Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, I wanted to do another mini episode, and
Speaker 1: I'm doing it from a particularly windy day here in
Speaker 1: central Ohio. I just wanted to take a couple of
Speaker 1: minutes and talk a little bit about a few things
Speaker 1: relating to where we are in the middle of this
Speaker 1: whole COVID nineteen coronavirus crisis, if that's what we want
Speaker 1: to call it. And I've got a couple of thoughts
Speaker 1: that I think are useful, and they are somewhat contradictory,
Speaker 1: so bear with me. But the first one is really
Speaker 1: to allow yourself to be where you are and to
Speaker 1: lower your expectations if you need to. There are a
Speaker 1: lot of people I know who seem to be working
Speaker 1: at it about forty to sixty percent of their normal capacity.
Speaker 1: There us really struggling right now, whether it's the anxiety,
Speaker 1: whether it's the fear, whether it's the being cooped up
Speaker 1: at home. It's just we're not ourselves right now and
Speaker 1: the way we are, and so allowing that to be
Speaker 1: the case is really important. If you need some insight
Speaker 1: into self compassion, which is what this is, i'd encourage
Speaker 1: you to listen to our episode with Kristin Neff from
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, because I think it's really important.
Speaker 1: I saw something on Twitter the other day that made
Speaker 1: me laugh, and it's from a mom who wrote on
Speaker 1: Twitter in all caps, if you keep them alive, that
Speaker 1: is sufficient. And I think that's funny because for many
Speaker 1: of us, there are children at home and trying to
Speaker 1: parent them while working full time and all. This is
Speaker 1: really difficult, and we set these super high expectations. We
Speaker 1: see these things online about people who are taking the
Speaker 1: children through a tour of every great museum one day
Speaker 1: per week, you know, virtually, or all kinds of crazy
Speaker 1: stuff for people who are learning, you know, their fifth
Speaker 1: different language in the last two weeks. So some people
Speaker 1: might be thriving in this, but lots and lots of
Speaker 1: people aren't. And I think that we're all struggling in
Speaker 1: different ways. Some people are struggling because they're isolated by themselves.
Speaker 1: Other people are struggling because they're isolated with their many children.
Speaker 1: Some people are struggling because they're sick. Other people have
Speaker 1: economic worries. They've been laid off. There they're a restaurant worker,
Speaker 1: or a massage therapist or a hair stylist, and their
Speaker 1: work is dried up. So there's lots of different challenges
Speaker 1: that are facing us. So again my invitation to you
Speaker 1: is to be a little bit kinder to yourself and
Speaker 1: allow yourself to feel your feelings. Right, what we resist persists.
Speaker 1: But when we give ourselves permission to feel all the
Speaker 1: emotions and we validate that what we're feeling makes sense,
Speaker 1: emotions dissipate faster and we're able to work with them.
Speaker 1: And so perhaps something that you might do that might
Speaker 1: help you cope with some of what you're facing, perhaps
Speaker 1: is to just write each day for five to ten
Speaker 1: minutes in free form. This is just a suggestion, not
Speaker 1: something to add to your to do list. And so
Speaker 1: from that, I want to pivot to a slightly longer
Speaker 1: term view of all this, and I want to think
Speaker 1: about the idea of post traumatic growth. So Victor Frankel
Speaker 1: has a couple of quotes that I love. One says,
Speaker 1: when we're no longer able to change the situation, we
Speaker 1: are challenged to change ourselves, and that is certainly the case.
Speaker 1: And then the other thing he says that in some
Speaker 1: ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it
Speaker 1: finds a meaning. So I want to be sensitive here
Speaker 1: and not turn this into like some global growth opportunity,
Speaker 1: because for some people, the suffering is very very real. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I don't want to minimize that, but we know
Speaker 1: that adversity is often a chance for us to become
Speaker 1: better people, for us to grow, and most traumatic growth
Speaker 1: is a real thing. And the interesting thing, one of
Speaker 1: the key factors that allows us to turn this adversity
Speaker 1: into something better is the extent to which we fully
Speaker 1: explore our thoughts and feelings surrounding the event. So this
Speaker 1: ties back to what I was just saying, as part
Speaker 1: of not just coping with this, but growing from this
Speaker 1: is really allowing ourselves to explore our thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 1: And so again this goes back to this idea of
Speaker 1: writing about a topic that triggers strong emotions. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of research that shows that writing about strong emotions
Speaker 1: for fifteen to twenty minutes a day has been shown
Speaker 1: to help people create meaning from stressful experiences and better
Speaker 1: express both their positive and negative emotions. So the next
Speaker 1: thing I want to add to this is just I
Speaker 1: want to briefly talk about the seven areas of growth
Speaker 1: that have been studied. The spring from adversity. And this
Speaker 1: is again sort of as a hopeful message that hey,
Speaker 1: we've got a chance to grow from this also, right,
Speaker 1: And those areas are greater appreciation of life, a greater
Speaker 1: appreciation and strengthening of our close relationships, increase compassion and altruism,
Speaker 1: identification of new possibilities or a new purpose in life,
Speaker 1: greater awareness and utilization of personal strengths, enhanced spiritual development
Speaker 1: and creative growth. And again, so these are the sort
Speaker 1: of things that can come from us weathering difficult times.
Speaker 1: And so I say all that too. Again, not turn
Speaker 1: the great suffering of some people into growth experiences for
Speaker 1: other people, right, But the reality is that yes, difficult
Speaker 1: times can bring about growth. And so we can spend
Speaker 1: all of our time only thinking about, all right, how
Speaker 1: do I cope with this awful time? How do I
Speaker 1: get through it? But we can also think about how
Speaker 1: might we be growing from this? And how can we
Speaker 1: grow from this? I don't think that's premature insensitive to
Speaker 1: at least start to orient towards that in some ways.
Speaker 1: The last thing that I want to talk about is
Speaker 1: if there's anything that I think is important for us
Speaker 1: in this time right now, it's our routine, routine, routine, routine, structure, structure, structure, right,
Speaker 1: because we've lost all the external routines for most of us,
Speaker 1: and so I want us to think about routine and
Speaker 1: really structure in the sense of being something that supports us.
Speaker 1: We can think of structure is something that confines us.
Speaker 1: Often we think that way will structure it's confining. But
Speaker 1: let's think of structure in the way that we use it.
Speaker 1: In a building. We lay a foundation. In a building,
Speaker 1: we put up structural beams and buildings, and the reason
Speaker 1: we do that is to keep the building from collapsing
Speaker 1: so that it supports the weight of the things that
Speaker 1: we put in the building. And right now are structure
Speaker 1: or can be the thing that supports our weight and
Speaker 1: keeps us from collapsing and keeps things from falling apart.
Speaker 1: And so creating structure is so important. And what I
Speaker 1: want to do is talk about four key areas that
Speaker 1: I think we need structure in life right now. We
Speaker 1: can certainly do more than this, but if we keep
Speaker 1: it at its basics, here are the sort of structures
Speaker 1: that I think are really critical. What time we wake up,
Speaker 1: If we can get consistent about waking up at a
Speaker 1: consistent time. What time during the day are we working
Speaker 1: or doing productivity things? So if we're not working, maybe
Speaker 1: we're learning in a new skill, or we're taking on
Speaker 1: a new project, or we're doing something, but what are
Speaker 1: our work hours or productivity hours? Blocking those out thinking
Speaker 1: about what those are and sticking to them. What is
Speaker 1: our time for health and self care? When are we
Speaker 1: going to exercise? Do we meditate? Do we eat healthy foods?
Speaker 1: When are we eating those? How do we orient around that?
Speaker 1: And then finally, what time do we get to bed?
Speaker 1: And again, if your structures have disappeared for you, the
Speaker 1: ones that the external world provided, it's really important to
Speaker 1: provide these for ourselves. I see this over and over
Speaker 1: again in the coaching work that I do, that people
Speaker 1: who lose external structure really struggle. So I've worked with
Speaker 1: a lot of people who have gotten to the point
Speaker 1: where they finally are able to leave a job and
Speaker 1: pursue a passion project. They're able to leave work and
Speaker 1: start their own business, They're able to leave work and
Speaker 1: get a leave of absence to write a book, all
Speaker 1: different kinds of things, and I see these people struggle mightily,
Speaker 1: And it's because when that external structure goes away. Everything collapses.
Speaker 1: We don't get up at the same time, which means
Speaker 1: since we don't have to get up at any time,
Speaker 1: we don't have to go to bed at any time.
Speaker 1: So why not watch another episode of this and well,
Speaker 1: I might work on this. I can work on that later.
Speaker 1: There's no reason to do it this morning. I've got
Speaker 1: all afternoon. It just all falls apart. So creating these
Speaker 1: struck yours for ourselves, deciding what time we're going to
Speaker 1: do things right. A key piece of structure is specificity
Speaker 1: when am I going to do something. The science is
Speaker 1: unequivocal that when we decide when we're going to do something,
Speaker 1: we are way more likely to do it. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to exercise today at ten am is way better
Speaker 1: than I'm going to exercise sometime today. It's just if
Speaker 1: we pick a time, we are way more likely to
Speaker 1: do it. So pick times for when you're gonna get up,
Speaker 1: pick times for your work or productivity hours, pick times
Speaker 1: for your health and self care, and pick times for
Speaker 1: bed and do your best to stick to them. And
Speaker 1: if you don't stick to them one day, don't write
Speaker 1: it off. Don't say oh, I can't do this. Just
Speaker 1: do your best the next day, keep coming back to
Speaker 1: your structure and follow it as much as you can,
Speaker 1: and it really will help support during these times. So, um,
Speaker 1: those are my messages if you're looking for help with
Speaker 1: any of these things. I am offering discounted coaching on
Speaker 1: both the Personal Transformation Program as well as the Spiritual
Speaker 1: Habits Program and they're both uh, really good fits for
Speaker 1: these times. And access to everything we're doing is that
Speaker 1: when you feed dot net slash help and the group
Speaker 1: coaching call, the free group coaching call on Wednesday is
Speaker 1: turning out to be a really great thing. I'm getting
Speaker 1: some people coming back week after week and we're talking
Speaker 1: about these issues of structure. We're talking about issues of
Speaker 1: how we deal with people being in close contact with people,
Speaker 1: how we deal with working from home, all these different
Speaker 1: issues and so it's, uh, it's turned out to be
Speaker 1: a really fun call each week and details on how
Speaker 1: to access it or at one you feed dot net
Speaker 1: slash help. I wish you the best during this time.
Speaker 1: I wish you skills and getting through it, and I
Speaker 1: wish you the opportunity to perhaps grow through this. Also,
Speaker 1: see if you can put one eye on your growth
Speaker 1: as you put one eye on your survival and stay
Speaker 1: well and be safe, and thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 1: Bye but a swool