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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, this is alien sarm on the

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Speaker 1: International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some human

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Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,

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Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break

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Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: My coworker disappeared when I thought he was there all along.

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Speaker 3: Where'd he go?

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Speaker 2: The Magician's Trick and Sophia, It's I'm Not Afraid of

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Speaker 2: a Scary Story Week on Okay Storytime podcast, where we're

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Speaker 2: uncovering the most bone chilling encounters with weird neighbors and

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Speaker 2: obsessive stalkers, Tales that will have you wondering if that

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Speaker 2: friendly face next door is hiding something. If you're new

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Speaker 2: here and looking for the story. I live below a

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Speaker 2: cult leader and I fear I've angered her, just click

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Speaker 2: the link in the show notes or description or search

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Speaker 2: I'm Not Afraid of a Scary Story Week on Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime wherever you get your podcasts. Let's dive into this one.

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Speaker 2: Op says. Please note, although everything I have documented is factual,

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Speaker 2: the case was never solved and has likely gone cold

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Speaker 2: since this happened more than ten years ago, back in

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Speaker 2: two thousand and seven, I found myself working as a

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Speaker 2: bartender at a now closed pub in my hometown. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't a job I particularly liked, but it paid the bills.

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Speaker 2: The pub had recently hired a new kitchen manager we

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Speaker 2: all knew simply as Karnie. He was pleasant enough, mostly

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Speaker 2: kept to himself, but always stayed late to help the

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Speaker 2: bar staff with closing duties, so we all liked him

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Speaker 2: for that. And by the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 2: tinder Guy eleven And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subren

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Speaker 2: it I'm Dakota.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and op.

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Speaker 2: Says new in town, Kearney hadn't found permanent housing yet.

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Speaker 2: I had recently lost my tenants, so someone suggested he

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Speaker 2: asked me about renting. He was considerably older than my

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Speaker 2: usual tenants, but after a streak of bad luck with

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Speaker 2: people my own age, I thought an older man with

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Speaker 2: a steady job might be a positive change. I agreed

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Speaker 2: to let him move in. Kearney wasted no time and

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Speaker 2: followed me home that very night. But he wasn't alone,

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Speaker 2: and to Lawrence, Kearnie's boyfriend, I hadn't realized Keernie was

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Speaker 2: attracted to the same gender. But that was water off

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Speaker 2: my back looking back now, what should have bothered me

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Speaker 2: was Lawrence's appearance. He looked like he had been sleeping

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Speaker 2: on the street, which, as I'd later discovered, was rather appropriate.

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Speaker 2: Kearnie moved in and Lawrence was there frequently. It was

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Speaker 2: easy to know when Lawrence was around because his mobile

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Speaker 2: ring tone sounded like a duck quacking. Kearnie had some

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Speaker 2: noteworthy habits. First, he basically never closed his bedroom door,

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Speaker 2: no matter what he was doing in there. Don't like that. Second,

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Speaker 2: although he was a heavy smoker, he never once smoked

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Speaker 2: inside the house. Well, I guess this is two thousand

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Speaker 2: and seven, so that's more weird for back then, about

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Speaker 2: two weeks after Kearnie moved in, I came down with

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Speaker 2: an awful case of pink eye, being highly contagious. I

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Speaker 2: was given leave from bartending and decided to wait it

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Speaker 2: out at my sister's for a few days. The day

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Speaker 2: my sister was scheduled to pick me up, I took

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Speaker 2: a casual stroll into the home bar that my good

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Speaker 2: friend Ben and I had been building my house. Something

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Speaker 2: caught my eye. All our liquor bottles were completely empty.

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Speaker 3: All of them.

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Speaker 2: I wonder who Lawrence did that.

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Speaker 3: I don't know who could have been drinking Lawrence them.

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Speaker 2: Anyone who had been to my house would know. We

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Speaker 2: weren't talking about just one or two bottles here. We

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Speaker 2: had whisky jin, vodka, shops, liqueters, basically a fully stocked

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Speaker 2: bar that could host a big party without requiring additional supplies.

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Speaker 2: I called kernye in, asking what he knew about this.

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Speaker 2: He explained that Lawrence and he had been on a

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Speaker 2: slight drinking binge. Those were his exact words. This left

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Speaker 2: me furious about the thousands of dollars worth of stock

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Speaker 2: they'd consumed, but also thousands of dollars worth of stock?

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Speaker 2: What kind of stock are you keeping?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean how expensive could they be?

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Speaker 3: Thousands of dollars?

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Speaker 2: You got me, You got me right in the crosshairs.

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Speaker 2: So I'm furious about how much they consumed, but also

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Speaker 2: slightly impressed that he was still alive. I told him

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Speaker 2: I deal with this upon my return A few days later,

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Speaker 2: while still at my sister's, I received a call from

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Speaker 2: the local police department asking if I knew Conrad Schultz.

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Speaker 2: I didn't recognize the name until they had mentioned i'd

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Speaker 2: probably know him as Kearney, and that I should come

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Speaker 2: to the station because they had just arrested his boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: Trying to sell my camera equipment?

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Speaker 3: Bad, that's not good. What else is trying to sell?

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Speaker 2: Ooh, turns out man, you just can't catch a break

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Speaker 2: with your tenants. My sister rushed me back home, where

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Speaker 2: I discovered all my camera equipment was indeed at the

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Speaker 2: police station.

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Speaker 3: At least they kept it.

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Speaker 2: At least they have it. During this visit, I learned

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Speaker 2: that Lawrence was actually a former Navy seal who had

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Speaker 2: been dishonorably discharged before turning to crime. He now had

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Speaker 2: a rap sheet the length of the Bible and the

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Speaker 2: cherry on top. It was both he and Kearny were

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Speaker 2: homeless men who had met at the Salvation Army. With

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Speaker 2: Lawrence now in jail, my sister dropped me off at

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Speaker 2: home around the same time Kearney returned. According to Kearney,

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Speaker 2: he had turned Lawrence in himself because he couldn't allow

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Speaker 2: Lawrence to steal from But that's exactly what you allowed

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Speaker 2: him to do.

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Speaker 3: Kearnie did Kearnie that's what he did, Kearnie.

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Speaker 2: You let him abscond with my camera equipment.

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Speaker 5: Kennie, Kearney, he took all my camera equipment. You drank

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Speaker 5: all my when you took my camera equipment, Kenney.

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Speaker 2: While I appreciated his apparent loyalty, I still told Kearnie

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Speaker 2: he'd have to leave, having been the overall cause of

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Speaker 2: all this trouble. However, not wanting to leave a homeless

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Speaker 2: man truly homeless, I gave him until the end of

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Speaker 2: the month to make other arrangements. Monday came, and after

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Speaker 2: completing a staff meeting at work, I walked home to

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Speaker 2: encounter Lawrence, very much free, sitting on the sidewalk across

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Speaker 2: from my house watching it. I confronted him about why

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Speaker 2: he was there. He tried to apologize before begging for money,

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Speaker 2: which was rather out of character. I dismissed him without

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Speaker 2: giving him a cent. That staff meeting was significant because

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Speaker 2: we'd received a sizable list of liquor bottles that had

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Speaker 2: gone missing from the restaurant's storeroom, leaving us all suspecting

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Speaker 2: each other. Gee, I wonder who it could be.

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Speaker 3: You wonder who coulda be who has a history of

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Speaker 3: doing that.

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Speaker 2: His name starts with a K and rhymes with Bernie,

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Speaker 2: and it's Kearnie. Yep. I wouldn't have to wait long

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Speaker 2: to identify the real culprit. A few days later, I

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Speaker 2: opened my kitchen garage bin to find the missing bottles

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Speaker 2: all empty, staring back at me. I decided to sit

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Speaker 2: on this information temporarily, though I photographed the evidence just

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Speaker 2: in case. I called Ben over to inform him of

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Speaker 2: these developments. As this was quickly becoming a detective game,

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Speaker 2: we decided to search Kernie's room for further evidence. We

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Speaker 2: found nothing particularly significant except two photographs of Lawrence from

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Speaker 2: before he'd transformed into his current homeless state. Several of

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Speaker 2: Lawrence's belongings were still there, but since he'd spent considerable

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Speaker 2: a time at the house before that incident, this seemed normal.

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Speaker 2: I had mentioned Lawrence released to Kearnie and warn him

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Speaker 2: that if I even suspected they were still seeing each other,

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Speaker 2: I'd throw him out myself. Only a few days would

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Speaker 2: pass before this came into play. Dude, Honestly, I think

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Speaker 2: as soon as Lawrence starts sitting outside the house, you

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Speaker 2: gotta be like Curney. You gotta get out of here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to leave.

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Speaker 5: I've already been so nice to you. I gave you

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Speaker 5: a month, and then you're still letting your boyfriend steal

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Speaker 5: from me.

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Speaker 3: Gotta go.

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Speaker 2: One particular night, while I was bar attending, Kearney kept

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Speaker 2: stopping by the bar to help himself do glasses half

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Speaker 2: filled with wine and half filled with Coca cola, which

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Speaker 2: he'd take outside to drink. We confronted him about this,

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Speaker 2: but he correctly pointed out that as a manager, we

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Speaker 2: had no right to tell him what he could or

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Speaker 2: couldn't do.

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Speaker 3: Can someone fire Curnie's the manager? This is news to me.

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Speaker 2: Curnie's the manager.

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Speaker 3: The manager, and he's stealing all of.

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Speaker 2: Your Oh my god. Two thousand and seven was a

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Speaker 2: different time. On his fourth trip to the bar, however,

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Speaker 2: I grew suspicious and followed him outside, where I found

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Speaker 2: Lawrence sharing the drink concoctions with Kearnie. This infuriated me.

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Speaker 2: The next day, I returned to the restaurant with my

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Speaker 2: photographic evidence and handed it over to the general manager,

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Speaker 2: who was also a friend of mine. Though I didn't

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Speaker 2: witness it directly, I heard the confrontation through the office door.

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Speaker 2: When he fired Keernie. Kearney got fired. Good job, Curny,

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Speaker 2: Now you got fired. Kearnie left upset and apparently had

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Speaker 2: no idea I'd been the one who turned him in.

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Speaker 3: That's good.

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Speaker 2: We closed early that night, and as I walked home

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Speaker 2: past the high school, I saw Kearney approaching from the

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Speaker 2: opposite direction. He walked past me, saying only two words,

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Speaker 2: I'm scared, before disappearing into the darkness. That would be

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Speaker 2: the last time I'd ever lay eyes on Conrad Schultz.

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Speaker 2: During the final week before Kearney's eviction, Ben came to

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Speaker 2: stay with me. We both wanted to monitor the situation

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Speaker 2: and ensure nothing else happened. It was during this week

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Speaker 2: that Kearney's behavior suddenly changed. He was constantly smoking in

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Speaker 2: his room and kept his door closed, which he never

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Speaker 2: did twenty four to seven. Neither Ben nor I caught

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Speaker 2: so much as a glimpse of him that entire week,

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Speaker 2: though we didn't think much of it at the time.

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Speaker 2: The day of Kearney's eviction arrived, Ben had gone home

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Speaker 2: for a few hours when I finally heard Kearney's bedroom

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Speaker 2: door open. Someone walked out, opened the front door and left.

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Speaker 2: I followed outside but somehow he had already completely disappeared.

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Speaker 2: Terrified maned were his house keys, indicating he wasn't planning

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Speaker 2: to return. Examining the keys, I noticed something strange. Although

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Speaker 2: the correct keys were on the chain, there were also

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Speaker 2: several that weren't mine. Why would he leave me the

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Speaker 2: wrong keys, I wondered as I walked into his room.

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Speaker 2: His room was shocking, not because of its state. The

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Speaker 2: two had broken his bed during their activities, but I'd

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Speaker 2: known about that since he never closed his door.

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Speaker 3: He didn't close his door for the activities.

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Speaker 2: And you didn't evict him for that.

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Speaker 3: Dude, you're too nice. You're too nice to these people.

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Speaker 3: They're having spices lee with the door open and stealing her.

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Speaker 2: But the real weird part was he'd left all his

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Speaker 2: belongings behind, with one exception the two photographs of Laurence.

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Speaker 2: Upon further investigation, I realized that all traces of Lawrence

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Speaker 2: ever being there had completely vanished, while all of Kearney's

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Speaker 2: possessions remained.

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Speaker 3: So it sounds like maybe Laurrence was in the room,

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Speaker 3: not Kearney.

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Speaker 2: Lawrence. Lawrence did it. Lawrence made Kearney disappear, and then

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Speaker 2: he stayed in that room for a week.

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Speaker 3: Oh scared.

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Speaker 2: There was one thing of Lawrence's left behind, though, his

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Speaker 2: duckling ring tone. Turned out this hadn't been a ringtone

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Speaker 2: at all, but an actual duckling that now strolled casually

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Speaker 2: around the vacant bedroom. We named him Neville.

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry you were h duck quack. The daughter thought

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Speaker 5: was like, oh, yeah, it must be his ring tone.

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Speaker 5: I hear it all the time. But it was a duck,

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Speaker 5: an actual duck, boll.

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Speaker 2: I guess it would be crazy to think that it's

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Speaker 2: an actual duck. There's a duck?

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Speaker 4: Okay?

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Speaker 2: Did you not know there's a duck? If the door's open?

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Speaker 6: On? No?

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Speaker 2: How would the duck got escaped so many layers? When

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Speaker 2: Ben returned, I updated him on these developments. We both

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Speaker 2: agreed the way Kearney left was rather weird. Though the

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Speaker 2: whole situation had been stranged from the beginning, it was

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Speaker 2: only when I asked the crucial question that this became

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Speaker 2: a true mystery. Did you ever actually see Kernie this

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Speaker 2: last week? To our shock, we realized neither of us had.

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Speaker 2: Suddenly the puzzle pieces fell into place, the changing habits, Neville,

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Speaker 2: the duck, the wrong keys, only Lawrence's belongings being gone.

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Speaker 2: With great discomfort, we both asked the question, who had

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Speaker 2: really been living in our house this last week?

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Speaker 4: Lawrence?

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Speaker 2: It's Lawrence's Lawrence. Over the next few days, Ben and

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Speaker 2: I went on a mission, searching the town, crawling into

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Speaker 2: drain pipes, trying to find any trace of Kearney's whereabouts.

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Speaker 2: They all added up to nothing. Did you call the

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Speaker 2: freaking police and file a missing person's report? Police, Conrad

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Speaker 2: Schultz had simply vanished off the face of the earth.

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Speaker 2: That wasn't the case with Lawrence. He was still around,

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Speaker 2: having made new homeless friends. We encountered him several times,

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Speaker 2: begging on the streets. Each time I asked, where's Kearney Lawrence?

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Speaker 2: But he acted like he'd never heard of him. The

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Speaker 2: last time I saw Lawrence was across from work, attempting

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Speaker 2: to break into a car. I called the police and

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Speaker 2: they arrived quickly, arresting him on the spot. As he

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Speaker 2: was being led away, I shouted after him one last time,

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Speaker 2: where is Kearnie Lawrence? But he ignored me and let

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Speaker 2: the cops drag him away.

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Speaker 4: Dude, did we ever tell the police where's Carnie?

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Speaker 2: The next day, I filed the police report too late

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Speaker 2: reporting Kearney as a missing person, which is something you

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Speaker 2: should have done immediately.

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Speaker 5: Mike, missing person reports only, like, isn't it like forty

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Speaker 5: first forty eight are the most important.

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Speaker 2: After it goes out the first forty eight, it's very unlikely.

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Speaker 2: He never going to find them, and suggested that Lawrence

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Speaker 2: might know something about it. Nothing ever came of it.

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Speaker 2: So Lawrence, I don't know if you did something to

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Speaker 2: Kernie or not, but if you did, let's not meet again.

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Speaker 3: Don't let people live in your house when they're stealing

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Speaker 3: from you.

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Speaker 2: Whitney Anderson says. Plot twist, Lawrence was a wizard and

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Speaker 2: the duck is Kearnie.

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Speaker 3: He turned Kurnie into a duck.

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Speaker 2: He transmorgified him into a duckling dang man.

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Speaker 5: Alex Thompson says, oh wait, the one guy who did

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Speaker 5: call the cops was told to call non emergency. That's

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Speaker 5: probably I had no one called the cops.

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Speaker 2: Well this is also two thousand and seven.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, let's finish her off.

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Speaker 2: Update for those asking what happened to Nevill the duck.

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Speaker 2: We kept him for quite a while, but due to

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Speaker 2: the malnourishment he'd received in his first few months, he

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Speaker 2: never grew properly and ultimately passed away. For those asking

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Speaker 2: if anything ever came of the case, unfortunately no. I

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Speaker 2: should probably add that South Africa has a unique way

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Speaker 2: of closing cases, so this was taking place in South

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Speaker 2: Africa this whole time. After a month or two, they

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Speaker 2: just send you a text saying case closed due to

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Speaker 2: lack of evidence, or case closed with no arrests. I

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Speaker 2: didn't get one in this case, but I did receive

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Speaker 2: one for an armed robbery I fell victim two in

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Speaker 2: twenty seventeen, so I'm not too hopeful they put much

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Speaker 2: effort into this investigation. Regarding Lawrence, I saw him one

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Speaker 2: more time after getting him arrested. He was only locked

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Speaker 2: up for about a week. After that, he disappeared. I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure if he left down or got arrested again.

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Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. My bride

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Speaker 2: has no friends now our wedding is at risk.

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Speaker 4: Oh no, you have to have your bridesmaids.

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Speaker 2: My fiance, twenty four female, and I twenty five male,

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Speaker 2: are recently engaged and have been together since we were eighteen.

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Speaker 2: She's not the bridezilla type, but she has imagined a

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Speaker 2: nice wedding. She's not very social and has no sisters

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Speaker 2: or female cousins, and as a result, she has no

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Speaker 2: bridesmaids zero. I, on the other hand, have a solid

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Speaker 2: group of guys be groomsmen, and they're already talking about

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Speaker 2: the bachelor party. By the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 2: bride with No Friends. And if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

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Speaker 2: subburt it.

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Speaker 7: I'm Dakota and I'm Angie, and we're the producers Riley

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Speaker 7: and Ke.

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Speaker 2: And let's see what ops to say. My fiance won't

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Speaker 2: have a bridal shower or bachelorette party or anyone to

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Speaker 2: go dress shopping with, et cetera. It's really bringing her down. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it would bring anyone down. Brother. Yeah, and she won't

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Speaker 2: even talk about weddings once. She said between sniffles, can't

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Speaker 2: we just sign a paper at a courthouse? But I

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Speaker 2: know neither of us really want that. Hey, buddy, I

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Speaker 2: think she might want that.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I have suggested having my sisters and cousins as bridesmaids,

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Speaker 2: but they don't really know her well. And likely wouldn't

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Speaker 2: want to. How can I help her? And we have

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Speaker 2: some comments here. Just make the wedding about y'all do

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Speaker 2: your own thing. That would be my advice. Angie.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I truly just would not have a wedding like honestly,

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Speaker 4: I like Riley, just to warn you if anything happens

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Speaker 4: like I need to have a solid friend group before

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Speaker 4: I want to ever get married. Honestly, honestly.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, let's get into these comments.

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Speaker 2: You can have a nice wedding without bridesmaids and groomsmen.

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Speaker 2: There are plenty of options between that traditional scenario and

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Speaker 2: just signing a paper at the courthouse. Opie replies, I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking that'll be my only option. I just don't want

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Speaker 2: my fiance to feel lonely. User Tricia May says, my

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Speaker 2: wife and I got married in December. The only people

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Speaker 2: involved in the ceremony were us, the priest, and her sister,

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Speaker 2: who handed over the rings. It was a very nice,

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Speaker 2: small wedding. We were both happy to not have the

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Speaker 2: people there, and we threw our own little party the

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Speaker 2: night before with her sisters. Also, see if your groomsmen

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Speaker 2: can get their girlfriends or sisters to take over and

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Speaker 2: show her a good time. But since they aren't already friends,

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Speaker 2: make sure you pay for all of it. Opie replies, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'll ask my buds if they know any women that

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Speaker 2: can help, even if they're not bridesmaids. I think my

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Speaker 2: fiance deserves at least a nice party or someone to

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Speaker 2: help her buy address. The smooth poser says, this is tough.

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Speaker 2: I imagine she's feeling pretty vulnerable right now. One thing

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Speaker 2: I would encourage is to think creatively about her bridal party.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't have to fill it with just female friends

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Speaker 2: or family members roughly her age. My brother was in

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Speaker 2: my bridal party, and my husband had a female friend

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Speaker 2: and almost asked one of his professors to be in his.

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Speaker 2: If you think outside the box, is there anyone else

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Speaker 2: out there important to her who would stand by her side?

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Speaker 2: As for the other things you mentioned, I didn't have

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Speaker 2: a bridle shower and I don't regret it, and I

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Speaker 2: went dress shopping with my mom. Our wedding was a

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Speaker 2: little non traditional in that regard, but it was lovely

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Speaker 2: and a good fit for us. Opie says. The thing

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Speaker 2: is her brother is deployed and won't be there for

357
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Speaker 2: the wedding and her mom isn't in the picture. She

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Speaker 2: only has her father. Penguin Empire says, is there a

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00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,640
Speaker 2: reason her father can't take her dress shopping? OHPI says

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Speaker 2: he can and he probably will, but like me, he

361
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 2: doesn't know anything about clothes or Dreshop User says, I

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Speaker 2: wonder if she was really joking about signing the paper

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Speaker 2: at the courthouse. Personally, I've always envisioned having a discreete

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00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,399
Speaker 2: wedding like that. One idea for a compromise could be

365
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 2: to have just the two of you and witnesses at

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Speaker 2: the courthouse. Then you have a larger reception or party

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Speaker 2: where the lack of bridesmaids wouldn't be so obvious. Your

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00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,680
Speaker 2: friend could play some kind of special role, even if

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00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 2: they don't have a parallel on her side. Opie says, no,

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Speaker 2: she wants a wedding. She's just been saying recently that

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Speaker 2: she doesn't deserve one.

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Speaker 4: What that sounds like another issue. This isn't just about

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Speaker 4: her feeling lonely now her the whole self confidence is

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Speaker 4: being ruined.

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Speaker 2: We need to fix it. Let's say you hire actors,

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Speaker 2: m you hire extras, you pay them a day rate,

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00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 2: aren't know what else to tell you at this point.

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00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 2: If you want that, you're gonna have to postpoont the wedding,

379
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,479
Speaker 2: join a club, make friends, get into something, do something,

380
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,400
Speaker 2: get into something? What does she do? What does she do?

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Speaker 3: I would love to know?

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Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, because like, are there any coworkers or

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Speaker 4: their family members, like even if it's cousins or aunts,

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Speaker 4: like anyone and neighbors. You know, is there anyone that

385
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,399
Speaker 4: we could reach out to? And if this is like

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00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 4: part of the reason why she doesn't think that she

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00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 4: deserves a wedding, then I feel like we should just

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00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 4: postponent you will get married eventually.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Two days later. Update. Did not expect to update

390
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Speaker 2: this fast. I didn't expect to update at all unless

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Speaker 2: something miraculous happened, and it did.

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Speaker 3: Uh oh.

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Speaker 2: In short, I have the best friends in the world.

394
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Speaker 2: I read through a ton of these comments, but not all,

395
00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,920
Speaker 2: and decided to look over my fiance's box of wedding

396
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 2: planning stuff because I had a suspicion inside the box

397
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Speaker 2: where all these magazine clippings of a big church wedding,

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Speaker 2: flower ideas and stuff like that. And then I saw

399
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Speaker 2: pictures of the dress they were all big poofy ornate

400
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 2: things that don't seem akin to my fiance style at all,

401
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,160
Speaker 2: but they're similar to the dresses my sisters wore at

402
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Speaker 2: their weddings. And then it all sort of clicked for me.

403
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Speaker 2: My fiance probably doesn't want a church wedding or any

404
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 2: of these fancy trimmings. She's trying to win my family's favor.

405
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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I really should have noticed this earlier

406
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 2: and gotten more involved.

407
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Speaker 7: I know.

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00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,119
Speaker 2: Oh, she wasn't joking. She was like, can we maybe

409
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Speaker 2: just have a courthouse wedding?

410
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Speaker 4: Yeah, that is not what I thought it was gonna be.

411
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Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't think she was joking about that

412
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,679
Speaker 4: in the first place. If she said that in between sniffles,

413
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Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Yeah, but I did think

414
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Speaker 4: she was just thinking she didn't deserve it. But that

415
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Speaker 4: is not where I thought that was gonna go.

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Speaker 2: No, not at all. I think the time is now

417
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Speaker 2: to just go to the courthouse. And yeah, maybe your

418
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,360
Speaker 2: wife is a little chronic people pleaser. She got the CPP.

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Speaker 4: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: It's always hard when you have CPP. Yeah, but yeah,

421
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 2: the wedding is just about y'all, just talking about y'all.

422
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,800
Speaker 2: If she's got nobody there. Just renker it up. Aren't

423
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Speaker 2: you two right? Because she's got you? So my fiance

424
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 2: flew home on Thursday to spend a few days with

425
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Speaker 2: her dad because it was Father's Day weekend. I couldn't

426
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 2: go because of work, so I was alone until this morning.

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Speaker 2: So real late at night, I called up my buddy,

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Speaker 2: Ravi twenty six mail. Ravi's my best man. We've known

429
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 2: each other since we were kids, split up when we

430
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 2: went off to college, and reconnected three years ago. We

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00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 2: moved to either southern California or sou Carolina so I

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Speaker 2: could join the company he works for. I just opened

433
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 2: up to Robi. It was really late, but he listened

434
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 2: to me anyway about my worries about my fiance. He

435
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 2: said that it was very likely she was trying to

436
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 2: curry favor with my family, but she probably wasn't going

437
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 2: to admit it easily. He said that he would talk

438
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,120
Speaker 2: to her. I told him that he barely knows her.

439
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 2: He said not to worry and that he'd be around tomorrow. Evening.

440
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 2: My fiance came home, happy she always is after seeing

441
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,120
Speaker 2: her dad, and I went off to work without asking

442
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 2: about the wedding. And she set out to work on

443
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 2: her writing. She's off for the summer. I got home

444
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 2: early and at like five pm Rovi comes to my

445
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: house with my other good friends, Carson, Andrew and Tim

446
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 2: twenty three to thirty mail. I know all these guys

447
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 2: from various places, and we're all a solid group. Still,

448
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 2: this was unexpected. Rabbi came up to my fiance and

449
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 2: said that the guys were taking her wedding dress shopping.

450
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 2: So we were both freaked out as heck. I had

451
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,639
Speaker 2: no idea this was coming, and my fiance looked like

452
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 2: she wanted to crawl into a hole and pass away.

453
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 2: She whispered to me, they won't like me, and I

454
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,959
Speaker 2: urged her to just go for it. Robbie reminded her

455
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 2: that he has sisters. Carson's been divorced, and Andrews had

456
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 2: his fair share of girlfriends, so they know dresses all right.

457
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 2: Plus he has a lady friend that works at a

458
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 2: small boutique where they would try. First, she still didn't

459
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 2: want to go, and then he said something like, hey,

460
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 2: you're marrying our best friend. Don't you think we should

461
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 2: get to know you and make sure you're not a

462
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 2: ghost or something. He's not great with tact but she

463
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 2: chuckled a little at that and gave in sounds like

464
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 2: he was perfectly tactful to me, my guy. They were

465
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 2: gone for a while and came back an hour ago.

466
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 2: They didn't find a dress, but they looked around the

467
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 2: stores for a while and my fiance found a style

468
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 2: she liked, not poofy ball gown. They also went out

469
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:42,920
Speaker 2: for ice cream, and when they walked in the door,

470
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 2: she was joking and laughing with them all. I hadn't

471
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 2: seen her so happy in a long time. It was amazing.

472
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,719
Speaker 2: Then we all sat down together and Robbie asked her

473
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 2: to talk to me about what's on her mind. I

474
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 2: still don't know how they got her to open up.

475
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 2: She whispered that she didn't really want the big church wedding,

476
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 2: that she wanted to wait a little while and plan

477
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 2: a small ceremon for just the people we really care about.

478
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 2: I was all for it. I told her not to

479
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: worry about bride'smaids or anything. It could just be us.

480
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 2: She said, no, she wants her dad, the guys, and

481
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 2: my family to be there. But I feel like this

482
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 2: is going great.

483
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 4: I think that's awesome for these guys, to swoop in

484
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,359
Speaker 4: and yeah, it's a great chance to get to know her.

485
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 4: I mean, if they gotta do that eventually, right, So

486
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,679
Speaker 4: this seems like a fun time to do it, and

487
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 4: it could be a fun day. And it sounds like

488
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 4: it was so yay that rhymed a little bit.

489
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope in the time between now and then,

490
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 2: mm hmm, maybe her brother can be there when he's

491
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 2: not planet So when he's not on deployment or something. Yeah, yeah, anything,

492
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 2: any anything but literally the exact opposite of what we want.

493
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: But we gotta learn to speak our mind.

494
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know how to speak our mind.

495
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 2: Please. We gotta communicate clearly and openly and honestly about

496
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,400
Speaker 2: snaff Yeah.

497
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 4: You'd probably want to learn how to do that with

498
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 4: your soon to be spouse. That's an important, important thing

499
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,640
Speaker 4: to be able to do with one another. It's right,

500
00:22:58,880 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 4: openly and.

501
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: Freely finish this story. Andrew, a awesome guitar player, said

502
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 2: he'd put together a band for us. He asked my

503
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 2: fiance what her favorite song is, and he'd figure out

504
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: an arrangement. This is the kind of question she usually dodges,

505
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 2: but she blushed a little and actually told the truth.

506
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 2: Panama my Van Halen if anyone cares, girl knows how

507
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 2: to rock out. I don't think anyone knows her favorite

508
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 2: song except me and her dad, who bought her Van

509
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: Halen CD's growing up.

510
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 4: Why she's so shy.

511
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 2: I told her I'd call my family and tell them

512
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: the church wedding's off if they make a big stink

513
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,400
Speaker 2: about it. I don't efen care. I have my bros

514
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: and my beautiful future bride. That's all the family I need.

515
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 2: Ah And that is the end of that story.

516
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 4: I need to tell my friend that she smells, but

517
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 4: I'm afraid to offend her.

518
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,199
Speaker 2: Just hand her a deodorant and then don't say anything,

519
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 2: just walk away.

520
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 4: I've known her for six years. I twenty four female,

521
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 4: met her twenty four female my freshman year of college.

522
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 4: We were roommates in college for two years. I don't

523
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 4: have best friends, but she's one of my closer friend

524
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 4: and she's one of the nicest, most empathetic people that

525
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 4: I've met. However, this means that she's also pretty sensitive.

526
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 4: And I'm Angie and.

527
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,719
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

528
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 7: Welcome and let's see what Ope says.

529
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 4: The issue is that she is overweight, and she smells

530
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: a lot of the time. It ranges from a slightly

531
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 4: musty smell to a bad, sour milk smell.

532
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 2: Oh God.

533
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 4: It's because she doesn't shower often and doesn't do her

534
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 4: laundry often. I know because I lived in the same

535
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 4: room as her for two years and the smell was

536
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 4: heavy in our room. It came from her laundry, her bed,

537
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 4: her shoes. Everything. The smell lingers on her and the

538
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 4: things that she owns. The blanket she uses, her desk chair,

539
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,719
Speaker 4: and her car even smells musty and strange. When she

540
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,959
Speaker 4: does shower, the bathroom ends up smelling musty instead of

541
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 4: like shampoo. I'm not sure if she uses much shampoo

542
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 4: even when she showers. I haven't lived with her in

543
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 4: a few years, but I believe her habits are the

544
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 4: same because I know her roommates and they complain about

545
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 4: the smell. It's gross, and normally someone like this would

546
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 4: turn people away, But she's very likable and as a

547
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 4: huge social group. Because of that, everyone knows about her smell,

548
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 4: and sometimes we will talk about it. We have even

549
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 4: discussed telling her, which would be the right thing to do.

550
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 4: But the longer we wait. The harder it is to

551
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 4: tell her. It's a mild annoyance to us, but she's

552
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 4: an amazing friend, so it doesn't affect any of our

553
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 4: friendships with her. However, my friend has been more or

554
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 4: less unemployed since we graduated college. It is partly because

555
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 4: she isn't sure what to do, but I'm sure she

556
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: is losing job prospects due to her smell. A job

557
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 4: opened up at my workplace and she wants to apply.

558
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 4: I want to help her, and she needs the job,

559
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 4: but I can't recommend someone who doesn't have personal hygiene.

560
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 4: I know the right thing to do is to tell

561
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 4: her I think she would be good at the job,

562
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 4: but it's for a position in an office, and it

563
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 4: would not be okay for her to come in smelling

564
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 4: like she does. Even if she doesn't get the job

565
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 4: for other reasons, I want her to be aware of

566
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,479
Speaker 4: her hygiene so that she has better chances in the future.

567
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 4: She is sensitive and will definitely be embarrassed as anyone would.

568
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 4: I just need help on how to tell her. So

569
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 4: right now, I'm thinking of saying, hey, friend, I think

570
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 4: that you would be good at the position my boss

571
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 4: is hiring for, but there are a couple things that

572
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 4: I think are important to tell you. You sometimes smell like sweat,

573
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 4: and I personally don't care. I don't care at all.

574
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 2: Lies stop it, but stop it. We have to not

575
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 2: be worried about hurting her feelings right now. Her feelings

576
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 2: come second to the reality of the situation, which is

577
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 2: your actual lack of hygiene is preventing you from having

578
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 2: opportunities in the real world. Now.

579
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 7: It's also better that it comes from you her friends,

580
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 7: rather than some stranger who will literally say, hey you

581
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 7: your rank.

582
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, you stink, But it's important at my workplace.

583
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 4: So you could shower more frequently and make sure your

584
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 4: work clothes are always clean than that would help a lot.

585
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 4: I don't want to come off the wrong way. I

586
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 4: would just like you to get the job. Does anyone

587
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 4: have a better way? I can break it to her

588
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 4: lightly but still get the point across. And there are

589
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 4: some top comments. But what would you say? How would

590
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:50,640
Speaker 4: you say it to her?

591
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 2: Do you smell that? What's that smell? I feel like

592
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 2: it's a smell that is attached to you.

593
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 4: I feel like it's it's following you around and.

594
00:26:58,840 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 2: I love you, But.

595
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 7: Have you showered a day.

596
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: I think you need to maybe be better at staying clean.

597
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 2: What's going on? That's something you have a condition to do.

598
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 2: You need to change diet. Like when we talk, what

599
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: are we diging about it? Yeah?

600
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 4: I feel like you just gotta be honest. Don't try

601
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 4: to like get around it in any sort of way.

602
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:21,199
Speaker 4: You know that it's her, You know that, Like I

603
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 4: don't know, she maybe knows or maybe is just hoping

604
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 4: that no one else can smell it. It's just her

605
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 4: or something like that. I don't know. So yeah, just like, hey,

606
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 4: I need to be really honest with you for a second.

607
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 4: Love you very much. You just you're a little stinky.

608
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 4: You're just a little stinky. Yeah, but that's okay because

609
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 4: that's very fixable. But I do think that it might

610
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 4: affect getting jobs, especially at my workplace. I know for

611
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 4: a fact they.

612
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 2: Won't like that. Yeah, dude, you can't be in a

613
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 2: workplace and reek.

614
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there are some comments so raptors in the

615
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 4: kitchen says opinion. Ay, I don't hurt your feelings, but

616
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 4: whatever you're using to shower smells pretty bad. That way

617
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 4: you tell her that she smells without making it seem

618
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,239
Speaker 4: like she is the problem crazy, she should clue in

619
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 4: that she needs to step up her shower game. But

620
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 4: Option B is, hey, listen, I love you, so I'm

621
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 4: gonna be honest. You smell like sweat, your clothes smell musty.

622
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 4: If you show up to the interview like that, they're

623
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 4: not gonna take you seriously. Swiss Pea says, my husband

624
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 4: did some managerial training and one of the case studies

625
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 4: that they did was about having someone on your team

626
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 4: who smells and how to deal with it. The best way,

627
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 4: from how he learned it, and I agree, is to

628
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 4: do something like option to sit her down in a

629
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 4: private place and tell her I've noticed that you smell

630
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 4: like sweat, and I wanted to tell you. I think

631
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 4: the most blunt, truthful, and the most private only her

632
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 4: most trusted friend should do this. Of course, she is

633
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: going to be offended, but she seems like a lovely

634
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 4: person and a good friend, so she deserves to know

635
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 4: that that she ever has a chance of happiness and

636
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 4: opportunities that come her way. But yeah, I feel like

637
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 4: those are good options. Just be super honest, just let

638
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 4: her know. It's like, hey, you got something in your teeth? Oh,

639
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 4: I didn't know. Thanks.

640
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 2: You know, well, it's just weird at this point, like

641
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 2: they said, because it's been years they've been sitting around

642
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 2: in like like a book club talking.

643
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 4: About how bad she a stink club.

644
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 2: And it's like, yeah, they've been in stink.

645
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 4: Club, so like it's not cool.

646
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 7: First real stink club you talk about stage, Yeah, dude.

647
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 2: One of our commenters just said, send her the link

648
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 2: to the reddit post, and it's like, I don't. I

649
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 2: don't think that seeing a bunch of internet comments that's

650
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: a bad idea. Oh my god, Yeah, that's actually gonna

651
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: make her feel terrible.

652
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 4: I feel like there's god Like, obviously we have good

653
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 4: comments in here, but I feel like there's gotta be

654
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 4: some that we're on there that we're just like, uh,

655
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 4: why is.

656
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 2: She this far?

657
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 4: Inner life is still smelled like.

658
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 2: You should throw her away in the garbage where she belongs. Yeah, okay,

659
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 2: like probably don't expose her to stuff like that, but like,

660
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 2: if you are as good of a friend, it's because

661
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: it's like, dude, it's better to hear this from me

662
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: then to hear this from like, I don't know, the

663
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 2: person in your job interview, being like, well, we think

664
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 2: you're qualified, but I think for personal reasons, we're gonna

665
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 2: have to pas and then I don't know. That's probably

666
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 2: what they'd say, they even they wouldn't tell you.

667
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Oh, Honestly, it's been a while since I

668
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 4: asked for advice on telling my friend that she had

669
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 4: a strong body odor. It didn't get a lot of

670
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 4: attention and it was a good result, so I forgot

671
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 4: about it.

672
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 3: I believe.

673
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 4: I called her the night I posted and pretty much

674
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 4: told her what I said I was going to tell her.

675
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 4: I let her know that I really wanted her to

676
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 4: get the job, and then asked her if she knew

677
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 4: that she smelled in more of a tactful way. Can't

678
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 4: remember the exact words. She said that she did know,

679
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 4: and that the conversation went from there. Okay, she didn't

680
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 4: give me the exact reason why, and I didn't ask.

681
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 4: I mentioned that since our work requires a uniform, I

682
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 4: wear mine a few times before washing because it's an

683
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 4: office job and I don't sweat, she should be washing

684
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 4: hers often. If she got the job, she was thankful

685
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 4: that I brought it up with her. I followed up

686
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 4: with talking about the job and giving her other advice

687
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 4: about applying. She actually did end up getting the job

688
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 4: with me. Yay, it has become more hygienic. Okay, she's

689
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 4: still not the cleanest, but she doesn't smell like she

690
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 4: used to, and her car slash room don't have the

691
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 4: same heavy odor. To be honest, I forgot for a

692
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 4: while that we even talked about this, and almost forgot

693
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 4: that this was even an issue before. I don't think

694
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 4: she really remembers either. It was a fairly easy conversation

695
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 4: once I told her, and it didn't change anything about

696
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 4: our friendship. I wish I had told her sooner, but

697
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 4: I'm glad I did tell her, And there are some comments.

698
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 4: Dingling Along says, I don't think she really remembers either.

699
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 4: I guarantee you she absolutely does. Opie responds, I'm sure

700
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 4: she does, or else she wouldn't still be cleaner now.

701
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 4: I meant that it was a really straightforward and easygoing

702
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 4: discussion and we both moved forward right away. I doubt

703
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 4: she thinks about it all the time, and if she does,

704
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 4: it's probably in a positive way to remember to be cleaner.

705
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 4: It hasn't affected our friendship at all. Poor phrasing on

706
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 4: my part.

707
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 3: Girl with the girl says.

708
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 4: She's probably grateful to have an honest and caring friend

709
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 4: like you in her life. You had enough faith in

710
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 4: her to not only recommend her for a job at

711
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 4: your company, something that would reflect on you, but to

712
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 4: help her take care of a very sensitive issue and

713
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 4: do it techtfully. Good for you, Opie. How have your

714
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 4: other friends responded to the positive changes? And Opie responds,

715
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 4: I'm glad she was understanding of what I was telling

716
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 4: her and that she took it seriously. Our friends have

717
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 4: noticed that she doesn't smell as much anymore, and they

718
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 4: are happy that she's been more conscious of her hygiene.

719
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 2: At the weekly stink club meetings where you were talking like,

720
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: we've run out of stink to discuss.

721
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 4: Ah, wow, the only stink we can smell is like,

722
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 4: is that rose? Is that lavender that were smelling?

723
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 3: How lovely?

724
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 2: Yes?

725
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 4: It's good stinks. It's good stinks.

726
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

727
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: Surely after it happened, people told me that the change

728
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 4: was noticeable in a good way. No one has really

729
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 4: spoken of it since, which I considered to be a

730
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 4: good sign. Skywalker eighty seven says, I'm glad you told

731
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 4: her before she applied, and that she's sticking with it.

732
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 4: My mother has always had poor personal hygiene. She smokes,

733
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 4: has dogs, doesn't do laundry hardly ever, and rarely cleans

734
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 4: her house. She was working for a church in a

735
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 4: small office and her boss had to pull her aside

736
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 4: after a couple of months and inform her that her

737
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 4: odor was offensive. They gave her some extra cash for

738
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: dry cleaning and a four hundred dollars gift card to

739
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 4: buy some fresh clothes. Oh wow, but she was still

740
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 4: beyond offended. She couldn't believe that. They told her that.

741
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 4: She did freshen up her wardrobe and began cleaning her

742
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 4: clothes more often and showering every day, but that only

743
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 4: lasted for a few months.

744
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 2: Imagine being offended at being given four hundred dollars to

745
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: refresh your wardrobe. Like that's such a yeah, such a

746
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 2: clearly like a welcoming environment. They're like, yeah, we just

747
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 2: want to let you know, like it's offensive, right, and

748
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 2: here's everything you need to fix it.

749
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's very nice. How d do this to me,

750
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 4: especially if you like are stinky, like I feel like,

751
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 4: if you're genuinely like a very clean person and people

752
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 4: always tell you you smell good, and then all of

753
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 4: a sudden, someone is just like, oh, you smell really bad.

754
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 4: Here's some deodorant, like use it once in a while,

755
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 4: and you're like, I literally have it in my purse.

756
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 4: You know what I mean that I could see being

757
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 4: offended by that, But every other instance, like I feel

758
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 4: like you would just be embarrassed. I feel like people

759
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 4: wouldn't really get offended unless it's this commenter's mom, I guess,

760
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 4: but Opie responds to that. Different people respond differently. I

761
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 4: suppose I would definitely like a lot less if it

762
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 4: was someone from my professional life telling me as opposed

763
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 4: to a friend or roommate. That was very generous for

764
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 4: them to provide the money in gift card, but it

765
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 4: was taken the wrong way. And Skywalker eighty seven responds again,

766
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 4: it was something we'd tried telling her, but she didn't

767
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 4: want to listen. We gave her perfume for every holiday

768
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 4: one year. Oh well, oh my gosh, but you're correct.

769
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 4: Some people just don't take it the same way. And

770
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 4: that's the end of that story.

771
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 2: Sam here Og host.

772
00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories, but here's

773
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 1: three minutes fads from our sponsors.

774
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 2: First, my friend kept asking me to babysit for free

775
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 2: and never appreciated it. Girl, pay me, pay me now,

776
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: pay me money, money me trigger warning for a loss

777
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 2: of pregnancy. My best friend Carrie twenty seven female and

778
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 2: I twenty five female, have known each other since I

779
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,760
Speaker 2: was seventeen and she was nineteen. We didn't get super

780
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 2: close until about three years ago when I moved back

781
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,280
Speaker 2: to our hometown. She had just had her first baby,

782
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 2: Laurie almost three now, and I would come over to

783
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 2: help her around the house and with childcare. Shortly after

784
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 2: she had her first I lost a pregnancy, and these

785
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,800
Speaker 2: two two events brought us closer. I already had kids

786
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 2: and she had lost pregnancy as well before getting pregnant

787
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 2: with Laurie, so we could relate to each other's experiences.

788
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 2: And by the way, this comes from user fragrant time

789
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 2: five five eight five and I'm Dakota.

790
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 7: I'm Angie, and I'm Keon.

791
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 2: See what ops to say? Fast forward to last year.

792
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,720
Speaker 2: My husband and I were pregnant with our last baby.

793
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 2: I struggled tremendously. I was constantly sick, unable to walk

794
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 2: for the last three months, pre term labor twice pro

795
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 2: dormal labor for the entire last month, and finally a

796
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: traumatic emergency c section. Oh wow, our baby is happy

797
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 2: and healthy, Thank goodness. Yeah, but my postpartum recovery was

798
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 2: severe during my pregnancy. Carrie lived in Montana with her husband,

799
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 2: Henry thirty nine, Mail, and Louri. The whole time. She

800
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 2: complained about Henry constantly. She was ready to ask for

801
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 2: a divorce. He never helped her on the house or

802
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,360
Speaker 2: with Lourie, and was straight up rude. He even yelled

803
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 2: at her in front of her whole family for letting

804
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: him sleep in on vacation, even though he had asked

805
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: masked her two the night before. He sounds like a

806
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: real Georgia Peach. She talked to him about his behavior

807
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 2: and suggested therapy, but he refused and made excuses about

808
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:11,919
Speaker 2: being overwhelmed with work, and they moved back and got

809
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 2: their own place. He started up again. Here's the thing.

810
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 2: No matter what I was going through, hard pregnancy, traumatic birth,

811
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 2: severe postpartum depression where I couldn't even look at my

812
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 2: own son without crying, I still put her problems before

813
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 2: my own because I was concerned for her. When I

814
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 2: was only a month postpartum. Carrie asked me to watch

815
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 2: LORII for a couple of days while she and Henry

816
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 2: went to North Dakota. I'd watched her from seven am

817
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 2: to four pm when I said yes and asked when

818
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 2: she said, oh, right now, we're leaving in thirty minutes.

819
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 2: What we got a plan ahead of time? I literally

820
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 2: changed myself, my newborn and my three older children, rushed

821
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 2: to her house, picked up LORII, and got my older

822
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 2: two off to school. When I got there, I said

823
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 2: a loada Henry in a bubbly but tired voice. This

824
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 2: man walked past me without a word, not even a

825
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 2: high or thanks for dropping everything to watch my kid.

826
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 2: I watched LORII for two days, and on the last day,

827
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 2: Henry picked her up at I had fed her dinner,

828
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 2: bathed her, and gotten her ready for bed. When I

829
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 2: noticed her poopy diaper and offered to change it, he

830
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 2: gave me a grudging thanks, and that was it. So like,

831
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: that's when we just like lose these people, Yeah, like

832
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 2: lose doing favors for them for sure. Right, they do not.

833
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 4: Seem like good people. They're obviously not good parents if

834
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 4: they're not planning ahead with this stuff, like and not

835
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 4: appreciating any sort of help, like what is this.

836
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's terrible, it's crazy, Like, oh, yeah, you have

837
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 2: to come right now, we're leaving in thirty minutes. You

838
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 2: can't drop you were a kid off. Perhaps a plan

839
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 2: for that, Yeah, you wouldn't even that's crazy. That's your

840
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 2: own kids. You have to worry about your own stuff

841
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,240
Speaker 2: right now. Yeah. I know that you guys became closer

842
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 2: over like traumatic circumstances, but like you need to be

843
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 2: able to focus on your own stuff.

844
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, you are the most important.

845
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 2: You can't help anybody if you can't help yourself.

846
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 4: Exactly.

847
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 7: And again, I think it's getting more prolific, but no

848
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 7: is a full on sentence. You can stay now to

849
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 7: these people. Yep, it's okay to say no. You don't

850
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 7: owe these people that.

851
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:03,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.

852
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 2: Two weeks later, I had been cleared by my doctor,

853
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 2: but was told antidepressants were mandatory because of my mental

854
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 2: health state. She was also concerned because touching my incision

855
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 2: area still caused pain, which wasn't normal. Carrie watched my

856
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 2: kids for an hour while I was at this appointment,

857
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 2: so when I got back, I told her what the

858
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 2: doctor said. We kept each other updated on everything, so

859
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 2: she knew how bad both my mental and physical health were.

860
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 2: At six weeks postpartum, Carrie asked if I would watch

861
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 2: Lori so she didn't have to put her in daycare

862
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 2: because she wanted to start making her own money again.

863
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 2: I said yes, but the agreement was that I'd be

864
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: given a schedule so I could plan my days. This

865
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 2: never happened. I started watching Laurie in November twenty twenty four,

866
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,280
Speaker 2: and it wasn't even for her job, because she didn't

867
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 2: have one yet. I'd watch her so she and Henry

868
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 2: could go on dates because she needed a break literally

869
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 2: every reason except work. My husband noticed how overwhelmed I

870
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 2: was and that I was way more tired than normal.

871
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,479
Speaker 2: I also have narcolepsy. He felt like she was using

872
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 2: me while I was vulnerable because she wasn't paying me

873
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 2: or even watching our kids. In return, she had watched

874
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: our oldest three for a total of three hours on

875
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: three different occasions, one hour at a time. Meanwhile, I

876
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,280
Speaker 2: was never watching Lori for less than three hours.

877
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

878
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 2: In early March of twenty twenty five, Carrie came over

879
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 2: to actually hang out, which had become rare. I picked

880
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,799
Speaker 2: her up, which happened nine out of ten times and

881
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 2: brought her back to my house. I could feel weird

882
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 2: tension between us. Not even an hour in. She blurts out,

883
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 2: I have some beef with you.

884
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 7: Not chicken, not pork, not fish.

885
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 2: Well, let's tenderize that beef, baby, because what are you

886
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:37,919
Speaker 2: talking about?

887
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 6: That?

888
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:39,760
Speaker 7: That's marrny that beef.

889
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 6: What?

890
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm a freaking vegetarian. Huh.

891
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 2: Then what you have beef that?

892
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 7: I'm a vegetarian and I'm not freaking scared of you.

893
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 2: Beef.

894
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 4: There you go, beef?

895
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 2: Where is it?

896
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 4: Let's hear about it.

897
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 2: She told me she didn't like the things I said

898
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 2: about her husband, that she had been complaining about the

899
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 2: whole time, and that I had the choice words about him.

900
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 2: The choice was when she was complaining to me for

901
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 2: the millionth time and I expressed concern, telling her I

902
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: was worried because frankly, he's an ungrateful a hole. She

903
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: had agreed with me at the time, but now it

904
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 2: was a problem. She went on about how he is

905
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 2: self harming because they had to live with her mom

906
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 2: for a month and a half and in a camper

907
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 2: at a campsite, but they didn't have to live in

908
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 2: a camper. He just didn't want to pay rent to anyone.

909
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: This man was making eight thousand a month and he

910
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: had a little less than one thousand dollars in bills

911
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 2: while living at the campsite. She also accused me of

912
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,280
Speaker 2: sending her rude videos on Messenger that were about her husband.

913
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 2: These were videos she'd always found funny. We both have

914
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 2: dark humor, and she used to send me the same kind.

915
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 2: She said, I couldn't judge him as a bad husband

916
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: based on his behavior the last three months versus their

917
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 2: entire five year marriage. Mind you, she was wanting a

918
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 2: divorce almost a year ago. She demanded I drive her

919
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 2: and Laurie home, immediately, knowing I had twenty minutes until

920
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,919
Speaker 2: my kids got off the bus. Speechless, I did, making

921
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 2: it back just in time for the bus stop. Two

922
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 2: weeks later, Carrie called me baby sit LORII again, and

923
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 2: I stupidly said, yes, at least.

924
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 4: You put stupidly there. At least you know that it's stupid,

925
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 4: because it is.

926
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like, okay, I'm gonna lose your number by trauma.

927
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 2: Bonds are funny, Yeah, but this is not a real friend.

928
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 2: Is not how real friends act is not how real

929
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 2: friends for each other, is not how real friends behave

930
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 2: with one another.

931
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, because obviously it's like something very unstable's going on

932
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,760
Speaker 4: at their home. I mean one just like with how

933
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 4: she's acting and how she's like never planning ahead with

934
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 4: this childcare stuff. But then also too with all that

935
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 4: info about her husband. It was like or that she

936
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 4: was just like all of the sudden had a problem

937
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 4: with any sort of choice words or funny videos against

938
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 4: the husband. It's like, Okay, I feel like if Carrie

939
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,760
Speaker 4: like actually did think those things were funny in the moment,

940
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 4: and it's been a while of them talking about those

941
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 4: things and stuff, I feel like the husband found out

942
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 4: about it and suddenly was like, that's terrible. You need

943
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 4: to stand up for me. And then now I feel

944
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 4: like that's what this switch of this turnaround is here.

945
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,400
Speaker 4: Just a lot of lack of stability that you're hanging

946
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:07,240
Speaker 4: around over here.

947
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 2: Yep.

948
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

949
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 2: When I asked, when she said today right now until

950
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 2: eight when Henry can pick her up, she wouldn't be

951
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 2: off until eight thirty. And I needed to pick Lourie

952
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 2: up at her workplace. They were already there. I told

953
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 2: her I had to get the kids from the bus

954
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 2: stop in ten minutes. She had the audacity to say, well,

955
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,280
Speaker 2: hurry up, I need you here. In less than thirty minutes,

956
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 2: I got the kids from the bus and started driving

957
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: to her workplace. In the parking lot, my mom called.

958
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 2: She and my dad were stuck on the side of

959
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,439
Speaker 2: the highway and desperately needed help. I told Carrie there

960
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,959
Speaker 2: was a family emergency, and she said, well, you're still

961
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 2: taking Lourie. I explained I only had room for my

962
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 2: kids and parents. She asked if she could keep my

963
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 2: oldest because she listens better. I said no, it wasn't

964
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: fair for Lorie to see my parents when my oldest couldn't,

965
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 2: especially since we couldn't see them. Carrie got pissed and

966
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 2: asked what was so important that I couldn't watch Lourie.

967
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 2: I explained their truck had broken down and they'd called

968
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 2: a tow truck but needed rides to multiple places, and

969
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 2: I was almost in tears. She called her dad and

970
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 2: the first thing she said was, hey, can you watch

971
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 2: LORI My babysitter got here and just canceled on me.

972
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,320
Speaker 2: Her dad knows who I am, so she could have

973
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 2: used my name instead of babysitter. I cried almost the

974
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 2: entire way to my parents, but brushed it off so

975
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 2: my mom wouldn't get upset that someone made me cry.

976
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 2: After helping them, I picked up my husband and we

977
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 2: decided to go out to dinner since he'd only been

978
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 2: home ten minutes and it was seven thirty. Well, we

979
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 2: have a little bit more story left here, But folks,

980
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 2: I hope this is a PSA to never let anyone

981
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:30,759
Speaker 2: walk all over you.

982
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, Carrie is doing Yeah, I'm talking about anything with

983
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 4: someone and they're huffing and puffing on me on the

984
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 4: other side of the phone. I'd be like, what am

985
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 4: I listening to right now? Who is this?

986
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 2: Not my friend?

987
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 4: Not anymore anyway, because.

988
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 2: What Yeah, I guess you can hire a babysitter with

989
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 2: all the money your husband's saving living at the campsite.

990
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,959
Speaker 2: What's going on with that? Yeah, there's so much going

991
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 2: on there that is just such a mess. And it

992
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 2: does not need to involve you. No, you have your

993
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 2: own family to worry about, You have your own kids

994
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 2: to be different. If this was your best friend for

995
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 2: life and like you loved each other for you too, yeah,

996
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: and this was a mutual thing. Yeah, but it's not.

997
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 2: This is not someone who actually cares about you, Like, yeah,

998
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 2: let's finish this story. When we got to the restaurant,

999
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 2: guess who was there, Carrie and Henry with no LRII.

1000
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: It wasn't even eight pm and they already had their

1001
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 2: food and were eating. We turned around and left with

1002
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 2: tears streaming down my face and confused kids. My husband

1003
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: told them it was too busy and mommy just really

1004
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 2: loves this restaurant, so she said we can't eat there.

1005
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 2: But in reality, I hit my breaking point. I realized

1006
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 2: I'd been lied to and I was being used. It's

1007
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 2: been a few months and I haven't talked to her,

1008
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: Thank god. She never asked if my parents were okay,

1009
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: how my kids were doing, or how I was doing,

1010
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 2: knowing everything I was struggling with. I know the phone

1011
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: works both ways, but I don't know if I should

1012
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,240
Speaker 2: reach out. I haven't told her how disrespected I feel

1013
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 2: that she lied and everything she put me through while

1014
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 2: knowing my personal struggles. Am I the a hole for

1015
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 2: cutting off my best friend? No, that's your enemy, so

1016
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: you're not the a hole. Is your worst enemy that

1017
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 2: you just cut off, So you're fine? Yeah, you're golden.

1018
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 2: All I want to know is whether I should reach

1019
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 2: out to her, if I'm the a hole for cutting

1020
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 2: her off and leaving her with no babysitter, or if

1021
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 2: I should just leave it as it is. Just leave

1022
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 2: it as it is, in its complete silence. Do not

1023
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 2: reach out to her, Never speak to her again. If

1024
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 2: she calls you, block it. If she texts you, yeah,

1025
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:20,279
Speaker 2: block it.

1026
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 7: She doesn't care.

1027
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, because it kind of sounds like care. You didn't

1028
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 4: cut her off, She just didn't care to ask you

1029
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:31,400
Speaker 4: about your life at all. She literally showed you. You

1030
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 4: heard her say that you were her babysitter. The dad

1031
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 4: knew who you were. She could have used your name,

1032
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 4: but she called you her babysitter. That's what she thought

1033
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 4: of you. You shouldn't believe that that wasn't just a

1034
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 4: slip up. That was how she saw you.

1035
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 2: Right.

1036
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 6: My husband bailed on his daycare pickup, so I let

1037
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 6: them call CPS on him.

1038
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 8: Ring, ring, Hey, you forgot your kiddo here.

1039
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 6: My husband has always expected me to pay fifty to fifty,

1040
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 6: but he never did his fair share of chores and

1041
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 6: chi care. Eventually I got fed up and I told

1042
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 6: him we should trial separation likely leading to divorce, mostly

1043
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 6: trying out logistics. This was me trying to convince him

1044
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 6: to pull his own weight, otherwise I'm out. Anyways, he

1045
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 6: said he would want fifty percent custody, so I told him,

1046
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 6: if he seeks fifty to fifty custody, he should expect

1047
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 6: to pull his weight. I told him we can divide

1048
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 6: for one week for him and one week for me.

1049
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from Throwaway Separate eleven and

1050
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 6: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1051
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 6: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit Boom Boom boom and

1052
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 6: I'm Carly.

1053
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 8: I'm Riley, and I'm Keon.

1054
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 6: So Opie says. We're currently doing it as a mock

1055
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,320
Speaker 6: house swap. Whoever has custody would live in the main house,

1056
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 6: whoever is not would live in the apartment. The apartment

1057
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,800
Speaker 6: must be cleaned at the end of the week before

1058
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 6: the swap, or else the new person can hire a

1059
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 6: cleaner at the other spouse's expense.

1060
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:00,400
Speaker 8: Well like this game.

1061
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,800
Speaker 6: So far, I've had to call the cleaner almost every

1062
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 6: week when moving in, But more importantly, his daycare has

1063
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 6: called me on several of his days to pick him

1064
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 6: up because dad was unavailable. It's almost at least once

1065
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 6: a week. I told him he needs to hire a

1066
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 6: babysitter or nanny to pick up our son on days

1067
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 6: he can't do it and not rely on me. After

1068
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 6: the eighth time or so, I told daycare go ahead,

1069
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 6: call CPS. He was extremely mad I did this. I

1070
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 6: told him if he can't handle actually having custody, he

1071
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 6: shouldn't demand it. He's a high earner and child support

1072
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 6: would easily be two to three k per month. Help

1073
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 6: me think of a reasonable solution or middle ground. We

1074
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 6: have some relevant comments, all right.

1075
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 8: Number one, get full custody, yeah, Two make him pay

1076
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,880
Speaker 8: for child support, and three take him to jail. Because

1077
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 8: he did neither of those first two things or didn't

1078
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 8: do the child support thing. So that's my thought.

1079
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,800
Speaker 6: Definitely, don't get give him any custody. He's gonna forget

1080
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 6: your kid.

1081
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 8: And just like imagine if the kid wasn't around responsible people,

1082
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:07,760
Speaker 8: if he wasn't.

1083
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 6: Left in a daycare, he could have forgotten him anywhere

1084
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 6: and it could have turned out very badly.

1085
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 8: Dude, that kid could probably become a chimney sweeper. For

1086
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 8: all we know. He's out there sweeping chimneys trying to

1087
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 8: make a bomb?

1088
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 6: Are those still a thing I feel like in Yeah,

1089
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 6: the Britain, like older old cities.

1090
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, likeat Britain.

1091
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 6: Commenter one. What you should do is keep a calendar

1092
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 6: of the times he has not picked up the child

1093
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 6: and keep screenshots of when the daycare calls you. And

1094
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 6: why CPS getting involved now could negatively impact you in

1095
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 6: the court of system since there's nothing on paper. Op says, true,

1096
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 6: we do have text and emails with the schedule written clearly.

1097
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 6: Commenter one says that won't really matter to a judge

1098
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 6: in a family court that's overseeing child neglect cases with CPS,

1099
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 6: they will look at you and ask why the heck

1100
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 6: you didn't pick up the kid when you were fully

1101
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 6: capable of doing so. OP says, I was at work.

1102
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 6: I schedule myself to work sixteen hour days when I

1103
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 6: don't have him, and I work four to six hours

1104
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 6: on the days and weeks I do have him. Comment

1105
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 6: Or two says, what is your goal in this? From here,

1106
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 6: it sounds like you are trying to scare him into

1107
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 6: trying harder in your marriage at the expense of your

1108
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 6: son's stability. If you want a divorce, find a good

1109
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 6: lawyer and follow their advice to the letter. If you

1110
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 6: want to save your marriage, find a good therapist and

1111
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 6: follow their advice. For the love of all things, leave

1112
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 6: your son out of it. Document Yes, but pick him

1113
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 6: up when he needs you. Trying to manipulate him with

1114
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 6: CPS calls a looming threat of child support will not

1115
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 6: end well for anyone your son most of all, Opie says, No,

1116
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,799
Speaker 6: I am tired of him and wanted to leave him.

1117
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 6: If he wants custody, I want him to be a

1118
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 6: responsible parent on the days and weeks where he has

1119
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:51,560
Speaker 6: our child. I want him to prove he can handle

1120
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 6: his requested fifty percent custody. I don't want to do

1121
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 6: fifty percent custody, but in reality have full custody. He

1122
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 6: can just pay child's support then, and we have a

1123
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 6: down voted commenter. Being a high earner and a reliable

1124
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 6: child picker upper doesn't really go together, at least it

1125
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 6: hasn't since the dawn of time. They usually pay someone

1126
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 6: for that. I'd say, just get yourself and nanny and

1127
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 6: let him pay for it.

1128
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 8: Well, that's his responsibility. He thinks he's got to handle that.

1129
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 8: I agree with that comment in a way where he

1130
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 8: needs to pay for it himself. She shouldn't do that.

1131
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 2: That's crazy. What Yeah?

1132
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 6: I mean she did say, if you can't pick up

1133
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 6: our son, hire nanny to do it. Yeah, And he

1134
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 6: was like, no, I have custody, I can do it.

1135
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 8: Well, then you got to line that up.

1136
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 7: Yeah. No matter how rich you are, that's not an

1137
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 7: excuse to be responsible for your kid.

1138
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 4: There's more to this.

1139
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 6: Downvoted comment.

1140
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 8: Oh gosh, can we skip it? You know whatever?

1141
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 6: You were wrong to even try for fifty to fifty

1142
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 6: like that. If you don't bring fifty percent of the income,

1143
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 6: if you do, just hire someone. The logistics of children's

1144
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,479
Speaker 6: needs aren't bargaining chips for saving your marriage. That wasn't

1145
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 6: cool to weaponize their care in exchange for your marriage.

1146
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 6: You're unhappy, get out, but don't do this type of thing.

1147
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,720
Speaker 6: I don't say this to belittle you in any way.

1148
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 6: I say it to get you back to reality. For

1149
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 6: whatever reason, legitimate or excuse, he's been either unwilling or

1150
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 6: unable to meet your needs. That just means you have

1151
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 6: to adjust your expectations. And he can just tell it

1152
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 6: to his maker when this day comes. This man does

1153
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,839
Speaker 6: not have your standards of cleanliness nor anxieties of picking

1154
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 6: up the children on the dot. So make a ring

1155
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 6: immens and get his cash in court. Don't frustrate yourself

1156
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 6: with this nonsense. Uh see what you're downvoted.

1157
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 8: Dude, not Opie's husband.

1158
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, no relation to this child. Opie says, I'm not

1159
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 6: really trying to save our marriage. I'm trying to obtain

1160
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 6: full custody. He will fight for custody, and if he

1161
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 6: was able to care for our toddler, I'm totally fine

1162
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 6: with it. But he can't request custody and not actually

1163
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 6: have custody. We're trialing separation because we're trying out a

1164
00:51:56,160 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 6: house swap idea. I also want documentation that he's unable

1165
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 6: able to take custody. Commentar III says, wait, does he

1166
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 6: out earn you and still wanted fifty to fifty with

1167
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 6: his actual effing wife or do you also make similar money?

1168
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 6: Why did you move for separation If you have the

1169
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 6: funds to rent a whole second apartment, you didn't think

1170
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 6: to hire a cleaner or nanny first. I mean, without

1171
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 6: answering those questions, it sounds like you should be collecting

1172
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 6: proof of his inability to do his fair share, and

1173
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 6: then let a divorce lawyer get you primary custody. I

1174
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 6: wouldn't ever involve the Feds or state in my child's

1175
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,879
Speaker 6: life just to prove a point. You need to knock

1176
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 6: that efing crap off right now, because you have no

1177
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 6: core order protecting you from CPS's wrath. You're operating on

1178
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:45,720
Speaker 6: a trial basis with no judicial oversight. If CPS is called,

1179
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 6: they'll ask, yeah, But you're the child's mom, and you'd

1180
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 6: rather called CPS to prove a point rather than take

1181
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 6: care of your own child. Gosh darn it, this is

1182
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 6: efing diabolical on so many levels. You clearly hate this

1183
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 6: man more than you love this child. And oh, he says,

1184
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 6: we used to make the same started off around three

1185
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 6: hundred k. After kids, I cut my hours and his

1186
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 6: career kept growing. He now makes five hundred k plus

1187
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 6: excluding bonus, and I make one hundred k as per diem.

1188
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:17,800
Speaker 6: Making one hundred k is not enough for daycare, nanny

1189
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 6: and cleaner by myself. I don't hate him, but I

1190
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 6: don't think he's fit to be a primary or equal guardian.

1191
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:27,160
Speaker 6: If I kept calling out randomly from work because he's

1192
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 6: not willing to. I'd get fired then I'd be really screwed.

1193
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 6: We have an update. I'm not gonna lie though, I

1194
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 6: do fully agree with the comments saying that you should

1195
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 6: not bring CPS into it because I've seen CPS come

1196
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,879
Speaker 6: to for kids before and they will just go after her.

1197
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 6: When I was a camp counselor, we watched cps get

1198
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 6: called on kids for kids what. Yeah, and they will

1199
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 6: immediately just go to the other parent.

1200
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 8: So that is crazy. I mean, dude, also, making that

1201
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 8: much money and not taking care of your kid, you

1202
00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 8: kind of already see where their priorities are.

1203
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:03,439
Speaker 6: Yeah, she could totally get custody though from a court thing,

1204
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:04,360
Speaker 6: and I feel.

1205
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,200
Speaker 8: Like she get good benefits from it.

1206
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 6: Girl, you're making one hundred k. Where do you live

1207
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 6: that that's not enough for you to take this child.

1208
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,360
Speaker 8: And run well, she said, it's not enough for a nanny,

1209
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 8: daycare right to take care of all though.

1210
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,160
Speaker 6: You don't need a nanny and daycare though.

1211
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 8: You just need the nanny, she said, nanny, cleaner daycare,

1212
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:23,120
Speaker 8: that makes sense.

1213
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 6: Clean your house, trying to pay three.

1214
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:26,719
Speaker 8: Salaries, care and yourself.

1215
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 6: I was in daycare for full days. I turned out cool.

1216
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:32,760
Speaker 8: Well, you were in daycare.

1217
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 6: I was a daycare kid.

1218
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, it shows.

1219
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 6: But we have an update. We're in a trial separation.

1220
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:41,759
Speaker 6: He wants half custody. It's been several months and it

1221
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 6: was the eighth time daycare has called me because he

1222
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 6: was unable to pick up our toddler. Sometimes he was

1223
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 6: just a no show and the daycare would call me

1224
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:53,080
Speaker 6: because it was already half an hour past their official

1225
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 6: clothes time. Every time, the daycare is pissed at me

1226
00:54:56,320 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 6: for making them stay overtime and we're charged two dollars

1227
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,279
Speaker 6: per minute of being late. They threatened to call the

1228
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:06,320
Speaker 6: authorities and CPS if we keep doing this. I tried

1229
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:09,319
Speaker 6: to explain the problem, but the daycare doesn't care, as

1230
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 6: they shouldn't. Well, last week it happened again, and I

1231
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 6: told daycare to go ahead and call the authorities and CPS.

1232
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 6: My soon to be ex husband showed up an hour

1233
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,720
Speaker 6: late and met our toddler there with the cops. Daycare

1234
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:26,440
Speaker 6: also threatened to punt our toddler out again, understandably, So.

1235
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,360
Speaker 2: Do you how kid?

1236
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 8: You can't come back here anymore.

1237
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 6: The poor kid got banned from daycare.

1238
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 2: You're done.

1239
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 6: My soon to be ex husband was so mad and

1240
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 6: said I was a cruel mother for abandoning our toddler.

1241
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 6: I told him I warned him multiple times in the past,

1242
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 6: and issues only arise when he has custody. We switch

1243
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 6: each week, trialing house swap too. I told him repeatedly,

1244
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 6: if he cannot get out of work reliably, he needs

1245
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 6: to hire a babysitter or a nanny, and he cannot

1246
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 6: rely on me as his primary backup. I get it

1247
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,640
Speaker 6: if it was like once or twice a year, or

1248
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:05,959
Speaker 6: if babysitter or nanny plans fell through, but if I'm

1249
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 6: his ex wife and he has custody, he shouldn't depend

1250
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,399
Speaker 6: on me as his primary backup. I also felt bad

1251
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 6: about leaving our toddler, but if we separated, this would

1252
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 6: only keep happening, and I felt short term pain might

1253
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 6: be worth the long term gain. I feel bad are

1254
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,799
Speaker 6: toddlers caught in the middle? But was I the a

1255
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 6: hole for letting daycare call CPS? We have some relevant details.

1256
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 6: We're both high paying jobs, but I intentionally do not

1257
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,879
Speaker 6: schedule myself to work late on days I have him

1258
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 6: or I have a nanny or babysitter ready. Now with

1259
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 6: the trial separation, I've cut down to halftime. I work

1260
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 6: half days on the days I have our toddler so

1261
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 6: I can spend time with him and work long days

1262
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 6: on days i'm child free. He has made no changes

1263
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 6: in his schedules. Comment to one, Please be careful that

1264
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:56,359
Speaker 6: you don't screw yourself over with this. Yes, you're soon

1265
00:56:56,400 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 6: to be ex should have consequences for failing to care

1266
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 6: for your son by not picking them up from daycare

1267
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 6: during his parenting time. However, you may not be helping

1268
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 6: yourself on the upcoming custody battle by telling the daycare

1269
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,879
Speaker 6: to go ahead and call CPS. Instead, go pick your

1270
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 6: son up every single time and document it.

1271
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 3: That's what I was gonna say.

1272
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,439
Speaker 6: OPI did say she couldn't because her job would fire her.

1273
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 6: But if she's willing to hire then nanny for those

1274
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 6: till yeah, then why not stand by.

1275
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 5: I just came into the story, so I don't really

1276
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 5: know the full context, but I feel like she should

1277
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 5: hire the nanny because it'd be different if they were

1278
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 5: like divorced and had a set custody agreement. That would

1279
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 5: be a different because then she could be like legally

1280
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 5: not like he's got custody, I you know, not supposed

1281
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 5: to be doing anything there.

1282
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 3: But I feel like, right now.

1283
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 5: When it's just trial separation, everything that she doesn't do

1284
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:49,560
Speaker 5: is gonna like be marked against her.

1285
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

1286
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 3: I if she could afford nanny.

1287
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 5: Do it every day, and then you can just be like, Yeah,

1288
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:56,959
Speaker 5: I paid for the nanny because he wouldn't.

1289
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 3: Pick her up right, yeah, or pick him up.

1290
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, I paid for someone trusted to be there because

1291
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 6: you were slacking.

1292
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1293
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 6: Ask the daycare to call you soon to be X

1294
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 6: before calling you, and keep a record for you of

1295
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 6: how many times he has to be called because he

1296
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,640
Speaker 6: is late or no shows. Use that documentation of your

1297
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 6: soon to be X. Your responsibility in making sure your

1298
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 6: child is cared for, and get full custody of your son,

1299
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 6: limited visitation and full child support. Opie says I'd lose

1300
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 6: my job if I kept calling out in place of him.

1301
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 6: Comment or two says, how will you manage your work

1302
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 6: commitments if you get full custody. The current situation is

1303
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 6: clearly not working and it's negatively impacting your child. Your

1304
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 6: husband is unlikely to get better, so you need to

1305
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 6: think of a new plan. Opie says, I'd use child

1306
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 6: support for a part time nanny. I have a stay

1307
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 6: at home mom friend right now who I pay to

1308
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 6: get my child. If my day runs long would be

1309
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 6: abnormal because the weeks I have had him, I only

1310
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:57,040
Speaker 6: do shorter days. I'm done usually by two pm, but

1311
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 6: she's there as my part time nanny to help me

1312
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 6: out if I run late. Her kids are older. Comment

1313
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,959
Speaker 6: or two says, Unfortunately, your husband is almost certainly going

1314
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 6: to keep being unreliable, so I think you need to

1315
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 6: look at what aspects of that plan you can implement

1316
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 6: now while you get the legal divorce in motion. Once

1317
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 6: you get CPS involved, this could spiral out of your

1318
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 6: control in very bad ways, and refusing to pick up

1319
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 6: your child could look really bad for you if you

1320
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:27,080
Speaker 6: get an unsympathetic case worker or judge. After all, if

1321
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 6: your child is sick, someone needs to pick them up.

1322
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 6: Even if you're working, you're ultimately still responsible as a parent.

1323
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 6: Opie says. If I'm working and I have custody, I

1324
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 6: make arrangements and plan accordingly for just in case, as

1325
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:43,960
Speaker 6: I always have. His backup plan is me. He's not

1326
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 6: a bad dad when he's around, which is why if

1327
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 6: he wanted fifty percent custody I'd be fine, but I

1328
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 6: don't want to just wait around as his backup plan.

1329
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 6: If I don't have custody, i'd work or travel. If

1330
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 6: I have custody, I'll be present. But what I will

1331
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 6: not do is is not have custody but sit on

1332
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 6: my butt waiting to be his on call nanny. I

1333
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 6: still think that she just needs to like suck this

1334
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:09,760
Speaker 6: one up. It sucks that she shouldn't have to fill

1335
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 6: in for this, but if you want that ultimate goal,

1336
01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 6: you gotta suck it up.

1337
01:00:13,160 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 8: Soak it up, document it, and then soon enough he

1338
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 8: doesn't have to pick up the kid anymore because you're

1339
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 8: gonna be picking him up or hot take. You also

1340
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,360
Speaker 8: not want to pick up your kid, right.

1341
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 6: Because I'm kind of like, you really want full custody.

1342
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 6: But then, like every other sentence is you being like,

1343
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 6: but I can't be on call, but if you have

1344
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 6: full custody, you're on call. Like they just said, if

1345
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 6: your kid gets sick, they're gonna call you.

1346
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm, yeah, which I think her argument for that

1347
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 5: is just like I would have child support.

1348
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:44,440
Speaker 6: Right, so just set that up now though, yeah, sikes, sikes,

1349
01:00:44,600 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 6: And someone says, why is the trial separation necessary. Opie says,

1350
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 6: trial separation was suggested by couple's therapist and a divorce

1351
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 6: mediator was involved in structuring planning the schedules. Why was

1352
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 6: the husband late to pick up the sun His clinic

1353
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 6: ran late and he didn't want to cancel the appointments.

1354
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 6: But honestly, it doesn't matter because he expects me to

1355
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 6: drop my work, find coverage for my job to pick

1356
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 6: him up when he runs late. What happens if Opie

1357
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:13,760
Speaker 6: gets the full custody of her son? Can she change

1358
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 6: her schedule? Opie says, I don't work crazy hours on

1359
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:19,440
Speaker 6: the days I have him. If I had him full time,

1360
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:22,640
Speaker 6: I might adjust my contract or switch my job, switch

1361
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 6: to either seven to three Monday to Friday, mommy truck,

1362
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 6: or exclusively work nights seven pm to seven am and

1363
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 6: have a nanny at night because I wouldn't miss out

1364
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 6: much since he sleeps at eight OPI On her husband's job,

1365
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 6: Opie says, he's a surgeon, but I'm not going to

1366
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:41,919
Speaker 6: say the specialty because it would be bad for him

1367
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 6: and me if he got docksed. Okay, we have update two,

1368
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 6: almost one month later.

1369
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 8: Sure, don't operate on my brain because you're a bad father.

1370
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 6: Hey, like I was late to pick up his kid

1371
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 6: because surgery's running late.

1372
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 8: But sir, don't operate on my brain because it's you

1373
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 8: never pick up my kid and you'll probably forget to

1374
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:00,440
Speaker 8: take the stencils out of the brain.

1375
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 5: To be clear, Like he does not have any excuse

1376
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 5: in terms of like he should hire a nanny, but

1377
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:08,760
Speaker 5: like it does make sense that he can't get out

1378
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,480
Speaker 5: of the like the surgery, but like you need to

1379
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:12,560
Speaker 5: have someone to pick up your kid.

1380
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, and he needs to set that up, but he's

1381
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 8: not and he's expecting op to do all that.

1382
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:19,240
Speaker 5: And I think he's still operating under the impression that

1383
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 5: they're married because they're not officially DWORSD.

1384
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:22,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I agree.

1385
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:26,280
Speaker 8: Was still in surgery when they had that conversation. Yeah,

1386
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 8: we're a trial.

1387
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 6: I'm just working.

1388
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 2: We're do a trial.

1389
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,720
Speaker 8: Separations. Oh yeah, I need to separate this world where

1390
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 8: Uh that's what he was doing.

1391
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,200
Speaker 6: Update to almost one month later. Not too much to update,

1392
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,360
Speaker 6: but after talking to our lawyers and mediators, it was

1393
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 6: decided I'll be moving back to our old home with

1394
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 6: our toddler in another state and resume my old job.

1395
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,240
Speaker 6: We moved less than a year ago. For his career.

1396
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 6: I will have primary custody. He has proven he cannot

1397
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:57,440
Speaker 6: handle custody. We have agreed on an amount of child support,

1398
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:00,960
Speaker 6: approximately four k a month. He'll keep our current house

1399
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 6: once we leave and take on the mortgage. I'll keep

1400
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 6: our old home after the tenants move out. We are

1401
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 6: set to move back in two months. His lawyer advised

1402
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:13,640
Speaker 6: him to accept these terms because I have clear documentation

1403
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:17,920
Speaker 6: of him failing to fulfill his parental obligations, evidence that

1404
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 6: suggests alienation and career sabotage, and he's lucky. I'm not

1405
01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:26,400
Speaker 6: seeking compensation for that. To answer some questions, I did

1406
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 6: not call CPS. The daycare called the cops, not CPS.

1407
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:33,200
Speaker 6: I was scheduled to work on the weeks that he

1408
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 6: was supposed to pick up our toddler. I did choose

1409
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 6: not to scramble to get coverage to pick him up,

1410
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 6: as I was already in trouble for spontaneously leaving every

1411
01:03:42,760 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 6: two weeks on his weeks to cover him. In addition,

1412
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 6: getting coverage would take thirty plus minutes and then another

1413
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 6: thirty minutes to get to his daycare. Yes, I could

1414
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:54,760
Speaker 6: have problem solved and ask my friend to pick him up,

1415
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 6: but I did not. Yes, the daycare knew about the

1416
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 6: trial separation and knew it was Dad's day, but since

1417
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,840
Speaker 6: he wasn't coming, they called me. My old job still

1418
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 6: has needs, so I'll resume there. Most days are seven

1419
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 6: to three, but there will be some twelve to twenty

1420
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 6: four hour shifts in which I'll have an off pair

1421
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:16,240
Speaker 6: we used to have one, and I'll have family around,

1422
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 6: my mom and siblings. We had moved away from my family,

1423
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:23,040
Speaker 6: so my mom can help me with occasional pickups if needed.

1424
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 6: I will say, though, that last little bit from Opie

1425
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 6: did make it sound like she really just wants someone

1426
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:30,520
Speaker 6: else to take care of a lot of it. Like

1427
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 6: the way that she was kind of talking is just like, oh,

1428
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:35,280
Speaker 6: my mom will be there, like I'll have like all

1429
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,760
Speaker 6: these other different things that still weren't her really like

1430
01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 6: I'll have an oppair my family. Like it's still not

1431
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:44,520
Speaker 6: fully seeming like she wants all of the custody I

1432
01:04:44,560 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 6: get needing help.

1433
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:45,680
Speaker 4: Though.

1434
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:49,200
Speaker 5: I will say also that she said that she could

1435
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 5: have gotten someone to pick up her son, Like she

1436
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 5: was like, yeah, I could have scrambled and got someone.

1437
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:55,919
Speaker 5: I honestly think you should have right.

1438
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,600
Speaker 6: I think in some senses she's not sounding the best

1439
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:02,320
Speaker 6: on those lines. Still better than just leaving him.

1440
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 8: Though, agreed, agreed, it's weird, so weird.

1441
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:08,040
Speaker 6: We have a little bit more some relevant comments. We

1442
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:11,520
Speaker 6: have a downvoted commenter. Four k a month is ridiculous.

1443
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 6: No child needs four k a month to be supported,

1444
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,800
Speaker 6: OPI says. In twenty twenty four, we spent approximately eighty

1445
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 6: k on childcare, not including food, diapers, medical bills, et cetera.

1446
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 6: That was a figure we used to estimate. That's with

1447
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:29,080
Speaker 6: two parents, if split evenly, that would be forty k each.

1448
01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:32,680
Speaker 6: But since he's not parenting, he's paying more than half

1449
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:36,520
Speaker 6: daycare plus all pair plus occasional night coverage. In twenty

1450
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 6: twenty four, we were both working full time. He was

1451
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 6: younger than and bonded well with our all pair, so

1452
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 6: I didn't mind working more. Now he is asking for me,

1453
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,880
Speaker 6: so I'll return to my old job at part time.

1454
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:51,200
Speaker 6: Edit on why we need so much coverage. We're dual

1455
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 6: physician home, we take call we call emergency calls too.

1456
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:59,440
Speaker 6: We work nights, we work weekends. We work before daycare opens,

1457
01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:03,560
Speaker 6: we work after daycare closes. So we had daycare eight

1458
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,200
Speaker 6: to five, four days a week for most of the care,

1459
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:08,840
Speaker 6: all pair for the mornings and the evenings outside of

1460
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,480
Speaker 6: daycare hours, and he stayed home Fridays with the all pair,

1461
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 6: so they're both on call physicians. We had a night

1462
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,040
Speaker 6: nanny because I worked a lot of nights to avoid

1463
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 6: missing out being with him. X was on call essentially

1464
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 6: three hundred and sixty five days a year every night

1465
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:26,600
Speaker 6: I worked. We had a night nanny as backup in

1466
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 6: case X got called into work, which is two hundred

1467
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:30,640
Speaker 6: and fifty dollars a night.

1468
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,720
Speaker 8: Dude, you guys getting ripped off.

1469
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 6: Commenter two says, I don't know. I would love to

1470
01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:40,280
Speaker 6: get his side. You sound spiteful and vindictive. Opie says,

1471
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:43,120
Speaker 6: his lawyer literally said to not take me to court.

1472
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:46,240
Speaker 6: I'm letting him off easy. COMMENTO three says, if you

1473
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,360
Speaker 6: have to take a pay cut to make this happen,

1474
01:06:48,640 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 6: he should also cover the difference. Opie says, I took

1475
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:54,160
Speaker 6: a two hundred and fifty k pay cut. That's why

1476
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:56,800
Speaker 6: his lawyer is like, shut the f up and take it.

1477
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 6: Why didn't Op's X hire a nanny to pick up

1478
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 6: the kid? Ask him? Good question. Actually, I suspect I

1479
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 6: know the answer that he hasn't said. I suspect he

1480
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:09,760
Speaker 6: was trying to trap me. He got another job in

1481
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 6: another state, away from my family, which makes me have

1482
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 6: to change job, cut my hours, resulting in two hundred

1483
01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:19,400
Speaker 6: and fifty k income cut on my end for his

1484
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 6: to grow. He probably wanted me to keep playing traditional wife.

1485
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,400
Speaker 6: Commentor four says, you're still an a hole for allowing

1486
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:28,960
Speaker 6: your son to be put through that, which probably scared

1487
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:32,080
Speaker 6: the crap out of him. Opie says, maybe, but even

1488
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:33,880
Speaker 6: if I tried to pick him up, I'd still be

1489
01:07:33,920 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 6: an hour late because daycare called after five pm. It

1490
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:40,520
Speaker 6: takes over thirty minutes to get coverage, and then it'll

1491
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 6: take around thirty minutes to get to him. And he

1492
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 6: wasn't scared. He was hanging out with his daycare teacher,

1493
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:50,280
Speaker 6: which is justifiably annoyed. Opie clarifies on how many times

1494
01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:53,120
Speaker 6: her husband had been late and how she had to

1495
01:07:53,120 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 6: pick up her son. No, he was late for much

1496
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 6: more than eleven times. But I picked up our toddler

1497
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:01,640
Speaker 6: eight times on the weeks he had responsibility. Worse than

1498
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 6: forgetting is knowingly neglecting. If I know I'm supposed to

1499
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:07,200
Speaker 6: pick up my kid and I did not do so,

1500
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 6: and assume someone else will rearrange their schedule to do

1501
01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:13,320
Speaker 6: it is worse than oh it was my turn, Sorry,

1502
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:17,200
Speaker 6: I forgot eight times is not forgetting. Also, I didn't

1503
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:21,360
Speaker 6: call CPS. Daycare, not me called the cops, which triggered

1504
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,719
Speaker 6: CPS to be involved. I already scrambled to get coverage

1505
01:08:24,720 --> 01:08:27,400
Speaker 6: to pick up our toddler eight times in a few months,

1506
01:08:27,600 --> 01:08:30,800
Speaker 6: all on his weeks. Doing it more was jeopardizing my

1507
01:08:31,040 --> 01:08:34,439
Speaker 6: job and career. He schedules his work schedules. However, he

1508
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:37,120
Speaker 6: wants and expects me to pick up the slack, which

1509
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 6: is not how it works when you split custody. His

1510
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:43,280
Speaker 6: weeks are his responsibility, my week's are mine. That's the

1511
01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:43,840
Speaker 6: heir of that.

1512
01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:47,000
Speaker 8: I'm not really getting the vibe that you want to

1513
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:51,080
Speaker 8: be the full time care taker here. You're saying he's

1514
01:08:51,120 --> 01:08:53,080
Speaker 8: not there whenever he plans to be, but you can

1515
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:55,680
Speaker 8: also expect him not to be there picked him up

1516
01:08:55,680 --> 01:08:58,040
Speaker 8: eight times. Shouldn't you also be thinking, all, we're gonna

1517
01:08:58,040 --> 01:08:59,519
Speaker 8: have to pick up my kids eight more times if

1518
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 8: he's not going to, are you scheduling it?

1519
01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:02,640
Speaker 6: I know, she thought in her head. It was just

1520
01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 6: showing how bad he was, but it's also kind of

1521
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:08,559
Speaker 6: showing how you're also not stepping up.

1522
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:12,040
Speaker 8: If you know your husband can't do fifty to fifty

1523
01:09:12,040 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 8: and you're putting them in situations where you expecting to

1524
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 8: do fifty to fifty, you got to do one hundred percent.

1525
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:18,840
Speaker 8: Thus you will get full custody, and that's what you're

1526
01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:20,680
Speaker 8: trying to get, But it just doesn't make sense how

1527
01:09:20,720 --> 01:09:21,439
Speaker 8: you're getting there.

1528
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:25,040
Speaker 1: Hey's John og host. We don't get back to the stories,

1529
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:26,559
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break of ads.

1530
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:27,480
Speaker 2: From our sponsors.

1531
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:31,000
Speaker 5: My father is trying to dictate my wedding, and I

1532
01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:32,719
Speaker 5: want to take control of it.

1533
01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:35,799
Speaker 7: It's your wedding, your choice, your rules.

1534
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 5: I thirty five female, and my boyfriend, thirty five male,

1535
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:42,760
Speaker 5: are both divorcees. We've been together for a while now

1536
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 5: and recently found out I'm pregnant with twins, currently seven

1537
01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 5: and a half weeks exciting. This wasn't planned obviously, but

1538
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:54,880
Speaker 5: since we both wanted kids and we conceived naturally even.

1539
01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:58,400
Speaker 3: With PCOS, we decided to keep the babies.

1540
01:09:58,000 --> 01:10:00,479
Speaker 5: And plan to marry soon. By the way, this comes

1541
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:03,000
Speaker 5: from Small Ad twenty nine to fifty two and if

1542
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:04,320
Speaker 5: you want to smit your own stories, good to the

1543
01:10:04,439 --> 01:10:07,920
Speaker 5: r slash okay, story time separate it. So I'm Sophia,

1544
01:10:08,439 --> 01:10:12,120
Speaker 5: I'm Keon, and I'm Carly and oh. He says, we

1545
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:15,360
Speaker 5: had planned to get married under the Special Marriage Act SMA,

1546
01:10:15,640 --> 01:10:19,439
Speaker 5: since neither of us is inclined towards traditional religious weddings.

1547
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 5: He is Hindu and I'm Sikh. We wanted a simple

1548
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:26,240
Speaker 5: court marriage followed by reception only. However, my dad is

1549
01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:30,800
Speaker 5: constantly nagging me to get married immediately through a traditional

1550
01:10:30,880 --> 01:10:33,400
Speaker 5: Hindu and Sikh ceremony. He's already very upset that I

1551
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,800
Speaker 5: got pregnant out of wedlock and thanks. Waiting even one

1552
01:10:36,840 --> 01:10:39,800
Speaker 5: more month for the thirty day SMA notice period is

1553
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:44,080
Speaker 5: too much. Every conversation with him turns into emotional manipulation

1554
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:44,839
Speaker 5: and pressure.

1555
01:10:45,000 --> 01:10:47,360
Speaker 3: He's actually okay.

1556
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 5: Happy, question mark with everything, but worry that if I

1557
01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:52,880
Speaker 5: delay it more and in case my boyfriend backs off

1558
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:55,160
Speaker 5: later when things get serious, then I will have to

1559
01:10:55,200 --> 01:10:58,680
Speaker 5: deal with harsh consequences as I'm already a divorcee. I

1560
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:02,000
Speaker 5: love my boyfriend and trust him, and I understand my

1561
01:11:02,080 --> 01:11:04,639
Speaker 5: dad's fears as well, but to be honest, that can

1562
01:11:04,720 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 5: happen even if I am married.

1563
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:06,960
Speaker 3: And that's when you.

1564
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:09,599
Speaker 2: Just say, okay, Dad, Okay, that sounds like life.

1565
01:11:09,800 --> 01:11:10,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, he keeps.

1566
01:11:10,320 --> 01:11:12,599
Speaker 5: Talking to you, go okay dad, uh huh, You're right.

1567
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,920
Speaker 5: My in laws to be and my mom are very supportive.

1568
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:19,480
Speaker 5: Everyone is happy that we're going to become parents, except

1569
01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:23,479
Speaker 5: my dad, who is constantly nagging me about everything. Ever

1570
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,360
Speaker 5: since I broke the news, he isn't talking to me properly.

1571
01:11:26,560 --> 01:11:28,519
Speaker 5: My boyfriend and I are on the same page and

1572
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:30,839
Speaker 5: want to wait and do this the way we had planned,

1573
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:33,439
Speaker 5: but the constant pressure for my dad is starting to

1574
01:11:33,479 --> 01:11:35,960
Speaker 5: wear me down. Is there a way to deal with

1575
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:39,400
Speaker 5: this without escalating things further or caving into something we

1576
01:11:39,439 --> 01:11:42,720
Speaker 5: don't want? Additional details In comment from Ope on how

1577
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 5: they met, Opie says, out of all places we met

1578
01:11:45,479 --> 01:11:47,320
Speaker 5: for the first time on chess.

1579
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:50,200
Speaker 7: Dot com, Well, is that the first time we've ever

1580
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:50,439
Speaker 7: had that?

1581
01:11:50,600 --> 01:11:52,080
Speaker 2: I yes, that's insane.

1582
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:54,559
Speaker 5: We have added each other to our friends list around

1583
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:56,719
Speaker 5: three to four years ago and used to play chess

1584
01:11:56,800 --> 01:12:00,000
Speaker 5: almost every day. One day, he messaged me on chess

1585
01:12:00,520 --> 01:12:03,000
Speaker 5: asking if I was free to play that time. That day,

1586
01:12:03,040 --> 01:12:04,840
Speaker 5: we ended up chatting a bit about the game and

1587
01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:07,599
Speaker 5: slowly we started discussing more and more about every match

1588
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:10,439
Speaker 5: we played. The chat message feature on chess dot Com

1589
01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:12,880
Speaker 5: was annoying and sucked a lot, so I gave him

1590
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:17,200
Speaker 5: my Telegram ID so we could continue our conversations there.

1591
01:12:17,439 --> 01:12:20,320
Speaker 5: We mostly talked about chess and some other hobbies at first,

1592
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:23,280
Speaker 5: but slowly we started talking about other off topic stuff,

1593
01:12:23,479 --> 01:12:26,799
Speaker 5: random things. Finally, even after almost six months of chatting,

1594
01:12:26,920 --> 01:12:29,639
Speaker 5: I and we both didn't even know we were of

1595
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:32,320
Speaker 5: the same age, or in similar life situations, even the

1596
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:33,040
Speaker 5: same city.

1597
01:12:33,720 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 3: We used to talk casually, but I always enjoyed talking

1598
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:36,679
Speaker 3: to him.

1599
01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:39,599
Speaker 5: I really liked how we always respected boundaries and never

1600
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:42,719
Speaker 5: asked any personal questions, and he eventually made me feel

1601
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,960
Speaker 5: very comfortable with him. After two years of chatting, I

1602
01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:50,040
Speaker 5: finally gave him my Instagram day he was playing the

1603
01:12:50,240 --> 01:12:51,400
Speaker 5: law he was playing.

1604
01:12:51,520 --> 01:12:54,440
Speaker 7: He was literally playing chess, not checkers.

1605
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:54,960
Speaker 3: Truly.

1606
01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:58,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, and last year we eventually started meeting in real

1607
01:12:58,160 --> 01:12:59,280
Speaker 5: life and dating too.

1608
01:12:59,479 --> 01:13:01,280
Speaker 2: Then you're having a baby crazy wow.

1609
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:01,680
Speaker 4: Uh.

1610
01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:05,360
Speaker 7: I'll start with jess my heart to see four.

1611
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, comment to check me. Comment one. Why not get

1612
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:12,320
Speaker 5: married as per your dad's wishes? It is only a small,

1613
01:13:12,360 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 5: harmless request what we sometimes make issues out of non issues.

1614
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:18,680
Speaker 5: That's a crazy comment. Why not just get married the

1615
01:13:18,720 --> 01:13:21,080
Speaker 5: way that your dad wants? It's not only a small thing.

1616
01:13:21,360 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 5: Why don't you shut up?

1617
01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:23,320
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1618
01:13:23,360 --> 01:13:23,760
Speaker 2: Shut up?

1619
01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:26,040
Speaker 5: Oh, he says, I don't know why, but my dad

1620
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:28,639
Speaker 5: and father in law want to do typical Hindu se quetting,

1621
01:13:28,920 --> 01:13:31,960
Speaker 5: which we aren't keen for. I'm not in that headspace

1622
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:33,920
Speaker 5: to go through all that again. I just want a

1623
01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:37,240
Speaker 5: simple court marriage, followed by a reception. Comment two says,

1624
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:39,640
Speaker 5: no one is wrong here. Your dad is impatient, but

1625
01:13:39,680 --> 01:13:42,919
Speaker 5: he's actually very right. Being a girl dad of twins myself,

1626
01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:45,760
Speaker 5: my daughter's well being will always be my first priority,

1627
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:48,320
Speaker 5: whether they are five or thirty five. I am not

1628
01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:51,400
Speaker 5: saying anything against you, but your dad's concern is very valid.

1629
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:54,479
Speaker 5: After all, you will have to bear the consequences. Also,

1630
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,679
Speaker 5: you are very privileged to be in the spot tbh.

1631
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:59,559
Speaker 5: I mean, wow, such supportive parents, good in laws, finding

1632
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:01,080
Speaker 5: love again in life pregnancy.

1633
01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:02,000
Speaker 2: You should keep.

1634
01:14:01,880 --> 01:14:04,559
Speaker 5: Calm and count your blessings and ignore your dad's taunts.

1635
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,200
Speaker 5: Congratulations for marriage and babies. Having twins is awesome. Hope

1636
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,040
Speaker 5: you'll enjoy every bit of it. Who are these commenters?

1637
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:13,120
Speaker 5: Who are you?

1638
01:14:13,120 --> 01:14:13,639
Speaker 2: You're weird?

1639
01:14:14,000 --> 01:14:14,559
Speaker 3: Common three.

1640
01:14:14,680 --> 01:14:18,040
Speaker 5: First of all, congratulations, I suffer from PCOS as well,

1641
01:14:18,240 --> 01:14:21,000
Speaker 5: and I'm going to turn thirty this year without any partner,

1642
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:23,559
Speaker 5: so your posts gave me hope as well. Secondly, I

1643
01:14:23,640 --> 01:14:26,600
Speaker 5: understand your dad's concerns very well. A pregnancy out of

1644
01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:29,840
Speaker 5: wedlock is still highly frowned upon in India, so his

1645
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:33,479
Speaker 5: concerns are valid. Can't you have any type of religious

1646
01:14:33,479 --> 01:14:35,519
Speaker 5: wedding with just your immediate family.

1647
01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:37,840
Speaker 3: I'm sure it will be a great relief to your father.

1648
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:40,320
Speaker 3: Why are all these comments like just do what your

1649
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:42,280
Speaker 3: dad says? Did we think about that?

1650
01:14:42,920 --> 01:14:44,799
Speaker 7: Like you should just respect your dad's wishes.

1651
01:14:44,920 --> 01:14:46,519
Speaker 3: I think you can just do what your dad wants.

1652
01:14:46,560 --> 01:14:48,000
Speaker 7: You're easy, You're an adult.

1653
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,920
Speaker 4: You can't do whatever you wantas commenters are weird.

1654
01:14:51,400 --> 01:14:51,960
Speaker 3: Common four.

1655
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:55,400
Speaker 5: Being a divorcee myself, I understand that you don't want

1656
01:14:55,400 --> 01:14:58,559
Speaker 5: a traditional marriage with a huge gathering. At the same time,

1657
01:14:58,600 --> 01:15:01,080
Speaker 5: I understand your father's concer and as well, being a

1658
01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:04,439
Speaker 5: divorce itself in this society is a stigma of its own,

1659
01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:07,280
Speaker 5: and getting pregnant out of wedlock is a bigger one.

1660
01:15:07,640 --> 01:15:10,080
Speaker 5: I'm not doubting your boyfriend, but your father is worried

1661
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:12,639
Speaker 5: that in case he or his family backs out, what's

1662
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:13,560
Speaker 5: going to happen.

1663
01:15:13,320 --> 01:15:14,320
Speaker 3: To you or your child?

1664
01:15:15,280 --> 01:15:18,680
Speaker 5: I'm sorry if he backs out after like do you

1665
01:15:18,720 --> 01:15:20,880
Speaker 5: think that he can't just back out late, like after

1666
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:22,280
Speaker 5: he gets married, Like what if he's like.

1667
01:15:22,240 --> 01:15:25,000
Speaker 7: I don't want here like a blood contract and he

1668
01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:26,160
Speaker 7: will literally get.

1669
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:29,000
Speaker 5: For anyone who's like, oh, like divorce is also found about.

1670
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:32,439
Speaker 3: He's already a divorcee. He clearly doesn't have any you know,

1671
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:33,759
Speaker 3: like not that he should.

1672
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:36,640
Speaker 5: My point is just like the logic of being like,

1673
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 5: oh well, if you trap.

1674
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 2: Him, then marriage then you're good.

1675
01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:43,400
Speaker 3: So just get married before he changes his mind.

1676
01:15:43,439 --> 01:15:46,840
Speaker 7: I'm really sure everyone knows the consequences here, but there

1677
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:50,080
Speaker 7: are no consequences. It's just like this is so saying

1678
01:15:50,720 --> 01:15:51,559
Speaker 7: we have twins.

1679
01:15:51,920 --> 01:15:52,479
Speaker 2: It's coming.

1680
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:54,759
Speaker 5: Camelen says, did they say they're in India? I suppose

1681
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:56,240
Speaker 5: some of this makes sense now. I have a feeling

1682
01:15:56,240 --> 01:15:59,439
Speaker 5: it's very cultural. Absolutely, like I understand why the dad's

1683
01:15:59,439 --> 01:16:02,320
Speaker 5: saying it. I just don't understand why the comments are

1684
01:16:02,360 --> 01:16:05,240
Speaker 5: saying it too. Yeah, Sanita Thomas says, you guys don't

1685
01:16:05,280 --> 01:16:08,040
Speaker 5: understand because you're thinking of it from an American perspective again,

1686
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:10,080
Speaker 5: Like I'm not trying to say that this isn't a

1687
01:16:10,080 --> 01:16:10,800
Speaker 5: cultural thing.

1688
01:16:11,120 --> 01:16:11,720
Speaker 3: I get that.

1689
01:16:12,040 --> 01:16:14,719
Speaker 5: I just don't understand why all the commenters are also

1690
01:16:14,760 --> 01:16:18,120
Speaker 5: agreeing with the dat because OP, if whatever OP wants

1691
01:16:18,160 --> 01:16:19,240
Speaker 5: to do, that's the right answer.

1692
01:16:19,520 --> 01:16:23,680
Speaker 9: They're like they know, like they're aware. He's already like

1693
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:26,320
Speaker 9: we've been through the divorced woman. She's already been through

1694
01:16:26,360 --> 01:16:28,800
Speaker 9: the stigma. She knows what is going to happen if

1695
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:30,439
Speaker 9: she does this, and it's.

1696
01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:32,840
Speaker 7: Her choice, and she just wants a low key thing.

1697
01:16:32,960 --> 01:16:36,439
Speaker 7: She just want to get through the whole craziness of

1698
01:16:36,479 --> 01:16:37,280
Speaker 7: a huge wedding.

1699
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:38,280
Speaker 3: Rebel Rhona says.

1700
01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:41,559
Speaker 5: The comments are probably also from India, probably if this

1701
01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:44,280
Speaker 5: is what they're saying, because weird. I understand that there's

1702
01:16:44,280 --> 01:16:47,200
Speaker 5: a thirty days of cooling period and esime. However, if

1703
01:16:47,240 --> 01:16:49,400
Speaker 5: you can, then I would suggest that you get married

1704
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:51,720
Speaker 5: to take that thought off your father and father in

1705
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:54,759
Speaker 5: law's mind. You can say that you're okay for traditional marriage,

1706
01:16:54,760 --> 01:16:57,559
Speaker 5: but the number of people needs to be limited, and

1707
01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:00,000
Speaker 5: you can call the near and dear who are genuinely

1708
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:02,719
Speaker 5: happy with your marriage, and when the cooling off completes,

1709
01:17:02,840 --> 01:17:05,920
Speaker 5: also get married. In court through SMA. I know, after

1710
01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:09,320
Speaker 5: divorce all the big wedding and ceremonies seeming meaningless, but

1711
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 5: in the minds of parents, these traditions make a marriage

1712
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:14,960
Speaker 5: pious and you can't fight with that thought. Yeah, these

1713
01:17:14,960 --> 01:17:18,600
Speaker 5: comments must be they must be all from, you know,

1714
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:19,760
Speaker 5: the same culture.

1715
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:21,840
Speaker 7: And I think father is coming from a place of like,

1716
01:17:22,240 --> 01:17:24,080
Speaker 7: I'm worried, like I want to and was she just

1717
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:25,120
Speaker 7: totally okay, which is why I.

1718
01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:26,560
Speaker 5: Don't think that they should just cut them off. I

1719
01:17:26,600 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 5: think she should just yeah, Dakota, happy baby.

1720
01:17:29,240 --> 01:17:32,719
Speaker 7: I think it's just like dad, it's okay. Yeah, everything's

1721
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:33,760
Speaker 7: gonna be okay.

1722
01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:36,120
Speaker 2: I think that's Yeah.

1723
01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,640
Speaker 5: The commentarys are always saying the solution is just do

1724
01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 5: what your dad wants, which.

1725
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:41,360
Speaker 3: He should do what she wants.

1726
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:45,040
Speaker 5: Like again, yes, she will have to worry about societal

1727
01:17:45,120 --> 01:17:48,280
Speaker 5: like stigma and stuff and you know how they will

1728
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:51,320
Speaker 5: view her, but again she's already gone through that.

1729
01:17:51,520 --> 01:17:54,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think she's like she knows that.

1730
01:17:54,320 --> 01:17:56,280
Speaker 5: Like, I just think it's kind of infantilizing to be

1731
01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:58,640
Speaker 5: like she she doesn't know what she's getting into, Like

1732
01:17:58,680 --> 01:17:59,439
Speaker 5: she's an adult.

1733
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:01,960
Speaker 3: She he's been through it before. If this is what

1734
01:18:01,960 --> 01:18:02,519
Speaker 3: she wants to do.

1735
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:05,240
Speaker 5: I don't think that you know her father should have

1736
01:18:06,200 --> 01:18:09,080
Speaker 5: the final say comment five, a simple ceremony in a

1737
01:18:09,120 --> 01:18:12,800
Speaker 5: small temple and Guru Dwara, make a small card, take

1738
01:18:12,840 --> 01:18:16,240
Speaker 5: photos and go and register at the registrar office. Everyone

1739
01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:18,120
Speaker 5: gets what they want. Won't burn a hole in the

1740
01:18:18,120 --> 01:18:20,559
Speaker 5: pocket too. Kids will have wedding picks to see and

1741
01:18:20,600 --> 01:18:21,880
Speaker 5: there is an update.

1742
01:18:21,640 --> 01:18:23,519
Speaker 3: Folks, let's just get into it.

1743
01:18:23,680 --> 01:18:24,679
Speaker 7: I think we've said our piece.

1744
01:18:25,080 --> 01:18:28,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh pieces. Just wanted to share a piece of

1745
01:18:28,280 --> 01:18:30,719
Speaker 5: my heart. Tomorrow I'll be getting married for the second

1746
01:18:30,720 --> 01:18:33,960
Speaker 5: time after going through a crap marriage, emotional and a

1747
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,240
Speaker 5: painful divorce that shattered my whole self worth and self esteem.

1748
01:18:37,479 --> 01:18:39,599
Speaker 5: After a lot of work on healing, I thought maybe

1749
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:42,080
Speaker 5: love just wasn't in the cards. To be honest, I

1750
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:45,559
Speaker 5: was living my best life post divorce. I had grown

1751
01:18:45,600 --> 01:18:48,719
Speaker 5: a lot in my career, had supportive friends and parents.

1752
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:51,200
Speaker 5: Everything was going good, but there was always a longing

1753
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:53,880
Speaker 5: for someone. I silently yearned for a partner and a

1754
01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:56,800
Speaker 5: family of my own. I tried my luck again on

1755
01:18:56,880 --> 01:19:00,760
Speaker 5: a matrimony too, but after disappointment and disappointment, I kind

1756
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:04,360
Speaker 5: of lost hope altogether. Still life was good, unexpectedly. Three

1757
01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:07,160
Speaker 5: years ago, I met my boyfriend in the most random place.

1758
01:19:07,680 --> 01:19:09,000
Speaker 3: It was just the two of us.

1759
01:19:08,920 --> 01:19:11,840
Speaker 5: Chatting casually, just sharing our day to day lives and

1760
01:19:11,920 --> 01:19:14,720
Speaker 5: little updates. When we started to open up, it was

1761
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:19,559
Speaker 5: surprise after surprise, like wow, wait, you two. We were

1762
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:23,040
Speaker 5: so compatible and bonded so well. A year ago we

1763
01:19:23,080 --> 01:19:26,280
Speaker 5: started dating, both being divorce as we understood where we

1764
01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:28,400
Speaker 5: were coming from and in a way that gave us

1765
01:19:28,400 --> 01:19:31,320
Speaker 5: a safe space. We both had our fair share of challenges,

1766
01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:33,759
Speaker 5: and what I like most is how calm and patient

1767
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:37,200
Speaker 5: he is and how well he communicates. He gave me

1768
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:39,720
Speaker 5: that feeling of home. He became my home. We had

1769
01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:42,639
Speaker 5: planned to get married in court next year, but recently

1770
01:19:42,680 --> 01:19:44,720
Speaker 5: I found out I was pregnant and later got to

1771
01:19:44,720 --> 01:19:47,120
Speaker 5: know that we were expecting twins. For someone who's been

1772
01:19:47,160 --> 01:19:51,440
Speaker 5: battling PCs for years and believed natural conception would be difficult,

1773
01:19:51,520 --> 01:19:54,200
Speaker 5: this felt nothing short of a miracle. We sat down,

1774
01:19:54,760 --> 01:19:59,120
Speaker 5: talked everything through, and decided to prepone the wedding. The

1775
01:19:59,200 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 5: plan was to do court marriage a month later, but

1776
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:05,320
Speaker 5: after my dad's persistent nagging to marry asap, we gave

1777
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,400
Speaker 5: in and tomorrow we're having a traditional temple wedding. I

1778
01:20:08,439 --> 01:20:09,559
Speaker 5: means whatever you want.

1779
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:11,280
Speaker 3: I guess I just see.

1780
01:20:11,320 --> 01:20:14,599
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's the easiest for everyone. Yeah, whatever is okay

1781
01:20:14,680 --> 01:20:15,000
Speaker 7: with you.

1782
01:20:15,320 --> 01:20:16,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just didn't want you to do something that

1783
01:20:16,960 --> 01:20:18,320
Speaker 5: you like didn't want to do. But at the end

1784
01:20:18,320 --> 01:20:20,840
Speaker 5: of the day, it's like, again, whatever you and your

1785
01:20:20,880 --> 01:20:23,280
Speaker 5: partner want, and if this is okay with you, then

1786
01:20:23,640 --> 01:20:24,680
Speaker 5: you know, do what's okay with.

1787
01:20:24,640 --> 01:20:27,600
Speaker 7: You, whatever makes you happy. And yeah, it also seems like,

1788
01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:30,200
Speaker 7: all right, you know what, we're over the stress and

1789
01:20:30,439 --> 01:20:31,120
Speaker 7: let's just do this.

1790
01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:32,160
Speaker 1: Yeah kind of thing.

1791
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:35,919
Speaker 5: And brehip says I keep hearing Pcus it's polycystic ovarian syndrome.

1792
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:38,759
Speaker 5: It makes you know, having kids a lot harder is one.

1793
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,519
Speaker 3: Of the things. My in laws are so nice.

1794
01:20:40,600 --> 01:20:42,800
Speaker 5: His family has welcomed me with so much warmth, and

1795
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:45,920
Speaker 5: after the news of the twins, we're all overwhelmed with happiness.

1796
01:20:46,040 --> 01:20:48,400
Speaker 5: Both of us are super excited to start this new

1797
01:20:48,520 --> 01:20:51,719
Speaker 5: chapter of our lives. Right now, I'm just sitting silently

1798
01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:54,439
Speaker 5: in the stillness around me, reflecting on everything I've gone

1799
01:20:54,439 --> 01:20:57,280
Speaker 5: through in the last five years, the pain, the healing,

1800
01:20:57,600 --> 01:21:00,320
Speaker 5: and somehow I'm here about to marry someone I love well,

1801
01:21:00,400 --> 01:21:03,720
Speaker 5: carrying our babies. It feels surreal how life unfolded out

1802
01:21:03,720 --> 01:21:06,840
Speaker 5: of nowhere. I've been blessed with everything. I'll be married again,

1803
01:21:07,080 --> 01:21:09,559
Speaker 5: will become parents after a few months, and I can't

1804
01:21:09,560 --> 01:21:13,040
Speaker 5: stop gushing about it. I'm so grateful that life gave

1805
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:15,479
Speaker 5: me a second chance in love. There is a little

1806
01:21:15,520 --> 01:21:16,679
Speaker 5: bit left to the story.

1807
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:17,719
Speaker 3: Do you have any final thoughts?

1808
01:21:17,920 --> 01:21:20,720
Speaker 7: It's the all's well, it ends well kind of thing.

1809
01:21:20,760 --> 01:21:23,599
Speaker 7: It seems like, yeah, like great, you know what. Everyone,

1810
01:21:24,280 --> 01:21:27,919
Speaker 7: It's like, let's just take a deep breath, step back, relax,

1811
01:21:28,040 --> 01:21:29,720
Speaker 7: and like, let's work through this. It looks like it's

1812
01:21:29,720 --> 01:21:30,280
Speaker 7: all working out.

1813
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:30,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1814
01:21:30,760 --> 01:21:33,439
Speaker 7: Sure, you know, your dad was a little bit annoying,

1815
01:21:33,439 --> 01:21:35,120
Speaker 7: but I think again out of love and.

1816
01:21:35,160 --> 01:21:37,040
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, which is yeah.

1817
01:21:37,080 --> 01:21:39,759
Speaker 7: And good luck to you, good luck to your marriage,

1818
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:41,000
Speaker 7: good luck to your children.

1819
01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:43,160
Speaker 2: Twins twinning crazy.

1820
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:47,599
Speaker 5: Yeah comments additional details from Opie and comments. Opie says,

1821
01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:50,240
Speaker 5: thanks a lot. I got divorced at thirty one. Life

1822
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:52,240
Speaker 5: after the divorce was a bit lonely, but it was

1823
01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:55,200
Speaker 5: still far better than my married life. I mainly focused

1824
01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:57,920
Speaker 5: on myself, traveled a lot, grew in my career, and

1825
01:21:57,960 --> 01:22:00,479
Speaker 5: evolved as a person. What led me to take that

1826
01:22:00,560 --> 01:22:04,840
Speaker 5: decision was the constant disrespect, lack of emotional connection, and

1827
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:09,120
Speaker 5: my ex's severe anger issues. He was a self absorbed person,

1828
01:22:09,439 --> 01:22:11,599
Speaker 5: and I gave him a fair chance to seek therapy

1829
01:22:11,600 --> 01:22:14,000
Speaker 5: and work on his anger, but he didn't. Final call

1830
01:22:14,120 --> 01:22:16,000
Speaker 5: was when I gifted him a watch and he threw

1831
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:18,680
Speaker 5: it an hour later. I was done living with a

1832
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,679
Speaker 5: violent man under the same roof, so I asked for divorce.

1833
01:22:21,880 --> 01:22:23,920
Speaker 5: There was so much peace in my life after I

1834
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,679
Speaker 5: left him. I had to start from scratch to rebuild myself,

1835
01:22:26,760 --> 01:22:29,080
Speaker 5: but thankfully I never gave up on my career and

1836
01:22:29,120 --> 01:22:31,760
Speaker 5: that supported me through thick and thin. Whereas my boyfriend

1837
01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:34,799
Speaker 5: had a very different story. He and his ex wife

1838
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:38,160
Speaker 5: had major compatibility issues. Later she also told him that

1839
01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:41,160
Speaker 5: she didn't want kids. Well, he absolutely did, so they

1840
01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:45,160
Speaker 5: separated amicably. Both of them are good people, just not compatible.

1841
01:22:45,240 --> 01:22:49,000
Speaker 5: When I met my boyfriend, my perception of divorce men changed. Earlier,

1842
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:53,280
Speaker 5: my interactions with divorcemn on AM had been disappointing. Of course,

1843
01:22:53,320 --> 01:22:56,439
Speaker 5: I'm not generalizing, but after seeing so many bad apples,

1844
01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:59,479
Speaker 5: I was cautious. I'm so glad he proved me wrong,

1845
01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:02,479
Speaker 5: and as sweet as he is, life gave him the

1846
01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:06,400
Speaker 5: sweetest surprise of becoming a dad too. Seeing his excitement

1847
01:23:06,439 --> 01:23:08,599
Speaker 5: in the way he's taking care of me, I'm sure

1848
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:10,160
Speaker 5: that he's gonna be a wonderful dad.

1849
01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:12,280
Speaker 3: That's lovely. I feel like I guess it all just

1850
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:12,760
Speaker 3: worked out.

1851
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:13,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1852
01:23:13,240 --> 01:23:15,240
Speaker 7: I think it was just again high stress.

1853
01:23:15,400 --> 01:23:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, everything going on, I mean yeah, absolutely,