Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jane Kramer and I hear Radio podcast
Speaker 1: so excited for this week's Thursday episode. We've got Susan's
Speaker 1: in coming on New Year knew You. Hi, Susan, you
Speaker 1: missed us love confessing about you, and you couldn't hear us.
Speaker 1: We were all talking about how pretty you were. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. I love seeing you guys again. This is
Speaker 1: so I'm so excited to see you guys. Thank you
Speaker 1: your holiday movie by the way, and it was amazing.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I appreciate it, and for coming
Speaker 1: onto wind Down in the new Year. I'm curious where
Speaker 1: where your where your thoughts are at with New Year,
Speaker 1: New You? Is it something where do you hate the
Speaker 1: saying or are you here for it? I'm actually here
Speaker 1: for it. And I think that we've been through so
Speaker 1: much over the past couple of years, and it's really
Speaker 1: important for us to set our intentions of what we
Speaker 1: want to feel like and what we want to do,
Speaker 1: and so I'm all about the New Year, New You.
Speaker 1: I think it's an amazing way to kind of thinking
Speaker 1: and really allow our brains to start to anticipate some
Speaker 1: joy and fun rather than just so much dread and
Speaker 1: uncertainty that we've had over the past couple of years.
Speaker 1: How do you for people that feel uncertain right um
Speaker 1: or they don't know what this month hold or the
Speaker 1: next month or the next month because there's that uncertainty,
Speaker 1: how do you how can someone stay positive with that?
Speaker 1: Like what's something they can do? I mean, I know,
Speaker 1: you know, choosing gratitude and writting things down, but like,
Speaker 1: is there something else where you can go? Okay, like
Speaker 1: this would be helpful in just being present in today,
Speaker 1: in this moment. I think that that's such an important
Speaker 1: question because it's something that we're all struggling with all
Speaker 1: the time, is how do we stay more present and
Speaker 1: more positive? And I also want you to know that
Speaker 1: during the holidays, it's an undeniably stressful time and research
Speaker 1: really shows about half of women and the third of
Speaker 1: men actually struggle with stress during the holidays. So this
Speaker 1: isn't something that's so uncommon. But I think it's really
Speaker 1: important for us to start to think about, how are
Speaker 1: we sort of setting an action plan to really get
Speaker 1: us through these time periods that can create more joy
Speaker 1: and happiness versus and feeling sort of stressed out and
Speaker 1: overwhelmed all the time. And it's also really important for
Speaker 1: us to understand our biology because we're like batteries, so
Speaker 1: we have renewing feelings and emotion and we have depleting ones.
Speaker 1: And we also have the choice and agency of of
Speaker 1: what way we want to go. So if we are
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed or stressed or not present, we can choose
Speaker 1: to do certain actions that can get us into those states.
Speaker 1: So you did mention things like gratitude or appreciation, but
Speaker 1: there are concrete things that we can really set up
Speaker 1: for success. And the basics really is really starting about
Speaker 1: our own seft care, because especially during the holidays, we
Speaker 1: don't think about ourselves. We're thinking so much about other people.
Speaker 1: So if we start with the basics of what does
Speaker 1: our sleep look like? How what are we eating, how
Speaker 1: are we taking care of ourselves? How are we taking
Speaker 1: time for ourselves in this busy and time when it
Speaker 1: can feel so pussful, is really important. Yeah, And coming
Speaker 1: into the new year, I always feel like so my
Speaker 1: birthdays January three, so it's fun because I get a
Speaker 1: new me year and I get a new year right
Speaker 1: like within forty eight hours of each other. Um, But
Speaker 1: coming into the new year, I feel like before I
Speaker 1: had set all these crazy expectations for myself, Like it
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I have to work out this many
Speaker 1: times a week and while you know, and then and
Speaker 1: then as a recovering perfectionist as I will call myself
Speaker 1: real type A over here, um, I felt like then
Speaker 1: the letdown was so hard and I would just be
Speaker 1: so hard on myself and I'm like, well, you know
Speaker 1: if I hadn't done it. So then I started to
Speaker 1: adopt this policy of like I would kind of I
Speaker 1: would do a shedding period in December and I would
Speaker 1: do what I needed to do to just kind of
Speaker 1: care for myself best over holidays families a little tricky
Speaker 1: for me. And then in January I gave myself to
Speaker 1: January thirty one instead of it was almost like I
Speaker 1: got to try on the new routine instead of it
Speaker 1: being like by January four, I'm out because I, you know,
Speaker 1: had a martini. Doesn't set of pressure to do everything
Speaker 1: by like well January one, like just change your life.
Speaker 1: Jims are always so full, you know, like everyone's like
Speaker 1: this is it, and then we feel like we burn
Speaker 1: ourselves out because it's not like a slow integrated So
Speaker 1: what I guess I'm asking you, is am I copying
Speaker 1: out by giving myself a month? Or is it smarter
Speaker 1: to slowly pace myself in for thirty one days. I
Speaker 1: love the slow pace, and I also really think what
Speaker 1: you're talking about is so important. We look at the
Speaker 1: statistics gym memberships, dating apps. They all bank on the
Speaker 1: fact that we're going to sort of set our goals
Speaker 1: for January one, and by February one we're gonna be
Speaker 1: burnt out. So I think it's really important to start
Speaker 1: to really think about what's important to you and what
Speaker 1: are your intentions. Because we know that when we sort
Speaker 1: of put those vision boards up and we put all
Speaker 1: those sort of pretty pictures of all the things that
Speaker 1: we want, the problem is really that we get the
Speaker 1: stopamine from the high of actually seeing it, and our
Speaker 1: body starts to calm down and anticipate that already happened.
Speaker 1: So if you want to get in better shape, or
Speaker 1: you want to have that great relationship or that house,
Speaker 1: you're starting to give your reward circuitry sort of that
Speaker 1: this already happened and you don't actually have to work
Speaker 1: towards it. But the problem is when we put those
Speaker 1: vision boards or up those gold lists, we're not really
Speaker 1: setting up any sort of action plans of how we're
Speaker 1: actually getting there, And it's those small steps are really
Speaker 1: what makes changes in our lives. And so it's amazing
Speaker 1: dream of what you want for the year, what are
Speaker 1: your intentions, but you are all so successful and you
Speaker 1: all have such amazing sort of careers, but really thinking
Speaker 1: about and the other aspects of your life, what are
Speaker 1: the things that you want to do, and what are
Speaker 1: the steps you're willing to take, and what are you
Speaker 1: really willing to also sacrifice in order to get there.
Speaker 1: So that's also really important is that we're not only
Speaker 1: giving ourselves all this sort of dopamine for the reward circuitry,
Speaker 1: but we're also thinking about what could go wrong, what
Speaker 1: are we going to give up if we really want
Speaker 1: those things? And then move towards action plans reporting because
Speaker 1: the more predictability and the more action commands, and the
Speaker 1: more steps we have that we can keep ourselves accountable,
Speaker 1: that's when it's going to help you reach your goals.
Speaker 1: I love an action plan more than I love anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I read a book too. It was a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago. Now maybe I shoot, I think ten years ago.
Speaker 1: It's called the Happiness Project, and every month you set
Speaker 1: a goal or a resolution. So it's like and it's
Speaker 1: so it's not just like I'm gonna it's not just
Speaker 1: one thing. It's like, every month, what is your goal
Speaker 1: or what is your intention or And I just that's
Speaker 1: that's has stayed with me, and I don't follow it perfectly,
Speaker 1: but um, I every year I'm like, I'm gonna do that,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like you kind of you fall
Speaker 1: off of it. But that's something that I've I've always
Speaker 1: loved that and because it feels a little bit more attainable.
Speaker 1: And also last year, because every um, every New Year's Eve,
Speaker 1: I write down a list of my goals for relationships, um,
Speaker 1: for work or personal and one of the things on
Speaker 1: my last year's list was to run a marathon. First
Speaker 1: it was half and then someone's like, you can do
Speaker 1: better than that. You can do a marathon. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I totally can. But I realized, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I didn't do I didn't do a full marathon last year,
Speaker 1: and I was it's nothing. I was embarrassed, but I
Speaker 1: also realized, you know what, that goal, I'm not ready
Speaker 1: for that one yet and I'm like, okay, I'll put
Speaker 1: that back on when I'm ready. And I think it's
Speaker 1: okay too to have something where if you see it
Speaker 1: on your list and go, I'm just not ready yet
Speaker 1: and like that being okay and not like you getting
Speaker 1: upset at yourself. I just think it's so overwhelming. I
Speaker 1: have the hardest time with New Year's resolutions. But that's
Speaker 1: why I think that happened. This project sounds like a
Speaker 1: good attainable goal because it's like to go, just list
Speaker 1: all this stuff, like in reality, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: do it all. So if you do like one thing
Speaker 1: a month, I love that idea, as I just oh,
Speaker 1: it's so overwhelming to me. So for the month of January,
Speaker 1: is there one resolution or goal that you can and again,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like I'm going to run
Speaker 1: a half mare. It's like I'm in a practice gratitude
Speaker 1: as as often as I ken daily or you know,
Speaker 1: it's like there's something that you can think of that
Speaker 1: you could start your resolution with. Yes, I have mine.
Speaker 1: So mine is we're so busy in the afternoons and
Speaker 1: we're running around, the older kids running around. Is to
Speaker 1: have I don't know. I think we feasibly can do
Speaker 1: only two nights a week, if at all, I mean,
Speaker 1: if not just one or two nights a week, we
Speaker 1: actually sit down for dinner, we get off of our electronics.
Speaker 1: As a family, we are not running to a sport.
Speaker 1: We are not running to this or that, which is
Speaker 1: very hard for us to do. But that's mine, January,
Speaker 1: Are you ready for mine? I need intentional time with myself. Great.
Speaker 1: I know, it's like New Year, knew me. I want
Speaker 1: to date myself. I feel like I have two kids
Speaker 1: and a very busy husband, and so whenever I can
Speaker 1: find time to carve, it's either one on one time
Speaker 1: with them or one on one time with my husband,
Speaker 1: and I don't feel like I want on one time
Speaker 1: with myself. Well, I do it thirty minute workout and
Speaker 1: then I'm out, you know, or like, oh I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1: I'll swing by Starbucks and get a nice tea. It's
Speaker 1: like that's great, like little deposits and compound interest, but
Speaker 1: it's not like really settling into like maybe I just
Speaker 1: check out for like three hours in an afternoon and
Speaker 1: I date myself and go to like really good lunch
Speaker 1: and read a book. I want to I fantasize about
Speaker 1: that girl. I just miss her. So And how do
Speaker 1: you think, I mean, is that a good setup to
Speaker 1: have that outlook? I think, I mean, I think what
Speaker 1: you're talking about is so important. Number one is that
Speaker 1: you're not overwhelming your nervous system with a million things
Speaker 1: that you're not going to get to new and Jenny
Speaker 1: even talking about the marath on, I love the re
Speaker 1: shift for yourself. It doesn't mean that you can't you're
Speaker 1: not going to put it back on the list for
Speaker 1: this year, and maybe it goes on the top of
Speaker 1: the list if it feels something really important or maybe
Speaker 1: you're starting to reevaluate is that something that I really
Speaker 1: want to do or something that I felt like I
Speaker 1: had to do? Because doing a marathon is a lot
Speaker 1: of work, it's a lot of training, it's a lot
Speaker 1: of preparation, and are you willing to give up other
Speaker 1: things in your life in order to make that commitment?
Speaker 1: And so oftentimes we put these things on the list
Speaker 1: and we set ourselves up for failure, or it was
Speaker 1: someone else's goal in mind, that was the piece that
Speaker 1: I was like, I put half marathon and I did that,
Speaker 1: but I put marathon to please or to or because
Speaker 1: it was someone else's idea rather than my. Now, I again,
Speaker 1: I would love to do it. I'm just not ready,
Speaker 1: like you said to to do that. But I think
Speaker 1: I compromise my own what I wanted to please or
Speaker 1: to look a certain way or whatever. And you didn't
Speaker 1: also celebrate your success enough with your half marathon. That's
Speaker 1: an amazing accomplishment and standing at that and saying that
Speaker 1: actually really felt amazing to me. I'm really proud of
Speaker 1: what I did, versus feeling like you have to do more.
Speaker 1: And that's what we get tricky, and the sort of
Speaker 1: these goals at the end of the year or for
Speaker 1: New Year's um where we we sort of just don't
Speaker 1: feel motivated or feel good about ourselves, and they start
Speaker 1: making us feel not enough or not important. And so
Speaker 1: setting it up where you're having monthly goals or monthly
Speaker 1: intentions that you're working towards because we're always growing as
Speaker 1: human beings, and this gives you an opportunity to not
Speaker 1: only know ourselves deeper and develop that relationship that maybe
Speaker 1: you are spending three hours in the afternoon, maybe it's
Speaker 1: only once a month or twice a month, and maybe
Speaker 1: you're just getting those joy deposits every single day where
Speaker 1: you're going to get your coffee or your gym or
Speaker 1: your time with your girlfriend, but you're really setting this
Speaker 1: up to this is important. This is something that I
Speaker 1: want to work on. This is where I want to
Speaker 1: grow myself and my relationship with myself because you're all
Speaker 1: here and it's all our divine lives and we get
Speaker 1: to choose how we want to live them every single day.
Speaker 1: To celebrating myself is actually on my list for this year.
Speaker 1: That's great because it's crazy because to me, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to win an former me would say I
Speaker 1: have to win an award to celebrate myself or it
Speaker 1: has to be like whatever, something like big. But truly,
Speaker 1: just the fact that I want to send time with
Speaker 1: myself is a celebration for me because I have just
Speaker 1: done a lot of work and feel really like, you know,
Speaker 1: like actually like me, which is and I've never been
Speaker 1: able to say that really before I would say it
Speaker 1: to myself, but to say it out loud, I was
Speaker 1: um conceded. Whatever. Everybody here knows I'm not that way.
Speaker 1: But it's like celebrating all the tiny things I love
Speaker 1: a toast before dinner because I feel like you have
Speaker 1: to come up with something to cheers too, and I
Speaker 1: just want to live more daily in a cheers mode.
Speaker 1: I think that will just bring you. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: that way. I have to have my alone time, I
Speaker 1: have to celebrate myself all of those things where I
Speaker 1: almost I'm just a worse person for everybody around me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think that you'll really you don't have to
Speaker 1: do a lot because you really loved you, don't I mean,
Speaker 1: you don't you like your alone time? Oh? I love
Speaker 1: alone I just never get it. But I fantasize my
Speaker 1: kids are still a priority, like that's one of my
Speaker 1: very top priorities, or I just can't function. We're in
Speaker 1: a season, so my son is my daughter is now seven,
Speaker 1: and my son is four, and so it's like that
Speaker 1: those tiny years it was hard to just find, you know,
Speaker 1: like you can't even go to the bathroom. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: now I'm starting to feel like I can breathe just
Speaker 1: a tiny bit. Not for long. You can do it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try. I'm gonna love it. It's harder when
Speaker 1: the tagers too. Yeah. I'm kind of in that sweet
Speaker 1: spot because I have like thirteen, ten and six, so
Speaker 1: I'm like getting a break. The thirteen year old isn't
Speaker 1: quite like teenager going out all the time yet, so
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going to enjoy this until it's crazy again.
Speaker 1: It's kind of nice, I think, when you're also talking
Speaker 1: about for so many women, is really starting to love
Speaker 1: yourself such an important message because so many women feel
Speaker 1: like they have to come after their children, after their partners,
Speaker 1: and they're so last on the list. And by talking
Speaker 1: about prioritizing yourself and really making you the best version
Speaker 1: of you, You're going to be a better mom, gonna
Speaker 1: be a better partner, You're gonna be a better friend,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be a better coworker. And that's such an
Speaker 1: important message that we need now more than ever, especially
Speaker 1: for women. It made me tearful, which piece the part
Speaker 1: where yeah, it's because we do. I think it just
Speaker 1: took me a minute to understand that, Like I don't
Speaker 1: have to pause my life because I'm raising them. Like
Speaker 1: even that podcast has done that for me. It's like
Speaker 1: it may just be an hour a week where I'm
Speaker 1: with my friends, but I get to go back to
Speaker 1: my true self and I get to do the radio
Speaker 1: side of me or the the you know, just the
Speaker 1: vulnerable side of me, or the oversharing side of me
Speaker 1: in a way that's productive and feels like I connect.
Speaker 1: But I haven't had that for so long. I was um.
Speaker 1: I worked in the music industry on like the business
Speaker 1: side and the radio side before I had met my
Speaker 1: husband and he's an artist, and so I became a
Speaker 1: state at home mom. So it was like one eight
Speaker 1: and I really struggle. Postpartum was hard. Everything was just
Speaker 1: so different that I feel like I had that brain
Speaker 1: that if if I do anything, that I'm sacrificing our family,
Speaker 1: and it's just not the case, Like we can do
Speaker 1: all of these things at the same time. We don't
Speaker 1: have to like wait to train that part of our
Speaker 1: brains where it's like all this has to be before
Speaker 1: we can think about and we need to retrain society
Speaker 1: a little bit, if I'm honest, because I feel like
Speaker 1: that's part of the piece that makes us feel like
Speaker 1: we have to be a certain way and that's just
Speaker 1: not true. No. But I also think though, too, we
Speaker 1: like to have I like to have the certain control
Speaker 1: that I don't want to give up, as well as
Speaker 1: a as a mom, when I even when a co parent,
Speaker 1: or even when I was married to you know, to Mike,
Speaker 1: I was like, there's certain things that I think we're
Speaker 1: just better at. To be honest, I know we're better
Speaker 1: at scheduling, and you know, so it's like and and
Speaker 1: and then I think because we know that and we're
Speaker 1: really good at, then we take on additional things that
Speaker 1: we shouldn't take on, right. I think the better way
Speaker 1: to do that is to acknowledge what we're really great
Speaker 1: at and still do it because it's going to fail
Speaker 1: if not, but find other things that maybe we can
Speaker 1: that we could real english. That's what I've covering perfectionists.
Speaker 1: There's nothing that we can't nail, so we can nail
Speaker 1: all of it, so we don't have to sake Okay,
Speaker 1: I need to have a one on one with this chick. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you're also sort of talking about sort of
Speaker 1: the constructs that we put on ourselves. So when you're
Speaker 1: talking about that we have to do these things or
Speaker 1: we're the ones that are better at scheduling, those are
Speaker 1: sort of the value systems that you're imposing on yourselves
Speaker 1: and how you feel good about yourself. And sometimes if
Speaker 1: you relinquish it. It may fail, it may not be
Speaker 1: as perfect as it is for you. But I think
Speaker 1: for you, for you to really decide is this important?
Speaker 1: Is this value about myself or someone that can do
Speaker 1: it all? Is that really important? Or am I creating
Speaker 1: more space and time for myself where I'm letting things
Speaker 1: go that may not be perfect or may not be
Speaker 1: as good as I want them to be. What is
Speaker 1: creating opportunities for me to grow? And that gets right
Speaker 1: back into what you're talking about with the monthly challenge
Speaker 1: of really setting it up, of trying one new thing
Speaker 1: that you're wanting to really kind of work on and develop.
Speaker 1: And I want you to be a little flexible with
Speaker 1: that too, because it might be you really get into
Speaker 1: something like um. An emotion that I really love is
Speaker 1: appreciation and doing small things like when you're going to
Speaker 1: the grocery store and mentioning someone's name and telling them
Speaker 1: that you appreciate them. It allows you to be really
Speaker 1: present with another human being even if you don't know that.
Speaker 1: Or when you're traveling and you see your mom who's
Speaker 1: struggling with a toddler and going over and sort of
Speaker 1: talking to the kid and distracting him for a moment
Speaker 1: and allowing you to again have this human connection where
Speaker 1: other people can appreciate you and you can appreciate other people.
Speaker 1: And so that may be something that becomes over arching
Speaker 1: where you're really working on that feeling an emotional state
Speaker 1: for yourself that really brings you a lot of renewing
Speaker 1: feeling and again going back to that energy um of
Speaker 1: really allowing your battery to get recharged within you. But
Speaker 1: there are might other things that might be shorter challenges
Speaker 1: for yourself and and hav enough flexibility is gonna be
Speaker 1: so important as well. Oh that's great flexibility. That's really good. Um.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming on and just dropping
Speaker 1: these little nuggets for the new year. You guys are amazing.
Speaker 1: You're so sweet and I look forward to hearing more
Speaker 1: about more all of your tips and more information about
Speaker 1: the new year, New you. I love it. Thank keep
Speaker 1: it up all right so we'll have you back on.
Speaker 1: Thank you girl, Thank you. By Susan