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Speaker 1: Oh mama, I'm failing high.

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Speaker 2: My money's gone all all.

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Speaker 3: To my jewel.

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Speaker 1: Thor keeps turning all Onday.

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Speaker 4: What to day?

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Speaker 1: What today? He's in blessings man a fretted with every

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Speaker 1: lesson learn, Eve, young doll is worth you.

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Speaker 3: It would be well if we were lady.

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Speaker 1: His immchan calls byarning most into excellent my.

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Speaker 5: Bill, welcome back. This is good mom's bad choices. I'm

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Speaker 5: Erica and I'm Nila, and we're still New York y'all.

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Speaker 3: Wrong? Hey, that's allen, Hi baby.

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Speaker 5: We have the cutest two little girls in uh you

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Speaker 5: on in the studio today, Little anithyst and Manifest.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, she knocked out.

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Speaker 3: That was quick, right, just one, two, three on the

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Speaker 3: bog and boom.

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Speaker 6: Well we have special guests today, guys. We have Melow Murder. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,

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Speaker 6: definitely Melo Murders in the building. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 6: have you. You are like to be here finally. I

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Speaker 6: love when I and I can connect.

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Speaker 3: Okay, girls, all right, and I guess I got I'm

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Speaker 3: here to speak as well.

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Speaker 6: I love that I can connect with other single moms

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Speaker 6: and and you're.

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Speaker 3: Baby, Okay, we get it.

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Speaker 6: Anyway, thank you, thank you. If you guys aren't familiar

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Speaker 6: with Mellow, definitely check out her instagram.

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Speaker 5: You're such an advocate for single parents and single moms specifically,

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Speaker 5: and like you're caught, like your let's talk is so

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Speaker 5: important and I'm so happy that that you do that

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Speaker 5: and that you're able to connect with women in like

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Speaker 5: a real way.

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Speaker 3: Wait, lets people know what let's talk is? Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 3: so let's talk is. It's a movement? I really I

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Speaker 3: wanted to.

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Speaker 4: My mission is for it to be a movement just

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Speaker 4: connecting single moms together and support of mental and emotional health.

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Speaker 4: Because when I was going through my own things, being

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Speaker 4: a new mom, experiencing postpartum depressions, never having anyone ever

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Speaker 4: educate me on that, how to prepare myself for it,

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Speaker 4: and just feeling like I was the only one going

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Speaker 4: through it.

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Speaker 3: So I decided to come out.

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Speaker 4: And be fully transparent with my story and what I

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Speaker 4: had gone through because I was suffering severely and felt

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Speaker 4: completely alone. So I did that, and the outpour that

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Speaker 4: I received from that was so positive, so overwhelming, just emotional.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, this needs to be a thing, a physical

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Speaker 4: thing where where we're meeting up together in person, flush

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Speaker 4: to flush physically where we can cry to each other,

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Speaker 4: hug each other, and help each other in our struggles.

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Speaker 3: So that's basically what it is and how it started.

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Speaker 5: And maybe if you give our listeners just a little

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Speaker 5: backstory on like who you are? I mean, I meant

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Speaker 5: that's such like a broad statement because it's like, how

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Speaker 5: do you define who you are?

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Speaker 7: What you do?

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Speaker 6: I know you're an artist, actor, dancer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 3: I identify as a woman from New York born and raised.

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Speaker 4: I mean, my father passed away when I was eleven,

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Speaker 4: and that's when a lot of my mental health things

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Speaker 4: started playing and coming into play, and I just realized

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Speaker 4: that I was different from my two other sisters, and

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Speaker 4: I felt disconnected often. I felt removed often and just misunderstood.

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Speaker 4: So I was constantly trying to find my outlets and

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Speaker 4: are you the oldest, I'm the eldest.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: And when you say disconnected, like you just felt like, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, like like my mom would literally separate me from

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Speaker 4: my sisters. Why because I went crazy. My father passed

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Speaker 4: away and so many things happened after that, and I

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Speaker 4: didn't feel safe in my home.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't feel safe.

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Speaker 4: My mom was was seeing the new guy, and just

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Speaker 4: like the dynamic of our living situation changed and I

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Speaker 4: was super paranoid.

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Speaker 3: I like slept with a knife under my pillow like crazy,

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Speaker 3: so my mom I was acting out.

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Speaker 4: I was being super rebellious as we were just talking

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Speaker 4: about and my mom would would just be afraid to

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Speaker 4: like have my sisters with me, so she.

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Speaker 3: Would literally like keep me away from them. It's actually crazy.

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Speaker 4: I learned that I was into dancing and writing when

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Speaker 4: I was put in a mental institution.

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Speaker 6: I put a student twelve.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow, because my stepfather he tried to hit me

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Speaker 4: or like, and he's like six foot three and my

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Speaker 4: mom was away at work, and you got super aggressive

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Speaker 4: with me, and I like like took the knife out

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Speaker 4: on him, and I was like, don't don't move, like

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Speaker 4: stay right there. And my mom was like, you're out

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Speaker 4: of control. I don't know how to help you, and

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Speaker 4: she was trying, but I was just so deep in.

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Speaker 3: My own, you know, my own pain issues, like yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know, like the anxiety, the sadness, all of these

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Speaker 3: things I wasn't understanding. So she put me in a

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Speaker 3: mental institution.

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Speaker 4: The next day and I met some of the most

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Speaker 4: amazing people of my life, and they're crazy.

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Speaker 6: How long were you there for?

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Speaker 7: I was in there.

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Speaker 4: I want to say two to three weeks, you know,

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Speaker 4: not not super crazy long, because I mean there's there's

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Speaker 4: people in there, like young young kids in there who

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Speaker 4: like were severely mentally ill, and you know, people in

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Speaker 4: the system, they're going to tend to the those cases

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Speaker 4: more more so than someone who's just like dealing with

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Speaker 4: the trauma of like a death in the family and

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Speaker 4: things like that. So a child who's rebelling. So in

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Speaker 4: there is where I learned that. Okay, I love dancing,

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Speaker 4: I love writing. So I started to dance, and in

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Speaker 4: high school I took it very seriously. I was in

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Speaker 4: like a hip hop voguing group, and.

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Speaker 3: Like it was just my everything. It was my outlet.

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Speaker 3: I felt free. I felt like I didn't have all

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Speaker 3: of this weight on me that I'd been carrying since

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Speaker 3: I was, you know.

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Speaker 4: Eleven, twelve years old, and it just felt really good.

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Speaker 4: Then I started writing music and I had a show.

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Speaker 4: I was in a band with my best friend at

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Speaker 4: the time, and we had a show in Bard College

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Speaker 4: and that's kind of how.

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Speaker 3: I got discovered to dance.

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Speaker 4: With Major Laser, the opening DJ who I was actually

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Speaker 4: with last night, Addie. He connected me with Dippo and

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Speaker 4: he was like, yo, like I believe in you.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know you.

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Speaker 4: I don't know why I believe in you, but I

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Speaker 4: do and I want to help you, and I don't know,

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Speaker 4: like the universe aligned it, and I was on tour

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Speaker 4: Major Laser and then how old are you at that point?

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Speaker 5: I was twenty and that must have been like a

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Speaker 5: very I mean, because I know, like that scene is

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Speaker 5: very I mean it's go go, go, go go party, party, party, party, drink, drink, drink,

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Speaker 5: drug drug drug drugs, you know, because I was listening

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Speaker 5: to that music and doing all those things, not even

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Speaker 5: not even I'm electra, I likes to call electro electra.

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Speaker 5: Where was I Miami at some music? First of all,

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Speaker 5: Major Laser was there, and I was like ultra Ultra

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Speaker 5: That's where I was, Yeah, and I was ultravated yeah.

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Speaker 3: Same same.

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Speaker 5: So at twenty years old, I mean, going on tour

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Speaker 5: and traveling the world in that capacity, like from being

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Speaker 5: a piece.

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Speaker 4: Of shit one day, like nothing like no one like

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Speaker 4: confused about my life, doing drugs, being like arranging like

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Speaker 4: mess to having so much responsibility and so much I mean,

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Speaker 4: I was exposed to a world I never imagine, I

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Speaker 4: know who existed.

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Speaker 3: So it was a lot. I mean, I loved it.

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Speaker 3: It was amazing, but it was a lot. It was

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Speaker 3: too much for me at times.

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Speaker 5: You know, I'm twenty years old, your baby, baby, your baby,

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Speaker 5: like you don't even and there's no rules, there's someone

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Speaker 5: telling you slow down, you know, so I can only.

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Speaker 4: Imagine no guidance at all. But you know that that

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Speaker 4: that journey of Major Laser, I mean, it was some

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Speaker 4: of the best moments of my life and it taught

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Speaker 4: me a lot about being just a full rounded person.

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Speaker 4: You know, I've slept on a floor, like we've slept

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Speaker 4: on floors, you know, baby, No baby, We've slept on floors.

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Speaker 3: We've had to share bunks.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: You you adapt, and I've learned how to adapt because

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Speaker 3: of Major Laser.

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Speaker 4: And now I feel like whatever I go through now,

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Speaker 4: because of those experiences, I'm able to adapt.

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Speaker 6: Right. So, do you think that experience also kind of

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Speaker 6: helped you in motherhood?

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Speaker 3: Definitely?

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Speaker 4: It made me super resilient because you have to keep

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Speaker 4: on going, you have to be strong I mean when

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Speaker 4: when when I started with Major Laser is when social

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Speaker 4: media kind of just started, Like Instagram was just popping off,

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Speaker 4: and you know, the Major Laser Instagram we used to be.

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Speaker 3: We used to get posted me in the Dancer and

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Speaker 3: people used to be like, oh, you.

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Speaker 4: Guys, you're you're bolt sluts and you're fucking diplo and

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Speaker 4: like trolling us and saying horrible things about us.

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Speaker 3: And I used to be so upset, so sad, and

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Speaker 3: like my family would talk to me and be like, yo,

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Speaker 3: you have to like you have to be resilient to this.

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Speaker 4: Come on, you're gonna let what random strangers say about

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Speaker 4: you affect you know, your.

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Speaker 3: Life, and you know, and it taught me, like, you

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Speaker 3: have to be strong despite what.

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Speaker 4: Anyone says, what people say. Who cares what people say? Like,

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Speaker 4: you're living your life, You're staying true to yourself. You

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Speaker 4: know who you are, You're not You're not those things,

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Speaker 4: so keep it pushing right exactly. So definitely it taught me,

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Speaker 4: taught me some valuable lessons.

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Speaker 8: And you're like, you have such a specific style of dance.

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Speaker 8: It's like, I mean, and he said, voguing. That's so

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Speaker 8: that's so new York.

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Speaker 5: I was gonna say, like, never would I have ever

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Speaker 5: in high school had the opportunity to take a hip

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Speaker 5: hop vogue, like even learn where would I go?

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Speaker 6: Would be doing that?

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Speaker 8: I didn't even learn really about voguing until I moved

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Speaker 8: to Atlanta and went to like the gay club all

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Speaker 8: the time, like and learned about like housing.

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Speaker 3: Maybe you're being very loud, okay, So like, yeah, how

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Speaker 3: do you identify?

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Speaker 7: Are you?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 3: What's your are you straight?

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Speaker 8: Are you gay?

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Speaker 3: Bisexually fluid? What's the other one?

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Speaker 8: The new one?

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Speaker 3: Pan sexual? Like I don't even know what any of

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Speaker 3: those things mean now I know. I mean, I I

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Speaker 3: just love people. I think that's what I because I don't.

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Speaker 3: I just love people. And if I connect with you,

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Speaker 3: then I connect with you.

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Speaker 4: And if I think you're beautiful, then you're you're beautiful,

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Speaker 4: and I will, you know, I will give you time,

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Speaker 4: and I will you know, I will be open and

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Speaker 4: connect and like interact, and you know, I don't have

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Speaker 4: like a type or anything like that, and people, I

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Speaker 4: feel like people who have types close themselves off to

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Speaker 4: all of the beautiful, right, So I.

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Speaker 8: Agree, I agree, I identify the same amount people lover.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure in New York is.

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Speaker 8: Uh evoking like a gay thing, because like, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: I mean it was. It was births here in the

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Speaker 4: seventies and in the eighties in Harlem, and you know,

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Speaker 4: that's how the gay community would escape the outside realities

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Speaker 4: of just you know, being kind of shunned, you know,

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Speaker 4: and just being like tormented for being exactly who you are.

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Speaker 4: So they created the ballroom scene so that you know,

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Speaker 4: poor minority, little black and brown boys could.

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Speaker 3: Dance and feel like have that escape of fantasy.

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Speaker 4: And be like rich, fab Upper east Side, you know,

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Speaker 4: white woman, you know, and they created this this world,

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Speaker 4: this fantasy.

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Speaker 3: And when it was introduced to me, I mean, that's it.

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Speaker 3: That's what it gave to me.

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Speaker 4: It offered me an escape from my reality. And I

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Speaker 4: was able to be this confident, just other person who

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Speaker 4: I didn't feel like in.

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Speaker 3: My in my in my day to day life. So

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Speaker 3: it was effortless, it was natural.

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Speaker 4: I'd never been to a class back then, there were

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Speaker 4: noble classes. That's kind of a new thing it's become

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Speaker 4: since social media came up. It's been mainstream, like you know,

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Speaker 4: it's kind of transitioned into the mainstream world.

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Speaker 3: Which which is cute. It deserves that.

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Speaker 4: But I love the fact that it's kind of been

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Speaker 4: that underground New York City vibe and like you had

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Speaker 4: to be a part of the culture to experience that

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Speaker 4: type of magic.

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Speaker 8: So for you was like therapeutic. Yes, it's crazy how

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Speaker 8: differ things can do that.

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Speaker 6: I mean, the way you can move your body. I'm like,

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Speaker 6: is this do I have to be double joined?

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Speaker 3: Is this is this learned or is it just feels

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Speaker 3: it's just a feeling.

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Speaker 5: Like y'all you if you guys get a chance to

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Speaker 5: go on her Instagram and check out some of her videos,

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Speaker 5: because I remember when you were pregnant too, and you're

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Speaker 5: doing and doing videos and I'm just like, the female

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Speaker 5: body is so incredible and that we can still do

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Speaker 5: anything or everything while pregnant.

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Speaker 6: If my mom has always told me.

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Speaker 5: My mom has always told me that pregnancy is a

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Speaker 5: sign of health, and a lot of times that people

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Speaker 5: look upon pregnant women as a week almost.

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Speaker 6: Or like are you okay?

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Speaker 5: You must be protected like they need help, and which

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Speaker 5: is true, and trust me, I took all that too,

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Speaker 5: and it has helped me.

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Speaker 6: But also like this is just proof how I'm healthy.

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Speaker 5: I'm strong, and watching your videos and watching you move

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Speaker 5: like that and watching your body move like that while

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Speaker 5: you are.

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Speaker 6: Like very pregnant. I was like, that is so beautiful.

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Speaker 5: And even doing those doing that with your child's father,

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Speaker 5: like seeing those videos so beautiful.

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Speaker 4: I loved it.

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Speaker 6: I love that.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: A lot of people told me like I wouldn't be

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Speaker 4: able to do those things, the doctors and things like

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Speaker 4: what do you do for a living, And I'm like, I'm.

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Speaker 3: A I'm a dancer. Well you can't dance, you can't dance.

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Speaker 3: And I danced. I danced until I was in when

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Speaker 3: I gave birth to her.

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Speaker 4: The day before I gave birth to her, I was

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Speaker 4: in rehearsal, like choreographing a whole team of dancers for

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Speaker 4: fashion week, oh like the day before, and then I

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Speaker 4: had my baby, like we were I was supposed to

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Speaker 4: be a part of the performance and I was giving birth.

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Speaker 3: Wow, so don't stop do it all like we are

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Speaker 3: so strong. Pregnancy is just oh my.

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Speaker 6: God, how did did you enjoy your pregnancy or what?

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Speaker 4: I really enjoyed my pregnancy with Amathys. I felt I

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Speaker 4: felt like a goddess, you know.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh my God, like I feel so beautiful,

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Speaker 3: I'm so powerful, I'm doing all these amazing things. And

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Speaker 3: then with Manifest, I didn't feel like that at all.

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Speaker 4: Like I hated being pregnant. I wanted to just hide.

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Speaker 4: I wanted to not be seen. I didn't want to tell.

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Speaker 4: I didn't tell anymore.

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Speaker 3: I was like, didn't take a break from social media. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I didn't tell my family.

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Speaker 4: When so she turned a year old, we traveled the

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Speaker 4: day after her first birthday to England doing shows for

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Speaker 4: Richard Russell in England. Then I traveled to Paris and

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Speaker 4: to Rome and then to Puerto Rico to film Valante.

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Speaker 3: Then I went to La where I found out I

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Speaker 3: was pregnant. So I was like on my own, hustling,

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Speaker 3: mad herd, sick as a dog.

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Speaker 4: Pregnant, and I knew that my mom and my family

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Speaker 4: who would tell me to get an abortion? I mean,

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Speaker 4: I'm not, I'm pro choice. It's Amy, Amy baby, No,

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Speaker 4: my love, do you want me to put you in

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Speaker 4: the stroller?

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Speaker 3: Do you want me to do that? Don't disturb, sister?

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Speaker 3: Thank you? Oh emmy, emmy, m M your sister.

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Speaker 4: Okay, But yeah, when I found out I was pregnant

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Speaker 4: with Manifest, I was happy, So that's how I knew.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm going through with this because I felt

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Speaker 4: so much joy, but I didn't want it to be

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Speaker 4: tainted by other people's opinions, so.

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Speaker 3: I didn't tell anyone.

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Speaker 4: And then during that time, I hadn't spoke to Kaner,

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Speaker 4: which is their father, in months. So when I was

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Speaker 4: approaching my fifth month of pregnancy, I'm like, I think

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Speaker 4: I should tell him.

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Speaker 6: Oh he didn't even he didn't know. He didn't. You

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Speaker 6: literally didn't tell nobody.

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Speaker 3: No, it was a secret.

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Speaker 5: Well cause I know you've documented your journey with in

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Speaker 5: some ways with him too, and like you guys, you

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00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,359
Speaker 5: were together and then you separated and you.

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Speaker 3: Get sorry, Yeah, you can take it out. Sh I mean,

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Speaker 3: calm down, Okay, are you getting tired? You wanna go

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Speaker 3: in the in the crib. It is his motherhood. You

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Speaker 3: wanna go in the the crib?

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Speaker 6: You hear me?

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Speaker 3: You wanna go in the stroller?

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Speaker 6: Hamy, go ahead.

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Speaker 3: You wanna put you in the stroller. You could take

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Speaker 3: you on my shit. No, this is real life right here.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, you know, trust me. We we have kids.

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Speaker 6: We recorded the kids. They interrupt every five seconds. This

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Speaker 6: is the protocol over.

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Speaker 3: And I love being with moms because it just it

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Speaker 3: doesn't make you feel weird. M m right cause when

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Speaker 3: you're up with moms, the people just stare at you.

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Speaker 6: They get stare right, and now it took me a

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Speaker 6: long time to get over that make me feeling bad?

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Speaker 6: Are we disturbing you? Are you?

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Speaker 7: Oh?

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Speaker 3: God, you're right feeling bad for right? Like, look at me,

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Speaker 3: help me, look at me. Okay, So you said you

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00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,760
Speaker 3: didn't tell him to your five months. Yeah, I was

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Speaker 3: approaching my fifth month and I was like, I think

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Speaker 3: it's time that I tell him. And what did he say?

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Speaker 3: So it's crazy because we were on the phone.

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Speaker 4: We're facetiming each other for like an hour before I

364
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Speaker 4: even said anything, so we were just having like a

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Speaker 4: normal conversation.

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Speaker 7: And then.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I'm pregnant and he was like yeah.

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Speaker 3: He was like yeah, bye bye who No, not by who? Yes,

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Speaker 3: I said, who's the dad.

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Speaker 4: He started laughing because he thought I was pregnant by

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Speaker 4: someone else because we hadn't.

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Speaker 3: Spoken so long. And I was like, by you, you're

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Speaker 3: the father and he started to cry and.

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Speaker 4: He got really emotional but happy, and he felt like

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Speaker 4: it made a lot of sense as to why I

376
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,920
Speaker 4: totally pushed back from him and just didn't want to

377
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,760
Speaker 4: talk to him, but that that wasn't the reason I

378
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,399
Speaker 4: made those choices because of who he is. So I

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Speaker 4: just again, I didn't want my experience of being pregnant

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Speaker 4: again to be tainted by no one's fuckery.

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Speaker 8: You know, I respect that a lot, because I'm the

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Speaker 8: type of person and this is something that I need

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Speaker 8: to check myself on. And I think people in general

384
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Speaker 8: do this, Like we ask a lot of opinions even

385
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Speaker 8: though we always go with what we want to do

386
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Speaker 8: in the beginning.

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Speaker 6: Why do we do it?

388
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Speaker 8: I don't know, but you know there's so many You

389
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Speaker 8: always seek people's opinions, your parents, your friends, because you

390
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Speaker 8: care what they think.

391
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Speaker 4: But a lot of times it feels good to be

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Speaker 4: validated by the people you love, right because it makes

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Speaker 4: you feel like you're making a right decision. But if

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00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:55,440
Speaker 4: it resonates with you, whatever your whatever the choice is

395
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Speaker 4: that you have to make, you know, you feel it

396
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Speaker 4: in your heart and it doesn't matter who says what

397
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 4: about Like God can come down himself and be like

398
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 4: and I'm like, no, this is like this is my choice,

399
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Speaker 4: Like this is what makes me happy.

400
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:09,959
Speaker 3: That's it. Period.

401
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 4: So when I told him that, because he was, you

402
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 4: know he was, he was bugging a little bit. He

403
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 4: couldn't believe that I waited that long to tell him,

404
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 4: and I was just explaining, like this is this is

405
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 4: my choice, you know, ultimately, like I'm doing this for

406
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:28,879
Speaker 4: me because I felt love the second that I realized

407
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Speaker 4: I was pregnant. The second I learned I was pregnant,

408
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 4: and I know amitis needs that needs a sibling. So

409
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Speaker 4: he flew us out like to England, like the week after,

410
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Speaker 4: and then I stood in England until I was seven months,

411
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Speaker 4: and that's when I came home and told my family,

412
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Speaker 4: and then.

413
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Speaker 8: He gave birth.

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Speaker 3: What what would you like?

415
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Speaker 5: Were you prepared for him to either be angry not

416
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 5: want to be involved like you had already got. I guess,

417
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 5: prepared to go on this journey by yourself, like you

418
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Speaker 5: decided your own to consciously.

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Speaker 6: I guess, single parent. I guess in a way, what

420
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Speaker 6: would it have mattered to you?

421
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 3: I think it would have. I think it would have.

422
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 4: Because I mean, I'm on my own regardless, and that

423
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 4: that goes without saying that's besides the point.

424
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Speaker 3: But when it comes to his acceptance of our children.

425
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 3: That affects me. That matters to me.

426
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,399
Speaker 4: I need to I need to feel secure that you

427
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 4: love them, that you care about them. That doesn't mean that,

428
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 4: you know, you have to provide financially. If you're providing

429
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 4: love and they feel that and you want to be

430
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 4: a part of their lives, that very much matters to me.

431
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 4: And I'm always open to it, which is why I

432
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 4: told him, because they deserve that. You know, I can

433
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 4: be hellighteous and be like, I'm doing this on my own,

434
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 4: and you know that means you excluded completely, but then

435
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 4: what does that do for them? So and I and

436
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 4: I know deep down he is a person who does

437
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 4: care deeply about us and the and the babies, but

438
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 4: he's dealing with his own stuff. But I mean, in

439
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 4: terms of the work, I'm gonna yeah, in terms of

440
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 4: the work, I was prepared to do that on my own.

441
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 3: It was just a matter of him knowing that she

442
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 3: existed and she was gonna either way. Honey.

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Speaker 6: I saw that. Also, you posted a picture recently of

444
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Speaker 6: your mom which you guys looked so much alike, and

445
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 6: she had you have like how many siblings you have, like.

446
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 5: And she had all of you guys pretty young, So

447
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 5: seeing that that kind of like give you strength and

448
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 5: courage to know, like, I can do this because a

449
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 5: lot of people like would be scared to have two

450
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 5: kids under two and you know, consciously making the decision

451
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 5: to raise them on your own because he doesn't like her.

452
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 3: Right he lives in the UK, right, So.

453
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 6: You're here, and that's that's a scary thing.

454
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 5: You know, I have one and I'm already like, oh shit,

455
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 5: and my favory daddy lives in my city, right. So

456
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 5: like seeing your mom or being raised in that way,

457
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 5: did that did that provide some sort of right for

458
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 5: you in any way or like.

459
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 6: Wipe away the fear?

460
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 3: No?

461
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 4: I mean because with her, I watched her suffer severely.

462
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 4: You know, we witnessed her go through severe domestic abuse

463
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 4: by my not even my biological father.

464
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 3: My biological father like dipped like from the beginning. I

465
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 3: never knew him.

466
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 4: And my youngest sister, Jasmine, her father. He raised us,

467
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 4: so he was you know, my my the father figure,

468
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 4: but he was really abusive to my mom. So I

469
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 4: saw my mom go through really crazy things and stay

470
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 4: and you know, allow certain things to happen continuously, And

471
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 4: I remember being being like five or six and saying

472
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 4: or understanding that I would never want to be in

473
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 4: a situation like that. I would never tolerate things like that.

474
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 4: And then when I was eight years old, like she

475
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 4: just she woke up and she's like, no, this is enough,

476
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 4: like I'm not doing this anymore, and she she left

477
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 4: and she never looked back. That is what motivates me,

478
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 4: and that shift and whatever happened with her inside.

479
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 3: I remember that.

480
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 4: Moment and being like, this is who I want you

481
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 4: to be, mom, And that was like the blueprint that

482
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 4: she sent for me, just to have the strength and

483
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,639
Speaker 4: to get through things and to carry on on the

484
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 4: journey because I see a lot of women go through

485
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 4: abuse and come back, you know, leave, come back, leave,

486
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 4: come back. My mom never went back, you know, So

487
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:56,959
Speaker 4: that and and I go back. That's my that's my issue.

488
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 4: It takes a long time for me to move on.

489
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 4: And my mom she just gets on with it and

490
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 4: when she's done, she's done.

491
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 3: So that motivates me.

492
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 4: And she's she's really strong, but sometimes too strong, and

493
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 4: like I wanna be strong, but I also wanna be

494
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 4: sensitive and I don't want I want my girls to

495
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 4: know that too, some like she doesn't cry and my

496
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 4: mom like she's not affectionate.

497
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 3: And I have to be those things I cause I

498
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 3: need that.

499
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,680
Speaker 4: Mm. You know, I need kisses, I need hugs, I

500
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 4: need I love yous and I these babies need all

501
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 4: of that. So you know, there's certain elements of of

502
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 4: of what she what we all want through me, my

503
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 4: mom and my sisters that you know, when I'm going

504
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 4: through rough moments, I think about certain things and I'm like, okay,

505
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 4: let me keep it pushing.

506
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 3: And then there's things that happen.

507
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 4: Now and I'm like, I I'm I'm never gonna be

508
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 4: like you and that in those senses, you know, like

509
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 4: I'm never gonna repeat like what you're doing right now

510
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 4: to them.

511
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 7: Right.

512
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 5: So you said that you and you felt like you

513
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 5: went through a really dark and rough place after your

514
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 5: first pregnante was it Do you think it was postpartum

515
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 5: or was there more to what was like happening? And

516
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 5: how did you pull yourself out of that? Cause I

517
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 5: think a lot of I mean, most women we go through,

518
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,680
Speaker 5: you know, having your first child, and so you think

519
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 5: you're prepared and then it's then and then you leave

520
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 5: the hospital and you have this person that you're responsible for,

521
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 5: and everything changes, and your body's changing and your hormones

522
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 5: are changing, and.

523
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 6: Situations are changing.

524
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 5: You know a lot of times men they don't know

525
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,439
Speaker 5: where they fit in right after they're like, okay, well.

526
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 3: I think for me, when we brought Amays home, it didn't.

527
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 4: And there was never a moment where I felt like, like,

528
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 4: there's this baby here. It felt like it felt as

529
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 4: if she was always there.

530
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: You know.

531
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 3: It was when and Canner was with me for two months,

532
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 3: like the first two months of her life. It's when

533
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 3: he left and I was in.

534
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 4: Like I was home for the first time, buying myself

535
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: with her, you know, like like she's in the bed

536
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 4: and I'm looking at her and I'm like it's just

537
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 4: me and you Like That's when that's when it kicked in,

538
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 4: and I just I was sad. I was just sad

539
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 4: about the whole situation. I mean, I was still dealing

540
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 4: with the depression of what I went through with him.

541
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 6: She made love both, Yeah, let me let me do that,

542
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 6: let me get ahead.

543
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 3: So yeah, so like when you cheated on me and

544
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: that whole situation happened, it was so shocking, you know.

545
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 8: So you guys were in a relationship, but you weren't

546
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 8: planning for amethysts. But you guys were in exclusive monogamous.

547
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 3: We were engaged. We were engaged. We lived together back

548
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 3: and forth. And he's also a dancer too. Yeah, okay,

549
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 3: mm hmm, So.

550
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 4: We were we We spent all of our time together.

551
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 4: We worked together, we made money together, we traveled together.

552
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 4: We did all these things together. And we got into

553
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 4: an argument because he was on tour with FK Twigs

554
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 4: and I was filming for the Florida Project, and so

555
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 4: we had some time apart, and during that time he

556
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 4: changed and I and I felt that when we reconnected

557
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yo, your bugging like I'm pregnant, show

558
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 4: up for me in whatever ways you can show.

559
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 6: Up for me.

560
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 3: And he wasn't. So we got into a bad argument.

561
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,959
Speaker 4: He left to London like the same day, and then

562
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 4: two days later he was having sex with someone else.

563
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 4: How'd you find out you're gonna you're gonna You're gonna

564
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: think it's so crazy, But actually my horoscope, like I'm

565
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 4: not even cadding.

566
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 3: I read my horoscope, which is something that's like my

567
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 3: one of my morning rituals, So.

568
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 4: You know, it said someone very close to you, is

569
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 4: hiding something from you?

570
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 3: And I was like hmmm, hmmm interesting. So I called Cane.

571
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, do you have anything to tell me?

572
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 4: Like are you hiding anything from me? And he just

573
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 4: broke down crying.

574
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: Wow.

575
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 4: And he was like, I don't want to tell you.

576
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 4: You're gonna leave me? And I was like, oh, you

577
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 4: fucked someone.

578
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 3: Right, He was like yeah, And I knew her. I

579
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 3: knew the girl. She was like a supporter of mine

580
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 3: for years. Wow.

581
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 4: What supported me and Knor's journey, Like when we were engaged,

582
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 4: like commenting on.

583
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,959
Speaker 3: The pictures, that's kind of creepy. No, so creepy, so hurtful.

584
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: I felt so betrayed.

585
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 8: I was just like almost a fan.

586
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 3: Yeah with a fan, Wow, with a fan.

587
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 7: Yeah.

588
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 3: So I was just I was like I don't trust

589
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 3: no one. I was just dealing with so much of that,

590
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 3: like paranoia, just okay. I was like, this is what's happening,

591
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 3: this is who you are.

592
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 4: And then once that happened, it was just his true

593
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 4: colors were just a rab and you know, who he

594
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 4: really was started to surface and I'm like, oh my.

595
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 3: God, it's too late, Like I'm already pregnant. Guys been

596
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 3: dating up until the pregnancy. Two years we were together.

597
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 4: You know, everything happened really fast, so that was just

598
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 4: another thing, Like even the getting pregnant, it all happened

599
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 4: so fast. But I was like, let's just let's just

600
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 4: deal with this. Let's just even though I never really

601
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 4: dealt with it, you know, I was just being strong

602
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 4: for the sake of her and the fact that I

603
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 4: was about to be a mother. Let's try.

604
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 3: Let's just do what we have to do.

605
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 4: And you know, nothing changed on his behalf. And he's

606
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 4: he's really young, you know, so he's younger than me. Yeah,

607
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 4: he's twenty four, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's just

608
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 4: in a completely different headspace than I am. And I

609
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 4: was dealing with like I was feeling all of those

610
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 4: feelings but not dealing with them because I was I

611
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 4: was like, I don't have time to deal with these

612
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 4: feelings right now because I have to prepare for amethysts.

613
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 3: And then once she.

614
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 4: Came, like I couldn't deal with it then because she

615
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 4: was here, you know, And then he left and I

616
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 4: was alone with her, And it was when I was

617
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 4: alone with her that there was no more hiding or

618
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,239
Speaker 4: no more pushing things like under the carpet, like they

619
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 4: were coming up, they were surfacing.

620
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: I was seeing them. I would start crying, you know,

621
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 3: I was.

622
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 4: I was.

623
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 3: Now it was starting to like affect my life.

624
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 4: And that's when I decided to come forward with what

625
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: I went through because I needed community and I didn't

626
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 4: have it. I felt so alone and I was just

627
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 4: over and I'm like, I don't I don't want to

628
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 4: put myself in a position where I feel like something deep.

629
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 3: Could happen, you know. So I did it to like

630
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 3: save my life.

631
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 8: I think a lot of times, as a woman, we

632
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 8: do put so many like marbles into like our men

633
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 8: and our relationships that we forget like the community, the sisterhood,

634
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 8: the village that it's important, you know, and that doesn't

635
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 8: happen the way you wanna happen to happen.

636
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 3: Then who who do you go to?

637
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 7: Right?

638
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 5: What do you when you so when you decided to

639
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 5: start let's talk, I mean I was this based out

640
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,959
Speaker 5: of people because I'm sure I'm assuming connecting to your

641
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 5: story and wanting and feeling like I can relate to

642
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 5: you and like, okay, how can we all get into

643
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 5: a room together?

644
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 7: MM?

645
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 6: When you guys come together.

646
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 5: Like I I like, do you guys just share your

647
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 5: stories as a single as single parents and single moms.

648
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 6: It's for for most it's a it's form single mothers.

649
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 7: Yeah.

650
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 5: So I I mean even like I was working at

651
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 5: pictures that I was telling I was telling you, I

652
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 5: was so bubb that I missed.

653
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 6: This last one because it just looked so beautiful. It

654
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 6: looked so emotional, so and like a a place where

655
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 6: people can kind of just like let it all out.

656
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 8: I just cry.

657
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: That's the atmosphere. The atmosphere is you can come and

658
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 4: r just be. You know, if you don't wanna talk,

659
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 4: you don't have to talk. If you don't want to

660
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 4: be seen, you don't have to be seen. But if

661
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 4: you do, you can. If you want to cry, you can.

662
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 4: I mean, there was so many different elements of it.

663
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 4: I was taking it, like sitting back, taking it all

664
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: and like.

665
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 3: Look at this.

666
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 4: Look at how powerful we are when we come together.

667
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: Look at how beautiful we are when we come together.

668
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 4: They were like two random moms that just met. Who

669
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 4: was like one of the mom's like expressing milk out

670
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 4: of the other mom's boob.

671
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 3: This is beautiful. I love this and there was some

672
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 3: mixy situations there too.

673
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 4: There was a mom who was like the mistress of

674
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 4: another mom, like the guys you don't.

675
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 3: Situation.

676
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 8: That's how she came.

677
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 6: And they didn't know they were going to be coming together,

678
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 6: and they know they were both there.

679
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 3: They were both no girl feeling. I mean, so so

680
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 3: how yes, I know? I mean because I wanted to

681
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 3: be there.

682
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 4: I want everyone's feeling that emotions are valid in a

683
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 4: space like let's talk, you know, so, I mean, but

684
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 4: I didn't want it to get crazy, so I told her.

685
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 4: She approached me and she's like, I'm feeling really triggered

686
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 4: right now, like the woman who just spoke broke me

687
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 4: and my family up.

688
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

689
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 4: And I was like, Okay, your feelings are valid. How

690
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 4: you feel right now is valid, but.

691
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 3: Like surrender to surrender to your anger. Don't allow that

692
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 3: to you know.

693
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,479
Speaker 4: Change your experience and all of this, like still allow

694
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 4: yourself to be open, you know, choose forgiveness, you know,

695
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 4: like let's let's come together. Because I mean, in a

696
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 4: moment like that, I was thinking, how would I.

697
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 6: React, right, I'm thinking of right now, I might see.

698
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 3: Red honestly, right right?

699
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 4: But she kept her composure and stayed and she stayed,

700
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 4: and you know, it was it was beautiful, but things

701
00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 4: like that. I was telling many elements, but ultimately it

702
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 4: was very very very supportive people. I mean, we passed

703
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 4: the mic around and I just wanted everyone to introduce

704
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 4: themselves to one another.

705
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 3: What's your name, what do you identify? You know, why

706
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 3: are you here? Things like that, and then from.

707
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 4: There the discussion just naturally kind of picks up. We

708
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 4: weren't able to get too too deep in because there

709
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 4: was so many women and we didn't have a lot

710
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 4: of time, but we hit the we hit the hit

711
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 4: the surface of a lot, and we got to hear

712
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 4: just a small bit of everyone's story and it was beautiful.

713
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 4: So I think my next one it's going to be

714
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 4: much more low key and were.

715
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 9: We'll actually be able to have a discussion, right, you know,

716
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,919
Speaker 9: So I think the one huge commonality but I'm just thinking,

717
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 9: because I'm thinking about your VET and single motherhood is

718
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 9: I think for the.

719
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,919
Speaker 8: Most part, not in all cases, because some people choose

720
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 8: to have kids alone. Even those cases, Honestly, I think

721
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 8: that we're spoon fed like this image of family and

722
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 8: we have this fairy tale like idea of how we're

723
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 8: supposed to be and how like when you have kids,

724
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 8: you're supposed to have a partners, you supposed have a spouse,

725
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 8: supposed to be married with, have a white fucking picket fence.

726
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 3: We're supposed to have.

727
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 8: Help, you know, and and a lot of times we

728
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 8: even married women, you know, go through stuff and don't

729
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 8: have that support. But I think that's huge. That's the

730
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 8: first disappointment. That's the first like it's almost it's traumatizing.

731
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 3: Look when you.

732
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 8: Realize, like this fairy tale story that you like cut out.

733
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 8: And I think that's why a lot of women go

734
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 8: back and go back and go back and endure a

735
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,280
Speaker 8: lot of bullshit because we are so gung ho about

736
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 8: the father, the mother, the children, like what a family

737
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 8: looks like, and not being like an unwed single moment,

738
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 8: especially for women of color, I think too is like,

739
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 8: oh great, I'm gonna be like a single mom, you know,

740
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 8: like a single blackgma.

741
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: This is there's a stigma attached to it, you know.

742
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 8: And I just sometimes but like not so much now,

743
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 8: but before, like I could literally just think about that

744
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 8: and cry just in any in any situation.

745
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'll be walking down the street, like, look

746
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 3: at that half motherfucker family. Yeah, no, of course.

747
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 10: So it doesn't matter where you come from, what your

748
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 10: background is, but class like socially, you know, but those

749
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 10: that disappointment that you know, it's such so hard to

750
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 10: digest and to understand, so like a community like that,

751
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 10: you know, to realize, oh shit, like I'm not the

752
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 10: only one.

753
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 8: Oh, this doesn't make my family any less whole. I

754
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 8: can do this, I can see you doing it, and

755
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 8: I can call a friend that Name's a huge difference.

756
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 4: And when you're in a when you're in a space

757
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 4: like that with so many different women who have so

758
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 4: many different stories, you realize that your situation is not

759
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 4: that bad and it makes you grateful because some of

760
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 4: the things that these women.

761
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 3: Have gone through, I mean, I oh my god, Like

762
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 3: it was hard to hear.

763
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 4: It was hard to even think that some women can

764
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 4: go through that and endure certain levels of abuse, like

765
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 4: in front of their kids, and you know, having their

766
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 4: power taken away by a man, and you know, having

767
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 4: to build yourself up from like being stripped down to nothing,

768
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 4: you know, like raped of of who you are. So

769
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 4: I hear those stories and it makes me feel so blessed.

770
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 4: It makes me feel so grateful, and I know my

771
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,320
Speaker 4: situation can be worse. It's it's hard, I stuffer, I

772
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: go through my moments, but it's not that bad. And

773
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 4: that's why I feel like I can do it.

774
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 3: I can do this for them. I can provide these

775
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 3: things for them because it's.

776
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 5: Not that bad and it is so much So how

777
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:45,720
Speaker 5: does their father feel about your your cause an advocate

778
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,760
Speaker 5: of single moms, because to him does he feel because

779
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 5: you know, also, there's this whole idea of what a

780
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 5: single mom is. Right, you're not a single mom because

781
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 5: the dad is around, right, But like, no, it's not true.

782
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 8: Only single doesn't exist. It's disappeared from that.

783
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 7: He does.

784
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 4: He follows, Oh my god, yes, yes, oh my god

785
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 4: very much.

786
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 3: So when I when I when I first came out

787
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,879
Speaker 3: our girl, oh my god, please don't Jesus.

788
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, baby, you're biting me and it's

789
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 4: not okay, you're tired. When I first came out with

790
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 4: the post, he was, oh my god. His whole family,

791
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 4: his family, Yeah, they were like, you know, take your

792
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 4: business offline and that doesn't have anything.

793
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 3: To do with the rest of the world.

794
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 4: And you're you're painting him out to be a monster

795
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 4: and all these things like he's he's a good person,

796
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 4: and I'm like, okay, you're making it all about him

797
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 4: and this has nothing to do with him.

798
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 3: This has everything to.

799
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 4: Do with me and what I'm going through because guess what,

800
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 4: I'm the one here with my baby. I'm by myself

801
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 4: with her, and he has his freedom.

802
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 6: Right, he's doing what he has.

803
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 3: He's doing, he's living his life.

804
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 4: I don't have that, so I need support because if

805
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 4: I don't, I'm gonna go crazy.

806
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 3: Period. So he, I mean, he still resents me. He

807
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 3: holds mad resentment for me, O the like over like

808
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 3: everything about me coming out and then what came of it,

809
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 3: you know.

810
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 6: Even seeing the beautiful community that you're building. He doesn't.

811
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 6: He doesn't understand.

812
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 5: I'm just curious, Like I get, and I mean I

813
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 5: don't want to say I get, but like the actual

814
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 5: what you do bring women together?

815
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 6: Does he feel like excluded from that because he feels

816
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 6: like for sure, yeah, he's Does he consider himself a

817
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 6: single parent?

818
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 3: No? And I want to tell that, like, I don't

819
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 3: think he considers me a single mom. He'll say to me,

820
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 3: like I I'm here, you know. I'm I'm willing to

821
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 3: be a part of their lives. What is wrong?

822
00:40:58,960 --> 00:40:59,280
Speaker 4: Baby?

823
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 3: What? Baby?

824
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 6: What is the matter?

825
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 3: I'm just afraid you're gonna bite me. I don't wanna

826
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 3: be bit.

827
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 6: Just got promise.

828
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 4: But but yeah, cause he feels because you know, he

829
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 4: wants to be there, but you know he's in England,

830
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 4: I'm in New York.

831
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 3: That that's why.

832
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 4: And it's not that adult. It's so much deeper than that,

833
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 4: and so much deeper than that. But he doesn't get it.

834
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 4: I think he's intimidated by by what I've created, and

835
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 4: I feel like in a way he wish, he wished

836
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 4: that he had something like that. But I mean, what

837
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 4: what has he gone through to, you know, to provoke him.

838
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 3: To do something like that.

839
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 4: He He's has not experienced any t I've never hurt

840
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 4: him in ways that he or disrespected him in the

841
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 4: ways that he did to us.

842
00:41:54,120 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 3: So amat this No? Hey, well, I mean not say

843
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,279
Speaker 3: anything but the truth, you know what I'm saying? Like, Yeah,

844
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 3: So do you think he'd move here?

845
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:07,479
Speaker 6: Or you would?

846
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 4: Would you move there?

847
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 3: He won't move here?

848
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 6: Would you move there?

849
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 7: Yeah?

850
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 4: I don't I want to because like I want, I

851
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 4: wanted to live there before I even met him, you know, so,

852
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 4: and I want them to go to school out there.

853
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 4: I think the school system is light years better out

854
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 4: there than it is over here, so and it will

855
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 4: be easier. I mean when he is here, the help.

856
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 4: He helps me a lot. And I mean that's what

857
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 4: it comes down to.

858
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: I just need help.

859
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:34,879
Speaker 7: Yeah.

860
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 3: Fuck, I wanted to do the Damn this is a lot, right, So.

861
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 6: What's like, do you have time to date?

862
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 7: What is that?

863
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 6: Like she's even on your radar? Like em will you

864
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 6: are you still in love with with?

865
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 4: Like?

866
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: Ha?

867
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 6: Would you have another baby?

868
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 3: Would you?

869
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 6: Would you consciously do have another baby with him? As

870
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 6: a single?

871
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 4: Hell?

872
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 3: Like, wherever I go after this, I want to feel.

873
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 4: I want to feel so secure and in whatever whatever

874
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 4: situation I'm I enter after this. I mean, I've learned

875
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 4: so much from this baby, don't. I'm not the same

876
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 4: person I was before being with Canner. I'm a lot

877
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 4: I'm hm.

878
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: My spirit is like fierce, you know, and I feel like.

879
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 6: Yes, you know what I mean, feel so powerful?

880
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean because I look, I'm here taking care

881
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 4: of two humans every.

882
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 3: Single day, you know, creating trying like I.

883
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 4: Think about my legacy often and I think about how

884
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 4: I want them to remember me once I'm gone, and

885
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 4: it's just I don't have the energy to give. I

886
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 4: don't have the time to give anyone who's just not authentic, solid,

887
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 4: pure and.

888
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 3: Just down, you know down.

889
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 4: And people are not like that, I mean my experience

890
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 4: so far. I mean, people are just not solid, you know.

891
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 4: And I do blame a lot on social media. Everyone

892
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 4: wants to be.

893
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 3: A somebody, everybody.

894
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 6: Wants to be and are so easily distracted. There's always like,

895
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 6: oh let me try that exactly, you know.

896
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you know you have to come back into

897
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 4: who you are, like your humanity because what if what

898
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 4: if the Wi Fi was turned off forever?

899
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 7: Right?

900
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 4: How would you identify like yourself as who are you then?

901
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 4: Without without your phone?

902
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 3: Who are you?

903
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 7: Right?

904
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 3: Who are you? Well? How would you be?

905
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 4: Who are you?

906
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 6: Without your fifty thousands?

907
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 5: Because it's so funny, like how followers are, like how

908
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 5: we value people, like how there's like a personal currency so.

909
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 6: Straight legitimately, legitimately or importance is based on your followers.

910
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 4: And that's absolutely all shit because I've met I've met

911
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 4: people like these influencers that aren't shit.

912
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 6: They're not terrible people.

913
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 11: Yeah, not everyone obviously, but like a lot of them

914
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,439
Speaker 11: are though, or like empty people, like Hi, I'm trying

915
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 11: to hello, yeah, like like like we were even just.

916
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 6: Talking about someone posted something the other day like I'm

917
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 6: so tired.

918
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 5: Of these women who are are throwing these female empower

919
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,359
Speaker 5: empowering events but are mean.

920
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 6: Girls in real life.

921
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:42,919
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

922
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,400
Speaker 5: That like when you see they see these girls and

923
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 5: they post all these pretty pictures and they seem like, oh,

924
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 5: they're so pro woman problem, and then you meet them

925
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 5: and it's like they could give a fuck about who

926
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 5: you are, why you came to their event, and don't

927
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 5: even care to even engage in a real conversation with you.

928
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 5: You're more worried about taking the perfect perfect picture to

929
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 5: fit their curated feet.

930
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 7: And it's just like, wow, it's the norm now, though,

931
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 7: And I feel like that's what's made me so withdrawn

932
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 7: from connecting to people and even you know, allowing like

933
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 7: allowing the thoughts to enter my head.

934
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 3: Of people being around my babies. I'm like no, no, no, no,

935
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 3: no no no, So that holds me back. You're also

936
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 3: in a very vital time right now. You have two

937
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 3: under two.

938
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 8: You know, you're not even thirty races. He would be

939
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 8: twenty nine.

940
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a lot. That's that's a lot. Like and

941
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 3: and you're doing it by yourself, you know.

942
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 8: And I think because we got a we got an

943
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 8: advice question to be read that advice question someone asked

944
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,360
Speaker 8: about getting like she was saying, like her friend was

945
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,800
Speaker 8: telling her she's making excuses she can't go out, but

946
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:48,399
Speaker 8: the baby's like not even a year old.

947
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 3: Ye oh my god.

948
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I'm just like my friends didn't understand why

949
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 6: like that she's.

950
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, like couldn't do other ship anymore. But like, was

951
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 3: that other front a parent?

952
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 4: Because it yeah, why why because you're not you don't

953
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,760
Speaker 4: understand because you're not you can't understand you're not a parent.

954
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 3: People say that to me all the time.

955
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 4: Oh, you use your kids as an excuse to like

956
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 4: be a bitch, because people think because I don't go

957
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 4: and meet up with them that I'm a bitch, or

958
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 4: if I don't answer my phone when they call me,

959
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 4: I'm a bitch. But it's like I got real things

960
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 4: that I'm tending to and people can't hear that, and

961
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 4: people who aren't parents.

962
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,560
Speaker 3: Don't understand that. So I mean I'm not here.

963
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 4: I'm just too tired to like explain myself to you

964
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 4: or anyone, you know what I mean, Like if you

965
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 4: understand and if you want to be my friend and

966
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 4: you know, like offer me some sort of like any

967
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 4: form of like conversation anything, that's cool.

968
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 3: But if not, then just keep it pushing, like I

969
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 3: don't have the energy.

970
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 7: Yea.

971
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 8: And there is like when you have like, first of all,

972
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 8: the first year, like you're pregnant one year.

973
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 3: When there's the first year, you're like you have a

974
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 3: baby connected to your titty at all times. It's like

975
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:58,799
Speaker 3: basically a cow.

976
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 8: Yeah seriously, And then like and too, they get their

977
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 8: kind of more independent, so it does. It's like a

978
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 8: two year minimum situation where like she's gonna shift and

979
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 8: then not to mention, you have to get back to yourself,

980
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 8: which is like wait, who am I now?

981
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 3: Can I do this?

982
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 8: Can I do that?

983
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:14,439
Speaker 4: Wait?

984
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 6: I can't do Molly on Friday?

985
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 7: Wait?

986
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 3: Maybe on Eve? You know, like okay, maybe I shouldn't,

987
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 3: you know, like I love you. It's true, it's true.

988
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 8: It's not like you can't ever no, oh my god,

989
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 8: like weeks ago, yeah, we.

990
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 3: Did God, I can't wait. No, literally, like I don't

991
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 3: hate to say that, you like, I just want to

992
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 3: be able. I want to know that like I will

993
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 3: have fun again, Yes you will.

994
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 2: There's like yes, she's like no not for a while,

995
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 2: that was weird timing, like no, you know, yeah.

996
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 8: And then there's always going to be moms because I

997
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 8: have friends who you know, who are in similar situations,

998
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 8: have two kids.

999
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 6: And honestly, this is what aside from I was going

1000
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 6: to say, I think sometimes women.

1001
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 8: Who have don't understand what you're going through. And maybe,

1002
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 8: like like you said, your mom had that shift and

1003
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 8: she she decided to leave that guy. A woman who can't,

1004
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 8: who can't tap into that which is it's hard. There's

1005
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,439
Speaker 8: envy even though you're struggling and there's things that are hard.

1006
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,399
Speaker 8: People will turn your numnose up on you and judge

1007
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 8: you because they can't do the things that you do.

1008
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 8: They think they can't, they think they can't, they think

1009
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 8: the fear is so great, so they'll be in unhappy relationships.

1010
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 8: They'll make excuses.

1011
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 3: And then even for.

1012
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 8: Erica and I, like, you know, we have this platform

1013
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 8: and we do the shit we do, and you know,

1014
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 8: we make a lot of we make a lot of

1015
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 8: jokes about our bad choices quote unquote, But the truth

1016
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 8: is is like our kids are a little bit older now,

1017
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 8: you know, and we're not bad moms. But I think

1018
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 8: that I have friends who are like, oh, you do

1019
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 8: kind of go out a lot, Like no, if you're

1020
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,240
Speaker 8: just locked in the house, so you're telling so you're.

1021
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 3: Jealous of my friend.

1022
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want that would make me feel like shit

1023
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 4: if someone said that, of course, because we're triggered by

1024
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:08,800
Speaker 4: someone who's coming at our motherhood.

1025
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 8: That's like the number you want to get in a

1026
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:14,280
Speaker 8: fight quick talk shit about somebody's mother. I oh my god,

1027
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 8: you know, absolutely, So it's important to know that there

1028
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 8: is like at the end of the tunnel and.

1029
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 6: Find and balance and finding balance, and you're in a

1030
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 6: place right now. Probably her balance is hard.

1031
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 7: You know.

1032
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:29,319
Speaker 3: I mean I went out two nights in a row,

1033
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 3: like Saturday, Sunday, and I woke up this morning. I'm like, damn,

1034
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 3: like I did that, Like I did two nights in

1035
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 3: a row, Like should I have been here?

1036
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 4: She just got out of the hospital, but I just

1037
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 4: needed it. I'm like the mom guilt, the mom guilt came.

1038
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,280
Speaker 3: But she was fine. She's perfectly fine. She's fine. They're fine.

1039
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 3: It's just you know, I'm always like they need me.

1040
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 3: They just they need me. They I'm their mother and

1041
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 3: they need me, and so I have to be here.

1042
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 3: But they also need to learn independence.

1043
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,399
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I think like raising an independent child this morning,

1044
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 8: because we're not always gonna be there, and and you

1045
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 8: don't always want him to you know, you want them

1046
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 8: to socialize them And I'd be like, my daughter's with

1047
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:09,879
Speaker 8: my dad right now in Philly and I'm like, here,

1048
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 8: here's your grandpa.

1049
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 3: Time have a good time, like.

1050
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 4: You know I had. Oh, this is a major one.

1051
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 4: I actually I was entertaining the thought of letting Amethysts

1052
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 4: go to England.

1053
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 3: With her dad for a little bit.

1054
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:27,279
Speaker 4: And I and I went over it with my mom

1055
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,399
Speaker 4: because you know, we want to be validated by our

1056
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:29,919
Speaker 4: loved ones.

1057
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 3: And she went crazy.

1058
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 4: She was like, how could you ever even you know,

1059
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 4: how could you even consider something like that.

1060
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 6: That's your child and that's your father and he has

1061
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 6: to learn.

1062
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I deserve, like it's.

1063
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:49,839
Speaker 8: Time you've give you know, you put in your work,

1064
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 8: You've put in your work a lot, and he's had

1065
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 8: the he's had the fucking.

1066
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 6: Time. So yeah, sometimes but the mamma guilt that the

1067
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 6: mom has passed on to the daughters. Shit.

1068
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 3: But you know what, I think that is too.

1069
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,279
Speaker 8: I'm realizing I think mom, like not that moms can

1070
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 8: be lowkey haters, but like we are in a different time.

1071
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,240
Speaker 8: They didn't have this community. They didn't have this power.

1072
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 8: This enlightened may be like, hey, I have a place.

1073
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 5: Even my mom with this podcast, I was like, did

1074
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 5: you have a place to go listen to other women

1075
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:22,320
Speaker 5: going through your experience?

1076
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 3: What did you do?

1077
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:25,800
Speaker 5: And she was like cause she first she's like I

1078
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:28,880
Speaker 5: don't understand. You're telling your business and we radeos and happening,

1079
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 5: and I'm like.

1080
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 6: Who this baby?

1081
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:32,439
Speaker 3: Women?

1082
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 5: Can we created a community like where like I can

1083
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 5: connect to another woman that's going through my experience and

1084
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 5: I feel connected and it makes me, you know, I'm

1085
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:41,720
Speaker 5: not alone.

1086
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 6: And it just keeps trickling and trickling, as you know.

1087
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 6: And it's like she couldn't understand, because now she gets

1088
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 6: it more and more so, but she was like, I

1089
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 6: don't understand. Like I'm like, yeah, cause you.

1090
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:53,840
Speaker 5: Didn't have it.

1091
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 4: It's a generational condition and you didn't have her grand

1092
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 4: her great great grandmother taught her great great grandmother, you know,

1093
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:01,840
Speaker 4: and like you suffer in silence.

1094
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 8: You don't tell everybody, you don't nobody your business like that.

1095
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 4: That's the that's the biggest thing, Like no one needs

1096
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 4: to know your business. How you know, how people look

1097
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 4: at you matters, Like what they think of you matters.

1098
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 4: You have to come off like you're you're perfect. And

1099
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 4: it's like a lot of those women.

1100
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 3: They have they kill themselves. They are so tormented from

1101
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 3: within that they can't take it and they take.

1102
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 4: Either their kids' lives or their lives. And that's not happening, Like, no,

1103
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 4: not on my time, not on my watch. If your mother,

1104
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 4: you know who has connected with me, I'm gonna care

1105
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 4: for you. I'm gonna provide you with the with the

1106
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 4: resources so that you don't feel like you want to

1107
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 4: end yourself, you know, because that's what that's what suffering

1108
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 4: in silence leads to. That. So, I mean, I don't

1109
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 4: know how our ancestors did it, you know, community you

1110
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:55,200
Speaker 4: know they have.

1111
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 6: I mean it was hard, but I mean I mean

1112
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:00,760
Speaker 6: think about that age mentality.

1113
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 3: It's real.

1114
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 8: Come from like a very real indigenous place.

1115
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 3: It does like I'm going to fear the cooking.

1116
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 5: I don't know at what point in like the motherhood

1117
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 5: a parenthood breakdown, that community became less and less and less,

1118
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 5: that we became more and more isolated where women are

1119
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 5: supposed to figure this shot on their own. Colonly don't

1120
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,319
Speaker 5: ask for help, and you don't ask your friends for help.

1121
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 5: You feel guilty for like asking for help, and like

1122
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 5: I mean.

1123
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 4: It's also like the patriarch patriarchy and like having the

1124
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:33,399
Speaker 4: men be these you know, they're the gods and they're

1125
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:37,439
Speaker 4: in power, and we're voiceless, we're we're just the woman.

1126
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,359
Speaker 8: They've actually painted a picture and we've accepted. I've read

1127
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 8: something the other day and it's like the most we

1128
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 8: uphold the patriarchy the most, Yeah, because we've allowed it

1129
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 8: to sustain this long, you know, and we've allowed we've

1130
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 8: we've adopted their image of us and how we're supposed

1131
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 8: to be. And this is like the beginning I think

1132
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,360
Speaker 8: of a turnover in that series of events.

1133
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 6: I guess that's true.

1134
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 5: I guess that's true because there's things in my mind

1135
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 5: that I know are totally programmed through society and through

1136
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 5: the male, through the male voice and eyes and all

1137
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 5: those things you know that I had to check myself.

1138
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 8: In and I check myself all the time, like why

1139
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 8: do I feel that way? Wait?

1140
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 3: Why do I think? Why do I feel bad? Why

1141
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 3: don't you know? Like why can't I do this? As

1142
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 3: I'm somebody's mama.

1143
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 8: I need to wear broad I can't really see through

1144
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 8: top right now stays fed somebody they need to be seen.

1145
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 3: I love it.

1146
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 4: I love it. I really really do women need to

1147
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:36,720
Speaker 4: feel that more like you're beautiful, You're yeah, you're secre

1148
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:40,319
Speaker 4: feeling hard. Yeah, you know, even when it comes down

1149
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 4: to pain, I've been dealing. I'm still I've been so

1150
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 4: triggered by this abortion.

1151
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 3: Man, it's really, oh.

1152
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 4: My god, it's just well, it puts I can't even

1153
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 4: it makes me emotional because I'm still processing my abortion,

1154
00:55:57,080 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 4: and I just I feel very triggered. And you know,

1155
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 4: a lot of things have been coming up a lot

1156
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 4: of my feelings about my abortion, and you know, like

1157
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,920
Speaker 4: kind of like post traumatic stress where I can be

1158
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 4: thinking about something about that and like start crying and

1159
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 4: I'll talk to my friends and they're like, yo.

1160
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 3: You need to speak to like dude, like you need

1161
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 3: to hit him up and like just have closure with it.

1162
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 4: And I feel like most women would never like ever,

1163
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 4: they would, They're just afraid of I don't know what,

1164
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 4: maybe like the rejection, maybe if the other person won't care.

1165
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 3: And with me, like I don't care, like I don't

1166
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 3: care what he feels. I'm gonna speak about how I feel.

1167
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,839
Speaker 4: I'm gonna, I'm gonna shine light, I'm gonna vent, I'm

1168
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:45,920
Speaker 4: gonna express myself.

1169
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna, I don't care if it.

1170
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 4: Makes you uncomfortable, because like I'm hurting, you know. And

1171
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:52,919
Speaker 4: that's the thing that I see with a lot of women.

1172
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 4: They will be in so much pain, but just keep

1173
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 4: it in, keep it, let it build, let it and

1174
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 4: then they snap. And I'm just not comfortable knowing that

1175
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 4: that's a possibility that I can, you know, get myself

1176
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 4: to a place like that.

1177
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna, I'm gonna address it.

1178
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,280
Speaker 4: And I want to inspire women to address your traumas,

1179
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 4: address your abusers, call, call your mom out, call your

1180
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 4: call whoever, call them out, and let it be known

1181
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,880
Speaker 4: and watch how you feel for your own healing.

1182
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 3: And that's what it takes. And I realized that with

1183
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 3: let's talk, it's.

1184
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 4: Like healing and therapy comes with communication, our words speaking

1185
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 4: like we free ourselves.

1186
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 3: We heal ourselves through.

1187
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 4: Words because we're when we physically speak words out into existence,

1188
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 4: you're able to look at them, you know, and and

1189
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 4: come at it from different places instead of just holding

1190
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 4: it in and it just being like this one dimensional

1191
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 4: dimensional thing.

1192
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 3: Inside of you.

1193
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 4: And there's a lot of power and speak Like even

1194
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 4: being here and us talking, it's like someone listening to

1195
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 4: this is gonna be like whoa, Oh my god. I

1196
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 4: felt that, but I didn't think about it that way.

1197
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 4: And I am gonna hit this person up. And because

1198
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 4: I've been wanting to, I just I've been afraid. And

1199
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 4: you don't have to be afraid. You don't have to

1200
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 4: be afraid because you're dealing with yourself at the end

1201
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 4: of the day, when you're laying in your bed with

1202
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 4: all your thoughts, what's that person doing?

1203
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 3: You know, what that person thinks of you isn't going

1204
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 3: to heal you like heal yourself.

1205
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 6: That's so true.

1206
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 8: Our testimonies are powerful and they matter so true.

1207
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 5: Well, I am so I want to get you out

1208
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 5: of here because you like turning out there like okay,

1209
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:39,959
Speaker 5: return to mama, what are you doing?

1210
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 6: But I just want to thank you.

1211
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 5: So much for coming here and just like sharing your

1212
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 5: energy with us and like even just being like yeah,

1213
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 5: I'll come whatever, and not knowing us from anywhere. I

1214
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 5: appreciate and I really love, I love, I love what

1215
00:58:56,280 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 5: you're doing. Your movements so important, so necessary. Don't stop.

1216
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 5: I know it's hard, and I know you know it

1217
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 5: can feel lonely out of here, you know, but you're

1218
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 5: building something where you don't have to be alone. You're

1219
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 5: building such a beautiful community so much, and we need it. Yeah,

1220
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 5: single mom is we need it the most? Are like

1221
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 5: the most overlooked, you know.

1222
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 3: It's so it's like hurtful.

1223
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, well we do the most bringing people into the

1224
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 8: world and being overlooked.

1225
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, we're being overlooked and a lot of

1226
00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 5: times thrown away like what did you do?

1227
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 6: Why are you single?

1228
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:32,760
Speaker 9: Right?

1229
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 7: Is right?

1230
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 5: And you know, I feel the most powerful I've ever

1231
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 5: felt as a single parent, more powerful than I did.

1232
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 6: As a woman with a man and a baby.

1233
00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 5: Right, you know, my singleness has empowered me in ways

1234
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 5: that I'm so grateful for.

1235
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 6: I'm so grateful to that I'm single. I'm so glad

1236
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 6: I'm not married. I'm so glad that she didn't work

1237
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 6: out who were you married or was going to be?

1238
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 5: I was planning my wedding and then it just all

1239
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:02,560
Speaker 5: my it was I thought the end of my life,

1240
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 5: you know, but it was just the beginning.

1241
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 8: It's so funny hearing both these stories. And look, look

1242
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:12,440
Speaker 8: what's birthed out of those dis then disappointments. Look at

1243
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 8: the platforms, the communities that you've built out of those

1244
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,720
Speaker 8: those disappointments. And that's for any woman who's in a situation,

1245
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:22,040
Speaker 8: any mom right now who thinks it's the end of

1246
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 8: the road and there's nowhere to go, and you're sad

1247
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 8: and life's ended, and fuck, where's my picket fence?

1248
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 7: Right?

1249
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 8: You have when you tap into your power, you have

1250
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 8: Literally these are testimonies. These are living people like you

1251
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 8: have no idea what's out there for you. Disappointments are

1252
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 8: the beginning of birthing big things.

1253
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 3: They nourish you.

1254
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 6: You have you have to face it, though, you do

1255
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 6: have to face it.

1256
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 5: And that's what I've had to learn because I'm I'm

1257
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 5: a I'm a good I'm good at suppressing.

1258
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 6: Mm, pushing it down, pushing it.

1259
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 3: As women, we are because that's what we do. We

1260
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 3: move forward, We move forward. We don't talk about it.

1261
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 4: We have to, yeah, because if you I I can't

1262
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 4: be falling apart, like you know, like who who's gonna

1263
01:00:58,440 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 4: catch me?

1264
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:02,000
Speaker 3: Right? No one's here. I'm like alone, So I can't.

1265
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 4: I literally physically cannot allow myself to not even victimize myself.

1266
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 3: I just can't allow myself to.

1267
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:14,400
Speaker 4: Be weak in certain moments like I have to dig

1268
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 4: it up, even if it's the small smallest amount of strength.

1269
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 4: I dig that shit up, and I have that fuel

1270
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 4: me and push me into getting out of bed.

1271
01:01:22,920 --> 01:01:25,240
Speaker 3: And doing what I have to do. Thank you for

1272
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,960
Speaker 3: sharing and tell us O let's match where they can

1273
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 3: find you. My instagram is at Mela Murder, m e La,

1274
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 3: m u R and d e er.

1275
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 4: And if there's any single moms or moms out there

1276
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 4: who are seeking community, you can email me directly at

1277
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,920
Speaker 4: Let's Talk moother at gmail dot com and I respond

1278
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 4: to you directly. And we're just trying to expand the

1279
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 4: movement of this gathering and you know, hopefully we can

1280
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 4: be in the city near you and follow at Let's

1281
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 4: Talk Yes, at Let's Talk Mother.

1282
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,480
Speaker 5: Thank you, Hello on you guys can know where to

1283
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 5: find us at Good Mom's underscore Bad Choices and our

1284
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:08,680
Speaker 5: website www dot Good Moms by choices dot com.

1285
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 6: We'll see next time.

1286
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 1: Bye bye, hud goos By High is coming down.

1287
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:23,600
Speaker 2: Don't fit me, Gujaboo does not even do.

1288
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 3: I think I need a complication. The girl kids burning

1289
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 3: oh wood today