WEBVTT - Advice Letters 5 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:06.920 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you may be. 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.039 That's why get sooned into the Vitamin D Podcast and 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:14.680 I am your host, Dawn Day, here to help you 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:18.560 get excited about your life. If you're a returning family member, 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:23.000 welcome back, and if you know a special welcome to you. See. 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:26.240 Vitamin D is a multi vitamin for your mind, your body, 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:29.160 and your soul. The whole reason for this podcast is 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.800 to ensure that you get excited about your life. And 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:34.199 we do that by shedding night. And that means on 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:37.600 the good, the bad, and the indifferent. Because in order 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:39.919 to be our best selves, we have to see our 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:43.159 best selves. And on this podcast, we do this by 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:49.360 having inspirational conversations and covering inspirational insights. Sometimes it's from 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:53.920 our stream of consciousness. Sometimes it's from your favorite celebrities 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:58.600 and everyday people, and sometimes and do something. I've run 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:02.560 a special treat. It's called My Advice Letters, and it's 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:06.120 where I've listeners just like you who need advice on life, 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:10.240 life to be better, life to go beyond, just some 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:15.720 sort of guidance and direction, and listeners right in from 0:01:15.720 --> 0:01:19.840 all various walks of life, in various situations um hoping 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:23.720 to get some light, some type of insight on the situation. 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:25.840 And I do that and I answer it. Now, let 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:27.640 me tell you this right now. I've said it before 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:29.160 him and say it again. So if you knew this 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:33.319 is gonna be a new memo, I'm an aries. That 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.840 means I like to give it to your raw. I 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:39.280 give it to you straight because you gotta think about it. 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.200 The sun doesn't say, oh, step back, I don't want 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.600 to shine too bright. The light is on. You have 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:50.840 to adjust your vision because remember, your attitude dictates your altitude. 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:55.480 How are you going to view this? Okay, So, now 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:59.360 that we've gotten that clearance to have memo without further ado, 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:05.200 let's five ends. It's some vitamin D advice letters. Right 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:13.880 with me and get excited about subject. Partner is cheating 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:18.720 on me. But I need a job, dear non, Hey, 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:20.799 I sa. I'm a thirty seven year old woman living 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:24.000 in San Luis, Obispo. Things in life haven't been great 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:26.440 for about a year now. I lost my job as 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:30.000 a librarian, and since then I've just kind of drift. 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:32.919 I've spent the first couple of months filling out of sorts, 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.280 then spent them of trying to get back in touch 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.880 with myself and my body, and finally I decided my 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:42.080 next venture would be to start a production company. But 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.919 breaking into such a small market with the tight knit 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:48.839 scene has been harder than I initially thought. It's really 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:50.800 kicking my butt and has really had an effect on 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:53.480 my self esteem, almost as much as of an effect 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:56.360 as it has on my wallet. I'm making work, doing 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.880 the uber lifting. Then COVID happened, and just through every 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:03.320 outside of whack, my relationship with my boyfriend has taken 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:06.040 a big hit. We haven't had sex in six months. 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.720 And you know what's even worse, he's shading on me. 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:13.840 Worse than that. I know the check. She's a local 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:17.120 artist and recently came to me about working on a 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:20.360 project with her. Even though pay isn't what I might like, 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:22.639 I don't want to turn down an opportunity to get 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:26.040 a project under my belt. I had initially been interested 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:28.560 in doing educational work, and she reached out in response 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.799 to a Craiglist ad I put up weeks before. We 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.040 run in different circles and I was hesitant to take 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:37.360 on something not really in my field, but I met 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:40.040 her to talk about a project in February, and we've 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:43.400 been in touch sporadically about it since. She recently said 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.080 she wanted to start this upcoming spring, and I was stoked. 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:49.440 That wasn't until I found out in my boyfriend's phone 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:52.400 that I met that he's been texting constantly has the 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.680 same number as the artist. I ran through their messages 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:57.840 one night, and it seems like he's been keeping her 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:01.760 in the dark about our relationship. Dawn, I don't know 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.800 what to do. Do I confront my boyfriend. Do I 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:07.920 reach out to the other woman and possibly lose the opportunity. 0:04:08.240 --> 0:04:10.280 Do I swallow this and just do the thing with 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:13.480 the other woman and address it later. Please, I'll take 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:27.760 any help you could get good. Sometimes you just gotta bread. Um. 0:04:27.880 --> 0:04:30.880 We have a few things going on in here, and 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:35.280 first first, first, we need to understand that we need 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.080 to know what's the temperature check going on with you? 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:39.680 And I love it. You addressed it right early on 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:43.120 in the letter. You said, Hey, Dawn, after everything has 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.440 been moving around, everything's been shifting, you know what I 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:48.600 decided to do. I spent some time trying to get 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.960 in touch with myself, and then you also made sure 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:55.719 to include and my body, which leads on that probably 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:59.680 um explains why you and your boyfriend haven't been intimate 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.080 for several months now. No shape, this is just us unraveling. 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:06.440 And like I said, the en vitamin ded you gotta 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:08.640 know what you're gonna get, and we're here to get 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:12.880 to the bottom up. You are no spring chicken. So 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:14.960 for you to be a woman of a certain age, 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:17.839 to be thirty seven years old, you understand there are 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:21.880 things that certain men need. That's just the fact of 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.560 the matter. But what I love about it is that 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.560 you're not ignorant that that something is going on with you, 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:30.520 and you outlined it here and it's nothing to say 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:32.960 what's wrong. So do I love the fact that you 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.839 went ahead and you did a temperature check? Yes, okay. 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:37.760 I love the fact that when you're doing this self 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.320 evaluation you decide to have a vision. You said, Hey, 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.560 I got this idea to start a production company. But 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:45.680 here's the thing. When we talk about vision, when we 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:48.279 talk about life, when we talk about stepping into our greatness, 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:51.800 we have to get off this whole notion of limiting 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.159 the vision, limiting the life. Remember, the sun doesn't ask 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:58.280 for permission to shine. It isn't a moment where it says, oh, 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:01.039 we're not gonna shine right here, nobody shine. So when 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:03.560 you decide to put a limit on your vision, on 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.080 your light, you see how it has a negative effect 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:07.760 on you because now here here, what this is what 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:11.159 you said? You said, hey, but breaking into such a 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.400 small market with the tight knit scene has been harder 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:16.520 than I initially thought. Well, you're talking about me, and great, 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:19.680 what did you think that it was going to be easy? 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:21.719 And in fact, how did you have a perception of 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:23.400 what you thought it was going to be? And this 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.160 is the first time you've ever done it. You've been walking, 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:30.040 I guess um this let's just say at least thirty 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:32.320 five years of your life you're walking, and how you 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:34.120 walk now is different from when you were walking as 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:35.640 a child because you didn't know how to do it. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:37.640 So when you say, hey, it's harder than what you 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.159 initially thought. You gotta keep going. You know, we just 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.880 had major on the past episode and what he said, 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:45.880 he said, you can't fail if you don't quit. You 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:50.000 gotta keep going. So when the right opportunity comes, boom 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.000 and so it hits okay, So let's keep going here. 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:55.039 So Um, you said, yes, it's really kicking me in 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:57.760 me a butt and had an effect on my self esteem. 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:02.839 Well for your and favors the bold How bad do 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:07.680 you want it? Remember you're asking to grow. We see, 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:10.240 everybody can be in the ordinary bubble, but when we 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.280 talk about being extraordinary, we have to step outside of 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:16.560 that realm. Well, that's gonna take some reaching. That's gonna 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.680 take some being uncomfortable, that's gonna take extra work, that's 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:23.280 gonna take extra time. But it Remember it depends on 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.840 what you want. Hence that's why the first thing I 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.480 wanted to address before we talk about, Hey Dawn, do 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.440 I stay with my man or work with this woman? 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.560 Do I do both of what I do? We need 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:37.400 to do a temperature check on what's going on with you? Okay, 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:41.200 So then you went on to say you said, um, hey, 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.200 all of this has been going on my life. You know, 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.200 the pandemic has happened. It really has taken effect on 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:49.920 my self esteem. And guess what, my relationship has taken 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:53.920 a big hit. Remember what we say or why I'm 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:57.080 saying that. What's the temperature check on you? You've heard 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.000 it constantly. How you do anything is how you'll do everything. 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:03.440 And if you don't have yourself in order, anything that 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.200 is an extension of you can go and disarray. What 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:08.720 do I mean by that? If you are well in 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:12.200 your life bank account, if your asset isn't together, whatever 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:14.320 is an extension of your account, whether it be in 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.800 your love account, whether it being your work account, whether 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:21.040 it being your self esteem account. Guess what, there's a 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:24.440 lack because now the liability becomes you haven't done the 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:27.560 work with yourself. So guess what Now you have your 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:32.600 relationship account taking a hit. But guess what, it's because 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.320 you are trying to get in tune with your body, 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:37.839 which is nothing wrong with that. But that's when I 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.240 have to go back to Lauren Hill. How you gonna 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:44.840 with when you ain't right within? Come again? All right? 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:49.200 So when we talk about understanding self and getting right, 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:54.280 what's going on with you? What's the temperature with you? Remember, 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:58.079 things are an extension of you, So getting right with that? Well, 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:01.319 you're saying, hey, my relationships taking a hit. It's taking 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:04.400 ahead that you haven't had sex with your boyfriend in 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:09.559 six months. Now you're in a situation where the vision 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:12.560 is getting a bit hazy. Because you said Hey, I 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.400 had this idea to start a production company at some point, 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:17.199 fear hitting the way because you said, oh, it's such 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.120 a close knitche scene, and perhaps maybe it may limit 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:23.040 your possibility. But hey, now you've got an olive branch. 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.240 Now this olive branch comes in the form of a 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.640 woman who you later find out is that I met 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:30.240 and your boyfriend's phone, who wants to offer you this 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:33.000 job position. So you said, hey to self, Now here's 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:34.960 the thing that I thought was so interesting. Let's go 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:37.200 back down later in the letter when you asked me, 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:41.040 you said, Hey, Dawn, do I confront my boyfriend? Or 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.720 do I reach out to the woman and possibly lose 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:47.080 this opportunity? Do I swallow this and just do the 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:49.719 thing with the other woman and address it later. Are 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:55.680 you willing to put yourself on the back burner? Huh? 0:09:55.880 --> 0:10:00.840 Are you willing to say self? Because how you're gonna 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:03.280 win if you ain't right with it. You're putting yourself 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:06.160 on the back burner about what serves you. Because remember, 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.920 if it's not adding, it's subtracting. If it's not a deposit, 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:12.520 it's a liability in your account. And what this is 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.600 about is about the balance but guess what. The only 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:17.520 way to understand the balance of it is for you 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:20.839 to be honest with yourself. You have to ask yourself this, 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:26.920 do you know who you are? Has this relationship been over? 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:30.560 But more importantly, how grown do you want to be? 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:33.880 How grown do you want to handle this situation? Are 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:35.959 you at a level of communication that you're going to 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:39.439 communicate with your boyfriend and say, hey, this is what's 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:41.760 going on, because you're going to be an angst. You're 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:43.959 gonna be looking over your shoulder if you feel any 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:48.480 amount of jealousy or you're feeling type of anguish. It's 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.120 going to affect in the work. Now. The one thing 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.679 I can say that not that I appreciate, but one 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:55.520 thing that says on a high note when looking at 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:58.360 this other woman is that she's completely oblivious to it. 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:00.920 So I'm sure that there's no man listen on her end, 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.079 But it doesn't stop the fact that when you see her, 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:05.080 are you thinking about what she with your man the 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.400 last night before? Are you gonna be thinking about every 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.760 time she's checking the phone that it could be your boyfriend. 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.480 That's not a peace of mind. And remember everything's an 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:17.520 extension of you. How you're gonna win if you ain't 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:22.120 right within. At what point are you going to be honest? 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:26.280 And only you know the answer to that is he 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:30.400 where you want to be? Now? One thing I did highlight, 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.720 as I noticed in the letter, is that you said 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:37.679 the pay isn't what I might like, so meaning there's 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.160 more in abundance. Do you want to be in a 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:42.960 situation where you're going to be frustrating? You can't think 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.600 right now? Remember you're getting to the heart of the matter, 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:47.400 and you have to understand that you have to get 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.880 to yourself now. Is it's going to be a matter 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.040 of you having to remove yourself from one situation or 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:57.320 the other in both only you know that. But what 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.280 it sounds like is that in this relationship you're not 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:03.880 able to give your boyfriend what it needs, and you 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.480 have to think about it. It's gonna take confidence, it's 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.640 gonna take guts for you to go after your dream 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:11.319 to do this production company. You need your self esteem 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:13.439 to free pristine. So if you already have a lack 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.040 of self esteem because you got shifted in your job 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:18.640 and no longer the librarian, when you decided to get 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:20.679 your hustle on, you start to do the uber lifting. 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.839 There's a pandemic. Now you can see that it's such 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.000 an effect that you can't even have sexual relations with 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.120 your boyfriend. How do you expect to go out in 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:28.959 the world to see a vision or to execute a 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.120 vision that only you can see? And you're gonna have 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.880 so many naysayers telling you know, you better check yourself 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.439 before you wreck yourself, because how you're gonna win if 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.400 you ain't right within. You gotta make sure you show 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:43.240 up for yourself. So when you say, hey, don what 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.000 do I do? You need to address the situation at 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.720 home because right now your home is not in order. 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:50.880 Your home is not in order because your home is 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.320 where your heart is, and it's your heart. What your boyfriend, Well, 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.680 you gotta tell me that are you gonna have enough 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.600 confidence to step out on your own to create your 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:04.440 production company and put one ft after the other right now? Honestly, 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.120 I think that you need to address to your boyfriend 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:12.319 and tell him that you're aware of what's going on. See, 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.240 if this is something that you want to bring to 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:20.040 your possibility employer, you're gonna have to discern that if 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:23.280 you find that it's having an effect on you dissolve 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.480 it all. Start from square one, because remember, when you're 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.160 already down, at least you can look up. You can 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:29.920 get up, and that's what you're gonna propel from there. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.040 But you need to get self in order. You gotta 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:33.719 love on yourself, you, and you gotta do it right, 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.440 because I know that if I were you and I 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.480 was working with somebody that was messing with my man, 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:43.080 I'll be singing, Nivya, don't mess with my man. Um 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:49.680 just saying, okay, I hope that was helpful. Because here, 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:52.680 here's another thing. Even if this situation and you decide 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.120 to leave this relationship, even if you go on to 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:59.520 another relationship, because remember, every relationship is about communication. You're 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.640 unable to even have a communication relationship with yourself to 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.719 understand a step into your sexy that's probably preventing your 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.240 relationship with your boyfriend. Who's to say when you go 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:10.840 onto the next relationship that that's gonna prosper. Then are 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.400 you gonna be in the same situation because you can't 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:17.800 get down with him? Come on, I'm just saying, is 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:19.920 this is gonna be the same situation? Is this going 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:23.920 to be on the repeat? All right? Thank you for writing, 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.360 and I appreciate your honesty and willing to show up 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:32.760 to do the work. Okay, all right, next letter subject 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.920 long distance with a guy. I have a great physical 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:40.120 chemistry with living with a guy. I have good emotional 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:46.120 chemistry with Okay, Um, Dear Dawn, Okay. So I don't 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.840 think I'm a bad person and deep down, but I 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.760 feel like one right now. I would really appreciate your advice. 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:55.880 So I've got two boyfriends. I know, I know. It 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.880 started out as a thing two years ago when my 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:03.560 at home boyfriend friend a h b F it's a 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:06.320 good break. I went home to the East Coast to 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.320 get a handle on myself emotionally, and while I was there, 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.800 I had a fling with this guy. We had and 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:16.920 have really good chemistry, but he's not particularly focused on 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:20.200 anything and just kind of drifts through life. He has 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.880 the benefit of a trust fund. But that's another letter. 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:26.120 But the sex is great. It was nice and I 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:28.960 could have seen myself ending up in some sort of thing, 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.000 but I ended up making up with my at home 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:35.560 boyfriend a h BF and came back to l A. 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.280 But every time I would go back, two or three 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.840 times a year, I will see this guy, and eventually 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.400 it spiraled into this thing where I had kind of 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:48.440 had two boyfriends, at home boyfriend and now long distance 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:54.520 boyfriend l d BF. What throws me is that l 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:58.880 d BF long distance boyfriend, has known about the situation 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.960 since the beginning. It has been absolutely cool with it 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.680 up until recently. Now he's claiming that he wants me 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:09.600 to move back and to choose him. And then there's 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:14.720 my at home boyfriend, you know, the a h BF. 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:18.240 He's super sweet. We just get along really well, like 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.440 I actually like him, not just love him, and I 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.560 know if we weren't together, we'd be best friends. But 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.040 also we've been together six years, and while we both 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.280 don't believe in marriage, we kind of have lost the passion. 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:37.920 So yeah, ldbfs long distant boyfriends offer sounds tempting, and 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:39.920 I kind of wish I could be with both of them, 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.280 but I don't see how I could do that. Should 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:45.960 I tell my at homeboyfriend? UM? Should I cut things 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:48.960 off with my long distance boyfriend? Should I even be 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.480 in a relationship right now? If I can't settle on 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:56.240 one person? Girl, girl, I can feel in UM reading 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.240 this letter, I can feel what you're feeling I can. 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:01.880 I can feel the the stress and the tension of 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:06.080 what's going on. Here's something that stood out and I 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.160 received it at the end of like going through this letter. 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:10.040 You know I'm going to I got my highlighter out 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:11.720 of my pen. I'm just making notes on things I 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.680 want to make sure I circle back. And I thought 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:15.240 I was gonna start from the aid, but I'm gonna 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:22.560 start right at the very end. You say, should I 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.359 even be in a relationship right now? If I can't 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:36.560 settle on one person, settle no relationship. It's something that 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:40.159 you just settle on. What you need to settle on 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:43.080 is that you have to figure out what it is 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:46.840 that you want and further discern do you have the 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:50.800 capacity to give what is that you wish to receive? 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:54.040 Because remember this is an energy source. Remember this is 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:57.160 a year and a yang. Remember when two becomes one. 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:02.920 Remember this is an exchange. Remember that's what the relationship 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:10.200 is about. Okay, So here's the thing one adjusting your 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.520 mindset because I don't know why this is a situation 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.680 of suddenly, because it sounds like which everyone you're gonna choose, 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:19.800 You're probably not gonna be happy. So what I think 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.880 you need to start at first and foremost you need 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:24.640 to figure out what you want or what you're looking 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:28.760 for in a relationship, Like what's important to you? Um, 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:32.920 that's what you truly have to ask yourself. Now. One 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.000 thing that I say that stood out to me when 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:38.399 we're looking at a h BF you're at home boyfriend, 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:41.560 is that you said, not only do you love him, 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:45.160 but you actually genuinely like him. And I think that's 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:49.040 important because you're here. Oftentimes people say it takes more 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:53.640 than love to help sustain and help a relationship thrive, 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.080 because you have to figure out, you know, what are 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:57.879 the things that you're gonna put up with? How are 0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:00.679 you going to be courteous? Um? Do you like or 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:05.439 enjoy being around them? Now? Would alarm me on the 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:09.399 same token about your at home boyfriend is that you 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:13.840 haven't communicated with him. And what disturbs me most of 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:17.600 all is that, Um, you said that if you weren't together, 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:21.840 you'd be best friends. What kind of friendship is that? 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:25.280 You said, he's super sweet, you said we just get 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:28.480 along really well. You said I actually like him, not 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.159 just love him. Not only do you need to be 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.119 honest with him, but you need to be honest with 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:39.480 yourself and really understand the words that you are using, 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:45.080 the descriptures that you are using. Um because life is 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:47.479 a journey. What happens when you fall, you get up, 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.359 You get a wounded has to heal. Here in your situation, 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:53.679 you said, hey, whether or not it's quote unquote a 0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:57.160 marriage for when he's sacril official or religious purpose sake, 0:19:57.200 --> 0:20:00.919 you have a union of you two together. And you 0:20:00.960 --> 0:20:03.840 said you lost the passion, So when does it comment 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:06.280 that you do the work to help ignite it, to 0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:09.480 help find it? Because remember, how you do anything is 0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:11.959 how you do everything. So what you're gonna go on 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:15.919 this whole lie that you're living, what do you want? Now? 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:18.280 I'm not gonna completely fault you for dipping in two 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:21.720 flavors of the kool aid because you're confused. But what's 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:24.119 unfair and where do I fault you at, is that 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:26.600 you're not giving your at home boyfriend that you've been 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:30.360 with the past six years the choice to decide if 0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:34.679 he wants to be there. Why again, I'm gonna give 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:37.840 it to you raw because it sounds like you're selfish. 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:40.359 You're just thinking about what it is that you want 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:42.520 when you wanted to leave and you wanted to get 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:44.639 some time to breathe. You went back home so you 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:47.600 could emotionally get together, and you kind of realize that 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:50.240 when you're saying, oh, I'm gonna go back home, what 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:53.439 are you adding to the union? Remember, it's not a 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:56.160 situation where you want to come with something is lacking. 0:20:57.080 --> 0:21:00.760 You don't come half full. You I'm fool, so that 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.320 you're you're to come together so that it's an overflow. 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:07.560 And what we talk about depositing and liability, you're automatically 0:21:07.560 --> 0:21:10.960 trying to take from its account because you aren't showing 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:13.639 a fool is your best self. You aren't showing enough 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:15.840 fools who know what it is that you want. And 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:17.600 it's not that it's wrong. It just comes to a 0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:19.320 point that you're gonna have to take some time to 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:22.960 do your work for yourself. Do you understand what I'm saying. 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:26.720 If this is your best friend, be honest. If this 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:29.600 is a situation of where you're talking about igniting, you're 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:31.639 gonna have to find it back because how you do 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:34.280 anything is how you do everything. If you can't be 0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:37.240 honest in this situation of you saying somebody that you like, 0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:39.879 what is gonna happen when when it's the new job. 0:21:40.240 --> 0:21:42.360 What's gonna happen when it comes down to your children, 0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:44.719 what's gonna happen when it comes down to your work ethic? 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:50.040