Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and I heart
Speaker 1: radio podcast. Hello and welcome to the most dramatic podcast ever.
Speaker 1: I'm Chris Harrison once again, joined by Lauren Ziema here
Speaker 1: at the home office in Austin, Texas. We've been away
Speaker 1: for a little bit. I mean took a week off.
Speaker 1: We were on spring break, springbreak twenty twenty three, and
Speaker 1: we have the tattoos to prove it. Oh god, the
Speaker 1: kids had springbreak last week TCU. The Texas schools were
Speaker 1: off and we had a great experience because the kids
Speaker 1: had spring break. But we decided we did a kids
Speaker 1: spring break and a friend's springbreak. Yeah, we did a
Speaker 1: kid's adult spring break. I mean, we're making it sound like, look,
Speaker 1: did we do a few tequila shots. Yes. But what
Speaker 1: was really sweet about it and how the idea was
Speaker 1: born was that your son Josh came to you and said, Dad,
Speaker 1: I'd like to go down to Mexico for spring break.
Speaker 1: And we ultimately, you know, since he came up with
Speaker 1: the idea, we're like, oh, well, okay, we'll be there
Speaker 1: with you, and daughter Taylor wanted to come to it
Speaker 1: kind of grew into the kids each bringing a couple
Speaker 1: of friends, and then we brought a couple of friends
Speaker 1: who know the kids very well, and it turned into
Speaker 1: this really beautiful experience. I was almost in tears one night, thinking,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is so cool. Chris's kids love
Speaker 1: him and I guess enjoy hanging out with us and
Speaker 1: other adults so much that we've just had this like
Speaker 1: like they weren't off raging, they were just hanging with us.
Speaker 1: It was so cool. There's a time you go through
Speaker 1: with your children, and if you have children, you're listening
Speaker 1: out there. You know, you're just trying to survive. There's
Speaker 1: that survival segment. What is that age range? It's really
Speaker 1: zero to high school? Oh high so childhood and you
Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. And it's not lesser than
Speaker 1: it's lovely. I remember the great times of seeing Disney
Speaker 1: World through my kid's eyes, the marvel of it all
Speaker 1: and fireworks and the things that you started for granted
Speaker 1: as an adult, but when you see it through your
Speaker 1: kid's eyes, it's different and it's new. I honestly didn't
Speaker 1: understand Disney until I went with my kids, and then
Speaker 1: you get it. So I'm not saying it's less than,
Speaker 1: but even on those trips, there's a survival factor. You
Speaker 1: you're significant other, You're just trying to get through the day.
Speaker 1: You're worried about the next meal, the dirty diaper, the
Speaker 1: sun block, all of it. I have heard parents say
Speaker 1: the phrase before, we're trying to tire them out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're just I mean, you're going from event to
Speaker 1: event and you just hope they pass out at a
Speaker 1: good hour so you can get up and do it
Speaker 1: all again. And do you call it surviving with joy?
Speaker 1: There needs to be a phrase for it. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's parenting. If I'm being honest. There's not as much
Speaker 1: joy in the moment as there is later looking back
Speaker 1: at it, you're like, I know, I'm building memories here
Speaker 1: and that's important. And so a lot of times you
Speaker 1: are going through the motions and you're not having the
Speaker 1: best time, but you look back with joy. It's a
Speaker 1: bit of a beating and I did it. I'm proud
Speaker 1: I did it. And what brings you the most joy
Speaker 1: about looking back at those survival years? I guess just
Speaker 1: I know the kids enjoyed those moments, they built memories.
Speaker 1: You build memories with them. But here's what's funny, And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying let's leave them home and just let
Speaker 1: them play with the refrigerator box the rest of the
Speaker 1: rest of their lives. But you know, I talked to
Speaker 1: my kids now, and they were fortunate enough to travel
Speaker 1: around the world quite a bit when I was shooting
Speaker 1: the batch or in Bacherette. They don't remember a lot
Speaker 1: of it. They don't remember being in Paris, they don't
Speaker 1: remember being in Italy. Every now and then I think
Speaker 1: they remember things, but honestly, I think it's from a
Speaker 1: picture they've seen. You know, I don't know. We should
Speaker 1: talk to a child psychologist sometime. Is it even worth
Speaker 1: these moments? Is it worth traveling around the world? Is
Speaker 1: it worth going to Disney when they're too and they
Speaker 1: will have no recollection of this moment? Well? Was it
Speaker 1: worth it for you as a parent to watch the
Speaker 1: joy in their eyes even if they don't remember that time? Sometimes,
Speaker 1: but many times not. You you take your kids to
Speaker 1: the beach, you wake up, there's the sun screening and
Speaker 1: sunscreens in the eyes, and kids are crying and yelling,
Speaker 1: and there's the diapers or the swim diapers depending on
Speaker 1: where they are, and that level of potty training and
Speaker 1: um it's some heavy lifting and you're carrying so much stuff.
Speaker 1: You got the car seats, so you got the baby.
Speaker 1: Be come with stuff. Yeah, they come with a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff. So you know, for for a while you
Speaker 1: just feel like home field advantage is a good thing.
Speaker 1: Let's just let's just stay at home, go to the
Speaker 1: community pool, go to a water park, go to the
Speaker 1: local lake. Something easy where we can now be back
Speaker 1: home in the friendly confines of our That's why my
Speaker 1: friends with young kids are like, come over for dinner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: home field advantage is huge. Lady, you stay on the schedule,
Speaker 1: be all your crap is there. String it back around,
Speaker 1: because I did deter you from your point, which was
Speaker 1: you were saying it those times you were surviving, yes,
Speaker 1: but now she was triggering. I think I just went
Speaker 1: to a dark play. I'm going to get you another
Speaker 1: tequila shot, as if we didn't have enough in Mexico.
Speaker 1: But now we just had this great week hanging with
Speaker 1: your kids who are both I mean in college but
Speaker 1: actually legally adults now. And I will go back to
Speaker 1: that is, yes they are. Now you will get to
Speaker 1: a point where it is this amazing time to travel
Speaker 1: with your kids because they're no longer just your kids.
Speaker 1: You're no longer worried about telling them to do stuff
Speaker 1: or don't do stuff, and stop hitting your sister. They
Speaker 1: actually become these great young adults that you enjoy spending
Speaker 1: time with and talking to. Now, to answer your first question,
Speaker 1: I think the groundwork was laid in all those trips
Speaker 1: how to act, how to be. I think whatever that
Speaker 1: little chromosome is to go out and experience life and
Speaker 1: love to travel and love to do things. I think
Speaker 1: you get that from those early days, and so maybe
Speaker 1: one begets the other well totally right. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I think parenting is the hardest job in the world
Speaker 1: and no human interestingly, it's the one thing we don't
Speaker 1: go to school for. It's the one job you don't
Speaker 1: have to get a certification for, and yet you're responsible
Speaker 1: for human life. Now. I always say the craziest moment
Speaker 1: is when you just walk out of the hospital with
Speaker 1: you know, no user guide, no nothing, and you just
Speaker 1: you're carrying your child and you strap them into the
Speaker 1: car seat and you're driving home. You just keep looking
Speaker 1: in the review mirror thinking how did they let me
Speaker 1: drive home with a child? I have a human being
Speaker 1: in my car. I don't know what to do with it,
Speaker 1: and they did. They just let me leave. There was
Speaker 1: no doctor that said you should fill out a form
Speaker 1: first anything. I just here's your baby, Go live life.
Speaker 1: But I was actually having a conversation with the kids.
Speaker 1: We were talking about just like parenting. I was talking
Speaker 1: to some of their friends about it, and I'm like, look, you, guys,
Speaker 1: I look at my own mom, and Okay, if I
Speaker 1: was going to go back, did she do everything perfectly? No?
Speaker 1: But what human can parent perfectly? It is impossible to do.
Speaker 1: No one prepares you for it. And look all those
Speaker 1: mistake whatever, the things you do along the way make
Speaker 1: us all unique. And most importantly, it's about where you
Speaker 1: end up, right, And I look at what do I
Speaker 1: wish my mom hadn't let's open up the trauma door,
Speaker 1: you know, done things like not let me hang out
Speaker 1: with any friends after prom or not or not ground
Speaker 1: me for getting anything less than an A. But anyway,
Speaker 1: if that was my worst problem in life, I got
Speaker 1: off great, and I think it all worked like I
Speaker 1: became a successful, competent, accomplished individual. So you go through
Speaker 1: those years of survival, you do the best you can
Speaker 1: and what you've ended up with is two amazing kids,
Speaker 1: and they had amazing friends. And we were literally sitting
Speaker 1: there like you and I kind of expected that they
Speaker 1: want to go out one night and you know, kind
Speaker 1: of go crazy and have some spring break fun, and
Speaker 1: it said we were just like playing cards and hanging
Speaker 1: and having a great time. I think the takeaway is
Speaker 1: I've always said this, there's two things you can do
Speaker 1: as a parent. You can love your kids and be
Speaker 1: present in their lives. Those are the two most important things. Now.
Speaker 1: Between those two navigational beacons, there's this huge spectrum of
Speaker 1: decisions you're going to make and things you're going to do,
Speaker 1: and some are good, some are bad, like you're saying,
Speaker 1: but those two pillars, I think of the most important things.
Speaker 1: I always tell young new parents love them and be present.
Speaker 1: And when I say be present, I think that led
Speaker 1: to them being the people they are now because you
Speaker 1: know who their friends are, You've spent time with them.
Speaker 1: And it's not being the overbearing helicopter parent, which I
Speaker 1: probably have been at times. You ebb and flow through
Speaker 1: that stuff, but being present in their lives is so
Speaker 1: vital and so important to know who they're hanging out
Speaker 1: with what they're into, and so we have this common bond.
Speaker 1: And they're very different human beings. My daughter is so
Speaker 1: different than Josh my boy, and I don't treat them
Speaker 1: the same. I don't talk to them the same. We
Speaker 1: have different experiences together. I love my time with Tay
Speaker 1: and I love my time with They're very different, and
Speaker 1: I love that about them. They're very unique individuals and
Speaker 1: I think treating them as such is huge. And so
Speaker 1: when we go on these trips now as adults, the
Speaker 1: groundwork has been laid. I think if you haven't done
Speaker 1: the groundwork, if you haven't laid that foundation, when they
Speaker 1: get to be nineteen twenty one, you're going on a
Speaker 1: trip with a stranger, and you're the stranger, They're not
Speaker 1: going to want to be with a stranger. They're going
Speaker 1: to want to be with someone they can relate to
Speaker 1: and someone who they consider a friend. And and I'm
Speaker 1: not saying be your kid's friend. And I was very
Speaker 1: careful while my kids were growing up to remind them
Speaker 1: I'm not your friend, I'm your dad, I'm your parents.
Speaker 1: You know what, I just realized you avoided being their
Speaker 1: friend when they were a kid, so that you could
Speaker 1: be their friend when they became an adult. That's the
Speaker 1: bumper sticker. That's what you truly, that's what you do,
Speaker 1: you know, because now they just love to hang out
Speaker 1: with you. Your mom always says this, Donna shout out
Speaker 1: about doing the work now, Do the work now, or
Speaker 1: do twice as much work later. When it comes to kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you make the hard decisions. You parent. You don't just
Speaker 1: you know, be their friend and hope they like you.
Speaker 1: But you make those hard decisions, and you're you're somewhat
Speaker 1: strict on them now when they're young, so that later
Speaker 1: there is less work to do because they are better
Speaker 1: human beings. Wow. Well, I mean we that was a
Speaker 1: good a lot of good takeaways for the fact that,
Speaker 1: like what we've avoided addressing is that we're adults who
Speaker 1: just made up an excuse to go on spring break.
Speaker 1: And as you mentioned, uh, we did invite some friends
Speaker 1: and that did include a couple of our best friends,
Speaker 1: Andrew and Ivana Firestone. Yes, bachelor number was he four?
Speaker 1: I think it was four. He was four. I think
Speaker 1: it was our fifth season overall. Yeah, it was Alex Michelle.
Speaker 1: Then we went to Aaron Burge. Then I think Trista
Speaker 1: came in as the Bachelorette, and then Bob Ginny, and
Speaker 1: then I think it was Andrew, so he would have
Speaker 1: been five. What was so incredible was hearing stories like
Speaker 1: about how Andrew remembers Josh being so little that he
Speaker 1: could like pick him up and send him down a counter.
Speaker 1: And you and Andrew were becoming friends then, and that
Speaker 1: now to see him hang like all of us still
Speaker 1: hanging out, it was such a beautiful week. It was
Speaker 1: just great. Yeah, when I met Andrew, this would have
Speaker 1: been back in what two thousand and three, somewhere around there,
Speaker 1: that Josh was one two years old. I remember taking
Speaker 1: him to lunch when I met Andrew for the first
Speaker 1: time when we named him the Bachelor, and we're sitting
Speaker 1: at a restaurant and he and Josh got like throwing
Speaker 1: French fries at each other. There was a little food fight,
Speaker 1: and that's how they met each other. And I have
Speaker 1: watched his kids be born and grow up. He's watched
Speaker 1: my kids grow and it's an amazing friendship all that
Speaker 1: came out of that franchise. So I am always I
Speaker 1: always say I'm grateful for that. And this also to
Speaker 1: say for all of you parents with young kids entering
Speaker 1: into the dangerous territory of spring break trips. I feel you.
Speaker 1: I love you. Survive, get through it. You're building the
Speaker 1: foundation for a greater tomorrow. It's your presidential parents. Yes,
Speaker 1: I feel you. It is. Look I'm telling you, there's
Speaker 1: just some moments when you are putting your lathering up
Speaker 1: your kids, you're going to the beach, and you're just
Speaker 1: like everyone's screen overall sunscreen always, no matter what age.
Speaker 1: I mean, I will say I was still spraying sunscreen
Speaker 1: on the kids. But man, you're just thinking what am
Speaker 1: I doing here now? I'm telling them, don't tan, please,
Speaker 1: don't tell, don't lay out, put the fifty on. Happy
Speaker 1: spring break to everybody. And we had a pretty drama
Speaker 1: free spring break, we did, but the drama found us
Speaker 1: there was I got it. I got this text message.
Speaker 1: I have a group of buddies I used to be
Speaker 1: golf buddies with back in Los Angeles, and I got
Speaker 1: this text message about this kind of hilarious scandal that
Speaker 1: was going on at this old club near where you
Speaker 1: and I lived, Sherwood Country Club out in Westlake Village, California.
Speaker 1: We used to live in Westlake and I was actually
Speaker 1: member a member of this club for a little bit
Speaker 1: before I left, and there was a cheating scan handle.
Speaker 1: Not the craziest thing that there was an affair. This
Speaker 1: man had an affair with an alleged affair with the
Speaker 1: tennis pro, one of the tennis pros. I mean it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're, you know, writing a bee treat book,
Speaker 1: so it checks a lot of boxes of standard drama.
Speaker 1: This was This was fodder in my group text message
Speaker 1: and we were kind of laughing about everybody's making their jokes,
Speaker 1: and somebody sent me the letter. I have the actual
Speaker 1: this letter. What happened was the woman who was cheated
Speaker 1: on by her husband, she took the directory from the
Speaker 1: club and sent everybody a hard copy letter, a stamp
Speaker 1: letter in your mailbox. She sent everybody a letter, wait
Speaker 1: what detailing this affair warning, not even an email, warning
Speaker 1: the community of this act that had taken place against her.
Speaker 1: And I have the actual letter with me. It was
Speaker 1: sent to me. I'm going to read you this. I
Speaker 1: didn't think much of it, but this story then blew up.
Speaker 1: It's in the New York Post. It's in page six.
Speaker 1: I believe it was in the Daily Mail. I was
Speaker 1: going to say, we have to clarify that the reason
Speaker 1: you're bringing it up is because it's now become a headline,
Speaker 1: a dramatic headline, like you got sent this by one
Speaker 1: of our producers and the person said, do you want
Speaker 1: to talk about this on the podcast this week? It
Speaker 1: was like a page sixth article, like you said, It
Speaker 1: was in daily mail and you're like, wait, someone texted
Speaker 1: me that days ago, and I have the actual letter this.
Speaker 1: So you thought it was just country club drama, but
Speaker 1: it is main national news and here is the letter
Speaker 1: that this woman sent her entire country club. Okay, so
Speaker 1: this just think about this. You're going to your mailbox.
Speaker 1: It's a Tuesday. You open up a letter from this
Speaker 1: woman you don't know, and it says, dear Sherwood Members.
Speaker 1: Like many of you, I, my children, and my husband
Speaker 1: have been longtime members. I feel it's necessary for my
Speaker 1: own sake and maybe even yours, to tell all of
Speaker 1: you what happened to me where I live, a place
Speaker 1: I bragged to my friends by calling it my community,
Speaker 1: filled with good people, a safe environment. To my horror,
Speaker 1: I recently found out my husband had been romantically involved
Speaker 1: with one of our tennis club employees. She actually named
Speaker 1: her here where I live. I feel betrayed. She's also
Speaker 1: been to our home. I'm letting our community of respectable
Speaker 1: families and members of this home wrecker. She's missing a
Speaker 1: few words, Yes, who's working among us? I have to
Speaker 1: see her and see her smug smile at the pub.
Speaker 1: The pub is a kind of a little I know,
Speaker 1: you know what a pub is. But there's a place
Speaker 1: called the Pub at Sherwood, and so I'm trying hard
Speaker 1: to avoid her, keep her away from my children, but
Speaker 1: she's there. She has no respect for this community. I
Speaker 1: never expected this to happen. We engage and are friendly
Speaker 1: to the employees that work here, and this is what
Speaker 1: happened to our family, my husband and I. This is
Speaker 1: the best part. My husband and I are working this
Speaker 1: out privately, are you? But I couldn't remain silent. I
Speaker 1: don't trust her. She's here as an employee, and she's
Speaker 1: become a home wrecker, one that I have to run
Speaker 1: into time to time. I can no longer keep this
Speaker 1: to myself. We chose this community for many good and
Speaker 1: healthy reasons, but it's been a nightmare. I have to
Speaker 1: see her in an exclusive club. I belong to. I
Speaker 1: had to break my silence. I'm so sad this happened
Speaker 1: in my own paradise. Wow, that is the full letter
Speaker 1: that the entire membership of Sherwood Country Club received. Now
Speaker 1: I have to I have to ask a quick question.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at it. You have it, she didn't sign it.
Speaker 1: Do people know who this is? Is there any way?
Speaker 1: This is a prank? Not a prank? How do you
Speaker 1: know this has been confirmed by the people at the
Speaker 1: club that I your friends. I actually have a picture.
Speaker 1: I won't post this, but I have a picture of
Speaker 1: the couple and the woman. There is the only discrepancy
Speaker 1: I have, and the wife may be mistaken here. I
Speaker 1: don't think she's actually a tennis pro. Well, she says
Speaker 1: tennis club employee. Yes she I from what I understand
Speaker 1: from my people on the ground, I think she just
Speaker 1: works at the pub. Oh, I think she's just one
Speaker 1: of the cocktail waitresses. Woman actually kind of gave her
Speaker 1: a nice promotion. Yes, and so. But the fact that
Speaker 1: this is blown up in this community, and I want
Speaker 1: to know the only reason that you felt okay reading
Speaker 1: this is because this had already been published in part,
Speaker 1: like in page six in the Daily Mail. Now it's
Speaker 1: in the New York Post, in the Daily Mail. This
Speaker 1: has gone national? Okay, and so and the fact that
Speaker 1: she mailed a hard copy to four or five hundred people.
Speaker 1: First of all, I wish i'd imagine working at the
Speaker 1: FedEx where she bought this printed out. But here's here's
Speaker 1: here's my question to you. Yes, reading that letter, it
Speaker 1: really seems like the husband had no part in this
Speaker 1: the affair. Oh. I mean, she's not blaming him at all,
Speaker 1: Like she's like, you know, this happened to my family,
Speaker 1: This happened to my husband. This is a nightmare. How
Speaker 1: did this woman do that? I have to see this woman.
Speaker 1: And again, granted, yes the woman. It takes two to tango,
Speaker 1: but I think you may want to just look a
Speaker 1: little bit at home, and your husband is a much
Speaker 1: bigger issue to deal with here. Well, you know, as
Speaker 1: she says, quote, my husband and I are working this
Speaker 1: out private. Yes, maybe she's not going to name him,
Speaker 1: she names the woman. I look, I guess this is
Speaker 1: so wild to me that I've forgot for my brain
Speaker 1: to even go there. But a yes, you're right, as
Speaker 1: it's always that to share the blame, you know, it's funny.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's cheating on trend nationally. Maybe that why
Speaker 1: did this story make the news? Because the Vanderpump scandal
Speaker 1: happened and media are thinking like, oh, literally, cheating is
Speaker 1: trending right now, it's a hot topic. Let's so let's
Speaker 1: just make this random country club story at national news story.
Speaker 1: And it really is because the fact that it got
Speaker 1: into the New York Post and the Daily Mail is
Speaker 1: fascinating to me that this story from Westlake Village, California,
Speaker 1: and it just it hit home for me because it
Speaker 1: was close to our home. I know a lot of
Speaker 1: the members there. We were there for quite some time,
Speaker 1: and it's just fascinating that this blew up so big.
Speaker 1: And you're right, that's the question I asked you the
Speaker 1: other day. Why are these scandals getting so much pressed?
Speaker 1: I think this one because of vander Pump rules. I
Speaker 1: think it's like piggybacking off of I mean that's media
Speaker 1: kind of works like that. If one topic is big,
Speaker 1: you keep writing. If you see it's clicking while you
Speaker 1: keep adding on to it, adding onto it, fueling the fire. Literally,
Speaker 1: but I do it does again bring up that because
Speaker 1: you just mentioned the not mentioning the husband deal. I
Speaker 1: keep thinking about the who's to blame and how much
Speaker 1: to blame. I think it's so case by case, but
Speaker 1: I've come up with this. I think in cheating, both
Speaker 1: parties are to blame, but both parties might not share
Speaker 1: equal blame. What do you think equal? I think both
Speaker 1: parties are to blame. Both parties aren't equally responsible in
Speaker 1: that the husband is much more responsible to his wife
Speaker 1: and family than the waitress who doesn't know them, so
Speaker 1: he's much more respond both both to blame. Yes, he's
Speaker 1: more responsible. Because I was actually talking I was talking
Speaker 1: to a friend about this, you know, as the vander
Speaker 1: pump roll scandal continues, and we were talking about like,
Speaker 1: when are you also obligated say that you're Because I
Speaker 1: knew a friend who she went on a few days
Speaker 1: with this guy, finds out he is actually still married,
Speaker 1: Like he was a bit older, he didn't have social
Speaker 1: media and so she couldn't really look this up, but
Speaker 1: he had told her, look, I'm separated from my wife.
Speaker 1: No finds out like it's still married, not separated, still
Speaker 1: actively together. And the question is like, does that woman
Speaker 1: go tell this guy's wife, does she have an obligation.
Speaker 1: If you're saying people are responsible, I actually think in
Speaker 1: that case, I would be like, you just went on
Speaker 1: a couple dates with him, Just stay out of it.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, just cut ties. Worry about
Speaker 1: your own mental health. And I know this. It's sad
Speaker 1: that you know, brocode taking care of the guy or
Speaker 1: women looking after women. Yeah, if you fight me on that,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to argue, but I agree with you
Speaker 1: at that point, just cut bait. And I also think,
Speaker 1: like I don't think the woman's necessarily gonna believe you.
Speaker 1: I would think the guy would find a way to
Speaker 1: talk himself out of it, like call this girl crazy,
Speaker 1: you know something like I don't know. I think it's
Speaker 1: going to do this the third party person more harm
Speaker 1: than it is going to do the whole situation good.
Speaker 1: But like for example here, like when you're also talking
Speaker 1: about taking things public or informing people. If I go
Speaker 1: back to this letter, what sort of blows my mind
Speaker 1: for this woman is just that I don't think i'd
Speaker 1: bring this. Why would she want to tell her whole
Speaker 1: community about this? Why would she want to tell her
Speaker 1: old community? That's what strikes me is she this letter
Speaker 1: reads like a warning like this is a public service
Speaker 1: announcement warning the community essentially that there is a predator,
Speaker 1: or it would be like she feels like she has
Speaker 1: to inform, but ultimately I think it's only hurt her.
Speaker 1: It's like me saying there's a mountain lion. Lock up
Speaker 1: your pets because there's a mountain lion loose. I'm doing
Speaker 1: everybody a service. This could affect all of us. Hid
Speaker 1: your kids, Hide your wife. I mean, she's treating this like, beware,
Speaker 1: this woman is out there hunting and you could be next.
Speaker 1: And that's what struck me as so odd about the
Speaker 1: letter is that it just absolved It didn't absolve the husband,
Speaker 1: but it really didn't do anything to say I think
Speaker 1: unfortunately for her, this letter just makes her look unhinged,
Speaker 1: like I actually think in this case, she's been wronged
Speaker 1: by you know, according to her story her hard copy letter,
Speaker 1: her husband has cheated on her. But I think she
Speaker 1: now looks unhinged, like because who brints out five hundred
Speaker 1: letters and mails them individually to people, and who exposes
Speaker 1: what their family's going through like this, and who, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know what I'm saying, right, I just
Speaker 1: went back to earlier earlier comment just seeing her at
Speaker 1: the local Kinkos and Westley. You're at the Kinkos, you
Speaker 1: and you printed this out for her. You couldn't not
Speaker 1: read it. Each copy that comes out. She just looks
Speaker 1: at it angrily. It did unemployee at the Kinkos have
Speaker 1: an obligation to say it, ma'am, are you sure you
Speaker 1: want to do this? And think about the folding, the stuffing,
Speaker 1: and the licking of all those envelopes and the stamping.
Speaker 1: Her fingers are covering a papercut each one was just
Speaker 1: like a son. She has done herself harm. Here it's
Speaker 1: you're I think you almost hit it on the on
Speaker 1: the head. She was wronged, but now she's actually wrong.
Speaker 1: I just okay, Like I've been cheated on before in
Speaker 1: a relationship, I did not tell anyone in my life
Speaker 1: until I knew the relationship was over. I knew we
Speaker 1: weren't gonna like come back from it, and we were done.
Speaker 1: And then I was just like, okay, here's what's going on.
Speaker 1: Because what I thought to myself was and that was
Speaker 1: my choice. I'm not saying it's for everybody, but what
Speaker 1: I thought to myself was, this person has already messed
Speaker 1: up so much of my life. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: let them mess up all these other parts of my
Speaker 1: world that I've built with this fire they've started over here, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to maintain these other areas of my life
Speaker 1: and be sane in them, and they're going to be
Speaker 1: safe spaces for me. And I'm not going to let
Speaker 1: this chaos hurt everything else I've worked on. Like she's
Speaker 1: she's in the end, She says, I'm so sad this
Speaker 1: happened in my own paradise. I think you maybe could
Speaker 1: have maintained some of the paradise if you would have
Speaker 1: not right fired off the five hundred copies. Well, the
Speaker 1: good news is they're working on it privately and we
Speaker 1: are gonna and look, I know the New York Posts
Speaker 1: love this. They because their headline was very misleading. Hollywood
Speaker 1: Country club wife names Tennis promistress in letter to members.
Speaker 1: It's not a hundred, it's not a Hollywood country club.
Speaker 1: It's about it's about thirty miles. I will say. Caitlin
Speaker 1: Jenner and Kenny g are both members. So there you go.
Speaker 1: There you go. All right, we're gonna take a quick
Speaker 1: break when we come back, and I are going to
Speaker 1: take your questions. We asked you a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: ago to fire away some questions, any comments, questions you
Speaker 1: had for us. We are going to dive in. Especially
Speaker 1: we got a lot of marriage questions, questions about our wedding.
Speaker 1: We're going to answer them when we come back. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the Most Dramatic Podcast Ever. Chris Harrison Lauren
Speaker 1: Ziema on a very special edition of the Most Dramatic
Speaker 1: Podcast Ever. Because we're going to answer your questions. We
Speaker 1: have had some amazing guests on over the last few weeks.
Speaker 1: But one of the things I really wanted to do
Speaker 1: with this platform and so did Elz, is talk to
Speaker 1: you and make you a part of this platform it
Speaker 1: and this forum. And so we're going to dive in
Speaker 1: and a lot of the questions. Very interesting that a
Speaker 1: lot of the questions that we got had to do
Speaker 1: with our wedding. Yes, well, we have said we were
Speaker 1: going to share some stuff. Our producers sent us the
Speaker 1: questions from you all, and there's a whole page with
Speaker 1: the title at the top wedding Questions. So we're going
Speaker 1: to dive right in, starting off, and thank you all
Speaker 1: for your questions and for caring. Starting off with Emily,
Speaker 1: Emily says, since you both have had a wedding before,
Speaker 1: will you have a traditional wedding? I think the answer
Speaker 1: is a resounding no, and yes, well I mean, by
Speaker 1: the way Emily, I actually think she put this perfectly.
Speaker 1: Since you both have had a wedding before, will you
Speaker 1: have a traditional wedding? Not something we've talked about so much,
Speaker 1: which is we did both have like kind of hundred,
Speaker 1: one hundred and twenty people weddings before on our first marriages.
Speaker 1: You remember how many were at my first? It was big,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember how many. Yeah, well, yeah, you
Speaker 1: probably in planet. That's why I don't remember. I was twelve,
Speaker 1: that's why. So yeah, I think we've had that discussion
Speaker 1: from that frame of mind a lot of like like
Speaker 1: I don't think we're going to have a bridal party,
Speaker 1: you know, in a groom's party, but I don't think
Speaker 1: we're gonna have bridesmaids and groomsmen, because it just feels
Speaker 1: like we did that and we maybe don't need the
Speaker 1: pomp and circumstance of all that. We do want this
Speaker 1: to have kind of a more casual, intimate feel as
Speaker 1: a wedding there will be traditional parts to it that
Speaker 1: I think are important to you and I. But I agree. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we had discussed this, and Lord and I have talked
Speaker 1: about this a lot. Well, actually we yeah, And you
Speaker 1: even said kind of the big decision we made was
Speaker 1: about how traditional it would be. Is you had said, oh,
Speaker 1: we could just kind of like have dinner and then
Speaker 1: maybe sort of stand up and get married in front
Speaker 1: of everybody. And I said, well, actually, the one thing
Speaker 1: that is really important to me that we do traditionally
Speaker 1: is I do want to have a walk down the aisle,
Speaker 1: like I do want to have that moment of walking
Speaker 1: towards you and that sort of I think there's so
Speaker 1: much magic captured. Everybody who's been to a wedding sees
Speaker 1: like they want to look at the groom's face in
Speaker 1: the bride's face, and there is so much magic in
Speaker 1: that moment of walking towards each other coming together. So
Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, and I was wrong. Oh yeah. As
Speaker 1: soon as you said that in one of our discussions,
Speaker 1: I quickly pivoted and realized you were one hundred percent right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want that moment too. I want to see you
Speaker 1: when you you know, I want to separate for some
Speaker 1: time and then you walk into that moment and we
Speaker 1: share that. So I agree that that traditional part of it.
Speaker 1: And then we will have a somewhat traditional ceremony, yes,
Speaker 1: and get married. Someone will marry us, someone will marry us,
Speaker 1: and we will get me, so that there will be
Speaker 1: some traditional aspects to it, but overall it'll be a
Speaker 1: dressed down version because, as she said, we've kind of
Speaker 1: both been through this before. Yeah, we've had a couple
Speaker 1: birthdays before. Our biggest priority is to not get caught
Speaker 1: up in the semantics and to make sure which I
Speaker 1: mean all the blessings every bribing room gets caught up
Speaker 1: in it. You have to because you want to do
Speaker 1: all these great traditions, but then at the same time
Speaker 1: they can be so stressful. We want to do our
Speaker 1: best to just try to have a really fun party
Speaker 1: for us, yes, yeah, no, I mean yeah, and for
Speaker 1: the people we love and celebrate for sure. All Right,
Speaker 1: Donna says, do you have as your mom? Donna, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, how funny would it be? It would be amazing.
Speaker 1: She's like, Lauren won't answer my text, so I'm going
Speaker 1: to write in a pot. No, she doesn't even know
Speaker 1: how to do that. She doesn't. I love Godliver, but
Speaker 1: she doesn't know how to send. In a question on Instagram,
Speaker 1: DMS Donna says, do you have a wedding venue in mind?
Speaker 1: Will it be a destination wedding? Part A yes, part
Speaker 1: B yes, We're not going to disclose. We have found
Speaker 1: our location. I think we finally did. It was something
Speaker 1: you and I had talked about in everything was on
Speaker 1: the table for quite some time. When you did take
Speaker 1: me to Europe for my birthday. One thing we were
Speaker 1: we came back from then, people were like, did you
Speaker 1: get married in Europe? We thought you were just going
Speaker 1: to get married, and that actually was an option for us.
Speaker 1: I think we both went into that trip being like,
Speaker 1: either we might find an amazing venue in Italy or France.
Speaker 1: Like we actually took some time to look at some
Speaker 1: potential wedding venues and consider hotels we were staying at,
Speaker 1: and we both thought, Okay, if the moment strikes us
Speaker 1: and it feels right, maybe we would just do it.
Speaker 1: But it has to feel right, and we didn't. We
Speaker 1: didn't have that moment, so like we realized we wanted
Speaker 1: to plant in a different way. There was one moment
Speaker 1: where we could have actually done it. Oh and in
Speaker 1: the on the boat, yeah, because we had a captain, yes,
Speaker 1: and a captain can legally marry you. I assume even
Speaker 1: in Paris that that could have been the moment on
Speaker 1: the boat on the River Stine in Paris under the
Speaker 1: Eiffel Tower, it was pretty spectator. It was a little chilly,
Speaker 1: little cold, a little it wasn't quite the moment. So
Speaker 1: but anyway, we decided not to do it. And we decided,
Speaker 1: you know, as we looked around Europe. It was a
Speaker 1: bit of a experimental trip as well to kind of
Speaker 1: shop and look around. So, yeah, we we have found
Speaker 1: I think we've agreed upon the destination. We won't disclose
Speaker 1: that just yet, but it will be. We always knew
Speaker 1: we would go somewhere. Yeah, we we didn't think, oh,
Speaker 1: we'll just do it, you know, at a church or
Speaker 1: a place here in Austin, isn't it is a destination
Speaker 1: wedding for us, and we do have a venue locked in.
Speaker 1: Bum bum bum. I should haven't done done none. You
Speaker 1: just drop some knowledge there, all right, Okay, Okay, I
Speaker 1: wasn't sure you're gonna yes? Yes? Okay, then yes, and yes,
Speaker 1: we have picked a location, we have it locked in.
Speaker 1: We didn't we didn't agree on how much we were
Speaker 1: going to answer this question. I'm just looking at the Okay,
Speaker 1: what's I'm sweating? Now? What's the next question? Hillariason? Why
Speaker 1: do we feel nervous about revealing it? I'm trying to
Speaker 1: figure that out. I think it is no matter what,
Speaker 1: wedding planning is stressful. That's what it is. And let's
Speaker 1: just say it for every I'll be honest, here's my feeling.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you think. I want to own
Speaker 1: it for a little bit. I know, I mean, I
Speaker 1: know we'll share it with the world, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: By the way. I'm excited to share you and my
Speaker 1: love with the world, but I want to own the
Speaker 1: plans and everything going on for just a little bit longer.
Speaker 1: Oh that's very sweet, because it's been fun. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: going to skip to another question. I will say my
Speaker 1: reasons a little different. It's that standard bride groom stress
Speaker 1: thing that we're trying so hard to avoid. You get
Speaker 1: so scared. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, you know.
Speaker 1: I don't want someone to be upset if the wedding's
Speaker 1: not close enough to them or it's impossible, though, you
Speaker 1: just got to lean in. If anybody's figured out how
Speaker 1: to not upset anyone not have any dramatic moments involved
Speaker 1: in their wedding. If anyone has got that solution and
Speaker 1: that magic sauce, please dm me that well. And Laura
Speaker 1: and I are trying our best again to enjoy this together.
Speaker 1: It is our second time, so you know, the fact
Speaker 1: that we're a little older and wiser and we know
Speaker 1: what we want out of this is huge. Oh you
Speaker 1: know what, that's a good What is one thing that
Speaker 1: you learned from your first wedding that you would definitely
Speaker 1: not do at our wedding? The chicken dance? That's how
Speaker 1: long ago? A congo line, I will say, I'll aid myself.
Speaker 1: We will not be doing the shof the slide? Okay,
Speaker 1: what is that dance? Oh my god, No, I'm blanking
Speaker 1: on it. We're not doing that. Yeah. So I'm not
Speaker 1: doing shout either. Any organized dances. No organized dances. That
Speaker 1: is a big no. But I will go further because
Speaker 1: I know there's a question down there. We don't have
Speaker 1: a wedding planner. We're not working. Oh yes, we're not
Speaker 1: working with Megan said, are you all planning your wedding
Speaker 1: yourselves or hiring a wedding planner? And so call us crazy.
Speaker 1: We are not hiring a wedding planner. Yeah. The more
Speaker 1: and more we do, the more and more I realize
Speaker 1: that we're insane. I have worked with the most amazing
Speaker 1: wedding planners ever, because obviously we did a bunch of
Speaker 1: these on the show. Mindy Weiss is a good friend.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll call on her for a little consult here,
Speaker 1: But Lord and I have really just figured this out ourselves,
Speaker 1: and we have amazing friends that we are reaching out
Speaker 1: too quietly, and we're doing some things and right now
Speaker 1: so far, maybe it will get bigger than us and
Speaker 1: we have to hand it over, but right now, we've
Speaker 1: enjoyed doing this ourselves and it's something that has grown organically.
Speaker 1: And I know there's a lot of pressure when you're
Speaker 1: engaged and people are saying marry her already, and I
Speaker 1: get these dms all the time, and I respect that
Speaker 1: because I know you guys just love seeing us, and
Speaker 1: I love us too, and I want to get married.
Speaker 1: But we really let this thing grow organically. I think
Speaker 1: not hiring a wedding planner has helped it be organic. Now.
Speaker 1: I also see the side of people being like, you
Speaker 1: need a wedding planner so it's not stressful if you're
Speaker 1: trying to avoid the stress, but not having a wedding
Speaker 1: planner instantly. With a wedding planner comes all the questions
Speaker 1: of what do your safe, that it's look like, and
Speaker 1: all these things, and I just don't want it to
Speaker 1: be that. I want it to feel very casual. I
Speaker 1: want it to feel like every minute of it is us,
Speaker 1: and I want everybody to walk away feeling like they
Speaker 1: just went to a really fun party. I mean, I
Speaker 1: truly would like if for some reason we had to
Speaker 1: I just get married in our living room tomorrow and
Speaker 1: invite people over and have some great wine. I'd be
Speaker 1: fine with that. We can do that well. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's also fun to have a little magical destination. I do.
Speaker 1: I want it to have. The reason I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that is again going back to the walking
Speaker 1: down the aisle. I wanted to have a feeling of
Speaker 1: a little specialness and a little magic for us because
Speaker 1: I love you so much. That's true, I know, I
Speaker 1: wanted to feel a little special. I wanted to be intimate,
Speaker 1: but not too casual. It deserves to. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: had skipped down to Megan's question. Oh, I thought of
Speaker 1: one more thing. We're definitely not doing what some of
Speaker 1: my friends might feel called out on for this, because
Speaker 1: I've done this for them as a bridesmaid. We are
Speaker 1: not getting on a bus and going to take pictures.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, we are not doing that. I know. Well,
Speaker 1: I was your weddings where we got on the bus
Speaker 1: and did that. It's a it's a I've done it
Speaker 1: many times. It's a very I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: the whole country, but it is a very Midwestern thing
Speaker 1: to do. You get on what you call a party bus,
Speaker 1: which is kind of like a really nice sprinter van.
Speaker 1: There's a cooler of drinks, and you drive around for
Speaker 1: hours in your dress, the guys in their suits. You
Speaker 1: get off the bus, you take pictures somewhere. You get
Speaker 1: on the bus, you take pictures. If it's a summer wedding,
Speaker 1: you're sweating. If it's a winter wedding, you're freezing. You
Speaker 1: are so exhausted by the time you get to the
Speaker 1: ceremony and yet or the party, the reception, and yet
Speaker 1: you're still thinking, well, I gotta have fun for the pride.
Speaker 1: I gotta fun. It's so horrifying. Yeah, that last wedding
Speaker 1: I went to where we drove around. Yeah, there was
Speaker 1: an amazing wedding. But then thirty minutes after the wedding,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in a party van eating at Jimmy John's
Speaker 1: so driving to a destiny picture. That's what we're not doing.
Speaker 1: I like, I love a wedding where things are kept
Speaker 1: as much in one location as possible, Like if you
Speaker 1: can get married and have a party in one place,
Speaker 1: if the ceremony can be if it's got to be
Speaker 1: a church, if it's very close to the reception, keep
Speaker 1: it simple, all right, okay, um, Joan says, And I again,
Speaker 1: I don't know answer to this. Jones says. I know
Speaker 1: your faith is important to you. Oh well, not are
Speaker 1: you planning on having a religious ceremony for your wedding.
Speaker 1: I think, Joan, that a wedding is a religious ceremony.
Speaker 1: To me, it is. Any kind of wedding is a
Speaker 1: spiritual religious ceremony. Oh, I'm just learning this about you.
Speaker 1: I didn't you don't think that. Oh, gosh, that's a
Speaker 1: really interesting What is a wedding if it's not a
Speaker 1: spiritual religious bond. I'm not saying it's Christian or Jewish
Speaker 1: or whatever whatever faith you are or if you it's
Speaker 1: a okay, wait, you were raised Jewish? Are we are
Speaker 1: we breaking the glass? Are we doing those things? Well?
Speaker 1: You know, you know about my religious mutt. I grew up,
Speaker 1: you know, partially Christian, partially Jewish, and I know people
Speaker 1: are like, well, your mom's Jewish, so you're Jewish? Yes,
Speaker 1: but she cheaches Sunday school now, so it's a long story.
Speaker 1: Mom converted. Yes. And so to me, a wedding, any
Speaker 1: wedding I go to, is a religious ceremony. It's to me,
Speaker 1: we are making a bond before God, before our friends
Speaker 1: and family. Um, it's something. It's a BONDI take very serious.
Speaker 1: And so I hope that anybody that steps into that
Speaker 1: bond and that decision is doing so on a spiritual
Speaker 1: level your heart, mind and body. Wow, I think it's
Speaker 1: just setting in for me. How I would. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: sound so silly right now, but I always but sometimes
Speaker 1: it's easy to say, oh, I feel like we're already married,
Speaker 1: but you just totally turn that on its head for me,
Speaker 1: because the word spiritual is a very powerful word to me.
Speaker 1: I really believe that whatever you know, I think there's
Speaker 1: a higher power, whatever anybody wants to call it. I
Speaker 1: think that we're all connected and that Um. I think
Speaker 1: that believing in a higher power really helps give you
Speaker 1: purpose in life. But I guess with our wedding, I've
Speaker 1: been so focused on thinking about like how will we
Speaker 1: feel love between each other and our friends and family,
Speaker 1: and how will we make everyone feel loved, I hadn't
Speaker 1: thought about the spiritual element of it. And I know,
Speaker 1: and look this question. I love this now Now I
Speaker 1: feel like it's it's so purposeful. But there are questions
Speaker 1: that I mean, I'm sorry, there's questions. There are weddings
Speaker 1: that you know, you go to a Catholic wedding, there's mass. Um, No,
Speaker 1: we're not going to have a deeply religious ceremony where
Speaker 1: we go off and do you know a full mass
Speaker 1: or a full um take communion, etc. Those are wonderful.
Speaker 1: I've been to many of them. Um. Same thing for
Speaker 1: a Jewish wedding, because I've been to many of those
Speaker 1: as well, um, And so there will be aspects to it.
Speaker 1: Whatever that is to you, to me, it's religion to you,
Speaker 1: it could be spirituality, it could be whatever. But that
Speaker 1: is a bond you're making that is bigger than you. Okay.
Speaker 1: Of the people that you have married, which there have been,
Speaker 1: do you have any idea how many weddings you've officiated
Speaker 1: rough number twelve to fifteen to fifteen. What is your
Speaker 1: favorite wedding you've ever officiated. I'm not looking. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be a bachelor couple. Wow. M that's a
Speaker 1: tough one. That's a really tough one. I've done some
Speaker 1: amazing weddings. My cousin comes to mind. Your cousin and
Speaker 1: his partner. Yeah, my cousin and his partner in California.
Speaker 1: I married them. That was That was beautiful, just to
Speaker 1: be to be asked. I've was asked by my godson
Speaker 1: to do his wedding coming up, and I can't wait
Speaker 1: to do. It's when you stand before family. The one
Speaker 1: that really probably hit home for me the most was
Speaker 1: your sister. Yeah, why Christina and Andrew Because it was
Speaker 1: you and it was them, and I was I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm a part of your family, even though we're
Speaker 1: not married. And getting to know your family more and more.
Speaker 1: But to stand in front of your sister, you, your mom,
Speaker 1: your brother, and all your friends and family that I
Speaker 1: got to know, and a lot of them I got
Speaker 1: to know at that wedding, it just meant a lot
Speaker 1: to me. And it felt like that was one more
Speaker 1: big step for me to join your family. And it
Speaker 1: was just emotional. It was a very emotional day on
Speaker 1: a lot of levels. And I felt the pressure and
Speaker 1: anxiety and nerves to perform. As your mom was sitting
Speaker 1: there staring, I was like, please, don't screw this up.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. You'd probably feel more nervous in front
Speaker 1: of my family than like your own family when you're
Speaker 1: doing your cousin's wedding, because you're you're comfortable. No, lie more,
Speaker 1: I've done live television weddings and I felt more nervous
Speaker 1: at your sisters just because I wanted it to be great. Well,
Speaker 1: that makes me feel loved. Okay. Next question from one
Speaker 1: of you, M Leanne says, do you speaking out, do
Speaker 1: you know who you want to officiate the wedding and
Speaker 1: did you actually consider Andrew Firestone? But we were just
Speaker 1: on spring break with not after the way I saw
Speaker 1: him behave on spring break tequila shots with us, Leanne.
Speaker 1: We are considering some options and and yes, we're definitely
Speaker 1: I mean when we said that, that's very real. We
Speaker 1: thought about Andrew. He's a wonderful person. So I don't
Speaker 1: we don't have a definitive answer yet. We don't we
Speaker 1: have while we do have a location, we do not
Speaker 1: have an efficient officially yet. All right. Last one's a
Speaker 1: fun one from Kyle. If you had to pick someone
Speaker 1: from Bachelor Nation, Chris that you are friends with to
Speaker 1: plan a bachelor party for you, who would you pick?
Speaker 1: Pretty pretty easy? Wells, oh, I mean you know A
Speaker 1: so she's shown himself to be a pretty good bartender,
Speaker 1: so smart, saving money, he's a good time he's beloved,
Speaker 1: so you know he could gather the troops, loves to
Speaker 1: play golf, loves a cocktail. Wells, easy answer, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: pick him for a lot of things. All Right, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break. That is the wedding Q
Speaker 1: and A. When we come back, there's some other questions
Speaker 1: we're going to dive into. We'll do that right after this.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the most dramatic podcast ever. Chris Harrison,
Speaker 1: Lauren Zema. Answering your relationship questions today, Yes, we asked
Speaker 1: you guys to send them in and thank you. Is
Speaker 1: Answering your relationship questions is actually must much easier than
Speaker 1: answering questions we about ourselves. So thank you and please
Speaker 1: continue to send them in any time to at the
Speaker 1: most dramatic pod ever. That's our Instagram handle, right, it
Speaker 1: is okay, thank you. So. One listener asked, if a
Speaker 1: guy says he's not ready to date, is it ever
Speaker 1: okay to circle back later on and see if anything
Speaker 1: has changed. Oh? My quick answer is no, if he's
Speaker 1: saying he's not ready to date. If anybody is saying
Speaker 1: they're not ready to date you, I think if they
Speaker 1: want to date you, they're going to have to come
Speaker 1: find you then, like you circle back and see if
Speaker 1: anything's changed. No, they should be chasing you, especially if
Speaker 1: they've already rejected you. If he wants to, he will.
Speaker 1: If he wanted to, he would. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: if he wants to know what you're doing or if
Speaker 1: you're still single, he will reach out to you. If
Speaker 1: he gave you the hint flat out and said he's
Speaker 1: not ready to date, take that as a sign I mean,
Speaker 1: that is as clear as it can be. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: always say, you can't bring someone to ground zero, like
Speaker 1: I think in relationships we make each other better. But
Speaker 1: you can't. You can't bring somebody up to like even
Speaker 1: the willingness to be into in a relationship. They've already
Speaker 1: got to be there. Look, I'm not here to rag
Speaker 1: on guys, but most bozos just beat around the bush
Speaker 1: and you never know how they stand. If someone's actually
Speaker 1: willing to tell you how they stand on this, Noah,
Speaker 1: take them at their word. Believe him. Jamie s, how
Speaker 1: do you break the pattern of getting ghosted? I'm going
Speaker 1: to leave this to you because when I started dating
Speaker 1: that didn't exist. Oh well, you know what, I've never
Speaker 1: done the dating apps. I haven't. I haven't either, but
Speaker 1: I will say when I talk to my friends about it.
Speaker 1: So if the getting ghosted is in reference to that,
Speaker 1: I think the biggest thing is it is such a
Speaker 1: struggle how available other options are. Now. We were talking
Speaker 1: to somebody the other day, you and I actually did
Speaker 1: this app developer, and he was saying that he thinks
Speaker 1: some major issue with dating apps and how they were
Speaker 1: invented is that they are lacking in ethical conscious design,
Speaker 1: and the way he put that in Layman's terms was
Speaker 1: you've made a human being a swipe. Like you've reduced
Speaker 1: a human being to a point five second swipe of
Speaker 1: your finger. And that's even less than Look, I know,
Speaker 1: we judge people at face value in a bar, just
Speaker 1: like we do from a photo on an app, But
Speaker 1: that's a human being in front of you, and you're
Speaker 1: going to make a decision on whether to talk to
Speaker 1: them or not. You're going to have to have a conversation.
Speaker 1: A swipe and texting is so minuscule and so easy
Speaker 1: to move past, and so easy to reject someone through
Speaker 1: a screen. So the advice I always given my friends
Speaker 1: is I think the biggest way to not get quote
Speaker 1: unquote ghosted is like you've got to graduate from the
Speaker 1: apps and from dming into a real phone call into
Speaker 1: an in person meeting being yes, sooner rather than later,
Speaker 1: You've got to get there. And if that person's not
Speaker 1: willing to call you on the phone or meet you
Speaker 1: for coffee, well then just move on. You have to
Speaker 1: become more than an Instagram reel or a TikTok video
Speaker 1: that they can just scroll through. Y become a human.
Speaker 1: This is really interesting. I love this question. It's a
Speaker 1: little deeper, it's a little longer, but stick with me here.
Speaker 1: I'm having doubts about my relationship. My boyfriend and I
Speaker 1: have been together for two to five years and live together.
Speaker 1: Our lives are so integrated family, friends, home, daily routines, etc.
Speaker 1: And the thought of starting over is scary. Being in
Speaker 1: my late twenties, I have a gut feeling that keeps resurfacing,
Speaker 1: and I'm terrified of making the wrong choice. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure I'm in love anymore. Advice. Look, first of all,
Speaker 1: I know you feel like you are getting older. You
Speaker 1: may already feel old being in your late twenties. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be the old guy yelling get off
Speaker 1: my lawn and that I know so much more than you.
Speaker 1: But trust me when I tell you that I have
Speaker 1: the experience to say this. You are so young, you
Speaker 1: have so much life to live, and even if you
Speaker 1: were fifty instead of twenty nine, the advice would actually
Speaker 1: be the same, and that is live your life and
Speaker 1: get busy living your life now. You will only regret
Speaker 1: three years later, five years later, that you didn't do
Speaker 1: it in your late twenties. Yeah, look, my quick answer here,
Speaker 1: honestly is I think you have I think this person
Speaker 1: has their answer. If you have a gut feeling, if
Speaker 1: you don't think you're in love anymore, I would say
Speaker 1: get out. Before you get more integrated into each other's lives.
Speaker 1: Life is going to throw tough stuff at you automatically,
Speaker 1: especially the older we get. So if you're already having
Speaker 1: these major questions, now is the time to go, because
Speaker 1: your relationships should be in a really still in a
Speaker 1: really good place, only two to five years in hopefully.
Speaker 1: And so I think my advice is get out. And
Speaker 1: I agree with you. I hate the idea of starting
Speaker 1: over as a concept of period. Again, Life's going to
Speaker 1: throw things at us that are going to make us
Speaker 1: quote unquote start over over and over again. We need
Speaker 1: a rebranding that phrase. Like my dad died when I
Speaker 1: was in college. I didn't expect that, but I learned
Speaker 1: a lot from it. As dark as that time was
Speaker 1: for me, I look back on some of the silver
Speaker 1: linings of how it changed my perspective as a young person.
Speaker 1: How much you know it made me and my family closer.
Speaker 1: So I don't think that you know and you got divorced,
Speaker 1: what in your forties. I did, yeah at forty. I
Speaker 1: don't know when or where change got such a negative
Speaker 1: connotation attach it. Change is scary. It's scary, but change
Speaker 1: can be great. All great things are also change. Everything
Speaker 1: that's happened in your life that's awesome was a change
Speaker 1: for the better. I just think there is this I
Speaker 1: don't know this heaviness now and obviously, with what we've
Speaker 1: gone through over the last decade, change can be scary,
Speaker 1: I get it. But embrace the change and force yourself
Speaker 1: to change and reinvent yourself. And the fact that you
Speaker 1: feel this heapiness of having to unwind and your life
Speaker 1: because you're living together and you are friends with her
Speaker 1: parents or whatever. Don't be so scared to change. I
Speaker 1: would be more scared to sit in the same place
Speaker 1: and be miserable. So true. So there you go. This
Speaker 1: is a question for you from Paige. Any stepparent tips
Speaker 1: from el z Oh and you have been amazing in
Speaker 1: this department with the kids. The words stepparent always throws
Speaker 1: me off. From them, I sort of Disney. I need her, Yes,
Speaker 1: I need a rebranding of stepmom. The stepmom is always
Speaker 1: the villain as she's evil and some Disney movies, she's
Speaker 1: trying to kill the kid like the princess. It's not
Speaker 1: a like the word stepmom has this automatic connotation, right um,
Speaker 1: And so I guess just like I don't love the
Speaker 1: word stepmom, I think for me, from the very beginning,
Speaker 1: I was not trying to be a parent, and I
Speaker 1: actually think that's the most important thing I did. You
Speaker 1: were talking earlier about your kids getting to know you
Speaker 1: as a parent. I think it was so important that
Speaker 1: and I did it impart out of a little trepidation
Speaker 1: about you coming into your kids' lives. I was very
Speaker 1: nervous about it and very hesitant, but I didn't want
Speaker 1: to come in as a parent. I thought I had
Speaker 1: no authority over them. I didn't want to have any
Speaker 1: authority over them. My first priority was to try to
Speaker 1: get to know them. And I always said from the beginning,
Speaker 1: I want to be someone in your life who loves you,
Speaker 1: who will support you, who will be there for you.
Speaker 1: I guess at the most I would say a mentor
Speaker 1: if you want to come to me for advice, I'm
Speaker 1: always here, But I'm not your parent, and I don't
Speaker 1: ever want to try to be. And that I think
Speaker 1: really just helped us lay the groundwork of a relationship.
Speaker 1: The best advice I got was actually on a first
Speaker 1: date about from my perspective, how to bring LZ or
Speaker 1: anyone into my kids' lives. So are you talking about it?
Speaker 1: Do you want to day with someone else? No, I'm confused. Okay,
Speaker 1: I did. I went on at first date a while back,
Speaker 1: right after I got divorced, and we were having the conversation.
Speaker 1: She had kids, I had kids, obviously, and we were
Speaker 1: having the conversation about when do you introduce somebody, when
Speaker 1: do you bring them into their lives? And she had
Speaker 1: a great point, and it's so simple, she said, you know,
Speaker 1: I asked my kids. I asked my kids what they wanted.
Speaker 1: And it's so funny how simple that is. But as parents,
Speaker 1: when you get divorced, there's so much at stake, and
Speaker 1: you're so worried about the fact you've screwed up your kids,
Speaker 1: and so you're trying to protect them. And I was
Speaker 1: so overly cautious about not bringing anyone around my kids.
Speaker 1: So finally I took her advice and I came back.
Speaker 1: Didn't work out in that relationship, but I came back
Speaker 1: and I said, hey, Josh Taylor, when do you guys
Speaker 1: want to meet anybody? And they said, Dad, we know
Speaker 1: you're dating. We're not idiots, but we don't want to
Speaker 1: meet everybody. But if they become important enough for you
Speaker 1: to keep dating, then that means they should be important
Speaker 1: to us and we should meet them. Maybe they weren't
Speaker 1: that eloquent at the time, but that was essentially their point.
Speaker 1: And the main point was this, And this is what
Speaker 1: would have ruined it for you if I had waited
Speaker 1: until you and I were hit over heels in love.
Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to propose to you. And then
Speaker 1: I bring you into my kids and say, guys, want
Speaker 1: you to meet Lauren Ziema. We're getting engaged. She's going
Speaker 1: to be your step mom. The ship has sailed, and
Speaker 1: now you're forcing this person down your kid's throats as
Speaker 1: opposed to they get to know her along with you,
Speaker 1: and that relationship grows just as your relationship grows. And look,
Speaker 1: there can still be problems. There's still a lot of
Speaker 1: other hurdles you can cross, but that helped the kids
Speaker 1: getting to know you. And I know you were worried
Speaker 1: about meeting them too early, but I think them getting
Speaker 1: to know you as we fell in love more and
Speaker 1: more was huge because they got to know and love
Speaker 1: you and they got to see how happy you made
Speaker 1: their dad. I'm gonna ask you a quod I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask you before because I'm just thinking about it. The
Speaker 1: risk there, right is your kids getting close with someone
Speaker 1: and then you're breaking up with that person. Yeah, were
Speaker 1: you afraid of that at all? When? Like, because I
Speaker 1: meant the kids fairly early on, but I will say
Speaker 1: they were teenagers, so they weren't like young kids. They
Speaker 1: weren't so impressionable. But I mean, look, I didn't have
Speaker 1: a revolving door of women, and so I think or
Speaker 1: men by the way, either way, this goes for women
Speaker 1: and men, whether you're a single mom, single dad. I
Speaker 1: think there is that case and that fear of don't
Speaker 1: have a revolving door of people in and out of
Speaker 1: your life. Hopefully you narrow it down to people that
Speaker 1: are special to you and that you see a future with.
Speaker 1: And I waited till I thought in my heart we
Speaker 1: were going to at least date for quite some time.
Speaker 1: So that's the game. We were going to have a relationship.
Speaker 1: This wasn't just I'm going to call her up and
Speaker 1: see what she's doing Thursday. This may have potential. I
Speaker 1: really thought, this is someone who's going to be in
Speaker 1: my life and she's important to me. I want her
Speaker 1: to start meeting the kids. It didn't mean I ready
Speaker 1: to marry you by any means. We weren't at that point.
Speaker 1: But are we now to the wedding questions? But anyway,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I think it was just you've done a
Speaker 1: phenomenal job at that though, and you did such a
Speaker 1: a well, you have great kids, babe. It's easy. So
Speaker 1: we're going to end this episode with the Kicker. Okay,
Speaker 1: back in my newsdays we called it the kicker on
Speaker 1: the on the funny note, what is a quirk about
Speaker 1: each other? Personality, hygiene, habits? Really a question from someone? Yes, Windy,
Speaker 1: this is from Windy. What's a quirk about each other
Speaker 1: that surprised you? It's like, once we started dating, what
Speaker 1: is something that you After we lived together and started
Speaker 1: moving in together and integrating our lives, what's something that
Speaker 1: you thought, Oh dear lord, oh okay, I know. Um.
Speaker 1: So when we moved in together sooner than we thought
Speaker 1: we would have because of the pandemic, right, um, and
Speaker 1: then we were stuck inside the house, and I was
Speaker 1: going a little stir crazy. So I love to organize,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, this is Chris's house he moved
Speaker 1: into after he got divorced. Like, first of all, I
Speaker 1: have to make a little room for some of my stuff.
Speaker 1: But second of all, you know, the house hadn't gotten
Speaker 1: a lot of attention in recent years. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna organize the house. I'm gonna revamp the kid's rooms,
Speaker 1: will like do some redecorating. If we're going to be
Speaker 1: in this house, let's make the space great. You guys.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison is a put together man on the surface.
Speaker 1: I mean, the hair is done, you know, the beard
Speaker 1: is trimmed. He can wear a suit, he can help
Speaker 1: you pick out an outfit. He has great taste. He
Speaker 1: just he looks good. But literally behind closed doors, like
Speaker 1: I'm saying, the surfaces of his kitchen counter are clean,
Speaker 1: but you open a cabinet, stuff comes pouring out. I
Speaker 1: couldn't believe it. I'm not a great organizer. I'm not
Speaker 1: a great organizer. I went room my room through this house,
Speaker 1: like so obviously i'd been there. I'd stay the night,
Speaker 1: but I'd never like opened cabinets and kind of gone
Speaker 1: through things, and oh my gosh, literally in one cabinet,
Speaker 1: one cabinet just had a like empty cardboard boxes. It's like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing with these? Being a single dad
Speaker 1: post divorce when I moved in, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: know if other dads, other guys can relate to this
Speaker 1: and other women, but I just kind of started throwing
Speaker 1: stuff in places and then it never laughs yeah, and
Speaker 1: it never leaves it. And you have all these keepsakes, right,
Speaker 1: you have stuff you've kind of acquired, so you know, kids,
Speaker 1: art projects and just stuff that you're like, what do
Speaker 1: I do with this? And so instead of making a
Speaker 1: decision because your life has been so crazy, you're like,
Speaker 1: just put it in a drawer, put it in a show,
Speaker 1: like just I'll deal with it some other time. You
Speaker 1: want to really know, how do you get to know somebody?
Speaker 1: Let them go through every inch of your life in
Speaker 1: your house. I will say I actually felt it made
Speaker 1: me feel like, Okay, this guy really loves me and
Speaker 1: he really has nothing to hide. Because I didn't warn
Speaker 1: him about this, and I was already living there, I
Speaker 1: just said, hey, I'm going to organize the whole house.
Speaker 1: And he was like, Okay, go for it. And I thought,
Speaker 1: oh wow, he's really He's letting me in a lot
Speaker 1: of pictures and a lot of things that, you know,
Speaker 1: a perspective. He didn't have any slip he didn't have
Speaker 1: any Scaleton's in your class. No, but so I let you,
Speaker 1: let you go through everything. He would come to me
Speaker 1: with some pictures and like, oh yeah, that's that's from
Speaker 1: my past. I guess one that stuck out for you,
Speaker 1: what like I'm quirky, Kirk would be the quirk you were.
Speaker 1: I knew your love of theater, you know. I loved
Speaker 1: you on Roses and Rose as everyone did, and obviously
Speaker 1: I watched you do grand theater on a large scale
Speaker 1: on TV and entertainment tonight. I didn't know it would
Speaker 1: always come home with you. I didn't come out. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that was that Hepburn? Who was that? My
Speaker 1: trans Atlantic vice? What do you mean? What are you saying?
Speaker 1: I didn't know I would be getting back. I didn't
Speaker 1: know I'd be getting married. Guys, this is twenty four seven.
Speaker 1: I didn't know I'd be getting married. Oh I knew
Speaker 1: you love Harry Potter but I didn't know. I didn't
Speaker 1: do Voldemort on the first date. For the second or
Speaker 1: third it was a while. It actually was a while,
Speaker 1: and you still don't love it. You love a lot
Speaker 1: of things about me, but I know you don't love
Speaker 1: the Valdimore. It's not my favorite. It's the face you make,
Speaker 1: the impression I have to kind of make. You have
Speaker 1: to make your face look sort of malleable and mushy
Speaker 1: because of the different stages of his body that he's
Speaker 1: coming back into as he uses the horcruxes to come
Speaker 1: back to life and a human vice. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: back to. Let me tell you what. You don't want
Speaker 1: your significant other to ever look like malleable and mushy.
Speaker 1: That's two sexy worse. Okay, baby, you look malleable and
Speaker 1: mushy tonight. And if I'm doing my Voldemort impression, thank
Speaker 1: you for You're welcome, thank you. But yeah, so that
Speaker 1: would be for me. There was There's a lot of
Speaker 1: voices that come with l Z. Okay, I will say,
Speaker 1: maybe this is a dating tip. A friend of mine
Speaker 1: told me. She said, I'm not going to date someone
Speaker 1: who doesn't want me exactly as I am. I don't
Speaker 1: hid anything like from date one. That's a mistake. I
Speaker 1: don't agree. Here's why we all have different versions of
Speaker 1: ourselves for different settings. I'm not going to do my
Speaker 1: voldemorret impression at an interview, at a business meeting with someone.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it. You know, the first
Speaker 1: time I meet, I don't know what you want to
Speaker 1: sleep with exactly, But wait till on year ten we
Speaker 1: hook up. We do Voldemore cosplay just get its dark maybe,
Speaker 1: but I do I do think that. Like Look, the
Speaker 1: question wasn't whether you would accept me fully as myself
Speaker 1: from day one. The question was ultimately would you love
Speaker 1: me fully as myself? But I do think that that
Speaker 1: full self can be revealed over time. Look, when we
Speaker 1: are dating, you always ask yourself the question, can I
Speaker 1: accept this person as they are? I'm not ever telling
Speaker 1: you to lie. When you're dating somebody, you just don't
Speaker 1: have to show them the whole truth and nothing but
Speaker 1: the truth. Yet it needs to be a slow rollout,
Speaker 1: you know, take it easy. You know, you don't have
Speaker 1: to vomit everything about you and show everything all at once.
Speaker 1: Harry Potter is on a date. On that note, we're
Speaker 1: gonna say goodbye because Lauren and I have a lot
Speaker 1: to talk about. Thank you guys so much for all
Speaker 1: your questions. This has always been important to us that
Speaker 1: the show is about you and it's with you, and
Speaker 1: taking your questions is a vital part of that. And
Speaker 1: we're going to do more and more. We're gonna open
Speaker 1: the phone lines coming up. We'll continue to have great
Speaker 1: guests and great headlines, but want to talk more about
Speaker 1: these relationships and dive into it with you. We'll talk
Speaker 1: to you next time because we have a lot more
Speaker 1: to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at the most dramatic pod ever and make sure to
Speaker 1: write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll
Speaker 1: talk to you next time.