Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: So excited because we've got an in studio guest, Kelly Rizzo.
Speaker 2: I can't believe this worked out so crazy. I mean,
Speaker 2: you are on a world tour, basically.
Speaker 1: World tour of Chicago and Nashville went crazy all around the.
Speaker 2: World because your family's still in Chicago.
Speaker 1: Family still in Chicago, but I haven't been here since
Speaker 1: last time I saw you, guys, which was five years ago,
Speaker 1: which was right before Bob pass Remember you all.
Speaker 2: Went to dinner. We went to Thompson Now where do
Speaker 2: we go? The Thompson Hotel?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: We were in the Thompson Hotel. I was I had
Speaker 2: next I had another husband. Well, a lot can change
Speaker 2: in five years. We were down two other babies, two
Speaker 2: fewer babies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, different husbands and.
Speaker 2: Oh wait is there an announcement?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm different different partners. And we went to
Speaker 1: ball show at Zany's and it was just it was
Speaker 1: so fun. But that was crazy enough. That's been If
Speaker 1: I've seen you, yeah, yes, yes, because you came and
Speaker 1: stayed with me in La I sure did.
Speaker 2: And we're not going to say why I stayed with
Speaker 2: her in La. We're not going to say I can
Speaker 2: stay in LA conversations out, but yes.
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously we've hung out since, but Kristen and I
Speaker 1: have just been long distance for a very long time now.
Speaker 2: In five years, it's a little while. Yeah, it was
Speaker 2: interesting though.
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about this the other day because
Speaker 3: I'm coming up on the five year anniversary. I just
Speaker 3: had it this last weekend and my dad passing and
Speaker 3: how intricate Bob's words were to me. I think we
Speaker 3: met for like a lunch or coffee or something, and
Speaker 3: just because he was unfortunately an expert at loss, you know,
Speaker 3: and was just so wise, but also gave me the
Speaker 3: dose of humor that I needed in our dark comedy
Speaker 3: kind of you know, and we talked about dead dad
Speaker 3: going over my shoulder, and like, you know, you.
Speaker 1: Were so so good at embracing the dark humor and
Speaker 1: just putting it all out there and not being so
Speaker 1: precious about, oh, you can't say this or you can't
Speaker 1: say that. And I think that's why you resonated with
Speaker 1: Bob so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, such a just such a special.
Speaker 1: Lunch and you would you were talking about your dad
Speaker 1: and he was just kind of letting it all out too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we like made a character of my dad. It
Speaker 3: was I mean, it was like, honestly just wildly therapeutic.
Speaker 3: I think when there's just so much loss people, you
Speaker 3: just get good at it, you know, like our therapist
Speaker 3: at one point try to make an unofficial death doula
Speaker 3: out of me, and I was like, I it's a
Speaker 3: hard pass. You know, like that doesn't seem sexy. No
Speaker 3: one wants that girl coming to the party or you know,
Speaker 3: what do you do for a living?
Speaker 1: But she would be good at it though.
Speaker 2: She'd be good. I mean, you had a lot of
Speaker 2: people obviously that came to your side when all that happened.
Speaker 2: And I feel like Kristen was like, you are You're
Speaker 2: very good with your words, obviously, but your presence and
Speaker 2: your heart too are very comforting in times like that.
Speaker 3: Well I just I just couldn't imagine how noisy it was.
Speaker 3: I think that was the biggest thing, Yeah, because this
Speaker 3: death is already noisy enough.
Speaker 2: And then you had the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was interesting though, but there were I
Speaker 1: remember both of you girls were just so wonderful about
Speaker 1: like checking in with me and you know, just being
Speaker 1: so present and loving. And I tell the story still
Speaker 1: all the time. And Jane, I know you've probably heard
Speaker 1: this too, but when people ask me, like, what really
Speaker 1: helped you when you got through that, I bring up
Speaker 1: you all the time because you texted me every single
Speaker 1: morning for six months straight, I mean, give or take
Speaker 1: for six months. And it wasn't always. It wasn't like
Speaker 1: how are you because nobody wants the how are you text?
Speaker 1: It's it was literally just that's one of.
Speaker 2: The least favorite questions, like even if you know how
Speaker 2: I am, I don't want to say I'm angry or
Speaker 2: I'm sad or I'm mad, Like can you just say
Speaker 2: love you like that? You know?
Speaker 3: I think I would just say I love you. Well,
Speaker 3: I think Bob gave us all permission to say it
Speaker 3: too much. I remember being insecure, like I remember somebody saying, well,
Speaker 3: you can't possibly love that many people that much, you know,
Speaker 3: And I'm not. I love big when I love a
Speaker 3: little protective of it. But that was one of the
Speaker 3: things that I kind of loved about him, his older, wiser,
Speaker 3: big brotherly advice, like you can certainly say it as
Speaker 3: many times as you want, like you know, And so
Speaker 3: that was a gift to me when he left us
Speaker 3: when heaven gets lucky like that, I was, Oh, I
Speaker 3: can say I love you as much.
Speaker 1: As I want.
Speaker 3: And then I thought, gosh, what is it like to
Speaker 3: be you into all of a sudden hear it less?
Speaker 3: You know, like if I could even fill like a
Speaker 3: eye dropper into that void of just like here is
Speaker 3: and I love you with nothing attached, that would be
Speaker 3: the gift.
Speaker 1: No, and you didn't. It was this cozy little nugget
Speaker 1: every morning where I'd wake up because you know, it
Speaker 1: was two hours behind you, so I'd wake up every
Speaker 1: morning to a text from you, just like love you,
Speaker 1: thinking of you, love your heart or my heart's with you,
Speaker 1: whatever it was. It was just and so something like that.
Speaker 1: If you know anyone who's grieving or who just lost somebody,
Speaker 1: just those little tiny check ins they mean so much
Speaker 1: and they're so easy and sometimes you know, I just
Speaker 1: did a podcast the other day where I was talking
Speaker 1: to a woman who had lost her child, and that's
Speaker 1: one of those things where you're like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what to say, like what can you possibly say? And
Speaker 1: she said, the best thing is just the little the
Speaker 1: little sprinkles of love you, thinking of you, and say
Speaker 1: something right, the worst thing is not saying anything. She said,
Speaker 1: I'd rather somebody say the wrong thing, but at least
Speaker 1: they were brave enough to say something than to not
Speaker 1: say anything at all.
Speaker 3: I'd agree, And I do think saying something that isn't
Speaker 3: asking anything of you is also important, you know, so
Speaker 3: I could just say I love you and you don't
Speaker 3: have to say anything. You can just know that and
Speaker 3: move along as best you can.
Speaker 4: So you're in a relationship.
Speaker 2: The beast entrance ever, and I honestly wait, no, no,
Speaker 2: that voice everyone was reckon back and welcome to the
Speaker 2: show as well. Thank you for that amazing entrance. I
Speaker 2: really like that. Comedic goals.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having that was really good.
Speaker 2: How long have you guys actually been dating.
Speaker 1: For a little over three years now? Three years?
Speaker 2: I remember when you told me oh yeah, yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and I was like something, well, something which is different
Speaker 2: about it? And I think you knew that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I remember, I'll say this, like even
Speaker 2: after we went for a hike, do you remember when
Speaker 2: were hiking? And I'm like, all right, so, because I'm
Speaker 2: I'm probably the opposite of my Kristen and the healings,
Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, I feeling like anybody she doesn't
Speaker 2: want to be asked what she's doing, but she's like, no,
Speaker 2: how are you with the big eyes?
Speaker 1: Tell me this stuff?
Speaker 2: But I just because I just figured everyone was just
Speaker 2: talking about like the head stuff. I wanted it to
Speaker 2: be like, because you you did get you're you're able
Speaker 2: to fall in love again. And I know that's like
Speaker 2: we've we've we've got past the not not past it.
Speaker 2: But you're like, I feel like I have to at
Speaker 2: least wait.
Speaker 1: A year, right, And I think when you came and
Speaker 1: stayed with me, it.
Speaker 2: Was maybe you're like eight months, you're like eight or
Speaker 2: nine months or something. And I was telling I got there.
Speaker 1: I was telling him today, I said, you know, when
Speaker 1: Janet came to stay with me, it was maybe eight
Speaker 1: nine months in something like that, and I wasn't ready
Speaker 1: to date. But I was at the point where I
Speaker 1: was feeling like, you're.
Speaker 2: Thinking about it, but you're like they didn't want to
Speaker 2: be judged. That was like the thing You're like, I
Speaker 2: don't want people to say something, and I'm like, Kelly,
Speaker 2: people want you to like find love and like get.
Speaker 1: Back out there. I think I was at the stage
Speaker 1: where I felt kind of like this old yucky widow
Speaker 1: that nobody liked. And I was like, I just want
Speaker 1: to feel pretty again, and I want to feel like
Speaker 1: somebody pays attention to me, and I just want to feel,
Speaker 1: you know, like when you go nine months without like
Speaker 1: a hug or a kisser, anthing like that starts to
Speaker 1: creep in a little bit. I knew I wasn't ready
Speaker 1: to actually do anything yet, but I was at the
Speaker 1: place where I was like, oh, well, I'm a little
Speaker 1: starting to get a little lonely, you know. And then
Speaker 1: I remember you were very much like, hey, if you did,
Speaker 1: nobody's going to judge you. And I was like, I know,
Speaker 1: but you know, I'm still not quite there. But then
Speaker 1: it was maybe nine months after that that I met him,
Speaker 1: and he was the first person I dated.
Speaker 2: Had you have not known each other? How did you meet?
Speaker 2: Where do we want to?
Speaker 1: Did you know?
Speaker 2: Had you even met before? Because I feel like.
Speaker 4: I was on this old yucky widow app.
Speaker 1: Oh I w old yucky we had.
Speaker 4: Met before because I knew Bob. Knew Bob. I always
Speaker 4: like to say I knew Bob enough that it's not
Speaker 4: creepy that and are together. But Bob and I loved
Speaker 4: each other.
Speaker 2: It's not like her and John Mayer or something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like I had Bob, Bob sent his
Speaker 4: book when it came out. We were that kind of
Speaker 4: friends and we always liked each other. But I met
Speaker 4: Kelly with Bob and I was like, Oh, that's Bob's
Speaker 4: wife and that's all there, you know. And then at
Speaker 4: are my best friend Seth Green his anniversary shindig, she
Speaker 4: was there and I was there and I was it.
Speaker 4: We just kind of chatted.
Speaker 1: We'll started talking the behind the scenes story of that
Speaker 1: is Seth and Claire. You know, they had their anniversary
Speaker 1: party and they sent out the little you know, party
Speaker 1: invite thing and you can see who the other guests are.
Speaker 1: And I was I was right at the time where
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I think I'm think I'm ready.
Speaker 1: And I was like any cute boys going, any cueboy
Speaker 1: And then like it would mention people and it would
Speaker 1: either say plus one or it would say them with
Speaker 1: their significant other, and then I just saw it just
Speaker 1: said Breck and Meyer, and I was like, oh, doesn't
Speaker 1: say plus one. He's cute. Maybe I'll talk to him.
Speaker 1: And so I remember I went into it having my
Speaker 1: eye already. Yeah, not not like a bull's eye target,
Speaker 1: but like a hey scattershot. Yeah, maybe we'll maybe we'll
Speaker 1: run into each other. And then we just started talking
Speaker 1: and hit it off.
Speaker 2: Reckon. Was there any piece of you that was like,
Speaker 2: how do I even step into shoes that were no comfortably?
Speaker 4: There wasn't, because I was really I don't know, I
Speaker 4: was so explained. I was just very relaxed about it.
Speaker 4: I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was always been
Speaker 4: a monogamy guy, and I was not in a relationship.
Speaker 2: And I have you been married before?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I was married for ten years. We were together
Speaker 4: for twenty kids.
Speaker 1: I do have two kids and twenty two and fifteen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my girls, and so I sounds so cliche, but
Speaker 4: I genuinely wasn't. I was very happy. I was content
Speaker 4: with where I was. I was a single with my
Speaker 4: kids and going to my buddy's anniversary thing and met
Speaker 4: this really great, happened to be super pretty girl that
Speaker 4: we enjoyed talking about pearl jam and stuff, and then
Speaker 4: it just it just really gradually went. There was no
Speaker 4: love bombing. There wasn't like showing off. I wasn't trying
Speaker 4: to carry anything fancy and it really was gradual, which
Speaker 4: to me now three years in is like wow, I
Speaker 4: wish I could tell everybody to do Like we were
Speaker 4: watching that show The Ultimatum last night, going like, just
Speaker 4: give it ten minutes, guys, jesus, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or if you had to be on the show,
Speaker 2: we probably already know our answer.
Speaker 1: But right, yeah, if you need to go on the show,
Speaker 1: you know there's a problem.
Speaker 2: But America needs that to.
Speaker 4: Thankfully, because we enjoyed the help.
Speaker 1: Twenties and we're like, you know what, you got to
Speaker 1: learn these lessons when you're in your twenties.
Speaker 2: You could just be like a girl thing too, And
Speaker 2: that's probably my own insecurity and I'll just like blast myself.
Speaker 2: But I feel like if I stepped into a situation
Speaker 2: like that, I would be like, they'll never love me
Speaker 2: as much as this, or they would still be with
Speaker 2: them if that person was still there, Like I feel
Speaker 2: like that would play with me as being the partner.
Speaker 2: I mean, because I just handwrecking an issue or that's me.
Speaker 2: I'm saying that's like my because I'm like, I mean,
Speaker 2: like of course, like but I mean I guess you know, well, I'll.
Speaker 4: Have him so tall, there was no way I could
Speaker 4: compare with that.
Speaker 2: I was just like, He's like, absolutely, I will send
Speaker 2: her someone, but.
Speaker 4: I will not be as tall as I was.
Speaker 1: I think, do you know what I'm trying to say? No, yeah,
Speaker 1: a thousand percent. But I think when the person passed away,
Speaker 1: it's different. It's one thing if it's a divorce and
Speaker 1: you're like that person's still around and you still have
Speaker 1: to feel like.
Speaker 2: Oh see for divorce, Like I know my husband would
Speaker 2: never think that I would still have any feelings for
Speaker 2: that person.
Speaker 1: Right, but there's still no way for them to come back,
Speaker 1: and there's no And I mean, he's just and I
Speaker 1: don't want to speak for him, and I'll let him
Speaker 1: answer too, but like he's just been so confident and
Speaker 1: secure about it, and if there's anything that has been
Speaker 1: you know, where he's like, oh, that feels a little sensitive,
Speaker 1: and that feels you know. I think I'm very open
Speaker 1: about saying like, hey, like you're okay with that, right,
Speaker 1: or it's okay for.
Speaker 2: Me to talk about Bob at a lot.
Speaker 1: I talk about it Bob. If I talk about Bob
Speaker 1: with Brecken all the time, and I'll always say, like,
Speaker 1: is that okay, Like is that too much? Like I'm
Speaker 1: always checking in with him to say, like, you're comfortable
Speaker 1: with this right, or like when we go to you know,
Speaker 1: Bob's charity event, or we're hanging out with Bob's daughters,
Speaker 1: we go to dinner with Bob's daughters or Bob's ex wife,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm always like, is this okay? And
Speaker 1: he's always like yeah, Like if there's a problem, I'll
Speaker 1: let you know. Has there ever been a problem?
Speaker 4: No, there's no, because part of it is because Bob
Speaker 4: isn't around anymore in that way and or anyway, but
Speaker 4: because he's not as like a like I used to
Speaker 4: be a jealous guy back in I was like the
Speaker 4: jealous guy, and I think there's.
Speaker 2: Some true first of all, like that's my therapist always says,
Speaker 2: like it's okay, Like that's healthy. Jealousy is not Mine
Speaker 2: was unhealthy when I was younger, but like the normal
Speaker 2: thing you do when you're twenty and you're thirty, Yes,
Speaker 2: we're like wait, no, call me every minute.
Speaker 1: Who's that right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: This was even before you know, texting blew up like
Speaker 4: crazy and all that. But with Bob, it's almost like
Speaker 4: a separate story and it ended. It ended in the
Speaker 4: sense that Bob's not with us, but her relationship with
Speaker 4: Bob is so I don't know why, mentally in my
Speaker 4: brain so separate from us that when she talks about it,
Speaker 4: it doesn't reflect on me in any way other than
Speaker 4: you're telling me this amazing story about this amazing person
Speaker 4: and this amazing adventure you had, which sadly came to
Speaker 4: an end before I was even involved. Yeah, so that's
Speaker 4: that's one of the things I think with divorce, it's
Speaker 4: different where I mean, lucky enough, Kelly and my Ki's
Speaker 4: mom are actually tight and they get along, which is awesome,
Speaker 4: But there are other situations where it's not and that
Speaker 4: person's present and there's not only just a shadow but
Speaker 4: physically that person is there, and things like that we've
Speaker 4: never had that We just haven't had that. And also
Speaker 4: I love Bob, like Bob was just awesome and it
Speaker 4: sucks that Bob's not here. Kelly and I are totally
Speaker 4: separate from Bob and Kelly and even Bob and I.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, your maturity and just being well rounded, like
Speaker 3: we're all very adult. I think like part of the
Speaker 3: reason I looked forward to this conversation today is just
Speaker 3: that we're all like forties and beyond, you know, and
Speaker 3: it just matters differently. There's a different processing, Like this
Speaker 3: is a lot of real life stuff.
Speaker 4: I mean we always say that the one thing and
Speaker 4: we always I say, the timing of when we met
Speaker 4: is pretty fantastic. Yeah, yeah, because truthfully, if this was
Speaker 4: me ten years ago, no, I probably would have been
Speaker 4: you know, you always talk about me and it's like
Speaker 4: I have I mean, there's literally just none of it.
Speaker 4: And I know, as like a former wacky jealous guys,
Speaker 4: where were you? Who was that? You know, that type
Speaker 4: of thing. There's not we just I mean it's just.
Speaker 2: So where do you think that comes from? By the way,
Speaker 2: like in you like if you could trace that back
Speaker 2: to be like I think.
Speaker 4: Experience in that way time after I got divorced, I
Speaker 4: did data bit and I did I did all the
Speaker 4: stupid things. I know one time there's one time just
Speaker 4: one girl, one girl, and saw really genuinely saw like
Speaker 4: in me like oh look what you're doing. Oh look
Speaker 4: what you're doing there. You're doing your front loading, or
Speaker 4: you're trying to do this, or you're playing anything. And
Speaker 4: with Kelly it was from Jump Street. There were no
Speaker 4: intentional games. There was no like let me see, let
Speaker 4: me see if she calls her, let me call her
Speaker 4: every day whatever. It was genuinely like I'm in a
Speaker 4: text when I feel like textinger as opposed to when
Speaker 4: I feel like I should, and I mean, she could
Speaker 4: tell you better than me. It probably seemed a little slow,
Speaker 4: like she was probably like, come on, well that was
Speaker 4: very slow.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I remember when I was
Speaker 1: in it, and I'm sure I even vented to you
Speaker 1: girls about it at some point, but I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think he likes me, yea saying that
Speaker 1: for sure, I don't know. But looking back, I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful that he did play it slowly because that's really
Speaker 1: what I needed. Like if he would would have loved bombed,
Speaker 1: or if he we would have been like boyfriend girlfriend
Speaker 1: after a week like that would have been too much
Speaker 1: for me because of what I had gone through. I
Speaker 1: needed something where like I got to a place too
Speaker 1: where I'm like, this is actually very real and he
Speaker 1: is a good person, and I know his heart by now,
Speaker 1: and I know he's not going to screw me over,
Speaker 1: and I know he's not going to do this and
Speaker 1: this and this, and so I feel like I really
Speaker 1: needed that because it could have I mean, can you
Speaker 1: imagine the first person I date after losing Bob that
Speaker 1: ends up, you know, playing it wrong and then I'm
Speaker 1: so hurt and then like he breaks my heart or
Speaker 1: something like I And I think even though he wasn't
Speaker 1: super intentional about like, oh, she's a widow, I have
Speaker 1: to be extra extra careful with her. I think it
Speaker 1: was just kind of innate in him that he was
Speaker 1: cautious but not necessarily just for that reason.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's as like extra hot of him. I mean,
Speaker 3: was that like extra hot that he was like.
Speaker 1: It was extra hot, and yeah, we appreciate that.
Speaker 5: But clueless I was perfect, you know, I think because
Speaker 5: he was he was being very gentle about it.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, yes, it was very hot,
Speaker 1: but he wasn't playing hard to get. He was just right.
Speaker 1: It was just he was easy going, confident. But you
Speaker 1: know what he did what he said he was going
Speaker 1: to do. Whenever we made plans, he kept the plans.
Speaker 1: If he's like I'll pick you up at seven, he
Speaker 1: was at my house at six fifty nine. You know,
Speaker 1: he was always on time. I could he was. And
Speaker 1: you know what, when you get older, it's sexy as
Speaker 1: hell to be accountable and reliable and on.
Speaker 2: Time and for your words to match your action. Yes,
Speaker 2: nothing hotter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and when you're in your twenties and you know,
Speaker 1: when you're a little younger, that's the stuff that it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: but you know, if he didn't call me today, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh that was hot. It's like, no, he called when
Speaker 1: he said he would, and he did what he said
Speaker 1: he would, and that was that was very hot. When
Speaker 1: I say the word hot, but it's.
Speaker 2: You're saying though, it does come with like you learned
Speaker 2: a lot post divorce, And the things that I learned
Speaker 2: post my last divorce was a lot, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like it made me a better wife to
Speaker 2: my new husband. And I'm just yeah, you're just the
Speaker 2: older now in my forties too, you just learn so
Speaker 2: much more about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember my death. My kid's mom who is awesome.
Speaker 2: And y'all get along, yeah everybody right.
Speaker 1: No, she's been so amazing supportive to me and it's
Speaker 1: just so lovely and kind and yeah, she's great.
Speaker 4: But when dev and I were together early on, I
Speaker 4: remember I was I was I'm younger than WA a
Speaker 4: little bit, and I was the brash, obnoxious jackass and
Speaker 4: she's a pretty writer. So I was like, who's that?
Speaker 4: Who's that?
Speaker 2: Do you also think that was the role that you
Speaker 2: had to play? Because that was what you thought the
Speaker 2: role you had to play.
Speaker 4: Was I just know what to do? I was like,
Speaker 4: I was, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Absolutely. But we met when I was twenty. I just
Speaker 4: wrapped clueless hadn't come out yet, so it was a
Speaker 4: long time ago and I hadn't been in relationships. But
Speaker 4: I was a jealous jackass, just insecure as what I
Speaker 4: shouldn't say jeous. It was just insecure as hell. I
Speaker 4: remember Dev said at one point, like, why would I
Speaker 4: waste my time being jealous? If you're gonna do something better?
Speaker 4: Like if you're gonna cheat, if a girl's gonna if
Speaker 4: a guy's gonna cheat on you, ever he's gonna, there's
Speaker 4: nothing I can do to prevent it. I can't hang
Speaker 4: on to you, so you can't leave the house because
Speaker 4: the minute you do get out of the house, you're
Speaker 4: gonna feel like, oh, finally I'm free or whatever. And
Speaker 4: it used to piss me off, like, no, I want
Speaker 4: you to be jealous that that proves affection. And it
Speaker 4: took me a very long time to recognize, Like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean there are certain things I'm sure I would
Speaker 4: be jealous if Kelly had to do, you know, a
Speaker 4: love scene or something like that or anything like that.
Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, I'll never have to.
Speaker 4: You might to Kelly, will you right back to you?
Speaker 4: And very possible, but I'll never be you know. It
Speaker 4: was just genuine. It was wasted energy to be that
Speaker 4: kind of jealous where and it took me probably twenty
Speaker 4: years to realize it. With Kelly, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: if if this is going to go south, it's not
Speaker 4: gonna because of something I did, I'll make sure that.
Speaker 4: But I can't control her and she wants to step
Speaker 4: out and don't be with me.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I think that timing is so important too though, because
Speaker 2: it's like I always say that too. If my husband
Speaker 2: now and I met each other even like post like
Speaker 2: too soon post my divorce, I wouldn't have been able
Speaker 2: to heal the things I need to heal to be
Speaker 2: a better version.
Speaker 4: To be open for him, yeah, to be open to that.
Speaker 2: And same with him, you know. So I think it's
Speaker 2: I love love the time.
Speaker 4: But the timing thing is it's a Bob sense.
Speaker 2: Not a godsend, but a Bob sense.
Speaker 1: It's true. I always say he's the one person that
Speaker 1: Bob would not be mad about. Like you probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: be thrilled that there's anybody, but he'd be like, all right,
Speaker 1: it's going to be anybody.
Speaker 3: Well, he can't leave us smoking the hot wife behind
Speaker 3: and think you're just gonna sit there and not live
Speaker 3: a life not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, But that's why he's like, all right, if
Speaker 1: it's going to be anybody, let it be Breckon. But
Speaker 1: don't you guys know or haven't you noticed, let's say
Speaker 1: even post forty that in your relationship that there are
Speaker 1: things that you actively catch yourself that you were like
Speaker 1: about to do but then you're like, no, I'm not going.
Speaker 2: To do that all the time because I stay myself ago,
Speaker 2: because thirty year old jan I would have been like, oh,
Speaker 2: I was just texting a second grats on a show
Speaker 2: like who cares what stuff together? Like you know, years ago.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, no, I can't do that because that's
Speaker 2: disrespectable to my now husband. Well, you though, I have
Speaker 2: zero like not trying to reach out, but like there's
Speaker 2: a different level of respect.
Speaker 4: And.
Speaker 1: I'm like where it's so natural sometimes to almost want
Speaker 1: to make your partner a little jealous because you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to test them. I want to see if
Speaker 1: they like, if they get jealous, and it's going to
Speaker 1: show how much they love me. And so you do
Speaker 1: little things here and there where it's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna be like, oh, hey, oh just oh just
Speaker 1: texted this person or something, or bring up something from
Speaker 1: the past or whatever, and to see the reaction to
Speaker 1: test them. And now I'm like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: do that. And there have been times where you know,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, I want to see if he
Speaker 1: gets jealous or whatever, and I catch myself and I'm like, Nope,
Speaker 1: that's immature, twenty five year old Kelly, You're not doing
Speaker 1: that now.
Speaker 2: But sometimes and if it's okay, if it does, I mean,
Speaker 2: I can think that on certain situations, I have a
Speaker 2: big fear of abandonment. I think they're going to leave.
Speaker 2: So sometimes in arguments with my husband, I'll push a
Speaker 2: little too far to be like are you going to leave?
Speaker 2: Because I almost want to see it to be like
Speaker 2: I told you you were going to leave me, and
Speaker 2: I have to do my work to not like I
Speaker 2: don't need to push him to that piece. I am
Speaker 2: able to catch yourself now some perfectly right, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, like facts in your head to attempt
Speaker 2: to catch yourself where some people like when you're younger
Speaker 2: and you don't have that experience and you don't realize
Speaker 2: how it can really affect somebody else.
Speaker 1: You have no filter. You just let it fly and
Speaker 1: there's no there's no governor on that.
Speaker 2: It just you have triggers though that come up something
Speaker 2: like that where it's like since the death or since
Speaker 2: anything childhood, where you're like, you bring it in like
Speaker 2: it's a trigger of someone.
Speaker 1: I do a lot, and I try so hard to
Speaker 1: not because he has never done anything to instigate now.
Speaker 2: But it's still your right stuff.
Speaker 1: So we bring to new with you know, when I
Speaker 1: was married the first time, my ex he literally one
Speaker 1: day woke up out of the blue and which.
Speaker 2: I love that episode, so I was really great, thank you,
Speaker 2: and you didn't have to defend yourself post that.
Speaker 1: By the way, Well, the ex husband, he's the one
Speaker 1: who woke up one day and said I don't want
Speaker 1: to be married anymore. But then the ex boyfriend between
Speaker 1: ex husband and Bob, he was the one who then
Speaker 1: woke up the day before we were moving into our
Speaker 1: new house and said, I can't do this anymore. So
Speaker 1: I've had two big relationships out of the blue, and
Speaker 1: everyone's like, oh, there was a reason. You know there was.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, they didn't tell me the reason ever,
Speaker 1: and I didn't know the reason. So right, but and
Speaker 1: so to this day, I don't know the reason anyway.
Speaker 2: But if Brecon doesn't right and so maybe communicate something
Speaker 2: or doesn't text back or do you have that, does
Speaker 2: that trigger come in?
Speaker 1: I have two triggers.
Speaker 2: One is do you know them?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah. One they're totally understandable.
Speaker 1: If there's one, you know, a day where maybe he
Speaker 1: just is a little bit more introspective and he's a
Speaker 1: little bit more Oh my god, he's gonna break up
Speaker 1: with me. He's gonna he's just gonna, like, we've never
Speaker 1: been in a fight. Three years, We've never had a fight.
Speaker 1: He's just gonna break up with me. So they're not
Speaker 1: like not even a like, no.
Speaker 4: It's weird.
Speaker 1: It's weird.
Speaker 4: We recognize it.
Speaker 1: There have been a couple of times where like the
Speaker 1: other day we were at our hotel, the elevators weren't working,
Speaker 1: we had to take the stairs. I was breaking out.
Speaker 1: We were lost, we couldn't find it.
Speaker 4: Were seventeen, but we got lost.
Speaker 1: And I got snappy with him, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: apparently you know where you're going, you know. So I
Speaker 1: got a little snappy, and then immediately I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I apologize, you know, so like things like that,
Speaker 1: but never anything that's lasted more than thirty seconds.
Speaker 3: By the way, that's literally one hundred percent of America
Speaker 3: would be the same way, right, I mean, rights pressure.
Speaker 4: So my choice to be like god call she said it,
Speaker 4: and I was like, yeah, she's annoyed right now. We're
Speaker 4: trying to find the damn exit. It's her hotel, you know,
Speaker 4: it's the hotel she planned. And so I was just like,
Speaker 4: I know, she's annoyed. And when we got up to
Speaker 4: when we finally got out of the other she was
Speaker 4: like sorry I was snappy, and I was like, cool,
Speaker 4: it was nothing I didn't personally. I knew that, like
Speaker 4: she wasn't gonna end the relationship or anything like that.
Speaker 4: But the other the other one is more.
Speaker 3: Legit, yeah, right, And then the other one is that
Speaker 3: it is so if he gets introspective, that's his head
Speaker 3: a little bit.
Speaker 1: Quieter or right. Or if let's say I get snappy,
Speaker 1: if I'm like, oh my god, did I just push
Speaker 1: him too far? Right now, he's like she just has
Speaker 1: a temper right from one little thing. But then the
Speaker 1: other one is if there's an instance where let's say
Speaker 1: he over sleeps in the morning, because we all live together,
Speaker 1: so if he over sleeps and I, you know, he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll be up at nine, and then he's not answering
Speaker 1: his phone by ten o'clock or something.
Speaker 2: Because that's what happened. I think he's dead.
Speaker 1: I literally think he's and there's nothing that ken. I'm
Speaker 1: like doing a MDR for right now to try to
Speaker 1: hell of it.
Speaker 3: Same yeah, but yeah, the bottom's line out. If you
Speaker 3: call me twice, for sure somebody's dead, right, yep.
Speaker 1: And so there is no talking me out of it.
Speaker 1: My body goes to the same place it did on
Speaker 1: January ninth, twenty twenty two, the day Bob died. It's
Speaker 1: like I go to the same place where I'm like
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can feel like my heart starts
Speaker 1: pounding and I start getting clammy and sweaty, and I'm shaking,
Speaker 1: And until I know he's okay, there's no stopping it.
Speaker 1: There's no like self soothing or talking to myself, you know,
Speaker 1: rationally be like Kelly, he's fine. The second my brain
Speaker 1: goes there of like, oh, oh my god, something happened.
Speaker 1: He's not answering. It's the worst case scenario, he's dead.
Speaker 1: Like the second my brain goes there, until I hear
Speaker 1: from him, it's just a runaway train.
Speaker 3: But the retiring that hypervigilance is really, really, really difficult.
Speaker 2: It just is I'm in my EPI on it. I'm
Speaker 2: trying same and if you get there, let me know.
Speaker 2: And if I get there, like you.
Speaker 1: Know, and he's been so understanding about it, like where
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, then I'm you know, calling him
Speaker 1: and texting and being like hello, are you okay? And
Speaker 1: then finally, instead of answering the phone or when he
Speaker 1: calls me, he's like, babe, you know, I'm fine. I
Speaker 1: was just sleeping, like he's.
Speaker 4: I definitely don't sound like that right, even though the
Speaker 4: boyfriend voice is required.
Speaker 2: I was having a rage they do.
Speaker 1: No, He's so understanding about it and he gets it,
Speaker 1: and he's like he does everything he can. Like if
Speaker 1: he's going into a movie and he needs to turn
Speaker 1: his phone off for a couple of hours, he's like
Speaker 1: letting you know, I'm turning my phone off. I'm going
Speaker 1: into a movie. You know, I can track him, like
Speaker 1: I know. It's like if his little dot's still moving,
Speaker 1: I know he's fine.
Speaker 4: So but I also also it is the smallest concession
Speaker 4: in the world for me to make to know that
Speaker 4: if I'm going to a movie, I literally go, baby, movie,
Speaker 4: starting's going off. Or if I'm on a plane, you know,
Speaker 4: she knows every what plane, so she already knows the
Speaker 4: plane I'm on and where it is and all that.
Speaker 3: She's already she's actually the pilot.
Speaker 1: The pilots need me.
Speaker 2: You know, I say I'm going to one day help
Speaker 2: a crash from happening because I'm like, oh, this plane's
Speaker 2: at this altitude and this.
Speaker 1: Okay, she's the human teak.
Speaker 4: If I'm on a plane, I'll get a text from
Speaker 4: Kelly that says, like, you're about to get some turpos.
Speaker 4: I'm like, babe's clocking it.
Speaker 3: I do think though, it speaks volumes to just like
Speaker 3: the true love in this that it is.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's the same with the losing Bob, right, with losing
Speaker 3: anyone to like to no loss that great is to
Speaker 3: have known love that great. So I think it speaks
Speaker 3: volumes to just how much admiration and love you have
Speaker 3: for each other that you are worried by ten am. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, like I would rather be a person that's
Speaker 3: worried about by ten am than a person that's not.
Speaker 3: And you know, my husband wants to send the police
Speaker 3: five times a week because he's like, I saw the
Speaker 3: house is armed, but you haven't answer the phone. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, I just forgot my phone. We have three children,
Speaker 3: you know. But also I want him to be like that,
Speaker 3: because don't we all want to be taken care of
Speaker 3: and loved and thought of that way.
Speaker 1: That's always justified him. I'll be like, so it just
Speaker 1: shows how much I love you that I care, you know,
Speaker 1: And he's like yeah, no, and he'll feel bad. He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just sorry that that's what it is that you
Speaker 1: get so old.
Speaker 4: There was there was one time I can't remember where
Speaker 4: where it was. I was out of town at a
Speaker 4: hotel and she couldn't get a hold or whatever for seconds,
Speaker 4: working immediately like, it's my phone died, you know. It
Speaker 4: was one of those things, and my phone, I'm captain preparation.
Speaker 4: My phone rarely dies, but occasionally it happens at a
Speaker 4: work thing or whatever. Or I'm on set and my
Speaker 4: phone's in the trailer at base camp and I forgot that,
Speaker 4: Oh we're not coming back, so I want to be
Speaker 4: here for three hours without knowing, and I will get
Speaker 4: back and immediately be like, hey, I'm so trying. I'm
Speaker 4: right here, or even use someone else's phone. You're like, bye, sorry, baby,
Speaker 4: my phone's in the trailer. Just just FYI. Even if
Speaker 4: she wasn't bothering about it, and it takes it's an
Speaker 4: extra ten seconds of my day to make sure we're cool.
Speaker 4: You know, it's not a big deal.
Speaker 1: You know, well, it's a big deal to me, and
Speaker 1: you're wonderful it's loving.
Speaker 2: Well though, well, no, it does matter. People should take
Speaker 2: that note because if you know what your partner is,
Speaker 2: you know the trauma with like you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: You're you're loving that piece well, and I think that's beautiful.
Speaker 4: And to be really shitty if I was the guy
Speaker 4: who was like, no, I'm just gonna see how much
Speaker 4: she misses me, Miss Bob.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's twent year old brecond Yeah, comfort food. Tell
Speaker 2: us about comfort food. I mean, obviously you start. You
Speaker 2: started at post Bob. I started at Post Bob.
Speaker 1: So the first season was exclusively about grief and just
Speaker 1: loss or you know, somebody who's going through really really
Speaker 1: difficult time, and which was really important because that's where
Speaker 1: I was at the time, because people don't really talk
Speaker 1: about grief enough, or at least in a way that's
Speaker 1: not like a sad grief podcast with like a grief
Speaker 1: therapist or something like that, Like how can we make
Speaker 1: this subject a little less taboo, a little bit lighter,
Speaker 1: a little bit more palatable so people don't fear it
Speaker 1: so much because if we talk about you actually, well
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 2: I mean it is really because.
Speaker 1: He talked about all the time, and in a way
Speaker 1: where he used Gallo's humor and he made jokes about death,
Speaker 1: and I was always like, you can't do that, and
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, I can. Yeah, Like and I will
Speaker 1: because that's how I get through it. And so I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about it in a way that was
Speaker 1: just a little bit easier and made it not as scary.
Speaker 1: But then I took a break for a while, and
Speaker 1: then back with season two. Now it's not just about grief,
Speaker 1: because I like to talk about other things now too,
Speaker 1: you know, so it's a lot more about relationships. Still
Speaker 1: a lot of you know, loss and like how you
Speaker 1: get through a really tough time.
Speaker 2: Which is beautiful. Yeah, because you are, which is also beautiful.
Speaker 1: I've been trying. So yeah, it's interesting to have, you know,
Speaker 1: conversations from everything about like romance scams to being bullied
Speaker 1: as an adult, to you know. The first season, I
Speaker 1: was feeding the guests their favorite comfort food, so it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's talk about death, but we're eating grilled cheese.
Speaker 2: Makes you know, is this season?
Speaker 1: So yeah, it got to the point where when my
Speaker 1: last guest from season or a guest we were going
Speaker 1: to have from season one their food poisoning. No. Fortunately, no,
Speaker 1: his was easy, although he didn't want to eat on camera.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want to eat while I'm actually talking.
Speaker 1: I think the people want to know that I have
Speaker 1: the guests who requested Ana Barbara Ooney from Santa Barbara
Speaker 1: and caviar. Is there comfort food? I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is getting but we did not have that.
Speaker 3: You can tell.
Speaker 1: Us no one I had ever met in person. But yeah,
Speaker 1: the food started getting a little ridiculous. And so now
Speaker 1: comfort food is a metaphor.
Speaker 4: Can I be the fawning boyfriend for a second. The
Speaker 4: one thing I dig about Kelly's UH podcast and also
Speaker 4: just Kelly in general, is because I didn't I never
Speaker 4: dated anyone who's lost a husband or of that.
Speaker 3: Good that you don't have a type that feels.
Speaker 4: Widows I need but no. One of the things amazing
Speaker 4: is that with the loss of Bob and the comfort food,
Speaker 4: one of the things that always kind of blow me
Speaker 4: away about Kelly was it was the grief and how
Speaker 4: she dealt with it. And that's kind of monumentally amazing
Speaker 4: to me because I've never lost a spouse like that.
Speaker 4: I couldn't imagine it, but the fact that she had
Speaker 4: this positive outlook on that, Yes, there's grief, and you
Speaker 4: deal with grief, and then also there's the new chapter,
Speaker 4: the next chapter, the new normal that you're moving into,
Speaker 4: and how to be positive about that and that grief
Speaker 4: we were talking about grief isn't just losing your husband.
Speaker 4: It's also divorce is an absolute form of grief, losing
Speaker 4: you know, losing a relationship, losing a pet, losing a friend,
Speaker 4: you know, even and I mean losing not death. I
Speaker 4: mean just like having a breakup with a friend or
Speaker 4: whatever and how to move on from that. And she's
Speaker 4: always kind of so great with that that I've always
Speaker 4: kind of marveled at it from afar. I'm not a
Speaker 4: podcast person, but I just always marvel at the fact
Speaker 4: that she's able to blend the grief into the new
Speaker 4: chapter where it is a light at the end of
Speaker 4: the tunnel, as opposed to just like, look, everyone get it.
Speaker 4: Bring as much food as you can and stay at
Speaker 4: home as long as you can under a blanket, and
Speaker 4: you know, until you don't. Yeah, it's it's impressively well you.
Speaker 1: Guys ever get to l a. I've been wanting to
Speaker 1: have you guys on for two years. Jeez, less pressure
Speaker 1: now that.
Speaker 2: I don't have to pick a food, to be honest, seriously,
Speaker 2: but thank you for you guys, Thank you for coming on, Reckon.
Speaker 2: It's an honor to also have you here. I was
Speaker 2: able to get through it without asking you one clueless question.
Speaker 2: So that's fun.
Speaker 1: That's the part two.
Speaker 4: I know, but you get one question, go ahead.
Speaker 2: But no, seriously, I'm just really I'm happy for you
Speaker 2: and I really.
Speaker 1: Proud of you both so much much to actually be
Speaker 1: here in persons such a gift, and to sit with
Speaker 1: you wonderful ladies who've always been just so amazing in
Speaker 1: there for me.
Speaker 2: I love your but I love your butt too.
Speaker 3: I love you, but you bet your house.
Speaker 1: I love your bet