Speaker 1: This episode of Thinking Sideways is not brought to you
Speaker 1: by the vibrant colors of the Ninth Dimension. Instead, it's
Speaker 1: brought you by Murder con a convention for murders by murders,
Speaker 1: all about murders. If you want to get in cheap
Speaker 1: and easy, use the promo code sideways to get ten
Speaker 1: percent off your body. See you there, Sideways Sideways. Sorry,
Speaker 1: Thinking Sideways stories of things we simply don't know the
Speaker 1: answer to. Hi there, Welcome to another episode of Thinking Sideways.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Joe, joined as always by Devin and Steve,
Speaker 1: and this week we're going to talk about another fantastic mystery.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about the mysterious case of Jerry Michael
Speaker 1: Williams of Tallahassee, Florida, known to his family and friends
Speaker 1: as Mike. We are going to call him the subject here. Okay, fine,
Speaker 1: we'll call him Mike. Mike was thirty one years old
Speaker 1: one he was last seen. He'd been married to his wife,
Speaker 1: Denise for about six years. They had a one year
Speaker 1: old daughter. Yeah I know. And oh, by the way,
Speaker 1: I want to give a shout out to Renee who
Speaker 1: suggested this. Renee, if you're still out there. She suggested
Speaker 1: this back in so it's been a while, thanks to day. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: we have suggestions from way earlier than that, so we
Speaker 1: just thought we would let this one just sort of
Speaker 1: ripen for a while. Yeah. Well, back to Mike. Mike
Speaker 1: was a real estate appraiser. He was known to be
Speaker 1: a very hard worker, made really good money. Um. He
Speaker 1: and his wife Denise had bought a very nice, upscale
Speaker 1: house in East Tallahassee, which I guess a better part
Speaker 1: of town. I don't know, I've never been there. Uh.
Speaker 1: Being responsible parents, they took out a life insurance policy
Speaker 1: on Mike for a million bucks. And is that when
Speaker 1: they that is, when they took out the life insurance
Speaker 1: policy was after their daughter was born, I believe so. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was not not too long after that. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: That's often when people start thinking about stuff like that
Speaker 1: when they're either about to have advocated or just had
Speaker 1: a kid. Yeah. I'm thinking about it as I'm about
Speaker 1: to get married, mostly because I definitely plan on murdering
Speaker 1: him exactly. Get more on him. Yeah, yeah, Australian honeymoon. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 1: back to our story. The insurance broker in this case
Speaker 1: was a guy named Brian Winchester who was a good
Speaker 1: friend of Mike's actually apparently some sort of childhood appointed
Speaker 1: of his wife's, but they had become somehow good friends.
Speaker 1: Brian Winchester, by the way, is now in prison, but
Speaker 1: that's a whole different story. Is he related to of
Speaker 1: Winchester fame? I do not know that is I don't know.
Speaker 1: So have we not covered this story before, because this
Speaker 1: one sounds really really familiar to me. No, I don't
Speaker 1: think I don't think so. Now it's kind of similar
Speaker 1: to some of the other disappearance stories. Okay, that's all right,
Speaker 1: It sounds really really familiar, but okay, keep going. Okay, uh, well,
Speaker 1: back to Mike. He was kind of into duck hunting
Speaker 1: and sometimes yeah, yeah, no different one real duck. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're actually people who still do that. It's called analog
Speaker 1: duck hunting, and so sometimes, yeah, you take your analog shotgun,
Speaker 1: which is made of steel and not plastic, and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: you go out to the lake and hide until the
Speaker 1: ducks show up and then bluie. I guess The nice
Speaker 1: thing is, though, when analog duck hunting, the dog doesn't
Speaker 1: laugh at you when you miss. So okay. And also
Speaker 1: in the ideal you don't shoot the dog. You can
Speaker 1: you shoot the dog and duck hunting, I've not done
Speaker 1: the stopped him from laughing, Yeah, oh I see. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your dog is laughing at you for sure, but you
Speaker 1: know you don't hear it. Yeah. Yeah. And also don't
Speaker 1: shoot him, yeah, don't. Don't shoot your dog. They will
Speaker 1: shoot back. Now. But on the let's go back to
Speaker 1: our story. In December sixteen, the two thousand Mike left
Speaker 1: the house early to go hunting, and he never returned. Eventually,
Speaker 1: his boat was found abandoned on Lake Seminole, which is
Speaker 1: a huge reservoir about forty miles northwest of Tallahassee, up
Speaker 1: in the Georgia border, so where it's kind of you
Speaker 1: can find it on the on the maps pretty easy.
Speaker 1: It's where these two large rivers come together and they've
Speaker 1: damned it there. So it's this gigantic V shaped lake
Speaker 1: that's got like almost four hundred miles of coastline. It's
Speaker 1: a big, big lake. And was that a typical place
Speaker 1: for him to go duck hunting that? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know where his favorite duck hunting spots are.
Speaker 1: I don't know why he picked that particular spot, because
Speaker 1: I mean, there are other decent sized lakes near to Tallahassee.
Speaker 1: But you know, maybe the duck hunting was just especially
Speaker 1: good up there or something. Yeah, But anyway, the boat
Speaker 1: was found abandoned, Mike was nowhere to be seen, dead
Speaker 1: or alive, and so there was a general assumption by
Speaker 1: the police that he'd fallen out of his boat and drowned.
Speaker 1: Let's just not an unreasonable assumption, really, But they dragged
Speaker 1: to search the lake really extensively, and they never found
Speaker 1: this body. Which it's a little weird because I mean,
Speaker 1: actually something like about eighty people have drowned in that
Speaker 1: lake and they've always found the body. H Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's a reservoir. So but you
Speaker 1: want to find the body. But on the other hand,
Speaker 1: you know, there are also lots of alligators in that lake,
Speaker 1: so you know, is we know what they do? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what they do for a living, right, Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's like a game of frogger. You run across them,
Speaker 1: alligator log alligator to the other side. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: if they're if they're kind enough to line themselves up
Speaker 1: like that, then, yeah, for sure, it's all about timing. Brother,
Speaker 1: have you seen that picture though? You know how alligators
Speaker 1: and crocodiles get frozen, you know how they sit underwater.
Speaker 1: They're not like logs. They're like at an angle, so
Speaker 1: like their heads are floating, but their feet are on
Speaker 1: their back feet are on the bottom. Yeah, it's for
Speaker 1: some reason that's extra creepy to me. I don't know
Speaker 1: that makes sense, So that they got more leverage to
Speaker 1: launch themselves into action quickly. Yeah, that's probably why it
Speaker 1: is more scary and weird to me anyway. Sorry, Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but alligators are really kind of fascinating. You know, they're
Speaker 1: kind of it's almost kind of cute, and it's sort
Speaker 1: of a prehistoric mons terrified. Yeah, in the same way
Speaker 1: that t rex is are kind of cute. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're so they're cute. Well, anyway, back to Mike, the
Speaker 1: police concluded that it was drowning and probably got eating
Speaker 1: my alligators in a closer case, and then Mike's waiters
Speaker 1: were found in the lake about six months after he disappeared.
Speaker 1: Um and then about seven months after he disappeared, his
Speaker 1: widow Denise petition. I haven't declared legally dead. Eventually, she
Speaker 1: married Mike's buddy Brian Winchester, who's the guy that's in jail. Now,
Speaker 1: are you sure we've never talked about this, this story,
Speaker 1: even if it wasn't off. But this story sounds really
Speaker 1: really familiar. I swear you know something about this? You
Speaker 1: know nothing? Well, I mean I checked the episode list
Speaker 1: because I when I was reading it, I was like,
Speaker 1: this sound does sound familiar, but we haven't done it before,
Speaker 1: a right, I have not. The thing about the waiters
Speaker 1: just really stuck in my mind. But I thought I
Speaker 1: got that from cartoons, you know, because cartoons conspiracies. No,
Speaker 1: no, no no cartoons, because you know, like an alligator like
Speaker 1: eats a person and they're wearing clothes and then spits
Speaker 1: the shoes back up. You know. I just I just
Speaker 1: assumed that was why that sounded from. Probably was that's
Speaker 1: probably where you got it from. But but Mike's gone.
Speaker 1: Cases closed, but his mother, Cheryl Williams, did not accept
Speaker 1: the drowning theory, and she kept nagging the police to
Speaker 1: reopen the case, and along about two thousand before they did.
Speaker 1: Apparently somebody did a little research and they found out
Speaker 1: that alligators don't eat in the wintertime. Apparently the water
Speaker 1: gets cold, they go kind of dormant. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I was mentioning when earlier, when you were
Speaker 1: saying about have you ever seen the frozen alligators? They
Speaker 1: when the water freezes, you see all these little stouts
Speaker 1: sticking out of the ice because they're they're keeping their
Speaker 1: heads above water just enough so they can breathe, but
Speaker 1: they're kind of stuck there in place. It's it's the
Speaker 1: creepiest thing in the world. You you creeped out by
Speaker 1: angled alligators? Look at frozen out I gotta, I gotta actually,
Speaker 1: you know, go to a frozen lag sometime and like
Speaker 1: stop their noses up and kill them and then just
Speaker 1: say I killed an alligator with my bare hands. I
Speaker 1: think that's probably really illegal, but probably probably Actually I'd
Speaker 1: be too scared to do because you know, what if
Speaker 1: what if the alligator wakes up and like it breaks
Speaker 1: the ice and kills me. Um, he'd be like what's
Speaker 1: his name on that Adam Sandler movie with the one
Speaker 1: wooden hand. Yeah, yeah, that does happen, by the way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I knew some of somebody I worked with was in
Speaker 1: Florida and they went to one of those parks that
Speaker 1: has all the gators, and apparently somebody while they were there, Uh,
Speaker 1: kind of lost his hand because he got a little
Speaker 1: fresh with an alligator. Nobody likes fresh alligators. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: alligators don't like fresh humans. They but they don't like it.
Speaker 1: Smart all case. Okay, so yeah but anyway, Yeah that
Speaker 1: so after they figured that out, and that makes the
Speaker 1: lack of a body seem a little stranger, so they
Speaker 1: reopened the investigations. Yeah, but that's about where the case
Speaker 1: still is. It's it's it's been open for all these years,
Speaker 1: since two thousand four, but no real new evidence has
Speaker 1: come to light. There's been a lot of speculation about
Speaker 1: what his fate was, a lot of different theories out there.
Speaker 1: So what the hell happened to him? Here are some
Speaker 1: of the theories. Uh, accidental drowning, which is of course
Speaker 1: the first presumed theory. Another one is that maybe he
Speaker 1: committed suicide. Maybe you know, life was just too much
Speaker 1: she decided to kill himself and throw himself to the gators.
Speaker 1: Or I like this one a little bit. He faked
Speaker 1: his death by leaving his empty boat on a lake
Speaker 1: full of alligators. You know, I assuming that would explaining
Speaker 1: nobody and then just went off to start a new
Speaker 1: life somewhere. Or maybe he was murdered because everybody has
Speaker 1: murder on the brain ever since that's Stephen. A very
Speaker 1: documentary thing, I know, I know, I mean, all the
Speaker 1: suggestions we get just murder, murder, murder, murder, murder. You know,
Speaker 1: most people don't actually die of murder, believe it or not. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: statistically it's unlikely, all right. And then we have one
Speaker 1: last there, and this is actually my personal favorite, which
Speaker 1: is maybe the ducks got him. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: they turned the tables on them, So that would also
Speaker 1: be murder in a way, wouldn't it not if it's ducks,
Speaker 1: although it would be foul plays that Yeah. Uh so
Speaker 1: those are the theories out there. But before we go
Speaker 1: into the theories, let's take a break. The light around
Speaker 1: you is wan and cold, just like your soul. You
Speaker 1: stare into the darkness and wonder what it's all about?
Speaker 1: Why is it this way? How did it get so strange?
Speaker 1: Who made it so? These were your only option? Indecision
Speaker 1: grips you like that time when you were eight and
Speaker 1: that spelling being couldn't decide if apocalypse began with a
Speaker 1: p A c or Jethro Tall. You fretted and worried.
Speaker 1: You could feel the rush of sweat spreading across your
Speaker 1: scalp and moving down to the collar of your shirt.
Speaker 1: Why did you have to make it feel like you
Speaker 1: were choking? That collar was your mother's choice, and it
Speaker 1: felt like she was strangling you, stopping you from making
Speaker 1: the right decision. You fretted so long and that eventually
Speaker 1: the buzzer went off. Now that was your alarm clock
Speaker 1: going off. The sound of the buzzer blaring was not
Speaker 1: the judge disqualifying you again for not spelling apocalypse, but
Speaker 1: instead the wake up called yet another day of drudgery.
Speaker 1: And it is at that moment you realize you couldn't
Speaker 1: take it anymore. You just couldn't. Something had to change,
Speaker 1: which is how you ended up here, staring into the darkness,
Speaker 1: trying to figure it all out and make the right choice.
Speaker 1: Which avocado in the pile was the right one? The
Speaker 1: answer is all of them, that's right. The International Avocado
Speaker 1: Board will want you to know that they are all
Speaker 1: the right choice. To make some avocado toads for breakfast,
Speaker 1: blend it into a drink for a nice creamy snack,
Speaker 1: dice it up on your salad at lunch, and toss
Speaker 1: it onto your chicken for dinner. Avocados blocking out the
Speaker 1: sadness since October nine, and we're back. All right now,
Speaker 1: let's get into theories. First. Theory, Let's start with the ducks. Um. Hey, so,
Speaker 1: uh while we were on a break, I did some
Speaker 1: googling because I was starting to agree with Steve. This
Speaker 1: sounded familiar. Um, well, yeah, but I thought we had
Speaker 1: that that moratorium on internet surfing while recording. Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: I was bored. This is a boring case. This is
Speaker 1: a really boring ducks anyway. It doesn't really matter because
Speaker 1: it was solved. They found the botty and December two,
Speaker 1: seventeen o two months ago. Yeah, not even two months ago.
Speaker 1: How long ago did you do the research on this?
Speaker 1: More than two months ago? Okay? Police, it's annoying when
Speaker 1: those guys solve everything. Yeah. Well they haven't solved this
Speaker 1: one though, right, I mean they found the body anyway. Alright,
Speaker 1: So uh, we got our theories. Uh, does anybody have
Speaker 1: a favorite theory murder? Okay, well I'm gonna stick with
Speaker 1: the ducks. Go ye, alright, enjoying? Alright then, uh so, anyway,
Speaker 1: if you're Mike's killer and you want to send us
Speaker 1: an email, our email address is Thinking Sideways podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. So wait, so we're all done. There's
Speaker 1: a there's a problem here, guys. It's like, we're like
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes in best yeah, we have forty five minutes more.
Speaker 1: We really have to do an our long episode. It's
Speaker 1: actually actually I have been taping a lot of my
Speaker 1: conversations with my cats. Hear that, haven't you been saving
Speaker 1: bloopers from this entire year? Yeah? Yeah, okay, well let's
Speaker 1: just do that. Okay, let's do that, and then we'll
Speaker 1: publish Joe's conversations with his cats for the people sleep
Speaker 1: You go sleep to us, and they'll they'll pass out
Speaker 1: to pay attention to that. There will be a book also,
Speaker 1: sooner or later they'll just wake up to Joe being like,
Speaker 1: oh booze, you're such a good boy. Yeah yeah, and
Speaker 1: also a cold Case Discussions expert panels. They'll be famous
Speaker 1: guests you may have heard of, like Nancy Grace, Ron
Speaker 1: Johnson called Marino kirk nermy who's he? M? Cheryl mccollumn
Speaker 1: I just want to talk about how Joe looks at
Speaker 1: me and says, do you remember that disco? Of course
Speaker 1: I know. Well, you're the music historian of the team.
Speaker 1: Most us am the old one. It's true you are.
Speaker 1: You're an old soul. Okay, let me move my microphone
Speaker 1: around a little bit here. More and more didn't do
Speaker 1: that quite right? No, I don't think you did at all.
Speaker 1: More and more and more okay, Okay, of Christ's sex,
Speaker 1: I don't because it's terrible. You're singing is not that good.
Speaker 1: We have fantastic mics, and it turns out they capture
Speaker 1: your singing voice quite accurately, and it's just it's not good.
Speaker 1: If you can't blame the microphone. I've got to record
Speaker 1: a song for our fans, but I guess not. You
Speaker 1: Have you listened to the Bloopers? Yeah, okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: will listen. It's gonna say there's an ongoing obsession throughout
Speaker 1: the entire thing where you're just like, I want to
Speaker 1: record a song. I want to sing more. I don't
Speaker 1: want all that, Oh, I just want to SnO. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, let's get going kind of shorter all the
Speaker 1: way around, or shorter in the front, you know, shorter
Speaker 1: but more off the front. You know, I'm bad with
Speaker 1: hair cuts. Okay, what do you think? I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's a big decision. You know what if I were you,
Speaker 1: you know what I do because I found this look
Speaker 1: works with the ladies, is I would buzz it really
Speaker 1: short and then shave the top down. It's like with
Speaker 1: a blade. Yes, yeah, that's a good ide. Yeah, yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: you gotta keep up on the shaving regiment though. Actually,
Speaker 1: you know what I've heard really works with and then
Speaker 1: you get to the back and you gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: shave that little circle in the back that drives them nuts.
Speaker 1: What the chicks really dig is when you grow it
Speaker 1: out about like this, but you grow some of it
Speaker 1: really super long, just tough, and then you like, can
Speaker 1: I shave it up here? And he's wait, no, I
Speaker 1: know what you need to do. Yeah, buzz it about
Speaker 1: an inch and a half tall and hunt and let
Speaker 1: it grow out in the back. Yeah, but make sure
Speaker 1: you braid it down your back. Okay, just like like
Speaker 1: like so business in the front kind of party in
Speaker 1: the back. Exactly like that. Let's do that. Yeah, perfect,
Speaker 1: Where do we go to get mullet wigs to wear
Speaker 1: the crime con. I really thought you farted when the
Speaker 1: first one happened. Too good, Okay, um, you get my lighter. Sorry,
Speaker 1: doesn't malware and cool like you've got a virus. Probably
Speaker 1: you should take a pill for that virus of the
Speaker 1: brain because you're stupid, Way way eggs and bakey. Here
Speaker 1: we go, gavor when you go. That's actually a really
Speaker 1: funny idea, Devin, good job you had one. You did it.
Speaker 1: Oh and they say women can't be funny, No, that can't. Um.
Speaker 1: If I do disappear in San Francisco, please can you
Speaker 1: um just like not not observed the five year rule
Speaker 1: and just do an episode immediately. You're gonna wait five
Speaker 1: years doing it. Okay, we're gonna be really busy replacing you. Yeah, anode.
Speaker 1: That's gonna take us like a week and then and
Speaker 1: then they will have forgotten. Yeah it's you. Will just
Speaker 1: totally forgotten about you. It's fine, And that will be
Speaker 1: in the middle of recording and you'll show up and
Speaker 1: what the hell she pitch? It was like hearing my
Speaker 1: own self. It was told you he's good. It's a
Speaker 1: hell of a mimic. I feel like I'm not part
Speaker 1: of the circle now, so oh, I be part of
Speaker 1: the circle. You're part of the healing circle. Circle. We're
Speaker 1: just gonna be a witch covin from now on. That's
Speaker 1: not a which covin? Which covin? Okay? Cool? Yeah, okay cool?
Speaker 1: And introduction yeah, and we'll get a clean introduction and
Speaker 1: all of that stuff. And then um, we'll probably do
Speaker 1: that thing where we take an extra long pause, you know,
Speaker 1: after asking, and then like they take a pause, and
Speaker 1: then you know, we'll ask him the next question so
Speaker 1: that we can get as clean as a recording as possible,
Speaker 1: since Skype tends to give us a nice you know,
Speaker 1: five two to five second alay, depending on how it's
Speaker 1: feeling that day. That's true. And then and then we'll
Speaker 1: ask you to record a commercial ad for us. And uh,
Speaker 1: all right, are we recording? I said a heart attack
Speaker 1: that we weren't recording this whole Well, it was just
Speaker 1: like very flat, and then I remembered it was silent
Speaker 1: in the room, and so that's why I was listening
Speaker 1: for Yeah, that's that's how we caught Joe talking about
Speaker 1: listen bit. It was actually just a n E v
Speaker 1: P that was actually not even me. It was my
Speaker 1: ghost living here that wanted to really screw me. Overt chances,
Speaker 1: there's crime Connery and the tubes. Stupid ghost. So whenever
Speaker 1: you are ready, tell me, and I will mute myself
Speaker 1: and then it is all you. You don't want to
Speaker 1: have the like weird breathing on. Uh yeah, that'll really
Speaker 1: go well with The Boss season three. They'll be like,
Speaker 1: oh god, the bad guys in the background. No, there
Speaker 1: he is. Yeah, okay, probably better than I don't yeah
Speaker 1: for real, Um yeah, I don't know. I can do whenever. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: it's it's your show. I'm just gonna say a bunch
Speaker 1: of mean stuff about you while you're on mute. I
Speaker 1: was just talking. You didn't hear me, So I'm the
Speaker 1: one who gets to do that. That's true. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: let's do the thing. Okay. Trying to decipher Google's like
Speaker 1: your sober friend, you know, like you can type some
Speaker 1: like really messed up words in there, and it's like,
Speaker 1: oh did you mean this? Because it understands somehow the
Speaker 1: AI on that with me, it always says, oh do
Speaker 1: you mean porn? Could be a good one for the Bluer. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: of course Google doesn't say that. Why not. I haven't
Speaker 1: been working on my bird pones because they just tend
Speaker 1: to fly right into my brain. They falcon in there.
Speaker 1: That one didn't work. It worked, Yeah, it'd only work
Speaker 1: in your bird brain. Oh true? Yeah, you're ready. Yeah,
Speaker 1: now you clear your throat? You need to do it anymore? No,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Can we actually for our four your anniversary?
Speaker 1: Can it just be every single clip we have of
Speaker 1: Joe clearing his throat or coughing, just an entire episode
Speaker 1: of it. It would require me to save him all.
Speaker 1: You saved many of them, I'm sure. No. I cut
Speaker 1: them out real like, no, he's coughing. I don't have
Speaker 1: that on tape. But one time I'm like, god, I
Speaker 1: I sneezed, I hiccuped, I belched, and I farted just
Speaker 1: like bam bam bam bam. That was it? So good?
Speaker 1: I know that that's the right word. Ghost parts. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's a bird joke to make? I don't know. We're
Speaker 1: gonna fly like an eagle the commerci You got your egrets,
Speaker 1: you got your owls, you got your e moves. Where
Speaker 1: is that from? We're gonna take an egg in. Now
Speaker 1: that doesn't work. Um, I'm sorry. Wait, I had a
Speaker 1: list of them earlier. We're going to take an existential break. No,
Speaker 1: give me a break. Give it a nest already speak,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to use it. Give it a nest in.
Speaker 1: She reportedly married a name. Name married a name. You're
Speaker 1: a wreck. I'd like a fever of like a hundred
Speaker 1: and four Friday nice. That's why I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't do anything right now because they will not be coherent.
Speaker 1: That's what Karen had. She's had a fever. What what's
Speaker 1: your temperature now? I actually run kind of cold. I
Speaker 1: do too. I'm about you know, I'm about ninety seven
Speaker 1: point six something like that. I don't know what I am.
Speaker 1: Let's about what I run out? I don't know. If
Speaker 1: you have a thermometer. I have a thermometer. You can't
Speaker 1: use it because it's recte. Yeah, yeah, the hell you
Speaker 1: can't stick it up here. Maybe she's crackers. Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: I'll do something with squinty face. Don't worry about it. Okay,
Speaker 1: squinty face. Oh since okay you dumb ship Okay, ready, okay,
Speaker 1: there we go, hang on, get to get a character.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Okay, here we go. Ready, mm hmmm, I
Speaker 1: wanted to fit in. Yeah, yeah, totally tear pressure. So
Speaker 1: your chairs facing the wrong way. You need to spin
Speaker 1: it about a d eighty degrees because I don't want
Speaker 1: to have to look at you through this whole episode. Plus,
Speaker 1: the cats want to hear my voice. Yeah, they like
Speaker 1: my voice. It's gonna be great when all of Joe's
Speaker 1: comments are here. Kitty kitty, Hey, what's up buddy? Good boy?
Speaker 1: I ever loved Joe's response to everything to me, good kitty.
Speaker 1: I feel sorry for whoever it is at the FBI
Speaker 1: that's got to actually listen to the microphones. That's what
Speaker 1: they're here is me talking to the cats. Oh man,
Speaker 1: that guy's gotta be pulling his hair out, you know, Joe,
Speaker 1: it's anybody who's bugging anybody's house, because the same thing
Speaker 1: happens at our house all the time. On our house,
Speaker 1: you don't have any you don't have any pets and pets.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, did you watch the Corgy video, etcetera. It
Speaker 1: was very cute. That was awfully sweet, funny. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: did I finish everything? I was just I was saying
Speaker 1: kind of it or I did. Yeah, I'm not. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm not. I don't live in your brain.
Speaker 1: But you came to a reasonable okay. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: when we got interrupted by yeah you finished your statement, okay,
Speaker 1: which is I think? Fine? All right, good, I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you a heads up. You're doing a lot
Speaker 1: of uh it makes me sound like I know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. There you go. You sound like intelligent
Speaker 1: and versed. Yeah, okay, that's okay. I couldn't help but
Speaker 1: have a little beer fun at you. Well, it's called
Speaker 1: you don't know how to turn the mouth of the
Speaker 1: beer towards you. I was paying attention to you being
Speaker 1: a creepisoid. I'm sorry. It's okay, just from the girl
Speaker 1: who takes bad some beer? Do you do? This episode
Speaker 1: of thinking sideways is not brought to you by I
Speaker 1: should have picked one first. Okay, wait, that's actually good one. First,
Speaker 1: there's a plastic clipping on the ground you want to grab.
Speaker 1: That definitely goes your mic stare. It is. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: heard that thing falling to the ground, and I looked
Speaker 1: for it when I was and I did not see it.
Speaker 1: I think it actually, Oh my god, let me do
Speaker 1: what I want to do. Well, you can do it wrong.
Speaker 1: It's my life. Don't do it all stuffing stupid. That's fine,
Speaker 1: we're not tatching. You don't tell me I all of
Speaker 1: my life? Okay you cord record needs to be flipped
Speaker 1: over the other side. There you go. That's better like this.
Speaker 1: How it helped? That works? I don't know how it goes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's perfect that This is why we have such good equipment. Yeah, project,
Speaker 1: it's really far. Well. Hey there and loocome again to
Speaker 1: another episodes. Joe making noises. I was trying to catch
Speaker 1: it before. There's there's always know, there's always like you
Speaker 1: ought to wait the additional second little there's always a yeah,
Speaker 1: follow on? Okay at all seriousness? Okay, this is bantering
Speaker 1: right close up on this. I wasn't sure about that.
Speaker 1: I get Can you talk directly to the top like that?
Speaker 1: Can I just do this the whole time? Would you
Speaker 1: you do go to the gym so I could extended
Speaker 1: plank man? What's the diver? Watch good music? You could
Speaker 1: probably knock it around a little bit. Are you chewing gum? No?
Speaker 1: Good job? Good job? Oh he made a note for
Speaker 1: us though, made that note? Did you make the check
Speaker 1: the mixture perfect. We want to make shirts on yes,
Speaker 1: because we don't want this one to be not recorded
Speaker 1: like we did once before. Yeah, it happened that it
Speaker 1: was the worst. That was the worst story ever. Sorry
Speaker 1: about that. Guys were still recording it made you listen
Speaker 1: to it, dang it. By the way, some guy was
Speaker 1: asking a few guys were able to intro put their
Speaker 1: intro music, and when we could do this, And I'm
Speaker 1: guessing the answer would be, it's not us, but somebody
Speaker 1: else asked me, and I'm going to edit the crap
Speaker 1: out of this. Yeah, yeah, I guess. I imagine he
Speaker 1: will come. He will yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know
Speaker 1: who it was. I don't remember names. So are you
Speaker 1: going to are you going to hang out here? And
Speaker 1: just sort of yeah, we did not show our a
Speaker 1: whole lot that It's true. Okay, stinky smell. I didn't
Speaker 1: think you would be able to smell me from all
Speaker 1: the way over there, but m M expert SNAs right here. Listen,
Speaker 1: I spent two days on airplanes with this guy with
Speaker 1: his gum. Yeah, you did his gum. I don't know
Speaker 1: why it is, it's the smell of it. I know
Speaker 1: it's a fruity flavor. But it smells. It smells like
Speaker 1: the same flavor, the same smell that they put in
Speaker 1: the toilet water. For some reason, I just immediately associated
Speaker 1: the two. And now Joe talks to me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: toilet water. Toilet actually, probably because he's been drinking toilet water. Hey,
Speaker 1: you know what's wrong with that? Nothing, that's water. You
Speaker 1: get heavy metals that way. It's good enough for your
Speaker 1: dog and your cat. Okay, let's do this thing. I
Speaker 1: don't need it. Oh, you're a pro. She's like this
Speaker 1: four years or something we have you're kidding. I gotta
Speaker 1: quit and we're back. Beautiful good name for a band,
Speaker 1: The Dead Hooker's Dead Hooker. Yeah, it's got a good
Speaker 1: hook to it. How about Dead Hooker Pete? No, No,
Speaker 1: that's gross, really gross. The Dead Hooker Society. Maybe mm,
Speaker 1: would Robin Williams have started that, that's my question. Yes.
Speaker 1: With Patrick Swayze, yeah, that would be that would actually
Speaker 1: be kind of funny. And he's teaching Patrick Swayze. That's
Speaker 1: this exclusive boarding school for boys, and Patrick is obviously
Speaker 1: like forty three discovery how much how much he loves poetry.
Speaker 1: But then but then his dad like his dad, like
Speaker 1: you know, like like pisses him off, it kills himself. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm picturing that. It's Mrs Doubtfire teaching um. Patrick Swayze
Speaker 1: in um too, Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar
Speaker 1: who's pretending to be a seventeen year old girl in
Speaker 1: a pert prestigious all girls school, and then they both
Speaker 1: find out that they're both men in drag. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: after their affair to see you guys have missed. I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have, said Robin Williams, because we've miscast this. It's
Speaker 1: should have been Patrick Stewart playing a seventeen year old boy.
Speaker 1: He just passes. That might be exactly okay. Actually want
Speaker 1: to hear a weird fact. I was listening to a
Speaker 1: horror movie thing today, and you know the mask in
Speaker 1: Halloween that the character wears. Do you know who that
Speaker 1: mask is? Who said? Patrick? No, it's a I thought
Speaker 1: a hockey goalie mask. Show. O. God, come on, it's
Speaker 1: coming to you because I'm talking it shatter. It was
Speaker 1: shatters like the other captain, the other captain whatever painted
Speaker 1: a Captain Kirk mask, and that's what he wears in Halloween.
Speaker 1: Really I thought I spent I mean literally decades. But
Speaker 1: I thought he just wore a hockey goalie. Man, No,
Speaker 1: that's that's Friday, Friday the thirteenth, is the is the
Speaker 1: hockey mask the other guy in Michael? Yeah, Michael Myers
Speaker 1: is the one who's wearing That's the wrong Michael. He's
Speaker 1: also impassive in the face. They painted a shatterer mask.
Speaker 1: I did not know that we huh was that to
Speaker 1: put down a shatter It's kind of an homage. I
Speaker 1: think it just happened to be with them. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: let's do this. Okay, you know, and do you want
Speaker 1: to said Bitchen. So I'm going to say blow job,
Speaker 1: Bolsa baliska, Yeah, pasilla, not vasilla. And now, oh now
Speaker 1: vanilla vanilla ice cream. It's a vanilla ice pick murders, Yeah,
Speaker 1: vanilla bean? What about vanilla ice pick? I like that idea.
Speaker 1: That guy sucks. Is he still alive vanilla ice? Yeah?
Speaker 1: He has a reality TV show now where he's a contractor.
Speaker 1: That shows you how much TV I'm watching these days. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I came across. I was probably
Speaker 1: stuck in a hotel or something going well, god, so
Speaker 1: is that what he does for a living. I don't know, Joe,
Speaker 1: You're exceeded the knowledge I have about current fology the
Speaker 1: amount that you care exactly. Yeah, I understand. Okay, okay, alright,
Speaker 1: let's talk about subject to hand here? Oh yeah, did
Speaker 1: you I don't even sell my notes Dean about you?
Speaker 1: Do you want to do that? Do you care? Okay,
Speaker 1: so you can say something like that. Guys, do you
Speaker 1: know what data is? And something like that? Okay? Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, Well you don't need coaching on how to
Speaker 1: throw familiar you're a check all right? Oh boy, Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. Okay, good n that's fine. Or the
Speaker 1: three of us all together? Could I'll go theory. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna save that for our very last episode that we
Speaker 1: ever do. Well, let's just try it just for the
Speaker 1: fun of it. Let's see how we sound. You're ready
Speaker 1: are recording? Yeah? Sadly? Okay? On three one two three theories?
Speaker 1: That sounds awful. Let's do it. Let's do it again. Fine, theories,
Speaker 1: got nothing but theories? Okay? Where were we? No bad, bad,
Speaker 1: bad races. There's a little motorcycle gang that's sometimes thoses
Speaker 1: around the neighborhood. Okay, happy, happy, happy us. No, yesess,
Speaker 1: internet strangers, dictate the mood that I am feeling. Ready,
Speaker 1: you internet strangers, let's him go. All right, I'm speaking
Speaker 1: in the same language that is written on that terrible
Speaker 1: CD that Joe has out there. I'm missing the Steward Hank.
Speaker 1: The h is silent. All right, here we go, alright,
Speaker 1: time for our new theme music inside with the gig sideways. Okay, hey, okay,
Speaker 1: a weird noise. Yeah, let's let's do a little chair
Speaker 1: to make ourselves all jazz. You know these never work.
Speaker 1: I know, Joe, you wanted to turn the volume off
Speaker 1: your phone instead. My point is it's really dumb. I
Speaker 1: know you're being obscenely paradoise. I know, like, don't buy
Speaker 1: Kiwi because they're the government monitors Kiwi kind of crazy paraoid,
Speaker 1: because that's a crazy paranoid theory. Never ever ever ever
Speaker 1: ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever
Speaker 1: ever ever ever ever heard that theory before. How long
Speaker 1: do you say it again? Yeah? I do, And I
Speaker 1: want you to at least one more ever than you
Speaker 1: did initially, So I really hope you were counting, Okay,
Speaker 1: were you were? You? How many? I do? I'm okay,
Speaker 1: let's go. I'm sweaty. Sorry, did they give her give
Speaker 1: him a leg up on the investigations? Just sitting over
Speaker 1: here cackling to yourself about a job that's pretty funny. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: we'll give you that. No, it's not a time, it's middle.
Speaker 1: Is it called the middle of the knife? Not called that,
Speaker 1: It's called the uh. No, it's not called the uh.
Speaker 1: We could, if you want, just called you know where
Speaker 1: the blade goes back into the handle that Devin Stevins googling. Okay,
Speaker 1: what the is that thing called? I know this, God
Speaker 1: damn it, brain for it. Stations of trust. But if
Speaker 1: you want to fall backwards into the blanket, I swear
Speaker 1: that we Joe and I will catch you. I've seen
Speaker 1: that done with two people. It does not work because
Speaker 1: we both go not in. Yeah, yep, you do. It's true.
Speaker 1: It's hard these days because people are you know, they're
Speaker 1: texting whatever. You know, you're falling backwards, and they're like like,
Speaker 1: what did your phone? You know? Yeah, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: that time when when Henry died and I was I
Speaker 1: went out back and I wrapped him up kind of,
Speaker 1: and I went out back and I started digging his grave,
Speaker 1: you know, and it was raining and and I'm almost
Speaker 1: done with the grave and then the doorbell rings as
Speaker 1: Rob and and he and he's like, oh Henry died
Speaker 1: and everything, and he was all serious and everything, and
Speaker 1: then he was Henry was lying on a on a
Speaker 1: towel on the living room floor, and so I picked
Speaker 1: him up and I wrapped him and everything, and I
Speaker 1: had him to Rob and we went out back and
Speaker 1: Rob was carrying Henry like, you know, really really really
Speaker 1: solemnly like this. And then I hear his phone go
Speaker 1: blipp and I like, back, he's got him like this,
Speaker 1: So what's going on? Okay, Henry, Henry survived, excepting didn't.
Speaker 1: He didn't know any better at that point. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: am Zultar, Okay, always serious. We're the host of you
Speaker 1: Will you Shall be Our Slaves, the podcast that tells
Speaker 1: you about the coming New World as soon as the
Speaker 1: mother Ship arrives at Portune Teller I don't know what
Speaker 1: a space alien, dude. No, he's the sports and teller
Speaker 1: from Big Oh. That's right. I gotta I gotta get
Speaker 1: another name and people to us, how about Okay? Alright, ready,
Speaker 1: Crazy yellow Eyes. It's the funniest thing, got crazy yellow
Speaker 1: eyes and a sort of crazy expression on, and she's
Speaker 1: just like mortal man, I must have your seed, right.
Speaker 1: That's how it works, is like I'm actually gay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a ticket. I'm gay. No, no games, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: all what right, that's going to have to cut that.
Speaker 1: We have to come. I don't care, So I don't
Speaker 1: want you guys to put in a whole lot. That's
Speaker 1: all I was putting into right now. Okay, in this
Speaker 1: creepy jerky state. Um, that's like two million, two hundred
Speaker 1: and a a two million. God, I put a weird
Speaker 1: thing in there, and I didn't correct if. I just
Speaker 1: want to see what happened. I'm listening to phone down.
Speaker 1: I'm ready, I'm listening. I'm not making eye contact, but
Speaker 1: I'm listening. Oh, it's gonna take him five minutes. He's
Speaker 1: going to clear throughout like twenty times. I totally have
Speaker 1: enough time to send off a couple of emails. It's fine, good, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's gonna go out for a cigarette pretty soon. Thanks
Speaker 1: for reminding me. Let's yeah, okay, ready, let's do it
Speaker 1: all right, let's do this. Hello, Well, no podcast. This week,
Speaker 1: we're making fun of hair lips, so all of our
Speaker 1: hair lip listeners. What I found out from my physical
Speaker 1: therapist through this accident that I am what's called hypermobile,
Speaker 1: which means my joints just don't stop where they're supposed
Speaker 1: to stop, which explains a lot of where. So you're
Speaker 1: more flexible than they average, just like naturally, way more flexible. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And she was like, do you hurt your joints a lot?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I do. And she was like, yep, yep,
Speaker 1: you're you're hypermobile. She's like, have you always been flexible
Speaker 1: even without trying? And I was like yes, and she
Speaker 1: was like, m you know what you have to do
Speaker 1: is you have to like buy write a letter to
Speaker 1: Hillary Clinton and just say Hillary, where do you get
Speaker 1: your clothes? Because it looks like you can barely move
Speaker 1: than those outfits for once. Was working on those for years.
Speaker 1: And I know everybody makes fun of your wardrobe, but
Speaker 1: I really envy. Okay, he was ready, Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1: There's flies everywhere, just a little fruit flies things down
Speaker 1: from your fruit rotting flute fruit. I got a couple
Speaker 1: of apples. I just threw it. And then you need
Speaker 1: to take the garbage out store a whole bunch of
Speaker 1: fruit in your atteq rea. Yeah, okay, al right, okay,
Speaker 1: let's start. Let's mix yourun yepp okay, all right, here
Speaker 1: we go, all right, years the murder, come on, all right,
Speaker 1: let's go. I think murder is funny. Okay, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but you know, okay, alright, done. Sorry for too soon
Speaker 1: to get punchy. We're not on it, all right, we're ready.
Speaker 1: M hm. Was that it's not that's the first time
Speaker 1: I've heard Devin fart. Yeah, sure of course. Yeah, see
Speaker 1: I can recreate it. Yeah, that episode that gas gasser
Speaker 1: of the studio. Already. Let's do this thing, all right,
Speaker 1: m I don't know it. Could I think this thing
Speaker 1: but that you used to burn ants? Oh yeah, that thing,
Speaker 1: the ice scope thing? I like that. Did you use fart? Oh?
Speaker 1: Is that your chair? Okay? M m hm. Joe trying
Speaker 1: to be quiet is my favorite because it never worked.
Speaker 1: It's like a teenager sneaking in after hours. Yeah okay, okay,
Speaker 1: Bob Away, I don't like you up to it still
Speaker 1: still trip? Sorry okay, okay, s a yeah dah, it's thinking.
Speaker 1: Oh actually, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I hate this car
Speaker 1: accidents still mean up somehow acupuncture just doesn't. It just
Speaker 1: doesn't sit right anymore, which is really fun thing to
Speaker 1: have happened. From the rear, ending it's good times or
Speaker 1: maybe I'm just getting old, you old bag. There you go.
Speaker 1: If you say it again, all laugh like you said
Speaker 1: it the first time, just just to prove to let's
Speaker 1: your best laughed Devan. She does it all the time
Speaker 1: on this show. Only laugh you've ever heard. I thought
Speaker 1: you liked my humor. You're supposed to laugh? Oh, try
Speaker 1: it again. Yeah, I thought you loved my humor. Oh
Speaker 1: you do. Yeah, that's what a genuine last sounds like. Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: you ready in April seventeen, mere months ago, said okay,
Speaker 1: let's do it one more time. Uh huh, okay, are
Speaker 1: two years in the future. Well I'll still be alive.
Speaker 1: Good work buddy here just in the litter boxes, clear,
Speaker 1: all right? Okay, but but maybe he's not the best
Speaker 1: semen in the world. Don't you don't laugh? I knew
Speaker 1: you can laugh. Now you're laughing. Oh my god. The
Speaker 1: word is by the way, see man, except Nazis, you
Speaker 1: can't say that. That's kind of discriminatory. Anything you can't
Speaker 1: say I did I tell you guys about that the Wolfins.
Speaker 1: I did the Wolfenstein thing where it was like this
Speaker 1: Wolfenstein game has been this series for Phillips and like
Speaker 1: since the eighties, and every single time the tagline has
Speaker 1: been killed Nazis killed the Nazis, And until this year
Speaker 1: everyone was like yep. And then this year they were like,
Speaker 1: Wolfenstein killed the Nazis, and a bunch of like white
Speaker 1: supremacists were like, um, that's offensive. You can't say that.
Speaker 1: What anyway? Okay? Did they change it? No? Nazis come
Speaker 1: the alienist A L A l I E N s
Speaker 1: A l I E N. I had to zoom in.
Speaker 1: I couldn't read it. I did m hm. He's unlike
Speaker 1: any other nutritional snake. Oh my god, like any other
Speaker 1: nutritional snake. Okay, snake, nutritional snakes. I fit nurished is
Speaker 1: in like dear lord, Um, did you breaks? No? Do
Speaker 1: you need the duck's tape? I need to put my
Speaker 1: phone onto he needs to have the phones out. Should
Speaker 1: turn my right off. You should have not have a
Speaker 1: ringer on. I'm explaining all things in a strange manner today.
Speaker 1: This makes great audio. Joe leaving the room, clump, clumb, clumb,
Speaker 1: Joe returning to the room, Joe's squeaky house talks. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's what we should do, is our special episodes, just
Speaker 1: the squeaks of this house. Well, if we were going
Speaker 1: to do a haunted house episode, we've got a lot
Speaker 1: of sound effects right here. Let's say that's a good
Speaker 1: episode for whatever, some of our special content. Let's do
Speaker 1: a haunted house Jim. Yeah, I know, yeah, news alert.
Speaker 1: It'll be found footage. It'll be like the Blair Witch
Speaker 1: Project found audio footage. Yeah, I'll think of something. Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: let's go ready. Yeah, yeah, that's a fun story. People
Speaker 1: get killed, you know. Hey. Well yeah, I'm okay, I'm sorry, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go back to it here. I'm trying. Okay, that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's fine. You destroyed that rug which has
Speaker 1: been in my family for so many years, tied the
Speaker 1: room together. Yeah, okay, thank you, Van, if you like
Speaker 1: for your team. Now, good job. That's Britt the Corpse. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually that's a really good, um kind of list. That's
Speaker 1: actually a really little thing you right around. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try it one way, okay, and I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: it another way. You're reading my mind or actually, maybe
Speaker 1: I pulled a joke out of your mind. I do
Speaker 1: that a lot. Yeah, all right, here we go. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to have Steve mouth. It's the worst,
Speaker 1: that's what I call it. Now. I can't even stand
Speaker 1: my own mouth. Uh. You know, you see your cat,
Speaker 1: you catch your cat pooping on your bed, and you
Speaker 1: think to yourself, wow, I didn't have my camera. I
Speaker 1: didn't capture that that wonderful image. And so you want
Speaker 1: to go back in stage and similarly in war, you
Speaker 1: know you see something really awesome. Can I ask a question?
Speaker 1: You want to go back? And we have a lot
Speaker 1: of questions about that question, analogy. Okay, it's like this.
Speaker 1: We don't do the no. I'll just say like this,
Speaker 1: it's easy. Hi. This is the Tax Crime Investigation, the
Speaker 1: unit of I r S. The reason you are receiving
Speaker 1: this prerecorded messages to note value that I r S
Speaker 1: has issued and arrest warrant against you. Right now, you
Speaker 1: and your physical property, those are being monitored and it's
Speaker 1: very important that I do hear back from you as
Speaker 1: soon as possible before we proceed further in any legal manner.
Speaker 1: My direct call back number is thank you.