WEBVTT - MisChallenge 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.720 Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:18.280 It's been a circle of my feelings and why I 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:21.680 just can't access feelings I don't know. But this experience 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.520 with Dancing with Stars did start to do that and 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:27.640 what's gone and now I don't know how to continue. 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.640 Do you feel like that, Tea. I mean maybe from 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:34.159 an outside perspective, it seems like that, like after we 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:37.040 did Oldish and you know, going to your house and 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:39.040 we had a couple of conversations, and then you add 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.440 Dancing with the Stars and then yeah, there was like 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:44.440 all this stuff in succession and like t t two 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:47.680 point zero. Yes, but then you make comments. This is 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:51.440 what I was wondering, because you make comments where you're like, 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:54.680 but tell my mind that like there's a part of 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:58.520 you that feels it and can see it and hear it, 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:03.360 and then there's another part of you that's like nope, nope, yeah, nope. 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.120 Man, this is the story of my life. So this 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:10.160 is the thing. Like you and Bri were like yeah, 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:14.640 Tory two point oh, two point oh, and I'm like, yes, yes, 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:19.920 but you know at some point and not woe is me, 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.880 but little engine that could like all these great things 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:25.280 and when they happen, happen, and then it's like a 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:28.840 door shut. Uh, you know the ballroom door shut, lights 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:30.759 went out, you know, they're like clear the dance floor. 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:33.360 I'm like, wait, wait, I was shining. It was t 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.600 t point. Oh I was dancing my little heart out. Yeah, okay, 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.520 let me start all the way back over. And at 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:46.080 some point it just gets a little like you know, 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:49.000 you know me, I always keep going, keep going, no 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:50.360 matter what. I'm a fighter. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:52.760 But but it's tiring. 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:55.080 It's tiring. 0:01:55.320 --> 0:02:00.640 Nah No, you don't feel drained from feeling like you 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:05.560 have to keep starting over all this steam. You're going uphill. 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.240 You're like, I got it, I got it. I'm at 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:11.239 the top of the hill. I'm going down. There's another hill. 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:16.560 You may it sound like that. Yeah, no, I don't know. 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:20.480 I'm so numb to having to start over that. It's 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:24.839 just a part of me. And when disappointments happen, when 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.040 I work really hard at something and I think this 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.840 is the one, this is the one that's gonna level 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:34.760 me up, I'm there, and then it's like okay, Nope, 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:38.720 more work has to be done. Keep climbing. You know, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.680 I'm fifty one now, I'm so used to this journey, 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:44.760 the back and forth, the EBB flows, the climb the mountain, 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:49.040 slipped back down, climb back up. Just when does the 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:52.840 plateau happen? Because I feel like if you can't stand 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:57.600 on that plateau for enough time, you can't really shine 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:00.320 and build to the next level. And it's just going 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:02.720 to keep going, keep going. How much longer is that 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:05.760 going to happen for I guess I'm a little frustrated. 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:13.320 Sure, that's fair. It is frustrating and it's hard. I mean, personally, 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.359 I have felt like that so many times, like, oh, 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.120 this is this is the thing that's going to open 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:23.080 that door, this is the break and putting having that 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:27.200 expectation put on it and getting your hopes up only 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:29.280 for it to not turn out the way that you 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:36.119 want is disappointing and frustrating and angering. And I mean 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:41.520 there's you know, unfortunately, it's it. We just have to 0:03:41.880 --> 0:03:47.120 feel that. And you said something about slipping back down 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:50.440 like shoots and ladders. Shoots and ladders, Yeah, but I 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:55.920 don't think you're slipping back to where you were because 0:03:56.760 --> 0:04:00.720 you gained so much from Dancing with the Stars. You 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:06.600 gained so much from the experiences that you've had. So 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:09.120 what if you're not slipping all the way back down 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:11.280 to the beginning, but you're going up and then you're 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.840 slipping back, and then you're going up and you're slipping back, 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:16.600 but you're still if you look at a growth chart, 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:21.440 you're still climbing. It's just the perception that because it 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:24.599 didn't work out the way that I wanted, that I'm 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:28.520 back down to the beginning. I hear you, but I 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:29.320 hear you like that. 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:36.080 No, it's I get so much momentum, and I'm very 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.919 conditioned by my own self to be like, no, no, 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:42.320 can't do it, can't do it, can't do it. And 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:45.359 then when I surprised myself and I you know, you know, 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.200 last couple of months, last couple of months, last couple 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:52.839 last year has really been stepping out of my comfort zone, 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:57.320 pushing past fears, being able to move on when it's 0:04:57.400 --> 0:05:01.240 so easy in life to stay complacent because it feels safe, 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:05.360 but it's not safe because you're not achieving the best 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:09.920 version of yourself by doing that. So there has been 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:15.080 so much growth. Like you mentioned, my personal thing is 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:19.000 I get so much momentum. I mean, dancing with the Stars. 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:22.760 I was terrified to do it, and I saw so 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:25.960 much personal growth in such a short time that I'm like, 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.160 oh my gosh, Like I said to you, I never 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.679 knew like ballroom would be my therapy. I never knew 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:37.120 that dancing dancing would give me so much joy. It 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:41.479 was so freeing, it was so liberating, and it gave 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:47.040 me so much confidence and love, and I felt I 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:52.799 just felt really happy with myself. And then when things 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:55.320 like that are over, it's like it's hard to be like, 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.760 how do you stay with that without its slipping back 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:04.240 to internally not right in life, slipping back down? But 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.640 how do I keep myself at that level? 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.640 Yeah? First of all, I just want to say I'm 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:13.040 so proud of you t Before you even go on, 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.640 I have to say I remember it was the first 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:17.920 few years of Dancing with the Stars and I got 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.520 offered it, and they kept circling back a couple times 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:26.919 and no, peer I got offered it maybe twice. I 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:31.320 was like, Nope, there's no way that I'm getting on 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:36.280 that stage. That is so terrifying to do in the 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:40.559 fact that you've been terrified for so long and said 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:45.640 no for so long and then did it. That right, 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:49.360 there is a win that keeps the lights on in 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:54.839 your internal ballroom, because that truly is a win. That's 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.120 that's huge. The fact that, I mean, that was the 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:00.240 first TV show that my daughters have watched. You know this, 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.640 They were their friends were talking. I know Sage texted 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:08.599 you and was sharing her sentiment they were so proud 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:12.360 of you. Like to be able to see someone that 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.520 you know and love doing something that they're terrified to 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:20.680 do is massive. So I just want to say that, 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.760 I'm so so proud of you. And then we were 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:24.840 texting the other. 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:28.200 Oh, I'm taking it. I'm taking that you're proud and 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.080 not being like no, no, no, no. I got to tell 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:35.640 you that text from Sage like, I still look at it, 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.360 and that meant so much, saying I'm so proud that 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:39.920 you're my aunt. 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.400 Sorry that's okay, because I. 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:49.560 Felt like a purpose and my kids were so proud 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.520 and they did that. But just you know, having you 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:56.160 having your baby say that to me, like, and knowing 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.720 that you know, you raise your kids differently and they 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:01.880 don't watch TV and they don't you know, we have 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:06.080 very drastically different lives now, and knowing that that was 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:08.120 the first show, the TV show that they got to 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.520 watch and watches a family and watch with you and 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:14.320 Leanne like, I was so happy that Letters and Sage 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.560 watched it and that Sage was and to anyone listening, like, 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:22.160 Sage has a dance background, so it was really special 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:25.280 both girls watch, but Sage reaching out and being so 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:29.720 proud like really a lot. And then I was gone, 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:32.680 like I wish, like I think she texted me before 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.320 she saw the elimination. 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.560 Correct, right before, right before. 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:40.520 And I knew, and I was just like, she's so 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.720 proud of me. I'm just kidding, oh man. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:48.080 But the proudness didn't go away because you got eliminated 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.480 and you were off the show. That that is what 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:54.040 I'm saying, that she was proud of you for you 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:57.480 doing that, and the fact that she got to recognize 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:01.520 that it wasn't about the outcome. I know, for you, 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.960 clearly it would be amazing to win, right, we all 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.480 want to win, but there's also a win in the 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.640 fact that you showed up and did it for your kids, 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:12.160 that you showed up when it would flash to Liam 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.760 and the kids, I mean I saw Liam first because 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:18.439 he's the tallest. He was jumping up and down, clapping. 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:21.160 You know that she kept. 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:23.400 Saying that he was just like Liam in the crowd 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.560 was everything, and I was like, yeah, I know, I 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.560 just wish I could have won, like one more week. 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:32.400 I know, I get it. 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.680 It is disappointing, but I want to acknowledge what you 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.960 texted the other day, because you were texting about how 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:45.120 therapeutic dance was. Yeah, and you said it was in 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:48.400 the few weeks that I was rehearsing and dancing, it 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:53.000 was better than thirty years of therapy. It was why 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:54.160 does that have to stop? 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:59.800 It doesn't it doesn't, And everyone keeps saying, well, keep dancing, 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:03.120 and you know, I go back to the me of 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:06.080 it all very quickly, like no, no, no, how would 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.600 that work? Like who do I find? Like I can't 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:13.200 always a reason why I can't do it, And sadly, 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.400 you know, if it doesn't involve work or my kids, 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:20.240 I don't do stuff for myself, which is why, you know, 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.840 I've done therapy before, off and on for years. But 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:27.880 you know, this was quote unquote a work commitment. But 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:30.600 once I got there, it became way more than a 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:34.440 work commitment. You know, it wasn't about even you know, 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:37.000 I would have stayed there for free, like please, like, 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:40.319 let me just rehearse and have dances with my partner 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:45.280 for another ten weeks. Great, Like it was everything to 0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:48.720 me in the moment, And yeah, it doesn't have to stop. 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:50.880 I just don't know what that looks like and what 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:55.400 I am willing to commit. That's it, the commitment from 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.920 myself of continuing something that I see benefits to me 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:00.079 if it's not for work. 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:05.120 And I think that is the next level for you 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.040 in terms of your growth, is for it not to 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:14.680 necessarily be attached to the outcome of making it or 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.360 the next opportunity or work. Because this is what I do, 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.760 and I put all my focus, time and attention besides 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:24.720 kids into work and not myself. Because what you just 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.080 said to you, and you said this on text too, 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:30.560 it was everything. It lit me up. I would do 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:36.120 this for free that alone, Like kids do that. You 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:39.040 watch kids and you see them and they dance with wild, 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:42.080 abandon their care free. They do it because they want 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.440 to move. They feel it in their soul and they 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.280 just move. It's not because they're going to enter a 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:50.760 competition or because they're going to get money. And what 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:55.960 you shared and how powerful. It was how could you 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.200 not continue to do something that lit you up so 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:04.439 much and may so much of a difference mentally, emotionally, spiritually, 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.199 and the somatic effect that it had for you. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:19.520 It's true. Talk about therapy. Did I tell you how 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:26.160 I had to? Like I don't know, like emotional guttural breakthroughs, 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:30.320 like breakdowns kind of during the rehearsal process. 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.959 No, tell me like physical. 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:36.880 Okay, So two times this happens while Pasha and I 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.120 were rehearsing for the month, and it was actually I 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.480 think one happened the first week, but one was we 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.760 were trying to I was trying to learn the rumba, 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:52.440 which my brain couldn't compute because there's moves and once 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:56.120 they're together, they're fluid, and you know, he would teach 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:58.640 it to me and it seemed like a no brainer, 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:03.280 but my brain because the upper body moves one way 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:09.360 while the lower body moves the opposite way. And I 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.960 don't know if it's the way my brain and every 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.360 my composition is wired, or if it's from you know, 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.040 the mold poisoning, which you know, my neurons are just 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:21.160 like still not functioning. It takes like three years to 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.760 gab your system and it's been only a year. I 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:25.720 don't know what it was, but I was my brain 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:29.000 was trying. I could my brain was hurting. I could 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:34.200 feel it trying so hard to do this, and it 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.160 was like not connecting the upper half of my body 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.680 and the lower half wouldn't connect. No matter what my 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:41.800 brain was telling it to do, it wouldn't do it. 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:44.880 And I got to the point I eventually got it, 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.440 and once I got it, he was like and it 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:50.239 was fluid, and he was like, you do it beautifully. 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.800 But getting to that, I was like, it felt like 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:58.520 I was internally pushing through a brick wall. And at 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.800 one point I was focusing so hard on doing this 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:07.319 rumba move that I just started hysterically crying and then 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.240 hysterically laughing at the same time. And I was like, 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.760 I don't know what's happening right now. And Pasha was 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:15.880 so great therap because part of me is like, I'm 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:18.840 so embarrassed. I know this is some sort of emotional 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:23.080 like internal breakdown right now and slash breakthrough, and I'm 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:25.440 having it in front of a man that I've known 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.760 for a month. But it felt right, you know, he 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.520 gets me and he got me and my soul and 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:35.720 my brain instantly, which is why I like feel like 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:39.920 I'll have a profound connection to him forever. But yeah, 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:43.320 he made me feel safe. I really feel safe with him, 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:46.600 so I felt safe to grant it. There's cameras filming you, 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:48.920 which they never show this package. I wish they would 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:51.520 show the package of what the dancers and celebrities go 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:56.440 through because it's wild. There's so many emotional ups and downs. 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:59.080 But yeah, I could. It was that. It was almost 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.200 like you know when you're young and someone gets hurt 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:06.000 and you're so nervous that you laugh, yeah, and you're like, 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.840 why am I doing that? I feel bad for this person? 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:12.600 Why am I laughing? So I was laughing, but the 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.960 person that I was laughing at was me because I 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.040 was so hurt and tears, you know, I don't cry 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.760 like tears pouring out of my eyes, not from laughing, 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:24.920 from like letting go of like some sort of pain release. 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:28.200 So since you could look at it in retrospect, what 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.720 do you believe that it was that was happening. 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:37.560 I don't know. It tapped into something some emotional blockage 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.720 inside is what it tapped into. And I think it 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:44.200 went beyond my brain being like you can't learn, I 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:47.760 can't do this wrong move it just like there was 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:50.400 some there's some blockage and while I have up inside 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.760 and while I was trying to put physical with mental, 0:15:54.240 --> 0:16:00.600 it tapped into this emotional thing and that just came out. 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:06.920 Yeah, I mean it's I don't know the exact right answer. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:10.640 I can, you know, give you my sense, but yeah, 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:17.720 it sounds like there's so much armoring and protective mechanisms 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:22.440 that are in place to keep you safe, to keep 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.400 you functioning, you keep you moving forward in the ways 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:29.880 that you need. We'll call it, you know default pattern, right, 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:35.000 and when you do something somadically. I mean, this is 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.040 why talk therapy is great and it has its place 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:42.080 and it's amazing, but sometimes you can only talk so much, 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.080 but you need an experience. You need to break through, 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.440 you need to let out what is in there. And 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:51.440 that's what happened is it seems like you bumped up 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.160 against this pattern of I can't, I can't it's not 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:57.080 working and all of the thoughts that go along with that, 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:01.520 which stem from beliefs that you have yourself. I'm not 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:06.080 good enough, you know, I'm not able to do this. 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:09.600 I'm not talented. I can't dance or I can't sing. 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.040 I know singing was in there for you at one point, 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:19.000 and then it just breaks through and. 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.160 It was definitely a release. 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.640 Yeah, And how did you feel after? It? 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:30.280 Really good after and the normal me would be like 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:34.280 crying's week and why I'm when this boy see me cry? 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:41.600 And I was just okay afterwards. And guess what, I 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.960 rummled like a mofo after that, like I just because 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:50.560 it was I could do it. It was just myself 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:53.640 holding me back and it was just yeah, I don't know. 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.680 It's like you're in an emotional spiritual golf game. You're 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:00.760 playing against yourself, even though it feels like you're playing 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:09.280 against other opponents in writing anything you pick. So if 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:15.399 you had the breakthroughs, what would stop you from doing 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:16.040 that again? 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:23.600 Like tomorrow own worst enemy? I don't know, I'll tell 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:27.399 myself it's like this doesn't exist, Like where do I 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:31.080 find a dance instructor? Like you know, they have such 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.760 techniques to work with celebrities that haven't done this before 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:35.719 and get them ready. Like what am I going to do? 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:39.960 Just sign up for like random ballroom dance class down 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:42.680 the street with like random. 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:46.719 Okay, I'm naughty. I can't even I can't. I have 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.720 to get emotional and wave my arms. Are you telling me. 0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:52.520 You? 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:55.600 I was going to say, Tori, and I know you 0:18:55.640 --> 0:19:00.080 hate that. That the t that I know and I 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.959 said this on Oldish podcasts that can make shit happen. 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:06.840 You would do it for your kids, You would do 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:10.600 it for your telling me that you can't find a 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:14.760 dance instructor even anyone who has been on the show 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:19.320 to work with you once a week or twice a 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:22.200 week to make this happen. 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:26.280 Oh I did tell you that, didn't I I sure 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:27.640 I already found several. 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:29.240 No, you didn't, wonder. 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:31.760 I wonder now I told you I can't do it. 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:36.560 What like the dance troupe, the dance there's like a 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:40.080 pro dance troupe. I even reached out to them and 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.720 they were like, yeah when the show, like, we would 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:47.480 give you dance lessons. I know, fine, I'm making excuses. 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.680 Okay, wait, what led you to find the dance troupe? 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.400 Well, I've worked with them, but okay, really so I 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:57.320 saw them post my friend Steph, who's part of the 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.240 dance troupe who Ezra, who's a dance pro. It's stir 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:03.640 and she and I got very close, and I saw 0:20:03.680 --> 0:20:06.560 her and Roman, who's another part of the dance troup, 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:10.360 doing these beautiful moves, and I was just following her 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:14.280 and looking at her stories. But of course whatever ballroom 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:16.240 they were in, I was like, oh that is chic. 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:18.359 It was like a mix of like a downtown loft 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:21.680 slash ballroom. I was like, cool space. So I was like, Hey, 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:24.200 where's that ballroom and she's like, oh, it's a place 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:26.720 where we, you know, do stuff at And I was like, 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:29.399 oh cool. And I was like I would love to 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:32.760 do something there. And she's like, you know, we're willing to, 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:34.760 like we want to see you dance again too. We 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.960 all believe in you, like we'd be willing to work 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:41.480 with you in some capacity. And I was like, okay, 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:44.960 sounds good. So it's yeah, it's on me to follow up. 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:50.200 But that's the guidance, that's your internal navigation system leading 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:50.960 you two. 0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:54.840 Broken for years. No, I don't know my compass, you know, 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:56.320 you know, if I was lost in the woods, I 0:20:56.320 --> 0:20:59.680 would I wouldn't know what direction, Like leave me bread 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:01.000 crumb please. 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:10.360 Okay, we're both a little directionally challenged. Yes, and maybe 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.439 your picker at times, as they say, that's like the 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:17.159 cool word, right, the picker is a little you know 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:21.640 that could be enhanced just a little bit. Yep, it's 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:26.119 a little wonky. But I don't believe that your guidance 0:21:26.119 --> 0:21:28.399 system because you've shared me a few times, even in 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:31.520 the last month or two. I want to say, where 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:34.800 you've had these intuitive moments and it's coming, and they're 0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:39.560 coming more and more quickly, and you're recognizing them. So 0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:42.560 that was it right there through Instagram? Oh great ballroom. 0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:44.479 Oh that's a good aesthetic, and all of a sudden, 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:46.880 we believe in you. We want to dance with you, 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:49.159 We would love to do that. 0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:51.440 Yeah, it's right there. 0:21:53.040 --> 0:21:55.720 So I'm going to give you little brother advice. I'm 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:58.080 going to take whatever coach hat off because I know 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:06.000 that's annoying just being a little brother. Okay. The opportunities there. 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:10.000 What I was texting you the other day too, is 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:16.880 the opportunity is to keep moving. The momentum is already 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:22.200 there without the attachment of this is going to lead 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:24.280 to something, because it is going to lead to something. 0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:28.760 You being led to dancing more to connecting with yourself more, 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:32.840 to feeling more confident, to having breakthroughs, to feeling better 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:37.280 about yourself and loving yourself, and all of that leads 0:22:37.359 --> 0:22:43.720 to better, bigger, more, it does. I see it every 0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:49.080 day and you know this already. I know, I know. 0:22:49.400 --> 0:22:51.120 I just wish you were here in person that could 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:51.760 make me do it. 0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:54.600 I mean what, I literally have to take your hand 0:22:54.600 --> 0:22:57.040 and lead you to the dance studio. I will fly down. 0:22:57.320 --> 0:22:59.960 I will fly down. I will take that little hand 0:23:00.040 --> 0:23:04.080 and I will guide you to the dance studio and 0:23:04.160 --> 0:23:06.120 drop you off because I'm not dancing, but I will 0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:06.440 take you. 0:23:08.760 --> 0:23:13.200 Will you sing Oh no, you freestyle and I'll dance 0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:13.399 to it? 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:20.600 Oh easy, I'll freestyle. I'll freestyle or sing you dance? Deal. 0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:25.000 I really want you to go. I don't want I. 0:23:24.920 --> 0:23:26.280 Want to do it, and I need to do it 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:27.960 on my own because at some point, even if you 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:31.760 were to come and help me go, it's still about 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:35.200 working with myself and making myself believe that I can 0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:39.200 do these things when it's not attached to work or kids. 0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:41.280 It's attached to me. 0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:46.040 Yeah, just the importance of doing stuff for you. 0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:47.879 Now. 0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:52.360 So what are you feeling right now? I feel like. 0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:59.720 Pass I want a hot dog, so random you said, 0:23:59.720 --> 0:24:01.080 trust right intuition lately? 0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:04.359 Okay, well you can always get a hot dog, but 0:24:05.800 --> 0:24:09.000 oh tee. I just I want to see you keep going. 0:24:09.080 --> 0:24:11.280 I want to see you dancing. I want to receive texts. 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:16.040 And it's not about me, but selfishly, I love when 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:20.000