1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: Previously on Miller High Life Presents The Heavyweight Diaries. Can't 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: wait to hear the first episode of the new season. 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: I have not. Timothy Nelson is our union representative Subway Sandwich, 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson. Are we all set for our listening part? 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson Gimbletz executive listening room is a darkened chamber 6 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:37,600 Speaker 1: with the deadened acoustics of a sarcophagus. We all find 7 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: our seats. Stevie and Khalila take the couch, and Heavyweight 8 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: Union head Timothy Nelson commandeer's a backwards office chair. Nelson 9 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: don's his careful listening face a horrid affair that involves 10 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: squinting his eyes, tilting his head beatifically, and I can 11 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: only assume tightly puckering his colon. Finally, Bloomberg drags his 12 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 1: silver plated Peloton bicycle into the center of the room. 13 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 1: Hope you don't mind if I take a spin while 14 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: I take it all in, he says, And Timothy Nelson, 15 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,320 Speaker 1: let's loose a belly chuckle sick a fantic enough to 16 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: make my spermatic cord unraveled at great expense. Only weeks earlier, 17 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: re ravel as much an enemy of capitalism as he was, 18 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson still couldn't help kissing the ring, and by ring, 19 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: I mean caboose, Alex Bloomberg's executive Ask caboose, nice one, chief, 20 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: says Nelson, chasing after Bloomberg's two wheeler to swat his 21 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: foot in camaraderie. Once the room settles down, I squint 22 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: through the darkness. Eight beady eyes stare back at me, 23 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:58,639 Speaker 1: expectant and unblinking, like a pack of rabid raccoons about 24 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: to tear through a garbage bag full of content. My 25 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: only option is to stall. I succeed in buying myself 26 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 1: ten minutes by accidentally rebooting my computer several times, but 27 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: the room is growing restless. What is a heavyweight? I 28 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 1: ask a portmanteau composed of two separate words, heavy meaning 29 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: to exert a gravitational pull and wait, something that can 30 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: be hoisted either in a curling motion or from a 31 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: squatting position. While my mouth jabbers on autopilot, my brain 32 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: is in a terrible sweat. Think Johnny, Think stories. Stories, 33 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: But of the billions of stories to steal and repurpose, 34 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: only two come to mind, The seminal kiddie book Good 35 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: Night Moon, in which a suicidal rabbit bids adieu to 36 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: his earthly possessions, and that poem about footsteps in the sand. 37 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: Please give me something else, I beg my throbbing brain. 38 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: Good night podcast. It whispers back, good night Healthcare, good 39 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: night Twitter followers. But just as I'm about to initiate 40 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: Plan B, tearing down the window curtains and a curtain 41 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: clutching fake heart attack worthy of Red Fox, a third 42 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: story enters my brain. Pan no, please, I scream and 43 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: think get out, as I will later recount in increasing 44 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: states of hysteria to increasingly expensive therapists. It's in this 45 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: moment that my fate hops into a potato sack with 46 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson's fate. Before I even knew what I was saying, 47 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,080 Speaker 1: I was saying this. The scene is set in in 48 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: an office elevator, as one man tells the tale of 49 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: Sandwich is gone AWRYE if you will, I laugh at 50 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: my own joke to enforce its comedic properties. I don't 51 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: get it, says Stevie. I think I do, says Khalila. 52 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: I shoot them a stern look and continue. My girlfriend 53 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:28,040 Speaker 1: wanted a subway sandwich without olives. The man says, and 54 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:33,359 Speaker 1: I wanted a subway sandwich with olives. That's me, cries 55 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:37,680 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson. I am that man. With a wave of 56 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 1: my storytelling arm I shush him down. Ah, but with 57 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: impish leco slavic lord of misrule helming the wheel of 58 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 1: this supper wagon we call life. Nothing is ever certain. 59 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: And so the man who desperately drooled for a sandwich 60 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: with olives received the one without, while his lady friend, 61 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:05,159 Speaker 1: vigorously salivating for a sandwich without olives, received a sandwich with. 62 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: Will these star crossed sandwiches ever find their rightful sandwich eaters? Well, 63 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: why don't they just swap sandwiches? Asks S Bloomberg. Why, indeed, 64 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: I wonder it's just as I'm about to admit defeat. 65 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: Admit that I have nothing. Admit that, like a half 66 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: baked sandwich bread made without yeast, this plotline has no 67 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: rising action. Admit that, yes, Alex, this is indeed the 68 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: most asinine story ever told. It is at this exact 69 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: moment of my final comeuppance that Timothy Nelson grants me 70 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:48,359 Speaker 1: a kind of salvation. My special lady is allergic to 71 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: pickled peppers pipes. He and my sandwich was populated by 72 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,479 Speaker 1: a peck of them. And like the humble sandwich, so 73 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: too is man, I say, already hearing the well of 74 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 1: orchestral music in my mind's ear. Like sandwiches, are we 75 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 1: not assembled according to a greater, unknowable plan? Who among 76 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 1: us has not found themselves slathered in the mayonnaise of doubt, 77 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: sliced in two by the bread knife of self hatred? 78 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: Had our crusts removed by the attentive mother of anxiety? 79 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: Who among us will not be chewed up, devoured, and 80 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: excreted before our time? Out of the darkness, I see 81 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson wipe a tear from his cheek. So true, 82 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,599 Speaker 1: he says, But what if that olive, burdened couple had 83 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 1: the chance at a do over? I continue affecting the 84 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: voice of a wizard casting a magic spell, and could 85 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 1: confront the sandwich maker who got their orders so horribly wrong. 86 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: If you allow yourself to venture past the limits of 87 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 1: your earthly imagination, try to invent what such a conversation 88 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: might yield. Bloomberg stops peddling his three thousand dollars wheelless bicycle, 89 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: his attention wrapped interviewing the subway sandwich artist who got 90 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: the order wrong. He says, of course, to offer the 91 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: mustard of forbearance, I say, the sweet tapanad of forgiveness. 92 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson is now openly blubbering, damn you and your storytelling, 93 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: he weeps. And for an added layer of narrative richness, 94 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: I say, the man eavesdropping in the elevator was none 95 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: other than the host of Heavyweight himself. You were wearing earbuds, 96 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: cries Nelson with incredulity. And when I asked you how 97 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,119 Speaker 1: your weekend was, you ordered me to pipe down because 98 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: you were listening to a podcast. But you weren't listening 99 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 1: to a podcast at all. Oh but I was, I say, 100 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: just one that was yet to be recorded. Beautiful, says Bloomberg. 101 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: The symmetry is breathtaking. In response, all of us in 102 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: the room, dutifully quoting from the Gimlet Manifesto, recite in unison, 103 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: symmetry divided by catharsis and multiplied by advertising dollars equals storytelling. 104 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:36,079 Speaker 1: We all take deeply satisfying SIPs from the miller high lifes. 105 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: We've all been drinking, and that I never mentioned until 106 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: this moment. You and Timothy will have to work together 107 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: very closely on this one. Bloomberg says, I'm seeing a 108 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: co reporting situation. I don't know, I say, Khleland, Stevie are. 109 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: He's telling me that Heavyweights more of a one man operation. 110 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: We could sell some product placement, brand opportunities to Subway, 111 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: says Bloomberg, steamrolling me. And maybe you can also find 112 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,280 Speaker 1: out why subway bread smells the way it does. You 113 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: mean smelling like if you put an armpit in a 114 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: Betty Crocker easy bake oven and set it on high. 115 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 1: I ask that smell. I love the smell of subway bread, 116 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: says Timothy Nelson. Bloomberg laughs and claps his hands together. 117 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: I'm just loving the banter here, he says. I know 118 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: we can put our political differences aside and the interest 119 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: of creating some compelling content, says Timothy Nelson, And then 120 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: for some reason, he extends his fist to me uncertainly. 121 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: I grab hold of it and shake. I had saved 122 00:09:55,600 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: the show, But at what price? This has been Chapter 123 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: six of the Heavyweight Diaries. The next season of Heavyweight 124 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: will begin in three weeks on September twenty sixth. Remember 125 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:15,720 Speaker 1: September twenty sixth is Spotify Day. Actually, every day is 126 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: Spotify Day, at least according to the corporate mantra we're 127 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: forced to repeat every morning. Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein 128 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, and b A. Parker. 129 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Emamonger, music by Bobby Lord. 130 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,119 Speaker 1: Our ad music is Vivaldi's Spring, performed by the Wichita 131 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: State University Chamber Players. Will have a new chapter of 132 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: the Heavyweight Diaries next week.