Speaker 1: Call It what it is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Ludington,
Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, we have.
Speaker 3: Another short and sweet for you, very exciting. We have voicemails.
Speaker 1: Oh I love voicemails. I love hearing.
Speaker 3: I love voicemails.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know the call it croup and calling in
Speaker 4: leaving us messages, and we are dedicating this entire episode
Speaker 4: to listening to some of those.
Speaker 3: So let's just get into it. Let's go.
Speaker 5: Hi, Jessica and Camilla. I'm so excited to be talking
Speaker 5: to you, guys, huge, huge fan. My advice seeking is
Speaker 5: about being thirty and a woman and struggling kind of
Speaker 5: for the first time ever with some really severe self
Speaker 5: questioning and self doubt. I have a successful career as
Speaker 5: a college professor, I'm educated, I have a ton of
Speaker 5: friends and a great family, so I've accomplished a lot
Speaker 5: in my adulthood. And I never worried about being single.
Speaker 5: I never worried about checking like societal boxes, about you know,
Speaker 5: being a homeowner, having kids, stuff like that.
Speaker 6: But ever since I.
Speaker 5: Turned thirty, I'm experiencing this like crazy level of self
Speaker 5: doubt for the first time, and it's gotten worse in
Speaker 5: the past couple of months, because I recently took the
Speaker 5: leap of starting.
Speaker 6: My own wedding planning business, which is something I've always
Speaker 6: wanted to do professionally, and as exciting as it is,
Speaker 6: I am just truly terrified and feeling a little bit
Speaker 6: overwhelmed and paralyzed by self doubt. It's scary to take
Speaker 6: a risk on yourself, and I feel like a little
Speaker 6: kid playing dress up. I can't help but wondering, you know,
Speaker 6: if I had a partner, would I feel better?
Speaker 7: Am I the.
Speaker 5: Last single thirty year.
Speaker 6: Old left stuff like that?
Speaker 5: So I guess I'm.
Speaker 6: Just panicking about being thirty and being scared to do
Speaker 6: big things on my own, but also not wanting to
Speaker 6: feel obligated to find a partner and just struggling a
Speaker 6: little bit with that.
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, don't panic. Don't panic.
Speaker 3: Everything you just said sounds so incredible. I was gonna say,
Speaker 3: awesome and exciting. I think you're exactly where you should be.
Speaker 2: It sounds like you are.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what your own personal box is.
Speaker 1: Where my guest is with all of you've accomplished that,
Speaker 1: you've done some thinking about it because you sure have
Speaker 1: achieved a lot, So I would say, you know, to
Speaker 1: really look at all that you've accomplished and feel that,
Speaker 1: feel the power. I mean, again, we get into the
Speaker 1: gratitude piece, right when we're looking at what we do
Speaker 1: have and we express our gratitude for it, it just grows.
Speaker 1: And maybe you just need that to grow and edge
Speaker 1: out the self doubt because self doubt is inevitable, right,
Speaker 1: You're always going to think of it on some level.
Speaker 1: But if it's not serving you, which doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: it is, I think that you can let all that
Speaker 1: you've accomplished sort of again edge out the self doubt
Speaker 1: and focus on that and not on what you don't have.
Speaker 4: I also think there's something weird when you turn thirty
Speaker 4: because when we grew when we were growing up, what
Speaker 4: we were seeing is our parents sort of have it
Speaker 4: being home owners earlier than you in their twenties and
Speaker 4: having the kids and having the husband, and generationally there
Speaker 4: has been and is there is a shift that's happening.
Speaker 4: And so I think that two things are sort of
Speaker 4: butting up against themselves. And that's what we grew up
Speaker 4: thinking we would be doing at thirty, because that's what
Speaker 4: we saw parents do. And now this shift that's happening
Speaker 4: where people are like, hey, I don't need to get
Speaker 4: married in my twenties, I don't need to have kids
Speaker 4: in my twenties.
Speaker 3: Maybe I'll do that in my forties. And that's what happens.
Speaker 4: I feel like on thirtieth birthdays, it's like the generational
Speaker 4: like bumping up against each other. And it sounds to
Speaker 4: me like this should be an amazing birthday. You have
Speaker 4: this incredible career, and you have this new thing that
Speaker 4: you're exploring, and you have the fear with it which
Speaker 4: is going to drive you even more. I think it
Speaker 4: all sounds exciting, and I think that, yeah, let go
Speaker 4: of that self doubt and by the way, to think
Speaker 4: that you're the last single thirty year old left, not
Speaker 4: even close, not even close.
Speaker 2: Not even close.
Speaker 1: And I think that sometimes what I've heard people talk
Speaker 1: about that I was friends with or even in my
Speaker 1: own life, you know it really look at the company
Speaker 1: that you're keeping, like are it can seem like you're
Speaker 1: the only thirty year old single lady out there if
Speaker 1: in your friend group you are, and which case, don't
Speaker 1: get get rid of those friends. Love those friends. Those
Speaker 1: friends are amazing, But you might want to reach out
Speaker 1: to some you know, other ladies who are also single,
Speaker 1: because that's fun and that's going to get you out,
Speaker 1: and that's going to get you thinking about that you're
Speaker 1: not alone A and that B you have you know,
Speaker 1: a wang person to go with you to, you know,
Speaker 1: wherever you want to go to meet people. You know,
Speaker 1: I famously said earlier to the gym or to the
Speaker 1: movie theaters.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the movie there where you love a movie theater friend.
Speaker 4: I also turned thirty, not married.
Speaker 3: Without any children.
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say I just turned thirty
Speaker 1: a little bit ago, and I was like, come on,
Speaker 1: well it was.
Speaker 3: A little bit ago.
Speaker 4: It was a little bit ago, but I was not married,
Speaker 4: I did not have kids, and I felt just fine
Speaker 4: about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think you're I think you're good.
Speaker 6: Good.
Speaker 1: Focus on what you do have and then make sure
Speaker 1: that you've got some friends that are also single so
Speaker 1: that you can experience not feeling alone and going out
Speaker 1: and get into it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, all right.
Speaker 7: Next, hello, ladies, my name is Christopher from Ireland and
Speaker 7: forty five years old, a single gay man, and can
Speaker 7: I just say firstly that I absolutely addore the two
Speaker 7: of you, and I love this podcast. I let all
Speaker 7: the episodes build up for a while and then I
Speaker 7: have a marton.
Speaker 6: My question is.
Speaker 7: I'm, like I said, I'm forty five years old and
Speaker 7: at this stage I'm still lost in life in terms
Speaker 7: of let you know what direction, what my purpose is.
Speaker 7: I'm working in a job that's not my passion, but
Speaker 7: it's paying the way. I'm just wondering, and you give
Speaker 7: me some advice, I would really appreciate it, and keep
Speaker 7: up the good work.
Speaker 3: Love you, Ah, I love you. I love her too.
Speaker 3: I love hearing from you Ireland. My grandma's Irish.
Speaker 4: She's from County Mayo, So a little shout out to
Speaker 4: the Irish peeps listening.
Speaker 1: Do you ever sometimes people, when you hear voices, it's
Speaker 1: just like there's a complete energy and understanding of who
Speaker 1: the person is. Yeah, because I heard like the kindest
Speaker 1: I know, the gentlest soul and curious, and I loved
Speaker 1: the how open the words that he was using and
Speaker 1: how specific he was about something that was obviously very
Speaker 1: non specific. And I just have to say that sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just the energy that your that your voice carries
Speaker 1: with you that actually says so so, so so much.
Speaker 1: So that's a big question. And I guess my first
Speaker 1: response would be, I think you're on your way a
Speaker 1: little bit more than you think you are. I think
Speaker 1: you might have more than you think you do.
Speaker 3: Because he's asking the question in the first place, because
Speaker 3: he's itchy toike. I think because.
Speaker 1: There was something in his voice that was just so
Speaker 1: open and available, and so often that's the toughest part.
Speaker 1: Like sometimes the toughest part is being open to your
Speaker 1: life and sort of that surrender where it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna show up and
Speaker 1: be the best person that I can, and i'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do all the things, and then i'm gonna
Speaker 1: let like I'm gonna I'm gonna let I'm obviously being
Speaker 1: a little bit non specific here. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just felt like, it's such a big question when
Speaker 4: you were in the in this part of your life,
Speaker 4: because this is what I did.
Speaker 3: Did you ever make one of those dream boards? Yes,
Speaker 3: vision boards? The vision boards.
Speaker 4: The vision board really helped me because I was forced
Speaker 4: to put to paper dreamy things that I wanted and
Speaker 4: just really making that decision of what that looked like
Speaker 4: for me, even though I was just sticking a picture
Speaker 4: on a board, help me kind of focus on what
Speaker 4: was going to bring me that joy. And so I
Speaker 4: think it's a little because when you ask a big
Speaker 4: question like that, it encompasses so much.
Speaker 3: And I feel like it might be a good task.
Speaker 3: What's a word for it.
Speaker 4: A good exercise, A good exercise. I think it might
Speaker 4: be a good exercise to literally make your own vision
Speaker 4: board so that you can ask yourself, Okay, I'm in
Speaker 4: this job that I don't like, what do I think
Speaker 4: will bring What do I think I will enjoy doing?
Speaker 4: Where do I want to live? What do I see
Speaker 4: for my future?
Speaker 1: That is such good advice. I mean, that is such
Speaker 1: good advice. And I was struggling with how big the
Speaker 1: question was, but that was such great advice because it's
Speaker 1: asking someone to really think about it and focus and
Speaker 1: put energy into it. Because we all know that when
Speaker 1: you start to put energy into things, there there's a
Speaker 1: return of the energy. And for anyone who's not familiar
Speaker 1: with the vision board, although I think it can mean
Speaker 1: a bunch of different things to different people, it is
Speaker 1: an actual physical board. It can be a whiteboard, it
Speaker 1: can be a corkboard, it can be a big piece
Speaker 1: of paper. I used to do them for my kids
Speaker 1: at the beginning of every school year. Yeah, and we
Speaker 1: would just you you get images of things that you like.
Speaker 1: And it can be anything as like silly as a
Speaker 1: thing you want, you know, like that you really hope
Speaker 1: that you can save enough money to buy a purse.
Speaker 1: Or it can be you know, a picture of a
Speaker 1: beautiful place that you want to go. It can also
Speaker 1: be inspiring phrases or words, things that you need to
Speaker 1: use as a personal monitra. Like if you're really looking
Speaker 1: for purpose, then it can be just that, like purpose,
Speaker 1: like what is my what is my call? What calls
Speaker 1: to me? In terms of like when I wake up
Speaker 1: in the morning, what do I want to do?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 1: It's specific as like do I want to wake up
Speaker 1: at eight am? Or do I want to wake up
Speaker 1: at eleven am for my job? You know, like just
Speaker 1: getting specific, specific about what it is that you want
Speaker 1: to attract. Because that's what the vision board is meant
Speaker 1: to do, is that once you start thinking about things
Speaker 1: and naming them and looking at pictures of representations of them,
Speaker 1: that you are then attracting them. So I think that's awesome, Christopher. Yes,
Speaker 1: what Camilla said, do that. I want a vision board
Speaker 1: and I please, please please send us a.
Speaker 3: Picture of it. Yeah, I love that too.
Speaker 1: That was good.
Speaker 3: Thanks you pulled nowhere. I know it was a big
Speaker 3: question though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was floundering at sea and you were like.
Speaker 3: I got this.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 3: It's the first time I ever felt like I got it.
Speaker 3: Jess always has.
Speaker 4: It and I'm like, yeah, but this time I.
Speaker 3: Was like, yes, it's my turn, shine, hold my cup,
Speaker 3: Hold my cup, I've got a vision board. Everyone shut up.
Speaker 3: I read the book The Secret. I know what I'm
Speaker 3: talking about. That was the one time in fifty episodes
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have that? Was it?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 3: No, I just amazing, it's over. The moment's gone for me.
Speaker 3: I just blew my load on that.
Speaker 1: No, my eyes started like dwelling. I felt I got
Speaker 1: goosebu once.
Speaker 3: I was that'll be the last time that happened us.
Speaker 2: Nope, Okay, Anonymous.
Speaker 5: My girls love the show.
Speaker 8: I'm so I just love listening to it. It's amazing.
Speaker 8: I'm calling because I just am in the phase of life.
Speaker 8: I got married about two years and I'm just in
Speaker 8: the phase of I know I want babies, but not yet,
Speaker 8: and everyone around me is has opinions or whatever, and
Speaker 8: I'm just curious, like, if you have any advice for
Speaker 8: when you're in that in between phase and not feeling.
Speaker 6: Rushed to go to the next phase, but also.
Speaker 8: Sitting in the excitement of what is happening now and
Speaker 8: what's to come, and just some advice for the just
Speaker 8: got married, not.
Speaker 6: Ready to have babies, but no I want babies face.
Speaker 6: So thanks to have a great day.
Speaker 2: I love this question.
Speaker 4: First off, I love that she knows she knows what
Speaker 4: she wants, yes, and that's all that matters.
Speaker 1: I think in that post, well, obviously you're talking about
Speaker 1: before you get married, but I think that after you
Speaker 1: get married, in the dust settles. I think there is
Speaker 1: always that moment where couples sort of have to go
Speaker 1: is a is it a when? Or is it an if?
Speaker 1: Because sometimes that happens, like like if we have babies
Speaker 1: or is it when we're gonna have babies? So I
Speaker 1: feel like, number one, you're halfway there, right, it's a when.
Speaker 1: And then I sort of feel a couple different ways
Speaker 1: about it, which is if you know you're enjoying your
Speaker 1: life right now, and that you've got some stuff to do,
Speaker 1: then do it. Oh my gosh, cause there won't be
Speaker 1: another time like this again. And it's not scarcity. It's
Speaker 1: not like, oh it's going to go away or some
Speaker 1: horrible or some horrible things is going to replace it.
Speaker 1: But you have a unique opportunity to be with your
Speaker 1: person without another piece of your heart being given to
Speaker 1: other little people, and go have some fun and create
Speaker 1: some adventure. That time of your life is so important
Speaker 1: and to recognize that. And again I can hear the
Speaker 1: freedom in your voice. I think that you're not too
Speaker 1: angsty about it. I think you know, and you've got
Speaker 1: that intuition that this is the way I think for you.
Speaker 1: And then I think that there's also the part that's like,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, there's really no good time to have
Speaker 1: a baby, Like it's like it's all gonna it's all
Speaker 1: gonna upend, you know. Like I really felt like personally,
Speaker 1: you know, I Christopher was ready before I was, and
Speaker 1: I was sort of like, oh no, I just have
Speaker 1: to get that one more job, or I have to
Speaker 1: have more financial security, or I have to have you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And for me, it was a lot
Speaker 1: of work stuff. It was like I needed to get
Speaker 1: to a place before I had babies, which probably is
Speaker 1: why Camilla, when you were on the show and you
Speaker 1: were like, I don't have babies, I was like, have
Speaker 1: a baby right now?
Speaker 4: No you literally it's funny because I'm listening and I
Speaker 4: remember you saying to me that's actually no technically, no
Speaker 4: good time. There's no good There's not going to be
Speaker 4: a perfect moment where the stars align. You're like, wait,
Speaker 4: it's all here, but there is a moment when you
Speaker 4: feel more ready.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and you know it. It is apparent. It's
Speaker 1: not a mystery. You know when you're ready. It's a
Speaker 1: little switch that gets slipped and you're like, oh right, yeah.
Speaker 4: As two people that have kids, please enjoy your marriage.
Speaker 4: You're newlywed still it's two years, Like, please enjoy that time.
Speaker 4: And everyone else can just shut up, because you know what,
Speaker 4: I didn't ever look at anybody and think, wow, they've
Speaker 4: done it so perfect, like or people that did look
Speaker 4: like they did it perfect. It wasn't my journey. It
Speaker 4: wasn't my jam and so just everyone always has opinions.
Speaker 4: I love just recently on the recently on the pod,
Speaker 4: and I literally use this last week with my dad
Speaker 4: because he's saying, she says, the suggestion box is closed.
Speaker 4: And I think it's just a nice simple way of
Speaker 4: being like, hey, love that you want us to have
Speaker 4: kids soon. We're going to be on our own time,
Speaker 4: and the suggestion box is closed. We're not taking suggestions
Speaker 4: of timelines in our marriage.
Speaker 1: Why does anybody feel like that's a sandbox that they
Speaker 1: should come play in, Like, no.
Speaker 3: No, you are, no, you do not.
Speaker 1: This is not a democracy within our marriage.
Speaker 4: We are not taking votes.
Speaker 1: And when we should start the family that is a
Speaker 1: very personal decision with my person and we have got
Speaker 1: it covered. Please trust that we've got it covered. And
Speaker 1: if we need help, we will certainly ask or we
Speaker 1: will open our suggestion box.
Speaker 4: I love though, that you just actually use the Our
Speaker 4: marriage is not a sandbox that you get to plan.
Speaker 3: That's so great. Love it love that.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, well, I just love love love these voicemails.
Speaker 1: I got to tell you.
Speaker 4: Keep them coming, keep going at that well, because hearing
Speaker 4: people's voices like you can hear their energy, all the
Speaker 4: things we love hearing from the crew.
Speaker 3: Keep them coming.
Speaker 4: We will make sure to play them on short and sweet,
Speaker 4: and to try and figure all this stuff out.
Speaker 1: Also, please, you know know that we do plan on
Speaker 1: expanding and helping everybody as we talk about all these different,
Speaker 1: very important things. We plan on being able to create
Speaker 1: an environment in which you can, maybe you all can
Speaker 1: start to reach out to each other about things that
Speaker 1: you're going through and if you have topics that are
Speaker 1: you know that you're calling in and being brave enough
Speaker 1: to discuss with us, like there are people out there
Speaker 1: that are going through similar things. And again, the theme
Speaker 1: of all this is you're not alone. So you know
Speaker 1: you've got us for sure on your team, and I'm
Speaker 1: imagining so so so many others. So thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 3: And this is another episode of Short and Sweet. Thank
Speaker 3: you for listening.