1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode eighty six. Today we're 11 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 1: mostly going to be talking about self care. That phrase 12 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,279 Speaker 1: we see all over the place these days. What does 13 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: it mean? Is it important? Are we doing enough of it? 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 1: Should we do more? Is it just one more thing 15 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: to feel guilty about? So, Sarah, what have you done 16 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: lately in the name of self care? What is self carely? 17 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: What does gonna say? Don't you think we need to 18 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: begin with with the with the definition? So I actually 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: look this up on Wikipedia, as I look up all 20 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: things these days, and it says any necessary human regulatory 21 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: function which is under individual control, deliberate and self initiated interesting. 22 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 1: You gotta wonder, like, who are these people who are 23 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: writing this stuff for Wikipedia, like on a voluntary basis 24 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: that decided that was the definition of self care. And 25 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,840 Speaker 1: the truth is, like, I'm not sure everybody means the 26 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: same thing when they say self care. So I think 27 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: it could be probably multifaceted depending on who's talking about it. 28 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: Plus self care for someone, you know, the bar might 29 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: become lower if you're not usually having autonomy in your 30 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: day to day activities. Those of you with children know 31 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: what I'm talking about that time, most of you. So 32 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: I do think that self care is really kind of relative, 33 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 1: perhaps because I never would have considered, for example, eating 34 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: a meal uninterrupted self care, but now sometimes it does 35 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: feel that way, yes, or taking a shower. It depends 36 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: what you're Yeah, I at this point, I'm like, I'm 37 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,359 Speaker 1: over the shower. All my kids are over age four, 38 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: Like I can shower without you know, usually anything exploding 39 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: in the house. So that that is out of the 40 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: realm of like self care. Now that's just you know 41 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: what you do, which is great, you know, it's it's 42 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: nice when you have reached that point where self care, 43 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: do you still feel like you appreciate it like, do 44 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 1: you think about you know, I'm showering now and this 45 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: is nice interrupted time and I or do you not 46 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: did it wear off? Well, it's funny how how quickly 47 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: we become used to things. And I wasn't thinking about 48 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: my shower this morning because you know, people know about 49 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: my renovation over the past year, and we got our 50 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: master bathroom completely redone and then in the course of this, 51 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: the shower was pretty much like not working, like it 52 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: was this trickle of I think I used the phrase 53 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,639 Speaker 1: prison yard shower, which was just really a not fun 54 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: shower experience, if you can imagine. That's terrible. Yeah, Like 55 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,799 Speaker 1: at one point I would just stop washing my hair 56 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: cause I just like I can't deal with it anymore. 57 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: But when we got it fixed, it was like, you know, 58 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 1: the heavens opened up, you know, the angels are coming 59 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: down in the form of lots of water pressure. And 60 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 1: then it was great, you know, and I was like 61 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 1: loving it for like three days, and then now I 62 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: don't even think about it. So today this morning, I'm 63 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: showering and I'm like, I'm in the shower and all 64 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 1: of a sudden, I'm like, do you remember that four 65 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: months ago showering was this horrible experience. You're like, oh yeah, 66 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: oh yeah, I remember this, So, you know, I guess 67 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 1: I try to remind myself. That's one way to turn 68 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,080 Speaker 1: more things into self care as actually to remind yourself 69 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: of stations of you know, kids, you actually have it. Yeah, 70 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: I guess it's a little you know, like that hedonic 71 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: treadmill that you hear about. Right, So we take things 72 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: for granted that, you know, a few steps back would 73 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: have been felt as miraculous. Yeah. True. Well, and so 74 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: you you recently went on a weekend trip that oh 75 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: my god, we took self care to the extreme last weekend. Yeah, 76 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 1: and I think sometimes it's worth doing. As we'll get 77 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: into during this episode, but we did a date weekend, 78 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: our first since Jenevie was born, so the weekend featured 79 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: I actually kicked it off with the one of my 80 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: you know, ultra self care acts as getting massages, which 81 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: I don't do terribly often, so when I do, they 82 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: definitely feel like true self care, mostly because there's no 83 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: phone and I'm just doing something completely selfish. And so 84 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: did that, and then the next day we left for Nashville. 85 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: We had like a nice weekend together. It was. It 86 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: was less than forty eight hours, but it was enough 87 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: to feel like a getaway. It was enough to include 88 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: two mornings of sleeping as late as we wanted to, 89 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: which was amazing. But how light did you sleep? Well? 90 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: There was a time difference because it was Nashville, so 91 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: it was one hour different, but it was like eight 92 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: am Nashville time, which means like nine am. Wow, which really, like, 93 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,799 Speaker 1: that's pretty pretty impressive for you. This is the lady 94 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: who like is up by five am every morning exactly. 95 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: So No, it felt pretty luxurious and it really did 96 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 1: feel like self care. Mostly. I think the keyword was autonomy. 97 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: It was like no one's control, Like I have no responsibilities, 98 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: I'm not answering to anyone, no one needs me. I'm 99 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: doing what I want. I could have been doing almost nothing. 100 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 1: I mean, we spend a lot of time just like reading, 101 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: but it didn't matter. It was it was about having 102 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: that chunk of time and we certainly you know, if 103 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: we did that every weekend, it probably wouldn't feel like 104 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 1: self care. It wouldn't feel so special, it wouldn't be 105 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,159 Speaker 1: something that I felt like we needed. But I think 106 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 1: part of it being such a rare occurrence made it 107 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 1: feel that way. Yeah, well that's I mean, that's the 108 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: thing too. We were talking about that, the hedonic treadmill, 109 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: and like where your sort of level is of what 110 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 1: is self care and what's just life? Because you think 111 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,040 Speaker 1: about you know, when you and Josh are first married, 112 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: like spending the weekend together was just like if you 113 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 1: weren't working, that's what you were doing, right, Like that 114 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: was not a particularly crazy thing to have happen. But 115 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: then you know, add three kids into the mix, and 116 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: it rises to the level of something that that feels 117 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 1: more indulgent and adding into the bucket. I don't know what. 118 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 1: There's all these metaphors for like energy and where your 119 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: self you know, I don't even know all the words, 120 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,680 Speaker 1: but you know, how full is your bucket for instance, 121 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 1: or you know, charging your battery all these other things. 122 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean, so we read about self care 123 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: all the time on social media and stuff, and we've 124 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,919 Speaker 1: we've definitely it's based on this good idea that we 125 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: need to monitor our energy levels and add to our 126 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,040 Speaker 1: energy levels and do things that are are fun for us. 127 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: But there's this sort of structure sometimes a lot of 128 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,480 Speaker 1: it has on social media. It's like, oh, I'm I'm 129 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: doing so much for everyone else and I just have 130 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: to carve out a little bit of time for self 131 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: care and the world doesn't want me to do it, 132 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna do it. Like I don't know why 133 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: we always need to be an opposition to someone on 134 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: social media, but that's just definitely the same I think 135 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: is it's a story. It's a story you must be 136 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: So I'm so oppressed that I was able to publish, 137 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: you know, fifteen Instagram stories over the last three hours. 138 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: So I need my self care. I now need to 139 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: put my feet up and have some self care. Yeah, yeah, 140 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: it's true. And my story just sort of played right 141 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: into that narrative, right, you know, like, oh, I'm usually 142 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 1: with my three children and I got to But I 143 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: know what you're saying. Sometimes it can be it can 144 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: be a little bit over the top. I don't know 145 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: if that's the sharing of the self care or the 146 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: self care itself. I think it might be more about 147 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: the sharing. I think it's more about the sharing of 148 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: the self careself that it has to be done as 149 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: this opposition to the world which does not want you 150 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: to take care of yourself. Probably the world doesn't care. 151 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: I mean I've sort of recognized that with my own 152 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: life that you know, you should just do what you 153 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: want because truly nobody else is noticing or paying any attention. Yeah. 154 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: I like that. That's like a quote I was going 155 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: to quote that for the episode. Do what you want 156 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: to do, you want it to do and the world 157 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: doesn't care. Yeah. Yeah, so it doesn't. Don't have to 158 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: think of it as an opposition or anything. You're just 159 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: doing what you want to do. But I mean, so 160 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: in a normal week, like when you're not going to 161 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: Nashville with Josh, which clearly you know this is the 162 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: first time you've done a weekend get away in what 163 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: twenty Yeah, there's like self care and then there's like 164 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: ultra treat I mean I sort of you know, I 165 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: was dividing them up as I wrote this up and 166 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: into like self care and then like treats. You know 167 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 1: that was like a treat, and then they are the 168 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: run of the mill things that we do that are 169 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: just everyday self care. What about what are you Well 170 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: I'll get into mind, but what are you what are 171 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: your self care? I just talked about, Well, I definitely 172 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: get enough sleep, whenever I can, and so for me, 173 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,440 Speaker 1: sometimes it's about getting in bed very early, which is 174 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: not as early as I would like to sometimes, but 175 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: I have to get the older kids in their beds, 176 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: and I've been working on doing it more rapidly, Like 177 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: so lights out is ten, but they are very good 178 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: about dragging it out with various rituals that like, oh wait, 179 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 1: nobody brushed their teeth prior to ten, How did that happen? 180 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: We got to go brush teeth now? And then oh well, 181 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: my stuffed animals, I gotta go find them all and 182 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 1: stack them up, and oh well, you know, come back 183 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: in one more time for this, and it can wind 184 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 1: up taking like twenty minutes. And I was just like, 185 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 1: come on, and I'm trying to get to bed too, 186 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: So I've been trying to make move it slightly faster 187 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: and start slightly before ten, so that the light can 188 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: actually go out at ten, which gives me is really late. 189 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 1: That doesn't give you enough time for any kind of 190 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: wind down, no, which so then I can I have 191 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 1: a fighting chance of getting in bed at ten thirty 192 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: if they are you know, lights out at ten, you know, 193 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: otherwise it's it's more like eleven and that can squeeze 194 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: me on the other end if Alex wakes up at 195 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: five thirty. So I'm trying to I'm aiming more for 196 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 1: ten thirty at least during the week. But this past weekend, 197 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: you know, we're recording this in the beginning of March 198 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 1: or later in March. But this past weekend, I was 199 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: on my own for the weekend with the four kids, 200 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: and I actually got in bed very early because I 201 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: just sort of told the boys, like I wasn't I 202 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: didn't care if the older boys went to bed, so 203 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: I just told them to turn out their own lights, 204 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: and then I went to bed like nine forty five 205 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: one night, which felt great because then Alex didn't wake 206 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: up till I'm like six thirty, so it's got like, 207 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,840 Speaker 1: you know, nine plus hours of sleep. But partly it's 208 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: like when my husband wasn't there right like, so normally 209 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done that because I would have hung 210 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 1: out with him then for you know, weekend evenings or 211 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: even weekday evenings if he's home, I tend to you know, 212 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: hang out with him during that time. So it's sometimes 213 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: a self care is in opposition to the couple time. 214 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: The other thing I do is run. I think that 215 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:36,079 Speaker 1: being good about physical activity is a form of self 216 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: care in the sense that it adds to my energy levels, 217 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: and so I make time to run every day no 218 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 1: matter what, and so far I've been able to stick 219 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 1: with that. In some days i'm a little I feel 220 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: I've been feeling a little resentful of it, but other 221 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: days it's great. So that is spoken like a true 222 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 1: upholder there, resentful of your own, of my own craziness. Yeah, 223 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: it's only like one day a week that I feel. 224 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: And then I'm like, well, why am I complaining about 225 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: one day a week where I'm only going to run 226 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: like a mile and a half. That's just silly. Why 227 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: would I complain about that? That's true, it's a good minute. 228 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 1: At least you have a very reasonable minimum. Let's talk 229 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: about massages, because massages are that the cliche self care. 230 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: Do you find them to be self care? Because I 231 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: know it's kind of a love hate thing with massages. 232 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: I mean I do get them every month or so 233 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: I sign up for that massage and the monthly membership thing, 234 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: so you get you know, one a month at like 235 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,720 Speaker 1: a for the price of your membership, which is well 236 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,959 Speaker 1: under what a massage would you would normally pay at 237 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: a you know, one off sort of situation. I've been 238 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 1: thinking of its somewhat as as injury prevention because I 239 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: don't actually I kind of like really intense massage, like 240 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 1: the deep pressure kind of, because then sometimes it's actually 241 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: slightly painful, so that I don't know, if you know, 242 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 1: I think it's more about like injury prevention for muscles 243 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: and things like that. But I don't know. I guess 244 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: that counts as self care because it is the cliched 245 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: self care thing I don't do. Curious. I don't want 246 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: people touching my feet like you do. You do, but 247 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: you said that's part of living in Miami, you have to. Yeah, 248 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 1: Plus I like people, like people. No, I have no 249 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: problem with people touching my feet, So yeah, to me 250 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 1: that it feels somewhat into anything that kind of I 251 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: puts me in a situation where I'm really not going 252 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: to do work and I feel like I'm doing something 253 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,439 Speaker 1: for myself, and that even includes things like the dentist 254 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: or I don't know. Yeah, it's and maybe that is 255 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: a post kids thing, but if it just feels like 256 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: it's for me and it also takes me away from 257 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: sort of outside pulls. Then it tends to feel like 258 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: self care for me. So pedicures definitely fall in that realm, 259 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: but getting them, even my like five hour hair ordeal, 260 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: feels like self care, and I try to, I try to. 261 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: You know, that's a mindset too, right. I could I 262 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 1: could treat it as oh, this annoying thing. I have 263 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: to drive all the way out here, I have to 264 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: like empty my bank account. But no, Instead, it's like 265 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: I get to do this. It gets to do my 266 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: hair look good for six seven months or good ish, 267 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: good enough, and I'm stuck in one place so I 268 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: can read, and I get to have someone massage my 269 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: head and put their the shampoo in and whatever like it. 270 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: A lot of it, I guess is mindset. But that 271 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 1: kind of stuff has come to definitely feel like self 272 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: care for me. Yeah, whether well, I think that mindset 273 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 1: aspect of it is is key, right, because you could 274 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 1: just like get there and do your you know whatever. 275 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: It's Japanese or Brazilian. I forget which which country means 276 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: always Japanese Japanese is not Brasili, got it? Nope, that 277 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: you could just be like cleaning out your inbox. The 278 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: whole time, Right, it'd be like I've got five hours 279 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: to like get through this, but instead you're sort of 280 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: reading and thinking of it as being this more away 281 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: from the rest of life experience, right, correct, Correct, Yeah, Yeah, 282 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: I guess that's the I mean, I can't look at 283 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 1: my email and massage. I think the pedicure things a 284 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: few times I've gotten them or manicure with other people 285 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: because it's a group activity that you are doing because 286 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 1: the group is doing it. I always just feel like 287 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: I don't know it means to an end for you, 288 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: and you feel like, I guess you're bored. I'm bored, 289 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,200 Speaker 1: and so I'm always trying to make sure i'm like 290 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: right next to somebody that I want to talk to 291 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 1: or in the group, because otherwise I'm just I don't 292 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 1: want to relax and just have it happened. No, it's 293 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 1: so interesting, so that there you go, this is like 294 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: clearly not an objective thing, the exact same thing, and 295 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: we approach it. Yeah. I also don't necessarily feel like 296 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: making doctor's appointments feels like self care at all. I 297 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: kind of feel like I don't not making the appointments, 298 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: but going to like if I'm like, oh, I'm gonna 299 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 1: what I mean, maybe not if we're getting a little 300 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: close to the as when you think about like, oh 301 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 1: I have to go to my ob G, I n 302 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: is that is that self care? I don't know. Going 303 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: to the doctor as an adults is it's just no 304 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: fun and we don't even get up. You don't even 305 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: get a prize boy afterwards. Care need to be fun. 306 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: Kids go to the dentist and they get the prize box. 307 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: I don't that's true. You get like maybe it can 308 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: have like little little bottles of vodka and or something 309 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: the airplane ones. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. 310 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 1: All right, So early mornings though, for you at your workouts, 311 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 1: I mean you you would put exercise sort of exercises 312 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: like I mean, in the hierarchy of self care, exercise 313 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 1: probably goes first for me, and maybe sleep as number two. 314 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 1: Oh really yeah, and probably reading is number three or 315 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: maybe reading slash. I don't know. Time to like sit 316 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: there and just I consider my time where I sit 317 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: there and plan on my day even to be self 318 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: care because the truth is like if I don't protect 319 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: that time, then it's gone and I could still kind 320 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: of go about my day without doing that, but then 321 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 1: it doesn't end well, and all I get very anxious 322 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: because a lot of the loose ends will then fall 323 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: through the cracks and then they pile up on me. 324 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: And so that I mean, maybe that's also sort of 325 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: stretching the definition, But those minutes I spend kind of 326 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 1: triaging and planning feel like self care to me as well. 327 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: Exercise is huge, though, And if I have a day 328 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: where I, you know, meant to exercise and didn't and 329 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 1: then or woke up late and kind of missed my 330 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 1: whole morning and it wasn't a planned thing, I it's 331 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: very hard for me to recover from that. So having 332 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: a morning it puts you in a negative mood all day. 333 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: It always puts me in like a defensive mood all day, 334 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: like instead of setting things up and then prioritizing and 335 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: answering my needs like exercise and that kind of thing, 336 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: it's sort of like, well, now I just have to 337 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: answer to the war. It's like, I don't know, it's 338 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: it's so that I'm fill your well first, right, and 339 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: then and then you're there. It's a you know, yeah, 340 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: it's it's that, but it's also it's it's it's like 341 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: a positioning kind of a thing like it. I man, 342 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: I'm not articulate this morning, but I do feel like it. Yeah. 343 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: It puts me on the offensive for the day instead 344 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: of the defensive, and that makes a world of difference. Yeah, 345 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: I mean, that's the whole thing with morning routines, right, 346 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: that it's something you do for yourself before the rest 347 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: of the world wants a piece of you. And when 348 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: you are caring for three small children, and you know, 349 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: then at work caring for numerable small children, you know, 350 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: it's it's the same thing you are giving out of 351 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: this is so you need to do the thing for 352 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: you first. I mean, that's that's definitely the whole point 353 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,200 Speaker 1: of a morning routine. And I often get asked about 354 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 1: this because not that I have a great morning routine 355 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: or anything, but you've really on it studying other peoples. 356 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,879 Speaker 1: But the good ones are that it's not about like 357 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 1: drinking the kill juice just to do it or to 358 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: have you know, look at me. I can meditate for 359 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: an hour, run a marathon before breakfast. It's it's all 360 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: about doing something that starts the day well. And so 361 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:01,640 Speaker 1: if for you that's you know, reading something amazing. I've 362 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 1: actually been trying to start my days some with that 363 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 1: that if I'm up early, because I hopefully it's because 364 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 1: I went to bed early and so I'm waking up 365 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: naturally relatively early, but sometimes it's just that Alex has 366 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: woken me up, and then it's you know, enough close 367 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: to the amount of sleep I need that I'm not 368 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 1: going to try to go back to bed. I'll get up, 369 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: make my coffee and then sit and read a book. 370 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: And it's great if I'm like, oh, look, I get 371 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: thirty forty minutes before I need to be in the 372 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,719 Speaker 1: shower before then the day starts and I feel like 373 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: I've really gotten something good, and you know, part of 374 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: me is like, oh, oh oh, I should be doing my 375 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: exercise or I should you know, work, and I'm like, well, 376 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: you know, this is somewhat of found time. And the 377 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: point of a morning routine is to do something that 378 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: feels good for you. And if I don't feel like 379 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,480 Speaker 1: running in the morning because that's not what I actually 380 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,640 Speaker 1: feel like doing when it comes down to it, then 381 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,360 Speaker 1: that's that's what I should do. So I've been trying 382 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 1: to do that. That sounds nice, Yeah, like that's more 383 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: of my evening thing. My reading time is the like, okay, 384 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,399 Speaker 1: and actually, well this is a digression, but my daughter 385 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: has now gotten to the point where she enjoys reading, 386 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: so it's actually like, this is a huge milestone that 387 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: I should appreciate now. I put Genevieve to bed, Cameron 388 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: still just kind of passes out on his own. I 389 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 1: give them a book with a light, and then I 390 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: read in their room my own book while she's reading. 391 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 1: And so I'm no longer like impatiently scrolling my phone 392 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 1: or waiting for them to go to sleep. I get 393 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: to do something for myself and I'm enjoying it. And 394 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: I guess that's I mean, it's not self care, but 395 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: I gotta be careful not to forget that a mirror 396 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: a couple of months ago, I didn't get that time. 397 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: So it is amazing how the time opens up. I've 398 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: been trying to remind myself of that's a lot as 399 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:46,959 Speaker 1: I'm like airing out after years of baby dumb, and 400 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: it's really a wonderful feeling. But speaking of the baby 401 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: dumb thing, a major thing I mean for self care 402 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: to work. I mean, one of the reasons I think 403 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 1: that people feel like they don't have enough time for it, 404 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: or that you know there is time, but it's often 405 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: spent like on Instagram, because that's what's easiest to do. 406 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 1: Is if you have small children, then often somebody needs 407 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: to be with them for you to have this adult 408 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: self initiated a time, or they have to be asleep, 409 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 1: or they have to be asleep, but both of which 410 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: are options, right. I mean, certainly kids do sleep, you know, 411 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: it may not feel like it when they're they're five 412 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 1: months old or something, but eventually they do sleep to 413 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 1: some degree, and so that's time you can have. And 414 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 1: I'm certainly a big fan of. You know, if you are, 415 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: for instance, a home with small kids during the day, 416 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: using nap time for some sort of self care thing 417 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,479 Speaker 1: and not using nap time for doing chores, which is 418 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: just the way of misery and martyrdom. So don't do that, 419 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: you know, consciously using that first maybe thirty forty five 420 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 1: minutes after the kids are asleep for something fun for you. 421 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 1: Even if you are like feeling like you should clean 422 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,240 Speaker 1: the kitchen and pick up the toys, like maybe just 423 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,880 Speaker 1: don't do that and go read for thirty month it's instead, 424 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: or you know, go if your partner is home and 425 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,760 Speaker 1: it's like twilight, or your safe neighborhood, you could go 426 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 1: walk outside for a little bit. Yeah. No, I mean, 427 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: so time when they sleep is certainly one and that's 428 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: when your morning happens. But childcare too, I mean, how 429 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 1: have you sort of strategically used childcare to fit in 430 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: self care one hundred percent? So I mean it's a balance, clearly. 431 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, you know, every night I come 432 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,159 Speaker 1: home late and I never see my children. It's absolutely 433 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: you know, it's the exception rather than the rule. But 434 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,199 Speaker 1: having those exceptions noted as something to look forward to 435 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 1: and know that I have the option to do feels 436 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 1: really nice and does feel like self care in my 437 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 1: case because I work the eighty percent schedule, I have 438 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: that one day a week currently where it's you know, 439 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: I spend some of that time with the kids and 440 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: that's purposeful, and then I spend some of that time 441 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: for me and that's purposeful too. And whether you have 442 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 1: that option or not, it might even be as simple 443 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 1: as you know, twice a month knowing that you're going 444 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: to have evening coverage either your partner or or babysitter 445 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: or something. But knowing that you have that time and 446 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 1: can keep it as yours and choose what to do 447 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: with it, can feel I would say, disproportionately good in 448 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: terms of self care. You know, it's not that much 449 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,959 Speaker 1: of a financial or emotional investment. And trust me, the kids, 450 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: you know, if you're putting them to bed thirteen out 451 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: of fourteen nights out of a two week period, they 452 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:26,199 Speaker 1: are They're not mine. But it may actually make a 453 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 1: huge difference if you're in that really tough stage with 454 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,479 Speaker 1: young kids where otherwise it's very hard to carve out 455 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 1: a moment for yourself, or if you know you're in 456 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: the kind of job where you don't have any times 457 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: during those typical working hours to take for yourself to say, 458 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: you know what, but evergether Tuesday evening is mine? It 459 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 1: is mine. Yeah, now that's a great thing to do 460 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 1: and have that for something that you enjoy. And yeah, 461 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 1: as you were saying, I mean in the context if 462 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: you're already paying for full time childcare, like four extra 463 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: hours a month, it's just not that huge a deal. Yeah, 464 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: And then the logistics are easy because you already have 465 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 1: you know, a person. There are even some I feel 466 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:05,120 Speaker 1: like there's a trend towards some daycares and schools having 467 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,399 Speaker 1: like these parent night out things. Yeah, you can have 468 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: the kids stay extra. You know, some of them are structured. 469 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 1: Oh you just go out to dinner. But maybe your 470 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: partner works late and you don't want to go out 471 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: to dinner. But that's gonna be your like special workout 472 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: time or your massage, or it could be a self 473 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 1: care night as well, so you can think outside the box. Yeah, yeah, 474 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,240 Speaker 1: those are great when those are there that you know, 475 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: they keep it open till eight o'clock or something or 476 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,159 Speaker 1: seven thirty, and yeah, that you can you can go 477 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: out to dinner with that. So just doing that once 478 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: a month can help as well, and that will be 479 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: something you have. I would also suggest that for weekends. 480 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: I mean, one of the reasons I think Sarah and 481 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,160 Speaker 1: I make sure to plan our weekends ahead of time 482 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: is that when you have the logistics of lots of 483 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 1: people and the things they have to do, making sure 484 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: that you have time for your interests and your things 485 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,640 Speaker 1: that are going to make you feel rejuvenated. You can't 486 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 1: leave it to chance. Like it's not gonna be like, 487 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: oh wait, I have all this time on Saturday afternoon 488 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 1: and I'm going to go to the spot. I mean, 489 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: it's just not gonna happen. I mean, that's that's like 490 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,960 Speaker 1: And if you think that that's how leisure will happen, 491 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 1: you will just never get it. And that's how people 492 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 1: talk themselves into this idea of like, oh, once you're 493 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,719 Speaker 1: a parent, you have no free time whatsoever. You know, 494 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 1: so obviously, if you have a partner, I think having 495 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 1: a discussion of like how each of you can have 496 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 1: some time for your own things on weekends. You know, 497 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: so you can have a couple hours and your your 498 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,919 Speaker 1: partner can have a couple hours. But even if you 499 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: are on your own, maybe working out something with a friend, 500 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: like you trade off, you know that will do play dates, 501 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 1: and you know, each weekend one of us hosts a 502 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: play date and the other person can go do what 503 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,479 Speaker 1: they want to do during that time. Or you know 504 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: a relative that maybe you have, you know, your grandma 505 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,639 Speaker 1: will be willing to come stay with the kids for 506 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 1: two hours so you can go do something. But you know, 507 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: it's just thinking about ahead of time and making sure 508 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 1: that's in place, because otherwise you just never it's not 509 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: going to happen by fault. It's never going to happen 510 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: by default. So yeah, and of sometimes it can be 511 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: about recasting time that you do have as well. And 512 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: I will totally agree with this that sometimes if I'm 513 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: in church, you know, for instance, and all the kids 514 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 1: are elsewhere because they're in Sunday school or the nursery, 515 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 1: just like, ah, I'm here by myself. You know, this 516 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: is an hour where I mean, I'm singing, So I 517 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,760 Speaker 1: guess I'm volunteering technically, but I enjoy singing, so that's 518 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,440 Speaker 1: that's something that's good for me as well. So yeah, 519 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: I like this idea of recasting it. I had put 520 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,600 Speaker 1: a tip in here about you know, it's just sort 521 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: of thinking in terms of what energizes you and what 522 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: doesn't because timing self care, like I think you would 523 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: also do little bursts during the day in some cases, 524 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: especially have a job that feels like really draining, which 525 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: it could be that you're doing amazing, wonderful things like 526 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 1: this isn't saying it's a bad job. It's just that 527 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: there's certain activities we do that are intense and deplete you, 528 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: and so you need to think about how you can 529 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: add to your energy level. So if you track your time, 530 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: which is a good idea for many reasons. You can 531 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 1: go through and put a plus or a minus next 532 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 1: to activities, or put you know, rate how you feel 533 00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: on a scale of one to ten, like how energized 534 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: are you? Most people start the day with more energy. 535 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 1: You have that first cup of coffee, you feel like 536 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: you can take on the world. Somewhere around two thirty 537 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: three o'clock you no longer feel like you can take 538 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 1: out the world. You feel like you just have the 539 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 1: energy to like stumble around and read the same email 540 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 1: six times in a row. So you know, figure this out, 541 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,360 Speaker 1: because then maybe to thirty three o'clock in the afternoon, 542 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: it is time to do something that feels good for you, 543 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,719 Speaker 1: whatever it is. You know, go outside for five minutes, 544 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 1: go talk to a colleague or a friend or whatever. 545 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 1: How do you do this during the time, Because I'm curious. 546 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,480 Speaker 1: I know you're more extroverted than I am, but I 547 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: had to have extroverted, but I'm still completely drained after 548 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,200 Speaker 1: like a full day with patients or even so yesterday 549 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,400 Speaker 1: I had a really weird schedule. This week, I've had 550 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 1: a really weird schedule. So instead of taking like a 551 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: usual full day off, I've had two half days off, 552 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 1: and instead of doing those in the afternoons that I 553 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,200 Speaker 1: would work in the morning and then kind of be free. 554 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 1: I've been off in the morning. That's when we're recording 555 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 1: this today, and yesterday I like took Cameron to this 556 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: cute little pre kindergarten tour things. So anyway, so I've 557 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: been working afternoon and afternoon and even that half day 558 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,119 Speaker 1: because I'm not I'm not as much of an afternoon person. 559 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: It's totally draining. And I'm not saying that in any way. 560 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 1: If my patients are listening, I'm not disparaging them. I 561 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,439 Speaker 1: love them all individually. I love what I do, but 562 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 1: I am working really hard. I'm I'm answering to other 563 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: people's expectations very I don't get a lot of breaks, 564 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: you know. It's just sort of like one patient and 565 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,159 Speaker 1: they're done, I'm trying to finish my note and on 566 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: the other patient. In a lot of days, if I'm 567 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: there for the full day, I don't even really get 568 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 1: a lunch break because I'm trying to finish my notes. 569 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: And by the time I look up from my morning 570 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,640 Speaker 1: notes being done, it's twelve fifty and then oh, look, 571 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: my one fifteen patient is already there. It's likeugh, So no, 572 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 1: I don't get to engineer a lot of self care 573 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 1: during my work days. I think that's why it is 574 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 1: so important for me to have my mornings be the 575 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 1: way I want them to be, because I know they're 576 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 1: on a full patient day. There's not going to be 577 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 1: a lot of other time. And then I do try to, 578 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,440 Speaker 1: you know, if I do have time to eat lunch, 579 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,440 Speaker 1: to eat with other people in a relaxed manner and 580 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,360 Speaker 1: squeeze it where I can. I have done the thing 581 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 1: where oh someone's late, let me go walk around the 582 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: block for a second, and that feels really good. It's 583 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: sometimes it's feasible. It sometimes it's not. I'm less drained 584 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: on days there are more kind of creating days. So 585 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 1: if I'm working on stuff for the residency, and maybe 586 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: I have a meeting but then I'm working on a 587 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,640 Speaker 1: presentation like that, that feels more broken up and doesn't 588 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 1: leave me as desperate for those moments. But yeah, I 589 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:31,200 Speaker 1: can't imagine I but I have dealings with something of 590 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 1: a conference or you know, anything like that, are a 591 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: day full of phone calls. I'm always just like yeah afterwards, 592 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 1: and having to do something to So, yeah, you have 593 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 1: to be on, You have to pretty much be on. 594 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,920 Speaker 1: I mean that's I don't I can do it, and 595 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: I'm thankful that. I don't know how an introvert would survive. 596 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: I actually they choose a different specialty. Well, yeah, like 597 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: my husband will be able to spend many hours, sometimes 598 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: in the hour and not talking much. Yeah, he's doing 599 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 1: a procedure. So even though he is doing performing a 600 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 1: service for someone, and it's not like an autonomous time, 601 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: it's not like he doesn't have to talk to the person. Yeah, yeah, 602 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 1: this is slightly less draining of that. So that's true. Yeah, 603 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 1: that is true. Well cool, all right, well shall we 604 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: we moved to our question? Yeah, all right, and this 605 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,440 Speaker 1: is not a self care related question, that's okay. This 606 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,239 Speaker 1: was a little I don't know, we've we've gotten this 607 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: question in different forms in a lot of areas, but 608 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: I felt like this person worded it nicely, and we 609 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: always like nicely worded questions. So yeah, all right. So 610 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: this came from a listener, by the way, who is 611 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,720 Speaker 1: pregnant with her first and it's very excited about that. 612 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: And she writes one aspect of the show, I love 613 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 1: is that you both speak to an audience of women 614 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 1: and families who are high performing and have access to 615 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:55,440 Speaker 1: many resources, example lots of childcare. I am personally thrilled 616 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: to hear the side of being a working mom. I 617 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: feel like so many books, podcasts, blogs, our old school 618 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 1: and expect that's her words. I love it and expect 619 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: moms to sacrifice everything about their life to be a parent. 620 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 1: Both of you have creative ways to use your resources 621 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 1: to make life not only work, but to make life 622 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,479 Speaker 1: very enjoyable. Do you ever get pushed back from listeners 623 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 1: about being impossible for quote unquote normal families? Do you 624 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: ever think about what you would do if extra child 625 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: care wasn't an option? Basically, I'm asking how you had 626 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: the guts to present this content in a world that 627 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: is afraid of their own fos. Oh wow, I am 628 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: just curious. You have both worked so hard in your 629 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: careers to succeed and make your family lives enjoyable. I 630 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: am so inspired to do the same. You want to 631 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: go first? Well, of course we get pushed back, and 632 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: I get pushed back about things I've written and blogged 633 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: about too, And I don't know if if Sarah does 634 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: as much. But I mean the reason we wanted to 635 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 1: cover this stuff as we felt there was this gaping 636 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: hole in the marketplace that most stuff aimed at moms 637 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: is you know, done by people who are you know, 638 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: the default is that you're like at home with your kids, 639 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 1: are sort of working very sort of little. That it's 640 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 1: there isn't a whole lot out there for people to 641 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: especially people who are in jobs like Sarah's. I mean, 642 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: there's a lot more in the sort of entrepreneurial space, 643 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 1: but you know, jobs like Sarah's where you are in 644 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 1: an office and you are doing things and there's not 645 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: the same sort of flexibility even per se as as 646 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 1: there would be within entrepreneurial life. And so we felt 647 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 1: that that was missing, and also that there's not a 648 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 1: lot of advice that is actually workable, that is aimed 649 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: at women who do have resources. I know, when I 650 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 1: was first a parent, like a lot of people would 651 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 1: say things sort of like, well, you know, if you 652 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,560 Speaker 1: have a full time nanny that I mean, well, clearly 653 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: everything's sorted out. And I can tell you from years 654 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 1: of employing people that this you still have to think 655 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: about things and there's you know, they don't you know, 656 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 1: you still have to deal with logistics, and you know that. 657 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting how people organize their lives to 658 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 1: deal with things like, well, what if both parents travel, 659 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 1: what if both parents have unpredictable hours or longer hours, 660 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: or you know, how do you deal with many children? 661 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: And even if you do have resources, how can you 662 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,640 Speaker 1: best deploy those resources in order to buy yourself back time? 663 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,000 Speaker 1: And I feel like that was just not addressed out there, 664 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: because so much of it is kind of judgmental about 665 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 1: you know, like sometimes there's an it almost felt like 666 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 1: shameful in a way to have these conversations, and especially 667 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: in a sphere where the ideal seemed to be working 668 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 1: a job that was maybe flexible, or at home where 669 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 1: you're mostly a mom so you know, you're that was 670 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,680 Speaker 1: seen as I don't know about martyrdom, but almost just 671 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: sort of like some old fashioned ideal, And I agree. 672 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like there was a space for people 673 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:55,040 Speaker 1: who really cared about their jobs and were doing a 674 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 1: job where they did have means to i don't know, 675 00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,520 Speaker 1: figure stuff out and do things the way they might 676 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,719 Speaker 1: want to do. But there just wasn't good examples for that. 677 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 1: There weren't role models to look at. So I guess 678 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: it's a little defensive, but we didn't necessarily create this 679 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,719 Speaker 1: podcast to be the answer for everyone everywhere, But we 680 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 1: still felt like it was filling a gap. Like I 681 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,760 Speaker 1: found myself at birthday parties if I found a mom 682 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: who was working and who had a partner who was working, 683 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 1: and they had a lot of logistical successes, like a 684 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: mom maybe with three kids, and I found myself fascinated. 685 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to hear, Okay, what do you do in 686 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,200 Speaker 1: the mornings? How do you put your kids bad? Who 687 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 1: do you hire to do this? Who do you do this? 688 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: Do you do this yourself? Partly because I just didn't 689 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: have like a good picture of what that might look like, 690 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 1: and again because I almost felt like people were hiding 691 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: and that there was a little bit of shame associated 692 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 1: with outsourcing certain things like not cooking dinner. For example, 693 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: Everyone talks about cooking dinner, Nobody talks about not cooking dinner. 694 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: So maybe I mean, I recognize that this is all privileged, 695 00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 1: but I also can't apologize for the standpoint that I'm 696 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 1: in and the fact that I was interested in hearing 697 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: you know more about women like me and sharing those experiences, 698 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: and I wish that everybody had the means to hire 699 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: as much childcare that they could want. And I do 700 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,879 Speaker 1: think Laura often points out that sometimes it makes sense 701 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,600 Speaker 1: to actually look at the earning side and see if 702 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 1: you can get there, rather than looking at the other 703 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: side and frugality and making things work. But I don't 704 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,600 Speaker 1: feel like that's the focus of our podcast either. It 705 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 1: just you know, we talk about what works for us 706 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:34,319 Speaker 1: because we felt like it it was missing, and I 707 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: think a lot of you enjoy listening. And I also 708 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,319 Speaker 1: will say, finally, and I think I've kind of said 709 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 1: this before, that I listened to some podcasts that really 710 00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:45,120 Speaker 1: don't like directly apply to me. But if I find 711 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,280 Speaker 1: the people interesting and I find that they present tips 712 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,959 Speaker 1: that can be relevant, it doesn't matter. So I hope 713 00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 1: that there's if you're not exactly in our scenarios, there's 714 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,640 Speaker 1: still something interesting to you. And if not, then that's 715 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: okay too. That's why there are so many podcasts out 716 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: there in the world. Yeah, I mean, we always have 717 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,799 Speaker 1: some good guests on who talk about different scenarios as well. 718 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 1: And you know, I mean the person that put the 719 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: way she put having the guts to present this content 720 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 1: in a world that is afraid of their own affluence. 721 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,680 Speaker 1: I would feel like my work on this planet is 722 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:22,320 Speaker 1: done if women who have ambitiously pursued high paying jobs 723 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: can like own that and feel good about it all right, 724 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,840 Speaker 1: Like you know, in Sarah's case, for instance, like she 725 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,360 Speaker 1: went to medical school, it's not like this was an 726 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:36,240 Speaker 1: unknown thing, right that, Like you know, going into medicine 727 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: is a professional and generally relatively high paying job. She 728 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,120 Speaker 1: earned it, like she earned that degree. It's not that 729 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,400 Speaker 1: she magically found herself in this place. So it's I 730 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 1: feel like it would be a good thing for people 731 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,919 Speaker 1: to acknowledge that, yes, we sometimes make choices that lead 732 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 1: to certain outcomes. And I'm not saying that there aren't 733 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:02,800 Speaker 1: many wonderful jobs that you know, or for whatever reason, 734 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,440 Speaker 1: lower salaried, and I wish some of those were higher salaried. 735 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,400 Speaker 1: I wish I controlled the universe and I could make 736 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,359 Speaker 1: that happen. But on the other hand, I do think 737 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:15,480 Speaker 1: that professional women deserve to have resources to tell them 738 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 1: how to live their best lives, and if we can 739 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 1: be part of that, that would be great. And so 740 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:23,359 Speaker 1: hopefully this listener who's expecting her first child will come 741 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,520 Speaker 1: into a world where she can own her own professional 742 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,040 Speaker 1: power and what that will enable her to do to 743 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:32,200 Speaker 1: have the best of both worlds awesome. I feel like 744 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 1: I have more to say and I don't even it's 745 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,480 Speaker 1: too it's almost too complicated. Maybe we'll have to have 746 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:41,759 Speaker 1: another episode or something or maybe not. Yeah, all right, 747 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 1: our love of the week, our love of the week, 748 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 1: let's just go to that. Yeah, live music concerts performances. 749 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: I'm just going to give that generality because I feel 750 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,520 Speaker 1: like nothing kind of puts me more to use a 751 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 1: tired phrase, in the moment than watching something happening live. 752 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,920 Speaker 1: I feel like younger and somehow more live when I 753 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 1: see them, And so Josh and I both really enjoy this, 754 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,359 Speaker 1: and we're vowing to see more in the future. Yeah, 755 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,000 Speaker 1: that's a great thing, I think i'd say, like my 756 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 1: love of the week. I didn't do any of this 757 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,759 Speaker 1: this week, but live music that's outside is really cool. Like, 758 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,480 Speaker 1: I love the idea of summer concert series. I know 759 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:21,320 Speaker 1: we've done some that we've gone. We went to a 760 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: Brad Paisley concert. I was okay, this saw was gonna 761 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,600 Speaker 1: be two summers ago now, but it was a lot 762 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,920 Speaker 1: of fun. To go to this outdoor concert and you know, 763 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:34,400 Speaker 1: you're under the stars and summer sky temperatures and it's wonderful. 764 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 1: And so there's a lot of summer concert series and 765 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:38,359 Speaker 1: we should do more of those. So oh, that could 766 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,200 Speaker 1: be my love of the week. Too awesome. All right, Well, 767 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: this has been the best of both worlds. We've mostly 768 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,360 Speaker 1: been talking about self care. This is episode eighty six 769 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,600 Speaker 1: and we'll be back next week with more on making 770 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:54,359 Speaker 1: work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can 771 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,879 Speaker 1: find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at 772 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,440 Speaker 1: the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me 773 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,719 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the 774 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:09,200 Speaker 1: best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time 775 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,080 Speaker 1: for more on making work and life work together.