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Speaker 1: This is John, this is og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we.

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Speaker 2: Have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 1: got a quick tum in an ad break from a

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Speaker 1: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 2: My husband discovered the truth about me and his boss.

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Speaker 2: He did not take it well. Uh oh. The truth

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Speaker 2: is here trigger warning for self harm. So if you

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Speaker 2: do not want to read about that or hear about that,

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Speaker 2: skip to the next story. My husband hates his boss,

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Speaker 2: I mean loathes him and has since he was transferred

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Speaker 2: to his division almost a year ago. He would come

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Speaker 2: home almost every single night complaining about him. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from Peppy Schnaps and if you want to

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Speaker 2: spit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime Separate it.

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Speaker 3: So.

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Speaker 2: He works in a very specific creative job and there

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Speaker 2: are very limited jobs in this area for his field

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Speaker 2: of work. He has paid very well for his job,

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Speaker 2: and if he wanted to stay in the same field,

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Speaker 2: he most likely would have to move halfway across the

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Speaker 2: which all of our family and friends are right here,

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Speaker 2: so neither of us want to do that. It had

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Speaker 2: gotten so bad that he was looking at quitting and

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Speaker 2: just taking a cut and pay. I told him I

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Speaker 2: was fine with it, but he spent his entire life

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Speaker 2: studying for this job. So his company had an annual

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Speaker 2: holiday party, and last year we were gone, so we

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Speaker 2: did not attend this year. However, they had it this

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Speaker 2: past weekend and lo and be old, we were available

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Speaker 2: to go. This is a very large corporation, so there

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Speaker 2: are literally hundreds of people at the party. When we

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Speaker 2: go in, we start to talk to people and I

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Speaker 2: go sit down at our table. Well, he goes to

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Speaker 2: meet with some of the people who work in his

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Speaker 2: division who were standing at the bar. Well, I'm sitting there,

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Speaker 2: I feel a tap on my shoulder and there stands Paul.

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Speaker 3: Oohoo.

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Speaker 2: I have not seen Paul in years, and I immediately

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Speaker 2: got up and we hugged each other. Paul and I

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Speaker 2: used to date in college, and we parted amicably because

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Speaker 2: we were both going separate places in life. But we

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Speaker 2: did date for over a year, and as I said,

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Speaker 2: I hadn't seen him in a long time, so I

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Speaker 2: was thrilled to see him again and catch up on

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Speaker 2: our lives. I have no feelings for him other than

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Speaker 2: that of an old friend, and I just was happy

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Speaker 2: to catch up. We talked for a good long time

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Speaker 2: until he asked me why I was there, and I

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Speaker 2: said I was there with my husband. Yes, you can

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Speaker 2: see where this is going. Paul, my ex is the

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Speaker 2: boss that my husband hates. He asked who my husband

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Speaker 2: was and I said his name, and Paul kind of

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Speaker 2: looked stunned and asked if it was the same person

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Speaker 2: he knew, and I said I don't know. He said

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Speaker 2: he was the department head of title of job, and

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Speaker 2: that is when it struck me that this was the

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Speaker 2: boss my husband had been complaining about for the past

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Speaker 2: year or so. He just said that he knew my

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Speaker 2: husband and didn't see anything else. We continued to talk

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Speaker 2: for a while and he said he would love to

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Speaker 2: speak more with me, but he had to go back

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Speaker 2: to his table as he was one of the speakers

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Speaker 2: for the night. We both hugged each other and left.

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Speaker 2: My husband walked up, just aspiritre pulling apart from our

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Speaker 2: very platonic hug. As Paul walked away, my husband asked

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Speaker 2: me what that was all about. I could tell he

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Speaker 2: was very upset, and he asked if Paul was trying

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Speaker 2: to hit on me. He of course, has no idea

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Speaker 2: we knew each other. He was starting to rant and

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Speaker 2: rape about going to HR to file a complaint on him.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he was fuming mad. I bet he's happy, though.

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Speaker 2: I was kind of stuck because if I didn't step

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Speaker 2: up and say something, I think he would have gone

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Speaker 2: over to the HR table and filed a complaint right there.

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Speaker 2: And I just told him that we were old friends

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Speaker 2: from college and that we hadn't seen each other since graduation.

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Speaker 2: I think you should have told him the truth. Hopefully

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Speaker 2: you tell him the truth tonight. Well does she not

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Speaker 2: tell him the truth? She just said we're old friends? Well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I feel like that is the truth. Though the truth

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Speaker 2: is out the ex's though. Oh yeah, didn't catch that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he dated for a year in college. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: yeah that's right. But slip slatonically. I could see the

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Speaker 2: color drain from his face. We spent the rest of

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Speaker 2: the night with him watching his phone and leaving right

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Speaker 2: after eating. He did not say a word to me

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Speaker 2: on the way home. Once we got home, I tried

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Speaker 2: just to talk in general, and he wasn't having any

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Speaker 2: of it. I got the grilling up lifetime. I could

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Speaker 2: tell he was completely unhinged. He wanted to know why

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell him I knew him. He went on

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Speaker 2: to accuse me of laughing at him behind his back.

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Speaker 2: This baby's crazy, Yeah, very insecure. Oh my goodness. He

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Speaker 2: even went so far as ask me if I was

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Speaker 2: having an affair with him. He oh, ah, so much,

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Speaker 2: he really does. I mean, he was in a total meltdown.

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Speaker 2: This is not normal for him. In case you're wondering,

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Speaker 2: He's honestly the most rational person I know, and he

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Speaker 2: has never even so much as raised his voice to

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Speaker 2: me in all of the years I've known him. He

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Speaker 2: did eventually apologize to me, and then went on to

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Speaker 2: continue to talk about how his life was heck because

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Speaker 2: of his boss. Now Here is the issue. I was

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Speaker 2: absolutely petrified to tell him the real truth about Paul.

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Speaker 2: He was completely irrational, and I was honestly afraid he

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Speaker 2: would have spiraled out of control if I told him

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Speaker 2: that Paul was more than just an old friend, what

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Speaker 2: was actually an ex I was not afraid for myself,

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Speaker 2: by the way, I've never feared that at all, But

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Speaker 2: I honestly don't know mentally if he could have had

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Speaker 2: handled it at that moment, I think he might have

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Speaker 2: done something irrational to himself or our relationship. Honestly, if

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Speaker 2: you think that, you should tell him to get therapy

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Speaker 2: because whoa. Yeah, just finding out that his boss used

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Speaker 2: to be his current wife's ex is going to make

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Speaker 2: him spiral out of control. Yeah, I want to know

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Speaker 2: what this boss did. I knowed. I never hid this

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Speaker 2: relationship from him. Neither of us have ever asked about

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Speaker 2: previous relationships. I only know about one of his previous

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Speaker 2: girlfriends because her sister said hi to him when we

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Speaker 2: were at McDonald's. He knows nothing about any of my

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Speaker 2: previous exes. We both agreed that the past didn't matter. Well,

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Speaker 2: I have a feeling it's going to matter. I am

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Speaker 2: deathly afraid that Paul will say something to him now,

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Speaker 2: not in a mean way, but just in a passing

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Speaker 2: way that we used to be a couple. I think

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Speaker 2: you need to tell him because if he finds out, Paul, dude,

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Speaker 2: it's gonna be so much worse, so much like it's

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Speaker 2: already kind of a baud that you didn't tell him

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Speaker 2: that from the start. But at the same time, it's

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Speaker 2: like it's just gonna get worse. So you got to

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Speaker 2: do it so much worse. I have no idea how

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Speaker 2: my husband will handle this. He is the love of

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Speaker 2: my life and I do not want to hurt him.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to hide this from him, nor lie biomission,

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Speaker 2: but I am very much afraid what this will do

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Speaker 2: to him mentally. I'm open to any suggestions here. Also,

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Speaker 2: please don't think poorly of my husband. He's a great

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Speaker 2: guy and it's been more than anything I could have

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Speaker 2: ever dreamed of as a partner. But whatever Paul has

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Speaker 2: done over the years has just made him insane. He

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Speaker 2: needs to quit his job. Yeah, Like what happened to

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Speaker 2: make him so incredibly insane? Like this? So ask him?

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Speaker 2: Be like, dude, what did Paul do to you?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, probably she probably knows, but just won't tell us. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but there are still end an update, but what does

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Speaker 2: O p do? Well? Op definitely starts with the truth. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and be like, hey, I know that that really threw

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Speaker 2: you for a loop, and I don't want to make

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Speaker 2: things worse, but I should tell you before this gets

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Speaker 2: even worse that like, yeah, we did date, Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: like we split so long ago. Oh w we were fine,

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Speaker 2: So that's why we kind of caught up as if

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Speaker 2: we were friends. Yeah, you know, I hate that this

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Speaker 2: is the paw that's torturing you at work. And then

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Speaker 2: you go he sucks, he sucks for what he's doing

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Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, at work, and like try to save

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Speaker 2: it for that feeling. I truly did, and then go

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Speaker 2: to therapy and then be like maybe therapy, Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, Yeah, could be good. Common one. This truth

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Speaker 2: will have to come out. You have lied by a

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Speaker 2: mission too much already. Encourage him to resign. This place

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Speaker 2: is no good for him. Yeah, be ready for reduction

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Speaker 2: in your lifestyle, hope, he says, to my defense, I

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Speaker 2: only lied by a mission out of fear of what

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Speaker 2: it would do to him. That night, I mean, he

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Speaker 2: was literally rotating between a raving loon and being so

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Speaker 2: mad he was crying. I've never seen him do that

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Speaker 2: before this. By the way, at the moment, I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to make a bad situation into a disaster, although

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Speaker 2: all along I knew I was going to have to eventually.

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Speaker 2: Was I doing self preservation as well? Of course, since

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Speaker 2: we've never talked about exces, I had no idea how

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Speaker 2: the conversation would have gone. But this it wasn't just

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Speaker 2: some random ACX to my husband. This was the personification

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Speaker 2: of all that is evil in the world. And for

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Speaker 2: me to have to tell him that we used to

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Speaker 2: be a couple was Slash is not gonna be easy.

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Speaker 2: Does anybody think for a minute, I want to lose

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Speaker 2: my husband for something that I did not know, Slash

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Speaker 2: had no control over and was with someone I haven't

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Speaker 2: seen or spoken to for almost ten years. I know

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Speaker 2: my husband loves me, but I also know that, for

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Speaker 2: whatever reason, when it comes to Paul, he is completely unhinged.

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Speaker 2: I am very much afraid he will hurt himself or heck,

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Speaker 2: he might even try to hurt Paul. But mostly I'm

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Speaker 2: afraid that I'll try and throw away everything we've built together.

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Speaker 2: I know in the long term he would not end us,

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Speaker 2: I hope, but the damage he might do in the

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Speaker 2: short term really frightens me. And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: I really need to know what Paul did. I need

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Speaker 2: to know, you need to know. Hopefully she gives that

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Speaker 2: to us in this update for context, has been pranking

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Speaker 2: him for a year. Update. He came home, I had

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Speaker 2: supper prepared. He was in a fairly good which at

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Speaker 2: first I thought would make this a little easier, but

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Speaker 2: in retrospect it did not. In fact, it made it

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Speaker 2: worse because I hated seeing the happy look dissolve. After dinner,

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Speaker 2: I took him to the living room and sat him

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Speaker 2: on the couch. I had a pretty lengthy speech prepared.

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Speaker 2: It was a combination of facts and well, honestly a

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Speaker 2: list of all the great things about him that I love.

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Speaker 2: Knowing that I was going to have to be there

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Speaker 2: to support him, he pretty much cut off my flowery

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Speaker 2: speech and just said to say what I was going

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Speaker 2: to say, because whatever I was trying to say, obviously

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Speaker 2: it was important, So I just said it. I just said, Look,

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell you that night because I was very

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Speaker 2: much afraid of how you were going to take this.

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Speaker 2: But Paul and I dated for almost over a year

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Speaker 2: in college. I had no idea he was the Paul

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Speaker 2: you were complaining about. I didn't even know he lived

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Speaker 2: around here. I have not in contact with him prior

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Speaker 2: to the Christmas party for almost ten years, and even

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Speaker 2: that night, I had no idea who he was in

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Speaker 2: relation to you until just literally moments before you came over.

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Speaker 2: He just sat there for what seemed like forever, and

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Speaker 2: then all he said was I understand. That was it.

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Speaker 2: It was monotone and passionless. I asked him if he

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Speaker 2: believed me about the timeframe and that I did not

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Speaker 2: know who he was that night. He said yes, and

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Speaker 2: that was it. Oh boy. So I now go into

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Speaker 2: my speech about how embarrassed I am about all of this,

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Speaker 2: that under no circumstance on the planet would I ever

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Speaker 2: do anything to jeopardize our marriage, that he was my

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Speaker 2: number one focus, and then I started talking about how

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Speaker 2: much I loved him and would do whatever he wanted

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Speaker 2: to do, even if it meant moving or doing something different.

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Speaker 2: While I was talking, he stood up and said that

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Speaker 2: he would like to be alone for a while and

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Speaker 2: that I needed to leave to do this. Like I

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Speaker 2: start crying. I tell him that if he needed to

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Speaker 2: be alone, that's fine, but I would be happy to leave,

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Speaker 2: and he said no, he wanted to go out to

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Speaker 2: clear his head. He left in his car. I waited

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Speaker 2: for a little bit, not nearly as long as I

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Speaker 2: should have, I'm sure, but I then start texting him,

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Speaker 2: telling him how much he meant to me, telling him

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Speaker 2: that I would answer any question, and well, you can

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Speaker 2: imagine all the things I texted. He never replied. He

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Speaker 2: left the house somewhere between seven thirty and eight. At

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Speaker 2: ten thirty, I received a phone call from a number

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Speaker 2: that I do not know, but I did not want

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Speaker 2: to be tied up that he might call me. At

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Speaker 2: a little after eleven, I saw car lights pull in

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Speaker 2: the driveway, so I was thinking he was back. But

251
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Speaker 2: then the doorbell rang.

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Speaker 3: What.

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Speaker 2: There is no worse feeling on the planet Earth then

254
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Speaker 2: having two State troopers with their hats in hand at

255
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Speaker 2: your door. Stop it stop stop. We're gonna have to

256
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Speaker 2: put trigger one in this. No, this is going where

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Speaker 2: I think it's gone. Oh my gosh. As soon as

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Speaker 2: I opened the door, I started screaming and crying. One

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Speaker 2: of the troopers told me that my husband had been

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Speaker 2: involved in serious auto accident and that I needed to

261
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Speaker 2: either go with them to the hospital or have someone

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Speaker 2: take me. He's alive. Oh my god, my gosh, so terrified, insane? Whoa, jeez,

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Speaker 2: whoa this man needs intense therapy. Yeah, intense therapy. Oh

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Speaker 2: my god, gracious, that is so not where I was

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Speaker 2: expecting this to go. No, also for anyone, just a PSA.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people say, oh, yeah, you know, don't

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Speaker 2: drink drive, Yeah, obviously, but also if you're having intense

268
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Speaker 2: don't drive. Yeah, take a minute. If you're if you

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Speaker 2: start crying, pull over. Yeah. You gotta be able to

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Speaker 2: see through those tears. Yeah. The number I ignored was

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Speaker 2: the er calling me, oh, oh, my gosh. I grabbed

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Speaker 2: my phone and went with them to the hospital. On

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Speaker 2: the way, I called his parents and told them to

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Speaker 2: meet me there. I called my parents to let them know,

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Speaker 2: but they were out of town for a few days,

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Speaker 2: so I left a voice message. I got to the

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Speaker 2: er and the troopers took me in through a back

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Speaker 2: door as to avoid having to go to a desk.

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Speaker 2: And my heart is about to explode, and they tell

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Speaker 2: a nurse who I am, and she walks over and

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Speaker 2: pulls back a curtain, and there sat my husband in

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Speaker 2: an er bed. He was awake and held up his

283
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,920
Speaker 2: arm to show me his cast I was both relieved

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Speaker 2: and overcome all the same time. Of course, I held

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Speaker 2: him and bawled for quite a long time. He apologized

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Speaker 2: for scaring me and said he would have called me,

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Speaker 2: but his phone was still in the car. I asked

288
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Speaker 2: him what happened, and he said he hit some ice

289
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Speaker 2: on the road and lost control, then slid off, hitting

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Speaker 2: a tree. He said he thought his car was totaled.

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Speaker 2: The rest was pretty much a blur, but eventually, once

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Speaker 2: his parents got there, I left them in there with

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Speaker 2: him to call my parents again to update them. This

294
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Speaker 2: is when the state trooper approached me and wanted to talk.

295
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Speaker 2: He said that while they can't totally dispute what my

296
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Speaker 2: husband was saying, that his story about ice did not

297
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Speaker 2: hold up. Yes, it had snowed lightly, but there was

298
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Speaker 2: no real ice on the road, and that there was

299
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Speaker 2: no evidence at the scene to show where my husband

300
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Speaker 2: attempted to either break or swerve. They also said that

301
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Speaker 2: the only real reason his injury was as minor as

302
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Speaker 2: it was was because of our air bags, because they

303
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Speaker 2: do not believe he was wearing a seat belt. At first,

304
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Speaker 2: I had no clues to what they were trying to say,

305
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Speaker 2: but ultimately it's sunk in that they were implying he

306
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Speaker 2: did it intentionally. Ooh, yeah, so this was so far

307
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Speaker 2: probably yeah. No matter how bad this made me feel,

308
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Speaker 2: and believe me, I felt like crap. My top priority

309
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Speaker 2: at that time was him. So I went back into

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Speaker 2: the room with him, and mind you, he's acting like

311
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Speaker 2: everything's fine, like our conversation from earlier didn't even happen.

312
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 2: In fact, he was definitely overcompensating, trying to act happy

313
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Speaker 2: and nonchalant. I stuck with him in the room for

314
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 2: a while, and then eventually went out and spoke to

315
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Speaker 2: his mom. She, by the way, was fully aware of everything.

316
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Speaker 2: I had confided in her after I got off work

317
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Speaker 2: because she and I have a great relationship and I

318
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,080
Speaker 2: wanted her advice on how to handle this. She was

319
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,920
Speaker 2: a wealth of information and was very supportive. That afternoon,

320
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 2: I told her what the troopers had told me. She

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00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,040
Speaker 2: said we should ask the doctor if there was any

322
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,520
Speaker 2: way to tell if this might be intentional. We spoke

323
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Speaker 2: with the doctor, then he spoke with the troopers. I

324
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,200
Speaker 2: went in to speak to my husband and see how

325
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Speaker 2: he was doing, and finally the doctor came in and

326
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Speaker 2: started questioning my husband, and he started to get very defensive.

327
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Speaker 2: Finally he asked why he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and

328
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Speaker 2: he started to give some excuse, but looked at me

329
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Speaker 2: and saw I was crying and just mouthed to him

330
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Speaker 2: to please be honest. After denying it for a good

331
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Speaker 2: long while. He finally admitted that he was just reckless

332
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Speaker 2: since there was no real proof that he tried to

333
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,960
Speaker 2: do it intentionally. The doctor doctor told us that there

334
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,960
Speaker 2: was nothing he could do. He said he could not

335
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,280
Speaker 2: justify an emergency detention order and that while he tends

336
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,960
Speaker 2: to believe us, there is just not enough to work with.

337
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 2: He was, however, admitted for twenty three hour observation. He

338
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,000
Speaker 2: ended up with a fracture to his right forearm and

339
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 2: bruising to his chest. Wall I stayed with him and

340
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,560
Speaker 2: his dad went over the next morning to the record

341
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 2: service to get things from the car. When we went home,

342
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:26,680
Speaker 2: he went from overcompensating to him turning on me, accusing

343
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,760
Speaker 2: me of trying to have him committed in the er.

344
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 2: He became very mean and isolated himself in our bedroom

345
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,680
Speaker 2: for the next day. Eventually he came out to eat,

346
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,320
Speaker 2: and that is when he dropped his request for a

347
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:42,280
Speaker 2: divorce on me. He needs therapy so bad, yeah, whatever,

348
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:47,560
Speaker 2: his relationship to Paul is just so he's so irrational

349
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,640
Speaker 2: about everything. Yeah, And the fact that he already felt

350
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,840
Speaker 2: very like strongly like this just by thinking that they

351
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,240
Speaker 2: were just friends. And then of course and then obviously

352
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,240
Speaker 2: this is happening now after realizing they were dating, Like, yeah,

353
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,520
Speaker 2: like what, I'm so curious of what Paul has done

354
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,040
Speaker 2: to make him like feel this way. Even if he's

355
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,240
Speaker 2: done all this stuff like leave your job, Yeah, leave

356
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 2: your job, I'm surprised he hasn't already. As you can imagine,

357
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 2: I was a little distraught, but I told him that

358
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 2: he needed to focus on getting better before we make

359
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,800
Speaker 2: any kind of decisions or even talk about it. The

360
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,480
Speaker 2: next day, just let me have it. He totally believes

361
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 2: that Paul and I have been conspiring against him for

362
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,720
Speaker 2: over a year. I honestly think he has like a

363
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,960
Speaker 2: mental health probably like schizophrenia. Obviously I'm not a doctor

364
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:39,240
Speaker 2: or anything, but he believes that everyone's conspiring against him. Yeah.

365
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,040
Speaker 2: Like that's not normal. That's not normal. Yeah, And that

366
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 2: would make sense if he has some sort of like

367
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 2: existing mental health issue. If this is how he's reacting. Yes,

368
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 2: so this is like way over Yeah, like yeah that

369
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,440
Speaker 2: the reason Paul has been so bad to him is

370
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 2: because of me. He basically said a lot of vile,

371
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,120
Speaker 2: mean crap, and well, frankly, he was not the man

372
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 2: who I knew and loved at that moment. I let

373
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,200
Speaker 2: him say whatever he wanted to say and didn't argue

374
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,440
Speaker 2: with him. After he settled down, I just asked him

375
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 2: to explain logically how I manipulated him into this department

376
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,359
Speaker 2: to so that I could get him to work for

377
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,400
Speaker 2: a person I didn't even know was there. Obviously he couldn't,

378
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,240
Speaker 2: but that didn't make him any more rational or less angry.

379
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,000
Speaker 2: There is a little bit left to the story. But

380
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,320
Speaker 2: what does hope do? I mean, it seems like she's

381
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 2: doing all this. She can't just like trying to get

382
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,920
Speaker 2: through to him and being like, well, this is the truth. Yeah,

383
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 2: this is what I knew, But who knows if it's

384
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 2: gonna work. They definitely should wait until he kind of

385
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,919
Speaker 2: heals a bit or for them to continue this conversation.

386
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,720
Speaker 2: But absolutely, absolutely there's a little bit more. The next

387
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 2: day was a little better. He did apologize. I told

388
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,439
Speaker 2: him that of course I accepted his apology, but that

389
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,000
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to take being called those vile names

390
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,800
Speaker 2: by anyone, let alone my own husband. We both agreed

391
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,679
Speaker 2: to just let him heal and not to bring up

392
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,240
Speaker 2: divorce in the meantime. Later in the day, he agreed

393
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,280
Speaker 2: to get marriage counseling, and I told him that he

394
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 2: needed into visual therapy for himself. Great, because it wasn't

395
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,399
Speaker 2: healthy to be this angry. However, I am committed to

396
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 2: making this work. This is not him, This is him

397
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,560
Speaker 2: having a psychotic break, but he is not himself. I

398
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 2: will stand by him throughout this, even if he has

399
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 2: to be angry at me for some time. I know

400
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,320
Speaker 2: I did not do anything wrong, but I also understand

401
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,640
Speaker 2: from his point of view, this all looks very suspicious.

402
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 2: Commenter says, BS, you didn't have to hug Paul. You

403
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 2: didn't have to lie to your husband about your relationship

404
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,560
Speaker 2: with Paul. You don't have to keep nagging husband to

405
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 2: admit he tried to hurt himself. You don't have to

406
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 2: keep trying to get him on a cycle because you

407
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,159
Speaker 2: know it will help in the divorce. You could go

408
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,280
Speaker 2: to husband's HR now and most likely have Paul fired.

409
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 2: Ohp you are in no way a victim here? Mean

410
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:47,920
Speaker 2: what that commenter is way off base? Wow? Wow, you're

411
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 2: off base. So the commenter is just basically saying, like OPI,

412
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 2: you can't complain this is you could have done something

413
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 2: to fix it? What OPI, It was just like a bystander,

414
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:02,120
Speaker 2: like he literally ran into her. Yeah, that's it, that's

415
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 2: all that happens. That's it, that's all that happens. You

416
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 2: cannot behave this way because your partner runs into your

417
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 2: ex even if Op intentionally lied about something, yeah, still

418
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 2: not okay behavior if she was cheating or something like that.

419
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 2: I mean, like something like she like even if like

420
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 2: you know, you shouldn't expect people to intentionally injure themselves

421
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 2: in a car crash because of something like this. Not okay.

422
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 2: And no, even more insane that he did it with

423
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,199
Speaker 2: absolutely no proof of anything like this man deeply needs

424
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,399
Speaker 2: like just intense therapy and intense psychiatric help because this

425
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,439
Speaker 2: is not normal. And oh he is taking on the

426
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 2: burden of this in a very intense way that I

427
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 2: worry for her. Yeah, so com to you're wrong, wrong, wrong,

428
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 2: and then Op just refutes that. But that is the

429
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,160
Speaker 2: end of that story. Wow, that is a wild story.

430
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,399
Speaker 2: I mean, so not expecting that you never find out

431
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 2: what Paulta did. Ye's a horrible lot. But I really

432
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 2: think if anyone who's watching this has a boss that

433
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 2: is just so horrible that you come home and you

434
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 2: literally feel like you're going crazy. Yeah, nothing is worth

435
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,439
Speaker 2: your mental health. Yeah, and it's possible like he already

436
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 2: had like self harming tendencies before this, because this is

437
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 2: probably a very intense way to self harm. So I'm

438
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 2: sure he worked his way up to it. Yes. So yeah,

439
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 2: if you're in any situation where that is the case,

440
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 2: then get out of there. Yeah. But that is the

441
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 2: end of that story. My wife kept embarrassing me every

442
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 2: time I had a Zoom lesson. Stop it. Being a teacher,

443
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 2: I am currently giving lessons over Zoom. I recognize that

444
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 2: studying math of Zoom isn't the most exciting thing in

445
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 2: the world for students, and I can barely get them

446
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,120
Speaker 2: to even pretend to be interested in my lessons when

447
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 2: we're in the classroom. But they have done an admirable

448
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,120
Speaker 2: job of staying focused. My wife is making it extremely

449
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: difficult on my end though. By the way, this comes

450
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,239
Speaker 2: from throwaway sabotage and if you want to submit your

451
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the ur slash okay storytime separate it.

452
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 2: So several months ago, when my lessons began, I went

453
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 2: from working long hours to being at home all day. Unfortunately,

454
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 2: my wife does not seem to understand that while I'm

455
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 2: at home, and while I can occasionally help out with

456
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 2: chore too, I still have actual work to do. Between

457
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,480
Speaker 2: lesson prep, grading, and meetings, my schedule is quite full.

458
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 2: The first time she interrupted my lesson, she abruptly opened

459
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 2: the doors to the room where I was teaching and

460
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 2: loudly asked me to do the dishes. This was unbelievably awkward,

461
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 2: as I was in the middle of teaching three dozen

462
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 2: tenth graders geometry. I told her that we would talk

463
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 2: about it later, but not being deterred, she asked if

464
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 2: it was a yes or no. I said it was

465
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 2: a yes, but that I was in the middle of

466
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 2: a lesson. Without a word, she closed the door. I

467
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 2: got some chuckles from students, but a bit of red

468
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,880
Speaker 2: cheeked embarrassment was the extent of the damage. The next time,

469
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 2: two days later, she again barged in, holding a pair

470
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 2: of my pants that I left on the floor of

471
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 2: our bedroom. She loudly stated, you need to pick up

472
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,640
Speaker 2: after yourself. This time, before responding, I muted my mic

473
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 2: and turned off my camera, telling her that I was

474
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 2: in the middle of a lesson. Again, she walked away

475
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 2: without a word. At this point, I moved my setup

476
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 2: into the basement of our house so that I can

477
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 2: avoid further interruption. Since my basement looks like it probably

478
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: has a few passed away bodies buried in it, my

479
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 2: students have begun to call me basement Dad, which is endearing,

480
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 2: but I would rather teach it a room where I'm

481
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 2: not going to get asbestos in my lungs. The trouble

482
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 2: really began when I started locking the door to prevent interruptions.

483
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 2: My wife will begin by rattling the door a few times.

484
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: What does she need? I don't know. Oh my goodness,

485
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 2: does she not know his hours? Literally, I'd be like,

486
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 2: oh my goodness, you cannot do this. I'm literally this

487
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 2: is my job. Say your job, leave me alone, followed

488
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: by pounding on it. Then she'll grown loudly and say

489
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 2: something negative about me. After that, I can hear her

490
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 2: walking around the house slamming doors. A few weeks ago,

491
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 2: she was literally jumping up and down stomping her feet

492
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 2: in the room above mine. Why is she actually like

493
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 2: a child? Is she just be so bored during yeah,

494
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 2: like the pandemic that she to entertain herself by bothering you? Yeah? Like,

495
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 2: what is going on? My goodness. In the first few

496
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 2: months of these online lessons, I set up a hot

497
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 2: key to mute my mic and disable my camera instantly

498
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: when needed, and luckily my reflex is honed from counter

499
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 2: strike in my teens has paid off. You shouldn't need

500
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 2: to do that. Have you had a conversation with her,

501
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: We'll let's find out. I don't know, but there have

502
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: been times where she has sneaked in an embarrassing moment

503
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 2: for me. Every time I have patiently explained to her

504
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 2: that I need complete quiet to teach my lessons, she

505
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 2: says yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay. Then in the next lesson,

506
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 2: without fail, she'll find something new to complain about and

507
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 2: throw a tantrum, trying to humiliate me in front of

508
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 2: my students while my mute game is on point. Students

509
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 2: have recognized that something is wrong. One of my ninth

510
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,159
Speaker 2: graders even send me an email asking if everything was okay.

511
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,400
Speaker 2: I had to make up a lame excuse about needing

512
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 2: to mute my mic because of a sudden grinding noise

513
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 2: that happens in my old basement. There's no way that

514
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 2: she bought that. Since I'm unable to go out, unable

515
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: to even enter the school grounds and have no place

516
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 2: to go to avoid my wife. I'm unbelievably anxious when

517
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 2: I teach. I have tried talking to her calmly, and

518
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 2: I even tried to get angry at her when I

519
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 2: yelled at her for forcefully sliding plastic files under the

520
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 2: door so that they'd float down in the background during

521
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 2: my lessons. She expected me to apologize for getting angry

522
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 2: at her. How can I even approach this kind of problem?

523
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 2: And we do have an update, but my gosh, what

524
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 2: do you do. You've had a conversation with her. Yeah,

525
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 2: I don't even know, Like I guess you just like

526
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 2: sit her down again, you say, hey, you know what

527
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 2: you lie? You said, Hey, I've gotten complaints from students. Yeah,

528
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 2: they are sending stuff to my bosses. They have threatened

529
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 2: my position. Said that if this doesn't stop that you

530
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 2: know it could I could have some more severe consequences. Right.

531
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 2: If you want me to lose my job, then continue

532
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 2: as you are. Yeah, during this literally pandemic like recession

533
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 2: that they're going to go. And also, I'll the rat

534
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 2: if you don't lie. But it isn't a complete lie.

535
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 2: People our message in you Yeah, if you don't want

536
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 2: to lie. Other out is why are you bored? Yeah?

537
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 2: Why do you need to do? What do you do

538
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 2: if you need like a Rubik's cube? Why do you

539
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 2: feel the need to come in put on the TV

540
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 2: for you? Yeah, but we do have an update so

541
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 2: my first lesson. After making that post, my wife went

542
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 2: straight back to her old antics. I was in the

543
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 2: lesson room as students gradually joined, talking to a student

544
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 2: who was interested in luxury cars. At some point during

545
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: the conversation, I said, yeah, I think I'd have to

546
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: go with the Lamborghini. There I heard from behind the

547
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 2: door in the basement where I was teaching Lamborghini, in

548
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: this sarcastic, exaggerated tone of voice that kids will use

549
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 2: to mock you. I realized that she was being childish again,

550
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 2: but figured that she'd eventually tire herself out. A few

551
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 2: minutes after the lesson started, I used the word circumference

552
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: to describe a word problem. Then I heard circumference from

553
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 2: behind the door at the top of the stairs, followed

554
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:59,120
Speaker 2: by giggling, girl is so bored, She's so bored bored.

555
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 2: Since the time was right as I was about to

556
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 2: have the students take a shot out a problem. I

557
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 2: set them to the task, muted my mic and disabled

558
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 2: my camera, and quietly crept up the stairs. I suddenly

559
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 2: opened the door to find my wife with a cup

560
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 2: over her ear, pushed against the door so she could

561
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 2: hear me. I whisper shouted at her for her behavior

562
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 2: for about a minute. I asked if she was five

563
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 2: years old and what the heck was wrong with her.

564
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 2: She feigned fear and shock, as if I had held

565
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 2: her against the wall with my hands wrapped around her throat,

566
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,919
Speaker 2: which made me just sigh and go back downstairs to

567
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: finish my lesson. For the rest of the lesson, she

568
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 2: was quiet, but after it I went upstairs to bring

569
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: up what she did, she started asking if I was

570
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,120
Speaker 2: going to yell at her again. I responded that I wouldn't.

571
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 2: I tried to get back on topic, but no matter

572
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 2: what I said about her behavior, her response was the same.

573
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 2: When I brought up her stomping in the room above before,

574
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: she said, are you going to yell at me again?

575
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 2: When I brought up her sliding plastic files into the

576
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: door during lesson before, oh, are you going to yell

577
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: at me again? And when I brought up anything that

578
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 2: she has done during lessons. The answer was the same

579
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 2: over and over again, which is so difficult because it's like, Okay, yeah,

580
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 2: you shouldn't yell. Yeah, get what you did because you

581
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 2: tried to talk to her, call me, and when you

582
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 2: feel like no one's listening to you, you want to

583
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 2: yell yeah. But so I get that, like she could

584
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 2: be upset about that. At the same time, she's totally

585
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 2: avoiding the question. Really, she's just blaming Yeah, She's pushed

586
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 2: you to the point where you feel like you need

587
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,360
Speaker 2: a yell yep, and then she's like, perfect, Now I'm

588
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 2: in the right Yeah, exactly. Now you messed up, so

589
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 2: you can't blame me anymore. There's absolutely no way to

590
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: broach the topic with her now. I called her doctor

591
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 2: and said that her behavior is erratic and that she

592
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 2: might have PPD. The doctor said that he could ask

593
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 2: about it when she came in, but there is not

594
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 2: much else he could do. The next day, I tried

595
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 2: to set my wife down for a calm discussion about

596
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 2: the possibility of her having PbD, to which she responded

597
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 2: that she had PTSD from my shouting right. When I

598
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 2: suggested therapy together, she said, oh, to fix your anger

599
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 2: management problems. She sounds good. Literally, I'm so pissed at

600
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 2: this woman. Yeah, absolutely, she sounds like a nightmare. Nightmare,

601
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 2: But oh my gosh, there is more to the story.

602
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,400
Speaker 2: But I desperately need this story to end with some

603
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 2: sort of conclusion. Yeah, that isn't just man, she won't

604
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 2: listen to me, so, like if nothing is getting through

605
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 2: to her, Like nothing he could say is getting through

606
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 2: to her. I wonder if he can like talk to

607
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: the principle. Yeah, I'd be like, hey, I know we're

608
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: not supposed to be in there. I know there's like

609
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: regulations and stuff, but like, this is my situation. Can

610
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 2: I please come into the classroom to do these lessons?

611
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 2: Because I can't work at all, can't be there, So

612
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 2: now I teach in my car in front of Starbucks.

613
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 2: Outside of the lesson time. We haven't really had any issues.

614
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: Now that I'm outside the house teaching, we are strained

615
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 2: but stable. I know this is not a very satisfactory outcome,

616
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: but I think she has deep underlying issues that are

617
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: going to need professional intervention. When I said I would

618
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 2: happily go to therapy with her to find a solution

619
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 2: to our communication issues, she told me that I should

620
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 2: go alone. I think that that may actually be a

621
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 2: good step, because having a neutral party to listen to

622
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 2: my worries and guide me towards better dsa scualation tactics

623
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 2: would be highly beneficial. I could also try to entice

624
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 2: her to join gradually. There are some comments. Comment number

625
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 2: one says, she acts like she's twelve. I mean, does

626
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: she not like a living wage? Or is she against education?

627
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 2: Someone responds, I wonder if some kind of resentment of

628
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 2: Ope's intelligence and teaching degree is going on here, Like

629
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 2: maybe she didn't like her high school math teachers and

630
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 2: had a hard time with math, so she thinks that

631
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 2: Opie is being dull and the students will enjoy her

632
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 2: livening things up. Is this some weird kind of rebellion

633
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: against authority? Opie says this is definitely a possibility worth exploration.

634
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,239
Speaker 2: She could believe that what she's doing is funny, good

635
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: for the students, or something else along those lines. The

636
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 2: only flaw in this theory is that she doesn't really

637
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: protest when I leave to teach lessons in my car

638
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: where she can't touch me. Comment tar Hen number two says,

639
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 2: you may have found a work around for this particular instance. However,

640
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 2: whatever the underlying problem is, it is still there. You

641
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: should continue to insist on her telling you why it

642
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 2: is she feels the need to try and embarrass you.

643
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: If you don't find and deal with this root problem,

644
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 2: she's going to continue to act out in different ways,

645
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 2: Mark Myer. She will find another way to undermine and

646
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: belittle you. Don't let this go. Also, be fair to yourself.

647
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 2: You don't have a communication issue. You have a Your

648
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 2: wife is an a whole issue. You can go to

649
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 2: therapy if you want, but I don't think therapists fix that,

650
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 2: and particularly not if she isn't there. You need to

651
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 2: deal with this. Maybe the right therapist can give you

652
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: some advice, but you have to be the one to

653
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 2: really put the work in on getting her to talk

654
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 2: to you about why she's pulling these stunts. Someone else responds,

655
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 2: it might be beneficial for op to record a video

656
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: of himself saying everything that he needs to clearly and calmly,

657
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 2: and sending it to his wife. I have done this

658
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 2: in the past with my husband, who doesn't really hear

659
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: me in these moments. He's too focused on his rebuttal

660
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 2: and he walks away from it with the completely wrong

661
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 2: message and tone, like you yelled at me the whole

662
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: time when all I did was express my feelings. With

663
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: the video that they can replay and understand the message.

664
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: There's also evidence of exactly what you said and that

665
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 2: you were calm. I'm not saying this is the best solution,

666
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 2: but it can be worth a try. And that is

667
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 2: the end of that story. Those are some good comments. Yeah,

668
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 2: I hope help Yeah, man, because yeah, I could see

669
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: that too, Like if she was thinking it was kind

670
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 2: of funny, but if he's clearly getting annoyed and being like,

671
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: you need to stop, then that's when you stop with

672
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 2: the jokes. Yeah, that's when you stop the funnies. Sometimes

673
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 2: it's too far, and it is too far, and you're

674
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,959
Speaker 2: being an a hole Opie's wife, and good luck to you, Opie. Hey,

675
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: it's John here.

676
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

677
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: three minute break with aswramur sponsors.

678
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 2: My husband prioritized his mistress over me. Now he wants

679
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 2: me to adopt their baby, just like do it. My husband,

680
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 2: Tyler forty one, male of fourteen years, is a huge

681
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 2: fan of this reddit and the oh my God and

682
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 2: the Okay Storytime podcast us dude like, and that's it

683
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 2: really does. So I'm writing this here so that he

684
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: can really hear me. By the way, this comes from

685
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 2: Puzzled and Broken, And if you want to submit your

686
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Supper

687
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 2: in it So background, I thirty eight, female, and Tyler

688
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 2: met in high school. We started dating in my final

689
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 2: year and stayed together through college before moving in together

690
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 2: and getting married in our twenties. We have three children,

691
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: one boy eight, two girls, five and two months. Last night,

692
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: our pretty wonderful lives got destroyed when Tyler came home

693
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 2: visibly upset. He bored himself a large drink and sat

694
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 2: at our dining table with his head in his hands.

695
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: I've never seen him like this. I put the kids

696
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: to bed, fed the baby, and then went to talk

697
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 2: to him. I wish I hadn't. I feel sick to

698
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: my stomach. So he starts with how sorry he is

699
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 2: that he missed Camille's birth, How he missed what he missed?

700
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 2: Your birth?

701
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 3: The two months, yeah you knew her too, month, the

702
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 3: new one, the new release, the new newest edition.

703
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 2: How odd we'd talked about this. He'd been in Canada

704
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: on business when she decided to make an early arrival,

705
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 2: except he wasn't. He was in Canada but at the

706
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 2: birth of his other daughter by his mistress, Emily of

707
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 2: four years. Ah okay, I'm sorry, Okay, one crazy two?

708
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 2: What are the coincidence?

709
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 3: Like?

710
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 2: What coincidence it is to have your affair baby the

711
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 2: same time as your other baby?

712
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 3: Man Man's biological processes run like flock.

713
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 2: Aparently they were born less than twenty four hours apart. Twinning.

714
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 2: The universe wanted him to get caught. They wanted him

715
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 2: to get caught. I nearly threw up there and then,

716
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 2: but I'd not long cleaned up from dinner, So I'm

717
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 2: very glad I didn't, as if Tyler hadn't just burned

718
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 2: down our entire family, he continued. Emily is not okay.

719
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 2: She can't care for the baby, and she wants him

720
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 2: to have her. She wants to give up all her

721
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 2: parental rights and that we can raise the baby as

722
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 2: Camille's twin. Though through all of this, I haven't said

723
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 2: a word, I hadn't shed a single tear. But that

724
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 2: was the straw that broke the metaphorical camel's back. I

725
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 2: walked out and myself in the bathroom. Tyler knocked on

726
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 2: the door about fifteen minutes later, telling me he has

727
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 2: the effing paperwork for me to sign to bring his

728
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 2: daughter back to our home country. Hey, so I don't

729
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 2: know shot in the dark here.

730
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 3: I feel like your secret baby has nothing to do

731
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,280
Speaker 3: with op nothing.

732
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, not absolutely nothing. Yeah, and he really needs me

733
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 2: to sign at ASAPS to get things moving. No, the

734
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: only thing you'll be signing a divorce papers. Yeah. I

735
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 2: don't understand any of this though. I don't understand the affair.

736
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 2: I thought we were happy. I feel so numb, so

737
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 2: freaking stupid. I'm walking around in a dream like haz

738
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 2: hoping to wake up before I knew any of it.

739
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 2: We are pretty religious, and divorce normally would never even

740
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 2: be an option. But how can I stay with this man?

741
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 2: But if I leave and reject his baby, I'll be

742
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 2: shunned by our entire community, as well as our children.

743
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 2: I feel sick and ashamed, and I have no idea

744
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 2: what to do. I'm wondering if they're Mormon. Yeah, there

745
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 2: are some comments in an update, but uh wow, do

746
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 2: one do not sign that paperwork. No, no, no, anyone

747
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 2: who would ostracize you for being like, hey, my husband

748
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 2: telling me we had to adopt his affair baby.

749
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 3: Yeah was kind of my like, ah, like that was

750
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 3: my limit. It crossed the line. I had to leave

751
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 3: anyone who would judge you for that, Jess, you don't

752
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 3: want it away.

753
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: From them anyway.

754
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a terrible community, absolutely, whose values are completely skewed.

755
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 2: Common one, do not sign any paperwork your husband gives you.

756
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 2: That affair baby is not your child. They may be

757
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 2: innocent in all this, but that doesn't mean you need

758
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 2: to take on the raising of them. Your husband's a

759
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 2: fair partner, should have thought about how she couldn't take

760
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 2: care of a child way before now and use the

761
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 2: proper birth control or terminated the pregnancy, not count on

762
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 2: her affair partner and his wife to raise her baby.

763
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 2: The absolute audacity. As for your community, if they will

764
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,439
Speaker 2: shun you because your husband cheated and tried to bring

765
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 2: his affair baby home as a twin to your actual baby,

766
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 2: well that's a religious community that's full of hypocrites, ain't it.

767
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 2: You can also move away with your children. There's nothing

768
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 2: keeping you there. This is exactly what I said. Your

769
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 2: husband made the conscious choice to stick his wiener in

770
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 2: another woman, you can make the conscious choice to leave

771
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,720
Speaker 2: his cheating. But nowhere in the Bible is cheating condoned.

772
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 2: It's actually frowned upon, and there are multiple passages referencing it,

773
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: which you should know but can look up. I mean,

774
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 2: it's one of the ten commandments, thou shalt not seek

775
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 2: committed a tree. I committed all treating that one that one.

776
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 2: Yeah you're thinking of eleven B. Yeah, eleven B.

777
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 3: That's what that was one of the rough draft commandments

778
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 3: to make it in.

779
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: He came with twenty and he was like, we gotta

780
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:42,879
Speaker 2: cut this down. Yeah.

781
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 3: He's like, I really feel like the one about the

782
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,399
Speaker 3: secret baby in the affair can be rolled into one. Yeah.

783
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 2: I think so. But there is an update. Today. I

784
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 2: dropped off our children at school and the baby to

785
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 2: my in laws and return home to talk to my husband.

786
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 2: We talked for hours. I told him I needed the truth,

787
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 2: all of it. And now I don't think I've ever

788
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 2: known this man. Tyler strongly believes he's done nothing wrong.

789
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 2: That's insane, that's insane. This man is clinically insane. He's

790
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 2: not married. To anyone in the countries where he works. Wow,

791
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: he actually, that's crazy. I feel like we're just like

792
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 2: reading ahead, but we're not.

793
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 3: It's the most unhinged thing you could ever But it's

794
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 3: to those of you that said Emily might not be

795
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 3: the only one gold stars.

796
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 2: There are several other women, some pass, some present, and

797
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 2: even another child who is thirteen years old. My god,

798
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 2: I went to collect our baby after asking him to

799
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 2: pack a bag and be gone before I got back.

800
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 2: I need time to think. But my in laws knew

801
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 2: the second I arrived that something was very wrong. I

802
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: broke down and told them everything. Mother in law is

803
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 2: defending him. Of course, he is saying he's married a mistake,

804
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 2: we were young when we were married, and that babies

805
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 2: are a blessing wherever they come from. Father in law

806
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 2: is raging. However, he tries to tell his wife that

807
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 2: no matter how she tried, he was indefensible. Father in

808
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 2: law is a lawyer and immediately jumped into action. He's

809
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 2: signing over a portion of the family trust so that

810
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 2: I can support myself and the children. At least the

811
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 2: father in law is on your side. It's more than

812
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 2: generous and will be needed as I'm not getting a divorce,

813
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 2: are you.

814
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 3: Oh?

815
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 2: Okay? He thanks giving the information we have that I

816
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 2: can apply for an annulment sick right. Yeah, that's great.

817
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: You get the support of the community, I guess still,

818
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 2: and also leave your cheating husband. That way, my standing

819
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: is intact and I can move on without the stigma

820
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 2: of divorce. So Tyler, if you're reading this or listening

821
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: to this, I want an annulment. And I really hope

822
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 2: you read the comments, and I hope you've listened to

823
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 2: this episode. Some people are really captured your essence in

824
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 2: describing you. And there is a second update. So this

825
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 2: is my second update. The first was a quick edit

826
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 2: to my original post, but a lot has happened since then,

827
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 2: so I thought I would come on and alleviate my

828
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 2: stress by getting it all up here. I can no

829
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 2: longer say it feels like I'm in a haze. My

830
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 2: emotions finally kicked in and they hit my butt hard.

831
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,919
Speaker 2: I've spent a few days being the second worst mother,

832
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 2: non stop crying and shouting at my little ones for

833
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 2: just being tiny humans that don't know better.

834
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 3: I admit it, I suck. I mean, but you're a human.

835
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,720
Speaker 3: Well you're pretty you're yeah.

836
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, be gentle with yourself. But at least I don't

837
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 2: win first place. That honor goes to my mother in law.

838
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 2: Not only did she know she was encouraging his behavior.

839
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 2: Shortly before my wedding, Tyler went to her and told

840
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 2: her that his bit on the side was pregnant. She

841
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 2: was in yet another country, so out of fear of

842
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 2: losing her baby boy to another continent, mother in law

843
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,839
Speaker 2: decided to tell him to go forth and multiply, but

844
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 2: not poop where he eats. And so he kept it

845
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: from me and married me. Anyway, What an idiot I

846
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 2: am for never noticing a darn thing. Mother in law

847
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: not only knew about his other two children, She's met them.

848
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: She travels a lot. I would suspect the sneaky bee

849
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 2: sent to them the gifts. She even set up college

850
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 2: funds for each of them, all behind father in law's back.

851
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: Dude, this is like the epitome of like wow, baby insanity,

852
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 3: like the grandma yeah, like grandchild insanity.

853
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 2: She's like, go forth, my son, multiple meet grandchildren on

854
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 2: every continent as many stars in the sky. I have

855
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 2: many grandchildren I want to see. I deserve to have

856
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:33,320
Speaker 2: a hundred grandchildren. Yeah, your mother in law is a

857
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: x father in law is not a happy camper, and

858
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 2: I guess we will have to wait and see how

859
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 2: he handles the situation. Of course, I hope hopefully. But

860
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 2: for now he's staying at a five star resort, so

861
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 2: at least he's grieving the demise of his family in

862
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 2: well or in comfort. Good for him. On to Tyler,

863
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,439
Speaker 2: he did see the post. The last thing he said

864
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 2: to me was, how could you destroy the thing where

865
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 2: I find my piece? You shall find no peace here

866
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 2: like a side peace. No USh us.

867
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,879
Speaker 3: No, I meant oh, I meant oh, you make it joke. Yeah,

868
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 3: and yeah. It was sort of like a play on words. Uh,

869
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 3: it's advanced. I'm trying to develop it. Like I feel

870
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 3: like playing on words could be like clean next, it

871
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 3: could be the.

872
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 2: Next big thing. Right back at you. Well, he has

873
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 2: now deleted all socials, So I'm very sorry to opik

874
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 2: to us as you've lost a fan. That's all right,

875
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,720
Speaker 2: that's okay. We didn't we didn't need him, don't worry

876
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: about it. We haven't spoken for a few days, but

877
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 2: the last time we did he agreed to sign over

878
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 2: the house and won't contest the annulment. He doesn't want

879
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 2: to see our children, and we'll sign away his rights.

880
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 2: After all, if the marriage didn't happen, the kids didn't either.

881
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 2: Rites I'm not sure what the deal is with Canadian mistress,

882
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 2: and maybe other than mother in law is determined that

883
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,879
Speaker 2: I should at least sign the adoption papers so that

884
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 2: poor little thing could be with a family.

885
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 3: Hey, mother in law, why don't you sign the adoption papers?

886
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: You adopters and she love her so much?

887
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 2: I wonder if they're just trying to get her like

888
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:07,879
Speaker 2: an American citizenship, Like if that's the trick keeping here,

889
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I don't know why they would

890
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: need O Pea's signature for that. I'm not signing anything.

891
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 2: I don't blame the baby. I understand it's time sensitive,

892
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 2: but what's to stop him abandoning this baby girl when

893
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,799
Speaker 2: something else comes along, just like he has with our children. Exactly,

894
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 2: I don't have the emotional capacity to take on the

895
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 2: baby whose existence brought my life crashing down, no matter

896
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 2: how innocent she is. I truly hope she ends up

897
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 2: in a home where she's cherished forever. But that home

898
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 2: won't be mine. Which brings us to me and my children.

899
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 2: We are all going to therapy individually and family. We

900
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 2: need the help, jeez, I need the help to navigate

901
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 2: this huge, life changing mess that we find ourselves in.

902
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 2: We had our first session on Friday, and it could

903
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 2: have got better, but it could have been a lot worse.

904
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: The children know and an age appropriate roundabout way what

905
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 2: is happening. There have been tears and tantrums, but they're

906
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 2: just trying to app to a range of motions they

907
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:06,359
Speaker 2: don't understand, and I'd never have wished on them. Once

908
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 2: the dust settles and all the legal stuff is over,

909
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 2: I want to sell the house and move. We need

910
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 2: a fresh start and new people around us. I'm not

911
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: sure what to do about the in laws yet. Obviously

912
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,959
Speaker 2: Father in law has been amazing putting everything into action

913
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 2: and getting us in to see the right people. But

914
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 2: I'm not sure I can ever forgive mother in law

915
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 2: enough to look her in the face. There is a

916
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,880
Speaker 2: little bit left to this story on your face. Do

917
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 2: you have any final thoughts?

918
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I don't know if i'd ever forgive

919
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 3: mother in law or my ex either.

920
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 2: I don't think you should. Yeah, I don't think you should.

921
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,400
Speaker 2: I think there is a I mean, we always talk

922
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 2: about forgiveness in the concept of like eventually letting that

923
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 2: you know, anger or releasing that anger. So you're not

924
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 2: always thinking about these people and they don't occupy your

925
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 2: mind at every moment. But I don't think you ever

926
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 2: have to forgive them the sense that, you know, welcome

927
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 2: them back into your life.

928
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 3: Now.

929
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I.

930
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 3: Think if your mother in law ever is in the

931
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 3: same location as you and tries to talk to you, you

932
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,760
Speaker 3: should literally just don't say anything.

933
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 2: Just look around, like.

934
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 3: Not don't even talk to me, don't even say is

935
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 3: someone talking, Just be like.

936
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you kind of do like a it was weird,

937
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: it's buzzing, hmm, exactly. There is a little bit left

938
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: to the story, so we're gonna read it. Oh Pa,

939
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 2: I truly hope you're okay. Tyler wants no contact and

940
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 2: I'm fine with that, but mother in law adores her grandchildren,

941
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 2: not enough to keep our family together. Though clearly I

942
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: don't know if I should let her see them. I

943
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,359
Speaker 2: really am not sure of much right now, and quick

944
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 2: at it. Having read this back, I just wanted to

945
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 2: clarify I wasn't shouting at my children for days, just

946
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 2: snapping at them when they wanted things like snacks or

947
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 2: to play, or constantly asking questions about why Mama was

948
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 2: so sad. I'm disgusted with myself, so please be kind

949
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,720
Speaker 2: in the comments. Be kind to yourself. I'm getting professional

950
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 2: out with my mental health again. Comments comment one. The

951
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: majority of these comments are saying to not let the

952
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: mother in law see the children. However, I will be

953
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: the devil's advocate for the sake of the kids. Their

954
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: father already abandoned them. I would not cut the entire

955
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 2: side of the family off yet, because they will feel

956
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 2: more unwanted if you do. Do not do it abruptly,

957
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 2: gradually ease them into it, even if you have minimal

958
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 2: contact with his side of the family. You don't want

959
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 2: to villainize yourself even more in the situation. Good Luck

960
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 2: and Opie says, the children haven't seen mother in law

961
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 2: since we found out that she knew and encourage Tyler's behavior,

962
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,439
Speaker 2: but they have seen father in law several times. Mother

963
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 2: in law messages several times a day asking about the children,

964
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 2: but until now I haven't replied. I will speak to

965
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 2: the children's therapist about the best way to go about

966
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: any contact she has with the children moving forward. Comment

967
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 2: to says, I think it could be incredibly damaging to

968
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 2: your children to have anything to do with your ex's

969
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 2: side of the family when he is completely abandoning them,

970
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 2: and when your ex mother in law has proved yourself

971
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 2: to be pretty immoral human being. But that is definitely

972
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 2: something to discuss with a good therapist. For now, I

973
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 2: suggest you keep her massively at a distance until you're

974
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 2: clear on what to do. I wish you and your

975
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 2: children the very happiest future, Opie says thank you. For now,

976
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 2: I'm only keeping in touch with father in law, who

977
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 2: is not talking to his wife at all. Everybody is

978
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 2: still stunned by her attitude to the entire situation. If

979
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 2: they get back together, I would have to set up

980
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 2: strict boundaries for the children to have contact with father

981
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 2: in law, as I really don't want to filling my kids'

982
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 2: heads with horrible nonsense. I really appreciate all the comments

983
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 2: and support. I genuinely just feel really lost right now,

984
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story. Oh to

985
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 2: find find a little bit of peace.

986
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 3: Somewhere now that you're at least out of this situation

987
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 3: with the fam. I hid late utility bills from my

988
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 3: husband and it destroyed his trust in me.

989
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,280
Speaker 2: That is usually how that goes.

990
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 3: You didn't have the skills to pay the bills. Hi all, uh,

991
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 3: I messed up back and need some advice. My husband

992
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,280
Speaker 3: and I have been married for fifteen years and generally

993
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 3: have a great relationship. I really admire him. He's a

994
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 3: wonderful husband. He's kind, conscientious, and loving. He's a nurse

995
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 3: and works hard to support our family. He is the

996
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 3: sole breadwinner. I'm in charge of paying bills in the family.

997
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,280
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user limp Dot eighty

998
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 3: six forty eight and if you want to submit your

999
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,280
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the horse slash Okay story time

1000
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 3: sabredd it. So three months ago I got behind on

1001
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,240
Speaker 3: our utility bill. We rent and pay gas and electric

1002
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,879
Speaker 3: to the landlord. I didn't tell my husband and plan

1003
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 3: to pay the back due over a few payments in

1004
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 3: order to get current. I should have told him though.

1005
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 3: For background, my family is harmful and I was raised

1006
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 3: with a lot of guilt and secrecy around money, and

1007
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 3: I've had issues in the past with my husband where

1008
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,760
Speaker 3: I wasn't honest in my communication with him about financial

1009
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 3: issues or have kept information from him. I have bipolar

1010
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 3: disorder and and he has been patient with the complications.

1011
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 2: This is at it.

1012
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 3: He's also dealt with a lot of bs from my

1013
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 3: family being intrusive and verbally harmful to us. He asked

1014
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 3: me to promise to never keep things from him again,

1015
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 3: and we moved forward. I thought I had been doing

1016
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 3: much better with these issues, and we were really on

1017
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 3: track until November. Just after Thanksgiving, my mom got sick

1018
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 3: and passed away about seven weeks later from the VID

1019
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:31,439
Speaker 3: in January day. Well that's a lot, yeah, a lot

1020
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 3: to deal with. During this time, we were also dealing

1021
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 3: with major winter storms and our car was crushed by

1022
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 3: a falling tree.

1023
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,280
Speaker 2: Dude, can't catch a break, truly.

1024
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 3: My dad and my sister ramped up their harmful behaviors

1025
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 3: in the wake of my mom's passing. I thought I

1026
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 3: was generally coping all right, but I fell behind on

1027
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 3: paying our utility bills and I didn't inform my husband.

1028
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 3: I mean, it's honestly, you've got so much going on.

1029
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, it's prey understandable if it's just that you,

1030
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,919
Speaker 2: like truly just fell behind and forgot about it, right,

1031
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,720
Speaker 2: you are going through a lot if you were.

1032
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 3: If you were not paying the utility bills and instead

1033
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 3: using it to buy like an excursion. Like Okay, now

1034
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 3: I'm really I'm upset, but you're not hearing that. So

1035
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 3: with all these chaotic events, I let myself fall back

1036
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 3: into old patterns of behavior like secrecy, and I was

1037
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 3: afraid to tell him. I felt like a failure and

1038
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 3: I should have just told him. But now I'm making

1039
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,880
Speaker 3: payments and getting back on track and things are fine

1040
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 3: with the landlord. However, this morning my husband got an

1041
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 3: email from the landlord's office with the statement of the

1042
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,359
Speaker 3: past bills, and he's understandably furious with me for not

1043
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 3: telling him.

1044
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 2: I don't think he wants a relationship with me anymore. Wow,

1045
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 2: that is like, I mean, I think I would. I

1046
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 2: do understand that he's probably upset and frustrated that he

1047
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 2: was not told about any of these like financial things.

1048
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 2: But I do think that I if I run this situation,

1049
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 2: I'd be more mad if they were still in that

1050
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 2: financial situation. But it seems like she, yeah, fixed it,

1051
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 2: she like was dealing with the problem, fixed it. Yeah.

1052
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 3: I think given the context of everything you described you as.

1053
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 2: That would be a little bit more forgiving.

1054
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:22,919
Speaker 3: Perfectly reasonable that, given everything going on, you went and

1055
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,359
Speaker 3: I really can't tell my husband about this because of

1056
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 3: old patterns.

1057
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, not to say that those are okay, Like those

1058
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 2: are still things that need to be you know.

1059
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 3: A bad passion dealt with, but it's understanding where it

1060
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 3: came from.

1061
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:38,439
Speaker 2: I think I would be a little bit more understanding. Yeah,

1062
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,399
Speaker 2: of course don't.

1063
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 3: Anyway he's thinking because op he continues here that my

1064
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 3: husband thinks I'm hiding other stuff from him. Oh, does

1065
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: anyone have any advice on what I can do? Thank

1066
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,759
Speaker 3: you in advance for your help. I feel like my

1067
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 3: heart is being crushed out of my chest.

1068
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 2: There's an edit. Sorry, I wasn't very clear.

1069
00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 3: He's not angry that we were in a financial situation

1070
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 3: where we got behind. He told me he would have

1071
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 3: understood that he's angry because I didn't tell him about

1072
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 3: this when he's repeatedly asked me to be fully transparent

1073
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 3: about financial issues. There are some relevant comments from wompared

1074
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 3: what did you do with the money instead? Opie says

1075
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 3: there wasn't any Instead, finances were just tighter. In November

1076
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 3: December January, the months that I fell behind due to

1077
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 3: higher costs of everything and then us not having a

1078
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 3: car so having to deal with that. In early March,

1079
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 3: we finally got the insurance settlement for the total car

1080
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 3: and we were finally back on track financially. So now

1081
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 3: I'm in the process of paying back those three months.

1082
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 3: But I didn't tell him at the time, and I

1083
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 3: should have. Was the husband's anger directed at the financial

1084
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 3: difficulty or the lack of transparency we already know, but

1085
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,240
Speaker 3: Op says he was aware of rising costs of everything, definitely,

1086
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,919
Speaker 3: but when I'd go to the grocery store or get gas, etc.

1087
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 3: I wasn't as forthcoming as I should have been about

1088
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 3: how those costs were affecting us.

1089
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 2: At the time.

1090
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 3: I would say things like Wow, things are a lot

1091
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 3: more expensive now, and we'd kind of talk about it

1092
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 3: in an abstract way, but I didn't clearly say it, like, Hey,

1093
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 3: I'm going to pay the utility bill late because the

1094
00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 3: landlord is okay with a late payment and the other

1095
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 3: bills don't have that option. I hid that fact from

1096
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 3: him because I felt guilty and embarrassed because I had

1097
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 3: failed quote unquote, So that's why he's so upset because

1098
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 3: there wasn't a good reason not to tell him. I

1099
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 3: felt ashamed because I wasn't able to make everything work

1100
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 3: because costs were higher, and I felt responsible for that.

1101
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 3: So he would ask how things were going, and I'd say, oh, yeah,

1102
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 3: we're doing okay. But I should have just told him

1103
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 3: all this, especially since he's asked me to be transparent

1104
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 3: with him on this stuff. I understand why he's angry

1105
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 3: with me. So he did ask yeah, and you would

1106
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 3: kind of just be like, we're fine, which you were

1107
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 3: because you had worked it out with the landlord.

1108
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. So in my head, you didn't really lie at all,

1109
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 2: and you didn't fail. You perfectly handled the situation. I

1110
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,439
Speaker 2: think that I think I would have a different take

1111
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 2: if you guys were in like thousands of dollars in

1112
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 2: debt and getting evicted. Know, but I think because this,

1113
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 2: I think you guys just need to work on your communication.

1114
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 2: I think that there was some kind there's like not

1115
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 2: there's some sort of disconnect here.

1116
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 3: It feels like he's more talking from a place of

1117
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 3: principle yes, and don't like, then this is actually your situation.

1118
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 2: I agree, yeah, in which case that like you both

1119
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 2: need to go to couples counseling and figure out how

1120
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 2: do you communicate without ope falling back into like the

1121
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 2: trauma response of wanting to hide things and him maybe

1122
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,799
Speaker 2: taking a less active role in the finances. Like we

1123
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:32,839
Speaker 2: need to switch those.

1124
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, especially communication styles too, because it's like you literally

1125
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 3: responded the exact way that she was afraid you would respond,

1126
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 3: which is kind of deepen the you know, trauma.

1127
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 2: Response, so excellent.

1128
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,440
Speaker 3: Mango seventy three, seventy seven says, you didn't say what

1129
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 3: you spent the money on? Again nothing, Yeah, there's no money.

1130
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 3: It would just the building paid because there wasn't a money. Yeah,

1131
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 3: they didn't have money.

1132
00:53:55,960 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 2: Nothing was being spent the op's partner, Uh he was

1133
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 2: mad because he was not aware that they didn't have

1134
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 2: the money to pay for the bills.

1135
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 3: Right, I'm skipping the rest of that comment. Yeah, it

1136
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 3: asks how much money? How much money in total are

1137
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:10,919
Speaker 3: we talking here?

1138
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:11,560
Speaker 2: Uh? Oh?

1139
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 3: He says it was a total of about seven hundred

1140
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,839
Speaker 3: dollars And it was just that finances were tighter for

1141
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 3: about three months because of higher costs and not having

1142
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 3: the car, and I wasn't communicating how that was affecting

1143
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 3: us at the time, and I thought I could just

1144
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 3: take care of it once we had more money coming in,

1145
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:28,399
Speaker 3: and he was upset that I hadn't been clear with him.

1146
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 2: But we do have an update. Yeah, so let's get

1147
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 2: into it.

1148
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 3: I'd written the post Friday and my husband slept in

1149
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 3: the spare room that night. When I got up on Saturday,

1150
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 3: he told me he'd actually found the Reddit post when

1151
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 3: he couldn't sleep and read everyone's comments. Oh boy, that

1152
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:45,840
Speaker 3: gave us a lot to talk about, and again, I

1153
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 3: really appreciate everyone's input and good ideas. We had a

1154
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 3: really great talk about everything that's been going on. I

1155
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,320
Speaker 3: told him again how sorry I was that I'd broken

1156
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 3: his trust and that I completely understand why he's upset.

1157
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 3: My husband said that some of the comments reframed the

1158
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 3: situation a little bit for him, and we were able

1159
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 3: to have a long talk about all the fear and

1160
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:08,760
Speaker 3: shame and issues with communication we both have around money.

1161
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 3: He said he realized he should have been more involved

1162
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:16,280
Speaker 3: with the finances, but he's also had some anxiety about

1163
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 3: money in the past, so he was basically leaving it

1164
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:21,919
Speaker 3: to me so he didn't have to think about it, and.

1165
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 2: He was sorry for that. Somebody give me my blue ribbon. Yeah,

1166
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:28,360
Speaker 2: I think. I mean, that's all we're saying. Like the

1167
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,359
Speaker 2: whole it was a problem on like both sides of

1168
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 2: how they were communicating this. Oh, and it's good that

1169
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 2: they're both like recognizing this. Yes, this is good. I

1170
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:38,440
Speaker 2: like this trajectory.

1171
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 3: We're going to be doing things differently in the future,

1172
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 3: As several redditors suggested, going forward, my husband and I

1173
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 3: will be having weekly check in meetings to review all

1174
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,360
Speaker 3: the financial stuff, what bills are paid that week, et cetera.

1175
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 3: I never want to go down this path again, so

1176
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 3: we're feeling really good about this plan and sticking to it.

1177
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 2: I had my first therapy appointment this morning via zoom

1178
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 2: and a will noise.

1179
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 3: My husband is super excited for me and really happy

1180
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,840
Speaker 3: in general that I finally took the step of seeing

1181
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 3: a professional. The therapist seems like a good fit so far,

1182
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,879
Speaker 3: and I'll be going weekly. Seeing so many comments telling

1183
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 3: me I needed to get in with a therapist was

1184
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 3: a wake up call. All the comments reminding me of

1185
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 3: the toll my actions were taking on my marriage were

1186
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 3: a wake up call. My husband is a great guy,

1187
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 3: and I'm so thankful we're working to move forward on this.

1188
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to working with the therapist. It's a

1189
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 3: little scary, but definitely for the best. My husband is

1190
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 3: really excited for me to feel better, so that is

1191
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 3: helping me feel more positive about it too. So all

1192
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 3: in all, things are looking much better and we have

1193
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:44,839
Speaker 3: an action plan for going forward. I was really blown

1194
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 3: away by all the sincere and wonderful advice and support

1195
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,279
Speaker 3: I got from the kind folks of Reddit. Always, which

1196
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 3: is not always always.

1197
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 2: Well we read you always get kind and supportive, kind

1198
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:00,759
Speaker 2: supercons from Reddit, level headed, cool, calm. I've never never

1199
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:04,280
Speaker 2: known anything else to force your husband sit his house

1200
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,319
Speaker 2: on fire. Yeah, don't do that.

1201
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 3: So I really don't know how well I would have

1202
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 3: handled this situation without you all.

1203
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 2: Again, thank you so much.

1204
00:57:13,719 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

1205
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,800
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

1206
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I

1207
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:26,480
Speaker 2: discovered messages on my wife's old phone, and now I'm

1208
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 2: feeling guilty. I turned the flashlight on, I say where

1209
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 2: were you last night? As per the subject, I know

1210
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 2: I am at fault for reading my wife's old messages.

1211
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 2: I was tasked with clearing the Apple account on an

1212
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 2: old device, and while doing so, I curiously looked at

1213
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: some old text. Yes, right, buddy, you knew exactly what

1214
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 2: you were doing. You knew what you were doing, and

1215
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 2: now I know things that I don't know how to

1216
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 2: move forward from. Oh no, by the way, this comes

1217
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 2: from throwing three four five three four five four three

1218
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 2: five And if you would have spent your own stories,

1219
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 2: go to the r slash okay story times upreadit for context.

1220
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 2: My wife for female and I forty one male, have

1221
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 2: been together for around eight years. Prior to our relationship,

1222
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 2: my wife was married and living in America. I was

1223
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 2: told her husband had a drinking problem and was harmful.

1224
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 2: She returned to Australia after divorcing, and we were set

1225
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 2: up by mutual friends around four months later. I was

1226
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 2: aware at the time that my partner had been on

1227
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 2: a couple of other dates with a guy who owned

1228
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 2: a local coffee shop, but apparently the dates fizzled. My

1229
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 2: wife and I have a pretty good relationship for the

1230
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 2: past eight years, and we have two children together. I

1231
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 2: have never had reason to be jealous. My wife always

1232
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 2: seemed fairly conservative, spicily and in the early stages of

1233
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 2: a relationship. I remember it being nearly two months in

1234
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 2: before we had spicy Sleep. However, with access to the

1235
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 2: old phone, I was curious to read how my wife

1236
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 2: described me to her friends. I was fairly shocked when

1237
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 2: reading through the message history from that time period to

1238
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 2: see that, while early into our dating phase, my wife

1239
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 2: was clearly involved spicily with the guy from the coffee shop.

1240
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 2: Oh no, in fact, it reads us. So this guy

1241
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 2: was clearly the one my wife preferred, but she ended

1242
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 2: up settling for me when his interest didn't seem to

1243
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 2: go beyond spicy sleep. However, the overlap of the obviously

1244
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 2: spicy related relationship goes for around two months into a

1245
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 2: period where I would have considered my wife and I

1246
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 2: a couple. Comparing dates to text hisstory on my phone,

1247
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 2: there is one particular date where I had organized dinner

1248
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: during the week. I remember taking her out and dropping

1249
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 2: her home by ten pm. Around thirty minutes later, she

1250
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:42,280
Speaker 2: wrote to the coffee shop guy, come over. He simply responded, okays, Winky.

1251
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 2: This I get that this is probably normal and modern

1252
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:49,320
Speaker 2: dating for people to be juggling a few possible contenders. Yeah,

1253
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 2: this is my issue to deal with. They call it

1254
00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:55,600
Speaker 2: the roster, the rasta, the rasta, but I am certainly

1255
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 2: surprised at this point. However, it doesn't end there. It

1256
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 2: turns out there is an entirely separate thread from another

1257
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 2: person named Joe who's based in the US. Around one

1258
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 2: year into the relationship with my wife, Joe is sending

1259
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: messages professing his love for my wife. From what I

1260
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 2: can tell, my wife and Joe hooked up while she

1261
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 2: was living in the US. That seems like more certainly

1262
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 2: or more certain that it's into your like actual official relationship.

1263
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that seems like it was probably during Yeah, yikes, because.

1264
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,760
Speaker 2: The other one I could have been like it was,

1265
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 2: you know, a little bit uncleared. Sounds like Joe is

1266
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 2: a little bit more certainly.

1267
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 3: That was like a whole baby's time into your relationship

1268
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 3: at that point. Yeah.

1269
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 2: Uh. This is referred to as one of the main

1270
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 2: reasons my wife ended up divorcing as her husband at

1271
01:00:45,680 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 2: the time found out.

1272
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 3: Oh wait what yeah, wait what who's who's was based

1273
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:51,919
Speaker 3: in what?

1274
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 2: Oh wait? Wait wait, I think Joe was a guy,

1275
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 2: so she she was like messaging him while she was

1276
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 2: in a relationship the he but with this guy Joe,

1277
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 2: who like ended their old relationship, oh ended her relationship

1278
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 2: with her ex husband. Oyack, I think that's what she's saying.

1279
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 2: What I read describes a whole different scenario to how

1280
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 2: my wife became divorced and moved back to Australia. Despite

1281
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 2: these messages being twelve months into my relationship with my wife.

1282
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 2: She is clearly very forward with Joe. My wife mentions

1283
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 2: to him that she wished she could go back in

1284
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 2: time to when she was still in America. That's not good,

1285
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 2: that's pretty bad. Yeah. She says to him that if

1286
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 2: he had been as forward with her back then, things

1287
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 2: would have turned out different. She even said she found

1288
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 2: him so hot she didn't trust herself around him. So

1289
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 2: here I am feeling guilty for having exploited my wife's privacy.

1290
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 2: I know this was wrong, but now I know what

1291
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,680
Speaker 2: I know, and I feel like crap because but I

1292
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:53,920
Speaker 2: can't even bring it up because the focus would be

1293
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 2: on what an ale I am for reading the messages do.

1294
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 2: I just need to accept that we've been together long

1295
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 2: enough that they that occurred when the relationship was new

1296
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 2: or shouldn't affect us going forward. There are comments there

1297
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 2: is an update. But what do you think, Dakota. I

1298
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:13,200
Speaker 2: think your gut is telling you, yeah, what you already know.

1299
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,959
Speaker 2: You know she cheated on you, dude. It doesn't matter

1300
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 2: if it was eight years ago. She cheated and then

1301
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:21,120
Speaker 2: lied about it for eight years, regardless of what she

1302
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,880
Speaker 2: did with that first guy when you guys were dating

1303
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 2: or not dating, we don't know. She was talking to

1304
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 2: Joe flirtatiously a year into the relationship, saying that she

1305
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 2: wished that she could go back to having this relationship

1306
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 2: with them.

1307
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:38,360
Speaker 3: That's not okay, Pretty pretty bad vibes from that Yeah

1308
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 3: comments comment one says, Honestly, I don't care about supposed

1309
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 3: modern dating scene normality.

1310
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 2: Inviting a guy over after your date is just the

1311
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 2: biggest ick ever. You know, she's also a liar and

1312
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 2: a cheat. I'd have punted her to the curb before

1313
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 2: you were even able to type this post.

1314
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:55,760
Speaker 3: I feel like that's actually way more common than that

1315
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 3: commenter is trying to make it out of me, is it?

1316
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:00,640
Speaker 3: I would assume i'd like back to back date, well,

1317
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 3: because imagine you're like, man, I really can't like figure

1318
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:05,000
Speaker 3: out like who who's better?

1319
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 2: Yeah? What better way to figure it out than to

1320
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 2: have two dates on the same day. I The thing is,

1321
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have like if that was the only thing

1322
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 2: that she did, and it was before the relationship was official,

1323
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have been like break out with her. But

1324
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 2: we know she, like for sure cheated, So.

1325
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 3: Right, if she's going on dates while you're already together,

1326
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:27,959
Speaker 3: that's cheating. That's cheating, that's not playing the field. Yeah,

1327
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 3: that's cheating.

1328
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. Comment to all of this information came from her

1329
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 2: old phone. Why don't you try looking for her new phone? Uh,

1330
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 2: maybe there's more. Good luck, brother, Comment three. Talk isn't

1331
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 2: going to fix this, so she doesn't need to know

1332
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 2: what you know or how you know it. Your challenge

1333
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 2: is simply to assess accurately whether the relationship still makes

1334
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 2: sense now that you have a more accurate picture of

1335
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 2: what it is based on. If you ever imagined that

1336
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 2: being with you had driven all thought of being with

1337
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:56,919
Speaker 2: other men out of her mind, then that illusion has

1338
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,560
Speaker 2: to be gone. If at forty her options are no

1339
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:02,120
Speaker 2: longer that good and are unlikely to improve, then you

1340
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 2: may be able to keep her. What that's weird, that's

1341
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 2: a weird response.

1342
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 3: That sentence disqualifies everything that this commenter says, because that's nonsense,

1343
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 3: goober talk.

1344
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:17,680
Speaker 2: Comment for what you described is normal in the dating scene,

1345
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 2: but that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it.

1346
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:22,959
Speaker 2: That is true. That's a good one, especially considering y'all

1347
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:26,080
Speaker 2: we're basically a couple. Why are you feeling guilty? I

1348
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,480
Speaker 2: think you have every reason to be concerned, considering now

1349
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:30,919
Speaker 2: you know what happened with your wife's divorce. You could

1350
01:04:30,920 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 2: be next and that's a bad concern, especially when you

1351
01:04:34,440 --> 01:04:37,040
Speaker 2: know you were the one she settled for. No one

1352
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:39,760
Speaker 2: here can tell you what you should do, but me personally,

1353
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be able to stay loll quote. Oh but

1354
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 2: it's been eight years. What if she hasn't lied in

1355
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:47,880
Speaker 2: a while? Okay, what if she has? There's no way

1356
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,439
Speaker 2: to know, and my mind wouldn't be able to deal

1357
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 2: with that potential. And there is an update. Oh boy,

1358
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:57,200
Speaker 2: oh boy, But do you have any thoughts? It's all

1359
01:04:57,200 --> 01:04:59,760
Speaker 2: about the timelines. About the timeline, is all about the timeline.

1360
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 2: And like we know, it seems unclear whether or not

1361
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 2: they were officially dating with the first guy, the coffee

1362
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 2: shop guy. Yeah, that's a little bit unclear. We know

1363
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 2: for a fact that a year into the relationship, she's

1364
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 2: talking to Joe and at least emotionally cheating. But we know, also,

1365
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:17,919
Speaker 2: do we know for a fact how her previous relationship ended?

1366
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 2: We know for well, it seems like op is implying

1367
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:22,320
Speaker 2: that her previous relationship ended because of.

1368
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 3: Joe, right, because we know that they have passed Joe

1369
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 3: and her Joe and her cheating.

1370
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1371
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, so given that it's happened once, would it be

1372
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:34,360
Speaker 3: crazy if it happened again?

1373
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 2: No update? Okay, So I brought this up with my

1374
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:41,520
Speaker 2: wife in bed last night. It started out as I expected.

1375
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:45,000
Speaker 2: She was furious that I looked at our messages. I

1376
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 2: stated that I wasn't proud of this, but it's not

1377
01:05:49,080 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 2: something I'd ever felt I should do previously, and I

1378
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 2: never expected to read what I did.

1379
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,800
Speaker 3: You know, It's it's the I get being like, you

1380
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 3: gross what you read my messages? Yeah, that's like gross,

1381
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:02,040
Speaker 3: but being furious it's like, okay, So yeah, I was

1382
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 3: right at that, Right, I was right.

1383
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,920
Speaker 2: Because you're furious. Yeah, So what's there that you just

1384
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:10,040
Speaker 2: can't let me see? I'll address what was talked about

1385
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:14,040
Speaker 2: in each issue Coffee Shop Guy. So she acknowledged they

1386
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:17,320
Speaker 2: did have spicy sleep once. However, she said he had

1387
01:06:17,320 --> 01:06:20,000
Speaker 2: no interest in her, which is why she proceeded to

1388
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 2: set updates with me. She said that she absolutely did

1389
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 2: not have spicy sleep with him once we started dating,

1390
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:29,280
Speaker 2: but they did remain friends a little bit. I don't

1391
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 2: think that's necessarily super bad, unless depending on how close

1392
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 2: the friendship was. Apparently, he helped her look for her

1393
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 2: unit she had purchased, and her asking him to come

1394
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,400
Speaker 2: around was to show him the unit is unit. I

1395
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:45,760
Speaker 2: don't know if I believe what kind of unit she's adamant.

1396
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 2: They did not have spicy sleep. Again, I have no

1397
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,400
Speaker 2: idea what to believe. I was such a lie. He's

1398
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:53,200
Speaker 2: a liar. I think you should point out like, oh,

1399
01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 2: he was helping you look at a unit at ten

1400
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:59,919
Speaker 2: thirty pm, which is not a thing that happens. Yeah, no, no, no,

1401
01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:03,640
Speaker 2: oh crazy. However, to add more context to this guy,

1402
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 2: I could see in the text conversation that it did

1403
01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 2: fizzle out. The small talk conversations did cease altogether about

1404
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 2: three months after I began seeing my wife again. If

1405
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,760
Speaker 2: you guys were official and they were still talking, that's

1406
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:18,200
Speaker 2: I don't know. I was just seeing Is that a fish.

1407
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. That's why i'm asking.

1408
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 2: That's why i'm asking if you were official adding to

1409
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 2: this coffee shop guy actually passed away unexpectedly about two

1410
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:31,080
Speaker 2: years later. Well, that takes care of itself. Ouch, this

1411
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 2: was something I was aware of. As for Joe, my

1412
01:07:33,840 --> 01:07:36,640
Speaker 2: wife recalled him texting her after she had returned to Australia.

1413
01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:41,080
Speaker 2: She stresses they never had spicy sleep in America, but

1414
01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:44,480
Speaker 2: she acknowledges she did kiss him. Sorry, in America, this

1415
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 2: was pre their relationship, which created all the drama with

1416
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 2: their previous husband. She began saying that when she was

1417
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:53,280
Speaker 2: responsive to his text, this was before our relationship. Let

1418
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:53,760
Speaker 2: me get this straight.

1419
01:07:53,800 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 3: She's trying to say, no, no, no, no, we just did

1420
01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:59,360
Speaker 3: a little want kiss. How about my marriage? That's what

1421
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 3: ruined my I would never sleep with another man. I

1422
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 3: would just kiss him.

1423
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:07,080
Speaker 2: I simply mentioned that the text are time stamped and

1424
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:10,040
Speaker 2: it was around ten months into our relationship. She keeps lying.

1425
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:12,960
Speaker 2: He literally has all the proof and she keeps lying. Ah, dude,

1426
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 2: you've got the pudding, bro throw it. I guess the

1427
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 2: story changed from there to saying that she had low

1428
01:08:18,200 --> 01:08:20,600
Speaker 2: self esteem after her marriage, and that this guy was

1429
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:23,160
Speaker 2: forward to her in a way no one else was so,

1430
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:24,920
Speaker 2: knowing he was on the other side of the world,

1431
01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 2: she flirted back for the validation and confidence boost. I

1432
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:32,040
Speaker 2: guess in a way I can accept this, as per

1433
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 2: the coffee shop guy's message, this message that'd also fizzle out,

1434
01:08:35,479 --> 01:08:38,360
Speaker 2: my wife being the one to stop responding. I explained

1435
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 2: how hurt I felt, and that I feel like this

1436
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:43,280
Speaker 2: confirms I really was just settled for I'm not out

1437
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 2: to judge someone's spicy history. That again is not the point.

1438
01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:51,360
Speaker 2: She cheated on you during the relationship. Yeah, but when

1439
01:08:51,400 --> 01:08:53,599
Speaker 2: you feel like your own partner has never really been

1440
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:57,320
Speaker 2: particularly forward in a spicy way, it's demoralizing to read

1441
01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 2: and know they were previous much more promiscue with girl.

1442
01:09:03,120 --> 01:09:06,080
Speaker 2: To answer some other questions raised in the comments, my

1443
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,720
Speaker 2: kids are mine, my wife treats me fine, has been

1444
01:09:08,880 --> 01:09:12,280
Speaker 2: a rock for me in a relationship. Some personal circumstances

1445
01:09:12,280 --> 01:09:14,840
Speaker 2: affected me massively at a midpoint in a relationship, and

1446
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:18,320
Speaker 2: she stood by me, as did her family stand by you?

1447
01:09:18,439 --> 01:09:21,880
Speaker 2: Or did she cheat on you? Yeah? Despite being surprised

1448
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:24,200
Speaker 2: at the texts from the very start of our relationship,

1449
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:26,160
Speaker 2: I do actually believe her when she says she has

1450
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:29,120
Speaker 2: definitely never been with anyone else since we've formally been

1451
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:31,799
Speaker 2: a couple. There is a little bit left to the story.

1452
01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 2: I fear that op he is going to stay in

1453
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:37,600
Speaker 2: this relationship based off of those last sentences. However, I

1454
01:09:37,640 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 2: need him to remember that she just lied to him.

1455
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:44,599
Speaker 2: She literally He asked her, He showed proof and said, hey,

1456
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:48,000
Speaker 2: says that you were talking to this guy ten months

1457
01:09:48,000 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 2: into our relationship. What's all that And she said, no,

1458
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:51,599
Speaker 2: I didn't do that.

1459
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 3: Uh.

1460
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:54,759
Speaker 2: And then he called her out and she said, oh, well,

1461
01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:56,880
Speaker 2: yeah I did do that. At she's lying to you,

1462
01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:03,040
Speaker 2: but there's kids, which makes it harder to be lying. Absolutely, absolutely,

1463
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:06,439
Speaker 2: But I think that he cannot. It seems like he's

1464
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:09,760
Speaker 2: pushing it under the raw like rug, like he's believing

1465
01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:12,160
Speaker 2: her lies. Yeah, the fact that she's just there, she's

1466
01:10:12,240 --> 01:10:15,599
Speaker 2: lying so poor. Yeah, Like you have to address those lies.

1467
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 2: Even if in the end you stay together because of

1468
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:21,600
Speaker 2: the kids, those lies still need to be addressed.

1469
01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:24,240
Speaker 3: Tobably just gonna cheat better next time if you stay

1470
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:27,120
Speaker 3: with her. Potentially she's just gonna cheat better. She's gonna

1471
01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:30,080
Speaker 3: go I've taken my notes. I know what works and

1472
01:10:30,120 --> 01:10:30,600
Speaker 3: what does it?

1473
01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:33,200
Speaker 2: Here we go, But there's a little bit left to

1474
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,559
Speaker 2: this story. I know there have been lots of comments

1475
01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,240
Speaker 2: saying I should simply leave while a lot of damage

1476
01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:40,400
Speaker 2: has been done. It feels hard to consider throwing my

1477
01:10:40,439 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 2: life away and resigning to one of shared care with

1478
01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:46,919
Speaker 2: kids and being broke. I appreciate the comments that understand

1479
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:50,040
Speaker 2: this aspect. Also, I'm forty two. I know nothing about

1480
01:10:50,040 --> 01:10:52,439
Speaker 2: the curtain dating world other than knowing I wouldn't fare

1481
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,760
Speaker 2: very well. I know a lot of the issues going

1482
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 2: over my head stem from my own feelings of being

1483
01:10:57,240 --> 01:11:00,720
Speaker 2: an inadequate man. I keep fits, but I'm ner. I

1484
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:03,160
Speaker 2: was never that popular with girls, and I've only had

1485
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:06,240
Speaker 2: a few spicy related partners. I know in the past

1486
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:10,880
Speaker 2: my own inadequacies and insecurities have created issues in a relationship.

1487
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:13,320
Speaker 2: But I guess I feel what I read confirmed and

1488
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:15,840
Speaker 2: justified how I feel. And that is the end of

1489
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:16,439
Speaker 2: that story.

1490
01:11:16,920 --> 01:11:20,439
Speaker 3: Wow, didn't really reach any point of finality there, did

1491
01:11:20,479 --> 01:11:21,280
Speaker 3: we Nope?

1492
01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:25,400
Speaker 2: Uh, it seems like op he is thinking about stand

1493
01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,599
Speaker 2: though I think that's kind of where he's at. Wow,

1494
01:11:28,880 --> 01:11:31,599
Speaker 2: but I think absolutely go to therapy and like sort

1495
01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:33,960
Speaker 2: out these lies because she hasn't told you the truth,

1496
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:36,559
Speaker 2: that's for sure. Yeah, but folks, that's the end of

1497
01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:40,360
Speaker 2: that story and the end of this episode. So if

1498
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