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Speaker 1: My own brother cut me out of the wedding without

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Speaker 1: telling me. Am I the a hole. If I don't

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Speaker 1: go home to Thanksgiving because of it.

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Speaker 2: You cut him out of the wedding. Maybe maybe maybe not? Well?

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Speaker 1: What if by cutting him out he literally cutting him out.

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Speaker 1: He circumcised him. No children for you, stupid thought you

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Speaker 1: were going to have to have children a circumcision?

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Speaker 2: You thought I was thinking the secondary.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you thought you could attend this wedding and have children.

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Speaker 1: Let me chop off your testicles. My brother and I

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Speaker 1: are eight years apart. I'm older since he was about twelve.

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Speaker 1: I've lived in another state. We aren't close, but we

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Speaker 1: hang out a few times a year and it's easy

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Speaker 1: and fun. I recently moved to the same city as

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Speaker 1: he and my parents. I envisioned us getting closer, but

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Speaker 1: it never really happened. He's the king of I'll call

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Speaker 1: you tomorrow, bro, with zero follow up. It hurts my feelings,

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Speaker 1: but I've accepted it and I take what I can

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Speaker 1: get now. He got married this past September. I was

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Speaker 1: told there was no wedding party because his wife's family

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Speaker 1: is too big for her to make a choice and

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to leave people out. I was given

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Speaker 1: instructions to get a gray suit and then I'd be

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Speaker 1: given a blue tie for the family pictures, so you know, coordinating,

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Speaker 1: get in the family in the mix. The day of

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Speaker 1: the wedding, I was hanging out in the men's dressing

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Speaker 1: room and I saw my brother has a gold tie,

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Speaker 1: and that his best friend also has a gold tie.

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Speaker 2: Oh shit, that's all part of the wedding party.

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Speaker 1: And that his old bandmate has a gold shiny tie.

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Speaker 1: No odd, but I didn't think too much of it

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Speaker 1: at the time. Now, the ceremony started and I was

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Speaker 1: sitting in the audience. Lo and behold the music starts,

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Speaker 1: and there's a procession. My brother's two gold tie friends

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Speaker 1: walk in and line up on stage left, and his

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Speaker 1: wife's sister and her husband walk in and line up

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Speaker 1: on stage rights. Oh no, the non existent wedding party.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I was having all almost an out

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Speaker 1: of body experience. The ceremony was a blur. After the ceremony,

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Speaker 1: we took pictures, which means I took one picture.

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Speaker 2: With my brother and that was it.

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Speaker 1: I spent the cocktail hour in the bathroom stall, embarrassed

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Speaker 1: and hurt.

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Speaker 2: Damn that's so sad.

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Speaker 1: I made it through dinner, okay, and instead of cake,

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Speaker 1: my brother had made a ton of his specialty cookies

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Speaker 1: for dessert. They're not those cookies I think. I don't

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Speaker 1: think they we'd cookie. I think that special I think.

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Speaker 1: Although I've been to a wedding where they had a sucake,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, it was fun. I'm allergic to the recipe

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Speaker 1: as is, but with a simple tweak, I can have them.

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Speaker 1: He didn't make any for me, or even warned me

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Speaker 1: that this was happening, so I could bring my own dessert. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: I left the second the dancing started, and a week

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Speaker 1: letter sent the newlyweds a letter saying, basically, I thought

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Speaker 1: things would improve once I moved here, but this wedding

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Speaker 1: has shown me that we don't have a relationship outside

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Speaker 1: holidays and moms and dad's house. So let's keep it

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Speaker 1: real and I will see you there. Being disappointed all

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Speaker 1: the time isn't healthy for either of us. The problem

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Speaker 1: is Thanksgiving is upon us, and not only will they

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Speaker 1: be at my parents' house, but they are bringing a

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Speaker 1: couple of friends with him, so I will be outnumbered

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Speaker 1: and uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 1: I feel like with the brothers, definitely the a hole

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Speaker 1: for telling him there's no wedding party. I think it's like,

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Speaker 1: I think it's fine to hit for the brothers to

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Speaker 1: not be in the wedding party. Yeah they're not close,

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Speaker 1: but it's kind of shit to like not tell them

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Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, just say like, hey, I'm having a

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Speaker 1: wedding party. But yeah, it's an awkward situation. Yeah, that's that's

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Speaker 1: kind of crazy.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 1: I think like he brought up the dessert thing of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't eat his specific cookies. I think that's like

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Speaker 1: especially like I don't think that's a big deal because

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Speaker 1: it's like Bro is planning an entire wedding, like he can't.

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Speaker 2: Get everyone's dietary restriction.

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Speaker 1: And remember your special thing and like make a bachelors

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Speaker 1: for you. Like there's probably like a lot of people

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Speaker 1: at this thing. So but yeah, I think kind.

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Speaker 2: Of about the wedding parties kind of shit.

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Speaker 1: That's also lying about the wedding. And then it seems

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Speaker 1: like there is some sort of I don't know the

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Speaker 1: coordination of like the gold Ties with the family.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I would have been like upfront and been like, hey,

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Speaker 1: like in all honesty, like since these are people that

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Speaker 1: I've like spent a lot of time in my life with,

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Speaker 1: they're in this this recession and like whatever, like okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: like they could probably like take that. I don't think

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Speaker 1: Op is an a hole for not going to Thanksgiving. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean his parents probably want.

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Speaker 2: To see him.

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Speaker 1: I think you call the parents, explain the situation and

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Speaker 1: say hey, we like I don't want to cause any drama,

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to make this you guys mess,

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Speaker 1: but also like I'm just not trying to be around

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Speaker 1: him this Thanksgiving or you murder him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, murder problem solved, bam.

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Speaker 1: Every time my fiance said he dumped me if I

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Speaker 1: cheated and it's really upsetting me. Okayop, this is Okayop.

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Speaker 1: I'm Samuel Dunner and I'm John fro We tell the

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Speaker 1: funniest I tell you, then, John, can you please tell

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Speaker 1: me something funny to uplift my spirits in this dark,

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Speaker 1: tumultuous time that we called present. My fiance said he

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Speaker 1: dumped me if I cheated, and it's really upsetting me.

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Speaker 1: What let's let's dig into this bad boy. Well, he

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Speaker 1: said he dumped me if I cheated if keyword? Yeah right, yeah, yes.

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Speaker 2: Buckle your seat belt, I get ready for it. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Uh oh, he acknowledges you. Yes, this sounds very strange. No,

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Speaker 1: I haven't cheated. Just to cut off that, my fiance

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Speaker 1: and I have been together for seven years, so, you know, not.

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Speaker 2: Nothing for a while.

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Speaker 1: A while, we were planning on getting hitched last year,

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Speaker 1: but the pandemic kicked that out of the window, and

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Speaker 1: now that's on indefinite hold. As we both agreed, we

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Speaker 1: aren't so bothered by the notion of marriage and we

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Speaker 1: want to wait until we can have the massive blowout

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Speaker 1: wedding where everyone can attend. That everyone is so keen

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Speaker 1: on and that we've saved for makes sense to me,

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Speaker 1: you know, wait to where we can have the big celebration.

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Speaker 1: One of the things we've had in common right from

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Speaker 1: the start is we both are the same type of

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Speaker 1: person when we're drunk. Okay, an interesting commonality.

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Speaker 3: You got your see, like, I have drunk buddies that

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Speaker 3: I love to drink with. Yeah, I'm not sure necessarily

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Speaker 3: sure of a marriage material. You gotta spend a lot

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Speaker 3: of time not drunk unless you're you're trying to have

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Speaker 3: liver cancer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, liver problems leave a pretty corpse.

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Speaker 1: As they say, we both get really tactile and flirty

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Speaker 1: and lovey dovey with whoever happens to be around. Boundaries

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Speaker 1: go out of the window a little bit on that front. Okay, interesting, nice?

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Speaker 1: So uh well, when we both got together, a large

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Speaker 1: part of our social life was parties with lots of booze.

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Speaker 1: But shortly after I got an internship followed by job

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Speaker 1: after job after job that wasn't compatible with that lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: So my fiance had a period of about a year

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Speaker 1: where he would attend all of these parties without me,

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Speaker 1: before he also got a job that meant he couldn't

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Speaker 1: go out anymore during that time. I later found out

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Speaker 1: wild drunk, he kissed slash made out with some random

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Speaker 1: women and this happened. Don wait women women, This happened

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Speaker 1: on three or four occasions.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's a bomb to beat drops.

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Speaker 1: He made out like oh peace partner, not o p

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Speaker 1: oh Pea's partner.

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Speaker 2: People.

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Speaker 3: That's okay, yeah, okay, yeah, okay.

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Speaker 1: So Opie says, I didn't find out until after the

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Speaker 1: last one had happened shortly before he started the job.

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Speaker 1: While I was upset at first. I later realized it

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Speaker 1: wasn't the act that accepted me. It was the implications

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Speaker 1: of it.

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Speaker 3: Well, I like that that he lied and wasn't He

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Speaker 3: wasn't forthright about what he did because he knew it

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Speaker 3: would have consequences. Like you have to be honest right

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Speaker 3: in that relationship, in honesty, Like there can be mistakes,

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Speaker 3: but honesty has to be a center of that.

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Speaker 1: Really, you have to actually put in some amount of work.

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Speaker 1: If a mistake happens, you have to actually put in work.

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Speaker 1: And like part of work is like being honest, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: coming forward and like okay, Like I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be this person and I want to, you know, and

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Speaker 1: prove and be better. Opie adds to that sentiment. She says,

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Speaker 1: normally when people cheat, it means they aren't happy or

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Speaker 1: want to leave their partner, right, But I realized this

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Speaker 1: wasn't the case here. He was none of those things.

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Speaker 1: He was just drunk and happy, and those women happened

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Speaker 1: to be present, and like, wow, quite a perspective. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't say I was enthusiastic about it, but once I

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Speaker 1: made that jump, it felt like no, biggie, and I

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Speaker 1: probably would have been okay with it happening again as

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Speaker 1: just part of the standard night out for him. If

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Speaker 1: it had happened again, Like, some people get drunk and

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Speaker 1: have incredibly intimate heart to heart with random folks where

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Speaker 1: they reveal things that they haven't told their partner even

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Speaker 1: and I think I'd probably be more upset over that

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Speaker 1: than a little tongue action.

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Speaker 2: Very progressive. Yeah, take, it's an.

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Speaker 1: Interesting take, basically, like I'd rather, you know, you have

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Speaker 1: some random, meaningless like make out than like bear your

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Speaker 1: soul to someone in a way that you haven't spared

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Speaker 1: it to me before.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I agree with that, Like I

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Speaker 3: understand maybe giving a pass for making out with someone,

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Speaker 3: especially if you're having a more progressive relationship where it's

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Speaker 3: maybe a little bit more polygamous.

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Speaker 2: Well, they haven't agreed upon that.

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Speaker 3: I haven't agreed upon that agreement, so it's not it's

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Speaker 3: still like a little bit of lying, especially if you're

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Speaker 3: if you have an agreement that that's not going to happen.

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Speaker 2: So that's a little bit of a questionable territory. But

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think bearing your soul to people while drunk, is fine.

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Speaker 3: Yeah that I Yeah, you can have intimate conversations with

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Speaker 3: anyone like I've had. I have intimate conversations with strangers

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Speaker 3: that meet in the street all the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe it. I believe it in a good way.

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Speaker 2: By the way to it a good way. Tongue action though,

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Speaker 2: no tongue action, well just tongue action of talking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you know, not of other regions.

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Speaker 2: But the job happened.

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Speaker 1: So he didn't do this with anyone else, and bearing

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Speaker 1: his profuse apologies at the time, it didn't really come

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Speaker 1: up again. None of this came up in years, actually

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Speaker 1: until last week where we were discussing another post on

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Speaker 1: this very subreddit and he suddenly busted out the belief

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Speaker 1: that cheating, any kind of cheating at all, is totally

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Speaker 1: unforgivable and an instant relationship ender no matter the length.

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Speaker 1: This show is sponsored by Betterhelp. We've seen some wild

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Speaker 1: stories with some crazy relationships, and although we love reading

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Speaker 1: these stories, I think sometimes it could be helpful to

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Speaker 1: have someone who can really help and talk through these

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Speaker 1: things exactly. Maybe asking strangers on the internet isn't the

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Speaker 1: best place to get advice, but it is a fun place.

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Speaker 2: one milkit. Baby knucks, Baby WHOA quick story. Before I

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Speaker 1: com slash okop. Length of time or circumstances surrounding the incident, huh.

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Speaker 1: There is never any excuse. Cheaters are all morally bankrupt

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Speaker 1: and horrendous human beings. It's practically abuse, et cetera, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: Saem's a little hypocritical scene. Seeing that you made out

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Speaker 1: with three to four girls on multiple occasions, I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: oh right, so you are a morally bankrupt, horrendous human

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Speaker 1: being that deserves an instantly ended relationship. Yeah, why are

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Speaker 1: you arguing against yourself? That's oh goodness garacious. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: a clear misalignment of views right here.

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Speaker 2: Op.

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Speaker 1: He goes on to say, Now, don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure there's lots of folks out there that would

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Speaker 1: say this hard line is admirable and exactly what they

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Speaker 1: would want to hear.

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Speaker 2: But for me, this gave me pause. Yeah, because your

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Speaker 2: boyfriend is being a hypocrite.

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Speaker 1: Bro, he's fucking slang in that tongue all over the place.

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Speaker 2: I did point out, Oh, here we go.

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Speaker 1: Now, I did point out that if that's the case,

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Speaker 1: what does that make him based on those actions years ago?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: And did that mean if I got up to the

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Speaker 1: same stuff now that he did, he would end it

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Speaker 1: with me?

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Speaker 2: Hmm, oh, here we go.

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Speaker 1: This is where it's getting good response that because he

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Speaker 1: was young and stupid and it wasn't the same if

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Speaker 1: I did it now, then yes, he would dump me

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Speaker 1: because I'm not young anymore and I don't have this excuse.

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Speaker 1: Do you a double standard? Seems like a double standard.

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Speaker 1: She gave you a break. I need to find curse

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Speaker 1: words that I can say to describe people on tam

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Speaker 1: you fiddle stick. He's a buffoo, freaking incompove a great one.

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Speaker 1: And we've tabled it since then because honestly, it really

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Speaker 1: upset me, and I'm struggling to get him to understand why.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that those incidents were because he was

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Speaker 1: young and stupid. I think now that they're reflective of

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Speaker 1: who he is. We've been drunk together in company since then,

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Speaker 1: and he has flirted with other women during that time,

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Speaker 1: even if he ended up focusing on me by the

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Speaker 1: end of those nights. So it's not like that's not

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Speaker 1: part of his personality and it's not present. So the

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Speaker 1: thing is, it's not like that's not part of his personality.

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Speaker 1: He just hasn't had the opportunity to make out with

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Speaker 1: someone else again like in the past.

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Speaker 2: Hm.

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Speaker 1: It feels like I did a lot of emotional work

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Speaker 1: back then to accept him for who he is, and

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Speaker 1: he is not willing to do the same back for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh yeah. She gave him such a big break.

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Speaker 1: Dud, a big big breakak And just like I mean,

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Speaker 1: think like the way that she described that, like emotional

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Speaker 1: journey she went through, like she clearly was like went

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Speaker 1: through it to finally reach this very forgiving ground.

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Speaker 3: Like I understand like that where she sees the mesh

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Speaker 3: between it, Like they're both very flirtatious personalities, like pretty bubbly,

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Speaker 3: but like taking it to making out with a bunch

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Speaker 3: of people, especially if you're you don't have that agreement

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Speaker 3: that that's okay, it's just lying, and like lying is

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Speaker 3: not a part of any good relationship ever.

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Speaker 1: Lying And also like it's just the the amount of

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Speaker 1: extreme hypocrisy coming from him, so and just like how

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Speaker 1: unfair he essentially being. U Opie says, Honestly, I'm really

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Speaker 1: hurt that in his hypocritical world, one drunken smooch would

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Speaker 1: be enough for him to pull the plug on seven

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Speaker 1: years of our shared lives together and everything that we've built.

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Speaker 1: When I loved him enough that multiple incidents and hiding

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Speaker 1: it from me wasn't enough for me to pull the

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Speaker 1: plug on less than two years. Yeah, am I making sense?

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Speaker 1: Is this me being strange or him being unforgiving, or

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Speaker 1: both of us some fundamental incompatibility that we've somehow never noticed.

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Speaker 1: In my darker moments, I've even wondered about calling myself

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Speaker 1: off and ending the relationship because if he values it

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Speaker 1: so little, I'm just setting myself up for failure. But

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Speaker 1: then again, is this me overreacting. I'm not sure it's

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Speaker 1: an indicator that he values the relationship so little, but

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Speaker 1: I think as an indicator of him being a huge hypocrite.

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Speaker 2: He's not treating her right.

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Speaker 1: Essentially, No, boil it down like that's that's very very

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Speaker 1: unfair treatment from him, because you know, if again, if

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Speaker 1: if op was ever in his shoes, then he would

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Speaker 1: you know, immediately probably pull the plug in a really

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Speaker 1: nasty way where she gave him her when he you

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Speaker 1: could literally say, quantified did like three to four x

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Speaker 1: worse than she did it once.

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Speaker 3: Three to four times the one even it was three

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Speaker 3: to four times if he gave and she forgave every

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Speaker 3: single time.

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Speaker 1: Putting some math on it, Yeah, your freaking nerds. I

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Speaker 1: guess I just need to hear someone else's thoughts on this,

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Speaker 1: because I really don't want to have to expose his

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Speaker 1: cheating years to my family and current friends because highly ironically,

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Speaker 1: I worry, I worry about it negatively impacting their opinion

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Speaker 1: of him. Yeah. Wow, she's like, even in this moment,

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00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 1: she's still being about uber, empathetic and about his well

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00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:53,240
Speaker 1: being of a op. Do it for yourself, girl, listen,

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00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: do it for yourself, girl.

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00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,479
Speaker 3: Damn, but you know what you should always do for

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00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 3: yourself too, oh man.

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Speaker 2: Subscribe to Okay.

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