WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: My Husband is Emotionally Cheating!

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business.

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<v Speaker 1>What are the cases I want to hear from you?

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<v Speaker 1>Remember these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're

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<v Speaker 1>suffering from an issue or hardship, you should seek help

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<v Speaker 1>from a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and

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<v Speaker 1>leave your question at the sound of.

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<v Speaker 2>The beat, Hey, Cheeky's, how are you? I just recently

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<v Speaker 2>found out that my relationship of five years that my

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<v Speaker 2>boyfriend cheated on me.

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<v Speaker 3>It's been a roller.

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<v Speaker 2>Coaster of emotions, up and down, lots of feelings. He

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<v Speaker 2>has been begging and begging, saying that he's sorry, he

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<v Speaker 2>made a mistake, and you know, was willing to take

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<v Speaker 2>couple's therapy. He's willing to do whatever it takes for

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<v Speaker 2>us to make it work. We have built so much

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<v Speaker 2>together and had so much future plans. Would you recommend

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<v Speaker 2>I know you are really big on couple's therapy. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you think that would help? Your advice would be very helpful.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have an older sister, so this is why

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<v Speaker 2>I'm coming to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much, my heart anonymous listener, my wonderful

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<v Speaker 1>anonymous listener. Oh okay, So, as a big sister, what

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<v Speaker 1>would I tell my little sister? Oh, cheating personally is

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<v Speaker 1>just ugly, and I'm sorry that you're going through that.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so sorry. I could just I can't even imagine.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I could because I've been there. That feeling

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<v Speaker 1>just sucks so bad. So I'm sending you a big, big,

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<v Speaker 1>loving hug because again, I know the pain you're going through.

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<v Speaker 1>I do think that forgiving someone is important, especially if

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<v Speaker 1>he realizes and recognizes that he did wrong. It's five

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<v Speaker 1>years and you guys have built a lot together. What

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<v Speaker 1>would I do? Oh, my gosh, God forbid, God forbid

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm ever in that situation, because oh, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>But okay, I do believe in couple's therapy. I do

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<v Speaker 1>believe that certain situations happen for us to learn to grow,

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<v Speaker 1>to maybe even sometimes get closer to our partner. It

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<v Speaker 1>strengthens the relationship. My heart is telling you to go

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<v Speaker 1>ahead and give it another shot on your terms, go

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<v Speaker 1>to couple's therapy. If he's willing to do it. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know the details. I don't know if it was

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<v Speaker 1>a one time thing, if it was a relationship. All

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<v Speaker 1>of that matters to me to be able to give

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<v Speaker 1>you the best advice. But I feel if he's willing

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<v Speaker 1>and he recognizes and he accepts that he was wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>and he's willing to do anything and everything to make

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<v Speaker 1>you happy, go with what you feel. If you love

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<v Speaker 1>this person, give it another shot. If it happens again,

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<v Speaker 1>then you know you're done, and you're done forever. Try

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<v Speaker 1>the couple's therapy. Try to figure out why this happened,

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<v Speaker 1>where it stems from, and you'll figure that out in

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<v Speaker 1>couple's therapy, and you'll also figure out are we compatible?

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<v Speaker 1>Is this really going to work? I think you'll feel

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<v Speaker 1>better giving it that shot versus just walking away, because

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<v Speaker 1>this can make your relationship stronger and better. It can,

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<v Speaker 1>But that's that's I don't know. That's it's tough. It's

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<v Speaker 1>tough because the strong woman in me is like f that.

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<v Speaker 1>But then also we also have to be able to

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<v Speaker 1>just adjust. You know. So I'm hoping that my advice helps,

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<v Speaker 1>but my heart tells me to tell you to give

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<v Speaker 1>it a little shot. Give it a shot, and a

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<v Speaker 1>couple therapy will help you figure out a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>things about yourself, about him, about your relationship. Well, she

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<v Speaker 1>knew the best. Okay, guys, Our next question comes from.

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<v Speaker 4>Z High Tikis. I can't believe I'm calling, but oh

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<v Speaker 4>my gosh, I really need your advice. My sister in

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<v Speaker 4>law just moved in right next door. We rent from

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<v Speaker 4>their grandma, and I've had an issue with it since

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<v Speaker 4>the beginning when I knew that she was going to

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<v Speaker 4>move in because she has alcohol use problems and I

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<v Speaker 4>have two babies right next store. And there was an

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<v Speaker 4>incident about a year ago where she picked up my

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<v Speaker 4>son and she fell with him in his arms and

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<v Speaker 4>his little face hit the concrete while she was drunk.

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<v Speaker 4>And in that moment I was so furious, but couldn't

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<v Speaker 4>do much because I was pregnant with our second baby.

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<v Speaker 4>Fast forward, you know years later, you know, things have

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<v Speaker 4>continued to happen. Nobody's really doing much. Everyone's just kind

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<v Speaker 4>of turning a blind eye. I keep binding my tongue,

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<v Speaker 4>but two weeks ago, two weeks into her moving, and

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<v Speaker 4>she got into a big fight with my mother in

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<v Speaker 4>law again. She was drunk. My mother in law is

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<v Speaker 4>very joy vibes, does not fuck around, so you know,

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<v Speaker 4>but she's very heartbroken over the situation. And I'm just

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<v Speaker 4>really tired of all the problems. Does anyone else have

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<v Speaker 4>problegmatic sister in laws?

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<v Speaker 1>Like?

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<v Speaker 4>What do we do?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you guys do?

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<v Speaker 4>What do you suggest? I just can't anymore. It's very frustrating.

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<v Speaker 4>And she lives right next door to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, ooh ze, this is tough because what apparently everyone

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<v Speaker 1>seems like everyone feels the same. You know, your mother

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<v Speaker 1>in law, damn someone within. It's a disease. Alcoholism is

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<v Speaker 1>a disease, so she definitely needs help. I think you

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<v Speaker 1>guys need to have an intervention as a family, as

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<v Speaker 1>a whole. Let her know how you guys are feeling.

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<v Speaker 1>Obviously when she's sober. Don't do this while she's drunk.

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<v Speaker 1>But you guys need to have a family intervention. Like, dude,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't continue to do this, and if you continue

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<v Speaker 1>to live your life this way, then you need to

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<v Speaker 1>move out. It would be a lot more inconvenient for

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<v Speaker 1>all of you to get up and move, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think for sure it's the easiest. The easiest

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<v Speaker 1>thing would be for her to move out. But I

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<v Speaker 1>think you guys need to speak to her from the

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<v Speaker 1>depths of your heart and you're worries and your concerns,

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<v Speaker 1>all of you everyone, because this can cause a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of issues. I mean, you do have children. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>God forbids something horrible happens. But I do think the

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<v Speaker 1>first thing here is having a conversation definitely as a

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<v Speaker 1>family and letting her know, you know, you need to

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<v Speaker 1>get your shit together, because if not, then you need

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<v Speaker 1>to move out and you need help. She needs you.

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<v Speaker 1>Guys have to help her, give her the option of hey,

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<v Speaker 1>there's you know AA for instance, that will definitely hopefully

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<v Speaker 1>she has to be willing. But you guys need to

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<v Speaker 1>have this conversation now because it's not fair for you

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<v Speaker 1>to hold this in and you're unhappy where you live,

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<v Speaker 1>like that should be the city. You should feel safest

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<v Speaker 1>where you live. You know, that's your sacred place, So

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<v Speaker 1>damn for sure, just talk to her. Please keep me updated.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm hoping that the conversation and everyone telling her how

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<v Speaker 1>she feels and it's not just one person does something

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<v Speaker 1>positive and she doesn't feel attacked. But if you guys

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<v Speaker 1>say it with life and the concern, maybe it'll reach

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<v Speaker 1>her heart. I'm hoping, but keep me updated because I

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<v Speaker 1>do want to know. Hopefully she comes to her senses

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<v Speaker 1>because it's not a good way to live. Okay, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>Our last question comes from Elvida.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, Cheeky's hope you're doing good. I recently became a

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<v Speaker 3>huge fan of your podcast in music, so sorry, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>a little late to the game. I'm thirty three, the

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<v Speaker 3>youngest of five siblings. My parents are from Halisco, Mexico,

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<v Speaker 3>and had me in their forties. I've raised my two

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<v Speaker 3>nieces and my nephews since I was about eleven years old,

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<v Speaker 3>so I'm like a second mom to them, and I've

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<v Speaker 3>also helped take care of my sister, who has special

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<v Speaker 3>needs ever since I can remember, so you can imagine

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<v Speaker 3>I've always been the go to person, which is exhausting.

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<v Speaker 3>My husband and I have been together from almost five years,

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<v Speaker 3>with the first two years struggling with him emotionally cheating

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<v Speaker 3>on me. I thought we overcame that, but earlier this

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<v Speaker 3>year I caught him flirting with someone else again. So

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<v Speaker 3>I struggle with a lot of anxiety, high blood pressure,

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<v Speaker 3>and a lot of insecurity, especially after gaining almost one

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<v Speaker 3>hundred pounds. I don't really have any close friends to

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<v Speaker 3>talk to, and I don't sing or dance anymore, which

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<v Speaker 3>is what I miss. My question to you is how

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<v Speaker 3>do you find motivation when everything feels so heavy? Or

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<v Speaker 3>what advice can you give me as I could pick

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<v Speaker 3>me up because I've just been feeling so down lately.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you for being an inspiration and I'm sending you

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<v Speaker 3>all my love.

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<v Speaker 1>Elvira, thank you so much. Welcome to the family. We

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<v Speaker 1>love having you. I'm so happy that you are a

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<v Speaker 1>new listener, not only to my podcast but to my music.

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<v Speaker 1>I really appreciate it. My heart hurts. My heart hurts

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<v Speaker 1>because he deserves so much better. And I think that

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of this anxiety and what you're feeling is

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<v Speaker 1>because the closest person to you, your partner, has done

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<v Speaker 1>this to you. And it's okay. I just told someone

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<v Speaker 1>in the same episode forgiveness. I believe in forgiving. I

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<v Speaker 1>believe that people can change, especially if they're very sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>You already forgave him and he continues to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>That tells me he's not going to change, and if

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<v Speaker 1>he changes, it's not going to be for you, it's

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<v Speaker 1>going to be for the next person, because he had

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<v Speaker 1>to lose you in order to realize the man that

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<v Speaker 1>he needs to be. And I used to think that

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<v Speaker 1>I need to stay with this person who's not necessarily

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<v Speaker 1>treating me the way that I deserve and that I want.

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<v Speaker 1>But because I've already invested so much time and so

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<v Speaker 1>much in this relationship, that why am I going to

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<v Speaker 1>build him up and mold him so that another girl

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<v Speaker 1>can have him? And I'd stay in these toxic relationships

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<v Speaker 1>because of that, and because I was comfortable, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>not a way to live. And I feel, Elvidra, that

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<v Speaker 1>you are settling to settle, you're settling for less. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think, in a way, without you even knowing subconsciously,

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<v Speaker 1>if you have gained weight, that's what happened to me.

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<v Speaker 1>I gained so much weight because I was holding onto

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<v Speaker 1>so much. I was so sad. I was not happy

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<v Speaker 1>in my relationship. This is the closest person, this is

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<v Speaker 1>the person that you're intimate with. And when you're not

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<v Speaker 1>happy and you feel like you're suppressing so many things.

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<v Speaker 1>You gain weight. It's a real thing. It's real, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying that the answer is to leave him,

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<v Speaker 1>but something has to change, especially if you lost your

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<v Speaker 1>motivation to sing and to dance. Those are the things

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<v Speaker 1>that make you happy and make you feel alive. I

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<v Speaker 1>just feel like now that I know what it is

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<v Speaker 1>to be in with someone that God willing it lasts forever.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'm taking it day by day. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>enjoying it day by day, but I know the difference

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<v Speaker 1>now of having someone by my side that makes me

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<v Speaker 1>want to do all the things that make me happy

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<v Speaker 1>and make me I want to take care of myself

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<v Speaker 1>first of all, for myself. I had to figure this

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<v Speaker 1>out being by myself and healing myself before I met

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<v Speaker 1>Emilia my husband now, but I had to like reconnect

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<v Speaker 1>with myself. And I feel like you're disconnected and I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like you need especially with you being you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like you said, you've taken care of your nieces and nephews,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're the youngest, and everyone comes to you like

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<v Speaker 1>you need to have someone by your side that allows

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<v Speaker 1>you to just be soft, to be able to just

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<v Speaker 1>let your guards down. And to be taken care of,

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<v Speaker 1>especially emotionally whether he's having sex with these girls or

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<v Speaker 1>not emotionally, like he's not like he's cheating. He's cheating,

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<v Speaker 1>and you need to find the strength within yourself to

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<v Speaker 1>make a change. And if you were my sister, I

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<v Speaker 1>tell you, I think it's time to let go of

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<v Speaker 1>that person because he's not valuing you and it's bleeding

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<v Speaker 1>into everything else in your life. Because we all need that,

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<v Speaker 1>especially us that we have grown up faster than we should.

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<v Speaker 1>We had to mature like we had to be responsible

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<v Speaker 1>at a young age for other people. We need that

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<v Speaker 1>more than anyone to have a partner that's gonna let

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<v Speaker 1>us lean on them and feel safe. And I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think he's your safe place. And that's what my heart felt.

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<v Speaker 1>And you don't have to listen to me, but this

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<v Speaker 1>is my advice. You can take it or leave it.

0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 1>It's my opinion. But I think if you sit down

0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>and you're honest with yourself, it's going to be a

0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.080
<v Speaker 1>very hard decision, but it's gonna be something that's going

0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.199
<v Speaker 1>to liberate you, allow you to be who you are

0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.600
<v Speaker 1>meant to be in this world. Because if he can

0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:06.959
<v Speaker 1>he's done it you forgave him, he keeps doing it.

0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.559
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if he has it in him to

0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:15.600
<v Speaker 1>change completely. Something to think about. I'm sorry, Vidraf, that's

0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.040
<v Speaker 1>not what you wanted to hear, but I just need

0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.400
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, and again, thank you for being a listener,

0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.080
<v Speaker 1>and hopefully you can update us all of you everyone.

0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.120
<v Speaker 1>I thank you guys so much for trusting me enough

0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:30.840
<v Speaker 1>to ask me questions. And I promise that my advice

0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.600
<v Speaker 1>comes from my heart and it's exactly what I would

0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:38.320
<v Speaker 1>tell a friend or a sibling. But again, it's just

0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 1>my opinion, but I hope that it helps in one

0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.280
<v Speaker 1>way or another. And if you have a question, you

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:48.440
<v Speaker 1>can go ahead and leave your question at speakpipe dot com,

0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:52.080
<v Speaker 1>slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast. I love you guys very

0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:54.640
<v Speaker 1>much and I will catch you on the next episode

0:14:55.520 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 1>of Dear Cheekies. This is a production of iHeartRadio and

0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:05.240
<v Speaker 1>Mike Withtura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike

0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:09.560
<v Speaker 1>Wintura Podcasts and follow me Chippy's That's c h I

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.880
<v Speaker 1>q U I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit

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<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

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<v Speaker 1>favorite shows,