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Speaker 1: From the Mercedes Bands Interview Lounge. Mateolane is here.

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Speaker 2: Hi, Mateo, Hi, thanks for having me, Thanks for being ahead,

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the show. You know what, Instagram is a

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Speaker 2: funny thing. I end up buying shirts from China.

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Speaker 1: That never show up. It takes like eighteen nights. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: and when they come it will fit my little brother.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Instagram.

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Speaker 2: I've bought pots and pans from Scotland to pieces of crap.

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Speaker 2: But one thing I learned about was you, Matteo Lane.

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Speaker 2: You know, I mean you you you have your social

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Speaker 2: media down pat You're doing really well.

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Speaker 3: But I'll have no other options. So now like NBC's

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Speaker 3: knocking and Netflix is like come here. It's like, well,

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Speaker 3: Instagram seems pretty uh cozy.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you know, don't let him make you thake that

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Speaker 2: it's all difficult. But I mean, you have your comedy

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Speaker 2: special out Sunday right.

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Speaker 3: Yes on YouTube, mittalean comedy. It's called hair Plugs and Heartache.

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Speaker 3: I got hair plugs last year.

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Speaker 1: I want to go back you did.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't call them hair plugs anymore, but

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Speaker 3: who's a hair transplant? I wanted to call them?

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Speaker 1: Ha Olane Netflix said no, but that isn't that funny?

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Speaker 1: I know, I r oh no.

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Speaker 3: My team shot that down quick, so I was like, well, okay,

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Speaker 3: the next most interesting thing about me is like I

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Speaker 3: just got hair transplants, and I have a whole bit

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Speaker 3: about it.

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Speaker 1: Well, I can't stop looking at your hair. You can't

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Speaker 1: even tell it looks so good. Should we have a

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Speaker 1: whole bit about it? Oh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you talk about the surgery. It's like balding. Is

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Speaker 3: it the beginning of it? I got hair transplants. I

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Speaker 3: think with anyone who's losing their hair, by the way,

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Speaker 3: they just grew in. Don't they look real? I mean

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Speaker 3: it is real, but it's like a chia pet. It's

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Speaker 3: like chit chi. Yeah, like, but it takes a while

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Speaker 3: for to grow. It's like after four months you just

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Speaker 3: see like chip. So like right now, I'm like, but

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Speaker 3: I'm not havn't I was losing my hair, and anyone

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Speaker 3: who's losing their hair nose, it's just it's kind of denial,

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Speaker 3: like ten years of denial. I'm just like another bad haircut,

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Speaker 3: and I would do a lot to cover it up.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it was getting really bad. I would have

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Speaker 3: to grow my hair really long, and then I would

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Speaker 3: straighten it.

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Speaker 1: I would put topics. You give them a topics phrase.

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Speaker 1: Look at this room, of.

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Speaker 3: Course you do, okay, so you know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 3: And basically when I get it into the shape, a

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Speaker 3: sculpture of Michelangelo would blush at. Then there's certain rules

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Speaker 3: you have to follow. If it's a windy day, you

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Speaker 3: don't leave the house. You just look out the window, like, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm sick today.

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Speaker 1: The pool. That's a big one.

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Speaker 3: Never putting your head under the water, just sort of

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Speaker 3: floating around.

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Speaker 1: Like a gay alligator. Just oh, it's true.

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Speaker 2: Losing your hair. See I'm losing my hair in the back,

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Speaker 2: so I don't see it when I'm looking.

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Speaker 3: That's better though, Like to have hair losing in the back.

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Speaker 3: I feels better because it's like, all right, cool, unless

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Speaker 3: someone's like really tall.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like who cares, I'm short, so I never

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Speaker 1: know that people are going bald. Until you want it,

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Speaker 1: what do you need it for? You have so much hair,

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Speaker 1: premptive strike appreciate. Just add more hair. Just give me

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Speaker 1: a lot of it. Because did you do it in

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Speaker 1: the United States? No, I didn't want to. I say

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Speaker 1: my act.

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Speaker 3: I'm like I didn't want to be ugly in Turkey,

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Speaker 3: and you know, I have a swollen head and sit

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Speaker 3: with one hundred and eighty men in a flight looking

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Speaker 3: like the alien from Mars attacks and I go to customs.

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Speaker 1: And they're like, you know, what'd you bring back? You know?

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Speaker 3: So it's like, I'd rather be ugly at home. So

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Speaker 3: I found a doctor here in New York City and

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Speaker 3: he was great.

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Speaker 1: So, now can you get haircuts? Does it grow in?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like hair. I'm not like in the

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Speaker 3: met I'm not like behind glass, you know what I mean. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it grows in like normal hair.

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Speaker 1: I mean I didn't know.

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Speaker 3: All they do is like they take hair from around

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Speaker 3: the back of your head and then they just bring

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Speaker 3: it up front. So it's just your hair, but it's

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Speaker 3: just moved into a better place.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be hair from your head. Yes,

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Speaker 1: use pure hair on. I mean, you'll just have to

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Speaker 1: straighten it every day. But I mean, you know.

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Speaker 3: You can I think in like, I don't know, not

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Speaker 3: emergency cases, but I think you can use other parts

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Speaker 3: of hair from your body. But it's usually just from

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Speaker 3: your head. It's like how much donor hair you have.

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Speaker 3: But I mean, people do beard transplants, and so I

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Speaker 3: was leaving Italy.

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Speaker 1: I'nt in Italy.

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Speaker 3: I was leaving Italy, and there was obviously two gays

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Speaker 3: coming from Turkey transferring because they had the whole beard

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Speaker 3: thing and the head thing. Like they went and got

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Speaker 3: their transplants done and they were heading back, and like

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Speaker 3: that's thee I don't want that to be me, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like I don't want to.

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Speaker 1: I don't. Yeah, it looks good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah no, they did a really, really really good job.

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Speaker 3: I'm really happy with that.

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Speaker 2: Here's the thing about Mateo, he could. He's a comedian

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Speaker 2: stand up I want to talk about what that is

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Speaker 2: in your life, on your journey. I mean, let's just

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Speaker 2: do it now. It's just something you've always wanted to do.

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Speaker 2: I mean, well, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, it's it's like I was a storyboard artist before this.

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Speaker 3: I was an illustrator and drew fashion commercials and TV

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Speaker 3: commercials stuff like that for years.

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Speaker 1: I went to art school, the whole thing.

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Speaker 3: But you know, I just think as like a gay guy,

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Speaker 3: you know, especially from my age, Like I didn't see

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Speaker 3: I didn't even see a gay man do stand up

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Speaker 3: until I was twenty three. So it just was like

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Speaker 3: football was like a world that didn't exist to me.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't for me. Usually gaze with a butt of

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Speaker 3: the joke, no pun intended. And then you know, the

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Speaker 3: first person I ever saw is say anything positive ever

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Speaker 3: in my life about gay people ever, was Kathy Griffin, right,

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Speaker 3: And I was probably fifteen at the time, and so

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Speaker 3: I remember watching her. I almost my homophobia was so internalized.

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Speaker 3: I almost watched her thinking, don't say that, you're going

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Speaker 3: to lose your career, like that's where we were still at.

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Speaker 3: But I loved Kathy Griffin and she made me fall

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Speaker 3: in love with stand up. But it was Joan Rivers

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Speaker 3: the first time seeing Joan when I was twenty one,

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Speaker 3: that it like was revealed to me that this was

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Speaker 3: like a calling. I was like, Oh, that's what I

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Speaker 3: meant to do. And then now it's like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 3: doing all the things I want to do and I

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Speaker 3: didn't have to like sacrifice who I am to do it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it works differently now.

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Speaker 1: It's true, and so you're mastering that and that's so cool.

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Speaker 1: Good for things. I mean, you know, who knows, I'm

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Speaker 1: just having fun.

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Speaker 3: I'm doing these gorgeous like theater venues and I get

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Speaker 3: to travel. And I took the summer off though, because

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Speaker 3: I was touring for like three years. I'm like, am

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Speaker 3: I share, Like I have to stop this. So my agent,

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Speaker 3: you know, they're excited. They're like, let's make a book

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Speaker 3: that I said. No, I said, I'm taking I just

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Speaker 3: got a boyfriend. I'm taking the summer off, like I'm

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Speaker 3: going to Italy and meeting Pasa.

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Speaker 1: Bye, it's good for you.

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Speaker 2: We were talking about the gay icons this morning, yes,

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Speaker 2: and so it was everyone has the same list.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, wells, but also like street people will never get it.

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Speaker 3: You're like, barefric and Tesla, Maleficent and Miss Piggy are

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Speaker 3: all gay icons.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't there's no rhyme or if you're gay, you

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Speaker 3: get it. If you're not gay, you're like, why I'm

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Speaker 3: maleficson Like, I don't know, she got horns and she's

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Speaker 3: a bitch.

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Speaker 1: I can't. I love love. I know you're not.

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Speaker 3: I love the barefricon Tessa. I also want to live

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Speaker 3: in the Hampton's and cook chicken for my gay husband.

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Speaker 1: I always wanted to be one. I just want to

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Speaker 1: go to her house and just eat me too. Well.

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Speaker 3: The thing I love about Barefoot is like, by the

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Speaker 3: way I'm joking, I genuinely think her and Jeffrey are

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Speaker 3: in love. Like that is the relationship I want. I

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Speaker 3: literally want that relationship. One he's away for five days

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Speaker 3: and then when you're together, you're in a mansion. You know.

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Speaker 3: But she she one time she said this. I don't

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Speaker 3: know if you think it's funny, but she's because she

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Speaker 3: so out of touch with the real world, right, Like

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Speaker 3: I don't think she knew there was a pandemic. Oh,

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Speaker 3: I think she's just walking around the Hampton's for two

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Speaker 3: years like it's quiet out today, Like she didn't know.

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Speaker 3: So I just the one time she was opening up

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Speaker 3: her show, and I just think it's funny.

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Speaker 1: The producers didn't tell her like cut. You know, she goes,

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Speaker 1: I'm my.

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Speaker 3: Husband, Jeffer's out of town, so I have some friends

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Speaker 3: over to play cards.

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Speaker 1: And you know what they say, Well, the cat's away.

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Speaker 1: The mice love to have lots of fun.

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Speaker 3: Wait a minute, that's wrong, But what are they gonna say.

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Speaker 3: They're like this lady's cooking his food in her mansion.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead, I think she has that Julian child thing

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Speaker 2: right where she's getting a little looped.

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Speaker 3: She's just always kind of like the same, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean and like, but except when like guests

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Speaker 3: come over, Like one time mel Brooks came over to

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Speaker 3: her house, which is so relatable, and he came over

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Speaker 3: and she she gets nervous. You could tell she has

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Speaker 3: social anxiety because when guests come over, she starts to laugh,

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Speaker 3: like at really inappropriate places. So he was like, I'll

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Speaker 3: have more chicken. She's like, I'm like, whoa, it's kind

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Speaker 3: of chill out, like.

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Speaker 2: Have some composure. You know what We've noticed like the

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Speaker 2: past years, that's with her. We all are yeah, well

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Speaker 2: I'm not more heckling at stand up shows? Are you

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Speaker 2: getting hecklers more than new used to you? No, like

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Speaker 2: airlines or people are fighting each other airlines what a nightmare,

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Speaker 2: But no heckling. I was we were talking Earli about this.

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Speaker 3: I was saying, how like I because people only know

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Speaker 3: me for stand up, they don't know me for anything else,

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Speaker 3: So audience has generally come to see stand up, so

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Speaker 3: it's kind of its kind of like a win win.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I every once in a while you get

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Speaker 3: someone saying something but no, I've had I've had a

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Speaker 3: really good run so far of people being like really

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Speaker 3: well behaved. Well, people are just so accept A woman

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Speaker 3: in North Carolina a couple of months ago threw up

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Speaker 3: at my show. I was working on this new bit

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Speaker 3: and I was like, it'd been like you know, it's

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Speaker 3: it's hard and you're working on new bits. You have

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Speaker 3: to find the right pacing for it. So I'd done

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Speaker 3: it four times that weekend. It was my fifth show,

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Speaker 3: and I was like getting into it and I really

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Speaker 3: like lost the audience and I was like, boy, like

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Speaker 3: they really must hate this Paris Hilton, but like they

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Speaker 3: just hate like you know, like everyone started chatting. I'm

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Speaker 3: like whatever, like if my last show, I'm gonna go home.

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Speaker 3: And then afterwards a servant came up and they were like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: did you see what happened? I go no, Like a

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Speaker 3: woman threw up on herself, her neighbor and then threw

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Speaker 3: up all the way to the bathroom. Like oh oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm like that's why, but that's not really she didn't heckle.

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Speaker 3: So I prefer that people are just so triggered.

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Speaker 2: And there's you can say something to me exactlying.

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Speaker 1: Your what is it responsibility?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean generally speaking, it's like, I don't know,

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Speaker 3: if you come to see a stand up show and

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Speaker 3: you laugh at other things, and then if something you

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Speaker 3: feel toopersonal to you and you can't laugh at that,

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Speaker 3: it's like that's a hip hip. I think it's your

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Speaker 3: a bit of a hypocrite. But I'm also not that

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Speaker 3: kind of comic. I'm not trying to like push people's buttons,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I think I say stuff

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Speaker 3: that's be triggered by It would take a lot for

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Speaker 3: me to trigger somebody. But no, generally speaking, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, I'm that's just not interested in that.

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Speaker 2: You're great at interacting with the audience though you love

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Speaker 2: to interview and welcome, I actually don't.

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Speaker 1: I never talked to the audience still. No.

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Speaker 3: I did one special as kind of like a holdover

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Speaker 3: because everyone's doing crowd work. So I did a crowd

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Speaker 3: work special called the Advice Special, That's what. But I

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Speaker 3: reversed it where I was like, I'm instead of me like,

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Speaker 3: you know, going up to people like and what do

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Speaker 3: you do for work? You know, just like this and

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Speaker 3: it's a bystander. I allowed them to ask me the questions.

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Speaker 3: So I stood on stage with zero material prepared and

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Speaker 3: I said, ask me any question you want to and

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Speaker 3: it was great.

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Speaker 1: But you know, chess.

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Speaker 3: Mateo some questions. Okay, great go Native advice Nate, No,

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Speaker 3: next go.

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Speaker 1: So your special is called hair Plugs and Heartache. We

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Speaker 1: talked about the hair plugs. It's with the heartache. That

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Speaker 1: is not really about heartache.

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Speaker 3: It's about this girl named Queer Feminist wrote me on

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Speaker 3: Instagram when I was making carbonara and she was like,

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Speaker 3: you threw out the egg and my heart ached, and I,

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Speaker 3: uh go on like a fifteen minute rant about that.

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Speaker 1: So that's what it's.

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Speaker 3: It's a callback to a joke of this woman who

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Speaker 3: I now love because she actually was funny because I've

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Speaker 3: been doing that bit on the road and she all

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Speaker 3: of a sudden, people like, go back on my Instagram

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Speaker 3: to try and find that comment. It's a really long bit.

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Speaker 3: It's one of my best bits in this hour. And

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Speaker 3: so she finally messaged, She's like, did something happen? She's like,

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Speaker 3: everyone keeps commenting I don't understand what's going on. I

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Speaker 3: wrote them like, I love you. You've brought me so

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Speaker 3: much joy. Thank you for this comment. Just you know,

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Speaker 3: she was a.

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Speaker 1: Little too woke. What was what was the comment though?

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Speaker 3: Basically, I mean, I don't want to give too much away,

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Speaker 3: but basically it's like she was like, don't you I

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Speaker 3: saw you didn't use the egg whites. You threw the

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Speaker 3: egg whites away. It was two egg whites. She was like,

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Speaker 3: you know you like you should be giving that to

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Speaker 3: people who need it.

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Speaker 1: We had those everything.

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Speaker 3: We had a rant, a whole rant of like what

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Speaker 3: I would do with them, who I would bring it to?

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Speaker 2: Don't tell me exact Yeah, I hate that, but that's

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Speaker 2: where the heart it comes from. Nate was saying when

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Speaker 2: you were speaking earlier that you want to do nothing

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Speaker 2: but stand up. You don't want to be an actor?

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Speaker 1: You don't. I don't want to be an actor. Why

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Speaker 1: are you lying to people?

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Speaker 3: People ask all the time. I get the question, so

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Speaker 3: you want to act? Oh do you want to do

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Speaker 3: other things? And I'm like, I don't have that relationship

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Speaker 3: with stand up? Where I view it is less than

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Speaker 3: I really respect stand up. I respect a job me

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Speaker 3: doing stand up as a professional, living and doing shows.

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Speaker 3: I don't see why that's less than being an actor

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Speaker 3: On a TV show.

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Speaker 2: You know, We've had many many stand up comedians come

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Speaker 2: through here, and I've found we've all found that you

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Speaker 2: have these this thing in common where you've got it

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Speaker 2: seems fixed skin. You can take, you can take crap

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Speaker 2: from anyone, and bad criticism and scary criticism. And also

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Speaker 2: there's this self doubt that a lot of stand up

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Speaker 2: people we've met, Yeah, I think ahead, well, you seem

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Speaker 2: very you seem like you're no.

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Speaker 3: I have fixed skin for people that I respect. So

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Speaker 3: if I'm sitting at the comedy seller table and with

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Speaker 3: comics and they're making fun of me, like I respect

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Speaker 3: them because they're comics, and I'll make fun of them back.

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Speaker 3: And then it's people who don't understand what we do,

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Speaker 3: who try and comment that always bother me. And it's

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Speaker 3: not that it offends me or like my feelings are hurt.

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Speaker 3: It's just frustrated that someone would be so wildly arrogant.

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Speaker 3: But again, it's like comics. I mean, it's the only

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Speaker 3: job where you're going on stage and you're being judged immediately.

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Speaker 3: It's not like you're an actor to scare the crap

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Speaker 3: out of you, well not anymore. I mean I do

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Speaker 3: it every night. You've been doing it every night for

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Speaker 3: thirteen years, so it's like, you know, it's like I

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Speaker 3: don't know, laying in bed like it feels that normal,

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Speaker 3: you know, But I think it's like it's what other

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Speaker 3: jobs you have, Like actors, you can rehearse at home,

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Speaker 3: or you're on stage, or you're doing film, you get

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Speaker 3: multiple takes, or singing, you can work with producers and

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Speaker 3: you spend months making these stand up has to be

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Speaker 3: written in front of the audience. You have to do

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Speaker 3: it in front of an audience. You can't rehearse it

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Speaker 3: at home in front of your mirror and then go perform.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't work that way. And it's the only job

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Speaker 3: where you're getting judged immediately and the audience will let

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Speaker 3: you know we didn't like that, so you know, you

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Speaker 3: kind of have to suck it up.

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Speaker 1: I have one question, Yes, how do you meet your boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, so I start, So I met him?

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Speaker 1: Did you see his body language? And you stay talking

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Speaker 1: about in love right now. His name is Rodrigo.

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Speaker 3: He's from Mexico City, and we met on Instagram like

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Speaker 3: a couple months ago and we were just like, you know,

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Speaker 3: like flirting on Instagram like, hey, like, you know you're

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Speaker 3: a hotter. First me, Oh my god, please, I'm so desperate.

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Speaker 3: And so but we started talking and then it was like, wow,

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Speaker 3: we're talking all day, Like we're saying good morning to

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Speaker 3: each other. Then we exchange WhatsApp. Then we're talking and

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Speaker 3: what's up. Then we're facetiming all day. And he was like,

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Speaker 3: he's like, I want to go meet you. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 3: you should come to I'm also Mexican. I'm Italian Mexican,

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Speaker 3: which is where I look like a deli worker. But

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Speaker 3: I I know I have gay boys, but I should

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Speaker 3: sound like my friend, you know. So I said you

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Speaker 3: should come to New York. So this is like like

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Speaker 3: a month and a half ago. So he came to

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Speaker 3: New York for a couple of days and it was just,

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Speaker 3: you know, as I was picking him up, I was like, matey,

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Speaker 3: what are you doing? This was a stranger coming into

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Speaker 3: your home for four days. You don't know him from,

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Speaker 3: Like what do you do? The second I met him,

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Speaker 3: I thought, this person's gonna be in my life for

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Speaker 3: a long time.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's very healthy mentally, having a great life.

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Speaker 3: I am I'm having I play Fortnite with friends all day.

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Speaker 3: I go to the gym, I do shows, I live alone.

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Speaker 3: Great pasta, you go pasta pasta. Although I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 3: like gays are the opposite of Game of Thrones, where

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Speaker 3: like Winter's coming, we're like Summer's coming. So I haven't

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Speaker 3: had pasa in a minute. I'm trying to look hot

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Speaker 3: before I go to Italy. You're gonna do just fun

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Speaker 3: in Italy. Yeah, mateo Lane, it's out June eleventh. Ye

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Speaker 3: care pluggs and heartache. Yes, congratulations, thank you thanks for

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Speaker 3: having on the show. What my friend Nick Smith, by

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Speaker 3: the way, says Hi, he would be manified. He's like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so much.

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Speaker 1: We love Nick Smith.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Nick is six foot four, where's women's blouses and

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Speaker 3: has no redeeming qualities and sounds like squid words. So

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Speaker 3: I don't know, familiar. You should have Nick on the show.

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Speaker 3: He's so mean to me. I'll call him like, hey, Nick,

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Speaker 3: what are you doing? Wow, I'm watching a murder mystery

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Speaker 3: and if you call me again, you'll be the next mystery.

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Speaker 3: So he is very you know, but oh I love

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Speaker 3: I listen all the time.

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Speaker 1: I guess we're the foundation behind his humor. I guess

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Speaker 1: pretty much. Yeah, so you Nick Smith has you guys

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Speaker 1: to think tail. Thank you for coming me, Thanks having guys,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. What the hell do we do

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Speaker 1: for a living hell?

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Speaker 2: Mister ran in the Morning show, the brand new Galaxy

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