Speaker 1: We're starting the show. Hell h I Suck Good Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean, Vanessa and Jared and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to an all new episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating. My name is Jared. I'm joined
Speaker 1: by Vanessa Vanessa. You out there. Vanessa is here nine Studio.
Speaker 1: As you can tell, Vanessa is here to talk to us.
Speaker 1: Dean is still traveling all around the world. I think
Speaker 1: he's in France right now. I know, I'm pretty jealous.
Speaker 1: I hope he's having a wonderful time, which he is.
Speaker 1: But we have a very special guest in studio to
Speaker 1: kick things off this episode. We have a relationship expert,
Speaker 1: a best selling author of five acclaimed books, none other
Speaker 1: than Charles J. Orlando. Thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us today. No, thank you for having me. Yes so yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: that was Yes, We're excited. We got balloons, we got horns,
Speaker 1: were ready to go. So, Charles. You will also on
Speaker 1: the Lifetime UH Lifetime channel show Seven Year Switch, That's
Speaker 1: It Season three, Season three. Can you tell us a
Speaker 1: little bit about that? Oh? Absolutely? So. Seven Years Switch
Speaker 1: takes UH four couples that are in emotional turmoil and
Speaker 1: helps them reach a better place, uh, through a radical
Speaker 1: concept called switch therapy. They work with us, and they
Speaker 1: end up working us being the experts, and they work
Speaker 1: with a like minded person who's going through something similar.
Speaker 1: We keep a very close eye on them and put
Speaker 1: them on an accelerated path for two weeks where we
Speaker 1: get them out of their bad patterns, remove all the
Speaker 1: stuff that's causing them to head out a path towards
Speaker 1: divorce or further disconnection, uh, and get them to a
Speaker 1: better place, both individually and hopefully as a couple. So
Speaker 1: what is switched therapy? Like you said, you use switch
Speaker 1: therapy to fix this problem. So we work with the
Speaker 1: with the couples as married couples, and then we switch
Speaker 1: them for two weeks so that they can get a
Speaker 1: better So you're smirking, and I'll help that. No, No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm just smirking because I have a mind of a
Speaker 1: twelve year old and you can imagine where I just went.
Speaker 1: So well, everybody does, right, yes, And I'm sure that
Speaker 1: vanause you're you're sitting over there thinking the same things
Speaker 1: as well, and it's easy to go down that path
Speaker 1: where it's like, oh, this is a show about hookups. Actually, no,
Speaker 1: this is a show about perspective. You can't learn new
Speaker 1: skills without a practice ground. So could these couples do
Speaker 1: something stupid on national television television? Yes they could. That's
Speaker 1: not the goal though. Seven years Well, it's a play
Speaker 1: on seven year Itch, the movie starring Marilyn and Row
Speaker 1: talking about the challenges that people experience once the honeymoons
Speaker 1: has kind of faded away and now you're in what
Speaker 1: many people would consider the humdrum of day to day. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's it's a it's a challenge for most couples. It's
Speaker 1: a challenge for everybody. Sure, So do find themselves up
Speaker 1: to beget nominated by somebody? Or is actively throughout the
Speaker 1: couples both. There's an extensive casting process along with psychological
Speaker 1: evaluations and a real assessment of where they're at both
Speaker 1: individu Julie and as a couple before they're admitted to
Speaker 1: the show. So what in after how many years of marriage? Well,
Speaker 1: so be more of I guess the problem? Well I can.
Speaker 1: I can give you the statistics because there's no goal,
Speaker 1: there's no hard and fast rule around when couples start
Speaker 1: experiencing disconnection. Some people experience it on their first date,
Speaker 1: yet they get married anyway. Um, statistically all marriages in
Speaker 1: the domestic US uh and before year five, So there's
Speaker 1: a divorce before year five divorce rate. I know this
Speaker 1: isn't good news for you. Your your recently. I'm very
Speaker 1: confident in my relationship. But you tell me that fifty
Speaker 1: couples in the United States don't last five years. Yes,
Speaker 1: and that's only half of the of the data. Of
Speaker 1: those that make it five years, fifty percent of those
Speaker 1: don't make it to year ten. That's a seventy divorce rate. Ah.
Speaker 1: Let me just like the numbers on that one. My
Speaker 1: parents are both My parents are divorce and they're both
Speaker 1: in now loving long term committed relationships. Um, what do
Speaker 1: you think is Well, I'm having trouble As we mentioned
Speaker 1: last week, I'm really single again. Well it's not newly.
Speaker 1: It was like k of dating, but now I'm like
Speaker 1: completely single and I just find it hard to find
Speaker 1: someone I can connect with on a deeper level, especially
Speaker 1: now with this new like all the dating apps that
Speaker 1: are out there, I'm not on any dating apps. It's
Speaker 1: really hard for me to meet someone organically because I
Speaker 1: find a lot of people are just hiding behind computer
Speaker 1: screens in their phone. So what do you think is
Speaker 1: one of the biggest issues now, um or the problems
Speaker 1: that my divorce is so high? Well, you just kind
Speaker 1: of called it out. From my perspective, there's there's two things,
Speaker 1: and it's a fantastic question, and there's there's two main
Speaker 1: things that are really changing how people meet and inter
Speaker 1: relate from from jump. The first is technology. Uh. Technology
Speaker 1: gives us the illusion of being connected when the truth
Speaker 1: is that we're more distant than ever. Uh. Most relationships
Speaker 1: have a technological aspect to it, where there's communication takes
Speaker 1: place over email or text message or voicemail or there's
Speaker 1: a lot on the phone. Uh. And that's a very
Speaker 1: subjective way of relating to each other. I mean, if
Speaker 1: you back up thirty or forty years, the divorce rates
Speaker 1: weren't necessarily so high, disconnection wasn't so bad, and couples
Speaker 1: like would speak in person like this, like we're in studio, right.
Speaker 1: You have body language, you have facial uh, facial features
Speaker 1: and emotions that you can go off of. All those
Speaker 1: things are missing when you have a subjective piece of
Speaker 1: technology that teaches you how to communicate. So that's the
Speaker 1: first thing. The second, though, is what you're talking about
Speaker 1: when we talk about online dating, uh, and that's false
Speaker 1: positives and expectations being projected on somebody you actually don't know,
Speaker 1: Like you read their profile and then that's not enough,
Speaker 1: so you stalk their Instagram and you check them out
Speaker 1: on Snapchat, like you build up an entire persona of
Speaker 1: a person that you actually don't even know. Because you
Speaker 1: know you're you're you're evaluating two different things when you're
Speaker 1: when you're dating somebody or when you meet somebody. The
Speaker 1: first is are we compatible? But the second is how
Speaker 1: do they plug into my life? And those are two
Speaker 1: things that are mutually exclusive and they're they're connected, but
Speaker 1: they're but they're mutually exclusive. So, as a relationship expert,
Speaker 1: how do you advise our listeners to best meet people nowadays? Well,
Speaker 1: online dating can help you cast a wide net, but
Speaker 1: the best way to meet somebody, in my estimation, is
Speaker 1: to get out into the real world, which is harder.
Speaker 1: You say, you say something on your Instagram that I
Speaker 1: read last night that I absolutely loved. Where you said,
Speaker 1: stop saying it's easier easier said than done. Just do
Speaker 1: it then it will get easier over time, which I
Speaker 1: completely agree with people like practice makes perfect. For example,
Speaker 1: if you want to approach if you're a guy and
Speaker 1: you want to approach girls at a bar, you have
Speaker 1: to actually practice that by going up to girls at
Speaker 1: a bar. And the first time you do it, you're
Speaker 1: probably gonna suck at it, but over time it will
Speaker 1: get easier because you keep doing it over and over
Speaker 1: and over again. And when I read that quote on
Speaker 1: your Instagram, I don't know, just something resonated with me. Well,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate that, and it's true. We are experiential learners,
Speaker 1: like there's no way to learn a new skill unless
Speaker 1: you practice a new Like, so, did you take a
Speaker 1: foreign language in school? Yes, and you were good right
Speaker 1: out of the gate, right killed it. Obviously I can
Speaker 1: speak fluid Spanish and French and Greek and Italian and everything,
Speaker 1: of course. But so that's really what she's Canadian. It's
Speaker 1: not fair that I I call nonsense than that. Um
Speaker 1: but I called Shenanigans. That's not fair. But um no,
Speaker 1: we're we're really talking about is to your point, practice
Speaker 1: makes perfect. So you're not going to have a lot
Speaker 1: of success, but that's at the beginning. But that's hard,
Speaker 1: you know, to be that vulnerable and be that open
Speaker 1: is really really difficult. So you're newly engaged. How long
Speaker 1: have you guys been dating. I'm gonna put you on
Speaker 1: the couch for a second. We've been dating for not
Speaker 1: long a few months maybe, yeah, a few months, but
Speaker 1: we've known each other for over three years. Okay, So
Speaker 1: and so you have a nice foundation to to start from.
Speaker 1: We have a great foundation, all right. So here's the
Speaker 1: other part. So the third part. We were talking about expectations,
Speaker 1: we were talking about false positives and technology. But the
Speaker 1: third part is forgetting that people change over time. So
Speaker 1: the woman that you love today has a foundation, okay,
Speaker 1: and so do you as a man. But you guys
Speaker 1: are going to change as individuals over the next ten,
Speaker 1: thirty fifty years. And the way relationships work successfully is
Speaker 1: when you change together. When you start drifting, you don't
Speaker 1: check back in, and you're not connecting on a constant basis,
Speaker 1: You by default are drifting apart. So you end up
Speaker 1: on my show, and then you end up on our
Speaker 1: show where we do the seven year switch. Um, so
Speaker 1: my question is what would you what would you tell
Speaker 1: these couples who do change over time and their love
Speaker 1: also changes over time, and they start like, I've never
Speaker 1: found that because love changes, that means your relationship is
Speaker 1: getting worse, it's just becoming different. So how like, what
Speaker 1: would you tell those people on how to make your
Speaker 1: relationship better even though things change over time? Don't rest
Speaker 1: on your laurels like love is a contract, okay, and
Speaker 1: it has to be renewed every single day. And it
Speaker 1: sounds trite, It sounds like some sorry that somebody would
Speaker 1: put on on on Instagram like me, like you write that,
Speaker 1: but that it's never been more true that you have
Speaker 1: to reconnect every single day about the big stuff and
Speaker 1: really about the little things they count the most. So
Speaker 1: if you're piste off that they didn't put the tube
Speaker 1: the cap back on the tube of toothpaste, you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to hide that as a resentment that you don't
Speaker 1: talk about. You're supposed to say, dude, you're killing me.
Speaker 1: We just put it back. It takes two seconds. So
Speaker 1: you'd say communication is probably the most important part, but
Speaker 1: honesty right, because communication too often means two things. It first,
Speaker 1: it means a postured view of what you what you're
Speaker 1: giving them, like you don't I don't want to hurt
Speaker 1: their feelings. It's not about hurting their feelings. Just put
Speaker 1: it out straight. Okay, So that's the first thing. Second though,
Speaker 1: is that for too many people, communication means to speak
Speaker 1: and it doesn't it means to listen, also of course
Speaker 1: without judgment. So if she says I just don't have
Speaker 1: time in the morning, I don't care your jobs, then
Speaker 1: put yourself in her shoes, like, well, how can we
Speaker 1: work together to make this happen. Maybe there's a different
Speaker 1: type of two space that doesn't require, you know, the
Speaker 1: the top to go back on. You can just flip
Speaker 1: it back instead. That's where we start problem solving instead
Speaker 1: of no, put it back on. Now we're advocating who's
Speaker 1: right and who's wrong, when the truth is that everybody's
Speaker 1: right from their own point of view. So if you
Speaker 1: get your ego out of the way, you all of
Speaker 1: a sudden end up in a place where you're working
Speaker 1: together instead of a part. Sometimes I find it difficult though,
Speaker 1: while I'm being honest, sometimes I think my tone some
Speaker 1: like things that bother me, For example, little things like
Speaker 1: that if I'm being honest them about them, I feel
Speaker 1: that my tone is is negative, which breathe like that
Speaker 1: doesn't create an argument, but just creates an awkward vibe
Speaker 1: in the air for the simple fact that it's annoying
Speaker 1: and she knows it, and while we can fix it,
Speaker 1: like how do I approach that? You would start by
Speaker 1: saying what you just said, so you'll if if you're
Speaker 1: experiencing yourself is like maybe coming across maybe crappy, ask
Speaker 1: her like, are you hearing me as some kind of
Speaker 1: jerk right now? And then she's supposed to say, yeah,
Speaker 1: I really don't like the way you're talking to me,
Speaker 1: and you're supposed to say, all right, hold on, let
Speaker 1: me find a different way to phrase this, because I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to sound like a like a jerk, like,
Speaker 1: let me let me put it a different way. So
Speaker 1: then now you're still working together through a disconnection. See. Look,
Speaker 1: too many people think that the perfect relationship has no
Speaker 1: fights and no arguments, and that is it is non sense.
Speaker 1: I've seen my parents been married for thirty five years,
Speaker 1: and I've seen so many arguments between them. But they
Speaker 1: are the most loving and dependent people on each other
Speaker 1: because they've gone through those arguments, because they've gone through
Speaker 1: tough times and and still have overcome those obstacles together
Speaker 1: and that's real love in my mind. Well, sure you're
Speaker 1: talking about like disconnections are normal. What keeps your folks
Speaker 1: together is how they repair because everybody's yeah, totally, Like
Speaker 1: arguments are normal, you know. I mean, if you think
Speaker 1: you've got an expert here sitting at the microphone that
Speaker 1: doesn't screw up his own relationships, boy, you got the
Speaker 1: wrong guy here. But it's it's how you put it together. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm still all right now. So obviously I trying to
Speaker 1: reevaluate the whole dating seed and all that, and I'm
Speaker 1: thinking time to refocus on things that I know that
Speaker 1: I did in my relationships and my past relationship us
Speaker 1: that maybe we're not the healthiest and probably you know,
Speaker 1: it didn't contribute in the most positive ways. Um, what
Speaker 1: what what kind of advice would you give? Because right
Speaker 1: now Jared is engaged and he's engaged to be married.
Speaker 1: What kind of advice is to give to someone who
Speaker 1: is single? Last week he had Patty stains from um
Speaker 1: not to make her millionaire, and she was saying, how
Speaker 1: the guys want women who aren't hungry, who aren't thirsty,
Speaker 1: who don't want who don't give off that like I
Speaker 1: want to get married and I want to have kids,
Speaker 1: and you know who are more like easygoing type. I
Speaker 1: am not that I'm not that I don't know where
Speaker 1: I kind of fit right now, but I feel like
Speaker 1: I don't get approached um in the way that I
Speaker 1: kind of want to be approached or with the kind
Speaker 1: of guys that I want to approach me. So I
Speaker 1: have to be the hunter. I have to be the
Speaker 1: go getter, and I have to be the one that
Speaker 1: has to kind of do the chasting um. And so
Speaker 1: when Dared was talking about practice makes Perfect and going
Speaker 1: into bars and going up to women that no, I
Speaker 1: don't think you're doing it wrong. I do think it
Speaker 1: just as a comment, a brief comment. I think that
Speaker 1: there's too many men today who don't know what to
Speaker 1: do with equality in the world, where they they have
Speaker 1: the notion of feminism mixed up with what it means
Speaker 1: to be involved in a relationship and what primal courtship
Speaker 1: rituals are all about, which strips away whatever equality is.
Speaker 1: I'm because I'm a staunch advocate of feminism, but just
Speaker 1: for the record, but courtship is still courtship. So you know,
Speaker 1: the guys who are sitting listening this saying no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. I'm the alpha male. They come to me,
Speaker 1: no idiot, the alpha male goes after no. The definition
Speaker 1: of what you say you are please, So say that
Speaker 1: against the after mail. You're saying that people men are
Speaker 1: self prom back. They are sitting back. But I also
Speaker 1: don't think that it's anything wrong for nowadays for a
Speaker 1: woman to approach a man because we are in changing
Speaker 1: times and some managers shy and some men agree don't
Speaker 1: know how to approach a woman because they just never
Speaker 1: really been taught that because we of in a different age.
Speaker 1: I totally agree. And that's the second half of this
Speaker 1: when when you know, Vanessa, when you're asking, you know,
Speaker 1: how do I do this? Am I doing the right things?
Speaker 1: Should I be approaching these guys at bars? Definitely? But
Speaker 1: then I would ask you what is your definition of love?
Speaker 1: Because too many people they're looking for a relationship, they're
Speaker 1: looking for love, and I would say, no, what you
Speaker 1: want to look for is happiness. You want to look
Speaker 1: for how do you feel about you when you're with
Speaker 1: this person. From there, a relationship becomes normal, like don't
Speaker 1: don't pre qualify yourself because the moment you say I
Speaker 1: really want to be in a relationship. What you're actually
Speaker 1: saying is I'm going to ignore all the red flags
Speaker 1: and all the things that I don't like, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to pretend that this is great because just I
Speaker 1: just need a warm body next to me. And that's
Speaker 1: not the way it runs, That's not the way it's
Speaker 1: supposed to go, I think, um. And I was just
Speaker 1: just talking about this with a fun of mine. In
Speaker 1: the last five years, I feel like I've lived like
Speaker 1: nine different lives and I thought at the age of
Speaker 1: I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner. Although
Speaker 1: seeing you know, the fundamental pap not change, but in
Speaker 1: the way that I perceive a relationship and perceive my
Speaker 1: own happiness, Um, but that has changed. And I think
Speaker 1: oftentimes we tend to equate our happiness or how sad
Speaker 1: or or you know, proud we are to the person
Speaker 1: that we're with and if you wake up happy because
Speaker 1: you make yourself happy. And I think that's where I'm
Speaker 1: starting to work on and just being comfortable with myself
Speaker 1: right well, happiness is into that. Happiness is definitely an
Speaker 1: inside job, but it's also your definition of where you
Speaker 1: want because too many people end up with a specific
Speaker 1: plan of what they want from this person, and they
Speaker 1: have this package involved. But sometimes Mr Wright doesn't come
Speaker 1: in a two piece suit with a smooth line and
Speaker 1: drink his hand. Sometimes he trips over his own words.
Speaker 1: He spills his drink on your dress and says, well,
Speaker 1: so sorry, like you know, my name is stupid and
Speaker 1: I'm going to just disappear over here per minute. Um,
Speaker 1: They're just real. So if you if you get out
Speaker 1: of your own way and and start realizing that that
Speaker 1: you're supposed to look for how you feel about you
Speaker 1: with them instead of how they make you feel there,
Speaker 1: that's two different things. I agree. I think all my
Speaker 1: life i've been I've pictured the idea of who I
Speaker 1: should be with and what they should be like. And Ashley,
Speaker 1: my fiance, is the complete opposite of that. But I
Speaker 1: love everything about her. It's so interesting because, like I said,
Speaker 1: I've just always pictured myself with like a little you know,
Speaker 1: white picket fence and like this small house in Rhode
Speaker 1: Island with this very cute, shy girl that's like you know,
Speaker 1: you know, sunflowers and rainbows, And I never envisioned myself
Speaker 1: with somebody like Ashley, and yet I've never been happier
Speaker 1: and she's the person that I am supposed to be with,
Speaker 1: and so I totally agree with that, like, don't have
Speaker 1: your blinders on, you know, be open to a lot
Speaker 1: of different types of people. And I think also to
Speaker 1: tap back into happiness, you have to be responsible for
Speaker 1: your own happiness. I think people are forgetting that nowadays
Speaker 1: because everybody gets a participation trophy. So they're like no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like I need assurance, I need support. I can't do
Speaker 1: this on my own. It's like, well, sometimes you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to. And while yes, love is a relationship, like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, marriage and relationships are are two people coming
Speaker 1: together to become one. Having said that, you can't just
Speaker 1: solely rely on that other person to bring you happiness. No, no,
Speaker 1: you're you're right. So yeah, the people forget that when
Speaker 1: you when you join a relationship. So you know this
Speaker 1: is obviously broadcast, this is in television, so but I'll
Speaker 1: give it to you here in the studio. You picture
Speaker 1: two people with a hundred percent of their stuff together, okay,
Speaker 1: and each person puts into the middle, and that makes
Speaker 1: a hundred percent relationship, right, but it also keeps fifty
Speaker 1: of themselves back, so you maintain your individuality. You put
Speaker 1: in a hundred percent of your fifty. Okay, each person
Speaker 1: puts in to make a relationship work at one, but
Speaker 1: they also keep a lot back for themselves, like what like,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to do? What interest to you that
Speaker 1: that Ashley doesn't even care about? Of course? I think,
Speaker 1: I think Will Smith said a response. Will Smith said
Speaker 1: it once on for Valentine's Day, was saying how relationships
Speaker 1: should be two individual people on their own individual path
Speaker 1: and now and then their past will cross, but then
Speaker 1: they will uncrossed and you you will still continue on
Speaker 1: your own path. And I guess that's kind of like
Speaker 1: the same analogy. Maybe, Um you're talking about where you're
Speaker 1: putting in of that into the relationship, but you still
Speaker 1: keep stunt to yourself. Yes, and you're supposed to do yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and it's and it's not about being secretive. It's not
Speaker 1: about holding back from your relationship. What I'm saying is
Speaker 1: what do you want? Don't tell me about your wife,
Speaker 1: your girlfriend, your kids, your boss, your car, like any
Speaker 1: of that stuff. What do you want from life? I
Speaker 1: think some people don't like that because it takes like
Speaker 1: the romantic side out of it out where it's like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you have to be more logical about going into your
Speaker 1: relationship because you have to go of you into the
Speaker 1: relationship and then it put I'm not saying it's wrong.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that I think it's probably some
Speaker 1: people are like, wow, that just it sounds too Disney
Speaker 1: non Disney exactly. But that's what we were taught. I
Speaker 1: guess that's what we've been taught to do at at
Speaker 1: a young age. And I think that's why a lot
Speaker 1: of relationships don't work out, our marriages don't work out,
Speaker 1: because you kind of lose your own identity and you
Speaker 1: want to And I think that was an issue that
Speaker 1: I had to um. I wanted to always still whatever
Speaker 1: my partner sold needed, and I was forgetting what my
Speaker 1: knees and my my desires were, and then when the
Speaker 1: relationship would end, also going back to being myself again.
Speaker 1: So I think you know it's important to always have
Speaker 1: always say I didn't I didn't use that fifty analogy.
Speaker 1: I would always think too and follout sales. Then at
Speaker 1: least they're starting back up from and you're not starting
Speaker 1: back from Sara Charles, let me ask you a question.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's important nowadays to be in a
Speaker 1: committed relationship or a marriage. I think that's an individual decision.
Speaker 1: I think that uh, commit it meant doesn't necessarily need
Speaker 1: a marriage behind it. Marriage is a public, religious, and
Speaker 1: way and or spiritual proclamation of love that already exists.
Speaker 1: So if you're not in love and you're not connected,
Speaker 1: no piece of paper, no ceremony, no gathering of friends
Speaker 1: is going to make that real or more real. Um.
Speaker 1: As for commitment, that's an individual decision. UM. I would
Speaker 1: argue that primarily and sociologically were not meant for marriage
Speaker 1: as a species. That's what kind of I'm going towards.
Speaker 1: Because even while I'm hearing you talk about in but
Speaker 1: make sure you get out. It's so curious that we
Speaker 1: put such an emphasis on marriage and lifelong partners. And
Speaker 1: when you take a step back, is it in our
Speaker 1: nature to be with only one person for the rest
Speaker 1: of our lives? From a human standpoint, the answers no. Sociologically,
Speaker 1: the answers no. Um, it actually goes against our DNA.
Speaker 1: We're supposed to procreate, sire children, perpetuate strong bloodlines. So
Speaker 1: where this all come from. Well, if you back up
Speaker 1: in history, well, partially UM marriage was usually UM it
Speaker 1: was either religious in nature, but it was really also
Speaker 1: mostly tied into political alignment. UM where you would stop wars,
Speaker 1: aligned families, aligned countries. Uh. So these were largely arranged marriages,
Speaker 1: which is a different show on on Lifetime right before us.
Speaker 1: But the uh, it was really about connecting people together
Speaker 1: for political or military reasons. Uh. It was also rooted
Speaker 1: in patriarchy, So what you were actually doing was guaranteeing
Speaker 1: sexual access by a man to an exclusive woman. That's
Speaker 1: all that she was allowed to be with. So how
Speaker 1: did it evolve? Now it's finding your soul mate? What
Speaker 1: do you think happened? Well, I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of romance put behind it. I'm a firm believer in
Speaker 1: so I can give you the reality of history and
Speaker 1: all of that, but I'm a firm believer in love
Speaker 1: at first sight and soulmates and connection. You know, if
Speaker 1: I mean, I can quote Karl saying here right like,
Speaker 1: if we're all star stuff and we're all made of
Speaker 1: the same thing that's floating through the cosmos, then we
Speaker 1: are all connected anyway. So If that's true, then you know,
Speaker 1: pieces of us are running around this room, and all
Speaker 1: the listeners that are that are here, and we're all
Speaker 1: connected in some way. So I can add the romance
Speaker 1: back into this really quickly. But it doesn't It won't
Speaker 1: matter if you you add a bunch of of stuff
Speaker 1: to it that has to be achieved with all the
Speaker 1: expectations like connection is really natural. You know, this conversation
Speaker 1: has been really fluid the whole time we've been in
Speaker 1: it because we're all comfortable all sitting here. You guys
Speaker 1: didn't know me before I sat down, not at all.
Speaker 1: But we're all connected now and we're all talking and
Speaker 1: being honest and open. Except for seven years, which which
Speaker 1: I do watch. Well, those those people have some challenges
Speaker 1: that they have to it's a very interesting show. Well,
Speaker 1: so what what do you find interesting about it? The
Speaker 1: fact that it's like the fact that people get in
Speaker 1: such a rut sometimes that they feel in the need
Speaker 1: to change their entire life to a certain extent where
Speaker 1: I need to put myself in somebody else's shoe to
Speaker 1: realize what I have and what I should be grateful for,
Speaker 1: what I need in life. That's so I would never
Speaker 1: argue with your perception and I agree with it. The
Speaker 1: other side of it, from the from the expert standpoint,
Speaker 1: is that we're removing all the bad patterns that got
Speaker 1: them to that point in anyway, um, right now, So
Speaker 1: if you think about traditional couples therapy, you spend you know,
Speaker 1: sixty minutes with an expert to try to learn new things.
Speaker 1: Then you go home and you spend six days and
Speaker 1: twenty three hours reinforcing all the negative crap that you're
Speaker 1: trying to undo. We get you out of that pattern,
Speaker 1: and we pull you out for two weeks, and we
Speaker 1: partner you with somebody as a as a training ground
Speaker 1: to learn new skills and new communication tactics. So how
Speaker 1: do you how do you get them out of that pattern?
Speaker 1: And and it's for them that pattern. Well, that's the
Speaker 1: amazing part of human dynamics when you know when you're
Speaker 1: partnered with the same person for a long time. You've
Speaker 1: known your fiance for three years. If I were to
Speaker 1: live under your bed for a week and listen to
Speaker 1: the interaction between the two of you, I'd have a
Speaker 1: sense of yeah, that that analogy and really go well,
Speaker 1: but let's but you know, it's it's when you get
Speaker 1: to know really the inner workings of a relationship, how
Speaker 1: you inter relate um, and those dynamics are really baked
Speaker 1: in because you're out of dating mode. You may be
Speaker 1: in romance and engagement mode, but you guys know each
Speaker 1: other pretty well. And that's what these couples are experiencing,
Speaker 1: like they know each other really well. I know that
Speaker 1: if I say I don't understand you've hurt my feelings,
Speaker 1: what he will say back to me is, yeah, well
Speaker 1: I gotta go to work, So I don't really care
Speaker 1: like I gotta go. You know, you always have your
Speaker 1: feelings hurt, but we take them out of that and
Speaker 1: we put them with someone new where you would never
Speaker 1: say that to a total stranger, just to your spouse, right,
Speaker 1: the person you love them most. We get them back
Speaker 1: to basics with how to communicate with people, and we
Speaker 1: get to rejuvenate and redo their dynamics as a couple
Speaker 1: by giving them a safe training ground and a brand
Speaker 1: new perspective. So it's both right. They get this training
Speaker 1: ground for new communication techniques and they get the perspective
Speaker 1: of yees. So if you keep going down this path
Speaker 1: with your spouse, your I will be without them and
Speaker 1: this is how that feels. I love that because I
Speaker 1: I've always believed that relationships and marriage that you have
Speaker 1: to put effort and work into it. And the idea
Speaker 1: of going back to basics kind of relearn each other
Speaker 1: a little bit to really work on one another is
Speaker 1: very important. I love that concept. Well, it's working on
Speaker 1: one another for sure, and it's also working on themselves
Speaker 1: individual That's what I meant, like, not only working on
Speaker 1: each other, but working on yourself to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're a better partner exactly. And we all have work
Speaker 1: to do, including me. You know, I'm still working on stuff,
Speaker 1: and that's very important for everybody is self aware to
Speaker 1: the fact that yes, there are things that like for
Speaker 1: me personally, that I need to do better within my
Speaker 1: relationship to make Ashley happier and to make myself happier
Speaker 1: and to make us a better couple. But before you go,
Speaker 1: I do I have to touch on this because it's
Speaker 1: such a fascinating story. You went undercover on a website
Speaker 1: called Ashley Madison dot com, which is notoriously known for
Speaker 1: cheating husbands who go on there and hook up with
Speaker 1: women on the internet. Right I was on there before
Speaker 1: the bots were were on there trying to get people
Speaker 1: to get and all of that wasn't there, like a
Speaker 1: year ago, something that happened with this website. There was
Speaker 1: like a lot of NATA. I was a part of
Speaker 1: that data breach. Did your name come out? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm on the dark web. Holy yeah, Well you went undercover.
Speaker 1: I did so, but I used my real a fake name,
Speaker 1: but a real email address so that I could interact.
Speaker 1: So what what's this idea? How did you even why
Speaker 1: did you do this? Well, I'm really brave or I'm
Speaker 1: really stupid, probably both, I don't know, if I think
Speaker 1: side now, you seem like a very intelligent man. Not
Speaker 1: this time, um, and anybody who puts their relationship on
Speaker 1: the line to to investigate this way, not in order
Speaker 1: to save their relationship like on seven year switch, but
Speaker 1: to to test the waters and see why people do things.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it again. I wouldn't do it again,
Speaker 1: but it was a fascinating exploration. So the long story short, um,
Speaker 1: is that I went undercover. I created three different personas. Uh,
Speaker 1: And what I was really trying to come up with
Speaker 1: I had a high pothesis of why women end up
Speaker 1: upset in their relationships and why they choose to cheat
Speaker 1: instead of leave. But I wanted to get some real
Speaker 1: world fact on it. So uh. And this was with
Speaker 1: my wife's knowledge, Like you know, I didn't go undercover
Speaker 1: without telling her, um or really stupid as we said.
Speaker 1: So um, but I ended up in over thirty chat
Speaker 1: sessions that ended up super dicey like, and I wrote
Speaker 1: about it in the article like you can picture. This
Speaker 1: article was optioned for film, by the way, hopefully. Um.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm sitting on the couch as my
Speaker 1: daughters at the table doing her homework. My son's playing
Speaker 1: the PlayStation pushing his his controller at me, saying play
Speaker 1: doubles with me, as I'm talking to some lady about
Speaker 1: how she wants to go down on me later that night. Right,
Speaker 1: surreal experience. So I took thirty online sessions and parlayed
Speaker 1: that into three in person dates. And I gotta tell you,
Speaker 1: like you know, yeah, you put yourself in harm's way
Speaker 1: and you find harm right, Like I didn't cheat, but
Speaker 1: I really wanted to. And yeah, your wife was aware,
Speaker 1: like you we talked on we talked all about it. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing like this website asking Madison is kind
Speaker 1: of like Instagram and Facebook, like it's so accessible to
Speaker 1: be doing those things online and behind someone's back. Well,
Speaker 1: it's accessible, No, you don't. I mean, Ashley Madison just
Speaker 1: makes a business out of it. You can do it anywhere. Um,
Speaker 1: and that's what to your point, Like, it's so accessible anywhere,
Speaker 1: you can do this anywhere. Uh, And it's it's so
Speaker 1: you know, Temptation used to be like you go out
Speaker 1: with the boys, you have a couple of drinks, you
Speaker 1: end up with this, you know, hot lady at the
Speaker 1: end of the bar. That's tempting. Now you just fire
Speaker 1: up your mobile phone and it's and it's all in
Speaker 1: front of your face. That's the thing. You just scroll
Speaker 1: through Instagram and it's all right there. Yeah, it's and
Speaker 1: it's bad. It is really bad. Yeah. You feel like
Speaker 1: this put a strain on your little experiment, put a
Speaker 1: strain on your marriage absolutely. Um. Yeah, it brought out
Speaker 1: cracks that we didn't know where we're even there. But
Speaker 1: I bet it's made you stronger since then, because I
Speaker 1: think people forget to somebody like yourself who's doing investigating work.
Speaker 1: In journalism, you have to get to the nitty gritty
Speaker 1: of it, and you have to like put yourself into
Speaker 1: that experience and really find out what the hell is
Speaker 1: going on, because it's so easy for someone like myself
Speaker 1: to talk from a third person's perspective and be like,
Speaker 1: oh that's good, this is bad, blah blah blah. But
Speaker 1: you were like, no, I'm actually diving into this with
Speaker 1: everybody's knowledge and like finding out what it's like firsthand,
Speaker 1: so I can relate at a at a better level.
Speaker 1: At a better level, definitely. Um, I don't know if
Speaker 1: it made my marriage more successful. No, but like you said,
Speaker 1: like I mean, maybe you maybe there's cracks there. But
Speaker 1: having said that, like you said earlier, fighting is not
Speaker 1: the worst, like sometimes you need that. Like you said,
Speaker 1: there's no there's no such thing as a perfect relationship,
Speaker 1: and the idea that like, oh we never fight or
Speaker 1: nothing's ever wrong is a disney fabricated story, no doubt.
Speaker 1: It's how you repair for sure, how you communicate, come
Speaker 1: back to other than to prepare. But I would not
Speaker 1: recommend anybody doing what I did ever at any time.
Speaker 1: Should I repeat that again? Yeah, don't. If you're listening
Speaker 1: to this, you know you can sit back and go wow,
Speaker 1: and then you can say, Wow, he's so stupid and
Speaker 1: then don't do it. Well. I gotta tell you, Charles,
Speaker 1: you are pretty impressive. I must say that people have
Speaker 1: called you the Carrie Bradshaw meets Hitch, which might be
Speaker 1: the best compliment I've ever heard in my entire life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that I would have to agree that was It was
Speaker 1: amazing to be Uh. And you've written five books. I have,
Speaker 1: but I love the name of all of them. Uh,
Speaker 1: don't dated dick. Uh. The problem with women is Men
Speaker 1: Volumes one and to love it. Um. So definitely, Charles,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming in. I couldn't get
Speaker 1: enough of you. Please everybody check out UM your show
Speaker 1: on Lifetime. It's in its third season seven year switch.
Speaker 1: What day and time is Tuesday nights ten pm Local Time,
Speaker 1: nine pm Eastern sorry Central, nine pm Central. Uh and
Speaker 1: episode two we've just launched, so we're you know, we're
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the season. But you can binge
Speaker 1: it on Hulu and on and on iTunes. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: on who and iTunes and on at my lifetime dot
Speaker 1: com for the website for those who don't want to pay. Okay,
Speaker 1: very cool. Tuesday nights ten o'clock. Um, but you can
Speaker 1: always stream it on Hulu. Um. Charles, thank you so
Speaker 1: much coming in. Anything you want to say before you
Speaker 1: get out of here? No, thanks for thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess the only thing I would add
Speaker 1: if if you're gonna allow me to close things a
Speaker 1: little bit, is that if you have a dating profile,
Speaker 1: the first thing you should put on there is I
Speaker 1: demand the very best from people, period. I like that.
Speaker 1: I demand the very best from people, including yourself. But
Speaker 1: I was just going to say atamount including myself. God,
Speaker 1: I love that. Charles, thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: Where can everybody find you on social media? My social handle,
Speaker 1: my website are all the same, Charles J Orlando. That's
Speaker 1: dot com, Snapchat, Pinterest, Instagram, or you can join a
Speaker 1: million and a half people on Facebook and get free
Speaker 1: advice there as well. Awesome, thanks coming in. Thanks you guys. Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you a big thank you to Charles all Endo.
Speaker 1: God what an interesting guy, super interesting. Uh yeah, awesome,
Speaker 1: awesome expert on seven year switch. Pretty cool, pretty cool guy.
Speaker 1: I like him a lot. But you know what's also
Speaker 1: is really cool, Vanessa. You know what's super cool. Probably
Speaker 1: know what you're going to talk about you know, it's
Speaker 1: really cool. It's healthy hair and it's very important. Why
Speaker 1: is healthy hair importing to you? Vanessa? I mean I
Speaker 1: feel like that's the first thing people notice right there,
Speaker 1: you talk about your hair. I'm like always going for
Speaker 1: e a haircut or going to talk to my hair stylist,
Speaker 1: Scott believe it or not, my delivery for come roll
Speaker 1: Jummy Bears. Yeah, she good bear hair Baby. I love
Speaker 1: them so much. I've been probably talking about them on
Speaker 1: social media and using them for about a year now.
Speaker 1: And if you can figure any celebrity with amazing Harry,
Speaker 1: you can bet that they have a style of compvement
Speaker 1: onto circu bear hair. Sared, I want to ask you, um,
Speaker 1: what is your first Did you ever try them as
Speaker 1: sirguar bear hair? Yeah? Of course you don't like I
Speaker 1: steal them from Ashley. What do you do your mind?
Speaker 1: That taste so good? I can only eat. You can't
Speaker 1: eat more than two a day though, So it's a
Speaker 1: little bit of a tease. But it's really hard. I
Speaker 1: tell you, gotta really can kill yourself. But I understand
Speaker 1: it's it's more for the hair than it is the taste.
Speaker 1: It's more for the hair for your nail growth as well,
Speaker 1: and ever since I've been using it. We're supposed to
Speaker 1: take two days or great for all hair types, all
Speaker 1: sender UM and it's supposed to make your hair shinier
Speaker 1: and thicker. And my hair has been so luss as lately,
Speaker 1: and people have been asking me what I've been doing, UM,
Speaker 1: and I've been using the Circupar haircutties UM. And they
Speaker 1: are a bestseller on Amazon with thousands of rave reviews.
Speaker 1: They taste like three delicious candy made with subduce of
Speaker 1: real ferries, but they can't pain everything you need for
Speaker 1: stronger and it helps your hair. And as a teacher,
Speaker 1: I love this UM. This bit of information. I'm about
Speaker 1: to give you guys as much vitamin and four customs roccoli,
Speaker 1: as much vitamin as one cup of cranberries, and as
Speaker 1: much vitamin each twelve as four organic eggs. I love them.
Speaker 1: I use them every day, twice to day, once in
Speaker 1: the morning, once in the evening. I just got my
Speaker 1: new supply nutrients and Ciguar bear hair fans, but also
Speaker 1: found their nails and skin quality and over time, and
Speaker 1: I could attested that too. I'm pretty sure that they
Speaker 1: just changed the slogan from an apple to day keeps
Speaker 1: the Doctor Away, to to to sugar Bear Hair A
Speaker 1: day keeps the Doctor Away. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So listen, guys, this is what you're going to do.
Speaker 1: For all our followers out there that wants sugar Bear hair.
Speaker 1: You just go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help.
Speaker 1: That's h E l P help for beautiful hair and
Speaker 1: a healthier you. That sugar Bear Hair dot Com slash help. Um, guys,
Speaker 1: go check it out today for healthier hair, just like Vanessa.
Speaker 1: So Vanessa, what's new in your life north of the border?
Speaker 1: North of the border in good old Canada. Um? Not much.
Speaker 1: I mean, as you guys know, I've been moving in
Speaker 1: Spaniel apartment. I haven't had any furniture today. Actually I'm
Speaker 1: getting my couch to find my dining room table. Really exciting.
Speaker 1: Those are my updates and nothing else really going on.
Speaker 1: I was actually blored I with my sister and my
Speaker 1: nephew and so that was fun. Um. I still don't
Speaker 1: get away because you need to recharge your batteries and
Speaker 1: just step away. So I did that for a little
Speaker 1: bit and now I'm back home. I mean there's not.
Speaker 1: Actually this is just the last festival putting them on
Speaker 1: trial this week, which is the biggest comedy festival in
Speaker 1: the world. Um. John Mayor is actually doing about what's
Speaker 1: slow dancing combined with Dave Chappelle. That's amazing. It's like
Speaker 1: my dream come true. So excited so that those are
Speaker 1: my date? What's the wre with you? Are you guys?
Speaker 1: Plenty your wedding? We're trying to so we're getting there.
Speaker 1: So we actually put a rough draft in two weeks
Speaker 1: ago for our first guest list, so we just yeah,
Speaker 1: we're trying to we kind of needy, uh, Vanessa, of
Speaker 1: course you're invited, Um, but we just kind of put
Speaker 1: a list out there of you know, everybody we could
Speaker 1: possibly think of who want to invite the wedding, and
Speaker 1: then we're gonna try to narrow it down from there.
Speaker 1: So you know, we're starting off with like, you know
Speaker 1: names really Um no, no, I've teasing, come on now,
Speaker 1: you think I honestly, we're just well listen as Italian, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: her dad's Sicilian oct she's really Italian very time kind
Speaker 1: of sounds that sounds normal to me. That's why I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's so now we're just kind of funny guest list together,
Speaker 1: trying to figure out who we're going to invite to
Speaker 1: the wedding. But we talked to a wedding plater and
Speaker 1: his advice Will was put everybody unless you could possibly
Speaker 1: think of, and then narrowed down from there, and so
Speaker 1: that's what exactly what we did. It was kind of
Speaker 1: fun to just be like, you know, who are we
Speaker 1: going to invite? Who like your cousins, Maya pah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And then it was also the cost
Speaker 1: part was thinking about Bachelor people, like thinking about exactly
Speaker 1: not only you know, cast members, but production and so
Speaker 1: it was cool like putting our you know, putting those
Speaker 1: names together and be like, who's going to come to
Speaker 1: our wedding? Who are we inviting? Uh to be determined,
Speaker 1: we'll see what the most important thing for myself is
Speaker 1: to make sure that Ashley has the best wedding that
Speaker 1: she's ever dreamed of. So whether that's on camera or
Speaker 1: if camera doesn't really matter, as long as it's the
Speaker 1: best possible wedding that she's always dreamed of, Because it's
Speaker 1: important to me to have obviously a great wedding. But
Speaker 1: I know Ashley obviously very well, and I know that
Speaker 1: Ashley has been dreaming of this day since the days
Speaker 1: she came out of the womb, So like, I want
Speaker 1: to make sure Billa or the show. Yeah, well, she
Speaker 1: watches Bridezilla. She watches Um Say Yes to the Dress,
Speaker 1: which I watched now too, you know, uh yeah, if
Speaker 1: I'm on the couch and the TVs on, I don't
Speaker 1: really have control. Um, so she's she's always watched those,
Speaker 1: so so I know she's super excited. So we're trying
Speaker 1: to just put that together for well, let's talk about
Speaker 1: bachelor and parties. I know, well now I'm trying to
Speaker 1: figure out bachelor and bachelorette party. So the cool thing
Speaker 1: is for actually, I know that her bachelor party is
Speaker 1: gonna be super low key. She doesn't even like going
Speaker 1: out on the weekends, let alone like throwing this huge rangers.
Speaker 1: So I know she wants to like just rent a house,
Speaker 1: have some girlfriends over, like for a night or two,
Speaker 1: and just you know, do whatever they used to do
Speaker 1: back in their teenage years, like have sleepovers and their pajamas,
Speaker 1: watch chick flicks, drink wine. That's going to be her
Speaker 1: bachelorette party, which is probably gonna be no. Well, I
Speaker 1: mean she can have of as if she wants. I
Speaker 1: don't think she wants strippers, but her sister might get
Speaker 1: one for fun. Um. But for me, I kind of
Speaker 1: want to do the same thing. I've always been pretty
Speaker 1: low key, and so I guess funny as it would
Speaker 1: be to go to Vegas with a lot of my friends,
Speaker 1: Like I'm so much more low key where I just
Speaker 1: kind of want to hang in, drink, watch movies, like
Speaker 1: have honestly like a cookout. That would be my ideal
Speaker 1: bachelor party where it's just like eight to ten of
Speaker 1: my closest friends were in the backyard, were drinking beer.
Speaker 1: We're playing bags or cornhole as you people call it
Speaker 1: over here. It's bags. Okay, that's the bags. Bags, it's
Speaker 1: the Yeah, it's east. It's totally bags, everybody. It's cornhole.
Speaker 1: That's the game. Some pop and play some bags crack open,
Speaker 1: some pop maybe just no but light um crapping is
Speaker 1: a pop you know, play some bags, have a good time.
Speaker 1: We'll have the Patriots playing in the background. Would be
Speaker 1: a great time. Um. So that's kind of like my
Speaker 1: ideal bachelor party. But we'll see. I'm still playing that
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to figure out who's in the bachelor party,
Speaker 1: who's not on the bachelor party, and then like the
Speaker 1: good thing is, though I think Ashley said she has
Speaker 1: like ten people in her bachelortte party. Randow, that's just
Speaker 1: like in the bridal party, the bridle party. Excuse me, yes,
Speaker 1: bridal party. That is a lot. But the good thing
Speaker 1: is I don't have to match that because I was
Speaker 1: actually recent on the wedding where the grunsman was seven
Speaker 1: or eight people and then the bridle party was like ten,
Speaker 1: so oh I had I had a girl on each arm,
Speaker 1: So yeah, there we felt pretty cool. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: lie about that one. So we'll see. Just like it's
Speaker 1: so early on though, people are like, when's the date?
Speaker 1: Have you guys planning? We're like, we don't even know.
Speaker 1: And then they're like, is it going to be a
Speaker 1: TV wedding? You don't have a date. No, we don't
Speaker 1: have a date. And I get it. We're right now
Speaker 1: we're saying next summer, but we don't have like we're
Speaker 1: not saying it's July. We we don't know the exact
Speaker 1: date of when it's going to happen, which is actually
Speaker 1: a little concerning because we still need to find a venue,
Speaker 1: which apparently books up like what sounds like fifteen years
Speaker 1: in advance. It's unbelievable. Remember inspect if you want something
Speaker 1: super popular. Um, so okay, So we're not sut this televised.
Speaker 1: We're not sure when you're gonna get married, but what
Speaker 1: we're sure about is that Ashley and I want to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of our lives together, and we're gonna
Speaker 1: get married at some point next year. I have a question,
Speaker 1: are you guys living together? No, not yet, so we're
Speaker 1: probably going to start. I mean I spend every night
Speaker 1: over there, so it doesn't I guess, yeah, we're technically
Speaker 1: we're not living together, but we pretty much are. So
Speaker 1: we were originally thinking November when I move in, because
Speaker 1: actually just recently moved into a three bedroom and it's
Speaker 1: still getting put together, and I don't want to move
Speaker 1: in halfway through her little apartment project. Oh trust me,
Speaker 1: and it's it's a hassle. I'm going through it now.
Speaker 1: And half of my deliveries are not spending in the
Speaker 1: proper deliveries or my marrors are coming in cracked or yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a hassle to add another hassle of myself to
Speaker 1: that situation. I find myself pretty easy to live with.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie about that one. But I also
Speaker 1: don't want to invade her space while like, you know,
Speaker 1: there's boxes everywhere, and there's still pictures need to be
Speaker 1: hanging up in shelves, and while I'm hanging it up, like,
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that her apartment is set
Speaker 1: ready to go. And it's like, okay, now I feel
Speaker 1: okay or excuse me, now Ashley would feel okay for
Speaker 1: me to move in. But the thing is, now we've
Speaker 1: been talking, I might move in earlier because I pretty
Speaker 1: much lived there as it is. I don't like sleeping
Speaker 1: in a bed without Ashley, and neither does she, and
Speaker 1: so it doesn't really make sense for me not to
Speaker 1: move in sooner. So probably realistically August or September, within
Speaker 1: the next month or so, i'd probably live been. Ok Wait,
Speaker 1: maybe this shouldn't be ask you this, Are you still
Speaker 1: where you were before? Yeah? Living with Nick? That's so weird.
Speaker 1: I know, I do a podcast with Vanessa and I
Speaker 1: live with Nick. Go figure if you had asked me
Speaker 1: that a year ago. It's been like you're outside your mind,
Speaker 1: that's never gonna happen, and yet here we are. I know,
Speaker 1: but you guys are so But you guys are so
Speaker 1: mature about everything, Like I've never you've never said anything
Speaker 1: uh uh awkward. Uh, Like you've never brought an awkwardness
Speaker 1: to the idea that I'm I'm good friends with Nick
Speaker 1: and you're doing a podcast with me. And Nick has
Speaker 1: never brought any type of awkwardness to me about being
Speaker 1: good friends with him, but doing a podcast with you.
Speaker 1: You guys are both very mature about the entire situation,
Speaker 1: very understanding of how this business goes, specifically how the
Speaker 1: Bachelor franchise goes, where you're just friends with constant your X,
Speaker 1: like like I mean, I just gotta you know, like
Speaker 1: I'm friends with uh you know. For example, um Wells.
Speaker 1: Wells is a friend of mine and he made out
Speaker 1: with Ashley, and I just got to accept the fact
Speaker 1: that that happened, and like I got to move past it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. It's a it's a very weird, weird world
Speaker 1: and complicated world we live in. But um, now we're
Speaker 1: I'm very fortunate to um to still have that you know,
Speaker 1: Nick and I still have a level of respect for
Speaker 1: each other. And I always find that important when you
Speaker 1: end a relationship to still remember the good times that
Speaker 1: you had. Um And yeah, I mean it wasn't her.
Speaker 1: I I wanted to make sure it wasn't awkward for anyone.
Speaker 1: And now that I'm that, I'm glad we're at the
Speaker 1: point we are right now. Well, speaking of Bachelor, did
Speaker 1: you don't You didn't watch the episode last night? Did you?
Speaker 1: I didn't back home from Florida. Maybe you can feel me.
Speaker 1: I will feel you in very quickly. It was down
Speaker 1: to three. It was Fantasy Sweet weeks uh, the final
Speaker 1: three Garrett, Blake, and Jason. Jason is the one who
Speaker 1: went home. She sent him home before the Fantasy Sweet Um.
Speaker 1: But what happened was he like the drama came in
Speaker 1: because Jason left. She sent him home because she said
Speaker 1: that she was in love with Blake and Garrett, but
Speaker 1: only falling in love with him wasn't there yet, so
Speaker 1: she had to send him home because the feelings weren't
Speaker 1: a strong and so he came back at the end
Speaker 1: for more clarity. And the problem becomes I find that
Speaker 1: sometimes with a lot of these contestants, which is understandable.
Speaker 1: There's just no clarity in the Bachelor franchise. The idea
Speaker 1: of coming back and asking for more. It's something I
Speaker 1: guess I can relate to. But having said that, is
Speaker 1: also so difficult because unlike the real world and not
Speaker 1: the real world, the Bachelor's real world, but unlike you know,
Speaker 1: the Bachelor bubble, Like if you're out in the real world,
Speaker 1: you can just like it fades away with time, where yeah,
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor, it's just like this is the way
Speaker 1: it works, like it's over. I'm sorry. I have two
Speaker 1: more relationships that have further feelings than I do with you.
Speaker 1: So like with Fantasy Street week, Vanessa, because you went
Speaker 1: through this, I did not. I was I was fourth,
Speaker 1: I was cut the week before. What was your experience
Speaker 1: going with Fantasy this week knowing that like Nick was
Speaker 1: going to be, you know, spending overnights with not only
Speaker 1: yourself but two other women. It's I honestly, sometimes I
Speaker 1: think that I look back and I'm like, did I
Speaker 1: do the show? I don't know if you feel like
Speaker 1: like this, but it feels like it's been so long
Speaker 1: ago and it's such as it's once you're in it,
Speaker 1: and once they're filming, a week feels like a month,
Speaker 1: and like that data feels like weeks. So I kind
Speaker 1: of just went into it knowing I really want to
Speaker 1: spend that a long time with him camera's off, just
Speaker 1: getting to hear each other's personalities and just like me,
Speaker 1: you know, Nick, I can talk for days, So we
Speaker 1: really spoke the entire night. But that's respectas a season
Speaker 1: before I got cut off. I have to respect the
Speaker 1: leaves that do that and know that if they do
Speaker 1: not have the strong as strong feelings for a person,
Speaker 1: that they're not going to bring them into um, something
Speaker 1: as big as Fantasy Sweet. Absolutely. I think if she
Speaker 1: knew before the Fantasy Suite that Jason was not the guy,
Speaker 1: you absolutely let him go before the Fantasy Suite, just
Speaker 1: like she did with Colton last week. She knew it
Speaker 1: wasn't Colton, and she wanted to let him go as
Speaker 1: soon as she figured out that it wasn't going to
Speaker 1: be him at the end of this thing, and so
Speaker 1: just leaves Garrett and Blake. Um, so, who do you
Speaker 1: think it's gonna win? Garrett? I think I think I
Speaker 1: don't know, because who fun Garrett or Blake. They're really
Speaker 1: neither one of them is funny. The problem with like,
Speaker 1: I like Blake, he seems like an r I do,
Speaker 1: but man, he is so obsessed with Becca. It's getting
Speaker 1: to the point of creepiness a little bit. Like. I
Speaker 1: don't think Blake is obsessed with Becca because she's the bachelory.
Speaker 1: I truly think that he just digs her for who
Speaker 1: she is. Having said that, Blake kind of reminds me.
Speaker 1: It is beautiful, but it's a little much. Blake reminds
Speaker 1: me of the guy who would the guy that falls
Speaker 1: hard very fast, like after one day, is like, I'm
Speaker 1: in love with you and I'm going to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of my life with you. He's like late twenties.
Speaker 1: I think he's kind of younger. He seems like Garrett.
Speaker 1: I think is in his earlier Garrett is right around
Speaker 1: the same age. Thinking about Garrett, Garrett has been married
Speaker 1: once before. He had a marriage for two months. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what was the marriage or is he was
Speaker 1: he still considered divorce. No, No, he got married so
Speaker 1: he was with her for three years. I think they
Speaker 1: got married. The marriage lasted for two months before they
Speaker 1: got divorced. The divorce is finalized, has happened like two
Speaker 1: years ago or something like that. That's pretty much garrett
Speaker 1: storyline on there. So like, I think that I don't
Speaker 1: really know. I don't if I'm being honest, I don't
Speaker 1: feel it as much with Garrett and Becca as I
Speaker 1: do with Becca and Blake. So I think that she
Speaker 1: should put I I think it should be Blake. I
Speaker 1: think that, like, while he is a little obsessive and
Speaker 1: in his own head a little bit, but I think
Speaker 1: that their connection is stronger than what she has with Garrett.
Speaker 1: That's what I think it comes down with. So let's
Speaker 1: figure out who Becca picks, whether it be Blake, whether
Speaker 1: it be Garrett. That's all gonna be very dramatic, as
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison would say, the most dramatic season in Bachelor history.
Speaker 1: But speaking of drama, we have are wonderful, are amazing.
Speaker 1: Our co host who's traveling all around the world on
Speaker 1: the line, Dean Dean, are you out there? What do
Speaker 1: you mean speaking of drama? I knew you'd love that.
Speaker 1: Do I come along with dramathing? Dude? If you watch
Speaker 1: Bachelor Paradise last year, come on now, you were the
Speaker 1: center for all of it. Not a bad thing. You
Speaker 1: were just like the storyline. I didn't Harris. Currently, you
Speaker 1: guys should go look at my latest Instagram post. I
Speaker 1: have a special friend visiting me in Paris. Actually as well,
Speaker 1: really I saw, I saw the drone. The drone action
Speaker 1: looked well freaking amazing. Oh thanks, Well, I was a Greece.
Speaker 1: But you guys remember well Vanester knows Alex. Alex forty
Speaker 1: for my season is in Paris. I have to and uh,
Speaker 1: we're roomies for the next couple of days. I will
Speaker 1: give him up to you. I've given him quite a
Speaker 1: few ones actually so far, but its evolve been for me,
Speaker 1: not for you. Did he come visit you because he
Speaker 1: knew you were out there, or did he just randomly
Speaker 1: run into you. He was in Russia with his family,
Speaker 1: and France is kind of on the way back to
Speaker 1: the US as to travel in west, so I decided
Speaker 1: to stop over him and his brother and we're all
Speaker 1: hanging out. And what's great, which which I've am very
Speaker 1: thankful for, is I'm gonna be able to put him
Speaker 1: off on a bunch of Parisians and send him on
Speaker 1: some days for some constant figure figure out one's like
Speaker 1: for an American American up to dating and France. I
Speaker 1: think that's what all the listeners are interested to know. Obviously,
Speaker 1: everybody wants to know what dating international is like. Speaking
Speaker 1: of that, have you been on any dates in the
Speaker 1: past week? How have I been on any dates in
Speaker 1: the past week? I have not so since the last book,
Speaker 1: I think I was in Cool and Poor last I
Speaker 1: went to Singapore, and then I went to Greece, and
Speaker 1: then I got to Paris this morning or late last night. UM,
Speaker 1: and gree Paris is the city of love. I saw
Speaker 1: a lot more time here, so you know, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: go on a date one here tbd UM. But the
Speaker 1: funny thing is someone I was in Greece, at least
Speaker 1: the area that I was doing it was kind of
Speaker 1: like a more like a party area. I met up
Speaker 1: with three of my friends who happened to be saying
Speaker 1: that as well. UM, and they were going on dates
Speaker 1: weston right, which was kind of weird and good for
Speaker 1: me at the same time because it kind of gade
Speaker 1: me some time to explore the island and why it's
Speaker 1: done a little bit. But UM, grace is interesting. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you guys have ever didn't degree, but
Speaker 1: that we were going was which like mos of tree
Speaker 1: and it was like a huge party scene. So it
Speaker 1: was like a bunch of you know, twenty year old
Speaker 1: just partying the whole time. And they were, like I said,
Speaker 1: they were going, they left and right. It was actually
Speaker 1: kind of mind blood and there were very many Greeks
Speaker 1: they were being we think, but it wasn't that they
Speaker 1: were getting any Greek women, I guess because um, that's
Speaker 1: typically not where they would go to parties, but a
Speaker 1: lot of international So my friend that I was with, uh,
Speaker 1: they like met like what we're really to keep something
Speaker 1: I called the Adian or something, and I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's always interesting traveling in and actually the places like
Speaker 1: that where it's kind of like an international hot spot
Speaker 1: for people to meet them just kind of party and
Speaker 1: drinking all that kind of stuff. Um. So I mean
Speaker 1: I'm fat because I want obviously like a while I'm
Speaker 1: on this adventure, I want to be able to yeah
Speaker 1: they're dating and tell and share with you guys. But
Speaker 1: I'm kind of uh dork when it comes to day
Speaker 1: and I can't only want to go on date, especially
Speaker 1: traveling and actually you know, like what if you end
Speaker 1: up liking him one and then you have to come
Speaker 1: back to America, Like, what do you do that? You
Speaker 1: do long distance? You know, it would make no sense
Speaker 1: team for you exactly, especially are like Albanion or something,
Speaker 1: and you never I mean a long distance regardless of
Speaker 1: it you are, like if you're in uh, California to
Speaker 1: New York, it's hard enough. And then you go obviously
Speaker 1: this thing, yeah, but remember, like you going on dates
Speaker 1: is not for yourself, it's for our own entertainment. So
Speaker 1: you're doing it for us. Three times on the beast
Speaker 1: of that faradyfe and win the games. I've already sated
Speaker 1: for you. All right, that's fair assessment. So what's your
Speaker 1: favorite thing you've done in France so far? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: I said, we haven't been here very long. We've climbed
Speaker 1: the top of the Eiffel Power today. How is that
Speaker 1: is a bad asshole? It was pretty bad, as I
Speaker 1: would like. Obviously, it would be nice to be imparissed
Speaker 1: with a girl friend or a significant other. You d now,
Speaker 1: dude like he doesn't have seventeen girls lining into his
Speaker 1: DM every minute? Oh well, yeah, I mean that's all fine, dame,
Speaker 1: But what about and so while there are a lot
Speaker 1: of There are a lot of single ladies over in France.
Speaker 1: They have you like kind of been uh you know,
Speaker 1: chit chat at all, not dates, but just like casual.
Speaker 1: I will, I will say the friends women they're beautiful. Um.
Speaker 1: I on my flight out here. Um, so Alex and
Speaker 1: his brother got into this morning and like I said,
Speaker 1: I got in late yesterday. Um. And actually I was
Speaker 1: on the same flight at my buddy that I was
Speaker 1: in three slates and so we liked out for a
Speaker 1: couple of drinks and I came to bed pretty early,
Speaker 1: like come thirty year eleven. But I mean, the French
Speaker 1: women are beautiful. I I never really expected to. I
Speaker 1: mean I was not expecting it, but um, everywhere and
Speaker 1: it was like a young they're very what looking natural,
Speaker 1: like just natural, like not a lot of makeup, yeah,
Speaker 1: like not in hand or you know, like they don't
Speaker 1: wear lots of makeup in Europe. Why do I feel
Speaker 1: that French women don't shave their arm pits? Is that
Speaker 1: like a falacy? Maybe that's what I can do, Joe.
Speaker 1: It was a trend at one point. Is it still
Speaker 1: a trend or did it end? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: guess we'll have to find that for us. Yeah, Dean,
Speaker 1: just go to a nice little French lady and be like,
Speaker 1: uh scoozy, Uh would you mind lifting your arm for
Speaker 1: me for a quick second. No, I'm minding to act.
Speaker 1: It's gonna go up to random women and checking. You
Speaker 1: know what's so funny about that. I guarantee those women
Speaker 1: will allow you to do that. Dean has this way
Speaker 1: where he can be I swear to God, Dean, It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1: How you just don't you have this natural charm about
Speaker 1: you where I'm pretty sure, like, for example, I'm a dude,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a guy, and I would let you if
Speaker 1: you went over and I was like, hey, can you
Speaker 1: lift your arm and be like yeah, sure, okay, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: do you like it? It's pretty good. I think that's
Speaker 1: it definitely does kind of go a long way traveling,
Speaker 1: especially by yourself, not necessarily like that, but just like, uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know if person ability because I wouldn't never
Speaker 1: um being respectful nannacle. When you travel, it definitely helps
Speaker 1: like meet people and like to carry on conversations that
Speaker 1: maybe otherwise wouldn't necessarily happen. But so traveling by yourself.
Speaker 1: What's the like one of the few things that you've
Speaker 1: learned about yourself that you probably maybe changed you. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I don't think anything hasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: changed me, but I will say I think we discussed
Speaker 1: this a little bit last week. Is Um, the more
Speaker 1: time I spend a loan, the more I like to
Speaker 1: begin to revert to like the thoughts, like the thought
Speaker 1: settings that I had when I was younger, because like
Speaker 1: I think I've talked about this on the podcast before,
Speaker 1: Like I was kind of always like a nerd and
Speaker 1: a loner up until like maybe fifteen or sixteen, and
Speaker 1: I always I always had like this is not like
Speaker 1: weird thoughts, but like different ways of thinking. And then um,
Speaker 1: after from sixteen until I was six, however old I am,
Speaker 1: there was it was like you kind of think more
Speaker 1: different when you're in social settings and you're trying to
Speaker 1: buy your friends all the time, right, And if you
Speaker 1: never really take this time to beat by yourself, you
Speaker 1: never allow yourself to have your own, like original thoughts.
Speaker 1: And it's not like I mean obviously there anything profound
Speaker 1: anything like that, but it's still really interesting to see
Speaker 1: the difference of how my regular life un back to
Speaker 1: myfcandelas I'm around my friend's point for seven and then
Speaker 1: like here, obviously I'm a lot to see by myself
Speaker 1: a little bit more and thin just kind of um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, unfold a little bit differently inside my
Speaker 1: hud and I don't know. It's just interesting. It's not
Speaker 1: necessarily I've found myself in any kind of BLI sort
Speaker 1: of way. It's just a different, uh guess experience, you know,
Speaker 1: totally it makes sense. Are you still writing? Um? I am.
Speaker 1: I haven't quitted much, just because I've been up with
Speaker 1: friends for the fact, maybe like a week or so. Um,
Speaker 1: and I kind of kind of kicking myself to that
Speaker 1: a little bit as well. Um, I plan on still
Speaker 1: another two weeks left, so I plan on doing that
Speaker 1: a little bit more. Well. The reason I asked the
Speaker 1: reason I asked to someone actually on the Help I Suck,
Speaker 1: a dating podcast Facebook group wrote on July nineteen, said
Speaker 1: just listen to the pot a vague. Remember some psychic
Speaker 1: guy coming on some months ago telling Dean he should
Speaker 1: get into writing, but Dean didn't seem too interested. Fast
Speaker 1: forward months later and he's, you know, waking up at
Speaker 1: three in the morning writing his life away. So was
Speaker 1: that true to it? To remember? Uh, Campbell's name was
Speaker 1: Domin Dominic or something like that. He came on he
Speaker 1: told me that I kind of like got that as
Speaker 1: a god. Now that's never meet me. I'm not a
Speaker 1: writer by any means. Uh, Like I obviously still am not.
Speaker 1: But it's just interesting to you know, put words onto
Speaker 1: paper or last top or whatever it is. Um, it's
Speaker 1: just like it's interesting to kind of chronicles, like you're journaling, right,
Speaker 1: Like I've never really a journal before, but kind of
Speaker 1: comical things that we're going on inside your head. It's interesting.
Speaker 1: It's like the weird way of um. But it has
Speaker 1: a perspective because yeah, very therapeutic, Like it just has
Speaker 1: a perspective things. But I need keep doing that. I
Speaker 1: definitely like I like, well, got down on my phone
Speaker 1: every once in a while and I was kind of
Speaker 1: bad of like things that I want to put down
Speaker 1: and actually write about it and it stand further. So
Speaker 1: it's just a matter of like taking the time to
Speaker 1: sit down and kind of explore this idea and that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Well, it's likeic name was Reginald Lewis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was in studio, wasn't he Yes, he made the
Speaker 1: vibes in the aromas like everybody had a different color.
Speaker 1: Oh he's an old color reader, an or color reader. Yes,
Speaker 1: wow he had you pinpointed Dean. Holy was the w
Speaker 1: um You were there as well? I was there. I
Speaker 1: he said it was. It was like it was focused
Speaker 1: on Dean though it is right around like a couple
Speaker 1: of months ago. Um, Dan was going through some stuff
Speaker 1: and and and so it was a lot about Dean.
Speaker 1: He just said about me that like I had like
Speaker 1: an orange I think creativity color on me, which is
Speaker 1: very nice. Um, but that's so your yours is red.
Speaker 1: Maybe my mind was yellow. Then I don't my minus
Speaker 1: blue or something, So what does that mean? I don't
Speaker 1: remember what blue means. But I remember her saying that
Speaker 1: I was very empathetic and that because I have to
Speaker 1: be very receptive to some energies, I can somehow, you know,
Speaker 1: so sad. Sometimes if I'm around someone who's like not
Speaker 1: feeling well, I can absorb their energies and I need
Speaker 1: to learn how to, um, you know, still be ampathetic
Speaker 1: towards those people. Let's be able to understand why I'm
Speaker 1: feeling certain ways. And how it can be because of
Speaker 1: other people's energies around me. Blah blah blah. But she
Speaker 1: was so spot on about so much stuff. And I
Speaker 1: think at one point to the same person on Instagram, Um,
Speaker 1: she didn't for reading on reason and her boyfriend and
Speaker 1: she was really spot on with them too when we
Speaker 1: were talking about that. Um, it's really interesting. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: super interesting. I mean, Reginald Man, he nailed They're on
Speaker 1: the head. So Deane, you gotta keep writing. Still at
Speaker 1: a little distical of all that kind of stuff. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like, uh sort of things maybe to a degree.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm skeptical too, but he did call it
Speaker 1: with you and writing, that's very interesting. So you gotta
Speaker 1: keep writing and let us know how it's gone. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll keep writing, Yeah, I mean every single bit. Dodd No.
Speaker 1: But I repierced my ear today. I saw that. When
Speaker 1: I was in fifth grade, my aunt came to visit
Speaker 1: who lived in New Jersey. I was ten, and he's like,
Speaker 1: you have to get your ear piers and so I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, Monny, I'll get my ear serious like sure,
Speaker 1: and I got a pierced. I had a little bearing
Speaker 1: in this for a while, and then they closed, and
Speaker 1: then when I was like seventeen, I got it repierced,
Speaker 1: but in a different bottom my ears. So I've always
Speaker 1: had two holes on my left ears, but I've never
Speaker 1: really had two earlings in there at the same time
Speaker 1: until I was like walking around Paris by myself today.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna repierce that second hole and
Speaker 1: just kind of see what happened. That's what I did.
Speaker 1: And you say that traveling alone hasn't changed you now
Speaker 1: now you're a man with Pierce Steerrings. I love it.
Speaker 1: I almost got pier servings in high school too. I
Speaker 1: wanted to. I wanted studs. I wanted two studs. I
Speaker 1: was that guys like in the early two thousand's. That
Speaker 1: was in until I was wearing my pulp Pierce Celtics Jersey.
Speaker 1: I wanted two studs. Feel good ears gauged you, I can.
Speaker 1: You can see it. There's a I got. I could
Speaker 1: fit like a pencilty there at one point. So is
Speaker 1: it gauge? Is that like the earring that has a
Speaker 1: hole in it? Yeah? Yeah, it's like like a barrel
Speaker 1: and you put larger ones in slowly over time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what is what is why is that it looked cool
Speaker 1: look tough. That's funny because I want to get gauges
Speaker 1: in college for a while too, and I was always
Speaker 1: too much of a what to do it? So Dean,
Speaker 1: why don't you do it when you're starting where you
Speaker 1: traveling abroad? Well, all right, one step at a time.
Speaker 1: Let's get the hoop, then the gauge. If you go
Speaker 1: too big with the gauges, then they'll never close. But
Speaker 1: even it sounds like you've never wet back at that point,
Speaker 1: I love to be a cautionary tale. I went very
Speaker 1: slowly because I wanted them to close up. I went
Speaker 1: very slowly, and they did not close up like you can.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. I mean you could see the whole see
Speaker 1: that there's a hole there. You can see there's a
Speaker 1: hole there. But yeah, yeah it looks closed from afar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like when you get up there, like there's I
Speaker 1: could put an earring through here right now if I
Speaker 1: wanted to. That's crazy. So which is never gonna close you.
Speaker 1: I will have a whole permanent damage to my heir lobe,
Speaker 1: my precious ear lobe that God gave me, the little
Speaker 1: little eastern heir lobe. Well, Dean, thanks for so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. Man. Please be safe, travel safe. Tell
Speaker 1: Alex we said Hi, Um, have fun in Paris, enjoy
Speaker 1: your time over there. Um and you guys, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be in Dublin and then after that I'm going to
Speaker 1: see your beautiful face as the studio again. Because I
Speaker 1: miss you guys off so much. Hopefully I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: we need all three of us to be united. Would
Speaker 1: be phenomenal. I know, I miss our aura. We had
Speaker 1: a good aura and vibe in here. Now now now
Speaker 1: it's just me and Din. Alright, Dean, we'll talk to
Speaker 1: you soon. Buddy, have fun youh teany babies. He's such
Speaker 1: a good man. Uh, I'm so glad you guys. Ear Pierce,
Speaker 1: that's pretty bad ass. Actually, of course he's gonna come
Speaker 1: back a completely different man. Tattoos, ear piercings, all good stuff.
Speaker 1: So good. He sounds so relaxed. Uh yeah, he don't
Speaker 1: think he's having a lot of fun. He does sound
Speaker 1: like he's having fun. You know what else is fun, Vanessa.
Speaker 1: You know what's really fun is getting in shape. It's
Speaker 1: something that I need to do because I've eaten about
Speaker 1: three chocolate bars a day since I've gotten engaged, because
Speaker 1: Ashley and I just really sit on the couch and
Speaker 1: watch TV, and so I'm just kind of not going
Speaker 1: to the gym right now, and I need something that
Speaker 1: I can work out at home with. Um So I
Speaker 1: found I'm sure you've heard of this before, a Beach
Speaker 1: Body on Demand. We talked about it before in the podcast.
Speaker 1: It's awesome. It's an easy way to use streaming service
Speaker 1: that gives you instant access to a wide variety of
Speaker 1: super effective workouts that you can do from the comfort
Speaker 1: of your own living room seven, which is huge for
Speaker 1: me right now because it's very difficult for me to
Speaker 1: just get off the couch and go to the gym.
Speaker 1: So all I what I need is to like tell myself, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're just getting off the couch to move two feet
Speaker 1: over there, and you're gonna watch the television and you're
Speaker 1: gonna be fine. You're gonna work out with all these
Speaker 1: people in the own comfort in your home. So nobody
Speaker 1: sees because it sucks when I go to the gym
Speaker 1: two and I haven't gone in a couple of months,
Speaker 1: and like the guy next to me is like benching
Speaker 1: four thousand pounds and I'm like using the ten pound gumbbells,
Speaker 1: it gets super intimidating. So I love the idea of
Speaker 1: working out from home. And you know why, Beach Body
Speaker 1: on Demand is the best the history of success success.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, this is the company that's behind P nine Insanity,
Speaker 1: twenty one day Fixed t, Brazil Butt Lift. Personally, my
Speaker 1: favorite hip hop ads, three week yogur Retreat, all those
Speaker 1: they got the best trainers. You can get motivated motivated
Speaker 1: by celebrities, super trainers, you know, like Shanty Uh they
Speaker 1: got Tony Horn on there. Um, you can work out
Speaker 1: on your own schedule, like you said, you can work
Speaker 1: out at home seven whenever you want. Work arts are
Speaker 1: as short as ten minutes. They don't require any extra equipment. Um,
Speaker 1: in the time that it takes you to drive in
Speaker 1: park of the gym, like I was saying, you could
Speaker 1: be finished with your workout by then. I just moved
Speaker 1: into a new area. My uh, infuntreality, So I don't
Speaker 1: know where the gimps are stuff. Definitely gonna get the body.
Speaker 1: I hear insanity is insane. Um, you heard insanities insane?
Speaker 1: Who would have thought? Which is your favorite? My personal
Speaker 1: favorite is the twenty one day fix because I like
Speaker 1: having an end goal, so I know in three weeks
Speaker 1: that I'm going to see results, which is the most
Speaker 1: important thing for me, because sometimes it's tough. It's tough
Speaker 1: getting to the gym, and then the first couple of
Speaker 1: times you go, you really work on hardy, you don't
Speaker 1: see those results. The cool thing about twenty one day
Speaker 1: fixes you see it in three weeks, which is really cool. Um,
Speaker 1: he said, you got any favorites over there? Uh, but
Speaker 1: has to mention insanity. I like that one a lot
Speaker 1: to Um. You know, my my dad is a bodybuilder,
Speaker 1: and I grew up in a very fit uh centric
Speaker 1: household and which probably demand that's the real deal. Well,
Speaker 1: these programs, uh, specifically Insanity. I think we'll really get
Speaker 1: you into shape in a quick way. And like I said,
Speaker 1: the cool thing is you can do it from the
Speaker 1: confront of your own home. That's why I really want
Speaker 1: you to try this service, because you know, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to form the best body I can and so you
Speaker 1: should really try it because it goes from the comfort
Speaker 1: of your own home. Um. Right now, what you can
Speaker 1: do to get a special free trial membership is all
Speaker 1: you have to do is text Dean d e A
Speaker 1: N to thirty thirty thirty. That's Dan d e A
Speaker 1: N to thirty thirty. You will get full access to
Speaker 1: this entire platform for free, all the workouts and nutrition
Speaker 1: information and all the support totally free, just by text
Speaker 1: and Dean to three zero three zero three zero thirty. Guys.
Speaker 1: Try it out today beach Body on Demand. All right, Vanessa, Well,
Speaker 1: apparently you have a brand new couch coming in. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm super excited. They just called there on their face.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to let I can't part with you,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure there's some interesting ones out there. Um
Speaker 1: your new lead, so you at dating as much as
Speaker 1: I do so you can get better. I'm gonna definitely
Speaker 1: try to give this as best advice as I possibly can. Vanessa,
Speaker 1: It's always a privilege. We miss you in the studio.
Speaker 1: Have fund in your new couch. I expect to see
Speaker 1: photos on Instagram. Well, guys, by Vanessa. All right, let's
Speaker 1: read some emails. Erica, you want to read some emails
Speaker 1: over there? That beautiful voice of yours, I would love to, yes,
Speaker 1: and please keep sending these emails, keep writing on the
Speaker 1: Facebook group. Help I suck at dating. It's my favorite thing.
Speaker 1: I love scrolling through him trying to give as much
Speaker 1: answer as I possibly can, So please keep sending them in.
Speaker 1: All right, This is from Emily, She says, at my
Speaker 1: apartment building, everyone who pays for parking has an assigned
Speaker 1: parking spot. A few days ago, I came home from
Speaker 1: work someone had parked in my spot. However, they did
Speaker 1: leave a note on their dashboard with their phone number
Speaker 1: saying to call and they would they would move if
Speaker 1: they were parked in my spot. Clearly they were okay whatever.
Speaker 1: So I called the number and a guy answered and
Speaker 1: came to move his car quickly. When he came down,
Speaker 1: we had a short conversation, but I don't know his
Speaker 1: name or much about him. He was pretty good looking
Speaker 1: and seemed to the good guy from the short time
Speaker 1: I saw him. I would like to contact him again
Speaker 1: and see if there's anything between us, but I am
Speaker 1: not very courageous person. This happened a few days ago,
Speaker 1: so I'm not sure if my window of opportunity is
Speaker 1: still open. I would love some help. Also, congrats to
Speaker 1: Jared on the engagement. Oh thank you so much Emily
Speaker 1: for your congratulatory Ah this one is a tough one.
Speaker 1: He's I mean, it was just one meeting, right, am
Speaker 1: I missing a part of the email? It's just that
Speaker 1: one meeting where he was like, here's my number, please
Speaker 1: call if I want to move the park car. If
Speaker 1: he's cute, go for a girl, why the hell not?
Speaker 1: But like, you also know nothing of this man. Probably
Speaker 1: not married because you would have seen a ring. But like, well,
Speaker 1: he's cute, Like what are you gonna say? Hi? You
Speaker 1: want to grab a drink sometime? They live in the
Speaker 1: same barbit complex, they have similar interests. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's the craziest thing. I mean, you don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: what's the worst thing going to happen? If he says, oh,
Speaker 1: either no or I'm dating someone, then you move on
Speaker 1: to the next guy. But if okay, okay, wouldn't it
Speaker 1: be a great story if Emily told her kids one day,
Speaker 1: do you want to know how I met your dad?
Speaker 1: He left a note on his car saying, if you
Speaker 1: want me to move this, call me, And I called
Speaker 1: him and it was happily ever after. Oh wait, that
Speaker 1: he picks up women. It's just a weird. Why was
Speaker 1: he parked in a clearly assigned parking spot. Anyway, I've
Speaker 1: done that too. Well, maybe he doesn't live in the
Speaker 1: apartment complex, because I've done that too sometimes. When I
Speaker 1: was visiting Ashley Put, I parked my car one time
Speaker 1: in the garage and not a spot that's mine, And
Speaker 1: I left a note saying, if this is your spot
Speaker 1: and you're coming back before I leave, call this number
Speaker 1: and I will come out and move my car. So
Speaker 1: that's what I'm thinking probably happened. But is that he
Speaker 1: was visiting someone. So he might have been visiting his girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I know. But what I mean at this point it's
Speaker 1: so emily, it's so um new and it's just like
Speaker 1: nothing right now that like just be like I remember,
Speaker 1: let me tell you a story. I mean, it didn't
Speaker 1: work out for him, but uh, my ex girlfriend one
Speaker 1: time got into a little bit of a car accident,
Speaker 1: uh and it was just a fand of bender. She
Speaker 1: was fine, and the guy walked out and they exchanged
Speaker 1: information all that stuff, and he texted her later that
Speaker 1: day and it was like, hey, you know, I'm really
Speaker 1: sorry about to happen, um, but you seem really nice.
Speaker 1: Would you ever want to grab a drink? And she
Speaker 1: said no, she felt awkward about it, if I'm being honest,
Speaker 1: But I think if a girl is texting a guy,
Speaker 1: the guy would fee less award about it. And she
Speaker 1: was in a relationship at the time. This is my
Speaker 1: ex at okay, okay, but she told me it was
Speaker 1: pretty funny. I was concerned that the window of opportunity
Speaker 1: has closed. And let me tell you that window is,
Speaker 1: at least in my experience, that window is open for
Speaker 1: a very long time. I guess if I were this
Speaker 1: guy who disobeys parking rules and some lady called me
Speaker 1: six months later saying, hey, you parked in my spot,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, let's go to let's get a drink.
Speaker 1: It was only a few days ago. Yeah, they're they're good,
Speaker 1: she's she's fine. If you as soon as you hear this,
Speaker 1: I don't know when you set this email in true
Speaker 1: call him right now or don't even call a text
Speaker 1: just like a make a joke about the car or
Speaker 1: something like something, Hey, are you parked in my spot? No,
Speaker 1: don't do that. Don't listen to me. I'm really really
Speaker 1: bad at this up. It's a joke about the car. Hey,
Speaker 1: this isn't where I parked my car. Don't send that,
Speaker 1: but I've funny. It's man, that's funny. This isn't where
Speaker 1: I parked my car? All right, what do we got?
Speaker 1: All right? The next one is from Daniella. She says,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of stuck in a pickle this summer with
Speaker 1: two guys. I mean, this is so much fun already, Danielle,
Speaker 1: you're like the bachelorette. Yeah, you're winning um. Guy number one,
Speaker 1: I met him along with his family about a year
Speaker 1: ago on a trip, and we all became close. I
Speaker 1: never thought I could connect with a person the way
Speaker 1: I connected with him. We got back from the trip
Speaker 1: and realized that we lived super close to each other.
Speaker 1: We went on date or two, but then it was
Speaker 1: time for me to head back to college, so we
Speaker 1: just decided to see what would happen. We The talking
Speaker 1: went on for about three months, then things started going downhill.
Speaker 1: I no longer heard from him. Fast forward to this summer.
Speaker 1: I saw him a couple of times, and our chemistry
Speaker 1: was palpable. But when we're apart, it's tough. So it
Speaker 1: sucks to admit, even after all this time, I still
Speaker 1: have feelings. Guy number two met him this summer at
Speaker 1: a bar. Super sweet and funny and overall great to
Speaker 1: hang out with. We've been on a couple of days
Speaker 1: and they've been great, But the connection I have with
Speaker 1: him is nothing like what I have with the other guy.
Speaker 1: Although he's great, I don't know what to do since
Speaker 1: I feel like he's more invested than I am. Even
Speaker 1: though I want to be on the same page as him,
Speaker 1: I can't get the other dude out of my head.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't
Speaker 1: know if I want to let go just yet. Help
Speaker 1: because I really suck at dating, Danielle, I think this
Speaker 1: probably goes back to what Charles was saying earlier. I
Speaker 1: don't have blinders on The guy that you might think
Speaker 1: is perfect for you probably isn't, and the guy that
Speaker 1: you think is not perfect for you might just be.
Speaker 1: And so for guy number two, I think you're not
Speaker 1: giving him a fair shot because you're just thinking about
Speaker 1: guy number one. And I'm nervous that guy number two
Speaker 1: might be a really good fit for you, but you're
Speaker 1: just not even allowing yourself to open those doors because
Speaker 1: you're so fixated on the other guy. I literally, when
Speaker 1: I started dating my now boyfriend had been on a
Speaker 1: date with another guy who I thought in my mind
Speaker 1: made so much more sense. And for the first two
Speaker 1: dates with my now boyfriend, I was like, oh what,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, no, it's this other guy. It's
Speaker 1: this other guy. And then what do you know, he
Speaker 1: stopped answering. We never talked again, and the guy that
Speaker 1: I ended up with is actually the good one. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And so I think it's Daniel. If you just change
Speaker 1: your perception a little bit and change your mindset into
Speaker 1: not focusing on actively, try not to focus on guy
Speaker 1: number one, like, don't think, oh, there's nothing I can do,
Speaker 1: he's just always popping my head. No, actively, try not
Speaker 1: to think of him. Distract yourself, and then continue going
Speaker 1: on dates with guy number two. And listen, if it
Speaker 1: goes on for three or four times. You go on
Speaker 1: three or four dates with this guy and you still
Speaker 1: don't feel anything, then it's probably not the right guy.
Speaker 1: Having said that, I don't think at this point you're
Speaker 1: giving it a fair shot. Yeah, she needs to like
Speaker 1: just open her eyes a little more, let it be
Speaker 1: go on one more day and just be like, just
Speaker 1: see what it is and don't think about anyone else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and don't forget that. You're gonna have to put work
Speaker 1: in actually trying to forget guy number one. Like it's
Speaker 1: just not it's magically not going to happen. So you
Speaker 1: have to actually really focus your time and energy on
Speaker 1: the person that's in front of you. And that seems
Speaker 1: to be guy number two. Right. I'm not saying he's
Speaker 1: your future husban, but I'm saying, don't rule it out. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now this one's from Katie. It says this guy is waffling.
Speaker 1: I mean, like going back and forth. Is that what
Speaker 1: that means? I guess. Okay, let's see, I've been seeing
Speaker 1: someone since April. He lives about an hour away, so
Speaker 1: we don't get to see each other a ton. We
Speaker 1: see each other on the weekends when we're both free.
Speaker 1: We had the talk about being exclusive, and he was
Speaker 1: totally on board and asked me to be his girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I was ecstatic. Days later, he was making plans to
Speaker 1: come visit me. I told him if he came during
Speaker 1: the week, my mom would be there. He was okay
Speaker 1: with this and said he was fine with meeting her
Speaker 1: as long as I was all right with us making
Speaker 1: that step. Not five minutes later, he totally changed his
Speaker 1: mind and said he wasn't ready and that being in
Speaker 1: a relationship might not be the best idea for him
Speaker 1: at the moment. I was so confused and hurt. A
Speaker 1: few weeks later, he came down and we went to dinner.
Speaker 1: He didn't pay and got drinks. He gave me all
Speaker 1: these excuses as to why he wasn't ready to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, but liked me and didn't want to
Speaker 1: didn't want me to see anyone else. I was so
Speaker 1: angry that he was being so selfish, but also because
Speaker 1: I think it's total b s. If he wanted to
Speaker 1: be with me, he would right. He has since messaged
Speaker 1: me and said he knows he wants to be with me,
Speaker 1: and he has totally changed the way he acts towards
Speaker 1: me in a positive way. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: should let him go because he doesn't seem to be
Speaker 1: very stable, or give him the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1: Is this dude bipolar? Like I don't understand he's It's
Speaker 1: just there's no Maybe we're missing context because it literally
Speaker 1: goes from we had to talk about being exclusive. He
Speaker 1: wanted to meet my mom. Two days later, he made
Speaker 1: plans to come visit her, and then five minutes later,
Speaker 1: five minutes after you, he said that he wanted to
Speaker 1: meet your mom. He's telling you that he's not ready
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. And then a few weeks later,
Speaker 1: you guys got to see each other, and he's still
Speaker 1: saying the same thing, that he doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship and he's making excuses. But then since
Speaker 1: he's visited her, he's now messaged her and saying that no,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship with you, or
Speaker 1: he wants to be with her even if he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with her. I think
Speaker 1: at this point, Katie, you've got to give some sort
Speaker 1: of ultimatum where it's either we're in a relationship or
Speaker 1: we don't talk to each other. There's no it's it's
Speaker 1: never good. I feel to be in that gray area
Speaker 1: of well, we don't really know what we are, but
Speaker 1: we're still hooking up and we're still dating each other,
Speaker 1: but we're not exclusive because it just opens up a
Speaker 1: cannon worms that you just don't really need. I think
Speaker 1: it's either you cut it off or you guys a
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend in my experience that like, oh, what are
Speaker 1: we it just does not. It never ends well at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I agree, And then the people that say like
Speaker 1: that might reference Ashley and myself. Ashley and I have
Speaker 1: only been friends for two years now. There's been no touching.
Speaker 1: They don't know nothing like that. Now, grant, there might
Speaker 1: have been harboring feelings, which probably is very unhealthy, but
Speaker 1: there was, like she was dating other people. I was
Speaker 1: dating other people, like So I think at this point, Katie,
Speaker 1: that's kind of the direction you have to go in,
Speaker 1: and if it works out at the end, then you
Speaker 1: guys will come back to each other. But right now,
Speaker 1: I feel the best thing for you is to really
Speaker 1: talk to him and say it's got to go one
Speaker 1: in two directions because my mental state and my heart
Speaker 1: can't take much more of this where I need to
Speaker 1: either be in a relationship with you and we work
Speaker 1: towards something or we cut things off. I also think, no,
Speaker 1: you're worth I know that you're way worthier than someone
Speaker 1: who can't decide if they want to be with you,
Speaker 1: Like at the end of the day, that's it. I agree.
Speaker 1: You expect the best from other people, but you also
Speaker 1: expect the best from yourself. So there's a lot of
Speaker 1: dudes that like get off on like dating someone, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, remying out of the ghetto, that like uh,
Speaker 1: when they're seeing someone they love, like hanging out and
Speaker 1: talking about like, oh, we're you know you're gonna be
Speaker 1: my parents were gonna go on these trips together. Wouldn't
Speaker 1: it be great if we got married? Things like that,
Speaker 1: And then when push comes to shove, then they like
Speaker 1: the idea of it, but then they get freaked out
Speaker 1: when it actually starts to happen and they and they
Speaker 1: withdraw or sometimes they just leave completely. My advice for
Speaker 1: guys out there is that when that happens, pushed through it,
Speaker 1: because there's always I don't know if you've had the
Speaker 1: same experience, there's of course you have like doubts and
Speaker 1: hesitations and fears. But if once you push through that wall,
Speaker 1: the other side of it is spectacular, it's so much better.
Speaker 1: But if this guy isn't capable of, like is not
Speaker 1: willing to to go, I mean, this is a very
Speaker 1: minor commitment to that she's asking from him. I know
Speaker 1: it's not willing for that. I I know you guys
Speaker 1: are just boy you you're not even boyfriend girlfriend yet
Speaker 1: that's all you're asking for is a little bit more
Speaker 1: uh exclusivity. Uh, Katie, I think the best thing for
Speaker 1: you is to give some sort of ultimatum, which is great.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's never the good advice except in
Speaker 1: this situation. So, but you know, you gotta do what
Speaker 1: you gotta do sometimes in dating and love is hard,
Speaker 1: and it's just the game. It's all a game, really,
Speaker 1: but we're trying to work through the game. We're trying
Speaker 1: to become better at the game. Really. That's why we're here, guys.
Speaker 1: That's why everybody's here, isn't it. Well. Thanks again for
Speaker 1: everybody tuning into a new episode of Help I Second Dating.
Speaker 1: A big thank you UM to Charles J. Orlando for
Speaker 1: joining us. Please check out his show seven Years Switch. Uh,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming in. Beach Body on Demand.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. As always, guys, go check out
Speaker 1: each Body on Demand you texting. Also Sugar Bear Hair.
Speaker 1: If you want as great hair as Vanessa has, you
Speaker 1: gotta go check out sugar bear Hair dot com. Slash
Speaker 1: help UM, thank you so much for everybody joining in.
Speaker 1: Thank you Erica, thank you Easton, Thank you Vanessa. Even
Speaker 1: though the line was a little staticky, It's always wonderful
Speaker 1: hearing your voice. Thank you Dean for calling in from France.
Speaker 1: Which is crazy when you really think about it, that
Speaker 1: he is by the Eiffel Tower right now and we
Speaker 1: are in Los Angeles and we just talked to him.
Speaker 1: That's a little crazy to think about. Make sure you guys,
Speaker 1: tune in next week for an all new episode of
Speaker 1: help by Second Dating, where maybe we'll suck a little less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and
Speaker 1: Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast