Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: It's been a circle of my feelings and why I
Speaker 2: just can't access feelings I don't know. But this experience
Speaker 2: with Dancing with Stars did start to do that and
Speaker 2: what's gone and now I don't know how to continue.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like that, Tea. I mean maybe from
Speaker 3: an outside perspective, it seems like that, like after we
Speaker 3: did Oldish and you know, going to your house and
Speaker 3: we had a couple of conversations, and then you add
Speaker 3: Dancing with the Stars and then yeah, there was like
Speaker 3: all this stuff in succession and like t t two
Speaker 3: point zero. Yes, but then you make comments. This is
Speaker 3: what I was wondering, because you make comments where you're like,
Speaker 3: but tell my mind that like there's a part of
Speaker 3: you that feels it and can see it and hear it,
Speaker 3: and then there's another part of you that's like nope, nope, yeah, nope.
Speaker 2: Man, this is the story of my life. So this
Speaker 2: is the thing. Like you and Bri were like yeah,
Speaker 2: Tory two point oh, two point oh, and I'm like, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: but you know at some point and not woe is me,
Speaker 2: but little engine that could like all these great things
Speaker 2: and when they happen, happen, and then it's like a
Speaker 2: door shut. Uh, you know the ballroom door shut, lights
Speaker 2: went out, you know, they're like clear the dance floor.
Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, wait, I was shining. It was t
Speaker 2: t point. Oh I was dancing my little heart out. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: let me start all the way back over. And at
Speaker 2: some point it just gets a little like you know,
Speaker 2: you know me, I always keep going, keep going, no
Speaker 2: matter what. I'm a fighter.
Speaker 3: But but it's tiring.
Speaker 2: It's tiring.
Speaker 3: Nah No, you don't feel drained from feeling like you
Speaker 3: have to keep starting over all this steam. You're going uphill.
Speaker 3: You're like, I got it, I got it. I'm at
Speaker 3: the top of the hill. I'm going down. There's another hill.
Speaker 2: You may it sound like that. Yeah, no, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm so numb to having to start over that. It's
Speaker 2: just a part of me. And when disappointments happen, when
Speaker 2: I work really hard at something and I think this
Speaker 2: is the one, this is the one that's gonna level
Speaker 2: me up, I'm there, and then it's like okay, Nope,
Speaker 2: more work has to be done. Keep climbing. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm fifty one now, I'm so used to this journey,
Speaker 2: the back and forth, the EBB flows, the climb the mountain,
Speaker 2: slipped back down, climb back up. Just when does the
Speaker 2: plateau happen? Because I feel like if you can't stand
Speaker 2: on that plateau for enough time, you can't really shine
Speaker 2: and build to the next level. And it's just going
Speaker 2: to keep going, keep going. How much longer is that
Speaker 2: going to happen for I guess I'm a little frustrated.
Speaker 3: Sure, that's fair. It is frustrating and it's hard. I mean, personally,
Speaker 3: I have felt like that so many times, like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is this is the thing that's going to open
Speaker 3: that door, this is the break and putting having that
Speaker 3: expectation put on it and getting your hopes up only
Speaker 3: for it to not turn out the way that you
Speaker 3: want is disappointing and frustrating and angering. And I mean
Speaker 3: there's you know, unfortunately, it's it. We just have to
Speaker 3: feel that. And you said something about slipping back down
Speaker 3: like shoots and ladders. Shoots and ladders, Yeah, but I
Speaker 3: don't think you're slipping back to where you were because
Speaker 3: you gained so much from Dancing with the Stars. You
Speaker 3: gained so much from the experiences that you've had. So
Speaker 3: what if you're not slipping all the way back down
Speaker 3: to the beginning, but you're going up and then you're
Speaker 3: slipping back, and then you're going up and you're slipping back,
Speaker 3: but you're still if you look at a growth chart,
Speaker 3: you're still climbing. It's just the perception that because it
Speaker 3: didn't work out the way that I wanted, that I'm
Speaker 3: back down to the beginning. I hear you, but I
Speaker 3: hear you like that.
Speaker 2: No, it's I get so much momentum, and I'm very
Speaker 2: conditioned by my own self to be like, no, no,
Speaker 2: can't do it, can't do it, can't do it. And
Speaker 2: then when I surprised myself and I you know, you know,
Speaker 2: last couple of months, last couple of months, last couple
Speaker 2: last year has really been stepping out of my comfort zone,
Speaker 2: pushing past fears, being able to move on when it's
Speaker 2: so easy in life to stay complacent because it feels safe,
Speaker 2: but it's not safe because you're not achieving the best
Speaker 2: version of yourself by doing that. So there has been
Speaker 2: so much growth. Like you mentioned, my personal thing is
Speaker 2: I get so much momentum. I mean, dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 2: I was terrified to do it, and I saw so
Speaker 2: much personal growth in such a short time that I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, Like I said to you, I never
Speaker 2: knew like ballroom would be my therapy. I never knew
Speaker 2: that dancing dancing would give me so much joy. It
Speaker 2: was so freeing, it was so liberating, and it gave
Speaker 2: me so much confidence and love, and I felt I
Speaker 2: just felt really happy with myself. And then when things
Speaker 2: like that are over, it's like it's hard to be like,
Speaker 2: how do you stay with that without its slipping back
Speaker 2: to internally not right in life, slipping back down? But
Speaker 2: how do I keep myself at that level?
Speaker 3: Yeah? First of all, I just want to say I'm
Speaker 3: so proud of you t Before you even go on,
Speaker 3: I have to say I remember it was the first
Speaker 3: few years of Dancing with the Stars and I got
Speaker 3: offered it, and they kept circling back a couple times
Speaker 3: and no, peer I got offered it maybe twice. I
Speaker 3: was like, Nope, there's no way that I'm getting on
Speaker 3: that stage. That is so terrifying to do in the
Speaker 3: fact that you've been terrified for so long and said
Speaker 3: no for so long and then did it. That right,
Speaker 3: there is a win that keeps the lights on in
Speaker 3: your internal ballroom, because that truly is a win. That's
Speaker 3: that's huge. The fact that, I mean, that was the
Speaker 3: first TV show that my daughters have watched. You know this,
Speaker 3: They were their friends were talking. I know Sage texted
Speaker 3: you and was sharing her sentiment they were so proud
Speaker 3: of you. Like to be able to see someone that
Speaker 3: you know and love doing something that they're terrified to
Speaker 3: do is massive. So I just want to say that,
Speaker 3: I'm so so proud of you. And then we were
Speaker 3: texting the other.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm taking it. I'm taking that you're proud and
Speaker 2: not being like no, no, no, no. I got to tell
Speaker 2: you that text from Sage like, I still look at it,
Speaker 2: and that meant so much, saying I'm so proud that
Speaker 2: you're my aunt.
Speaker 3: Sorry that's okay, because I.
Speaker 2: Felt like a purpose and my kids were so proud
Speaker 2: and they did that. But just you know, having you
Speaker 2: having your baby say that to me, like, and knowing
Speaker 2: that you know, you raise your kids differently and they
Speaker 2: don't watch TV and they don't you know, we have
Speaker 2: very drastically different lives now, and knowing that that was
Speaker 2: the first show, the TV show that they got to
Speaker 2: watch and watches a family and watch with you and
Speaker 2: Leanne like, I was so happy that Letters and Sage
Speaker 2: watched it and that Sage was and to anyone listening, like,
Speaker 2: Sage has a dance background, so it was really special
Speaker 2: both girls watch, but Sage reaching out and being so
Speaker 2: proud like really a lot. And then I was gone,
Speaker 2: like I wish, like I think she texted me before
Speaker 2: she saw the elimination.
Speaker 3: Correct, right before, right before.
Speaker 2: And I knew, and I was just like, she's so
Speaker 2: proud of me. I'm just kidding, oh man.
Speaker 3: But the proudness didn't go away because you got eliminated
Speaker 3: and you were off the show. That that is what
Speaker 3: I'm saying, that she was proud of you for you
Speaker 3: doing that, and the fact that she got to recognize
Speaker 3: that it wasn't about the outcome. I know, for you,
Speaker 3: clearly it would be amazing to win, right, we all
Speaker 3: want to win, but there's also a win in the
Speaker 3: fact that you showed up and did it for your kids,
Speaker 3: that you showed up when it would flash to Liam
Speaker 3: and the kids, I mean I saw Liam first because
Speaker 3: he's the tallest. He was jumping up and down, clapping.
Speaker 3: You know that she kept.
Speaker 2: Saying that he was just like Liam in the crowd
Speaker 2: was everything, and I was like, yeah, I know, I
Speaker 2: just wish I could have won, like one more week.
Speaker 2: I know, I get it.
Speaker 3: It is disappointing, but I want to acknowledge what you
Speaker 3: texted the other day, because you were texting about how
Speaker 3: therapeutic dance was. Yeah, and you said it was in
Speaker 3: the few weeks that I was rehearsing and dancing, it
Speaker 3: was better than thirty years of therapy. It was why
Speaker 3: does that have to stop?
Speaker 2: It doesn't it doesn't, And everyone keeps saying, well, keep dancing,
Speaker 2: and you know, I go back to the me of
Speaker 2: it all very quickly, like no, no, no, how would
Speaker 2: that work? Like who do I find? Like I can't
Speaker 2: always a reason why I can't do it, And sadly,
Speaker 2: you know, if it doesn't involve work or my kids,
Speaker 2: I don't do stuff for myself, which is why, you know,
Speaker 2: I've done therapy before, off and on for years. But
Speaker 2: you know, this was quote unquote a work commitment. But
Speaker 2: once I got there, it became way more than a
Speaker 2: work commitment. You know, it wasn't about even you know,
Speaker 2: I would have stayed there for free, like please, like,
Speaker 2: let me just rehearse and have dances with my partner
Speaker 2: for another ten weeks. Great, Like it was everything to
Speaker 2: me in the moment, And yeah, it doesn't have to stop.
Speaker 2: I just don't know what that looks like and what
Speaker 2: I am willing to commit. That's it, the commitment from
Speaker 2: myself of continuing something that I see benefits to me
Speaker 2: if it's not for work.
Speaker 3: And I think that is the next level for you
Speaker 3: in terms of your growth, is for it not to
Speaker 3: necessarily be attached to the outcome of making it or
Speaker 3: the next opportunity or work. Because this is what I do,
Speaker 3: and I put all my focus, time and attention besides
Speaker 3: kids into work and not myself. Because what you just
Speaker 3: said to you, and you said this on text too,
Speaker 3: it was everything. It lit me up. I would do
Speaker 3: this for free that alone, Like kids do that. You
Speaker 3: watch kids and you see them and they dance with wild,
Speaker 3: abandon their care free. They do it because they want
Speaker 3: to move. They feel it in their soul and they
Speaker 3: just move. It's not because they're going to enter a
Speaker 3: competition or because they're going to get money. And what
Speaker 3: you shared and how powerful. It was how could you
Speaker 3: not continue to do something that lit you up so
Speaker 3: much and may so much of a difference mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
Speaker 3: and the somatic effect that it had for you.
Speaker 2: It's true. Talk about therapy. Did I tell you how
Speaker 2: I had to? Like I don't know, like emotional guttural breakthroughs,
Speaker 2: like breakdowns kind of during the rehearsal process.
Speaker 3: No, tell me like physical.
Speaker 2: Okay, So two times this happens while Pasha and I
Speaker 2: were rehearsing for the month, and it was actually I
Speaker 2: think one happened the first week, but one was we
Speaker 2: were trying to I was trying to learn the rumba,
Speaker 2: which my brain couldn't compute because there's moves and once
Speaker 2: they're together, they're fluid, and you know, he would teach
Speaker 2: it to me and it seemed like a no brainer,
Speaker 2: but my brain because the upper body moves one way
Speaker 2: while the lower body moves the opposite way. And I
Speaker 2: don't know if it's the way my brain and every
Speaker 2: my composition is wired, or if it's from you know,
Speaker 2: the mold poisoning, which you know, my neurons are just
Speaker 2: like still not functioning. It takes like three years to
Speaker 2: gab your system and it's been only a year. I
Speaker 2: don't know what it was, but I was my brain
Speaker 2: was trying. I could my brain was hurting. I could
Speaker 2: feel it trying so hard to do this, and it
Speaker 2: was like not connecting the upper half of my body
Speaker 2: and the lower half wouldn't connect. No matter what my
Speaker 2: brain was telling it to do, it wouldn't do it.
Speaker 2: And I got to the point I eventually got it,
Speaker 2: and once I got it, he was like and it
Speaker 2: was fluid, and he was like, you do it beautifully.
Speaker 2: But getting to that, I was like, it felt like
Speaker 2: I was internally pushing through a brick wall. And at
Speaker 2: one point I was focusing so hard on doing this
Speaker 2: rumba move that I just started hysterically crying and then
Speaker 2: hysterically laughing at the same time. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know what's happening right now. And Pasha was
Speaker 2: so great therap because part of me is like, I'm
Speaker 2: so embarrassed. I know this is some sort of emotional
Speaker 2: like internal breakdown right now and slash breakthrough, and I'm
Speaker 2: having it in front of a man that I've known
Speaker 2: for a month. But it felt right, you know, he
Speaker 2: gets me and he got me and my soul and
Speaker 2: my brain instantly, which is why I like feel like
Speaker 2: I'll have a profound connection to him forever. But yeah,
Speaker 2: he made me feel safe. I really feel safe with him,
Speaker 2: so I felt safe to grant it. There's cameras filming you,
Speaker 2: which they never show this package. I wish they would
Speaker 2: show the package of what the dancers and celebrities go
Speaker 2: through because it's wild. There's so many emotional ups and downs.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I could. It was that. It was almost
Speaker 2: like you know when you're young and someone gets hurt
Speaker 2: and you're so nervous that you laugh, yeah, and you're like,
Speaker 2: why am I doing that? I feel bad for this person?
Speaker 2: Why am I laughing? So I was laughing, but the
Speaker 2: person that I was laughing at was me because I
Speaker 2: was so hurt and tears, you know, I don't cry
Speaker 2: like tears pouring out of my eyes, not from laughing,
Speaker 2: from like letting go of like some sort of pain release.
Speaker 3: So since you could look at it in retrospect, what
Speaker 3: do you believe that it was that was happening.
Speaker 2: I don't know. It tapped into something some emotional blockage
Speaker 2: inside is what it tapped into. And I think it
Speaker 2: went beyond my brain being like you can't learn, I
Speaker 2: can't do this wrong move it just like there was
Speaker 2: some there's some blockage and while I have up inside
Speaker 2: and while I was trying to put physical with mental,
Speaker 2: it tapped into this emotional thing and that just came out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's I don't know the exact right answer.
Speaker 3: I can, you know, give you my sense, but yeah,
Speaker 3: it sounds like there's so much armoring and protective mechanisms
Speaker 3: that are in place to keep you safe, to keep
Speaker 3: you functioning, you keep you moving forward in the ways
Speaker 3: that you need. We'll call it, you know default pattern, right,
Speaker 3: and when you do something somadically. I mean, this is
Speaker 3: why talk therapy is great and it has its place
Speaker 3: and it's amazing, but sometimes you can only talk so much,
Speaker 3: but you need an experience. You need to break through,
Speaker 3: you need to let out what is in there. And
Speaker 3: that's what happened is it seems like you bumped up
Speaker 3: against this pattern of I can't, I can't it's not
Speaker 3: working and all of the thoughts that go along with that,
Speaker 3: which stem from beliefs that you have yourself. I'm not
Speaker 3: good enough, you know, I'm not able to do this.
Speaker 3: I'm not talented. I can't dance or I can't sing.
Speaker 3: I know singing was in there for you at one point,
Speaker 3: and then it just breaks through and.
Speaker 2: It was definitely a release.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And how did you feel after? It?
Speaker 2: Really good after and the normal me would be like
Speaker 2: crying's week and why I'm when this boy see me cry?
Speaker 2: And I was just okay afterwards. And guess what, I
Speaker 2: rummled like a mofo after that, like I just because
Speaker 2: it was I could do it. It was just myself
Speaker 2: holding me back and it was just yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's like you're in an emotional spiritual golf game. You're
Speaker 3: playing against yourself, even though it feels like you're playing
Speaker 3: against other opponents in writing anything you pick. So if
Speaker 3: you had the breakthroughs, what would stop you from doing
Speaker 3: that again?
Speaker 2: Like tomorrow own worst enemy? I don't know, I'll tell
Speaker 2: myself it's like this doesn't exist, Like where do I
Speaker 2: find a dance instructor? Like you know, they have such
Speaker 2: techniques to work with celebrities that haven't done this before
Speaker 2: and get them ready. Like what am I going to do?
Speaker 2: Just sign up for like random ballroom dance class down
Speaker 2: the street with like random.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm naughty. I can't even I can't. I have
Speaker 3: to get emotional and wave my arms. Are you telling me.
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 3: I was going to say, Tori, and I know you
Speaker 3: hate that. That the t that I know and I
Speaker 3: said this on Oldish podcasts that can make shit happen.
Speaker 3: You would do it for your kids, You would do
Speaker 3: it for your telling me that you can't find a
Speaker 3: dance instructor even anyone who has been on the show
Speaker 3: to work with you once a week or twice a
Speaker 3: week to make this happen.
Speaker 2: Oh I did tell you that, didn't I I sure
Speaker 2: I already found several.
Speaker 3: No, you didn't, wonder.
Speaker 2: I wonder now I told you I can't do it.
Speaker 2: What like the dance troupe, the dance there's like a
Speaker 2: pro dance troupe. I even reached out to them and
Speaker 2: they were like, yeah when the show, like, we would
Speaker 2: give you dance lessons. I know, fine, I'm making excuses.
Speaker 3: Okay, wait, what led you to find the dance troupe?
Speaker 2: Well, I've worked with them, but okay, really so I
Speaker 2: saw them post my friend Steph, who's part of the
Speaker 2: dance troupe who Ezra, who's a dance pro. It's stir
Speaker 2: and she and I got very close, and I saw
Speaker 2: her and Roman, who's another part of the dance troup,
Speaker 2: doing these beautiful moves, and I was just following her
Speaker 2: and looking at her stories. But of course whatever ballroom
Speaker 2: they were in, I was like, oh that is chic.
Speaker 2: It was like a mix of like a downtown loft
Speaker 2: slash ballroom. I was like, cool space. So I was like, Hey,
Speaker 2: where's that ballroom and she's like, oh, it's a place
Speaker 2: where we, you know, do stuff at And I was like,
Speaker 2: oh cool. And I was like I would love to
Speaker 2: do something there. And she's like, you know, we're willing to,
Speaker 2: like we want to see you dance again too. We
Speaker 2: all believe in you, like we'd be willing to work
Speaker 2: with you in some capacity. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: sounds good. So it's yeah, it's on me to follow up.
Speaker 3: But that's the guidance, that's your internal navigation system leading
Speaker 3: you two.
Speaker 2: Broken for years. No, I don't know my compass, you know,
Speaker 2: you know, if I was lost in the woods, I
Speaker 2: would I wouldn't know what direction, Like leave me bread
Speaker 2: crumb please.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're both a little directionally challenged. Yes, and maybe
Speaker 3: your picker at times, as they say, that's like the
Speaker 3: cool word, right, the picker is a little you know
Speaker 3: that could be enhanced just a little bit. Yep, it's
Speaker 3: a little wonky. But I don't believe that your guidance
Speaker 3: system because you've shared me a few times, even in
Speaker 3: the last month or two. I want to say, where
Speaker 3: you've had these intuitive moments and it's coming, and they're
Speaker 3: coming more and more quickly, and you're recognizing them. So
Speaker 3: that was it right there through Instagram? Oh great ballroom.
Speaker 3: Oh that's a good aesthetic, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: we believe in you. We want to dance with you,
Speaker 3: We would love to do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's right there.
Speaker 3: So I'm going to give you little brother advice. I'm
Speaker 3: going to take whatever coach hat off because I know
Speaker 3: that's annoying just being a little brother. Okay. The opportunities there.
Speaker 3: What I was texting you the other day too, is
Speaker 3: the opportunity is to keep moving. The momentum is already
Speaker 3: there without the attachment of this is going to lead
Speaker 3: to something, because it is going to lead to something.
Speaker 3: You being led to dancing more to connecting with yourself more,
Speaker 3: to feeling more confident, to having breakthroughs, to feeling better
Speaker 3: about yourself and loving yourself, and all of that leads
Speaker 3: to better, bigger, more, it does. I see it every
Speaker 3: day and you know this already. I know, I know.
Speaker 2: I just wish you were here in person that could
Speaker 2: make me do it.
Speaker 3: I mean what, I literally have to take your hand
Speaker 3: and lead you to the dance studio. I will fly down.
Speaker 3: I will fly down. I will take that little hand
Speaker 3: and I will guide you to the dance studio and
Speaker 3: drop you off because I'm not dancing, but I will
Speaker 3: take you.
Speaker 2: Will you sing Oh no, you freestyle and I'll dance
Speaker 2: to it?
Speaker 3: Oh easy, I'll freestyle. I'll freestyle or sing you dance? Deal.
Speaker 3: I really want you to go. I don't want I.
Speaker 2: Want to do it, and I need to do it
Speaker 2: on my own because at some point, even if you
Speaker 2: were to come and help me go, it's still about
Speaker 2: working with myself and making myself believe that I can
Speaker 2: do these things when it's not attached to work or kids.
Speaker 2: It's attached to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just the importance of doing stuff for you.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: So what are you feeling right now? I feel like.
Speaker 2: Pass I want a hot dog, so random you said,
Speaker 2: trust right intuition lately?
Speaker 3: Okay, well you can always get a hot dog, but
Speaker 3: oh tee. I just I want to see you keep going.
Speaker 3: I want to see you dancing. I want to receive texts.
Speaker 3: And it's not about me, but selfishly, I love when
Speaker 3: I see you texting and there is a spark and
Speaker 3: then a liveness. And those who know you and are
Speaker 3: around you you know you're You're wildly creative and funny
Speaker 3: and wonderful. But when you're alive like that in a
Speaker 3: different way, there's a spark in your eye that's just unmatched.
Speaker 3: And I want that.
Speaker 2: For you, thank you, because you love me. But I
Speaker 2: want that for myself. Yeah, okayrect And you can't want it.
Speaker 2: I mean we say this for our kids and everything,
Speaker 2: like we can't want it more than they want it, right,
Speaker 2: There's only so much, Like you have to want it
Speaker 2: for yourself and believe that you just servant.
Speaker 3: You know what I was wondering too, By the way,
Speaker 3: I just have to ask this because I was I
Speaker 3: was talking about this. The physical activity of dancing, just
Speaker 3: just that alone, because you're not always that physically that
Speaker 3: sounds bad. I know you like walk and move and whatever,
Speaker 3: dance with kids, but you don't exercise, right.
Speaker 2: This is I'm so glad you brought this up because
Speaker 2: only you really know and my close friends, but like
Speaker 2: they couldn't understand it there, you know, Like first day
Speaker 2: I walked in and said to Pasha, like, I don't
Speaker 2: work out, like you know, I don't even walk, like
Speaker 2: I park as close as possible to the store and
Speaker 2: get the kids out, and I don't drink water. And
Speaker 2: he was just like what he's like the next day
Speaker 2: he was like I went home and told my wife Danny,
Speaker 2: like toy doesn't drink water. And I was like, I
Speaker 2: know I'm an anomaly, but I was like, no, I
Speaker 2: was really scared because of like my body is sedentary, right,
Speaker 2: like I literally you guys listening, I know no one
Speaker 2: believes this. I do not work out. Walking walking down
Speaker 2: the driveway to the mailbox to get the mail like
Speaker 2: physically exhausts me coming down and up the stairs. I
Speaker 2: do it to get the kids stuff. I'm like out
Speaker 2: of breath. And my friends and family are always like concerned,
Speaker 2: like you gotta like build up some momentum. So they
Speaker 2: were worried on that end when I was doing Dancing
Speaker 2: with the Stars, and they assured me you can take
Speaker 2: breaks and everything. I went in that first day of
Speaker 2: training and you know, Pasha was very much you know,
Speaker 2: let me know the speed, you know when you can
Speaker 2: take a break. I went in and did full on dancing.
Speaker 2: Didn't stop for four hours straight.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: I think we took one two minute break because he
Speaker 2: said I have to use the restroom and I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I didn't stop. And that went on. We didn't have
Speaker 2: days off, so that went on. So for almost a
Speaker 2: month I trained and you know, the arms, the legs,
Speaker 2: the body move and we would do the roote full
Speaker 2: out and then as soon as we'd finish, Pasha would
Speaker 2: go again and we go right back. So no like
Speaker 2: being tea and like and you know, I love that
Speaker 2: he didn't let me like he would let me. I
Speaker 2: used my jokes as a way of coping and then
Speaker 2: as a way of procrastinating, right, you know, humored to
Speaker 2: like stall and he could see that quickly, so he
Speaker 2: didn't let me use like, let's go, let's go again.
Speaker 2: So I dropped my humor like I would say I
Speaker 2: was and I consider my myself a very funny person
Speaker 2: like I didn't show like even seventy five percent of
Speaker 2: my humor with Pasha because I quickly realized my own
Speaker 2: mindset kicked in and I was like, Oh, I don't
Speaker 2: need to use my joke to get me ahead here.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna use my body and my heart and soul
Speaker 2: because I'm good at other things besides just being the
Speaker 2: joke girl.
Speaker 3: Did you hear what you just said? Could you please
Speaker 3: just say that one more time out loud? Could you
Speaker 3: say it again?
Speaker 2: Because I'm good at other things besides just being the
Speaker 2: joke girl.
Speaker 3: And look what happened when you did. Doesn't mean that
Speaker 3: you can't still be funny, but when you stop using
Speaker 3: the jokes as a way of avoiding or a coping mechanism,
Speaker 3: you said you led with heart and soul. That's it.
Speaker 2: In such passion, yeah, oh god, I was so like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'd get so mad at myself where I can do
Speaker 2: it right? And before he could say again, I started
Speaker 2: being like again, and we like start from the beginning.
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's go, and I'd be like, and he's like,
Speaker 2: there you are, yes, and I would and I just
Speaker 2: I was so proud of myself and just so driven.
Speaker 2: But guess what my physical what I call my physical
Speaker 2: ailments I lead in life being like I've had five
Speaker 2: C sections, I've been cut all over, like I can't move,
Speaker 2: I can't everything hurts, you know. I've had back proms,
Speaker 2: neck problems, like get migraines. La la, la, la la.
Speaker 2: I think one of the producers one day, she was like,
Speaker 2: we see you because in the control room, like they
Speaker 2: have monitors on everyone, they film every second of every
Speaker 2: moment you're there. Yeah, and they're like, we see you.
Speaker 2: You work so hard. And I took that to her.
Speaker 2: I was like I do I yeah, and I was
Speaker 2: physically guess what I was?
Speaker 3: Okay, right, I know this is what I'm saying. So
Speaker 3: all of the stories that you've told yourself for years, right,
Speaker 3: you broke through all of those what's called the narratives, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: those narratives that like I can't do this and it's
Speaker 3: this and this is why it's so hard. And you
Speaker 3: broke through and you found something and you connected to
Speaker 3: yourself and your body. That's where it's at. So maybe
Speaker 3: you incorporate dance, but even just working training, moving daily daily.
Speaker 2: I have to be inspired.
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no, you don't. I was on
Speaker 3: the couch this morning. I felt like I got hit
Speaker 3: with an asteroid. I was I don't know why. I
Speaker 3: was k oed and I usually a pretty good energy
Speaker 3: and I sat with my dog on the couch next
Speaker 3: to me for I don't know, fifteen minutes procrastinating. My
Speaker 3: mind was telling me there's no way that you're going
Speaker 3: to get up and move, and I just I know
Speaker 3: within myself at a certain point, I'm going to drag
Speaker 3: myself even though I don't feel inspired at all, no
Speaker 3: bone in my body felt inspired. But I know that afterwards,
Speaker 3: I'm going to be more connected. My energy is going
Speaker 3: to be better.
Speaker 2: And you know that too, I know, And I mean
Speaker 2: I love when I see like your Instagram posts and
Speaker 2: your stories and they do like they motivate me because
Speaker 2: I see you know, you'll be like there's often you'll
Speaker 2: be like I didn't want to go work out today,
Speaker 2: but I did. I pushed myself and I went and
Speaker 2: did it anyway, and that is inspiring. But I'm like,
Speaker 2: couldn't do it? Yeah?
Speaker 3: So so what is it? Is it that the steps
Speaker 3: aren't laid out? Like you don't know where to go.
Speaker 3: You don't know if you just had a schedule, because
Speaker 3: it sounds like we're dancing with the stars. The partner
Speaker 3: was there, the rehearsal space was there, the schedule was
Speaker 3: laid out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I couldn't f off, Like yeah, there were people
Speaker 2: depending on me, so I didn't. It wasn't me like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm depending on myself, do this for myself. I literally
Speaker 2: there's others depending on me. I had to show up,
Speaker 2: but I wanted to show up. Like I came home
Speaker 2: every day and I was a better mom. I was
Speaker 2: a better version of myself. I walked into that house
Speaker 2: exhausted because I had done you know, school stuff in
Speaker 2: the morning. Then I had gone and you know, danced
Speaker 2: my ass off, sweat head to toe. I was like, Pasha,
Speaker 2: I don't sweat. In the first time I said, I'm like, Pasha,
Speaker 2: I'm sweating. He's like, yes, that's great. I was like
Speaker 2: it was a grocer're touching me and I'm sweating. He's like, no,
Speaker 2: this is right. And then I was like drenched. I
Speaker 2: came home. I showered daily.
Speaker 3: Who am I? I love that I showered daily.
Speaker 2: I'm not a shower girl. Guys.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'm gonna leave that there. However, yes, yes.
Speaker 2: And yes, I came in and I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: so tired, and I was just like.
Speaker 3: That spark was there and was so great that spark.
Speaker 3: You know what's so great about that spark and about you?
Speaker 3: You elevated what's the word. You expanded your capacity, right,
Speaker 3: because before you're like, oh, there's so much going on,
Speaker 3: I'm so busy, I'm tired, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: you work hard and you're like, wait a second. I
Speaker 3: was able to do that. And then I dropped the
Speaker 3: kids off and I did this. It's sort of like
Speaker 3: having kids when you're like, I love my child, how
Speaker 3: am I going to love my second child as much?
Speaker 3: And then you have a second child and wait, wait
Speaker 3: a second, my capacity for love grew. And then in
Speaker 3: your case, you had a third and a fourth and
Speaker 3: a fifth. But you know, it expands your capacity.
Speaker 2: So a lot of heart.
Speaker 3: I know we have to go soon, but I'm really
Speaker 3: feeling motivated to make a pact or a challenge or
Speaker 3: a something.
Speaker 2: Oh you know I like games. Yes, challenge, okay, a challenge, yes,
Speaker 2: some sort of Do I win something?
Speaker 3: Yes? You win yourself me, you win confidence you win
Speaker 3: me your liveness of coming back online, of feeling like
Speaker 3: you're alive. I mean when you said I was a
Speaker 3: better mother, isn't that huge enough?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yes, I mean t I work with people and watch
Speaker 3: people daily where when they even just change their workout routine,
Speaker 3: That's why I talk so much about exercise or changing
Speaker 3: their food habits and the way that they eat, or
Speaker 3: they say they were going to go to bed earlier
Speaker 3: and they don't, and they make that pack and then
Speaker 3: they break it. Just one of those things. When they
Speaker 3: do it and you get that little check mark, it
Speaker 3: makes you feel that you're doing something for yourself. So
Speaker 3: your confidence meter goes up just with those little things.
Speaker 3: So we could lay out a challenge of finding a
Speaker 3: place to move. There's other people here on the podcast
Speaker 3: right who can help lay this out. So it's all done.
Speaker 3: There's a place to go. You figure out the time,
Speaker 3: and you move like six out of seven days in
Speaker 3: some way, dance, working out something. Oh for a month,
Speaker 3: and we check in in a month. I'll get the
Speaker 3: text messages, but I want to know how you're feeling
Speaker 3: after a month. But here's the thing, Okay, I'm going
Speaker 3: to say, and I'm I'm putting myself on the line here.
Speaker 3: It's a big chance opportunities are going to come. I
Speaker 3: don't think you should do it because of opportunities, but
Speaker 3: I guarantee you that you're going to see things pop
Speaker 3: up and come to you because you are constantly every
Speaker 3: day doing this thing for yourself that you know is
Speaker 3: really healthy and feels good and lights you up.
Speaker 2: I believe, can we do it? Well? I was gonna say,
Speaker 2: well I do it. It's another story, but I do believe,
Speaker 2: and I think that would be amazing, an amazing gift
Speaker 2: to get myself.
Speaker 4: Just just step up and really see like, see you
Speaker 4: did it, and look you're finally moving forward because that, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3: How about this? Yes, you are so good in this way,
Speaker 3: you being vulnerable and sharing stuff, you know, good, bad, everything,
Speaker 3: And I think so many people really relate to that.
Speaker 3: What if we put this out there to your community,
Speaker 3: to everyone who's listening that you I'm going to do it.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm going to do it with you. I'm going
Speaker 3: to record and I'll tag you or whatever to show
Speaker 3: you that I'm doing it. Because sometimes I take a
Speaker 3: day off, but I'm going to push myself and do
Speaker 3: things that I don't normally do A.
Speaker 2: Seven who do find out of seven? I'm just kidding. No, No,
Speaker 2: we're doing six out of seven.
Speaker 3: I think six out of seven because it's really important
Speaker 3: to build that habit. But what if everyone can do that,
Speaker 3: whether it's movement or working out or something that you
Speaker 3: say you want to do but you're not doing one month,
Speaker 3: we could all do this together.
Speaker 2: Okay, you guys everyone out there, let us know. Are
Speaker 2: you willing to accept this challenge with us? Help me
Speaker 2: find me?
Speaker 3: Please help me find me hashtag help me find me,
Speaker 3: help me help you. I love you.
Speaker 2: I love you, Thank you, thanks for always believing in me.
Speaker 3: I'll always believe in you. And you're still dancing, you.
Speaker 2: Know why because I'm a dancer.
Speaker 3: Duh right yeah?
Speaker 2: And the splits, I'm a dancer of life.
Speaker 3: I can we just have a moment for the fact
Speaker 3: that you could still do the splits after all these years.
Speaker 2: What and Pasha says, I move my hand movements, My
Speaker 2: arms are my strength. What he's like, you have a long,
Speaker 2: graceful neck, You hold yourself really up your posture. You
Speaker 2: know that's never been a thing for me. I was
Speaker 2: always like hunched over like what he's like. Yeah, your
Speaker 2: upper body is your strength. It's beautiful the way you
Speaker 2: use it, and it's strong and it's fluid and so yeah,
Speaker 2: I thought he was kidding. It was just my long nails.
Speaker 2: But no, like I have power in these hands. You
Speaker 2: have power in these is a Jewish girl and me
Speaker 2: always like talking with my hands in my whole life.
Speaker 3: I think you should do Bali. You should try Bollywood dancing,
Speaker 3: you know, with like all that and the different things.
Speaker 2: Oh, I think I might like that. Yeah, and then
Speaker 2: the ultimate payoff is we get to Bali because your
Speaker 2: trip looks so.
Speaker 1: Amazing you, Yes, let's do it. That's the next challenge that. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll check in and we're going to keeupsetting them. Okay, yes,
Speaker 1: Bali would be amazing. I did tell you when I
Speaker 1: was there.
Speaker 3: We did. We did say we're going to do like
Speaker 3: a little retreat or something together.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, we promised each other.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's on the horizon.
Speaker 2: I love it. Okay, one month can start next week.
Speaker 2: I'm really busy with working kids till day. No for real,
Speaker 2: can start next week?
Speaker 3: No, Well, I'll give you a two days. I'll give
Speaker 3: you a two day grace period to set it all
Speaker 3: up so you have a place to go okay and
Speaker 3: work out okay, right, because you have to have it
Speaker 3: set up. I mean it's like if someone doesn't have
Speaker 3: a walk in Yeah, I mean you could literally work
Speaker 3: out in your house. You could follow a video and
Speaker 3: just move and run in place.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to do that, but you we're making
Speaker 3: a pact. I'm going to put myself out there and
Speaker 3: do things that I don't normally do. Just you wait
Speaker 3: and see what a fool I'm going to make it myself.
Speaker 3: So if I can do, you can do it.
Speaker 2: Okay, Fine, Okay, we're going to work this out.
Speaker 3: Okay, and everyone else right together.
Speaker 2: This Yeah, so everyone has to make their videos too,
Speaker 2: and what is everyone doing? So it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be danced a to be singing, doesn't.
Speaker 3: Have to be no, just anything that you really want
Speaker 3: to do and connect to for one month and the
Speaker 3: check in, I mean, like anything. If you don't feel
Speaker 3: any better, then you know, stop doing it. But if
Speaker 3: you feel better, if you feel like Tori, where you're
Speaker 3: online and more alive, and you're a better mother or
Speaker 3: father or partner or co parent or human being, then
Speaker 3: keep doing it. But a month is a great great jumpstart.
Speaker 2: Perfect done, yeay, hi five. I don't have to give
Speaker 2: up Taco Bell, right, I.
Speaker 3: Didn't say anything about taco bell. All I said was
Speaker 3: movement and getting back in the body. Go get your hand.
Speaker 2: It makes you hungry, right, Just talking.
Speaker 3: About dancing is making you hungry, Like all this talk
Speaker 3: about dance, I need to go eat. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 3: go eat.
Speaker 2: I love you, I love you.