1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:06,120
Speaker 1: M rectal polyps. Uh oh wait, nope, that's um, that's

2
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,360
Speaker 1: not an introduction to a podcast. Um. I guess there's

3
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:14,360
Speaker 1: no going back now. So that's the that's we've started

4
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,840
Speaker 1: the podcast. This is behind the bastard, Robert, this is happening. Yeah,

5
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,759
Speaker 1: this is happening. Um, Daniel, what do you what do

6
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,200
Speaker 1: you think about recto polyps? However? How was you? How

7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,920
Speaker 1: how's your how's your how's your feelings on? How's my

8
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 1: feeling on that? I mean they I hope you can

9
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,000
Speaker 1: get them treated, or I hope one could get them,

10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,840
Speaker 1: you know, treated, So you'd say you're broadly That sounds

11
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 1: like you're saying you're broadly anti recteal polyp. If you

12
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,400
Speaker 1: think they need to be treated, I'm you know, I'm empty.

13
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,960
Speaker 1: If it's causing your discomfort, let me tell you something.

14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 1: Some people have friends, you know what I mean, Like,

15
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,920
Speaker 1: you know, I have this, you know, weird tumor on

16
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,960
Speaker 1: my right arm that's about the size of a bowling ball.

17
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,880
Speaker 1: But that's just Jim and Jim and I are chilling,

18
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,200
Speaker 1: and some people are like, you should see a doctor,

19
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,080
Speaker 1: but like that's Jim. So if your rectel polyps are

20
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,360
Speaker 1: part of your you know, your life. If it's just

21
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,959
Speaker 1: you know, your buddies, if that's you know, Samantha and

22
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,679
Speaker 1: John and whomever, then that's fine. That's why I feel

23
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:16,480
Speaker 1: about rectel polyps that's good, so, Daniel, you know, that

24
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:20,720
Speaker 1: really shows the difference between a normal person in rmy

25
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,120
Speaker 1: as we call you, um and and a journalist like myself,

26
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,480
Speaker 1: because as a as a responsible journalist, I have no

27
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,840
Speaker 1: opinion on rectel polyps um, you know, just like I

28
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,199
Speaker 1: have no opinion on cancer. It's my job to just say,

29
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:41,800
Speaker 1: here are things that exist. Yeah, very good, Robert, very good,

30
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,720
Speaker 1: you know. And that's the kind of journalism that we

31
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,400
Speaker 1: need in the world right now. Not all of this bias,

32
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,320
Speaker 1: not all of this you know so and so is evil,

33
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,200
Speaker 1: so and so, none of that. We need the people

34
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,720
Speaker 1: who are willing to say, hey, I have no opinion

35
00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:01,320
Speaker 1: on cancer. That's bold, Robert, and I appreciate you well. Daniel.

36
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,200
Speaker 1: I appreciate you too, And as a result of my

37
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,840
Speaker 1: appreciation for you, I would like to read a book

38
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,400
Speaker 1: with you today over the internet. Do you like books, Danial,

39
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,600
Speaker 1: Are you literate? Can you legally read? I am I'm literate.

40
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,400
Speaker 1: Do you have your reading license? Yes, I can totally read.

41
00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 1: Oh that's good, that's good. But like if I told

42
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,480
Speaker 1: you I liked books, I feel like that would be

43
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,359
Speaker 1: more or less not not fabrication, but just like over

44
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,760
Speaker 1: statement of the truth I read. I can read. But

45
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,320
Speaker 1: like last time I read a full book was a

46
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,919
Speaker 1: few years ago. I need to change that. We'll change

47
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,000
Speaker 1: that today. Also, this is Behind the Bastards. Did I

48
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,600
Speaker 1: say that yet? Did I announced the podcast that this

49
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,120
Speaker 1: is no? I just said record and this is behind

50
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,080
Speaker 1: the Bastards the bastards. It's a show where we normally

51
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,720
Speaker 1: talk about the worst people in all of the street.

52
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 1: I liked daniels intro better. I'm really sorry, thank you. Well, look,

53
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,560
Speaker 1: this is a ship show. Simply, this is a ship show.

54
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:57,239
Speaker 1: There's no getting around it. We are we are normally

55
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,200
Speaker 1: a show that that gives very deeply researched episodes about

56
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,359
Speaker 1: the worst people in all of history. But we're scrambling

57
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,959
Speaker 1: for content at the moment because I have made a

58
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,240
Speaker 1: mild career change in which I get repeatedly shot at

59
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,120
Speaker 1: by federal agents almost every night, and so I need

60
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,440
Speaker 1: I need some I need some buffer episodes and live

61
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 1: stream and cry. Yeah, it's a good time. It's a

62
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,239
Speaker 1: good time, terrible time. You don't enough water, I know it,

63
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,919
Speaker 1: and I drink a lot of water. You put it

64
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,840
Speaker 1: in your eyeballs. That's different. We've had this conversation. The

65
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,440
Speaker 1: eyes are the mouth of the top of the head, Sophie.

66
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:39,280
Speaker 1: Everyone knows that. So in order to in order to

67
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: I can't even I can't even like there's a god you.

68
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,840
Speaker 1: I realized the other night that like my team and

69
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,280
Speaker 1: I have been going out and one of us since

70
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,040
Speaker 1: the beginning of this, just through pure happenstance, is a

71
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:01,560
Speaker 1: teenager UM and uh, we didn't like think to get

72
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,800
Speaker 1: his um his contact info for like his people until

73
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:11,240
Speaker 1: like night, like, oh yeah, that's probably something you should do,

74
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,040
Speaker 1: whether or not, like they're they're a legal adult, like

75
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:18,600
Speaker 1: you should probably have contacted anyway. It's been quite an uprising, UM.

76
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,400
Speaker 1: But all right, enough uprising talk. So we're going to UM,

77
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,240
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna read a book today, Daniel, UM,

78
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,880
Speaker 1: let's do it. And the book that I've picked, you know,

79
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,159
Speaker 1: the book that Cody and Katie and I are reading,

80
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,120
Speaker 1: um piece by piece making our way through is has

81
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,280
Speaker 1: been Shapiro's True Allegiance, which is just one of the

82
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,320
Speaker 1: worst things ever written. Um. And obviously that's sort of

83
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,400
Speaker 1: a right wing fantasy of societal collapse, written by an

84
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,520
Speaker 1: incompetent grifter. And I wanted I wanted to do some balance, right,

85
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,120
Speaker 1: you know that as a journalist, I'm all about balance.

86
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:54,920
Speaker 1: So I wanted to find something utterly shameful and left wing. Um.

87
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,480
Speaker 1: And the thing that I've chosen, and we'll see if

88
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,280
Speaker 1: this winds up being a good choice or a bad

89
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,800
Speaker 1: choice is Hope Never Dies, the first Obama Biden mystery

90
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:11,200
Speaker 1: novel by Andrew Shamer. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a New

91
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:16,320
Speaker 1: York Times bestseller apparently, which is that's a real problem. Um.

92
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,080
Speaker 1: And the the the quote that is up on the

93
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,920
Speaker 1: Amazon page for the for the review of this book

94
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,520
Speaker 1: by Alexander Alter of The New York Times is quote

95
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,200
Speaker 1: Hope Never Dies as an escapist fantasy that will likely

96
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,200
Speaker 1: appeal to liberals pining for the previous administration, longing for

97
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,360
Speaker 1: the Obama Biden team to emerge from political retirement as

98
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,080
Speaker 1: action heroes. Which is the saddest thing I can imagine

99
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,480
Speaker 1: someone wanting, like in this like looking out at this world.

100
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:48,960
Speaker 1: Have you seen Joe Biden's promo videos that that's the

101
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:55,400
Speaker 1: description of them. Yeah, no, it is. It's him and

102
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,799
Speaker 1: Obama just like yeah, bro, like remember the good old days.

103
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:04,520
Speaker 1: This guy. It's the kind of thing where it's like

104
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,160
Speaker 1: I can't imagine I can't get into the head of

105
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,840
Speaker 1: someone who looks at where we are right now with

106
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 1: um all of the horrific violence, particularly against people of color,

107
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,919
Speaker 1: you know, carried out by police, Uh, the increasing occupation

108
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:23,279
Speaker 1: of liberal cities by federal agents. UM. The UH horrific

109
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,240
Speaker 1: virus tearing through our communities and upending life as we

110
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,080
Speaker 1: know at, the complete economic collapse, UM, the children in

111
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,400
Speaker 1: cages on the border, UM. All of the horrible things

112
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,240
Speaker 1: that this administration has done. And you realize and and

113
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,280
Speaker 1: I can't imagine seeing that and going you know, the

114
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,280
Speaker 1: guys who for who's eight years in power immediately proceeded

115
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,240
Speaker 1: and directly led to this nightmare and enabled it in

116
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,240
Speaker 1: a variety of ways. What if we went back to that,

117
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 1: like it's just it's it's baffling to me. Yeah, I mean,

118
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:58,760
Speaker 1: you know, the grass is always greener, yeah, etcetera, etcetera.

119
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 1: Were re human nizing George Bush, like it's all look,

120
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,520
Speaker 1: everybody is all hands off when it comes to the

121
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:11,000
Speaker 1: good old days, everybody's drunk on member berries, and you

122
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,600
Speaker 1: know that's how it goes, drunk on member berries. Yeah.

123
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,560
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna read you the summary of this book

124
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,560
Speaker 1: from Amazon before we get into the three d and

125
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 1: five pages of gut churning content. Vice President Joe Biden

126
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,480
Speaker 1: and President Barack Obama team up in this high stakes

127
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,400
Speaker 1: thriller that combines a mystery worth of Watson and worthy

128
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,880
Speaker 1: of Watson and Holmes with a laugh out loud romantic

129
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,840
Speaker 1: chemistry of lethal weapons Myrtle and rigs. You just did

130
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:40,120
Speaker 1: your breath voice? I just I feel ill when they

131
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,720
Speaker 1: compare it to lethal weapon for a variety of reasons.

132
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,120
Speaker 1: Oh lord. Vice President Joe Biden is fresh out of

133
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,480
Speaker 1: the Obama White House and feeling adrift when his favorite

134
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:57,400
Speaker 1: railroad conductor dies in a suspicious accident. His favorite railroad conductor.

135
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:06,640
Speaker 1: This is good, right that that's pretty funny. Actually, Um,

136
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,400
Speaker 1: so they're really making the center of this the fact

137
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,520
Speaker 1: that Joe Biden wrote an amtrack for quite a while. Um,

138
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:19,040
Speaker 1: that's a that's a choice. Uh yeah, Okay, So apparently

139
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:23,480
Speaker 1: they uncover the sinister forces advancing America's opioid epidemic. What

140
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:28,320
Speaker 1: could those forces be but but perdue pharmaceutical Like, it's

141
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,360
Speaker 1: not a mystery. Yeah, it's easy. We know who it is.

142
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:38,400
Speaker 1: I may have the answer for you guys. Yeah. I

143
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:46,440
Speaker 1: love it. I love It's my god. Wow. Okay, um

144
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:59,160
Speaker 1: um yeah, So alright, I guess we should just we

145
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:04,360
Speaker 1: should just get into the us. Um. Yeah, let's let's

146
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:09,760
Speaker 1: let's dive in to the start of this beautiful book.

147
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,000
Speaker 1: So the cover of this is like Joe Biden and

148
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,760
Speaker 1: Barack Obama and Joe Biden's mustang, Joe's behind the wheel,

149
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,840
Speaker 1: and Barack Obama is standing very awkwardly in the mustang

150
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,760
Speaker 1: pointing forward. There's something about their face that's that's just

151
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,960
Speaker 1: off enough to be deeply unsettling to me. I recommend

152
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 1: looking it up, because like they're just not quite right. Uh.

153
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 1: Biden looks like he's melting a little bit, and Barack

154
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,920
Speaker 1: Obama looks like they took ten years off the top

155
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,280
Speaker 1: of his head but left the bottom of his head unchanged.

156
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,680
Speaker 1: It's very unsettling. So let's let's get into Andrew Schaefer's book.

157
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,680
Speaker 1: First off, it's dedicated for Uncle Joe, So that's that's

158
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,559
Speaker 1: good Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe, who sniffs your hair? The

159
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,679
Speaker 1: opening quote that, um, that that sets this up is

160
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,400
Speaker 1: it is better to light a candle than to curse

161
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,240
Speaker 1: the darkness by W. L. Watkinson, which is like, I

162
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,920
Speaker 1: guess Andrews saying like I'm lighting a candle for the

163
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:08,719
Speaker 1: besieged American people by writing a mystery novel about a

164
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 1: fake relationship between the president and vice president. Thank you

165
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:19,200
Speaker 1: for this candle, Andrew, this is what American needed. Oh

166
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,800
Speaker 1: and then the acknowledgements after that quote he is thanks Obama,

167
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:31,559
Speaker 1: so almost the sarcastically toned thanks Obama. Yeah, yeah, that's

168
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:36,120
Speaker 1: that's how I usually mean it. Yeah, oh lordie, Okay, alright,

169
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,960
Speaker 1: chapter there are fifty three chapters in this mother, Um,

170
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,559
Speaker 1: we better get started. That's not good. Um. So I

171
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,839
Speaker 1: think chapter one starts in in Joe Biden's voice. Um,

172
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,800
Speaker 1: the night this all started, I was in a black

173
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,960
Speaker 1: Irish mood. And that was before I learned my friend

174
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,559
Speaker 1: was dead. I was sitting at my computer, and I

175
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,400
Speaker 1: think we know that Joe Biden cannot use a computer.

176
00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:05,079
Speaker 1: If anything has been made clear, no way that man

177
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:11,240
Speaker 1: cannot google. He is not doing his Google's himself. Yeah, no, sir,

178
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,080
Speaker 1: but he's he's he's he's sitting at his computer, um

179
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 1: watching one of those so called paparazzi videos, which is

180
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,240
Speaker 1: apparently a wide shot of Cape Town's tabled table mountain

181
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:28,160
Speaker 1: and a pair of sailor uh sailing along? Um oh

182
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,520
Speaker 1: okay Uh, he's watching a video of Barack Obama para sailing.

183
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,840
Speaker 1: I guess um. Yeah, unencumbered by his deadweight loser Vice

184
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,840
Speaker 1: President forty four was on the vacation to end all vacations,

185
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,840
Speaker 1: wind surfing on Richard Branson's private eye. Oh, I remember

186
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,280
Speaker 1: this when when Barack Obama went on vacation um while

187
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,720
Speaker 1: the fascists moved into the White House, and that was good.

188
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,320
Speaker 1: Um kayaking with Justin Trudeau, bass jumping in Hong Kong

189
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,120
Speaker 1: with Bradley Cooper. Barack wasn't simply tempting the fates. He

190
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,679
Speaker 1: was daring them. And why not if he could survive

191
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,920
Speaker 1: eight long years is the first black US president. He

192
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,600
Speaker 1: could survive anything. Not that I was worried about him.

193
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,160
Speaker 1: I was done getting all worked up over Barack Obama.

194
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,599
Speaker 1: Is he piste off? I think he's he's kind of

195
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,160
Speaker 1: he's kind of angry at Barack. At the start of this,

196
00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,080
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, he's definitely like a Joe. Maybe

197
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,920
Speaker 1: he's like, you know, Joe didn't get enough shine. Yeah,

198
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,760
Speaker 1: he kept him in the dark man, like he's bumped.

199
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,920
Speaker 1: I thought this relationship was about more than just being

200
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,840
Speaker 1: the president and Vice president wild so I forced myself

201
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,559
Speaker 1: to look away from the computer. I turned to face

202
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,280
Speaker 1: the dartboard in the back of my office. It was

203
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,199
Speaker 1: an old Christmas gift from my daughter. I kept it

204
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,880
Speaker 1: in storage for many years, but now I finally had

205
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,079
Speaker 1: some free time on my hands. Maybe too much, Yeah,

206
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,400
Speaker 1: like you were getting up to a lot of work

207
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:44,160
Speaker 1: as the vice president, Joe. Come on, man, maybe too

208
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 1: much free time? One call, I said to my faithful companion, Champ,

209
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,080
Speaker 1: Is that too much to ask? The dog glanced up

210
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,319
Speaker 1: with indifference. He'd heard it all before, just so he

211
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,880
Speaker 1: This is Joe Biden sitting alone in his room, drinking,

212
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,719
Speaker 1: watching videos of Barack Obama on vacation and becoming in

213
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,240
Speaker 1: You seeingly better that he was not invited to go

214
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:10,400
Speaker 1: party with the former president, poor j Yeah, just like

215
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,080
Speaker 1: staring out the window like that that Mastering Commander gift.

216
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,840
Speaker 1: When Russell Crowe is just like looking out the window

217
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,439
Speaker 1: and the rains just like yes. Yeah. He throws a

218
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,520
Speaker 1: dart at a magazine with Bradley Cooper and Barack Obama

219
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,040
Speaker 1: on the front and hits Bradley Cooper right between the eyes.

220
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:28,120
Speaker 1: So he is Joe's in a dark place when this starts,

221
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,720
Speaker 1: and a dartsman. Apparently this is interesting. Barack even had

222
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,720
Speaker 1: the goal to tell People magazine that we still went

223
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,960
Speaker 1: golfing together on occasion. To save face, I repeated the lie.

224
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,360
Speaker 1: The truth was there hadn't been any golf outings, no

225
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,480
Speaker 1: late night texting, not even a friendly poke on Facebook.

226
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,079
Speaker 1: I watched the skuys for smoke signals. I read the

227
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,600
Speaker 1: New York Times, dissecting headlines looking for clues he might

228
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,400
Speaker 1: have left me nothing. Sometimes, late at night, after Jill

229
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,640
Speaker 1: was sound asleep, I scrolled for the old text messages

230
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,920
Speaker 1: Barack and I had exchanged a lifetime. What is happening?

231
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:03,200
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is so weird. Yeah, this is unsettling.

232
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,800
Speaker 1: Um so yeah, Jill was like a like a spurned X.

233
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:12,120
Speaker 1: At the start of this sounds like so he here's

234
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,640
Speaker 1: a prowler outside, uh, and he opens up his wall safe.

235
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: There were two things inside my Medal of Freedom and

236
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,320
Speaker 1: my sig Sour pistol. The beam shooter was a gift

237
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:26,560
Speaker 1: ted Bot for myself. Sections aren't your shotguns enough? She'd asked,

238
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,720
Speaker 1: what on earth can you need a handgun for? For

239
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,240
Speaker 1: times like this? Jill, get some Jill Biden shap here.

240
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,160
Speaker 1: So he slips the pistol into the waistband of his shirt.

241
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,080
Speaker 1: Where's your secret service to tail, Joe? I'm gonna guess

242
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,200
Speaker 1: we're in a non secret service existing um world with this.

243
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,880
Speaker 1: If Joe Biden has taken care of his own security

244
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:51,040
Speaker 1: with a Sig Sour shoved into his pants. Bro, I

245
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,320
Speaker 1: literally I want to win the lottery simply to pay

246
00:14:55,560 --> 00:15:00,800
Speaker 1: Joe Biden to act out the first age or the

247
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,680
Speaker 1: first ten pair, whatever you have just read. I want

248
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 1: to pay him enough money to actually act this out

249
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,120
Speaker 1: and get Joe Biden in it. Yeah. I have a

250
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,360
Speaker 1: feeling that come November he'll have a lot of free time,

251
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,520
Speaker 1: so you might be able to may be able to

252
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 1: make that happen. Yes, I mean, Bro, we're making it happen.

253
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 1: That we're making it happen. I'm I'm I've also planned

254
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,720
Speaker 1: to win the lottery around then, so that's a good plan.

255
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,360
Speaker 1: This is a good time to suddenly get millions of dollars, right. Yeah,

256
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,320
Speaker 1: So Joe goes out into the streets to um, uh

257
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:35,720
Speaker 1: see who's here. He smells Marlborough reds. Um, she's oh, good,

258
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,720
Speaker 1: Lord in heaven. So he goes out to like check

259
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,800
Speaker 1: who's going around and he as he's like searching around,

260
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,680
Speaker 1: he smells Marborough reds and he thinks, don't get your

261
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,680
Speaker 1: hopes up, hope, it's just a four letter word. Um. Well,

262
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,720
Speaker 1: they're really making him sound like a spurned lover. Um,

263
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,120
Speaker 1: I'm guessing that it's Barack Obama sneaking around the outside

264
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,360
Speaker 1: of his house. This has to end in sweaty sex

265
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,440
Speaker 1: or this book is for nothing thing. Yeah, that's all

266
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,840
Speaker 1: I'm saying. My own security detail had been dismissed. Several

267
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,800
Speaker 1: weeks earlier. Vice presidents were granted six months of protection

268
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,600
Speaker 1: following their time in office, and not a day more

269
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 1: unless they were extenuating circuit. I don't think that's true.

270
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 1: I don't think that's true at all. Are you telling

271
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,280
Speaker 1: me Dick Chady doesn't still have secret service cards? Like

272
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 1: that doesn't seem Probably does. Yeah, I don't know. Um,

273
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,640
Speaker 1: maybe I'm wrong about That doesn't seem right to me.

274
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 1: Oh no, there they were, Uh what, his secret service

275
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,720
Speaker 1: has been dismissed. But then immediately afterwards he like nods

276
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,800
Speaker 1: to his secret service guys. I don't know. I guess

277
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 1: this is just a bad book. But they are here.

278
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 1: So he goes off into the woods, and the smell

279
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 1: of burning tobacco gets stronger. I guess he's being led

280
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,880
Speaker 1: like a siren into the arms of Barack Obama, who's

281
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 1: hiding in the woods outside of his former vice president's house. Yeah.

282
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,400
Speaker 1: I swiveled around there to my left by the big

283
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,480
Speaker 1: oak tin paces away a man crouched low, scratching champ

284
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: behind his dog behind the ears. German shepherds don't take

285
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: this to strangers, but this man was no stranger. He

286
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,280
Speaker 1: rose to his feet, a slim figure are in his

287
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 1: black hand tailored suit. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned

288
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,120
Speaker 1: at the neck. He took a long drag off his cigarette,

289
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 1: exhaled smoke with leisure. Barack Obama was never in a hurry.

290
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:16,920
Speaker 1: There we go, there we go. Never in a hurry.

291
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:24,439
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, so um that's interesting. Um yeah. So they

292
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 1: meet and they have a little conversation that I'm sure

293
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 1: is meant to be very satisfying to a certain type

294
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,160
Speaker 1: of liberal, where they talk about Barack Obama's time parassailing

295
00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 1: and how there's a moment where if Joe's like I

296
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,760
Speaker 1: thought you quit smoking, he took another long drag off

297
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,360
Speaker 1: his cigarette I did, which is like, I guess would

298
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 1: work more if there was like, you know, if they

299
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,160
Speaker 1: were actually hard boiled cops or something, right, Like, that's

300
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,159
Speaker 1: a moment that would work. But it's like the multi

301
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,200
Speaker 1: millionaire former president who lives in a gigantic mansion and

302
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 1: was just parasailing with celebrities and whose job is over

303
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,680
Speaker 1: and who doesn't actually have to do anything ever again.

304
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: But anyway, I don't know is do you know? But

305
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 1: by the way, it's sorry to interrupt again, do you

306
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,960
Speaker 1: know how old this author is, like when they wrote

307
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,399
Speaker 1: this book, how old they were, I don't know. I

308
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,720
Speaker 1: don't know. I want to look up Andrew Schaefer a

309
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 1: thing that a real journalist would have done immediately. Is

310
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:18,639
Speaker 1: it sixteen? Uh? It might be sixteen. Andrew Schaefer is

311
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 1: an America. Okay, let's here's his Wikipedia. It's born in

312
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 1: Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Under the pen name Fannie Merkin. He

313
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,840
Speaker 1: authored the fifty Shades of Grey parody fifty Shames of

314
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: Earl Gray? What the fuck? I want to hit this

315
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 1: man already? Of Earl Yeah, he wrote a fifty Shades

316
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,919
Speaker 1: of Gray parodies. So this guy is I mean, clearly

317
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,800
Speaker 1: like someone who looks out for an opportunity to write, uh,

318
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 1: to shift out a novel quickly that will cash in

319
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:56,919
Speaker 1: on a grift. A fourteen years old you know. Uh

320
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: doesn't say that's a great question. There's a lot of

321
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: There's a lot of questions. So okay, let's look. I'm

322
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: just just looking at this guy's Wikipedia. His other books

323
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 1: include Great Philosophers Who Failed a Love Literary Rogues of

324
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,879
Speaker 1: Scandalous History of Wayward Authors. H And he's the founder

325
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 1: and creative director of Order of St. Nick, a greeting

326
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 1: card company. Oh he lives in fucking Portland, Oregon. What fun?

327
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,320
Speaker 1: I can't actually beat the ship out of this guy. Um,

328
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 1: all right, okay, I I may I may have to

329
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,120
Speaker 1: do that as a journalist. Uh. So he's a columnist

330
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 1: for the Huffington Post. And can I interview you you

331
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 1: know fists? Yeah? Yeah, So he's got a greeting card company,

332
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: that's been on The Colbert Report and NPR and Fox News.

333
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 1: He also wrote a book about Shark Nado. So he's

334
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: he's really like, yes, seems like one of these guys

335
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 1: who just kind of waits for something he can write

336
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 1: a terrible book about. Can I just say, haven't seen

337
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,879
Speaker 1: what he looks like? Not fuckable? Not fuckable? All right,

338
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 1: Andrew Shaffer. I might run into him at the protests, Uh,

339
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: in which case I will let him know that he's unfusckable. Um,

340
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: I'll make sure to do that, Sophie. Uh. He also

341
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: wrote The Day of the Donald, subtitled Trump Trump's America,

342
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: a satirical work of fiction. Um. The book imagines Donald

343
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 1: Trump winning the Oh no, I think he wrote this before.

344
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 1: Wait when did this get published? Yeah? It was published June.

345
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 1: So in June he wrote a satirical book imagining Donald

346
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 1: Trump winning the election to become president. No, yeah, no,

347
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 1: what is happening? Okay? So the book focuses on protagonist

348
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: Jimmy burn Would, a down on his luck former tabloid reporter,

349
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 1: and his attempts to ghostwrite President Trump's memoire, and his

350
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: investigation into a murder. Why are these all murder mysteries

351
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,120
Speaker 1: like what is what is going on with Andrew Schaeffer.

352
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: I don't like this person. I think I know what's

353
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 1: going on. Was that I said? And Sophie, you were

354
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 1: right by the way, extremely unfusable, are you? I haven't,

355
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to see the face of

356
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: this You know who? You know who is? Sponsors. Our

357
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 1: sponsors are incredibly fuckable, the most fuckable sponsors in podcasting.

358
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 1: We're back, and we're just thinking about the thrusting, girdlesome

359
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 1: might of our sponsors. Um. And we're also thinking about

360
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: Andrew Schaefer, who it seems like his whole life is

361
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 1: about kind of just keeping an eye out for something

362
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,360
Speaker 1: to be real viral and then shooting out a very

363
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: quickly written book to cash in on uh it um

364
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: and generally doing it from kind of a milk toast

365
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: liberal perspective. UM. So that that seems like this guy's

366
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: whole life and career, which is good, I guess, a

367
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 1: good thing to do, you know what, Yeah, go off, Yeah,

368
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 1: So here we go. We're back. Joe, Biden and Barack

369
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 1: are meeting up again for the first time in a

370
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: in a long time, and um, he's Barack Obama, the

371
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: former president, without his Secret Service detail inte, infiltrates Joe

372
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 1: Biden's home, I guess his compound, uh, to tell him

373
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: that an amtrack conductor, Finn Donnally, that that Joe Biden

374
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: knew um is, has been hit by a train and killed.

375
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: That's Barack Obama's business at the Biden household. Okay, yeah.

376
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 1: Also Biden immediately recognizes the name of this conductor because

377
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 1: he's the finest one I know. Um. So that's interesting,

378
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: the finest one, the finest, only the finest conductors. Yeah. Yeah,

379
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: someone has killed the very best amtrack conductor um which

380
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 1: is which is a shame. So Barack Obama felt like

381
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: this was important enough. Uh, I had a hunch you

382
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: know him, you knew him. I wanted to tell you

383
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 1: myself before you heard from somewhere else. So Brock didn't

384
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: even know that Joe knew this guy. He just heard

385
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: an amtrack conductor died, and he was like, I have

386
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 1: to infiltrate, break into Joe Biden's property to let him

387
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 1: know in the off chance that he knew this guy

388
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 1: as well, And of course he did, Yeah, of course

389
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 1: he did, of course. So that's fun. Um. So they

390
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 1: go on talking about how this amtrack conductor died YadA, YadA, YadA.

391
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: There they also have a heartfelt conversation it seems like

392
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: about the fact that Barack Obama hasn't called Joe in

393
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 1: a while. Um, really making Joe out to be kind

394
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: of a spurned lover in this, which I guess is

395
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: an editorial choice. Like I'll say this for the book. Um,

396
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: it's better written than Ben Shapiro's True Allegiance, Like it's

397
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 1: it's a it's a functionally written novel, like Andrew Schaefer

398
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: knows how to write in the same way that like,

399
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: you know, somebody can know how to drive. Uh, he

400
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 1: doesn't crash the car, right, Sure, that's that's the thing

401
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 1: I'll say for Andrew Shaefer. Um. Yeah, some baffling choices.

402
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 1: So uh. The they finished their conversation and Barack Obama

403
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: like disappears into the shadows like Batman. So I think

404
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,959
Speaker 1: we're making Barack out to be basically Batman here, um,

405
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: which is again really a fascinating series of choices. And

406
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 1: I think it might just be that Andrew Shaffer doesn't

407
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: really know how to write anything besides mystery novels, and

408
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: so that's just kind of kind of what he goes for. Um. Alright,

409
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: so our next chapter, it's it's good God, there's a

410
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: lot of this. He might also know how to write

411
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: romance novels. So I'm gonna read you the start of

412
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 1: chapter three. Here you come to bed last night, Jill said.

413
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 1: I stumbled into the kitchen around half past nine, weary

414
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 1: from a night of bad sleep. My mind had been

415
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: on fire with questions about Finn Donnelly. Every time I

416
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: finally started drift off, some little noise outside would startle

417
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: me awake. Several times I wondered if I hadn't dreamed

418
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: my entire counter with Barack Obama, the lingering scent of

419
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:07,879
Speaker 1: tobacco in my hair set otherwise, Oh my gosh, the

420
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 1: horny levels are off the charts. This is a very

421
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 1: horny novel between the vice horn. I maintain, if this

422
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: isn't ending in hot, sweaty sex, it is for nothing. Yeah.

423
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know that that Andrew Schaeffer realizes

424
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: how horny he's being. Um, I mean, yeah, it is satire,

425
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: but his his history of novels makes me think that

426
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 1: he has never for a second understood what satire is. Um,

427
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 1: it's also impossible to do post so I don't know. Um,

428
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,719
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be too hard out him. I guess. Uh.

429
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: Joe Biden goes from like noticing that her husband is

430
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: having an affair with the former president to asking if

431
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: he's thought more about getting a c PAT machine, and

432
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: then we have a couple of paragraphs about Joe Biden's

433
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: sleep Appne, why why are you putting this in? Great?

434
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 1: I mean great, get after it. That's that's very funny. Yes,

435
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 1: So Joe Joe reads that the the amtrack conductor. This

436
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 1: is a really big story. I guess that an amtrack

437
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: conductor has been killed. It's all over the news now,

438
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,400
Speaker 1: and it's all that Joe Biden can think about. As

439
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: again a fascist takes over, uh, the instruments of state.

440
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: It's weird also that they're making the focus of this

441
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: novel the murder of an amtrack conductor. And I guess

442
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: it's where it's like, I mean, if you're gonna go

443
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 1: with this premise, there's other things happening right Like, to

444
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: be honest with you, this feels like the kind of

445
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 1: thing where like he wrote it because he knew that

446
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 1: Joe Biden, after hearing an Amtrak conductor was murdered, would

447
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 1: say something to be like, well, such a noble profession,

448
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: we can't let our amtrack drivers be murdered, and he

449
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: would read that book from cover to cover. Yeah, I

450
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: think he might. That's what I'm thinking. It's weird because

451
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 1: it's it's clearly like I don't understand seeing this as

452
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: a fantasy, right, Like I don't understand who who could

453
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: like get into this book and be comforted by Like, ah, yes,

454
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 1: I remember when Barack Obama and Joe Biden were presidents,

455
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,959
Speaker 1: were in charge, and I enjoy imagining that they had

456
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: a weird quasi sexual relationship and solved murder mysteries when

457
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: ann Trap conductors were killed. Like I can't get my

458
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 1: head into that person's that person's brain. I don't know. Yeah,

459
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: but you know what, I'm here for the ride. Let

460
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: me tell you what. I'm not really here for the ride, Daniel, um, like,

461
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: it's it's not for me per se, But I mean,

462
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: I'm I'm hoping. I'm here for the ride is one

463
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: of the closing lines of the book, as so Daniel

464
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: just wants the book to become wild. Look I'm just saying.

465
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 1: I'm just saying. If you want to get a ribbing

466
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: novel here between these two, they better be fucking That's

467
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: where I'm at, all right, Daniel T Wait are are you?

468
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 1: Are you team Edwards, a team writer, Team Jacob. I

469
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: have no opinion. I have no opinion. That none, none.

470
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: I'm team I don't need to bring that. Biden Obama,

471
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: Biden Obama. You know I'm here for the ride. Are

472
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 1: you team dry scabs or wet scabs? We're all team

473
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:36,919
Speaker 1: wet scalps. H fucking Biden meets up with his contact

474
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: in the police department, who tells him that they found

475
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 1: heroin in the pockets of the am track conductor and Joe.

476
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 1: Biden is incensed by this because he knows he knows

477
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: this am track conductor, and he knows that this am

478
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: track conductor is a teetotal er. Uh, same as me.

479
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: Something wasn't right. Martin Luther King Jr. Said the moral

480
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: luck of the universe was long and bent towards the

481
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: sides of justice. By the time the Verse got to

482
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: writing the wrongs in Wilmington's, however, I feared that it

483
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: would be too late, not just to forfin or the city,

484
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: but for us all, like, what the how is? How is?

485
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 1: How would this ever be your priority? Joe? I don't know.

486
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: So this is like the most important thing in the

487
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: world to Joe Biden right now, and it's like it

488
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: is apparently it's it's a it's very much kind of

489
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 1: in line with the specific type of of kind of

490
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: liberal person that they when they imagine a thing for

491
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: their fantasy Joe Biden and Barack Obama to solve, Like,

492
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: they don't even consider going into the very real problems

493
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: that are happening as a result of these fascists kind

494
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: of taking over office. They don't they don't deal with

495
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: any of like these actual massive issues. Um. They decide like, okay, well,

496
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 1: let's make up the murder of an amtrack conductor and

497
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: awkwardly tie it to opiates m boom like that that

498
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: like and and and let's frame it as if it's

499
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: like a massive issue of national importance, um, even though

500
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: it's definitely not again, definitely not. There's kids in cages, um,

501
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: But okay, we'll worry about the am track conductor exactly. Truly. Yeah,

502
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: So the next chapter is Joe meeting Finn's wife, who's

503
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: got a stroke, had who has a stroke and is disabled. Um,

504
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: he really knows a lot about this am track conductor.

505
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: Joe clearly spent an enormous amount of time talking to

506
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: the conductor of his am track trade that's really funny. Yeah,

507
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: I love I love that world. Joe's just down to

508
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: the train station with his little hat on, blowing that

509
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: little wooden whistle. Like you guys heard this one, Joe,

510
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: you heard that one a million times. You heard this one.

511
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: Here Joe down at the station and might be the

512
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: most precious human. Okay, alright, can you make the trade

513
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: ways again? So Joe goes to this guy's funeral and

514
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: after six God, I this is my favorite book ever. Yeah,

515
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: he goes to the Amtrak dude's funeral. Um, he takes

516
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: a seat in the back row because this isn't about

517
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: Vice President Joe Biden. It's about five Um the dead

518
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: man's Yeah, all right, great, uh God, just a big

519
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: lot of time spent discussing the funeral of this amtrack

520
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 1: conductor is Obama like a football field away, smoking a cigarette,

521
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: leaning on a tree, dressed for the funeral but wearing sunglasses,

522
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: leaning on it. And then Joe Biden comes up later

523
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: and it's like, what are you doing here? Yeah, some

524
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: along those lines. I don't know. I haven't seen Obama yet,

525
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: Like he hasn't come back into the story. How is

526
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: he not there a football field away, leaning on a tree,

527
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: dressed for the funeral, smoking a cigarette. There's a lot

528
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: of Joe Biden and other political figures talking to the

529
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: family members of this deceased AM Track conduct. They're really

530
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: they're really leaning a heart on a dead AM track

531
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: conductor as the chief. Yeah, that's an interesting authorial choice

532
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: by Andrew Shaver. Here. Um, good lord, Okay, yep, Joe

533
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: Biden next chapter, he's just doing more. This is just

534
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: really a detective novel. Um, this is just a detective

535
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: novel with a weird erotic relationship between Barack Obama and

536
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: Joe Biden. Um that seems to be barely getting any

537
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: play at this point, to be honest, Um, that's unsettling.

538
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: Uh so Uh, Joe Biden winds up out in the

539
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: streets like like doing some gumshoe. Uh detective ng trying

540
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: to like figure out this murder. I crouched low and

541
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 1: ducked back through the hole in the fence. Bracing for

542
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: the back strain again. Instead, there was a sharp pop

543
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: in my lefty. So we're doing a lot of Joe

544
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: Biden is also an old man. My leg buckled out

545
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: come under me, and I went down hard, landing on

546
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: my side. The train zipped past with a high pitched wine.

547
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: The ground rumbled for two seconds, jostling every molecule in

548
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: my body, right down to the silver fillings and my molars,

549
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: and then all was still again. I rolled onto my

550
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: back and clutched my knee. In high school, I had

551
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 1: been a standout football player. I didn't have the arm

552
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: strength to be quarterback or the long fingers to be

553
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: a wide receiver, but I had the getaway sticks. I

554
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: could tuck the ball and run. Senior year, I was

555
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: the leading scorer. Senior year, I had also banged up

556
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: my left knee. Since then, it had been known to

557
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: act up on occasion, and I'd always been able to

558
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: grip my teeth and bear it. This was the first

559
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: time it had completely given up on me. If you

560
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: can't trust your own body, who can you trust. I

561
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: didn't know what I was doing down here, crawling around

562
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: the crime scene. As head of the executive branch Barrock

563
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: held the top law enforcement position in the country. I've

564
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 1: been as right hand man. That didn't amount to a

565
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: hill of beans when it came to actual police work.

566
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: Was like Santa Claus. It was like asking Santa Claus

567
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: to make you a toy train. It was a job

568
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: best suited for his else the fat man in the

569
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: red suit didn't know the first thing about standing down

570
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: wooden toys for good little girls and boys. I had

571
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: no business here. That's a weird set of thoughts to

572
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: what is how is that all happening? And it's it's

573
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 1: like yes, this, It is like yes, Andrew Shaffer. The

574
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: central conceit of your knowledge that Joe Biden and Barack

575
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 1: Obama are solving the mystery of a murder of a

576
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 1: train conductor is pretty absurd on its face. Okay, what

577
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: would Barack say if he saw me out here rolling

578
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: around like a turtle on my back. We hadn't talked

579
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: since his visit two nights ago. As far as I

580
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: was concerned, nothing between us had changed. Yes, he'd kept

581
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: his word and put the scare into the police department,

582
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: the lurid details as they were ahead, and hit the

583
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: papers for that. I was grateful, but there was still

584
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: too much unspoken between us. I wasn't about to send

585
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: another errant text through the airwaves and see if I'd

586
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 1: get a response. I was through being made to be

587
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: the fool. This is so far my favorite part of

588
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: the novel, Like the the clearly jilted lover uh plotline

589
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: going on here, Like the fact that Joe is deeply

590
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: incensed that Barack Obama doesn't call, which is probably true

591
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 1: about the real Barack Obama and Joe Biden because it

592
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 1: took probably Barack a long time to to say that

593
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:03,879
Speaker 1: people should vote Joe. I mean, you know, an appropriately

594
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 1: long time. The burning gonna pull it out amount of time.

595
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 1: Oh boy, Next chapter. Wilmington's station's official name is the

596
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: Joseph R. Biden Junior Railroad Station, although nobody used it.

597
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 1: Everyone trains. There's so much. Yeah, this is all about

598
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 1: train so far. Every chapter is deeply train focused. It's

599
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 1: like three things about Joe Biden, that's it. And one

600
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 1: of them is trains, and the second thing is also trains,

601
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: and the third thing is rock. Yeah. I think he

602
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: scanned Joe Biden's Wikipedia page and he was like, Okay,

603
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: he read the he wrote the amtrack a lot. Let's

604
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: make this entire book focused on the Amtrak trains. Trains, Baby,

605
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 1: oh boy. We do get a little bit of a

606
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: talk about um An Aquatics Center, which is interesting given

607
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,879
Speaker 1: the the what is his name Jesus a million years

608
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 1: ago when Joe Biden told the story about the black

609
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: man he got into a fight with at the swimming coop.

610
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: Corn Pop? God, Remember corn pop? Remember when that happened?

611
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 1: I love I love being able to think about corn

612
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: pop without having to think about literally everything else at

613
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 1: the same time. Yeah, remember a thousand years ago when

614
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: corn the before times? Yeah, in the before times and

615
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: the long long ago and the long long ago. There

616
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 1: we go. The thing is it was in the only

617
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: place in town bearing my name. The city also renamed

618
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: a public pool after me, the Joseph ar Biden, Jr.

619
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 1: Aquatic Center, down at the corner of East twenty three

620
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 1: North Locust. It's a pretty poor neighborhood. I had worked

621
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 1: as a lifeguard at the pool while putting myself through college.

622
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: The other lifeguards would ask me questions about race relations

623
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 1: because I was the only white guy many of them knew.

624
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: We learned a lot from one another. One black lifeguard

625
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 1: asked if I had gas, a gasoline can he could borrow.

626
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: He wanted to see his grand mom in North Carolina.

627
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: We can't stop at most gas stations down there, he'd said. Wow, Yeah,

628
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: the pool was where my commitment to civil rights began.

629
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,280
Speaker 1: Oh boy, I would have felt better if they'd renamed

630
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 1: the pool after Martin Luther King Jr. Or a local

631
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: black politician. But the neighborhood appreciated that I'd never turned

632
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: my back on them. I'd never turned my back on anyone.

633
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 1: It just wasn't something a Biden did. Yeah. I can

634
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: imagine all those black lifeguards asking young Joe Biden about

635
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 1: race relations. That that's to That sounds like a thing

636
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: that occurred. Classic Joe. Yeah, he knows it all. Yeah,

637
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: he is the streets. You know the streets. Yeah, that's

638
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: what I'm getting from this book. Well, he's the streets

639
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: if they were around a train station. Correct, Because Joe

640
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: Biden is mentally incapable of thinking about anything that is

641
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 1: into train station or his unrequited lust for Barack Obama

642
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 1: shipping processing. Yah love it, Oh good god, love it.

643
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 1: Um boy, howdy, we we still aren't getting back into

644
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: Barack Obama being Oh no, here we go. Okay. The

645
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: end of this chapter we get back to Barack Obama.

646
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,280
Speaker 1: Uh so, Joe Biden, after doing some more gum shoeing,

647
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 1: calls an Uber and a black Cadillac Escalade pulls up

648
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 1: to pick him up. And oh god, okay, a black

649
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 1: Cadillac Escalade pulled up to the curb in front of me.

650
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 1: The truck sized suv sat there idling. Was my ride?

651
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: Early If there was an Uber sign on the dash,

652
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:31,439
Speaker 1: I had no way of knowing. I couldn't see anything

653
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 1: through the heavily tinted windows. Suppose this wasn't my ride.

654
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: Suppose it was some enemy of the state, some deranged

655
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: lunatic fixated on a former vice president. Suppose Finn wasn't

656
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:41,360
Speaker 1: the one who left the print out of my address

657
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: behind on the train. My heart rate began to ratch

658
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: it up. I had no Secret Service protection anymore, no

659
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,280
Speaker 1: private security. I didn't even have my pistol, because who

660
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: brings a gun to a funeral. The vehicle just sat there,

661
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: towering over me. There was nothing stopping a passenger from

662
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: rolling down one of the windows and poking me full

663
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: of holes. Was a sitting duck with no wings to

664
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: carry me away. I inhaled arple and squeezed the bouquet.

665
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: Tight water dripped out of the bottom onto the cement.

666
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: The tinted black window lowered. Need a lift. Barack Obama asked,

667
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: ba ba ba ba ba bading. Wow, yeah, oh boy,

668
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: the next chapter. Now the escalators into traffic. I stared

669
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: at the flowers in my hand, which I think we're

670
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: for Jill. They looked like regular white flowers. They had

671
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 1: some red roses, but they were three times the price.

672
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 1: Barack made a little finger gun and pointed it at me.

673
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 1: That's why they're more romantic. I sighed. Barack was right.

674
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: He was always right anyway. I was headed home. He

675
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: was always right. Oh god, anyway, Joe says. I was

676
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 1: headed home, and he patted me on my knee. The

677
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: good one, we'll drop you off, he said, the good one,

678
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 1: the good one. I love it. I love it. I'm

679
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: just I'm so I'm elated right now. This is this

680
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:03,240
Speaker 1: is good. Um, this is great. Top shelf, top top shelf.

681
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:09,240
Speaker 1: I want this to be optioned into a movie, into

682
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: into an erotic thriller. Yes, someone paid them enough money

683
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 1: that they want to do this. And then we'll and

684
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: then we'll advertise that movie on our show, like we

685
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: advertise the sponsors that. Robert's about to shout out right

686
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: now because I guess what an ad break. Yes, you

687
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 1: know what, we'll fuck Barack Obama. You know what? Sexually?

688
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: What is product? Wow? We're back, um and boy howdy.

689
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: We are just powerfully aroused at the pulsating escalations of

690
00:40:55,640 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: romantic tension between Barack Obama and Joseph Robinette Biden Um,

691
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: which I, for one, don't find shameful and awkward at all. Uh,

692
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I leaned back in the seat. Barack stared

693
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: at me for a bit. You look like you've been

694
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: playing football, he said. My shoes were shined, but the

695
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: rest of my suit was filthy at tripped. It's nothing, really,

696
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: m Barack said. The President was always saying stuff like

697
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: that to me and her occasionally her Um. Even after

698
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: working together for eight years, I hadn't decoded the meaning

699
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: behind them. Barack was at times a fortress, at other

700
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: times a glass case of emotion, As Will Ferrell would say,

701
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: what the fuck Andrew, goddamnit? Um, I love it, I

702
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 1: love just make just make references to pop culture in

703
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: the middle of your storage. You know that that add

704
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 1: nothing the best part, that's the best part. Yeah, when

705
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 1: you talk about Anchorman. So they talk about Barack Obama's

706
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: special escalade, which, for some baffling reason, he'd had import

707
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 1: it from Afghanistan. Like he he had an armored escalated

708
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 1: imported from Afghanistan even though they're never they're not made

709
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: in Afghanistan there shipped there. But like what, Yeah, that's

710
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 1: a weird call um cool. Yeah, but but they have

711
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: they have their own armored escalade. Uh, that's great, very cool.

712
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: I love that even with everything we know about how

713
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,720
Speaker 1: much money we spend on the military, everything that's supposed

714
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 1: to be like fancy and tech has to come from

715
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: somewhere else. It's like shipping from Russia, shipped from sald

716
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: Rabia ship. It's like it's obviously made by DARPA right

717
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 1: here with some crazy other stuff on it. It's just

718
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: like it's right there in Wisconsin. You don't need to

719
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,359
Speaker 1: go all the way out there. You're that's a weird

720
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 1: attempt to like make Baracks seem less rich than he is,

721
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: because it's like when his what Biden notes, like when

722
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 1: his wife saw how much the armored escalated costs like

723
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: she told me better have another book idea or two.

724
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 1: And it's like they've got hundreds of millions of dollars

725
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: an armored escalators, like maybe a million bucks or so, right,

726
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: maybe like two if we assume he's getting one of

727
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 1: the really good ones, Like it's sucking pennies for for

728
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: a guy like Barack Obama, Like he can have as

729
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 1: many armored escalates as he wants to by tanks, especially

730
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: the Obama Barack Obama in this story. Everything is pennies

731
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: for the Barack Obama in this story. Yes, yes, yeah, okay,

732
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: So I don't know this is this seems like it's

733
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: going to be a pretty standard um mystery adventure that

734
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 1: focuses weirdly on an Amtrak train. I don't know what

735
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,760
Speaker 1: to say about that. Uh, Daniel, do you have anything

736
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: you want us to search for in this? As we

737
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: kind of like like like it's very clear what this is, right,

738
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 1: like this is a like I mean like you look, yeah, Robert,

739
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: you know what I'm looking for? Is it search sets? No?

740
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:53,360
Speaker 1: No no no no no no no no no no

741
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,879
Speaker 1: no no no no no, Because if Mr Shaffer here

742
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: is anything like he's been saying. The word sex might

743
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: not even come up. There's only one use of the

744
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 1: word sex. Yeah, there you go. So it's gonna be

745
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 1: something along the lines of just like like the word touch, sweat,

746
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: thinking something like something like strength or like caress, or

747
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 1: like I just know, I just know that there's some

748
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: that there's some there's something in here or or if

749
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: or if the phrase I'm along for the ride comes

750
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: back up again. Yeah, so you know one thing that

751
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm coming also prepared to be wrong as I look

752
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: for sweat. So there's there's a lot of weird talk

753
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 1: about Joe Biden's guns. Um like it makes a big

754
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,320
Speaker 1: point about the fact, like Joe Biden did one of

755
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: the things he did when he and Brock were running,

756
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: is he like to try to like make a ploy

757
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: for getting the the kind of liberal gun owner vote

758
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: behind him. Is he like post he like made a

759
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 1: big factor the point of the fact that he owned

760
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 1: a couple of shotguns for like skeet shooting and stuff,

761
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: which I don't know, like I don't think got them

762
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 1: a single vote, because anyone who's actually like into gun

763
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: ownership just doesn't just own a a double barreled shotgun.

764
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 1: Or whatever. Like that's just kind of like the thing

765
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 1: democrats do when they're trying to seem um briefly relatable

766
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: to um uh rural folk. But this book makes a

767
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 1: big point of the fact that Joe Biden is a

768
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: is a gun owner and also has a sig sour.

769
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,399
Speaker 1: So this is from like thirty percent of the way

770
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 1: through the book. Uh, Barack and Joe are are are

771
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: getting into a tough scrape of a situation. They're parking

772
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: in like a garage and going into like investigate some

773
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: some unsettling people. And uh here here's the uh here,

774
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:41,360
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna start reading from the end of the chapter.

775
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: Brock steered to me, did you tell Jill you were

776
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: going out with me? It's none of her business who

777
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: I go out with. I'm in the seventh decade of

778
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 1: my life. I can do whatever I want. No one's

779
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: the boss of me. I used to be your boss.

780
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: The American people were our boss, I told him, But

781
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: things have changed. He shook his head and wiped a

782
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: beat of sweat from his brow. Did you bring that

783
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,439
Speaker 1: heat or you were packing the other night? Talking about

784
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 1: Joe's handgun. I felt a twinch of embarrassment. Of course,

785
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: Barack knew I was a gun owner. I talked about

786
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 1: my shotguns enough that he could probably tell you the

787
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: make and model. But he wasn't talking about my shotguns.

788
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: They've been there have been reports of prowlers. I said,

789
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: you can't be too careful. You're right about that. A

790
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: lot going on in this world, even when it comes

791
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: to the friendly faces. It's hard to tell who to

792
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: trust these days. He paused, So you're bringing it, I'm

793
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 1: not bringing it. He looked me steady in the eye,

794
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 1: as if he was trying to assess whether I was

795
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 1: lying or not. Finally satisfying, Okay, So Barack Obama doesn't

796
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 1: want Joe bringing bringing the gun on their investigation. Um,

797
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:36,359
Speaker 1: that's weird, okay, whatever. Um, yeah, I don't know. It's

798
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: a weird book, Daniel. I don't. It seems I mean,

799
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 1: it seems weird, and unfortunately it doesn't seem like it

800
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 1: ends with what the clear ending should be, at least

801
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 1: in my eyes. But the fucking or parasailing, I mean both, No,

802
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: but the the fucking we'll just go We'll go straight

803
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 1: with the fucking No, I mean, and and I don't,

804
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: I don't blame him. You know, this isn't a slash

805
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,800
Speaker 1: fick as it were. It's you know, this is a

806
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: you know, and he's not advertised as a romance novel,

807
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 1: like I get it. So you know, maybe my my

808
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 1: hopes were too high. And if I really want that,

809
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: I know several websites I can go find that at.

810
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: So that's how it goes, I suppose, Oh, really cool. Cool. Okay,

811
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 1: So last chapter, chapter fifty fucking three, Yeah, fifty three

812
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:31,320
Speaker 1: chapters and this fucking monstrosity, UM, very very unfortunate. So

813
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 1: it ends with the question can we just do some

814
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: like word searches just like yeah, I mean yeah, if

815
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: if you anyone has a word search thing. But like

816
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: the end of this it ends with um. So it

817
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,360
Speaker 1: seems like what I'm gathering from last chapter is that

818
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,880
Speaker 1: it wound up being that, like this Finn guy was

819
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 1: blew the whistle on a drug smuggling operation from some

820
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 1: gang called the Marauders. I don't know. There was apparently

821
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 1: an undercover d E agent that comes into this at

822
00:47:56,440 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 1: some point. So um, they solved the mystery and and

823
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 1: stopped the smuggling of a bunch of opiates into the country. Um,

824
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,479
Speaker 1: and nobody finds out that Barack Obama or Joe Biden

825
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: were involved. At some point, Joe Biden destroys his knee,

826
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:12,640
Speaker 1: because the last chapter opens with him talking about how

827
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 1: they had to reconstruct his his shattered knee, um and

828
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 1: gave him a prescription for ibuprofen since uh, um, you

829
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: know he can't take opiates at the end of this

830
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 1: because it seems like that's the thing they're fighting here. Um.

831
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 1: So this whole book is about a one point four

832
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: million dollar fentnel bust, which is like nothing, which is

833
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: like nothing. Would you even notice it if somebody if

834
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 1: there was, like, oh, there was a million dollar fitnel bust,

835
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 1: it's like fun funk that, Like nobody cares about a

836
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:45,880
Speaker 1: million dollar fitnel bust. Like that's also not that much fentinyl.

837
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,359
Speaker 1: I feel like, I don't know, it's it's not as

838
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: these days, but it just doesn't feel like a whole

839
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: lot if you've got this isn't much fentyl. Yeah, no

840
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 1: it's not. But I mean, I mean, I'm proud of

841
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 1: them regardless, but yeah, it's not it's not a lot.

842
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 1: That's not a lot of family. Yeah, that's not a

843
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 1: lot of final Um, Okay, so it's just back on

844
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: the amtrack. YadA, YadA, YadA. Barack had once told me

845
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: that at the end of the day, every one of

846
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: us is just part of a long running story. All

847
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: we can try to do is get our paragraph right.

848
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: Whether I would make another run at the highest office

849
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 1: in the land was still up in the air. I

850
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: learned long ago never to say never. Fate is a

851
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 1: strange way of intervening. All I knew for sure is

852
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: that I wasn't done writing my paragraph yet. That's great, Joe, uh, amazing. Okay, well,

853
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: this seems like a pretty lame book. I'm gonna be

854
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 1: honest with you, Daniel. That's okay. You know what we

855
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,800
Speaker 1: we we we we learned a little bit about Mr Shaffer.

856
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: Oh also, I um, I took the liberty of going

857
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 1: to his bio on his website on Andrew Shaffer dot com.

858
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, just to pull, just to pull a couple

859
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,280
Speaker 1: quick quotes that he has listed here about his own work,

860
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 1: just just because, like, you know, my favorite one here,

861
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,479
Speaker 1: and I think it kind of gives us a little

862
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 1: bit of a taste of the kind of author Mr

863
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:07,320
Speaker 1: Shaffer is. If you haven't read his entire book. This

864
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: is from the Hollywood Reporter on his fifty Shames of

865
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 1: Earl Gray. Quote the literary equivalent of a good Saturday

866
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 1: Night Live skit. So that's that's that's good. So Entertainment

867
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 1: Weekly on how to Survive a Shark Nado says every

868
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 1: bit as amusing and straight faced as the film franchise

869
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:32,239
Speaker 1: that sponded. Also very telling. And then and then of

870
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:37,399
Speaker 1: course at the bottom Stephen Colbert just an American, which

871
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: you know he's clearly accepting the dig it himself and

872
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: being like ha ha oh wait, oh wait, I forgot

873
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 1: my favorite one, my favorite one, my favorite one. To

874
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: get you ready. Quote funny Everyone should follow this guy

875
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:58,280
Speaker 1: on Twitter from Nicholas Sparks. That's one of his quotes.

876
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 1: Man funny guy on Twitter said, Nicholas Sparks fantastic. Oh

877
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 1: my god, Okay, well that's um just umm, can you

878
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 1: search how many times the word train is in the book? Um, yes,

879
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 1: I will, I will do that. I want to first though,

880
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: read so we have we have at the end here

881
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: we get like a real Roman, real emotional conversation between

882
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: Joe and Barack. And I'm guessing this is emotionally what

883
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: everything is building for well, actually, there's a lot interesting here,

884
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 1: I grinned. Barack was the most competitive person I've ever known.

885
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 1: It drove him up a wall when somebody suggested playing

886
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 1: a game just for fun. They're playing cards. If there

887
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,240
Speaker 1: wasn't a clear winner and loser, he tended to lose interest.

888
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 1: He lived for elections. He withered an office. Um I

889
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 1: handed him the deck, you shuffle this time. The most

890
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,879
Speaker 1: important people in my life have always been women, Barack said,

891
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 1: dealing the cards. My grandmother, my mother, Michelle, my daughter's

892
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 1: not saying I haven't had male friends, because I have

893
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: guys that played ball with guys they have beers with.

894
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: But with you, it's different. Once we figured each other out,

895
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,200
Speaker 1: it was like our friendship was on autopilot. It was

896
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 1: so easy for so long that once we left office,

897
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how

898
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 1: to just text another guy without inviting him over to

899
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 1: shoot hoops. I didn't know how to call you just

900
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 1: to talk, even though that's why I want. I wanted

901
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do, I didn't know, and I'm sorry, Joe.

902
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: I looked at the cards he dealt me. It was

903
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 1: a crap hand I'm sorry too, I said, you didn't

904
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: do anything. Jealousy is an ugly sin. You're allowed to

905
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: have other friends. I drew a new card. As long

906
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: as I'm your best friend, aren't we too old to

907
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: have best friends? Maybe he was right, Maybe I was

908
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: being silly. I'm too old to be jumping out of airplanes.

909
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm I guess they must have jumped out of an

910
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 1: airplane at some point in the book. I told him,

911
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,760
Speaker 1: I think it'd be nice to just go golfing sometimes.

912
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 1: You said something just a minute ago. Barack remarked, you

913
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: called us brothers. Again. I didn't mean anything by it,

914
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: I said. Barack wasn't having a having any of it.

915
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: Don't be bashful, Joe. As far as I'm concerned, we

916
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 1: never stopped being brothers, he said, holding out a fist.

917
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: I punched him with too much forced but it was

918
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: the best fist bump we'd ever had. Watch the knuckles there, Joe,

919
00:52:56,280 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 1: he said, shaking out his hand. Wow, Barack Obama, watch

920
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: the knuckles there, Joe, Watch the knuckles. Oh no, this

921
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: gets very clearly sexual. Say I've got another light bulb

922
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 1: that needs to be changed in the upstairs bathroom. I'm

923
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: in no shape to stand on a chair right now,

924
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,280
Speaker 1: and you're putting me to work, he asked. You're taller,

925
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,919
Speaker 1: you've got longer arms. I'll do it, he said, rising

926
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,720
Speaker 1: from the couch. Thanks, I said, bulbs on the counter.

927
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 1: Barack mounted the stairs. A few seconds later he called

928
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 1: out to me, Hey, Joe, Yeah, I shouted, Why does

929
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,320
Speaker 1: your dartboard have Bradley Cooper's pictures on it? It's not important,

930
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 1: I said, not anymore. Goddamn it. That's weird. That's so weird.

931
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 1: In the in the beginning of the book, Joe Biden

932
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 1: was jealous that Bradley Cooper was hanging out with Barack

933
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,600
Speaker 1: Obama and Barack wasn't calling him, so he was he

934
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 1: had like pictures of Bradley Cooper from a magazine that

935
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 1: he was throwing darts at because this book is profoundly

936
00:53:55,800 --> 00:54:01,360
Speaker 1: horny and strange. Uma. He had Jessina stars Born and

937
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna add some Bradley Cooper to this.

938
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 1: For Sophie, there are one hundred and three matches for

939
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: the word train. This book is very trained focused. Okay,

940
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 1: what about railroad? Like, I'm just how many train train

941
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:23,360
Speaker 1: adjacent words are there? Just twelve uses of the word railroad.

942
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: But let's see am track. Thirty five uses of am track,

943
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 1: so Jesus Christ and a lot of uses of amtrack Joe, um,

944
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 1: am track Joe. That's tight because again, all Andrew Shaeffer

945
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 1: knew about Biden is that he rode the train and

946
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 1: I presumably had a bad meat. How many times? How

947
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: many times is there verbiage like woman or she or

948
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 1: girl or lady or any of that nature. Well, this

949
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: is about the lust between two men, Sophie, So I

950
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: don't think we need to be getting you know, getting

951
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: the ladies involved only five uses of the word women. Um.

952
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: Jill Biden to be an after effect, who is willing

953
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:08,799
Speaker 1: to let her husband one use of the word lady.

954
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 1: I think Jill in this is pretty understanding of the

955
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 1: fact that her husband just needs to fly free. And

956
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 1: Barack Obama is Michelle mentioned eleven times? Wow, this isn't

957
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: this is about the manly love. You're totally You're totally right.

958
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: It's also about trains. It's about the mainly love between

959
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: a president and his vice president and also trains. I mean,

960
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: you know, can you make that strain sound effect? Again? Donald,

961
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 1: that was my favorite part of the episode. Thanks. Mm hmmm,

962
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 1: I missed those things. I'm just gonna throw that out there.

963
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 1: I want a wood block train thing. I missed those.

964
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 1: I have to go down to my local railroad and

965
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: tell them that I am a small child, and they

966
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 1: shall say, but sir, you have of a beard and

967
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 1: are of height. I say, but I am still a

968
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,879
Speaker 1: small child. Give me a who who machine and they'll say,

969
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 1: we don't know what that is? Can I order one

970
00:56:09,080 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 1: on the internet? Robert, where do I? Where do I

971
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: get a train? Okay, let's see here, wooden train, not

972
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 1: set whistle boom? Well, oh baby, I can get them

973
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 1: on discount mugs dot com. There you go. Well, I

974
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,960
Speaker 1: am returning this book because it's horrible. Yeah, I get that,

975
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 1: sh out of here quality issues as the reason. Um, yes, so, Danial.

976
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 1: I don't know that we learned much today. I don't learn. No,

977
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,839
Speaker 1: we didn't. We didn't. But we read pieces of a really,

978
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 1: really shamefully bad book. And that's as good as learning something.

979
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: I think I think we we we learned a thing

980
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 1: or two. We learned that Andrew Schaeffer is as funny

981
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 1: as a good snl skit. Yeah, which is by the

982
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:03,359
Speaker 1: way just for references. No goodl is so bad as

983
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 1: to be completely unwatchable um and and toxic to the

984
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 1: human soul. Um good snls gets died out years ago. Daniel,

985
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: is there anything that you would like to plug plug

986
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 1: plug plug? Um? Sure, yeah, I um. I mean you

987
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 1: can follow me on Twitter at DJ Underscore Daniel d

988
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: a n L. I stream on Twitch at the same thing,

989
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,200
Speaker 1: twitch dot tv slash DJ Underscore d a n L.

990
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 1: Work on a bunch of shows. I work on one

991
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: show with these two lovely people called Worst Year Ever.

992
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: Please downloaded and listen right here on the I Heart

993
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 1: Radio network. I work on Fake Doctors, Real Friends, which

994
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 1: is the scrubs rewatch podcast was Zach Graph and Donald Phazon.

995
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: Listen to it. It's a lot of fun and very funny,

996
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: and sometimes I get to speak on that and talk

997
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 1: about video games. Work on the Daily Zike Guys. Listen

998
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:48,800
Speaker 1: to The Daily Zy Guys, the Daily News show here

999
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:50,600
Speaker 1: on this very network. And I work on All's Fair,

1000
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 1: a podcast about the evolution of disillusion starring Laura Wasser

1001
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 1: and produced by Johnny Rereens and Robert Sophie. Thank you

1002
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 1: both so much for having me. Robert and I'm to

1003
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 1: see you're well. I love you both. Thank you you're

1004
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 1: helping me. Ear fuck this book about Barack Obama and

1005
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:18,040
Speaker 1: Joe Biden's lust and also lust for trains. This book

1006
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 1: is baffling to me, like it's it is pretty bad.

1007
00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: I mean, it's I just I just can't believe that

1008
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: the person who wrote it was over the age of sixteen.

1009
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 1: But I mean, that's how it goes. That's how it goes.

1010
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 1: That's just the way it goes. Some things will never

1011
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: change that Barack Obama getting fucked by each other. I

1012
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 1: guess you didn't get that reference that I just did. Um.

1013
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 1: You can follow Robert and I write Okay on Twitter.

1014
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: You can follow this podcast on Twitter and watches live streams.

1015
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: The work he's doing is really important and terrifying. Um,

1016
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:57,480
Speaker 1: that's attention. What's happening in Portland's it's fine times what

1017
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 1: it's not? Sometimes federal agent shoot people. That's no train mystery.

1018
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 1: Come on, guys, focus on what's your pseudo mom. It's

1019
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: terrifying to watch you get hurt and not drinking of

1020
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 1: black You can follow this podcast at Bastard's Pot on Twitter, Instagram.

1021
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 1: We have a chief public store with really cool merch

1022
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 1: and um, that's the way it goes. That's the cookie

1023
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: and it's crumbled. That's the way the raytheon knife missile

1024
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 1: strikes a vehicle driven by a suspected insurgent leader. Hell

1025
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, well bye bye bye m