WEBVTT - Finally! A Show About a Crematoriam Worker at Green-Wood Cemetery 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:02.480 Good. 0:00:05.200 --> 0:00:10.399 Five point fifty five am. I quite literally just woke up. 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:16.479 I'm probably gonna drift back a little bit more, but 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:23.360 I am ready for a new day. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:35.440 Good boarding at six oh five am, still in bed, 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:40.239 clinging to my beetlejuice and my ft and y pillows. 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:41.760 Yeah. 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.879 So I'm just getting ready for my shift at the 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:49.159 Greenwood Cemetery in the crematory. I gotta be there in 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:50.599 about an hour and. 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:51.279 A half, so. 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:55.320 Not too groggy. It definitely had some of those dreams 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:59.320 where I thought I was already awake, because usually for 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.200 a shift, I'll be up at five thirty. 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:07.560 But we're gonna do it. This is finally a show 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:09.600 about a coordinator at a crematorium. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:12.880 Gabrielle Gatto works at the Greenwood Cemetery in New York. 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:19.640 I'm Gabrielle R. Gado. 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:23.600 I'm the coordinator of public programs at the Greenwood Cemetery 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:28.440 in addition to a crematory worker on the weekends. And 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:34.960 I'm thirty years old. I just turned thirty, can you tell? Okay, 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.759 So when I first started working here, I just had 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:41.240 a handful of keys, and then slowly but surely working 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.880 between so many different departments and being entrusted with a 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:49.680 company van and needing to get into so many spaces. 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:56.920 I mean, listen, this is an actual skeleton key. I 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.920 got a gate key. I was hey, it was so fun. 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:03.200 I was just like, wow, they like really trust me. 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:05.440 They trust me with the key to the gates of 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.960 the cemetery and they're like, yeah, well, how else are 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:09.960 you supposed to get in to, like get in on 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:10.919 time for work? 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:12.800 And I was like, that's true. 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:18.360 I have been working at Greenwood Cemetery just a week 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:21.480 before in New York City lockdown, so I've been here 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.120 since March twenty twenty, coming up on four years now. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:28.480 There was a position open here and I said, okay, cool, 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:32.799 I'll still be working in events. And then there were 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:34.720 an events because we were right at the height of 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:40.280 the pandemic. So I kind of scaled back, and I 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:44.400 realized working with the burial orders and cremation orders and 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:48.120 helping out in the crematory that I was doing something 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.320 really purposeful, and that's so many people. There's just a 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.840 lack of education surrounding death, dying, grief and loss. And 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:58.239 then to realize, oh my goodness, I'm in a space 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:02.480 where I can and you know, take some responsibility for 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:04.960 making sure I know the answers to some of those questions, 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:07.720 so I could really show up for people. And then 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:11.800 I looked back and I'm like, oh, Uncle, Vinnie, Aunt Julie, Grandma, 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:15.520 and Grandpa. I can look back and be like, oh, 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:20.360 my goodness, yes, of course, like these are people that 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.120 showed me, you know, what a good death was, or 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.880 what grief was, what loss looked and felt like on 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:32.040 a large scale, and that I'm like, oh, Doug Gabrielle, 0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:35.839 like you took a class senior year of college called 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:39.680 Living with Dying Studies, But I mean I took the 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.400 glass because I was like, cool, I get to watch 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.720 all of six feet under and like it's a class. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:48.280 I think there was a part of me that this 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:54.680 type of knack for the work is maybe intuitive or 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:58.600 just as natural to me. And that could go back 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.960 very easily to the fact fact that you know, my 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:04.520 first memory is being at a funeral, right, Like it 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:08.720 could simply just be hey, you know, this is such 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.720 a source memory that it kind of just makes sense 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:13.600 to me. So yeah, there's this part where I am like, 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:15.920 I want to read every single book about death, dying, 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:16.520 grief and loss. 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:17.840 Watch every single. 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:22.000 TV show, movie, work with every medium, talk to every 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:25.000 artist that's working in that space. But yeah, I think 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:26.400 there's a part of it that I'm like, I just 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:30.120 get it and I can meet you there. I can 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:40.159 hang out in that space. Oh, there's bogged on another 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:44.680 part of the Greenwood family. Hey Boged on Big family. 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:50.839 Busy. 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:54.200 Yeah, so listen, I have a request. Can we get 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.880 an extra box of tissues? Okay? Great? 0:04:58.680 --> 0:04:59.040 I'm like. 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:07.599 Here at the crematory at Greenwood. 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:09.920 It could be a slow day, but it also could 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:12.680 be a rapid fire, very quick day. 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:14.520 Lots of families coming in. 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.479 So on a typical Saturday like today, we've got funeral 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:23.280 directors coming to drop off to sdents, but also have 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:28.000 services with families. We have funeral directors coming in to 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:31.520 pick up cremated bodies to return to the loved ones. 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:35.600 But also we are an active cemetery and a National 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:38.880 Historic landmark, So people are coming through these gates, coming 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:43.200 through our offices not only asking where their loved one services, 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:46.760 but where's the bathroom, where's the trolley coming? You know, 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:50.680 where's my tour guide? So we definitely have to wear 0:05:50.720 --> 0:06:02.320 many hats working in this office. So as of today, 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:07.280 we have done ninety seven thousand, three hundred and twenty 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:11.400 three cremations here at the Greenwood Cemetery. Right now, I'm 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:15.159 writing down our ninety seven, three hundred and twenty third 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:19.920 cremation Marion here. And basically what we do is everybody 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:23.400 gets assigned a number along with their name and what 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:25.760 funeral home that they're coming from, if it was a 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:29.200 service or not, what time they came in specifically, and 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:32.320 we have a pretty iron cloud system, I would say here, 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:35.880 so there's checks and balances at every office. The paperwork 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.320 comes through that, it makes its way to Gemma and 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.800 I in this office here, and then to the back 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:45.080 of our incredible crematory operators, which today we've got Jojo 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:45.560 and Alex. 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:46.800 They're a great team. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:50.240 And they'll make sure that the paperwork stays with the 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.080 deceited the entire time. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:59.520 I got so remains Paul, Alison Noovo and Tom says. 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:05.560 Hello, whole lot of good morning. I'm Alexander Ornandez started 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:06.560 here two thousand and six. 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:07.160 We whacking. 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:13.280 They don't make them like me, they don't. I'm built differently. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.000 We'm a Creamer's horror operator. Today we have to deal 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:20.760 with services and families taking the deceased that come in. 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:23.239 But it's pretty cool. 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:26.400 With a mailman. We work in any type of weather. 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:28.160 It's no rain, sleep, so it's like you get to 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:31.680 see it all. Blizzards we work in blizzards is which 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.800 is insane. But that that alone is like, you know, 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:36.720 just to be like, oh, I'm outside, I'm not cooped 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:39.160 up in the office stressed the hell out. I mean, 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.920 because don't don't don't, don't get it twisted. It becomes 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.640 overwhelming too when you're even out in the field because 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:46.440 you got a lot of responsibility you got to do. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:47.720 You know what I'm saying, make sure your job gets 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:49.800 done the right way in safety issues. 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:50.840 It's a lot. 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:54.960 But yeah, it's awesome. I wasn't rated well. I was 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:57.680 doing something else that wasn't really benefiting my life, to 0:07:57.720 --> 0:07:59.600 be honest at one point. So it's like my brother 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:01.920 works were he was like, oh, we're hiring at the cemetery. 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.880 It's like, no, I never thought of it. I mean, 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.800 the deaf people don't bother me because they're dead. The 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:10.559 people that are alive we got to worry about in life. 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:13.040 Those are the ones we got to fear. But it's like, 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:14.920 you know, it's like when you tell people you work 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:16.920 at a cemetery, they get freaked out, like, oh my god, 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.800 you work. Like dude, they're dead already. They're not going 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:20.760 to do anything to you. 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.600 Yeah, okay, so you're dead, you died. What happens next? 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:33.360 So funeral director comes in depending on what the family 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.880 wants with the dead person wanted. 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.560 The funeral home is the ones that are going to 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:39.480 transport the body. 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:39.760 Here. 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:43.760 We have a beautiful heart loading bay, so they'll come 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.880 in through there. Crematory operators will meet the funeral director 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:50.480 in the back, bring the casket, bring it into the back, 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:52.600 and then either place it into one of our chapels 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:55.760 for services or get staged and ready to go into 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:58.360 one of the retorts once all of the proper paperwork 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:05.240 is assigned to it. 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.680 To be an urn that be seen. 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.319 Sometimes we've got a service in the front, the caskets there, 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:14.960 the flowers are there, Maybe there's another ritual, there's singing, 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:19.400 there's a faith based leader there. The family is giving 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:22.840 the eulogy in there as well, because maybe especially if 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:26.200 it's a cremation, they chose not to have a wake 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:29.839 or the viewing services at the funeral home or parlor. Right, 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:33.880 so we'll bring some of the family and the casket 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.600 into the back right in front of the retort. Our 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:39.960 operators will open the doors. It's a steel door that 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.440 comes down and you know, you could see the stone 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:45.880 and where the fire is about to you know, really 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:50.120 start getting going in there, and we invite the family 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.000 if they want to to do that last part of 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:57.400 the ritual to press which it's kind of cinematic, but 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.800 it is this big red button, right, so they could 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:02.520 the button, so the door could come down and they 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.480 could be there right until the very start of the 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:09.720 cremation and then if they do a lact of witness 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.520 and that's you know, a little extra logistics on our end. 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:18.720 I've learned so much about just people from different backgrounds 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:22.000 and cultures and faiths to be able. 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:24.000 To be entrusted to be part of that. 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:27.800 But some people have specifically asked, Hey, is it okay 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:30.360 that I'm there for you know, ten full minutes, because 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:33.320 that's how long the prayer takes. And being able to 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:36.199 carve out that time and space talking to Gemma, talking 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:38.840 to Jojo and Alex in the back, Hey, like we 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:40.800 need a full ten minutes for this witness. 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:42.440 You know, could we accommodate that? 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.720 How could we work that out in our busy schedule today? 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.800 It is an honor and a privilege to bear witness 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:52.520 to a witness. I will absolutely say that I've heard 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:55.600 wailing like I've never heard before, and that's a testament 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.280 to how deep of a loss that that was for someone. Right, 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:02.000 I've heard chance prayers I'd never heard before. You know, 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.880 I'm just super Italian. So like my whole thing is 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:06.640 like it's a time to mourn, a time to dance, 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.600 Like we've all, you know, heard that in the church. 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:14.920 But I haven't seen Chinese rituals before. I haven't seen 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:19.040 you know, the elaborate costuming or you know of like 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:24.400 maybe a Hindu faith. So it's humbling to be able 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:24.920 to bear. 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:25.520 Witness to it all. 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:36.959 Douglas death work is ancient work, and if you look back, 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.719 it is a lot of women. You know, women are 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:45.520 the ones that in their communities really showed up for 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:50.400 death and for grief. Right, So I do get excited 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:57.840 about how much ritual we can bring to these experiences. 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.600 What per here? 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:18.600 Yeah, I'm Gemalabachetta, and I am the senior crematory manager 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:30.000 here at Greenwood Cemetery. When I first came to the 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:35.920 cemetery and I remember thinking about the crematory, people would 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:39.320 say to me, oh, no, they would never allow a 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.080 woman in the crematory. 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.880 And I was like, why, what are you talking about? 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:48.720 Why because I'm a woman, and now the entire staff 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:52.920 in the office is women. I mean, we have male operators, 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.360 but any one of us could jump in there and 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.000 help the guys out, like and we have. 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:58.920 We have done that on a hectic day. 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:02.640 We'll run back and we'll help out with the flowers, 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.400 cleaning up, taking a body in. 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.480 I mean, we are able. 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.600 To do all of that. It's just a. 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:12.720 Great feeling to be able to look out and. 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.600 Be like, hey, that's us. 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.600 Also, this is the fun office. 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:20.559 The crematory office is the fun office. 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:22.560 If you spent the whole day here with us, you 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:25.920 would see how many funeral directors just love to hang 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.920 out with us in this office. 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:33.840 You're definitely part of a regular day here. I'm Monique 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.600 Walker and I do livery with Woodward Funeral Home. And 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:42.040 over here we have Miss Linda Linda Thompson, and. 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:46.320 I am the manager slash owner. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.600 She rolled with my father. 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.160 She was a funeral director who rolled with my dad, 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.000 who's no longer here, And my dad was a friend 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:56.200 of her dad's and that's how he got into the business. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.640 So we're the daughters of two elder gentlemen who decided 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:02.560 to do this business in the livery and as funeral director. 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.920 I was a funeral director coming into the business in 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:11.680 the late seventies. I've been licensed since nineteen seventy nine. 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:16.120 I was a young young girl, very young. So I 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.920 have been here all these years and it's a crazy world. 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.040 And things have definitely changed, yes. 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.080 Most, but we try to hold onto tradition, yes, And 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.520 as much as things change, some things remain the same. 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.240 And there's a reason for the tradition and the way 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:32.880 we do things, and the grace and the empathy and 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.320 the style and the class is something we never want 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:35.760 to let go. 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.080 Oh, this huge typewriter. 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.600 Let me tell you about this huge typewriter that we 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:55.120 have in agrevatory. So it's an IBM Wheelwriter one thousand 0:14:55.720 --> 0:15:00.640 by Lexmark. So our typewriter is where we type those labels. 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:05.920 It also, I think helps with our margin of error 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:09.320 because when you're physically you know, clacking away. 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:10.080 Here's just. 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:16.760 Say cremated body of. 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.600 And then get their name in there. But I'm not 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:22.160 gonna lie. 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:23.520 There is a little like I feel like I'm in 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.280 Madmen and I'm like clacking away at the typewriter. 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:28.120 It's kind of fun. 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.440 It's a little antiquated, but I think, you know, we 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:34.520 are a Brooklyn institution that is one hundred. We just 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.920 had our one hundred and eighty fifth birthday this year. 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:43.240 So since numbers are very important here, I won't lie. 0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:45.600 Usually I make a little song out of it, and 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:50.720 I sing the person's cremation numbers, so I make sure 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:54.360 it's matching on all the paperwork. There is a strange 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.640 little way I feel like I'm honoring the person. You know, 0:15:56.800 --> 0:16:02.480 I'll be like they last lived in Queens, like their sisters, 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:04.560 their legal custodian. 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:05.160 Like I don't know. 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.480 Also, we don't have an insane amount of information about 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:12.800 these folks, right, but there's still a story there. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.560 I'm like, okay, wow, Like the family's gonna come in 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:17.080 at noon. 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.640 Maybe they needed extra time because they've got family coming 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:20.880 in from all over the world. 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.440 I wonder if I've ran by their apartment. Maybe I 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:26.680 know their son from the coffee shop. Like I have 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:28.280 this whole narrative. 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:30.320 In my head just from like this small bit of 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:35.280 information or just you know, I look at their ages. 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:38.600 I think about who I know that is that age. 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.160 I try and like help that ground me, and you know, 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:46.120 instead of just flying through the paperwork and be like, oh, 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:51.640 you know, yeah, Harry James, you know, rest in peace. 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:56.400 He was only seventy two, but he was married. He 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:01.480 lived a good life out there on Eastern Parkway, Douglas. 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:03.440 Here we are. 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:18.000 See dash nine seven three two four. All right, You're 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.360 never alone if you're in this office because these two 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:24.040 cabinets in front of us. Here is where the cremated 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:27.520 remains in their boxes sit until the funeral director and 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.200 or family comes to pick them up. So I'm never 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:32.640 alone when I'm in here. I'm like, all right, let's 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:36.520 see who's here. Oh John, Okay, it's weird. It's like 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.520 these people are dead. I'm like, maybe i'll name my 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.919 kid that one day. It sparks this conversation of like 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:43.680 life and names and legacy. 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:52.240 Sometimes when you're doing this whole day, you can't get 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:55.639 the numbers out of your head. So I've woken up 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:59.439 out of dreams with cremation numbers in my head, and 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:03.119 of course being Italian myself, my first thing instinct is 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:04.400 I gotta play that number. 0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:06.200 I gotta play that number. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:06.639 Oh my not. 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.720 I love that you associate the lotto with being like 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:11.679 innately Italian American. 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:14.639 Tell me it's Italian thing. No, no, I'm telling you 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:15.680 it definitely is. 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:17.280 Yah. 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:18.040 See I get it. 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:21.520 The numbers was always was big growing up. My father 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:23.280 used to play the numbers. My mother used to play 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.080 the numbers. Or guess what I play the numbers? 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:25.159 Do? 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:26.480 Now? Well? 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:27.000 You know why? 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.639 I think why we play the numbers is because you 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.280 never know when your numbers up, so you gotta live. 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:33.240 Well you can't. 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:34.840 Good point, dear Gabriella. 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:41.960 But for me, I feel that it's important that the 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:47.760 creamines be placed in a cemetery. You cannot even imagine 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:52.800 how many times we get calls from people of I 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:56.800 just found these cremains in a locker or a storage facility, 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:00.440 because people forget so if they're in a semi terry, 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.040 there's going to be something there that says you walk 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:07.440 this earth, whether it's the face of the niche that 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:10.199 has the person's name on it in the dates or 0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:13.280 the urn that you see that has the engraving upon 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:17.960 the urn. There's going to be something that says, Harry 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:23.879 James walk this earth and was here. Everybody that walks 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:25.720 this planet should be memorialized. 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:27.000 They should be remembered. 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:31.040 It shouldn't be they were here now they're gone. Everybody 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.919 should be remembered. So when you're in a cemetery and 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.720 you look at some of the headstones that people probably 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:42.000 haven't had a visitor for maybe centuries, it's okay to 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.879 say that name out loud because you're remembering that person. 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:51.480 One of our security guards actually on his brakes, he 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:55.320 would walk around and look for super old stones and 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:58.760 just say the name's out loud because he wanted them 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:02.560 to know that, you know, their names had not been 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:03.120 said for. 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:10.840 The last time. We had a death cafe the other night. 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:14.719 It's pretty much a bunch of strangers hanging out drinking 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:17.200 tea and coffee and cookies, talking about. 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:18.400 Death, dying, grief and loss. 0:20:19.240 --> 0:20:22.199 But we were kind of talking about signs and what 0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:25.479 gives us comfort, and I'm like, listen, I always make 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:27.359 the joke like the Plumber and the Death Duel are 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:29.480 asking the same question, like where do we go? 0:20:30.440 --> 0:20:31.040 You know what I mean? 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:35.160 I don't know, but I hope everybody gets what they 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:38.280 believe is the other side. I hope everybody gets, you know, 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:40.960 what they want out of death and what they believe 0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:43.720 it to be is right before I got the job here, 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.800 I'm like birds sitting for a friend for extra cash. 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:48.720 Like birds sitting, I'm like, what am I doing with 0:20:48.760 --> 0:20:49.200 my life? 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:49.439 You know? 0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:52.199 It's pouring rain. I'm like, you know, let me just 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:55.479 like you know, I'll get a car home. Something's like, no, 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.800 you gotta walk more. And I have this presence around me, 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:01.760 and I think of my uncle Vinnie, and I'm like, 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:03.679 all right, Uncle Vinny, Like if this is you though, 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.360 like is this like vulnerable woman walking around New York 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:09.359 City alone? Or is this like my uncle spirit is 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:11.520 with me? Like what is the energy this is giving? 0:21:11.800 --> 0:21:12.000 You know? 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:15.600 And I'm like, all right, listen, you gotta give me 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:20.320 a sign that's abundantly like clear, like explicit as you can, 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:23.480 more than you ever have before. And this voice in 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:27.040 my head is just like two more blocks. It's torrential downpour. 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:30.520 So I'm all right, fine, I'm already like what. 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:33.239 Am I doing? Fine? I walk two more blocks. The 0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:37.040 second I hit the second block, the fire. 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:40.840 Truck with his name on it drives by a lot 0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:45.440 of times in the FDNY is when someone dies, their 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.479 name may be placed on one of the fire trucks 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:50.880 from like they're the engine that they were last at. 0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:53.880 So in my uncle Vinnie's case, you know, they put 0:21:54.000 --> 0:21:57.800 on his firetruck in loving memory of Vincent Arra and Garo. 0:21:58.680 --> 0:22:00.800 I've never in my life had a moment where I 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:05.359 literally like it took my breath away because I was like, 0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:07.879 that is the most explicit sign you could have given me. 0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:10.280 I mean, there's your name right there right. 0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:15.359 He died of nine eleven related cancer. He had leukemia. 0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:18.240 We got fifteen years with him after. 0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:19.680 Nine to eleven. 0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:22.920 But he, oh my god, this man his car broke 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:26.359 down on the Brooklyn Bridge, like they still sprinted towards 0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:29.160 the fire because he was like, my guys are in there, 0:22:29.720 --> 0:22:33.280 and I'm like, whatever that was, whoever that was, however 0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:36.040 that came to be. I will always have a moment 0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:38.840 that truly took my breath away that I found so 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:42.200 much comfort in that really cracked me open. I hadn't 0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:44.480 cried like I hadn't had one of those good heaving 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:47.760 cries about my uncle until that moment, and I was 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:51.800