Speaker 1: Hi, Katherine, Hello Chelsea. You guys, we are coming to
Speaker 1: you live from Majorca in Spain. Yes we are. This
Speaker 1: is an episode called CS I'm Majorca, where we will
Speaker 1: be solving short murder mysteries. We're here with a group
Speaker 1: of women and and a token male who happens to
Speaker 1: be our sound engineer and podcast editor, Brad, who's Katherine's
Speaker 1: lover slash husband. Indeed, so he's the only male in
Speaker 1: a house filled with ten girls. Isn't nine girls? So
Speaker 1: he is exhausted. He's been making the rounds and having
Speaker 1: a great time. We told him this was a swinger's
Speaker 1: week and that he was going to have to service
Speaker 1: all ten women, and so he has been taking a
Speaker 1: lot of apps. Yes, that's absolutely true. All the galaxy
Speaker 1: to love him, though, I know, I know, very nicely done, Katherine,
Speaker 1: great choice making. He fits in. He does the little
Speaker 1: eyemasks that we were all doing when we had our
Speaker 1: little spa moment. Yes, Jamie Greenberg is here. She's administering.
Speaker 1: She's trying to contribute since her personality is not enough.
Speaker 1: She is giving us Ie shades and facials and all
Speaker 1: sorts of little treatments. I would say, yes, yes, she's
Speaker 1: going to do all of our makeup before we go
Speaker 1: out tonight. And it turns out that is that what's happening? Okay,
Speaker 1: because that sounds that sounds annoying, sounds like a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. We make our work for it. But we've
Speaker 1: been having some weather in my Orka which has been
Speaker 1: kind of delightful, but it was unexpected. So there are
Speaker 1: people actually surfing in front of the house today, which
Speaker 1: is funny because the waves don't seem big enough to
Speaker 1: be doing that. The weather is sunny during the days
Speaker 1: and it rains a little bit at night, but we've
Speaker 1: had crazy waves like today. These waves are and there's
Speaker 1: an electrical storms a lot, and I love an electrical storm.
Speaker 1: But then I've been hearing about all these people getting electrocuted,
Speaker 1: so I'm now scared of electrical story. You were you
Speaker 1: saying somebody died from an electrical storm that was like
Speaker 1: two miles away. Yes, yes, I've heard a friend of
Speaker 1: a friend her husband was electrocuted. Then on my on
Speaker 1: the island of Majorca, there was an electrical storm and
Speaker 1: two men were electrocuted. And so I usually sleep with
Speaker 1: my window open, and now I am like every time
Speaker 1: there's a storm, I'm like, I better shut that window
Speaker 1: because the lightning is coming after us. It's like sharks.
Speaker 1: Like sharks were bothering us for a while, and guess
Speaker 1: what they are bothering us now? Because of climate change.
Speaker 1: I believe. I believe everything is to blame on climate change.
Speaker 1: That's my new theory about everything. Can I tell you
Speaker 1: something I think I heard in the night with my
Speaker 1: window open. Oh my god, was it a sexual act?
Speaker 1: I mean it might have been, actually, but I think
Speaker 1: for the last two nights I have heard of whales
Speaker 1: from the ocean. But also it sounds like whale sounds underwater,
Speaker 1: So maybe I am hallucinating at four in the morning.
Speaker 1: Are you taking them a lot of edibles here? Mushrooms?
Speaker 1: What of you ingested so far? Well, we did have
Speaker 1: some mushrooms on one of the first evenings. My favorite
Speaker 1: moment from that was when we were all giggling and
Speaker 1: laughing and having dinner on the terrorists, and we thought
Speaker 1: we heard the most lovely man singing opera music and
Speaker 1: we went to go check it out. We leaned over
Speaker 1: the terrace wall and we heard a man walking by,
Speaker 1: just going We thought it was opera. It was my
Speaker 1: favorite moment. My cousin Molly was like, Chelsea, can you
Speaker 1: please turn the music off? I think I hear opera
Speaker 1: so seriously, and I just was like, oh, shut up.
Speaker 1: First all, do you know how long it takes me
Speaker 1: to get the fucking music on with fucking son Nos?
Speaker 1: I hate sons. I've named my baby Sons. He's upstairs
Speaker 1: in the crib in my closet and I tape his
Speaker 1: mouth shut every night so that he can't work, just
Speaker 1: like my son Nos can't work. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I have an electrical charge within me that speaking of electricution,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm there's something that happens when
Speaker 1: I touch music that makes it stop working. Anyway, we
Speaker 1: turned it off so we could hear opera, only to
Speaker 1: find out that there was a man drunk in the street.
Speaker 1: La la la. But it sounded so beautiful to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Well I'm glad everyone's partaking. We do need more drugs
Speaker 1: though this is a very light drug vacation. I wasn't prepared.
Speaker 1: I just assumed people would bring them like they always do,
Speaker 1: and not enough people did. We all just assumed you
Speaker 1: would bring them yeah, well I'm out. I've been here
Speaker 1: for about a month. I did. When I ask you
Speaker 1: this of your time in Ma Yorka, what was your worst,
Speaker 1: your weirdest, and your best experience? So far? My worst experience,
Speaker 1: Let's think about worst experience other than oh so nos. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: let's see, I've been doing a lot of biking, so
Speaker 1: I think the day that we pushed it too far
Speaker 1: probably would be one of my worst, not worst experiences.
Speaker 1: Worst experiences here, I guess, are biking experiences. I probably
Speaker 1: biked like something like sixty miles and I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: I had heat stroke and I went to bed at
Speaker 1: six thirty. We had a chef that night coming in,
Speaker 1: this woman, Dorothea, who's incredible, and I went to sleep.
Speaker 1: I went upstairs to take a nap and warned everybody
Speaker 1: that if I went down for a nap, I might
Speaker 1: not get back up, which is exactly what happened. And
Speaker 1: every time she comes, I've had heat stroke, or I've
Speaker 1: been sick or dehydrated or too drunk or something that
Speaker 1: I couldn't have dinner. So Dorothea just thinks I'm a
Speaker 1: hot mess um and I'm fine with that. So I
Speaker 1: guess I wouldn't call that worst, but that was the most,
Speaker 1: not the worst. My body felt like I felt like
Speaker 1: I was sick and I had heat stroke. My best
Speaker 1: experience would also involve a bike ride. Oh, scuba diving.
Speaker 1: I've been scuba diving three or four times since I've
Speaker 1: been here, and that's been awesome because that used to
Speaker 1: scare the ship out of me. And then the strangest
Speaker 1: experience is that what you asked the strangest, Oh, I was, well,
Speaker 1: not strangest, but it was funny. I was at to see.
Speaker 1: I was at this kind of little yacht club the
Speaker 1: other night we all went a group of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1: Before this group came, my group from Whistler was here,
Speaker 1: and we went to the out club and there was
Speaker 1: this guy having a private party and I went in
Speaker 1: and to order a drink and he's like, are you
Speaker 1: with the party? And I was like no, and he
Speaker 1: like motioned for me to like get the funk out,
Speaker 1: and I was like okay. And then as I was
Speaker 1: walking out, somebody's like, I think that was Chelsea Handler
Speaker 1: and I went down to sit at a different area
Speaker 1: and then slowly, one by one, the entire party came
Speaker 1: down to my area, and that guy was left by
Speaker 1: himself at his own party. So that was actually one
Speaker 1: of my best experiences now that I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I liked when that happened. That was very funny because
Speaker 1: I didn't argue. I just was like, Okay, buddy, I
Speaker 1: don't need to be at your party. And then I
Speaker 1: was like, but guess where the party's going to end up?
Speaker 1: All his friends wanted to be at your party. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that was good. I did like when we were
Speaker 1: walking along to dinner the other night and two girls,
Speaker 1: two American girls, stopped you and like, we're just such
Speaker 1: big fans, You're amazing. And then one of them that
Speaker 1: we were passing by them, and one of them was like,
Speaker 1: can we can we maybe get a pick? And her
Speaker 1: friend just cut her off and goes, no, we're not
Speaker 1: doing that, and we all cheered. We're like, this friend
Speaker 1: knew what was up, did her friend of salad? It
Speaker 1: was great. Yeah, I like that. I like when somebody
Speaker 1: interrupts that, it's like that's not necessary. That way, you
Speaker 1: have an even better story, like we didn't interrupt her evening.
Speaker 1: I'm excited for the jet lag that I'm going to
Speaker 1: have that we're all going to have when we go home,
Speaker 1: but probably mine will be the worst because I've been
Speaker 1: here for so long, for a whole month, that I
Speaker 1: will be waking up at three thirty to four o'clock
Speaker 1: in the morning for the next probably month and a half.
Speaker 1: You also are flying back and you have a show
Speaker 1: the next day. I don't know how You're Mountain Winery
Speaker 1: sold out though, but I do have lots of shows
Speaker 1: coming up in October and November. Yeah, so I'm you
Speaker 1: could check Chelsea Handler dot com. And then there's I'm
Speaker 1: doing tons of dates and Passa Robliss, California, Baker's Field,
Speaker 1: I'm doing Tampa, Florida. I'm doing Daytona Beach, Florida. I'm
Speaker 1: going to all the hot spots you guys that I
Speaker 1: haven't hit already on this tour. I would also like
Speaker 1: to point out that you are doing what we now
Speaker 1: know because of many emails that I have gotten. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Pennsylvania is announced reading Pennsylvania. Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I've
Speaker 1: been mispronouncing that and I've gotten a lot of d
Speaker 1: m s about that as well. In addition to all
Speaker 1: the photos of feet that I get now of bare feet,
Speaker 1: on airplanes, bare feet in lounges, bare feet at airports,
Speaker 1: bare feet at movie theaters, bare feet at live concert events.
Speaker 1: I have been bombarded with bare feet fit pictures of
Speaker 1: bear feet. Honestly, you just need to start an only
Speaker 1: fans and start uploading them. I mean, well, I do
Speaker 1: need to start an only fans because I'm ready to
Speaker 1: have sex on camera, but to do only fans without
Speaker 1: sex like they're like fetish people are like, this is
Speaker 1: my cooking show on only fans. I think that's what
Speaker 1: it's like, even though that's what I'll be doing, that's
Speaker 1: what it's for. It's time. Well, you're ready to take
Speaker 1: some question. I am always Well, let's take a quick
Speaker 1: break and we'll be back with our first questions. And
Speaker 1: we're back here we are, So our first question comes
Speaker 1: from Natalie. Natalie says, Dear Chelsea, this is probably the
Speaker 1: pettiest email you'll get. I started a new job about
Speaker 1: two months ago, and even though I have never introduced
Speaker 1: myself as such, absolutely every single person calls me Nat.
Speaker 1: I hate it and it makes me cringe, and no
Speaker 1: one in my personal life calls me that. Is it
Speaker 1: too late to correct people? Or is this just something
Speaker 1: I now have to live with, or do I quit
Speaker 1: respectfully yours Natalie Natalie emphasis on the alley. No, you
Speaker 1: could just do I quit. I like that, it's that
Speaker 1: horrible for her. I no, No, I understand when you're
Speaker 1: not called the right name. Well, no, actually I don't,
Speaker 1: because people call me Chelsea and I don't really care
Speaker 1: about that. But if you do care about Nat instead
Speaker 1: of Natalie, just correct them. Just tell them you prefer
Speaker 1: to be called Natalie and that you had an uncle
Speaker 1: named Nat that you know didn't turn out great or something.
Speaker 1: If you need an excuse, but you don't, really it's
Speaker 1: your name, Yeah, you hated not Cain Cole. No, you
Speaker 1: should just tell people. Yeah. See, I get this because
Speaker 1: I get called occasionally Cathy and I'm like, no, that's no,
Speaker 1: it's not me. Or you know, sometimes Pop will call
Speaker 1: me Cat, which like is kind of fine, but I
Speaker 1: don't prefer to go by it. I prefer Catherine. But
Speaker 1: I have a hard time correcting people in the moment
Speaker 1: because of my Midwestern nice But I in Natalie honestly.
Speaker 1: Since it's workplace, maybe it could involve like a small
Speaker 1: funny workplace memo email or you know, something that goes around.
Speaker 1: Everyone's a great idea. Yeah, make it funny. Send everyone
Speaker 1: email goo. I know everyone started to call me Nat,
Speaker 1: and I have a real issue with that name for
Speaker 1: reasons I cannot explain. In this memo, can you please
Speaker 1: refer to me as with my full name? Yeah, so, like,
Speaker 1: you know, make it light, make it silly, but like
Speaker 1: that way everyone gets the picture all at once, or
Speaker 1: you know, when you meet people just saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, Actually people refer to me as Natalie
Speaker 1: two months in. I think it's due for a funny memo. Yeah, well, Natalie,
Speaker 1: your problem is solved, Okay, Natalie. I like how she
Speaker 1: opened that with this might be the pettiest question we've
Speaker 1: ever gotten, But I don't think petty. I don't think
Speaker 1: petty is the right word. But it's the least consequential
Speaker 1: email we've gotten. But I love that, Like it's okay
Speaker 1: to sense off that's not all about trauma. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: we're yeah exactly. It's a nice breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1: We need like questions sometimes, guys. Our next question comes
Speaker 1: from Lisa. Lisa. Oh, and by the way, our theme
Speaker 1: for today's episode is that colors from Europe because we're here,
Speaker 1: there's a time differential, and you know we wanted to
Speaker 1: record in the mornings. We've got European callers. Okay, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: My name is Sanna. I'm almost thirty years old and
Speaker 1: I live in Belgium with my wife and dog. All
Speaker 1: my life, I've been different than the rest, not that
Speaker 1: I ever really cared about that, but I do a
Speaker 1: lot of self reflection and sometimes I feel like too
Speaker 1: much of an outcast. I had a pretty traumatic and
Speaker 1: heavy past and tried therapy a few times because I
Speaker 1: tend to self destruct. I stopped going since it was
Speaker 1: so expensive and I wasn't clicking with any of them.
Speaker 1: I started smoking weed a few years ago and it
Speaker 1: has helped with my depression and anxiety. A few psychologists
Speaker 1: hinted that I have a d h D after reading
Speaker 1: as much as I could find about it. I do
Speaker 1: think the same, but it always felt more than that
Speaker 1: to me. After hanging out in the dog park one
Speaker 1: day with a lovely lady that was on LSD at
Speaker 1: the moment, she hinted that I seemed to be on
Speaker 1: the spectrum. She felt like that because she also is.
Speaker 1: I was convinced I wasn't and did an online test
Speaker 1: to see if I had similarities. I scored the second
Speaker 1: to the highest score on this test. It kind of
Speaker 1: wrecked me already knowing that I might be on the spectrum,
Speaker 1: But now I don't know how I feel about actually
Speaker 1: getting diagnosed properly. In a way, it would help me
Speaker 1: with my relationship with my wife and especially myself, maybe
Speaker 1: I would be less hard on myself, but it also
Speaker 1: freaks me out. And it's so expensive to get diagnosed,
Speaker 1: So I'm hesitant. What should I do? Go for it
Speaker 1: and get tested. I'm really lost love Sanna and she's
Speaker 1: here with us. Hi, Sanna, Hi, how are you? I'm
Speaker 1: really good on you good, very good. We're excited to
Speaker 1: be talking to you today. So oh, I love your story.
Speaker 1: First of all, that you've got a woman in the park.
Speaker 1: It was on LSD who may have diagnosed you as
Speaker 1: being on the spectrum. I didn't realize that it was
Speaker 1: that expensive to get diagnosed. What's the situation with that?
Speaker 1: So it costs like a thousand euros just to get diagnosed,
Speaker 1: and then you didn't even have like any help or
Speaker 1: any guidance, or they just sell you if you have
Speaker 1: it or not? And what kind of testing is that?
Speaker 1: Is that through a doctor? Is it that through a
Speaker 1: government agency? Like? What is that? Yeah, it's like with
Speaker 1: psychologists and and it takes a few days, so it's
Speaker 1: like proper testing, like they test you on everything. It's
Speaker 1: not just like for the autim or the d h D.
Speaker 1: So it's good because then you know, like if you
Speaker 1: have the full package. You know, But it's expensive, you know,
Speaker 1: I think it's really expensive. No, it does sound expensive.
Speaker 1: Is that something you can afford? Um? I could? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want to, right, right, But do you not
Speaker 1: want to because of the money or do you not
Speaker 1: want to because you're hesitant about finding out the results.
Speaker 1: I think it's a little bit of both. People of
Speaker 1: like such a thought, like they already have a judgment
Speaker 1: about autism. And there's a lot of freedom in knowing
Speaker 1: what your diagnosis is, you know what I mean. It
Speaker 1: opens up a lot to understand yourself and to have
Speaker 1: a better understanding, Like I have my friend who diagnosed
Speaker 1: her husband with autism. She just kind of realized, oh
Speaker 1: and saw all the signs and asked him if he
Speaker 1: wanted to get his testing, And once he found out
Speaker 1: he had it, he understood all the things that he
Speaker 1: wasn't connecting. You know, there's a spectrum. We're all on
Speaker 1: the spectrum. I joke with my friends all the time
Speaker 1: because it's like one of us is, you know, on
Speaker 1: one end of the spectrum, the other one is on
Speaker 1: the other end of the spectrum. But it's like, these
Speaker 1: aren't shameful diagnoses anymore. It's powerful to know, just as
Speaker 1: powerful as it is to know if you have a
Speaker 1: personality disorder, if you have a d D, how a
Speaker 1: d h D plays into something like autism, and how
Speaker 1: those two things work in conjunction. Like what do you
Speaker 1: notice about yourself and your personality traits that would lead
Speaker 1: you to think that you were autistic or have a
Speaker 1: d h D. I think I'm a very socially awkward person,
Speaker 1: Like I mimic a lot of situations from TV and
Speaker 1: like watching people, So in my head it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's how you talk to people, or like that's how
Speaker 1: you behave or my wife were together for seven years
Speaker 1: now and she helped me so much all the time.
Speaker 1: She has to like kick me in and be like
Speaker 1: you can't say that that's rude, or like you're weird.
Speaker 1: You don't react in this way, and I'm like, oh funk, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I look it up and I'm like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so weird, Like wow, how could I not think about it?
Speaker 1: And like my emotions in general, I tend to spiral
Speaker 1: into an emotion or I'm emotionless, or I spiral in
Speaker 1: one emotion and I have like a breakdown things like that.
Speaker 1: I just have a lot of anxiety if things that
Speaker 1: don't go according to how we will go in my head,
Speaker 1: like I tend to like creak out a little bit
Speaker 1: since I had such a heavy past and I I
Speaker 1: had to grow up really fast, so I learned how
Speaker 1: to do a lot of stuff. So I realized, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm what they call masking. I feel like I've been
Speaker 1: masking a lot in my life and I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm always almost underwater, like trying to breathe, and I
Speaker 1: think that has a lot to do with it, and
Speaker 1: maybe being diagnosed and finally know like okay, like it's
Speaker 1: all masking, Like it's normal that you're like this. Maybe
Speaker 1: it will make me like breath after a while. I
Speaker 1: don't know. And are you taking any medication for your
Speaker 1: a d h D. Nice smoke smoke weed. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you should definitely just use the money get diagnosed.
Speaker 1: It's going to give you a lot more freedom. It
Speaker 1: feels like what you're talking about, you're kind of stuck,
Speaker 1: like when you said you're underwater. It would be so
Speaker 1: nice to be above water and not have that feeling anymore.
Speaker 1: And there's a lot of liberty that comes with understanding
Speaker 1: your personality. And there's no shame in that, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you don't have to tell everybody
Speaker 1: that you're autistic or you're that you're on the spectrum,
Speaker 1: if that's what you end up being. I know in America, uh,
Speaker 1: everyone's talking about this right now, and everyone's interested, and
Speaker 1: everyone's curious, and if anyone's on the spectrum, they do
Speaker 1: want to know about it. And maybe it's taking a
Speaker 1: little bit of a longer time to get to Europe
Speaker 1: in that way, but I think that you should embrace it.
Speaker 1: You know, it's nothing to not be proud of. Autistic
Speaker 1: people have so much to offer and it's so like you,
Speaker 1: You have things to offer that people who think in
Speaker 1: a linear way and that don't suffer from that social
Speaker 1: anxiety aren't offering up you know, because that's considered normal,
Speaker 1: whereas what you're considered what what you have is a
Speaker 1: different version of being normal, you know, And there's probably
Speaker 1: a large community of people once you find out what
Speaker 1: your exact diagnosis is that you can connect with, so
Speaker 1: you don't feel so alone and you don't feel so
Speaker 1: unique and abnormal so to speak. Mm hmm, yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. And I would also say, you've had this
Speaker 1: confirmation from like a lady on LSD and an online test,
Speaker 1: official testing might be a great way to go, but
Speaker 1: you might all so because I know you're sort of like, well,
Speaker 1: that doesn't give me any treatment, that's just the confirmation.
Speaker 1: So you might maybe potentially skip a little bit of
Speaker 1: a step and talk to a therapist who specializes and
Speaker 1: people who are on the spectrum, and they might be
Speaker 1: able to after interacting with you for a little while
Speaker 1: kind of sort of tell you if you need to
Speaker 1: get official testing and get a real diagnosis, or you know,
Speaker 1: whether they can just start treating you because they'll be
Speaker 1: able to see some of those signs. But I really
Speaker 1: think with anything like this because I have a d
Speaker 1: h D and it's something that I didn't I was
Speaker 1: very lucky, like I found out that I had a
Speaker 1: d h D amongst a group of people who also
Speaker 1: had a d h D, and we're super successful entrepreneurs,
Speaker 1: interesting people, And in that context, it was like, that's
Speaker 1: a superpower. We know how to get things done, we
Speaker 1: know how to start projects where leaders, all these wonderful things.
Speaker 1: And I really think that some of these things that
Speaker 1: are posed as limitations in a lot of ways can
Speaker 1: absolutely become superpowers. But you can't find the tools to
Speaker 1: help you until you kind of know whether that's what
Speaker 1: you're dealing with or not. Yeah, that's true, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Do you take medication for a d h D, Catherine,
Speaker 1: I don't take medication. I've tried it a little bit,
Speaker 1: but it kind of made me feel a little bit,
Speaker 1: almost like hyper focused, And yeah, I had the same. Yeah.
Speaker 1: For me, it's more about having built in tools around me. So,
Speaker 1: for example, I make excessive lists. A lot of people
Speaker 1: don't like to make a list, but you know, any
Speaker 1: time I need to remember something or something comes up,
Speaker 1: I write it down if I need to follow up
Speaker 1: on it, because otherwise it's gone yes, And I love
Speaker 1: to write ship down that already did yes exactly, and
Speaker 1: then I get the satisfaction of crossing it off, it's delightful.
Speaker 1: Or for example, you know, if I'm talking to a
Speaker 1: friend at a party and I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: you gotta check out this Netflix documentary or whatever, I'll
Speaker 1: be like, text me tomorrow and I'll let you know,
Speaker 1: because i know I'm never going to remember the scent
Speaker 1: it um. So it's just about like building in those
Speaker 1: tools to help you relate to others, to help you
Speaker 1: in work with your wife, whatever it might be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's anything to be afraid of though, No,
Speaker 1: definitely not. It shouldn't be. You should like run towards that,
Speaker 1: you know, because knowledge is power. The more you know
Speaker 1: about yourself, the more power you have over every situation.
Speaker 1: So you should definitely go get that testing done or
Speaker 1: find a therapist that you can work with who can
Speaker 1: kind of help guide you to figure out what your
Speaker 1: diagnosis is. Yeah, let's see if the lady on Lyssie
Speaker 1: was right. She probably was. She probably was. He disappeared, though,
Speaker 1: I wonder what happened to her. I haven't seen. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: but also, you know, a therapist and expert in this
Speaker 1: field or related fields will also be able to help
Speaker 1: you figure out the relationship between everything you have going on.
Speaker 1: So when you have anxiety and maybe a d h
Speaker 1: D and maybe you're on the spectrum a little bit,
Speaker 1: there is a relationship between those things. And I think
Speaker 1: once you get tools to deal with some of those things,
Speaker 1: like for me, having tools to make sure that like
Speaker 1: I know that I'm good at my job or I
Speaker 1: know I'm doing what I need to in my interpersonal relationships,
Speaker 1: that also helps my anxiety go down, you know, So
Speaker 1: it's all sort of interconnected as well. Yeah, you're right,
Speaker 1: all right, No, I know, I'm going to get this
Speaker 1: good and report back. Let us know what happens. Okay,
Speaker 1: thanks Anna, sa I how cute is she cute? I
Speaker 1: think everyone's on the spectrum and we all just need
Speaker 1: to accept that. You just have to find out what
Speaker 1: part of the spectrum you're on. Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1: I mean everything she was describing, like her wife has
Speaker 1: to kick her under the table when she says something
Speaker 1: at a table a dinner party, or kind of spiraling
Speaker 1: when you said something down and you know, friendship relationship.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's all very normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I mean it's like the sexuality spectrum. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like gender identification and all of that. It's like
Speaker 1: we're all finding out that it's not one thing or
Speaker 1: the other. There's no black and white. There's a whole
Speaker 1: array of possibilities, and it's like who cares, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean at this point, like there's no nothing
Speaker 1: to be embarrassed about. Yeah, it's just like find out
Speaker 1: what works for you and then do that. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: if you look at us at a deficit in one area,
Speaker 1: that means even if that's how you view it, like oh,
Speaker 1: this makes me deficient, it's like, no, that makes you
Speaker 1: excel in other areas. Yeah. Absolutely. Even watching like Love
Speaker 1: on the Spectrum, that Netflix show, which I absolutely love,
Speaker 1: you see these people who you know, one for example,
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I've never had a girlfriend, but they
Speaker 1: can be like what seventy five times forty two and
Speaker 1: instantly knows exactly what the number is. They can be
Speaker 1: like what day of the week was, you know, April four,
Speaker 1: and he knows like it's a Monday. I mean that's
Speaker 1: obviously a sort of on a further end of the spectrum,
Speaker 1: but there are absolutely superpowers that come with that. Well,
Speaker 1: that was how what was it? How did they frame
Speaker 1: it with the Dustin Hoffman Tom Cruise movie. Dustin Hoffman
Speaker 1: was was he identified as autistic in that movie? Because
Speaker 1: I feel like that was before they called a savant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like in that Rain of rain Man. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: before we even were talking about like autism in the
Speaker 1: way we are today. Totally, that was sort of viewed
Speaker 1: as a binary, like you're a savant or your typical,
Speaker 1: your normal, so so to speak. But I think Santa's
Speaker 1: got some good work ahead of her and she's going
Speaker 1: to be ay. Okay, Yeah, I like that she's got
Speaker 1: I mean, she's in a healthy relationship. It sounds like,
Speaker 1: so there, that's a good thing. Totally, totally Okay. Well,
Speaker 1: our next question comes from Lisa. Hi, Chelsea, thank you
Speaker 1: for your fun and enlightening podcast. My name is Lisa.
Speaker 1: I'm a forty year old woman from Oslo, Norway, no kids,
Speaker 1: no husband, but a dog. Two years ago, I moved
Speaker 1: far north for a job, but also to get some
Speaker 1: distance between me and my family, friends a network. I've
Speaker 1: spent this time doing lots of therapy and healing work,
Speaker 1: and it turns out there's really not many people I
Speaker 1: want to keep in my life. It's been a really
Speaker 1: sad and lonely realization that I'm pretty much on my
Speaker 1: own in life. But at least now I can move
Speaker 1: forward with clarity. I just quit my job up here
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to start something new. My question is
Speaker 1: is it crazy to move to a new country alone
Speaker 1: at forty starting my life from scratch, or is it
Speaker 1: better to go back to my hometown of Oslo and
Speaker 1: make a new start there. I want to be adventurous
Speaker 1: like I was in my twenties, but it feels a
Speaker 1: lot scarier now. Some advice would be great. Thank you
Speaker 1: and take care. Love, Lisa, Hi, Lisa, Hi, Oh my god? Hello?
Speaker 1: Can you hear me? Hi? How are you? I'm good? Awesome. So, Lisa,
Speaker 1: where are you living now? I'm living in the Norway,
Speaker 1: in the north of Norway, Okay, and I will you
Speaker 1: guys are in Spain. Yeah? Cool? So you are contemplating
Speaker 1: picking up and moving. Yeah, I'm kind of in a
Speaker 1: little of a midlife crisis situation because things hasn't turned
Speaker 1: out the way I probably had envisioned for myself being
Speaker 1: at this age and time in my life, and I
Speaker 1: just think that that's an opportunity to do something completely different,
Speaker 1: like I have I don't have kids, I don't have anything,
Speaker 1: Like I have a dog that I have to bring
Speaker 1: up with me. But apart from that, I'm pretty free
Speaker 1: to do things. But at the same time, it feels
Speaker 1: kind of scary. I did this move. I mean, I
Speaker 1: moved a few times before. I've lived in other countries
Speaker 1: before when I was younger, but it was different then
Speaker 1: because it was with studies and now it's more like
Speaker 1: you have to start all on your own. And and
Speaker 1: so you were saying that you're contemplating moving to a
Speaker 1: completely new city or back to your hometown. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of in between right now. And I just found
Speaker 1: like this really cute little three house that I might
Speaker 1: be able to get here. So everything is at the moment,
Speaker 1: it's I have a job interview tomorrow, So it's like
Speaker 1: it's a lot of different directions at this moment, and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not really sure what's the best thing to do. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you have an opportunity to get a little dream
Speaker 1: house where in Oslo here in the north, Okay, and
Speaker 1: moving home would be moving to Oslo, is that correct?
Speaker 1: That's right? Okay? And the job interview would be in
Speaker 1: the north as well. The job interview is in the
Speaker 1: one that's now isn't Oslo, And it's a really cool
Speaker 1: opportunity for me, actually, and I was really excited to
Speaker 1: get this interview, and so that's cool. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, there's a lot of things that I don't
Speaker 1: want in Oslo, Like I have some really golden friends
Speaker 1: and people that I that I miss a lot, and
Speaker 1: that would be great to see. But I also feel
Speaker 1: after I moved here that I've changed so much and
Speaker 1: I've changed perspectives a lot, and I find that maybe
Speaker 1: it would be better to just try something completely different. Okay.
Speaker 1: And when you say your life hasn't turned out the
Speaker 1: way that you thought it would, what do you mean
Speaker 1: by that? What did you picture for yourself or envision?
Speaker 1: I guess like I've never been the kind of I've
Speaker 1: never had, like, oh, I'm gonna get married and have
Speaker 1: kids by that, I've never had that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: I was really just shocked when people in the early thirties,
Speaker 1: when everyone around me was doing that, I was like,
Speaker 1: what are we there already? Like I couldn't relate to
Speaker 1: it at all, And so I just felt like I
Speaker 1: had all the time in the world, and then I
Speaker 1: met a guy and suddenly I was like super in love.
Speaker 1: It was in my mid thirties and all of that
Speaker 1: was suddenly happening for me, and I just felt like,
Speaker 1: obviously that's what's going to happen, right, like this is it.
Speaker 1: And I was really happy about it. But I was
Speaker 1: also I'm sure, which I mean now I'm so so
Speaker 1: glad it did not been like it was completely the
Speaker 1: wrong guy and everything. But after that I had like
Speaker 1: a real like, what the fuck it's going to happen now?
Speaker 1: I felt like the train had left the station and
Speaker 1: wasn't there even a move to New York in the
Speaker 1: picture or somewhere totally fresh and new that you're considering, Yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: because I talked to this woman and she was like,
Speaker 1: she said, I don't think you should live you know,
Speaker 1: a way at all. And I've always heard that I'm
Speaker 1: not very in Norwegian, like I've never felt that I've
Speaker 1: completely like fit in. For instance, I lived in Italy
Speaker 1: and my temperament and my my personality is much more
Speaker 1: Italian than Norwegian. With the politics in America, I was
Speaker 1: scaring the ship out of me so thatth Nicks and
Speaker 1: that's all like tempting, but it seems like there's more
Speaker 1: options for women, Like there's so many more lifestyles to explore.
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to live there, and that's something to
Speaker 1: consider now, right, So yeah, I mean the advantage about
Speaker 1: being a foreigner and moving to America is like, you know,
Speaker 1: if the politics gets too bad, you can always bounce
Speaker 1: out of there. It's not like you're tied down to staying.
Speaker 1: I would say, like, I'm always up for an advant
Speaker 1: and share and at forty like, if you don't do
Speaker 1: it now, you might not do it. So I would
Speaker 1: always lean towards like, oh God, take a huge leap
Speaker 1: of faith, you know, get do and try something new,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of infuse your life with some excitement
Speaker 1: that you can really like be excited about. You know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of reasons you don't want to move
Speaker 1: back to Oslo. And you'll see what happens with this interview,
Speaker 1: and if it becomes a job opportunity, then you know
Speaker 1: you'll be considering that more. But I would always I
Speaker 1: air on the side of taking a leap of faith,
Speaker 1: like I just think that that always yields much more
Speaker 1: exciting results than falling into what has worked for you
Speaker 1: before or an old pattern or yeah, like going back
Speaker 1: home to me doesn't sound like a great move, That
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like a new life for or what you're
Speaker 1: looking for. And it's always gonna be there, like that's
Speaker 1: my home time, like that's where my family lives and
Speaker 1: I have friends, and it's always going to be there.
Speaker 1: So that's the security about of course living in Scandinavia
Speaker 1: or you know, in any Western countries that you can
Speaker 1: always go back if things you know don't torn up.
Speaker 1: But even just moving to another like up in the
Speaker 1: north here it was like under the pandemic and I
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody, and people who are really kind of
Speaker 1: in the beginning very close off, and it was really
Speaker 1: tough because I'm very social person and I've never been
Speaker 1: so lonely in my life that I've been up here.
Speaker 1: But it's been an amazing experience. So I feel like
Speaker 1: if I could do that, then with Americans it seems
Speaker 1: like like you're really good at like small talking and
Speaker 1: all that, but it's it's a very surface leveled everything.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Well, it can be true. I think
Speaker 1: it depends on where you are a friend of mine
Speaker 1: just moved to New York and he was sort of
Speaker 1: in a similar situation where he like always wanted to
Speaker 1: move to New York. He turned fifty and he had
Speaker 1: a little bit of a health event in the last
Speaker 1: year that he was just like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: need to get my brain doing stuff that's like brand new,
Speaker 1: break out of my mold, create some new neural pathways.
Speaker 1: And I've always wanted to do this. So he moved.
Speaker 1: And when he did move, he was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: every time I go out, I make five new friends
Speaker 1: and they're sort of like single serving friends where it's
Speaker 1: like super exciting and new. But now he's been there
Speaker 1: for three months and he's really becoming like part of
Speaker 1: the fabric of the community that he's in. He's calling
Speaker 1: up these people that he met and they're going out
Speaker 1: and he's sort of like starting to make friends. And
Speaker 1: that's only three months in. But New York feels like
Speaker 1: a good place for that. If you're like ready to
Speaker 1: go have an adventure. I mean, look, you're you're smiling
Speaker 1: from ear to ear when you when you talk about
Speaker 1: it and we think about it. I think you have
Speaker 1: to follow things that make you light up exactly. It's
Speaker 1: just so to get constricted when you're like reaching certain
Speaker 1: age and you feel like, well, that was what you
Speaker 1: did in your twenties or whatever, and it's like, well,
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be, you know, it doesn't really, No,
Speaker 1: I don't think it does have to be. And you
Speaker 1: just already exhibited that you can handle a situation by
Speaker 1: moving to the North and not having that social kind
Speaker 1: of fabric that you are used to and surviving that.
Speaker 1: It's not going to be like that in New York City.
Speaker 1: There's just by the sheer volume of people, you're gonna
Speaker 1: find people and you'll be able to sort through them
Speaker 1: pretty quickly. Like I would say, Yeah, l A can
Speaker 1: be is probably much more shallow than New York. There's
Speaker 1: a lot more substance there. So while Americans in general,
Speaker 1: like as a stereotype, might not have that much depth. Like,
Speaker 1: you're always going to find people, you know, you kind
Speaker 1: of attract what you are, so like you're gonna find
Speaker 1: people who have more to offer than just surface talk,
Speaker 1: just by the nature of you having more of that
Speaker 1: to offer. Yeah, and forty is so young. It's so young. Yes, No,
Speaker 1: I mean you're absolutely in your prime. You seem like
Speaker 1: someone who's very open to adventure and seeking adventure, and
Speaker 1: I think it would be you would be making yourselves
Speaker 1: smaller to do something that feels like it's not the
Speaker 1: right choice, to go somewhere where you know, like you said,
Speaker 1: all eyes are on you. How are you living your life?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna settle down anytime soon? Is sort of
Speaker 1: the question that's in the air. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: absolutely a time to go have an adventure. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go and look at LinkedIn and see what options
Speaker 1: there are from me. God, do that, and try and
Speaker 1: set up some yeah, try and set up some interviews
Speaker 1: and stuff like that so you can keep the ball
Speaker 1: rolling in the right direction. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really
Speaker 1: cool to take that kind of risk and to take
Speaker 1: that kind of chance and to like always act bravely,
Speaker 1: you know, because it's a brave action and a bold
Speaker 1: notion to pick up and move and good things are
Speaker 1: going to happen because of it. Yeah. Right, It's true.
Speaker 1: I've never regretted any like risks. I mean, you never
Speaker 1: regret the things you do, right, it's the things you
Speaker 1: don't do well. It depends. Yeah, Well, Lisa, let us
Speaker 1: know how it goes, and what you decide to do,
Speaker 1: I will thank you so much, thank you, and just
Speaker 1: remember you will be welcomed with open arms if you're
Speaker 1: forty and not interested in having children in America. Exactly, exactly,
Speaker 1: that's good. Nice to talk to you. To enjoy Spain by,
Speaker 1: take care by. Thanks. She's cute. Yeah, she's gonna go
Speaker 1: have a fabulous adventure wherever it is. I like how
Speaker 1: people think it's forties too late for things. It's like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna live till we're sucking eighty, I mean probably longer.
Speaker 1: My folks when they were in there, like late fifties,
Speaker 1: picked up, took my thirteen year old brother and moved
Speaker 1: to Costa Rica for a year. Yes, and they in
Speaker 1: their fifties learned Spanish from like not knowing anything. My
Speaker 1: little brother started in the language school where they were studying.
Speaker 1: He after a couple of months, of course, surpassed the
Speaker 1: language school and they were like, what do you think
Speaker 1: about enrolling him in regular school here? So he did,
Speaker 1: And where were you at this time? I was a
Speaker 1: freshman in college. So yeah, so I went off to
Speaker 1: college and they abandoned me for Costa Rica. But I
Speaker 1: can't blame them because you know I went down for
Speaker 1: vacations and yes, yeah, so, I mean it's truly it's
Speaker 1: never too late. No, yeah, no, it's never too late. Everybody. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: And our last cult day comes from m she says,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm thirty six, and I'm often told that
Speaker 1: I'm too intimidating for guys to date me. I have
Speaker 1: a small business which has been going pretty well over
Speaker 1: the years and has given me financial stability and independence,
Speaker 1: and I guess also confidence in my field of work. However,
Speaker 1: shortly before the pandemic started, I ended a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: Among other issues we had, he was quite bothered with
Speaker 1: my career and would often let me know directly or
Speaker 1: in a passive aggressive way that he didn't feel needed
Speaker 1: because I didn't require support. As he would often put it,
Speaker 1: for him, support meant being a provider. He was right
Speaker 1: about that, as I really didn't need a provider. I
Speaker 1: needed a partner on equal footing. After that relationship ended,
Speaker 1: I've dated a few guys, but the issue has reappeared
Speaker 1: time and again. I've noticed guys are put off by
Speaker 1: my career and don't like my independence. I know that
Speaker 1: it's their own insecurity, and I don't intend to apologize
Speaker 1: for my success because it's taken a lot of effort
Speaker 1: to get here. So my question for you is, how
Speaker 1: do I find guys that will not be insecure like
Speaker 1: that and we'll be willing to take on a relationship
Speaker 1: of equals. I feel like the patriarchy is so deep
Speaker 1: rooted and I don't fit the standards guys are used
Speaker 1: to and feel comfortable with. So essentially I'm screwed. What's
Speaker 1: your thought on this? Thank you? And I love the
Speaker 1: podcast best. From across the Pond? Um hi, um, hi there, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm really well, thank you. It's lovely
Speaker 1: to meet you guys next to me. Where you so
Speaker 1: really across the pond? Oh wow, I've never been to Poland,
Speaker 1: Oh you should, well, crack I was really beautiful, So
Speaker 1: that's what I hear. Yeah, I hear, crac Yeah are
Speaker 1: you Polish? Are you American? Oh? Oh god, I thought
Speaker 1: you sent it American? Okay. I was like, wait, is
Speaker 1: that a compliment them? Well, yeah, no, I understand what
Speaker 1: you mean. I've I've experienced that my whole life, you know,
Speaker 1: men being intimidated by me or turned off by me,
Speaker 1: you know, they like I think they do get turned off.
Speaker 1: I don't know that there's much you can do about
Speaker 1: it other than try to like own your own self
Speaker 1: esteem and your own like, you know, knowing that it's
Speaker 1: not necessary. Obviously you want to find a partner, but
Speaker 1: it's not necessary to find a partner. And as long
Speaker 1: as you have the line of thinking that you have
Speaker 1: to find one, I always find that to be a
Speaker 1: little bit more limiting than being open to the possibility
Speaker 1: that you may not need one, even if that's not
Speaker 1: what you're looking for. It's like it's better just to
Speaker 1: not have a need for that, you know. And I
Speaker 1: think once you kind of let go of that need
Speaker 1: to partner up with somebody, I feel like more opportu
Speaker 1: tunities seem to present themselves. Yeah, yeah, I know, I
Speaker 1: get what you're saying. I I also will say I
Speaker 1: don't really date that much. And it's sometimes sometimes I
Speaker 1: get the feeling that maybe it's because I'm not very girly,
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't do the whole like betting
Speaker 1: my eyelashes and being like alerty I guess in a
Speaker 1: very girly way, so that sometimes maybe is I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not that approachable. Sometimes I'm kind of doubting
Speaker 1: myself as to how I act around guys or although
Speaker 1: I do feel confident in approaching them or talking to them,
Speaker 1: but I'm not girly and that say yeah, yeah, But
Speaker 1: I don't think that's something that you want to change,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because that's like almost putting
Speaker 1: on an affectation. I've been told that so many times,
Speaker 1: like you don't know how to flirt, or you're not yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly the same notes that you're talking about. People have
Speaker 1: given me, And I'm like, well, that's not who I am.
Speaker 1: That would be like fake, and I that's the one
Speaker 1: thing that I do not. I can't be fake. I
Speaker 1: can't pretend to be something that I'm not. So I
Speaker 1: would stay true to who you are and kind of
Speaker 1: like let go, you know what I mean. Believe that
Speaker 1: your person is coming, and it's probably not going to
Speaker 1: be in the time frame that you would desire, but
Speaker 1: to believe that and just let it go and continue
Speaker 1: to be who you are and stand in your real
Speaker 1: power of like being a strong, opinionated woman, and some
Speaker 1: guy is going to love that and love you for
Speaker 1: all of those things and he's not going to want
Speaker 1: to change anything about you. Yeah, that's the dream. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and those dreams become a reality for so many people,
Speaker 1: you know, and it can be true for you too.
Speaker 1: It's a matter of just not holding onto this idea
Speaker 1: of something so much and twisting and shaping yourself to
Speaker 1: meet someone else's needs. Like that's unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I know what you mean. Also, that's the
Speaker 1: way I'm telling myself constantly, because I also I don't
Speaker 1: want to be like hung up on the idea of
Speaker 1: trying to find a partner just for the sake of
Speaker 1: finding one that that doesn't work either, So I'm just
Speaker 1: kind of trying to go with the flow. But but
Speaker 1: it is sometimes kind of you know, like it it
Speaker 1: gets into my head like am I doing something wrong
Speaker 1: or is it just the world that it's just you know,
Speaker 1: not there for me yet. Yeah, I don't think you're
Speaker 1: doing anything wrong, you know. I mean, honestly, so many
Speaker 1: women have this issue, and it's like the world is
Speaker 1: always in a weird place, and we're definitely in a
Speaker 1: weird place. People are weird after COVID. Just I think
Speaker 1: things like this come to you when when you take
Speaker 1: the pressure off of yourself, and so I think that
Speaker 1: would be your takeaway. Stop putting so much pressure on
Speaker 1: the situation and stop second guessing yourself. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. You have a life, live it, enjoy the
Speaker 1: people that are in it, and be open to, you know,
Speaker 1: the possibility of meeting somebody in a situation that may
Speaker 1: not be the most typical one or you know, just
Speaker 1: keep your eyes and ears open and as long as
Speaker 1: your heart is open and your mind is open, things
Speaker 1: will come to you. Yeah. That's that's that's hopefully what's
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. And this, you know,
Speaker 1: this idea of like I need to be cutatious or
Speaker 1: I need to be you know, batting my eyelashes. That's
Speaker 1: sort of playing into these gender roles and stereotypes that
Speaker 1: are exactly not what you're into, not what you're going after.
Speaker 1: You know. The kinds of guys who will respond to
Speaker 1: that and not just like WHOA, she's so smart, she's
Speaker 1: so fun Like she's so cool to be around. Those
Speaker 1: kind of guys are the guys who want to be
Speaker 1: the be the hero and you know, need to be
Speaker 1: supporting you sort of thing. So and I think Chelsea
Speaker 1: said this on the podcast before. But you know, if
Speaker 1: if you're not finding the right guy, you're finding these
Speaker 1: kinds of guys who feel like they need to be
Speaker 1: in control or they need to have, you know, a
Speaker 1: heightened power dynamic with you in a relationship, then you
Speaker 1: just haven't found the right guy yet. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: might be you know, I don't know. What do you
Speaker 1: think it's a little bit of a cultural thing as well.
Speaker 1: I don't because I've I've dated people from all over,
Speaker 1: like it was with a guy from Spain, but I
Speaker 1: did the Polish guys, I did the British guy, So
Speaker 1: I kind of find the same thing every time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: m hmmmmmm. I mean guys everywhere a little bit like this.
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of guys. Are you on dating
Speaker 1: websites and stuff like that? Is that how you do
Speaker 1: the thing? Is that I hate the dating websites or
Speaker 1: apps or I don't. I don't know. I just I
Speaker 1: don't find myself in you know, like just putting a
Speaker 1: picture and saying yeah, hi, that's just me. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't That's not how I like to meet people.
Speaker 1: So you got guys to like, um, acquaintances of like
Speaker 1: or like former co workers or like just people that
Speaker 1: I've hung out with, and then I kind of felt
Speaker 1: the connection. So that's kind of my style of dating.
Speaker 1: And but yeah, maybe the dating apps or the next
Speaker 1: thing to explore, I don't know. And how old are you?
Speaker 1: I just turned forty seven, okay, And so you've been
Speaker 1: in a few long term relationships. Well, it was the
Speaker 1: one like really long term one really, and then I
Speaker 1: just dated for like maybe several months, but not not
Speaker 1: too seriously. Like the one serious was the one that
Speaker 1: ended when COVID started. So yeah, mm hmmmm mmmm, Okay,
Speaker 1: Well that's good. I think you're gonna be just fine,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think it's just like relax.
Speaker 1: Like people get a little bit like, yeah, they get
Speaker 1: a little bit of anxiety related to dating into meeting
Speaker 1: the right person and all of that, and it's just
Speaker 1: too much pressure to put yourself under earth and it
Speaker 1: doesn't yield good results anyway. You know, you get into
Speaker 1: a situation where you almost start to feel a little
Speaker 1: bit desperate, and you don't want to feel that way.
Speaker 1: You know, you want to give off the good vibes,
Speaker 1: not the desperate vibes and you're not desperate, so you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to feel that way in any way,
Speaker 1: shape or form. Yeah. I think it's also like my family.
Speaker 1: My parents never hint on the fact that I don't
Speaker 1: have a partner, but then like the aunts and uncle,
Speaker 1: uncles and my cousins are sometimes like, why are you
Speaker 1: going to bring someone home like for Christmas or something,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, you know, if there's someone to
Speaker 1: bring the chore, but you know, yeah, I wouldn't worry
Speaker 1: about anything that anybody else says anyway, So just ignore that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what that's not doing. Yeah. I do think it's
Speaker 1: a little bit of a numbers game, right, The more
Speaker 1: people you meet, the more likelihood that you're going to
Speaker 1: meet the one. Dating apps, I don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of personal experience with them, but one of the best
Speaker 1: stories that I have heard my sister in law, my
Speaker 1: now sister in law, she came back from visiting her
Speaker 1: cousins in Ireland and they all were like, you're about
Speaker 1: to turn thirty, you know, you don't have a man,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and she was so pissed at them
Speaker 1: that she went like signed up for a dating app,
Speaker 1: and she just decided to go on every first date.
Speaker 1: So she this was my favorite thing that she did.
Speaker 1: She had three date outfits. She had a first date outfit,
Speaker 1: a second date outfit, and a third date outfit, so
Speaker 1: that she would not be repeating the same outfits for
Speaker 1: like a first and a second date with a guy.
Speaker 1: She said, by the time she met her now husband
Speaker 1: my brother in law, her first date outfit was rags.
Speaker 1: It was just like absolutely ragged. But she was like,
Speaker 1: I went out on lunch dates, I went on on
Speaker 1: dinner dates, sometimes two in a day. But she just
Speaker 1: made it her job for I think it was about
Speaker 1: six months and she met the guy. You know, they
Speaker 1: both were like, wait, why are you single? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I can't believe you're still single, Like you're still out there.
Speaker 1: It's like that person who is your wonderful match is
Speaker 1: definitely out there. Yeah wow, Yeah, that's that's very encouraging.
Speaker 1: Whether it's on apps or whether it's going and finding
Speaker 1: a meet up group, joining some group that likes to
Speaker 1: go to museums, whatever it is that might yield an
Speaker 1: older crowd, but you know, different groups where you can
Speaker 1: meet people. I think make it a numbers game and
Speaker 1: you will find the one. Yeah, thank you guys. That's
Speaker 1: like she really helps look wonderful. Well, let us know
Speaker 1: how it goes. Okay, Marta, thank you so much. Right
Speaker 1: bye bye, Marta. Think here and thank you guys. Okay, well, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: with that, I think we have to take another break
Speaker 1: and we'll come back. We will be right back. And
Speaker 1: we're back. And we're back. We're back. We're back from Marca. Everybody,
Speaker 1: We're in Maorca. We're back in my worka. We thought
Speaker 1: about opening the windows so you could hear the waves.
Speaker 1: I can hear the waves outside. It feels like we
Speaker 1: can hear them, so maybe that our listeners can also
Speaker 1: hear them. I know. Well, I have a quick update
Speaker 1: from one of our recent callers, Chelsea. I'm pretty excited
Speaker 1: to tell you this. I received an Instagram d M
Speaker 1: from a listener that says, Hi, Katherine. A bit of
Speaker 1: an atypical request. He says, just listen to today's episode.
Speaker 1: Noah the Queer Historian sounds like a true dream of
Speaker 1: a man. I'm a sex positive gay man with a
Speaker 1: love of nerd culture and luckily, a kinky top for
Speaker 1: his kinky bottom needs. Aside from all that, Noah's intellect
Speaker 1: really stood out to me. Any chance you can pass
Speaker 1: my Instagram onto him? I know Matchmaker isn't part of
Speaker 1: your producing responsibilities, but I figured there are appropriate rules
Speaker 1: around privacy for those who call in. Assuming the only
Speaker 1: way we could connect is if he checks out my socials,
Speaker 1: please feel free to pass them along. Thanks. Kath a
Speaker 1: huge fan of the podcast. So I responded, I let
Speaker 1: him know that I would pass on his socials and
Speaker 1: and Noah said, and this was from the Ross episode,
Speaker 1: by the way, for those of you who want to
Speaker 1: go check this out, he said, Thanks Catherine, I appreciate
Speaker 1: it he reached out to me. Also, turns out queer
Speaker 1: historian plus Noah plus Minneapolis narrows the search. If any
Speaker 1: more reach out fingers crossed, feel free to send them
Speaker 1: to my instad ms at Liberal Arts Major. I'm happy
Speaker 1: to receive my own suitors instead of you dealing with them.
Speaker 1: So you know what, we might have a love connection, Chelsea. Well,
Speaker 1: you'd better give out your Instagram handle to all of
Speaker 1: our listeners who are trying to hook up after they
Speaker 1: hear an episode. You can find me at cath Elizabeth
Speaker 1: on Instagram and yeah, let me know if you if
Speaker 1: you need to be hooked up with a lovely caller
Speaker 1: who's intellect a caller anything. Really. I love that he
Speaker 1: was asking, like, how do I meet a guy to
Speaker 1: even start a long distance relationship because I'm open to that.
Speaker 1: Well apparently right into a podcast, right right, that'd be
Speaker 1: great if they hooked up. I know. I just like,
Speaker 1: I really need to be invited to this wedding to
Speaker 1: ask for an update. Also as please let us know
Speaker 1: how it goes. I know they are in different cities,
Speaker 1: so you know when and if that visit happens. Please
Speaker 1: let us the kinky bottom was in Minneapolis? Where was
Speaker 1: the other guy from other guys from I want to
Speaker 1: say Colorado. I think he just moved, but you know what,
Speaker 1: planes happen, Planes exist, he can, he can move to
Speaker 1: Minneapolis and game of one guy that he hasn't met
Speaker 1: in Minneapolis. That was his big complaint. Hopefully Colorado needs
Speaker 1: some queer art historians, so I keep saying art. I
Speaker 1: don't think I was part of some queer historians que Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: our wrap up is that we are headed back to
Speaker 1: Undos Estados in a few short days. We're gonna go
Speaker 1: get you some chat lag. Yeah, we're gonna go. I
Speaker 1: have yeah ordering up some jat LAG and I'll see
Speaker 1: everybody at my shows in the fall. Amazing. Thanks Chelsea,
Speaker 1: and thanks for inviting me to the beautiful place. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, my pleasure. All right, we'll see you guys
Speaker 1: next time. Bye bye. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law,
Speaker 1: and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.