1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: I'm Elio conye In. This is family Therapy. Welcome back. 2 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,399 Speaker 1: If you've been following us for a while, then you're 3 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: starting to become familiar with the two sisters, Jasmine and Gladys. 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 1: You know their stories, you know their ideas and struggles 5 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,479 Speaker 1: within their lives, and today you're meeting them in the 6 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,760 Speaker 1: middle of something tender, a real moment of change. Early 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: in the session, Jasmine tells us, I feel like I'm 8 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: grieving people who are still here, and that's harder than 9 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: grieving people I've lost, and Gladys, in her big sister wisdom, 10 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: reminds us, no matter where we go, our things follow us. 11 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: That's where today's conversation lives in that in between space, 12 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: between leaving and arriving, between change and growth, between independence 13 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: and accepting support. Has just made a major move, not 14 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: just geographically but emotionally. She's stepping away from familiarity, from 15 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: patterns that once felt necessary, and into an environment that 16 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: offers safety, help and peace. And as we hear today, 17 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: even good change can feel disorienting, even healing can feel uncomfortable. 18 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: This is a conversation about what happens after you choose 19 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: yourself about what it feels like when your life starts 20 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 1: to slow down and your nervous system doesn't quite trust 21 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 1: it yet, about learning how to accept care when you've 22 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: always been the one seemingly carrying everything alone. So as 23 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: you listen, I want you to notice what resonates, because 24 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: whether you're moving to a new place, ending an old chapter, 25 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: or simply trying to become a different version of yourself, 26 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: this conversation might sound a lot like your own inner dialogue. 27 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: Get into the session. So what are your best hope 28 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: from meeting today? 29 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 2: I'll let you go first. 30 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 3: Well you should have went because Jasmine I would have 31 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 3: expected to share that she now is in Georgia. 32 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 4: She's made the move. 33 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,640 Speaker 3: We've made the move over the last couple of days 34 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 3: down to Georgia after our brother Lance's wedding reception. So 35 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 3: a couple of days later we drove down to Georgia. 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 3: So it's now getting like everything acclimated for her now 37 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 3: new home state. 38 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: How far is she from You's. 39 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 4: Right in the other room, so. 40 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 3: I can reach out and touch it. 41 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: How do you hope I can make a difference? 42 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 2: What would you say, Gladys, Well, of course I have 43 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 2: a bunch. 44 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 3: No, But like in all seriousness. This is second time 45 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 3: as far as like being able to live in a 46 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 3: close distance between Jazz and I. So when we were 47 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 3: able to be in the same state, often hung out 48 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 3: with one another. So now it's a little bit different 49 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 3: because Jazzier is here, so there's a different type of 50 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 3: connection and relationship that we get to explore. As far 51 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 3: as them being full time here because over the last 52 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 3: we just spoke about it earlier today, over the last 53 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,839 Speaker 3: three years, she's been coming to Georgia to hang out 54 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 3: in being Georgia, So Jazia has always I crack up 55 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,839 Speaker 3: because I have, like you know how Google does memories 56 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 3: of pictures and videos, so I have pictures and videos 57 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 3: over the years of him just being here and feeling like, 58 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 3: you know, although he met me several years after being born, 59 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 3: when he came here, it was just like what's up, Yeah, 60 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, and just has his 61 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,119 Speaker 3: own little groove. So my biggest thing is I'm excited 62 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 3: to be able to be a full time auntie, and 63 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 3: then I'm also excited for a Jasmine and I to 64 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 3: be able to collaborate creatively all of the things that 65 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 3: we have been actually speaking about and not having the 66 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 3: time or the ability to actually manifest because just life, 67 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 3: like you know. So for me, my biggest thing as 68 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 3: far as I'm even supporting Jasmine at this point, is 69 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 3: like really helping get Elliott. I don't know if I 70 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,720 Speaker 3: said in the beginning professionally, like I'm a professional temp 71 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 3: agent when it comes to being office or corporate, but 72 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 3: I've always taken care of children and elderly people like 73 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 3: my whole entire upbringing. So when it comes to helping 74 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 3: Jasmine in that area, we were discussing. Jazzmin had a 75 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 3: plan for Jazzier schooling and Jazzi I told her last 76 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 3: night a different plan. So we're like, you know, we're 77 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 3: just I'm just exc about being able to support, like 78 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 3: I said, their move along with whatever is needed for 79 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 3: jazz then in Judga because this is going to be there. 80 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 3: I recognize this is Jazzmin's first time being away from 81 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 3: our born state, like you know what I mean. 82 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 4: So it's just those things. 83 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 3: So whatever I know, I always try to inform the 84 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 3: best way that I possibly can, because there's no need 85 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 3: for you to go through something difficult if I've already 86 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,480 Speaker 3: gone through it. But I also understand too some people 87 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 3: just need to go through it to understand it for 88 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,359 Speaker 3: themselves as well. But when it just comes to certain 89 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 3: things that like you just you wouldn't know because this 90 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 3: is your first experience, it's easier when you have other 91 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 3: people around to be able to buffer that whatever that 92 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 3: is when it does come up, Like you know, So 93 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 3: it was easier. Although I didn't really know family in California, 94 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 3: when I moved out to California, I still knew people 95 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 3: and it was always a bit easier. But like I 96 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 3: also said, what I've learned and moving away from home 97 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 3: is that our things follow us too. So that's another 98 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: thing that I also had stayd with Jazz, like I'm 99 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 3: super excited about where she wants to take off that, 100 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 3: but I also know too, like no matter where we 101 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 3: go are our things follow us. It's just as different 102 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 3: people different faces. So in that that's what I will say. 103 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: What about you? What do you hope to gain from 104 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 1: chatting with me today? 105 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 2: I feel like I know what I'm supposed to do, 106 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 2: and like you said, Gladys, even just realizing this is 107 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 2: the first time being out of state, but also away 108 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 2: from my siblings and the people I've never been away from, 109 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 2: like literally same household and even going through I feel 110 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 2: like right now I'm going through separation anxiety. So I 111 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 2: don't know what I really want to develop because I 112 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 2: just am kind of going through the motions of things, 113 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 2: So I'm not sure what I want. I feel like 114 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 2: I'm just here in a sense. 115 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: So how could I be the most useful to you today, Jazmin? 116 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: Maybe compartmentalizing my feelings or how to like I don't know. 117 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 2: I think we were talking about what is it called? 118 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 2: Did you say Stockholm syndrome gladys remember, So I feel 119 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: like I'm kind of going in the motions of that. 120 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: I don't know. 121 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 2: I'm just emotional. Things are different right now, and I 122 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: feel like I'm sorry, Jazz, It's fine. I feel like 123 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 2: kind of going in a sense of grieving again and 124 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 2: in a good way. But I'm grieving people that are 125 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 2: still here, and I feel like that's harder than grieving 126 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 2: people that I lost. And I'm trying to fit in 127 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 2: where I am right now, and it's hard for me 128 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 2: because I'm not used to having people wanting to help 129 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 2: me and like not make me do it by myself, 130 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 2: and that's really different for me. So I'm really happy 131 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 2: about that but also I'm still grieving what I have 132 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 2: to move on from. 133 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: In a sense, how do you know it's a good thing? 134 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: You said, I'm grieving, but it's like good. How do 135 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,440 Speaker 1: you know it's good? 136 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 2: Because I know what I'm specifically hurting from with certain individuals, 137 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 2: I don't have to deal with that anymore. And just 138 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 2: even being here the last few days, and how like 139 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 2: I feel like I don't. I know, I'm not a 140 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 2: burden here, so it's different, like even with I call 141 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 2: her my bonus mom, Gladys's mom the way she's so helpful, 142 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 2: and of course my sister too, but it's just like 143 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 2: I haven't had that without having to over extend myself. 144 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 2: So I feel like, even though I'm gaining something what 145 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 2: I've been longing for, it hurts to know that the 146 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 2: people I was hoping or maybe searching it for through them, 147 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 2: I have to leave them behind so I can receive 148 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 2: what I've been wanting and what is actually for me. 149 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: How do you want this to go? 150 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 2: What to go? 151 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 1: Your move to Georgia? 152 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 2: I want it to be extremely positive and peaceful, And 153 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 2: it's weird because I know this is a great thing. 154 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 2: So that's why I'm so confused with my emotions, but 155 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 2: I also know these are pent up maybe emotions or 156 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 2: swept under the rug emotions because I am happy, I 157 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,320 Speaker 2: am happy, but I still also know I have to 158 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 2: shed to make room for new. 159 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,439 Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask you a different way. So, Jasmine, 160 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,839 Speaker 1: you and I have something very much in common. Do 161 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: you want to know what it is? 162 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: Sure? 163 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: You and I did something, have done something. Excuse me 164 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 1: that's very similar, and that is we both left the 165 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 1: great state of Massachusetts in somewhat of unhealthy environments and 166 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: moved to a southern state, in your case Georgia, in 167 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: my case Texas in June slash July of nineteen ninety six, 168 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 1: twenty nine years ago. I was escaping an abusive father 169 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: to be specific, and a very difficult family life. And 170 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: when I got to Texas, it was the first time 171 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 1: I felt like and just like you, Jasmine, I moved 172 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: in with a family member and I was like, I 173 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: know I'm not a burden here, but I feel like one. 174 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: I had a massive grief to do, and I've even 175 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: described it. I've written it in books. I've described it, 176 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: Jasmine as grieving something inanimate like I would be like, 177 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: how am I grieving a state or grieving people that 178 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: are still alive, is harder than grieving people that I've lost. 179 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 1: And it was really really difficult for me for a 180 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: period of time. But then I realized, because I'm in 181 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: a new environment, it's like giving me permission to create 182 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: new experiences. And because I'm in a healthy environment, it's 183 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: like giving me permission to not be impacted by toxicity. 184 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: And before I knew it, I was making better choices. 185 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: I was going to school, and I was more focused 186 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: in school because the distractions were gone. And then life 187 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: started to turn around. So my question for you is 188 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: how will you notice that? But what will be first 189 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: clue that? 190 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 4: Like? 191 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: But this is like the first page of a new 192 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: chapter that's gonna lead somewhere really nice for me. 193 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 2: I don't know yet because it still doesn't feel real 194 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 2: in a sense. I think maybe when I move in 195 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 2: to my residence in a couple of weeks, it will 196 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 2: finally hit. Yeah, just grieving is triggering for me. I 197 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 2: don't care in what sense it is, like, I just 198 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 2: hate it. 199 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: I don't know me be surprised by this, Jasmine. But 200 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: I've been doing psychotherapy almost twenty years. I've never heard 201 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,199 Speaker 1: of human beings say, oh, I love grieving. It's so 202 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: much fun. I think it's triggering for all of us 203 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 1: to various degrees, and I think we all hate it. 204 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 2: It literally feels like I'm watching a tornado just literally 205 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 2: coming towards me. 206 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: But here's it. 207 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:49,079 Speaker 2: I can't. 208 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 1: But here's the thing, Jasmine, And I'm so interested in this, 209 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: because I want you to be thinking about, how will 210 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: I notice that this move was good for me? How 211 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: will I I know that this was healthy? And I'll 212 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 1: tell you why can I tell you what your brain 213 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: is doing? 214 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 2: Yes? 215 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: Please? All right? Because the human brain, it just wants 216 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:17,359 Speaker 1: comfort and familiarity, right, that's all it wants. So let's say, Jasmine, 217 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 1: how old are you? 218 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 4: Nine? 219 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 1: Okay, let's say you lived in Massachusetts your entire life, 220 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 1: upping cut thirty nine and every single day I've used 221 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,800 Speaker 1: ex example with you before, but follow me here. Every 222 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,080 Speaker 1: single day you lived with someone who punched you in 223 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,319 Speaker 1: the nose as hard as they could, every single day 224 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 1: for thirty nine years. And you're like, Okay, I'm sick 225 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: of this. This is terrible. I don't like being punched 226 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: in those every single day for thirty nine years. My 227 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,719 Speaker 1: sister Gladys. She lives in Georgia, and I don't think 228 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: people punch her in the nose every single day for 229 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: her whole life. So I'm gonna see if Gladys will 230 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: let me move with her. And then Gladys is like, sure, 231 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: of course, come move with me. And then you move 232 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 1: to Georgia and no one punches you in the nose. 233 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: You're now like, huh, I wish I could have that 234 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,199 Speaker 1: old punch in the nose like I used to, right, 235 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,439 Speaker 1: which is so weird, But that's what the brain does. 236 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: So the reason why that's so important to recognize is 237 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 1: because now you're in an environment that's very different and 238 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: much healthier. So how will you notice that it's leading 239 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: in a good place for you? Like, what will you 240 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: see that would tell you? Yep, I'm grieving and I'm 241 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: sad and it's uncomfortable, but I'm headed in a good place. 242 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 2: I don't want to offend anybody when I say this, 243 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 2: but what I do notice is when I don't have 244 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 2: to do anything in return for anybody, or like I 245 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 2: don't have to ask for help at all and not 246 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: expect to do twice as much like I'm so used 247 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 2: to doing every single thing by myself not doing anything back, 248 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 2: and it feels so different. I'm like, oh my gosh, 249 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 2: I want to give back, but I also I need 250 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 2: to accept it and be okay with Yes, people want 251 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 2: to treat you the way you treat others, so I'm 252 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 2: noticing that it also still makes me sad. 253 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 1: Okay, So one of the things you'll notice is that 254 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 1: you won't feel like I have to do something for 255 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: other people. Gladys, what would you notice that would tell 256 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: you that this move is going well, not just for her, 257 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: but for you and for ja Jah? Like, what would 258 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: you notice that just as an observer, a caring family member, 259 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 1: what would you notice I would tell you like, Okay, 260 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: this is going well, this is heading the right direction. 261 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 3: For everybody when we're really focusing on ourselves. I have 262 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 3: this motto for me, like you know, and I've been 263 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 3: having it for a while. When you stay ready, you 264 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 3: don't have to get ready, and no matter what takes place, 265 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 3: Like today, a couple of hours ago, I just got 266 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 3: my car on the road with my parents gave me 267 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 3: their old car, so I'm excited to get it on 268 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 3: the road. Took off work today to be able to, like, 269 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 3: you know, get the insurance all types of things, and 270 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 3: then like literally when I'm driving to the insurance place 271 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 3: for them to get my car on the road so 272 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 3: that I can be on my car dies out as 273 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 3: I'm driving, and you know, so for me, it's like, 274 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 3: all right, I can bitch and complain about this and 275 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 3: be like wha all these things, but it's still not 276 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 3: going to get done what I need to get done. 277 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 3: I just know that even though I can't change this 278 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 3: very moment, I still stayed ready, like you know, and 279 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 3: in the aspect although that I don't, I always say, 280 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 3: my bank account, you know, right at the moment, is 281 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 3: not able to cash my galactic check. So I live 282 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 3: off of my means and I live in my means. 283 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 3: So even though there are things that take place that 284 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 3: I'm frustrated that I am working and that I you know, 285 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 3: although that I'm not, I'm great that I don't get 286 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 3: to like pay market rent and things like that, Like 287 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,640 Speaker 3: things still happen, and in them still happening. I just remember, 288 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,440 Speaker 3: like I got to watch my behavior. I got to 289 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 3: watch how I'm dealing with what's actually taken place, like 290 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,679 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And I think in that sense, 291 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 3: like when I go back to gladdess, did you stay ready? 292 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,120 Speaker 3: Because if I answer yes, then I'm not as hard 293 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 3: on myself of what the outcome is like that I 294 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 3: can't change, like you know what I mean, I just 295 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:34,360 Speaker 3: can be happy with how I feel about being in 296 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 3: places of great adversity, but I'm still able to meet 297 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 3: what is needed, like you know what I mean. I 298 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 3: think that especially for Jazzmine, because I've always said with 299 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 3: Jazz like she's everywhere, like you know what I mean, 300 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,159 Speaker 3: And because you know, when you have young people that 301 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 3: you're responsible for and you're a young parent or whatever 302 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 3: the case is, however you are, your kid is like 303 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 3: you know, I mean, so because of all of the 304 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 3: challenges that Jasmine has come across, and as I listen, 305 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 3: because like you know, can see the challenges that Jasmine 306 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 3: is talking about what has been taken place, But I 307 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,120 Speaker 3: also feel too, like wow, I still see as her 308 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 3: household in her other siblings and her mom, who I 309 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 3: think of my bonus mom has still supported her in 310 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 3: some type of way. So now like it's not so 311 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 3: much of us seeing what we don't have, but more 312 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,679 Speaker 3: so of what we do have and what we want 313 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 3: to better ourselves to be able to accomplish at this 314 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 3: time in our lives, and there's times that we have 315 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 3: to give ourselves boundaries over things that we're not going 316 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 3: to do because no matter how much I love Jasmine, 317 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 3: if I'm not okay with something that she asked me 318 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,240 Speaker 3: to do, I'm not going to do that. 319 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,400 Speaker 4: I've learned that. 320 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,199 Speaker 3: I think Jasmine just this place for her in Georgia 321 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,360 Speaker 3: is going to teach her that she has to have that. 322 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 3: And me as a big sister, I'm going to always 323 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 3: suggest you got to make boundaries that it's going to 324 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,880 Speaker 3: be healthy for you in Jazzier because you're the two 325 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 3: only two right now that matter, like you know, and 326 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 3: because you now have a place of peace, a place 327 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 3: of stability. And Jasmine has always been able to take 328 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 3: care of herself financially, like you know what I mean. 329 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 3: It's just more so of how you choose to live. 330 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:32,640 Speaker 3: And that's going to be I'm going to see then 331 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 3: when that shifts for her so that she doesn't feel 332 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 3: the way that she feels. 333 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: Now, what will you see that will tell you, oh 334 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 1: my gosh, that shift is happening. What would be your 335 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: very first clue. 336 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 3: The acknowledgement what she sees outside of her that, you know, 337 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 3: the grieving parts for the people that she feels like 338 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 3: she has to agree, whether it can be siblings or 339 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 3: the difference with mom or whatever the case is, that 340 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 3: is a part of her as well well. So once 341 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 3: she's able to see that and then see it from 342 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 3: a different perspective of not feeling I'm a burden, when 343 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 3: that shifts for her, like, that's going to be dynamic 344 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 3: to see because it's not going to be so much 345 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 3: of or like, you know, things are happening to me, 346 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 3: but more so of you know, these are the choices 347 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 3: that people are making around me, And I'm choosing to 348 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 3: make better choices for myself now that I know and 349 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 3: I have the tools to see. So if I don't 350 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 3: like something, or if I don't feel comfortable with something, 351 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 3: I'm not going with it just because we're related or 352 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 3: that there's a relationship. I'm not going against what I 353 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 3: don't feel is right for me, nor my son, nor 354 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 3: my peace of mind or stability instead of struggling with that. 355 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 3: So for me, as soon as she can see that, 356 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 3: then I like, I accept people for who they are. 357 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,360 Speaker 1: The conversation Dole sit on here, how right back more. 358 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: How will you show her you were pleased? You know 359 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like when you start seeing her have 360 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:23,120 Speaker 1: that peace and make that shift, How will you show 361 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: her that you are pleased. 362 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 3: Other than what I've always have done, acknowledge where your 363 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 3: growth is, like, you know what I mean. So I 364 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 3: would definitely tell her I'm very vocal in that way, 365 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 3: celebration to you. 366 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 4: Like party no longer doing. 367 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 3: That lesson because no matter what, and Jasmine knows this 368 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 3: about me, we have had to grieve so many different 369 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 3: things and just my grievance even with what you guys 370 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 3: bring up of having to grieve people that are alive, 371 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 3: Jasmine has been there during the time that I've had 372 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,199 Speaker 3: to grieve Elijah from being taken away from me, and 373 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 3: that was the most hurtful, hurtful. 374 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,160 Speaker 4: Thing that I've ever gone through. 375 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 3: And I've always felt too that I was on that alone, 376 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 3: being in that space alone, I always relied on my 377 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 3: faith to be able to get me out of my 378 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,679 Speaker 3: own darkness and out of my own way. So I 379 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:28,360 Speaker 3: always relate to things in checking myself first and then 380 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,880 Speaker 3: checking what is outside of me. So when I see 381 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,119 Speaker 3: and I've seen many changes for Jazzmin and I have 382 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,239 Speaker 3: congratulated her when she sees it for herself, like you know, 383 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,919 Speaker 3: something that connects for her and her family, like her family, 384 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,399 Speaker 3: her mom's family. To be able to say like, you know, 385 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 3: that's generational, that's generationally taught. So once we know something 386 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 3: and we realize we don't want to do that anymore, 387 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,880 Speaker 3: then we get to be the family member that stops 388 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,439 Speaker 3: that behavior and speaks on it. And sometimes it's a 389 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 3: lonely place being failed. But if you're going to feel 390 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,879 Speaker 3: what you feel and you feel it's right, then play 391 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 3: your role. Like so I'm always going to congratulate and 392 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:13,640 Speaker 3: acknowledge when I mean, because my Buddhist philosophy is when 393 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 3: we struggle deeply, that's where we win. 394 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,640 Speaker 4: So I have a different aspect of. 395 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 3: How I move than feeling like this is being done 396 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 3: to me more than all right, what do I need 397 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,359 Speaker 3: to see on where I need to grow? 398 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 4: Like how am I connecting to? You know? 399 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 3: We were just with our father this weekend, you know, 400 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 3: and every time we get next to that fella, boy, 401 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 3: do I reflect on what is it once again that 402 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 3: he can bring up that I have problems with? But 403 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,119 Speaker 3: I also seek to myself where do I see it 404 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,040 Speaker 3: within me so that I can change or I don't 405 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 3: communicate this way, because this is where I know that 406 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 3: I get it, and I know that I don't like it, 407 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 3: so I know that it has to be me to 408 00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 3: change it, because once you change, everything changes. And I've 409 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 3: stayed at this to Jasmine several times, and Jasmine has 410 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 3: been very much around like you know, like I say 411 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 3: when I use terminologies like that, because Jasmine has so 412 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 3: the way that we encourage each other through adversity is 413 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 3: build one another up and like, nah, you can do 414 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 3: this instead of this is not for you to do. No, 415 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 3: go right through it, because whatever you got to go through, 416 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,199 Speaker 3: you got to dig up whatever roots that are not 417 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 3: needed and get rid of it. 418 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 4: And most of the time it's dealing with our own things. 419 00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: So Jasmine, you were talking right, Yeah, Okay, don't say anything. 420 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,919 Speaker 1: I want to come to you. Gladys said something that 421 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,719 Speaker 1: I want to ask you about in a minute. But 422 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,440 Speaker 1: before I do it, one more question for Gladys. Gladys, 423 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: why did you decide to help Jasmine? 424 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:53,280 Speaker 3: Well, because that's who I am like and she's my 425 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:59,360 Speaker 3: little sister. And one of the biggest things was when 426 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:04,120 Speaker 3: she first mentioned the move. It was strictly based off 427 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 3: of my nephew's ability to be able to feel security, 428 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 3: safety and happiness and when she saw him behave in 429 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,480 Speaker 3: in a way that was unfamiliar to her. But for me, 430 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,200 Speaker 3: with young people, they this is how they just behave, 431 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, around me or in 432 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 3: an environment that I'm in. That was the biggest reason 433 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,160 Speaker 3: why I was like, yo, you gotta get down here. 434 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 3: Then if that's how you feel about Jazzier and he 435 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 3: feels safe down here, he's doing more, he's whatever he 436 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 3: wasn't doing there, then if you got to get him 437 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 3: down here, get him down here. And so that has 438 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 3: been the main thing, but then it grew more so 439 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 3: for Jasmine wanting a different a different lifestyle for herself. 440 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 3: Like you know, it wasn't now just about Jazzier, it 441 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 3: was about her. So I was like, even better, let's 442 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 3: get it rolling. But once again, like I'm living, like 443 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 3: you know, my thing is there's jazz When Jasmine said earlier, 444 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 3: like you know, this is now what she's receiving and 445 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 3: that she's getting that she's never really had, Like well, 446 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 3: we've known each other since I've known my little sister, 447 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,880 Speaker 3: since she was pretty much four years old, like in 448 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 3: my life. 449 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,400 Speaker 4: So we've always given each. 450 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,120 Speaker 3: Other the same our households has always given each other 451 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 3: that same type of support. It's just something that has 452 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,159 Speaker 3: shifted for Jasmine to be able to now that you 453 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 3: know the reason why she wanted to leave was based 454 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 3: off of her son. 455 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: Now, Jasmine, you were going to say something, and I 456 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: have a very important question for you based on something 457 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 1: Glad It's said, Well. 458 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,879 Speaker 2: I know what it takes to get things done. And 459 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 2: that's one thing like a lot of my family says 460 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 2: about me. If I say I'm gonna do it, I'm 461 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 2: gonna do it. It's not that I don't feel like 462 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 2: I ever need a push or someone to be like, oh, well, 463 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 2: it has to get done. I already know those things. 464 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 2: It's just like, okay, what am I supposed to do 465 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:05,920 Speaker 2: with these feelings that come attached with what is mandatory 466 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 2: for me to do? The reality is I don't technically 467 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,119 Speaker 2: have to do it by myself. It's just annoying to like, 468 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 2: you know, people say oh, I'm here for you, I'm 469 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 2: here for you, and then like you, I do my 470 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 2: do deals. I don't want to hear anybody say oh 471 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,240 Speaker 2: but did you ass did you ass? Yes? Yes, I 472 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 2: did ask. 473 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: And you said no, you didn't. Sun. 474 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:27,920 Speaker 4: It's kind of like you. 475 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 3: But this is the other thing too that I saw 476 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 3: just in our drive down, like you know what I 477 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 3: mean in concation just Onren't our drive down Elliott so 478 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,600 Speaker 3: much things have changed that we had talked about, and 479 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 3: in that change, that's where we got to realize, like, okay, 480 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,959 Speaker 3: am I communicating what my needs are and what I 481 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 3: need to be addressed, because there's a lot of the 482 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 3: times where in me hearing communication, you're stating what your 483 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 3: emotions are, but it's being played off that it's really 484 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 3: not that serious. For me. That's like I need to 485 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 3: know whatever you're saying. I'm addressing it because if it 486 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 3: is serious, I want to address it. But if you're 487 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,679 Speaker 3: telling me and I'm giving this as an example that 488 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 3: it's not that serious, then I trust what you're telling 489 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,440 Speaker 3: me and then I'm not going to speak on it. 490 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 4: But then on the flip. 491 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 3: Side, it's, well, I asked, but I didn't, like you know, 492 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 3: So there's not clarity a lot of the times in communicating, 493 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,120 Speaker 3: and then when there is clarity, the other person is just. 494 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 4: Completely shut down. They don't even want to hear it. 495 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 4: So it's well, I. 496 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 2: Think that's actually me. It's like I I'm the one 497 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 2: that ends up shutting down. So maybe it seems like 498 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 2: I'm oh, I don't care, maybe because I've already shut 499 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,719 Speaker 2: down because I already know That's exactly what I mean. Like, okay, 500 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 2: so I already know so and so is not going 501 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 2: to do this or that, And if you keep putting 502 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 2: yourself out there, I'm gonna help and then you fall 503 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,480 Speaker 2: through or you don't, Like, why should I be okay 504 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 2: with that? Of course I'm not gonna sit there and 505 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 2: cry about it. No, I'm going to get it done. 506 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 2: So that's why I ask, what do I do with 507 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 2: those feelings? Even when I do stand my grounds, if 508 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 2: somebody does help me and it doesn't go my way 509 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 2: or something like, I have to do it on their 510 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,239 Speaker 2: how they want to do it. It's just like, what 511 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 2: am I going to stay here and cry about? What 512 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 2: am I going to complain about? Of course I'm just 513 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:24,920 Speaker 2: gonna all right, let me just get this out the 514 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,640 Speaker 2: way because I'm gonna get it done. So I'm saying 515 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 2: within that, what do I do? Yes, I don't want 516 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 2: to make a big deal or complain about it, but 517 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 2: then yes, those feelings do still creep up later, which 518 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 2: I thought I handled it correctly by not just being 519 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 2: okay with people flaking or not being relied on. 520 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 3: What I'm saying is when you're okay with people flaking, 521 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,960 Speaker 3: it's because you see for yourself that you flake too, 522 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,560 Speaker 3: Like do you understand what I'm saying? Like you know 523 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 3: because you mean I'm saying there's times that you flake too, 524 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 3: Like there's times that you shut down. And if you shutdown, 525 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 3: you don't shut down to the people that flaking I 526 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 3: mean like not showing up. 527 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. 528 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 3: Whatever that you're experiencing and that you have experienced with 529 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,240 Speaker 3: your other siblings, you don't know at times that you 530 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 3: yourself display that same exact energy to your other siblings. 531 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 3: And that's what I'm saying, you know what I mean. 532 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 3: There are times that you may not know until it's 533 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 3: said to you, and then when you'd said to you, 534 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I didn't realize I was doing that, 535 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. 536 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: I still want to ask my question, go ahead, Jasmine 537 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: shift that Gladys was talking about, how will you notice 538 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: that it's happening? 539 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 2: How will I know what's happening. 540 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 1: The shift that Gladys was talking about. When it's like, Okay, 541 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: I'm at peace and I'm in a safe space and 542 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: I'm becoming the version of me that I want to become, 543 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,640 Speaker 1: How will you know that it's happening. 544 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 2: I haven't been there yet, so I don't know. I 545 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 2: don't even know how to answer me. 546 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,720 Speaker 1: What do you think will be your first clue? 547 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:00,360 Speaker 2: I don't know. 548 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: What do you imagine? I don't know. 549 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 2: Little, I don't know. 550 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: As you envision yourself transforming as a result of being 551 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: in this new environment, what do you imagine you'll start noticing? 552 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 2: Well, what first comes up is me, I don't know why, 553 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,040 Speaker 2: but feeling safe? I get. 554 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 1: How do you imagine feeling safe will impact you? 555 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 2: So when I say feel safe, I mean like if 556 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:31,640 Speaker 2: something happens to me and I finally express why I'm upset, 557 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:36,240 Speaker 2: I'm not ignoring whatever the situation is. I'm finally addressing it. 558 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 2: But then when people pretend it didn't happen or it 559 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 2: wasn't seen, I don't feel safe. So that's within my 560 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 2: own village in a sense. So when you don't feel 561 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 2: safe in your own village, it's like it's scary. So 562 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 2: I say that now that I feel like I'm starting new, 563 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 2: when I feel safe to be able to rest myself 564 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 2: without people thinking I'm a victim, because that's I never 565 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 2: want anybody to think I'm a victim. 566 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: I'm just telling truth. 567 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 2: So once I feel safe, I think I'll be able 568 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 2: to notice me being happy again. 569 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 1: I guess what does jasmine being happy again look like. 570 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,240 Speaker 2: Freedom? As far as putting me first? What are you 571 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 2: putting first? 572 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: What do you do when you're happy and experiencing freedom 573 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,240 Speaker 1: and putting yourself first? What would you be doing? 574 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 2: I want to say being a mom too, because it's 575 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 2: literally all the time. And that's what feels so different 576 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 2: being out here is I literally never get a break 577 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 2: I've never gotten a break up North unless it was 578 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,479 Speaker 2: like barely mandatory through the courts or something. It feels weird. 579 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 2: That's why I say I have stocks Holme syndrome because 580 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, maybe I'm leaving jed Jo with them 581 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 2: too long, so I'm reacting still and then you know, 582 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,840 Speaker 2: they'll look at me funny, like girl, go relax. So 583 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:09,720 Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, once I get over that, I think 584 00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:13,560 Speaker 2: i'll feel happy. Once I get into the norm of 585 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 2: the normalcy of that, I know it won't take long. 586 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 1: Right, And when you take a break from parenting, and 587 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, not that you don't love parenting, 588 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: not you don't live your son and all that, but like, 589 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: when you take a break from parenting, what will you 590 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: catch yourself doing that really fits with being free? 591 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 2: Ooh, traveling, because I just realize that I haven't traveled. 592 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,560 Speaker 2: I literally have a business, Jazzy Beanie travel Stay, and 593 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 2: I haven't traveled inny years. I used to plan everything 594 00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,920 Speaker 2: with my family, family trips by myself a Hawaii. So 595 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 2: that's that is exactly how long though. 596 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 1: Okay, so let's pretend, just for a nano second, that 597 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: money or time are not issues. Where would you want 598 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: to travel? 599 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 2: I want to say Puerto Rico because it's my face island. 600 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 2: That's when I started actually admitting I was Puerto Rican. 601 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:13,360 Speaker 1: Finally went to the island in Antiqua. Wow. And let's say, again, 602 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,520 Speaker 1: in this weird future where money ant are not an issue, 603 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,040 Speaker 1: when you were walking around Antiqua, how would you notice 604 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 1: that this is me at my best? Like, this is 605 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: me happy and with freedom, This is me. How would 606 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 1: you notice that? 607 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 2: Because just looking at God's beautiful creation, you know, being 608 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:40,799 Speaker 2: able to and feel relaxed. I'm just going through the 609 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,439 Speaker 2: motions of this finally being a reality, and I think 610 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 2: I might. I don't know, I don't know what I'm 611 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 2: scared of. But yeah, just being peaceful, because I've had 612 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 2: that feeling before. I just haven't had it in a 613 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:59,120 Speaker 2: very long time. But yeah, just being able to breathe 614 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:00,440 Speaker 2: read au Bok. 615 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,760 Speaker 1: If Gladys walks into a room and sees you reading 616 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: a book, that's a sign, maybe a small sign, but 617 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: it's a sign that Jasmine is becoming that version of herself. Right, Yes, 618 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: what kind of book? 619 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:16,640 Speaker 2: A therapeutic book? 620 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,799 Speaker 1: Okay, So Gladys walks into a room and just sees 621 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: you sitting on the couch reading a self help book. Yeah, 622 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,279 Speaker 1: doesn't mean everything in the world is solved, but that's 623 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: a pretty good sign. 624 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:31,600 Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, you haven't done that in years? Right, Yes, 625 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,799 Speaker 2: if I'm healthy when I'm doing that. 626 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: If Gladys wakes up tomorrow morning and there's a sticky 627 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: note on the door that says, hey, watch jo jaf 628 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico she might 629 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 1: be mad, but she would be like, oh, that's a 630 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:54,600 Speaker 1: good sign because she's going to her favorite place. Right, Okay, again, 631 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: if money and time were. 632 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 2: No issue, and honestly, I do have the money and 633 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 2: the time, but I'm just like, I couldn't see myself 634 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 2: ever doing that. 635 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,280 Speaker 1: God, But if it happened, if it woke up tomorrow 636 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 1: and you left a note on the kitchen table that says, Gladys, 637 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: I took a suitcase going to the airport, watched John 638 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 1: Draft for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico, that 639 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:17,160 Speaker 1: would be a good sign, like she has exercised freedom 640 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,400 Speaker 1: and she's going to her favorite place and that's a 641 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: good sign. Right. Yeah, But if it were to happen, 642 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,759 Speaker 1: what do you say? 643 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 2: It sounds like child neglect to. 644 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,239 Speaker 1: But no, and it probably is a little bit. And 645 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 1: Gladys with every right to be like why didn't you 646 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: warn me? But there's something in there that's kind of like, 647 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,480 Speaker 1: you know what, that's who I want to be. I 648 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,040 Speaker 1: want to be the traveler I want to read. I 649 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: want to be that version of myself. Yeah yeah, And 650 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 1: how do you think. 651 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 2: I mean? 652 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,280 Speaker 1: The cool thing about Gladys And I'll talk behind Gladys 653 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:54,760 Speaker 1: is back. 654 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 4: Right in front of her. 655 00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:58,920 Speaker 1: You can sit right there and stare at me as 656 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 1: I talk behind your back. The cool thing about Jasmine 657 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 1: is she seems to want to see you succeed, and 658 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 1: she seems to want to see your son succeed. Right, 659 00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:16,520 Speaker 1: And she's doing something and I don't know that Gladys 660 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 1: would word it this way, but she's doing something that 661 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:23,719 Speaker 1: she actually doesn't have to do. Like she could say, no, 662 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 1: you go stick some place like, but Gladys is doing 663 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: something you shouldn't have to do because she wants to 664 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:33,000 Speaker 1: see you and your son succeed. As you do these things, 665 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,640 Speaker 1: start reading again and start becoming the version of you 666 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: that you want to be. How do you imagine that 667 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: Gladys would respond excited? 668 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:49,120 Speaker 2: She's so excitement by being inclusive inclusive? How like she 669 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,120 Speaker 2: won't leave me out or anybody. 670 00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 1: Leave you out of Like what would she do that 671 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: would tell you, Oh, that's Gladys being inclusive. 672 00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:00,480 Speaker 2: Because like she knows how I am, Like I'm very 673 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 2: anti social, but she knows if I'm in a mood, 674 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,880 Speaker 2: she'll know when to leave me alone. But she'll also 675 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:11,359 Speaker 2: know to check on me and stuff like that. So 676 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,480 Speaker 2: she knows how to handle me. 677 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 1: So if Gladys is including you and stuff, because sometimes 678 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,960 Speaker 1: you can be antisocial, if Gladys is including you and stuff, 679 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,239 Speaker 1: that'll be a signed to you, like, Okay, this is good, right, 680 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:26,719 Speaker 1: how will you let her? 681 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:33,279 Speaker 2: She's always like that and I'm not gonna lie. It's 682 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 2: a bit scary for me because. 683 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,719 Speaker 3: Because the same way I'll tell them, because I have 684 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,440 Speaker 3: a small crew, and my small crew that hangs out 685 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,000 Speaker 3: with me. My expectations of anybody that is in my circle, 686 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:53,279 Speaker 3: whether you're relative, friend or stranger. That like, if you're 687 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,160 Speaker 3: in my circle and you're in my inclusively around me, 688 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 3: you're gonna have to tell me what I need to hear, 689 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:04,200 Speaker 3: what I want to hear. So that's very scary for Jazmine. 690 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,839 Speaker 3: Like when it comes to let me hold on. 691 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: It's scary to me when I hear it yes no. 692 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 4: And I listen to me La. 693 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,160 Speaker 3: I'm really serious when I say this has always been 694 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:20,120 Speaker 3: who I have been since coming to this world and 695 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,680 Speaker 3: why my family has always given me the name Mama, 696 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,440 Speaker 3: because I've been very strict in certain areas that I'm like, 697 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,200 Speaker 3: I know, I came into this world to be a 698 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,520 Speaker 3: breaker of chains and I came into this world to 699 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 3: speak on things that have to be spoken on because 700 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 3: of things that have taken place, even back when I 701 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 3: wasn't able to defend for myself as a child. So 702 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,560 Speaker 3: the way that I think about things and the way 703 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:51,359 Speaker 3: that I hold myself accountable and responsible for my good 704 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 3: deeds but also my bad deeds and my bad deeds 705 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:59,000 Speaker 3: that I've seen that I've personally done to others, My 706 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 3: biggest thing and my biggest enemy is myself. So because 707 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 3: I've been able to understand that in the last twenty years, 708 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,480 Speaker 3: that's where I live and so no one can tell 709 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,399 Speaker 3: me otherwise. So when you're in my vicinity, whether you're 710 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,680 Speaker 3: family or not, I'm going to give you my all. 711 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 3: But I also know too that in giving my all 712 00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 3: at this time in my life of being forty seven, 713 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,280 Speaker 3: I have to have discernments because I know for myself, 714 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,240 Speaker 3: I can give too much and then it's not being 715 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:37,359 Speaker 3: reciprocated back or my relationships have ended in that. Now 716 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 3: with Jasmine being here, there are certain times when it 717 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,040 Speaker 3: comes to like I'm strict and I'm a strict sister, 718 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 3: and I expect my siblings when there are things that 719 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,520 Speaker 3: are being done like we all band together to support 720 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,359 Speaker 3: one another, but that also means holding each other up 721 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 3: and giving enough grace in space for you to feel 722 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 3: safe to me the move bettering yourself because you have 723 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,479 Speaker 3: the ability to do it. So, like Jasmine will say, 724 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 3: I love our brother Lewis very very much. However, Lewis 725 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:16,640 Speaker 3: and I will get into it because I'm gonna tell 726 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:20,920 Speaker 3: our brother Lewis when his shit stinks, because that's my responsibility. 727 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,319 Speaker 3: It's my responsibility, which and then their responsibility to tell 728 00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:25,280 Speaker 3: me my shit stinks. 729 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,799 Speaker 1: Glad we're about out of time. But I also want 730 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:32,840 Speaker 1: you to be equally passionate as telling Oh, absolutely, people, 731 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,920 Speaker 1: I'm proud of you, I'm happy about what you're doing. Absolutely, 732 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 1: because I think Jasmine's in a space where she needs that. 733 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,600 Speaker 3: No, and I'm saying I get that, like you know 734 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,799 Speaker 3: what I mean, we all need that too. And at 735 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 3: the same time, like I said, no matter what, and 736 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 3: this is what Jasmine knows about me, just like all 737 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,200 Speaker 3: of my other family members know about me, is that 738 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:58,760 Speaker 3: I'm always going to make sure that you're speaking your truth, 739 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,560 Speaker 3: not to please or appease somebody else outside of you. 740 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,600 Speaker 3: That's the part that's going to be really big for 741 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,680 Speaker 3: Jasmine to be able to shift and do here, which 742 00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:12,359 Speaker 3: is scary for her. Here it's like, no, there's no 743 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,560 Speaker 3: one here for you to have to appease or please 744 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:19,799 Speaker 3: but yourself and your son, because whoever is around you 745 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,520 Speaker 3: now is just going to support and back up whatever 746 00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,880 Speaker 3: it is that you want in your life, and you 747 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,360 Speaker 3: have to know what that is, and even if you 748 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,080 Speaker 3: don't know it in words. When I first moved away, 749 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,600 Speaker 3: I didn't have the money, I didn't have the support, 750 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,640 Speaker 3: but the one thing that I did have in Los 751 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,879 Speaker 3: Angeles was the palm trees in the ghetto and it 752 00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,480 Speaker 3: was eighty four degrees in January. 753 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:48,560 Speaker 4: Was happily broke my whole entire time, But that was 754 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 4: my thing. That's what I love. 755 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 3: So I feel like for Jasmine, what she has to 756 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,880 Speaker 3: remember is this is her choice, this is what she 757 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,360 Speaker 3: wanted to do, and she should be so proud of 758 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:05,640 Speaker 3: herself in make it actually happened. She's here, right, She's here, right, Okay. 759 00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,160 Speaker 3: But the other part, like I'm just realistic on this part. 760 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,760 Speaker 3: No one else can give you, not even our children 761 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,960 Speaker 3: or our parents can give us happiness. That is our 762 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 3: own responsibility. And with happiness one must be extremely strong 763 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,400 Speaker 3: to have absolute happiness. 764 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:29,680 Speaker 1: Well, okay, so we have to wrap up. But Jasmine, 765 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 1: there's something I want to say to you if nobody 766 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:36,000 Speaker 1: else has already said it, and I mean really honestly, 767 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:40,839 Speaker 1: it's just a simple message of congratulations. You've just done 768 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 1: something that requires so much courage and strength. I admire it. 769 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,359 Speaker 1: And as I said earlier, you and I have something 770 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,279 Speaker 1: in common. I remember when I did it twenty nine 771 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,719 Speaker 1: years ago. I've just sat here this whole time admiring 772 00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:57,320 Speaker 1: that you were able to make this shift, put yourself 773 00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,400 Speaker 1: in a position to be where you are now. The 774 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:03,319 Speaker 1: hardest thing to world is to choose uncomfort, and you 775 00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:06,040 Speaker 1: have chosen uncomfort and I admire you for that. To 776 00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:10,040 Speaker 1: be honest with you, John, thank you. You're going to 777 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,560 Speaker 1: grieve and there are some days you're gonna wake up 778 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,040 Speaker 1: and be like this is like you know, you're gonna 779 00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:16,040 Speaker 1: have moments. 780 00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:23,000 Speaker 2: I've already done that to my therapist. But it worked 781 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,319 Speaker 2: everything you said, Yeah, it worked out. 782 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,640 Speaker 1: I want you to just pay extra close attention to 783 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,640 Speaker 1: the smallest signs possible that you're becoming the version of 784 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,960 Speaker 1: you that you want to be. And in fact, I 785 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,880 Speaker 1: want to suggest to you that you go find a 786 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 1: self help book and start reading it because that's who 787 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 1: you are, and that's who you used to be, and 788 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:48,040 Speaker 1: that's what you used to do. Okay, okay, And Gladys, 789 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,160 Speaker 1: I just want you to being her loving big sister, 790 00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:56,400 Speaker 1: and when she has moments of wobble, I want you 791 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:59,799 Speaker 1: to remember that that's when she needs compassion because what 792 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,719 Speaker 1: she he's just done is really, really hard. So I 793 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,239 Speaker 1: want you to hold her accountable, but I also want 794 00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,400 Speaker 1: you to give her grace in those moments of like, 795 00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:08,880 Speaker 1: I'm really struggling. 796 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:10,279 Speaker 4: No, I understand. 797 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,440 Speaker 1: As we wrap up this session, what stays with me 798 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:18,160 Speaker 1: most is not just the change Jasmine is making, but 799 00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:22,440 Speaker 1: the courage it takes to stay present while that change unfolds. 800 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:27,840 Speaker 1: While the growth spurts may hurt, they are essential. Jasmine 801 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:31,240 Speaker 1: is learning something many of us struggle with. That safety 802 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:37,040 Speaker 1: can feel unfamiliar, that peace can feel suspicious, that receiving 803 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:42,480 Speaker 1: support doesn't mean weakness, and Gladys reminds us of something 804 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 1: just as important. Change doesn't mean abandoning who you are. 805 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,920 Speaker 1: It means choosing how you move forward with boundaries, with intention, 806 00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:57,759 Speaker 1: with compassion for yourself and for the people walking beside you. 807 00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:01,640 Speaker 1: Are you finding yourself in this conversation thinking about your 808 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:05,640 Speaker 1: own grief? Maybe you yourself are grieving someone or something 809 00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:10,320 Speaker 1: that hasn't fully ended. Maybe you've chosen discomfort because staying 810 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 1: the same was costing you too much. Or maybe you're 811 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,439 Speaker 1: learning how to accept help without feeling like you owe 812 00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,040 Speaker 1: the world something in return. So before you move on 813 00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,640 Speaker 1: with your day, I'll leave you with a few questions 814 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:27,480 Speaker 1: to sit with, not to answer perfectly, but to notice honestly. 815 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,520 Speaker 1: Where in my life am I being offered support and 816 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:38,880 Speaker 1: what makes it hard to accept it? How will I 817 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,799 Speaker 1: know that this change I'm making is good for me? 818 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:50,400 Speaker 1: What small signs should I look for? What does feeling 819 00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:54,600 Speaker 1: safe actually look like in my body, in my relationships, 820 00:46:54,800 --> 00:47:02,360 Speaker 1: and in my daily choices? If I imagined myself six 821 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:06,360 Speaker 1: months from now, what would peace look like in real 822 00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:14,040 Speaker 1: ordinary moments. Change doesn't arrive all at once. Sometimes it 823 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,600 Speaker 1: shows up when we least expect it. In a book 824 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:21,240 Speaker 1: you finally have time to read, or in a deep 825 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,600 Speaker 1: breath you didn't even realize you were holding in, or 826 00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:29,120 Speaker 1: a moment where you choose yourself without guilt. And if 827 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:33,400 Speaker 1: that's where you are right now, know this. You're not behind, 828 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:39,320 Speaker 1: You're not broken, you are becoming, coming coming. Thanks for listening. 829 00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:57,000 Speaker 1: See you next week. I would love to hear from 830 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 1: you about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback. 831 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,120 Speaker 1: Leave a review, send a DM, connect with me on 832 00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,800 Speaker 1: socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send me 833 00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,279 Speaker 1: a text message to nine seven two four two six 834 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,960 Speaker 1: two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of 835 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:15,680 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to 836 00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:19,480 Speaker 1: our assistant Glendale Sepe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas 837 00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:23,560 Speaker 1: and the executive producer, Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts 838 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,840 Speaker 1: from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever 839 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,600 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on 840 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,280 Speaker 1: the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes. 841 00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,840 Speaker 1: It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical 842 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,560 Speaker 1: or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider 843 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,200 Speaker 1: of patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your 844 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,319 Speaker 1: healthcare provider or health team for any specific concern or 845 00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:46,120 Speaker 1: questions you may have.