WEBVTT - Ask Jana Anything

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, well this is going to be a really fun

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<v Speaker 2>wind down. Hi Catherine, Hi, did you end up listening

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<v Speaker 2>to last week's I didn't you didn't. I saw the

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<v Speaker 2>preview in nervous Oh faking it? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I'm so glad Kristen was there not me.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you ever faked it? Oh? Yeah, okay, I would

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<v Speaker 2>see you not being the faking type.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean I could see that too, but now I

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<v Speaker 3>have usually just stop. We talked about this last week.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, yeah, why are we repeating once again?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Man, Well, we wanted to do something a little different

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<v Speaker 2>on today's podcast. It's going to be a Q and A,

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<v Speaker 2>but also to dive in and you know, things come

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<v Speaker 2>up if you know, you know how I love a

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<v Speaker 2>good devil's advocate.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, if.

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<v Speaker 2>You want to, you know, jump in on those and

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<v Speaker 2>just have a converse about this is like the Seinfeld

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<v Speaker 2>episode where you don't really have a topic. Oh okay,

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<v Speaker 2>but it just kind of is a show, right is that?

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<v Speaker 2>But yet there's going to be so much in there

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<v Speaker 2>because you guys have a lot of questions and we

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<v Speaker 2>may or may not answer all of them, So stay

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<v Speaker 2>tuned and Mark of course is here and he's going

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<v Speaker 2>to be the MC for the day.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you very much. There are a lot of questions

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<v Speaker 1>about a specific topic that I'm wondering if we should

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<v Speaker 1>ask those questions or not. I need your guidance on that.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm.

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<v Speaker 3>The eyes.

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<v Speaker 2>Can we just go to some other questions and then

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, just getting warmed up first?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, right, let's just start. We'll start in the relationship section.

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<v Speaker 1>This is from Laura Wellness.

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<v Speaker 2>That I want to start.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, what's your favorite color? Mark? No one asked

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<v Speaker 1>that one, But how about this one? How did you

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<v Speaker 1>get your spark back after your divorce?

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<v Speaker 2>How did I get my spark back after divorce? I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's about how do I say this? I think

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<v Speaker 2>you have to go through the on the floor, ball

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<v Speaker 2>your eyes out moments to be able to find your spark.

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<v Speaker 2>Does that make sense? Like you have to go through

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<v Speaker 2>the stages of all of the healing, because if not

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<v Speaker 2>like the spark when you do find the spark, isn't

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<v Speaker 2>going to be a real spark. Does that make sense?

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<v Speaker 2>It's going to be like a fake spark? Does that

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<v Speaker 2>make sense? To any of you guys.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe it's just a little stronger because you know what

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<v Speaker 3>you went through, or because you went through it hard,

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<v Speaker 3>or what do you mean.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not following you. I'm trying to figure it out.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think it's like if you don't, if you

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<v Speaker 2>just brush every thing underneath the you know, the rug,

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<v Speaker 2>I think you can like fake it in a way

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm so happy and everything's amazing and great, when

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<v Speaker 2>it's like, hmmm, is that spark real?

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<v Speaker 1>Got it?

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<v Speaker 3>So it's just like fake, it's just not.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's like I think you have to go through

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<v Speaker 2>all the stages of just like anger and denial and

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<v Speaker 2>crying to find you through that. And then when you

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<v Speaker 2>find yourself through that, you're like, you're gonna start to

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<v Speaker 2>feel more like yourself. And every day you start to

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<v Speaker 2>feel a little bit more like yourself, and then a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more like yourself, and then you find the

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<v Speaker 2>pieces of you they're new pieces, Like I have definitely

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<v Speaker 2>old pieces of me from when I was younger, but

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<v Speaker 2>now I've got new pieces where I'm like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 2>feel stronger, this is a new spark in me. And

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<v Speaker 2>so then you start to feel better, and I think

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's through experience and going through all the

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<v Speaker 2>like heaviness of it and like the tears of it

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<v Speaker 2>in the and not just putting a band aid on

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<v Speaker 2>it makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there are no shortcuts.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I want shortcuts. I love shortcuts. I'm a

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<v Speaker 2>big fan of shortcuts. Like when I was doing my

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<v Speaker 2>half marathon, I saw like a thing that could shortcut

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<v Speaker 2>and I was like, God, I want to take that

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<v Speaker 2>shortcut right now because that would shave like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>zero point five miles. But I was just like, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't do it, Like I can't do it, but I

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<v Speaker 2>have done. I have short I have shortcutted. Is that

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<v Speaker 2>the word I've I've taken a lot of shortcuts when

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<v Speaker 2>it has come to my healing because I want to

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<v Speaker 2>feel better. So I have in the past for sure,

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<v Speaker 2>jumped into things or I have gone down roads because

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<v Speaker 2>it in the moment makes me feel better. But long

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<v Speaker 2>term it doesn't actually work.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a fake spark until you actually get through it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then again like you start to realize, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I think I think I've got a pretty good spark

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<v Speaker 2>right now, but sure there's still moments. So it's like

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<v Speaker 2>I think people just think like all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 2>you're just like better. It's like you're just you've got

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<v Speaker 2>great days and you've got some days that kind of suck. Sure,

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<v Speaker 2>And I think, you know, but getting the spark is

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<v Speaker 2>just going through it and you know, believing that there's

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<v Speaker 2>another side, because there is another side.

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<v Speaker 1>Should I ask another question that's nonspecific or should I

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<v Speaker 1>follow up to that question with something more specific.

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<v Speaker 2>Between the lines, Oh, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your current spark status?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm I feel like I'm oh my spark status. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>really happy with my spark. I think it's again, like

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<v Speaker 2>I just said, like, I think there's good days, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think there's you know, days where it's like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>it's a bummer. But I'm everything that I've gone through,

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<v Speaker 2>I keep learning lessons and I'm and through that. It's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and I'm having fun. Like I'm going out

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<v Speaker 2>with my girlfriends and we're going to get drinks and

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm Stella's getting her groove back in a way,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like in just a way of like the

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<v Speaker 2>things that I did, you know, with my therapist in

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<v Speaker 2>the office. It's like, you know, and then like finally

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<v Speaker 2>forgiving Mike, and like all these things. It's like those

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<v Speaker 2>pieces like let my spark shine and let my light

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<v Speaker 2>go a little brighter?

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<v Speaker 1>Is okay?

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<v Speaker 2>Mark?

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<v Speaker 1>I know, but this is a good question. I ask

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<v Speaker 1>got to phrase it properly.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Any relationships that have happened since your divorce, were they

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<v Speaker 1>part of the healing process of getting your spark back?

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<v Speaker 1>Or are they kind of like starting over again in

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<v Speaker 1>a new situation to grieve when they don't work out?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay? Wait, thank you? Can you can you on that one?

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<v Speaker 2>Can you try again?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you've seen you've seen some men since your divorce.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course, I mean those men.

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<v Speaker 1>Go ahead, Yeah, And have those men been part of

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<v Speaker 1>the process of getting your spark back from your divorce

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<v Speaker 1>or is each of those an individual relationship that also

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<v Speaker 1>needs to be mourned? Kind of you kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>setback towards getting your spark back?

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<v Speaker 2>Got it? Good question. I think one of the first

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<v Speaker 2>guys that I hung out with post divorce, I unfairly

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<v Speaker 2>hung out with him because I was nowhere near ready,

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<v Speaker 2>Like no, that was where I was putting a band

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<v Speaker 2>aid on things because I felt better. I was being

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<v Speaker 2>told that I was beautiful, and I was pretty and

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<v Speaker 2>I was strong. Everything that I haven't heard for seven

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<v Speaker 2>almost seven years, I was starting to hear it from

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<v Speaker 2>someone else and it felt really nice. But if I

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<v Speaker 2>was being honest with myself, I was not being honest

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<v Speaker 2>in that at all, because I just I wasn't ready

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<v Speaker 2>to be in a relationship, which is you know, when

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<v Speaker 2>I was when the person wanted to be, I was

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<v Speaker 2>just like, I don't want to be like I'm I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what I want. And then you know, so

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<v Speaker 2>I think that one was and and I was reading

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<v Speaker 2>people's comments like girl, just like be by yourself, and

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<v Speaker 2>but it was just it felt nice again to have

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<v Speaker 2>something that felt so different from my past. But again

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<v Speaker 2>it was don't you do agree? Yeah, it was putting, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely given my you know what I think, and here's

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<v Speaker 2>the thing I think. And when Pamelin said this best

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<v Speaker 2>she goes we almost needed him to get you out

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<v Speaker 2>of the gutter, to know that you will be like

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<v Speaker 2>that you will be, which you know sucks for that

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<v Speaker 2>person that but the timing also, I'm like, you know

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<v Speaker 2>that was but I think it was, Yeah, I just

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't. I didn't want to come out because I

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<v Speaker 2>just got out of something. I was so fresh, but

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<v Speaker 2>I think it was nice to feel like it's like

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<v Speaker 2>that that helped me kind of get up a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit and go, Okay, maybe I won't be alone forever

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe this maybe someone will like me again or

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<v Speaker 2>think I'm pretty. And but like through dating post divorce,

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<v Speaker 2>I think where I have struggled is I have not

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<v Speaker 2>been strong on boundaries that I know are important to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I have more follow ups, but I'm gonna hold

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<v Speaker 1>him for right now. Okay, because this is the Instagram

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<v Speaker 1>Q and A. This is not the Marky melekew And Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>here we go, cam cam Ara nine two five. How

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<v Speaker 1>to forget after you have forgiven? My husband cheated on

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<v Speaker 1>me with his ex wife before we got married. I

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<v Speaker 1>can forgive, But how do I forget?

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<v Speaker 2>My husband cheated on me with his ex wife.

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<v Speaker 1>Before we got married.

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<v Speaker 2>So they got divorced and then, Yeah, you know what's

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<v Speaker 2>really interesting about that? What because I remember John, you

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<v Speaker 2>know who was who was here? I remember he Like,

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<v Speaker 2>there's that connection with that person like he had. I

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<v Speaker 2>think he went back to Christine at one point in

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<v Speaker 2>time after they got divorced. But it's like a I

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<v Speaker 2>think you have that connection right now, I'm not saying

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<v Speaker 2>that's right at all, Like please don't even like, please

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<v Speaker 2>don't hear that at all, but that it happened almost something. Yeah, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like where it's like if you I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to sound I'm gonna sound like a

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<v Speaker 2>total hipper it. So I'm just gonna stop what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>saying right now. You'll never forget, That's the thing unless

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<v Speaker 2>you are in the Truman Show. What this in that show?

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<v Speaker 2>Or the Mission Impossible or not Mission Impossible? But the

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<v Speaker 2>Men in Black where they erased your memory Men in Black? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>like Eternal Sunshine, that was it. Thank you Eternal Sunshine.

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<v Speaker 2>That was what I was thinking, Like, I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>you for like, I'm never gonna forget when that my

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<v Speaker 2>ex cheated, I forgive them, but I'll never forget. That's

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<v Speaker 2>the thing. It's it's how what you do with that memory?

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<v Speaker 2>So are you gonna let it affect you every single day?

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<v Speaker 2>Like I know I can fault it with my last

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<v Speaker 2>you know, my past relationship with my ex. I could

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<v Speaker 2>not forget it, and I absolutely could not forgive in

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<v Speaker 2>that moment. But when you so that those were two

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<v Speaker 2>big things, but me not being able to forget it,

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<v Speaker 2>I let it take over every single day when someone

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<v Speaker 2>just wants to like move on. So it's what you

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<v Speaker 2>do with the information that you have and how you

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<v Speaker 2>handle it with the information you have.

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<v Speaker 3>Hm, right, no, yeah, no, yeah, I mean I think

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<v Speaker 3>it's part of your story. So I don't know how

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<v Speaker 3>you forget it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you shouldn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Forget it, yeah, because it's part of your story, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's also part of your story together. You can forgive

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<v Speaker 1>it and you can move on, but it's always got

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<v Speaker 1>to be filed away in there.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, unfortunately, And when it comes up, like one of

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<v Speaker 2>the things to do is like, hey, this is coming

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<v Speaker 2>up for me, and hopefully your husband will go will

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<v Speaker 2>be empathetic and not say God, can you just forget

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<v Speaker 2>about it already? Or can you just move on? Or

0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.240
<v Speaker 2>can you just like what that person needs to do. Like,

0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:04.200
<v Speaker 2>if they're a healthy person, they'll say, hey, I'm really

0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:06.040
<v Speaker 2>sorry that's coming up for your anounser anything that I

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:09.760
<v Speaker 2>can do around it to make you feel safe or comfortable.

0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:12.280
<v Speaker 2>But for so many people that are in that position,

0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.000
<v Speaker 2>of the ones that are cheated, they have so much

0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:15.640
<v Speaker 2>like shame. They just want you to forget it and

0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>move on, and that's not how it works for people

0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:21.080
<v Speaker 2>that have been affected by abuse of cheating.

0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, especially if it's still going on. I mean,

0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.920
<v Speaker 3>that's like a different like them wanting to forget about it.

0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:30.240
<v Speaker 3>You know, they can't keep repeating the pattern. You can't

0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 3>just let's forget about it, but keep repeating the pattern.

0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 3>So hopefully in this instance it's something that they don't

0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:41.959
<v Speaker 3>do again. You can start to move forward together again.

0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:43.440
<v Speaker 3>But you're never going to forget it. I don't know

0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:44.040
<v Speaker 3>how you would ever.

0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.600
<v Speaker 2>No, it's just not letting it have the impact that

0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:51.280
<v Speaker 2>it has had. Like you go to therapy, talk to

0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.920
<v Speaker 2>your friends, like see his actions, see how if it

0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:57.560
<v Speaker 2>comes up. I mean, I remember that one hotel that

0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I had struggled going past, Like I'd be like, hey,

0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:05.120
<v Speaker 2>like the memories of like that hotel, like and then

0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:07.680
<v Speaker 2>hopefully that person will be like, hey, I'm so sorry

0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.360
<v Speaker 2>that sucks, you know, and empathize with you and not

0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:11.960
<v Speaker 2>make you feel crazy for thinking it.

0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to move on from the relationship questions for

0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.240
<v Speaker 1>a moment. We can return to those. We'll put a

0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 1>pin in those a.

0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:34.080
<v Speaker 2>Pin, put a pin. Name the movie Bolt, Bolt, Bolt,

0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:35.520
<v Speaker 2>such a good movie.

0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:37.079
<v Speaker 1>The Dog the Dog.

0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 2>Agent was like, let's put a pin in it. The

0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:43.960
<v Speaker 2>entire movie was about putting a pin in it. I

0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:44.440
<v Speaker 2>loved it.

0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.559
<v Speaker 1>Well, only a mom would come up with Bolt as

0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.600
<v Speaker 1>a reference. So let's go to the parenting section of

0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.360
<v Speaker 1>the Instagram Q and I, Bonnie M, and then a

0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:53.960
<v Speaker 1>whole bunch of numbers. What is your greatest hope or

0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.679
<v Speaker 1>dreams for you and your kids in the future. M.

0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:01.080
<v Speaker 2>I just want them to be and look back on

0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:06.760
<v Speaker 2>their childhood and yeah, just have really good memories. I

0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:11.720
<v Speaker 2>look back on my childhood and I think sometimes like, oh, yeah,

0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.480
<v Speaker 2>that was a fun memory. Ah, but that's when mom

0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.480
<v Speaker 2>and dad like we're fighting, and that's when my parents

0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:17.480
<v Speaker 2>got divorced, or that's when. And it was always kind

0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:20.880
<v Speaker 2>of like shadowed by a negative experience. And I just

0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.240
<v Speaker 2>want them to look back and go, oh, that was

0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 2>a great memory with mom when we went here and

0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:30.440
<v Speaker 2>we went up north, and yeah, and I think just

0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.080
<v Speaker 2>that they're I just want them to be happy, and

0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:34.960
<v Speaker 2>I want them to be healthy, and I just want

0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.200
<v Speaker 2>to I want to soak up every minute that I

0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 2>have with them, because you know that meme that always

0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.080
<v Speaker 2>goes around. You've only got kids for four years, just

0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.080
<v Speaker 2>like you know, little kids for then they grow up

0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:51.360
<v Speaker 2>and then you know they're not gonna want to play

0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:55.240
<v Speaker 2>with me anymore. And you know, Jace wants me to sing,

0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:58.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, he's like sometimes it's two songs, but he

0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:00.640
<v Speaker 2>like five songs. And in the moment, I'm like, oh god,

0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm so tired. You just want to go to bed,

0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.480
<v Speaker 2>and then I have to remember it's like, all right, buddy,

0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.080
<v Speaker 2>let's do five songs, you know, because it's like he's

0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:09.600
<v Speaker 2>not gonna want me to lay in bed and sing

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:13.520
<v Speaker 2>him five songs. Like that's yeah, so that's what I would.

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:14.080
<v Speaker 2>What do you want?

0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:18.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, the same, I mean, and that's kind of the

0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:21.600
<v Speaker 3>cliche answer. But doesn't every mom want their kids to

0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:22.480
<v Speaker 3>be happy and healthy?

0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.000
<v Speaker 3>You know, but that's a good one because that's hard.

0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:26.560
<v Speaker 3>It's like the books when you have to read them

0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 3>books and you skip through, you know, but now it's like,

0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:32.560
<v Speaker 3>you know, flocking out.

0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:35.320
<v Speaker 2>That one not gonna lie like I had, I skipped

0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:36.920
<v Speaker 2>a whole chunk the other night.

0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:39.680
<v Speaker 3>But I'm when they don't know though, it's just so easy,

0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:41.920
<v Speaker 3>like they'll never know that were But yeah, I mean

0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.480
<v Speaker 3>now I'm at a point where, like my kids put

0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.800
<v Speaker 3>themselves to bed, which I mean is weird. It's kind

0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 3>of nice, but it's kind of sad at the same time.

0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:54.880
<v Speaker 3>It's kind of bittersweet. Ramsey puts herself to bed sometimes.

0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:57.320
<v Speaker 3>I mean, like her and Emmy basically sleep together most

0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 3>of the time, and so they just go to bed together.

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:00.480
<v Speaker 3>But I mean, if I'm home, I'll definitely go up

0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:01.720
<v Speaker 3>there and light with her for a little bit. But

0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 3>and she just kind of reads on her own.

0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.400
<v Speaker 1>And this is a perfect transition into this question from

0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 1>k Brohlt, who says, how do you handle mom guilt?

0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.240
<v Speaker 1>I work full time and yesterday I missed my eight

0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.040
<v Speaker 1>year old's swim lessons.

0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:18.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean I said this on the show a few

0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.240
<v Speaker 2>weeks ago. But wherever I get my mom guilt from

0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:26.080
<v Speaker 2>other moms and that's really sad. Where I feel judged

0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:29.160
<v Speaker 2>from other moms and that bums me out. And that's

0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:35.280
<v Speaker 2>where I like my girl Jesse Decker. She was on

0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.600
<v Speaker 2>her Instagram story like crying about, you know, trying to

0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:41.680
<v Speaker 2>be a working mom and raise your kids and instead

0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:45.600
<v Speaker 2>of you know, saying, you know, I'm sure, she got

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.040
<v Speaker 2>some negative comments like well you shouldn't you know, be

0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.160
<v Speaker 2>working so much, and said it's like, hey, you're doing

0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 2>a great job supporting your kids, and like just like

0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:56.520
<v Speaker 2>because everyone has that mom guilt and like you just

0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.160
<v Speaker 2>want other moms around you and other people to go

0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.840
<v Speaker 2>you're doing a great job and you're working so hard,

0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:03.560
<v Speaker 2>and they're going to see that, like I was. I

0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:07.320
<v Speaker 2>played a song with her at the Rhymen last week,

0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.560
<v Speaker 2>and you know, seeing her three kids up on stage,

0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.439
<v Speaker 2>like they're seeing what a badass mom she is, you know,

0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.960
<v Speaker 2>and it kind of started to make me think about

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.280
<v Speaker 2>my kids and it's like, yeah, I don't like to

0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:21.240
<v Speaker 2>go away and be filming and working and stuff, but

0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.840
<v Speaker 2>I also think they're seeing that I'm I. One day

0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.000
<v Speaker 2>they will see how hard I worked for them and

0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.240
<v Speaker 2>the balance that I made to make sure we still

0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.400
<v Speaker 2>had awesome memories. I was still with them, and yeah,

0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:35.480
<v Speaker 2>I ended up turning something down that was going to

0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:37.440
<v Speaker 2>be I would be gone for about two and a

0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:43.560
<v Speaker 2>half weeks, but sometimes you have to make the choice,

0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.040
<v Speaker 2>and it's it's tough, and some people, you know, would

0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:47.520
<v Speaker 2>would have taken the two and a half weeks, but

0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.320
<v Speaker 2>for me, I also know that, like I don't again,

0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.000
<v Speaker 2>they're so young right now. Maybe I can do that

0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:56.320
<v Speaker 2>later when they're older, but it's hard. It sucks. But

0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.200
<v Speaker 2>trying to think of the positive on it, that's where

0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to go. Like I feel like I've been

0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.399
<v Speaker 2>so not negative, but I want to just lean into

0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:08.360
<v Speaker 2>more like positive and go, Okay, what's what's the positive

0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:10.320
<v Speaker 2>of me working well? I'm supporting my kids and my mom.

0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:14.320
<v Speaker 2>My kids are seeing that, like they you know, if

0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:15.879
<v Speaker 2>you work hard and all those things.

0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:16.479
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think it's I think about this a

0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.439
<v Speaker 3>lot because I have, you know, with three kids with

0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:26.720
<v Speaker 3>a lot of activities. I always tried to be at everything.

0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:31.480
<v Speaker 3>I've always tried, and really just now this year, I've realized,

0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 3>like it's not physically possible, you know, working and three

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.119
<v Speaker 3>kids three different places, Like sometimes they happen at the

0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:41.440
<v Speaker 3>same time, sometimes the dad, my dad, my husband, their

0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:44.760
<v Speaker 3>dad has to be there, or sometimes my parents or

0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.560
<v Speaker 3>sometimes a babysitter. But I think you just have to

0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.760
<v Speaker 3>you just have to realize, like missing a swim lesson,

0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:53.880
<v Speaker 3>it's not like they're going to go back and remember

0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:55.800
<v Speaker 3>that you missed a swim lesson. They're going to remember

0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.080
<v Speaker 3>that you were there for the other fifteen swim lessons.

0:18:59.200 --> 0:18:59.399
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:02.639
<v Speaker 3>It's just I think we put so much pressure on

0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 3>ourselves working or not working. I mean, even if you're

0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:06.840
<v Speaker 3>home and you have a lot of kids, you can't

0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:10.399
<v Speaker 3>physically do everything, you know, So I think it's just

0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:15.680
<v Speaker 3>taking that pressure and knowing that they are seeing you

0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.400
<v Speaker 3>again if you are working, working hard, but doing your

0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:19.720
<v Speaker 3>best and being there when you can.

0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:23.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like my mom never and I was thinking about this,

0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:25.359
<v Speaker 2>I was like, she's never do I don't think she

0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:28.760
<v Speaker 2>Maybe she went to one figure skating competition, but the

0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:30.480
<v Speaker 2>reason she didn't was because she was a single mom

0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.640
<v Speaker 2>and she had to work. So I had my coach

0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.840
<v Speaker 2>drive me to every single thing that I had. And

0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.320
<v Speaker 2>looking back, like, I didn't didn't judge her for it.

0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:40.080
<v Speaker 2>I just knew that, all right, mom has to work.

0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:43.280
<v Speaker 2>And now I know I'm like, yes, I have to work,

0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:45.000
<v Speaker 2>and my kids are going to see that. I'm still

0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:48.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm doing the bes But like then, well

0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:50.240
<v Speaker 2>the other day though, I did get on Jolie because

0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:51.919
<v Speaker 2>she was like, this is the worst day ever. And

0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:55.160
<v Speaker 2>I was like, you are so lucky to have everything

0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:58.240
<v Speaker 2>that you have and like that whole Like, I'm like,

0:19:58.320 --> 0:20:00.720
<v Speaker 2>you don't even understand you have a roof over your head,

0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:03.000
<v Speaker 2>you have food. I'm like, do not say this is

0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:04.840
<v Speaker 2>so you want to know what a worst day looks like?

0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:06.840
<v Speaker 2>So I pulled it up on Google. I was like,

0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.000
<v Speaker 2>that is what a worst day looks like. That little

0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.800
<v Speaker 2>girl doesn't have a house, but her mom's trying the

0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:15.720
<v Speaker 2>best you can, you know, like it was just so hard. Yeah,

0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:19.440
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, yeah, it's uh lighter.

0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:21.520
<v Speaker 1>Note this is from Kimmy eleven thirty. This is just

0:20:21.520 --> 0:20:23.520
<v Speaker 1>a quickie what happened with the tooth theory and Josie

0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:24.000
<v Speaker 1>wake up?

0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:26.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh yead that was so funny.

0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:30.600
<v Speaker 3>I just picture you with the piggy bank was.

0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:33.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So my daughter she had a loose tooth. I'm

0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:35.359
<v Speaker 2>not the one that pulls the teeth. Mike is the

0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:36.919
<v Speaker 2>one that pulls the teeth. I'm like, hey, it's just

0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.960
<v Speaker 2>coming in with a you know, a wiggler, like get

0:20:40.000 --> 0:20:41.919
<v Speaker 2>it out before she comes back to my house, Like

0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:44.359
<v Speaker 2>I can't. I can't handle the blood, the pulling, Like,

0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:48.760
<v Speaker 2>can't do it. So she comes in and she's like mommy,

0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:51.679
<v Speaker 2>look and it's like bending over and I'm like, oh,

0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:54.919
<v Speaker 2>it's ready. I couldn't grab onto it. Catherine tried, she

0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:56.000
<v Speaker 2>couldn't grab onto it.

0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.240
<v Speaker 3>I don't do it either, though, I don't pull my kids.

0:20:58.040 --> 0:20:59.720
<v Speaker 2>Too, but yet you tried to try my daughter, and

0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.480
<v Speaker 2>I was like, handle it your goddam yes. And so,

0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:07.880
<v Speaker 2>long story short, I was doing an Instagram live because

0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.640
<v Speaker 2>my one brick team was in town and the babysitter.

0:21:10.880 --> 0:21:13.280
<v Speaker 2>She had the babysitter pull it and she's like, Mommy, look,

0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:17.520
<v Speaker 2>Emma pulled it. And I was just like, oh my god, Emma,

0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:18.760
<v Speaker 2>how did you that. She's like, we you just kind

0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:20.800
<v Speaker 2>of have to like twist. She's like senior in high school,

0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:23.439
<v Speaker 2>and she's like trying to describe like how she's like

0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:26.640
<v Speaker 2>twisting her tooth off, and I was just like okay,

0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:28.520
<v Speaker 2>and then I was like and then I put her

0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:30.520
<v Speaker 2>to bed, she put the tooth underneath there, and then

0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:33.639
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, I don't have any cash. So

0:21:33.640 --> 0:21:35.680
<v Speaker 2>then I'm like what do I do? So I'm like,

0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:40.760
<v Speaker 2>who carries cash? Yeah, I'm like, I can't remember the

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:42.800
<v Speaker 2>last time I've had cash, So I mean, I'm I'm

0:21:42.840 --> 0:21:46.440
<v Speaker 2>freaking out. Pam comes over. My other neighbor, Molly I

0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:48.359
<v Speaker 2>was like, hey, you guys had a cash and they're

0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:49.760
<v Speaker 2>like no, they're like looking. That was like I want

0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:51.760
<v Speaker 2>what I'm supposed to the too thory. I almost texted

0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:53.800
<v Speaker 2>my next door neighbor because you know, she's just a

0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:55.120
<v Speaker 2>little bit older, and so I was like, well, she's

0:21:55.119 --> 0:21:57.359
<v Speaker 2>got to have cash, like older people probably keep cash.

0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:01.040
<v Speaker 2>So like, I mean, she's like my grandma's age, you

0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:03.119
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean, Like they've got cash, right, So

0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:06.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm like but I'm like it was at that point

0:22:07.160 --> 0:22:09.000
<v Speaker 2>nine o'clock because I'm like, I'm not gonna wake her up,

0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:11.720
<v Speaker 2>And then I went into Sarah's room. I did end

0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:12.960
<v Speaker 2>up waking her up. I was like, do I do

0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:17.040
<v Speaker 2>you have any cash? Like I couldn't find her purse

0:22:17.119 --> 0:22:18.439
<v Speaker 2>on the things. I was going to go to her

0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:22.119
<v Speaker 2>purse and just like grab cash. So then I go

0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:24.120
<v Speaker 2>up to Julie's room and I'm just like pacing. I'm

0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:26.160
<v Speaker 2>like what am I going to do? So I start

0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:29.040
<v Speaker 2>shaking her piggy bank because it's glass, so there's nothing

0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.399
<v Speaker 2>that's like, there's nothing to twist off. So I'm looking

0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:33.639
<v Speaker 2>at it and I'm trying to like I get I

0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:35.919
<v Speaker 2>go grab tweezers to try to get tweezers to go

0:22:36.080 --> 0:22:39.240
<v Speaker 2>inside the sliver where the money comes through, and I'm like,

0:22:39.280 --> 0:22:41.640
<v Speaker 2>this is a really low moment in my parenting right now.

0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:44.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm trying to steal my daughter's money to

0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:46.840
<v Speaker 2>put money underneath your pillow. And then I thought about

0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:49.840
<v Speaker 2>breaking the sow. I looked at it. I'm like, I think,

0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:51.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm I don't have to break it. I'm have to

0:22:51.440 --> 0:22:55.320
<v Speaker 2>get some money out and then explain what happened. And

0:22:55.359 --> 0:22:57.680
<v Speaker 2>then I went down. I was like, wait, maybe I've

0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:00.639
<v Speaker 2>got some like change or something in I've got a

0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:02.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, a couple of purses, so I was I

0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:04.800
<v Speaker 2>was going through them, and then I found three dollars

0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:08.919
<v Speaker 2>in the one of my little lip things, and so

0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:10.920
<v Speaker 2>I ended up finding it. But then when I put

0:23:10.920 --> 0:23:14.160
<v Speaker 2>it in there, she stood up. That's like my worst

0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:17.080
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, and I just like this gently

0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:22.000
<v Speaker 2>like pushed her back down, and I was like, shouldn't round,

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:24.199
<v Speaker 2>like hopefully she wouldn't won't remember in the morning, And

0:23:24.280 --> 0:23:26.280
<v Speaker 2>luckily everyone was like, just tell her you were checking

0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:28.480
<v Speaker 2>to see if the tooth fairy came, but she didn't ask.

0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:30.400
<v Speaker 2>She woke up and she was mommy the tooth Fairy

0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:31.560
<v Speaker 2>came and I was like, oh.

0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:31.960
<v Speaker 1>Did she.

0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:37.359
<v Speaker 2>That's great, honey, Oh my gosh.

0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:40.199
<v Speaker 3>First of all, that's how our tooth fairy got so

0:23:40.480 --> 0:23:43.400
<v Speaker 3>rich because I only had like a twenty dollars bill.

0:23:43.520 --> 0:23:46.560
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, this is really setting a precedent.

0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:50.800
<v Speaker 1>That's all I have is for the next five teeth.

0:23:50.840 --> 0:23:52.080
<v Speaker 1>You can't do that exactly.

0:23:52.480 --> 0:23:53.800
<v Speaker 2>So I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:56.600
<v Speaker 2>go to the bank and just get some money out

0:23:56.640 --> 0:23:57.879
<v Speaker 2>for my tooth fairy fund.

0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:00.440
<v Speaker 3>So you know, as the kids get older, I start

0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 3>having cash because people give them cash for like birthdays

0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:05.600
<v Speaker 3>and Christmas. Oh yeah, we got three wallets and our things.

0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:07.159
<v Speaker 3>So I just steal from them and then put it

0:24:07.200 --> 0:24:10.240
<v Speaker 3>back if I have to, I do all the time.

0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:12.399
<v Speaker 1>So we just tell our kids that the toothpairry sent

0:24:12.480 --> 0:24:14.240
<v Speaker 1>five dollars to your college fund via zel.

0:24:15.600 --> 0:24:16.280
<v Speaker 3>That's brilliant.

0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:16.800
<v Speaker 1>No, we don't.

0:24:17.000 --> 0:24:18.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's actually a really good idea.

0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:20.080
<v Speaker 2>I was like, kind start is a Venmo for you,

0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:22.440
<v Speaker 2>baby girl, Like the twothrey is going to give you

0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:23.159
<v Speaker 2>Venmo money?

0:24:24.359 --> 0:24:26.680
<v Speaker 1>All right, let me rapid fire you these lifestyle questions

0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:28.159
<v Speaker 1>because they're quickies and then we have a few more

0:24:28.200 --> 0:24:31.439
<v Speaker 1>relationship questions we should probably get to quickly. Is there

0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:37.480
<v Speaker 1>a new book coming? Asks Bree. Maybe Taylor's thoughts says

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:39.280
<v Speaker 1>what is your favorite concert you've ever been to in

0:24:39.280 --> 0:24:41.840
<v Speaker 1>your whole life?

0:24:43.119 --> 0:24:45.040
<v Speaker 2>I know this is rapid, but this is hard Garth

0:24:45.040 --> 0:24:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Brooks or James Taylor.

0:24:48.520 --> 0:24:51.199
<v Speaker 1>I need more specifics, like Garth Brooks at Ryman and

0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:52.400
<v Speaker 1>two thousands.

0:24:52.359 --> 0:24:56.240
<v Speaker 2>Garth Brooks at Bridgestone when there was the flood in Nashville,

0:24:56.680 --> 0:24:59.199
<v Speaker 2>and then James Taylor pretty much like a year after that.

0:25:00.000 --> 0:25:03.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay. Same person says any plans for touring or putting

0:25:03.600 --> 0:25:04.720
<v Speaker 1>on a new album.

0:25:05.200 --> 0:25:07.359
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I'll ever do another album just because

0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:11.399
<v Speaker 2>it's so expensive. I'll release songs for sure.

0:25:12.280 --> 0:25:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I feel like that's the way to go these days,

0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:14.440
<v Speaker 1>isn't it.

0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:16.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean it sucks because like albums are so great,

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:19.040
<v Speaker 2>but at the same time, yeah, it's just especially for

0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:22.720
<v Speaker 2>an independent artist. I just it's way too expensive and

0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:25.639
<v Speaker 2>it Yeah.

0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:28.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, And did you decide in the dog, says sport

0:25:29.160 --> 0:25:29.920
<v Speaker 1>Sport old wife.

0:25:30.080 --> 0:25:33.480
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I did. I'm so excited. So Tanya sent me

0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.200
<v Speaker 2>here breeder Tanya rad Yeah, and I'm going to get

0:25:36.200 --> 0:25:36.879
<v Speaker 2>a cavapoo.

0:25:37.359 --> 0:25:39.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh man, Sonny is pretty adorable.

0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:43.520
<v Speaker 2>I am so excited. Yeah, so I've put the deposit

0:25:43.600 --> 0:25:47.400
<v Speaker 2>inhappy and it'll be I think in like the late summer,

0:25:47.480 --> 0:25:48.040
<v Speaker 2>early fall.

0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:52.199
<v Speaker 1>Let's take a break and then we have some more

0:25:52.280 --> 0:25:53.080
<v Speaker 1>relationship questions.

0:25:53.119 --> 0:25:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling nauseous.

0:25:54.080 --> 0:26:09.719
<v Speaker 4>Okay, bye, all right, so you know what I'm going

0:26:09.800 --> 0:26:10.160
<v Speaker 4>to ask.

0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:12.879
<v Speaker 1>I think you've seen some of these and do I

0:26:12.920 --> 0:26:15.720
<v Speaker 1>have your permission to ask the question from Ashpole?

0:26:16.520 --> 0:26:19.200
<v Speaker 2>I haven't actually not looked at the breakdown for today

0:26:19.240 --> 0:26:20.359
<v Speaker 2>because I knew it was a Q and A and

0:26:20.400 --> 0:26:21.600
<v Speaker 2>I just kind of wanted to avoid it.

0:26:22.680 --> 0:26:26.840
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well here we go, Okay, cam Aara says,

0:26:27.400 --> 0:26:31.280
<v Speaker 1>how did you overcome your breakup with Ian? You seem

0:26:31.600 --> 0:26:35.680
<v Speaker 1>happy and radiant.

0:26:40.040 --> 0:26:48.000
<v Speaker 2>So obviously we've gotten a lot of these questions like

0:26:48.160 --> 0:26:52.760
<v Speaker 2>what happened? Are you? What's like? Where is you know?

0:26:54.880 --> 0:27:05.320
<v Speaker 2>And I truthfully didn't want to say anything because I'll

0:27:05.400 --> 0:27:07.960
<v Speaker 2>let you go, Catherine. Why did we discuss that we

0:27:07.960 --> 0:27:08.760
<v Speaker 2>weren't going to say thing?

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:12.679
<v Speaker 3>Why did we discuss Well, first of all, you're going

0:27:12.760 --> 0:27:16.600
<v Speaker 3>to have relationships and you're going to have breakups. You're dating,

0:27:17.320 --> 0:27:24.400
<v Speaker 3>you're divorced. But I think that there's lessons from every relationship,

0:27:24.920 --> 0:27:27.160
<v Speaker 3>and I think that that's the important thing to focus on.

0:27:29.000 --> 0:27:32.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's you know, and I don't want to

0:27:32.720 --> 0:27:37.879
<v Speaker 2>be like the last thing that I want is to

0:27:41.600 --> 0:27:47.480
<v Speaker 2>when I say something it's like the victim or that

0:27:47.520 --> 0:27:54.000
<v Speaker 2>mentality and I just have gotten so I just want

0:27:54.040 --> 0:27:56.439
<v Speaker 2>to move on from. And I understand that I am

0:27:56.560 --> 0:27:58.399
<v Speaker 2>very public and I say a lot of things and

0:27:58.440 --> 0:28:02.200
<v Speaker 2>I talk about my relationship, but there's a piece where

0:28:02.920 --> 0:28:07.920
<v Speaker 2>sometimes maybe I just don't want to share because I'm

0:28:08.040 --> 0:28:13.720
<v Speaker 2>still going through it. And I think that's okay too,

0:28:14.480 --> 0:28:17.680
<v Speaker 2>because there were and have been a lot of lessons

0:28:18.040 --> 0:28:23.360
<v Speaker 2>post divorce. And I know now that when I get

0:28:23.400 --> 0:28:30.440
<v Speaker 2>into a relationship, if I see similar patterns or behaviors

0:28:30.720 --> 0:28:35.480
<v Speaker 2>that are similar to my ex like lying or saying

0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:37.760
<v Speaker 2>something and acting a different way, I have to have

0:28:37.960 --> 0:28:42.920
<v Speaker 2>very strong boundaries to say that's not okay and I'm out.

0:28:43.640 --> 0:28:45.520
<v Speaker 2>And I think that's really hard for me to do

0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:49.800
<v Speaker 2>because I always want to believe people's intentions and their words.

0:28:50.040 --> 0:28:52.680
<v Speaker 2>But I also know like I'm not going to be

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:57.040
<v Speaker 2>able to, most likely right now, in this state where

0:28:57.040 --> 0:29:01.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm at, have a relationship with someone that has have

0:29:01.560 --> 0:29:07.360
<v Speaker 2>had similar patterns to my ex, yeah, or triggers something

0:29:07.640 --> 0:29:10.920
<v Speaker 2>that is in that because that is going to bring

0:29:10.960 --> 0:29:12.840
<v Speaker 2>out a piece of me because I am still doing

0:29:12.880 --> 0:29:16.000
<v Speaker 2>my work, and yes I am. I believe that I'm

0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:20.680
<v Speaker 2>healed from my ex, but I still have triggers from

0:29:20.800 --> 0:29:24.000
<v Speaker 2>that past. That is not going to bring out the

0:29:24.000 --> 0:29:28.000
<v Speaker 2>best version of myself in a relationship when a pattern

0:29:28.240 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 2>is noticed and I have to go, Okay, that's not

0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:33.960
<v Speaker 2>healthy for me and I can't stay in something like that.

0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:38.040
<v Speaker 2>But I have a really hard time sticking with my boundaries,

0:29:38.080 --> 0:29:41.840
<v Speaker 2>I really do, because I just want to I want

0:29:41.960 --> 0:29:48.480
<v Speaker 2>love so bad, almost to my detriment, Like I want

0:29:48.520 --> 0:29:52.640
<v Speaker 2>to be loved because I have so much love to give.

0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:57.840
<v Speaker 2>I just want the same love in return, knowing what

0:29:57.880 --> 0:30:05.120
<v Speaker 2>I deserve. And it's very hard when you realize if

0:30:05.120 --> 0:30:08.400
<v Speaker 2>there's things you don't want to tell your friends, that's

0:30:08.760 --> 0:30:13.120
<v Speaker 2>probably a red flag, definitely, And that's something that I've

0:30:13.160 --> 0:30:17.479
<v Speaker 2>realized I just in relationships post divorce, that I have

0:30:17.560 --> 0:30:21.920
<v Speaker 2>to just be really clear on boundaries of what I'm

0:30:22.040 --> 0:30:26.600
<v Speaker 2>looking for and what is going to be the healthiest

0:30:26.600 --> 0:30:29.920
<v Speaker 2>thing and stand by it and not just go, well,

0:30:30.480 --> 0:30:32.760
<v Speaker 2>it's just because of this or make excuses, or's like

0:30:32.760 --> 0:30:35.080
<v Speaker 2>I've done that for seven years. I'm done making excuses

0:30:35.120 --> 0:30:35.760
<v Speaker 2>for other people.

0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:41.520
<v Speaker 3>I think you so badly don't judge other people and

0:30:41.600 --> 0:30:44.880
<v Speaker 3>don't want to that when someone shows you something or

0:30:45.000 --> 0:30:49.760
<v Speaker 3>does something, well I've lied before, or well I've done

0:30:49.760 --> 0:30:52.200
<v Speaker 3>this before. Well, I like, I can't judge them. I can't.

0:30:52.680 --> 0:30:55.440
<v Speaker 3>So it's really hard for you when it's kind of

0:30:55.480 --> 0:30:58.680
<v Speaker 3>smacking you in the face for you to truly see

0:30:58.720 --> 0:31:01.320
<v Speaker 3>it and truly go, this is not good for me.

0:31:02.040 --> 0:31:04.320
<v Speaker 3>I love myself and I need to get out.

0:31:04.760 --> 0:31:07.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is and this just isn't the last, you know,

0:31:07.680 --> 0:31:10.360
<v Speaker 2>It's just it's it's every relationship that I've kind of

0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:13.760
<v Speaker 2>been in where it's like I just I do that. See,

0:31:14.240 --> 0:31:16.040
<v Speaker 2>well I've lied before, and so how can I How

0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:18.320
<v Speaker 2>can I judge someone for that? Or how can I'm like, oh,

0:31:18.400 --> 0:31:21.480
<v Speaker 2>yeah I have I did cheat in a relationship when

0:31:21.480 --> 0:31:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I was not in my marriage, but yes, I did

0:31:23.760 --> 0:31:25.720
<v Speaker 2>cheat at one point, and like, how can I.

0:31:26.040 --> 0:31:29.320
<v Speaker 3>Well, I think it's okay to not judge someone for

0:31:29.400 --> 0:31:32.800
<v Speaker 3>their past, but say that this doesn't work for me. Yeah,

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:35.479
<v Speaker 3>I can't be in a relationship where I can't you know,

0:31:35.640 --> 0:31:38.400
<v Speaker 3>where similar patterns are and again this isn't a lot

0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:42.160
<v Speaker 3>of relationships for you, but recognizing those similar patterns and

0:31:42.240 --> 0:31:45.160
<v Speaker 3>being strong enough to walk away when you recognize.

0:31:44.680 --> 0:31:47.640
<v Speaker 2>Them, Yeah, I think that's really important. Yeah, I agree.

0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:50.400
<v Speaker 2>And I think you always say people show you who

0:31:50.440 --> 0:31:55.800
<v Speaker 2>they are, believe them. Yeah, And I I just for like,

0:31:56.040 --> 0:31:58.280
<v Speaker 2>I know now, like when if I have a list

0:31:58.280 --> 0:32:01.640
<v Speaker 2>to somebody, you know, if I'm working with a you know,

0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:04.120
<v Speaker 2>my therapist or whoever, it's like, Okay, what are things

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 2>that are really important to me? Someone that doesn't lie?

0:32:06.800 --> 0:32:08.600
<v Speaker 2>Because where I'm at in my life now, I can

0:32:08.720 --> 0:32:11.520
<v Speaker 2>own my past. As ugly as some of the things

0:32:11.560 --> 0:32:14.320
<v Speaker 2>I've done. I will sit there in front of you

0:32:14.360 --> 0:32:17.080
<v Speaker 2>and say some really awful things I've done and it

0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:22.160
<v Speaker 2>feels terrible to share, like awful, but I can own

0:32:22.200 --> 0:32:27.400
<v Speaker 2>it because I've you know, you know, I've grown through

0:32:27.400 --> 0:32:29.200
<v Speaker 2>it and I realized like who I am now. So

0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:33.200
<v Speaker 2>it's like all I want that same level of someone

0:32:33.240 --> 0:32:36.160
<v Speaker 2>who is has has done the work to be able

0:32:36.200 --> 0:32:37.600
<v Speaker 2>to look and be like, yeah, this is what I've

0:32:37.600 --> 0:32:41.640
<v Speaker 2>done and it's really bad, but like this is who

0:32:41.680 --> 0:32:43.600
<v Speaker 2>I am now, and like what I'm doing and stuff

0:32:43.640 --> 0:32:43.920
<v Speaker 2>like that.

0:32:44.680 --> 0:32:46.800
<v Speaker 1>That's interesting. So, but if you've met a guy and

0:32:46.840 --> 0:32:48.320
<v Speaker 1>in the first couple of days he mentioned to you

0:32:48.320 --> 0:32:49.920
<v Speaker 1>that he cheated on his exu wife and that's why

0:32:49.920 --> 0:32:51.840
<v Speaker 1>it fell apart. But I'm a much better person now.

0:32:51.880 --> 0:32:53.560
<v Speaker 1>I think you'd have a hard time looking past that

0:32:53.640 --> 0:32:54.840
<v Speaker 1>and I would understand why.

0:32:55.640 --> 0:32:57.480
<v Speaker 2>And that's something where I was talking to one of

0:32:57.480 --> 0:32:59.600
<v Speaker 2>my good girlfriends, Briann, who I've had on here. She's

0:32:59.640 --> 0:33:01.959
<v Speaker 2>a you know, she's a sexually sex and love addict,

0:33:02.000 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 2>and you know she was She's like where you're at now.

0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:07.680
<v Speaker 2>She's like, she's like, I don't think that would be

0:33:07.680 --> 0:33:10.520
<v Speaker 2>a healthy relationship for you because of you're always going

0:33:10.560 --> 0:33:13.600
<v Speaker 2>to wonder, well is he is he going back into that?

0:33:13.680 --> 0:33:15.880
<v Speaker 2>And you're right, And that's something where if someone did

0:33:15.920 --> 0:33:19.000
<v Speaker 2>say that, but it's terrible because I'm like, I do

0:33:19.080 --> 0:33:21.440
<v Speaker 2>believe people can change. That's that's where I go, Like,

0:33:21.480 --> 0:33:24.000
<v Speaker 2>that's where I go. I really truly believe people can

0:33:24.080 --> 0:33:28.040
<v Speaker 2>change and people can, you know, be better versions of themselves.

0:33:28.080 --> 0:33:30.040
<v Speaker 2>And so it's like, who am I to cast judgment

0:33:30.120 --> 0:33:33.200
<v Speaker 2>on someone from because I've done stuff too, So it's like,

0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:37.360
<v Speaker 2>who am I to judge? It's just for me, Like, yes,

0:33:37.400 --> 0:33:40.480
<v Speaker 2>it would be hard, but them acknowledging it and being

0:33:40.560 --> 0:33:45.320
<v Speaker 2>honest is something that would be like a like a

0:33:45.400 --> 0:33:48.920
<v Speaker 2>beautiful thing, and I would have a lot less like

0:33:49.600 --> 0:33:52.320
<v Speaker 2>triggers around it if they were open and honest about it.

0:33:52.360 --> 0:33:55.280
<v Speaker 2>But I mean, sure, it's not like I mean, I

0:33:55.280 --> 0:33:59.240
<v Speaker 2>would love to find someone that doesn't, you know, and

0:33:59.680 --> 0:34:02.360
<v Speaker 2>I think so lying and she pat like, that's yeah,

0:34:02.400 --> 0:34:05.440
<v Speaker 2>that's hard, And I think, just again, someone that's just

0:34:05.560 --> 0:34:08.319
<v Speaker 2>wanting to like I had to, I had to have

0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:10.480
<v Speaker 2>to just have very clear boundaries of what I want

0:34:10.640 --> 0:34:13.120
<v Speaker 2>and stick by them.

0:34:13.520 --> 0:34:15.000
<v Speaker 1>And also there's a lot of men in the world

0:34:15.040 --> 0:34:20.359
<v Speaker 1>that believe in monogamy and faithfulness. I promise there are

0:34:20.400 --> 0:34:22.880
<v Speaker 1>there are two on this zoom right now, I promise.

0:34:24.480 --> 0:34:26.319
<v Speaker 2>I think I'm just And this is where, like I

0:34:26.360 --> 0:34:30.520
<v Speaker 2>think I've become just jaded to you know, past relationships

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:33.480
<v Speaker 2>and stuff like that, where I just am like like,

0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:37.399
<v Speaker 2>but I also know what I deserve. It's just again

0:34:37.440 --> 0:34:39.200
<v Speaker 2>I go to that place like, well, I believe people

0:34:39.200 --> 0:34:41.640
<v Speaker 2>deserve to have chances and love, you know, like I

0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:44.920
<v Speaker 2>just I do. I believe in it, like I believe

0:34:44.960 --> 0:34:47.799
<v Speaker 2>that people deserve second chances.

0:34:48.360 --> 0:34:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, I have a perfect question to end with is

0:34:50.400 --> 0:34:52.680
<v Speaker 1>from Danielle Morrell, who just says, how are you feeling?

0:34:53.160 --> 0:34:57.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm good. I am, I'm good. I'm I'm getting very

0:34:57.400 --> 0:34:59.520
<v Speaker 2>clear about things that I want in my life. Who

0:34:59.560 --> 0:35:02.400
<v Speaker 2>I want my life, how I want it in my life.

0:35:02.560 --> 0:35:07.080
<v Speaker 2>And it's really really nice and I feel like me.

0:35:07.080 --> 0:35:08.959
<v Speaker 2>You know, my therapist. It's so funny. She said something

0:35:09.000 --> 0:35:11.560
<v Speaker 2>to me last week when I had a session with her.

0:35:11.600 --> 0:35:13.920
<v Speaker 2>She goes, do you remember when I asked you? She's like,

0:35:13.960 --> 0:35:15.840
<v Speaker 2>it was about a month ago. She's like, you just

0:35:16.040 --> 0:35:18.960
<v Speaker 2>looked and I and I wasn't sharing some certain things

0:35:19.000 --> 0:35:22.520
<v Speaker 2>with her too again because I just I don't want to.

0:35:23.200 --> 0:35:29.200
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, And so she was like she's like, you

0:35:29.239 --> 0:35:30.600
<v Speaker 2>just kind of really like yeah, no, no, I'm good, Like

0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:33.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm good. And she's like she's like, you're back, like

0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:37.399
<v Speaker 2>you you've kind of like come back and you're back

0:35:37.440 --> 0:35:40.440
<v Speaker 2>in you as opposed to just like holding onto things

0:35:40.480 --> 0:35:44.520
<v Speaker 2>that might have not been serving you very well. Your spark,

0:35:45.160 --> 0:35:50.560
<v Speaker 2>my spark. All lessons. Yeah, it's all lessons. But I will,

0:35:50.600 --> 0:35:55.000
<v Speaker 2>I will. You know, I'm gonna definitely just focus on

0:35:55.000 --> 0:35:59.239
<v Speaker 2>on the kiddos and and just write a list of

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:07.160
<v Speaker 2>clear boundary even when there's ever a next don't worry.

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:09.120
<v Speaker 2>I won't go into the hole like, oh never be

0:36:09.320 --> 0:36:11.080
<v Speaker 2>like I'm gonna be alone forever. But I will say like,

0:36:11.200 --> 0:36:13.640
<v Speaker 2>it's about loving myself right now, and that's that's the

0:36:13.680 --> 0:36:14.279
<v Speaker 2>biggest piece.

0:36:15.400 --> 0:36:18.239
<v Speaker 1>Great. I think I think that someone else will be

0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:20.120
<v Speaker 1>along in short order.

0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:26.279
<v Speaker 2>Not even on the radar right now, not even on

0:36:26.320 --> 0:36:30.040
<v Speaker 2>the radar a couple of weeks. No no, no, no,

0:36:30.040 --> 0:36:32.400
<v Speaker 2>no, no no no no, no, it's not it's not on

0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:35.839
<v Speaker 2>my radar. I promised my therapist a timeline that I'm

0:36:35.840 --> 0:36:36.640
<v Speaker 2>not telling anyone.

0:36:37.120 --> 0:36:45.560
<v Speaker 3>Oh you're not telling anyone, not even Catherine Cather. I've

0:36:45.560 --> 0:36:46.799
<v Speaker 3>got to count down on my friend.

0:36:50.280 --> 0:36:56.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh man, Well that was fun. Yeah, that was fun,

0:36:56.920 --> 0:37:00.520
<v Speaker 2>so fun. Love you guys. Thanks Mark, great job, my pleasure.

0:37:00.560 --> 0:37:00.919
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:37:00.920 --> 0:37:02.960
<v Speaker 2>You're the sweetest. See you guys. Next week. We're going

0:37:03.000 --> 0:37:05.520
<v Speaker 2>to have a really cool guest on next week's show.

0:37:05.560 --> 0:37:09.640
<v Speaker 2>We're going to go talk about I believe food and

0:37:09.680 --> 0:37:13.200
<v Speaker 2>wellness and stuff like that. So I'm looking forward to

0:37:13.239 --> 0:37:16.240
<v Speaker 2>that conversation. Okay, bye,