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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Riley your favorite

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Speaker 1: okay stories. I'm hosts and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I refused to take care of my granddaughter without a payment,

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Speaker 3: give mean that money. My daughter decided to get married

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Speaker 3: a year after finishing high school. I can tell you

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Speaker 3: weren't very happy about it. Just from the way you

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Speaker 3: started this.

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Speaker 4: Not a lot of people would be.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I did not understand that decision, but

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Speaker 3: she was totally convinced, and so was her husband. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user throw away Sam Bucci,

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Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Owcay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley.

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Speaker 3: And I'm Vincent, and we're here to give good advice

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Speaker 3: kind of but with goofy, so it's not always gonna

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Speaker 3: be right right. If you think you know what's up,

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Speaker 3: tell us, please please tell us in the comments. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: my daughter became a housewife by her own decision and

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Speaker 3: got pregnant soon after. Since her husband works, she spent

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Speaker 3: a lot of the pregnancy at my house, which did

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Speaker 3: not seem like a problem to me. Then my granddaughter

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Speaker 3: was born and she kept coming often, which still didn't

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Speaker 3: seem like a problem. But then she started leaving me

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Speaker 3: and with her baby for longer periods and got upset

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Speaker 3: when I told her I couldn't take care of her.

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Speaker 3: I understand that being a mother is difficult. I raised

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Speaker 3: four children, but that does not mean that everyone should

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Speaker 3: be at my feet. Because of a decision I made,

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Speaker 3: my daughter started asking me on the weekends to babysit

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Speaker 3: because she and her husband wanted to go out. I

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Speaker 3: agreed for about three weeks until my husband and I

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Speaker 3: had our own plans. My daughter went so crazy and

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Speaker 3: called me to tell me that I should be more

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Speaker 3: empathetic because she is a mother and never leaves the house.

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Speaker 3: I felt bad that day, so my husband and I

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Speaker 3: decided to babysit on the weekends. To be honest, we

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Speaker 3: are tired. We love our children, yes, but our plan

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Speaker 3: at this age was to get back to being just

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Speaker 3: us and go on dates together. We even had to

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Speaker 3: delay our vacation because of our daughter. We adore our daughter,

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Speaker 3: but she is now an adult and we do not

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Speaker 3: want to raise any more children. We have other grandchildren

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Speaker 3: we love as well, but we have never had this

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Speaker 3: problem with my other children. Not to mention, my granddaughter

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Speaker 3: is now older and more active. Caring for a newborn

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Speaker 3: is one thing, but it is totally different chasing a

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Speaker 3: baby who has already learned to crawl. My husband has

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Speaker 3: a limp walk with a limp limp huh, and I

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Speaker 3: have a hard time bending over, so it is difficult

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Speaker 3: for us to take care of the baby. I talked

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Speaker 3: to my daughter about this and she complained, saying it's

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Speaker 3: only two days a week. To make a point, I said, okay,

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Speaker 3: then pay us like you pay the babysitter. She hired

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Speaker 3: a babysitter a few weeks ago. I told her that

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Speaker 3: I feel she only uses me as a free babysitter

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Speaker 3: because lately she only comes to make me take care

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Speaker 3: of the baby.

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Speaker 4: Ah.

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Speaker 3: That sucks, just so transparently, being like you are my

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Speaker 3: child care and I'm entitled to this because you are

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Speaker 3: my mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever, my grandma will take care of us. We'd

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Speaker 1: always be at her house hanging out and stuff eating,

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Speaker 1: chilling out.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't just you take care of baby.

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Speaker 3: I wonder what the curve is for like the most

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Speaker 3: difficult time to take care of kids. I feel like

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Speaker 3: it like goes up and then gums comes back down

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Speaker 3: once they can take care of themselves, and then it

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Speaker 3: goes back up again when they're teenagers and they can

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Speaker 3: do really illegal things.

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Speaker 1: It's just you always have problems. I guess the severity

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Speaker 1: of problems. I feel like at three, they can run

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Speaker 1: and walk, but they also know how to off themselves

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Speaker 1: while running and walking, so you have to make sure

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Speaker 1: they don't do that. Then they get some common sense,

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Speaker 1: so I think that's when you have to keep your

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Speaker 1: eyes on them the most.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they called the Terrible twos for a reason.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, you only use me to take care of

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Speaker 3: the baby. That is when my daughter went crazy, totally offended.

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Speaker 3: Although it is the truth, she does not even come

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Speaker 3: to dinner or visit me. I feel used. According to her,

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Speaker 3: it is horrible of me. You don't want to charge

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Speaker 3: her to take care of her own daughter, which made

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Speaker 3: me wonder if she's right. No, my husband and I

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Speaker 3: did not have anyone's help raising our children. I don't

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Speaker 3: know why so many young people believe life used to

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Speaker 3: be easy.

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Speaker 1: WHOA, I'm gonna stop you right there kind of was

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Speaker 1: easier in a way.

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Speaker 3: There was once upon a time in this country where

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Speaker 3: you could be a married couple and one income from

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Speaker 3: like a job as a janitor, would be enough to

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Speaker 3: buy a house. Yeah, you can't do that anymore, all right,

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Speaker 3: you can't. Years ago in my country it was even

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Speaker 3: frowned upon for a mother to leave her child in

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Speaker 3: child care and go to work. Now, it's not easy

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Speaker 3: to be a parent either, and never was. Am I

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Speaker 3: in the a hole? And there's an update from eight

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Speaker 3: days later.

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Speaker 4: Before real I.

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Speaker 1: Get your angle, but asking to receive payment to watch

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Speaker 1: your own granddaughter does seem like an a holdish remark.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a better way to go around it,

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Speaker 1: and about it would have been I'm gonna take a

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Speaker 1: step back.

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Speaker 4: From watching the kid, not receiving payment.

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Speaker 3: I think I think that was mostly just to like,

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Speaker 3: you know, get them to understand, like, yeah, what you're

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Speaker 3: asking us is something that is like, you know, not

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Speaker 3: necessarily just easy because we've already raised you guys. We're old.

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Speaker 3: We're old as dirt now and it's hard to keep

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Speaker 3: up with a baby.

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Speaker 4: Ye.

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Speaker 3: But we have an update from eight days later. While

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Speaker 3: I was thinking about it. One of my daughter in

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Speaker 3: laws called to invite us to spend a summer at

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Speaker 3: their house. She and my son live outside the country.

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Speaker 3: Years ago, they invited me and my husband there. They

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Speaker 3: have a house with more rooms, so they want the

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Speaker 3: children to spend some time with us too. I felt hesitant,

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Speaker 3: but my husband told me it would be good for

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Speaker 3: us and our other grandchildren to spend time with them.

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Speaker 3: The little ones usually make video calls to us every day,

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Speaker 3: so we finally decided to buy our tickets. Before continuing,

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Speaker 3: I want to talk a little bit about my daughter.

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Speaker 3: She is a quote unquote menopausal baby. I was sure

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Speaker 3: that I couldn't have any more children. Oh, and then

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Speaker 3: she was born. But I felt happy anyway.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, let's go.

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Speaker 3: I always liked kids, and we had a good economy

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Speaker 3: for another one. She is younger than her other siblings,

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Speaker 3: so I have to admit that my husband and I

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Speaker 3: made the mistake of being too soft with her. She

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Speaker 3: basically grew up as an only child in the house,

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Speaker 3: so she was pampered by parents and siblings and always

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Speaker 3: the center of attention. My children were never babysitters for

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Speaker 3: their siblings. I always hated that because my mother made

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Speaker 3: me take care of my younger siblings, and I never

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Speaker 3: wanted to repeat that. At the time of her marriage,

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Speaker 3: I sat her down and told her that being a

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Speaker 3: housewife is not easy, and neither is being a mother.

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Speaker 3: I explained that the baby would be raised by her parents,

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Speaker 3: and I wanted to make sure she knew the reality

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Speaker 3: and was totally convinced she wanted that life. She assured

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Speaker 3: me she was mature and knew what was to come,

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Speaker 3: so I felt calm and trusted in that maturity. She

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Speaker 3: grew up with me as her example of a mother

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Speaker 3: doing everything for herself while my husband worked. Now we're

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Speaker 3: in a situation where my daughter hates not being able

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Speaker 3: to go out with her husband like they did before

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Speaker 3: because the baby gets sick or cries or misses them.

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Speaker 3: My poor husband told our daughter about the two month

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Speaker 3: trip we'll be making, believing she would be happy, but

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Speaker 3: she instantly called me totally angry to tell me that

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Speaker 3: in February she has a wedding and needs me to

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Speaker 3: take care of the baby.

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Speaker 4: What about your other siblings, you know what?

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Speaker 3: It just sounds to me like the baby's got a

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Speaker 3: wedding to go to.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, buy the baby address or suit?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a little baby suit. Buy the baby a little

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Speaker 3: suit and a little baby cigar boom.

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Speaker 4: It's like an adult.

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Speaker 3: At that point, I told her she can afford a babysitter,

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Speaker 3: and she said something that made me angry. Quote, why

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Speaker 3: pay for a babysitter if I have you for free?

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Speaker 3: You don't do anything. Oh yikes, that's crazy.

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Speaker 4: That's you. Don't say that to her mom. Yikes. Okay,

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Speaker 4: well now we really see how you view me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. She said, you don't do anything

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Speaker 3: when you literally she just found out that you are

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Speaker 3: doing a two month trip.

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Speaker 4: That is your doing something. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: She went on to talk about how my husband and

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Speaker 3: I don't do anything, so it's our responsibility to take

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Speaker 3: care of the baby so her family does not break.

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Speaker 3: That's some crazy logic. I would love to be a

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Speaker 3: fairytale mother. But I told her that my husband and

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Speaker 3: I worked our whole lives and now we deserve a break.

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Speaker 3: She and her husband must learn to live for themselves

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Speaker 3: because in a moment, I won't be there anymore. I

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Speaker 3: told my daughter that if she wants to visit with

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Speaker 3: her granddaughter, she is totally welcome, but I want to

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Speaker 3: see her as a grandmother, not as a babysitter. I

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Speaker 3: also informed her that from now on, she must inform

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Speaker 3: me a week in advance if she wants me to

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Speaker 3: take care of the baby, and I will tell her

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Speaker 3: if I have time. I'm tired of feeling like she

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Speaker 3: only uses me to take care of the baby when

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Speaker 3: she doesn't even come to visit or have tea like

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Speaker 3: the other kids do. Fair enough, all of this is

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Speaker 3: totally fair.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the alignment of expectations is not clear. With your

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Speaker 4: youngest or with you, I would say, we gotta cleo

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Speaker 4: this up. We definitely need some like hard boundaries, like

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Speaker 4: I think that week is like having that week advance

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Speaker 4: is good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's perfect. You say, give me a week's notice

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Speaker 3: that way. If I tell you I can't do it,

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Speaker 3: you can find other arrangements simple as that.

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Speaker 4: Boom.

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Speaker 3: Now she is angry, but I feel relaxed and liberated.

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Speaker 3: I received a lot of comments and dms from young

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Speaker 3: parents saying that I should take care of my granddaughter

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Speaker 3: so her parents can go out. I am very sorry,

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Speaker 3: but I will give you some advice that in my time,

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Speaker 3: no one gave think carefully before having children. Nobody gave

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Speaker 3: you that advice. They were just like, yeah, no, just

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Speaker 3: have a kid. Don't think about it at all, just

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Speaker 3: do it.

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Speaker 4: We gotta put some thought into it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if my parents even thought about having

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Speaker 1: kids when they have my little gut when the little ones,

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Speaker 1: like the thirteen to twelve year old guys, so.

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Speaker 3: It was just like, oh, it's happened.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: They were like, oh, well, they were so irresponsible. They

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Speaker 1: were so young.

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Speaker 3: They were like, if we had the one and we

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Speaker 3: were so irresponsible that one worked out, we can have more.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, right, those guys.

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Speaker 3: Okay, do not keep having children like rabbits. If you

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Speaker 3: already feel like you can't breathe with one, you do

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Speaker 3: not need to reproduce five times in less than eight years.

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Speaker 3: Having a child will completely change your life and all

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Speaker 3: your days will be surrounded by that life. I love

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Speaker 3: being a mother, but it's not something for everyone. You

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Speaker 3: must think carefully before having children and not romanticized motherhood.

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Speaker 3: I also did not understand the concept of the village

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Speaker 3: in my country. If you had a child, you were

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Speaker 3: on your own. Did I love raising my children, yes,

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Speaker 3: but before it was totally unacceptable for a mother to

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Speaker 3: have her own hobbies or do something other than take

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Speaker 3: care of her children twenty four to seven. Luckily, now

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Speaker 3: there are daycare centers and things have changed. Mothers used

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Speaker 3: to have seven children or more. They did not have

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Speaker 3: time to raise their grandchildren, and in very few cases

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Speaker 3: did they. At least in my culture, people were very

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Speaker 3: ignorant and had children just because it was normal for

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Speaker 3: seven kids to sleep in two rooms, which is obviously

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Speaker 3: not right.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, were they farming after that? Like what

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Speaker 4: were they doing?

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Speaker 3: Like why are we that is I mean back in

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Speaker 3: the day, that is why people had so many kids.

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Speaker 1: Well, my great grandpa George had a lot of kids.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that why some of your family had a lot

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Speaker 1: of kids too, Vincent.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, my dad's one of fourteen, and yeah they had

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Speaker 4: they they're on a farm, yep, checks out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they had. You gotta go out and work those

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Speaker 3: field as soon as your back is strong enough.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think this grandma is totally in the right. It's

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Speaker 3: like if it were different and it was like I

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Speaker 3: think the main thing is that her daughter is like

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Speaker 3: just treating her like childcare. It's like they're not she's

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Speaker 3: not coming over and time together. It's just like, oh,

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Speaker 3: do this thing. I expect you to do this thing.

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Speaker 4: She said that, why would I get a babysitter when

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Speaker 4: you're free?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Literally, let's finish this one. To answer one last

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Speaker 3: thing quote, then you'll want her to take care of

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Speaker 3: you when you get older. I do not. I did

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Speaker 3: not have children with the idea of having a caregiver.

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Speaker 3: If that's your idea of motherhood, you should rethink it.

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Speaker 3: In most cultures, there's always been misogyny where the man's

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Speaker 3: family has cared for while the mother's family is expected

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Speaker 3: to be the caregivers.

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Speaker 4: Is that so depending on what their Yeah, I guess not.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, culture to culture. Even today, all the responsibility falls

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Speaker 3: on the woman. The new generation makes the mistake of

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Speaker 3: believing that the past was easy when many of us

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Speaker 3: had to live through wars, dictatorships, and economic crises. Do

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Speaker 3: not romanticize the past. You never lived. Many women used

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Speaker 3: to only be able to choose to be a mother,

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Speaker 3: and that was it. At least in my culture, women

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Speaker 3: needed to be twenty four to seven with their children,

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Speaker 3: and if they were not, they were seen as a

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Speaker 3: bad mother. Finally, that's changed. If we want to play

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Speaker 3: at which generation suffer the most we could talk about

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Speaker 3: the generation of a certain man with a mustache. Merry Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so these are I'm saying that they're in Germany.

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Speaker 1: I got that way early on.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it does feel pretty German, doesn't it. But that

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Speaker 3: is the end of that story.

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Speaker 5: I let my mother move in after she got evicted,

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Speaker 5: and now I regret.

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Speaker 4: Everything sounds like it's time to cure out.

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Speaker 5: My mother sixty four female has been staying with me

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Speaker 5: twenty nine female since the end of August, so currently

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Speaker 5: going on about three months. Mom lost her job in

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Speaker 5: September twenty twenty three due to the business she managed closing.

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Speaker 5: We all knew the business was going to close for

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Speaker 5: a while before it happened, and I was under the

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Speaker 5: impression that my mom was preparing herself for its inevitable end.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from consistent Cat seventy five

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Speaker 5: ninety two. And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm.

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Speaker 4: Riley, I'm Vincent, and Keon Woo and.

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Speaker 5: We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't

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Speaker 5: have all the answers we only know what we would do,

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Speaker 5: so let us know what you would do. In the

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Speaker 5: comments and op says. I offered to help mom update

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Speaker 5: her resume, look for jobs, look into social Security, et cetera.

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Speaker 5: Every time she told me that she had it handled.

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Speaker 5: I was working two jobs at the time and still

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Speaker 5: low income. Myself plus my partner at the time also

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Speaker 5: lost their job.

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Speaker 4: Yea, it's a lot of job loss.

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Speaker 5: I took my mother at her word about having things

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Speaker 5: handled and checked in periodically. She always said she had

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Speaker 5: things handled, kept putting off the resume with different excuses,

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Speaker 5: and would tell me she was selling personal items to

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Speaker 5: downsize and help supplement her unemployment checks. However, it was

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Speaker 5: very obvious that she was not applying for jobs. Fast

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Speaker 5: forward to December twenty twenty three. We were talking on

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Speaker 5: the phone almost daily at this point, and she would

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Speaker 5: constantly complain about money and the items she listed not selling,

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Speaker 5: but didn't seem to be trying to get a job

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Speaker 5: at all. She was still going to thrift stores and

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Speaker 5: telling me about items she bought that she didn't need

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Speaker 5: but could sell for a lot more. Most of the time,

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Speaker 5: when I asked her about job hunting, she would just

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Speaker 5: vaguely tell me she was applying or change the subject.

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Speaker 4: Oh no.

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Speaker 5: I found one of her listings on Facebook marketplace and

336
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:55,320
Speaker 5: discovered that she barely had anything listed. Sometime during December,

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Speaker 5: she dropped the truth that she thought her front airbag

338
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Speaker 5: was back. She had gone through treatment during the VID

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Speaker 5: after she lost her job. She also lost her insurance

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Speaker 5: and hadn't been taking her med.

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Speaker 4: Oh no.

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Speaker 5: I asked her why she thought her caser was back,

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Speaker 5: and she listed fatigue, weight loss, dizzy spells, and other symptoms.

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Speaker 5: A side note about my mother, she has dealt with

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00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,640
Speaker 5: these symptoms for decades and used them for years as

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Speaker 5: reasons to not do most things. She could always manage

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00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 5: energy for things she wanted to do, going out to

348
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,760
Speaker 5: buy tobacco or adult soda or going thrifting, but not

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Speaker 5: for other things like going to my high school events,

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Speaker 5: meeting my teachers, going to family events.

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Speaker 4: Oh nice, that's fun.

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Speaker 5: My mother has been a chainsmoker since before I was born.

353
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Speaker 5: Until she lost her job. She was drinking mostly adult

354
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Speaker 5: soda and coffee. After she lost her job, she cut

355
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Speaker 5: out adult soda, mostly because she couldn't afford it, and

356
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,280
Speaker 5: she lost a lot of weight, which she attributes to

357
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Speaker 5: her care being back and refuses to consider that it

358
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,600
Speaker 5: could be because she stopped drinking. Every day she does

359
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 5: an exercise, barely leaves the house unless it's to go shopping,

360
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,000
Speaker 5: never cleans, and lives in disgusting conditions.

361
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Speaker 4: Dude, sounds like her head's not on the right spot.

362
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 5: Yeah. I had an emergency meeting with my therapist, and

363
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 5: my therapists passed along resources to try to help my

364
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 5: mother with things like job search, housing, food stamps, social

365
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,960
Speaker 5: security help, local health resources so she could get checked out.

366
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 5: I sent those over, made sure my mom got them,

367
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 5: talked her through everything, and then I left it to her.

368
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,920
Speaker 5: Fast forward to March Slash April of twenty twenty four.

369
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 5: My roommate slash X and I had gone separate ways.

370
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Speaker 5: I got my first apartment completely on my own in February.

371
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 5: Mom was happy for me, but every conversation was complaining

372
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Speaker 5: about her financial situation and thinking her ser was back.

373
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Speaker 4: Oh no, she's about to guilt you into living together.

374
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,800
Speaker 5: Wow, all of that was free the problem, Like.

375
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Speaker 4: That wasn't even the problem.

376
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,400
Speaker 5: There were problems that her mom's gonna move in with her.

377
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,439
Speaker 5: None of that was even what this post was supposed

378
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 5: to be about. That was a crazy amount of just

379
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Speaker 5: other backstory things.

380
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Speaker 4: I thought that was they were already living together.

381
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 5: No, she just moved into her own place.

382
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, no, no.

383
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,400
Speaker 5: Yeah. Still same outcome when I'd ask about job searching,

384
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,160
Speaker 5: except now she said she didn't think she could get

385
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 5: a job because of the Oh my god, I finally

386
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,720
Speaker 5: had enough. First, I offered to pay my mom to

387
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,960
Speaker 5: come walk my dog each day. Mom did sporadically at first,

388
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 5: then stopped completely, but lied to me and told me

389
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,400
Speaker 5: that she was coming by every day. I only found

390
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,120
Speaker 5: out because I checked my cameras after my dog got

391
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Speaker 5: a UTI.

392
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Speaker 1: It's crazy, dude, we can't be doing this. Uh to

393
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,920
Speaker 1: the streets, mother, goodbye.

394
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Speaker 5: We were fighting constantly about everything at this point. Second,

395
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,359
Speaker 5: I followed up with my mom about whether she had

396
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 5: applied for the healthcare program in our area that i'd

397
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 5: sent her in December. The answer was no. She said

398
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 5: she looked into it, but she hadn't had the time

399
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,080
Speaker 5: to apply. She doesn't doing anything else.

400
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 4: Come on, dude, I can't with this, Mom, I can't.

401
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,760
Speaker 5: I then asked her about other resources my therapist had sent.

402
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,720
Speaker 5: She admitted she looked at them, but had lost them

403
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,879
Speaker 5: in her email. Third, sometime in April, I forbade my

404
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 5: mom from mentioning to me until she had seen a doctor.

405
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,720
Speaker 5: I was sick of her mentioning it every day while

406
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,640
Speaker 5: making no effort to get checked out or get treatment,

407
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,359
Speaker 5: but still using it as an excuse. I also pointed

408
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,359
Speaker 5: out that she was using the same symptoms now that

409
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,080
Speaker 5: she had used all of my life for not doing

410
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 5: things well before she ever had a diagnosis. Her response

411
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 5: was to shut down and refuse to discuss it further.

412
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 5: In May, I checked in on my mom about money.

413
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 5: I had gotten my tax return back and was considering

414
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 5: using it for something personal, but wanted to check if

415
00:18:58,920 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 5: she needed help for.

416
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,679
Speaker 1: She's no, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely wrong way of

417
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 1: thinking about this. She should have helped herself long before this.

418
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,160
Speaker 5: She told me that she was fine, she was paid

419
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 5: up on rent, and not to worry about it. So

420
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,600
Speaker 5: I pulled the trigger. The next week, she called me

421
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 5: in a panic to tell me her landlord was threatening

422
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,400
Speaker 5: to evict her.

423
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

424
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 5: She then admitted that she was three months behind on rent.

425
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 4: Well, actions have consequences.

426
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 5: Three months and the week prior being like, yeah, No,

427
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 5: I'm totally good. Rent's like pre paid for it.

428
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 4: I don't understand it.

429
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 1: I don't understand you were a very nice person would

430
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 1: be to help your mother out in the first place.

431
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 1: This sounds like she's just looking for an easy way

432
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: out now she's given up on live in a way.

433
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

434
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 5: I tried to calm her down and talk her through

435
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 5: what we could do to fix it. She was able

436
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,199
Speaker 5: to get some assistance with utilities, but all of the

437
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 5: rental assistance resources were already gone. She did manage to

438
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 5: sell a little bit of items and pay a little

439
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 5: towards rent to keep her landlord at bay, but after

440
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,399
Speaker 5: a couple of weeks, my mother stopped making an effort again.

441
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,080
Speaker 5: Every day we spoke on the phone, and it was

442
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 5: a lot of the same. I'd ask her about what

443
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 5: progress she'd make. She'd tell me very little, or the

444
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 5: same plans with no action.

445
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, this is just a rant.

446
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 5: And now she's like, we already know you're about to

447
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 5: let her move in.

448
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:20,679
Speaker 3: Why, yeah, I go.

449
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,440
Speaker 4: I'm going by the best friend rule here.

450
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: It's like, if you heard this happening to your best friend,

451
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 1: what would you say, because, yeah, happened to you you're like, uh,

452
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 1: you know, things will change, things will be different, blah

453
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. I have your best friend. It probably

454
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: be like an nobs thing, right. She should have done

455
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 1: the best friend test early on and just like giving

456
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: her mom some like this is what it's gonna have

457
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: to be.

458
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 4: But you're too far gone now. Yeah really, and you.

459
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 1: Gotta set boundaries. Yeah no, no, we just got to mom.

460
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 1: I can't do this anymore. You're gonna figure your own

461
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 1: stuff out. Get a job, please? What do you do

462
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: with people that are just going downhill?

463
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 4: Don't want to change it? Like, can you do anything?

464
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 4: You just have to watch the train crash.

465
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,360
Speaker 5: I mean at some point I think they just need

466
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 5: to hit the point where they'll do something about it

467
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 5: for themselves, like.

468
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 4: You, but you watching it happen.

469
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't help somebody that doesn't want to help.

470
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's got to come from telling him. Yeah. Yeah,

471
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 4: it just kind of sucks though.

472
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: Kim says, it sounds like my dad. I know of

473
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 1: him going to the dock one time only bec of

474
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: the knee injury annoyed him. Once my bro started working,

475
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: he gradually had all the bills pushed onto him in

476
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 1: high school. Oh my gosh, that's crazy.

477
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 5: She kept saying she was going to rent a storage

478
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 5: unit and start packing. I offered to pay for it. No,

479
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 5: every day I would ask her about the storage unit,

480
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 5: and she had a new excuse. All of this went

481
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 5: on for the next couple of months. Okay, Finally, in August,

482
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 5: I received a call from my mom very late one

483
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 5: Friday night letting me know that her landlord had told

484
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 5: her that morning that she had a week to be out.

485
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 5: He essentially told her she could have an official affection

486
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 5: on her record or she could get out in a week.

487
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 5: She chose to get out in a week and called

488
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 5: me to tell me she would need me to come

489
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 5: help her every day that week. I informed her that

490
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 5: I had verified my schedule with my boss just a

491
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 5: couple of hours before, and I was going to be

492
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 5: working the next five days straight, so I could only

493
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 5: help her early in the mornings before work and the

494
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 5: last two days before she had to be out. At

495
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 5: this point, she began to panic and let me know

496
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 5: that she hadn't done any packing over the past couple

497
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,479
Speaker 5: of months, despite telling me daily that's what she had

498
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 5: been doing, and that she still hadn't gotten a storage unit.

499
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 5: We discussed her coming to stay with me. I laid

500
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 5: out my stipulations. She could only live with me for

501
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 5: two to three months. She had to show clear effort

502
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 5: trying to find a job. She had to get in

503
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 5: to see a doctor, find a new housing situation, get

504
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 5: on Social Security, and keep me updated. She had to

505
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 5: rehome her bird, but I would allow her to bring

506
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,199
Speaker 5: her two dogs and cat only if she cleaned up

507
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 5: after them. She would feed my three pets in the

508
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 5: morning and walk my dog while I was at work,

509
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 5: and help clean up the house. She would not go

510
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 5: on spending spreeze and would not smoke in my house

511
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 5: or drink adult soda.

512
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: Oh.

513
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 5: I told her she wouldn't have to pay me any

514
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 5: renter utilities because I wanted her to focus on saving money.

515
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 5: I also asked her to keep a low profile in

516
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 5: my complex because I'm not supposed to have anyone living

517
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 5: with me, and I'm especially not supposed to have six

518
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 5: animals living here.

519
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,199
Speaker 4: Okay, this is not gonna work out.

520
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 5: Ope, now you're risking your apartment. You could get evicted

521
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 5: for this.

522
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: Now, it's like asking Carly, Carly, your mother has a lifestyle.

523
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 4: This is her lifestyle. It's me asking Carly.

524
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: Carly stopped doing fun tricks and going to your trapeze classes.

525
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 4: You gotta stop doing that.

526
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 5: You have no saying that that'd be weird.

527
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 1: I know, but like if we were if I was

528
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: your daughter and you were my mother, for example, in

529
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: this scenario, that's Carly's lifestyle. You're asking this woman to

530
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: give up her lifestyle, which she's shown zero changes to.

531
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: And I'm huge, and I'm huge about doing small things

532
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,400
Speaker 1: and you'll be rewarded with big things. And she can't

533
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,640
Speaker 1: even do the basic things of cleaning up after herself

534
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: or her pets.

535
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, if you do let her move in, I think

536
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 5: everything you just stated should be in like a well

537
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 5: written contract that you both sign. She got herself a

538
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 5: storage unit and began moving small items over. She also

539
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 5: reached out to my ex and offered to pay him

540
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 5: to help her move, which he very kindly agreed to.

541
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 5: Oh no, my ex came over every day for several hours,

542
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 5: and every day he would call me and update me.

543
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 5: He confirmed that she seemingly hadn't been doing anything to

544
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 5: prepare for eviction.

545
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,400
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, duh, Oh my god.

546
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 5: Her house was a wreck. Dog poop stuck in the carpets,

547
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 5: pea stains on important documents on the floor, dust and

548
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 5: grime everywhere, trash everywhere, piles of items everywhere. He was

549
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 5: stressed out trying to help my mom shore items. He'd

550
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 5: ask her what to do with an item, and she

551
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 5: would either shut down or insist on keeping stuff that

552
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 5: was clearly broken, trash, or neglected. He would describe it

553
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 5: as pulling teeth. Eventually he had to just start making

554
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,719
Speaker 5: decisions himself because she just checked out on Thursday. I

555
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 5: came over on my first day to find the house

556
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,719
Speaker 5: was still full of stuff and disgusting. My ex had

557
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 5: enlisted help from his brother, and both were very stressed.

558
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 5: When I walked into the house and saw how much

559
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 5: was still left, I had a panic attack and had

560
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 5: to step away. After that, we went hard on trying

561
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 5: to get things done, but still my mom was uncooperative.

562
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 5: I ended up just bypassing my mom and making decisions.

563
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 5: By the time we finished Thursday night, we had gotten

564
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 5: a lot done, but it still wasn't enough. I took

565
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 5: her cat home with me and the next day was

566
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 5: a lot of the same. My mother convinced her landlord

567
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 5: to let her finish by the end of Saturday, and

568
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 5: my ex and his brother agreed to come help.

569
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 4: Sorry, what's in it for the ex? Is he trying to

570
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 4: get back together with you?

571
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 5: I got no clue on that one.

572
00:25:58,920 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 4: How much do we have this?

573
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 5: We're a little over halfway.

574
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's gracious. This is a hot mess.

575
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 5: So Friday night, we're discussing the game plan. I reminded

576
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 5: her she still needed to figure out something for her bird.

577
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 5: I left the room, and while I was gone, Mom

578
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 5: says to my ex and his brother that she wouldn't

579
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,959
Speaker 5: be able to sleep that night due to anxiety. X

580
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 5: asked my mom if she could pack up some more

581
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 5: boxes that night and they would get them moved to

582
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 5: storage the next morning. Her response, don't tell my daughter,

583
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 5: but I'm not planning on doing anything tonight but vegging

584
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 5: out and watching TV.

585
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 4: Bro.

586
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 5: And that's when I'd leave and I'd be like, you kN.

587
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: This is on you now can do the rest. There's

588
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 1: a tent, live in a tent now insane. This woman

589
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: is just so comfortable she just expects others to carry.

590
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 5: Her burden, but they all keep doing it.

591
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 4: I don't know why. What kind of pull does this

592
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 4: woman half?

593
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 5: What Before we left, we made up some boxes for her,

594
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 5: and she lied to me and said she'd get more

595
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 5: stuff packed. The next morning, I get a call from

596
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 5: X telling me that they can. He came back over

597
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 5: early to find that all the boxes we had fixed

598
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,959
Speaker 5: for her had disappeared. They hadn't been used, and they

599
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 5: couldn't find them anywhere. Nothing else had been packed. I

600
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 5: had taken pictures of every room before I left the

601
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 5: night before. He sent me updated pictures that morning and

602
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 5: nothing had changed. This is when my ex let me

603
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 5: know about what she had said the night before. I

604
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 5: was livid. He also confirmed that she still didn't have

605
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 5: a plan for the bird.

606
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 4: Well, I have a plan for the bird. What just

607
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 4: open the cage.

608
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 5: I wonder what kind of bird it is.

609
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 4: You'll have to figure it out.

610
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 3: I got a.

611
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 5: Call around two pm from X letting me know that

612
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 5: my mom had left with her dogs to go to

613
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 5: my apartment and told him and his brother that she

614
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 5: was done and wouldn't be doing anything else.

615
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,440
Speaker 4: Great, I'd be calling a garbage company.

616
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, everything else is trash. At that point, Boom, the

617
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 5: house was still full of stuff and disgusting. She gave

618
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 5: them a few vague directions for some items, but left

619
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 5: the rest up to them. He told me that my

620
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 5: mother had spoken to a neighbor who had apparently agreed

621
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 5: to take the bird, but the bird was still at

622
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 5: the house and my mom was just trusting that this

623
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 5: person would show up later. Obviously, we're all pissed. Eventually,

624
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 5: she called me with an update hours later, and she

625
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 5: left out a lot of what had happened. She glossed

626
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 5: over how early she left the house and lied about

627
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 5: how much had been left behind. At this point I

628
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,119
Speaker 5: freaked out on her, and I confronted her with what

629
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 5: I knew. Eventually we did get confirmation that this person

630
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 5: got the bird, but then my mother admitted a couple

631
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 5: of days later that this person stopped responding to her messages.

632
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 5: Since moving in with me, Mom has been sporadically doing

633
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 5: some of what I told her she would need to do.

634
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 5: We're coming up to the deadline of when I told

635
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 5: her she would need to be moved out by with

636
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 5: no clear plan or effort in sight. Shocking. She does

637
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 5: not update me on our progress until I asked her repeatedly,

638
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 5: and she never has much to report. Most of the time,

639
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 5: when I try to talk to her, about it. She

640
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 5: just shuts down and stares at a wall until I

641
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 5: give up. She has applied for Medicare and gotten some

642
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 5: stuff figured out with her Social Security. No job still,

643
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 5: and when I ask about getting one, she insists she

644
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 5: doesn't have stamina or good health. She is still going

645
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 5: shopping for things she doesn't need and has tried to

646
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 5: hide this from me. She leaves the house nearly daily

647
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 5: always tells means to go buy groceries. She confirmed that

648
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 5: she is currently getting one thousand dollars a month for

649
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 5: Social Security and is only paying her phone bill, storage bill,

650
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 5: and parking at my complex. She says she's still trying

651
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,680
Speaker 5: to sell stuff on Facebook marketplace, but I checked and

652
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 5: nothing new has been added. She agreed to feed my

653
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 5: pets in the morning, since she wakes up well before me.

654
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,719
Speaker 5: She started out doing this for a couple of weeks,

655
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 5: but now it is only occasional. Instead, she hides on

656
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 5: the balcony with her headphones in and leaves them in

657
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 5: the apartment screaming to be fed, which then wakes me

658
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 5: up hours earlier than intended. I've tested to see how

659
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 5: long she will go before feeding them, and she will

660
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 5: hide out there for an hour or two plus with them.

661
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 4: Screaming, Oh my gosh, I can't.

662
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 5: Her dogs and cat regularly poop and pee in my apartment,

663
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 5: to the point that it is a habit they've formed.

664
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,479
Speaker 4: What it's happening? Why are we still doing this?

665
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 5: I don't know. There was one day where I checked

666
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 5: the camera and one dog was left in the crate

667
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 5: for several hours, despite her being home the entire time,

668
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 5: sometimes hanging out on the couch with the dogs still

669
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 5: in the crate in the same room whimpering. I blew

670
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,479
Speaker 5: up on her about it, and she asked me what

671
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 5: I wanted her to do instead. I angrily told her

672
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 5: that if that was her fix instead of trying to

673
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 5: train her dog, she wasn't fit to own dogs. Her

674
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 5: response was to throw a tantrum. She will occasionally cook

675
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 5: and clean dishes that she uses and take out the trash,

676
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 5: but aside from that, cleaning up after her animals doesn't

677
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 5: happen into so I confront her about it. All other

678
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 5: cleaning is done by me on my off days. She

679
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 5: spends most of the time sitting on my balcony smoking doom,

680
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 5: scrolling and playing games on her iPad. She has ruined

681
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 5: the chair on my balcony due to burn marks and

682
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 5: ash from her cigarettes. The complex and my neighbors are

683
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 5: very aware she is living with me because she is

684
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 5: always on the balcony. She has to fill out a

685
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 5: daily parking permit to avoid getting her car towed, which

686
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,239
Speaker 5: has happened twice. The last one occurred last week and

687
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 5: I had to pay for it because she had eighty

688
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 5: dollars in her bank account, despite telling me she's saving

689
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 5: to move out. She has made friends with several of

690
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 5: my neighbors, and I've recently learned that she complains about

691
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 5: how I'm a bully, which I only found out about

692
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 5: because I caught part of the conversation on my doorbell camera.

693
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, this woman does not understand it whatsoever at all.

694
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: So Lucy P says, get rid of this woman. She

695
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: should pay you five hundred dollars minimum. Agree, mean, yeah, agreed?

696
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you get in a thousan dollars, she should

697
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 4: pay you that.

698
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 5: Yeah. I had noticed a couple of my neighbors giving

699
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 5: me the cold shoulder before this. I've noticed that none

700
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 5: of them stopped to talk to me anymore. After the

701
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 5: first month. It's gotten to the point where I don't

702
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 5: even interact with my mom much at all, aside from

703
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 5: what is absolutely necessary, because I'm so overwhelmed and tired.

704
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 5: I was working two jobs through October, after which I

705
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 5: dropped down to one job that I am now working

706
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 5: overtime at regularly. I work long hours, and coming home

707
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 5: to find my home disgusting when I had finally gotten

708
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 5: a place of my own that was so clean and

709
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 5: organized and safe for me is disheartening. I just don't

710
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 5: know what to do.

711
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 4: This is ridiculous.

712
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 5: This is why you should have had something signed that

713
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 5: you can actually her out.

714
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 4: Yeah they can that you can't.

715
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 5: You can, but I think in doing that you'll have

716
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 5: to admit to your landlord that she's been there.

717
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: Well, you know, take the risk and explain it to him.

718
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: I don't know, you could probably do that with a landlord.

719
00:32:59,000 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, this.

720
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 5: You're in way over everything.

721
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: It's too much, man. Hannah says she should give her

722
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: daughter control of that one thousand dollars so it won't

723
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: disappear on something silly.

724
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 5: Yeah.

725
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's definitely probably you know, getting more substances, and she.

726
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 5: Goes out daily to get groceries and then doesn't come

727
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 5: back with the groceries.

728
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 4: You know, we know what that means. Yeah, definitely not

729
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 4: a healthy mindset. I don't know. I don't know i'd

730
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 4: be on my pay grade, but you're out. Honestly, I

731
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 4: wouldn't be doing that.

732
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,719
Speaker 5: That's crazy. I was already barely getting by comfortably on

733
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 5: my own, and I cannot afford to take care of

734
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 5: my mother full time, nor do I feel that I

735
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 5: have the mental or emotional capacity for it. We have

736
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 5: a lot of family that lives across the country, but

737
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 5: none of them are privy to this full situation, and

738
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 5: even if they were, I don't know that they'd be

739
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 5: able to help anyway. Most of them have distanced themselves

740
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 5: from my mother over the years, and I'm finally understanding why.

741
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 5: I have an older sibling that cut my mother off

742
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 5: years ago. I've thought about reaching out to them, but

743
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 5: I don't know that it would do any good. I

744
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 5: don't really have anyone else that can help me with

745
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 5: my mom, and she doesn't have anyone else here to

746
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 5: turn to aside from me. I don't want her to

747
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 5: end up homeless, but I just don't know what else

748
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 5: to do. My therapist supports me sticking to my boundaries

749
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 5: and punting my mother out if she continues to not

750
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 5: make progress, my friend said, they think I should have

751
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 5: never let her move in with me, or I should

752
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 5: have already punted her out. I feel awful, like a

753
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 5: monster for wanting to punch her out, But at the

754
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 5: same time, I'm losing all empathy and love for her,

755
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 5: and I just want my peace. What should I do?

756
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 5: That's the end?

757
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley, Your's favorite Southern biale. We're gonna

758
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 1: get back to these stories. But here's three minutes worth

759
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 1: of that or sponsors.

760
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's wife forced me out of her house. Now

761
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:52,919
Speaker 2: she's divorcing him.

762
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 3: Your boyfriend's what And.

763
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 2: This is a complicated story that involves the breakdown of

764
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 2: an open relationship between it can scenting adults.

765
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 6: Here are your major players.

766
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 2: Kim Me forty eight female, Leanne forty two female, my boyfriend,

767
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:11,439
Speaker 2: Adam's wife, Adam my boyfriend and Leanne's husband forty three male,

768
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 2: my boyfriend Mike fifty one male Leanne and Adam's daughter, Paisley.

769
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 6: And my son from my former marriage to Matt.

770
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 3: Well, we got our matt full ensemble of characters in

771
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 3: this story.

772
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 6: We surely do.

773
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:28,439
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from buckle Up ninety eight, seventy.

774
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 6: Six, forty three, And if you want to submit your.

775
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 2: Own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime, Separate

776
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,760
Speaker 2: It and I'm Angie.

777
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give you good advice.

778
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 2: Goofily. But we don't have all the answers. We just

779
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: know what we would do in the situation. So let

780
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments. So

781
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,359
Speaker 2: Opie says, I met Adam at a bar twelve years

782
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 2: ago and we immediately connected. Adam had been in an

783
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 2: open relationship with Leanne since they met in college. I

784
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 2: was married at the time, but admittedly I was cheating

785
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 2: on my husband Clark forty nine male, who is my son,

786
00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: Matt's father cool.

787
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 3: I admittedly you got I mean as you did on him.

788
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 2: Adam didn't know he was an affair partner and thought

789
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 2: Clark and I were in a don't ask, don't tell

790
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 2: a relationship. Once Adam found out two years into our

791
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: relationship by way of Clark confronting him, he broke up

792
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 2: with me. Clark divorced me, took the house, and took

793
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: primary custody of Matt. I got a pittance of alimony

794
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 2: and had to get a job at a local pet

795
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 2: store to afford two bedroom apartments so Matt could have

796
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 2: his own room when visiting on weekends. Two years after

797
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 2: Adam broke up with me, I ran into him at

798
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 2: a restaurant and we decided to have coffee and catch

799
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: up A few days later. During our coffee date, Adam

800
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 2: admitted that he still had feelings for me, but he

801
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 2: had found it difficult to get over my lack of

802
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 2: honesty about my relationship with my husband. I promised him

803
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 2: right away that I would never betray his trust like

804
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 2: that ever again, because I truly.

805
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 6: Believe he's the love of my life.

806
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 2: We agreed to start seeing each other again after that.

807
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 2: Adam did have to smooth things over with Leanne and

808
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 2: spent a month trying to convince her that I had

809
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 2: changed and wasn't going to lie again. Interesting I just

810
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 2: smiled graciously when she and Adam invited me over for

811
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 2: breakfast and was very sweet and helpful.

812
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 6: I could tell.

813
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 2: Leanne still didn't trust me, but she couldn't do anything

814
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,879
Speaker 2: about it because Adam was completely on my side. I've

815
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 2: always gotten the impression that Leanne thinks she's better than me.

816
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:17,800
Speaker 2: I was a state at home mom while she was

817
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 2: a self described career woman. She has a master's degree

818
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 2: in engineering and a cushy job at one of the

819
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 2: area's largest employers. I asked her to get me a

820
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 2: job there a few years ago, but she sent me

821
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 2: listings for admin and cleaning positions. When I confronted her,

822
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 2: she said that my work history in GED only qualified

823
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,320
Speaker 2: me for those roles, and she couldn't risk her reputation

824
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,760
Speaker 2: by sticking her neck out for me. I called Adam

825
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 2: afterwards and cried because she was so rude to me.

826
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 6: I'm not gonna lie. I don't think that's that rude.

827
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 2: Depending on how she said it, I feel like that's

828
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 2: like justified.

829
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 3: You tried to work at an engineering facility with a GED,

830
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: You're just like, go ahead and get yeah, get me

831
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:03,280
Speaker 3: in there, give me a job there. I'm underqualified. Yeah,

832
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 3: she show you the job listings for what she could

833
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 3: get you, and like.

834
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not gonna stick my neck out for someone

835
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 2: who just has a GED and no engineering experience.

836
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, And also, who is my husband's girlfriend?

837
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 2: Like, I don't really know you well enough care about

838
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: you enough to like try to get you a better job.

839
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm sure she is aware of everything that happened,

840
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 3: see as you were dating her, right, Yeah, and that

841
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 3: was while they were together.

842
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 6: This is while they were together.

843
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 2: So I guess at that point when she wasn't wanting

844
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 2: to get her a better job, she like didn't really

845
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 2: know that that op was cheating, right.

846
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 3: They just thought it was a whole open thing that

847
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 3: was like everything was fine, right, So yeah, of course

848
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 3: she's not gonna be like, well, yeah, I'll lie and

849
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 3: say you're qualified to be an engineer.

850
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 6: It's like, I don't know what to tell you.

851
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 2: Oh. Leanne and Adam invited me and my son Matt

852
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 2: to come live with them in their house three years

853
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: ago so that I could save money and start going

854
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 2: to community college. I quit my job to focus on

855
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 2: school full time because Adam said he could support me.

856
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: Everything was going smoothly until two years in when I

857
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,919
Speaker 2: met my boyfriend Mike. Mike and I clicked so well

858
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 2: that he proposed to me at the County Fair after

859
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 2: six months of dating. I was over the moon and

860
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,439
Speaker 2: took Mike home to tell Adam and Leanne and wait,

861
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: because what is land she lives with Adam and Leehan

862
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 2: Leanne congratulated us and went to bed early. Adam congratulated

863
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 2: us and went to get champagne, but he was.

864
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 6: Acting strangely distant.

865
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: I confronted Adam after Mike went home, and he admitted

866
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 2: that he was taken aback by your sudden engagement to Mike.

867
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 2: We argued until two am, at which point Adam said

868
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 2: he needed to go to bed for work. I yelled

869
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 2: at him for running off like a coward, but he

870
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 2: ignored me.

871
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 6: Adam and I slowly pas things up.

872
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 2: He was still very jealous of Mike, maybe because he

873
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: realized that he had made a mistake in marrying Princess Leanne.

874
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 2: I talked Adam into going to couples therapy with me,

875
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,320
Speaker 2: and the therapist suggested that he channel his jealousy into

876
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: our spicy sleep life.

877
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 6: I don't understand how that is a good solution.

878
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,799
Speaker 3: Doesn't sound healthy at all at all.

879
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,720
Speaker 2: I never knew he could be so good an angry,

880
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 2: spicy sleep.

881
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

882
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 2: Mike started getting jealous of all the spicy sleep that

883
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 2: Adam and I were having, so I asked Adam if

884
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 2: Mike could move into the mother in law suite above

885
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 2: the detached garage.

886
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:41,760
Speaker 3: So you asked your boyfriend if your husband can move

887
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 3: into the garage. Yeah, and your boyfriends like, let me

888
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 3: ask my wife, right and your husband.

889
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know, Guys, I don't know. Oh

890
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 2: my gosh, I'm okay.

891
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,800
Speaker 3: It just never stops getting worse.

892
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 6: His next line is insane.

893
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 2: Leanne's mother had lived there while battling cancer, but she

894
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 2: had been gone for years.

895
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 3: Well, another wrinkle to the story we have here. It's

896
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 3: holy crap, it's not just a living space over the garage.

897
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 3: It's her her, her deceased mother's living space.

898
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 2: Adam agreed immediately, but Leanne didn't want Mike moving into

899
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 2: her mother's final home. Adam eventually coaxed her into letting

900
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 2: Mike move in about a year ago.

901
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:32,359
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

902
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,479
Speaker 2: Mike quit his mechanic job once he moved in since

903
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 2: he was saving so much on rent. Neither of us

904
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 2: paid rent because Leanne's salary covered the mortgage. Leanne was

905
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 2: making us feel uncomfortable, so we spend most of our

906
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 2: time in the suite when she wasn't on business trips.

907
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 6: I could tell Adam was relieved when she was out

908
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 6: of town.

909
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 5: Just keeps getting better.

910
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 2: I told him I loved him more than anyone and

911
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 2: wished that I was his wife instead of Leanne. Adam

912
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 2: seemed to agree with me when I said that Leanne

913
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 2: was a toxic influence on him and their daughter, Paisley.

914
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 2: Paisley harasses Matt about not cleaning their shared bedroom.

915
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 6: What what Matt is? Oh P's kid?

916
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 3: Oh that's right, that's right.

917
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 6: Okay. My freak out was because I thought, right, said Mike.

918
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 2: Right, there's no way that Mike is moving in with

919
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 2: the would be that's insane. But it's still kind of

920
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 2: crazy that Paisley is like, Yo, my dad's girlfriend's kid,

921
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 2: why aren't you cleaning our shared room?

922
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 6: I had no idea that oh Pie's kid.

923
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,760
Speaker 3: There's the two kids that would be What a wild

924
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 3: like hangout that would be? Is like just two kids

925
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 3: being like, yeah, what's going on with our wives? What's

926
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 3: happening to us?

927
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 6: Example of relationships for those kids.

928
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,399
Speaker 3: Speaking of examples, I wanted to point out that this

929
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 3: woman is trying to say, oh, yeah, I feel like

930
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 3: freaking Leanne is a negative influence on your kid. Really,

931
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 3: the one with the master's degree in engineer who has

932
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 3: this stable job and pays for the mortgage and provides

933
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 3: everything really.

934
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 6: Exactly like come on.

935
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 2: Paisley tried to institute a cleaning schedule without my permission,

936
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 2: but I shut it down. My son is older than

937
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 2: her and doesn't need to be bossed around. Things had

938
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 2: otherwise been going great until two weeks ago. On one

939
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 2: of Leanne's business trips, she noticed that one of her

940
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 2: credit cards was missing and the one she had was declined.

941
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 6: She was furious when she got home and looked up

942
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 6: the billing statements.

943
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 2: She got even angrier when Adam told her that I

944
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:33,800
Speaker 2: had the missing credit card.

945
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,720
Speaker 6: Well, he has been letting me use.

946
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: It since I moved in because I'm a part of

947
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:41,720
Speaker 2: the household and Clark's alimony payments had stopped. She started

948
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 2: screeching about credit card fraud and threatened to report me

949
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 2: to the police. Last week, Leanne walked into the house

950
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 2: with three folders. She slammed down devorce papers in front

951
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 2: of Adam, then gave me and Mike eviction notices and

952
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 2: restraining orders.

953
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: Good job, Leanne.

954
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 6: Absolutely.

955
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,280
Speaker 2: She accused us of acting in a prorely towards Paisley

956
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 2: because Paisley had called her to cry that Mike and

957
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 2: I were trying to force her to date Matt. Matt

958
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 2: is just lonely and has a crush on Paisley.

959
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 6: Mike and I were kidding.

960
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 2: Paisley is being melodramatic and trying to sabotage our lives.

961
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 6: I'm gonna look at these agents.

962
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Are you now levying accusations that a child

963
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 3: is able to ruin your life?

964
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 6: Yeah?

965
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 3: A child is manipulating the puppet strings to make your

966
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 3: lives fall apart. You guys have earned all of this.

967
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 2: This is so insane. We never got the ages of

968
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 2: these children.

969
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 3: I'm sure that they're what they have to be at

970
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 3: least like ten eleven somewhere.

971
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 6: I yeah, I think they must.

972
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 3: If Paisley's making a cleaning schedule, I think they might.

973
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 2: Even be teenagers, so at least twelve years old, because

974
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 2: she's got a kid with closes.

975
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 6: Okay, so something on around.

976
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 3: There, man.

977
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 5: Yeah.

978
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,280
Speaker 3: It's not very often that we get an op who's

979
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 3: so unbelievably in the wrong, but this is why laughable.

980
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 6: This is insane.

981
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: She even accused Matt of watching her sleep at night

982
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 2: because she caught him in her room once late at night.

983
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 6: He probably just wandered in there on accident. I thought

984
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 6: they were sharing a room.

985
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,360
Speaker 2: What I told Adam that this was a conspiracy, but

986
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 2: he wouldn't listen. He told us to pack our bags

987
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: and leave because Leanne was threatening to call the police.

988
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 2: He was also leaving to stay with his aunt to

989
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 2: give Lianne and Paisley some space. Leanne is also pissed

990
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 2: about the credit card debt.

991
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 6: Adam gave me the card. I had permission.

992
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 2: Lianne said me and Mike were spending too much on

993
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 2: home decor, sports, gambling, and fancy restaurants. She's threatening to

994
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,959
Speaker 2: come after us if we don't pay off the one

995
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:50,240
Speaker 2: hundred and fifty thousand dollars debt from the past three years,

996
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 2: but Ope.

997
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:54,399
Speaker 6: Continues she can cover it herself. She makes twice that

998
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 6: in a year.

999
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 2: I feel bad for Adam because Leanne is going to

1000
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 2: try to take everything in the Leanne hired someone to

1001
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 2: change all the locks.

1002
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 6: The minute we left.

1003
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,959
Speaker 2: She's forcing us to hire movers to remove our things

1004
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 2: because we.

1005
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 6: Aren't allowed on her property. I think that's illegal.

1006
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 2: One of my friends from high school is a property

1007
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,439
Speaker 2: law attorney, and I'm going to see if she'll take

1008
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 2: on my case pro bono.

1009
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,279
Speaker 3: Of course it would be pro bono. Of course you

1010
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 3: don't have her credit card to pay with anymore.

1011
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 6: Of course, what happened to all that red money that

1012
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 6: you're saving? Why can't you what?

1013
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 3: Oh well, it doesn't matter because he quit his job.

1014
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 3: She's not making any money anymore. I'm saving so much

1015
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 3: money I'll just stop making it.

1016
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 2: We're living in a crappy motel thirty minutes away from Leanne.

1017
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,839
Speaker 6: Mike, Matt, and I are suffering.

1018
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 2: All three of us had to get jobs, and Clark

1019
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 2: is only willing to provide support for Matt if he

1020
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 2: moves back in with it. I'm so devastated by the

1021
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 2: mess of my life has become. I feel so bad

1022
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 2: for Adam because he's losing everything because.

1023
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,280
Speaker 6: Of Leanne and her lying daughter.

1024
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,920
Speaker 2: My lord, Hi texting him that I love him, but

1025
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 2: he called me an a hole and stopped responding. I

1026
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: even told my parents what's going on, and they told

1027
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 2: me that I made my own bed and I have

1028
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 2: to sleep in it now.

1029
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 3: A man, A good job. Parents, they know what's up.

1030
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 5: Oh my god, whoa, Oh my god.

1031
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 3: If Matt wasn't mixed up in all this, I would

1032
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 3: feel just so good about all of this now.

1033
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:27,760
Speaker 6: Or poor poor Matt.

1034
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 3: But man, poor Matt, what a bad shake for that kid.

1035
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 2: We have a little bit more to the story. My

1036
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,399
Speaker 2: parents are not going to send me any money. They

1037
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 2: said they'll send money to Clark to give to Matt

1038
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 2: because I took birthday checks that they sent to Matt

1039
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: when I was living in the studio apartment. I used

1040
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 2: some of the money to buy Matt a gift. But

1041
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 2: Matt told my parents that I was stealing from him. Well, Leanne, Paisley, Adam,

1042
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 2: and my parents are saying that I'm in the wrong

1043
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 2: for this mess. They think I'm the a hole when

1044
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 2: Leanne engineered this whole situation to punish me because she

1045
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 2: never liked me. What's your verdict, Well, Opie, I think

1046
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 2: our verdict is that you are the biggest, dirtiest a

1047
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 2: hole that we have ever seen in our life.

1048
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, you are medically an a hole, clean a hole.

1049
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

1050
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 6: to the next one.

1051
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,479
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host. Here.

1052
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

1053
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I warned my

1054
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 3: ex that he'd regret cheating, and now karma came for him,

1055
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 3: come as a witch. It was during the second week

1056
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 3: of my stay that I met my now fiance, Aaron

1057
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 3: thirty seven mail Okay. I didn't expect to find love

1058
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 3: at the time, let alone in a psychiatric hospital of

1059
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 3: all places. Aaron started out as a good friend. I

1060
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 3: spoke to him on a few occasions about my living situation,

1061
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 3: and he was there to support me. I was and

1062
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 3: still am, so grateful for it. Whenever we would talk

1063
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 3: about things that were troubling, he would let me use

1064
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 3: him as a sounding board. He would sit and listen

1065
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 3: and speak my words back to me, allowing me to

1066
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 3: come to my own conclusions and realizations. Aaron works as

1067
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 3: a counselor and had spent many years working with families

1068
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 3: in domestic violent situations, specializing in helping people with their

1069
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 3: mental health. Now he was using his skills to help me.

1070
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 3: I didn't think i'd ever see erin again, so I

1071
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 3: accepted his help and the shoulder he offered to cry

1072
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 3: on and left it that The night before I was

1073
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,320
Speaker 3: set to leave the hospital, I was emotional. Five weeks

1074
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 3: locked inside during the height of the VID which meant

1075
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 3: no leaving and no visitors. I had grown close to

1076
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 3: the people I was surrounded by. I was talking with

1077
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 3: the other patients I had grown close with, and we

1078
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 3: all agreed to exchange socials, including Aaron, which is a

1079
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 3: big no no and against hospital rules, but we didn't care.

1080
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 3: Once I had been discharged and brought back home, John

1081
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 3: was cold and distant. I honestly didn't expect that, but

1082
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 3: I left him alone. After a few days, Aaron was

1083
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 3: released and he and I agreed to meet up. He

1084
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 3: and I became closer and closer. I developed feelings for him,

1085
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 3: but since our ten year age gap, I assumed he

1086
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 3: thought of me as nothing more than a little sister

1087
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,919
Speaker 3: type friend, and I didn't pursue him. I was still

1088
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 3: trying to put myself together. One night, I had Aaron

1089
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 3: over and one thing led to another and we ended

1090
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 3: up sleeping together.

1091
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 6: Do you know the age gap.

1092
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 3: I think it's like ten years. It's thirty seven and

1093
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:17,759
Speaker 3: twenty seven.

1094
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, so the worst.

1095
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 3: It was magical. He is magical. That night I fell

1096
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 3: and fell hard for him, and my life changed for

1097
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: the better. And where was John? Well, he was on

1098
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 3: his side of the house alone.

1099
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 6: Oh would you look at that?

1100
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 3: And I cackle at that. I had warned him. I

1101
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 3: had told him that you never know what the future holds,

1102
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 3: and he chose to laugh in my face. My warning

1103
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 3: had come true, as if the gods above heard my

1104
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 3: warning and turned the tables on John. Now I was

1105
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 3: the one with someone and he was the one alone.

1106
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 3: My growing relationship with Aaron fueled what I can only

1107
00:50:56,280 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 3: imagine was raging jealousy in John. He became hostile towards me.

1108
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,280
Speaker 3: It was rough, cold and cruel. I soon became afraid

1109
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 3: to stay any longer. I'd stay with my sister Fiona

1110
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 3: or with Aaron, as they were the closest to me

1111
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,399
Speaker 3: distance wise. Restrictions in my country had a travel band

1112
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 3: that wouldn't let you outside of a certain mile radius

1113
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 3: from where you lived. During the times I was out

1114
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:20,319
Speaker 3: and away from the house, John would blow up my

1115
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 3: phone with texts and calls, calling me every cruel name

1116
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 3: under the sun, insulting Aaron, telling me how we were

1117
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 3: disgusting for having spicy sleep in the privacy of my

1118
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 3: own bedroom and that it was distressing for him to

1119
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:34,799
Speaker 3: have to listen to it. I was so confused at

1120
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 3: that part listen. I was always respectful and mindful of

1121
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 3: the fact that John was on the other side of

1122
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 3: the house. I would make a conscious effort not to

1123
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,280
Speaker 3: be allowed to avoid sleeping with Aaron at my place.

1124
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,840
Speaker 3: I didn't want to cause trouble or make John uncomfortable

1125
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,439
Speaker 3: in his own home, so I avoided any intimacy where

1126
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 3: he was near. John and I agreed that we'd both

1127
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 3: be allowed to have visitors over whenever we chose to,

1128
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 3: as long as our guests stuck to our respective sides

1129
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 3: of the house and communication was had when you in

1130
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 3: communal areas, So as far as I was concerned, he

1131
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 3: could have anyone over anytime he wanted. I also made

1132
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 3: sure to notify John whenever I'd have someone over, not

1133
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 3: just Aaron, but family and friends too, so that if

1134
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 3: he didn't want to interact with my people, he had

1135
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 3: the option to avoid us or leave. He never showed

1136
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 3: me the same courtesy. I'd only find out he had

1137
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,359
Speaker 3: someone over when i'd hear them going at it.

1138
00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 6: Gosh, what a nightmare. Truly truly a nightmare situation. Just

1139
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:32,800
Speaker 6: get out, please, if you can get out and find

1140
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 6: a friend that you can crash in their couch, if

1141
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 6: that's possible, Like.

1142
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 3: Who's the one who's technically like on the paperwork here?

1143
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 3: Who's running the show? Can you change the locks? Can

1144
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 3: you what can you do? H?

1145
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 6: Are you both on the lease? Can we evict him?

1146
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 4: Chessel?

1147
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 3: Just cut? Oh my goodness. During those times, I would

1148
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 3: just grab my keys and would leave for the night.

1149
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 3: I never made a fuss, nor disrespected him or whoever

1150
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 3: he had over. I didn't want any trouble, so I

1151
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 3: just kept my head down and went about my business.

1152
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 3: I was an adult, and if something was happening that

1153
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 3: I didn't want to listen to, I could either tell

1154
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 3: John to keep it down or I could leave. And

1155
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 3: it was easier for me to just leave, so I would.

1156
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 3: Things got really heated the more time I spent with

1157
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 3: Aaron and away from the house. After one particularly hostile

1158
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 3: night of arguments, I ended up at my sister's tiny

1159
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,880
Speaker 3: one bedroom apartment she shared with her boyfriend Calvin, sleeping

1160
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 3: on their couch. Fiona and I talked about my situation

1161
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 3: for many days, until one day, with her by my side,

1162
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 3: we approached John.

1163
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:28,280
Speaker 6: Okay.

1164
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 3: I told him how I felt and asked that he

1165
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 3: move out. Okay, I had my savings and welfare and

1166
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 3: could afford the rent where he was unemployed and could not.

1167
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 3: He refused. I knew he would, so Fiona and I

1168
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 3: had to come up with a plan B. She said

1169
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,320
Speaker 3: I had to move out and that I was welcome

1170
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 3: to stay with her in Calvin for as long as

1171
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 3: I needed to go. Fiona love Fiona. Fiona's speaking sense,

1172
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 3: We love her. Fiona and Calvin were looking at moving,

1173
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 3: so the plan was for me to put all my

1174
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 3: furniture into storage, gather my valuables, and move in with them.

1175
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 3: From there, I could either move to a new house

1176
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 3: with them or find a shared house. It was hard,

1177
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 3: and I was terrified of being homeless, but the couch

1178
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 3: was a better option than risking my safety further. With

1179
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 3: the help of Fiona, Calvin, Ester, my parents, and Aaron,

1180
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 3: I took out loans to cover the storage locker and

1181
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 3: moving trucks and began the process of moving. If John

1182
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 3: wasn't going to leave, then I would. He and I

1183
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:22,000
Speaker 3: were on a month to month private lease, so I

1184
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 3: could leave at any time. I notified my landlord fortified

1185
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 3: my bond so that John could stay in the house

1186
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 3: without any major financial blows. There was a light at

1187
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 3: the end of the tunnel, and I just had to

1188
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,280
Speaker 3: put my head down and move in the shadows. Unfortunately

1189
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:36,959
Speaker 3: for me, John was still blowing up my phone. Yes,

1190
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,439
Speaker 3: I could have blocked him, but he and I were

1191
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 3: tied together via utility bills in rent, so I kept

1192
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 3: in contact as needed. At first, he wasn't aware that

1193
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 3: I was planning to move out. I figured the less

1194
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 3: he knew, the better correct he didn't know where I

1195
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 3: was staying either, so I wanted to keep contact to

1196
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,799
Speaker 3: a minimum in the effort of keeping my location and

1197
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 3: plans a secret. Being a mental health support worker, I

1198
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 3: studied and worked with DV cases, so I knew that

1199
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 3: leaving is always the most dangerous time for the victim.

1200
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 3: Keeping contact to the bare minimum was necessary for my safety.

1201
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:09,720
Speaker 3: One week out from moving all my stuff, he asked

1202
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:11,800
Speaker 3: me if I was moving out. I knew I couldn't

1203
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 3: hide it at that point. I didn't confirm or deny it,

1204
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:16,360
Speaker 3: but he was able to put two and two together.

1205
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 3: I had movers and family coming on the following Saturday

1206
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:21,319
Speaker 3: to help me move. Fiona, Calvin, Aaron, and my other

1207
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 3: sister Esther were all on standby, but before we could

1208
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 3: make a move. John had contacted his family and he

1209
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 3: moved all of his stuff out on the Thursday and Friday.

1210
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 3: I figured he didn't want to be left behind paying

1211
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:34,799
Speaker 3: rent he couldn't afford. I also thought it was a

1212
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 3: final fu to me for trying to move out before him.

1213
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 3: He was gone in two days. He ended me his

1214
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 3: keys and that was that. He was gone and I

1215
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:45,040
Speaker 3: was left with an empty house and a stack of debt.

1216
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 3: So with him fully thinking that I had moved out,

1217
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 3: I moved all my stuff back into the house and

1218
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 3: Esther moved in. A month later. Aaron changed the locks

1219
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:56,080
Speaker 3: and Esther and I lived there for two years before

1220
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 3: Aaron and I got engaged and moved out. Well, the

1221
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:00,719
Speaker 3: trash took itself out.

1222
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 6: Thank goodness, the plan worked.

1223
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:07,359
Speaker 3: Gotta love that. He's like, oh, you're gonna move out? Well,

1224
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 3: not if I move out first?

1225
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 2: K k yah.

1226
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, You're like, oh we cool.

1227
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 3: Oh sick. I'll just move all my stuff back into

1228
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 3: the house that I want to live in.

1229
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:17,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, now that you're gone.

1230
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:22,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, goodness, my god. I waited some time before blocking John.

1231
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:25,279
Speaker 3: I was left with paying the rent and needed him

1232
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 3: to cover his final utility costs. As I didn't have

1233
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,840
Speaker 3: the extra funds for it. So I will admit that

1234
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 3: I was a bit of a witch for deceiving him

1235
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 3: that way.

1236
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 4: No, you weren't.

1237
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 3: Eh, this guy deserves nothing but the pit.

1238
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's okay to deceive people like this.

1239
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 3: He's gotta be in the pit. You toss him in

1240
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 3: the pit, yep, and say, crawl your way out, buddy,

1241
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 3: if you can. Leaving communication open would have given him

1242
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 3: some sort of false hope. I don't know, but on

1243
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,799
Speaker 3: many occasions he did ask that we hang out, and

1244
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 3: I always told him no. I was firm on my

1245
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 3: stance of never wanting to see him again. When the

1246
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:59,840
Speaker 3: last bill was paid, he asked to see me again.

1247
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 3: He wanted to come and see my new place. I

1248
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 3: flat out refused, telling him again how I felt that

1249
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 3: I wasn't interested in getting back together and I had

1250
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 3: moved on with Aaron and I never wanted to see

1251
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 3: him again. Of course, he chewed me out for that,

1252
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 3: saying that I was manipulative, saying that I was manipulative,

1253
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 3: I had played him, and that all of this was

1254
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 3: just to get back at him for quote talking to

1255
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 3: my friends end quote. He insisted that this was all

1256
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 3: some sort of revenge plan and that I was a

1257
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 3: horrible person, that things with Aaron would never work out

1258
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 3: with me. I won't go into what he said about me.

1259
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 3: I blocked him after that. It's been three years since then,

1260
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 3: and he has attempted to contact me through all kinds

1261
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 3: of means on socials, via my family and friends, even

1262
00:57:42,800 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 3: through my friend's friends. I've just maintained radio silence on

1263
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 3: my end. I think you should maintain some kind of

1264
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,120
Speaker 3: restrictive order against him from contacting you anymore.

1265
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.

1266
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:56,640
Speaker 3: I'm happier than I've ever been, yet I can't help

1267
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 3: but feel guilty about how everything ended, about hurting his

1268
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 3: feeling and pushing him out. Oh oh, pe sweetie, you're

1269
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 3: just a little sweety pie.

1270
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 6: You're so nice.

1271
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:06,560
Speaker 3: You're too sweety pie.

1272
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1273
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 3: This man deserves nothing but plight, Yeah, and hardship for

1274
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:12,479
Speaker 3: what he put you through.

1275
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1276
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 3: I often think about what I could have done differently

1277
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 3: or better that if I left sooner, maybe John and

1278
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 3: I could have left on good terms. Why would you

1279
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 3: want to be on good terms with this guy? There's

1280
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 3: nothing there I didn't get with Aaron or plan to

1281
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 3: move out as any form of revenge. Love found me

1282
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 3: along the way and I just needed to get out.

1283
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 3: But looking back on how everything played out, I can

1284
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 3: see how John could look at it and think it

1285
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 3: was revenge.

1286
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:37,680
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.

1287
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 3: I wish nothing but the best for you, op me

1288
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: as well. You don't need to feel guilty in any

1289
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 3: type of way.

1290
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, yeah, John's not gonna look at it

1291
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 2: like you're looking at it. He's a cheater, and yeah,

1292
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, of course he's gonna look at it.

1293
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 6: It's like, oh my gosh, she did this to me.

1294
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 6: He's she's such an a hole.

1295
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, wait a minute, I'm the victim here.

1296
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, exactly.

1297
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 3: That's what's really going on.

1298
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 2: So we need to not think about how John's gonna

1299
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 2: look at it, because he looked at your relationship as

1300
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 2: an open one, so not someone that we want to

1301
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 2: like take advice from or see their perspective or try

1302
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 2: to understand.

1303
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 6: So this is someone that we want to leave and

1304
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 6: forget about.

1305
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 3: Leave in the dust. Yeah, leave him in the pit.

1306
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 3: Maybe John thinks it's revenge because that's how he thinks.

1307
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 3: I'm not a revenge giry. I just wanted to get

1308
00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:32,560
Speaker 3: out and for both of us to leave the relationship alive.

1309
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 3: I loved John, he was my first, and I'll always

1310
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 3: have a special place in my heart for the times

1311
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 3: that he was good to me. Hopefully that wears off

1312
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 3: over time. Yeah, but this BS still keeps me up

1313
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 3: at night, and I can't help but ask myself the question,

1314
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 3: Am I the a hole for unwittingly getting revenge on

1315
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 3: my ex? That is the end of that story.