Speaker 1: The nick Yes Nicky, Hello here, I am welcome to
Speaker 1: the Nicky Glazer Podcast. I'm Nicky Glazer. I'm here in St. Louis,
Speaker 1: Missouri and my um home podcasting studio. My dream came true.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you put it out there in the
Speaker 1: world and you say, I want to live in an
Speaker 1: apartment and walk in the next room and have that
Speaker 1: be my studio, and sometimes you get a global pandemic
Speaker 1: that makes your dreams come true. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: really when I first thought of like having a studio
Speaker 1: in my own apartment, Like I was like Andrew and
Speaker 1: will just get a three bedroom and one of them
Speaker 1: will be a studio, I really didn't think it would happen,
Speaker 1: to be honest with you, Like, I thought that is
Speaker 1: a little bit of lofty of a dream. Not that
Speaker 1: that's like not achievable in uh in many like it's
Speaker 1: just not that it's not not dreaming, that's not shooting
Speaker 1: for the moon and landing among the stars. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: I just thought I wouldn't get it together enough to
Speaker 1: do it. Um because most things in my life I
Speaker 1: don't get together the things that I say that I
Speaker 1: want or that I'm gonna it's some it's life never
Speaker 1: goes exactly how it's planned. I was saying this to
Speaker 1: someone yesterday. I've never predicted right about anything, you know,
Speaker 1: when you ever you go, oh, you're worrying about something,
Speaker 1: and you're like, it's gonna this is gonna happen, and
Speaker 1: then that they're gonna I've never been right every like
Speaker 1: I mean, i've I've maybe been in the ballpark, like
Speaker 1: in the parking lot of the ballpark. Um, but isn't
Speaker 1: that funny that we always are, you know, thinking about
Speaker 1: the future and what's going to happen and planning for
Speaker 1: the future, when really I've never nailed it, like even
Speaker 1: close to exactly. And I don't mean like this is
Speaker 1: gonna go bad. Like yes, sometimes I thought that's gonna
Speaker 1: go bad, and then it does go bad, but it
Speaker 1: always is in a way that I couldn't have Like
Speaker 1: the badness wasn't the kind of badness. I thought. Why
Speaker 1: am I bringing this up? I don't know. No, uh, um,
Speaker 1: how are you today? I'm good? Yeah. I feel like
Speaker 1: that was like a lie. Well, okay, we were supposed
Speaker 1: to start video next week and we don't lie, And
Speaker 1: today's Friday. We're recording the show, because yeah, so this
Speaker 1: is our first day of video. We hope we head
Speaker 1: on over to YouTube on um it's videos are It's
Speaker 1: going to be delayed a little bit on YouTube. But
Speaker 1: um so, however you like to listen to this, maybe
Speaker 1: you'll listen to the show and then you'll watch it,
Speaker 1: or maybe you'll just wait to watch it, you know,
Speaker 1: like we're not doing like breaking news on this show.
Speaker 1: If you want to wait a couple of days and
Speaker 1: just watch it for the listen for the first time
Speaker 1: on YouTube, catch up on old ones now until two
Speaker 1: days later, and then I don't know what your sketch
Speaker 1: is going to be, but I do want to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. We don't lie on this show. Like
Speaker 1: Noah said, we are. This is Friday, and we're it's
Speaker 1: gonna be airing on Monday, and then the video will
Speaker 1: be available Wednesday. We hope that's that's the tentative sketch.
Speaker 1: That's the projection. And as I said, we're somewhere in
Speaker 1: the parking lot of the ballpark getting you know, screwed
Speaker 1: on some tickets that we thought the guy is gonna
Speaker 1: Actually I feel like scalpers and I never get screwed
Speaker 1: in person, but I do get screwed on Craigslist and
Speaker 1: it was worth it. Listen to a couple episodes ago anyway, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's Friday. I was thinking about this and being like,
Speaker 1: oh god, you know when I listened to podcasts that
Speaker 1: are daily, do I get like piste when it's like
Speaker 1: not really when they say it is, because it's more
Speaker 1: if I'm a daily listener, I'm like, I want to
Speaker 1: as soon as would. They're experiencing their lives. Listen if
Speaker 1: you want. If you want to see us on the
Speaker 1: like live, go on our instagrams. Andrew and I are
Speaker 1: always posting you can like follow us around live. And
Speaker 1: then I go, actually, they're gonna get there. They would
Speaker 1: have never heard about Thursday from me because by the
Speaker 1: time I get to Monday, I've forgotten what happened Thursday.
Speaker 1: I sometimes forget what happened on Friday and Saturday. You're
Speaker 1: only getting like the recap of the day before. So
Speaker 1: if you know, so now you're getting a treat that
Speaker 1: you get to find out what happened on Thursday to me,
Speaker 1: which isn't a whole lot. But um, I am going
Speaker 1: to Vegas this weekend. And UM where I went to
Speaker 1: Vegas this weekend. Let's let's treat it like it's Monday. UM,
Speaker 1: Seattle and Oregon, and the shows were amazing. I'm manifesting it.
Speaker 1: They were the best shows of my life. UM. I
Speaker 1: came up with an hour of new material that is
Speaker 1: all just very specific, no arms, no likes, just crushing
Speaker 1: like very UM. I don't know what I'm saying right now,
Speaker 1: but actually I like my material right now. I don't
Speaker 1: want new material. I just want to work on the
Speaker 1: stuff I already have. I want to be grateful for
Speaker 1: what I already have. UM. I was kind of thinking, like,
Speaker 1: what if I die in a plane crash and then
Speaker 1: this comes out like Monday. I mean, that's like the
Speaker 1: worst thought. But guess what, I've never been right about anything.
Speaker 1: So the fact that I'm thinking that it's not going
Speaker 1: to happen, but what if it did? How weird would
Speaker 1: that be? If I if I'm if you're watching this
Speaker 1: video and you're like, oh my god, we lost her?
Speaker 1: UM the norm death, you know, death like that, especially
Speaker 1: in the comedy community or ones that feel close to you,
Speaker 1: UM always kind of make you think about your own mortality.
Speaker 1: I think, UM, that, Uh, I don't know, man, the Norm.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like so grateful because I don't know that
Speaker 1: I would have ever gone on a deep dive of
Speaker 1: Norm or downloaded his book. And I'm going to try
Speaker 1: to consume that this weekend. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: would have done those things had he not passed. Not
Speaker 1: saying like, oh my god, I'm so grateful that he died,
Speaker 1: not saying that at all. There's just always like and
Speaker 1: I And I was talking to a friend who was
Speaker 1: actually morning Norm's loss, and he didn't know Norm. He
Speaker 1: was just a huge fan, like huge Norm fan, as
Speaker 1: is every white male in there from the ages of
Speaker 1: thirty two, two fifty. Those men are gonna need You're
Speaker 1: actually they're gonna need your support. This. Uh, if you
Speaker 1: have a man in your life, he's a friend of
Speaker 1: Rick and Morty and um, what else does this do
Speaker 1: these kinds of guy. No, I don't know, family guy.
Speaker 1: Maybe No, I think they I think these guys are
Speaker 1: too They're they're beyond family guy at this point, but
Speaker 1: like white white guys. And I'm not doing this as
Speaker 1: like white men need your help. I'm I'm I'm making
Speaker 1: a joke about like they're men love Norm McDonald. I
Speaker 1: used to say that, like my ex boyfriend. I'm gleaning
Speaker 1: this all from my ex boyfriend, who I really trust.
Speaker 1: His sense of like his sense of humor is top notch,
Speaker 1: and he loved Norm McDonald like a he is suffering
Speaker 1: this loss in a major way. And there's something beautiful
Speaker 1: about that for me because I get to see someone
Speaker 1: I care about, like actually like being really emotionally invested
Speaker 1: in someone I didn't know, and I think he's seen
Speaker 1: me in the past cry over celebrity deaths or like
Speaker 1: I remember, we we used to make fun of people
Speaker 1: that were like Robin Williams said, I'm gooded. People would
Speaker 1: be like, I'm gooded and we would laugh because if
Speaker 1: you're posting I'm gutted on Facebook, which is a very
Speaker 1: like I get it, you're very sad. What are you
Speaker 1: gonna do when your mom dies? Are like I'm double
Speaker 1: good at like where you gotta have a bar for it.
Speaker 1: But I, you know what, I actually don't subscribe to
Speaker 1: that kind of notion anymore. And I doubt he does either,
Speaker 1: because I don't think he knew how much he would
Speaker 1: be affected by Norm passing. And um, it was really,
Speaker 1: it's just sweet to see men who sometimes maybe I
Speaker 1: don't want to feel their feelings or like feel not
Speaker 1: entitled to their feelings, really upset about Norm's passing because
Speaker 1: you know what it is. It's like, you know, he
Speaker 1: was saying to me, my ex boyfriend, we were talking
Speaker 1: about Norm, and he was like, you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: big altimate John fan Bruce Springsteen, Like I don't consume
Speaker 1: everything they do if they come out with a new album.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like, I don't even like Jeff Tweetie,
Speaker 1: you can't keep up, like but he's like, there's something
Speaker 1: but Norm, I was consuming I everything he did right away,
Speaker 1: Like I it was, you know, it's like me and
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, but like on a lesser level for sure.
Speaker 1: I don't mean to like play like who's a bigger fan,
Speaker 1: but no one should be as obsessed with Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: as I am. And he said that he was very
Speaker 1: touched because people reached out to him immediately when Norm
Speaker 1: died and we're like, are you okay? And he felt
Speaker 1: like even though he didn't know Norm, that he felt like,
Speaker 1: it's so nice that someone connects Norm with me like
Speaker 1: like that, you know, when you're a fan of someone,
Speaker 1: it's nice to be like, oh, is something Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: in the news, and people like when Folklore came out
Speaker 1: or ever more dropped out of the blue, people were like, Nikki,
Speaker 1: did you hear like it feels good? No? Do you
Speaker 1: have any um celebrity or person maybe you've never met,
Speaker 1: let's say, or maybe you just you know, you've met
Speaker 1: a lot of your favorite people, but someone you don't
Speaker 1: know personally that if they passed, you would need some
Speaker 1: like support getting through it. Mmm. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think I've definitely been privileged enough to meet a lot
Speaker 1: of celebrities or musicians that I like through work. I
Speaker 1: think though, Um, with what you were seeing before, like
Speaker 1: when people get really upset, I was thinking about it,
Speaker 1: and I think, like with comedians, what I appreciate about
Speaker 1: comedy is how comedians see, interpret, and then talk about
Speaker 1: the world. And maybe it's just like not having Norm's
Speaker 1: point of view, especially now when there's like so much pandemonium,
Speaker 1: Like that's a great loss for people who enjoy his comedy.
Speaker 1: He had a great set right at the beginning of COVID,
Speaker 1: right before things shut down. I really implore everyone to
Speaker 1: go watch it. You can just google Norm McDonald COVID
Speaker 1: set and it's just talking about you know, it brings
Speaker 1: you right back to March, like you know, March probably,
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, it's good to know what we're
Speaker 1: all gonna die of. We just don't know what in
Speaker 1: in what order. And he's just talking about like just
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna do jokes of here, but just
Speaker 1: know that I'm thinking about COVID the or coronavirus he
Speaker 1: called it. You know, in the early days, you're calling
Speaker 1: it coronavirus. I'm thinking about the coronavirus the entire time,
Speaker 1: and it was just you're right, Like I always say
Speaker 1: that comedians aren't as special as musicians, Like I always
Speaker 1: want to be a musician, because the motions you can
Speaker 1: elicit from a song for someone seems to be more
Speaker 1: powerful and meaningful than a comedy bit. Although we we
Speaker 1: all remember comedy bits, they kind of shift out the
Speaker 1: way we think about things. Songs can do that too,
Speaker 1: if they're like the lyrics are good enough that but
Speaker 1: not as often because you don't get as many words.
Speaker 1: But I think that you're right, like when a when
Speaker 1: a musician passes, you're not like, how am I I
Speaker 1: want them to write a song about COVID or I
Speaker 1: want them to write a song about Trump. I remember,
Speaker 1: you know, so often I thought of Greig Giraldo during
Speaker 1: um Trump times, you know, all the time, was like
Speaker 1: what I mean, I thought he would probably wouldn't survive
Speaker 1: it because he would be so angry. I just pictured
Speaker 1: him on the Larry the Cable Guy roast going, oh,
Speaker 1: why are you so vervous? Like just having a meltdown.
Speaker 1: That was one of the best moments, in addition to
Speaker 1: Norm McDonald's roast of Bob Saget, which if you haven't
Speaker 1: seen as well. If you're not a Norm McDonald fan,
Speaker 1: what are you doing with your life? I mean, go
Speaker 1: on a norm you know, Like there's so many clips
Speaker 1: right now circulating, just indulge in them, even if you're like,
Speaker 1: I know this guy from SNL, I didn't care for him,
Speaker 1: then just give it a chance because he has so
Speaker 1: many different facets. Um, but I think you're right now,
Speaker 1: Like that makes me feel good about being a comedian,
Speaker 1: because we're valuable in the present, Like musicians can capture
Speaker 1: a zeitgeist and a feeling of like, oh, the song
Speaker 1: takes me back to the nineties or whatever. But comedians
Speaker 1: need to process things for you in the moment, and
Speaker 1: that's kind of like how we work. Like we work
Speaker 1: in the moment, Like that's why old material doesn't work
Speaker 1: any anymore, because people want to hear from us right away,
Speaker 1: and we don't want to hear about old stuff. We
Speaker 1: want to hear about please help us understand what's happening
Speaker 1: right now. And I don't think we rely on musicians
Speaker 1: as much for that. So you just opened my eyes
Speaker 1: to a value I have as a comedian that I
Speaker 1: didn't realize because I'm always like copying a comedian is
Speaker 1: just not as cool as being a musician, even though
Speaker 1: musicians all want to be comics. Comics at want to
Speaker 1: be musicians, and we both all think everyone else wants
Speaker 1: to be us. Um No, that really makes me excited
Speaker 1: to perform this weekend. And honestly, whenever I am inundated
Speaker 1: with a comedian stand up who I probably avoid because
Speaker 1: it makes me feel bad that my own isn't as
Speaker 1: sharp or as unique or irreverent, Especially like Norm McDonald.
Speaker 1: His brain worked in a way that like you're just
Speaker 1: like you can't he can't ten hours that you know,
Speaker 1: like he was just born funny. It seems he's one
Speaker 1: of those guys. And I always say talent is hours
Speaker 1: put in, and they're definitely I had to use ordering
Speaker 1: facets of his talent as a comedian that were born
Speaker 1: of practice and repetition and working hard. But I think
Speaker 1: he's one of those guys that was just born kind
Speaker 1: of funny and um, I I don't mean to make
Speaker 1: this about myself, but it is an Accuzer podcast. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I was born funny, you know, like
Speaker 1: I always try to think about like why, um, you know,
Speaker 1: where where did it come from? And like my parents
Speaker 1: are funny, and like I was did my bi Alex,
Speaker 1: mym ballex, myim uh blossom, yeah, my bot my balot. Sorry,
Speaker 1: she's a friend mine. And I can't say your name.
Speaker 1: I get really nervous, but I didn't. I just still
Speaker 1: don't know how to anounce your last name Noah, And
Speaker 1: I get really tense when I think about it. Um,
Speaker 1: I know now it's avior right, Yeah, you can say
Speaker 1: it anyway. I really don't know, but like it's like
Speaker 1: Glacier with me, I let it go if someone doesn't
Speaker 1: say it right. But like my true friends. I'm like, really, um,
Speaker 1: but my but my eem and I are not like
Speaker 1: that great of friends, but we know each other. And
Speaker 1: I did her podcast and we were talking. She was like,
Speaker 1: where did your funny come from? Like when did you
Speaker 1: get it? And um, I always think I got it
Speaker 1: later when I was in arextic and I needed developed
Speaker 1: personality and I just started acting like my friends who
Speaker 1: were funny. But like I always knew what was funny.
Speaker 1: Conan shaped it, the SNL shaped it, my parents shaped it,
Speaker 1: my uncle TV Bob shaped it. Um, Michael Shore, my
Speaker 1: dad's friend shaped it. People were funny in my life.
Speaker 1: But I Kirsten was sending diary entries the other day
Speaker 1: from her She used to keep a diary every single
Speaker 1: day of our of her life pretty much, and so
Speaker 1: I'm all over her diary and she has one from
Speaker 1: when we first met and it's as um, oh, she
Speaker 1: just sent me another thing. I'm going to read this
Speaker 1: on the break, but she sent Oh wait where is it? Sorry?
Speaker 1: Oh hey, here we go, um Wednesday. She doesn't know
Speaker 1: the date. It says day Wednesday eighteen. This is like
Speaker 1: fourth grade dear diary. Today in the morning we read
Speaker 1: Ernie and the mile long muffler in Pe. We ran
Speaker 1: for three minutes. I tasted blood in my mouth and
Speaker 1: she smelled blood B L O D E, which I like.
Speaker 1: On recess, Casey said, since I cut my foot, I
Speaker 1: can't play soccer. Nikki said, but you don't even play,
Speaker 1: which is that good of a joke. But it's just
Speaker 1: so funny to be that cursed in fourth grade, noted
Speaker 1: that like, this girl was, like I remember who Casey was.
Speaker 1: She was someone that I like, I wasn't scared to
Speaker 1: like just say that kind of stuff too. It's not
Speaker 1: like she was a dork or something, but she wasn't.
Speaker 1: I wasn't intimidated by her because I was. I never
Speaker 1: like had an opinion in fourth grade towards anyone. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to be invisible. So it surprises me that
Speaker 1: I talked back to someone. But she goes, you know,
Speaker 1: in recess, I can't I can't play soccer because I
Speaker 1: cut my foot. And I remember the kids who play
Speaker 1: soccer were like kind of cooler, and so if you
Speaker 1: played soccer, you were cool. So I guess Casey was
Speaker 1: telling us like, I'm only not playing because I cut
Speaker 1: my foot, and I go, you don't play anyway, Like,
Speaker 1: I just like kind of like and that those little
Speaker 1: nuggets to me are special because I mean, kids are
Speaker 1: always funny. They say the darnest things. We know that
Speaker 1: from Bill Cosby and Tiffany hash but um, not that
Speaker 1: those two are related in any other sense than that,
Speaker 1: but um, I I like little confirmations that I was
Speaker 1: funny early on. And one other one that always sticks
Speaker 1: out to me was my aunt Lynn hated uh. She
Speaker 1: was so scared of um the she's scared of insects
Speaker 1: in general, but she hated ants so much like if
Speaker 1: there was she was so like scared of them the
Speaker 1: way people are scared of snakes and little tiny ants.
Speaker 1: And I was always just like, that's so like I
Speaker 1: just didn't understand it. And I remember going like, Aunt, Lie,
Speaker 1: it's so weird that you're an aunt and you're scared
Speaker 1: of aunts, but you're an aunt. And I didn't know
Speaker 1: what the words spelled like, but to me, it was
Speaker 1: just like that's I understood irony as a kid. I
Speaker 1: didn't obviously think aunts and aunts for the same thing
Speaker 1: aunts and aunts, but I remember she was like, that
Speaker 1: is the funniest thing I have. My aunt talks like
Speaker 1: that she's a little bit like me, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: nick you sure did you hear what NICKI just said?
Speaker 1: Get tell Nikki just said. And I remember being like,
Speaker 1: like the way Andrew was describing the other day about
Speaker 1: that dad commenting on his like great football pass, like
Speaker 1: being like, oh my god, like I just did something
Speaker 1: that is special. I don't know what it was. And
Speaker 1: then I looked back and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was that was really special. I was actually just
Speaker 1: um recalling babysitting for the appataws and I remember we
Speaker 1: made I was talking about how funny um Maud and
Speaker 1: Iris both were, but Iris was a little bit younger.
Speaker 1: Maud was probably like seven or eight, and we were
Speaker 1: making a cake. But it was in the middle of summer.
Speaker 1: We had nothing to like celebrate, and I think it
Speaker 1: was probably my idea to be like, let's just let's
Speaker 1: let's do a holiday we don't even know about, you know,
Speaker 1: So we were like, let's make a quanza cake. And
Speaker 1: I think we're being funny because it was like, that's
Speaker 1: a holiday that we don't know anything, very insensitive to
Speaker 1: people who celebrate quansa. I don't I'm not I would
Speaker 1: not do this today with children. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say it was a different time, but like I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a different, more sensitive person. Made a quanza cake because
Speaker 1: we were like, it's the summer, we don't know, there's
Speaker 1: nothing to celebrate. Let's celebrate something that we don't know
Speaker 1: how to celebrate it anyway. And I remember we were
Speaker 1: singing a Kwanza song, which we don't know, and so
Speaker 1: we're saying happy birthday, and we were like, happy Kuanza
Speaker 1: to you, Happy Quanza to you, and this little seven
Speaker 1: year old goes, Moud goes, we don't know what your
Speaker 1: holiday means, but we're gonna celebrate it anyway. And I
Speaker 1: just remember looking at her, like, you bitch, that was
Speaker 1: funnier than anything I could have come up with the
Speaker 1: refrain to that song. And I just remember being like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna You're gonna surpass me in this bizz someday.
Speaker 1: And she, I mean she did like she already had.
Speaker 1: She was knocked up at that point. But just when
Speaker 1: kids say things that, you go you are operating on
Speaker 1: a different kind of level in terms of comedy. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: so she was born with it, or maybe it's maybe
Speaker 1: it's Mabelinge or Jetta or being on movie sets with
Speaker 1: hilarious people, or maybe it's genetic. I don't know. Let's
Speaker 1: get someone in here who I also think was born funny. Um,
Speaker 1: we'll ask him in my roommate. Hey Andrew, Hey, n,
Speaker 1: you don't have underward. I do have underwear on, four
Speaker 1: layers on, dude, don't worry about it, dude. I watched
Speaker 1: ted Lasso last night. Um, the episode that you've already seen.
Speaker 1: Remember when he goes, well, you know, fears a lot
Speaker 1: like underwear, and then she cuts him off. Oh no,
Speaker 1: I don't remember where it's okay, that was an easy
Speaker 1: line to miss, but she's he's talking to his therapist
Speaker 1: and he has all these like if you don't watch
Speaker 1: ted Lasso, you don't need to know that this isn't
Speaker 1: gonna take You're not gonna be left out. But he
Speaker 1: always has these like aphorisms I want to say, or
Speaker 1: like kind of little a dodges. I don't know that
Speaker 1: word is definitely not right, um, but like little sayings
Speaker 1: that are like, you know, with my favorite one on
Speaker 1: ted Lasso, was you talking bad about yourself? It's like
Speaker 1: Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 1: That's one of my favorites. But he has those little things.
Speaker 1: But he's talking to his therapist and she was saying
Speaker 1: that she was scared to get back on a bicycle
Speaker 1: after she fell off it, and he's like, well, you
Speaker 1: know what fears a lot like h fears a lot
Speaker 1: like underwear, and she goes ted, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do this right now, and then it never completes, and
Speaker 1: I'm and I know, I know they're gonna pay it
Speaker 1: off some at some point, we're gonna find out what
Speaker 1: that was. But I stopped the TV and sat for
Speaker 1: about I'm not gonna exaggerate twenty minutes and tried to
Speaker 1: think what because I thought it was gonna pay off
Speaker 1: in that episode. It didn't, so I think they're waiting
Speaker 1: till the end of the season. I am dying to
Speaker 1: know what fear is like underwear. And it doesn't pay
Speaker 1: off in the next episode either, because I watched the
Speaker 1: next one. So by the time this is out, if
Speaker 1: you want to also guess, I was like, um, you
Speaker 1: it's it's underneath. It's it's right below the surface, and
Speaker 1: you only need it when there's an accident or you
Speaker 1: and and or like, or you change it you you
Speaker 1: don't think, you don't think about it until you need it,
Speaker 1: or it's always there, or don't use the same one twice,
Speaker 1: or smell it before you decide to like you, fear's
Speaker 1: a lot like underwear. You gotta pick it up and
Speaker 1: sniff it sometimes because you don't know if it's been used.
Speaker 1: That's doesn't work for fear. Or you don't see it
Speaker 1: until it's too late, like or you don't care about
Speaker 1: it until it's too late, or yeah, it's something of something.
Speaker 1: Do you you were famously I mean you told yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm very known for it. Yet well you didn't wear underwear.
Speaker 1: One time when you were arrested, took your pants. You
Speaker 1: had to do a strip search and they go stripped
Speaker 1: down to your boxers and you in a like a
Speaker 1: holding room with thirty other men with hardened criminal men
Speaker 1: had to drop trout and everyone had boxers on except you.
Speaker 1: You were free ball on it. You would think there'd
Speaker 1: be at least one other guy at least. I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone got together and goes, look, we're all going
Speaker 1: to see a little dick, all thirty of us, and
Speaker 1: we're gonna laugh at him. I like, is this even
Speaker 1: jail an intervention for my penis? As part of it
Speaker 1: as view trying to cover your penis, but also like
Speaker 1: trying to look like yes, you're not trying to cover it.
Speaker 1: The half and half that that one part my soul
Speaker 1: is like that's the one where I go, oh, and
Speaker 1: the other said as part is I had a witness,
Speaker 1: like my your friend was arrested with you might not
Speaker 1: have even been remembered, you might have repressed. There's been
Speaker 1: so many stories where I go, why do I could
Speaker 1: have kept that in and no one wouldn't know, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? It was something I did alone.
Speaker 1: I mean, I bring you on stage now by telling
Speaker 1: the story of how we like initially met and within
Speaker 1: you know, you d M because I asked you to
Speaker 1: be my dog walker and there's a story behind all
Speaker 1: of that. But I d M. I said meet me
Speaker 1: at bed Beth and beyond, and you met me downstairs
Speaker 1: and I was like already, like my cart was like
Speaker 1: kind of full. I was going through with Luigi. I
Speaker 1: wanted you to meet him, and you show up like
Speaker 1: a little bit of nervous energy, but I liked I
Speaker 1: was just like comfortable around you. Immediately, I was just like,
Speaker 1: I need to make this guy comfortable. He's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what he's going through. But I liked you immediately.
Speaker 1: I wasn't like it was eight years of not getting anything, yeah,
Speaker 1: and you were so sweet, but then you revealed to
Speaker 1: me within seconds I mean du seconds. We were on
Speaker 1: the street, though. I think when I finally told you,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I told you in bed Beth
Speaker 1: and Beyond or remember it was inside. Either way, it
Speaker 1: was with five as I was like, do you think
Speaker 1: this one or this one? And You're like what to do? They?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, we've got a lot of work to do. Um,
Speaker 1: but you told me that you got an AIDS test
Speaker 1: because as a virgin, because you fingered a girl and
Speaker 1: you bite your fingernails, And I was like, I remember
Speaker 1: being like, why would this person tell me this? But
Speaker 1: also like that's the kind of shift I do, like
Speaker 1: the oversharing, and and I'm so grateful that I'm the
Speaker 1: person that this guy met in order like the I'm
Speaker 1: I'm glad that he didn't do this to anyone else
Speaker 1: because I can handle this and maybe not a lot
Speaker 1: of people could. I was like, Okay, you come to
Speaker 1: the right place. Like you might have been the one
Speaker 1: in thirty men without underwear at that time or at boxers,
Speaker 1: but I was the one in thirty people that would
Speaker 1: be okay with you saying that in a job in Lucky.
Speaker 1: I think. I think I just saw it as like
Speaker 1: we were talking to another comic and I wanted to
Speaker 1: impress you. I knew you were like an oversharer and
Speaker 1: you knew that a funny joke. Yeah, I mean's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I mean it's you know, it's great because you do
Speaker 1: that on stage. Now you tell the story and it
Speaker 1: just sets me up nicely too. Then you know, I
Speaker 1: never told the story of why I did it, but
Speaker 1: it's literally because I fingered a girl on a cruise
Speaker 1: and we were outside and the smell from her vagina
Speaker 1: overtook like it felt like I was in a small
Speaker 1: box with her, but we were on this boat with
Speaker 1: fifty mile winds. Yeah, you guys were doing like the Titanic,
Speaker 1: like like arms spread what ya um did? You might
Speaker 1: think it was like chum or some kind of like that.
Speaker 1: I thought it was red tide. Yeah, No, I so
Speaker 1: it was the smell. So if you fingered her and
Speaker 1: you put your fingernails and it wasn't stinky. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: have done that. I was really like, I was already
Speaker 1: very I was going to say, I thought you were
Speaker 1: just paranoid. Yeah, but it didn't help the fact that
Speaker 1: I thought it was like I say that you fingered
Speaker 1: a girl's vagina kind of smelled. Did that adds to
Speaker 1: the story. No, no, no, no, let me let me
Speaker 1: let me say it. It sets me up nicely to
Speaker 1: go into a little Florida stuff. The only thing I
Speaker 1: worry about is that girls are gonna be so scared
Speaker 1: about the smell of their pussy now because men are
Speaker 1: gonna think they have AIDS. Then no, no, I didn't
Speaker 1: have AIDS guys so obviously, but like, no, no, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying out there, if a girl's vagina smells, and
Speaker 1: she's super hot and you have like great chemistry, what
Speaker 1: are you gonna do? Um, honestly, I'm gonna I'm I
Speaker 1: don't give the right air vaginas that don't smell. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean, like it has always smelled. They always are
Speaker 1: gonna smell, and they shouldn't smell good. It would be
Speaker 1: weird if your vagina smelled great. I understand it's smelling
Speaker 1: good after a guy has like fallen in love with
Speaker 1: you and like is into your pheromones. Like I like
Speaker 1: the smell of a guy's pits and like body odor
Speaker 1: when when I'm in love with them. But to have
Speaker 1: your vagina smell good without that, you're a weird you're
Speaker 1: kind of a pervert. And if you like the smell
Speaker 1: of like just pussy, because it's that's a that's a
Speaker 1: nook where a lot of saturation is happening, and it's
Speaker 1: like there's there's dirty things down there for sure, for sure,
Speaker 1: And honestly I wouldn't it was a cruise, Like you're
Speaker 1: not going to have a lasting relationship from a hook
Speaker 1: up on a cruise, like there was nothing involved there.
Speaker 1: But if it was someone I was dating that I love,
Speaker 1: I eventually maybe have no, no, no, you don't love
Speaker 1: them yet, because I feel like if you love them,
Speaker 1: we've already. This is like the first couple of dates.
Speaker 1: There's like there's just something kicking down there, and it
Speaker 1: feels like I know you're smart enough to know that
Speaker 1: a woman's vagina smelling a little bit like off doesn't
Speaker 1: mean HIV or like that she is going to give
Speaker 1: you a disease, although your brain might do that for
Speaker 1: you even though you know cognitively. That's when I'm fifteen
Speaker 1: or sixteen, I was so ignorant. Was literally like my
Speaker 1: first vagina I ever felt, what do you do now?
Speaker 1: If it's if it smells like, because I'm gonna like,
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking from my own experience, Like there are
Speaker 1: times where if a guy goes down on me, a
Speaker 1: new guy like does anything to me. I there's a
Speaker 1: part of me that's like, I hope it's okay today
Speaker 1: because I don't know. And maybe maybe because we talked
Speaker 1: about the other day, you don't know your own smell
Speaker 1: because you get used to it. That's why people stink
Speaker 1: and they don't know and you go, how can this
Speaker 1: going not fucking smell that he smells like this? It's
Speaker 1: because you know, we evolution, We get used to sense
Speaker 1: so that we can smell new ones. I honestly think
Speaker 1: I would give another try, And also like, would you
Speaker 1: tell them the smell is new to you? Would you
Speaker 1: want to know? Noah, if you're pussy sank, like, would
Speaker 1: you want a guide to gently tell her? I don't
Speaker 1: think I could tell her not unless it was like
Speaker 1: maybe five hook ups in and it's just like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is But I think, would you tell her? Would
Speaker 1: you just cut it loose? I think if I really
Speaker 1: liked her, I hopefully I would tell her. I do
Speaker 1: you want to do? When you role play? It's the
Speaker 1: fifth time you poked up with this girl and you
Speaker 1: guys have a great time together and you see a future.
Speaker 1: It's like the first person you've really connected within a
Speaker 1: while and you're like, oh my god, like this is happening.
Speaker 1: And you went down on her, like to say, on
Speaker 1: the second date and it wasn't great, and now you're
Speaker 1: about you went down on her again and it was
Speaker 1: it's just like not, there's something wrong, like and it's
Speaker 1: not just you. You've gone down enough girls to know
Speaker 1: or do you think it's you? What? What's what's yours?
Speaker 1: So hard? Because then it's like if she is aware
Speaker 1: of it and she can't do it, she's like tried
Speaker 1: to do stuff for it, she should warn you. Then
Speaker 1: if a girl has I think if you're aware of it,
Speaker 1: a vagina, like is there a vagina that like gingers?
Speaker 1: It's called v or bacterial bacterial vaginosis, And then yeah,
Speaker 1: like the girl should go and get something for that.
Speaker 1: I personally would not want to be told, but I
Speaker 1: have a suggestion of how you could handle it. What
Speaker 1: what you say, Hey, let's go and do this in
Speaker 1: the shower. I have like I've always wanted to eat
Speaker 1: a girl out in the shower or something. I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to see what it would be like to put
Speaker 1: a Listerine pocket pack strip between each of your labial
Speaker 1: folds and see what happens. I want to do a
Speaker 1: science experiment. I want to want to put an airborne
Speaker 1: in there and see what happened. Want you to douche
Speaker 1: with this uh clorox um? Yeah, I would say something.
Speaker 1: I think because you know, guys are less um like
Speaker 1: less of their identity I think, And I don't speak
Speaker 1: for like all men, and I certainly don't speak for
Speaker 1: any men, but I feel like less of your identity
Speaker 1: is wrapped up in like cleanliness and being like daint
Speaker 1: like whip. Being feminine is very like clean and like
Speaker 1: that's like how you're supposed to be a smelly penis.
Speaker 1: I'd say, listen, I fucking love sucking your dick, and
Speaker 1: I love your penis, like I'm obsessed and if that
Speaker 1: were the case, but I think if I wanted to
Speaker 1: make this relationship last, even no matter what their penis
Speaker 1: looked like, I would already be obsessed with their penis.
Speaker 1: I like you so much. There is something going on
Speaker 1: down there, and I don't think it has anything to
Speaker 1: do with like who you are. There's just something that
Speaker 1: is like not your fault that's happening down there, and
Speaker 1: I think you should just go get it looked at,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I just I want to suck your
Speaker 1: dick all the time, and it's like preventing that and
Speaker 1: it's I don't care. I literally don't care at all.
Speaker 1: Like I've had a stinky pussy before, Like I would
Speaker 1: probably make up a scenario where like I've had the
Speaker 1: same thing happened to me and I just didn't know
Speaker 1: about it till someone told me. And I know this
Speaker 1: is so awkward, and I promise you it doesn't make
Speaker 1: me doesn't change the way I look at you or
Speaker 1: like how into I am. I just I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get COVID right now so I can suck your dick
Speaker 1: and I don't want to do have to do that
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to lose my sense of taste and
Speaker 1: smell actively and do you want me to die of
Speaker 1: COVID because I am. I am licking uh you know,
Speaker 1: nasal swabs at that I find in CVS dumpsters right now,
Speaker 1: just trying to kind of love it. If the guy
Speaker 1: was just like you're just gonna have to deal with it,
Speaker 1: like like, okay, Danny, know what would you what would
Speaker 1: you do if he's just like you gotta well, that's
Speaker 1: my dick. I mean a guy like would never do that,
Speaker 1: Like that would make me go Okay. However, no, I
Speaker 1: believe that as much as it would pain me, I
Speaker 1: would want a guy to have to do the exact
Speaker 1: same way. I just said that I don't judge you
Speaker 1: at all. This has happened to me before. I like
Speaker 1: I've I just think that you have something going on
Speaker 1: down there and you can't even I don't think you
Speaker 1: can smell it because or I don't think you sense
Speaker 1: it because you're all the way up here. But like,
Speaker 1: as someone that's been down there, I just want to
Speaker 1: let you know, like I love your pussy. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to get back in there. But the way it
Speaker 1: is now, there's something wrong. I learned that from ted
Speaker 1: Lasso his niece. Uh Roy's niece has bad breath, and
Speaker 1: they're both like, it can't be that bad because a
Speaker 1: boy at school is teasing her. They're like, I can't,
Speaker 1: oh honey, it can't be that bad. And they both
Speaker 1: smell and they're like and like gagging, And the way
Speaker 1: they tell her is like, it's not your fault, Like
Speaker 1: I love that, Like it's because I think that so
Speaker 1: much of this stuff is like you're dirty, you're wrong,
Speaker 1: you're bad, you did something bad. And even if you
Speaker 1: are unclean and it is your fault because you don't
Speaker 1: wash your vagina properly, that's still not your fault to
Speaker 1: me at least, because something's going on in your life
Speaker 1: where you either didn't learn how to clean yourself because
Speaker 1: and that's not your fault, or maybe you don't care
Speaker 1: because you like go of your cleanliness because you're depressed.
Speaker 1: That's not your fault. You're depressed, Like whatever reason it is,
Speaker 1: I I definitely would take away. The hardest part about it, though,
Speaker 1: is if you do say something, the next time you
Speaker 1: hook up, it's on their mind and next time you know,
Speaker 1: it's like yeah, But then you can make a joke
Speaker 1: of it and go I'm going in like you can
Speaker 1: make it's still there, like keep keep the conversation going.
Speaker 1: Don't make it be a one time thing, because if
Speaker 1: you take away the person delivering the news, if you
Speaker 1: make it so casual that you like don't care at
Speaker 1: all about talking about it, then the person that it's
Speaker 1: is going to feel more comfortable about it. If you're
Speaker 1: like trepidacious. I feel like that's when when someone is
Speaker 1: bringing up something to me that's like hard for them
Speaker 1: to do, whether it be you or any or even myself.
Speaker 1: When I bring up something for someone the like hey
Speaker 1: can we talk um, so I don't know what, Like
Speaker 1: all of that stuff makes whatever is about to come
Speaker 1: so much worse because I'm reading their body language and
Speaker 1: their way they talk, and I'm like, holy sh it,
Speaker 1: this is really bad because the way they're presenting it,
Speaker 1: whereas opposed to like, hey, uh there's this thing and listen,
Speaker 1: this is like it happens all the time. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: just me. Maybe maybe there's something wrong with me that
Speaker 1: I bugs bugs me, But it's this thing, and the
Speaker 1: more casual you are about it, that's I think why
Speaker 1: with anal sex I'd become so far into the shipping
Speaker 1: thing and like being like you're gonna get shut on
Speaker 1: if you do anal sex, like you're gonna come across poop. Like,
Speaker 1: let's just be casual about it, because when it happens,
Speaker 1: I don't want it to be this thing of like
Speaker 1: do we we both know what happened, we're not going
Speaker 1: to talk about it. Like if we talk about it,
Speaker 1: it takes away the weight and the shame of some much.
Speaker 1: If you go big up top, then whatever ends up happened,
Speaker 1: like you're gonna shoot on him, and so maybe a
Speaker 1: little ship will get on you. It's like when it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, forty people died, now just five people died,
Speaker 1: kind of thing like you're you're you're going bigger. Last night,
Speaker 1: they told a girl that her house burned down and
Speaker 1: they felt but so that she would leave their stand
Speaker 1: so they could sneak into the bar on this episode
Speaker 1: and they're all like, we feel bad because she ran
Speaker 1: out of the bar being like my building's burning down,
Speaker 1: and they go, no, she's gonna appreciate an apartment more
Speaker 1: than she ever has now because it's gonna like you know,
Speaker 1: when you think you find your wallet and you're like,
Speaker 1: I love this wallet's so much. But so then you
Speaker 1: go your vagina and your butthole smell, and then it's
Speaker 1: just my friend Gave Kia had a great joke about
Speaker 1: what he got a felony and he got arrested for
Speaker 1: dealing cocaine in college, and obviously that was he just like,
Speaker 1: you know, he's a nice boy that just got into
Speaker 1: the wrong game and got busted almost right away, you know,
Speaker 1: and he got busted, and it also it was it
Speaker 1: was A the guy that turned him in that rat
Speaker 1: it on him was A was one of the family
Speaker 1: of the like O'Riley Auto parts, and so he does
Speaker 1: the joke and he goes, oh, O'Riley, you're a narc.
Speaker 1: And so every time I drive best O'Riley outs, I
Speaker 1: like flick it off and send a picture to Gabe
Speaker 1: Kia of like maybe like fuck you Oriley, when really
Speaker 1: it's just like a kid like don't don't not give
Speaker 1: O'Riley business because of this. But um, but he said
Speaker 1: that when he told his mom, he goes, mom, Um,
Speaker 1: I have a felony charge, and she was like what
Speaker 1: he was like, and she goes for what game? And
Speaker 1: he goes rape and she's like, oh my god, and
Speaker 1: he goes just kidding, mom is cocaine and she was like,
Speaker 1: oh good, and so then she was like relieved. It's
Speaker 1: so funny. Actually it happened to me once with a death.
Speaker 1: Like the one death that I've had that's been closest
Speaker 1: to me was my cousin j D, who I grew
Speaker 1: up with, and um my sister called me in two thousand,
Speaker 1: like fourteen and was like Nikki and I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, my dad's dad, like my dad or
Speaker 1: mom died tragically like and then she was like j
Speaker 1: D is dead. I was like, oh thank god. You know,
Speaker 1: like compared like cousin, a cousin I'm very close to,
Speaker 1: compared to my parents is quite a different thing. So
Speaker 1: it was like there was a release immediately. There was
Speaker 1: like Okay, oh good, I I have Grad two for
Speaker 1: my parents. It was almost like, um, you know, when
Speaker 1: you you're upset about something, make a grad two list.
Speaker 1: Because it made me celebrate things I now have that
Speaker 1: I thought I did to go through like something that big,
Speaker 1: to realize like something is important. I know. I mean
Speaker 1: Norm MacDonald, I'm like, oh, I would love to go
Speaker 1: see him. I'm like really into him right now. Well
Speaker 1: too late. I did get to see him at Carolines
Speaker 1: like four years ago. That's cool, Yeah, it was. It
Speaker 1: was pretty incredible. Did he bomb or did he kill?
Speaker 1: Because I'm a little bit of both. Really, do you
Speaker 1: remember any highlight of such zero Fox? It's like he
Speaker 1: goes up there. I mean, who knew he had cancer
Speaker 1: at this time? Which that was another thing I was
Speaker 1: thinking about. With him having cancer, whether it's terminal or not,
Speaker 1: it was nine years. It's a great reason to be like,
Speaker 1: I don't give a funk if I go up there
Speaker 1: and talk about for an hour if it helps, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I was thinking. I was thinking about this week and ago.
Speaker 1: We all have the terminal illness of life. Yes, And
Speaker 1: I was like, why do I get I'm opening with
Speaker 1: a bit that I been a little afraid though, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like that's why I say in
Speaker 1: our little chats before I got I kind of make
Speaker 1: it becomes a little bit sad because I go, we
Speaker 1: could die tomorrow. Let's treat the show like if we
Speaker 1: knew we were going to die tomorrow, we wouldn't give
Speaker 1: a funk. We would just want to have his much
Speaker 1: fun as possible. So let's treat this like because there's
Speaker 1: always like, I want to work on this joke because
Speaker 1: I've got this thing coming up. What if you don't
Speaker 1: have that thing coming up, Like, what would this set
Speaker 1: be like? And maybe you can still work on that
Speaker 1: joke because there's fun to be had in the process.
Speaker 1: Um so even if you thought you were dying tomorrow,
Speaker 1: you still want to do this new joke that isn't
Speaker 1: completely worked out. But like, if we all did live
Speaker 1: like that, it would be uh, it might be pandemonium actually,
Speaker 1: but he you know how Gary channeling, there might be
Speaker 1: a lot of coke dealings, if you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: From the last Oh yeah, that's that's a good plant.
Speaker 1: We're like, we're gonna die tomorrow. Me and Nick Garden
Speaker 1: is dead in an alley from drinking. We got get
Speaker 1: to the news, okay, Um yeah, so he was great
Speaker 1: and uh, but we will interject norm stories throughout this.
Speaker 1: I feel I do want to hear about your experience
Speaker 1: seeing him. All right, let's get to the news. Apparently
Speaker 1: you ah you heard it here first is a big, big,
Speaker 1: big episode. We're on YouTube now, Hi, everyone at home.
Speaker 1: I hope you're having all the swells. Yeah, that's to you,
Speaker 1: and you comment on my looks below. I'm never going
Speaker 1: to read these comments no matter what. I just want
Speaker 1: to let everyone know. No, he won't. We'll read the
Speaker 1: comments because he's a glutton for pain. But you can
Speaker 1: say I would love to you say nice things because
Speaker 1: I feel like I'll just feel it in the in
Speaker 1: the in the ether. I won't read nice ones or
Speaker 1: bad ones. I will never There's no way I will
Speaker 1: ever read these comments ever because it helps the algorithm,
Speaker 1: and I swear to yeah, definitely read them, but just
Speaker 1: know I will never read them. So if you're trying
Speaker 1: to hurt me, it ain't gonna happen. But but Andrew
Speaker 1: will read them, so um, and then I'll try to
Speaker 1: hurt him. Yeah, and then I'll write it and then
Speaker 1: on our refrigerator if you just well sorry, no, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, just not to confuse people. This episode
Speaker 1: will be on YouTube on Wednesday. Will announce everything on
Speaker 1: our Instagram. But on this episode, I just want to say,
Speaker 1: comment below if you want to comment below anything, and
Speaker 1: you probably already have at this point because we're far
Speaker 1: into the episode, and if you hated it, you stopped
Speaker 1: watching it, but a lot of people like continue watching
Speaker 1: things when they hate it. If you're watching and you
Speaker 1: don't like this and you want to comment something mean,
Speaker 1: would you say that to my face in the street?
Speaker 1: Honestly ask yourself that, because that should be the litmus
Speaker 1: before you comment something like you should have to do
Speaker 1: a capture of like face timing me, you know, because
Speaker 1: I bet you wouldn't. But maybe you're gonna write, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't say it to your face because your face looks
Speaker 1: fucking puffy and tired. Dumb bitch, I haven't come in
Speaker 1: a while, and I'm angry. Chad's I'm gonna get killed
Speaker 1: right now. I love it. I'm I might be all
Speaker 1: it's the first story. Uh, Instagram is wreaking havoc on
Speaker 1: young girls. A study founded exactly a big show Sucking
Speaker 1: up exacerbates nice, negative body image, low self esteem, anxiety, depression,
Speaker 1: and in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts. The study was commissioned
Speaker 1: by every Day, was commissioned by Facebook, and then buried
Speaker 1: by its own executives. Wait, so Facebook and Instagram are Facebook. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so it was commissioned by it and then the report
Speaker 1: was buried because the research was probably even worse than
Speaker 1: we can. I'm sure there's if a thirties seven year
Speaker 1: old woman who has worked on herself so much can
Speaker 1: still has to mute people on Instagram so that she
Speaker 1: doesn't feel sad. And even body positive accounts trigger me
Speaker 1: where they're like girls showing their cellulite or like bigger
Speaker 1: women being like I'm beautiful. Even those pissed me off
Speaker 1: and make me feel weirdly insecure. My cellulite isn't as
Speaker 1: dimply as hers or uh, you know, there's always just
Speaker 1: something if it's happening to me, I can't. I just
Speaker 1: I know it's the most know pedestrian thing to say.
Speaker 1: Oh if you know social media were around when I
Speaker 1: was a good but not ever, But I would have
Speaker 1: I would have killed myself. Yeah, I'm not joking you.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been good for someone like me. I
Speaker 1: would not have survived. I don't think I would have
Speaker 1: survived it. I just wonder if there's like, um, like,
Speaker 1: let's say you had Instagram since you were you know not,
Speaker 1: and I would have been wrong to do that, by
Speaker 1: the way, I want to say, like I would It
Speaker 1: would have been the biggest It would have been the
Speaker 1: saddest thing because what potential I had and what bullshit
Speaker 1: that all is that, Um, but I wasn't smart enough
Speaker 1: for my brain wasn't developed enough to see past those things.
Speaker 1: So I just want to say that when I say that,
Speaker 1: I just mean like I was a kid that would
Speaker 1: have made a very dumb uh and final decisions. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's tough because because of Instagram, because of
Speaker 1: social media, there are so many platforms and so many
Speaker 1: different influencers that could be positive for these kids. What
Speaker 1: happens is is a type in like they want to
Speaker 1: get in the body building like this wouldn't happens with
Speaker 1: and then Instagram will take that and go, all right, well,
Speaker 1: here's three accounts of the hottest women you've ever seen
Speaker 1: that my right body building caption and their thing. And
Speaker 1: then they see the likes that they get, they see
Speaker 1: the followers they get, and then they look at their
Speaker 1: forty followers, they look at their cellulite and things followers
Speaker 1: for girls, though, like I think for for teenage girls,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just followers. I think it's
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I wish my body would look that way.
Speaker 1: On top of that I'm saying, it's like the girls
Speaker 1: with the best bodies have the most followers and like
Speaker 1: fame and like, even though they don't probably think they
Speaker 1: can get a blue checkmark in the fame and the
Speaker 1: thousands and thousands of likes, they think, like, you know,
Speaker 1: obviously that's what gets that kind of thing, Like the
Speaker 1: way I looked. I never thought I was gonna be
Speaker 1: Jenniferranston when I was in middle school, but the way
Speaker 1: that I thought, I wanted to be that famous in
Speaker 1: my own world. And so, yeah, I think you're definitely
Speaker 1: I think involved in it. Though I think I think
Speaker 1: that people want to be famous so bad. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: all about going viral, it's all about being big on TikTok.
Speaker 1: And then their friend has big boobs, so she gets
Speaker 1: them literally a million fathers for having big boobs. She
Speaker 1: doesn't have big boobs, and then she thinks I need
Speaker 1: breast and plant. And then journaling today and I was
Speaker 1: like dealing with a jealousy issue that I'm having about
Speaker 1: someone in the business that is like a peer and
Speaker 1: like and a friend, and I was just like, I
Speaker 1: was just journaling about my feelings about it because it's
Speaker 1: just I can't help my feelings, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: I'm not choosing to be jealous of this person and
Speaker 1: and I wrote, Okay, if this person gets all the
Speaker 1: things that I'm scared they're going to get because I
Speaker 1: don't have those things, or even maybe the things that
Speaker 1: I do have that this person is also going to get.
Speaker 1: That maybe makes me feel like the things that I
Speaker 1: got are not a special because now someone else got them,
Speaker 1: or they're going to be the new big man on
Speaker 1: campus and they're gonna forget about me. Will it change?
Speaker 1: What will that person get at that I don't have
Speaker 1: right now? Like what's what am I honestly wanting? And
Speaker 1: the truth is love? And um maybe a lot like
Speaker 1: a life part, like it might expose me to more people.
Speaker 1: That I will have the best, the richest friends, not
Speaker 1: richest meaning like I'm not like emotionally, I mean financially,
Speaker 1: um uh no. I love the what I will have
Speaker 1: the you know, the best. I will have the option
Speaker 1: to have the best of everything, and I guess that's it,
Speaker 1: or I will have enough person has love in their
Speaker 1: personal life and friends, so that's probably added thing. It's
Speaker 1: not though, because that's what help helps get me there
Speaker 1: was like this person, I could be jealous of them
Speaker 1: without the fame because what I really want is what
Speaker 1: they already have, and that's like a partner who loves them.
Speaker 1: Um financial security, uh like just a just a great
Speaker 1: outlook on life, just kind of uh happiness, a strong
Speaker 1: sense of self. And then the things that they're gonna
Speaker 1: get are not going to give them more of that.
Speaker 1: So why am I threatened by more people liking this person?
Speaker 1: Because the things I want do do not. I do
Speaker 1: not get any of the things that I'm thinking when
Speaker 1: I really break it down, like I just want to
Speaker 1: be happier. I always want, like to feel better and
Speaker 1: what makes me feel better connection, um, comfort, foot massages,
Speaker 1: all of those things I can get without fame and
Speaker 1: have had without fame. Yes, some of those are acquired
Speaker 1: through money, especially foot massages and comfort. But um, I
Speaker 1: just I had to really like journal about and I
Speaker 1: was able to release it because I was like, this
Speaker 1: is a fallacy. My jealousy is a fallacy because there's
Speaker 1: nothing true about it, Like jealousy is born of I
Speaker 1: guess envy is when you want something that someone else has,
Speaker 1: And I think it was more envy of like I
Speaker 1: I don't know the difference between jealosy and envy. I
Speaker 1: always like back up different. But that's a that's a
Speaker 1: big one, thank you, and that's what I was looking for.
Speaker 1: It's like underwear. Wait can I question? Wait? Uh wait?
Speaker 1: Was it gonna Oh? But see, I think like you,
Speaker 1: you you have reached. I guess it's why billionaires are
Speaker 1: still upset because they still want more. Right, Like, it's
Speaker 1: about at that point, it's just about needing more. Like
Speaker 1: you've accomplished. Literally, I don't want people to forget about me,
Speaker 1: and I don't want my accomplishments to be diminished when
Speaker 1: someone else gets the same things. That's that's almost what
Speaker 1: it isn't but it doesn't affect you. I don't think
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. That I did the math. I
Speaker 1: was able to break apart the problem and deconstruct it
Speaker 1: and go, Okay, what I'm what I'm jealous what I
Speaker 1: think this person is going to get? The happiness, the comfort,
Speaker 1: the friends, the people like cool, people thinking she's cool. Uh,
Speaker 1: I already have all that. And also I know that
Speaker 1: the last one especially doesn't mean anything, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: make me feel better. I always just feel like I'm
Speaker 1: tricking that cool person, and that that person isn't as
Speaker 1: cool as I thought. They worked as they like me,
Speaker 1: So I always already invalidate that if it happens. So
Speaker 1: once I was able to deconstruct it and be like,
Speaker 1: I was able to release it, like I honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: at a point now where I'm like, God, I hope
Speaker 1: this person gets everything that they want. And I really
Speaker 1: can say that because I was able to write it
Speaker 1: out and like and and take the feeling and I
Speaker 1: don't know, just prepare it apart and go like this
Speaker 1: feeling is actually doesn't even have it's not even true,
Speaker 1: But jealousy doesn't. Is My question though, is though, Like, so, like,
Speaker 1: let's say you were a sixteen year old girl right
Speaker 1: in this world, you probably already have four hundred thousand
Speaker 1: followers right on TikTok. You're doing well, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, We're not These people didn't pull girls that
Speaker 1: have six hundred thousd followers on TikTok. These are girls
Speaker 1: that have no, no, no, no followers. Maybe I'm just
Speaker 1: saying I know, I'm saying they're looking at accounts they
Speaker 1: have maybe forty whatever. What do you say to the
Speaker 1: girl that hasn't reached anything, I can't say you won't
Speaker 1: know until you try and you get a little bit
Speaker 1: of that that that stuff doesn't bring you happiness. No
Speaker 1: amount of me saying fame doesn't bring you happiness, or
Speaker 1: or anyone fairness saying that will will make you believe
Speaker 1: that You'll have to have your own set. You'll have
Speaker 1: to live your life, go after the things that you
Speaker 1: think you want and see and and really just investigate
Speaker 1: what is actually what you're after? What do you after? Ultimately,
Speaker 1: love happen like honestly money, and then what what does
Speaker 1: money say about you? Well, it means, um, I can
Speaker 1: live comfortably. Okay, we'll comfort and have shelter and food
Speaker 1: and all that that's important. But like when you break
Speaker 1: it down, you will have eventually realized that those stuff
Speaker 1: don't bring you happiness. But it's so ingrained in us
Speaker 1: that even I knowing these things still get wrapped up
Speaker 1: in it and I have to I have to pause
Speaker 1: and journal, I have to do it. It was it
Speaker 1: was honestly felt like a math to us that you
Speaker 1: know you would have cheated on but you know when
Speaker 1: like you would have to do a quadrat like you
Speaker 1: would have to break it down and show your work.
Speaker 1: I just show my work of my feeling, Like, okay,
Speaker 1: show how how did you get to jealousy? What's going
Speaker 1: on here? And then once you break it down, you're
Speaker 1: like this this the science doesn't match. It doesn't there's
Speaker 1: no reason. I It was like, how I quit drinking.
Speaker 1: Once I looked at all the reasons for why I drank,
Speaker 1: and that book, the Alan Carr Easy Way to stop
Speaker 1: drinking it any reason I had to drink, he would
Speaker 1: disprove and go, actually, that's doesn't do that for you.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make you braver, It doesn't make you more courageous,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make you more social. It doesn't. And once
Speaker 1: he he he gave every arc like I couldn't argue, yes,
Speaker 1: it does. He broke it down. I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't do it anymore. I can't. I don't have the
Speaker 1: need to drink. So now I don't have the need
Speaker 1: to be jealous of that that particular person I was
Speaker 1: able to on brainwash myself. I guess next story, um next.
Speaker 1: It goes really well into the next story. By daydreamings,
Speaker 1: individuals realized is unmet emotional and psychological needs. In a
Speaker 1: fictitious environment, a person can spend more than sixty of
Speaker 1: their waking time in an imaginary world they have created.
Speaker 1: I don't relate to daydreaming at all. I was gonna
Speaker 1: say I was. There's three different personalities that were studied.
Speaker 1: There's the narcissistic grandiosity. Grandiosity grandiosity the tendency to believe
Speaker 1: that one is superior to others and deserves special treatment.
Speaker 1: More likely to daydream about themes such as wish fulfillment, power,
Speaker 1: dominance and violence, separation and security, fearing rejection and our separation. Uh.
Speaker 1: They're more likely to daydream about distractions from boredom, rewarding pastimes,
Speaker 1: and caring relationships. And the last one is on hedonia
Speaker 1: I don't know, lacking enjoyment or energy for life experiences.
Speaker 1: They recall a rewarding pastime and distractions from unpleasant reality.
Speaker 1: So essentially, people either you know, day daydream about when
Speaker 1: things were actually good. I've never done that because it's
Speaker 1: already done and I am like it's gone, like you
Speaker 1: can't get it back. I don't even like to go
Speaker 1: back in the point. When you daydream, do you actually
Speaker 1: see things like I'll do it in the car. Sometimes
Speaker 1: in the car on a long drive, Like, what are
Speaker 1: you daydreaming about? I mean you've you've been interviewed by
Speaker 1: Letterman in the shower. That's day dreaming. I thought that
Speaker 1: was real. No, yeah, that no, that's what I was
Speaker 1: going to web series and interviewing people in a shower. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was just a tester for his Netflix show We
Speaker 1: Want a Quimby thing that never really got off the ground. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was less expensive than a mannequin. They put it
Speaker 1: in a chair. That does seem like a web series.
Speaker 1: Some one would do was like we interview people in showers,
Speaker 1: you know, like you're trying to just quirky different it
Speaker 1: really is, and then you put a plan in there
Speaker 1: yes yes, um, and then you get a special when
Speaker 1: everyone tells you it's brilliant. Anyhow I digress. Uh should
Speaker 1: we watch that later? And you'll laugh? Um so anyway,
Speaker 1: so yeah, no I do that on the shower. I
Speaker 1: do it because what are you in the car. I'll
Speaker 1: just get law. Sometimes I'll drive. I mean it sounds bad,
Speaker 1: but like all daydream and an hour will pass and
Speaker 1: I go I was driving. I have that too, where
Speaker 1: it's like you all of a sudden go whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you daydream about? Are you going past
Speaker 1: present or future? A lot of times I'll be doing
Speaker 1: in uh future. Future violence was one of those. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I daydream about killing like a family of six, I
Speaker 1: mean six, about driving a bigger car to kill more people, right,
Speaker 1: it's pretty cool. Yeah, you daydream about plowing into a
Speaker 1: head on into a minivan. You know. Would be dope
Speaker 1: is driving a smart car into a truck and you
Speaker 1: demolished the truck. That would be badass. Wait what because
Speaker 1: you always see like one of these semi trucks, But
Speaker 1: why would that happen if a tiny car like physically
Speaker 1: maybe it hit a ramp and then went through the
Speaker 1: windsheet like a deer. That's funny. Yeah, a little like um,
Speaker 1: one of those little cars that are like you know
Speaker 1: the yeah, like a Fiat Yeah, just like goes off
Speaker 1: a ramp and then slams into a huge Walmart like like, oh,
Speaker 1: nothing can hurt me. I'm semi truck driver that takes
Speaker 1: up nine lanes. And then I love arts. I love
Speaker 1: truck drivers, by the way. I don't want to make
Speaker 1: fun of them, and I think they actually are the
Speaker 1: most safe on the road that you love getting made
Speaker 1: fun of. Freaking all right, well, common palou, what do
Speaker 1: you feel go after him? I'm not afraid. I love
Speaker 1: that they love it. Apparently, I've on Reddit accountless times
Speaker 1: people are like, my dad's a truck driver. Just know
Speaker 1: that they love that. They love you to go doorn
Speaker 1: signal yeah they love it, or the maybe it's a jerk,
Speaker 1: I'll jerk you off at the next rest stop. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's why they like it. A sign of a picture
Speaker 1: of George. Mind you drink people off if you pull
Speaker 1: it like a crank. Um Uh. What do you daydream about? Noah,
Speaker 1: do daydream? I like, I used to daydream all the time.
Speaker 1: And I'm almost like a little embarrassed to admit it,
Speaker 1: but I used to like daydream about being in like
Speaker 1: a loving relationship. And this is like when I was
Speaker 1: a teenager the letterman Tom Hardy. But I used to, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I think that like my my pillow was like a body,
Speaker 1: you know. I would just like always like go to
Speaker 1: bed and just like get into like these really long
Speaker 1: like day dreams. I used to do it all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't wow, not anymore, though, I really am envious
Speaker 1: of that, I think it relates to my envy of
Speaker 1: women who um and I can do the math on
Speaker 1: this one, and it actually checks out because I can't
Speaker 1: do it. Who can um think about past sexual encounters
Speaker 1: or fantasize and and come from like their minds and
Speaker 1: like a story they tell in their mind. I have
Speaker 1: no ability to do that either, if anyone knows why
Speaker 1: I can't, I'm not one of these people that can't
Speaker 1: recall people's faces, and of mine, there's some people that
Speaker 1: have the like they can't imagine a face until they
Speaker 1: see it, like even like their mother. Have you ever
Speaker 1: tried to masturbate? No porn? Like, when's the last time
Speaker 1: you just did it with your brain? I would never
Speaker 1: even attempt to do that, Like most of the time,
Speaker 1: I can't even do it with peint. You try it
Speaker 1: like within the next week and see and talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like it would be like me in the
Speaker 1: woods rubbing two sticks together to make fire, Like it
Speaker 1: would just be naked and affright. Honestly, it's just you
Speaker 1: gotta talk about that on stage. It's very funny to
Speaker 1: like to just I mean, I just want you to try,
Speaker 1: Like I think it's high on your own supply. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I love that someone. I think Ashley Hasseltine
Speaker 1: is the one that said it's like playing acoustic what
Speaker 1: do you just do it with your hand? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: love that. Um, I can't even I mean it would
Speaker 1: be it. I've tried it, and like weird people have
Speaker 1: to be. It has to be someone I actually have
Speaker 1: a chance with. That's where I fantasize, like the times
Speaker 1: that I did dream times, I daydream is when I
Speaker 1: have potential with someone that's very exciting, like it's on
Speaker 1: the move but it hasn't happened yet, and I can
Speaker 1: close my eyes on a plane and just imagine like
Speaker 1: being in a relationship with them, and like how exciting
Speaker 1: it's going to be when I see them like the
Speaker 1: next time, And like that, it's got to be on
Speaker 1: the precipice of real And it's always always about a guy.
Speaker 1: It's never about like oh my god, I might get SNL. Like,
Speaker 1: it's never that. It's never a career thing because those
Speaker 1: things stressed me out, whereas like a loving relationship makes
Speaker 1: me feel like oh I can't wait, so that. But
Speaker 1: it has to be someone that's like I actually have
Speaker 1: a chance with not like there's never like a celebrity
Speaker 1: unless it's, you know, a celebrity of a chance with
Speaker 1: which they don't want to date me because they like
Speaker 1: like their private lives and don't and also maybe they
Speaker 1: just don't want to date me. I like to say
Speaker 1: it's because they're so private. That's why. That's why celebrities wouldn't.
Speaker 1: That's why Ben Affleck would swipe left on me on
Speaker 1: right because he knows I talk so openly on stage
Speaker 1: and he wants to keep it. I mean, he knows
Speaker 1: your whole act and he would know exactly the jokes
Speaker 1: that you're talking. He might be a fan. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he is. Are I'm like, yes, Endy, you actually he's
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure I would almost guarantee it doesn't
Speaker 1: know who I am, doesn't I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of people know who you are to
Speaker 1: you didn't expect it, like at times, I mean, I
Speaker 1: do know that I did an impression of Jennifer Anderson
Speaker 1: on Whitney Cummings podcast, and Whitney sent me a screenshot
Speaker 1: of jen d m ng her and saying you didn't
Speaker 1: know that. I was just so mortified because it wasn't
Speaker 1: that good of an impression. I hadn't like practiced in
Speaker 1: a while, and it wasn't like it just wasn't right.
Speaker 1: She wrote, like like like crying tears, like it was
Speaker 1: I'll pull it up. I probably still have it. It
Speaker 1: was like an emoji that wasn't but you're kidding and
Speaker 1: it does that count? Yeah? It was like it was good,
Speaker 1: but oh, here it is. She wrote, oh lord to
Speaker 1: exclamation marks and then the the the emoji where it's
Speaker 1: like the two like harol'll zoom in. I mean that's
Speaker 1: eight he he. I did it, you guys. Jennifer Ranston
Speaker 1: laughed at something I did and said, oh lord, oh lord.
Speaker 1: You know, I bet who's not getting that the person
Speaker 1: you're jealous of? And yeah, yet they're probably you know,
Speaker 1: they'll get that version. You know. I don't want my
Speaker 1: heroes to know. Like when I did that, I remember
Speaker 1: being like, Jen's probably gonna and I love that I'm
Speaker 1: calling her Jen. Jen is probably gonna see this because
Speaker 1: she's friends with Whitney and I know that, like, and
Speaker 1: Whitney's tagging her in the videos and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I know she's going to see it, and I was
Speaker 1: just like no, I just I don't want I don't
Speaker 1: want my heroes to know exist and I want no
Speaker 1: not at all. Like the Taylor Swift thing, like I
Speaker 1: get into trouble. I love people so much that I
Speaker 1: have opinions about them that might be a little bit negative.
Speaker 1: Like my impression of her isn't like glowingly nut like
Speaker 1: it's just like, ah, you know, it's like it's not
Speaker 1: like the best thing to love, like we forget how
Speaker 1: great are I don't know what that one was, but
Speaker 1: I do think that I do think though that she yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm glad I would review. I remember when she sent
Speaker 1: it to me, I didn't even look at it. That
Speaker 1: was the first time I was actually looking and and
Speaker 1: the fact that she said it to me, I knew
Speaker 1: it was positive. So I just kind of like didn't
Speaker 1: look at it. But I still don't remember what Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift wrote to me on the comment that she wrote
Speaker 1: to me on my my thing. I I she wrote,
Speaker 1: I think it was like, oh my god, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Like but I looked at it once and
Speaker 1: I never will again because I was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I know it's positive. I can't dissect it because if
Speaker 1: I even sense that she's a little bit like this
Speaker 1: girl comes sucks and like this is lame. I won't
Speaker 1: be able to enjoy her anymore. And I need Jen
Speaker 1: and I need Tay. Let's take a quick break and
Speaker 1: we'll be back with why do we care? Andrew? Why
Speaker 1: do I care? Interesting question? Why do I care? Oh? Man,
Speaker 1: this is pretty big news. I hope you're sitting down again. Okay,
Speaker 1: Love is blind Star Jessica ba betteam Yeah. Wait is
Speaker 1: she talking to Um Barnett or Mark right now? Oh? Barnett? Okay,
Speaker 1: so what is about me? Oh my god, to a
Speaker 1: surgeon named Benjamin McGrath who's not related to that other
Speaker 1: McGrath guy that had the hit Mark every morning. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say, Jessica, what's the name again, Jessica,
Speaker 1: Jessica Rabbit is her name? Jessica Batton button Um that ruge?
Speaker 1: Actually we all remember her. She She ended up falling
Speaker 1: for Well, she loved Bartonette. She was and then she
Speaker 1: like when Mark. She got with Mark though, and she
Speaker 1: would talk to Mark like hey, Mark, will you go
Speaker 1: get me another glass of wine? And she'd be like, so, Barnett,
Speaker 1: I think that you and and are like getting together
Speaker 1: and I don't know, Hey, Mark, I'm never gonna sleep
Speaker 1: with you, like poor Mark, Like she just she couldn't
Speaker 1: she couldn't get it up for old Market. Mark was
Speaker 1: a great guy on that show when they fall for
Speaker 1: you through the door and then you opened the door
Speaker 1: and they're like. I've been watching her on I followed
Speaker 1: her on Instagram immediately upon watching that show because I
Speaker 1: felt like she was I just thought, like, you know,
Speaker 1: this woman drank a little too much sometimes and probably
Speaker 1: had like like I relate to drinking too much and
Speaker 1: saying embarrassing things. And I thought, you know what, this woman,
Speaker 1: I'm not making fun of her for that. I'm making
Speaker 1: fun of her for like doing a baby voice with
Speaker 1: a guy she likes, and and like that. I actually
Speaker 1: liked this girl because I felt I felt for I
Speaker 1: felt very connected to her as someone who struggles with drinking.
Speaker 1: And like That's why I didn't do ever audition for
Speaker 1: a Real World or any of those shows, even though
Speaker 1: I would have loved to, because I knew that I
Speaker 1: would get drunk and embar same things would have been
Speaker 1: ridiculous and I wouldn't have been I would have been
Speaker 1: so embarrassed I couldn't live with myself, and so that
Speaker 1: is um so I felt for I followed her, and
Speaker 1: so I've been watching this relationship kind of take place,
Speaker 1: and I'm really happy for Do I think it will last? No, No,
Speaker 1: I don't think anything. To be honest with you, I
Speaker 1: do think. No. I think you and Abby will last.
Speaker 1: I do think that. Um but but honestly, well, I
Speaker 1: do want to say though that I just don't think
Speaker 1: that marriages that last until death are ut successful and
Speaker 1: marriages that fail or divorces make a marriage unsuccessful. I
Speaker 1: think that that is completely false. And like a lot
Speaker 1: of times I see couples that have been married for
Speaker 1: like fifty five years, and it's like, wow, give it
Speaker 1: up for them everyone. It's like they just were too
Speaker 1: scared to leave. Like that's not and that's they didn't
Speaker 1: brave it out. They even seven several bedrooms and they
Speaker 1: don't talk to each other. That's not like, Wow, they
Speaker 1: worked through the hard times. A lot of times it
Speaker 1: is what happens, and they go to therapy and they
Speaker 1: like get through really trying times and they're still in love,
Speaker 1: and like that's a successful marriage. Just staying married that
Speaker 1: ain't successful to me. You can say a lot of things,
Speaker 1: and it's to me that's laziness. And that's why I
Speaker 1: always congratulate people when they get divorced. I mean, if
Speaker 1: you're fucking like because it's harder to do for like
Speaker 1: thirty years and you're like sixty eight, you know, seventy,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm going to make a change now,
Speaker 1: like that as brave as farve. No, it's wild. It's
Speaker 1: wild to think I'm gonna put myself back out there.
Speaker 1: I would say that is up there with trans people
Speaker 1: that decide to make the transition when they know deep
Speaker 1: down there, like when they put everything on the line,
Speaker 1: all that the fear and the judgments from other people.
Speaker 1: Like I do think trans people are the bravest people alive.
Speaker 1: Um like like to do that. And even if you
Speaker 1: I don't think you're weak if you don't decide to transition,
Speaker 1: because I just I don't think that I could do
Speaker 1: it if I deep down one too. It's just so
Speaker 1: scary the judgment and like what you stand to lose
Speaker 1: in the what you what you stand to the radical
Speaker 1: curely you stand to have inflicted upon yourself just because
Speaker 1: you want to be yourself like it's too much. So
Speaker 1: I like, I I think trans people should board trans
Speaker 1: people who have transition should be able to board planes
Speaker 1: before soldiers because I think it's right. Or at the
Speaker 1: same time, let me just say that, because I think
Speaker 1: they are just as brave and people go, maybe you're
Speaker 1: gonna comment like what this country like, thank you for
Speaker 1: your service, please board the plane early. I like that too,
Speaker 1: But no, and they just want to be different and
Speaker 1: get attention. You're such an idiot if you think that,
Speaker 1: You're literally such an idiot if you think that trans
Speaker 1: people like who would choose? I mean, it's great that
Speaker 1: trans people should be happy that they're trans, but like
Speaker 1: and for who they are. But if anyone thinks someone
Speaker 1: chooses to do that to like have their family not
Speaker 1: think they're like to not acknowledge them anymore, like people,
Speaker 1: do you know what I'm saying? No, I hear what
Speaker 1: you're saying. Why I don't understand why people can't get
Speaker 1: it that like that might there's a thing that you
Speaker 1: might not experience more self that they're going through that
Speaker 1: might you might not be able to. But can you
Speaker 1: grasp the idea of something hard that would be really
Speaker 1: hard to do? That you wouldn't want to do, but
Speaker 1: you have to do because it's just so part of you.
Speaker 1: You can maybe grasp that idea, maybe extend it to that.
Speaker 1: But like I would say that people probably go their
Speaker 1: thought processes well, negative attention, still attention, you know, that's
Speaker 1: what they would say. They would go, well, oh, well
Speaker 1: are they getting aren't a lot of outside Maybe there
Speaker 1: is someone that's been trans and they did it for attention.
Speaker 1: Let's just say that that those people do exist. Even
Speaker 1: that is like so sad, and I feel for that person.
Speaker 1: They have to like they want attention so bad that
Speaker 1: they have to do this thing. Like there's this new
Speaker 1: trend on TikTok and this is separate issue. There's a
Speaker 1: new trend on TikTok where people are like pretending to
Speaker 1: have autism and like attention, or they pretend to have
Speaker 1: like a disability. That's what I'm saying. That kind of ship.
Speaker 1: Like even Garritt from uh F Boy Island, I couldn't
Speaker 1: understand why he would want to be a villain, like
Speaker 1: he's signing up for the show where he's lying about
Speaker 1: who he is. You have to go through the rest
Speaker 1: of your life people knowing your a liar like you are.
Speaker 1: You're signing up to be a villain. And that goes
Speaker 1: back to Trump, Like it's proven now that negative attention
Speaker 1: equals people will like it and rally around you. I
Speaker 1: just don't think that someone who's trance that like isn't
Speaker 1: able to now see their nieces and nephews because they've
Speaker 1: like because they get and they have to like get
Speaker 1: injections that cost so much money, and they like have
Speaker 1: to you know, they have to change their name and
Speaker 1: like all the stuff. Like I don't think I can't
Speaker 1: imagine looking at that person going, God, they just are
Speaker 1: so desperate for attention, Like why would you sign up
Speaker 1: for something that makes you feel more alienated from the
Speaker 1: people you love in general? You know, I just I
Speaker 1: just don't get it. But um, maybe someone can explain
Speaker 1: it to me. But I don't think that you're going
Speaker 1: to do a good job. So do we think Jessica's
Speaker 1: over barnett Um? You know? I bet? I bet finally
Speaker 1: she is, and she really like wish is the best
Speaker 1: for him and like if there's every union, like she
Speaker 1: will talk so high that dogs will start barking in
Speaker 1: nearby and say, what get me a Daniel because she's
Speaker 1: not drinking anymore, and so she's like, really, now, I'm
Speaker 1: just guessing that's the only way I would hope that
Speaker 1: man a relationship with her is if she had to
Speaker 1: handle on her drinking. Sorry Jess, but and and to
Speaker 1: her husband, let me just say if if you're dating
Speaker 1: someone and when they get boozed up, you don't like
Speaker 1: who they are, but they love boozing, and you go,
Speaker 1: you know what, I can tolerate it here and there.
Speaker 1: If the person doesn't have a plan to maybe not
Speaker 1: do that ever, Goun, It's only gonna get worse. It's
Speaker 1: never gonna get better. If you're dating someone who drinks
Speaker 1: and then they're mean to you or you hate the
Speaker 1: way that they act, and they don't ever acknowledge it,
Speaker 1: and they're not trying to get better, it's only going
Speaker 1: to get it worse, and you're eventually gonna get divorced
Speaker 1: and hate them and lose half of your money, even
Speaker 1: if you have a prenup. Because I've heard that prenups
Speaker 1: don't even protect you. Is that true? Andrew, have you
Speaker 1: heard the same thing? Oh yeah, did you listening? Oh man, okay,
Speaker 1: well that's what happens when I start singing off key. Um,
Speaker 1: this is starioke mode. All right, let's get to top one,
Speaker 1: banna one. Uh. This is our Monday segment where we list.
Speaker 1: We go around the horn me Noah and uh Noah,
Speaker 1: Andrew and I, I correct myself, are going to say
Speaker 1: our top one and bottom one least in top favorite
Speaker 1: thing of a category. Today's category is pets, pets that
Speaker 1: we have had in our past. Worst pet, best pet.
Speaker 1: I can start us off worst pet. My dad found
Speaker 1: a hermit crab on a bike ride in about seven
Speaker 1: It was crawling across the street and he picked it
Speaker 1: up and he brought it home to our family, and
Speaker 1: we were excited because we liked any kind of new pet, right,
Speaker 1: and we put it in the little terrarium aquarium thing.
Speaker 1: And then we got more for it because we it
Speaker 1: needs friends, you know, because we didn't read about how
Speaker 1: they're not really social creatures. I don't know if they
Speaker 1: are not. They got more. That's a good fucking point.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's in the name. Uh So my
Speaker 1: dad got some more leave me alone crabs, you know,
Speaker 1: so that they can all hang out. I don't want
Speaker 1: especially human crab. I don't know what was wrong with them.
Speaker 1: We got some solitary shell fish crab, no crabs, alloud
Speaker 1: crab and then the b is backwards like a little
Speaker 1: side on a little rascals outside on a beach. That
Speaker 1: is kind of good. Um, so we got a hermit crab.
Speaker 1: We got more hermit crabs and then they just started
Speaker 1: like they're like I hated them because they're spiders in
Speaker 1: a shell, like spiders in the shed l hermit crab,
Speaker 1: Like they are terrifying. I don't I didn't like them.
Speaker 1: I like them now a little bit, but I still
Speaker 1: like they gross me out and they like their eyes
Speaker 1: come out and they're little like tentacles. They're creepy. They're
Speaker 1: not I don't like them. And James Spain says crabs
Speaker 1: are unsettling. They walk sideways. It's unsettled. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: it's so that they're just like and they're they're just like.
Speaker 1: I love all animals. I don't even eat crabs, even
Speaker 1: though it's my favorite food. Hermo crabs are not my
Speaker 1: favorite food. But like they so we got these her crabs.
Speaker 1: Long story short, Um, did you paint the shells? No?
Speaker 1: Because I wouldn't want to get close to them like
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to hold them. They're so they're gross there.
Speaker 1: They look like you ever flipped over Have you ever
Speaker 1: seen the flip side of one of those horseshoe crabs?
Speaker 1: And they just look like spiders, just like we look
Speaker 1: like too many legs. I don't like things with too
Speaker 1: many legs and so um. I uh so anyway, they
Speaker 1: we just like didn't feed them, didn't clean their cage,
Speaker 1: and they just started smelling like the pussy you fingered
Speaker 1: when that got Yeah, I sat these crabs down and
Speaker 1: I said, listen, I've been there before too, but they
Speaker 1: just started stinking so bad. And I remember their little
Speaker 1: dish of like water that you had to put is
Speaker 1: little like shrimp ease in and it just everything was
Speaker 1: disgusting about these things. And I they started dying and
Speaker 1: like up starvation and like mound nourishment. And I'm really
Speaker 1: reluctant to say that because it's like so awful, but
Speaker 1: they just like start like I think we've all we
Speaker 1: all know of the family, or we've had a pet
Speaker 1: that we just didn't treat right, and it's like I've
Speaker 1: one day in therapy and like when I it was
Speaker 1: first going to therapy. I thought about these hermit crabs
Speaker 1: and I started sobbing more than I've ever cried in
Speaker 1: my whole life about how bad I mean, I could
Speaker 1: do it right now, about how I just let and
Speaker 1: they weren't my responsibility. I didn't ask for these crabs.
Speaker 1: I had adults living at home that should have taken
Speaker 1: care of them and fed them. And I watched these
Speaker 1: animals died because I was too scared to get close
Speaker 1: to their cage and change the water and get in
Speaker 1: there and like feed them. And so I felt helpless
Speaker 1: and watched these animals like die from neglect and like
Speaker 1: it it is. That's one of my that's one of
Speaker 1: my biggest regrets in life, is like that I let
Speaker 1: that that I witnessed that and let that happen, and
Speaker 1: like that's I think, why what spurred my like obsession
Speaker 1: with animal advocacy and just like you know, just that
Speaker 1: seeing that happen. But I will say that when it
Speaker 1: got down to like one or two crabs left, we
Speaker 1: snuck them. This is another horrible thing we did. We
Speaker 1: went to pet smart and I put them. We put
Speaker 1: them in um a bag and we put them in
Speaker 1: cages at pet Smart we like put them into pet
Speaker 1: smart because we knew they left a baby. Like it's like,
Speaker 1: that's the Do not do that. That happens all the
Speaker 1: time at zoos and at pet stores. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Look for a better way to surrender your pets Craigslist.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I'm reluctant to tell that soft
Speaker 1: shelled crabs when I worked at a when I worked
Speaker 1: as a as a fishmonger, I had to cut their
Speaker 1: heads off. It was wild and their arms would still
Speaker 1: be moving and I had to come with a scissor.
Speaker 1: Like I did not want to do this. Okay, what's
Speaker 1: what is your yeah? Killing animals? You know what? I
Speaker 1: just want to say. I felt bad about that selling that. Sorry.
Speaker 1: I don't eat animals and maybe you do at home.
Speaker 1: So if you're judging me, you you participate in the
Speaker 1: in the deaths of many animals if you eat them.
Speaker 1: And so I'm making up for it now. But Andrew,
Speaker 1: all right, uh kind of in the same vein, Uh,
Speaker 1: my brother decided to um by a Burmese python, which
Speaker 1: is a snake that gets to about I don't know,
Speaker 1: let's say two. And he bought this thing, and I
Speaker 1: mean it's the most Florida pet ever, I mean a snake.
Speaker 1: What did your parents allow this? I don't know if
Speaker 1: he really had a discussion. He just brought home. Not lizards,
Speaker 1: you know, a very fast like big lizards. I don't
Speaker 1: know what kind of that. Yeah, this, well, the snake
Speaker 1: was just like we'd feed it mice and that lizard
Speaker 1: got saved you a lot of money and carnes are
Speaker 1: and so he did, he did, and I owe him.
Speaker 1: Did the Burmese python held out with you know homeowners?
Speaker 1: He actually, you want to know a crazy story. So
Speaker 1: we had a drug dealer, uh neighbor who he sold
Speaker 1: like pot. I actually took acid with him. One time
Speaker 1: he shot a gun into our house because I think
Speaker 1: he was mad at my step brother, and it went
Speaker 1: through the snake cage. It didn't kill the snake, but
Speaker 1: it hit the snake. I mean, what more Florida story
Speaker 1: than that? A guy shooting I mean, that's up there
Speaker 1: with you getting arrested for speaking on a jet ski
Speaker 1: and a man Yeah, shooting a gun into our snake.
Speaker 1: What happened? So my brother leaves for college, leaves the
Speaker 1: snake and care my stepmom or or my parents, and
Speaker 1: it dies I don't know exactly how it died. I
Speaker 1: think my stepmom said that it killed itself by a
Speaker 1: shot shot to the head. Wa Um. But yeah, that's
Speaker 1: I mean, it's such a big and it's such a
Speaker 1: eventually that animals going to outgrow your house unless you
Speaker 1: live in a This is like a heartbreaking segment. Okay, No,
Speaker 1: what do you have a bad pet that didn't die tragically? Uh?
Speaker 1: We weren't allowed to have uh any pets when we
Speaker 1: were growing up, really, except for like a dog once
Speaker 1: I was once we were like I was a teenager,
Speaker 1: I always wanted to have hamsters and rabbits and all
Speaker 1: these animals we just were not allowed to. But um,
Speaker 1: at one point, um, I started looking into getting a
Speaker 1: bear to dragon and I wanted a beer to dragon
Speaker 1: so bad, so bad. And then I was I didn't
Speaker 1: get one because when I realized that I had to
Speaker 1: feed it crickets and I had to like have like
Speaker 1: frozen mice in my freezer, I was like, this is
Speaker 1: gonna You're doing a little instead of just letting it
Speaker 1: starve to death because you didn't want to handle you
Speaker 1: buy these animals. You don't think ten years now or
Speaker 1: two months now, like, especially with dogs, people do not
Speaker 1: how much moneys how much money at the end, gonna
Speaker 1: cost um. Yeah, you got to think about all that.
Speaker 1: It's a cute puppy and just like, yeah, it's bearded dragon.
Speaker 1: Such a funny name. Man, it's like a goatee cat
Speaker 1: or something. I don't know cat, but like amstachioed ferret.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is bearded is and like I hate when
Speaker 1: bearded dragons like you know why they do that though
Speaker 1: they don't have chins and they're trying to look like
Speaker 1: they have chins. Bad jawlines. Yeah, dominant on on Bumblebee,
Speaker 1: which is their favorite dating app, because that's what they eat.
Speaker 1: I'm going to call my dick the bearded dragon from
Speaker 1: now on. I was going to say a pussy joke
Speaker 1: about it because that does sometimes. Okay, favorite pet, I mean,
Speaker 1: hands down, without a doubt. Yeah. Yeah. My bird Kiwi
Speaker 1: parakeet I had when I was in fifth grade. Um,
Speaker 1: he could do tricks. He would say, he would repeat things.
Speaker 1: He would he was very smart. Uh You'd say flip
Speaker 1: the bird and he would flip around on his thing.
Speaker 1: Or you'd say do your trick and then he would
Speaker 1: go to the corner. Of the cage and put one
Speaker 1: hand on each side and then flip into the corner
Speaker 1: of the cage. And it was just like he was amazing.
Speaker 1: And um, you know, he picked stuff out of my teeth.
Speaker 1: I had braces at the time. That was fun. He
Speaker 1: would like pick on my hangnails, which I loved. I'd
Speaker 1: be like eat it and he would just like rip
Speaker 1: him out and I loved it. And then um, and
Speaker 1: he also yeah famously, well one time he would always
Speaker 1: talk you know, I told the story before, but he
Speaker 1: would always be like program like that was exactly how
Speaker 1: he talked. And but sometimes he would do like our
Speaker 1: voices intermixed with it, but that he wouldn't do the
Speaker 1: voices in the cool stuff unless he didn't think we
Speaker 1: were listening, you know, like he didn't want attention on him.
Speaker 1: But he was in our kitchen like in them he
Speaker 1: in his kid was in our kitchen. People were kind
Speaker 1: of like grossed out by it. But he we didn't
Speaker 1: clip his wings. He could fly around. He was just
Speaker 1: so sweet. And my friends and I would always just
Speaker 1: have to like sit there next at the table next
Speaker 1: to him and pretend like we weren't watching him, and
Speaker 1: and like kind of talk slowly and eat our cereals
Speaker 1: so that he would start talking not thinking we were
Speaker 1: paying attention. And one time me and Huffy were eating
Speaker 1: honey bunches of Votes with all mends, which was our
Speaker 1: favorite cereal, and like eating and we were just like
Speaker 1: being quiet so we could hear him, and he just
Speaker 1: was like, Mom, I hate my fucking middle name. And
Speaker 1: we were both like, did he just say, mom, I
Speaker 1: hate my fucking middle name in your voice? Nicky? Like
Speaker 1: we both heard it clears day and I don't hate
Speaker 1: my middle name he just came up with, but he
Speaker 1: said it clears day and we both heard it and
Speaker 1: it was awesome. It's so wild. I mean, how many
Speaker 1: times do you think he heard you say that over
Speaker 1: the years, probably like mom, I hate and then like
Speaker 1: fucking he definitely heard every other word in our fucking house.
Speaker 1: And then middle name. I don't know, maybe he said
Speaker 1: something else, but it sounded like middle name. Who knows,
Speaker 1: and he did that one time. Yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: but it was just like perfectly my voice. It was great. Uh,
Speaker 1: what was your favorite pet um? I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is cheating, but it's actually my older brother. That's
Speaker 1: actually my leads. Favorite were those of the soft stale
Speaker 1: crabs who killed rip their heads off when you pulled
Speaker 1: them out of your skin, the wort scary rabies um
Speaker 1: I had uh? Are we still He's still alive? Hubert.
Speaker 1: He's an Italian Spinoni dog who I just I love
Speaker 1: so much. Man. He just reminds me of a grand
Speaker 1: maybe because my grandpa's are dead and he looks like
Speaker 1: a grandpa. I'm a little annoyed that you picked a
Speaker 1: dog that's not yours, but you didn't pick Luigi or Marian.
Speaker 1: But also I didn't pick them, so I'll let it slide. Well,
Speaker 1: this isn't about you. I know it's not, but I
Speaker 1: just want to know. Is he better than Marion and Luigi?
Speaker 1: And it's okay if he is better than one of
Speaker 1: them far and then the other one. Oh, I know,
Speaker 1: we have a favorite. I do have a favorite. Mary,
Speaker 1: and I like more than Luigi. I mean, you can't
Speaker 1: not but Luigi. But Luigi. We see ourselves in Luigi
Speaker 1: too much. He's scared, he doesn't trust. That's at least
Speaker 1: like the things I hate about Luigi are the things
Speaker 1: that I hate about myself. Yeah, I love that Mary,
Speaker 1: and just a t that's what I love. Um, he's
Speaker 1: the Luisi k of dogs. Okay, So, but you like
Speaker 1: Hubert because he just has like a grandpa energy. What
Speaker 1: do you mean by that? He's just kind and loving
Speaker 1: and wants to bury his head, bury his head. He
Speaker 1: lays down with me in bed. He so snuggly. He
Speaker 1: makes when you come into when he hasn't seen you
Speaker 1: in a while, you come into the house, he'll go
Speaker 1: grab any toy and bring it to you. He just
Speaker 1: has to find something. I gotta find something for you.
Speaker 1: So you like me, Yeah, he's like ergy yeah, and
Speaker 1: then um, and he'll do this when you rub his ears,
Speaker 1: he'll just like, he'll make this like just noise. Didn't.
Speaker 1: Let you know. The one thing he doesn't do, which
Speaker 1: I really respect, he doesn't lick. He'll never like you can't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: whenever Marian looks, I grab her tongue gently and just
Speaker 1: hold onto it and I go, you're gonna learn. And
Speaker 1: then she's like, and I don't do it in a
Speaker 1: mean way. I just like to, like just to grab
Speaker 1: it feels it feels like my honestly, my vagina a
Speaker 1: little bit like it's little dog's tongue. But yeah, so
Speaker 1: I love that dog. My little brother dogs just shout
Speaker 1: out to Tucker who passed away yesterday. Oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: their oldest um dog, the King's Kings Spaniard. Wait, what
Speaker 1: is it? What's call him? A great way to honor him? Okay,
Speaker 1: so no, all right, what is your favorite animal? Is
Speaker 1: it Buzzy yet? Are you gotta go? Favorite pet? Buzzy
Speaker 1: is working his way up, but it's going to be Bruno. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and um, you know, just so we my dad still
Speaker 1: laughing about Andrew stopped terrible memorial to the great Spaniard
Speaker 1: or whatever the fuck is. The dog was cocker spaniel.
Speaker 1: Cocker spaniel, yeah, okay, Springer spaniel. I'm jealous that you
Speaker 1: can do that with a white sweatshirt. I would get
Speaker 1: bronze are all over myself. Really enjoyed that you can
Speaker 1: cover your face and keep it covered. Okay, anyway, okay, Bruno.
Speaker 1: Um was my beagle who passed away last year at fifteen. Uh.
Speaker 1: And when my dad and my sister originally got him,
Speaker 1: I was like, you can't get a dog because it
Speaker 1: was only like two months after our family golden retriever
Speaker 1: got hit by a car and died and it was
Speaker 1: very traumatic. I was like, I don't want this dog.
Speaker 1: I had nothing to do with him. Fast forward four
Speaker 1: years later, I ended up taking the dog because my
Speaker 1: parents were just not like taking care of him like
Speaker 1: they should take care of yes, exactly. And then, um,
Speaker 1: Bruno has just been an awesome companion to go through
Speaker 1: all of life's destructive moments, like through my parents divorce,
Speaker 1: through it like um, financial insecurity, through one of my
Speaker 1: worst breakups. Bruno was always there for me as um,
Speaker 1: just like an unconditional, loving companion. Isn't that the best
Speaker 1: part about them? It's like I was actually picturing Bruno
Speaker 1: like mitigating or like like kind of like mediating your
Speaker 1: parents divorce and then like helping you with your taxes
Speaker 1: and getting your forms read. I mean like I can
Speaker 1: help you with these things. And like I was actually like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's what of talented little dog? Just
Speaker 1: outside everywhere there's a pop print. Um, that's so um,
Speaker 1: that's the King Charles a little a little too late.
Speaker 1: And final thought, I mean, that's why animals and pets
Speaker 1: are the greatest is because they don't care what you
Speaker 1: look like. They don't care, they don't care about any
Speaker 1: like they will. They don't care that you age, They
Speaker 1: don't care if you're pussy smells. They actually prefer it.
Speaker 1: They could find you in a room full of a
Speaker 1: million people. Yeah, it's just so sweet when an animal
Speaker 1: consense that you need extra like love and like need,
Speaker 1: like they just pick up on there were they're operating
Speaker 1: on a level that we aren't even in tune with
Speaker 1: those kinds of senses of like because they have to.
Speaker 1: They're so about like being they're so close to being
Speaker 1: the you know, they're domesticated most of for thousands of years,
Speaker 1: but um, they're closer to being in the wild than
Speaker 1: we are. So like they have instincts, you know, they
Speaker 1: can tell if the thunderstorm is coming. Like they just
Speaker 1: like consense. And that's why it's so important to realize that,
Speaker 1: like how you are is what your dog. Your dog
Speaker 1: is reading you and they're looking to you to be
Speaker 1: a leader. And if they're not obeying you, like they
Speaker 1: don't respect you, and they're reading that, they're reading that
Speaker 1: you don't deserve respect and like you don't Like that's
Speaker 1: kind of the thing, Like they're almost like autistic in
Speaker 1: a way of like this is how I feel about
Speaker 1: you and they do have a little bit of like
Speaker 1: you know, Luigi does stuff sometimes that I go, wow,
Speaker 1: he like plant. He's he's acting away against he's pretending
Speaker 1: to be something else. Like he'll do this thing where
Speaker 1: he knows there's a dog a quarter like a half
Speaker 1: a block away that he wants to like hang out for,
Speaker 1: but he knows that I want to keep walking, and
Speaker 1: he'll stop to smell something and I'll let him smell it.
Speaker 1: But then I know he's done smelling it, but he'll
Speaker 1: just keep his nose there, pretending like he's because he
Speaker 1: knows that I will let him finish a smell, because
Speaker 1: I learned that you always let a dog finish their smell,
Speaker 1: because it's like pulling them away from a movie that
Speaker 1: they're really invested in and you want them to get
Speaker 1: the ending to it. Sometimes I'm like, it smells like
Speaker 1: a fucking dandelion, let's go, I like spoil it for him.
Speaker 1: They're like swatter roller, And but sometimes I like he
Speaker 1: will just I'll just send him just like pretending to smell,
Speaker 1: and I'll go, I know what you're doing. You're waiting
Speaker 1: for this dog, like you're lying to me right now.
Speaker 1: The other night, I was about to give them them
Speaker 1: a bath and they I didn't even say it, but
Speaker 1: I started running the water and like waiting for it
Speaker 1: to get warm, and Luigi just starts shaking furiously, and
Speaker 1: it's he's not cold, he's not I've never hurt him
Speaker 1: in the bath. If anything, I do bath because he
Speaker 1: gets so spunky and free after. He loves that. When
Speaker 1: I dry him off, it gets him in the best mood.
Speaker 1: And he smelled. But the shaking was all to make
Speaker 1: me go, I don't want to do this to you,
Speaker 1: Like it's premeditated to get a response out of me,
Speaker 1: and it's not based on how he's actually feeling. Maybe
Speaker 1: like it's like when you try to brush my teeth,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, you start just shivering and I go,
Speaker 1: it's not cold in here. Um. Yeah. I think that
Speaker 1: animals are just so. I think I think we would
Speaker 1: did the dialogue about the hermit crab and the snake
Speaker 1: if we could learn anything, like like just because they're
Speaker 1: ugly creatures, like, don't judge an animal by their ugliness,
Speaker 1: or they're willing to do whatever you want them to do,
Speaker 1: and uh, and they're not lesser than these other animals
Speaker 1: are you are you gonna stop eating No, No, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep eating snake. You're starting to sound like a vegan,
Speaker 1: but is very vegan I know, but as a pet
Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. And then look, look, thanks for
Speaker 1: listening to the show. To the listen, Um, yeah, we
Speaker 1: won't get into vegan stuff. But that that was a
Speaker 1: thing that like when I make the joke of like
Speaker 1: when I got dogs, that's when I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, every animal is a dog. It's like has
Speaker 1: the has that in it. And I hadn't felt that
Speaker 1: way with my you know, my family's dogs. I never
Speaker 1: felt really connected to. But um, when Maryan got ripped
Speaker 1: apart by that German shepherd, and was like I thought
Speaker 1: she was going to die, like the way my parents
Speaker 1: described it, the way they said that, like that, I
Speaker 1: mean before it was this was before we saw the wound,
Speaker 1: but the wound itself, I was like, she's not going
Speaker 1: to make it, even after she's got stitched up, and
Speaker 1: like to leave the hospital like she this is gonna
Speaker 1: get infected, something's gonna happen. It's not gonna heal. You
Speaker 1: literally can't even find the scar anymore. I don't even
Speaker 1: understand what how she healed. But I remember I got
Speaker 1: the call from my mom that Marian was probably not
Speaker 1: going to make it, and I was like, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna go like pray for her. And I walked in
Speaker 1: my room and Luigi is just like in my in
Speaker 1: his little bed, curled up, and I was just like, Luigi,
Speaker 1: we're gonna like Marian's really not doing well right now.
Speaker 1: And I just like and usually he doesn't want to cuddle.
Speaker 1: He's a little bit like me, Like he's just like
Speaker 1: kind of tense when you try to cuddle him. But
Speaker 1: he just like leaned into it and like felt that
Speaker 1: I needed it, and like we sent our energy. Like
Speaker 1: I knew he knew something was wrong with Marian. I
Speaker 1: mean I don't think he knew, but like there was
Speaker 1: something he knew. He knew something was wrong and that
Speaker 1: we needed to like spend that time and be be
Speaker 1: thoughtful about her and like send energy out there. And
Speaker 1: it was just like and I didn't say, like, please God,
Speaker 1: let Marian live. I just said, like, let let Marian's
Speaker 1: fate be exactly what needs to happen, whether she dies
Speaker 1: or she lives, Like whatever's gonna have the best results.
Speaker 1: Let that happen. And apparently it's that she lived that's
Speaker 1: gonna yield better results than if she died. I can
Speaker 1: see your mom going. And just kidding, j D died again.
Speaker 1: It's not Marian, thank god, thank god he died twice.
Speaker 1: Oh good. Um, guys, thank you so much for listening
Speaker 1: to the podcast. We are going to be back tomorrow Tuesday,
Speaker 1: with a fresh episode that will be correct. And make
Speaker 1: sure to look if you're listening, look for this one
Speaker 1: on YouTube on Wednesday hopefully. And if you're watching on YouTube,
Speaker 1: make sure you comment and like and subscribe, but also
Speaker 1: you know, don't don't actually comment whenever you want. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to read it, but I do appreciate the subscribe,
Speaker 1: and I hope you um and just send it to
Speaker 1: your friends if you liked it or yeah, UM, do
Speaker 1: all of that. I appreciate all the support. I really
Speaker 1: love you guys, and we'll see you on the road
Speaker 1: and we'll don't be k and change camp.