1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: Thank you. 13 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 3: I remember when and this was like very scary for me. 14 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 3: I remember a couple months ago when I had the 15 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 3: miscarriage and one day I woke up in the morning 16 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 3: and I went to go brush my teeth and I 17 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 3: couldn't bend over, and like my I was having some 18 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 3: back some issues. 19 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 20 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:00,040 Speaker 1: like you. We we're your hosts Doctor Dominique Bruce, a 21 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist, and. 22 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,399 Speaker 3: Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a world 23 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 3: where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please join 24 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 3: us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from five 25 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 3: boys to fake friends, and create a safe space where 26 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 3: black women can just. 27 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: Be all right, welcome to November. We are in that 28 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: final stretch and also like right in the middle of 29 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: scorpio season for those of you who are horoscope and 30 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: astrology followers. So our quote of the day be thankful 31 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: for what you have. You'll end up having more. If 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: you concentrate on what you don't have, then you'll never 33 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:56,280 Speaker 1: ever have enough. And that comes to us from mother 34 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: Auntie Oprah Winfrey. Now, see when you hear that quote, 35 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 1: like I know, there's a bunch of things that come 36 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: up for me, what comes up for you when you 37 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: hear that? 38 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 2: Let me see, I'm just rereading it again to get 39 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 2: into it. 40 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 3: When I hear that quote, it reminds me of how 41 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 3: powerful our mind and perspective is. And so when it 42 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 3: says be thankful for what you have, I'm a firm 43 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 3: believer that where your energy goes and flows. 44 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 2: You'll get more of that. 45 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 3: Right, So if your energy is flowing here, you're gonna 46 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,079 Speaker 3: get more of whatever that is. 47 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 2: And so if you're. 48 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 3: Constantly grateful, you're just going to be programmed to be 49 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 3: in that gratitude mindset and more it's gonna come to you. 50 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 3: But and I've been on the other end of this, 51 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 3: where you concentrate on what you don't have. It's just 52 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 3: always something like I never have enough this, I never 53 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 3: have enough this, I wish I had this, and it 54 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 3: just becomes this constant battle, especially as a recovering perfectionist. 55 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 3: So that is what I think about when I hear 56 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 3: this quote what about you. 57 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: There's a couple of things that come up for me, right, 58 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: Like there's my present that comes up for me in 59 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: terms of really being fully aware of the things that 60 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: I have, and things in terms of not just material things, 61 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: but like my health and like my mental health, my 62 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: physical health, Like having those things, like just being grateful 63 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: for those things allows me to do more right. But 64 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: then I also think about that flip side of that, 65 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: of like if you're concentrating on what you don't have, 66 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: And that takes me back to like childhood, and I 67 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: remember one of the phrases one of the things my 68 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 1: mom used to say to us all the time, a 69 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: bunch of ungrateful kids, like sometimes yes, because I. 70 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 2: Remember that staying in my house that is a little different. 71 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: And sometimes it was some other unwords, right, But this 72 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: thing of like as kids, as an adult, I can 73 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: look back and say, yeah, we were a bunch of 74 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 1: ungrateful kids, constantly complaining about what we didn't have or 75 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:27,160 Speaker 1: it wasn't enough. So let's say that my mom decided 76 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: to treat us to McDonald's one day, right, And if 77 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: we got McDonald's one day for dinner, and then the 78 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: next day we're like, well, why can't we have McDonald's again. 79 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 1: Instead of being grateful that we had McDonald's the night before, 80 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: we're focused on, well, we don't have it tonight. And 81 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: so then that leaves you in a space of not 82 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: being satisfied. And not having McDonald's that second night probably 83 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: meant that my mom had enough energy to cook a 84 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: full meal. And so instead of us paying attention and 85 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: being grateful for that meal that she cooked because my 86 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 1: mom's a good cook, Like, instead of being grateful for 87 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: that good meal, we're focused on we didn't pay a 88 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: visit to the Golden Arches tonight, just like we did 89 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: the night before. 90 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 2: You ain't never a lie of girl, I remember. 91 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 3: So growing up, we were not We didn't have a 92 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 3: lot of money, and so my dad used to be 93 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,240 Speaker 3: so frugal, and my sister and I, oh, we used 94 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 3: to just hate it because we just wanted to get 95 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 3: a couple of dollars here or there. My dad would 96 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 3: be so like, no, you can't get it, and so 97 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 3: we didn't wear a lot of name brand because we 98 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 3: couldn't afford it. 99 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 2: So we were wearing pay Less. Remember Payless. I don't 100 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 2: they closing down now. 101 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: A lot of them. I don't know if they filed 102 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 1: bankruptcy or what. But yeah, used to be the thing 103 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 1: back girl. 104 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 3: It was the place that I told nobody. I didn't 105 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 3: tell anybody I went there, but it was clutch right 106 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: nice to get the night's discounts. She's be like, don't 107 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 3: look at the low go on my shoe. Just looking 108 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,840 Speaker 3: at so Payless. And then Walmart Target. Target was a 109 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 3: little little expensive events, but Walmart and't pay Less. So 110 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 3: I got these. I wanted air Force ones. And so 111 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 3: finally in high school I got a I got a 112 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 3: pair of Nikes and I was like, oh shit, I 113 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 3: got my air Force Ones. And when I opened the box, 114 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 3: and I am not a sneaker head, but I just 115 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 3: knew that air Force ones were in then. So instead 116 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 3: of the Air Force ones. They didn't give me the 117 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 3: men's Air Force ones. They got me the women's nikes. 118 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 3: So the difference was that the women's had like this 119 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 3: curve on the inside of the shoe, whereas the Air 120 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 3: Forces they're like just straight. Does that make sense, They're 121 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,160 Speaker 3: like straight on the side. Lady, if you're a sneaker head, 122 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,480 Speaker 3: you probably know what I'm talking about. I don't know 123 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,799 Speaker 3: how to explain it, but girl, I looked at them shoes. 124 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 3: I was so pissed. 125 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 2: I was like, yo, I want the Air Forces. 126 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 3: That everybody else in school has because I just wanted 127 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 3: to look cool because I'm like, we don't we don't 128 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 3: get name brands. I'm gonna wear these jokers until the 129 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 3: soul was gone. So I think about that, and I 130 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 3: definitely had so many moments. My mom used to always 131 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 3: call us ungrateful because we were like they are. My 132 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 3: parents did the best they could. They've been over backwards 133 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 3: for us, and we were very ungrateful. The crazy thing 134 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 3: is one thing I've noticed over the years, though, is 135 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 3: that a lot of wealthy people they always talk about 136 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 3: how important gratitude is, and I never really understood that 137 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 3: until recently, Like I just to me, I'm just like, 138 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 3: what do y'all like? 139 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 2: I don't get it. 140 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 3: What is this whole Like there's this whole movement about, oh, 141 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 3: you got to be grateful and have gratitude. 142 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 2: And I was just like what And I. 143 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: Think when I and when I hear that, because I mean, 144 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: our quote comes our quote of the day comes from 145 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: Oprah Winfrey and she's like one of the wealthiest people, 146 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: right And the thing about it is, the thing that 147 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: comes up for me is that it's a focus and 148 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: I can it's a whole we can have a whole 149 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: other episode on like the level of income disparity that's 150 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: going on in our country right now. That's a whole 151 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 1: nother thing. I think what a lot of people are saying, 152 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: and wealthy people are saying in terms of like focus 153 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: on being grateful for what you have, the well intentioned 154 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: people are really talking about coming from this mindset of 155 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: when you appreciate the things that are around you, that 156 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: no matter what your circumstances are, you may feel like 157 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: the richest person maybe not maybe not monetarily rich, but 158 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 1: spiritually and mentally rich because you are grateful for what 159 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 1: you have. 160 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 3: And I think it's all about perspective too, because I 161 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 3: know now, I know you listening, and maybe you down 162 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 3: like y'all are good people, y'all don't get negative, you know, 163 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 3: y'all don't y'all don't get. 164 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 2: Into that space. 165 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 3: Your facials well all those girl I can't like leave 166 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 3: me to my own devices, and it's just a hot 167 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,439 Speaker 3: to ass mess over here. 168 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,439 Speaker 2: Like I can get so especially when it comes to myself. 169 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 2: I feel like with other. 170 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 3: People, I'm generally like really nice, like I'm a kind person, 171 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 3: but I can be so meaning to myself and so 172 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 3: hard on myself. And so I remember, just maybe recently, 173 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,439 Speaker 3: I was having like a really bad breakout. I was 174 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 3: really stressed out. I was having a really bad breakout, 175 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 3: and I was just like, god, Dad, I was just 176 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 3: so frustrated, and I was like, oh my god, I'm 177 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,200 Speaker 3: so annoyed with this, Like what the hell? And I 178 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 3: was just really like, you know, how you focus on something, 179 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,440 Speaker 3: it just blow, it becomes way bigger. You're giving it 180 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 3: so much energy, right, And so I gave this so 181 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 3: much energy that it just consumed me. 182 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 2: I couldn't even concentrate. 183 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 3: I would be, you know, walking around other people and 184 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 3: I see someone with like amazing clear skin, and I'm 185 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 3: just like, what the fuck am I having this breakout? 186 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 3: And it's just that's the only thing I could see. 187 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 3: And something clicked and something just like snapped, and I 188 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 3: thought about what I was grateful for, and I was like, 189 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 3: let me just think about what am I grateful for? 190 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 2: What do I have? And I sometimes I'll have. 191 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 3: This moment with myself in the mirror, especially while I'm 192 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 3: like WHOA, well, before we start picking out all the 193 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 3: things that all the imperfections and all the shit that 194 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 3: we don't like, really quick, because I know you're gonna 195 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 3: get there, because that's where we go my default. 196 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 2: That's easy. 197 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 3: What I want you to do first, And I say 198 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,960 Speaker 3: this to myself, like self, what I want you to 199 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 3: do first is point out all the things that are 200 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 3: great that you like. And I was like, well, I 201 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 3: was like, my forehead is pretty clear, Like my cheek 202 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 3: might not be very clear, but my forehead super clear. 203 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,079 Speaker 2: And I was like, Okay, that's something to get excited about. 204 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 3: But then I went on and I was like, you 205 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 3: know what, I remember when and this was like very 206 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 3: scary for me. I remember a couple months ago when 207 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 3: I had the miscarriage and one day I woke up 208 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 3: in the morning and I went to go brush my 209 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 3: teeth and I couldn't bend over, and like my I 210 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,200 Speaker 3: was having some back, some issues with my back because 211 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 3: my body was processing the miscarriage, and I remember I 212 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 3: didn't know that was what was going on. I remember 213 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 3: bending over to brush my teeth. I could not bend over, 214 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,439 Speaker 3: and I just burst out on the tears because I 215 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,599 Speaker 3: was like, what the like, what's happening to me? Was 216 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,719 Speaker 3: happening to my body? I tried to bend down and 217 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 3: touch my toes, couldn't touch my toes, and I was 218 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 3: like going through a girl. I was just like I 219 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 3: could touch my toes last week, what's going on? It 220 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 3: was so horrible for me just to wake up and 221 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 3: realize I don't have this function that I normally take 222 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 3: for granted. 223 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 2: So that morning, when I was having the issues. 224 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 3: And the bad breakout, I was like, you know what, 225 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 3: I am so grateful that I can bend down and 226 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: touch my toes. Like I appreciated that so much more 227 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 3: than I would have before, because I remember what it 228 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 3: was like not to have it. 229 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: It's like when. 230 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 3: We get a cold and you know it's good stuff. 231 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 3: And you're like, God damn it, I'm so grateful for 232 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 3: when I used to have that nice, clear nostril, like 233 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,079 Speaker 3: I could just breathe right through my nostrils, and now 234 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 3: you can't. And so it just reminds me to be 235 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 3: grateful for the things that we have, the moments that 236 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,079 Speaker 3: we have with the people that we love. And when 237 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 3: I went through my whole list of everything I had 238 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 3: to be grateful for. No, life is imperfect. Yes, there's 239 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 3: so much more that I want, But when I looked 240 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 3: at just the five things I was grateful for, I 241 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 3: was like, fuck the breakout, like honestly, and the bigger picture, 242 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,079 Speaker 3: Like it's really not that big of a deal, Like 243 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 3: I'm alive, I can make an impact on the world, 244 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 3: Like I'm here, I have all my faculties. I don't 245 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 3: have to you know, I can go to the bathroom 246 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 3: on my own. That's a big fucking deal. Some people 247 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,199 Speaker 3: can't do that, you know. And so they're just thinking 248 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 3: about all the things I was grateful for. It totally 249 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 3: lifted my vibration. I was on a hunt and I 250 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 3: was just like, Okay, I'm. 251 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 2: Ready to have a good day. 252 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 3: I have a lot to be grateful for and so 253 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 3: when those little things came up to bug me, and 254 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 3: those little minute things came in to distract me and 255 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 3: to take away from that positive perspective, I was grounded 256 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 3: in so much positivity and gratitude that I was just 257 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 3: in such a better space. 258 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,440 Speaker 1: That is, that's so spot on and perfect in terms 259 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: of thinking about or demonstrating how gratitude can pull someone 260 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: out of like a depressive episode, right and or help 261 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 1: someone like reduce that anxiety that they might be experiencing. 262 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,319 Speaker 1: Because like as you were talking, like you were talking 263 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,679 Speaker 1: about like oh my face is breaking out, okay, that 264 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: could have caught that could have sent you down a 265 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: whole spiral of anxiety and added stress. And for some 266 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,599 Speaker 1: people that may have even led to you having like 267 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: a panic attack. Because let's say that you had like 268 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: a presentation, you know that that day, right, or a 269 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: video conference call that day and you're sitting there and 270 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: you see your face and you're like, oh shit, and 271 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 1: then it just starts right and you can spiral downward. 272 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,200 Speaker 1: Or when you were having that moment where you couldn't 273 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 1: bend over even in that moment, like you let yourself cry, 274 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:40,679 Speaker 1: but that could have spiraled even further downward, right, but 275 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: you let yourself focus on things that are going well 276 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 1: or like the small things to be grateful for, and 277 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: that kept you from going further down. And I think 278 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: that oftentimes, like if I'm gonna be realistic, that can 279 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: be hard hard to do. Right in those moments when 280 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: we're feeling that, it could be hard to say, okay, 281 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 1: well let me pause and let me look at let 282 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: me be grateful that my forehead is clear. Right, you 283 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: could look at that and you could be like, but 284 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 1: they're not gonna be looking at my forehead. They still 285 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,120 Speaker 1: gonna be looking at my cheeks. And you get in 286 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: and like, you can easily let yourself get into that 287 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: negative space. And so lady, as you're listening, like I 288 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 1: want you to hear that we don't expect it to 289 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: come easy. Like, practicing gratitude truly takes intention and effort, 290 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: but the more you do it. A lot of people 291 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: who are into positive psychology, one of the things gratitude 292 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: is like a big part of positive psychology because what 293 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: we know is that it definitely helps reduce anxiety and 294 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: it definitely helps reduce depression, but it takes time. What 295 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: research shows is that it takes twenty one to twenty 296 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: eight days to form a habit. And so one of 297 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: the things that I think about in terms of like 298 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: teaching people gratitude, one of the things that I would 299 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: tell clients to do is keeping a gratitude journal, and 300 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: at the end of every day, as you're winding down 301 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 1: your day, think about three things that you're grateful for. 302 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be anything major. It could 303 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 1: be something as small as someone held the door open 304 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: for me today, or call the fog stayed away from 305 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: the Bay Area today. See I got to see sunshine 306 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: at ten o'clock as opposed to two o'clock, right, little 307 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: things like that, And then you'll see that like as 308 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: you're doing this on a daily basis, like you'll start 309 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:08,280 Speaker 1: to pay attention to more things around you, like the 310 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: little things that can bring us small pieces of joy. 311 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 3: That's a really good point, Dom And I think about 312 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 3: when I had my moment and I was like, I 313 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 3: listed off all the things I was grateful for. What 314 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 3: I realized in that moment I kind of smiled to 315 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 3: myself and I was like, Okay, I'm a little embarrassed 316 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 3: by the thing that I was stressing about because in 317 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 3: the grand scheme of things, it's really not that big 318 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 3: of a deal, like it could be so much worse, right, 319 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 3: And like you said, it does take time to get there. 320 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 3: But I think it goes back to we had an 321 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 3: episode about fear and reprogramming our neuro pathways. 322 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 2: Is that what it was? 323 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 3: And so I think about if we're always, if we're 324 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 3: so accustomed to going down this negative pathway, at some 325 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 3: point we really do. And this is one thing I'm 326 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 3: working on as well. 327 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 2: We really do. I'm saying this with love and support. 328 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 3: We have to take ownership of where we are, what 329 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 3: happened to us, and we have to choose, Okay, where 330 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 3: are we're. 331 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 2: Going to go? 332 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: Right. 333 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,239 Speaker 3: I've been through so much in life, many of us 334 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 3: have been through so much, right, so many obstacles. I've 335 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,439 Speaker 3: been victimized, I've been abused. All these things have happened, 336 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 3: and because of that, I now have certain symptoms, like 337 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 3: there are things that are in my body physiologically that 338 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 3: are happening due to the trauma that I've experienced. I 339 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 3: could blame the people that victimized me, I could be 340 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 3: upset with them, I could be bitter, but I can't 341 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 3: really control them. 342 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:31,639 Speaker 2: I can't control that. 343 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 3: And it goes back to one thing you said in 344 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 3: another episode, which I've been leaning on in my personal 345 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 3: life is when things happen, what can I control? The 346 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 3: only thing we control that we can control as ourselves. 347 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 3: And so I've been working on Okay, yes the stuff 348 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 3: happened to me, Yes it was bad, Yes it was hurtful. 349 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 3: I'm choosing forgiveness over bitterness because I want to be better. 350 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 3: I don't want to drink poison and expect for someone 351 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 3: else to die, right, I just want to be clear 352 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,359 Speaker 3: and good energy. And part of that means how can 353 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 3: I now work on reprogramming myself. Yeah, I may not 354 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 3: have gotten myself in this position, but I'm here, and 355 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,719 Speaker 3: whether I want to believe it or not, like I 356 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 3: am contributing to this because if I keep going down 357 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 3: this negative pathway, I'm choosing to go down that pathway. 358 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 3: So for me, it's like, Okay, does what does it 359 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 3: look like for me to reprogram myself to come from 360 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 3: a place of gratitude? And so, like you said, a 361 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 3: lot of people they have a practice of either in 362 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 3: the morning when they wake up, they go to their 363 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 3: gratitude journal write down what they're grateful for, or before 364 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 3: they go. 365 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 2: To sleep, or both. 366 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 3: Right when I used to bike to work, it was 367 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 3: like a ten to fifteen minute bike ride and every 368 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 3: morning I would get on that bike and I just 369 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 3: list down, like just list down all the things I 370 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 3: was grateful for. Sometimes if the same things came up, 371 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 3: I would say, Okay, why am I grateful for that? 372 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,679 Speaker 3: And you get to dig in deep, like you, I 373 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 3: have so much to be grateful for. And when you 374 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 3: have those situations where you think it's something mundane that 375 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 3: you're blowing out of proportion, like for me, it was 376 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 3: a breakout that I had because I was stressed out. 377 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 3: I you know me dom, I tend to talk about 378 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,000 Speaker 3: you know, legacy and death, and I think, is if 379 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,200 Speaker 3: I were to drop dead today or tomorrow, would this really. 380 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 2: Be that big of a deal. That's that's just where 381 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,400 Speaker 2: I go because that's that's. 382 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 3: All I fear sometimes and that helps me to really 383 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 3: put things in perspectives and I'm like, you know, my girl, 384 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 3: you're tripping. 385 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 2: You know, let's move on, you know what I mean? 386 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: So that helps. Depending on the situation and my experience, I. 387 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: Think that's a great way to that's a great question 388 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: to ask yourself, like is this really gonna matter? Like 389 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,199 Speaker 1: if I were to leave this or today, would what 390 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: the thing that I'm stressing over right now? Would it 391 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 1: really matter? And chances are the answers going to be no? 392 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: And so then I think about, Okay, well, what are 393 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,679 Speaker 1: the things that matter? And how can I put my 394 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: energy into being grateful and appreciative of the things that matter? 395 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 1: And one of the things that matters are our relationships, 396 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: or at least to me. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, 397 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 1: but my relationships with people matter. And so there's lots 398 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: of different ways that we can express gratitude. So we've 399 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: talked about like the Gratitude Journal. Another thing that we 400 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: can do is say thank you, And whether that's verbally 401 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: telling someone thank you or sending a letter and telling 402 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 1: someone like in a form of a letter, like what 403 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 1: is it that you appreciate about what they did for 404 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: you right or just their mere presence, but giving someone 405 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 1: a card or some written form of a thank you 406 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: or of gratitude appreciation. Think about if you got a 407 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: letter and someone was saying out randomly out the blue. 408 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: You get this letter and someone is telling you thank 409 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: you for being you know that one time you held 410 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: a door open for me, that one time you spoke 411 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 1: up for me in class, that one time you sent 412 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: me five dollars to get coffee randomly, Like, whatever the 413 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 1: small thing is, I appreciate you for it that time, 414 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 1: or maybe something big that time that I was sick 415 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 1: and you brought me some tomato soup or chicken noodle 416 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,640 Speaker 1: soup or whatever it is that people need when they're sick, right, 417 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: but or that time I got a flat tire and 418 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 1: you left work to come and pick me up. Whatever 419 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 1: it is, that person is expressing gratitude. And imagine how 420 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 1: that would feel for you to know that you're appreciated. 421 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 2: That is spot on. 422 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 3: And I actually just ordered a bunch of thank you 423 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: cards from Amazon. And so because of this rough patch 424 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 3: I've had over the past few months, there were so 425 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,919 Speaker 3: many people that were there for me. So my to 426 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 3: do list I have on my to do list to 427 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 3: write those thank you notes because I think handwritten cards 428 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 3: we don't do that enough these days, and I find 429 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,640 Speaker 3: people really like it. I personally, I'll have to keep 430 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,160 Speaker 3: my cards and read them on a rainy day. Yes, 431 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 3: like I'm feeling a little bad if I need a 432 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,719 Speaker 3: little grateful, you know, gratitude boost. 433 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 2: I'll read some of the thank you cards and I'm. 434 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,959 Speaker 3: Like, Okay, you know I'm valuable people, you know, value 435 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,160 Speaker 3: my presence or whatever. So I'd love to talk about 436 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 3: just a few tips on why gratitude can change your life. 437 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 2: There's this awesome. 438 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 3: Post that will include in the show notes from wonder 439 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 3: lustoworker dot com and the first reason that gratitude can 440 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,680 Speaker 3: change your life here listed is gratitude shifts your focus. 441 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 3: And it says one of the reasons why gratitude can 442 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 3: change your life is because it shifts your focus. You see, 443 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 3: life is all about focus. Whatever we focus on we 444 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 3: move towards. If we live in a state of lack 445 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 3: and negativity, that's what's going to happen. We're going to 446 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 3: see more of that. I'm like, you know what, that's 447 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 3: spot on, right? What you focus on growth. 448 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,200 Speaker 1: Right, It's about your perspective. So are you looking through 449 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,080 Speaker 1: rose colored glasses or are you looking through black shape? 450 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 2: That's right. 451 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 3: Number two is it improves the quality of your life, 452 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 3: from your mental health and wellness to your emotional fortitude, 453 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 3: spiritual aptitude, and your physical strength. It can all be 454 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 3: derived from the simple and basic behavior of gratitude. 455 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,359 Speaker 1: Because to me, when I hear that, what that says 456 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,080 Speaker 1: to me is that it is sending a message to 457 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 1: our brain that we want to be happy, we want 458 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: to be at peace, and the net shuts down all 459 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 1: that negativity. And we know that our body responds and 460 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:42,199 Speaker 1: reacts to stress and reacts to negative energy that we 461 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 1: bring in, and so if we are in a space 462 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: of positivity, our body is less susceptible to negative physical 463 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: health impacts. 464 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 2: That's right, That's right. 465 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 3: And the last one I'm going to read off this 466 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 3: is number five I'm just going to skip around, is 467 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 3: that it strengthens an enhance is your faith, whatever faith 468 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 3: you believe in, whether it's God, Allah, Buddha, or even 469 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 3: that spiritual oneness that binds us to each other. For 470 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,879 Speaker 3: all of you agnostics out there, gratitude can strengthen and 471 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 3: enhance your faith and belief in whatever school thought you subscribe. 472 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: Tom, I like that, mm hm. I think that what's 473 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: really teaching us. The whole message of gratitude, at least 474 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 1: for me, is it helps you to be an overall 475 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: better person. And when you're focused on like when if 476 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: it's increasing your faith it's improving your mental health. You know. 477 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: All that does is allows you to put out more 478 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: positive energy, which will then attract more positive energy, and 479 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,680 Speaker 1: then the cycle will keep flowing. You know, there's this 480 00:24:51,760 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 1: phrase that misery loves miserable company, meaning that if I'm 481 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 1: not in a good space, if I'm focused on being ungrateful, 482 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,399 Speaker 1: then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna try to 483 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: make you come into that space with me, and I'm 484 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,640 Speaker 1: gonna make sure that you feel ungrateful and you're unhappy too. 485 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,879 Speaker 1: But if I'm focused in coming from a space of 486 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:23,239 Speaker 1: gratitude and appreciation, then what I'm gonna do is if 487 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: I'm constantly saying thank you, Terry or Terry I appreciate, 488 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: then what's gonna happen is You're gonna start to feel 489 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: good about yourself and you're gonna want to do positive 490 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 1: things around me because you see that my energy is positive. 491 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:42,359 Speaker 2: That's a good point. 492 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 3: And I also think one thing that I never really 493 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,360 Speaker 3: got when I was growing up, I was like, why 494 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 3: do rich people Why don't these wealthy people always talk 495 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 3: about gratitude. My theory for that is that because I mean, 496 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 3: for the reasons that we've listed but I think that 497 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 3: when you are a person that is imagine being accustomed 498 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 3: to this extravagant lifestyle. Right, let's say that you have 499 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,720 Speaker 3: everything that you need at your fingertips. I think it's 500 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,000 Speaker 3: very easy. I would assume, at least for me, like, 501 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,919 Speaker 3: it's very easy to become comfortable, and you're accustomed to 502 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 3: a certain level of service and people doing things for you. 503 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 2: And I let's just say that you. 504 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 3: Were going somewhere and you didn't have some of the 505 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 3: experiences that you're accustomed to. So maybe you have like 506 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 3: a personal chef, right, and your chef isn't around. It's 507 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,440 Speaker 3: so easy to just get caught up and like, oh 508 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,680 Speaker 3: my gosh, my chef isn't here, or maybe the food 509 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 3: isn't prepared the right way, and so it's so easy 510 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 3: for you to just be ungrateful because you're so accustomed 511 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,159 Speaker 3: to having this certain level of service and now that 512 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,960 Speaker 3: it isn't there. When you're grounded in gratitude, I think 513 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 3: it allows you to not become spoiled and take those 514 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,919 Speaker 3: things that you have for granted. And so that's what 515 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 3: I would assume that I'm like, if if you're wealthy, 516 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 3: you have all these things I would assume that this 517 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 3: spirit of gratitude keeps you grounded, right, That's. 518 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 1: A very positive and hopeful I think I have take 519 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 1: a more cynical approach to a lot of wealthy people, 520 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: but because I've seen how they like, I think about 521 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: like I mentioned earlier, about that wealth gap, and I 522 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: feel like how it's like this scarcity thing, and like 523 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,439 Speaker 1: they feel like their resources are being depleted, and so 524 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: I know, like for me, like I see, I see 525 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 1: more of like the negative aspects of it, But I 526 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 1: like what you're saying, Like to me, that would be 527 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: the ideal way to approach it. Like if you have 528 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: a lot, you should be instead of being spoiled and 529 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,679 Speaker 1: expecting that you're constantly gonna get it, being appreciative and 530 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,479 Speaker 1: grateful for what you do have in front of you. 531 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,480 Speaker 1: I think usually the people who truly are grateful for 532 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,720 Speaker 1: the things that they have in front of them are 533 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: people who know what it's like to not have it. 534 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 2: That's a fact. 535 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,640 Speaker 1: So those of us who may have grown up without 536 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: much and then you get a little bit more. Hopefully, 537 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: the hope is that we would be in a space 538 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 1: of being appreciative and grateful for what we have because 539 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 1: we know and have meaning whatever that may be, whether 540 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 1: that's monetary things, material things, or health things. Right, and 541 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: so being in that space of not having you learn 542 00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:27,959 Speaker 1: to be grateful for what you do have. 543 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,639 Speaker 2: I would agree with that. And Tom, did you have 544 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 2: the other tips that you wanted to share with us? 545 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 1: I just wanted to reiterate, like I think doing the 546 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 1: thank you cards it's going to be helpful, Like maybe 547 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: a daily gratitude journal is helpful. And then another thing 548 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: that can be helpful in terms of building up that 549 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 1: gratitude muscle is developing or creating a gratitude jar, right, 550 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: And with that gratitude jar, what it is is that everybody, 551 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 1: like you just constantly write down something that you're grateful for, 552 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 1: and what you do is you put it in the jar, 553 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: and as that jar gets full, like there may be 554 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: different points where you're like maybe you're in a space 555 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 1: and it's meant for you to keep it and look 556 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 1: at it, right, And then what happens is is like 557 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,800 Speaker 1: you have a moment, like you say, like you said 558 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 1: that moment where you're like looking in the mirror and 559 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:33,240 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my cheeks. Then you pull out, you 560 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: step into that gratitude journal. I mean that gratitude jar 561 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: and you pull a note out and you read it 562 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,080 Speaker 1: and you remind yourself of that thing that you're grateful for. 563 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: And then you have this whole jar full of things 564 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 1: so you can pull and read and however long it 565 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: takes for you to however many pulls it takes for 566 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 1: you to get to a space of being grateful or 567 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 1: being reminded of all that you have, you have that 568 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 1: jar that you can constantly pull from. 569 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 2: I love that. 570 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 3: And the one thing I'll add on to that because 571 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 3: I love to do like voice modes and little personal blogs. 572 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 3: One thing I've been doing and this kind of speaks 573 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 3: to the gratitude but also any mindset shift that you 574 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 3: want to create for yourself. And I plan on doing 575 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 3: this this week actually, since I have a lot of 576 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 3: time on my hands, I'm going to do my gratitude journal. 577 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 3: That was one thing I wanted to start implementing in 578 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 3: the morning for myself to just set my you know, 579 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 3: start my day off on the right foot, do meditation, 580 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 3: gratitude journal. I also plan on creating a video for 581 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 3: myself and I've done this before in the past. I 582 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 3: just want to be more consistent with watching it, but 583 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 3: I might dress up and just create an encouraging video 584 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 3: for myself, so whether it's like me stating affirmations to me, 585 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 3: and ideally when I may make the video, I'll be 586 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 3: in a really good space so that when I replay 587 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,080 Speaker 3: it on a day to day, I can pick up 588 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 3: on that energy, like, Okay, you look at what I'm saying, 589 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 3: and then just speakfe to myself, speak talk about the 590 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 3: things I'm grateful for, just send myself a little reminder. 591 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,480 Speaker 3: Sometimes we just need those little reminders and we forget. 592 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 3: And so I create this video for myself and make 593 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,920 Speaker 3: it part of my daily routine. I now have the 594 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 3: Gratitude Journal, a video of me speaking life and to 595 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 3: myself with the good vibes, and then also the Gratitude Jars. 596 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 3: So you're kind of hitting yourself on all on all fronts. 597 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:17,640 Speaker 1: Yes, And so, lady, if you are listening to us 598 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: on the first airing of this episode, which would be November, first, 599 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 1: we invite you to take on a challenge that we're 600 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 1: also going to engage in, and for the entire month 601 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 1: of November, we're gonna do thirty days of gratitude or 602 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 1: giving thanks or whatever positive phrase you want to use. 603 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 2: Each day. 604 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:50,640 Speaker 1: On Instagram follow us at her Space podcast and we 605 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: will post something that we're grateful for, and then we 606 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: encourage you to share something with us as well in 607 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: the comments section. And our hope is that by the 608 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: end of the month, we all have thirty things that 609 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: we are grateful for. And the I mean again, and 610 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: the goal is to challenge yourself to think of something 611 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: different every day that you're grateful for. 612 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 2: And you already know, I'm gonna ask dom, what are 613 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 2: you grateful for today? 614 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:30,480 Speaker 1: Today? I am grateful for you. Oh yes, I am 615 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: grateful that we had this chance to meet, that we 616 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 1: had this chance to start this podcast, because I think 617 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: that we are creating such a great community, and not 618 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 1: only creating like a great community, but I think we've 619 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: been able to like actually like grow ourselves through this process. 620 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,080 Speaker 1: And so yes, I'm very grateful. 621 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 2: Well, thank you. 622 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 3: Now, I will say that my initial response was great, 623 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,240 Speaker 3: I'm grateful for my I'm sure you were going to ask, 624 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 3: I'm just I'm grateful for my like my my what 625 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 3: is it? I can't even think of the word now, 626 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 3: my peace of mind and just like being in my 627 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 3: right mind. 628 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 2: I am so grateful for that because. 629 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 3: I think that that allows me to do all the 630 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 3: stuff that I do. So whether it's creative ideas or 631 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 3: just being able to problem solve or just just being 632 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 3: able to self soothe when I'm going through something, I 633 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 3: am so freaking grateful for that. So oh thank you 634 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,160 Speaker 3: God for that, and of course so grateful for you. 635 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,959 Speaker 3: Dom I Actually one day I was gonna text you. 636 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 3: I like just felt so compelled and I should have 637 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 3: did it, and next time I will, but I just 638 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,600 Speaker 3: felt so compelled to like send you this, just this 639 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 3: really cute, lovely text, like Domo, sa, I appreciate you 640 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 3: so much, and I was like, I need trying to 641 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,760 Speaker 3: be all bushy and have or like, girl, what are 642 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 3: you talking about? So I didn't send it, So next 643 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 3: time I will if that comes up, and when you 644 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:48,000 Speaker 3: send it. 645 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna respond that hard face, Oh thank you. I'm 646 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 1: appreciative of you too. 647 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 3: It was you not on one of those days where 648 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 3: you just I just felt so emotional and sometimes I 649 00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 3: get that feeling and I'm. 650 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,520 Speaker 2: Just like I just love all my friends and white people, and. 651 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,560 Speaker 3: So I felt really grateful for just our connection. And 652 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 3: it's not very easy to make friends as adults. But 653 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 3: I think we've built like a great partnership and friendship 654 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 3: through the podcast, and this has just been such a 655 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 3: rewarding journey and I'm so happy that we're on it together. 656 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 3: And you've been supportive when I've been going through some 657 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,360 Speaker 3: tough times, and so I'm really grateful for you as well. 658 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:24,759 Speaker 2: So I had to add that in there. 659 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:25,040 Speaker 1: Girl. 660 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 2: Oh and see how easy that is for. 661 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:34,880 Speaker 1: You to just take a moment and express gratitude to someone, 662 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:39,479 Speaker 1: and how easy that helps lift their spirits and lift 663 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,240 Speaker 1: your own. Thanks for joining us today in her Space. 664 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 665 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 666 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 667 00:34:56,480 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 668 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 669 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,760 Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today 670 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 671 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 672 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 3: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 673 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 3: Twitter at Herspace podcast, or check out our website at 674 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 3: herspacepodcast dot com and before we meet again, repeat after me. 675 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,800 Speaker 3: I know that everything is working out for my good, 676 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 3: even when things don't go as planned. 677 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,400 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady.