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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, this is Dr Joy from the Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girl's podcast, and this it's a booster session. As

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Speaker 1: a reminder, the information included is meant to be educational

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Speaker 1: and entertaining, but it's not a substitute for a relationship

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Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Y y'all. So today

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Speaker 1: I wanted to try something a little new with the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm introducing what I am calling booster sessions. So in therapy,

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Speaker 1: sometimes we will have a client who we've worked with

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Speaker 1: for a long time. UM, We've done a lot of

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Speaker 1: work around a particular issue whatever brought them into therapy,

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Speaker 1: and then maybe they will come back a year or

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Speaker 1: so later, UM with questions or needs specific feedback about

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Speaker 1: a new issue that has come up. And we typically

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Speaker 1: call those booster sessions. UM. So, the way I'm going

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Speaker 1: to use our booster sessions is for things that I

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Speaker 1: just cannot win to talk with you about. UM. So,

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Speaker 1: anybody who has been following the podcast for a while

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Speaker 1: knows that we did episode twelve all about what it

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Speaker 1: would look like if Molly went to therapy. I was

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Speaker 1: joined by guest therapist Esther Boykin. And if you have

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Speaker 1: not watched the new season premiere of Insecure on HBO.

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Speaker 1: Then I suggest you stopped playing the podcast right now

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Speaker 1: because this episode will contain spoilers. Um So, Episode twelve

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Speaker 1: of our podcast was all about what it would look

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Speaker 1: like if Molly went to therapy, and so as you

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Speaker 1: saw on the season premiere of Insecure, Molly is actually

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Speaker 1: in therapy now. Um So it looks like she has

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Speaker 1: actually gone through a couple of therapists who she didn't

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Speaker 1: quite fit with, um but has now started working with

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Speaker 1: a black woman therapist. Um So, I'm very excited to

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Speaker 1: see how that will unfold throughout the season, and just

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Speaker 1: super excited that they actually are showing that on Insecure.

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Speaker 1: I think that that makes a big difference and really

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Speaker 1: helps people to further understand that therapy doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: be this really, really scary thing. So we probably will

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Speaker 1: talk more about that at some point as the season unfolds,

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Speaker 1: But today, what I really wanted to focus on is

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Speaker 1: sex with the X. Okay, so I am sure if

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Speaker 1: you're like me, your jaw hit the floor in that

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Speaker 1: final scene of the of the season premiere when Lawrence

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Speaker 1: and Issa actually ended up having sex together again. So

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Speaker 1: sex with the X can be a very sticky situation,

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Speaker 1: and I just want to um call our attention to

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Speaker 1: a couple of different things. So, no matter who ended

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Speaker 1: the relationship or the reason for the breakup, if there

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Speaker 1: was chemistry, then that chemistry doesn't just disappear after the breakup, right.

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Speaker 1: There's likely a lot of emotion involved for both parties, again,

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Speaker 1: no matter who did the breaking up, And sometimes rather

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Speaker 1: than actually deal with these like really powerful emotions and

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Speaker 1: things that have been unsaid and unaddressed, we don't want

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Speaker 1: to deal with the hard stuff, so we tend to

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Speaker 1: go for what is easy and familiar in fun, which

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Speaker 1: is typically sex. So the first thing I want to

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Speaker 1: remember about sex with the X is that it typically

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Speaker 1: does not mean that y'all are getting back together. So

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Speaker 1: it's typically just a way to discharge some of the

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Speaker 1: high level emotions that both of the people are experiencing.

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Speaker 1: So again, it typically is not the sign that this

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Speaker 1: relationship is getting back on track. The second thing I

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Speaker 1: want us to really pay attention to about sex with

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Speaker 1: the X is that sometimes your X will test you

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Speaker 1: by trying to approach you for sex just to see

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Speaker 1: if that door is still open to them. So um,

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Speaker 1: they want to kind of see if you're somebody who

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Speaker 1: they can keep in their back pocket for a while,

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Speaker 1: or if you are somebody who they can just continue

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Speaker 1: to have a sexual relationship with with no further strings attached.

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Speaker 1: And so they probably and may not want to continue

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Speaker 1: in a serious, committed relationship with you, but if you

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Speaker 1: agree to the sex, then they will happily oblige. Right,

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Speaker 1: So sometimes it's really a test to kind of see, Okay,

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Speaker 1: how angry is she or how much um pull do

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Speaker 1: I still have in terms of a sexual relationship with her.

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Speaker 1: So I think a lot of times where we mess

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Speaker 1: up in these situations is that we continue in the

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Speaker 1: sexual relationship without asking any questions. Right, So we sometimes

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Speaker 1: secretly hope that if we're quiet enough and we just

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Speaker 1: put it down just right, that they will just think, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this really was a mistake. Maybe the breakup shouldn't have happened,

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Speaker 1: and we should get back together. And I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that that definitely can't happen, but what I am saying

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Speaker 1: is that you don't want to assume that that's the case.

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Speaker 1: What I want you to do is ask some clarifying questions.

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Speaker 1: So a lot of this gets back to getting what

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Speaker 1: you need and want in relationships and setting firm boundaries

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Speaker 1: in your relationships. And you know that we talked about

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Speaker 1: both of those things and previous episodes of the podcast.

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Speaker 1: So Session eight was all about getting what you need

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Speaker 1: and want in relationships, and Session four teen was all

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Speaker 1: about healthy boundaries and how to keep those in our relationships.

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Speaker 1: So that's it. That's all I have for you for

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Speaker 1: today's booster session. I'd love to know what you think

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Speaker 1: about it. UM curious to see if there are other

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Speaker 1: things that you'd like me to do a quick hit

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Speaker 1: booster session about. UM. Please make sure to share your

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Speaker 1: feedback with me on social media and use the hashtag

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Speaker 1: tb G in session. You can definitely find us over

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Speaker 1: on Twitter at Therapy for the Number four be Girls,

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Speaker 1: and you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls. Talk to you guys soon. Take

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Speaker 1: care