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Speaker 1: gonna switch gears here now and get into the Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: It is time. If you need advice on relationships, advice, dating, work, sex, parenting,

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Speaker 1: and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM

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Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're

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Speaker 1: gonna read this one right here, right now. Buggle up,

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Speaker 1: but hold on tight. We got it for you here.

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Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter. Thank enough for your subject.

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Speaker 1: He lives in the hood and he loves it. Dear

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Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, I've been dating a guy for about a

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Speaker 1: year and a half now, and I'm concerned that he

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Speaker 1: isn't motivated to do better for himself. The first time

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Speaker 1: I spent the night at his house, I made some

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Speaker 1: comments on how none of the yards have grass and

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Speaker 1: the houses have burglar bars on the windows and doors.

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Speaker 1: I thought to myself, there's no way I'm staying here,

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Speaker 1: but he pressured me. He assured me that he would

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Speaker 1: protect me, so I stayed over the whole night. I

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Speaker 1: heard cars going up and down the street and a

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Speaker 1: lot of commotion. After the first night there, I haven't

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Speaker 1: been back to his house. That was over a year ago,

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Speaker 1: and he's gotten used to spending time at my house. Recently,

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Speaker 1: he had to talk about the fact that we never

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Speaker 1: hang out at his house, and he said that I

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Speaker 1: made it clear that his house was not good enough

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Speaker 1: for me. My next question was, why hasn't he attempted

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Speaker 1: to make it better or move out. He told me

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Speaker 1: about a police chase in his area and how the

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Speaker 1: DA seized a large amount of marijuana from a guy

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Speaker 1: down the street. He said he's not fixing his house

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Speaker 1: up until they get a handle on crime in that area.

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Speaker 1: That let me know he has no plans to move.

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Speaker 1: He went on to say that he likes to be

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Speaker 1: around his people in the heart of the city where

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Speaker 1: he grew up. He told me I was scared of

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Speaker 1: my own people. Stephen Shirley, That's not true. I've worked

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Speaker 1: hard to separate myself from the criminal element, and I've

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Speaker 1: chosen to do better. I'm from the hood, too, but

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Speaker 1: I moved out. We're both thirty seven and gainfully employed

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Speaker 1: making good money. How can we be compatible in all

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Speaker 1: areas except this one? Am I wasting my time? Well?

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Speaker 1: That depends, I mean, that really depends. I'm thinking about

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Speaker 1: where this relationship is going. I mean, do you want

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Speaker 1: to marry this guy at some point, because if you do,

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Speaker 1: this is a big red flag. If you guys can't

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Speaker 1: agree on something as basic as and important as where

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Speaker 1: you want to live and what neighborhood and all that

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Speaker 1: and moving out of the hood, then I would say,

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Speaker 1: you know, your relationship is in trouble. The problem is

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Speaker 1: you're both right, you're just not right for each other.

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Speaker 1: You moved out and did better for yourself. Like you

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Speaker 1: said in the letter, he's right in the hood, and

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Speaker 1: he's right that the hood is not good enough for

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Speaker 1: you anymore. I mean, you feel that way, that's why

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Speaker 1: you moved out again. That's okay, nothing wrong with that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he on the flip side, wants to say

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Speaker 1: in his hood and hopes it will get better. You know.

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Speaker 1: For now, I think you guys should continue meeting at

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Speaker 1: your house. I do, and while you're there you need

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Speaker 1: to figure out you need to have some conversations about

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Speaker 1: what you guys want to do moving forward in this relationship.

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Speaker 1: But this living in the hood thing is a big

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Speaker 1: problem for you too. It can't be ignored and you

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Speaker 1: might have to move on and find someone that shares

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Speaker 1: your same values. Steve Well, I agree with what you're saying, Shelly,

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Speaker 1: I have some more takes on it. Also, to add

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Speaker 1: to what you said, now you've been dating a guy,

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Speaker 1: you say, the subject is he lives in the hood

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Speaker 1: and he loves it. Now the thing automatically is, I've

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Speaker 1: moved out of the hood a long time ago on

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Speaker 1: a personal note, but there are things that I absolutely

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Speaker 1: adored about it. There are some things, man, that really

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Speaker 1: do ring deer in my heart about it. You know,

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Speaker 1: now I'm I'm a different person now. I've climbed the

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Speaker 1: ladder of a different way now, so some things I

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Speaker 1: cannot do anymore that I used to be able to

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Speaker 1: do and enjoy, walking to the stove, hanging out at

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Speaker 1: the park, singing down at the mail box, oh man,

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Speaker 1: hooping up at the bus, bond to all in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the night, all that. But see, so I

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Speaker 1: understand that. But you went over your spenders spending night

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Speaker 1: at his house, and then you made the comment about

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Speaker 1: it being kind to get over, and then you said

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Speaker 1: it ain't. None of the yards got grass in the houses,

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Speaker 1: got burglar bars on the winner's indoors. I thought to myself,

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Speaker 1: that's no way I'm staying here. But then he assured

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Speaker 1: me that he would protect me. So you stayed the

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Speaker 1: whole night. You heard cars going up down street. You know,

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Speaker 1: it just is a lot of commotion the summertime. You

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Speaker 1: know what just is? It wasn't winter. Ain't all that

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Speaker 1: in the winter. You was over there in the summer. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't know where you live, but this this is

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Speaker 1: some of the summer them a commotion first night, Dad,

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Speaker 1: you stayed to night and you ain't been back, says

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Speaker 1: that was a year agoing and he'd got you to

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Speaker 1: spend the time at your house. Now here's your whole problem.

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Speaker 1: When we come back, I'll explained it to you. You

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Speaker 1: had to talk about the fact that we never hang

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Speaker 1: out of his house, he said. He made it clear

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Speaker 1: to his house, and not good enough for me. That's

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Speaker 1: just to beginning the rest of this letter. All right,

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Speaker 1: Part two coming up at twenty three minutes after he

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Speaker 1: lives in the Hood and he loves It. We'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening show, all right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject

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Speaker 1: he lives in the hood and he loves it. He

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Speaker 1: lives in the hood and he loves it, and she doesn't.

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Speaker 1: This woman's been dating this man about a year and

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Speaker 1: a half. Now she's concerned that he isn't motivated to

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Speaker 1: better himself. That's the conclusion that she came to. And

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Speaker 1: now after this letter, her conclusion is he's not motivated

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Speaker 1: to better himself. First time she spent the night at

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Speaker 1: the house, she made some comments about it being ghetto,

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Speaker 1: and then the yards ain't got no grass and they

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Speaker 1: got burglar balls on them, and then she thought to herself,

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Speaker 1: ain't no way she's staying there. He told her he

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Speaker 1: protect them. Whole night she heard cars going up down

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Speaker 1: the street and a lot of commotion. I'm reading this

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Speaker 1: into this with summertime in the hood, you know what

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Speaker 1: it is now? Like I said before, I don't live

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Speaker 1: in the hood anymore. I feel blessed and fortunate, But

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Speaker 1: there are some things about the hood that I miss

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Speaker 1: deally because it served a valuable purpose in my life.

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Speaker 1: It made me who I am to date. It created

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Speaker 1: a starch in me or fight in me, some dog

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Speaker 1: in me, and it just taught me a lot about manhood.

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Speaker 1: I learned most of what I know about manhood from

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Speaker 1: the hood. Okay, cool and It wasn't just because I

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Speaker 1: was fighting it stough. It's just I had to grow

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Speaker 1: up quicker than all right. So it's a lot of

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Speaker 1: good stuff that happens in the hood. Now, she said,

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Speaker 1: she ain't been over there since that night, and it's

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Speaker 1: been over a year. And he didn't got used to

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Speaker 1: spending time at your house. Now here we go. Recently

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Speaker 1: we had to talk about the fact that we never

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Speaker 1: hang out of his house, and he said, I made

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Speaker 1: it clear that his house was not good enough for me.

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Speaker 1: And you did. You talked about ain't no grass, burglar

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Speaker 1: bars on these windows? You know, you made the man

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Speaker 1: feel bad about this spot. So he said, well, I

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Speaker 1: ain't fit the brain over here, because we're gonna come

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Speaker 1: over here next week. Ain't fit to be no grass

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Speaker 1: out here boy next week. And you know, good damn well,

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Speaker 1: we can't take you down, burglar bars off. So now

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Speaker 1: since that ain't ain't change, we can't change. Now. My

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Speaker 1: next question was, why hasn't he attempted to make it

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Speaker 1: better or move out? He told me police chasing his

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Speaker 1: air and how the DA season large amount of marijuana

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Speaker 1: from a guy down the street. They're selling weed a

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Speaker 1: matter of fact, they've elevated it. Now they're selling opioids,

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Speaker 1: oxy cotton. Man, they're doing it all in not in

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Speaker 1: the hood of what I meant to say, They do

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Speaker 1: this in the suburbs. See, they're selling weed in the suburbs.

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Speaker 1: It weed houses out there now, oxy cotton, opium, all

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Speaker 1: that everything, all that medical drugs. That's that's the suburb

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Speaker 1: problem to Harrowing. All that's getting sold out there. So

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Speaker 1: it ain't just the hood. And now he said he's

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Speaker 1: not fixing his house up until they get a handle

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Speaker 1: on crime in that air. Now that statement right there, dog,

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Speaker 1: we all know when that's gonna happen, especially with the

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Speaker 1: no snitch theory going on in hood, we ain't gonna

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Speaker 1: be able to solve none of these damn crimes, ain't

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Speaker 1: nobody telling. So now he ain't gonna fix the house.

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Speaker 1: Now guess what conclusion She said that let me know

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Speaker 1: he has no plans to move. He went on to

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Speaker 1: he said he likes being around his people and to

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Speaker 1: the harder the city where he grew up. He just

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Speaker 1: trying to justify. He told me I was scared of

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Speaker 1: my own people. He just trying to push back at

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Speaker 1: you because you can talked about his house because they

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Speaker 1: ain't got no grass, got a little rock guarding outside.

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Speaker 1: All these balls up ain't no stairs, you know. And

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Speaker 1: you don't put carbet on your stairs in the hood

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Speaker 1: because you need to hear who coming up the steps,

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Speaker 1: you know, all these little tricks and stuff you ever

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Speaker 1: learned in the hood and everything. Stephen Shirley, that's not true.

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Speaker 1: I've worked hard to separate myself from the criminal element,

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Speaker 1: and I've chosen to do better. I'm from the hood too,

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Speaker 1: but I moved out. And that we're both thirty seven,

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Speaker 1: gamely employed making good money. How can we be compatible

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Speaker 1: in all areas except this one? Am I wasting my time?

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Speaker 1: You are absolutely not wasting your time? And I want

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Speaker 1: to share something with you about men that an insight

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Speaker 1: that you may not have taken into consideration. This is

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Speaker 1: not a red flag, but you have to understand something.

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Speaker 1: At the time this brother bought this house, that's what

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Speaker 1: he could afford. He probably is very proud of the

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Speaker 1: fact that he's a homeowner that home, and that being

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Speaker 1: from that neighborhood, and finally, a quiet a piece of

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Speaker 1: property may have a sentimental value to him and definitely

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Speaker 1: a sense of pride. He's now a homeowner sentimental reasons.

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Speaker 1: Now that what's happening with you all? And you all

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Speaker 1: are not communicating properly because when you set a man down,

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Speaker 1: he told you that, you know, he felt like his

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Speaker 1: house wasn't good enough for you, that's why he ain't.

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Speaker 1: You ain't been back over there, but you don't. You

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Speaker 1: never asked a man why he won't move. See, he

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Speaker 1: just told you he ain't fixing the house something until

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Speaker 1: they get a grip on crime around that. He know

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Speaker 1: his crime. He know you know his crime. But this

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Speaker 1: man hadn't bought his house. You ain't giving him no

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Speaker 1: credit for that. You ain't giving him no credit for

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Speaker 1: coming up with the down payment. You don't know what

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Speaker 1: this brother went through to get this house, but you

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Speaker 1: just dogging him for staying in it. He ain't had

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Speaker 1: no reason till he met you to even go nowhere else.

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Speaker 1: So now he's crazy about you. So he's been spending

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Speaker 1: all his time at your house, but he don't want

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Speaker 1: to bring you over there to his accomplishment, and then

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Speaker 1: you dog him about it. See, you're missing one of

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Speaker 1: the points, his sister. So this is a communication problem.

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Speaker 1: I think I need you to just sit down and

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Speaker 1: really think about why this man is willing to stay

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Speaker 1: there and then go from there. But you don't leave

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Speaker 1: no man because he didn't bought a house and he

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Speaker 1: want to live in it. Have you thought about that?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? All right? Thank you, Steve Post you're coming.

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Speaker 1: So Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey at them on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.

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Speaker 1: Coming up at forty six. After the hour, we'll talk

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Speaker 1: sports with Junior. Right after this, you're listening to the

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Speaker 1: Dave Harvey Morning Show