Speaker 1: Motherfucking Mini Your soul MANI episode, motherfucking Mini Your sol.
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, yep, there it is. There it is. Ladies
Speaker 2: and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama told.
Speaker 3: Me the podcast would we dive deep into the pockets
Speaker 3: of black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2: And we finally work to approve the theories that you
Speaker 2: the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode, Baby,
Speaker 2: you know the deal. But but but is the correct response.
Speaker 2: It's a chance for you idiots to tell us your
Speaker 2: stupid thoughts and then we share our completely unthoughtful opinions
Speaker 2: on them. We don't think about it at all, never once. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a David and I'm sure you can you can
Speaker 2: affirm this. You've never we've never gotten on and had
Speaker 2: like a strategy meeting about how to approach the emails.
Speaker 3: No, I come in hot. I was watching Milli Vanilli
Speaker 3: not four minutes ago you were.
Speaker 2: You were watching Milli Vanilli and we had a pretty
Speaker 2: lengthy conversation about about their history.
Speaker 3: Yeah, their lineage there. You know, I just want to say,
Speaker 3: ri Ipeter Vanilly.
Speaker 2: We missed you Vanilly. We the way you pretended to
Speaker 2: sing those songs was almost unmatched. Were it not for MILLI, yeah,
Speaker 2: shout though, shout out to Milly, he'd be doing it.
Speaker 2: And he's still doing it. He never gave up. All right,
Speaker 2: we can't bullshit because time we have an email and
Speaker 2: this is an exciting email. Uh and the the sound
Speaker 2: of my daughter's bath is running in the background, which
Speaker 2: only punctuates the email even more. It just makes it
Speaker 2: all very romantic in a certain way. I don't know
Speaker 2: why a baby's bathwater makes it romantic. I decided I
Speaker 2: didn't like the way I phrased that sentence and regretted immediately.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm on your side for most things, but that was
Speaker 2: not great. No, it was real bad. And I just
Speaker 2: want to apologize to the listeners and my baby, everybody
Speaker 2: hurt by what I said. Me so sorry.
Speaker 3: But two of the listeners as well, A grown woman's
Speaker 3: bathwater all for it? Me so horny.
Speaker 2: He doeshing wrong with that.
Speaker 4: You say what you want about a baby's bathwater, but
Speaker 4: give me that goddamn grown ladies.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'll get in it. I'll get after you, girl.
Speaker 3: Tub What are we talking about? Why are you getting
Speaker 3: in after I don't know it's like a weird sexual thing.
Speaker 3: If it's like, you know when Charlottagne the God sniffed
Speaker 3: Jennifer Lopez's seat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'll never forget it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely no shot her around the world. I remember that.
Speaker 3: But it's like a similar thing.
Speaker 2: Laying her dirt a little bites. We got an email
Speaker 2: from a person named Chelsea. Chelsea sent us an email
Speaker 2: with the subject line, my mama told me gas prices
Speaker 2: and she says high Linkston and David loved the podcast.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I recently moved from one suburb to
Speaker 2: a slightly nicer suburb. Yesterday, he commented that gas was
Speaker 2: much more expensive near our new house, twenty five to
Speaker 2: fifty cents more, and reflexively said, yeah, gas is always
Speaker 2: cheaper in the hood. Now, I don't know if this
Speaker 2: is something my mama actually told me. I heard it
Speaker 2: somewhere and have generally found it to be true, so
Speaker 2: I just took it as fact. Is gas cheaper in
Speaker 2: the hood? Is the question? Chelsea is asked game.
Speaker 3: This is a tough question, because, like, I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: sit here and lie to you guys. They popped me
Speaker 3: for drunk driving in two thousand and nine. I have
Speaker 3: not had a driver's license since. Wow, I don't know
Speaker 3: how much the gas costs. People are always crying about it.
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't fucking know.
Speaker 2: Wait, they got you in two thousand and nine, and
Speaker 2: you've never gone back.
Speaker 3: I never they got me and they.
Speaker 2: Is it because you can't go back? Or is it like, nah,
Speaker 2: you got me, I'm retiring from the game type shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't like driving anyways, to be completely honest.
Speaker 2: Sure that's why you would get drunk before you do it.
Speaker 3: You're like, yeah, yeah, it's the same way I felt
Speaker 3: about high school tough interactions with friends.
Speaker 2: I gotta take the edge off'n.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is good. I gotta drive home.
Speaker 2: No, I need to get at least a point on nine.
Speaker 2: This ain't gonna yeah.
Speaker 3: We'll say, we'll go with that. We'll go with point
Speaker 3: on nine. Is what I got before you said. I
Speaker 3: never drove again, So I know, I don't know. I
Speaker 3: mean I thought that like stuff was supposed to be
Speaker 3: like more expensive, like via food deserts. It would be
Speaker 3: crazy if oil prices trickled down cheaper to black people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what what makes if we're comparing
Speaker 2: it to the food of it all. What would be
Speaker 2: even crazier is if we do, in fact have cheaper
Speaker 2: gas prices in the hood, but also it's like worse gas.
Speaker 2: It's like just gas as bad for your car and
Speaker 2: like makes your car's foot get cut off and shit,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I could see them giving us diabetes gas.
Speaker 2: That's yes, there's diabetes gas.
Speaker 3: Like and then we find out it's like it's like
Speaker 3: when you find out find out menthols are worse for.
Speaker 2: You, right, It's like, oh, there's glass in these.
Speaker 3: Why do you put glass in these? And why'd you
Speaker 3: make them taste minty fresh? You know?
Speaker 2: I like minty fresh.
Speaker 3: You know my favorite color is green. Sprite Newports going.
Speaker 3: I was up and there with four Sprite New Cools,
Speaker 3: Benson and.
Speaker 2: Head listening listening cigarettes at this point.
Speaker 3: Paul Maul Greens Junior Mints.
Speaker 2: Those are pretty much white with like a dash.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of green on the box Nerd rope.
Speaker 3: The candy Nerd rope has a lot of green. Mountain dew.
Speaker 3: You love mountain dew.
Speaker 2: I don't love mountain dew.
Speaker 3: We so we've talked about.
Speaker 2: Split.
Speaker 3: I'm glad you overcame it, but it's like, just because
Speaker 3: you're an ex crackhead doesn't mean you don't still like crack.
Speaker 2: I'm not a dhead anymore.
Speaker 3: I don't like the steps. No, I don't like you
Speaker 3: dyeing your do roots.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a do daddy no more.
Speaker 3: But to speak, to speak to the gas thing, I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't have you found that true? You drive right?
Speaker 2: I do drive. I will say that's it's one of
Speaker 2: those things where like, yeah, I guess technically it's true,
Speaker 2: but it's not a thing that necessarily is like such
Speaker 2: a massive difference that I feel like, oh, man, I
Speaker 2: gotta drive our you know, fucking like twenty miles out
Speaker 2: of my way to go benefit from those cheap gas
Speaker 2: prices in the hood.
Speaker 3: I also wonder about it because I won't speak to everyone.
Speaker 3: But as far as for me and mind, I think
Speaker 3: I filled up my entire gas tank maybe three times
Speaker 3: in my whole driving career, So I don't know you're
Speaker 3: one of those Oh don't be like, don't do that
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 2: Come on, man, I fill my shit up, but I'll
Speaker 2: see always I take it to the edge, though, I'll take.
Speaker 3: A run it around coffs. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: where it's like when it's like when you're driving it,
Speaker 3: you can feel like the gas going out. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Me and my wife we've gotten in a fair amount
Speaker 2: of arguments because she believes that, like after a quarter
Speaker 2: is left, you're meant to fill it back up. That
Speaker 2: like what that And that's one hundred percent my pointing.
Speaker 2: You're a reasonable man, and that's why I enjoy doing
Speaker 2: this with you.
Speaker 3: A quarter is so much. A quarter is one fourth of.
Speaker 2: It exactly that That's literally what I said, Like.
Speaker 3: If it's one hundred miles, I'm going twenty five more miles.
Speaker 3: It's not that's crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm I'm going ninety nine more miles, is
Speaker 2: my stance. But I hear you on the twenty five.
Speaker 2: Twenty five is a crazy place to stop. Yeah, my
Speaker 2: cell phone battery. The thing is she believes this, but
Speaker 2: she doesn't even like live by the shit, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. It's like one of those things where
Speaker 2: like she implemented that for me on some like husbandly
Speaker 2: duties type shit.
Speaker 3: Oh, like you gotta ride around, you got to fill
Speaker 3: it up when it gets to a quarter. But if
Speaker 3: she's riding on me. It's not a problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's an emergency. I had to get home really fast. Sorry.
Speaker 2: You know, uh, you ain't got nothing to do. Go ahead,
Speaker 2: fill up the gas tank.
Speaker 3: Do you do it? Though? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean, what am I gonna do? Stop getting pussy?
Speaker 3: Here? I am? You know, that's the strangest way I've
Speaker 3: ever heard someone contextualized marriage. What am I gonna do? Stop?
Speaker 3: What am I gonna do? Stop getting She's my wife.
Speaker 2: She's my everything? What I give up all that pussy?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I'll fill up the gas tang when you.
Speaker 3: Say I don't know why it would be cheaper in
Speaker 3: the hood, though, what? Well?
Speaker 2: I think I think it led me to sort of
Speaker 2: look this up right in one of the things, or
Speaker 2: at least I attempted to look up. And it gets
Speaker 2: pretty ugly because when you look up why is gas
Speaker 2: cheaper in the hood. The first thing that popped up
Speaker 2: was a Reddit thread where it says.
Speaker 4: If they said something about Jewish people, yeah, I wish
Speaker 4: it actually is. It's almost more painful because somebody says,
Speaker 4: why is gas usually cheaper in the ghetto, which already
Speaker 4: you know is coming from a hateful place.
Speaker 3: I understand from a bad place.
Speaker 4: Nobody in twenty twenty two is calling the hood the
Speaker 4: ghetto and not like having bad wishes for the.
Speaker 2: People that live there.
Speaker 3: No, she doesn't come in peace, No, not at all.
Speaker 2: And the answer, I think felt more painful to me
Speaker 2: somehow because I'm not even sure. I don't know how
Speaker 2: to respond to it. But the one answer that's here says,
Speaker 2: less people own cars in the ghetto, therefore the demand
Speaker 2: for gas is less. Price goes down to comply.
Speaker 3: No, that's not black people have cars.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that thing like they really think we just like
Speaker 4: black people just don't have We get.
Speaker 3: We have the things that they have. You know what,
Speaker 3: I thought it was gonna say, because they're big Cadillac,
Speaker 3: their big Cadillac lips to guzzle up all the gas,
Speaker 3: we gotta make it scarce sort shit. I thought it
Speaker 3: was going to be something about the size.
Speaker 4: Of the vehicles, a big old Lincoln Navigator, monkeys. It's
Speaker 4: it didn't feel good, And I don't know that there's
Speaker 4: a definitive answer for this thing, but I do think,
Speaker 4: just based off of my own sort of like not
Speaker 4: careful but sometimes effective analysis, it does seem like the
Speaker 4: gas is a little cheaper, but that also seems like,
Speaker 4: you know, it's the reason they sell fucking Arizona iced
Speaker 4: tea's in you know, fucking corner stores and shit. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's where motherfuckers can buy it, and they're they're get
Speaker 4: the most sale that way. So you make it affordable
Speaker 4: enough that you can activate the sales.
Speaker 3: Right, because that is the thing is like, man, if
Speaker 3: we're just and once again, I don't want to blank
Speaker 3: it any but everybody we're just talking about, like me
Speaker 3: and me and mine, I come from people who will
Speaker 3: buy this little bit.
Speaker 2: Of gas possible exactly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I'll put one eighty eight on two and
Speaker 3: then maybe maybe maybe get twelve out of the take
Speaker 3: a penny, leave a penny, and just go on and
Speaker 3: bump it up and make it two on two.
Speaker 2: Like, well, so you're getting a third of a gallon
Speaker 2: of gas to be able to like keep moving at
Speaker 2: this point.
Speaker 3: I mean, but this is an a nine prices.
Speaker 4: Okay, So you are getting twelve gallons of gas for
Speaker 4: two dollars. You were filling up your tank on two
Speaker 4: dollars and moving on.
Speaker 3: I'm willing. I'm willing, Like I said, I I was
Speaker 3: not a big fill up the whole tank, because fill
Speaker 3: up the tank. What am I'm driving to fucking Detroit?
Speaker 3: I gotta fill up this tank. That's insane to me.
Speaker 2: How far do you think you can get on a
Speaker 2: full tank of gas?
Speaker 3: Man, don't make me? Uh? Where are you at? What
Speaker 3: do you think?
Speaker 2: How far in the country do you think you can get?
Speaker 2: You're in You're in Denver. Where do you think you
Speaker 2: can reach?
Speaker 3: What kind of car am I in?
Speaker 2: Let's say it's it's a Honda Civic. It gets good miles,
Speaker 2: let's go that way. This is a factory made, no fast,
Speaker 2: no furious. A full tank of gas, I would assume.
Speaker 2: From Denver, Colorado, I feel like I could get halfway
Speaker 2: through Wyoming. Okay, See that required me to know American
Speaker 2: geography better than I do. But that sounds wrong. Wyoming
Speaker 2: is a pretty big state. It's a pretty fun from
Speaker 2: Wyoming here though, you're two hours from Wyoming.
Speaker 3: Yeah, to like the because that's to get fireworks.
Speaker 2: Okay, And then and then you think you can go
Speaker 2: another half a state of driving before that tank runs out?
Speaker 3: Is that not how many? Is that not correct?
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think a Honda is getting
Speaker 2: like three hundred miles per gallon and or.
Speaker 3: Per that that that can't per tank, not gallon, Honda.
Speaker 2: So I don't think you're getting as far as you've imagined.
Speaker 3: I think you're playing me out because I told you
Speaker 3: that I haven't driven in, you know, over a decade.
Speaker 4: Now, I presume you still know where the gas pedal
Speaker 4: and the break are.
Speaker 3: I could drive like I'm not like like if it
Speaker 3: went down today, I can get in. I can drive
Speaker 3: a stick. Most people can't do that.
Speaker 2: I can't drive a stick.
Speaker 3: Exactly what is it? What are you proving? I got
Speaker 3: lost in the sauce? Twelve point four gallons? So how many?
Speaker 3: How many gallons? How many miles per gallon? You think? Uh?
Speaker 2: On some like highway shit.
Speaker 4: I think you'll probably get like with the Honda Civic,
Speaker 4: like twenty eight to thirty.
Speaker 3: Okay, hold on, so let's let's do this math here.
Speaker 2: I'll make it easy for you. It's thirty times ten
Speaker 2: plus sixty, so it's it's about three sixty.
Speaker 3: Is that new math? Okaye?
Speaker 1: Eight?
Speaker 3: And then how long is wyoming to sound?
Speaker 2: I love that we can hear how you type in
Speaker 2: real time.
Speaker 3: I hate that I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't
Speaker 3: have said any. I feel like you guys would have
Speaker 3: thought I was a hacker. Yo, Wyoming's only three hundred
Speaker 3: and sixty miles long and two hundred eighty miles wide.
Speaker 4: Okay, I mean, I still think your numbers are a
Speaker 4: little off of maybe maybe maybe it's mag dab in
Speaker 4: the middle with your gas tank.
Speaker 3: What's like three sixty eight so one eighty plus two
Speaker 3: hours to get out of Denver. So we figure I'm
Speaker 3: going sixty miles an hour one hundred and twenty miles,
Speaker 3: so one twenty plus one eighty that's like three hundred
Speaker 3: that's like exactly right. I was exactly right. I was
Speaker 3: exactly right.
Speaker 2: I don't know that I'm buying it, but maybe play
Speaker 2: with me.
Speaker 3: Any listeners who check my math email, don't tweet I don't.
Speaker 4: Have one, don't tweet at him. He doesn't have one.
Speaker 4: In frankly, I'm not reporting the tweets you sent.
Speaker 3: So I think I got it, bro I think I
Speaker 3: got it. Listeners, tell me if I didn't get it
Speaker 3: from Denver, Colorado to the middle of Wyoming on one tank,
Speaker 3: and let's be honest, A two thousand and one to
Speaker 3: two thousand and six Honda Civic. I think I think
Speaker 3: I was perfect. Wow.
Speaker 2: If true, I'm devastated, and I will I will spend
Speaker 2: our next mini episode submitting a formal apology you and
Speaker 2: everyone involved. Well until then, I think we covered this, Chelsea.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't know that we have a clear, definitive answer
Speaker 2: on your thing, but it seems likely. It seems likely
Speaker 2: that the ghetto has the ghetto has a little less
Speaker 2: expensive gas than their suburban counterpart.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: She also, uh, this will be this can be our
Speaker 2: big dismount. She also said, unrelated, I am also mixed
Speaker 2: black mom and white dad, and I completely agree with
Speaker 2: your white mom theory. For those of you that don't remember,
Speaker 2: I believe that mixed kids with white moms end up
Speaker 2: weird as fuck, and uh, mixed kids with black moms
Speaker 2: are pretty cool anyway. White mom syndrome is what I
Speaker 2: call it. I grew up in central Illinois, where there
Speaker 2: were not many black people and even fewer mixed people.
Speaker 2: There were four of us in town. We called ourselves
Speaker 2: a biracial coalition. Don't love that, Chelse.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not a good.
Speaker 2: Chelsea like that at all.
Speaker 3: Not a lot of sauce on that meat. No, not
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: She said, two had black moms and two had white moms.
Speaker 2: The ones with white moms were weird as hell and
Speaker 2: seemed to struggle with their identity at less, at least
Speaker 2: more than I did. My mama showed me imitation of
Speaker 2: life when I was six years old and said things like, see,
Speaker 2: that's why you should never try to pass anyway. Thanks
Speaker 2: for all the last by bitch, Chelsea.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Chelsea. I think that that and not and
Speaker 3: this sounds crazy, I think a lot of that probably
Speaker 3: comes down to grooming.
Speaker 2: Mmm, like like literal physical grooming.
Speaker 3: Hair and stuff like that. I think that it's I
Speaker 3: think that with a white mother it would be harder
Speaker 3: to figure out you. Like, I mean not as much
Speaker 3: for boys, because you could just get a barber cut,
Speaker 3: but like if you're she doesn't know how to relax hair,
Speaker 3: she doesn't know you know what I mean that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I feel like that would be very and that that
Speaker 3: is a thing that could keep you on the outside.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, if you have an awkward morning every morning with
Speaker 2: your mom and your hair, you're gonna be a little
Speaker 2: bit of a weirdo when you get to school.
Speaker 3: That day, you know, right, exactly exactly, and your dad's
Speaker 3: not going to know how to do it either.
Speaker 2: No, he's sitting there smoking menthos right, No wonder why
Speaker 2: they taste so good.
Speaker 3: Now, if you grew up with a bunch of black
Speaker 3: women like I did, I can relax all your hair, ladies.
Speaker 2: Hey, and he'll get in that bathtub when you're down
Speaker 2: to Hey.
Speaker 3: Come on, all right, we did it.
Speaker 2: Could you tell the people at home where they can
Speaker 2: find you what cool shit you have going on?
Speaker 3: You can find me a cool guy jokes eighty seven
Speaker 3: on Instagram. Come see me at the Illegion in Los
Speaker 3: Angeles on September fifteenth. Then come see Langston Kerman in
Speaker 3: Denver for Faded Comedy Denver at the Skylark Lounge in Denver, Colorado,
Speaker 3: bringing you the best black and around brown headliners from
Speaker 3: around the country and locally. Hell, we do. I do
Speaker 3: host it with the white guy because we had the
Speaker 3: trojan or it is Colora. But trust me, he doesn't
Speaker 3: get to talk much. Great.
Speaker 2: I love as long as he's pretty much silent. I'm
Speaker 2: cool with this as always. You can follow me at
Speaker 2: Langston Kerman and you can come see me if you're
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles competing on that same day, nine to fifteen,
Speaker 2: I'll be at the Lyric Hyperion doing my hour. Go
Speaker 2: see David, go see me. You make the choice. Oh
Speaker 2: remember you've burned a bridge. If you choose the wrong one,
Speaker 2: light skin politics man, then come see me at Faded
Speaker 2: the next day in Denver. Travel you deserve it. And
Speaker 2: then finally, if you're in New York, I'll be at
Speaker 2: City Winery the Loft on September nineteenth. I would love
Speaker 2: to see you out in New York. So I got
Speaker 2: some shows coming up. And as always, if you want
Speaker 2: to send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops,
Speaker 2: your own bullshit about gas prices, send it to my
Speaker 2: mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love to
Speaker 2: hear from you. Okay, that's it. Bye, bitch.
Speaker 1: Fucking mini ever se mini episode, motherfucking Mini ever sew
Speaker 1: motherfucking mini episode Mini episode, mother fucking Mini ever s