Speaker 1: Oh mama, I'm failing high.
Speaker 2: My money's gone all all.
Speaker 3: To my jewel.
Speaker 1: Thor keeps turning all Onday.
Speaker 4: What to day?
Speaker 1: What today? He's in blessings man a fretted with every
Speaker 1: lesson learn, Eve, young doll is worth you.
Speaker 3: It would be well if we were lady.
Speaker 1: His immchan calls byarning most into excellent my.
Speaker 5: Bill, welcome back. This is good mom's bad choices. I'm
Speaker 5: Erica and I'm Nila, and we're still New York y'all.
Speaker 3: Wrong? Hey, that's allen, Hi baby.
Speaker 5: We have the cutest two little girls in uh you
Speaker 5: on in the studio today, Little anithyst and Manifest.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, she knocked out.
Speaker 3: That was quick, right, just one, two, three on the
Speaker 3: bog and boom.
Speaker 6: Well we have special guests today, guys. We have Melow Murder. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
Speaker 6: definitely Melo Murders in the building. I'm so excited to
Speaker 6: have you. You are like to be here finally. I
Speaker 6: love when I and I can connect.
Speaker 3: Okay, girls, all right, and I guess I got I'm
Speaker 3: here to speak as well.
Speaker 6: I love that I can connect with other single moms
Speaker 6: and and you're.
Speaker 3: Baby, Okay, we get it.
Speaker 6: Anyway, thank you, thank you. If you guys aren't familiar
Speaker 6: with Mellow, definitely check out her instagram.
Speaker 5: You're such an advocate for single parents and single moms specifically,
Speaker 5: and like you're caught, like your let's talk is so
Speaker 5: important and I'm so happy that that you do that
Speaker 5: and that you're able to connect with women in like
Speaker 5: a real way.
Speaker 3: Wait, lets people know what let's talk is? Okay, Okay,
Speaker 3: so let's talk is. It's a movement? I really I
Speaker 3: wanted to.
Speaker 4: My mission is for it to be a movement just
Speaker 4: connecting single moms together and support of mental and emotional health.
Speaker 4: Because when I was going through my own things, being
Speaker 4: a new mom, experiencing postpartum depressions, never having anyone ever
Speaker 4: educate me on that, how to prepare myself for it,
Speaker 4: and just feeling like I was the only one going
Speaker 4: through it.
Speaker 3: So I decided to come out.
Speaker 4: And be fully transparent with my story and what I
Speaker 4: had gone through because I was suffering severely and felt
Speaker 4: completely alone. So I did that, and the outpour that
Speaker 4: I received from that was so positive, so overwhelming, just emotional.
Speaker 4: I'm like, this needs to be a thing, a physical
Speaker 4: thing where where we're meeting up together in person, flush
Speaker 4: to flush physically where we can cry to each other,
Speaker 4: hug each other, and help each other in our struggles.
Speaker 3: So that's basically what it is and how it started.
Speaker 5: And maybe if you give our listeners just a little
Speaker 5: backstory on like who you are? I mean, I meant
Speaker 5: that's such like a broad statement because it's like, how
Speaker 5: do you define who you are?
Speaker 7: What you do?
Speaker 6: I know you're an artist, actor, dancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3: I identify as a woman from New York born and raised.
Speaker 4: I mean, my father passed away when I was eleven,
Speaker 4: and that's when a lot of my mental health things
Speaker 4: started playing and coming into play, and I just realized
Speaker 4: that I was different from my two other sisters, and
Speaker 4: I felt disconnected often. I felt removed often and just misunderstood.
Speaker 4: So I was constantly trying to find my outlets and
Speaker 4: are you the oldest, I'm the eldest.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And when you say disconnected, like you just felt like, you.
Speaker 4: Know, like like my mom would literally separate me from
Speaker 4: my sisters. Why because I went crazy. My father passed
Speaker 4: away and so many things happened after that, and I
Speaker 4: didn't feel safe in my home.
Speaker 3: I just didn't feel safe.
Speaker 4: My mom was was seeing the new guy, and just
Speaker 4: like the dynamic of our living situation changed and I
Speaker 4: was super paranoid.
Speaker 3: I like slept with a knife under my pillow like crazy,
Speaker 3: so my mom I was acting out.
Speaker 4: I was being super rebellious as we were just talking
Speaker 4: about and my mom would would just be afraid to
Speaker 4: like have my sisters with me, so she.
Speaker 3: Would literally like keep me away from them. It's actually crazy.
Speaker 4: I learned that I was into dancing and writing when
Speaker 4: I was put in a mental institution.
Speaker 6: I put a student twelve.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, because my stepfather he tried to hit me
Speaker 4: or like, and he's like six foot three and my
Speaker 4: mom was away at work, and you got super aggressive
Speaker 4: with me, and I like like took the knife out
Speaker 4: on him, and I was like, don't don't move, like
Speaker 4: stay right there. And my mom was like, you're out
Speaker 4: of control. I don't know how to help you, and
Speaker 4: she was trying, but I was just so deep in.
Speaker 3: My own, you know, my own pain issues, like yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, like the anxiety, the sadness, all of these
Speaker 3: things I wasn't understanding. So she put me in a
Speaker 3: mental institution.
Speaker 4: The next day and I met some of the most
Speaker 4: amazing people of my life, and they're crazy.
Speaker 6: How long were you there for?
Speaker 7: I was in there.
Speaker 4: I want to say two to three weeks, you know,
Speaker 4: not not super crazy long, because I mean there's there's
Speaker 4: people in there, like young young kids in there who
Speaker 4: like were severely mentally ill, and you know, people in
Speaker 4: the system, they're going to tend to the those cases
Speaker 4: more more so than someone who's just like dealing with
Speaker 4: the trauma of like a death in the family and
Speaker 4: things like that. So a child who's rebelling. So in
Speaker 4: there is where I learned that. Okay, I love dancing,
Speaker 4: I love writing. So I started to dance, and in
Speaker 4: high school I took it very seriously. I was in
Speaker 4: like a hip hop voguing group, and.
Speaker 3: Like it was just my everything. It was my outlet.
Speaker 3: I felt free. I felt like I didn't have all
Speaker 3: of this weight on me that I'd been carrying since
Speaker 3: I was, you know.
Speaker 4: Eleven, twelve years old, and it just felt really good.
Speaker 4: Then I started writing music and I had a show.
Speaker 4: I was in a band with my best friend at
Speaker 4: the time, and we had a show in Bard College
Speaker 4: and that's kind of how.
Speaker 3: I got discovered to dance.
Speaker 4: With Major Laser, the opening DJ who I was actually
Speaker 4: with last night, Addie. He connected me with Dippo and
Speaker 4: he was like, yo, like I believe in you.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know you.
Speaker 4: I don't know why I believe in you, but I
Speaker 4: do and I want to help you, and I don't know,
Speaker 4: like the universe aligned it, and I was on tour
Speaker 4: Major Laser and then how old are you at that point?
Speaker 5: I was twenty and that must have been like a
Speaker 5: very I mean, because I know, like that scene is
Speaker 5: very I mean it's go go, go, go go party, party, party, party, drink, drink, drink,
Speaker 5: drug drug drug drugs, you know, because I was listening
Speaker 5: to that music and doing all those things, not even
Speaker 5: not even I'm electra, I likes to call electro electra.
Speaker 5: Where was I Miami at some music? First of all,
Speaker 5: Major Laser was there, and I was like ultra Ultra
Speaker 5: That's where I was, Yeah, and I was ultravated yeah.
Speaker 3: Same same.
Speaker 5: So at twenty years old, I mean, going on tour
Speaker 5: and traveling the world in that capacity, like from being
Speaker 5: a piece.
Speaker 4: Of shit one day, like nothing like no one like
Speaker 4: confused about my life, doing drugs, being like arranging like
Speaker 4: mess to having so much responsibility and so much I mean,
Speaker 4: I was exposed to a world I never imagine, I
Speaker 4: know who existed.
Speaker 3: So it was a lot. I mean, I loved it.
Speaker 3: It was amazing, but it was a lot. It was
Speaker 3: too much for me at times.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm twenty years old, your baby, baby, your baby,
Speaker 5: like you don't even and there's no rules, there's someone
Speaker 5: telling you slow down, you know, so I can only.
Speaker 4: Imagine no guidance at all. But you know that that
Speaker 4: that journey of Major Laser, I mean, it was some
Speaker 4: of the best moments of my life and it taught
Speaker 4: me a lot about being just a full rounded person.
Speaker 4: You know, I've slept on a floor, like we've slept
Speaker 4: on floors, you know, baby, No baby, We've slept on floors.
Speaker 3: We've had to share bunks.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: You you adapt, and I've learned how to adapt because
Speaker 3: of Major Laser.
Speaker 4: And now I feel like whatever I go through now,
Speaker 4: because of those experiences, I'm able to adapt.
Speaker 6: Right. So, do you think that experience also kind of
Speaker 6: helped you in motherhood?
Speaker 3: Definitely?
Speaker 4: It made me super resilient because you have to keep
Speaker 4: on going, you have to be strong I mean when
Speaker 4: when when I started with Major Laser is when social
Speaker 4: media kind of just started, Like Instagram was just popping off,
Speaker 4: and you know, the Major Laser Instagram we used to be.
Speaker 3: We used to get posted me in the Dancer and
Speaker 3: people used to be like, oh, you.
Speaker 4: Guys, you're you're bolt sluts and you're fucking diplo and
Speaker 4: like trolling us and saying horrible things about us.
Speaker 3: And I used to be so upset, so sad, and
Speaker 3: like my family would talk to me and be like, yo,
Speaker 3: you have to like you have to be resilient to this.
Speaker 4: Come on, you're gonna let what random strangers say about
Speaker 4: you affect you know, your.
Speaker 3: Life, and you know, and it taught me, like, you
Speaker 3: have to be strong despite what.
Speaker 4: Anyone says, what people say. Who cares what people say? Like,
Speaker 4: you're living your life, You're staying true to yourself. You
Speaker 4: know who you are, You're not You're not those things,
Speaker 4: so keep it pushing right exactly. So definitely it taught me,
Speaker 4: taught me some valuable lessons.
Speaker 8: And you're like, you have such a specific style of dance.
Speaker 8: It's like, I mean, and he said, voguing. That's so
Speaker 8: that's so new York.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, like, never would I have ever
Speaker 5: in high school had the opportunity to take a hip
Speaker 5: hop vogue, like even learn where would I go?
Speaker 6: Would be doing that?
Speaker 8: I didn't even learn really about voguing until I moved
Speaker 8: to Atlanta and went to like the gay club all
Speaker 8: the time, like and learned about like housing.
Speaker 3: Maybe you're being very loud, okay, So like, yeah, how
Speaker 3: do you identify?
Speaker 7: Are you?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: What's your are you straight?
Speaker 8: Are you gay?
Speaker 3: Bisexually fluid? What's the other one?
Speaker 8: The new one?
Speaker 3: Pan sexual? Like I don't even know what any of
Speaker 3: those things mean now I know. I mean, I I
Speaker 3: just love people. I think that's what I because I don't.
Speaker 3: I just love people. And if I connect with you,
Speaker 3: then I connect with you.
Speaker 4: And if I think you're beautiful, then you're you're beautiful,
Speaker 4: and I will, you know, I will give you time,
Speaker 4: and I will you know, I will be open and
Speaker 4: connect and like interact, and you know, I don't have
Speaker 4: like a type or anything like that, and people, I
Speaker 4: feel like people who have types close themselves off to
Speaker 4: all of the beautiful, right, So I.
Speaker 8: Agree, I agree, I identify the same amount people lover.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure in New York is.
Speaker 8: Uh evoking like a gay thing, because like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean it was. It was births here in the
Speaker 4: seventies and in the eighties in Harlem, and you know,
Speaker 4: that's how the gay community would escape the outside realities
Speaker 4: of just you know, being kind of shunned, you know,
Speaker 4: and just being like tormented for being exactly who you are.
Speaker 4: So they created the ballroom scene so that you know,
Speaker 4: poor minority, little black and brown boys could.
Speaker 3: Dance and feel like have that escape of fantasy.
Speaker 4: And be like rich, fab Upper east Side, you know,
Speaker 4: white woman, you know, and they created this this world,
Speaker 4: this fantasy.
Speaker 3: And when it was introduced to me, I mean, that's it.
Speaker 3: That's what it gave to me.
Speaker 4: It offered me an escape from my reality. And I
Speaker 4: was able to be this confident, just other person who
Speaker 4: I didn't feel like in.
Speaker 3: My in my in my day to day life. So
Speaker 3: it was effortless, it was natural.
Speaker 4: I'd never been to a class back then, there were
Speaker 4: noble classes. That's kind of a new thing it's become
Speaker 4: since social media came up. It's been mainstream, like you know,
Speaker 4: it's kind of transitioned into the mainstream world.
Speaker 3: Which which is cute. It deserves that.
Speaker 4: But I love the fact that it's kind of been
Speaker 4: that underground New York City vibe and like you had
Speaker 4: to be a part of the culture to experience that
Speaker 4: type of magic.
Speaker 8: So for you was like therapeutic. Yes, it's crazy how
Speaker 8: differ things can do that.
Speaker 6: I mean, the way you can move your body. I'm like,
Speaker 6: is this do I have to be double joined?
Speaker 3: Is this is this learned or is it just feels
Speaker 3: it's just a feeling.
Speaker 5: Like y'all you if you guys get a chance to
Speaker 5: go on her Instagram and check out some of her videos,
Speaker 5: because I remember when you were pregnant too, and you're
Speaker 5: doing and doing videos and I'm just like, the female
Speaker 5: body is so incredible and that we can still do
Speaker 5: anything or everything while pregnant.
Speaker 6: If my mom has always told me.
Speaker 5: My mom has always told me that pregnancy is a
Speaker 5: sign of health, and a lot of times that people
Speaker 5: look upon pregnant women as a week almost.
Speaker 6: Or like are you okay?
Speaker 5: You must be protected like they need help, and which
Speaker 5: is true, and trust me, I took all that too,
Speaker 5: and it has helped me.
Speaker 6: But also like this is just proof how I'm healthy.
Speaker 5: I'm strong, and watching your videos and watching you move
Speaker 5: like that and watching your body move like that while
Speaker 5: you are.
Speaker 6: Like very pregnant. I was like, that is so beautiful.
Speaker 5: And even doing those doing that with your child's father,
Speaker 5: like seeing those videos so beautiful.
Speaker 4: I loved it.
Speaker 6: I love that.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: A lot of people told me like I wouldn't be
Speaker 4: able to do those things, the doctors and things like
Speaker 4: what do you do for a living, And I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 3: A I'm a dancer. Well you can't dance, you can't dance.
Speaker 3: And I danced. I danced until I was in when
Speaker 3: I gave birth to her.
Speaker 4: The day before I gave birth to her, I was
Speaker 4: in rehearsal, like choreographing a whole team of dancers for
Speaker 4: fashion week, oh like the day before, and then I
Speaker 4: had my baby, like we were I was supposed to
Speaker 4: be a part of the performance and I was giving birth.
Speaker 3: Wow, so don't stop do it all like we are
Speaker 3: so strong. Pregnancy is just oh my.
Speaker 6: God, how did did you enjoy your pregnancy or what?
Speaker 4: I really enjoyed my pregnancy with Amathys. I felt I
Speaker 4: felt like a goddess, you know.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my God, like I feel so beautiful,
Speaker 3: I'm so powerful, I'm doing all these amazing things. And
Speaker 3: then with Manifest, I didn't feel like that at all.
Speaker 4: Like I hated being pregnant. I wanted to just hide.
Speaker 4: I wanted to not be seen. I didn't want to tell.
Speaker 4: I didn't tell anymore.
Speaker 3: I was like, didn't take a break from social media. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't tell my family.
Speaker 4: When so she turned a year old, we traveled the
Speaker 4: day after her first birthday to England doing shows for
Speaker 4: Richard Russell in England. Then I traveled to Paris and
Speaker 4: to Rome and then to Puerto Rico to film Valante.
Speaker 3: Then I went to La where I found out I
Speaker 3: was pregnant. So I was like on my own, hustling,
Speaker 3: mad herd, sick as a dog.
Speaker 4: Pregnant, and I knew that my mom and my family
Speaker 4: who would tell me to get an abortion? I mean,
Speaker 4: I'm not, I'm pro choice. It's Amy, Amy baby, No,
Speaker 4: my love, do you want me to put you in
Speaker 4: the stroller?
Speaker 3: Do you want me to do that? Don't disturb, sister?
Speaker 3: Thank you? Oh emmy, emmy, m M your sister.
Speaker 4: Okay, But yeah, when I found out I was pregnant
Speaker 4: with Manifest, I was happy, So that's how I knew.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm going through with this because I felt
Speaker 4: so much joy, but I didn't want it to be
Speaker 4: tainted by other people's opinions, so.
Speaker 3: I didn't tell anyone.
Speaker 4: And then during that time, I hadn't spoke to Kaner,
Speaker 4: which is their father, in months. So when I was
Speaker 4: approaching my fifth month of pregnancy, I'm like, I think
Speaker 4: I should tell him.
Speaker 6: Oh he didn't even he didn't know. He didn't. You
Speaker 6: literally didn't tell nobody.
Speaker 3: No, it was a secret.
Speaker 5: Well cause I know you've documented your journey with in
Speaker 5: some ways with him too, and like you guys, you
Speaker 5: were together and then you separated and you.
Speaker 3: Get sorry, Yeah, you can take it out. Sh I mean,
Speaker 3: calm down, Okay, are you getting tired? You wanna go
Speaker 3: in the in the crib. It is his motherhood. You
Speaker 3: wanna go in the the crib?
Speaker 6: You hear me?
Speaker 3: You wanna go in the stroller?
Speaker 6: Hamy, go ahead.
Speaker 3: You wanna put you in the stroller. You could take
Speaker 3: you on my shit. No, this is real life right here.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, you know, trust me. We we have kids.
Speaker 6: We recorded the kids. They interrupt every five seconds. This
Speaker 6: is the protocol over.
Speaker 3: And I love being with moms because it just it
Speaker 3: doesn't make you feel weird. M m right cause when
Speaker 3: you're up with moms, the people just stare at you.
Speaker 6: They get stare right, and now it took me a
Speaker 6: long time to get over that make me feeling bad?
Speaker 6: Are we disturbing you? Are you?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 3: God, you're right feeling bad for right? Like, look at me,
Speaker 3: help me, look at me. Okay, So you said you
Speaker 3: didn't tell him to your five months. Yeah, I was
Speaker 3: approaching my fifth month and I was like, I think
Speaker 3: it's time that I tell him. And what did he say?
Speaker 3: So it's crazy because we were on the phone.
Speaker 4: We're facetiming each other for like an hour before I
Speaker 4: even said anything, so we were just having like a
Speaker 4: normal conversation.
Speaker 7: And then.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm pregnant and he was like yeah.
Speaker 3: He was like yeah, bye bye who No, not by who? Yes,
Speaker 3: I said, who's the dad.
Speaker 4: He started laughing because he thought I was pregnant by
Speaker 4: someone else because we hadn't.
Speaker 3: Spoken so long. And I was like, by you, you're
Speaker 3: the father and he started to cry and.
Speaker 4: He got really emotional but happy, and he felt like
Speaker 4: it made a lot of sense as to why I
Speaker 4: totally pushed back from him and just didn't want to
Speaker 4: talk to him, but that that wasn't the reason I
Speaker 4: made those choices because of who he is. So I
Speaker 4: just again, I didn't want my experience of being pregnant
Speaker 4: again to be tainted by no one's fuckery.
Speaker 8: You know, I respect that a lot, because I'm the
Speaker 8: type of person and this is something that I need
Speaker 8: to check myself on. And I think people in general
Speaker 8: do this, Like we ask a lot of opinions even
Speaker 8: though we always go with what we want to do
Speaker 8: in the beginning.
Speaker 6: Why do we do it?
Speaker 8: I don't know, but you know there's so many You
Speaker 8: always seek people's opinions, your parents, your friends, because you
Speaker 8: care what they think.
Speaker 4: But a lot of times it feels good to be
Speaker 4: validated by the people you love, right because it makes
Speaker 4: you feel like you're making a right decision. But if
Speaker 4: it resonates with you, whatever your whatever the choice is
Speaker 4: that you have to make, you know, you feel it
Speaker 4: in your heart and it doesn't matter who says what
Speaker 4: about Like God can come down himself and be like
Speaker 4: and I'm like, no, this is like this is my choice,
Speaker 4: Like this is what makes me happy.
Speaker 3: That's it. Period.
Speaker 4: So when I told him that, because he was, you
Speaker 4: know he was, he was bugging a little bit. He
Speaker 4: couldn't believe that I waited that long to tell him,
Speaker 4: and I was just explaining, like this is this is
Speaker 4: my choice, you know, ultimately, like I'm doing this for
Speaker 4: me because I felt love the second that I realized
Speaker 4: I was pregnant. The second I learned I was pregnant,
Speaker 4: and I know amitis needs that needs a sibling. So
Speaker 4: he flew us out like to England, like the week after,
Speaker 4: and then I stood in England until I was seven months,
Speaker 4: and that's when I came home and told my family,
Speaker 4: and then.
Speaker 8: He gave birth.
Speaker 3: What what would you like?
Speaker 5: Were you prepared for him to either be angry not
Speaker 5: want to be involved like you had already got. I guess,
Speaker 5: prepared to go on this journey by yourself, like you
Speaker 5: decided your own to consciously.
Speaker 6: I guess, single parent. I guess in a way, what
Speaker 6: would it have mattered to you?
Speaker 3: I think it would have. I think it would have.
Speaker 4: Because I mean, I'm on my own regardless, and that
Speaker 4: that goes without saying that's besides the point.
Speaker 3: But when it comes to his acceptance of our children.
Speaker 3: That affects me. That matters to me.
Speaker 4: I need to I need to feel secure that you
Speaker 4: love them, that you care about them. That doesn't mean that,
Speaker 4: you know, you have to provide financially. If you're providing
Speaker 4: love and they feel that and you want to be
Speaker 4: a part of their lives, that very much matters to me.
Speaker 4: And I'm always open to it, which is why I
Speaker 4: told him, because they deserve that. You know, I can
Speaker 4: be hellighteous and be like, I'm doing this on my own,
Speaker 4: and you know that means you excluded completely, but then
Speaker 4: what does that do for them? So and I and
Speaker 4: I know deep down he is a person who does
Speaker 4: care deeply about us and the and the babies, but
Speaker 4: he's dealing with his own stuff. But I mean, in
Speaker 4: terms of the work, I'm gonna yeah, in terms of
Speaker 4: the work, I was prepared to do that on my own.
Speaker 3: It was just a matter of him knowing that she
Speaker 3: existed and she was gonna either way. Honey.
Speaker 6: I saw that. Also, you posted a picture recently of
Speaker 6: your mom which you guys looked so much alike, and
Speaker 6: she had you have like how many siblings you have, like.
Speaker 5: And she had all of you guys pretty young, So
Speaker 5: seeing that that kind of like give you strength and
Speaker 5: courage to know, like, I can do this because a
Speaker 5: lot of people like would be scared to have two
Speaker 5: kids under two and you know, consciously making the decision
Speaker 5: to raise them on your own because he doesn't like her.
Speaker 3: Right he lives in the UK, right, So.
Speaker 6: You're here, and that's that's a scary thing.
Speaker 5: You know, I have one and I'm already like, oh shit,
Speaker 5: and my favory daddy lives in my city, right. So
Speaker 5: like seeing your mom or being raised in that way,
Speaker 5: did that did that provide some sort of right for
Speaker 5: you in any way or like.
Speaker 6: Wipe away the fear?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: I mean because with her, I watched her suffer severely.
Speaker 4: You know, we witnessed her go through severe domestic abuse
Speaker 4: by my not even my biological father.
Speaker 3: My biological father like dipped like from the beginning. I
Speaker 3: never knew him.
Speaker 4: And my youngest sister, Jasmine, her father. He raised us,
Speaker 4: so he was you know, my my the father figure,
Speaker 4: but he was really abusive to my mom. So I
Speaker 4: saw my mom go through really crazy things and stay
Speaker 4: and you know, allow certain things to happen continuously, And
Speaker 4: I remember being being like five or six and saying
Speaker 4: or understanding that I would never want to be in
Speaker 4: a situation like that. I would never tolerate things like that.
Speaker 4: And then when I was eight years old, like she
Speaker 4: just she woke up and she's like, no, this is enough,
Speaker 4: like I'm not doing this anymore, and she she left
Speaker 4: and she never looked back. That is what motivates me,
Speaker 4: and that shift and whatever happened with her inside.
Speaker 3: I remember that.
Speaker 4: Moment and being like, this is who I want you
Speaker 4: to be, mom, And that was like the blueprint that
Speaker 4: she sent for me, just to have the strength and
Speaker 4: to get through things and to carry on on the
Speaker 4: journey because I see a lot of women go through
Speaker 4: abuse and come back, you know, leave, come back, leave,
Speaker 4: come back. My mom never went back, you know, So
Speaker 4: that and and I go back. That's my that's my issue.
Speaker 4: It takes a long time for me to move on.
Speaker 4: And my mom she just gets on with it and
Speaker 4: when she's done, she's done.
Speaker 3: So that motivates me.
Speaker 4: And she's she's really strong, but sometimes too strong, and
Speaker 4: like I wanna be strong, but I also wanna be
Speaker 4: sensitive and I don't want I want my girls to
Speaker 4: know that too, some like she doesn't cry and my
Speaker 4: mom like she's not affectionate.
Speaker 3: And I have to be those things I cause I
Speaker 3: need that.
Speaker 4: Mm. You know, I need kisses, I need hugs, I
Speaker 4: need I love yous and I these babies need all
Speaker 4: of that. So you know, there's certain elements of of
Speaker 4: of what she what we all want through me, my
Speaker 4: mom and my sisters that you know, when I'm going
Speaker 4: through rough moments, I think about certain things and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 4: let me keep it pushing.
Speaker 3: And then there's things that happen.
Speaker 4: Now and I'm like, I I'm I'm never gonna be
Speaker 4: like you and that in those senses, you know, like
Speaker 4: I'm never gonna repeat like what you're doing right now
Speaker 4: to them.
Speaker 7: Right.
Speaker 5: So you said that you and you felt like you
Speaker 5: went through a really dark and rough place after your
Speaker 5: first pregnante was it Do you think it was postpartum
Speaker 5: or was there more to what was like happening? And
Speaker 5: how did you pull yourself out of that? Cause I
Speaker 5: think a lot of I mean, most women we go through,
Speaker 5: you know, having your first child, and so you think
Speaker 5: you're prepared and then it's then and then you leave
Speaker 5: the hospital and you have this person that you're responsible for,
Speaker 5: and everything changes, and your body's changing and your hormones
Speaker 5: are changing, and.
Speaker 6: Situations are changing.
Speaker 5: You know a lot of times men they don't know
Speaker 5: where they fit in right after they're like, okay, well.
Speaker 3: I think for me, when we brought Amays home, it didn't.
Speaker 4: And there was never a moment where I felt like, like,
Speaker 4: there's this baby here. It felt like it felt as
Speaker 4: if she was always there.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It was when and Canner was with me for two months,
Speaker 3: like the first two months of her life. It's when
Speaker 3: he left and I was in.
Speaker 4: Like I was home for the first time, buying myself
Speaker 4: with her, you know, like like she's in the bed
Speaker 4: and I'm looking at her and I'm like it's just
Speaker 4: me and you Like That's when that's when it kicked in,
Speaker 4: and I just I was sad. I was just sad
Speaker 4: about the whole situation. I mean, I was still dealing
Speaker 4: with the depression of what I went through with him.
Speaker 6: She made love both, Yeah, let me let me do that,
Speaker 6: let me get ahead.
Speaker 3: So yeah, so like when you cheated on me and
Speaker 3: that whole situation happened, it was so shocking, you know.
Speaker 8: So you guys were in a relationship, but you weren't
Speaker 8: planning for amethysts. But you guys were in exclusive monogamous.
Speaker 3: We were engaged. We were engaged. We lived together back
Speaker 3: and forth. And he's also a dancer too. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: mm hmm, So.
Speaker 4: We were we We spent all of our time together.
Speaker 4: We worked together, we made money together, we traveled together.
Speaker 4: We did all these things together. And we got into
Speaker 4: an argument because he was on tour with FK Twigs
Speaker 4: and I was filming for the Florida Project, and so
Speaker 4: we had some time apart, and during that time he
Speaker 4: changed and I and I felt that when we reconnected
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yo, your bugging like I'm pregnant, show
Speaker 4: up for me in whatever ways you can show.
Speaker 6: Up for me.
Speaker 3: And he wasn't. So we got into a bad argument.
Speaker 4: He left to London like the same day, and then
Speaker 4: two days later he was having sex with someone else.
Speaker 4: How'd you find out you're gonna you're gonna You're gonna
Speaker 4: think it's so crazy, But actually my horoscope, like I'm
Speaker 4: not even cadding.
Speaker 3: I read my horoscope, which is something that's like my
Speaker 3: one of my morning rituals, So.
Speaker 4: You know, it said someone very close to you, is
Speaker 4: hiding something from you?
Speaker 3: And I was like hmmm, hmmm interesting. So I called Cane.
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, do you have anything to tell me?
Speaker 4: Like are you hiding anything from me? And he just
Speaker 4: broke down crying.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: And he was like, I don't want to tell you.
Speaker 4: You're gonna leave me? And I was like, oh, you
Speaker 4: fucked someone.
Speaker 3: Right, He was like yeah, And I knew her. I
Speaker 3: knew the girl. She was like a supporter of mine
Speaker 3: for years. Wow.
Speaker 4: What supported me and Knor's journey, Like when we were engaged,
Speaker 4: like commenting on.
Speaker 3: The pictures, that's kind of creepy. No, so creepy, so hurtful.
Speaker 3: I felt so betrayed.
Speaker 8: I was just like almost a fan.
Speaker 3: Yeah with a fan, Wow, with a fan.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I was just I was like I don't trust
Speaker 3: no one. I was just dealing with so much of that,
Speaker 3: like paranoia, just okay. I was like, this is what's happening,
Speaker 3: this is who you are.
Speaker 4: And then once that happened, it was just his true
Speaker 4: colors were just a rab and you know, who he
Speaker 4: really was started to surface and I'm like, oh my.
Speaker 3: God, it's too late, Like I'm already pregnant. Guys been
Speaker 3: dating up until the pregnancy. Two years we were together.
Speaker 4: You know, everything happened really fast, so that was just
Speaker 4: another thing, Like even the getting pregnant, it all happened
Speaker 4: so fast. But I was like, let's just let's just
Speaker 4: deal with this. Let's just even though I never really
Speaker 4: dealt with it, you know, I was just being strong
Speaker 4: for the sake of her and the fact that I
Speaker 4: was about to be a mother. Let's try.
Speaker 3: Let's just do what we have to do.
Speaker 4: And you know, nothing changed on his behalf. And he's
Speaker 4: he's really young, you know, so he's younger than me. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he's twenty four, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's just
Speaker 4: in a completely different headspace than I am. And I
Speaker 4: was dealing with like I was feeling all of those
Speaker 4: feelings but not dealing with them because I was I
Speaker 4: was like, I don't have time to deal with these
Speaker 4: feelings right now because I have to prepare for amethysts.
Speaker 3: And then once she.
Speaker 4: Came, like I couldn't deal with it then because she
Speaker 4: was here, you know, And then he left and I
Speaker 4: was alone with her, And it was when I was
Speaker 4: alone with her that there was no more hiding or
Speaker 4: no more pushing things like under the carpet, like they
Speaker 4: were coming up, they were surfacing.
Speaker 3: I was seeing them. I would start crying, you know,
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 3: Now it was starting to like affect my life.
Speaker 4: And that's when I decided to come forward with what
Speaker 4: I went through because I needed community and I didn't
Speaker 4: have it. I felt so alone and I was just
Speaker 4: over and I'm like, I don't I don't want to
Speaker 4: put myself in a position where I feel like something deep.
Speaker 3: Could happen, you know. So I did it to like
Speaker 3: save my life.
Speaker 8: I think a lot of times, as a woman, we
Speaker 8: do put so many like marbles into like our men
Speaker 8: and our relationships that we forget like the community, the sisterhood,
Speaker 8: the village that it's important, you know, and that doesn't
Speaker 8: happen the way you wanna happen to happen.
Speaker 3: Then who who do you go to?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 5: What do you when you so when you decided to
Speaker 5: start let's talk, I mean I was this based out
Speaker 5: of people because I'm sure I'm assuming connecting to your
Speaker 5: story and wanting and feeling like I can relate to
Speaker 5: you and like, okay, how can we all get into
Speaker 5: a room together?
Speaker 7: MM?
Speaker 6: When you guys come together.
Speaker 5: Like I I like, do you guys just share your
Speaker 5: stories as a single as single parents and single moms.
Speaker 6: It's for for most it's a it's form single mothers.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So I I mean even like I was working at
Speaker 5: pictures that I was telling I was telling you, I
Speaker 5: was so bubb that I missed.
Speaker 6: This last one because it just looked so beautiful. It
Speaker 6: looked so emotional, so and like a a place where
Speaker 6: people can kind of just like let it all out.
Speaker 8: I just cry.
Speaker 4: That's the atmosphere. The atmosphere is you can come and
Speaker 4: r just be. You know, if you don't wanna talk,
Speaker 4: you don't have to talk. If you don't want to
Speaker 4: be seen, you don't have to be seen. But if
Speaker 4: you do, you can. If you want to cry, you can.
Speaker 4: I mean, there was so many different elements of it.
Speaker 4: I was taking it, like sitting back, taking it all
Speaker 4: and like.
Speaker 3: Look at this.
Speaker 4: Look at how powerful we are when we come together.
Speaker 4: Look at how beautiful we are when we come together.
Speaker 4: They were like two random moms that just met. Who
Speaker 4: was like one of the mom's like expressing milk out
Speaker 4: of the other mom's boob.
Speaker 3: This is beautiful. I love this and there was some
Speaker 3: mixy situations there too.
Speaker 4: There was a mom who was like the mistress of
Speaker 4: another mom, like the guys you don't.
Speaker 3: Situation.
Speaker 8: That's how she came.
Speaker 6: And they didn't know they were going to be coming together,
Speaker 6: and they know they were both there.
Speaker 3: They were both no girl feeling. I mean, so so
Speaker 3: how yes, I know? I mean because I wanted to
Speaker 3: be there.
Speaker 4: I want everyone's feeling that emotions are valid in a
Speaker 4: space like let's talk, you know, so, I mean, but
Speaker 4: I didn't want it to get crazy, so I told her.
Speaker 4: She approached me and she's like, I'm feeling really triggered
Speaker 4: right now, like the woman who just spoke broke me
Speaker 4: and my family up.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: And I was like, Okay, your feelings are valid. How
Speaker 4: you feel right now is valid, but.
Speaker 3: Like surrender to surrender to your anger. Don't allow that
Speaker 3: to you know.
Speaker 4: Change your experience and all of this, like still allow
Speaker 4: yourself to be open, you know, choose forgiveness, you know,
Speaker 4: like let's let's come together. Because I mean, in a
Speaker 4: moment like that, I was thinking, how would I.
Speaker 6: React, right, I'm thinking of right now, I might see.
Speaker 3: Red honestly, right right?
Speaker 4: But she kept her composure and stayed and she stayed,
Speaker 4: and you know, it was it was beautiful, but things
Speaker 4: like that. I was telling many elements, but ultimately it
Speaker 4: was very very very supportive people. I mean, we passed
Speaker 4: the mic around and I just wanted everyone to introduce
Speaker 4: themselves to one another.
Speaker 3: What's your name, what do you identify? You know, why
Speaker 3: are you here? Things like that, and then from.
Speaker 4: There the discussion just naturally kind of picks up. We
Speaker 4: weren't able to get too too deep in because there
Speaker 4: was so many women and we didn't have a lot
Speaker 4: of time, but we hit the we hit the hit
Speaker 4: the surface of a lot, and we got to hear
Speaker 4: just a small bit of everyone's story and it was beautiful.
Speaker 4: So I think my next one it's going to be
Speaker 4: much more low key and were.
Speaker 9: We'll actually be able to have a discussion, right, you know,
Speaker 9: So I think the one huge commonality but I'm just thinking,
Speaker 9: because I'm thinking about your VET and single motherhood is
Speaker 9: I think for the.
Speaker 8: Most part, not in all cases, because some people choose
Speaker 8: to have kids alone. Even those cases, Honestly, I think
Speaker 8: that we're spoon fed like this image of family and
Speaker 8: we have this fairy tale like idea of how we're
Speaker 8: supposed to be and how like when you have kids,
Speaker 8: you're supposed to have a partners, you supposed have a spouse,
Speaker 8: supposed to be married with, have a white fucking picket fence.
Speaker 3: We're supposed to have.
Speaker 8: Help, you know, and and a lot of times we
Speaker 8: even married women, you know, go through stuff and don't
Speaker 8: have that support. But I think that's huge. That's the
Speaker 8: first disappointment. That's the first like it's almost it's traumatizing.
Speaker 3: Look when you.
Speaker 8: Realize, like this fairy tale story that you like cut out.
Speaker 8: And I think that's why a lot of women go
Speaker 8: back and go back and go back and endure a
Speaker 8: lot of bullshit because we are so gung ho about
Speaker 8: the father, the mother, the children, like what a family
Speaker 8: looks like, and not being like an unwed single moment,
Speaker 8: especially for women of color, I think too is like,
Speaker 8: oh great, I'm gonna be like a single mom, you know,
Speaker 8: like a single blackgma.
Speaker 3: This is there's a stigma attached to it, you know.
Speaker 8: And I just sometimes but like not so much now,
Speaker 8: but before, like I could literally just think about that
Speaker 8: and cry just in any in any situation.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'll be walking down the street, like, look
Speaker 3: at that half motherfucker family. Yeah, no, of course.
Speaker 10: So it doesn't matter where you come from, what your
Speaker 10: background is, but class like socially, you know, but those
Speaker 10: that disappointment that you know, it's such so hard to
Speaker 10: digest and to understand, so like a community like that,
Speaker 10: you know, to realize, oh shit, like I'm not the
Speaker 10: only one.
Speaker 8: Oh, this doesn't make my family any less whole. I
Speaker 8: can do this, I can see you doing it, and
Speaker 8: I can call a friend that Name's a huge difference.
Speaker 4: And when you're in a when you're in a space
Speaker 4: like that with so many different women who have so
Speaker 4: many different stories, you realize that your situation is not
Speaker 4: that bad and it makes you grateful because some of
Speaker 4: the things that these women.
Speaker 3: Have gone through, I mean, I oh my god, Like
Speaker 3: it was hard to hear.
Speaker 4: It was hard to even think that some women can
Speaker 4: go through that and endure certain levels of abuse, like
Speaker 4: in front of their kids, and you know, having their
Speaker 4: power taken away by a man, and you know, having
Speaker 4: to build yourself up from like being stripped down to nothing,
Speaker 4: you know, like raped of of who you are. So
Speaker 4: I hear those stories and it makes me feel so blessed.
Speaker 4: It makes me feel so grateful, and I know my
Speaker 4: situation can be worse. It's it's hard, I stuffer, I
Speaker 4: go through my moments, but it's not that bad. And
Speaker 4: that's why I feel like I can do it.
Speaker 3: I can do this for them. I can provide these
Speaker 3: things for them because it's.
Speaker 5: Not that bad and it is so much So how
Speaker 5: does their father feel about your your cause an advocate
Speaker 5: of single moms, because to him does he feel because
Speaker 5: you know, also, there's this whole idea of what a
Speaker 5: single mom is. Right, you're not a single mom because
Speaker 5: the dad is around, right, But like, no, it's not true.
Speaker 8: Only single doesn't exist. It's disappeared from that.
Speaker 7: He does.
Speaker 4: He follows, Oh my god, yes, yes, oh my god
Speaker 4: very much.
Speaker 3: So when I when I when I first came out
Speaker 3: our girl, oh my god, please don't Jesus.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, baby, you're biting me and it's
Speaker 4: not okay, you're tired. When I first came out with
Speaker 4: the post, he was, oh my god. His whole family,
Speaker 4: his family, Yeah, they were like, you know, take your
Speaker 4: business offline and that doesn't have anything.
Speaker 3: To do with the rest of the world.
Speaker 4: And you're you're painting him out to be a monster
Speaker 4: and all these things like he's he's a good person,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, okay, you're making it all about him
Speaker 4: and this has nothing to do with him.
Speaker 3: This has everything to.
Speaker 4: Do with me and what I'm going through because guess what,
Speaker 4: I'm the one here with my baby. I'm by myself
Speaker 4: with her, and he has his freedom.
Speaker 6: Right, he's doing what he has.
Speaker 3: He's doing, he's living his life.
Speaker 4: I don't have that, so I need support because if
Speaker 4: I don't, I'm gonna go crazy.
Speaker 3: Period. So he, I mean, he still resents me. He
Speaker 3: holds mad resentment for me, O the like over like
Speaker 3: everything about me coming out and then what came of it,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 6: Even seeing the beautiful community that you're building. He doesn't.
Speaker 6: He doesn't understand.
Speaker 5: I'm just curious, Like I get, and I mean I
Speaker 5: don't want to say I get, but like the actual
Speaker 5: what you do bring women together?
Speaker 6: Does he feel like excluded from that because he feels
Speaker 6: like for sure, yeah, he's Does he consider himself a
Speaker 6: single parent?
Speaker 3: No? And I want to tell that, like, I don't
Speaker 3: think he considers me a single mom. He'll say to me,
Speaker 3: like I I'm here, you know. I'm I'm willing to
Speaker 3: be a part of their lives. What is wrong?
Speaker 4: Baby?
Speaker 3: What? Baby?
Speaker 6: What is the matter?
Speaker 3: I'm just afraid you're gonna bite me. I don't wanna
Speaker 3: be bit.
Speaker 6: Just got promise.
Speaker 4: But but yeah, cause he feels because you know, he
Speaker 4: wants to be there, but you know he's in England,
Speaker 4: I'm in New York.
Speaker 3: That that's why.
Speaker 4: And it's not that adult. It's so much deeper than that,
Speaker 4: and so much deeper than that. But he doesn't get it.
Speaker 4: I think he's intimidated by by what I've created, and
Speaker 4: I feel like in a way he wish, he wished
Speaker 4: that he had something like that. But I mean, what
Speaker 4: what has he gone through to, you know, to provoke him.
Speaker 3: To do something like that.
Speaker 4: He He's has not experienced any t I've never hurt
Speaker 4: him in ways that he or disrespected him in the
Speaker 4: ways that he did to us.
Speaker 3: So amat this No? Hey, well, I mean not say
Speaker 3: anything but the truth, you know what I'm saying? Like, Yeah,
Speaker 3: So do you think he'd move here?
Speaker 6: Or you would?
Speaker 4: Would you move there?
Speaker 3: He won't move here?
Speaker 6: Would you move there?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I don't I want to because like I want, I
Speaker 4: wanted to live there before I even met him, you know, so,
Speaker 4: and I want them to go to school out there.
Speaker 4: I think the school system is light years better out
Speaker 4: there than it is over here, so and it will
Speaker 4: be easier. I mean when he is here, the help.
Speaker 4: He helps me a lot. And I mean that's what
Speaker 4: it comes down to.
Speaker 3: I just need help.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Fuck, I wanted to do the Damn this is a lot, right, So.
Speaker 6: What's like, do you have time to date?
Speaker 7: What is that?
Speaker 6: Like she's even on your radar? Like em will you
Speaker 6: are you still in love with with?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: Ha?
Speaker 6: Would you have another baby?
Speaker 3: Would you?
Speaker 6: Would you consciously do have another baby with him? As
Speaker 6: a single?
Speaker 4: Hell?
Speaker 3: Like, wherever I go after this, I want to feel.
Speaker 4: I want to feel so secure and in whatever whatever
Speaker 4: situation I'm I enter after this. I mean, I've learned
Speaker 4: so much from this baby, don't. I'm not the same
Speaker 4: person I was before being with Canner. I'm a lot
Speaker 4: I'm hm.
Speaker 3: My spirit is like fierce, you know, and I feel like.
Speaker 6: Yes, you know what I mean, feel so powerful?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean because I look, I'm here taking care
Speaker 4: of two humans every.
Speaker 3: Single day, you know, creating trying like I.
Speaker 4: Think about my legacy often and I think about how
Speaker 4: I want them to remember me once I'm gone, and
Speaker 4: it's just I don't have the energy to give. I
Speaker 4: don't have the time to give anyone who's just not authentic, solid,
Speaker 4: pure and.
Speaker 3: Just down, you know down.
Speaker 4: And people are not like that, I mean my experience
Speaker 4: so far. I mean, people are just not solid, you know.
Speaker 4: And I do blame a lot on social media. Everyone
Speaker 4: wants to be.
Speaker 3: A somebody, everybody.
Speaker 6: Wants to be and are so easily distracted. There's always like,
Speaker 6: oh let me try that exactly, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you know you have to come back into
Speaker 4: who you are, like your humanity because what if what
Speaker 4: if the Wi Fi was turned off forever?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 4: How would you identify like yourself as who are you then?
Speaker 4: Without without your phone?
Speaker 3: Who are you?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 3: Who are you? Well? How would you be?
Speaker 4: Who are you?
Speaker 6: Without your fifty thousands?
Speaker 5: Because it's so funny, like how followers are, like how
Speaker 5: we value people, like how there's like a personal currency so.
Speaker 6: Straight legitimately, legitimately or importance is based on your followers.
Speaker 4: And that's absolutely all shit because I've met I've met
Speaker 4: people like these influencers that aren't shit.
Speaker 6: They're not terrible people.
Speaker 11: Yeah, not everyone obviously, but like a lot of them
Speaker 11: are though, or like empty people, like Hi, I'm trying
Speaker 11: to hello, yeah, like like like we were even just.
Speaker 6: Talking about someone posted something the other day like I'm
Speaker 6: so tired.
Speaker 5: Of these women who are are throwing these female empower
Speaker 5: empowering events but are mean.
Speaker 6: Girls in real life.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 5: That like when you see they see these girls and
Speaker 5: they post all these pretty pictures and they seem like, oh,
Speaker 5: they're so pro woman problem, and then you meet them
Speaker 5: and it's like they could give a fuck about who
Speaker 5: you are, why you came to their event, and don't
Speaker 5: even care to even engage in a real conversation with you.
Speaker 5: You're more worried about taking the perfect perfect picture to
Speaker 5: fit their curated feet.
Speaker 7: And it's just like, wow, it's the norm now, though,
Speaker 7: And I feel like that's what's made me so withdrawn
Speaker 7: from connecting to people and even you know, allowing like
Speaker 7: allowing the thoughts to enter my head.
Speaker 3: Of people being around my babies. I'm like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: no no no, So that holds me back. You're also
Speaker 3: in a very vital time right now. You have two
Speaker 3: under two.
Speaker 8: You know, you're not even thirty races. He would be
Speaker 8: twenty nine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a lot. That's that's a lot. Like and
Speaker 3: and you're doing it by yourself, you know.
Speaker 8: And I think because we got a we got an
Speaker 8: advice question to be read that advice question someone asked
Speaker 8: about getting like she was saying, like her friend was
Speaker 8: telling her she's making excuses she can't go out, but
Speaker 8: the baby's like not even a year old.
Speaker 3: Ye oh my god.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I'm just like my friends didn't understand why
Speaker 6: like that she's.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like couldn't do other ship anymore. But like, was
Speaker 3: that other front a parent?
Speaker 4: Because it yeah, why why because you're not you don't
Speaker 4: understand because you're not you can't understand you're not a parent.
Speaker 3: People say that to me all the time.
Speaker 4: Oh, you use your kids as an excuse to like
Speaker 4: be a bitch, because people think because I don't go
Speaker 4: and meet up with them that I'm a bitch, or
Speaker 4: if I don't answer my phone when they call me,
Speaker 4: I'm a bitch. But it's like I got real things
Speaker 4: that I'm tending to and people can't hear that, and
Speaker 4: people who aren't parents.
Speaker 3: Don't understand that. So I mean I'm not here.
Speaker 4: I'm just too tired to like explain myself to you
Speaker 4: or anyone, you know what I mean, Like if you
Speaker 4: understand and if you want to be my friend and
Speaker 4: you know, like offer me some sort of like any
Speaker 4: form of like conversation anything, that's cool.
Speaker 3: But if not, then just keep it pushing, like I
Speaker 3: don't have the energy.
Speaker 7: Yea.
Speaker 8: And there is like when you have like, first of all,
Speaker 8: the first year, like you're pregnant one year.
Speaker 3: When there's the first year, you're like you have a
Speaker 3: baby connected to your titty at all times. It's like
Speaker 3: basically a cow.
Speaker 8: Yeah seriously, And then like and too, they get their
Speaker 8: kind of more independent, so it does. It's like a
Speaker 8: two year minimum situation where like she's gonna shift and
Speaker 8: then not to mention, you have to get back to yourself,
Speaker 8: which is like wait, who am I now?
Speaker 3: Can I do this?
Speaker 8: Can I do that?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 6: I can't do Molly on Friday?
Speaker 7: Wait?
Speaker 3: Maybe on Eve? You know, like okay, maybe I shouldn't,
Speaker 3: you know, like I love you. It's true, it's true.
Speaker 8: It's not like you can't ever no, oh my god,
Speaker 8: like weeks ago, yeah, we.
Speaker 3: Did God, I can't wait. No, literally, like I don't
Speaker 3: hate to say that, you like, I just want to
Speaker 3: be able. I want to know that like I will
Speaker 3: have fun again, Yes you will.
Speaker 2: There's like yes, she's like no not for a while,
Speaker 2: that was weird timing, like no, you know, yeah.
Speaker 8: And then there's always going to be moms because I
Speaker 8: have friends who you know, who are in similar situations,
Speaker 8: have two kids.
Speaker 6: And honestly, this is what aside from I was going
Speaker 6: to say, I think sometimes women.
Speaker 8: Who have don't understand what you're going through. And maybe,
Speaker 8: like like you said, your mom had that shift and
Speaker 8: she she decided to leave that guy. A woman who can't,
Speaker 8: who can't tap into that which is it's hard. There's
Speaker 8: envy even though you're struggling and there's things that are hard.
Speaker 8: People will turn your numnose up on you and judge
Speaker 8: you because they can't do the things that you do.
Speaker 8: They think they can't, they think they can't, they think
Speaker 8: the fear is so great, so they'll be in unhappy relationships.
Speaker 8: They'll make excuses.
Speaker 3: And then even for.
Speaker 8: Erica and I, like, you know, we have this platform
Speaker 8: and we do the shit we do, and you know,
Speaker 8: we make a lot of we make a lot of
Speaker 8: jokes about our bad choices quote unquote, But the truth
Speaker 8: is is like our kids are a little bit older now,
Speaker 8: you know, and we're not bad moms. But I think
Speaker 8: that I have friends who are like, oh, you do
Speaker 8: kind of go out a lot, Like no, if you're
Speaker 8: just locked in the house, so you're telling so you're.
Speaker 3: Jealous of my friend.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want that would make me feel like shit
Speaker 4: if someone said that, of course, because we're triggered by
Speaker 4: someone who's coming at our motherhood.
Speaker 8: That's like the number you want to get in a
Speaker 8: fight quick talk shit about somebody's mother. I oh my god,
Speaker 8: you know, absolutely, So it's important to know that there
Speaker 8: is like at the end of the tunnel and.
Speaker 6: Find and balance and finding balance, and you're in a
Speaker 6: place right now. Probably her balance is hard.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 3: I mean I went out two nights in a row,
Speaker 3: like Saturday, Sunday, and I woke up this morning. I'm like, damn,
Speaker 3: like I did that, Like I did two nights in
Speaker 3: a row, Like should I have been here?
Speaker 4: She just got out of the hospital, but I just
Speaker 4: needed it. I'm like the mom guilt, the mom guilt came.
Speaker 3: But she was fine. She's perfectly fine. She's fine. They're fine.
Speaker 3: It's just you know, I'm always like they need me.
Speaker 3: They just they need me. They I'm their mother and
Speaker 3: they need me, and so I have to be here.
Speaker 3: But they also need to learn independence.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I think like raising an independent child this morning,
Speaker 8: because we're not always gonna be there, and and you
Speaker 8: don't always want him to you know, you want them
Speaker 8: to socialize them And I'd be like, my daughter's with
Speaker 8: my dad right now in Philly and I'm like, here,
Speaker 8: here's your grandpa.
Speaker 3: Time have a good time, like.
Speaker 4: You know I had. Oh, this is a major one.
Speaker 4: I actually I was entertaining the thought of letting Amethysts
Speaker 4: go to England.
Speaker 3: With her dad for a little bit.
Speaker 4: And I and I went over it with my mom
Speaker 4: because you know, we want to be validated by our
Speaker 4: loved ones.
Speaker 3: And she went crazy.
Speaker 4: She was like, how could you ever even you know,
Speaker 4: how could you even consider something like that.
Speaker 6: That's your child and that's your father and he has
Speaker 6: to learn.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I deserve, like it's.
Speaker 8: Time you've give you know, you put in your work,
Speaker 8: You've put in your work a lot, and he's had
Speaker 8: the he's had the fucking.
Speaker 6: Time. So yeah, sometimes but the mamma guilt that the
Speaker 6: mom has passed on to the daughters. Shit.
Speaker 3: But you know what, I think that is too.
Speaker 8: I'm realizing I think mom, like not that moms can
Speaker 8: be lowkey haters, but like we are in a different time.
Speaker 8: They didn't have this community. They didn't have this power.
Speaker 8: This enlightened may be like, hey, I have a place.
Speaker 5: Even my mom with this podcast, I was like, did
Speaker 5: you have a place to go listen to other women
Speaker 5: going through your experience?
Speaker 3: What did you do?
Speaker 5: And she was like cause she first she's like I
Speaker 5: don't understand. You're telling your business and we radeos and happening,
Speaker 5: and I'm like.
Speaker 6: Who this baby?
Speaker 3: Women?
Speaker 5: Can we created a community like where like I can
Speaker 5: connect to another woman that's going through my experience and
Speaker 5: I feel connected and it makes me, you know, I'm
Speaker 5: not alone.
Speaker 6: And it just keeps trickling and trickling, as you know.
Speaker 6: And it's like she couldn't understand, because now she gets
Speaker 6: it more and more so, but she was like, I
Speaker 6: don't understand. Like I'm like, yeah, cause you.
Speaker 5: Didn't have it.
Speaker 4: It's a generational condition and you didn't have her grand
Speaker 4: her great great grandmother taught her great great grandmother, you know,
Speaker 4: and like you suffer in silence.
Speaker 8: You don't tell everybody, you don't nobody your business like that.
Speaker 4: That's the that's the biggest thing, Like no one needs
Speaker 4: to know your business. How you know, how people look
Speaker 4: at you matters, Like what they think of you matters.
Speaker 4: You have to come off like you're you're perfect. And
Speaker 4: it's like a lot of those women.
Speaker 3: They have they kill themselves. They are so tormented from
Speaker 3: within that they can't take it and they take.
Speaker 4: Either their kids' lives or their lives. And that's not happening, Like, no,
Speaker 4: not on my time, not on my watch. If your mother,
Speaker 4: you know who has connected with me, I'm gonna care
Speaker 4: for you. I'm gonna provide you with the with the
Speaker 4: resources so that you don't feel like you want to
Speaker 4: end yourself, you know, because that's what that's what suffering
Speaker 4: in silence leads to. That. So, I mean, I don't
Speaker 4: know how our ancestors did it, you know, community you
Speaker 4: know they have.
Speaker 6: I mean it was hard, but I mean I mean
Speaker 6: think about that age mentality.
Speaker 3: It's real.
Speaker 8: Come from like a very real indigenous place.
Speaker 3: It does like I'm going to fear the cooking.
Speaker 5: I don't know at what point in like the motherhood
Speaker 5: a parenthood breakdown, that community became less and less and less,
Speaker 5: that we became more and more isolated where women are
Speaker 5: supposed to figure this shot on their own. Colonly don't
Speaker 5: ask for help, and you don't ask your friends for help.
Speaker 5: You feel guilty for like asking for help, and like
Speaker 5: I mean.
Speaker 4: It's also like the patriarch patriarchy and like having the
Speaker 4: men be these you know, they're the gods and they're
Speaker 4: in power, and we're voiceless, we're we're just the woman.
Speaker 8: They've actually painted a picture and we've accepted. I've read
Speaker 8: something the other day and it's like the most we
Speaker 8: uphold the patriarchy the most, Yeah, because we've allowed it
Speaker 8: to sustain this long, you know, and we've allowed we've
Speaker 8: we've adopted their image of us and how we're supposed
Speaker 8: to be. And this is like the beginning I think
Speaker 8: of a turnover in that series of events.
Speaker 6: I guess that's true.
Speaker 5: I guess that's true because there's things in my mind
Speaker 5: that I know are totally programmed through society and through
Speaker 5: the male, through the male voice and eyes and all
Speaker 5: those things you know that I had to check myself.
Speaker 8: In and I check myself all the time, like why
Speaker 8: do I feel that way? Wait?
Speaker 3: Why do I think? Why do I feel bad? Why
Speaker 3: don't you know? Like why can't I do this? As
Speaker 3: I'm somebody's mama.
Speaker 8: I need to wear broad I can't really see through
Speaker 8: top right now stays fed somebody they need to be seen.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 4: I love it. I really really do women need to
Speaker 4: feel that more like you're beautiful, You're yeah, you're secre
Speaker 4: feeling hard. Yeah, you know, even when it comes down
Speaker 4: to pain, I've been dealing. I'm still I've been so
Speaker 4: triggered by this abortion.
Speaker 3: Man, it's really, oh.
Speaker 4: My god, it's just well, it puts I can't even
Speaker 4: it makes me emotional because I'm still processing my abortion,
Speaker 4: and I just I feel very triggered. And you know,
Speaker 4: a lot of things have been coming up a lot
Speaker 4: of my feelings about my abortion, and you know, like
Speaker 4: kind of like post traumatic stress where I can be
Speaker 4: thinking about something about that and like start crying and
Speaker 4: I'll talk to my friends and they're like, yo.
Speaker 3: You need to speak to like dude, like you need
Speaker 3: to hit him up and like just have closure with it.
Speaker 4: And I feel like most women would never like ever,
Speaker 4: they would, They're just afraid of I don't know what,
Speaker 4: maybe like the rejection, maybe if the other person won't care.
Speaker 3: And with me, like I don't care, like I don't
Speaker 3: care what he feels. I'm gonna speak about how I feel.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna, I'm gonna shine light, I'm gonna vent, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna express myself.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna, I don't care if it.
Speaker 4: Makes you uncomfortable, because like I'm hurting, you know. And
Speaker 4: that's the thing that I see with a lot of women.
Speaker 4: They will be in so much pain, but just keep
Speaker 4: it in, keep it, let it build, let it and
Speaker 4: then they snap. And I'm just not comfortable knowing that
Speaker 4: that's a possibility that I can, you know, get myself
Speaker 4: to a place like that.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna, I'm gonna address it.
Speaker 4: And I want to inspire women to address your traumas,
Speaker 4: address your abusers, call, call your mom out, call your
Speaker 4: call whoever, call them out, and let it be known
Speaker 4: and watch how you feel for your own healing.
Speaker 3: And that's what it takes. And I realized that with
Speaker 3: let's talk, it's.
Speaker 4: Like healing and therapy comes with communication, our words speaking
Speaker 4: like we free ourselves.
Speaker 3: We heal ourselves through.
Speaker 4: Words because we're when we physically speak words out into existence,
Speaker 4: you're able to look at them, you know, and and
Speaker 4: come at it from different places instead of just holding
Speaker 4: it in and it just being like this one dimensional
Speaker 4: dimensional thing.
Speaker 3: Inside of you.
Speaker 4: And there's a lot of power and speak Like even
Speaker 4: being here and us talking, it's like someone listening to
Speaker 4: this is gonna be like whoa, Oh my god. I
Speaker 4: felt that, but I didn't think about it that way.
Speaker 4: And I am gonna hit this person up. And because
Speaker 4: I've been wanting to, I just I've been afraid. And
Speaker 4: you don't have to be afraid. You don't have to
Speaker 4: be afraid because you're dealing with yourself at the end
Speaker 4: of the day, when you're laying in your bed with
Speaker 4: all your thoughts, what's that person doing?
Speaker 3: You know, what that person thinks of you isn't going
Speaker 3: to heal you like heal yourself.
Speaker 6: That's so true.
Speaker 8: Our testimonies are powerful and they matter so true.
Speaker 5: Well, I am so I want to get you out
Speaker 5: of here because you like turning out there like okay,
Speaker 5: return to mama, what are you doing?
Speaker 6: But I just want to thank you.
Speaker 5: So much for coming here and just like sharing your
Speaker 5: energy with us and like even just being like yeah,
Speaker 5: I'll come whatever, and not knowing us from anywhere. I
Speaker 5: appreciate and I really love, I love, I love what
Speaker 5: you're doing. Your movements so important, so necessary. Don't stop.
Speaker 5: I know it's hard, and I know you know it
Speaker 5: can feel lonely out of here, you know, but you're
Speaker 5: building something where you don't have to be alone. You're
Speaker 5: building such a beautiful community so much, and we need it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: single mom is we need it the most? Are like
Speaker 5: the most overlooked, you know.
Speaker 3: It's so it's like hurtful.
Speaker 8: Yeah, well we do the most bringing people into the
Speaker 8: world and being overlooked.
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, we're being overlooked and a lot of
Speaker 5: times thrown away like what did you do?
Speaker 6: Why are you single?
Speaker 9: Right?
Speaker 7: Is right?
Speaker 5: And you know, I feel the most powerful I've ever
Speaker 5: felt as a single parent, more powerful than I did.
Speaker 6: As a woman with a man and a baby.
Speaker 5: Right, you know, my singleness has empowered me in ways
Speaker 5: that I'm so grateful for.
Speaker 6: I'm so grateful to that I'm single. I'm so glad
Speaker 6: I'm not married. I'm so glad that she didn't work
Speaker 6: out who were you married or was going to be?
Speaker 5: I was planning my wedding and then it just all
Speaker 5: my it was I thought the end of my life,
Speaker 5: you know, but it was just the beginning.
Speaker 8: It's so funny hearing both these stories. And look, look
Speaker 8: what's birthed out of those dis then disappointments. Look at
Speaker 8: the platforms, the communities that you've built out of those
Speaker 8: those disappointments. And that's for any woman who's in a situation,
Speaker 8: any mom right now who thinks it's the end of
Speaker 8: the road and there's nowhere to go, and you're sad
Speaker 8: and life's ended, and fuck, where's my picket fence?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 8: You have when you tap into your power, you have
Speaker 8: Literally these are testimonies. These are living people like you
Speaker 8: have no idea what's out there for you. Disappointments are
Speaker 8: the beginning of birthing big things.
Speaker 3: They nourish you.
Speaker 6: You have you have to face it, though, you do
Speaker 6: have to face it.
Speaker 5: And that's what I've had to learn because I'm I'm
Speaker 5: a I'm a good I'm good at suppressing.
Speaker 6: Mm, pushing it down, pushing it.
Speaker 3: As women, we are because that's what we do. We
Speaker 3: move forward, We move forward. We don't talk about it.
Speaker 4: We have to, yeah, because if you I I can't
Speaker 4: be falling apart, like you know, like who who's gonna
Speaker 4: catch me?
Speaker 3: Right? No one's here. I'm like alone, So I can't.
Speaker 4: I literally physically cannot allow myself to not even victimize myself.
Speaker 3: I just can't allow myself to.
Speaker 4: Be weak in certain moments like I have to dig
Speaker 4: it up, even if it's the small smallest amount of strength.
Speaker 4: I dig that shit up, and I have that fuel
Speaker 4: me and push me into getting out of bed.
Speaker 3: And doing what I have to do. Thank you for
Speaker 3: sharing and tell us O let's match where they can
Speaker 3: find you. My instagram is at Mela Murder, m e La,
Speaker 3: m u R and d e er.
Speaker 4: And if there's any single moms or moms out there
Speaker 4: who are seeking community, you can email me directly at
Speaker 4: Let's Talk moother at gmail dot com and I respond
Speaker 4: to you directly. And we're just trying to expand the
Speaker 4: movement of this gathering and you know, hopefully we can
Speaker 4: be in the city near you and follow at Let's
Speaker 4: Talk Yes, at Let's Talk Mother.
Speaker 5: Thank you, Hello on you guys can know where to
Speaker 5: find us at Good Mom's underscore Bad Choices and our
Speaker 5: website www dot Good Moms by choices dot com.
Speaker 6: We'll see next time.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, hud goos By High is coming down.
Speaker 2: Don't fit me, Gujaboo does not even do.
Speaker 3: I think I need a complication. The girl kids burning
Speaker 3: oh wood today