1 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Jana Kramer, one of your hosts of 2 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: I Do Part two, and we're back with part two 3 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: of our chat with some amazing content creators and their 4 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: journey through divorce. They've got such great advice, so let's 5 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: jump back in. Next up, we've got Sheila. 6 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 2: Hi, Jannah, how are you Hi? 7 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you doing? 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 3: Good? 9 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:35,840 Speaker 2: Good? 10 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: I love your Instagram. I was watching your videos and 11 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 1: one where you're just like the perks of being divorced, 12 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of I mean a 13 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,919 Speaker 1: lot of the stuff that I've done was like crying 14 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: and like sad and then like and then you find healing, 15 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,560 Speaker 1: but you're like, you made it so funny where you're 16 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: just like I don't have to clean up beard hair 17 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: and I you know, the trash is empty and I 18 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 1: don't and I was just like, yes, girl, like all 19 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: all of that, the enjoying that singleness of living in 20 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 1: your own space and not having to like, yeah, just 21 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 1: highlighting that and I love that. 22 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,040 Speaker 3: Thank you. It did not always start that way when 23 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,959 Speaker 3: I sure, yeah, first had my separation, I had my 24 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 3: sad girl face, you know, eating chocolate, crying. 25 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 4: Watching the Barbie movie. 26 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 2: Actually that got me. 27 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it started that way, and I had 28 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 3: a lot of self blame that I had to work 29 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 3: through that kept me from actually embracing the fact that 30 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 3: this is a new start and this is like a 31 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 3: time for me to rediscover myself. So I have definitely progressed. 32 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 3: We're all in that phase. But now I definitely hope 33 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 3: to be that light to women, to show that, hey, 34 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 3: there's happiness in this. You're gonna go through a lot 35 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 3: of dark a lot of hard times, but there's gonna 36 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 3: be a little happy moments and you should embrace those 37 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 3: as they come. 38 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: So, yeah, did you do anything new to your house? 39 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: Because I remember when I got divorced, I sold all 40 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: the ring and the diamonds and there wasn't many, but like, 41 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: you know, like there was a few, and I got 42 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,799 Speaker 1: all new furniture and I was just like, I wanted 43 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: to make the space how you know, it would be 44 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: best fit for me and the kiddos, And it was 45 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: the best revamping that the whole energy of the house. 46 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 3: Yes, so I actually ended up moving into a different place, 47 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 3: so I didn't stay in the house that we were 48 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:33,519 Speaker 3: married in. But immediately I have girly ties. I don't 49 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 3: know what the word is for. That made my house 50 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 3: very feminine. There's lots of flowers, there's lots of pink, 51 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 3: and I just was like, I want to come home 52 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,639 Speaker 3: and I want to feel like happy to be in 53 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 3: a space. I want to have a reading book, I 54 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 3: want this, And it was like any dream I had 55 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 3: in my head. I was like, I'm going to make 56 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 3: it happen. And it's funny because I have a son. 57 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 3: I have a three year old son, so it's not just. 58 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 2: A girl house. 59 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 3: I like to say it's girl house, but there's a 60 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 3: boy room in the house. And he had to love 61 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 3: the pink room and everything. You know, he's young, so 62 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 3: he thinks it's lots of fun. But other than that, 63 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 3: I've just really embraced my style, learning about it, doing 64 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 3: fun things that you normally wouldn't do in a house 65 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 3: that would be like a marital home. So yeah, just 66 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 3: kind of exploring, trying things that I never would have 67 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 3: probably put in a house that I knew, you know, 68 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 3: having a grown man live in, I would never do that. 69 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 3: So I experimented a lot and added a lot of 70 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 3: things that made it feel like I would be happy 71 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,239 Speaker 3: to come home to or relax in and it was 72 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 3: kind of my safe space. 73 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: So yeah, no, for sure, I love that. What is 74 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: something that you've learned about yourself through the is divorce 75 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: now or because you said separated at one point, so 76 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: is it? Are you still through the process or so? 77 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, our process has taken a while in September of 78 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 3: twenty twenty four, so we're going on over a year 79 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 3: of the separation process. So yeah, it should be ending. 80 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 3: But through that process I did learn a lot. In 81 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 3: the beginning. One of the best things that I learned 82 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,000 Speaker 3: was I was having a lot of self blame. I 83 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 3: was the one that initiated the divorce. We have a kid, 84 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 3: and so I put a lot of that shame onto 85 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 3: myself and I immediately got in therapy, which is the 86 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 3: best thing anyone can do going through the situation. And 87 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 3: what I learned there was to have empathy for myself 88 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,599 Speaker 3: and that to ask myself what did I not know 89 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 3: or what skills did I not have coming into the 90 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 3: marriage that now I can have now that I can 91 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 3: learn and work on, which helped me empathize with myself. 92 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 3: And then once I broke through the being down blaming myself, 93 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 3: then I hit this phase where I was like, look 94 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 3: at all this time I have now that I was 95 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 3: investing in another person, in trying to save a marriage 96 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 3: that wasn't working. All this time that I have, you know, 97 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 3: I've already spent a lot of time with my kid. 98 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 3: What can I do with this time? And I put 99 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 3: it back into myself and that was a big unlock. 100 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 3: I started learning so much about myself, experiencing so many 101 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 3: different things, and I started a fitness journey and I started, 102 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 3: you know, just like doing things I never would have tried, 103 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 3: and I learned a lot about who I was. So 104 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:24,280 Speaker 3: there's definitely a lot that you'll you'll have so many 105 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 3: phases after separation, but the best phase is when you're 106 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 3: willing to be a little more selfish and willing to 107 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 3: reinvest that time back into yourself because it's really going 108 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 3: to help you also protect your peace through that time. 109 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: And it's rediscovering yourself too, and like, what what do 110 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: you want? You know, what do you want to be 111 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,919 Speaker 1: doing right now? And you know, I love that And 112 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite pieces of my divorce too, 113 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: was going to therapy and having that healing journey and 114 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: truly figuring out, you know who I am and what 115 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: I want and what I want for the future. And 116 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: have you started dating or do you have to wait 117 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: until after the separation. 118 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 3: I did start dating. Yeah, and my ex is dating 119 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 3: as well. 120 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 1: Okay, great. 121 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, dating is like it feels like a rodeo when 122 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 3: you've been in a marriage for a while, you haven't 123 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 3: dated in a long time, and it feels like so 124 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 3: uncomfortable at first, because I know at the beginning, I 125 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 3: was putting so much pressure on it and I felt 126 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 3: like I couldn't mess up in the dating process. I 127 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 3: had to be so careful. I was so highly critical 128 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 3: and I approached it and I wasn't having any fun. 129 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 3: It was like it was I was like, why am 130 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 3: I doing this to myself? And also I just had 131 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 3: to learn what is dating again? Because I've been playing wife, 132 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 3: I've been playing mom and like to shift into almost 133 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 3: feeling like a teenager again or young again and dating. 134 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:58,239 Speaker 3: It's a weird thing. But yeah, I have started dating again. 135 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:03,719 Speaker 3: I do have a boyfriend actually, eh outing last year, 136 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 3: and you know, there's a lot of duds out there. 137 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 3: There's a lot of people that you're not gonna mesh with, 138 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 3: but yeah, there is potential to find someone out there. 139 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I always tell my divorce friends too, and 140 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 1: this is something that someone told me when I was 141 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: you know, dating, it's all gathering information. So it's like 142 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: the next the first person that you go ot with 143 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: most likely isn't going to be the one that you marry, 144 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 1: and then one after that it's probably not going to 145 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: be the one too. But each one you gather information 146 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: about what you like, whatch you don't like, and then 147 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: within it then you start molding like Okay, I don't 148 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: like that. Okay, we're done. That's I'm not going to 149 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,559 Speaker 1: continue on with trying to put you in this puzzle 150 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: piece that you're not going to ever fit in. And 151 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: you know, I think there's so much that you learn 152 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: about yourself through that process too, like, oh yeah, I 153 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: don't know how I was attracted to that back in 154 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: the day, but I'm definitely not now and that's not 155 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: the type. Okay, we're going to move this way now. 156 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: And it's just like every every date, every time you 157 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: meet someone, it's just the information and how do you feel. 158 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: You know, at the end of the night, you know, 159 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: you just keep one on other date? Cool? If not, 160 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: you'll know, you know, I was new second date, like 161 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: I'd maybe like I'll give you like one more date. Yeah, 162 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 1: and it's like new. 163 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 3: Love that did you ever struggle with? I had a 164 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 3: big click through my dating process that I felt like 165 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 3: I was being interviewed and I had to show, okay everything. 166 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: So my therapist told me the best tip I ever 167 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: got and she goes, Janna and because it was this 168 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: guy that I was kind of hung up on that 169 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: I was dating, and she goes, would you please stop 170 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: putting yourself on trial? She's like, you are the judge. 171 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: They are on trial. She's like, you are being like 172 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: am I Am I good enough? Am I this? It's 173 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: She's like no, She's like are they good enough? Do 174 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: they fit your pieces? Do they you know, fit the 175 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: box of this, that and the other. She's like, you 176 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: are the judge. You are putting them on trial. You're 177 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: not on trial. And I was like, okay, I love that. 178 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 3: Great when I locked that that like, I'm not the 179 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 3: one being interviewed in a way, I'm interviewing them. Do 180 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 3: I want my life? And hostly, if I do want 181 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 3: them in my life, they'll want that back. But you 182 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: can't control that. 183 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 1: No, But I think that comes a lot to the 184 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 1: piece for me, Like I was always like I my 185 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: core wound was like I'm not good enough, so I 186 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: want them to choose me. And I had to flip 187 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: that script when I got divorced to go, no, I 188 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: choose myself and I'm going to choose them, like they 189 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: don't they get they get to you know, like love 190 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: me if I choose them? You know, yes? 191 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 3: And I think that ties back into the being more selfish. 192 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 3: You truly love yourself and you know what you bring 193 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 3: you're not. You come into these situations and you think, 194 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 3: what what can you add to my life? Because you're 195 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 3: not going to add chaos to the piece you've just created. 196 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 4: You're not going to. 197 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 3: Add something into your life that's going to destroy what 198 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 3: the bubble you've created for yourself. So the self love, 199 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 3: the selfishness, it unlocked a lot for me in dating, 200 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,959 Speaker 3: and I could tell the quality of men that I 201 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 3: was dating and encountering was just continuing to increase as 202 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 3: I continued to love myself more. 203 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I will say if you if because I 204 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,439 Speaker 1: saw this, if you after divorces, if you're dating kind 205 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 1: of the same men, you still have to do the 206 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: work on yourself, because yes, there's something Anya that's wanting, uh, 207 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: that hasn't healed yet if you're going to if you're 208 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: still attracting that same type of person. 209 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 3: Yes, that is so funny that you say that the 210 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 3: people I dated prior to my marriage nothing like the 211 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 3: people that I have dated posts marriage. It's very interesting 212 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 3: the differences. Back in the day, I was dating a 213 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 3: lot of blue collar, very like manly men, you know, 214 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 3: the stereotypes. And now I have found you know, I 215 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 3: work my own stay at home, or I work a 216 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:57,439 Speaker 3: remote job, I work in corporate, and I actually do 217 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 3: better with men who also work in corporate or work 218 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 3: jobs very similar who can talk to me about work. 219 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,719 Speaker 3: I love that type of banter. So it was very interesting. 220 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 3: And also a lot of my old dating preferences relied 221 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 3: on unhealed wounds of things that I had encountered in 222 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 3: my childhood and therapy. Before marriage, I thought, you know, 223 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 3: therapy is for people who really need help. So not true, 224 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 3: So not true. Now I am such a huge therapy 225 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 3: advocate and it really does help in the dating process 226 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 3: to have someone to talk to. 227 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent agree. Where can our listeners find you? 228 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:35,839 Speaker 1: You're a sweetheart. 229 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:41,960 Speaker 3: Yes TikToker Instagram, Facebook as well, Sheila M. Harrington, I 230 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,960 Speaker 3: would love if you gave me a follow. It's a 231 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 3: girl party on my page, celebrate. 232 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: I love it being single again, Barbie World, Let's do this. Okay, 233 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 1: thanks girl, great chatting? 234 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 4: Yes, thank you? 235 00:11:54,840 --> 00:12:08,160 Speaker 1: All right by Henny. Next up, we've got Melinda Long. 236 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: I'm here, Hey Melinda. I was watching your video and 237 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: it's it was so timely because I was making an 238 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: album of my daughter because she's about to turn ten, 239 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,559 Speaker 1: and I was watching some old videos when I was 240 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: still married to max husband, and I'm watching these videos 241 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, how was I married to him? And 242 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: I'm like who who is he? And then I'm like 243 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,599 Speaker 1: and then I'm watching her Instagram and I was like 244 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: I literally just had that same feeling of but like 245 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: we have two kids together and and like how And 246 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: I'm watching these videos and I'm like, wait that we 247 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: live together and that was my husband. 248 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll be at a game and my ex will 249 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 2: walk in and I'm like, oh I know. I'm oh, 250 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 2: wait that was married to him, Like you genuinely have 251 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: this this this weird like fe I just never expected 252 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 2: to feel that way in the midst of everything, and 253 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,439 Speaker 2: now I'm like, this is somebody I slept in bed 254 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 2: with every night and I told my deepest, darkest secrets 255 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 2: and there are strangers sitting over there, and I don't 256 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 2: even even feel much of anything, you. 257 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: Know, I know. And that's the craziest piece, because like 258 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: the same when I see him at a volleyball game 259 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 1: or whatever, when he comes over, I'm just like, I mean, 260 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: there's this zero feeling and I'm like hot, how like 261 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,439 Speaker 1: we have two kids and we were married for these 262 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: many years. 263 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 2: And but I also look and I think to myself, 264 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 2: like I terrible to say, what was I thinking? 265 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally I'm not attracted to him. 266 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, like is everybody else in the room thinking the 267 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 2: same thing? I Am like, what were you do? 268 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 3: You know? 269 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 2: And it's just like still a little I said it, 270 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 2: this little ick factor. I'm sure he has the same feelings. 271 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: For me, totally. I'm sure my laugh and my voice 272 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 1: and my like the heck out of him, you know. 273 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: But I mean my husband now, yeah, he's like I 274 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: don't ever see guys together. I was like, no, same, Like, 275 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: I don't know how. 276 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 2: But I also am thankful for that because could you 277 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: imagine if you still had those feelings like when you 278 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 2: saw the person like that, you had this longing still 279 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 2: or this like I still wish I don't have, so 280 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 2: maybe I'm really thankful that that didn't happen to me. 281 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: That's where I always go to when they say like, 282 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: I'll always love you, and I'm like, but will you? 283 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 2: Because I mean, it's okay, we have we have love 284 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 2: for our kids, like I think. I think the only 285 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 2: thing is like I'm always thankful for that moment because 286 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 2: of the three blessings that I have from it, and 287 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 2: I know I gave it my own. I know it 288 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 2: was a space. So we'll be able to move past 289 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 2: that and thank goodness, I don't still have that longing. 290 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 4: Like, yeah, I always still gonna love me. 291 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: So you were married for twenty years, right, okay, And 292 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: so I think my mom really struggled because she I 293 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: believe she was married to my dad a little over 294 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: fifteen years, and I remember that being the thing for 295 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 1: her that was I might have even been funny, gosh, 296 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 1: I can't remember now, but yeah, no, it was definitely long. 297 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: Oh no, it was twenty plus. Yeah, where she was 298 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: just like I don't know anything different, you know, and 299 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: I don't don't even know who I am because I 300 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: dated him when I was so young, like in my 301 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: early twenties nineteen, you know, and so. 302 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,800 Speaker 2: You know that is your identity. 303 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like she was just like even changing. She's like, 304 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: I've been a Kramer longer than I was a Kaufman. 305 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 3: You know. 306 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 2: Now you walked, I would say that was the hardest 307 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 2: part is accepting that that it's no longer my identity. 308 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 2: I'm no longer a wife, We're no longer that picture 309 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 2: perfect happy family that we put out there, you know, 310 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 2: you put this image out there. And also you know, 311 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 2: for my kids where this it is a process. I 312 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: should share that along the way, I lost one hundred 313 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 2: and twenty pounds before I got file for divorce. So 314 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 2: I had this kind of giant life shift of my 315 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 2: appearance at the same time as my marriage falling apart, 316 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 2: which I thought it would have brought us together, but 317 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 2: it brought us apart. 318 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: Did you get fit to try to keep him? Is 319 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 1: that was that the no? 320 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 2: I got I got fit after COVID, I got fit 321 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 2: after losing my father. I got fit after realizing that 322 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 2: my health was really taking a toll and I need 323 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 2: to be here for a long time. But perhaps in 324 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 2: that journey, I also started to realize that maybe some 325 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 2: of the food and some of that was a mask 326 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 2: for other issues that were going on, and maybe gave 327 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 2: me a little more confidence to do what to finally 328 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 2: file for divorce. Actually I filed for divorce twice. I 329 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 2: went through the second time. I dropped it the first time. 330 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 2: But that change was the thing I was most scared of. 331 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 2: That was the hardest part. I really didn't have an identity. 332 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 2: Everything was wrapped up in my life, my family, and 333 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 2: my kids were getting older. I have two in college 334 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 2: and one in high school now. So that's been the 335 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 2: biggest struggle, and I think that a lot of sleep 336 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 2: lost in it, but also a lot of growth, a 337 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 2: lot of personal growth, and a lot of finding myself. 338 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 2: I've really taken to fitness. I've always loved to cook. 339 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 2: I still love to cook. I've been able to travel 340 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 2: a little bit more, and honestly, I've connected with my 341 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 2: kids in a whole different way that I did was 342 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 2: possible back in the middle of the divorce. They respect 343 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: me more. I think now, watching my own personal journey 344 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 2: and me doing what was right and what was right 345 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 2: for our family. But one hundred percent think that that 346 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 2: is the scariest part, and I think that helped me back. 347 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 2: It's the reason that I dropped the first time of divorce. 348 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:16,679 Speaker 2: It's that fear. 349 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: Well, and because what age were you when you finally filed? 350 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 2: I'm forty nine now would it be fifty this year? 351 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 2: I guess I was forty six when I filed. 352 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: Forty six, Yeah, and that's a that's a tough age 353 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 1: to go. Okay, you know, what is this? What does 354 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,639 Speaker 1: this look like? But there's also gosh, I know so 355 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 1: many women that have had such beautiful Like my one 356 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,960 Speaker 1: girlfriend's fifteen, just got married, you know what I mean, 357 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 1: Like she's the happiest she's ever been. So it's like, 358 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: don't stay because you're afraid to not be with someone 359 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 1: for the next part of your life, because we have 360 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,959 Speaker 1: so if you think about it, you have another at 361 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: least forty years, you know, that's a lot of life. 362 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, And there's and there's love out there. I mean 363 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 2: I've had love at the second time around. There is 364 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 2: love out there, and it's different, and you know, I 365 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 2: just don't think I realized that that was a possibility 366 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 2: that to feel a certain fulfillment and to have a 367 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 2: connection with somebody that's like that, it is possible and 368 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,399 Speaker 2: it is real. I think I settled for what I 369 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,719 Speaker 2: thought was real because in my twenties, I was supposed 370 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 2: to get married, and I was supposed to have kids, 371 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,720 Speaker 2: and I was supposed to live a certain life. 372 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 4: And while I. 373 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,399 Speaker 2: Certainly did love my husband, it wasn't the connection that 374 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 2: I found later on, or that I realized exists. And 375 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 2: life gets in front of you. 376 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 4: But you're right. 377 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 2: I'm forty nine, I'm going to be fifty this year. 378 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,439 Speaker 2: There's a lot of life left. And I certainly, in 379 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,640 Speaker 2: no way, shape or form, wanted to get divorced, nor 380 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 2: did I picture myself ever here in a million years. 381 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 2: But now that I'm here, I'm not disappointed with the 382 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 2: life that I'm living, and I'm realizing that there's so 383 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,240 Speaker 2: much more to live. And yes, there is love, second 384 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 2: time around, third time around, whatever it might be for everybody. 385 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 1: Have you found that love? 386 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 3: I have? I have? 387 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: Oh, look at you? Did you find that love? Where 388 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 1: did you find it? 389 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 2: Companionship through a friend who was going through the same 390 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 2: as myself. He's awesome, my personal trainer. So it's very cliche. 391 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 2: Oh hey girl, but friendship, companionship, going through the same thing, 392 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 2: feeling at the same age. 393 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: What do you think the craziest part of divorce that 394 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: no one talks about? 395 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 2: Literally how you can feel this tremendous immense hatred, bitterness, 396 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 2: all this and then two years later and you're looking like, 397 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 2: what was I so afraid of? Yes, why was this 398 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 2: so scary? What was I It's really the what was 399 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 2: I thinking? There's so much more to life, and there's 400 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 2: there's I'm not wearing a scarlet letter. I thought I 401 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 2: was wearing a scarlet letter and that's shame. That was 402 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 2: the biggest shot for me. 403 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 4: Yeah. 404 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: My therapist would always say, what's the worst thing, Like, 405 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: what is your biggest fear? If you get divorced? And 406 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, and then I'm alone, and she goes 407 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: and then what, well, then you know no one loved me. 408 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 1: And then she's like okay, and then what you know 409 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: and she's just like but then we go to the positive. 410 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: It's like, your kids are good and you're okay, and 411 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,119 Speaker 1: so it's the worst thing that can happen is really 412 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 1: not the kids is the other. 413 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 2: Big piece, I think, especially for women, I don't want 414 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 2: to say not for men, but especially for women. As mothers, 415 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 2: we want to be the perfect mom and we want 416 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 2: to get this perfect family, and we want to give 417 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 2: them this marriage that they can look up to. And 418 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,960 Speaker 2: I felt a real responsibility to make that work for 419 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 2: my kids. And I laugh now because my kids look 420 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 2: at me like, who were you fooling? We knew it 421 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,120 Speaker 2: wasn't good and we couldn't wait for it to be over, 422 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,320 Speaker 2: but in the moment, you really feel a responsibility, and 423 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 2: that was the biggest hurdle. I think that was really 424 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 2: the reason I struggled to go to the next level. 425 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: So do you think your advice for someone getting divorced 426 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 1: now is just, I mean, give it some time, like 427 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: because you're not going to have that same anger in 428 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,280 Speaker 1: a couple of years. 429 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 2: You have to, yes, give it time, because everything is temporary. 430 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 2: You have to know in your heart that you gave 431 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 2: it your all, that you tried everything, that you didn't 432 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 2: walk away in a fight, that you didn't walk away 433 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 2: for your own selfish reasons, that you really gave it all. 434 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 2: And once you know you've done that, you have to 435 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 2: stick to your guns and know that you have to 436 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 2: do better for yourself or your family, for your children, 437 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 2: and ride it through because there's it's not going to 438 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 2: fix itself. If you've given it all, it's it's just 439 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,160 Speaker 2: not going to fix itself. 440 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,359 Speaker 1: Yep, agree with you one hundred percent on that. I 441 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 1: always said I walk away when I know that I 442 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 1: did everything that I could to try to stay, that 443 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,640 Speaker 1: leaving is the only option I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 444 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: And then then then I got mad at myself that 445 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,439 Speaker 1: I stayed that long. But at least I can say, Okay, 446 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 1: I did, I did every step I could. 447 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,280 Speaker 2: I feel confident that I did everything I could. Now 448 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 2: I'm in the stage of a couple of years later 449 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,719 Speaker 2: of forgiving myself for allowing myself to go through things 450 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,439 Speaker 2: I shouldn't have been, letting my kids see things they 451 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 2: shouldn't have. So now I'm in that forgiveness stage. But 452 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 2: I'd rather have that knowing that I didn't walk away 453 00:21:58,200 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 2: without giving it my all. 454 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. Forgiving yourself is uh, it was harder than forgiving them, 455 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: is what my journey was. 456 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 2: I agree. I'm feeling that a bit now, you know, 457 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 2: coming up on this fiftieth year and in a new relationship, 458 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 2: I really have to work on that piece because if 459 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,640 Speaker 2: you carry those pieces into your future relationships and into 460 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 2: your family and being the good role model, I really 461 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 2: have to work on that healing journey. So that's the 462 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 2: part that I'm finding comes a little bit later. But 463 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 2: I'm thankful for that journey because I'm. 464 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 1: Sort of Linda. How can we follow along in that journey? 465 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find you? 466 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 2: I know I don't stop talking. 467 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,239 Speaker 1: I apologize, but I love it. 468 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 2: I'm on Instagram. My Instagram handle is gritten Glow Underscore 469 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 2: by mel I share my health, my fitness, my divorce journey, 470 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 2: and my completely chaotic life with my with my kids. 471 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,159 Speaker 1: So thank you love it so much. Well, thank you 472 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: for joining I do part two and we look forward 473 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: to watching your journey. 474 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 2: Right, so nice to meet you. 475 00:22:50,200 --> 00:23:04,080 Speaker 1: Thank by Honey Seya. And last up we've got Ashley. Hi, 476 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,440 Speaker 1: hey girl, Well you look beautiful for being pulled over 477 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: on the side of the road just leaving court with 478 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 1: your exta girl. We caught you in a time. 479 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, the worst time but the best time 480 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 4: also because you know, the life could not be better 481 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 4: on this side of things. 482 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: Okay, So I was watching her Instagram, which I love, 483 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 1: and but one of the things, the tip that you 484 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 1: were giving about the phone number, I had no idea 485 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,400 Speaker 1: that was even it. Why would he want your number? 486 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: I was so confused. Can you just like tell the 487 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 1: listeners like a little and is this why you were 488 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,439 Speaker 1: in court? I was just I'm so confused. I'm like, please, 489 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 1: I need to understand this, Like, this is her phone number? 490 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 4: What? So I've had this phone number since I was 491 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 4: fifteen sixteen, like twenty years. It's a pre marital asset. 492 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,399 Speaker 4: But when we got married, my dad released the number 493 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 4: two you know, for us to join accounts, right, and 494 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 4: so yeah, he paid for the phone number. He had 495 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 4: the phone number, but it's still my phone number that 496 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 4: I used with both of my businesses. It's the emergency 497 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 4: contact at my son's school, Arsun School. And he basically 498 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,080 Speaker 4: told me in June that I needed to get my 499 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 4: own line. So I did that. I created my own account. 500 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 4: Apparently he is now claiming that that was fraudulent. So 501 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,959 Speaker 4: T Mobile granted him the phone number back to his account, 502 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 4: even though I was paying my own bill for three months. 503 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 4: I was paying my own bill on my own T 504 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 4: Mobile account, and so he has had control over my 505 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 4: phone number since September hasn't turned it off. I'm still 506 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,160 Speaker 4: able to use this phone number. But yeah, so ended 507 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 4: up having to take him to court because he won't 508 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 4: release the line to me even though it is premarital, 509 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 4: it's attached to my businesses, which he relinquished his rights to. 510 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 4: So we're just waiting, honestly, for the judge to come 511 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 4: down with her judgment whether or not I can keep 512 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 4: it or not. 513 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 1: What was the sense from the judge? Were you feeling 514 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: hopeful or was she giving you. 515 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,240 Speaker 4: I'm optimistic because she just kept looking at him like 516 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 4: are you because she kept asking him why do you 517 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 4: want the phone number? And he couldn't give a reason. 518 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 4: He's like, it's my property. That's the only reason why 519 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,199 Speaker 4: he you know, he is claiming that this is his 520 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 4: phone number, it's my property. Honestly, he's probably just going 521 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 4: to turn it off the minute he gets it back, 522 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,239 Speaker 4: so he doesn't really want it for a purpose. So 523 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 4: I'm hoping that she kind of takes that into consideration, 524 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 4: that this is livelihood versus just being vindictive and petty. 525 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,200 Speaker 1: So, I mean, can we say yay, you're not married 526 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 1: to him anymore? 527 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 3: Yo? 528 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 4: My lawyer today was like, I can't believe you were 529 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 4: married to him. She's like he is he is slimy, 530 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,360 Speaker 4: he is like even during mediation when we went through 531 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 4: our divorce mediation, the initial offer that we put on 532 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,720 Speaker 4: the table at ten thirty am is the offer that 533 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 4: he ended up accepting at six thirty pm. But he 534 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,639 Speaker 4: pushed it out so that way we would have to 535 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 4: pay that whole time. I mean, we ended up we 536 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 4: were in mediation for yeah, over ten hours. 537 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,719 Speaker 1: Isn't that hard to like? You know, I felt that 538 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: same thing where it's like, why was my judgment or 539 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,480 Speaker 1: how is my judgment? How was I so fooled there? 540 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 1: It's to allow this to happen and then stay in 541 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: it and be with someone like that. 542 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,920 Speaker 4: And I wasn't even the one who filed for divorce. 543 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,120 Speaker 4: He filed for divorce from me when I was actually 544 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 4: I was in California with our son, visiting family in 545 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:27,640 Speaker 4: Santa Barbara for my step uh my stepmom's dad's birthday. 546 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 4: I came back, he had packed his stuff, moved out, 547 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 4: brought me out in front of the ring camera, so 548 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 4: he had it documented that he was leaving me, that 549 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 4: he had filed for divorce, that we were going to 550 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 4: be doing two two three custody and I should be 551 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 4: getting served any day now. Did he have a reason 552 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 4: we had Nope. We had no conversation. He never sat 553 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 4: me down. He just filed and left. And then about 554 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 4: six weeks later he wanted to reconcile, and I was like, 555 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 4: you know what, I've been asking for therapy for six years, 556 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 4: Let's try going to therapy if you're putting it on 557 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 4: the table. Now now that it's his idea, We're going 558 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 4: to go to therapy. And we did therapy for about 559 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 4: six weeks and I just had a gut feeling that 560 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 4: I can't do this for the rest of my life. 561 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,400 Speaker 4: This is not going to work. And then a week 562 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 4: later I received our financial affidavit and found that he 563 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,600 Speaker 4: was hiding money from me. Meanwhile, I'm working three jobs 564 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 4: trying to keep us afloat. He chose not to work 565 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:30,919 Speaker 4: for years, and that money could have literally saved saved us, 566 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:35,720 Speaker 4: saved me so much stress, and I it was like boom, 567 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,280 Speaker 4: boom boom. I knew I was done at that point 568 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 4: because this was the final betrayal, This was the final 569 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 4: thing that the nail in the coffin essentially. 570 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So how does how do you now walk 571 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,919 Speaker 1: through everything that you know? Because you seem like a 572 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 1: very strong, put together woman. Are you letting the what 573 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,160 Speaker 1: you know to be the truth statements come in your 574 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,119 Speaker 1: head or are you like, where are you at in that? 575 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 4: I know the truth? I know my truth. I know 576 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 4: that I did everything in my power. I had been 577 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 4: asking for therapy for years. I had addressed, you know, 578 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,719 Speaker 4: issues that I you know, I went to therapy by 579 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 4: myself because at one point, I really he had me 580 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,679 Speaker 4: convinced that I was the problem. I went to therapy 581 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 4: by myself and he would never come to join, even 582 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,479 Speaker 4: though my therapist was like, we would love to have 583 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,920 Speaker 4: him bring his perspective to the table so that way 584 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 4: we were not like just saying that you're you know, 585 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 4: he's doing these things. And I never wanted it to 586 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 4: be like a he he he. It was. It's mutual, right, 587 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 4: A marriage is mutual. I know that I'm not a 588 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 4: perfect person. I know that he's not a perfect person. 589 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 4: But the fact that he would never meet me at 590 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 4: the table to get help, you know, that is the 591 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 4: truth that I hold on to, that I tried for years, 592 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 4: that I did everything in my power to try and 593 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:51,160 Speaker 4: make this work, and then just to have him essentially 594 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 4: walk out two weeks before Christmas and with no no conversation, 595 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 4: no discussion, no nothing, and then just continuously being vindictive 596 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 4: at every turn. I mean, the phone number is just 597 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 4: like the tip of the iceberg of just you know, 598 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 4: the behavior that is being exhibited and you know, trying 599 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 4: to be a productive co parent. He wanted the divorce. 600 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 4: You know, you don't really hear about too many women 601 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,520 Speaker 4: paying child support. I pay him child support. 602 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,080 Speaker 1: I pay sixty percent. 603 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 4: I pay sixty percent of our child's expenses, even though 604 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 4: we have fifty to fifty custody. 605 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 3: You know. 606 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 4: The fact that I'm giving, giving, giving, and he's consistently 607 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,920 Speaker 4: still wanting to take, take, take, It's hurtful. And this 608 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 4: taking of my phone number, the only person that really 609 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 4: hurts is our son. Because if I lose the ability 610 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 4: to make money, like if people can't reach my business, 611 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 4: what does that do to our son? This is the 612 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 4: only phone number that he has memorized. What does that 613 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 4: do if he's in an emergency situation. He's not gonna 614 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 4: automatically remember a new number. You know, thankfully he has 615 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 4: his number memorized. But I think that that's the whole point, right, 616 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 4: He's like, I want to be the primary parent, I 617 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 4: want to be the primary contact. And it's like, but 618 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 4: you just started showing up now that we're divorced. 619 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's that feeling of someone taking, Like I 620 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 1: get that. That's how I felt in my entire last marriage, 621 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,040 Speaker 1: is just always wanting to take, take, take, And you know, 622 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: I think there's going to be a place I've and 623 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,320 Speaker 1: I through therapy, I was able to let that anger 624 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,480 Speaker 1: go in time. 625 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 3: Like. 626 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,479 Speaker 1: It still comes up a few times, but mostly I've 627 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 1: been able to keep that anger at bay, just because 628 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 1: you know, there's nothing I can do about it. I 629 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: can either stay angry or I can just go. This 630 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: is unfortunately the way of the courts at the moment, 631 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: and this is who he is and I can't change that. 632 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like, hey, can you take 633 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: care of the kids since you only have them eight 634 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: days a month? You know, and do I do I 635 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,400 Speaker 1: have to pay you this pop amount for you know? 636 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: But it's he'll never get my point. He doesn't see 637 00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 1: it as taking. He sees it as well, it's just 638 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,040 Speaker 1: the way the court. 639 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 4: You know, the way the cookie crumbles, and yeah, and 640 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,280 Speaker 4: I hold no resentment, right, I'm like, you gave me 641 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 4: my son, you gave me like the person that I 642 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 4: love the most in my life. You know, I'm in 643 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,719 Speaker 4: a new relationship that is that makes me extremely happy. 644 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 4: I see. I don't I never reminisce, and I don't 645 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 4: live in the past. I really, like I said, I 646 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,959 Speaker 4: don't hold resentment. The only things that I hold are like, 647 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 4: what is the purpose of this? Why are we behaving 648 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 4: this way? Why are you treating me this way when 649 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,760 Speaker 4: this is exactly what you wanted. You wanted this divorce, 650 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 4: you asked for it. All I did was follow through 651 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 4: with it. You know, he I think he has deep regret. 652 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,400 Speaker 4: I think he thought that he was going to file 653 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 4: for divorce and that I was going to be like, no, 654 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 4: please don't leave me, like I needed that. But it's 655 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 4: like I was already primary parent, I was already the 656 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 4: breadwinner of the family. I was already doing my own thing. 657 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 4: I lost during the last three years of our marriage. 658 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 4: I lost one hundred and ten pounds, got plastic surgery, 659 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 4: really got my health back on track, and there was 660 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:04,440 Speaker 4: really just there was no there was no tether, there 661 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,560 Speaker 4: was no codependence, there was no, there was none of that. 662 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 4: And so you know, when I started posting, I hesitated 663 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 4: posting on social media about my divorce because I was like, 664 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 4: you know, it's really nobody's business. But then when this 665 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 4: whole phone number thing happened, I was like, but what 666 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 4: if other women don't know? What if they don't know 667 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,640 Speaker 4: to ask or their phone number. What if they don't 668 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 4: know that they can put this in their parenting plan 669 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,040 Speaker 4: that they can bring it to the table. What if 670 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 4: they don't know? I feel like, you know, we talk 671 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 4: about a village all the time when it comes to 672 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 4: our kids, but what about our village together of like 673 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 4: making sure that we all stay good? And that is 674 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 4: why I like started feeling more comfortable talking about here 675 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,480 Speaker 4: are things that I wish I had done. Here are 676 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 4: things that I you know, I regret. Here is you 677 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 4: know what what could come next for you? But I 678 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 4: also want to free women from the thought. I had 679 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 4: a video that is getting a lot of attention right 680 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,480 Speaker 4: now about how many women I saw on TikTok the 681 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 4: day after Christmas with nothing in their stalking, nothing under 682 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 4: the tree. And I'm like, so he places no value 683 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 4: on you, He doesn't He can't even take an hour 684 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 4: of time to find something that you would love, to 685 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 4: make sure that you felt important on a day in 686 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,240 Speaker 4: which that you made everyone else feel important. Divorce him. 687 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 4: It's not going to change. He doesn't hold he doesn't 688 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 4: hold you in regard. He doesn't hold you, you know, 689 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 4: in anything. And the amount of men in the comments 690 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 4: of that video stating well he paid for Christmas, he's 691 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 4: the one who works. 692 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 1: I can say that's actually not true because in my 693 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: last marriage, my stocking was never full and I had 694 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: I paid for Christmas, and I'll say my husband, now 695 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: my stocking overfills, and I'm like, it's the cutest thing ever. 696 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh no, it's fine. It's like, no, 697 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 1: he makes it like Santa put the things in the stock, 698 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: you know. So I've never been spoiled like that ever, 699 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: you know So it's I hear you. 700 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,960 Speaker 4: I'm eighty percent of us household women work, women contribute 701 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 4: to the household in addition to the unpaid labor of 702 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 4: being a mother. 703 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 3: Yeah. 704 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: Absolutely, Well, I'm excited to see where this whole phone 705 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,800 Speaker 1: number thing goes. I want. I've got a good feeling. 706 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,360 Speaker 1: Are you going to update us on your social media? 707 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 4: Yes? I will I definitely will keep you guys posto. 708 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,600 Speaker 1: Okay, what's your what's your Instagram again for our listeners 709 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 1: to follow along. 710 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 4: It's at bostdence boss F I, D E n C. 711 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,400 Speaker 1: Okay, great, Ashley, You're drive safe because I know you're 712 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,160 Speaker 1: driving right now, so dodrive safe. 713 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 4: Thank you. 714 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: I'm excited for you. I'm excited for your part two. 715 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: And it sounds like this was the destiny to have 716 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,960 Speaker 1: this part two because you got a beautiful child out 717 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 1: of it, and that's usually what the only redeeming factor 718 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 1: of being with these people are. 719 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 4: Okay, one hundred percent, thank you so much for having me. 720 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 1: Thanks girl, have a good one. Well, thank you ladies 721 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 1: for coming on and sharing all that great advice. Do 722 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,719 Speaker 1: you have breakup or divorce tips you want to share 723 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,879 Speaker 1: and need some more advice from our crew, We'll call 724 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: or email us. All the info is in the show notes. 725 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 1: Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review 726 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,919 Speaker 1: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where 727 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,759 Speaker 1: falling in love is the main objective.