86
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,760
Speaker 1: because we talk about trust all the time, right, and

87
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,920
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, can I trust you to keep my secret?

88
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,080
Speaker 1: It's like, well, can I trust you did not do

89
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,560
Speaker 1: fucked up ship that like puts me in a bad position,

90
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 1: because I think it's more trust is so much less

91
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:10,719
Speaker 1: about not telling somebody something or or like, it's about

92
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,719
Speaker 1: behaving in a way that you can trust somebody that

93
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 1: they're not going to put you in a bad position

94
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:21,360
Speaker 1: or make you feel unsafe or make you look bad

95
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,600
Speaker 1: to other people, because like, you know, we are the

96
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,080
Speaker 1: company we keep and so it's like that's what trust

97
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,679
Speaker 1: is to me, is me knowing that when I'm not around,

98
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,760
Speaker 1: my friend isn't saying bad things about me. My friend isn't,

99
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,760
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, being racist or homophobic or

100
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,920
Speaker 1: something awful, and then like making it seem like I'm

101
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,920
Speaker 1: part of that because that also freaks me out. And

102
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,920
Speaker 1: I've distanced myself from people who I felt like I

103
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,520
Speaker 1: had different beliefs because I'm like, I don't I don't

104
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,000
Speaker 1: want anybody to associate me with that, and I don't

105
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,680
Speaker 1: trust you anymore because I don't trust your judgment because

106
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,840
Speaker 1: you think it's okay to say slurs, you know, Like,

107
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,960
Speaker 1: do I do I trust your judgment? Do I trust

108
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:04,400
Speaker 1: your advice? Why do you want a friend who you

109
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,240
Speaker 1: don't like respect their input? Because I've had so many

110
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 1: friends who just have like a horrible fucking judgment And

111
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,599
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I their friend? I would never

112
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,960
Speaker 1: ask them, like for advice on how I should live

113
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,720
Speaker 1: my life. I would never care about their opinion of

114
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,279
Speaker 1: me because they have bad opinions, So why am I

115
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,080
Speaker 1: their friend? And there's a difference between like being kind

116
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,800
Speaker 1: to somebody and like I know that I've I've met

117
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,640
Speaker 1: people who have been in like difficult parts of their

118
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,320
Speaker 1: lives where they may not have been the best their

119
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,800
Speaker 1: best selves, And there's a way for me to be

120
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,880
Speaker 1: there for that person without being their friend, without letting

121
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,760
Speaker 1: them be my friend. Like I can even like go

122
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,520
Speaker 1: get coffee with somebody and help them through something and

123
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,279
Speaker 1: they don't have to be somebody I like lean on.

124
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,200
Speaker 1: I think friendships a two way street. And There's been

125
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,160
Speaker 1: plenty of times in my life where I've been there

126
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 1: for somebody that I don't consider my friend because I

127
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,360
Speaker 1: care about them enough to want to help them, but like,

128
00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,880
Speaker 1: you don't have to be friends with everybody, Like you're

129
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,640
Speaker 1: not going to have that equal give and take in

130
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,680
Speaker 1: a lot of relationships. And so for me, that's the

131
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,560
Speaker 1: definition of a friend, and um, everything else is just

132
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,160
Speaker 1: acquaintances and maybe acquaintances that you can't read deeply about.

133
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,160
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm acquaintances of my family members a

134
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: lot of the time. Um, So I think that's like, yeah,

135
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,840
Speaker 1: trust is not like can I trust you to keep

136
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,920
Speaker 1: a secret? Like literally as somebody ever does. That's like

137
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 1: what can I trust you and not do something speopen

138
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,840
Speaker 1: like boom? I mean, I feel like I just on

139
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,480
Speaker 1: the podcast here, but I still more to say. So

140
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:41,520
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick b back. Okay, So I'm

141
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,840
Speaker 1: gonna use one particular example and I'm gonna try to

142
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,480
Speaker 1: tweak the I'm talking about secrets. I'm gonna try to

143
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,440
Speaker 1: try to tweak the truth just out of um respect,

144
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,960
Speaker 1: and I don't need to put people in blast on

145
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:58,480
Speaker 1: my podcast, but um, I'm gonna tell use an example

146
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,760
Speaker 1: of a person and try to try to change it around.

147
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,520
Speaker 1: Then there's also this there's also like like I didn't

148
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,200
Speaker 1: put my ex boyfriend's name in any of my songs

149
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,040
Speaker 1: on my album, because I just was like, you know,

150
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,559
Speaker 1: what to what to what end? Like, that's not lying,

151
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,960
Speaker 1: that's just me being like, Okay, let's like maybe let's

152
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,440
Speaker 1: maybe keep this person safety and this this person social

153
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,400
Speaker 1: media from being flooded. However, when Amy put his name

154
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 1: in a song, and I was like, fine, fuck you, Amy,

155
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put your name in a song, and so

156
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,200
Speaker 1: then there you know, that's but now we're not going

157
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,320
Speaker 1: to use people's names because nobody has used my name

158
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,880
Speaker 1: in a podcast, so we're going to keep it out

159
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,920
Speaker 1: of it. But I had this, um, this friend that

160
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,640
Speaker 1: I was really close to for a while, and I

161
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,000
Speaker 1: got like a bad vibe from repeatedly but kind of

162
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,000
Speaker 1: just like I felt like I was being overly judgmental

163
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,200
Speaker 1: of somebody who was living their life differently than I

164
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 1: like then I would and making decisions I wouldn't make.

165
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:56,400
Speaker 1: And Um, I was talking to someone else the other

166
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,400
Speaker 1: day about this this former friend, and I was like,

167
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,520
Speaker 1: I feel like I spent like a d percent of

168
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,880
Speaker 1: our friendship just trying to talk this person out of

169
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:07,079
Speaker 1: doing something that was like morally reprehensible and like going

170
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,800
Speaker 1: to hurt them. Like it was like, Oh, you are

171
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 1: dating this horrible person who we've only heard terrible things

172
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,800
Speaker 1: about that we know was abusive to their ex and

173
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:20,000
Speaker 1: like you're like debating whether or not you should date

174
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,920
Speaker 1: them when every person in your life like hate this

175
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,200
Speaker 1: person for very valid reasons. It's like you don't don't

176
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,280
Speaker 1: date them, Like I don't even know why I need

177
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,640
Speaker 1: to explain this to you, or like, um, they would

178
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,600
Speaker 1: just like lie to people for fun, Like that's another

179
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,439
Speaker 1: thing I don't get is people who like lie for

180
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 1: for fun and think it's a joke. Like that's not

181
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,520
Speaker 1: a joke. That's not funny if even if the lie

182
00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:46,080
Speaker 1: is as innocent as you could possibly make it, if

183
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,079
Speaker 1: you make it this long trope like there's this one

184
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,080
Speaker 1: lie that this friend told us for months and then

185
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,240
Speaker 1: like would go behind our back to another friend and

186
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,600
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, they still believe that. How

187
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 1: funny is that? It's not funny? It's like, no, I

188
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,080
Speaker 1: believe my friend. Like I'm not gonna like if my

189
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,800
Speaker 1: if my best friend Candy tells me something, I'm not

190
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:06,920
Speaker 1: gonna be like, oh it's Candy lying? Are they lying? No,

191
00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,240
Speaker 1: that's not that's not what I'm gonna do because because

192
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 1: Candy is my friend and so like, yeah, of course

193
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,920
Speaker 1: I believed your lie, ma'am. Um okay. So continuing on

194
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,400
Speaker 1: with that, I feel like they this um, this friend

195
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:27,560
Speaker 1: of mine would like constantly tell secrets to each of

196
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,600
Speaker 1: our friends in the friend group and then like be

197
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,719
Speaker 1: like okay, but like don't tell anybody because like this

198
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,680
Speaker 1: is like really personal. And then we'd be like, oh wow,

199
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,560
Speaker 1: like you trust me with that, and everybody felt like that.

200
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,640
Speaker 1: But then everybody was being told different versions of the

201
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,480
Speaker 1: same story, so like to this day, none of us

202
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,800
Speaker 1: really know what was true. And it was like pretty

203
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,600
Speaker 1: pretty crazy. I used to attract crazies. I really, I

204
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:53,520
Speaker 1: really did. I am so happy to have fewer, fewer

205
00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:57,319
Speaker 1: close friendships. It's much more manageable. Um And I mean

206
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,720
Speaker 1: I still have like you know, I think I'll still

207
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 1: have a an aggressive amount of people in my my

208
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:06,000
Speaker 1: bridesmaid party when I get married one day, but I

209
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,800
Speaker 1: have a much more manageable amount of friends. But back then,

210
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:13,120
Speaker 1: I just was like a magnet for this ship. Um. So,

211
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,400
Speaker 1: and then if you're telling different stories, it's like why

212
00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:20,200
Speaker 1: okay for entertainment value, maybe you're you're telling us these secrets,

213
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,160
Speaker 1: and because it's like funny to you, which is like

214
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,040
Speaker 1: just a cheap sense of humor. It's like poop jokes.

215
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,720
Speaker 1: It's just really like come on, you can't think of

216
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:33,120
Speaker 1: anything better than that. Um. And so it's like, okay,

217
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,840
Speaker 1: if you're telling these secrets like why for why to

218
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,120
Speaker 1: what end? And if you're lying about something, this is

219
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,280
Speaker 1: how I view it. I think if you're lying about something,

220
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,720
Speaker 1: you're already admitting that you think you're wrong. So I

221
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,400
Speaker 1: get endlessly fucking frustrated when somebody does something horrible to

222
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,240
Speaker 1: me and then tells me not to tell people. UM.

223
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,839
Speaker 1: I had a friend who had a copyright claim with

224
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,120
Speaker 1: a massive A list artist who didn't write on the

225
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 1: song um, and they wanted publishing credit on the song

226
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,839
Speaker 1: that they didn't write, which is very very frequent that

227
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,199
Speaker 1: happens a lot with aless artists. UM. But they they

228
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:16,480
Speaker 1: didn't want anybody to know that they hadn't written on

229
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,000
Speaker 1: the song. They needed their name to be on it.

230
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,560
Speaker 1: They needed like it wasn't just they wanted a percentage

231
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,440
Speaker 1: of the publishing for like steak in the song, like

232
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 1: they wanted their name on it because they didn't want

233
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,640
Speaker 1: anybody to know that they would take credit on a

234
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,720
Speaker 1: song that they didn't write. But if you don't want

235
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,959
Speaker 1: people to know that, then you're already admitting you're doing

236
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,280
Speaker 1: something wrong. How do you not see that? Like by

237
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,480
Speaker 1: the time you're lying, you're already you're already you already

238
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,000
Speaker 1: know you're wrong, because if you weren't, you wouldn't be

239
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,520
Speaker 1: lying about it. Again, I can't stress enough how much

240
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm excluding lying for your own safety. Like if you

241
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,960
Speaker 1: know that you're dating an abusive man and you're trying

242
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,520
Speaker 1: to get out of it and somebody your ex boyfriend

243
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,320
Speaker 1: texted you, and you know that if they find out

244
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:01,320
Speaker 1: about that, then they're gonna screaming you and hate you. Yeah,

245
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,600
Speaker 1: don't like fucking lie to them. Lie to them until

246
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,920
Speaker 1: you can get to a place of safety, like lie

247
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,040
Speaker 1: to them about where you live, Like safety is different,

248
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,320
Speaker 1: but like this, this is just like lying because you

249
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:16,120
Speaker 1: know you were wrong. And so when I like have

250
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,000
Speaker 1: a friend and I'm like watching them lie to people

251
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,280
Speaker 1: and like why are you lying? Like I mean, we

252
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,840
Speaker 1: all do we all do bad shit, Like we we've

253
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,160
Speaker 1: all done bad ship and like there's things I would

254
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,439
Speaker 1: prefer people not to know about me, but if they

255
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,080
Speaker 1: came out, I'd be like, Okay, yeah, that was really stupid,

256
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,440
Speaker 1: and I'm I hate that I did that, but I can't.

257
00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,840
Speaker 1: I can't think of anything that would just like like

258
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,920
Speaker 1: I would, I would get people to lie for me.

259
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,079
Speaker 1: And if you're telling someone's secret, you're asking them to

260
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,640
Speaker 1: lie for you. And that's like people don't put those

261
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:51,320
Speaker 1: two things together, and it's so frustrating to me. So

262
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,000
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, so you're you're asking me to keep

263
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,880
Speaker 1: a secret in your lying because you're ashamed. Okay, well

264
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 1: why are you ashamed? Are you ashamed because of how

265
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,400
Speaker 1: you think society is going to judge you or how

266
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: you think these people are going to judge you? Or

267
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,320
Speaker 1: are you ashamed because you know you did something wrong?

268
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,840
Speaker 1: Because I feel like most of the time, it's the

269
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:17,000
Speaker 1: ladder and people are going to find out. That's the

270
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,720
Speaker 1: thing too, is like a secret can only stay a

271
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,360
Speaker 1: secret for so long. Too, you can keep a secret

272
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,800
Speaker 1: of one of them's debt, Like even if I don't

273
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,960
Speaker 1: tell the secret, people are going to find out. And

274
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:34,080
Speaker 1: so this one particular bad friend I had did something

275
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 1: and they I introduced them to another friend totally innocuously,

276
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,120
Speaker 1: just like kind of actually didn't even really introduce them.

277
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,040
Speaker 1: They just met each other through me, and they were

278
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,680
Speaker 1: both very very close to me, and one of them

279
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:56,920
Speaker 1: had a m had a boyfriend and they we're definitely

280
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,720
Speaker 1: going to hook up with the other person. But they

281
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,360
Speaker 1: were like lying to them about how they didn't have

282
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,920
Speaker 1: a boyfriend, and it was this whole thing, and they

283
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,520
Speaker 1: had been like, oh, yeah, like I really want to

284
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 1: hook up with that person would be like, well, you

285
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,960
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend, so like what are you doing? Like

286
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,600
Speaker 1: that's don't do that, Like you're you're a good friend.

287
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,280
Speaker 1: Isn't going to like support that. I mean, I've had

288
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,920
Speaker 1: friends who have cheated on their their boyfriends and I've

289
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,080
Speaker 1: just been like, yeah, like i mean, I'm not going

290
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 1: to walk up to your boyfriend and tell him that

291
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,960
Speaker 1: you did that, but I'm going to hope that if

292
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,000
Speaker 1: you don't do it, you'll break up with him, because

293
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,880
Speaker 1: I don't think that you need to tell somebody you

294
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,840
Speaker 1: cheated on them. If you broke up with them, Just

295
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,200
Speaker 1: go break up with them. You already want to. You

296
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,280
Speaker 1: wouldn't do it if you didn't, and if you want

297
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,720
Speaker 1: to stay together, then tell them but that's not like,

298
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 1: just just break up with them. Just break up with them.

299
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 1: It's so easy, and so they like I knew this,

300
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 1: and so I'd be like, yeah, don't don't cheat on them, Like,

301
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,800
Speaker 1: don't do that with my friend, Like that's gonna make

302
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 1: this really messy for me because I know your boyfriend

303
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 1: to like, please don't, please, don't do that, thank you.

304
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,400
Speaker 1: And everybody told this friend that that was a really

305
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 1: bad idea and to like not cheat on their boyfriend. Um,

306
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,560
Speaker 1: but one night I just had this horrible feeling in

307
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,840
Speaker 1: my stomach and I was like, I feel like they're

308
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:08,640
Speaker 1: together right now. And the other friends still knew, still

309
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 1: did not know about the boyfriend, and nobody had gotten involvers,

310
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna fucking go up to them and

311
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,600
Speaker 1: tell them this when like no evidence has shown that

312
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 1: they were going to go do this. But I saw

313
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:24,200
Speaker 1: this horrible feeling and I had these friends locations because

314
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 1: I share my location with my friends all the time

315
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,120
Speaker 1: because I guess what, I have nothing hide at all.

316
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,480
Speaker 1: I have nothing to hide. And also if I get murdered,

317
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 1: I would like everybody to know where I am, so

318
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,560
Speaker 1: I keep my location on for like everybody and like

319
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: when I used to go on a first date, I'd

320
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,480
Speaker 1: like tell my friends. I'm like, hey, keep an eye

321
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,880
Speaker 1: on my location if I'm like if I don't text

322
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,840
Speaker 1: you by this time, like whatever, you know, just safety stuff.

323
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,840
Speaker 1: So I like go to find my friends and I'm like, huh,

324
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 1: they're together. So I texted one of them and I

325
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 1: was like, hey, the the one that had the boyfriend,

326
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,480
Speaker 1: was like, don't do anything stupid tonight, and they're like,

327
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,080
Speaker 1: what do you mean, Like I'm not doing anything stupid?

328
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,640
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I know you're still with

329
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,960
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And they're like, oh, dory, I'm not

330
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 1: currently doing anything stupid, and I was like currently or

331
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,479
Speaker 1: at all dead silence, didn't hear anything else, and I

332
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 1: just had this fucking pit in my stomach, and I

333
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,120
Speaker 1: was like, I know that this isn't technically like my business,

334
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,159
Speaker 1: but knowing that I knew the friend and the boyfriend

335
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 1: and then the other person who was being lied to,

336
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,879
Speaker 1: Like knowing all of that, I was like, I'm going

337
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,879
Speaker 1: to get caught a crossfire here, and I would like

338
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 1: to please not suffer for your horrible life choices. So

339
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,880
Speaker 1: the next morning, I wake up check my phone, their

340
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,960
Speaker 1: location is still at this person's house, which I'm like,

341
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,639
Speaker 1: how stupid you have to be, like not turn it off.

342
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess turning it off would have been

343
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 1: more incriminating, I guess. But so I called them and

344
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,320
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, call me after so and so

345
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,080
Speaker 1: it leaves and they're like, what are you talking about?

346
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 1: And I was like, call me after they leave. Stop

347
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,760
Speaker 1: trying to lie to me, right, And so they come up.

348
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,880
Speaker 1: They call me like an hour and a half later,

349
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, you know, what did would

350
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:58,520
Speaker 1: you get into last night? And again I only had

351
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 1: this strong of an opinion because I knew how much

352
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,440
Speaker 1: this would blow up directly in my my personal face

353
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,560
Speaker 1: that had no choice in this matter. And they were like,

354
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,200
Speaker 1: came up with this whole story about like they needed

355
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,560
Speaker 1: to be there for them and they just like blah

356
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and like they were just friends and

357
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,640
Speaker 1: like this whole thing. And I was like, oh, man,

358
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,840
Speaker 1: like I'm so sorry, Like okay, that's fair, and I

359
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 1: totally believe you, and then they were lying. I'm like

360
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 1: and it only took me. It only took me like

361
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,359
Speaker 1: twenty minutes to find out that they were lying. It

362
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:34,840
Speaker 1: literally took twenty minutes. And I also, I mean they

363
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 1: were already trying to lie to me the night before.

364
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 1: But it's like, okay, I didn't even have to like

365
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 1: find out by by somebody snitching on you, like your

366
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 1: phone snitched on you. And like, my friends and I

367
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:46,919
Speaker 1: checked each other's locations all the time because it's like, oh,

368
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 1: what are they getting into tonight, And then you're just like, oh,

369
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: they're they're like, let's I don't know. I just I

370
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,240
Speaker 1: don't hide things from my friends. I've never been somewhere

371
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 1: that like in recent years that I would like not

372
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,360
Speaker 1: want somebody to know I was they. I wouldn't want

373
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend to know I was there, probably, but

374
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 1: I don't share my location with them, so like, and

375
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 1: so it was just like, okay, well, if you don't

376
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,159
Speaker 1: think you did anything wrong by cheating on your boyfriend,

377
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 1: because like you're gonna break up with them whatever, I don't,

378
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,200
Speaker 1: I don't know, like whatever your excuses. If you don't

379
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 1: think you're doing anything wrong, then why are you lying

380
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 1: to people about it? Like you're already by the time

381
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 1: you told me a lie and by the time you

382
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 1: told me you weren't currently doing anything, Like you already

383
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,720
Speaker 1: knew what was going to go down, You already knew.

384
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: But I think about people who lie, they're really good

385
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,199
Speaker 1: at lying to themselves too, and sometimes, I mean, you

386
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 1: have to be in order to keep up that big

387
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 1: of the game. So we're gonna take one more break

388
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back. So all of that

389
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: being said, I don't have many secrets left because I've

390
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 1: put them all in my songs. Um. But there's a

391
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: difference between, like you know, also there's I think there's

392
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 1: a big difference with keeping a secret to yourself. Like

393
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 1: if you're keeping a secret to yourself, then that's just

394
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 1: you being like that's nobody's fucking business. But it's when

395
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,640
Speaker 1: you involve other people and your secrets and you only

396
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 1: tell some people but you don't tell everybody else, And

397
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 1: you only tell one person who's part of it, but

398
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 1: you don't tell the other person. You're just creating trouble

399
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,680
Speaker 1: for yourself. And it's like, if you really need to

400
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,679
Speaker 1: get something off your chest, write it in a journal

401
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,679
Speaker 1: that you hide somewhere safe, or tell your therapist, or

402
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 1: tell a friend who lives in another state who doesn't

403
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 1: know any of these people. That's what I do most

404
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 1: of the time. Um, and yeah, it's like a therapist

405
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,719
Speaker 1: is great because they have to keep your secrets legally

406
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 1: and they don't know any of those people. If they do,

407
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 1: they they can't be your therapist, which is why those

408
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,399
Speaker 1: rules are in place. So it's like just when you

409
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 1: were when you were asking somebody to be part of

410
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:56,880
Speaker 1: a secret with you, you're asking a lot of them.

411
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: You're asking them to lie for you, You're asking them

412
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 1: to carry the weight of that secret. And there's been

413
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 1: a lot of times where somebody's unloaded something on me

414
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: that has been so distressing and so like emotionally like upsetting,

415
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: and I haven't been able. They told me because they

416
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: wanted to get it off their truest because they was like,

417
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: I just want to get this out and I want

418
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 1: somebody to listen to me talk. And then when they

419
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: tell you that and they're like, but don't tell anybody,

420
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: then they're taking away you're right to go get it

421
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: off your chest because it because it hurts, you know,

422
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: like I think probably everybody listening is experience a secret

423
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 1: like that. And so you're like, okay, well you get

424
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: to vent about this to me. But but who do

425
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: I get to vent about this too? Because this is

426
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 1: upsetting and that's where a therapist comes in. But yeah,

427
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,760
Speaker 1: secrets and if you know somebody who always has them,

428
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: then like think about it, think about that friendship a

429
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: little bit, think think about your friendships in general. I

430
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 1: wish I'd done that more in my life. But anyways,

431
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: I'm Kaili shuret thank you so much for listening. I'm

432
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: Tally shure I already said that, and I'll see you

433
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 1: next week. By guys, don't go asking questions yer. Soon

434
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: I'll go to say now turn it out to you