1
00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:24,156
Speaker 1: Pushkin. When you first think of what constitutes a leader,

2
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:28,156
Speaker 1: you might picture presidents, generals, and CEOs. But if you

3
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,956
Speaker 1: reflect a bit, it quickly becomes clear that many of

4
00:00:31,036 --> 00:00:34,436
Speaker 1: us occupy some sort of leadership role. Parents and caregivers

5
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:38,396
Speaker 1: they're leaders. So are college professors and coaches. Even if

6
00:00:38,396 --> 00:00:41,356
Speaker 1: you're not officially a manager on your job, you're probably

7
00:00:41,396 --> 00:00:43,996
Speaker 1: more experienced than at least one of your coworkers. And

8
00:00:44,036 --> 00:00:46,396
Speaker 1: if that less senior person looks to you for guidance

9
00:00:46,636 --> 00:00:49,396
Speaker 1: and guess what, you're a leader to. Given that so

10
00:00:49,556 --> 00:00:51,476
Speaker 1: many of us are being looked up to in at

11
00:00:51,556 --> 00:00:54,596
Speaker 1: least some capacity, we should probably put more thought into

12
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:57,316
Speaker 1: becoming the best leaders we can be, which is why

13
00:00:57,356 --> 00:01:00,316
Speaker 1: today's episode will be exploring how to inspire the people

14
00:01:00,316 --> 00:01:04,196
Speaker 1: around you, and I've lined up a particularly inspiring guest.

15
00:01:04,516 --> 00:01:07,876
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Adam Glinsky. I'm a professor Columbia Business School,

16
00:01:07,996 --> 00:01:11,156
Speaker 2: and I'm the author of an Inspire, The Universal Path

17
00:01:11,596 --> 00:01:13,156
Speaker 2: for Leading Yourself and Others.

18
00:01:13,796 --> 00:01:16,196
Speaker 1: Adam is one of the top business school professors in

19
00:01:16,236 --> 00:01:19,276
Speaker 1: the world. His research has inspired the bosses of huge

20
00:01:19,276 --> 00:01:23,236
Speaker 1: corporations and fast global organizations. But Adam has argued that

21
00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:25,716
Speaker 1: the lessons that applied to folks leading tens of thousands

22
00:01:25,756 --> 00:01:28,556
Speaker 1: of employees equally applied to the rest of us, and

23
00:01:28,596 --> 00:01:31,236
Speaker 1: so Adam is passionate about making all of us more

24
00:01:31,276 --> 00:01:34,836
Speaker 1: inspiring leaders. But what sparked his interest in this topic.

25
00:01:35,236 --> 00:01:38,556
Speaker 2: Partially, it started because I was teaching at a business

26
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,916
Speaker 2: school and I was asked to start teaching the Leadership

27
00:01:40,916 --> 00:01:44,796
Speaker 2: and Organizations class and just really loved teaching the class

28
00:01:44,796 --> 00:01:46,836
Speaker 2: and sort of thinking about leadership and the skills that

29
00:01:46,956 --> 00:01:50,076
Speaker 2: leaders needed. And I got a lot of opportunities also

30
00:01:50,156 --> 00:01:55,276
Speaker 2: interact with leaders, CEOs, presidents, a variety of different members

31
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,596
Speaker 2: of organizations, nonprofits, and just started learning a little bit

32
00:01:58,596 --> 00:02:02,156
Speaker 2: more about their stories but also the type of challenges

33
00:02:02,196 --> 00:02:04,436
Speaker 2: they faced as a leader, and that I think really

34
00:02:04,716 --> 00:02:05,596
Speaker 2: got me engaged.

35
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,676
Speaker 1: And one of the challenges you talk about in your

36
00:02:07,716 --> 00:02:11,236
Speaker 1: new book is this importance of being inspired. Why does

37
00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:13,116
Speaker 1: inspiration matter so much for leaders?

38
00:02:13,316 --> 00:02:16,476
Speaker 2: The key sort of empirical foundation of all the research

39
00:02:16,516 --> 00:02:20,476
Speaker 2: I've done on leadership is just asking thousands of people

40
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:23,516
Speaker 2: across the globe a very simple question, which is, tell

41
00:02:23,556 --> 00:02:26,476
Speaker 2: me about a leader that inspired you. And then also

42
00:02:26,516 --> 00:02:28,916
Speaker 2: I asked people to tell me about another type of

43
00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:32,476
Speaker 2: leader that also changed you inside, but instead of filling

44
00:02:32,556 --> 00:02:34,956
Speaker 2: you with this well spring of hope and possibility, they

45
00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:38,316
Speaker 2: filled you with a seething cauldron of rage and infuriation.

46
00:02:38,676 --> 00:02:41,356
Speaker 2: And I think that asking that question all over the

47
00:02:41,356 --> 00:02:43,796
Speaker 2: world about a leader that inspired you and infuriating you know,

48
00:02:43,916 --> 00:02:47,356
Speaker 2: really led me to have I think, three really profound

49
00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:50,796
Speaker 2: and fundamental insights about leadership and why this topic of

50
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:54,036
Speaker 2: inspiration is so important. The first thing I discovered very

51
00:02:54,076 --> 00:02:56,516
Speaker 2: quickly and starting to ask these people is that the

52
00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:59,716
Speaker 2: inspiring leader and the inferiting leader are mirror images of

53
00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:03,716
Speaker 2: each other, courageous versus cowardly, generous versus selfish. Right, They're

54
00:03:03,756 --> 00:03:06,316
Speaker 2: almost the exact opposites of each other. So they kind

55
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:09,996
Speaker 2: of exist on this continuum. Now, this continual itself is

56
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:14,196
Speaker 2: made up of three universal factors, and so one of

57
00:03:14,196 --> 00:03:17,876
Speaker 2: the most striking things about my research is that there's

58
00:03:17,916 --> 00:03:22,436
Speaker 2: not a single characteristic of an inspiring leader that isn't

59
00:03:22,476 --> 00:03:25,476
Speaker 2: mentioned in every single country in the world. And so

60
00:03:25,836 --> 00:03:27,876
Speaker 2: one of the things about being this universal, and going

61
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,916
Speaker 2: back to your original question, like why does this matter,

62
00:03:30,036 --> 00:03:33,396
Speaker 2: is it's like it's really embedded in the human brain.

63
00:03:33,636 --> 00:03:36,476
Speaker 2: It's really part of the cognitive architecture of the mind

64
00:03:36,636 --> 00:03:39,436
Speaker 2: to really be sensitive to leaders on the one hand,

65
00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:42,476
Speaker 2: and how leaders impact us on the other. The second

66
00:03:42,516 --> 00:03:45,836
Speaker 2: big insight, besides being sort of these three universal factors

67
00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:49,036
Speaker 2: along this continuum, is those three are the universal factors

68
00:03:49,236 --> 00:03:52,956
Speaker 2: because they each satisfy a fundamental human need. One of

69
00:03:52,956 --> 00:03:55,596
Speaker 2: the factors is what I call visionary sort of how

70
00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,756
Speaker 2: we see the world, and that satisfies the fundamental human

71
00:03:58,796 --> 00:04:01,716
Speaker 2: need for meaning and understanding. And then another factor which

72
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:04,236
Speaker 2: I call exemplar sort of how we are in the

73
00:04:04,276 --> 00:04:07,356
Speaker 2: world right that really satisfies the fundamental human need for

74
00:04:07,436 --> 00:04:10,996
Speaker 2: protection and passion. And the third factors being a great

75
00:04:10,996 --> 00:04:13,836
Speaker 2: mentor how we interact with others, and that satisfies the

76
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:16,556
Speaker 2: fundamental human needs for a sense of belonging and a

77
00:04:16,596 --> 00:04:19,556
Speaker 2: sense of status or feeling respected by others. And then

78
00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:22,996
Speaker 2: the third insight is that we're not born as inspiring

79
00:04:23,036 --> 00:04:25,996
Speaker 2: people or inferiting people. It's our current behavior that inspires

80
00:04:26,076 --> 00:04:28,116
Speaker 2: or infuriates. That means that each and every one of

81
00:04:28,196 --> 00:04:31,396
Speaker 2: us can learn to be more inspiring, to impact people

82
00:04:31,436 --> 00:04:35,156
Speaker 2: in a positive rather than a negative infuriting way by

83
00:04:35,396 --> 00:04:38,996
Speaker 2: learning those characteristics, by nurturing them, by developing them, by

84
00:04:39,036 --> 00:04:39,876
Speaker 2: practicing them.

85
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:41,276
Speaker 1: This was one of the insights that I found most

86
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:43,916
Speaker 1: striking when I read your book, because even I knowing

87
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,996
Speaker 1: some of the social science research, just had the sense

88
00:04:45,996 --> 00:04:48,036
Speaker 1: that there's some people out there that are just kind

89
00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:51,716
Speaker 1: of naturally inspiring, and there's some, you know, the flip side,

90
00:04:51,716 --> 00:04:53,396
Speaker 1: which I think is maybe relevant for some of us,

91
00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:55,636
Speaker 1: there's some people out there that just seem like, deeply

92
00:04:55,756 --> 00:04:58,796
Speaker 1: but very naturally infuriating. And what I loved about your

93
00:04:58,796 --> 00:05:01,516
Speaker 1: book is that you're saying, no, like, we actually can

94
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:04,436
Speaker 1: get better at becoming inspiring ourselves, and maybe if we

95
00:05:04,516 --> 00:05:06,916
Speaker 1: kind of have tendencies towards the not so inspiring side,

96
00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:08,516
Speaker 1: there are things we can do to do better.

97
00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:11,316
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and there's some things. I mean, obviously there's certain

98
00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:14,436
Speaker 2: sometimes physical constraints that we experience in the world, but

99
00:05:14,516 --> 00:05:18,356
Speaker 2: we can still train ourselves to present ourselves in a

100
00:05:18,396 --> 00:05:22,476
Speaker 2: way that impacts people more positively. One example is Margaret Thatcher.

101
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:26,196
Speaker 2: When she became Prime Minister of England, her voice was

102
00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,396
Speaker 2: a little annoying and she actually, with a voice coach,

103
00:05:29,556 --> 00:05:32,116
Speaker 2: learned to train her voice to be more effective. Now

104
00:05:32,316 --> 00:05:35,076
Speaker 2: later on, you know, twenty years later, I was doing

105
00:05:35,196 --> 00:05:38,996
Speaker 2: research on how power affected people's voices, And what we

106
00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:42,156
Speaker 2: found is that when we put people into positions of power,

107
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:45,956
Speaker 2: their voice actually became similar to what Margaret Thatcher's voice

108
00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:48,796
Speaker 2: was trained to be, which was sort of a constant pitch.

109
00:05:49,076 --> 00:05:51,196
Speaker 2: So that means that your voice is kind of steady,

110
00:05:51,276 --> 00:05:53,156
Speaker 2: you know, it's not going like this or this, you know,

111
00:05:53,276 --> 00:05:56,516
Speaker 2: but also being dynamic in volume, so that you sort

112
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,196
Speaker 2: of talk softly, but then you raise your voice without

113
00:05:59,236 --> 00:06:02,276
Speaker 2: losing the pitch. And so this dynamic, steady voice is

114
00:06:02,316 --> 00:06:05,676
Speaker 2: something that Margaret Thatcher learned to produce, and that naturally

115
00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:08,316
Speaker 2: occurs when we think about times when we were powerful,

116
00:06:08,356 --> 00:06:11,316
Speaker 2: for example, but we can also learn to develop that

117
00:06:11,396 --> 00:06:12,196
Speaker 2: voice directly.

118
00:06:12,236 --> 00:06:14,596
Speaker 1: Also, I love this example of these moments where you

119
00:06:14,756 --> 00:06:16,916
Speaker 1: happen to have been powerful, because I think sometimes when

120
00:06:16,956 --> 00:06:19,436
Speaker 1: folks are learning about your work or hearing about the book,

121
00:06:19,516 --> 00:06:21,676
Speaker 1: they could kind of think like this is for leaders, right.

122
00:06:21,716 --> 00:06:24,156
Speaker 1: Adam works with CEOs and kind of you know, heads

123
00:06:24,156 --> 00:06:26,276
Speaker 1: of big nonprofits and things like that. But in the

124
00:06:26,276 --> 00:06:28,316
Speaker 1: book you argue there's times when we all need to

125
00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:30,116
Speaker 1: think about being a leader. So give me a sense

126
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:33,316
Speaker 1: of like why everybody listening right now has probably been

127
00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,276
Speaker 1: a leader in some context in their lives.

128
00:06:35,676 --> 00:06:38,196
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean absolutely. I mean when we're a leader,

129
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,276
Speaker 2: people are looking up to us and they're looking for

130
00:06:41,316 --> 00:06:44,236
Speaker 2: something from us, right, And it could be guidance, it

131
00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:47,956
Speaker 2: could be support, could be protection. And so whenever there's

132
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:50,596
Speaker 2: someone that's looking towards us, we are in a sense

133
00:06:50,716 --> 00:06:53,516
Speaker 2: a position of leadership for them. So sometimes we look

134
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:56,196
Speaker 2: to our spouse, right, Sometimes we look to a friend.

135
00:06:56,356 --> 00:06:59,356
Speaker 2: Sometimes kids look to their parents. We're often in these

136
00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:02,436
Speaker 2: positions where people are looking up to us to help

137
00:07:02,476 --> 00:07:04,876
Speaker 2: them in some way and guide them and protect them

138
00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:07,716
Speaker 2: or nurture them in some sort of important way. And

139
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:10,196
Speaker 2: sometimes it's to help us see the world differently, right.

140
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:13,076
Speaker 2: That's where visionary comes in. And so if they help

141
00:07:13,116 --> 00:07:15,956
Speaker 2: the person see the world in a broader and more

142
00:07:15,996 --> 00:07:20,356
Speaker 2: creative or more insightful way, you've actually been their leader

143
00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:23,276
Speaker 2: essentially and helping them see a different vision. And so

144
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:26,396
Speaker 2: I think leadership is really about the positions we're in,

145
00:07:26,396 --> 00:07:28,356
Speaker 2: but also the behaviors that we're engaging in.

146
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,076
Speaker 1: And when we wind up in those positions we have

147
00:07:31,236 --> 00:07:33,396
Speaker 1: eyes on us in a different way. We're sort of

148
00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:35,996
Speaker 1: on this metaphorical stage. You've talked a lot about this

149
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:37,996
Speaker 1: idea of the leader amplification effect.

150
00:07:38,036 --> 00:07:40,556
Speaker 2: What's that? So, yeah, the leader amplification effect is, you know,

151
00:07:40,676 --> 00:07:43,596
Speaker 2: whenever we're in a position of leadership, and again you

152
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:46,076
Speaker 2: don't have to be in that hierarchical position, it could

153
00:07:46,076 --> 00:07:48,436
Speaker 2: be worse. Again, people are looking up to looking for

154
00:07:48,476 --> 00:07:51,876
Speaker 2: you for guidance, protection, nurturance, whatever it is. That people

155
00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:55,196
Speaker 2: are paying attention to us. And you're a cognitive psychologist,

156
00:07:55,196 --> 00:07:58,516
Speaker 2: so you know that, like attention is really the province

157
00:07:58,556 --> 00:08:01,956
Speaker 2: of intensification, Like anything that we pay attention to, and

158
00:08:01,956 --> 00:08:05,636
Speaker 2: we have more intensified reactions to and those get amplified

159
00:08:05,636 --> 00:08:07,716
Speaker 2: inside of us and impact us more. And so the

160
00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:10,636
Speaker 2: leader amplification effect is essentially that when we're on a

161
00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:12,836
Speaker 2: stage and there's more eyes on us and that attention

162
00:08:12,956 --> 00:08:15,236
Speaker 2: is on us, everything we do is sending a signal

163
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:19,076
Speaker 2: that is impacting people, and those signals get amplified. You know.

164
00:08:19,156 --> 00:08:20,916
Speaker 2: One of the examples I like to give is sort

165
00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:24,996
Speaker 2: of you know, maybe a casual, constructive comment becomes humiliating

166
00:08:25,036 --> 00:08:27,836
Speaker 2: criticism when it comes from a leader, but also maybe

167
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:31,396
Speaker 2: an offhand compliment becomes glorious praise, you know, in the

168
00:08:31,436 --> 00:08:33,436
Speaker 2: hands of a leader. And so one of the things

169
00:08:33,476 --> 00:08:37,116
Speaker 2: that I've discovered is that all of my behavior is

170
00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:40,556
Speaker 2: impactful for people, even if I'm not aware of it, right,

171
00:08:40,596 --> 00:08:43,476
Speaker 2: And so whenever we're in this position of leadership, we

172
00:08:43,636 --> 00:08:46,996
Speaker 2: really see how our behavior affects others.

173
00:08:47,116 --> 00:08:49,756
Speaker 1: You shared one example of this from another leadership context.

174
00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:51,316
Speaker 1: I think so many people are in but we don't

175
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,516
Speaker 1: think of it often. Is this idea of being a

176
00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:55,836
Speaker 1: parent as a leader. You had a story of parent

177
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,916
Speaker 1: amplification effects with your son that I found quite common

178
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:00,916
Speaker 1: but also quite disturbing if you don't get it right,

179
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:01,756
Speaker 1: Would you share that here?

180
00:09:01,956 --> 00:09:05,116
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sure, so you know, I would say that maybe

181
00:09:05,316 --> 00:09:07,476
Speaker 2: one of my single greatest joys that I've ever had

182
00:09:07,476 --> 00:09:10,676
Speaker 2: in the world is my older son has for almost

183
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,876
Speaker 2: an entire life, when he wakes up, he comes into

184
00:09:12,916 --> 00:09:15,836
Speaker 2: our bedroom and he crawls into bed and he just

185
00:09:15,876 --> 00:09:17,956
Speaker 2: wraps his body around mine and then sort of goes

186
00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:20,036
Speaker 2: back to sleep. You know, for years and years we've

187
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:22,876
Speaker 2: had these snuggle moments in the morning, and it just

188
00:09:23,036 --> 00:09:25,956
Speaker 2: fills me with joy. But one morning he came in

189
00:09:26,276 --> 00:09:28,556
Speaker 2: much earlier than usual, let's say, five am instead of

190
00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:30,676
Speaker 2: like six thirty, and I was working on the book,

191
00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:32,516
Speaker 2: and I had gone to sleep much later than usual,

192
00:09:32,716 --> 00:09:35,476
Speaker 2: like one am, and when he snuggles, he also moves

193
00:09:35,516 --> 00:09:37,756
Speaker 2: around him, so it's hard to go back to sleep,

194
00:09:37,916 --> 00:09:40,756
Speaker 2: and so normally I just lay there and enjoy the experience,

195
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,476
Speaker 2: but this time I just need to get some sleep,

196
00:09:42,556 --> 00:09:44,156
Speaker 2: and so I got out of bed and I went

197
00:09:44,196 --> 00:09:45,996
Speaker 2: to the couch and slept for like another hour and

198
00:09:46,036 --> 00:09:48,596
Speaker 2: a half. And then a few days later I just

199
00:09:48,716 --> 00:09:51,116
Speaker 2: noticed that he wasn't snuggling with me. He'd come into

200
00:09:51,156 --> 00:09:52,796
Speaker 2: the bed, but it kind of goes almost like to

201
00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:54,596
Speaker 2: the end of the bed, like where a dog would sleep.

202
00:09:54,676 --> 00:09:56,756
Speaker 2: So after like two days, I said, Asher, why aren't

203
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,076
Speaker 2: you snuggling with me? And he said, because you don't

204
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:01,636
Speaker 2: want to snuggle with me. And I was like that's

205
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:03,556
Speaker 2: not true. He's like, yes, it is. And I tried

206
00:10:03,556 --> 00:10:06,956
Speaker 2: to convince some otherwise. And then later that afternoon I

207
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:09,316
Speaker 2: put two and two together and I was like, ah ah,

208
00:10:09,596 --> 00:10:11,196
Speaker 2: So when I got out of bed the other day,

209
00:10:11,396 --> 00:10:14,756
Speaker 2: So I went to him that night and I said, hey, Asher,

210
00:10:14,996 --> 00:10:16,476
Speaker 2: were you upset when I got out of bed the

211
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,236
Speaker 2: other day? And he said yes, And I said, is

212
00:10:18,276 --> 00:10:19,956
Speaker 2: that why you think I don't want to smuggle with you?

213
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,636
Speaker 2: And he said yeah, I said, and I explained to

214
00:10:21,716 --> 00:10:23,236
Speaker 2: him that I had nothing new with him. I was

215
00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,516
Speaker 2: just a little tired and I'm so sorry. And then

216
00:10:25,556 --> 00:10:27,836
Speaker 2: the next day he came back and got into bed

217
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:29,276
Speaker 2: with me. But I had to tell you. One other

218
00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:32,116
Speaker 2: story from the parent amplification effect, it's my favorite one

219
00:10:32,116 --> 00:10:34,596
Speaker 2: that made me think about it is there's a doctoral student,

220
00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:37,156
Speaker 2: Erica Bailey, who's now a professor at Berkeley, and she

221
00:10:37,196 --> 00:10:38,996
Speaker 2: told me a story about when she was around twelve,

222
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,716
Speaker 2: her and her sister both played the piano, and she

223
00:10:41,956 --> 00:10:46,476
Speaker 2: overheard her mom say to a friend, oh, both my

224
00:10:46,556 --> 00:10:49,516
Speaker 2: girls are really good at piano, but Erica's sister has

225
00:10:49,556 --> 00:10:52,756
Speaker 2: a real knack for it. And Erica was so incensed

226
00:10:52,796 --> 00:10:55,996
Speaker 2: by this that she literally never played piano again. And

227
00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:58,996
Speaker 2: what's crazy about this story is I met the mom

228
00:10:59,276 --> 00:11:01,396
Speaker 2: and I mentioned the piano story and her mom's like,

229
00:11:01,396 --> 00:11:03,316
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? And I was like, do

230
00:11:03,356 --> 00:11:05,796
Speaker 2: you not know why your daughter quit piano? And she's

231
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:08,316
Speaker 2: like no, it's just like with my son. I didn't

232
00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:10,236
Speaker 2: know why he was mad, you know. And so we

233
00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:13,756
Speaker 2: have these reactions and that's true as a leader, right,

234
00:11:13,796 --> 00:11:15,516
Speaker 2: you could have the people have reactions that have no

235
00:11:15,636 --> 00:11:17,996
Speaker 2: idea why they've turned on you, you know, and it could

236
00:11:18,036 --> 00:11:19,236
Speaker 2: be just a misunderstanding.

237
00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:21,196
Speaker 1: And this is why I think figuring out how to

238
00:11:21,236 --> 00:11:24,196
Speaker 1: become inspiring so important, right, because in all these kind

239
00:11:24,196 --> 00:11:26,716
Speaker 1: of minor leader roles, it might be something we're totally

240
00:11:26,756 --> 00:11:29,636
Speaker 1: inadvertently doing that we absolutely don't realize, but it's because

241
00:11:29,636 --> 00:11:32,516
Speaker 1: of this sort of amplification effect gets perceived by somebody

242
00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:36,396
Speaker 1: else as really horrible criticisms or just like your deep

243
00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:39,356
Speaker 1: belief that somebody's not good at something. And honestly, if

244
00:11:39,356 --> 00:11:41,756
Speaker 1: I had kind of terrifying, right just being in as

245
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:44,196
Speaker 1: many leadership positions as I am, both just like in

246
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:46,436
Speaker 1: my normal life as a friend and a good colleague,

247
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:48,916
Speaker 1: but also you know, being a podcast host and a professor,

248
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,316
Speaker 1: it's terrifying to think that my inadvertent actions that I

249
00:11:51,316 --> 00:11:53,956
Speaker 1: don't even realize are that you know, visible or kind

250
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:57,076
Speaker 1: of big seeming wind up really deeply affecting somebody's lives

251
00:11:57,076 --> 00:11:58,076
Speaker 1: in ways that I don't think.

252
00:11:58,116 --> 00:11:59,796
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think a lot of times we don't

253
00:11:59,916 --> 00:12:02,516
Speaker 2: recognize when we're in these roles. So just to give

254
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,636
Speaker 2: you one classic example would be a middle manager, right,

255
00:12:05,836 --> 00:12:07,956
Speaker 2: or in my case, when I was an assistant professor,

256
00:12:08,036 --> 00:12:11,116
Speaker 2: so an untended member of the faculty. I think of

257
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:13,276
Speaker 2: myself as a low power position, like I'm going to

258
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:16,396
Speaker 2: one day be voted on for tenure by the senior faculty.

259
00:12:16,596 --> 00:12:20,156
Speaker 2: But to doctoral students, I'm in this credible high power position,

260
00:12:20,236 --> 00:12:24,836
Speaker 2: like they depend on me for research resources, letters, recommendation opportunities.

261
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:27,036
Speaker 2: And one of the things that I realized over time

262
00:12:27,356 --> 00:12:30,436
Speaker 2: is that even as like an assistant professor, my offhand

263
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,756
Speaker 2: comments could have big impact. One story that I didn't

264
00:12:33,756 --> 00:12:35,716
Speaker 2: put in the book. I had a doctoral student and

265
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:38,676
Speaker 2: she came to me with a dissertation idea. I apparently

266
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,036
Speaker 2: I said to her, and I vaguely remember saying it,

267
00:12:41,276 --> 00:12:45,596
Speaker 2: there's literally nothing interesting in your idea, like literally nothing interesting.

268
00:12:45,636 --> 00:12:47,116
Speaker 2: And I was just trying to push her to get

269
00:12:47,156 --> 00:12:49,556
Speaker 2: more interesting, but like that almost broke her. And then

270
00:12:49,596 --> 00:12:52,436
Speaker 2: apparently she came back a month later and I said,

271
00:12:52,556 --> 00:12:55,316
Speaker 2: there's something potentially interesting. And then, you know, a month

272
00:12:55,396 --> 00:12:57,756
Speaker 2: later I actually told her, Wow, that's a really good idea,

273
00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,636
Speaker 2: And apparently she called all of her friends and said,

274
00:12:59,636 --> 00:13:01,556
Speaker 2: you know, we're going out getting drunk tonight because Adam

275
00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:04,436
Speaker 2: finally liked my idea. That progression, to me, they were

276
00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:07,156
Speaker 2: inconsequential you know they were just off hand comments, but

277
00:13:07,196 --> 00:13:09,036
Speaker 2: for her each one was like deeply impact.

278
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,796
Speaker 1: So if mild criticism can prove more devastating than we think,

279
00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:16,956
Speaker 1: what should inspiring leaders say to boost morale and performance. Well,

280
00:13:16,956 --> 00:13:19,596
Speaker 1: it turns out a kind word and compliment can help.

281
00:13:20,076 --> 00:13:21,956
Speaker 1: Adam will Share has how to give praise one oh

282
00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:29,076
Speaker 1: one when the happiness lab returns in a moment, we've

283
00:13:29,116 --> 00:13:32,156
Speaker 1: all done it. We sit through a presentation or review

284
00:13:32,196 --> 00:13:35,716
Speaker 1: a task someone's just completed, and even though it's basically fine,

285
00:13:35,876 --> 00:13:38,236
Speaker 1: the first words out of our mouths are critical or

286
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:42,476
Speaker 1: some suggestion for improvement. Adam Golinski from Columbia Business School

287
00:13:42,636 --> 00:13:45,556
Speaker 1: thinks this tragically misses what people actually need to hear

288
00:13:45,596 --> 00:13:48,276
Speaker 1: from a leader. His first tip to better inspire those

289
00:13:48,316 --> 00:13:50,196
Speaker 1: around you is to praise them more.

290
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,676
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, it's a fundamental human need to

291
00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:57,916
Speaker 2: feel like we matter, we're important, we're respected, we're having

292
00:13:57,956 --> 00:14:01,196
Speaker 2: an impact. It matters so deeply. The other day, I

293
00:14:01,276 --> 00:14:03,276
Speaker 2: dropped off my son at school, and then my second

294
00:14:03,316 --> 00:14:04,796
Speaker 2: son off, and then I was walking down stairs and

295
00:14:04,836 --> 00:14:07,596
Speaker 2: I saw my first son running down a different set

296
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,236
Speaker 2: of stairs, just looking so focused. He was going to

297
00:14:10,236 --> 00:14:12,076
Speaker 2: get paper towels, and but you know, he took this

298
00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:14,716
Speaker 2: so seriously, this little job, and you could you could

299
00:14:14,756 --> 00:14:17,036
Speaker 2: see it like I'm the paper towel guy today. You know,

300
00:14:17,236 --> 00:14:19,916
Speaker 2: you could imagine get ampstairs and the teachers saying, ash Er,

301
00:14:19,996 --> 00:14:22,636
Speaker 2: thank you so much for getting those paper titles so quickly,

302
00:14:22,676 --> 00:14:24,636
Speaker 2: and that would then motivate him in the future. So

303
00:14:24,676 --> 00:14:28,836
Speaker 2: we're really driven by praise. Danny Kahneman talks about that,

304
00:14:28,956 --> 00:14:31,316
Speaker 2: we know that positive praise is more important, but we

305
00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:34,916
Speaker 2: tend to focus on punishment because we're punished for praising

306
00:14:35,036 --> 00:14:37,756
Speaker 2: and rewarded for punishing because of some of the cognitive

307
00:14:37,796 --> 00:14:40,956
Speaker 2: biases that we have. But people want recognition. They want

308
00:14:40,956 --> 00:14:44,036
Speaker 2: to be recognized. There's phrases like I feel seen or

309
00:14:44,076 --> 00:14:46,956
Speaker 2: I feel heard in what we do, and it matters

310
00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:50,476
Speaker 2: so very much. Now again, as a leader, your praise

311
00:14:50,516 --> 00:14:51,316
Speaker 2: gets amplified.

312
00:14:51,436 --> 00:14:53,916
Speaker 1: So my little, my little statement of hey, good job

313
00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:57,636
Speaker 1: in somebody's head becomes like good job, like this huge

314
00:14:57,636 --> 00:14:58,276
Speaker 1: thing in ways I.

315
00:14:58,236 --> 00:15:00,556
Speaker 2: Don't even absolutely right. You know. One of the things

316
00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:03,236
Speaker 2: that I've discovered over time is we can start to

317
00:15:03,276 --> 00:15:06,356
Speaker 2: think about the ways that we interact with people. Let

318
00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:08,756
Speaker 2: me just give you a good example. Doctoral students when

319
00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:11,596
Speaker 2: they do their first presentation, it's at the their say

320
00:15:11,596 --> 00:15:13,476
Speaker 2: it's called They're second your paper. You know, it's their

321
00:15:13,476 --> 00:15:16,636
Speaker 2: first big research presentation from the faculty. And historically what

322
00:15:16,636 --> 00:15:18,036
Speaker 2: I would do is I would do there and I'd

323
00:15:18,076 --> 00:15:19,636
Speaker 2: scribbled on notes and i would meet with them and

324
00:15:19,676 --> 00:15:22,196
Speaker 2: I'd say, oh, great job, and here's three things you

325
00:15:22,236 --> 00:15:25,036
Speaker 2: could do to improvement. And then I realized that I

326
00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:27,196
Speaker 2: was kind of crushing their spirit, right, you know, they

327
00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:31,316
Speaker 2: just had this amazing accomplishment and there I was already

328
00:15:31,316 --> 00:15:33,516
Speaker 2: telling the things that they could improve. And so I

329
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,436
Speaker 2: actually just trained myself. I put in a rule I

330
00:15:36,516 --> 00:15:39,876
Speaker 2: will not criticize or offer constructive comments on a talk

331
00:15:39,996 --> 00:15:42,396
Speaker 2: until the next day. So after the talk, I'll come

332
00:15:42,436 --> 00:15:45,236
Speaker 2: to them and I'll have at least two things to say, Wow,

333
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:47,396
Speaker 2: you really did this part great, and they did do

334
00:15:47,436 --> 00:15:49,636
Speaker 2: those parts great. So they're honest and they're genuine and

335
00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:51,636
Speaker 2: they're important and you can just see, you know, they

336
00:15:51,676 --> 00:15:53,516
Speaker 2: got through this difficult thing. And then you know, the

337
00:15:53,516 --> 00:15:55,156
Speaker 2: next thing, I can say, oh, hey, as we think

338
00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:57,316
Speaker 2: towards the future, here's three things that we can think

339
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,476
Speaker 2: about how to make your talk. And so part of

340
00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:02,396
Speaker 2: it is putting in little checks for yourself, right, and

341
00:16:02,596 --> 00:16:05,116
Speaker 2: I literally do that. You know, before talk, I remind myself,

342
00:16:05,156 --> 00:16:07,356
Speaker 2: this is their first talk. I'm going to only praise.

343
00:16:07,476 --> 00:16:10,196
Speaker 2: I'm not going to criticize tollal and it can really

344
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:13,316
Speaker 2: really make a huge difference. And so what I tell

345
00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:16,756
Speaker 2: people to do is always be genuine, always be specific,

346
00:16:17,156 --> 00:16:20,756
Speaker 2: but look for ways to compliment and to praise others.

347
00:16:20,916 --> 00:16:22,596
Speaker 2: I'll just give you one very quick example. I was

348
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:26,516
Speaker 2: doing a lecture for fifty cs and at ten point

349
00:16:26,516 --> 00:16:29,356
Speaker 2: fifteen I gave them a call to action. I called

350
00:16:29,396 --> 00:16:32,436
Speaker 2: it to use the leader amplification effect for good. Pick

351
00:16:32,516 --> 00:16:35,836
Speaker 2: three people with less power, send them an email that says,

352
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,956
Speaker 2: you hit that presentation out of the park. I've just

353
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,396
Speaker 2: been thinking how great it was, or hey, I couldn't

354
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,316
Speaker 2: have completed that deal without your help. You know, I

355
00:16:42,356 --> 00:16:44,756
Speaker 2: just wanted to say thank you. And at ten twenty nine,

356
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,836
Speaker 2: just before the break, one of the CEOs raised his

357
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:50,636
Speaker 2: hand and he said, hey, I've already sent my three emails.

358
00:16:50,796 --> 00:16:54,436
Speaker 2: I've already got three email responses back. Everyone was overjoyed,

359
00:16:54,436 --> 00:16:56,676
Speaker 2: and one person said they're taking their spouse to this

360
00:16:56,796 --> 00:16:59,276
Speaker 2: restaurant they've always wanted to go to to celebrate. And

361
00:16:59,316 --> 00:17:01,396
Speaker 2: I think there's two things the point about this example

362
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,756
Speaker 2: which are so critical and so important. The first is

363
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,916
Speaker 2: a finding from my research, which is that powerful people

364
00:17:07,196 --> 00:17:09,356
Speaker 2: tend to be impulsive, so this guy couldn't even to

365
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,276
Speaker 2: the break to do it. But the second thing is

366
00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:13,756
Speaker 2: it took them no time at all, took them a

367
00:17:13,796 --> 00:17:16,596
Speaker 2: couple of seconds to write these emails. He probably did

368
00:17:16,676 --> 00:17:18,756
Speaker 2: all three of them in less than two minutes, right,

369
00:17:18,796 --> 00:17:21,196
Speaker 2: And so the cost is so little, but the reward

370
00:17:21,276 --> 00:17:22,236
Speaker 2: is so great.

371
00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:24,156
Speaker 1: It sort of even shows a third thing, which is

372
00:17:24,236 --> 00:17:26,436
Speaker 1: even when you told the story, the CEO is seeming

373
00:17:26,516 --> 00:17:30,076
Speaker 1: kind of happy, like that his comment had such impact, right.

374
00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:31,996
Speaker 1: And I think this is something we don't expect too,

375
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:34,196
Speaker 1: which is that there's kind of a happiness benefit to

376
00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:36,396
Speaker 1: the person who's giving the praise, to the person who's

377
00:17:36,436 --> 00:17:39,436
Speaker 1: expressing the gratitude that we often forget too. Not only

378
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:41,756
Speaker 1: are you making the person that you're working with feel

379
00:17:41,796 --> 00:17:44,276
Speaker 1: super inspired, but you yourself feel great. And when you

380
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:46,836
Speaker 1: don't express praise, you're kind of leaving that opportunity on

381
00:17:46,876 --> 00:17:48,716
Speaker 1: the table when you could have in two minutes kind

382
00:17:48,716 --> 00:17:51,356
Speaker 1: of felt this sort of great feeling yourself and given

383
00:17:51,396 --> 00:17:53,676
Speaker 1: somebody the praise that will help them be motivated and

384
00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,316
Speaker 1: excited to do the work that they're going to do

385
00:17:55,356 --> 00:17:56,236
Speaker 1: for weeks after that.

386
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,316
Speaker 2: And I think one thing I actually tell people, and

387
00:17:58,316 --> 00:18:01,076
Speaker 2: this is a little ironic, is I tell people send

388
00:18:01,156 --> 00:18:04,196
Speaker 2: them my text or by email. And the reason why

389
00:18:04,236 --> 00:18:07,436
Speaker 2: I do that is because that person who receives it

390
00:18:07,476 --> 00:18:10,236
Speaker 2: gets to savor it. We can go back and relook

391
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:12,276
Speaker 2: at it, you know, if they're filling down, they can

392
00:18:12,316 --> 00:18:14,156
Speaker 2: go back and look at that comment, the CEO said.

393
00:18:14,276 --> 00:18:16,236
Speaker 2: But the other reason why I do it is because

394
00:18:16,236 --> 00:18:18,396
Speaker 2: of what you just pointed out, which is they're going

395
00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:21,396
Speaker 2: to respond to you. If you just said, hey, great

396
00:18:21,436 --> 00:18:23,516
Speaker 2: job on the presentation. You know, they're going to feel

397
00:18:23,556 --> 00:18:25,636
Speaker 2: really good inside if you said it just you know,

398
00:18:25,716 --> 00:18:27,636
Speaker 2: an interaction, but they probably wouldn't even know what to

399
00:18:27,676 --> 00:18:29,796
Speaker 2: say to you, right They might even feel awkward saying

400
00:18:29,836 --> 00:18:31,756
Speaker 2: thank you. But if you send it by email, they're

401
00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:33,916
Speaker 2: going to reply to you and say, thank you so much.

402
00:18:34,036 --> 00:18:35,956
Speaker 2: You know, I'm so glad that you noticed, you know.

403
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,196
Speaker 1: So that's tip number one. We need to express more

404
00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:41,716
Speaker 1: praise and gratitude to kind of boost our own inspired nests,

405
00:18:41,796 --> 00:18:44,356
Speaker 1: but also to feel good ourselves. Tip number two is

406
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:47,036
Speaker 1: that we need to develop a vision, ideally one that's

407
00:18:47,036 --> 00:18:49,676
Speaker 1: a little optimistic. Why is our vision so important?

408
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,436
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I mentioned earlier the fundamental of human

409
00:18:52,436 --> 00:18:55,716
Speaker 2: need for meaning and understanding, and so a vision really

410
00:18:55,876 --> 00:18:59,156
Speaker 2: allows us to make sense of our own behavior. I

411
00:18:59,236 --> 00:19:01,876
Speaker 2: give this example in the book by one of your colleagues,

412
00:19:01,876 --> 00:19:05,076
Speaker 2: Marsha Johnson and a Hold nineteen seventy three paper, where

413
00:19:05,076 --> 00:19:07,396
Speaker 2: she gave people this paragraph to read that it doesn't

414
00:19:07,436 --> 00:19:10,836
Speaker 2: literally doesn't make any sense. You separate things you don't

415
00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:13,276
Speaker 2: want to do too many, and then you put them

416
00:19:13,276 --> 00:19:15,716
Speaker 2: back into piles and you put them away. And I've

417
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:18,076
Speaker 2: done this, you know, with thousands and thousands of people

418
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,436
Speaker 2: across the globe, and like, you know, only a handful

419
00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:22,676
Speaker 2: can can solve it, you know, every now and then.

420
00:19:23,156 --> 00:19:25,956
Speaker 2: But in her other conditioner experiment, she gives them a title,

421
00:19:26,316 --> 00:19:29,156
Speaker 2: and the title is doing the laundry. And as soon

422
00:19:29,156 --> 00:19:31,196
Speaker 2: as you get the title, like everything just makes so

423
00:19:31,316 --> 00:19:33,756
Speaker 2: much sense, Like I get it, Okay, you know, there's

424
00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:35,196
Speaker 2: whites and darks, and we might have to go to

425
00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:36,916
Speaker 2: a laundromat, you know, and then we don't want to

426
00:19:36,916 --> 00:19:39,476
Speaker 2: overstuff the machine, you know. And so without a vision,

427
00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,796
Speaker 2: it's just almost impossible for us to make sense of

428
00:19:42,836 --> 00:19:46,756
Speaker 2: our own behavior, but also to coordinate and interact with others.

429
00:19:46,876 --> 00:19:48,916
Speaker 2: The simplest example I love to give is, you know,

430
00:19:49,076 --> 00:19:51,116
Speaker 2: two people walk out of a meeting and one person

431
00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:53,196
Speaker 2: thinks they're supposed to do the task quickly and the

432
00:19:53,236 --> 00:19:54,756
Speaker 2: other person thinks they're supposed to do it with the

433
00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:57,836
Speaker 2: highest quality. And then they start working together and the

434
00:19:57,876 --> 00:20:00,476
Speaker 2: person is going quick is like, why are you so slow?

435
00:20:00,796 --> 00:20:02,916
Speaker 2: And the person, you know, doing it with high qualities

436
00:20:02,956 --> 00:20:05,596
Speaker 2: like why are you so sloppy? And so without a vision,

437
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:08,476
Speaker 2: we don't know how to behave and act and make

438
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:11,156
Speaker 2: sense of the world, and therefore we get miscommunication, we

439
00:20:11,196 --> 00:20:14,916
Speaker 2: get conflict. And so a vision is really orienting us

440
00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:16,756
Speaker 2: in a way to help us make sense of our

441
00:20:16,796 --> 00:20:17,516
Speaker 2: own behavior.

442
00:20:17,876 --> 00:20:19,636
Speaker 1: And you have a really great hack for kind of

443
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:22,356
Speaker 1: enacting a vision and kind of keeping it top of mind.

444
00:20:22,436 --> 00:20:25,076
Speaker 1: You've talked about the importance of catchphrases. Yeah, and I

445
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,996
Speaker 1: know you even have one with your wife, which I love.

446
00:20:27,036 --> 00:20:28,996
Speaker 1: I'm totally going to steal it to use with my husband.

447
00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:31,276
Speaker 1: But why do catchphrases matter? And what's the one that

448
00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:32,196
Speaker 1: you use with your wife?

449
00:20:32,396 --> 00:20:34,716
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean, I think catchphrases are ones that

450
00:20:34,836 --> 00:20:37,156
Speaker 2: just help us make sense of the world. For any

451
00:20:37,156 --> 00:20:39,836
Speaker 2: Ted Lasso fans out there, you probably remember that Ted

452
00:20:39,876 --> 00:20:43,756
Speaker 2: Lasso says barbecue sauce before like important moments, Tin Cup,

453
00:20:43,836 --> 00:20:47,316
Speaker 2: Kevin Costner would say dollar bills before taking a shot.

454
00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:49,876
Speaker 2: I'm a huge basketball fan, and my wife is also

455
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,516
Speaker 2: a big basketball fan. She worked for men's basketball at

456
00:20:52,556 --> 00:20:55,236
Speaker 2: University Connecticut when they won their first national title. And

457
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:58,276
Speaker 2: there's an old coach named Jim Valvano who had the

458
00:20:58,356 --> 00:21:01,756
Speaker 2: top basketball moment in college sports when his team won

459
00:21:02,116 --> 00:21:05,436
Speaker 2: nine consecutive do or die games, seven of which they

460
00:21:05,436 --> 00:21:07,756
Speaker 2: are behind or tied in the final minute. Just this

461
00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:11,236
Speaker 2: miraculous thing. He tells a story about his dad when

462
00:21:11,276 --> 00:21:14,036
Speaker 2: he first made the tournament. His dad said, my bags

463
00:21:14,036 --> 00:21:15,676
Speaker 2: are packed for you. I'm going to be there when

464
00:21:15,716 --> 00:21:17,836
Speaker 2: you're in the national title. He's like, his dad never

465
00:21:17,916 --> 00:21:19,836
Speaker 2: leaves the house, you know. His dad thinks everything north

466
00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:21,996
Speaker 2: of the George Washington Bridge is Canada, you know. And

467
00:21:22,036 --> 00:21:24,396
Speaker 2: so this idea that he's going to travel is so meaningful.

468
00:21:24,436 --> 00:21:27,156
Speaker 2: And so my wife and I started using that phrase

469
00:21:27,196 --> 00:21:29,076
Speaker 2: with each other. My bags are packed for you, like

470
00:21:29,116 --> 00:21:31,716
Speaker 2: whenever we're going through a difficult time, just letting the

471
00:21:31,756 --> 00:21:34,276
Speaker 2: other person know I'm here for you, I support you

472
00:21:34,396 --> 00:21:36,956
Speaker 2: no matter what happens, I have your back and I'm

473
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:37,476
Speaker 2: there for you.

474
00:21:37,676 --> 00:21:39,596
Speaker 1: So we have our vision and we kind of keep

475
00:21:39,636 --> 00:21:42,156
Speaker 1: it top of mind with catchphrases. But tip number three

476
00:21:42,276 --> 00:21:44,916
Speaker 1: is that to become truly visionary, we need to connect

477
00:21:45,076 --> 00:21:47,636
Speaker 1: not just with the kind of overarching goal, but also

478
00:21:47,676 --> 00:21:50,276
Speaker 1: with our values. Why are values so important?

479
00:21:50,636 --> 00:21:53,276
Speaker 2: To say, why our values are important is an interesting question.

480
00:21:53,636 --> 00:21:55,956
Speaker 2: We know that values are one of the most impactful

481
00:21:55,996 --> 00:21:58,076
Speaker 2: things in the world, and we still don't actually know

482
00:21:58,156 --> 00:22:00,756
Speaker 2: the exact process by which these values matter us. In

483
00:22:00,836 --> 00:22:04,116
Speaker 2: one study that Jeff Cohne did, he randomly assigned some

484
00:22:04,516 --> 00:22:07,396
Speaker 2: at risk students to reflect on their values for fifteen minutes,

485
00:22:07,556 --> 00:22:10,836
Speaker 2: and that predicted who graduates five years later. Right in

486
00:22:10,876 --> 00:22:14,156
Speaker 2: a study I did, we randomly signed people at a

487
00:22:14,156 --> 00:22:18,076
Speaker 2: Swiss unemployment agency to reflect on their values, and two

488
00:22:18,116 --> 00:22:21,436
Speaker 2: months later they were twice as likely to have a job.

489
00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:25,116
Speaker 2: And in fact, the values reflection was so powerful we

490
00:22:25,196 --> 00:22:27,756
Speaker 2: had to end the experiment and give everyone the values

491
00:22:27,796 --> 00:22:30,596
Speaker 2: reflection task. And now we collected lots of variables, you know,

492
00:22:30,756 --> 00:22:32,916
Speaker 2: to try to understand what was causing the effect, and

493
00:22:33,276 --> 00:22:35,276
Speaker 2: none of them could fully explain it. But I think

494
00:22:35,356 --> 00:22:38,196
Speaker 2: it just gets back to who we are as humans, right.

495
00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:41,396
Speaker 2: We are meaning makers. We want to connect to higher,

496
00:22:41,596 --> 00:22:45,756
Speaker 2: larger purposes, and our values are really our pathway to

497
00:22:45,876 --> 00:22:48,316
Speaker 2: doing so. So one of the things that we make

498
00:22:48,396 --> 00:22:50,476
Speaker 2: all of our students do a Columbia Business gool, and

499
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:53,236
Speaker 2: I even do it myself, is we make them think

500
00:22:53,276 --> 00:22:56,156
Speaker 2: about their values and to create a values hierarchy with

501
00:22:56,196 --> 00:22:58,676
Speaker 2: their top value at the top and the other values

502
00:22:58,756 --> 00:23:00,796
Speaker 2: kind of stem from that, and then we give them

503
00:23:00,876 --> 00:23:03,436
Speaker 2: a laminated card with their values on it. I have

504
00:23:03,556 --> 00:23:06,276
Speaker 2: my own card in my pocket right now, and you know,

505
00:23:06,316 --> 00:23:07,916
Speaker 2: to tell them to take it out and really think

506
00:23:07,956 --> 00:23:12,276
Speaker 2: about that. For me, my top value is generosity, and

507
00:23:12,396 --> 00:23:15,676
Speaker 2: for me it's about being generous to other people materially

508
00:23:15,756 --> 00:23:20,196
Speaker 2: but also generous to other people emotionally generous in helping

509
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:22,956
Speaker 2: think about the larger context in which people find themselves

510
00:23:22,996 --> 00:23:27,396
Speaker 2: that might explain some Abaran behavior And how can I

511
00:23:27,436 --> 00:23:30,676
Speaker 2: just go through the world with a more generous frame

512
00:23:30,716 --> 00:23:33,036
Speaker 2: of mind as my top value? As sort of you know,

513
00:23:33,076 --> 00:23:35,316
Speaker 2: one of those examples another value that I have in there,

514
00:23:35,356 --> 00:23:37,596
Speaker 2: which also connects me It's kind of a catchphrase with

515
00:23:37,636 --> 00:23:40,556
Speaker 2: my wife is the word kaizen. She lived in Japan

516
00:23:40,596 --> 00:23:43,436
Speaker 2: for two years, and the word kaizen means continued improvement.

517
00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:46,036
Speaker 2: We can always be better tomorrow. We can always be

518
00:23:46,236 --> 00:23:48,516
Speaker 2: a little bit more inspiring tomorrow than we can today.

519
00:23:48,996 --> 00:23:51,836
Speaker 1: This is such a fabulous practical suggestion because I feel

520
00:23:51,836 --> 00:23:54,396
Speaker 1: like we can all write this list and take it

521
00:23:54,396 --> 00:23:56,116
Speaker 1: with us or even use our devices. Right, you know,

522
00:23:56,196 --> 00:23:58,116
Speaker 1: top page in the notes app is just like a

523
00:23:58,196 --> 00:23:59,956
Speaker 1: list of your values. And I think this is the

524
00:24:00,036 --> 00:24:02,756
Speaker 1: kind of thing we can do in any leadership situation.

525
00:24:02,796 --> 00:24:04,236
Speaker 1: I think especially in parenting.

526
00:24:04,356 --> 00:24:04,476
Speaker 2: Right.

527
00:24:04,556 --> 00:24:07,196
Speaker 1: Imagine in that tough parenting moment, if you're kind of

528
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,796
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what to do next, you could

529
00:24:08,796 --> 00:24:12,116
Speaker 1: just go over to your notes app and you see generosity, cousin,

530
00:24:12,356 --> 00:24:14,396
Speaker 1: or whatever your own personal values are. It could just

531
00:24:14,436 --> 00:24:17,036
Speaker 1: be so powerful to kind of ground you and help

532
00:24:17,076 --> 00:24:19,356
Speaker 1: you make the most inspired decision in that moment.

533
00:24:19,596 --> 00:24:21,916
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think you know, one of the things

534
00:24:21,956 --> 00:24:25,236
Speaker 2: for me as a parent, My own father was just

535
00:24:25,276 --> 00:24:29,516
Speaker 2: an amazing person, but he had a volcanic temper. It

536
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:32,356
Speaker 2: was not that frequent, but when it came out, it

537
00:24:32,516 --> 00:24:37,196
Speaker 2: was sudden, extreme and terrifying and even like penetrated my

538
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:39,996
Speaker 2: nightmares as a kid. And I found myself early on

539
00:24:40,076 --> 00:24:42,156
Speaker 2: when my two year old, you know, when he was

540
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,716
Speaker 2: having a tantrum, I almost felt like I'd become my

541
00:24:44,836 --> 00:24:48,076
Speaker 2: dad had this like just just volcanic rage was coming out,

542
00:24:48,276 --> 00:24:50,636
Speaker 2: and I still remember like the first time it came

543
00:24:50,676 --> 00:24:53,356
Speaker 2: out and my son just fell to the ground in

544
00:24:53,396 --> 00:24:56,156
Speaker 2: like a few state of tears of like just nothing

545
00:24:56,196 --> 00:24:59,276
Speaker 2: like I'd ever seen real again, the leader amplification, in fact,

546
00:24:59,316 --> 00:25:03,116
Speaker 2: the parent amplication effect. I had to train myself, even

547
00:25:03,116 --> 00:25:06,396
Speaker 2: when he's fine off the handle, to always take the

548
00:25:06,436 --> 00:25:09,796
Speaker 2: more generous path, right, the more bigger sure path, the

549
00:25:09,796 --> 00:25:12,556
Speaker 2: more visionary path, the more step back path that I

550
00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:15,876
Speaker 2: can do, you know, be there as a container for

551
00:25:15,996 --> 00:25:18,036
Speaker 2: his emotions without erupting myself.

552
00:25:18,276 --> 00:25:20,316
Speaker 1: So that story about your dad is a nice transition

553
00:25:20,356 --> 00:25:22,316
Speaker 1: to tip number four. Another way we can become a

554
00:25:22,316 --> 00:25:25,236
Speaker 1: little bit more visionary, and that's through engaging in a

555
00:25:25,276 --> 00:25:27,716
Speaker 1: bit of time travel. How could time travel help?

556
00:25:27,916 --> 00:25:30,636
Speaker 2: Yeah, so a couple of things about time travel. So

557
00:25:30,916 --> 00:25:32,396
Speaker 2: one of the first things I studied grad school. I

558
00:25:32,436 --> 00:25:34,756
Speaker 2: still remember in nineteen ninety three when I was looking

559
00:25:34,796 --> 00:25:36,556
Speaker 2: at grad schools. One of the things I was most

560
00:25:36,596 --> 00:25:40,836
Speaker 2: interested in was counterfactual reflection, the idea about how we

561
00:25:40,876 --> 00:25:44,476
Speaker 2: could think about our paths differently and how much that

562
00:25:44,556 --> 00:25:47,436
Speaker 2: affected us. And the classic example of this is you

563
00:25:47,436 --> 00:25:48,956
Speaker 2: go home a different way home from work and you

564
00:25:48,996 --> 00:25:51,556
Speaker 2: get into an accident, and you're like, Oh, if I'd

565
00:25:51,556 --> 00:25:53,916
Speaker 2: only gone the normal way home from work, But if

566
00:25:53,956 --> 00:25:55,476
Speaker 2: you go to the normal way home from work, you

567
00:25:55,476 --> 00:25:57,436
Speaker 2: don't think, oh, if only I could have gone to

568
00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:01,276
Speaker 2: this exotic way home. Right, So we go from unusual

569
00:26:01,316 --> 00:26:04,196
Speaker 2: events back to usual events really quickly. But it's really

570
00:26:04,236 --> 00:26:07,236
Speaker 2: about how we think about all the different paths that

571
00:26:07,276 --> 00:26:10,436
Speaker 2: we went. There's a rural world that drove me to

572
00:26:10,476 --> 00:26:12,716
Speaker 2: do some of this research that you're talking about, Laurie,

573
00:26:12,836 --> 00:26:15,076
Speaker 2: and that is I knew of a couple. She was

574
00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:19,356
Speaker 2: a waitress at a restaurant and she met her husband

575
00:26:19,356 --> 00:26:21,836
Speaker 2: at this restaurant. But she wasn't supposed to be working

576
00:26:22,116 --> 00:26:25,156
Speaker 2: that evening and he wasn't supposed to be at that restaurant.

577
00:26:25,236 --> 00:26:27,916
Speaker 2: He went to the wrong restaurant because I think there

578
00:26:27,996 --> 00:26:29,996
Speaker 2: is two versions of the same restaurant in the city,

579
00:26:30,076 --> 00:26:32,156
Speaker 2: and so neither of them were supposed to be there.

580
00:26:32,156 --> 00:26:34,156
Speaker 1: It's awesome it's like a Hallmark movie.

581
00:26:33,996 --> 00:26:37,436
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and you could just see them tell the

582
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:41,596
Speaker 2: story and like it just added meaning and wonder like

583
00:26:41,876 --> 00:26:44,436
Speaker 2: it was faded it was meant to be. So with Katie,

584
00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:48,116
Speaker 2: with Laura Cray, my colleague at Berkeley, Feltellac Neirose, a

585
00:26:48,116 --> 00:26:49,996
Speaker 2: bunch of other people, we did a whole line of

586
00:26:50,036 --> 00:26:53,716
Speaker 2: research where we basically showed that when you think about

587
00:26:53,836 --> 00:26:57,396
Speaker 2: the path that you didn't take but might have your

588
00:26:57,476 --> 00:27:01,796
Speaker 2: own path scenes for more meaningful and important. So here's us.

589
00:27:01,876 --> 00:27:04,196
Speaker 2: You know, in one of the experiments we did, we said,

590
00:27:04,796 --> 00:27:07,516
Speaker 2: think about the path you took to meet your current partner,

591
00:27:07,556 --> 00:27:10,476
Speaker 2: your boyfriend, girlfriend, you know, spouse, whoever it is. Or

592
00:27:10,556 --> 00:27:13,436
Speaker 2: we said, think about all the pasts that you almost

593
00:27:13,436 --> 00:27:15,756
Speaker 2: took that would have led you away from this partner.

594
00:27:15,916 --> 00:27:18,796
Speaker 2: Then we laters asked people how important is this person

595
00:27:18,836 --> 00:27:22,676
Speaker 2: to you? How significant are they? How meaningful is this relationship? Now,

596
00:27:23,156 --> 00:27:26,916
Speaker 2: this is your significant other, but thinking of all the

597
00:27:26,956 --> 00:27:30,116
Speaker 2: ways you might not have met them made that relationship

598
00:27:30,236 --> 00:27:33,476
Speaker 2: more important, more meaningful, more significant, more impactful.

599
00:27:33,596 --> 00:27:35,436
Speaker 1: So it's just a way that anything in our life

600
00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:37,396
Speaker 1: that we want to feel a little bit more inspired about,

601
00:27:37,436 --> 00:27:39,276
Speaker 1: we can just think like, well, it might not have been,

602
00:27:39,356 --> 00:27:40,836
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden it starts to seem

603
00:27:40,876 --> 00:27:42,236
Speaker 1: even more precious.

604
00:27:41,956 --> 00:27:43,836
Speaker 2: Right, you know? And you know I moved to New

605
00:27:43,916 --> 00:27:46,316
Speaker 2: York partly to find love, right and to me, the

606
00:27:46,356 --> 00:27:48,276
Speaker 2: counterfactual is, what if I hadn't come to New York,

607
00:27:48,316 --> 00:27:50,196
Speaker 2: I would have never met my wife? We met at

608
00:27:50,196 --> 00:27:51,916
Speaker 2: a party. What if she hadn't gone to the party.

609
00:27:51,916 --> 00:27:53,596
Speaker 2: What if I hadn't gone to the party. I can

610
00:27:53,676 --> 00:27:56,596
Speaker 2: feel that sense of wonder rise, you know, inside me

611
00:27:56,676 --> 00:27:58,876
Speaker 2: whenever I do that. One of the ways that we

612
00:27:58,956 --> 00:28:01,956
Speaker 2: can make our own life seem more meaningful, or as

613
00:28:01,996 --> 00:28:04,996
Speaker 2: a leader, we can make our firm or groups journey

614
00:28:05,036 --> 00:28:07,836
Speaker 2: more meaningful is think about the past that we hadn't

615
00:28:07,916 --> 00:28:11,356
Speaker 2: taken as one way of really helping us value the

616
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:12,196
Speaker 2: path we are on.

617
00:28:12,916 --> 00:28:15,076
Speaker 1: It's time for a short break, But when the happiness

618
00:28:15,116 --> 00:28:18,196
Speaker 1: Lab returns, Adam will have more actionable tips for turning

619
00:28:18,236 --> 00:28:21,516
Speaker 1: you into an inspiring leader. The Happiness Lab will be

620
00:28:21,596 --> 00:28:32,076
Speaker 1: right back. Emotional contagion. That's what happens when one happy,

621
00:28:32,236 --> 00:28:35,876
Speaker 1: optimistic person completely transforms the mood of a room. It's

622
00:28:35,916 --> 00:28:39,356
Speaker 1: also what happens when one negative person quickly burns everyone

623
00:28:39,396 --> 00:28:43,316
Speaker 1: out and that's why inspiration expert Adam Golinski's next tip

624
00:28:43,436 --> 00:28:46,156
Speaker 1: is for leaders to pay particular attention to the power

625
00:28:46,156 --> 00:28:47,276
Speaker 1: of emotional contagion.

626
00:28:47,676 --> 00:28:50,156
Speaker 2: If we just go back to the leader amplification effect,

627
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:52,956
Speaker 2: when you're on stage, people are really paying attention to

628
00:28:53,156 --> 00:28:57,116
Speaker 2: so whatever you're expressing gets inside of them. And in general,

629
00:28:57,156 --> 00:29:00,836
Speaker 2: emotions are contagious, like we know that the yawns are contagious,

630
00:29:00,836 --> 00:29:03,796
Speaker 2: but when you're a leader, your emotions, I like to say,

631
00:29:03,836 --> 00:29:06,996
Speaker 2: go from being contagious to infectious, and so it really

632
00:29:07,276 --> 00:29:12,036
Speaker 2: affects us more so. When you're leader, your calmness becomes

633
00:29:12,076 --> 00:29:16,476
Speaker 2: their calmness, but your anxiety can become their anxiety. Your

634
00:29:16,556 --> 00:29:19,156
Speaker 2: courage can become their courage. And one of the areas

635
00:29:19,196 --> 00:29:22,556
Speaker 2: where I've really looked at this is around the topic

636
00:29:22,636 --> 00:29:25,476
Speaker 2: of passion and this idea that it's really hard to

637
00:29:25,476 --> 00:29:27,676
Speaker 2: inspire others when you're not inspired. And one of the

638
00:29:27,676 --> 00:29:31,276
Speaker 2: ways that we can inspire others is through our passion.

639
00:29:31,636 --> 00:29:34,676
Speaker 2: And I do a little exercise whenever I teach, and

640
00:29:34,716 --> 00:29:37,516
Speaker 2: anyone can do it themselves is just ask someone to

641
00:29:37,636 --> 00:29:39,596
Speaker 2: tell you about their passion. And when you do that,

642
00:29:39,676 --> 00:29:43,076
Speaker 2: I want you to listen. But also observe what changes

643
00:29:43,276 --> 00:29:46,516
Speaker 2: in their behavior when they start talking about their passion.

644
00:29:46,596 --> 00:29:49,036
Speaker 2: And the thing that I've shown in my research right

645
00:29:49,236 --> 00:29:53,316
Speaker 2: is that a number of behavioral things happen immediately. Their

646
00:29:53,316 --> 00:29:56,956
Speaker 2: eyes light up, they smile a big, beaming smile, they

647
00:29:56,996 --> 00:29:59,916
Speaker 2: move their hands more, they talk a little bit quicker,

648
00:30:00,076 --> 00:30:02,756
Speaker 2: a little higher pitch, and they often kind of lean

649
00:30:02,836 --> 00:30:06,076
Speaker 2: in as if telling you a secret. And I ask

650
00:30:06,196 --> 00:30:09,876
Speaker 2: people what happened to you when you and their passion,

651
00:30:10,196 --> 00:30:13,716
Speaker 2: and people start saying, my eyes got wide, I started

652
00:30:13,716 --> 00:30:17,436
Speaker 2: to smile, I leaned in, And so we start reciprocating

653
00:30:17,476 --> 00:30:21,156
Speaker 2: the behavioral things, but start feeling that passion perkoly inside

654
00:30:21,156 --> 00:30:23,796
Speaker 2: of us. Now what I love about this little simple

655
00:30:23,876 --> 00:30:28,716
Speaker 2: exercise it also shows us how tied passion and authenticity are.

656
00:30:29,156 --> 00:30:32,636
Speaker 2: Notice that your eyes, your mouth, your voice, your hands,

657
00:30:32,676 --> 00:30:37,836
Speaker 2: all those things are being changed simultaneously and spontaneously. And

658
00:30:37,876 --> 00:30:39,556
Speaker 2: if you were to try to do that, say okay,

659
00:30:39,556 --> 00:30:41,436
Speaker 2: I'm going to pretend i'm passion, I'm gonna make my

660
00:30:41,476 --> 00:30:42,756
Speaker 2: eyes big. Oh wait, now I got a.

661
00:30:42,756 --> 00:30:44,676
Speaker 1: Smile, doesn't work as well.

662
00:30:44,716 --> 00:30:47,796
Speaker 2: And so I think there's this link between passion authenticity,

663
00:30:47,916 --> 00:30:52,356
Speaker 2: and because of that, it also increases that infectiousness of passion.

664
00:30:52,076 --> 00:30:53,796
Speaker 1: And the idea that we kind of matter and our

665
00:30:53,836 --> 00:30:57,516
Speaker 1: authenticity matters. In this inspiration equation gets to top insight

666
00:30:57,676 --> 00:31:00,276
Speaker 1: number six, which is that to be inspiring, it's not

667
00:31:00,396 --> 00:31:02,716
Speaker 1: enough to be superhuman. We really kind of need to

668
00:31:02,756 --> 00:31:05,956
Speaker 1: be human. Like the human part is really important. I

669
00:31:05,956 --> 00:31:08,676
Speaker 1: think this is something that leaders often get wrong, that

670
00:31:08,716 --> 00:31:10,956
Speaker 1: they need to be a little bit more vulnerable. Why

671
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:12,716
Speaker 1: is vulnerability so inspiring?

672
00:31:12,996 --> 00:31:15,316
Speaker 2: Part of it? When we're super we seem out of reach,

673
00:31:15,876 --> 00:31:18,916
Speaker 2: and so if we can find ways to humanize ourselves

674
00:31:18,996 --> 00:31:23,116
Speaker 2: and make ourselves more vulnerable, then people can connect with soma.

675
00:31:23,476 --> 00:31:25,676
Speaker 2: I was quoted recently in The New York Times talking

676
00:31:25,716 --> 00:31:27,796
Speaker 2: about Hillary Clinton in two thousand and eight. You know,

677
00:31:27,836 --> 00:31:30,756
Speaker 2: when she had lost in Iowa, and then you know

678
00:31:30,916 --> 00:31:33,756
Speaker 2: she kind of teared up it before New Hampshire, and

679
00:31:33,796 --> 00:31:36,156
Speaker 2: then she came back and won New Hampshire. And then

680
00:31:36,236 --> 00:31:38,876
Speaker 2: later she made herself be more human by taking whiskey

681
00:31:38,916 --> 00:31:41,316
Speaker 2: shots at a bar in Pennsylvania. The reason why the

682
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:43,756
Speaker 2: Newyartimes called me is because they're like, what did you

683
00:31:43,756 --> 00:31:46,316
Speaker 2: think of Donald Trump going to McDonald's, And I said

684
00:31:46,316 --> 00:31:48,716
Speaker 2: it was brilliant. Here's a person who flies in his

685
00:31:48,756 --> 00:31:52,276
Speaker 2: own private yet, but seeing him doing the same activities

686
00:31:52,316 --> 00:31:56,636
Speaker 2: that an everyday, average person does humanized him. And I said,

687
00:31:56,756 --> 00:31:57,996
Speaker 2: you know, there's a chance he's going to win the

688
00:31:58,036 --> 00:32:00,796
Speaker 2: election because of that, you know, because he just seems

689
00:32:01,116 --> 00:32:04,396
Speaker 2: more relatable in that way. And so by exposing our

690
00:32:04,436 --> 00:32:08,956
Speaker 2: own vulnerabilities, we help people understand that not everyone's perfect,

691
00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:12,556
Speaker 2: but we also often give clues and pathways to how

692
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:16,876
Speaker 2: we might overcome our own challenges and obstacles. In that way,

693
00:32:17,276 --> 00:32:20,236
Speaker 2: I like to tell people the story of myself that

694
00:32:20,636 --> 00:32:22,556
Speaker 2: I came close to getting kicked out of grad school.

695
00:32:22,596 --> 00:32:25,636
Speaker 2: You know, geing a second year. There's three categories. There's

696
00:32:25,956 --> 00:32:28,916
Speaker 2: thumbs up, thumbs down, you're SCREWGE, You're not going to

697
00:32:28,956 --> 00:32:30,956
Speaker 2: make it, or the level hand is, we don't know

698
00:32:30,996 --> 00:32:32,876
Speaker 2: which way it's going to go. And I felt very

699
00:32:32,996 --> 00:32:35,196
Speaker 2: lucky because they told me here's the three things you

700
00:32:35,236 --> 00:32:37,076
Speaker 2: have to do in order to stay in the program.

701
00:32:37,116 --> 00:32:39,516
Speaker 2: And so because I got very clear vision of what

702
00:32:39,556 --> 00:32:41,236
Speaker 2: I had to do, I was able to do those

703
00:32:41,236 --> 00:32:42,876
Speaker 2: things and stay in the program. But it just lets

704
00:32:42,916 --> 00:32:45,076
Speaker 2: people know, like, look, first year is going to be tough,

705
00:32:45,116 --> 00:32:47,396
Speaker 2: and sometimes you know you're going to struggle, and the

706
00:32:47,516 --> 00:32:50,076
Speaker 2: question is how do you find the guidance that you

707
00:32:50,156 --> 00:32:53,116
Speaker 2: need and tap into the resources that you have to

708
00:32:53,156 --> 00:32:53,916
Speaker 2: be successful.

709
00:32:54,196 --> 00:32:56,236
Speaker 1: I mean that must be huge for your own students

710
00:32:56,276 --> 00:32:58,636
Speaker 1: to hear, like, oh my gosh, Adam, who's this new

711
00:32:58,636 --> 00:33:00,596
Speaker 1: book and has done all this amazing research, he almost

712
00:33:00,596 --> 00:33:02,876
Speaker 1: get kicked out of the program. Right, You could see

713
00:33:02,876 --> 00:33:05,516
Speaker 1: exactly why that is an inspiring moment for your students,

714
00:33:05,556 --> 00:33:08,516
Speaker 1: because if they're facing their own moments of failure and securities,

715
00:33:08,516 --> 00:33:10,676
Speaker 1: they could just kind of brush those aside because you've

716
00:33:10,716 --> 00:33:13,756
Speaker 1: been vulnerable enough to share Hey, I went through it too. Yeah,

717
00:33:13,796 --> 00:33:15,916
Speaker 1: And so sometimes we need to be a little bit

718
00:33:15,916 --> 00:33:17,956
Speaker 1: more vulnerable. But as a leader, I also know that

719
00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:20,596
Speaker 1: sometimes you got to remind yourself that you're a little

720
00:33:20,636 --> 00:33:22,796
Speaker 1: bit super like. You need to find moments where you

721
00:33:22,916 --> 00:33:25,276
Speaker 1: kind of feel powerful and in control. And that gets

722
00:33:25,276 --> 00:33:27,756
Speaker 1: to tip number seven. You also remind leaders that to

723
00:33:27,796 --> 00:33:30,516
Speaker 1: be inspiring, it's helpful to kind of get a sense

724
00:33:30,556 --> 00:33:32,836
Speaker 1: of that sense of power and control. And you have

725
00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:35,556
Speaker 1: a really great practical exercise we can use to do this.

726
00:33:35,716 --> 00:33:36,516
Speaker 1: What's that? Yeah?

727
00:33:36,556 --> 00:33:38,436
Speaker 2: I mean, you know the thing that I've done the

728
00:33:38,436 --> 00:33:41,316
Speaker 2: most research on is thinking about a time when you

729
00:33:41,356 --> 00:33:43,756
Speaker 2: were powerful, you know, I ask people to write out

730
00:33:43,796 --> 00:33:47,356
Speaker 2: a reflection, and we've shown that this task of thinking

731
00:33:47,356 --> 00:33:50,476
Speaker 2: about time are powerful has affected dozens of different types

732
00:33:50,516 --> 00:33:53,076
Speaker 2: of behaviors in a variety of different ways. But the

733
00:33:53,116 --> 00:33:54,756
Speaker 2: way that I think about it is that when we

734
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:57,596
Speaker 2: think about the ways that we're super, they allow us

735
00:33:57,636 --> 00:33:59,876
Speaker 2: to go out and be more super. And one of

736
00:33:59,876 --> 00:34:01,556
Speaker 2: the things that I think that we want to tap

737
00:34:01,636 --> 00:34:05,276
Speaker 2: into is our successful moments in life and our own

738
00:34:05,316 --> 00:34:08,156
Speaker 2: experience when we were our best self. We can then

739
00:34:08,316 --> 00:34:10,596
Speaker 2: leverage that and allow us to be our best self

740
00:34:10,596 --> 00:34:13,116
Speaker 2: in the next moment. You know. I tell people you

741
00:34:13,156 --> 00:34:16,196
Speaker 2: can actually even calibrate this even more. The next time

742
00:34:16,236 --> 00:34:18,516
Speaker 2: you have to do an important presentation, Think about time

743
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,756
Speaker 2: you gave a great presentation. The next time you have

744
00:34:20,836 --> 00:34:23,156
Speaker 2: to write something, think about time when you wrote something

745
00:34:23,196 --> 00:34:26,116
Speaker 2: really well. That can really allow us to tap into

746
00:34:26,316 --> 00:34:30,076
Speaker 2: the task specific inspiration that we need to be successful.

747
00:34:30,676 --> 00:34:33,516
Speaker 1: And you found that this power recall process is like

748
00:34:33,916 --> 00:34:37,236
Speaker 1: super effective in all kinds of different contexts. Like, tell

749
00:34:37,236 --> 00:34:39,036
Speaker 1: me some of the contexts in which you see this working,

750
00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:40,116
Speaker 1: because it's really broad.

751
00:34:40,636 --> 00:34:42,716
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know, and you know, use the

752
00:34:42,716 --> 00:34:45,836
Speaker 2: word earlier, which I think is really important optimism, you

753
00:34:45,836 --> 00:34:47,916
Speaker 2: know about being sort of optimistic. So you know, one

754
00:34:47,916 --> 00:34:50,396
Speaker 2: of the things we've shown is that makes people optimistic.

755
00:34:50,596 --> 00:34:53,756
Speaker 2: But you know, we've shown for example, and one study

756
00:34:53,756 --> 00:34:55,676
Speaker 2: we did, we had people come in and we said,

757
00:34:55,716 --> 00:34:57,956
Speaker 2: we're going to have you write a letter for a job,

758
00:34:58,036 --> 00:34:59,876
Speaker 2: so you're going to try to get this job. Before

759
00:34:59,916 --> 00:35:01,356
Speaker 2: you do that, we're going to give you a chance

760
00:35:01,476 --> 00:35:03,596
Speaker 2: just to get some practice writing. And that's when we

761
00:35:03,716 --> 00:35:06,436
Speaker 2: used our manipulation where we told half the people think

762
00:35:06,476 --> 00:35:08,476
Speaker 2: about time when you had power and the other half

763
00:35:08,476 --> 00:35:10,916
Speaker 2: we're talking about it when you lack power. And then

764
00:35:10,916 --> 00:35:13,476
Speaker 2: we have them apply for a job, put their application

765
00:35:13,596 --> 00:35:16,676
Speaker 2: and sealed envelope, and then we had other people rated.

766
00:35:16,756 --> 00:35:19,196
Speaker 2: You know, they didn't know anything about the power reflection

767
00:35:19,356 --> 00:35:21,756
Speaker 2: task at all, and we just had them rate would

768
00:35:21,796 --> 00:35:23,876
Speaker 2: you hire this person? And the people that have been

769
00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:27,156
Speaker 2: randomly assigned to get this you know, power reflection, they

770
00:35:27,236 --> 00:35:30,596
Speaker 2: were more likely to get the job. And the single

771
00:35:30,676 --> 00:35:33,756
Speaker 2: thing that seemed to matter the most was people just

772
00:35:33,796 --> 00:35:37,196
Speaker 2: express more confidence. They just came across as more confident

773
00:35:37,276 --> 00:35:39,916
Speaker 2: in their letters. We showed that when we randomly assigned

774
00:35:39,916 --> 00:35:42,196
Speaker 2: people to think about time when they had power in

775
00:35:42,236 --> 00:35:45,796
Speaker 2: a negotiation, and they go into that negotiation, their voice

776
00:35:45,956 --> 00:35:48,876
Speaker 2: is more studying, more dynamic. They're also more likely to

777
00:35:48,916 --> 00:35:51,436
Speaker 2: make the first offer in the negotiation, and we know

778
00:35:51,516 --> 00:35:54,076
Speaker 2: from research that making the first offer on average leads

779
00:35:54,076 --> 00:35:56,876
Speaker 2: to better outcomes. We've shown it makes people more visionary.

780
00:35:56,876 --> 00:35:59,396
Speaker 2: Pam Smith has done this research showing that people see

781
00:35:59,396 --> 00:36:01,556
Speaker 2: the big picture when they think about timing that power.

782
00:36:01,596 --> 00:36:04,356
Speaker 2: And then finally some research in Europe, they asked people

783
00:36:04,356 --> 00:36:07,316
Speaker 2: to do public presentations. But why they did them. They

784
00:36:07,396 --> 00:36:10,596
Speaker 2: measure their physiological arouse levels and they found that people

785
00:36:10,676 --> 00:36:13,516
Speaker 2: had done the power recall were more calm and less

786
00:36:13,516 --> 00:36:17,156
Speaker 2: physiologically aroused when they did that. So again, I think

787
00:36:17,196 --> 00:36:19,756
Speaker 2: the key thing is that it's tapping into our own

788
00:36:19,876 --> 00:36:23,876
Speaker 2: lived experiences and allowing us to leverage those experiences.

789
00:36:23,996 --> 00:36:25,596
Speaker 1: And so Tip A is going to switch gears a

790
00:36:25,636 --> 00:36:27,196
Speaker 1: little bit. It's not kind of the things you do

791
00:36:27,276 --> 00:36:29,396
Speaker 1: to yourself, but the things you do in the interaction

792
00:36:29,516 --> 00:36:32,476
Speaker 1: with somebody that you're trying to inspire. And Tip number

793
00:36:32,516 --> 00:36:34,596
Speaker 1: eight is that you can be a bit more inspiring

794
00:36:34,636 --> 00:36:38,556
Speaker 1: by giving more choices. Why are choices so inspired?

795
00:36:38,756 --> 00:36:40,996
Speaker 2: No one likes to be told what to do, right.

796
00:36:41,076 --> 00:36:43,236
Speaker 2: We don't like to be treated like objects. We don't

797
00:36:43,276 --> 00:36:45,396
Speaker 2: like to feel pressure, we don't like to be forced.

798
00:36:45,476 --> 00:36:47,196
Speaker 2: And so one of the things that I've shown in

799
00:36:47,236 --> 00:36:51,116
Speaker 2: my research is that when we offer people options, they

800
00:36:51,276 --> 00:36:55,196
Speaker 2: see us as more concern with their well being. They

801
00:36:55,196 --> 00:36:57,636
Speaker 2: see us as wanting us to get the right outcome

802
00:36:57,676 --> 00:37:01,636
Speaker 2: for ourselves. So in negotiations, we've shown, for example, that

803
00:37:01,796 --> 00:37:03,676
Speaker 2: car salesman says, I can offer you this car for

804
00:37:03,756 --> 00:37:06,636
Speaker 2: twenty five thousand dollars and a five year warranty or

805
00:37:06,876 --> 00:37:10,516
Speaker 2: twenty four thousand and a three year warrant. Now most

806
00:37:10,556 --> 00:37:13,476
Speaker 2: of you can quickly calculate that for the car salesperson

807
00:37:13,716 --> 00:37:16,116
Speaker 2: when your warranty is worth five hundred dollars to them.

808
00:37:16,276 --> 00:37:18,596
Speaker 2: But what you're saying is, I don't know how much

809
00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:20,516
Speaker 2: warranty is worth you, So I'm going to let you

810
00:37:20,556 --> 00:37:23,396
Speaker 2: make that choice. And we've shown a couple of things

811
00:37:23,396 --> 00:37:26,796
Speaker 2: in our research that are really really important. The first

812
00:37:27,076 --> 00:37:30,596
Speaker 2: is that we can actually be much more ambitious or

813
00:37:30,676 --> 00:37:33,796
Speaker 2: aggressive when we offer choices because people see us as

814
00:37:33,836 --> 00:37:36,956
Speaker 2: having their best interest into account. The second thing that

815
00:37:36,956 --> 00:37:40,356
Speaker 2: we've shown is that when we make these sort of

816
00:37:40,436 --> 00:37:45,276
Speaker 2: ambitious offers, we get a better outcome for ourselves. But

817
00:37:45,316 --> 00:37:47,916
Speaker 2: the other side often doesn't get a worse outcome, so

818
00:37:48,076 --> 00:37:50,996
Speaker 2: it expands the pie. And the thing that most exciting

819
00:37:50,996 --> 00:37:54,276
Speaker 2: about this research is that it works for everyone. It

820
00:37:54,316 --> 00:37:57,756
Speaker 2: works for men and women, It works for people who

821
00:37:57,796 --> 00:38:01,396
Speaker 2: have more power and less power in the negotiation. Offering

822
00:38:01,516 --> 00:38:04,316
Speaker 2: choices just solves the prople. Now, I started doing this

823
00:38:04,356 --> 00:38:08,356
Speaker 2: research back in the nineties on choices and negotiations, but

824
00:38:08,476 --> 00:38:10,996
Speaker 2: in the mid two thousands I saw it in practice

825
00:38:11,196 --> 00:38:13,076
Speaker 2: as a parent. I wasn't a parent yet, but my

826
00:38:13,196 --> 00:38:16,196
Speaker 2: twin brother is a parent, and his daughter was not

827
00:38:16,276 --> 00:38:19,156
Speaker 2: getting dressed and she was fighting everything, and talking to

828
00:38:19,356 --> 00:38:20,876
Speaker 2: my ster in law, you know, we said, what if

829
00:38:20,876 --> 00:38:23,596
Speaker 2: we start giving choices? And so she do that. She

830
00:38:23,716 --> 00:38:26,956
Speaker 2: just hold up two parents' pants, Okay, Fiona, which parent pants? Okay?

831
00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:28,836
Speaker 2: That one okay, Fiona which shirt? And so all of

832
00:38:28,836 --> 00:38:31,796
Speaker 2: a sudden, instead of fighting, she was making choices. And

833
00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:35,636
Speaker 2: I saw just how valuable it is. Any time that

834
00:38:35,716 --> 00:38:39,756
Speaker 2: you can take a demand and turn it into a choice,

835
00:38:40,476 --> 00:38:42,556
Speaker 2: You're going to be far better off. You're going to

836
00:38:42,596 --> 00:38:45,236
Speaker 2: get a better outcome, They're going to be happier, there's

837
00:38:45,276 --> 00:38:48,276
Speaker 2: gonna be fewer transaction costs, there's going to be less frustration.

838
00:38:48,796 --> 00:38:50,236
Speaker 2: Everyone's going to be better off.

839
00:38:50,116 --> 00:38:52,316
Speaker 1: And you think about that whenever you're in a position

840
00:38:52,356 --> 00:38:54,636
Speaker 1: of having less power, right, when people give you choices,

841
00:38:54,676 --> 00:38:57,036
Speaker 1: you just feel like you have some agency, like you

842
00:38:57,076 --> 00:38:59,276
Speaker 1: can kind of make the decision for yourself. And that

843
00:38:59,356 --> 00:39:01,876
Speaker 1: kind of guess to why Tip number nine is so powerful.

844
00:39:01,916 --> 00:39:04,076
Speaker 1: You've argued that to be more inspiring, we need to

845
00:39:04,076 --> 00:39:07,196
Speaker 1: be more credit sharing, as leaders explain some of the

846
00:39:07,276 --> 00:39:10,476
Speaker 1: unexpected benefits of credit sharing, and even to the leader.

847
00:39:10,396 --> 00:39:12,676
Speaker 2: Yeah, there is. You know a survey that came out

848
00:39:12,676 --> 00:39:14,716
Speaker 2: a few years ago that asked people what's the most

849
00:39:14,756 --> 00:39:17,156
Speaker 2: inferiting thing that happens at work? And one of the

850
00:39:17,236 --> 00:39:18,836
Speaker 2: things that was it might've been top of the list,

851
00:39:18,876 --> 00:39:20,716
Speaker 2: I can't remember, or near the double list, was other

852
00:39:20,756 --> 00:39:24,196
Speaker 2: people stealing credit from you, other people taking ownership over

853
00:39:24,276 --> 00:39:27,636
Speaker 2: your idea. You know, it just infuriates us, right, And

854
00:39:27,636 --> 00:39:29,956
Speaker 2: it goes back to that fundamental of human need of

855
00:39:29,956 --> 00:39:33,236
Speaker 2: wanting to be recognized and feel respected and to have

856
00:39:33,276 --> 00:39:36,556
Speaker 2: the status. And two things we've shown in our research

857
00:39:36,716 --> 00:39:40,036
Speaker 2: which I think are really important. The first is that

858
00:39:40,356 --> 00:39:45,036
Speaker 2: when we're feeling insecure or not inspired ourselves, it warps

859
00:39:45,036 --> 00:39:48,156
Speaker 2: our brain and twists it into thinking that, oh my god,

860
00:39:48,196 --> 00:39:50,316
Speaker 2: if I share credit with others, I'm going to lose

861
00:39:50,356 --> 00:39:54,236
Speaker 2: status myself. And so we've shown that when we're feeling insecure,

862
00:39:54,556 --> 00:39:57,196
Speaker 2: we're less likely to share credit with others because we

863
00:39:57,276 --> 00:40:01,036
Speaker 2: see now status at zero sum. But what we've shown

864
00:40:01,036 --> 00:40:04,356
Speaker 2: in our research is that when you actually share credit

865
00:40:04,396 --> 00:40:08,316
Speaker 2: with others, you actually get a status boost. So I

866
00:40:08,676 --> 00:40:10,676
Speaker 2: was somewhere and I was like, people said how much

867
00:40:10,676 --> 00:40:12,156
Speaker 2: they love my book, and I said, I couldn't have

868
00:40:12,156 --> 00:40:16,116
Speaker 2: produced such a great book without my amazing research assistant, Chloe. Now,

869
00:40:16,196 --> 00:40:18,996
Speaker 2: Chloe's going to be raised in status, right because I've

870
00:40:18,996 --> 00:40:21,916
Speaker 2: just said how amazing she is. But so will I.

871
00:40:21,916 --> 00:40:24,476
Speaker 2: I get a boost in status because I credited her.

872
00:40:24,676 --> 00:40:28,996
Speaker 2: People like people that share credit, right, They like generous

873
00:40:28,996 --> 00:40:32,996
Speaker 2: individuals who acknowledge other people. And we'll try to push

874
00:40:33,036 --> 00:40:36,356
Speaker 2: this to the extreme. We said, okay, it's an entrepreneurial situation.

875
00:40:36,556 --> 00:40:39,516
Speaker 2: Two people. There's two finalists, and each have to make

876
00:40:39,556 --> 00:40:42,396
Speaker 2: a final little speech, and we have one of the

877
00:40:42,436 --> 00:40:44,876
Speaker 2: people either say, you know, I couldn't have done it

878
00:40:44,916 --> 00:40:47,356
Speaker 2: without all the things that I did, or they said,

879
00:40:47,476 --> 00:40:49,076
Speaker 2: you know I couldn't have done it. I also want

880
00:40:49,076 --> 00:40:52,316
Speaker 2: to think my competitor who also helped me gave me

881
00:40:52,356 --> 00:40:56,036
Speaker 2: some great advice. Now you could say, oh my god,

882
00:40:56,316 --> 00:40:59,156
Speaker 2: you've just raised the status your competitor. They're going to

883
00:40:59,196 --> 00:41:02,196
Speaker 2: get picked to win their award. But you still are

884
00:41:02,236 --> 00:41:04,916
Speaker 2: better off by doing that. You're still more likely to win. Now,

885
00:41:04,956 --> 00:41:07,556
Speaker 2: the effect is much smaller than in other situations. But

886
00:41:07,836 --> 00:41:11,996
Speaker 2: even when we share credit with the people we're competing

887
00:41:12,036 --> 00:41:15,276
Speaker 2: with the most, we still get a status boost.

888
00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:17,516
Speaker 1: Now we can use that status boost in good ways,

889
00:41:17,596 --> 00:41:19,996
Speaker 1: especially if you find ways to learn from the people

890
00:41:20,076 --> 00:41:22,516
Speaker 1: maybe that we're competing with, or maybe especially as a leader,

891
00:41:22,796 --> 00:41:24,596
Speaker 1: that are kind of working under us. And this gets

892
00:41:24,636 --> 00:41:27,156
Speaker 1: to final to number ten, which is that to really

893
00:41:27,156 --> 00:41:30,196
Speaker 1: be an inspiring leader, we should seek out some downward learning.

894
00:41:30,316 --> 00:41:31,716
Speaker 1: What do you mean by downward learning?

895
00:41:31,796 --> 00:41:34,396
Speaker 2: So one of the things that I've become really fascinating

896
00:41:34,396 --> 00:41:36,556
Speaker 2: with is what makes a good mentor right. You know,

897
00:41:36,636 --> 00:41:39,596
Speaker 2: that's the third factor of being inspiring person. It's like

898
00:41:39,636 --> 00:41:41,996
Speaker 2: how we interact with others. But what does it mean

899
00:41:42,076 --> 00:41:45,876
Speaker 2: to really mentor someone? And you know, there's a number

900
00:41:45,876 --> 00:41:48,836
Speaker 2: of characteristics that are central. One is that we really

901
00:41:48,836 --> 00:41:52,636
Speaker 2: take the perspective of the person, we really engage with them,

902
00:41:52,956 --> 00:41:56,996
Speaker 2: we think deeply about their situation, just really getting inside

903
00:41:57,036 --> 00:41:59,196
Speaker 2: their head, but look in the world from their perspective

904
00:41:59,276 --> 00:42:01,196
Speaker 2: what they need and what they want. And one of

905
00:42:01,236 --> 00:42:03,436
Speaker 2: the things that we're found in our research is that

906
00:42:03,716 --> 00:42:08,996
Speaker 2: people are better mentors when they recognize that they can

907
00:42:09,236 --> 00:42:13,556
Speaker 2: learn incredibly valuable insights even from people who have less

908
00:42:13,756 --> 00:42:16,636
Speaker 2: power or status than they do. And so we showed

909
00:42:16,636 --> 00:42:19,556
Speaker 2: in our research that downward learners, people who say I

910
00:42:19,556 --> 00:42:21,996
Speaker 2: can learn a lot from people who are below being

911
00:42:22,076 --> 00:42:24,796
Speaker 2: the hierarchy, they tend to be better mentors. But in

912
00:42:24,876 --> 00:42:27,356
Speaker 2: my favorite experiment that we did in this project, so

913
00:42:27,356 --> 00:42:29,436
Speaker 2: we know, we did a lot of correlational studies that

914
00:42:29,556 --> 00:42:32,156
Speaker 2: showing downward learning people tend to be better mentors. But

915
00:42:32,396 --> 00:42:34,676
Speaker 2: in one study, we actually took people who are going

916
00:42:34,716 --> 00:42:36,836
Speaker 2: to be in mentor roles and in half of them,

917
00:42:36,916 --> 00:42:39,796
Speaker 2: we said, think about a time recently when you learn

918
00:42:39,996 --> 00:42:43,476
Speaker 2: something valuable from someone below you in the hierarchy. And

919
00:42:43,476 --> 00:42:45,436
Speaker 2: then later we put them a position where they we're

920
00:42:45,436 --> 00:42:47,116
Speaker 2: going to have to serve as a mentor for someone,

921
00:42:47,276 --> 00:42:51,636
Speaker 2: and we ask the mentees about their experience, and we

922
00:42:51,716 --> 00:42:54,036
Speaker 2: found that when they've been randomly signed to be with

923
00:42:54,116 --> 00:42:57,316
Speaker 2: one of these downward learning reflections. People who had just

924
00:42:57,356 --> 00:43:00,356
Speaker 2: engained this reflection, they rated them as more engaged but

925
00:43:00,436 --> 00:43:03,116
Speaker 2: also more impactic. And so it was a combination of

926
00:43:03,116 --> 00:43:05,876
Speaker 2: that engagement and empathy that made them feel like they

927
00:43:05,916 --> 00:43:08,716
Speaker 2: got a lot more benefit out of that interaction.

928
00:43:09,276 --> 00:43:11,956
Speaker 1: Just that curiosity to learn from the people that see

929
00:43:12,036 --> 00:43:14,356
Speaker 1: us as leaders that winds up making us seem more

930
00:43:14,396 --> 00:43:16,876
Speaker 1: empathic and ends up helping the person that you know,

931
00:43:16,876 --> 00:43:19,196
Speaker 1: we're trying to help kind of succeed in whatever they're doing.

932
00:43:19,316 --> 00:43:21,356
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll tell you one quick story which I

933
00:43:21,556 --> 00:43:23,756
Speaker 2: really loved. For my life, I got to spend I

934
00:43:23,756 --> 00:43:25,876
Speaker 2: wrote the book Proposal in Hawaii. I spent a year

935
00:43:25,916 --> 00:43:28,276
Speaker 2: in Hawaii with my family, and I was talking to

936
00:43:28,316 --> 00:43:30,676
Speaker 2: someone on the phone because we had been having a

937
00:43:30,716 --> 00:43:33,156
Speaker 2: problem with birds would fly into the house and then

938
00:43:33,156 --> 00:43:35,916
Speaker 2: get trapped in poop everywhere. And my friend had suggested

939
00:43:35,956 --> 00:43:39,556
Speaker 2: a couple weeks earlier, by these rubber snakes, put them out,

940
00:43:39,596 --> 00:43:41,796
Speaker 2: you know, in front of the doorway, and then the

941
00:43:41,796 --> 00:43:43,876
Speaker 2: birds will be afraid and they will come in. And

942
00:43:43,916 --> 00:43:46,116
Speaker 2: it didn't do anything. Literally, the birds would just step

943
00:43:46,156 --> 00:43:48,076
Speaker 2: over this, you know, rubber snake. And so I was

944
00:43:48,116 --> 00:43:50,356
Speaker 2: telling my friend it didn't work. And at six in

945
00:43:50,396 --> 00:43:52,676
Speaker 2: the morning, my son had just woken up. He'd crawled

946
00:43:52,676 --> 00:43:54,556
Speaker 2: into my lap. He heard me tell the story and

947
00:43:54,556 --> 00:43:56,356
Speaker 2: he said, oh, I know why, Dad, And I was

948
00:43:56,396 --> 00:43:58,876
Speaker 2: like why. He's like, there's no snakes in Hawaii. We

949
00:43:58,996 --> 00:44:02,156
Speaker 2: learned that in preschool. So this four year old he

950
00:44:02,196 --> 00:44:04,716
Speaker 2: had learned something that I didn't know, you know, because

951
00:44:04,756 --> 00:44:06,556
Speaker 2: he was going to school in Hawaii. And it was

952
00:44:06,596 --> 00:44:08,876
Speaker 2: just a good example, like he had different knowledge than

953
00:44:08,876 --> 00:44:11,876
Speaker 2: I did, and he had different experiences and was able

954
00:44:11,916 --> 00:44:14,436
Speaker 2: to bring those experience and knowledge to bear and then

955
00:44:14,516 --> 00:44:16,076
Speaker 2: realized that we would have to come up with a

956
00:44:16,076 --> 00:44:18,116
Speaker 2: different strategy to keep the birds out of our house.

957
00:44:18,556 --> 00:44:20,796
Speaker 1: I mean, you've been putting all these strategies to become

958
00:44:20,836 --> 00:44:23,356
Speaker 1: more inspiring into effect in your own life. I'm sure

959
00:44:23,356 --> 00:44:25,556
Speaker 1: that's made you more inspired leader, But has it also

960
00:44:25,596 --> 00:44:26,916
Speaker 1: made you a little bit happier too?

961
00:44:27,436 --> 00:44:27,916
Speaker 2: Definitely?

962
00:44:27,956 --> 00:44:28,116
Speaker 1: You know.

963
00:44:28,476 --> 00:44:31,516
Speaker 2: I think you know you mentioned earlier the example the

964
00:44:31,556 --> 00:44:35,116
Speaker 2: CEO who got those effusive emails back thank you so

965
00:44:35,236 --> 00:44:37,596
Speaker 2: much for the praise and the gratitude, and you said

966
00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,116
Speaker 2: that made that CEO probably happier. And I have to

967
00:44:40,196 --> 00:44:42,476
Speaker 2: say that was such an amazing epiphany for me because

968
00:44:42,476 --> 00:44:45,116
Speaker 2: I hadn't thought about it in that way. You know,

969
00:44:45,436 --> 00:44:48,076
Speaker 2: I use the word spreading the seeds of inspiration, right,

970
00:44:48,116 --> 00:44:49,996
Speaker 2: So he spread the seeds, but then he got some

971
00:44:50,156 --> 00:44:52,796
Speaker 2: back from doing that. And I think that when we

972
00:44:52,956 --> 00:44:55,356
Speaker 2: know that we've had a positive impact on people's lives,

973
00:44:55,836 --> 00:44:58,036
Speaker 2: it makes us happier. But you know, one of the

974
00:44:58,076 --> 00:45:01,876
Speaker 2: things that I think that I've most learned from all

975
00:45:01,876 --> 00:45:04,356
Speaker 2: of my research, and it's something I've brought up like

976
00:45:04,396 --> 00:45:07,356
Speaker 2: three or four different times, but the power of reflection,

977
00:45:07,716 --> 00:45:11,756
Speaker 2: Reflecting on your values, reflecting on times when you had power.

978
00:45:11,796 --> 00:45:14,756
Speaker 2: We're confident, we're successful. We talked about reflecting on what

979
00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:18,676
Speaker 2: you've learned from people below you, reflecting on your passions,

980
00:45:18,916 --> 00:45:22,796
Speaker 2: all of these things. We are the examined life. You know,

981
00:45:22,796 --> 00:45:25,396
Speaker 2: there's a famous phrase, right, you know, it's examined life

982
00:45:25,436 --> 00:45:28,756
Speaker 2: worth living. But I think the reflected life is really

983
00:45:28,796 --> 00:45:32,556
Speaker 2: the true path towards making yourself and other people happier,

984
00:45:32,876 --> 00:45:36,556
Speaker 2: because it's through those reflections or the right types of reflections,

985
00:45:36,636 --> 00:45:39,516
Speaker 2: that we can put ourselves into a frame of mind

986
00:45:39,716 --> 00:45:42,756
Speaker 2: that allows us to be more inspiring and then to

987
00:45:42,836 --> 00:45:44,916
Speaker 2: receive more inspiration back to us.

988
00:45:45,196 --> 00:45:47,116
Speaker 1: So we bought through all these great ideas that we

989
00:45:47,156 --> 00:45:49,796
Speaker 1: can put into effect to become more inspiring leaders. But

990
00:45:50,036 --> 00:45:51,836
Speaker 1: you know, as someone who's been a leader myself, I

991
00:45:51,876 --> 00:45:55,636
Speaker 1: know that, like you kind of screwup sometimes without realizing,

992
00:45:55,756 --> 00:45:58,716
Speaker 1: you can accidentally switch into that kind of not so

993
00:45:58,836 --> 00:46:02,316
Speaker 1: inspiring or maybe defeating sort of role. Many strategies for

994
00:46:02,436 --> 00:46:04,716
Speaker 1: leaders to pick themselves up and maybe do a do

995
00:46:04,836 --> 00:46:07,436
Speaker 1: over when things don't go so well in a leadership role.

996
00:46:07,636 --> 00:46:09,596
Speaker 2: Yeah, first of all, I want to just re emphasize

997
00:46:09,636 --> 00:46:11,396
Speaker 2: the point you just made, which is so important, which

998
00:46:11,436 --> 00:46:16,156
Speaker 2: is it's really hard. We're all screw up. My wife

999
00:46:16,236 --> 00:46:18,436
Speaker 2: loves to throw my research back in my face and

1000
00:46:18,476 --> 00:46:21,476
Speaker 2: tell me when I've been particularly infuriating. My kids are

1001
00:46:21,556 --> 00:46:23,796
Speaker 2: very good at telling me when I'm not being the

1002
00:46:23,836 --> 00:46:27,876
Speaker 2: most inspiring person. And I think again, reflection really helps

1003
00:46:27,996 --> 00:46:29,916
Speaker 2: right to think about what was going on in that

1004
00:46:29,956 --> 00:46:34,036
Speaker 2: situation that made me lose the big picture or maybe

1005
00:46:34,076 --> 00:46:36,436
Speaker 2: not be as courageous I could have been, or been

1006
00:46:36,596 --> 00:46:39,716
Speaker 2: to aggressive in a way that hurts someone's feelings. And

1007
00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:42,156
Speaker 2: so I think that's one thing I really believe in

1008
00:46:42,196 --> 00:46:45,756
Speaker 2: the power of apologies as an incredible way of helping

1009
00:46:45,796 --> 00:46:49,196
Speaker 2: people understand. And I think the single most important thing

1010
00:46:49,196 --> 00:46:52,756
Speaker 2: that we can do in apologies besides take responsibility, which

1011
00:46:52,796 --> 00:46:54,916
Speaker 2: is like the core of it is tell the person

1012
00:46:54,956 --> 00:46:57,076
Speaker 2: what we're going to do differently the next time. Make

1013
00:46:57,116 --> 00:46:59,996
Speaker 2: a commitment to the future. And I think that is

1014
00:47:00,036 --> 00:47:03,076
Speaker 2: where you're saying, look, I screwed up, But that's just

1015
00:47:03,276 --> 00:47:05,956
Speaker 2: empty water without the promise of the future. So I

1016
00:47:05,956 --> 00:47:08,476
Speaker 2: think that that's one of the things that I really

1017
00:47:08,516 --> 00:47:11,356
Speaker 2: think about, and part of what I tell people is

1018
00:47:11,596 --> 00:47:14,356
Speaker 2: how can you be more inspiring more of the time.

1019
00:47:14,716 --> 00:47:17,876
Speaker 2: I like using a little phrase from the Bible, reap

1020
00:47:17,876 --> 00:47:21,756
Speaker 2: what you sew. Reap what you sew comes from agriculture, right,

1021
00:47:21,836 --> 00:47:23,916
Speaker 2: like we tend to our crops and we reap what

1022
00:47:23,956 --> 00:47:26,236
Speaker 2: we sew. But it has two meanings that I think

1023
00:47:26,236 --> 00:47:29,476
Speaker 2: are really important. The first is that what we do

1024
00:47:29,556 --> 00:47:33,556
Speaker 2: today impacts the future. And second thing, what we do

1025
00:47:33,636 --> 00:47:36,596
Speaker 2: today comes back to us in the same form. So

1026
00:47:36,636 --> 00:47:39,076
Speaker 2: if we're generous, we're going to get generosity back, but

1027
00:47:39,116 --> 00:47:42,116
Speaker 2: if we're mean spirited, we're going to get mean spiritedness

1028
00:47:42,316 --> 00:47:45,356
Speaker 2: back to us. And so my reap is not spelled

1029
00:47:45,756 --> 00:47:50,396
Speaker 2: ore eap, it's spelled ore eip and RIP is an acronym,

1030
00:47:50,676 --> 00:47:53,916
Speaker 2: and our stands for reflections so again we talked about

1031
00:47:53,956 --> 00:47:56,996
Speaker 2: the power of reflecting on our own experiences, but also

1032
00:47:57,076 --> 00:48:01,156
Speaker 2: thinking about when we're inspiring, when we're infuriating. The e

1033
00:48:01,436 --> 00:48:03,956
Speaker 2: is emulate. I've asked people all over the world to

1034
00:48:03,956 --> 00:48:06,356
Speaker 2: think about a leader that inspired them. The next step

1035
00:48:06,396 --> 00:48:08,636
Speaker 2: is how could you emulate that person? And then can

1036
00:48:08,676 --> 00:48:11,876
Speaker 2: you take those reflections and those emulations and turn them

1037
00:48:11,876 --> 00:48:14,636
Speaker 2: into an intention a commitment to the future, And that

1038
00:48:14,716 --> 00:48:16,876
Speaker 2: comes back to the apology thing I was just talking about.

1039
00:48:16,916 --> 00:48:19,596
Speaker 2: And then finally, how do you practice that the next

1040
00:48:19,676 --> 00:48:22,036
Speaker 2: day and turn that into a daily practice. And one

1041
00:48:22,036 --> 00:48:23,916
Speaker 2: of the things that I've found in my research in

1042
00:48:23,956 --> 00:48:26,236
Speaker 2: my own personal life is that if we can be

1043
00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:29,796
Speaker 2: a little bit more inspiring tomorrow, it actually gives us

1044
00:48:30,236 --> 00:48:33,436
Speaker 2: the skills also the motivation to be a little bit

1045
00:48:33,436 --> 00:48:36,996
Speaker 2: more inspiring the next time. So every time I feel

1046
00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:40,516
Speaker 2: that volcanic rage rise up inside of me, but I

1047
00:48:40,556 --> 00:48:44,276
Speaker 2: stop it, I feel so good about myself that it

1048
00:48:44,356 --> 00:48:47,116
Speaker 2: increases the probability that I'm going to be that better

1049
00:48:47,156 --> 00:48:50,236
Speaker 2: father the next day. And so the practice really becomes important.

1050
00:48:50,276 --> 00:48:53,356
Speaker 2: We can build off that practice and reflect on building

1051
00:48:53,356 --> 00:48:55,116
Speaker 2: off that practice for the future.

1052
00:48:56,716 --> 00:48:59,156
Speaker 1: I've long wanted to inspire those around me, But I'm

1053
00:48:59,196 --> 00:49:01,196
Speaker 1: only now just waking up to the power I have

1054
00:49:01,276 --> 00:49:03,676
Speaker 1: as a leader. If you're like me, that I highly

1055
00:49:03,676 --> 00:49:07,596
Speaker 1: recommend Adam's new book Inspire the Universal Path for Leading

1056
00:49:07,636 --> 00:49:10,596
Speaker 1: yourself and others. But let's quickly go over some of

1057
00:49:10,636 --> 00:49:13,956
Speaker 1: the ideas he's just shared. Tip number one, park the

1058
00:49:13,956 --> 00:49:18,116
Speaker 1: criticism and find more praise, especially in writing. A tiny

1059
00:49:18,116 --> 00:49:20,676
Speaker 1: investment in your time can make you and the person

1060
00:49:20,716 --> 00:49:23,836
Speaker 1: you praise feel great. Tip number two is to have

1061
00:49:23,916 --> 00:49:26,396
Speaker 1: a vision and share it. We all want to find meaning.

1062
00:49:26,716 --> 00:49:29,236
Speaker 1: If you can vividly explain why you're asking someone to

1063
00:49:29,316 --> 00:49:32,556
Speaker 1: do something, then they'll do it more effectively and more cheerfully.

1064
00:49:33,236 --> 00:49:35,836
Speaker 1: The third tip is to remember that your personal values

1065
00:49:35,876 --> 00:49:39,116
Speaker 1: are your guide. If you value honesty, then ask yourself,

1066
00:49:39,196 --> 00:49:41,836
Speaker 1: what would an honest leader do now? If it's empathy,

1067
00:49:42,036 --> 00:49:45,396
Speaker 1: then how can I be the most empathic boss? Tip

1068
00:49:45,476 --> 00:49:47,996
Speaker 1: number four is to marvel it where you're at right now.

1069
00:49:48,356 --> 00:49:51,316
Speaker 1: Appreciate all the decisions, hard work, and strokes of luck

1070
00:49:51,396 --> 00:49:54,876
Speaker 1: that build your business or your family. Tip number five

1071
00:49:55,156 --> 00:49:59,116
Speaker 1: practice positive emotional contagion. Remember that a leader's fear or

1072
00:49:59,196 --> 00:50:02,236
Speaker 1: their enthusiasm will have a profound impact on those looking

1073
00:50:02,236 --> 00:50:05,356
Speaker 1: for inspiration. Tip number six is that you don't need

1074
00:50:05,356 --> 00:50:07,716
Speaker 1: to be superhuman to be a good leader. You can

1075
00:50:07,876 --> 00:50:11,076
Speaker 1: just be human. Letting people know you're vulnerable will give

1076
00:50:11,076 --> 00:50:13,516
Speaker 1: them the confidence they need to take their own risks.

1077
00:50:13,956 --> 00:50:17,116
Speaker 1: But don't overdo the self criticism. Since Tip number seven

1078
00:50:17,276 --> 00:50:20,796
Speaker 1: is to remember your successes, recalling your past triumphs can

1079
00:50:20,836 --> 00:50:23,716
Speaker 1: help you deal with new challenges on the horizon. Tip

1080
00:50:23,796 --> 00:50:26,396
Speaker 1: number eight is to give choices to those you leave.

1081
00:50:26,836 --> 00:50:29,516
Speaker 1: No one likes to feel boxed in, so give options

1082
00:50:29,636 --> 00:50:33,276
Speaker 1: rather than orders. Tip number nine share the credit. We

1083
00:50:33,316 --> 00:50:35,916
Speaker 1: all want to be recognized, but we truly succeed when

1084
00:50:35,956 --> 00:50:38,836
Speaker 1: we share the arles with our teams and even our arrivals.

1085
00:50:39,476 --> 00:50:42,916
Speaker 1: Adam's final tip is to show humility. The most inspiring

1086
00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:46,676
Speaker 1: leaders listen to the most inexperienced voices. Being open to

1087
00:50:46,716 --> 00:50:49,636
Speaker 1: downward learning can make you more productive than you expect.

1088
00:50:51,036 --> 00:50:53,436
Speaker 1: We've still got one more show in this How To season,

1089
00:50:53,796 --> 00:50:56,316
Speaker 1: and while I've loved making all of these episodes, I've

1090
00:50:56,356 --> 00:50:59,596
Speaker 1: saved something very special for last. I'm going to let

1091
00:50:59,636 --> 00:51:02,156
Speaker 1: you in on the science of how to find your purpose.

1092
00:51:03,476 --> 00:51:06,036
Speaker 1: That's all. Next time on the Happiness Lab with me,

1093
00:51:06,316 --> 00:51:14,956
Speaker 1: Doctor Laurie Santos