Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, well this is going to be a really fun
Speaker 2: wind down. Hi Catherine, Hi, did you end up listening
Speaker 2: to last week's I didn't you didn't. I saw the
Speaker 2: preview in nervous Oh faking it? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm so glad Kristen was there not me.
Speaker 2: Have you ever faked it? Oh? Yeah, okay, I would
Speaker 2: see you not being the faking type.
Speaker 3: I mean I could see that too, but now I
Speaker 3: have usually just stop. We talked about this last week.
Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, why are we repeating once again?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Man, Well, we wanted to do something a little different
Speaker 2: on today's podcast. It's going to be a Q and A,
Speaker 2: but also to dive in and you know, things come
Speaker 2: up if you know, you know how I love a
Speaker 2: good devil's advocate.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, if.
Speaker 2: You want to, you know, jump in on those and
Speaker 2: just have a converse about this is like the Seinfeld
Speaker 2: episode where you don't really have a topic. Oh okay,
Speaker 2: but it just kind of is a show, right is that?
Speaker 2: But yet there's going to be so much in there
Speaker 2: because you guys have a lot of questions and we
Speaker 2: may or may not answer all of them, So stay
Speaker 2: tuned and Mark of course is here and he's going
Speaker 2: to be the MC for the day.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. There are a lot of questions
Speaker 1: about a specific topic that I'm wondering if we should
Speaker 1: ask those questions or not. I need your guidance on that.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: The eyes.
Speaker 2: Can we just go to some other questions and then
Speaker 2: like you know, just getting warmed up first?
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, let's just start. We'll start in the relationship section.
Speaker 1: This is from Laura Wellness.
Speaker 2: That I want to start.
Speaker 1: It's like, what's your favorite color? Mark? No one asked
Speaker 1: that one, But how about this one? How did you
Speaker 1: get your spark back after your divorce?
Speaker 2: How did I get my spark back after divorce? I
Speaker 2: think it's about how do I say this? I think
Speaker 2: you have to go through the on the floor, ball
Speaker 2: your eyes out moments to be able to find your spark.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense? Like you have to go through
Speaker 2: the stages of all of the healing, because if not
Speaker 2: like the spark when you do find the spark, isn't
Speaker 2: going to be a real spark. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: It's going to be like a fake spark? Does that
Speaker 2: make sense? To any of you guys.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's just a little stronger because you know what
Speaker 3: you went through, or because you went through it hard,
Speaker 3: or what do you mean.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm not following you. I'm trying to figure it out.
Speaker 2: So I think it's like if you don't, if you
Speaker 2: just brush every thing underneath the you know, the rug,
Speaker 2: I think you can like fake it in a way
Speaker 2: like I'm so happy and everything's amazing and great, when
Speaker 2: it's like, hmmm, is that spark real?
Speaker 1: Got it?
Speaker 3: So it's just like fake, it's just not.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it's like I think you have to go through
Speaker 2: all the stages of just like anger and denial and
Speaker 2: crying to find you through that. And then when you
Speaker 2: find yourself through that, you're like, you're gonna start to
Speaker 2: feel more like yourself. And every day you start to
Speaker 2: feel a little bit more like yourself, and then a
Speaker 2: little bit more like yourself, and then you find the
Speaker 2: pieces of you they're new pieces, Like I have definitely
Speaker 2: old pieces of me from when I was younger, but
Speaker 2: now I've got new pieces where I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 2: feel stronger, this is a new spark in me. And
Speaker 2: so then you start to feel better, and I think
Speaker 2: I think that's through experience and going through all the
Speaker 2: like heaviness of it and like the tears of it
Speaker 2: in the and not just putting a band aid on
Speaker 2: it makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are no shortcuts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I want shortcuts. I love shortcuts. I'm a
Speaker 2: big fan of shortcuts. Like when I was doing my
Speaker 2: half marathon, I saw like a thing that could shortcut
Speaker 2: and I was like, God, I want to take that
Speaker 2: shortcut right now because that would shave like, you know,
Speaker 2: zero point five miles. But I was just like, I
Speaker 2: can't do it, Like I can't do it, but I
Speaker 2: have done. I have short I have shortcutted. Is that
Speaker 2: the word I've I've taken a lot of shortcuts when
Speaker 2: it has come to my healing because I want to
Speaker 2: feel better. So I have in the past for sure,
Speaker 2: jumped into things or I have gone down roads because
Speaker 2: it in the moment makes me feel better. But long
Speaker 2: term it doesn't actually work.
Speaker 1: It's a fake spark until you actually get through it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then again like you start to realize, you know,
Speaker 2: I think I think I've got a pretty good spark
Speaker 2: right now, but sure there's still moments. So it's like
Speaker 2: I think people just think like all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: you're just like better. It's like you're just you've got
Speaker 2: great days and you've got some days that kind of suck. Sure,
Speaker 2: And I think, you know, but getting the spark is
Speaker 2: just going through it and you know, believing that there's
Speaker 2: another side, because there is another side.
Speaker 1: Should I ask another question that's nonspecific or should I
Speaker 1: follow up to that question with something more specific.
Speaker 2: Between the lines, Oh, okay.
Speaker 1: What's your current spark status?
Speaker 2: I'm I feel like I'm oh my spark status. I'm
Speaker 2: really happy with my spark. I think it's again, like
Speaker 2: I just said, like, I think there's good days, and
Speaker 2: I think there's you know, days where it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's a bummer. But I'm everything that I've gone through,
Speaker 2: I keep learning lessons and I'm and through that. It's like,
Speaker 2: you know, and I'm having fun. Like I'm going out
Speaker 2: with my girlfriends and we're going to get drinks and
Speaker 2: like I'm Stella's getting her groove back in a way,
Speaker 2: you know, like in just a way of like the
Speaker 2: things that I did, you know, with my therapist in
Speaker 2: the office. It's like, you know, and then like finally
Speaker 2: forgiving Mike, and like all these things. It's like those
Speaker 2: pieces like let my spark shine and let my light
Speaker 2: go a little brighter?
Speaker 1: Is okay?
Speaker 2: Mark?
Speaker 1: I know, but this is a good question. I ask
Speaker 1: got to phrase it properly.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Any relationships that have happened since your divorce, were they
Speaker 1: part of the healing process of getting your spark back?
Speaker 1: Or are they kind of like starting over again in
Speaker 1: a new situation to grieve when they don't work out?
Speaker 2: Okay? Wait, thank you? Can you can you on that one?
Speaker 2: Can you try again?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've seen you've seen some men since your divorce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, I mean those men.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Yeah, And have those men been part of
Speaker 1: the process of getting your spark back from your divorce
Speaker 1: or is each of those an individual relationship that also
Speaker 1: needs to be mourned? Kind of you kind of a
Speaker 1: setback towards getting your spark back?
Speaker 2: Got it? Good question. I think one of the first
Speaker 2: guys that I hung out with post divorce, I unfairly
Speaker 2: hung out with him because I was nowhere near ready,
Speaker 2: Like no, that was where I was putting a band
Speaker 2: aid on things because I felt better. I was being
Speaker 2: told that I was beautiful, and I was pretty and
Speaker 2: I was strong. Everything that I haven't heard for seven
Speaker 2: almost seven years, I was starting to hear it from
Speaker 2: someone else and it felt really nice. But if I
Speaker 2: was being honest with myself, I was not being honest
Speaker 2: in that at all, because I just I wasn't ready
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship, which is you know, when
Speaker 2: I was when the person wanted to be, I was
Speaker 2: just like, I don't want to be like I'm I
Speaker 2: don't know what I want. And then you know, so
Speaker 2: I think that one was and and I was reading
Speaker 2: people's comments like girl, just like be by yourself, and
Speaker 2: but it was just it felt nice again to have
Speaker 2: something that felt so different from my past. But again
Speaker 2: it was don't you do agree? Yeah, it was putting, oh,
Speaker 2: absolutely given my you know what I think, and here's
Speaker 2: the thing I think. And when Pamelin said this best
Speaker 2: she goes we almost needed him to get you out
Speaker 2: of the gutter, to know that you will be like
Speaker 2: that you will be, which you know sucks for that
Speaker 2: person that but the timing also, I'm like, you know
Speaker 2: that was but I think it was, Yeah, I just
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I didn't want to come out because I
Speaker 2: just got out of something. I was so fresh, but
Speaker 2: I think it was nice to feel like it's like
Speaker 2: that that helped me kind of get up a little
Speaker 2: bit and go, Okay, maybe I won't be alone forever
Speaker 2: and maybe this maybe someone will like me again or
Speaker 2: think I'm pretty. And but like through dating post divorce,
Speaker 2: I think where I have struggled is I have not
Speaker 2: been strong on boundaries that I know are important to me.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have more follow ups, but I'm gonna hold
Speaker 1: him for right now. Okay, because this is the Instagram
Speaker 1: Q and A. This is not the Marky melekew And Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go, cam cam Ara nine two five. How
Speaker 1: to forget after you have forgiven? My husband cheated on
Speaker 1: me with his ex wife before we got married. I
Speaker 1: can forgive, But how do I forget?
Speaker 2: My husband cheated on me with his ex wife.
Speaker 1: Before we got married.
Speaker 2: So they got divorced and then, Yeah, you know what's
Speaker 2: really interesting about that? What because I remember John, you
Speaker 2: know who was who was here? I remember he Like,
Speaker 2: there's that connection with that person like he had. I
Speaker 2: think he went back to Christine at one point in
Speaker 2: time after they got divorced. But it's like a I
Speaker 2: think you have that connection right now, I'm not saying
Speaker 2: that's right at all, Like please don't even like, please
Speaker 2: don't hear that at all, but that it happened almost something. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's like where it's like if you I don't know,
Speaker 2: I don't want to sound I'm gonna sound like a
Speaker 2: total hipper it. So I'm just gonna stop what I'm
Speaker 2: saying right now. You'll never forget, That's the thing unless
Speaker 2: you are in the Truman Show. What this in that show?
Speaker 2: Or the Mission Impossible or not Mission Impossible? But the
Speaker 2: Men in Black where they erased your memory Men in Black? Yeah,
Speaker 2: like Eternal Sunshine, that was it. Thank you Eternal Sunshine.
Speaker 2: That was what I was thinking, Like, I don't think
Speaker 2: you for like, I'm never gonna forget when that my
Speaker 2: ex cheated, I forgive them, but I'll never forget. That's
Speaker 2: the thing. It's it's how what you do with that memory?
Speaker 2: So are you gonna let it affect you every single day?
Speaker 2: Like I know I can fault it with my last
Speaker 2: you know, my past relationship with my ex. I could
Speaker 2: not forget it, and I absolutely could not forgive in
Speaker 2: that moment. But when you so that those were two
Speaker 2: big things, but me not being able to forget it,
Speaker 2: I let it take over every single day when someone
Speaker 2: just wants to like move on. So it's what you
Speaker 2: do with the information that you have and how you
Speaker 2: handle it with the information you have.
Speaker 3: Hm, right, no, yeah, no, yeah, I mean I think
Speaker 3: it's part of your story. So I don't know how
Speaker 3: you forget it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Forget it, yeah, because it's part of your story, but
Speaker 1: it's also part of your story together. You can forgive
Speaker 1: it and you can move on, but it's always got
Speaker 1: to be filed away in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, unfortunately, And when it comes up, like one of
Speaker 2: the things to do is like, hey, this is coming
Speaker 2: up for me, and hopefully your husband will go will
Speaker 2: be empathetic and not say God, can you just forget
Speaker 2: about it already? Or can you just move on? Or
Speaker 2: can you just like what that person needs to do. Like,
Speaker 2: if they're a healthy person, they'll say, hey, I'm really
Speaker 2: sorry that's coming up for your anounser anything that I
Speaker 2: can do around it to make you feel safe or comfortable.
Speaker 2: But for so many people that are in that position,
Speaker 2: of the ones that are cheated, they have so much
Speaker 2: like shame. They just want you to forget it and
Speaker 2: move on, and that's not how it works for people
Speaker 2: that have been affected by abuse of cheating.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, especially if it's still going on. I mean,
Speaker 3: that's like a different like them wanting to forget about it.
Speaker 3: You know, they can't keep repeating the pattern. You can't
Speaker 3: just let's forget about it, but keep repeating the pattern.
Speaker 3: So hopefully in this instance it's something that they don't
Speaker 3: do again. You can start to move forward together again.
Speaker 3: But you're never going to forget it. I don't know
Speaker 3: how you would ever.
Speaker 2: No, it's just not letting it have the impact that
Speaker 2: it has had. Like you go to therapy, talk to
Speaker 2: your friends, like see his actions, see how if it
Speaker 2: comes up. I mean, I remember that one hotel that
Speaker 2: you know, I had struggled going past, Like I'd be like, hey,
Speaker 2: like the memories of like that hotel, like and then
Speaker 2: hopefully that person will be like, hey, I'm so sorry
Speaker 2: that sucks, you know, and empathize with you and not
Speaker 2: make you feel crazy for thinking it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to move on from the relationship questions for
Speaker 1: a moment. We can return to those. We'll put a
Speaker 1: pin in those a.
Speaker 2: Pin, put a pin. Name the movie Bolt, Bolt, Bolt,
Speaker 2: such a good movie.
Speaker 1: The Dog the Dog.
Speaker 2: Agent was like, let's put a pin in it. The
Speaker 2: entire movie was about putting a pin in it. I
Speaker 2: loved it.
Speaker 1: Well, only a mom would come up with Bolt as
Speaker 1: a reference. So let's go to the parenting section of
Speaker 1: the Instagram Q and I, Bonnie M, and then a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of numbers. What is your greatest hope or
Speaker 1: dreams for you and your kids in the future. M.
Speaker 2: I just want them to be and look back on
Speaker 2: their childhood and yeah, just have really good memories. I
Speaker 2: look back on my childhood and I think sometimes like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: that was a fun memory. Ah, but that's when mom
Speaker 2: and dad like we're fighting, and that's when my parents
Speaker 2: got divorced, or that's when. And it was always kind
Speaker 2: of like shadowed by a negative experience. And I just
Speaker 2: want them to look back and go, oh, that was
Speaker 2: a great memory with mom when we went here and
Speaker 2: we went up north, and yeah, and I think just
Speaker 2: that they're I just want them to be happy, and
Speaker 2: I want them to be healthy, and I just want
Speaker 2: to I want to soak up every minute that I
Speaker 2: have with them, because you know that meme that always
Speaker 2: goes around. You've only got kids for four years, just
Speaker 2: like you know, little kids for then they grow up
Speaker 2: and then you know they're not gonna want to play
Speaker 2: with me anymore. And you know, Jace wants me to sing,
Speaker 2: you know, he's like sometimes it's two songs, but he
Speaker 2: like five songs. And in the moment, I'm like, oh god,
Speaker 2: I'm so tired. You just want to go to bed,
Speaker 2: and then I have to remember it's like, all right, buddy,
Speaker 2: let's do five songs, you know, because it's like he's
Speaker 2: not gonna want me to lay in bed and sing
Speaker 2: him five songs. Like that's yeah, so that's what I would.
Speaker 2: What do you want?
Speaker 3: Well, the same, I mean, and that's kind of the
Speaker 3: cliche answer. But doesn't every mom want their kids to
Speaker 3: be happy and healthy?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: You know, but that's a good one because that's hard.
Speaker 3: It's like the books when you have to read them
Speaker 3: books and you skip through, you know, but now it's like,
Speaker 3: you know, flocking out.
Speaker 2: That one not gonna lie like I had, I skipped
Speaker 2: a whole chunk the other night.
Speaker 3: But I'm when they don't know though, it's just so easy,
Speaker 3: like they'll never know that were But yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: now I'm at a point where, like my kids put
Speaker 3: themselves to bed, which I mean is weird. It's kind
Speaker 3: of nice, but it's kind of sad at the same time.
Speaker 3: It's kind of bittersweet. Ramsey puts herself to bed sometimes.
Speaker 3: I mean, like her and Emmy basically sleep together most
Speaker 3: of the time, and so they just go to bed together.
Speaker 3: But I mean, if I'm home, I'll definitely go up
Speaker 3: there and light with her for a little bit. But
Speaker 3: and she just kind of reads on her own.
Speaker 1: And this is a perfect transition into this question from
Speaker 1: k Brohlt, who says, how do you handle mom guilt?
Speaker 1: I work full time and yesterday I missed my eight
Speaker 1: year old's swim lessons.
Speaker 2: I mean I said this on the show a few
Speaker 2: weeks ago. But wherever I get my mom guilt from
Speaker 2: other moms and that's really sad. Where I feel judged
Speaker 2: from other moms and that bums me out. And that's
Speaker 2: where I like my girl Jesse Decker. She was on
Speaker 2: her Instagram story like crying about, you know, trying to
Speaker 2: be a working mom and raise your kids and instead
Speaker 2: of you know, saying, you know, I'm sure, she got
Speaker 2: some negative comments like well you shouldn't you know, be
Speaker 2: working so much, and said it's like, hey, you're doing
Speaker 2: a great job supporting your kids, and like just like
Speaker 2: because everyone has that mom guilt and like you just
Speaker 2: want other moms around you and other people to go
Speaker 2: you're doing a great job and you're working so hard,
Speaker 2: and they're going to see that, like I was. I
Speaker 2: played a song with her at the Rhymen last week,
Speaker 2: and you know, seeing her three kids up on stage,
Speaker 2: like they're seeing what a badass mom she is, you know,
Speaker 2: and it kind of started to make me think about
Speaker 2: my kids and it's like, yeah, I don't like to
Speaker 2: go away and be filming and working and stuff, but
Speaker 2: I also think they're seeing that I'm I. One day
Speaker 2: they will see how hard I worked for them and
Speaker 2: the balance that I made to make sure we still
Speaker 2: had awesome memories. I was still with them, and yeah,
Speaker 2: I ended up turning something down that was going to
Speaker 2: be I would be gone for about two and a
Speaker 2: half weeks, but sometimes you have to make the choice,
Speaker 2: and it's it's tough, and some people, you know, would
Speaker 2: would have taken the two and a half weeks, but
Speaker 2: for me, I also know that, like I don't again,
Speaker 2: they're so young right now. Maybe I can do that
Speaker 2: later when they're older, but it's hard. It sucks. But
Speaker 2: trying to think of the positive on it, that's where
Speaker 2: I'm trying to go. Like I feel like I've been
Speaker 2: so not negative, but I want to just lean into
Speaker 2: more like positive and go, Okay, what's what's the positive
Speaker 2: of me working well? I'm supporting my kids and my mom.
Speaker 2: My kids are seeing that, like they you know, if
Speaker 2: you work hard and all those things.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think it's I think about this a
Speaker 3: lot because I have, you know, with three kids with
Speaker 3: a lot of activities. I always tried to be at everything.
Speaker 3: I've always tried, and really just now this year, I've realized,
Speaker 3: like it's not physically possible, you know, working and three
Speaker 3: kids three different places, Like sometimes they happen at the
Speaker 3: same time, sometimes the dad, my dad, my husband, their
Speaker 3: dad has to be there, or sometimes my parents or
Speaker 3: sometimes a babysitter. But I think you just have to
Speaker 3: you just have to realize, like missing a swim lesson,
Speaker 3: it's not like they're going to go back and remember
Speaker 3: that you missed a swim lesson. They're going to remember
Speaker 3: that you were there for the other fifteen swim lessons.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's just I think we put so much pressure on
Speaker 3: ourselves working or not working. I mean, even if you're
Speaker 3: home and you have a lot of kids, you can't
Speaker 3: physically do everything, you know, So I think it's just
Speaker 3: taking that pressure and knowing that they are seeing you
Speaker 3: again if you are working, working hard, but doing your
Speaker 3: best and being there when you can.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like my mom never and I was thinking about this,
Speaker 2: I was like, she's never do I don't think she
Speaker 2: Maybe she went to one figure skating competition, but the
Speaker 2: reason she didn't was because she was a single mom
Speaker 2: and she had to work. So I had my coach
Speaker 2: drive me to every single thing that I had. And
Speaker 2: looking back, like, I didn't didn't judge her for it.
Speaker 2: I just knew that, all right, mom has to work.
Speaker 2: And now I know I'm like, yes, I have to work,
Speaker 2: and my kids are going to see that. I'm still
Speaker 2: you know, I'm doing the bes But like then, well
Speaker 2: the other day though, I did get on Jolie because
Speaker 2: she was like, this is the worst day ever. And
Speaker 2: I was like, you are so lucky to have everything
Speaker 2: that you have and like that whole Like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you don't even understand you have a roof over your head,
Speaker 2: you have food. I'm like, do not say this is
Speaker 2: so you want to know what a worst day looks like?
Speaker 2: So I pulled it up on Google. I was like,
Speaker 2: that is what a worst day looks like. That little
Speaker 2: girl doesn't have a house, but her mom's trying the
Speaker 2: best you can, you know, like it was just so hard. Yeah,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, it's uh lighter.
Speaker 1: Note this is from Kimmy eleven thirty. This is just
Speaker 1: a quickie what happened with the tooth theory and Josie
Speaker 1: wake up?
Speaker 2: Oh yead that was so funny.
Speaker 3: I just picture you with the piggy bank was.
Speaker 2: Okay, So my daughter she had a loose tooth. I'm
Speaker 2: not the one that pulls the teeth. Mike is the
Speaker 2: one that pulls the teeth. I'm like, hey, it's just
Speaker 2: coming in with a you know, a wiggler, like get
Speaker 2: it out before she comes back to my house, Like
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't handle the blood, the pulling, Like,
Speaker 2: can't do it. So she comes in and she's like mommy,
Speaker 2: look and it's like bending over and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's ready. I couldn't grab onto it. Catherine tried, she
Speaker 2: couldn't grab onto it.
Speaker 3: I don't do it either, though, I don't pull my kids.
Speaker 2: Too, but yet you tried to try my daughter, and
Speaker 2: I was like, handle it your goddam yes. And so,
Speaker 2: long story short, I was doing an Instagram live because
Speaker 2: my one brick team was in town and the babysitter.
Speaker 2: She had the babysitter pull it and she's like, Mommy, look,
Speaker 2: Emma pulled it. And I was just like, oh my god, Emma,
Speaker 2: how did you that. She's like, we you just kind
Speaker 2: of have to like twist. She's like senior in high school,
Speaker 2: and she's like trying to describe like how she's like
Speaker 2: twisting her tooth off, and I was just like okay,
Speaker 2: and then I was like and then I put her
Speaker 2: to bed, she put the tooth underneath there, and then
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't have any cash. So
Speaker 2: then I'm like what do I do? So I'm like,
Speaker 2: who carries cash? Yeah, I'm like, I can't remember the
Speaker 2: last time I've had cash, So I mean, I'm I'm
Speaker 2: freaking out. Pam comes over. My other neighbor, Molly I
Speaker 2: was like, hey, you guys had a cash and they're
Speaker 2: like no, they're like looking. That was like I want
Speaker 2: what I'm supposed to the too thory. I almost texted
Speaker 2: my next door neighbor because you know, she's just a
Speaker 2: little bit older, and so I was like, well, she's
Speaker 2: got to have cash, like older people probably keep cash.
Speaker 2: So like, I mean, she's like my grandma's age, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like they've got cash, right, So
Speaker 2: I'm like but I'm like it was at that point
Speaker 2: nine o'clock because I'm like, I'm not gonna wake her up,
Speaker 2: And then I went into Sarah's room. I did end
Speaker 2: up waking her up. I was like, do I do
Speaker 2: you have any cash? Like I couldn't find her purse
Speaker 2: on the things. I was going to go to her
Speaker 2: purse and just like grab cash. So then I go
Speaker 2: up to Julie's room and I'm just like pacing. I'm
Speaker 2: like what am I going to do? So I start
Speaker 2: shaking her piggy bank because it's glass, so there's nothing
Speaker 2: that's like, there's nothing to twist off. So I'm looking
Speaker 2: at it and I'm trying to like I get I
Speaker 2: go grab tweezers to try to get tweezers to go
Speaker 2: inside the sliver where the money comes through, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is a really low moment in my parenting right now.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm trying to steal my daughter's money to
Speaker 2: put money underneath your pillow. And then I thought about
Speaker 2: breaking the sow. I looked at it. I'm like, I think,
Speaker 2: I'm I don't have to break it. I'm have to
Speaker 2: get some money out and then explain what happened. And
Speaker 2: then I went down. I was like, wait, maybe I've
Speaker 2: got some like change or something in I've got a
Speaker 2: you know, a couple of purses, so I was I
Speaker 2: was going through them, and then I found three dollars
Speaker 2: in the one of my little lip things, and so
Speaker 2: I ended up finding it. But then when I put
Speaker 2: it in there, she stood up. That's like my worst
Speaker 2: and I was like, and I just like this gently
Speaker 2: like pushed her back down, and I was like, shouldn't round,
Speaker 2: like hopefully she wouldn't won't remember in the morning, And
Speaker 2: luckily everyone was like, just tell her you were checking
Speaker 2: to see if the tooth fairy came, but she didn't ask.
Speaker 2: She woke up and she was mommy the tooth Fairy
Speaker 2: came and I was like, oh.
Speaker 1: Did she.
Speaker 2: That's great, honey, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: First of all, that's how our tooth fairy got so
Speaker 3: rich because I only had like a twenty dollars bill.
Speaker 3: And I was like, this is really setting a precedent.
Speaker 1: That's all I have is for the next five teeth.
Speaker 1: You can't do that exactly.
Speaker 2: So I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go to the bank and just get some money out
Speaker 2: for my tooth fairy fund.
Speaker 3: So you know, as the kids get older, I start
Speaker 3: having cash because people give them cash for like birthdays
Speaker 3: and Christmas. Oh yeah, we got three wallets and our things.
Speaker 3: So I just steal from them and then put it
Speaker 3: back if I have to, I do all the time.
Speaker 1: So we just tell our kids that the toothpairry sent
Speaker 1: five dollars to your college fund via zel.
Speaker 3: That's brilliant.
Speaker 1: No, we don't.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's actually a really good idea.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I was like, kind start is a Venmo for you,
Speaker 2: baby girl, Like the twothrey is going to give you
Speaker 2: Venmo money?
Speaker 1: All right, let me rapid fire you these lifestyle questions
Speaker 1: because they're quickies and then we have a few more
Speaker 1: relationship questions we should probably get to quickly. Is there
Speaker 1: a new book coming? Asks Bree. Maybe Taylor's thoughts says
Speaker 1: what is your favorite concert you've ever been to in
Speaker 1: your whole life?
Speaker 2: I know this is rapid, but this is hard Garth
Speaker 2: Brooks or James Taylor.
Speaker 1: I need more specifics, like Garth Brooks at Ryman and
Speaker 1: two thousands.
Speaker 2: Garth Brooks at Bridgestone when there was the flood in Nashville,
Speaker 2: and then James Taylor pretty much like a year after that.
Speaker 1: Okay. Same person says any plans for touring or putting
Speaker 1: on a new album.
Speaker 2: I don't think I'll ever do another album just because
Speaker 2: it's so expensive. I'll release songs for sure.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the way to go these days,
Speaker 1: isn't it.
Speaker 2: I mean it sucks because like albums are so great,
Speaker 2: but at the same time, yeah, it's just especially for
Speaker 2: an independent artist. I just it's way too expensive and
Speaker 2: it Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, And did you decide in the dog, says sport
Speaker 1: Sport old wife.
Speaker 2: Yes, I did. I'm so excited. So Tanya sent me
Speaker 2: here breeder Tanya rad Yeah, and I'm going to get
Speaker 2: a cavapoo.
Speaker 1: Oh man, Sonny is pretty adorable.
Speaker 2: I am so excited. Yeah, so I've put the deposit
Speaker 2: inhappy and it'll be I think in like the late summer,
Speaker 2: early fall.
Speaker 1: Let's take a break and then we have some more
Speaker 1: relationship questions.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling nauseous.
Speaker 4: Okay, bye, all right, so you know what I'm going
Speaker 4: to ask.
Speaker 1: I think you've seen some of these and do I
Speaker 1: have your permission to ask the question from Ashpole?
Speaker 2: I haven't actually not looked at the breakdown for today
Speaker 2: because I knew it was a Q and A and
Speaker 2: I just kind of wanted to avoid it.
Speaker 1: All right, Well here we go, Okay, cam Aara says,
Speaker 1: how did you overcome your breakup with Ian? You seem
Speaker 1: happy and radiant.
Speaker 2: So obviously we've gotten a lot of these questions like
Speaker 2: what happened? Are you? What's like? Where is you know?
Speaker 2: And I truthfully didn't want to say anything because I'll
Speaker 2: let you go, Catherine. Why did we discuss that we
Speaker 2: weren't going to say thing?
Speaker 3: Why did we discuss Well, first of all, you're going
Speaker 3: to have relationships and you're going to have breakups. You're dating,
Speaker 3: you're divorced. But I think that there's lessons from every relationship,
Speaker 3: and I think that that's the important thing to focus on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's you know, and I don't want to
Speaker 2: be like the last thing that I want is to
Speaker 2: when I say something it's like the victim or that
Speaker 2: mentality and I just have gotten so I just want
Speaker 2: to move on from. And I understand that I am
Speaker 2: very public and I say a lot of things and
Speaker 2: I talk about my relationship, but there's a piece where
Speaker 2: sometimes maybe I just don't want to share because I'm
Speaker 2: still going through it. And I think that's okay too,
Speaker 2: because there were and have been a lot of lessons
Speaker 2: post divorce. And I know now that when I get
Speaker 2: into a relationship, if I see similar patterns or behaviors
Speaker 2: that are similar to my ex like lying or saying
Speaker 2: something and acting a different way, I have to have
Speaker 2: very strong boundaries to say that's not okay and I'm out.
Speaker 2: And I think that's really hard for me to do
Speaker 2: because I always want to believe people's intentions and their words.
Speaker 2: But I also know like I'm not going to be
Speaker 2: able to, most likely right now, in this state where
Speaker 2: I'm at, have a relationship with someone that has have
Speaker 2: had similar patterns to my ex, yeah, or triggers something
Speaker 2: that is in that because that is going to bring
Speaker 2: out a piece of me because I am still doing
Speaker 2: my work, and yes I am. I believe that I'm
Speaker 2: healed from my ex, but I still have triggers from
Speaker 2: that past. That is not going to bring out the
Speaker 2: best version of myself in a relationship when a pattern
Speaker 2: is noticed and I have to go, Okay, that's not
Speaker 2: healthy for me and I can't stay in something like that.
Speaker 2: But I have a really hard time sticking with my boundaries,
Speaker 2: I really do, because I just want to I want
Speaker 2: love so bad, almost to my detriment, Like I want
Speaker 2: to be loved because I have so much love to give.
Speaker 2: I just want the same love in return, knowing what
Speaker 2: I deserve. And it's very hard when you realize if
Speaker 2: there's things you don't want to tell your friends, that's
Speaker 2: probably a red flag, definitely, And that's something that I've
Speaker 2: realized I just in relationships post divorce, that I have
Speaker 2: to just be really clear on boundaries of what I'm
Speaker 2: looking for and what is going to be the healthiest
Speaker 2: thing and stand by it and not just go, well,
Speaker 2: it's just because of this or make excuses, or's like
Speaker 2: I've done that for seven years. I'm done making excuses
Speaker 2: for other people.
Speaker 3: I think you so badly don't judge other people and
Speaker 3: don't want to that when someone shows you something or
Speaker 3: does something, well I've lied before, or well I've done
Speaker 3: this before. Well, I like, I can't judge them. I can't.
Speaker 3: So it's really hard for you when it's kind of
Speaker 3: smacking you in the face for you to truly see
Speaker 3: it and truly go, this is not good for me.
Speaker 3: I love myself and I need to get out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is and this just isn't the last, you know,
Speaker 2: It's just it's it's every relationship that I've kind of
Speaker 2: been in where it's like I just I do that. See,
Speaker 2: well I've lied before, and so how can I How
Speaker 2: can I judge someone for that? Or how can I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: yeah I have I did cheat in a relationship when
Speaker 2: I was not in my marriage, but yes, I did
Speaker 2: cheat at one point, and like, how can I.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's okay to not judge someone for
Speaker 3: their past, but say that this doesn't work for me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I can't be in a relationship where I can't you know,
Speaker 3: where similar patterns are and again this isn't a lot
Speaker 3: of relationships for you, but recognizing those similar patterns and
Speaker 3: being strong enough to walk away when you recognize.
Speaker 2: Them, Yeah, I think that's really important. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2: And I think you always say people show you who
Speaker 2: they are, believe them. Yeah, And I I just for like,
Speaker 2: I know now, like when if I have a list
Speaker 2: to somebody, you know, if I'm working with a you know,
Speaker 2: my therapist or whoever, it's like, Okay, what are things
Speaker 2: that are really important to me? Someone that doesn't lie?
Speaker 2: Because where I'm at in my life now, I can
Speaker 2: own my past. As ugly as some of the things
Speaker 2: I've done. I will sit there in front of you
Speaker 2: and say some really awful things I've done and it
Speaker 2: feels terrible to share, like awful, but I can own
Speaker 2: it because I've you know, you know, I've grown through
Speaker 2: it and I realized like who I am now. So
Speaker 2: it's like all I want that same level of someone
Speaker 2: who is has has done the work to be able
Speaker 2: to look and be like, yeah, this is what I've
Speaker 2: done and it's really bad, but like this is who
Speaker 2: I am now, and like what I'm doing and stuff
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: That's interesting. So, but if you've met a guy and
Speaker 1: in the first couple of days he mentioned to you
Speaker 1: that he cheated on his exu wife and that's why
Speaker 1: it fell apart. But I'm a much better person now.
Speaker 1: I think you'd have a hard time looking past that
Speaker 1: and I would understand why.
Speaker 2: And that's something where I was talking to one of
Speaker 2: my good girlfriends, Briann, who I've had on here. She's
Speaker 2: a you know, she's a sexually sex and love addict,
Speaker 2: and you know she was She's like where you're at now.
Speaker 2: She's like, she's like, I don't think that would be
Speaker 2: a healthy relationship for you because of you're always going
Speaker 2: to wonder, well is he is he going back into that?
Speaker 2: And you're right, And that's something where if someone did
Speaker 2: say that, but it's terrible because I'm like, I do
Speaker 2: believe people can change. That's that's where I go, Like,
Speaker 2: that's where I go. I really truly believe people can
Speaker 2: change and people can, you know, be better versions of themselves.
Speaker 2: And so it's like, who am I to cast judgment
Speaker 2: on someone from because I've done stuff too, So it's like,
Speaker 2: who am I to judge? It's just for me, Like, yes,
Speaker 2: it would be hard, but them acknowledging it and being
Speaker 2: honest is something that would be like a like a
Speaker 2: beautiful thing, and I would have a lot less like
Speaker 2: triggers around it if they were open and honest about it.
Speaker 2: But I mean, sure, it's not like I mean, I
Speaker 2: would love to find someone that doesn't, you know, and
Speaker 2: I think so lying and she pat like, that's yeah,
Speaker 2: that's hard, And I think, just again, someone that's just
Speaker 2: wanting to like I had to, I had to have
Speaker 2: to just have very clear boundaries of what I want
Speaker 2: and stick by them.
Speaker 1: And also there's a lot of men in the world
Speaker 1: that believe in monogamy and faithfulness. I promise there are
Speaker 1: there are two on this zoom right now, I promise.
Speaker 2: I think I'm just And this is where, like I
Speaker 2: think I've become just jaded to you know, past relationships
Speaker 2: and stuff like that, where I just am like like,
Speaker 2: but I also know what I deserve. It's just again
Speaker 2: I go to that place like, well, I believe people
Speaker 2: deserve to have chances and love, you know, like I
Speaker 2: just I do. I believe in it, like I believe
Speaker 2: that people deserve second chances.
Speaker 1: Well, I have a perfect question to end with is
Speaker 1: from Danielle Morrell, who just says, how are you feeling?
Speaker 2: I'm good. I am, I'm good. I'm I'm getting very
Speaker 2: clear about things that I want in my life. Who
Speaker 2: I want my life, how I want it in my life.
Speaker 2: And it's really really nice and I feel like me.
Speaker 2: You know, my therapist. It's so funny. She said something
Speaker 2: to me last week when I had a session with her.
Speaker 2: She goes, do you remember when I asked you? She's like,
Speaker 2: it was about a month ago. She's like, you just
Speaker 2: looked and I and I wasn't sharing some certain things
Speaker 2: with her too again because I just I don't want to.
Speaker 2: I yeah, And so she was like she's like, you
Speaker 2: just kind of really like yeah, no, no, I'm good, Like
Speaker 2: I'm good. And she's like she's like, you're back, like
Speaker 2: you you've kind of like come back and you're back
Speaker 2: in you as opposed to just like holding onto things
Speaker 2: that might have not been serving you very well. Your spark,
Speaker 2: my spark. All lessons. Yeah, it's all lessons. But I will,
Speaker 2: I will. You know, I'm gonna definitely just focus on
Speaker 2: on the kiddos and and just write a list of
Speaker 2: clear boundary even when there's ever a next don't worry.
Speaker 2: I won't go into the hole like, oh never be
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna be alone forever. But I will say like,
Speaker 2: it's about loving myself right now, and that's that's the
Speaker 2: biggest piece.
Speaker 1: Great. I think I think that someone else will be
Speaker 1: along in short order.
Speaker 2: Not even on the radar right now, not even on
Speaker 2: the radar a couple of weeks. No no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no, no no no no, no, it's not it's not on
Speaker 2: my radar. I promised my therapist a timeline that I'm
Speaker 2: not telling anyone.
Speaker 3: Oh you're not telling anyone, not even Catherine Cather. I've
Speaker 3: got to count down on my friend.
Speaker 2: Oh man, Well that was fun. Yeah, that was fun,
Speaker 2: so fun. Love you guys. Thanks Mark, great job, my pleasure.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: You're the sweetest. See you guys. Next week. We're going
Speaker 2: to have a really cool guest on next week's show.
Speaker 2: We're going to go talk about I believe food and
Speaker 2: wellness and stuff like that. So I'm looking forward to
Speaker 2: that conversation. Okay, bye,