1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:05,399 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,879 Speaker 2: This week's Whine About It Thursday Therapy, We've got Rebecca 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 2: Alvarez coming on. She is one of the most influential 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 2: intimacy experts with a gift of predicting trends in the 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 2: intimacy category. She's a boss Babe CEO. She also has 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 2: a company that she created called Bloomy, which has massage 7 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 2: oils and vibrators. So let's get her on and talk 8 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 2: all things in the bed. 9 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 3: Hello, hey girl, Oh my gosh, so nice to meet you. 10 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,520 Speaker 2: Same. I'm Jana. This is Catherine. 11 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 3: Hi. 12 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 2: How are you? 13 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 3: Hi? Good, nice to meet you. So I've heard your 14 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 3: last podcast that you were at twenty something weeks? Are 15 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 3: you still twenty something weeks? Yes? 16 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 2: I am in my third trimester. 17 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 3: Now, okay, yes, exciting congress. 18 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 2: Almost think yep, thank you. I'm counting down. It's starting 19 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 2: to get real for sure. Do you have kids? 20 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 3: I do have two. I have a four year old 21 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 3: and a fifteen year old. 22 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 2: Oh, okay, there we go. So how long you've been 23 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 2: married for? 24 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 3: Seven years? 25 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 2: Seven years? Okay, So for you, how is it kind 26 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 2: of keeping that intimacy alive in your relationship since you 27 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 2: are the intimacy expert. 28 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, but that's like such a there's so 29 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 3: many parts to it. I was a single mom with 30 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 3: my first daughter, and so that was all about like 31 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 3: tapping into like what do I want, what do I need? 32 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 3: Dating so much under the dating world having partners, and 33 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 3: then when I met my husband, it was like blending 34 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 3: family and time management and really carving out time to date. 35 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 3: Now it's more like how do we carve out time 36 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 3: for us consistently? So we have like we have blocks, 37 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 3: so like Wednesday date night, or we have one weekend 38 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 3: per month where we just get a sitter overnight. We 39 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 3: just if we go on a family vacation, we make 40 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 3: sure we also block time for us. So it's kind 41 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 3: of on a calendar. It may sound not sexy, but 42 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 3: the thing I love about it is it happens we 43 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 3: get that time because it's like scheduled right sure. 44 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 2: And I love kind of how you just explain that too, 45 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 2: because for a long time, intimacy for me, I thought 46 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,800 Speaker 2: was just sex. But intimacy is so much more than 47 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 2: just having sex with your partner. My fiance and I 48 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 2: something that we try to do and we haven't. It 49 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 2: hasn't been routine as much, but like something we said, 50 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 2: like every day we want to go for at least 51 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,239 Speaker 2: a twenty minute walk together. So it's something that it's 52 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 2: us together. But I've got to be honest with you, 53 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 2: we haven't done it like maybe like once every two 54 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 2: weeks because things are so busy or things are going 55 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 2: on or the kids or this, and it's like, oh, shoot, 56 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 2: we forgot our walk today. Well then two weeks later 57 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 2: we forgot two weeks of walks. I think that's the 58 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: hardest piece. 59 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, we put stuff on the calendar too. That's the 60 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: only way. 61 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:54,639 Speaker 3: I mean. 62 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: It sounds terrible, but like we put walks on calendar. 63 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,919 Speaker 1: Really yeah, literally we'll put it on there. 64 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,679 Speaker 2: Wow, I mean that's I mean. But it's a great 65 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 2: idea though, because it's like if not because we have 66 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 2: a die by calendar, like, well, if something's not on there, then. 67 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: I mean I used to schedule sex too on the calendar. 68 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 3: So it's totally Actually we have we call it the 69 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 3: family calendar, but it's just between my husband and I 70 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 3: and my assistant, which is hilarious. Now that. 71 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: Please don't add that to the calendar any of the 72 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: calendars because I can see them all. 73 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 2: But what you have my A and you have my 74 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 2: Alan and Jana calendar now, but I won't add sex. 75 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 2: I'll just add the walk. 76 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 1: Okay, that's fine. I don't need to know when you're 77 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: having sex, but I do. 78 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 2: I do really like that because it's you don't think 79 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 2: that you'd have to calendar that in. But it just 80 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 2: makes sense, no, because I'm like, well, I calendar my 81 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 2: workouts in, so that should be something that But I 82 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 2: feel like it's even harder with your You've got three kids, 83 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: you're I mean, you are always on the go with 84 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: like every activity possible. So it's like, how that's I 85 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 2: feel like that's gonna be hard for you and Nick, 86 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 2: and especially because they just to like with her story, 87 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 2: like they she was gonna file for divorce and then not. 88 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 2: So it's like there was a lot of lack of 89 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 2: intimacy in their marriage and then there was the honeymoon 90 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 2: back together lots of intimacy. So and it's now it's 91 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 2: probably back in the like not how it was right, 92 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 2: trying to find like your new normal. 93 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, for sure, And it's hard. And I've thought 94 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 1: about scheduling all the things we're so busy though, like 95 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: you said, it is very hard, but we just have 96 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: to book out, like you know, I mean, that's just 97 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 1: you know how we have to do it. But yeah, 98 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: it's I live and die by a calendar. So I'm like, 99 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: you know, I had a therapist tell us, you know, 100 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,039 Speaker 1: I mean, I had a therapist, you know, years ago 101 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: when we were going through trouble, say, schedule sex, and 102 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 1: then I had a lot of different opinions about that, 103 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:47,039 Speaker 1: a lot from a lot of people. But I didn't 104 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: love that either. Though I like scheduling like dace and sex, but. 105 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 2: I don't like that scheduling. And that's I think I 106 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,719 Speaker 2: was the unpopular opinion because to me, that makes me 107 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,160 Speaker 2: feel like like I have. 108 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: To started giving me anxiety. Yeah, anxiety because I would 109 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: like see it on the calendar and it would like 110 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: give me you know. So I think we just kind 111 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: of have to find the like happy medium for us. 112 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: But I think for everybody it's great too. 113 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, the scheduling sex is a big topic. A lot 114 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 3: of intimacy experts recommend it. Sometimes experts will ask you 115 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 3: to schedule knowing that there will be some anxiety, knowing 116 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 3: that there will be self discomfort because all of that 117 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,120 Speaker 3: comes out, it comes to surface, you have to talk 118 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,239 Speaker 3: about it, You reshift, and it's almost like it pushes 119 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 3: you to create new boundaries. You then say, yeah, the 120 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:34,279 Speaker 3: scheduling on Friday night sex gives me anxiety because you 121 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,280 Speaker 3: learn why, and then you reshift. I prefer, like you said, 122 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 3: I prefer the date nights. I prefer the day dates 123 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 3: or and then you kind of start to find your 124 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 3: middle ground with each of you. 125 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: That's so interesting. I hadn't thought about that. Now I'm 126 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 1: kind of like I feel duped a little bit, like 127 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: you were just trying to get me to talk about 128 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: my anxiety about sex. Got it? 129 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 2: Now? 130 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,160 Speaker 1: That makes sense? 131 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 2: Though, Why do you think people correlate just well? In 132 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 2: my brain that sex is just the only form of intimacy. 133 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,799 Speaker 3: I think intimacy is a new concept, to be honest. 134 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 3: It was a word that I started using a lot 135 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 3: when I started my company because I was trying to 136 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,359 Speaker 3: broaden sex. I was trying to broaden sex into like 137 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 3: the love category, the connection category. So for me, I 138 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 3: see that that word has become more like all encompassing 139 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 3: and a little bit safer and easy to use, especially 140 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 3: if you're advertising and running ads or whatever. You don't 141 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 3: you can't use the word sex, right, but intimacy intimate, 142 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 3: Like it encompasses so much. Talking can be intimate. Holding 143 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 3: someone's hand can be intimate. Sex can be intimate. It 144 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 3: could be not intimate. Like there's just so much about it. 145 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 3: So it's almost like figuring out what people crave and 146 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 3: like what intimacy means to them. It is important. It's 147 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 3: kind of like the foundation. 148 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 2: See, I just never really thought of as anything but sex. 149 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 2: Like I remember, I used to be like I want 150 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 2: you to be I want you to be intimate with me, 151 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 2: and you know, and I just always equaled that as sex. 152 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 2: But over time, now I see like how impactful just 153 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 2: you know, the moments of you know, my fiancee and 154 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 2: I going for when we do walk or because that's 155 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 2: we're holding hands, we're connecting, we're breathing in fresh air. Yeah, 156 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, it's such a different conversation than just 157 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 2: sitting in the house over our phones watching TV. 158 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 1: I mean I feel more intimate and more connected with conversation. Yeah, 159 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: like by far, Like that feels so much more intimate 160 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: to me, just having like a deep conversation. 161 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 2: So and you would be surprised that I now feel 162 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: the same. I love that now I love sex. You're like, 163 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, don't get me wrong. I love 164 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 2: having my fancy. It's fantastic. Having said that, I just 165 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 2: like it's it's an, it's an and with both of them, 166 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 2: like both are needed. It just it's not just the 167 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 2: other one was just sex. I didn't care if we 168 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 2: spent every day together, like I liked it, but I 169 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 2: just I wanted just sex to like fill the intimate void. 170 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 2: And now I'm like no, And I think maybe Nick 171 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 2: is kind of the same, like maybe he just wanted 172 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 2: the sex too, but like no, it's like, as long 173 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 2: as you have connection, that's really what's like important. Yeah, 174 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 2: the answer both. 175 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: And both of us. 176 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 2: So, okay, want to shift gears a little bit with 177 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 2: this topic. So obviously I'm pregnant and my daughter I 178 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 2: skirted around the question because she said, but you're not married, 179 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 2: because she thought that when you got married that's when 180 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 2: a baby just like forms in the belly. I don't 181 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,719 Speaker 2: know how she thought that, because we actually have never 182 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 2: had the conversation. But then the second time it happened 183 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, we were watching Baby Boss. 184 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,439 Speaker 2: You know how that movie is all about babies being 185 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 2: made in a factory. And she looked at she was 186 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 2: like she's trying to figure it out. And I could 187 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 2: see her like processing, like what's going on. I'm like, okay, 188 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 2: here's here, it's coming. So she's like, so waitre do 189 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 2: babies come from a factory? Like how are they made? 190 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 2: Because she's like but because mommy, you're pregnant and that's 191 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 2: not in a factory. And I'm like nope, still not 192 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 2: ready to tell you. And I was like, well, yeah, 193 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: that's just a movie. And you know, yes when you 194 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 2: and I couldn't say when you get married. So I 195 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 2: was really just trying to find my words. And then 196 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 2: I just kind of changed. I was like, God, did 197 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 2: it And you know, it's just it just appeared we 198 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 2: love each other and love made a baby. And then 199 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 2: I just stopped because I was like, I don't know 200 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 2: when to say. And I think she's too young right now, 201 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 2: she's gonna be eight. But what is your advice? Since 202 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 2: you've had both, you know, you have a you have 203 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 2: an old and a young. 204 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,439 Speaker 3: You totally got caught in that moment of a child 205 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 3: asking you a sex related question and parent feels a 206 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 3: little flustered. But that's normal. That's most of us. That's 207 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,959 Speaker 3: me sometimes too, even with my teenager who purposely tries 208 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 3: to stump me. I'll just tell you that, Yeah, the 209 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 3: thing about sex education with your kids is when they're little, 210 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 3: I would say, up until like preteen, you're actually not 211 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 3: even talking about sex itself. You're talking about healthy relationships, 212 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 3: about body, about hygiene. It's like the things kind of 213 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 3: around intimacy and stuff like that. And I think what 214 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 3: you did was great. The focus for kids is usually 215 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 3: just answering their question and being kind of general about 216 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 3: it and then moving on, but allowing them to have 217 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 3: space to ask you questions and trust that you're going 218 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 3: to give them an answer. So just because it was 219 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 3: embarrassing for us growing up, because you know, I didn't 220 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,680 Speaker 3: talk about these topics with my family, I think that's 221 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 3: common in a lot of households. It doesn't mean that 222 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 3: they have to grow up being embarrassed. So we're in 223 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,680 Speaker 3: this unique position to really change the script for our kids. 224 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 3: So the fact that you answered the question I think 225 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 3: is great. Good step one for little kids, I would 226 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 3: say under ten, really focusing on like healthy relationships. Love. 227 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 3: When people love each other, they can decide to expand 228 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 3: the family. That's perfect. If they start asking more like 229 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 3: anatomy questions, it's up to you, like where you think 230 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 3: they're at developmentally, and just like answering pretty briefly works 231 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 3: most of the time. 232 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 2: I heard this thing though, and I don't know if 233 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 2: I heard it from you or my therapist, but they 234 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 2: were saying eight is too late about you know, learning 235 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 2: things because they're on school buses and people just know 236 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 2: things so much younger now, and so my fear is 237 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 2: I wouldn't want her to hear something on the bus 238 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 2: or she says something and then she's made fun of 239 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 2: by like an older kid that obviously knows that a 240 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 2: penis and vagina and this and that and then makes 241 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 2: a baby. So it's like, you'd still recommend going that route. 242 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,160 Speaker 2: And then have you have you heard the eight is 243 00:11:59,200 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 2: too late thing? 244 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:00,080 Speaker 3: Oh? 245 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I've heard it, and I feel again, I 246 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: feel like it's different with every kid. I have a 247 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: fourteen year old, eleven and seven, both fourteen and eleven 248 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 1: year olds. We had a form of the conversation at nine, 249 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: but there were reasons around it. With the fourteen year old. 250 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 1: He was a boy. We knew friends of his were 251 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: having conversations about things, so we knew we had to 252 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,240 Speaker 1: get ahead of it. The eleven year old was the 253 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: question thing, but it was just one question after another 254 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: after another, and developmentally, I realized she just knows things, 255 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 1: and so I was like, all right, we're going for it. 256 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: But my seven year old, I don't see that happening. 257 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 1: So I just think it's kind of different for everybody. 258 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: But they will hear stuff, trust me. My eleven year 259 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 1: old told me, Yeah, she told me the other day 260 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: that they her and her best friends, they're the only 261 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: ones that have already had a conversation out of all 262 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: their friends from their parents. But everybody knows about it. 263 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 1: All their friends know, but we're the only ones that 264 00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,679 Speaker 1: I've talked to him about it. 265 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 3: My two cents about all of this is I feel 266 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 3: like every child needs something different, which is why it's 267 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 3: like you can't just like apply lessons one through three 268 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 3: for every kid at this exact age. But they will 269 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,079 Speaker 3: hear things, and they'll usually come to you to clarify 270 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 3: or like to see if it's true. So that's why 271 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 3: if you give them honest responses, they'll know that you 272 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,960 Speaker 3: can be a source. Unfortunately, a lot of kids are 273 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 3: finding out sex education through porn or through friends, especially 274 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 3: if those friends have older siblings. So you being kind 275 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 3: of like their home base is always going to feel 276 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 3: reassuring to them. And privacy is a concept that comes 277 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 3: in like anatomy is a concept that comes in early. 278 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 3: That's like a three year old conversation. That is like 279 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 3: a you're learning your body. This is your ear, this 280 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 3: is your nose, this is your vulva, Like just straight 281 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 3: up that's the body. And concepts of privacy are really 282 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 3: important to keep kids safe. Right, So no one should 283 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,000 Speaker 3: ever do a B and C. No one should ever 284 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 3: touch your private areas. Only and you list the people 285 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 3: only me or Grandma can help to dry you or 286 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 3: change you. They will ask you why you can say 287 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 3: that's a private area of the body. If anybody ever 288 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 3: tries to get you to come into a separate room, 289 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 3: that's that's a no go. Like it's kind of scary 290 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 3: to talk about these things, but I feel like privacy 291 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 3: and safety should definitely be talked about really really early, 292 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 3: like elementary early. I agree with that. 293 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is speaking of the privacy aspect that this 294 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 2: goes like sorry, way off intimacy. But we were at 295 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 2: my son's baseball game the other day and or was 296 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 2: practice and she's like, mom, I forgot something in the car. 297 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 2: And I was like, you know, and she's she's she 298 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 2: wants her independence so bad. She keeps asking, mom, can 299 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 2: I please ride my bike on the sub you know, 300 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 2: by myself? And I'm like, no, honey, not yet. But 301 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 2: I'm like I'm trying to give her like pieces where 302 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 2: like she can. I'm like, but I will stand way behind, 303 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 2: like allan, and I will walk really far behind you 304 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 2: so you can still feel like you're by yourself. Just 305 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 2: you know, make sure to just do the loop and 306 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 2: we'll we'll we'll walk way behind. But at the baseball game, 307 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 2: she had said that she, you know, for outmoy car. 308 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 2: So I was just like, oh, yeah, here, take my key, 309 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 2: go get it. But then when she started walking away, 310 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm going to lose sight of 311 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 2: her there, and I'm like, I can't do it. So 312 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 2: I just I started I started just like booking it 313 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 2: to her. She's like, but Mommy, I want to go 314 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 2: by myself, and I go, honey, I have to have 315 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 2: eyes on you. I go because when you round that 316 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 2: corner right there, this is a parking lot, and I 317 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 2: just I got sick to my stomach. I go because 318 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 2: if this is when I was like, baby girl, tell 319 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 2: me what she want to do? Here it what happens 320 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 2: if a van, If a guy pulls up in a 321 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 2: van with twelve puppies, what would you do? 322 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 3: You know what I mean? 323 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 2: Because in my mind, I'm like, I think you're going 324 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 2: to go in the van with the puppies and that 325 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 2: man is going to take you and I would never 326 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 2: see you know. So I just started to like I 327 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 2: got this like sick gut feeling, and I just I mean, 328 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 2: I was booking. 329 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: It like I was like. 330 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's other thing too, because it's like I 331 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 2: just you have to like I was like, oh, I 332 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: need to have this conversation with your age. 333 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 1: Have to be early. 334 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's hard. 335 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 3: I like it. I like I am on the same frequency. 336 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 3: I think that your intuition is spot on. 337 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 2: It's just so it's a but but I also like 338 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 2: want to give her her but I'm like, yeah, she's 339 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 2: still just too young. 340 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: Like I just like, yeah, I just think it depends 341 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: and I really do I mean, I'm still having conversations 342 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: with my fourteen year old, like it's coming up now 343 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: because they're doing a lot of like youth group stuff 344 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: and a lot of things that's a lot more really independent, 345 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I know we've talked about this, right, 346 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: but you know, not to be in a room by 347 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 1: yourself with an adult, you know, not to you know. 348 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: I mean, it's like it's a constant, It's a conversation 349 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: that just keeps going. 350 00:16:44,600 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, switching tears again. You mentioned porn as an 351 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 2: intimacy expert. Is your what is your thoughts on porn 352 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 2: in relationships? 353 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:15,959 Speaker 3: So many thoughts, So it depends on the couple or 354 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 3: the partners and the type of porn, and there's, like 355 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 3: I want to say, thousands of combinations of this, but overall, 356 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 3: I feel like porn can be positive in a relationship 357 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 3: if it's serving a healthy purpose. So if, for example, 358 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,199 Speaker 3: both of you get turned on if you put it 359 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 3: on in the background and it helps get you in 360 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 3: the mood, I think that's great. If you are supporting 361 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 3: like ethical porn producers and certain artists that are known 362 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 3: for like creating really quality content that's very realistic. I 363 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 3: think that's great. So there's a lot of ways I 364 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 3: think that you can absorb porn. But if it's problematic 365 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 3: in the sense that one partner watches porn and other 366 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 3: partner does not, and it doesn't feel positive, like the 367 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 3: one that doesn't feels negatively about it, then I feel 368 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,479 Speaker 3: like you have to talk about it and address, like 369 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 3: why what do you specifically like not feeling good about. 370 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 3: I would say most of the time, ninety percent of 371 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,120 Speaker 3: porn that's on the market is not realistic sex. Though 372 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 3: that's my main issue with porn, and there are websites 373 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 3: that are doing great things like Afterglow does like really 374 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,919 Speaker 3: high quality like realistic porn, Make Love not porn has 375 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 3: like actual couples that upload their videos. So there are 376 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 3: ways to engage in watching porn that is realistic, but 377 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 3: the unrealistic porn or the one that's like very one 378 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 3: sided or traditional in the sense like male dominating woman, 379 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,120 Speaker 3: Like if it's a turnof for both people and they 380 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 3: enjoy watching it, I think there's nothing wrong with it. 381 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 3: But most of the time it's just not realistic sex. 382 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 3: And I want people to feel like they can be 383 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 3: their true, authentic self and they're enjoying sex with their 384 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 3: partner and not feeling like they're performative or like holding 385 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 3: back noises or whatever it is that they're trying to 386 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:08,920 Speaker 3: mimic from porn. 387 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 2: M I feel like it takes away the intimacy too 388 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: personally for me of their relationship and it kind of numbs. Again, 389 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 2: this is my own personal that it might numb their 390 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,640 Speaker 2: relationship if they're going to porn rather than like if 391 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 2: you're not watching it together and he's just doing it 392 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 2: by himself or whatever, that it might kind of numb 393 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 2: the then intimacy with the partner. That's how I've always 394 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 2: kind of viewed it. 395 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 3: But I think a lot of couples that I would 396 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 3: work with, the issues would come up with one when 397 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 3: one partner really wanted to watch a certain type of 398 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: porn and the other didn't. So you're right, if it's 399 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 3: a tool that helps both of you get in the mood, 400 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 3: it can be great. I've also talked to a lot 401 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,879 Speaker 3: of people that are addicted to porn, and so I 402 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 3: feel like there's a lot of levels to it. But overall, 403 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:03,159 Speaker 3: I think using it as a mode to get turned 404 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 3: on can be healthy as long as it's used in 405 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 3: moderation and both people feel good with it. 406 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 2: Have you ever watched one? Yeah, I just what you're 407 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 2: in the spot. 408 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: Sorry, I don't want to talk about. 409 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 2: This who she's just getting used to This podcast is 410 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: always like, oh, I can't come today with this. 411 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: Guest sex expert. 412 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 2: No I'm not here today. Okay, tell us all about 413 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 2: your company, bloo Me and everything that listeners can get 414 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,959 Speaker 2: when Yeah, what the products and all of it. 415 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:43,640 Speaker 3: Yes. I started Bloomy about five years ago because as 416 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 3: I was working with clients during my sexology sessions, people 417 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 3: would want their recommendations like Okay, give me the book, 418 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 3: give me the lube, like what was the toy you mentioned? 419 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 3: So I would send them all of these different links 420 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 3: and eventually I just said, let me just create a 421 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 3: place where I can curate brands that I love. That 422 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 3: then turned into let me develop some of the products 423 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,159 Speaker 3: that I'm not seeing on the market, And today we 424 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 3: say blooe met is a sexologist led intimacy company and 425 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 3: the what we focus on our intimacy solutions that help 426 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 3: you get in the mood. That's what I specialized in, 427 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 3: That's what I love doing. The products their plant based, 428 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 3: clean medical grades on the Cone like just super high 429 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 3: quality but still accessible price point wise, like usability wise, 430 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,119 Speaker 3: and then the content is inclusive. We have tons of 431 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,640 Speaker 3: sexology content on our platform. I'm essentially trying to find 432 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 3: a way to scale myself, so instead of just meeting 433 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 3: one by one with individuals, like this is a way 434 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 3: where people can see like what I'm recommending kind of 435 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 3: in a general sense, and then click into the things 436 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 3: that they're interested in. We are sold nationwide at Target, 437 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 3: so some people are surprised weight you can get toys 438 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 3: at Target now you can you can get loubs and 439 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 3: toys at Target, so you can check like your local 440 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 3: store or even online. Is a really great way to support. 441 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: And I gotta say the prices are great too, because 442 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 2: like the play Mini vibrators thirty five dollars, the massage 443 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,919 Speaker 2: platoral and Body Vibra forty dollars, and then like the 444 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 2: oils like twenty from from twelve to twenty bucks is 445 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 2: what I see and I mean and I love the 446 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,679 Speaker 2: color lines look really nice too. I like that this 447 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 2: is all really good. So everyone had to blue me 448 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 2: dot com that's b Lomi and then question for you 449 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,160 Speaker 2: because I feel like this happens a lot too in relationships. 450 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,679 Speaker 2: What if one person is wanting to do something that 451 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,439 Speaker 2: the other doesn't want to do, and they're caught in 452 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 2: the position of, well, I want to please my partner 453 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 2: because I don't want them to leave me or do 454 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 2: it with someone else, but it kind of goes against 455 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 2: what they might feel or want to do, Like what 456 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,119 Speaker 2: would you what would be your advice? And you know, 457 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 2: obviously like yes, talk to the partner, but if it's 458 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 2: still like resistance, like what do you suggest? 459 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 3: M hm? This is a classic, Like we have different 460 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 3: no lists. So in sexology concept we usually go through 461 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,600 Speaker 3: like what are you comfortable with sexually? What are you 462 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 3: excited to try that you guys haven't discussed yet? And 463 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 3: then what are your hard knows? If somebody has a 464 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,879 Speaker 3: hard no, usually we say it's off limits, but it 465 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 3: is worth discussing why is it off limits? What about 466 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,639 Speaker 3: it makes you uncomfortable? Because sometimes people are surprised. Like 467 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 3: I'll give you an example. A lot of couple's anal 468 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 3: is on one person's no list but not on another. 469 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 3: And usually the reason it's on someone's no list is 470 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 3: because they feel like apprehensive about getting dirty or like 471 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 3: having an accident. Basically like having PCs, right, that's what 472 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 3: they're worried about. When the other partner can alleviate that 473 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 3: worry and say, oh, honey, I don't care, or what 474 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 3: if it's just the shower, then it actually moves to 475 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 3: the maybe list. So it is important to understand why. 476 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 3: But some of these topics might be sensitive, right, like 477 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 3: some people have trauma or it's just the nost is 478 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 3: a sensitive zone, So be really careful about asking why 479 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 3: so if and if you're still like, oh, but I 480 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 3: really really love this one thing and you're saying no, 481 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 3: can you do it on yourself? Like is it something 482 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 3: that you can explore on your own? And are there 483 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 3: any other things that are similar that your partner would 484 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 3: be open to. Maybe your partner would be open to 485 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 3: like rimming, but not anal sex, things like that, find 486 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 3: find the middles? 487 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 2: Have you this is again personal question you don't have 488 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 2: to answer killer, you're just going Have you ever asked 489 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 2: Nick like what his fantasy is or like what he 490 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 2: would like like either like what his fantasy in bed 491 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 2: would be or what he would ever want to do 492 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,120 Speaker 2: with you or as a couple in bed? 493 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 1: Ish? Yeah, ish, I mean I haven't just said, like, 494 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: what's your fantasy? But yes, yes, we've discussed that. 495 00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,159 Speaker 2: Because I think it's so interesting to see, you know, 496 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 2: what someone's because what I would think would be something 497 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 2: they'd be like, no, I would never want to do that. 498 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 2: It's like oh okay, you know, and just like having 499 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 2: that like and then you feel even closer, almost like 500 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 2: in right bed too, knowing that like they're not because 501 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 2: I always ruminate that maybe they're thinking they want they 502 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 2: want more of this or more of that, or they 503 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 2: want to be wild with this, when really like he 504 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 2: just wants to be super intimate and like you know 505 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 2: again like my old school you know, he's very like 506 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,240 Speaker 2: he's just like no, he's like I don't want the 507 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 2: trash talk. And I was like, oh, really, I thought 508 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 2: guys love that, and he's like no, he's like I 509 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 2: don't like that at all, Like it actually turns me off. 510 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 2: And so I was just like, oh okay, So I 511 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 2: had to like reprogram my mind to what I thought 512 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 2: guys liked and wanted. And then but I was like, 513 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 2: that's not so just like being open in that conversation. 514 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: When for yourself, you're just because you thought that's what 515 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: they want it. 516 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 2: For sure, I thought like he would like that, and 517 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 2: he was just like, by the way, and even he 518 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 2: was even the one that said, he's like, I don't 519 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 2: I don't like when you say that. I'm like, oh really, 520 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Like he's like, no, no, no, he's I just 521 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 2: that's he's like, you're my like woman, and yeah, it's 522 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,879 Speaker 2: I don't know. He's like, it's more intimate for me. 523 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 2: I was like, oh wow, I didn't even like I 524 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 2: just assumed all guys just wanted girls to act like plus. 525 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 3: Like in the bedroom. I you know what I mean. 526 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 2: I was like a total assumption for my past I 527 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like, so, I just like my. 528 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:24,160 Speaker 3: Preferences. They change every person. It's so interesting, like every 529 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 3: partner will be completely different, have different preferences. I like, 530 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 3: I think it would be really cool for you. And 531 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 3: I'm sure a lot of people listening is just do 532 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 3: like a quick fire with your partner when you're having 533 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 3: a date night. Just I'm just gonna ask you a 534 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 3: whole bunch of random things, tell me if you like 535 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 3: it or not. And dirty talk should be on that 536 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 3: list because you would be surprised when people do not 537 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 3: like it. And some people are like, I have to 538 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 3: have it, So then again, what's the middle, right, But 539 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,479 Speaker 3: just go through anything you can think of, and that 540 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:53,640 Speaker 3: can be like your quick fire. 541 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,639 Speaker 2: Well I think it's kind of cool too, like for 542 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,320 Speaker 2: a date night. That kind of is fun to do 543 00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 2: on a date night because then you're kind of getting. 544 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,920 Speaker 3: Like you're talking about you know what I mean, It's. 545 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,679 Speaker 2: Like you want to hurry up and get home and 546 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 2: have fun. 547 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: You know. 548 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 2: Rebecca, where can our listeners find you? 549 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 3: Oh, people can find me. I'm usually very active on Instagram. 550 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 3: It's Rebecca Avanis Story. I have a lot of entrepreneur 551 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,879 Speaker 3: mom stuff on there. And then if you want to 552 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 3: find out more about Bloomy, it's the Bloomy dot com 553 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 3: and all of the social channels are the same. 554 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 2: Awesome. Well, thank you so much Rebecca for coming on. 555 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:27,399 Speaker 2: This was great. 556 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 3: Thank you, that was fun. It was great to have. 557 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,159 Speaker 2: Thanks girl, Yes, appreciate you.