Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I am so super excited about posting this
Speaker 1: episode and you guys finally getting the chance to listen
Speaker 1: to it. UM. We were joined in the studio by Tavarus,
Speaker 1: who is a straight male UM born with the HIV virus.
Speaker 1: It is something that as a sex positive podcast, we
Speaker 1: never thought we would get the chance to touch on,
Speaker 1: nor have someone who was as open as to bar
Speaker 1: as to talking about it. During this podcast, we kind
Speaker 1: of debunked some of the myths associated with the HIV
Speaker 1: virus and we kind of learned some things that we
Speaker 1: had no idea about. UM. I'm super excited. We definitely
Speaker 1: were able to ask a lot of the questions that
Speaker 1: you guys shared with us on the Patreon platform as
Speaker 1: well as our Instagram page, and we hope that we
Speaker 1: did justice to this conversation and we hope that you
Speaker 1: guys learn as much as we learned. While recording it.
Speaker 1: UM Me and Wheezy had Google pulled up the entire time. UM,
Speaker 1: so we hope we were able to really dig into
Speaker 1: this and hopefully you guys enjoy. Please feel free to
Speaker 1: give us feedback on this episode at the Patreon platform
Speaker 1: and that's at www dot Patreon. Dot com back slash
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions, or on our Instagram page at Horrible Underscore Decisions.
Speaker 1: Can't wait to hear from you guys soon, I decides depressing,
Speaker 1: it's actually not depressing. I really liked this song. Um,
Speaker 1: this is jesse J. Who you are. It's like, you're
Speaker 1: fucking A and R s Now what do we not? Yes?
Speaker 1: You know what. I actually first heard this song when
Speaker 1: we were at spin class and I really really really
Speaker 1: like yeah, So I'm gonna play this for the rest
Speaker 1: of UM towards the end of the episode. I want
Speaker 1: people to listen to it because I think it's really hard,
Speaker 1: you know, touching, and we'll relate to the deep conversation
Speaker 1: that we're about. I just want to say, this is
Speaker 1: a podcast about hot shit. I don't know what, UM
Speaker 1: I hear you, but UM, A lot of people have
Speaker 1: actually been hitting us up saying that they've been learning
Speaker 1: a lot and as much. And it's not crying. It's
Speaker 1: a really good well no, it's super swaggy. The song
Speaker 1: is amazing and jesse J is awesome. UM, and I
Speaker 1: want people to know that, bitch, although we're holds, we
Speaker 1: can educate these holes too. Goddamn you really come in
Speaker 1: here lit today. I never know why, and I literally
Speaker 1: and I can't take you when you're sober off anything.
Speaker 1: So the fact that you're on caffeine, I'm about to
Speaker 1: die today. UM. Anyways, guys, welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions. UM, I'm your girl, maybe I'm easy. And
Speaker 1: we have our guests to bars today. Yeah, speaking right now,
Speaker 1: speaking right now. So UM, I guess if you guys
Speaker 1: haven't noticed by even the intro today, UM, today, we're
Speaker 1: actually gonna be having a more UM, more deep conversation,
Speaker 1: something that's a little bit more educational and something that
Speaker 1: I honestly didn't think we would ever get to touch on,
Speaker 1: because I didn't think we would ever have anyone open
Speaker 1: enough to come into the studio and talk with us
Speaker 1: about about this. But our guest today in the studio
Speaker 1: UM has HIV. UM, and so this is gonna be
Speaker 1: an episode where we can talk about how you're living
Speaker 1: with HIV, how you got it, UM, debunking some of
Speaker 1: the things that are associated with it. UM. Because as
Speaker 1: much as we talk about how amazing sex is and
Speaker 1: how much we be sucking dick, I think that it's
Speaker 1: also very important to know that we are educated in
Speaker 1: the realm of sex, and we like to continue learning,
Speaker 1: um more about the risks associated with the pleasures of
Speaker 1: the things that we like. Um So, I guess we
Speaker 1: can start. So normally when we have guests, we like
Speaker 1: to do kind of an ice breaker. Um and this
Speaker 1: icebreaker is going to be different than any other. What
Speaker 1: I wanted to do is actually kind of debunk some
Speaker 1: of the myths. No, it's actually kind of like, um,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say things that people may think is associated
Speaker 1: with with HIV, and what I want you to do
Speaker 1: is maybe talk about how it's not true. And of
Speaker 1: course I did a little bit of background research as
Speaker 1: well to to kind of furthermore let you guys know
Speaker 1: that these are not the case. Um So the first one,
Speaker 1: oh my god, there's one that I didn't know already.
Speaker 1: You can't get HIV from insects. I thought that they
Speaker 1: were saying you can't get sex from what HIV from
Speaker 1: insects when they say, like, I thought that it could
Speaker 1: be transferred through like mosquito bites, and oh that was
Speaker 1: they would have. There was always a thing that they
Speaker 1: would say about like, oh, if you go to like
Speaker 1: the rainforest, you go to Amazon, you go to Africa, like,
Speaker 1: some of the insects can infect you with you you'll
Speaker 1: get maybe yellow fever or anything else. You can't get
Speaker 1: any animals. Remember that you're you're totally off of my
Speaker 1: my um. Yeah, we're reading the ship together, but that
Speaker 1: was going to be after the myths. Those are not myths.
Speaker 1: Those are ways you cannot contract. These are the myths.
Speaker 1: Read the outline, hope, I'm reading things that you can't. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the one of the first myths that I wanted
Speaker 1: to debunk is that HIV is a gay man's disease.
Speaker 1: It's not. And so do you have anything further on, um,
Speaker 1: maybe how HIV doesn't discriminate? And um me I was
Speaker 1: born fit you were you were born with HIV okay,
Speaker 1: and so your mother had it and passed it down
Speaker 1: to here. And so was this something that upon birth
Speaker 1: your mom was notified of did they give you medication?
Speaker 1: That was their complications with your birth because of knowledge
Speaker 1: because at my mom not because she had passed away
Speaker 1: like about four years ago, but to my knowledge and
Speaker 1: when we had my mother had those talks, it was
Speaker 1: more so that she don't know how she how she
Speaker 1: contracted herself because because she was doing drugs at the time,
Speaker 1: she was shooing heroin and having sex with people. Once
Speaker 1: saw that, but I think you tracked to do it.
Speaker 1: Do birth, okay, And so I guess I wondered the
Speaker 1: percent of people that they're born with HIV. Yeah, now
Speaker 1: it's better because I'm going to nineties. So like nineties,
Speaker 1: late eighties is when messages are really coming out, okay.
Speaker 1: And that's also when yeah, we weren't even just aware
Speaker 1: of what it is. And so I want to talk
Speaker 1: to you about the second myth. So the second myth
Speaker 1: is that being diagnosed with HIV is a death sentence.
Speaker 1: It's not. And you're and your how old? So you've
Speaker 1: been living with HIV for twenty five years and at
Speaker 1: any point during any doctor's visits did any of your
Speaker 1: doctors say you have this much time to live? Nahum,
Speaker 1: we're also a concerner of my mother because doing doing
Speaker 1: like the early nineties, the eighties, Um, the medicine was
Speaker 1: not as advance like some people have. Medicines was really
Speaker 1: in the testing phases. I think the better way to
Speaker 1: describe this stuff before we even get into that is,
Speaker 1: like people think HIV and AIDS are the same. Oh
Speaker 1: is that right? Okay? Oh so yeah, we'll definitely have
Speaker 1: to to go into that because a lot of times
Speaker 1: you even see just HIV backslash AIDS um and I
Speaker 1: believe AIDS is just higher. Do you know the form
Speaker 1: after HIV. I have to because once you go on
Speaker 1: to age, you cannot have HV no more, okay, because
Speaker 1: h is a the virus is sleeping, okay, and AIDS
Speaker 1: is the final step. You cannot cannot reverse it. It's
Speaker 1: like once you have it magic Johnson have v HIV,
Speaker 1: has HIV. Ok Yeah, people say he has AIDS because
Speaker 1: at the time that it was but it was like,
Speaker 1: so say so new because it's it's easier to live
Speaker 1: with HIV. It's like it's it's it's a lot of
Speaker 1: medicines that are advanced to where you can keep yourself
Speaker 1: from the point of AIDS. And I think what you
Speaker 1: were saying is in the early nineties and eighties, a
Speaker 1: lot of people dying from HIV because they didn't know
Speaker 1: how to keep it from getting to a And so
Speaker 1: are your doctors telling you that you have HIV, now
Speaker 1: you're gonna have AIDS at this age? Like does it?
Speaker 1: Does it? Are you you know, are you bound to
Speaker 1: have AIDS having HIV or Now there's always it's always
Speaker 1: gonna be a what if when you have HIV. So
Speaker 1: pretty much like if you have it, if you take
Speaker 1: your messine at all, you get oh so, so the
Speaker 1: medicine that you're taking with HIV is is what's keeping
Speaker 1: you from getting AIDS. Oh okay, that's something that I
Speaker 1: wasn't aware of. Um So another myth that I found,
Speaker 1: and this was actually something that related to our Herpies conversation.
Speaker 1: So a myth is that it is the sole responsibility
Speaker 1: of hip positive individuals to initiate safe sex. Now we
Speaker 1: say this and we're going to talk about more so
Speaker 1: when you're dating. But I feel like people who have
Speaker 1: herpies or have HIV, or have any of these sexually
Speaker 1: transmitted diseases, people put it solely on that person to say, hey,
Speaker 1: we have to use condoms. And I think it's very
Speaker 1: important to know that everyone needs to sit here and
Speaker 1: if you if you're not aware of your partners and
Speaker 1: people that have HIV one point one million in the US,
Speaker 1: but one point one in every seven of them don't
Speaker 1: know they have it. Oh wow, Yeah, and that's actually
Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah, herpes was one three an adulted decline
Speaker 1: from in the last seven years went down by so
Speaker 1: people are because has been more advanced. Now, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: reading that particularly young black men. UM and it says
Speaker 1: gay men are most affected. And again I think that
Speaker 1: comes from just the lack of us being able to
Speaker 1: get insurance and education on sexually transmitting diseases. UM. One
Speaker 1: of the other myths that I saw that was actually
Speaker 1: really interesting to me that I actually didn't know it. UM.
Speaker 1: It says having sex with someone who is HIV positive
Speaker 1: means you will contract HIV. And that's what do you
Speaker 1: have these conversations the people that you date like, it
Speaker 1: depends on who I'm talking to, because I know for
Speaker 1: a fact that let me say, the converts with you
Speaker 1: and you found I found that you are a little
Speaker 1: bit ignorant or at a little childish. I'm also not
Speaker 1: tempted to really tell you because they when you do
Speaker 1: come up, you acting like child Oh, oh I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get it or this is third right, so I have
Speaker 1: it now, and that that blows up my psyche. Oh
Speaker 1: I'm doing something wrong. And that brings back to my
Speaker 1: childhood or live with it. Okay, okay, you tell all
Speaker 1: your partners before, so yes, for most of what I do,
Speaker 1: and you're keeping from telling them. Um, for most was younger,
Speaker 1: it was more hard for me to deal with it right,
Speaker 1: just openly tell someone I have at CHEV because going
Speaker 1: up my hospital and my doctors had told me don't
Speaker 1: tell nobody. Wait, your doctor's told you not to tell people, yeah,
Speaker 1: back in the early days. And I think because people
Speaker 1: used to think, oh my god, you're gonna touch me instead?
Speaker 1: Is that and ignorance of people. But it's crazy to
Speaker 1: know the doctors told you not to tell because I'm
Speaker 1: a child. Said the same thing with her pies. Her
Speaker 1: doctors told her don't tell people, like unless it's you're
Speaker 1: about to have sex with them. Yeah, because I'm in
Speaker 1: a big attached to HIV. Oh absolutely well with any
Speaker 1: sexual diseases, like people get worried for their safety as
Speaker 1: far as having HIV as well. That is crazy And
Speaker 1: so I guess, um, even you bringing up the fighting,
Speaker 1: everyone just assumes like if you touch someone who has
Speaker 1: HIV um that you're going to contract it. And so
Speaker 1: I don't know if you want to pull up that
Speaker 1: list because I wanted to go ahead and and further
Speaker 1: talk about things that listen. These are kind of myths
Speaker 1: as far as transmission of HIV, and so we're gonna
Speaker 1: run through them. Let me know if you've heard any
Speaker 1: of them, and let me know maybe if you have
Speaker 1: any specific thoughts on any of these. Touching someone you
Speaker 1: can't get it outside of the body, shaking their hand, um, tears, sweat, Um,
Speaker 1: there's no HIV infected through things like that. And UM,
Speaker 1: this is a cool one. So mutual masturbation, so masturbating
Speaker 1: with um. As far as fingering and hand jobs, those
Speaker 1: are all safe from HIV. However, depend depending. Women are
Speaker 1: internalmen are external. Yeah, because I say I've cut my
Speaker 1: finger and I'm I'm aware of it, and I'm fingering you, okay,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure I have HIV and I'm fingering
Speaker 1: you and have to cut my finger then, because that's
Speaker 1: an open wound, technically it can't. And it also says
Speaker 1: that if you use sex toys, make sure to use
Speaker 1: a new condom on them when switching between partners. That's
Speaker 1: something that we already know. You brought up the insects,
Speaker 1: which kind of leads us to the animal This is
Speaker 1: a funny one, and I think that's more so relates
Speaker 1: to back in the day, But it says air HIV
Speaker 1: cannot survive in the air, so coughing, sneezing, or spinning
Speaker 1: cannot trans transmit HIV. Yes, I can cough, sneeze. You're
Speaker 1: not gonna get it. Have people been around you that
Speaker 1: have been uncomfortable and have you done those things and
Speaker 1: they thought, you know, maybe they would catch it? Because
Speaker 1: I told one of my friends when I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like eight oh and and that's like, that's
Speaker 1: really yeah. I can only imagine, especially at that age,
Speaker 1: you're just uneducated about sex at all, and back in
Speaker 1: the nineties you're not far off from our age. I
Speaker 1: know that the whole stigma and mindself surrounding HIV was
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, that's the killer. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I'm told him, oh, I want to get this on
Speaker 1: third and the whole friendship at changed after that. I
Speaker 1: was okay, that that just tells me what my doctor
Speaker 1: told me is true. Don't tell nobody. And instance is
Speaker 1: what ch child where I'm in a lunch room, Yeah, upset,
Speaker 1: I can go out of recess and there's these kids,
Speaker 1: my classmates were talking about as NTIV and me being
Speaker 1: a young kids like, I know, I can't talk about it. Wait,
Speaker 1: why can't you go to recess? Somebody should happen. I
Speaker 1: thought that you're really in trouble. Else second, go outside,
Speaker 1: So and these kids having a full conversation but as ANTIV, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I heard this on third and I want to educate
Speaker 1: them because I'm mean having it and I'm okay, I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm saying I'm crying by myself, damn. And because
Speaker 1: you can't go outside, we're really I can't tell you
Speaker 1: what you're saying is wrong right right? At one thing
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask um. And it's funny because I
Speaker 1: just went down the list. I was going to ask
Speaker 1: you as far as like saliva and sharing the blood,
Speaker 1: but I just pulled up some and that says there's
Speaker 1: such a small amount of HIV and saliva that kissing
Speaker 1: it can't you can't be And what's and what's crazy
Speaker 1: is I read this and I'm not exactly sure if
Speaker 1: it goes to the semen. I'm not sure is is
Speaker 1: do you know is HIV and the semen as well?
Speaker 1: It is? Okay, so I know blood too, but it
Speaker 1: says that the risk of HIV from oral sex is
Speaker 1: very small unless you were your partner have large open sores.
Speaker 1: UM it says that there is only a slightly increased
Speaker 1: risk if a woman given being given oral sex as
Speaker 1: HIV positive. And if you I'm like thinking, if you swallow,
Speaker 1: because it's open wounds, it's like a blood it's a
Speaker 1: blood ze. So if you're swallowing during oral sex, it's different.
Speaker 1: That's that's what it's saying. It's very small much. That's
Speaker 1: that's where I'm confused, because if it's if HIV is
Speaker 1: in the semen, if you're swallow, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I don't know that. That's pretty much if a female
Speaker 1: has cutting them all, cut them off, and you chances
Speaker 1: are low to get it. If I haven't and you're
Speaker 1: talking me off, it's on third and you have to
Speaker 1: cut them off, your chance is small to get it
Speaker 1: unless you drink like a whole gut on my nut.
Speaker 1: But see this is also saying that's what he's saying.
Speaker 1: He's saying the cut because even on here it says
Speaker 1: that UM, your risk is slightly increased if the woman
Speaker 1: is menstruating, So it has to be. Is it not
Speaker 1: just through blood? Yeah, pretty much. Anybody is a blood disease, right, Well,
Speaker 1: the virus lives in your blood stream. I get that. However,
Speaker 1: if we can't get it from slive, but we can't
Speaker 1: get it from sneezing, coffee, touching all these other things.
Speaker 1: What about semen? Yes, you can. You can't get it
Speaker 1: from Okay, so if you're swallowing the nut, there is
Speaker 1: a chance that you can get it just from Let
Speaker 1: me google this because we're trying to make how much
Speaker 1: if you have at your mouth yourself No, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're fine. You're fine if you swallow seamen. That from
Speaker 1: an HIV and I think it's because it goes your
Speaker 1: had much of acids and end zombies and that kills
Speaker 1: it off. And as soon as the h is hitting
Speaker 1: in the air, it's a ready killed off. A good
Speaker 1: it says, um, it's more transmitted through like the cut.
Speaker 1: Like he's saying, um. It's saying that they've done evaluations.
Speaker 1: It's very low, but it's not zero. At the risk
Speaker 1: of acquiring it through vaginal sex and anals hot far higher.
Speaker 1: But it's not saying why um the fluid I guess
Speaker 1: when it's swallowed. It's just like goes through a different
Speaker 1: way in your body pretty much, it's just body fluids
Speaker 1: pretty much like Okay, um, like when you get wet
Speaker 1: and pretty much body one per ten thousand if it's
Speaker 1: oral sex. Oh, so the chances of that, yeah, are
Speaker 1: very low. It's still possible, but it's still possible. But okay,
Speaker 1: and then I guess one of the last um ways
Speaker 1: that you can contract it that you can't really contract
Speaker 1: it as um as highly is through tattoos and piercings.
Speaker 1: And I know that's a large we used to always
Speaker 1: be scared about. You better be using a new needle. UM.
Speaker 1: So it actually says here that there is only a
Speaker 1: risk of the needle is used by the professional UM
Speaker 1: that has been used on the body of an HIV
Speaker 1: infected person and not sterilized afterwards. However, most practitioners are
Speaker 1: required now to use new needles for each client. UM.
Speaker 1: So I guess that there is actually kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: a possibility. So if you guys are into tattoos, they're
Speaker 1: getting because everything is saying, he's like, now you can
Speaker 1: get what you mean you're talking tattoo A chance it's
Speaker 1: always made a chance, but depending on but it's real.
Speaker 1: If there's blood that came in contact that wasn't clean,
Speaker 1: it's blood. So it's pretty much blood transmission. Is to
Speaker 1: how when you have you had an unprotected sex? And
Speaker 1: is it with people that have HIV as we who
Speaker 1: have HIV who do not have it? Yes? And okay,
Speaker 1: we don't have to. I guess we can get into that.
Speaker 1: So if you guys didn't know, the horrible decision for
Speaker 1: this week is HIV and unfortunately this wasn't even a
Speaker 1: decision for you. Um, So I guess we'll get into
Speaker 1: that with dating. So she just asked you if you've
Speaker 1: had unprotected sex with anyone in your life? You said
Speaker 1: you have. How do you go about dating now as
Speaker 1: a twenty year old man? And I want for our
Speaker 1: viewers to know you are a straight man? Correct? Have
Speaker 1: you ever been with men? No? Okay, so you're a
Speaker 1: straight man, only been with women? What is the conversation
Speaker 1: that you have when dating women? As more more hard enough?
Speaker 1: When I was going up, Okay, I can't tell you
Speaker 1: if I want to tell you because I'm romantically involved
Speaker 1: with you, right, So it's like I would tell you,
Speaker 1: but I to get to know you first, so real quick.
Speaker 1: You said romantically involved. So at one point you were
Speaker 1: having sex with individuals before telling them. No, I always
Speaker 1: had a conomal because my mom always said, we put
Speaker 1: a rain cold on you. Like you have never used
Speaker 1: a condom, had unprotecting self without telling someone. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: And what is the reaction? I guess when you become
Speaker 1: that involved that you want to take it that step?
Speaker 1: What do you tell them? I told him I have
Speaker 1: a serious talk with them. Send you down. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you something. I have HIV. Even you're just telling
Speaker 1: me that, my heart just dropped because I don't know
Speaker 1: what my immediate response would be to that, if any
Speaker 1: have you ever been broken up with I've been broken
Speaker 1: up with um. I've been told it's so far, it's
Speaker 1: all right. And I've been cheering on put much every
Speaker 1: every normal relationship I've been through, Like I broke upbout
Speaker 1: you getting back with you, it's not there. I'll be
Speaker 1: with you be cause you have it. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: my life and I'm saying that, wondering, okay, where you
Speaker 1: at calling? So they just disappear how like? So I'm
Speaker 1: aware of prep and we'll talk about that later in
Speaker 1: like true Veda and stuff. Are you on that or
Speaker 1: you can't be on that because you already contracted No,
Speaker 1: like prep Haven who had hard zero, do not have
Speaker 1: it at all? Now, how how do people protect themselves
Speaker 1: when you haven't unprotected sex with you? Um? Pretty much?
Speaker 1: I took much it every day. The medicine helps keep
Speaker 1: the dormant. Oh so so we're both like, be honest,
Speaker 1: I just don't know. Medicine it helps you learning into AIDS.
Speaker 1: I just thought it helped you live. I kind of
Speaker 1: did it does I'm here to keep it dormant because
Speaker 1: no cure for it, right, But to keep it dormant
Speaker 1: means that when you're sleeping with these women, it's a
Speaker 1: less likely chance they have it because you're on medicine.
Speaker 1: So that I didn't know that. I didn't know. So
Speaker 1: your medicine also keeps from transmitting it to someone else.
Speaker 1: So I guess so people that are like, the way
Speaker 1: it's spreading is for people that probably have no idea
Speaker 1: they have it. Yar people who have it, they use
Speaker 1: condoms or whatever, and they do decide to have I'm
Speaker 1: taking sex. It's and do they ask you these because
Speaker 1: you just mentioned and protected, and now I can understand
Speaker 1: how someone falls in love with you and now they Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's why magic Magic Wife doesn't have it. That's
Speaker 1: fine because he takes me every single day and he
Speaker 1: probably take the best of medicine, so I wanted to
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying rich, he probably take the ones
Speaker 1: you don't even know about. Okay. So speaking of this
Speaker 1: joke though, because he's so healthy and he's right, he
Speaker 1: still continues to even play. He still looks athletic, he
Speaker 1: doesn't look sick, and so I wanted to talk about
Speaker 1: that too. Um, as far as where you are in
Speaker 1: your life, and I don't want to get into your pockets,
Speaker 1: but economically, how are you able to afford these because
Speaker 1: this is another thing that we hear often is that
Speaker 1: these medications cost a lot and that normal people can't
Speaker 1: afford them. Insurance, so your insurance actually covers them? Insurance?
Speaker 1: Can can you tell us one insurance that is like
Speaker 1: do you pay more than others? Because because it's pretty
Speaker 1: existing because originally I was on medicate, I was okay,
Speaker 1: then they dropped me. Okay, there's like a caught off
Speaker 1: with that eighteen but they find out until I was
Speaker 1: like twenty one, I like sleep out with that. Okay,
Speaker 1: then that's when my mom had passed, so they I'll
Speaker 1: get your all insurance. Oh wow, okay, did your mom pass?
Speaker 1: And I hope this is an inappropriate question, but from no, No,
Speaker 1: she was fine every day we took it together. Oh wow. Okay,
Speaker 1: so like a normal thing would just me at hume.
Speaker 1: And so with your insurance, is it freeze it's still
Speaker 1: kind of affordable, like affinity happening, and that's a close
Speaker 1: enough to medicate. Okay, so where you get the same
Speaker 1: benefits but not as much. So that pretty much my
Speaker 1: co pay is about like me, it's about like like
Speaker 1: two dollars, that's what that. Yeah, it's really cheap. Now
Speaker 1: what about if you don't have if you have your
Speaker 1: short it's more hard for you get it because I'm
Speaker 1: just no, I'm just thinking like people that are homeless
Speaker 1: or that are unemployed, it's way harder to get it
Speaker 1: if you if you even get the medicine, not even
Speaker 1: if you could have messin in itself, it's gonna run
Speaker 1: you about like two a month pretty much. Oh okay
Speaker 1: that yeah, yeah, it depending on how mad stages are.
Speaker 1: Oh so there's different medicine depending on what stage. Yes,
Speaker 1: because before I was I was on a because I
Speaker 1: was a little I always had a little white white liquid.
Speaker 1: You a white liquid they paste tasting that like that ship.
Speaker 1: Then I grew up and I said, it's a messine pills. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was on I was on a combination pills like
Speaker 1: a cocktail to call it. I was on Condaba and
Speaker 1: Seesteva commabart what was the first one? And seestevao conat
Speaker 1: twice twice the day, when in the morning, when night,
Speaker 1: I took Seva at night with the conna bear. Oh wow, okay,
Speaker 1: so it's three. So at that point it was three pills.
Speaker 1: How many pills a day are you taking on one? Oh? Because? Um,
Speaker 1: because mess and I got so advanced where I can
Speaker 1: just just take one pill, okay, technology and science Like, yes,
Speaker 1: I hope this isn't a dumb question. But I feel
Speaker 1: like there's no like you said, there's different stages of HIV,
Speaker 1: like being that you've you've been on metaphor sin for
Speaker 1: so long, does it ever get lower? No, you just
Speaker 1: stay the same. You take it consistently all the time. Um, say,
Speaker 1: I don't say myself like a good three days, Um,
Speaker 1: I might have a blip and my bless cell count
Speaker 1: which means three days, which means what, um that I
Speaker 1: might become resistant to the medication. Oh yeah, because the
Speaker 1: HIV IS is a smart virus and everyone take it
Speaker 1: for us on all days. Is okay, I'm into the
Speaker 1: main So you gotta put different, different, different, because right right,
Speaker 1: you can get I got it. Yeah, I had. I
Speaker 1: had some other questions, and I'm like, I'm trying to think, well,
Speaker 1: how did you guys find each other? So he um,
Speaker 1: so I was y'all know I'm on Twitter a lot,
Speaker 1: and he actually hit me in my d M s
Speaker 1: and was like, hey, um, I listened to the show.
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of yours. I just want to know
Speaker 1: if I can come on and talk about my story.
Speaker 1: I'm HIV positive And I was just like hello, really
Speaker 1: like because even starting the show, like when when the
Speaker 1: whole usher thing came out and I was like, we
Speaker 1: need somebody with herbies who's gonna talk about it. I
Speaker 1: was just like, how are we gonna find this person?
Speaker 1: And shout out to Ala Dawson for coming on this show.
Speaker 1: She does fucking ted talks talking about it. But I
Speaker 1: know that this is such a sensitive topic. I was
Speaker 1: just like, I want to make it like it's not
Speaker 1: scary or like you like I told you I'm not
Speaker 1: even dating you when and when you literally said, well
Speaker 1: I tell them listen, I have my heart dropped because
Speaker 1: literally it's it's still something to where if I know
Speaker 1: that I grew these feelings for somebody and I and
Speaker 1: I talked about this all the time, like people who
Speaker 1: have sucked for years, I use condoms and if we
Speaker 1: got to the point where we wanted to turn, you know,
Speaker 1: take the condom off. And he brought me that news.
Speaker 1: I honestly don't know how I could or would respond
Speaker 1: to that. Um And so even you saying that people
Speaker 1: go ghost or you're able to have relationships that last
Speaker 1: less regular relationships, it's literally something where I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I still don't know how the funk I would respond
Speaker 1: to that. Where I'm at, that's fine, that's fine, because yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you know, because it's how you deal for it,
Speaker 1: because they if I'm like being a spiteful about it,
Speaker 1: and I know some people with the the neals with
Speaker 1: that that okay, I'm getting I'm affecting so many women. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I feel angry about because I got it for
Speaker 1: someone else to said, Oh now, yes that happens. You
Speaker 1: can go to jail for that, right, yes, Charlie. Charlie
Speaker 1: Sheen is getting sued because apparently he knew and he
Speaker 1: continued to have sex. So I guess, yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: I think he raped someone. He wrates someone. But since
Speaker 1: we have it, they more liable because they sy you'll
Speaker 1: find someone else's life. This is what I wanted to ask. So, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm a friends with friends with a lot of gay men,
Speaker 1: and so conversation with grinder in different gay apps, it's
Speaker 1: like already in their disease free, disease free or positive
Speaker 1: they'll have I wanted to know, are there dating sites
Speaker 1: that you can go on to meet people HIV? So
Speaker 1: it's really do you have some of those that you
Speaker 1: know of? Not know of one? I hold on, I'm
Speaker 1: actually gonna read people who who have s wait that
Speaker 1: have STDs period? Oh so actually, here you go. This
Speaker 1: is the first site. There's two that come up. Um,
Speaker 1: so it's positive singles dot Com. It's the number one
Speaker 1: STD dating community, so that's probably the one you're talking about.
Speaker 1: And then there's one that's called p O S Date
Speaker 1: and it's dating for HIV people. UM. And this one, actually,
Speaker 1: I will let you know. It says create your free
Speaker 1: profile now, so that's one you do not have to
Speaker 1: pay for, sir UM And so it's crazy because one
Speaker 1: of the myths that I read, UM and I want
Speaker 1: to talk about this as well, UM, since we're talking
Speaker 1: about dating other people with HIV. One of it says,
Speaker 1: UM and it's a myth for any of our listeners
Speaker 1: who may have this. UM. It says that my partner
Speaker 1: and I are both positive, so we don't need to
Speaker 1: use condoms. UM and so I'll read what it says
Speaker 1: about this. It's of course there's still other STDs that
Speaker 1: you can catch and pregnancy. I was gonna but it
Speaker 1: says that additionally, it is possible for an HIV positive
Speaker 1: individual to become infected with a second strain of HIV,
Speaker 1: which is called HIV reinfection. Being infected with another strain
Speaker 1: of HIV could potentially cause regimen regiment regiment regiment regiment.
Speaker 1: I guess I didn't know what spell like it. Regiment
Speaker 1: failure a your treatment plan into a spiral. And then
Speaker 1: it says for more information on reinfection. Um there's an
Speaker 1: article and in the how do you get pregnant twice? Like?
Speaker 1: What reinfected? Reinfected with another strain? So do you do
Speaker 1: you have any insight on any different kinds of cancer?
Speaker 1: I had dated my mom my child, she has she
Speaker 1: had it? So can I ask you as well? Does
Speaker 1: your I didn't know you had a child, So this
Speaker 1: is this is new information. Does your does your child
Speaker 1: have HIV? Is that because you were it's on medicine?
Speaker 1: You were saying, was that and we took when she
Speaker 1: was born? We give her mess it is messing now
Speaker 1: that that prevents transmission. Oh, while she was pregnant, when
Speaker 1: she's born, she was born to be born for us,
Speaker 1: we've seen the messine. Wait wait wait, wait to prevent transisicine?
Speaker 1: She should because would we give like should I give
Speaker 1: my kid this when I have a kid? Like why
Speaker 1: would a kid take that? Because the only give it
Speaker 1: to you when the parents the parents? Okay? And so
Speaker 1: when you met her, did she have HIV already? And
Speaker 1: so that was a clear talk. Was that something that
Speaker 1: you funds your childhood friends? Okay? And did she contract
Speaker 1: HIV as well through birth or was that. Okay, how
Speaker 1: old your daughter now? She's before? Okay, okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: didn't know, and they do that in case. I mean,
Speaker 1: because I guess you're with each other every day, just
Speaker 1: like you're talking about cousins your medicine. Now, I do
Speaker 1: have a question. I don't know if you could answer
Speaker 1: this and try to google some of it. So, like
Speaker 1: I said, a lot of my gays take PREP, which
Speaker 1: I see all of the subways actually all over. And
Speaker 1: it's funny because I actually went and got UM tested recently.
Speaker 1: Because before you actually can, of course, even have your
Speaker 1: insurance cover PREP or your medical um your medical provider
Speaker 1: issue you PREP, you have to get tested to make
Speaker 1: sure you don't have, you know, HIV first. And so
Speaker 1: I went and got tested because I was considering getting
Speaker 1: on PREP, just because when I told you, I was
Speaker 1: trying to go to the to the sex parties, and
Speaker 1: just because I knew I was going to enter more
Speaker 1: promiscuous lifestyle, I wanted to get on it. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to google can women take PREP? Yes, I'm a female,
Speaker 1: and I went is it as effective? Because they do
Speaker 1: not promote it? Is question, But they don't promote it
Speaker 1: for women as much because they say that HIV is
Speaker 1: a gay disease, you're not You're not as likely to
Speaker 1: catch it. But I will say this was another reason
Speaker 1: why I wanted to get onto it, because I am
Speaker 1: open to free love. I guess if that's the case,
Speaker 1: and because I have been open to guys who have
Speaker 1: been with other guys, or I know the lifestyle of
Speaker 1: men on the download. To me, as a female, none
Speaker 1: of us are safe because there are men who who
Speaker 1: are open coming out of the closet. So to me,
Speaker 1: if this is a quote unquote gay virus like they
Speaker 1: like they call it, I wanted to be safe knowing
Speaker 1: that it wasn't something that bothered me if a man
Speaker 1: dealt with another man. But I did read though, it's
Speaker 1: just like your medication. If you go like two or
Speaker 1: three days without taking it, your chances of catching it
Speaker 1: if you're exposed to are just as just like birth control. Um.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, it's it's one of those that there's
Speaker 1: a ton of information that's crazy. Because I called my
Speaker 1: mom and told her that I was considering getting on
Speaker 1: this and she was just sucking like it is everyday peel,
Speaker 1: and she was just like, why why are you getting
Speaker 1: on it, and I was like, my mom trying to
Speaker 1: go to these sex parties, like I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: safe out here, like I don't want anything to happen
Speaker 1: because I don't want in the back of my mind,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just dealt with a guy who
Speaker 1: gave another guy hand job. Oh my god, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get you know, I'm gonna catch something. Um And so yeah,
Speaker 1: as far as prep, if you guys are interested in it,
Speaker 1: it's called p r EP. It is different than Truvilla,
Speaker 1: Correcta Creveda like the same thing. Prep is a word
Speaker 1: for um the medicine used. It's like calling something birth
Speaker 1: control prep preparation for like STDs and Treveda is. One
Speaker 1: of the brands actually went to a gay club and
Speaker 1: heals catching my mom and the guy was telling a joke.
Speaker 1: He said, it's a prep rally in here. Prep it's
Speaker 1: working with the joke. So I like, on the website,
Speaker 1: I've been on here while you guys have been talking.
Speaker 1: So I was a little bit skeptical preppy because I
Speaker 1: never saw it used, like even on the advertisement, maybe
Speaker 1: one girl out of ten men. So it's saying that's
Speaker 1: good for trans women, women and men um and apparently
Speaker 1: we're the same. Um it said they compared it with
Speaker 1: the press place eb oh, which is a fake pill.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, and um yeah it caused reduction and
Speaker 1: infections by prep cut infections by the other Sorry, the
Speaker 1: placebo was seventy five so it really doesn't work. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's um So, it's one of those that, of course,
Speaker 1: the more you're consistent with taking your pill at the
Speaker 1: same time everyday type of thing, it's like definitely a
Speaker 1: super high chance of it's not the best option because
Speaker 1: absolutely before it's before yet um wow. Okay, So it's
Speaker 1: not like a plan B. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's not a plan there's no So so do you
Speaker 1: want to talk about this? So there's no plan B.
Speaker 1: If you go to the doctor and what would they
Speaker 1: tell you, like because I know a lot of times,
Speaker 1: like my friend right now, she's been going to the
Speaker 1: doctor and they keep talking about her white har white
Speaker 1: blood cell count, and that's what I'm just like, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So, So, if if any
Speaker 1: of our listeners were to go to the doctor and
Speaker 1: they say, listen, we want to retest you because this
Speaker 1: is lower we see this what is the what would
Speaker 1: they say? So you said teth with me um thing
Speaker 1: called varra load. Varra load is basically how much it
Speaker 1: is present in your blood, Okay, and when you have
Speaker 1: bad zero fantastic Okay. So if you have point zero
Speaker 1: one percent basically anything, opportunity, I think Biboulo have to
Speaker 1: be up. I think I think two or three, Dan
Speaker 1: Dando show more concerned, okay, three? Wow, yeah, that's still yeah,
Speaker 1: because my whole lot of time I've been I've been
Speaker 1: only like one blip. I mean it came out to
Speaker 1: late one, okay. And she was saying that some of
Speaker 1: the side effects a lot of people experience very bad nausea,
Speaker 1: nausea from from any side from the prop Do you
Speaker 1: have any side effects with your medicine? It says it
Speaker 1: makes me drowsy and somewhere I don't feel it. And
Speaker 1: I wanted to know too, because we again and I
Speaker 1: hate to keep comparing this to herpes because it's not,
Speaker 1: but we just someone on that was able to talk
Speaker 1: about it, and she talked about outbreaks. Do you get
Speaker 1: any type of symptoms to where maybe you feel really
Speaker 1: sick out of nowhere or are there any symptoms related
Speaker 1: to your HIV if I if I stopped taking it,
Speaker 1: what would you feel like if you do? You know
Speaker 1: what you would find like a little a little nausea
Speaker 1: is maybe a little week here and there. Really Yeah,
Speaker 1: Now the weight loss that we see like when we
Speaker 1: think about HIV, I think that's as like a TV
Speaker 1: that you lose mad way your age is pretty much
Speaker 1: if you get a cold, then your body cannot find
Speaker 1: that all. And they pretty much that they just have
Speaker 1: to come in cold, coming cold, And you know there's
Speaker 1: a funk. I can't remember this HBO show something Hard
Speaker 1: with them and it was a movie talking about the
Speaker 1: outbreak of AIDS in the eighties when all those people
Speaker 1: are just having a cold they didn't know why. And
Speaker 1: so is that something that your mom showed you growing up?
Speaker 1: Like were you watching these movies with HIV? Because there's
Speaker 1: a movie that pretty much because I remember one in
Speaker 1: since but I was like, I think this is about
Speaker 1: entering enter high school and it was like, um, it's
Speaker 1: like an ACE epidemic documentary on HBO can Avoca and
Speaker 1: how affect kids not So I was like me and
Speaker 1: I had that that moment where we just sit there
Speaker 1: and quiet and just because she's always she's always I
Speaker 1: would die before on five. Your mom thought that she
Speaker 1: thought that she would die before you were five, But
Speaker 1: you don't remember. He was saying, they don't know much
Speaker 1: back then. Yeah, a lot of people make it. So
Speaker 1: that's something that the doctors told her, like listen, don't
Speaker 1: oh wow, And the medicine just kept working and kept on.
Speaker 1: Did you have any complications, because because medicine wasn't it
Speaker 1: as advanced in the nineties. Did you have any complications
Speaker 1: as a child. I was born premature, and I have
Speaker 1: the introview and I had a heard you as a baby.
Speaker 1: I don't wait, what's it, honey? It's pretty much like
Speaker 1: the intest on lining, whether it were ay or like,
Speaker 1: it's not existent, and this is the linings getting pushed out.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and I had grow from my bedy button.
Speaker 1: Um fuck. Health complications going up because not only what
Speaker 1: I was, uh, look a drug out its baby, and
Speaker 1: I was I had heroin my system. I had like
Speaker 1: crack cocaine, I mashing my system right, So therefore my
Speaker 1: chance of the limon was small. And now I have
Speaker 1: an HIV small? Can I ask? I don't I want
Speaker 1: to kind of It's a kind of a sensitive question, um,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure if you even have the answer
Speaker 1: to this, But why at any point, um, or was
Speaker 1: it discussion for you to be taken away from your
Speaker 1: mom being that you were born with these drugs in
Speaker 1: your system, because I know that that's the thing I did.
Speaker 1: I did get take away from from my mom because
Speaker 1: because because she was she was in rehab. But I
Speaker 1: got up in rehab and we have facility. I was
Speaker 1: like four, oh wow, and then she got better. You
Speaker 1: got better, so you were able to live because I
Speaker 1: got to tell you. My sister told me. Now I
Speaker 1: got to take away one time. Did your sister have HIV? Really?
Speaker 1: Is this from a different mom and dad or the
Speaker 1: same mom and different father, different father, but same mothers
Speaker 1: older betweens apart, and so she did apart twenty years apart.
Speaker 1: So it's possible that your mom just didn't have it
Speaker 1: when she had your older sisters. Because my mom, she
Speaker 1: had my sister, I think, okay, and then she had
Speaker 1: me forties is there? Um? Did you feel any strain
Speaker 1: with your relationship with your sister growing up or did
Speaker 1: she did she treat you any differently knowing that you
Speaker 1: had this anyone else is now a little trans but
Speaker 1: because I'm going up right, but like her son, Okay,
Speaker 1: don't think another mother for me. I'm just reading something
Speaker 1: because I wanted to, Like our next thing was gonna
Speaker 1: be like how to prevent and stuff. We're talking about
Speaker 1: prep if you don't have insurance, that a month the
Speaker 1: holy ship, and that's that's for the one chill that
Speaker 1: he's taking. No, no, not for him. This is for
Speaker 1: people that do not have HIV and want protection against it.
Speaker 1: It's prep. It's thirteen hundred dollars a month. I think, what, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's high. It's fun with no insurance that you. Let
Speaker 1: me just see how much that is the day, real quick.
Speaker 1: She's doing the math, and forty dollars a day. No,
Speaker 1: that's high. That's really high. And the month that is
Speaker 1: fucking insane. That's crazy. So you know what, though I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie to you, um, not that I consider
Speaker 1: getting off of it. I'm affluent enough to be able
Speaker 1: to take care of myself as far as medications and health,
Speaker 1: and I have insurance. But um, I've been considering dropping
Speaker 1: insurance because I looked in my pay statements, aw that
Speaker 1: I'm spending six thousand dollars a year, and I thought, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I do these things privately, how much all they
Speaker 1: cost me? Started adding it up with my accountant. Birth
Speaker 1: control alone would cost me three tho eight hundred dollars
Speaker 1: in one year, and kind of like kind of visits
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So bro, I hit a lovable
Speaker 1: I said, get me all my pills in Europe because
Speaker 1: kidding me, and just the way that like our country
Speaker 1: works as far as health care, you can't afford do
Speaker 1: you do you know if there's any difference, like do
Speaker 1: you have any friends or any type of pen pals
Speaker 1: in other countries that are infected that maybe have a
Speaker 1: different experience than you. I'm not sure, but I do
Speaker 1: know our friends of other countries stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: as far I know, one of my friends that go
Speaker 1: out with and I know who had it. He had
Speaker 1: moved to Canada. He moved to Canada specifically for the
Speaker 1: healthcare or oh yeah, I have drugs from Canada too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Canada has free healthcare. Moved to Canada for healthcare. Wow,
Speaker 1: Wow that's just some ship money. Yeah, that's really crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. Ho my year and we talked kind of
Speaker 1: like I'm out of It's like the promised line. When
Speaker 1: I went to Canada. I've never been to Canada. The
Speaker 1: first time bumping into someone in Canada, they said sorry
Speaker 1: to me, and then I was just like, it's like
Speaker 1: a story. Like everybody's just so fucking nice. The health
Speaker 1: care is great, they're fucking Prime minister. Do you see
Speaker 1: him fucking coming out of the gay parade, Just like
Speaker 1: everybody's just so dope. And Canada, I don't get it.
Speaker 1: They're like twenty ft away. I mean, our school books
Speaker 1: are four hundred dollars. Oh yeah. When I so, I
Speaker 1: studied abroad in Singapore for a semester, My school books
Speaker 1: for my semester was eleven dollars and was eleven dollars
Speaker 1: for the semester. Mind you, I came back in the spring,
Speaker 1: my books were six dollars. Yeah, because well, well my
Speaker 1: books range anywhere from oh my god, anywhere from forty
Speaker 1: to a book. And because I'm on track to finish fast,
Speaker 1: I literally take six to seven classes a semester, and
Speaker 1: so yeah, it's it's it's insane. So I can understand
Speaker 1: even just the cost associated here in um in the
Speaker 1: States compared to anywhere else. Like as far as how
Speaker 1: that's affecting you. Um, do you do you feel like
Speaker 1: I mean clearly you don't wear a sign on your
Speaker 1: shirt or anything like that. Um, how is it going out? Like?
Speaker 1: Are there places that you can go and hang around
Speaker 1: other people that you know there? Because I know that
Speaker 1: there's like there's gay communities, there's black communities, there's all
Speaker 1: these communities. Is there an HIV community? And how do
Speaker 1: you guys uplift each other? Um, there's many communities over
Speaker 1: here because I know my hospital they try to open
Speaker 1: the little little community. Okay, have you been study? I stopped?
Speaker 1: I was yeah, and why and why do you feel like?
Speaker 1: It was just it brought down? It was just too
Speaker 1: much because to me, it was more depressing because I'm
Speaker 1: talking about this. I have HV. I get it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're doing right now, right right, We're not struggling to
Speaker 1: do It's a it was more somber on the mood.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, oh we're doing. I can see people
Speaker 1: that are like newly right O. I was like, I
Speaker 1: gotta stand up. I just can't like we can name
Speaker 1: a little little name so that like they're doing too
Speaker 1: much okay, okay, So you're just at the place in
Speaker 1: life where you are now. You're just happy to be alive.
Speaker 1: You're living, you have a healthy child. Are you still
Speaker 1: are you currently in a relationship? Are they positive or negative?
Speaker 1: And this unproductive? Yeah? Oh wow, you said sometimes so
Speaker 1: you go back and forth and musing condoms. I know
Speaker 1: apparently us a lot of people say that once you
Speaker 1: stop using condoms, you don't go back to using condoms.
Speaker 1: So what is what is the purpose of you guys
Speaker 1: going back and forth with condom? Us sometimes have sometimes
Speaker 1: I have condoms sometimes? Okay, but does she prefer the
Speaker 1: use of condoms or does she prefers was in the
Speaker 1: moment okay? Oh wow? Yeah, because because I was at
Speaker 1: from one him and I told you I have it,
Speaker 1: And let me ask you, is this because like so
Speaker 1: like pulling out help? So there's pretty comb there's like
Speaker 1: so like is that is pulling out like the way
Speaker 1: to like not? Well, we just said, come, I mean
Speaker 1: sperm doesn't really affect it, like you can't contract it
Speaker 1: through sperm. There's an opening. No, we just had this
Speaker 1: whole conversation, did we not? Because you picked up your
Speaker 1: phone so fast. We just had this whole conversation in
Speaker 1: the beginning about about sperm not being the transmission because
Speaker 1: it goes through a different opening. That's when you swallow. Oh,
Speaker 1: but when you come inside the vaginantess is ridiculous. For
Speaker 1: an hour, we don't know how you get it. How
Speaker 1: do you get HIV during intercourse? Well, there we go.
Speaker 1: You know that's what you're saying. Yeah, because if you're
Speaker 1: not getting it through swallowing, that's because it's going through
Speaker 1: your stomach. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this earlier. He's
Speaker 1: not listening, you know what she's confused at We're all
Speaker 1: talking about oral sex. Oral sex, right, this is different.
Speaker 1: So like swallowing, it is different from it going vaginally.
Speaker 1: You're at a higher risk of its vaginal and and
Speaker 1: even higher if it's anal Yeah okay, but that's because
Speaker 1: during anal sex there's a lot of tearing. Uh. Look
Speaker 1: like speaking of that the other night, right, I was
Speaker 1: so scared to like, I'm trying to have more and
Speaker 1: more anal sex, and like the second I went to
Speaker 1: the bathroom, I was just like, how is that? I
Speaker 1: didn't like, it didn't hurt, but it's almost like you
Speaker 1: can't feel now that should be tearing it comes off
Speaker 1: and and because I didn't and so sex but how
Speaker 1: long have you been with her? Four months? Okay, so
Speaker 1: it's fairly new. Oh all right, well that's fucking I
Speaker 1: don't know that. Look, we weasy really in here googling bab.
Speaker 1: She's like web MD. They're wrong, right, they think we're
Speaker 1: gonna get it from half five. Um, So I guess
Speaker 1: what we'll get into now. And it's gonna be brief
Speaker 1: because we're running out of time. But UM, the homemail
Speaker 1: for this episode, if you know you listen to the show,
Speaker 1: we do homemail for this show. I actually wanted to
Speaker 1: give an update. Um. And so the last episode you
Speaker 1: guys listened to with our Femdom Lisa Spliffson, UM, we
Speaker 1: had a homemail from a listener who was having an
Speaker 1: issue UM with his partner being sexually confident. She had
Speaker 1: gained weight, and so I just wanted to give a
Speaker 1: quick update to our listeners. It says that she's lost
Speaker 1: weight and is doing great um, and is doing great
Speaker 1: things for her health. Now. Unfortunately nothing has changed sexually.
Speaker 1: So I'm starting to starting to see that it is
Speaker 1: more of a self esteem issue. UM, do you have
Speaker 1: any Do you have any tips on helping someone through insecurities?
Speaker 1: We were both into everything the threesomes, toys, piss and bondage,
Speaker 1: but now she is too worried and lazy to enjoy
Speaker 1: those things. Thanks again, Anonymous. He's using the word lazy,
Speaker 1: and that's why I'm like, I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: maybe she's just not writing, is what I think. Everything
Speaker 1: is fun in Dandy in the beginning. I had a
Speaker 1: ship fit this morning when we didn't have sex. I
Speaker 1: was like, are we fucking tired of each other? Last night?
Speaker 1: It doesn't fucking matter. I suck your dick every day
Speaker 1: before I went toward and now we're sucking in the mornings,
Speaker 1: and I think like, at one point maybe the or
Speaker 1: it's not even the through. I think also that some
Speaker 1: people just have different sex drives, and so he may
Speaker 1: feel like she doesn't want to have sex, but she
Speaker 1: just may not want to have sex. And maybe you
Speaker 1: want to have sex too much, because I know that's
Speaker 1: me with some of my partners. I'm not let's go again,
Speaker 1: let's go again, and they'd be like, bros, A healthy
Speaker 1: amount of sex for people that are living together a week.
Speaker 1: Do you live with your girlfriend. You don't. How often
Speaker 1: do you guys have stuff twice? Someone? I would Beth
Speaker 1: because I'm busy doing my thing. It's all sketches, don't
Speaker 1: line up, which Banks says? I know? I would be
Speaker 1: content depending on the happy with you a week? No?
Speaker 1: He said a month? No, But we meet up, we
Speaker 1: get crazy. That's what I like. It's a very consistent.
Speaker 1: We're going go for around, for a round. I would
Speaker 1: be content with three times a week. Okay. This is
Speaker 1: a study of thirty thousand Americans. Couples have sex once
Speaker 1: a week or the happiest once a week. We love it?
Speaker 1: Where two to three? Right now? That lived together? Though? Like,
Speaker 1: if I live with someone, I'm getting it everything together.
Speaker 1: I think needed you think hold on, hold on? I
Speaker 1: wish can we get you on the mic real quick, preach.
Speaker 1: I want to know how many times a week do
Speaker 1: you and your wife have said? Why? You can't can't answer? Please?
Speaker 1: You got a baby? Yeah? I got another one on
Speaker 1: the way? Really like we got a baby all the way? How? How? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Go ahead? Ten years? Okay? Now, how often are you
Speaker 1: fucking a ten years? A month? It depends. It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: before she got pregnant. Before when we first moved it together,
Speaker 1: it was probably like three or four times a week.
Speaker 1: And then as the years he has gone on, then yes,
Speaker 1: things work in stress and bills and things like that happened,
Speaker 1: So it probably goes out to like once or twice
Speaker 1: a week. But is that because you you too, or
Speaker 1: because people blame a lot of the woman. I'll tell her,
Speaker 1: I say that she's always up whenever I'm ready, So
Speaker 1: she's always ready to go. Yeah, she's always like she
Speaker 1: she's willing to go whenever, like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But sometimes it's not like she wants to initiate. Have
Speaker 1: you ever had a time where maybe her insecurity you
Speaker 1: felt like went down and how were you able to
Speaker 1: assist with that insecurity? As far as insecurity as you
Speaker 1: felt like maybe she wasn't comfortable with her body and
Speaker 1: didn't want to have sex or wasn't his No, it's
Speaker 1: never been like, no, we've never had that. I don't
Speaker 1: think she's ever felt like, No, she's always down, like
Speaker 1: that's never been a problem. Like she always I will say,
Speaker 1: like I would prefer more that. I've always said this.
Speaker 1: I'll probably killed for this, but I always prefer that
Speaker 1: she take the bull by the horn more so, like
Speaker 1: when you said, like you know, I used to wake
Speaker 1: up and that's never been the case as far as like,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of men feel that way.
Speaker 1: I feel I feel like a lot of men want
Speaker 1: their women to initiate it more so maybe in this case,
Speaker 1: not only is she saying, oh baby, not tonight, she's
Speaker 1: also just not initiating it right I get it, And
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not wanted rightly. I recently had
Speaker 1: a conversation a small level, but I was like, why
Speaker 1: am I always the one asking you for us to
Speaker 1: go on a date? You always say yeah, but like
Speaker 1: when are you gonna take me out? You pay? But
Speaker 1: like this a variety do things, yeah, spice it up
Speaker 1: and yeah, because I find it with me it's bad
Speaker 1: to sibinate your mind. Then then I'm thinking sex they
Speaker 1: could why don't you get your minds like yo, sexually
Speaker 1: banging averaging one time? I don't like some nah because
Speaker 1: I took my girlfriend out like about like I see
Speaker 1: him more often it's going on random dates. This is random.
Speaker 1: But I need to ask this question because I'm shocked
Speaker 1: at the number because on that thing about a couple
Speaker 1: having sex. All right, I'm gonna ask preach first. Would
Speaker 1: you rather for one year give up sess sex to
Speaker 1: guarantee of the rest of your life, your computers and
Speaker 1: your software would be hack free? Would you all my
Speaker 1: ship would give up sex for a year. People are
Speaker 1: so freaked out about cybersecurity and the internet and it's
Speaker 1: such a part of our lives. Ever, I want to know.
Speaker 1: I want to know what she's doing. Security, horrible decisions.
Speaker 1: We're gonna security that people would worry about their software.
Speaker 1: That is talking about how overtime people are like less
Speaker 1: into sex and more into other things. And that's why
Speaker 1: that's one of the things the devil. Are you worried
Speaker 1: about me? Actually guys come out on online and not
Speaker 1: for a year as soon as you guys are about
Speaker 1: like commitment and you guys want to be married one day?
Speaker 1: Is that? Yeah? Yeah? Are you worried about that future?
Speaker 1: About it might turn into a once a month type
Speaker 1: of I live someone for two years and it's freaky
Speaker 1: as I could be. I didn't want to have sex
Speaker 1: that often, you know what. And it's crazy because, um,
Speaker 1: there was a person who actually we were talking about
Speaker 1: engagement and moving in and he actually came to me
Speaker 1: and how to talk, and he was like, we need
Speaker 1: to learn how to have regular sex. He felt like
Speaker 1: every time we had sex it was like the super
Speaker 1: intense porn star sex, and he's like, sometimes I just
Speaker 1: want to have regular Jacksonville really. Yeah. He hated that
Speaker 1: we would like fun like. He was like, I want
Speaker 1: to like have sex like more. Yes, I'd be liking
Speaker 1: to get fun like that's what I like. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: so with him that was a thing like and I
Speaker 1: just need and these men have taken. I think I've
Speaker 1: noticed myself over the years, the more I have that
Speaker 1: looking at each other's ice sex, I've had more men
Speaker 1: attracted to me afterwards or more like into me. It's weird. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get Yeah. I don't know if you've ever
Speaker 1: had sex like that where you felt like totally connected
Speaker 1: to someone. Course, I have you, of course, but I
Speaker 1: prefer I prefer porn size sex over making love. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I've only had sex two or three times in my
Speaker 1: life where I felt that in tune with somebody, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have car energy. But I was also on edible,
Speaker 1: So I don't know if that help Anyways, UM, I
Speaker 1: want to thank our guests for coming on the show
Speaker 1: this week. UM again, I guess if any of you
Speaker 1: guys listening, UM maybe just recently found out or anything,
Speaker 1: would would they be able to maybe reach out to
Speaker 1: you and talk to you about stuff. UM, So, guys,
Speaker 1: if you guys an email about that, we're not just
Speaker 1: gonna post his ship. But if you guys maybe just
Speaker 1: contracted the virus or know someone close to you that's
Speaker 1: living with it, please send us an email and UM
Speaker 1: I can go ahead and contact you with to virus
Speaker 1: and he can share more about how you guys can
Speaker 1: get through it mentally, emotionally. UM, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: free HIV testing centers. All you have to do is
Speaker 1: like Google and look local college. And I've not to
Speaker 1: you girls knowing what you know now, Yes, if a man,
Speaker 1: you guys dated a man, know how I would do.
Speaker 1: And to be fair, you can't understand people being uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: all right, So I don't want to put you in
Speaker 1: the spot like I don't know. I know what you
Speaker 1: know now, and I know I learned a lot and
Speaker 1: thank you so much. But knowing what you guys know now,
Speaker 1: how comfortable would you be Now if you would be
Speaker 1: would you be able to? Would you be able to?
Speaker 1: I mean that's something to where I mean, I think
Speaker 1: I would have to continue aside from everything I've learned
Speaker 1: from you, I would have to continue my UM research
Speaker 1: as far as the odds of me contracting it and
Speaker 1: the odds that he won't give it to me, and
Speaker 1: all of this and all of this. But I also
Speaker 1: like condom. Dick and I talked about this often, so
Speaker 1: I mean me moving forward with it's really just raw
Speaker 1: sex that would you know, be welcomed into our thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know mind either condoms of them love with
Speaker 1: I think that would just be the thing for me,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if they would like that. Like,
Speaker 1: think about it if a girl told you this is
Speaker 1: gonna be us for the next few years, but we
Speaker 1: want it. Yeah, it's two decisions to make, right, So
Speaker 1: I'm just fortunately someone now understand. Yeah. Absolutely well. We
Speaker 1: want to thank you so much again to bars Again.
Speaker 1: If you guys have any questions regarding this, Google dot
Speaker 1: com is your friend. Anyways, thank you so much to
Speaker 1: ours UM. We see I guess we sign it out.
Speaker 1: This has been another episode of horrible decisions by yeah.
Speaker 1: A seven Moms slection, Why am I doing this? Tom
Speaker 1: losing my mind on a tiny air I nearly left
Speaker 1: the room, me on the ship. No no, no no.
Speaker 1: In the part of the SID saying that the saving
Speaker 1: turning is believing it's okay not to be okay sometimes,
Speaker 1: look said, some mean you're losing everybody's closing. Just be
Speaker 1: true to you.