WEBVTT - Choosing Single Motherhood Feat. Mela Murder 0:00:00.000 --> 0:00:10.080 Oh mama, I'm failing high. 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:14.360 My money's gone all all. 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:17.119 To my jewel. 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:23.400 Thor keeps turning all Onday. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:25.160 What to day? 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:30.400 What today? He's in blessings man a fretted with every 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:34.839 lesson learn, Eve, young doll is worth you. 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:40.080 It would be well if we were lady. 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:45.760 His immchan calls byarning most into excellent my. 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:48.600 Bill, welcome back. This is good mom's bad choices. I'm 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:53.000 Erica and I'm Nila, and we're still New York y'all. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:01:01.800 Wrong? Hey, that's allen, Hi baby. 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:07.640 We have the cutest two little girls in uh you 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.560 on in the studio today, Little anithyst and Manifest. 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:12.959 Oh my god, she knocked out. 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:16.640 That was quick, right, just one, two, three on the 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:17.479 bog and boom. 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:24.920 Well we have special guests today, guys. We have Melow Murder. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:28.840 definitely Melo Murders in the building. I'm so excited to 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.800 have you. You are like to be here finally. I 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:34.120 love when I and I can connect. 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.920 Okay, girls, all right, and I guess I got I'm 0:01:39.040 --> 0:01:40.039 here to speak as well. 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.120 I love that I can connect with other single moms 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:43.520 and and you're. 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:49.440 Baby, Okay, we get it. 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:55.840 Anyway, thank you, thank you. If you guys aren't familiar 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:57.840 with Mellow, definitely check out her instagram. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.880 You're such an advocate for single parents and single moms specifically, 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.440 and like you're caught, like your let's talk is so 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:09.880 important and I'm so happy that that you do that 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.519 and that you're able to connect with women in like 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:13.399 a real way. 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.360 Wait, lets people know what let's talk is? Okay, Okay, 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:22.480 so let's talk is. It's a movement? I really I 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:22.959 wanted to. 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:27.079 My mission is for it to be a movement just 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:30.880 connecting single moms together and support of mental and emotional health. 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:35.400 Because when I was going through my own things, being 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:40.160 a new mom, experiencing postpartum depressions, never having anyone ever 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.280 educate me on that, how to prepare myself for it, 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:45.760 and just feeling like I was the only one going 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:46.040 through it. 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:51.120 So I decided to come out. 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:54.280 And be fully transparent with my story and what I 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.880 had gone through because I was suffering severely and felt 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:03.400 completely alone. So I did that, and the outpour that 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:08.160 I received from that was so positive, so overwhelming, just emotional. 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:10.800 I'm like, this needs to be a thing, a physical 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.440 thing where where we're meeting up together in person, flush 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:17.480 to flush physically where we can cry to each other, 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:20.119 hug each other, and help each other in our struggles. 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:24.120 So that's basically what it is and how it started. 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.480 And maybe if you give our listeners just a little 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:30.600 backstory on like who you are? I mean, I meant 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:33.200 that's such like a broad statement because it's like, how 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:34.560 do you define who you are? 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:35.000 What you do? 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.000 I know you're an artist, actor, dancer. 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:39.520 Yeah, I mean. 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:45.640 I identify as a woman from New York born and raised. 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.440 I mean, my father passed away when I was eleven, 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.880 and that's when a lot of my mental health things 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:56.040 started playing and coming into play, and I just realized 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:59.120 that I was different from my two other sisters, and 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:05.120 I felt disconnected often. I felt removed often and just misunderstood. 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:09.000 So I was constantly trying to find my outlets and 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:11.080 are you the oldest, I'm the eldest. 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:11.520 Yeah. 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:14.240 And when you say disconnected, like you just felt like, you. 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.800 Know, like like my mom would literally separate me from 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.920 my sisters. Why because I went crazy. My father passed 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:24.760 away and so many things happened after that, and I 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:26.279 didn't feel safe in my home. 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:27.719 I just didn't feel safe. 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.240 My mom was was seeing the new guy, and just 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.160 like the dynamic of our living situation changed and I 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:34.560 was super paranoid. 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:36.799 I like slept with a knife under my pillow like crazy, 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:41.320 so my mom I was acting out. 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:43.719 I was being super rebellious as we were just talking 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:46.960 about and my mom would would just be afraid to 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:48.719 like have my sisters with me, so she. 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:53.120 Would literally like keep me away from them. It's actually crazy. 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.200 I learned that I was into dancing and writing when 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:57.600 I was put in a mental institution. 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:00.600 I put a student twelve. 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.520 Oh wow, because my stepfather he tried to hit me 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:08.200 or like, and he's like six foot three and my 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:10.920 mom was away at work, and you got super aggressive 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.280 with me, and I like like took the knife out 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:15.800 on him, and I was like, don't don't move, like 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:18.760 stay right there. And my mom was like, you're out 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:21.080 of control. I don't know how to help you, and 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:23.359 she was trying, but I was just so deep in. 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:27.680 My own, you know, my own pain issues, like yeah, 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.920 you know, like the anxiety, the sadness, all of these 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:34.120 things I wasn't understanding. So she put me in a 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:34.799 mental institution. 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.960 The next day and I met some of the most 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:40.640 amazing people of my life, and they're crazy. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.120 How long were you there for? 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:43.080 I was in there. 0:05:43.360 --> 0:05:46.840 I want to say two to three weeks, you know, 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:51.120 not not super crazy long, because I mean there's there's 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.320 people in there, like young young kids in there who 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:58.520 like were severely mentally ill, and you know, people in 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:00.560 the system, they're going to tend to the those cases 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:04.040 more more so than someone who's just like dealing with 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.240 the trauma of like a death in the family and 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:11.080 things like that. So a child who's rebelling. So in 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.400 there is where I learned that. Okay, I love dancing, 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:15.880 I love writing. So I started to dance, and in 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:18.120 high school I took it very seriously. I was in 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.680 like a hip hop voguing group, and. 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.000 Like it was just my everything. It was my outlet. 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:28.040 I felt free. I felt like I didn't have all 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.320 of this weight on me that I'd been carrying since 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:31.240 I was, you know. 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.080 Eleven, twelve years old, and it just felt really good. 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.680 Then I started writing music and I had a show. 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:40.400 I was in a band with my best friend at 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.080 the time, and we had a show in Bard College 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:44.560 and that's kind of how. 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:45.560 I got discovered to dance. 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.560 With Major Laser, the opening DJ who I was actually 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:54.160 with last night, Addie. He connected me with Dippo and 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.000 he was like, yo, like I believe in you. 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:57.000 I don't know, I don't know you. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.120 I don't know why I believe in you, but I 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:02.520 do and I want to help you, and I don't know, 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:06.360 like the universe aligned it, and I was on tour 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.039 Major Laser and then how old are you at that point? 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.360 I was twenty and that must have been like a 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.040 very I mean, because I know, like that scene is 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:20.280 very I mean it's go go, go, go go party, party, party, party, drink, drink, drink, 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.080 drug drug drug drugs, you know, because I was listening 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.720 to that music and doing all those things, not even 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:30.239 not even I'm electra, I likes to call electro electra. 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:31.880 Where was I Miami at some music? First of all, 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:34.080 Major Laser was there, and I was like ultra Ultra 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:37.440 That's where I was, Yeah, and I was ultravated yeah. 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:39.480 Same same. 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:42.240 So at twenty years old, I mean, going on tour 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:44.720 and traveling the world in that capacity, like from being 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:45.280 a piece. 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:47.560 Of shit one day, like nothing like no one like 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:52.720 confused about my life, doing drugs, being like arranging like 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:57.600 mess to having so much responsibility and so much I mean, 0:07:57.720 --> 0:07:59.800 I was exposed to a world I never imagine, I 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:00.800 know who existed. 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:03.280 So it was a lot. I mean, I loved it. 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.040 It was amazing, but it was a lot. It was 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:07.240 too much for me at times. 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:11.040 You know, I'm twenty years old, your baby, baby, your baby, 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:13.960 like you don't even and there's no rules, there's someone 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:17.560 telling you slow down, you know, so I can only. 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:20.880 Imagine no guidance at all. But you know that that 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:26.440 that journey of Major Laser, I mean, it was some 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:28.880 of the best moments of my life and it taught 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:33.480 me a lot about being just a full rounded person. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:37.000 You know, I've slept on a floor, like we've slept 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:40.559 on floors, you know, baby, No baby, We've slept on floors. 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:41.920 We've had to share bunks. 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:42.160 You know. 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.559 You you adapt, and I've learned how to adapt because 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:47.280 of Major Laser. 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.640 And now I feel like whatever I go through now, 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.280 because of those experiences, I'm able to adapt. 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:54.839 Right. So, do you think that experience also kind of 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:56.160 helped you in motherhood? 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:57.720 Definitely? 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:01.160 It made me super resilient because you have to keep 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:03.520 on going, you have to be strong I mean when 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:06.800 when when I started with Major Laser is when social 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:10.520 media kind of just started, Like Instagram was just popping off, 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.839 and you know, the Major Laser Instagram we used to be. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.480 We used to get posted me in the Dancer and 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:17.680 people used to be like, oh, you. 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:21.839 Guys, you're you're bolt sluts and you're fucking diplo and 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.640 like trolling us and saying horrible things about us. 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:26.959 And I used to be so upset, so sad, and 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:29.280 like my family would talk to me and be like, yo, 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:32.079 you have to like you have to be resilient to this. 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.920 Come on, you're gonna let what random strangers say about 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:37.840 you affect you know, your. 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.640 Life, and you know, and it taught me, like, you 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:41.880 have to be strong despite what. 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.160 Anyone says, what people say. Who cares what people say? Like, 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.839 you're living your life, You're staying true to yourself. You 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.080 know who you are, You're not You're not those things, 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:54.920 so keep it pushing right exactly. So definitely it taught me, 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.079 taught me some valuable lessons. 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:02.280 And you're like, you have such a specific style of dance. 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:04.480 It's like, I mean, and he said, voguing. That's so 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:06.240 that's so new York. 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.199 I was gonna say, like, never would I have ever 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:10.040 in high school had the opportunity to take a hip 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.559 hop vogue, like even learn where would I go? 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:13.599 Would be doing that? 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.360 I didn't even learn really about voguing until I moved 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.160 to Atlanta and went to like the gay club all 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.880 the time, like and learned about like housing. 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:29.240 Maybe you're being very loud, okay, So like, yeah, how 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:30.000 do you identify? 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:30.319 Are you? 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:30.599 Like? 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:32.319 What's your are you straight? 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:33.320 Are you gay? 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.600 Bisexually fluid? What's the other one? 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:36.000 The new one? 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.959 Pan sexual? Like I don't even know what any of 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:43.079 those things mean now I know. I mean, I I 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:51.920 just love people. I think that's what I because I don't. 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:54.319 I just love people. And if I connect with you, 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:55.679 then I connect with you. 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.400 And if I think you're beautiful, then you're you're beautiful, 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.680 and I will, you know, I will give you time, 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:03.760 and I will you know, I will be open and 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:07.959 connect and like interact, and you know, I don't have 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:09.920 like a type or anything like that, and people, I 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.719 feel like people who have types close themselves off to 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.800 all of the beautiful, right, So I. 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.960 Agree, I agree, I identify the same amount people lover. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.960 Yeah, for sure in New York is. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:28.079 Uh evoking like a gay thing, because like, yeah, yeah. 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:30.480 I mean it was. It was births here in the 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:34.599 seventies and in the eighties in Harlem, and you know, 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:40.599 that's how the gay community would escape the outside realities 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:46.160 of just you know, being kind of shunned, you know, 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:51.800 and just being like tormented for being exactly who you are. 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.439 So they created the ballroom scene so that you know, 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.400 poor minority, little black and brown boys could. 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:02.920 Dance and feel like have that escape of fantasy. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:06.000 And be like rich, fab Upper east Side, you know, 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:11.360 white woman, you know, and they created this this world, 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:12.160 this fantasy. 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:16.199 And when it was introduced to me, I mean, that's it. 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:17.360 That's what it gave to me. 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:21.280 It offered me an escape from my reality. And I 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:27.600 was able to be this confident, just other person who 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:28.640 I didn't feel like in. 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.880 My in my in my day to day life. So 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.400 it was effortless, it was natural. 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.360 I'd never been to a class back then, there were 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:40.559 noble classes. That's kind of a new thing it's become 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:45.040 since social media came up. It's been mainstream, like you know, 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.199 it's kind of transitioned into the mainstream world. 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:48.640 Which which is cute. It deserves that. 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:53.080 But I love the fact that it's kind of been 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.439 that underground New York City vibe and like you had 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:57.599 to be a part of the culture to experience that 0:12:57.760 --> 0:12:58.480 type of magic. 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:03.640 So for you was like therapeutic. Yes, it's crazy how 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:04.839 differ things can do that. 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:06.959 I mean, the way you can move your body. I'm like, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.000 is this do I have to be double joined? 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:14.360 Is this is this learned or is it just feels 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:16.599 it's just a feeling. 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:18.920 Like y'all you if you guys get a chance to 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.199 go on her Instagram and check out some of her videos, 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:23.040 because I remember when you were pregnant too, and you're 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.240 doing and doing videos and I'm just like, the female 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:30.079 body is so incredible and that we can still do 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.400 anything or everything while pregnant. 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:34.599 If my mom has always told me. 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.120 My mom has always told me that pregnancy is a 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:44.120 sign of health, and a lot of times that people 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.400 look upon pregnant women as a week almost. 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:48.440 Or like are you okay? 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:52.960 You must be protected like they need help, and which 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:54.520 is true, and trust me, I took all that too, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:55.480 and it has helped me. 0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:59.560 But also like this is just proof how I'm healthy. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.880 I'm strong, and watching your videos and watching you move 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:04.800 like that and watching your body move like that while 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:05.280 you are. 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:08.600 Like very pregnant. I was like, that is so beautiful. 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:12.360 And even doing those doing that with your child's father, 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:14.640 like seeing those videos so beautiful. 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:15.240 I loved it. 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:15.880 I love that. 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:16.839 Thank you. 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.440 A lot of people told me like I wouldn't be 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:23.440 able to do those things, the doctors and things like 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.120 what do you do for a living, And I'm like, I'm. 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:28.840 A I'm a dancer. Well you can't dance, you can't dance. 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.840 And I danced. I danced until I was in when 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:36.120 I gave birth to her. 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.720 The day before I gave birth to her, I was 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:43.640 in rehearsal, like choreographing a whole team of dancers for 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.040 fashion week, oh like the day before, and then I 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:48.920 had my baby, like we were I was supposed to 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.440 be a part of the performance and I was giving birth. 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:56.880 Wow, so don't stop do it all like we are 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.640 so strong. Pregnancy is just oh my. 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:03.400 God, how did did you enjoy your pregnancy or what? 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.480 I really enjoyed my pregnancy with Amathys. I felt I 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:08.720 felt like a goddess, you know. 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.640 I was like, oh my God, like I feel so beautiful, 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:15.640 I'm so powerful, I'm doing all these amazing things. And 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:18.920 then with Manifest, I didn't feel like that at all. 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:23.320 Like I hated being pregnant. I wanted to just hide. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.400 I wanted to not be seen. I didn't want to tell. 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:27.160 I didn't tell anymore. 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:29.040 I was like, didn't take a break from social media. Yeah, 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:30.600 I didn't tell my family. 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:36.280 When so she turned a year old, we traveled the 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:41.840 day after her first birthday to England doing shows for 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.920 Richard Russell in England. Then I traveled to Paris and 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:48.800 to Rome and then to Puerto Rico to film Valante. 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.840 Then I went to La where I found out I 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:56.880 was pregnant. So I was like on my own, hustling, 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.680 mad herd, sick as a dog. 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:03.400 Pregnant, and I knew that my mom and my family 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:06.720 who would tell me to get an abortion? I mean, 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:13.120 I'm not, I'm pro choice. It's Amy, Amy baby, No, 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:15.280 my love, do you want me to put you in 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:15.760 the stroller? 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.360 Do you want me to do that? Don't disturb, sister? 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:34.600 Thank you? Oh emmy, emmy, m M your sister. 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:38.240 Okay, But yeah, when I found out I was pregnant 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:40.640 with Manifest, I was happy, So that's how I knew. 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:42.600 I'm like, I'm going through with this because I felt 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:45.000 so much joy, but I didn't want it to be 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.440 tainted by other people's opinions, so. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:49.640 I didn't tell anyone. 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.080 And then during that time, I hadn't spoke to Kaner, 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:56.440 which is their father, in months. So when I was 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:58.960 approaching my fifth month of pregnancy, I'm like, I think 0:16:59.080 --> 0:16:59.920 I should tell him. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:02.760 Oh he didn't even he didn't know. He didn't. You 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:03.880 literally didn't tell nobody. 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.000 No, it was a secret. 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:09.320 Well cause I know you've documented your journey with in 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.680 some ways with him too, and like you guys, you 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:15.359 were together and then you separated and you. 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.080 Get sorry, Yeah, you can take it out. Sh I mean, 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:24.359 calm down, Okay, are you getting tired? You wanna go 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:29.440 in the in the crib. It is his motherhood. You 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:30.560 wanna go in the the crib? 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:30.960 You hear me? 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:31.959 You wanna go in the stroller? 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:33.920 Hamy, go ahead. 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:35.239 You wanna put you in the stroller. You could take 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:40.479 you on my shit. No, this is real life right here. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:42.880 Oh yeah, you know, trust me. We we have kids. 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:46.879 We recorded the kids. They interrupt every five seconds. This 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:48.280 is the protocol over. 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.600 And I love being with moms because it just it 0:17:52.640 --> 0:17:55.200 doesn't make you feel weird. M m right cause when 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.000 you're up with moms, the people just stare at you. 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:00.879 They get stare right, and now it took me a 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:02.960 long time to get over that make me feeling bad? 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:04.760 Are we disturbing you? Are you? 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:05.119 Oh? 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:08.480 God, you're right feeling bad for right? Like, look at me, 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:13.520 help me, look at me. Okay, So you said you 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.760 didn't tell him to your five months. Yeah, I was 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:18.880 approaching my fifth month and I was like, I think 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:22.720 it's time that I tell him. And what did he say? 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:27.639 So it's crazy because we were on the phone. 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:30.960 We're facetiming each other for like an hour before I 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:32.920 even said anything, so we were just having like a 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:34.680 normal conversation. 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:36.159 And then. 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.880 I was like, I'm pregnant and he was like yeah. 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:48.720 He was like yeah, bye bye who No, not by who? Yes, 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:49.960 I said, who's the dad. 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:52.399 He started laughing because he thought I was pregnant by 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:53.920 someone else because we hadn't. 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:58.120 Spoken so long. And I was like, by you, you're 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.320 the father and he started to cry and. 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.280 He got really emotional but happy, and he felt like 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.440 it made a lot of sense as to why I 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.920 totally pushed back from him and just didn't want to 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.760 talk to him, but that that wasn't the reason I 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:17.399 made those choices because of who he is. So I 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:20.679 just again, I didn't want my experience of being pregnant 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:23.119 again to be tainted by no one's fuckery. 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.320 You know, I respect that a lot, because I'm the 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:27.919 type of person and this is something that I need 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:29.680 to check myself on. And I think people in general 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:33.320 do this, Like we ask a lot of opinions even 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:34.960 though we always go with what we want to do 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:35.480 in the beginning. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:36.960 Why do we do it? 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:38.480 I don't know, but you know there's so many You 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.159 always seek people's opinions, your parents, your friends, because you 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:41.960 care what they think. 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:44.840 But a lot of times it feels good to be 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:48.120 validated by the people you love, right because it makes 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:51.560 you feel like you're making a right decision. But if 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:55.440 it resonates with you, whatever your whatever the choice is 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:58.440 that you have to make, you know, you feel it 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.000 in your heart and it doesn't matter who says what 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:03.280 about Like God can come down himself and be like 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:06.960 and I'm like, no, this is like this is my choice, 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:08.760 Like this is what makes me happy. 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:09.959 That's it. Period. 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:13.399