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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome. Hello and welcome. This is the Ron

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Speaker 1: Burgundy Podcast. My name is Ron. My name is Ron.

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Speaker 1: This is an episode. I'm going to sing the entire episode.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to sing. If you don't like my singing,

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Speaker 1: then I suggest you turn this off. I will be

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Speaker 1: singing for a long long time. I will not stop.

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Speaker 1: I will not stop. Here with me is my co

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Speaker 1: host and friend, Carolina. Oh Cara Lina. What a wonderful

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Speaker 1: name to sing, Carol Lina, Oh Carolina, Carolina to lord

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Speaker 1: rue Carolina, how are you? I'm I'm fine. Oh please

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Speaker 1: sing it. It's fun to sing it. You really must,

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Speaker 1: I insist. So, Carolina, how are you? I'm not I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to sing, Yes you are. No, I'm not

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Speaker 1: feeling like singing today. So every day is a sing

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Speaker 1: song day? What are you talking about now? Sing? Run?

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Speaker 1: I'm serious. I don't. I just don't want to sing.

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Speaker 1: Can I just I understand? But what about just one word? Okay? No?

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Speaker 1: Didn't that feel just wonderful? So blunderful and wonderful. No,

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Speaker 1: I didn't hear you. You didn't sing your answers, so

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Speaker 1: I didn't even hear you. I said, no. It's like

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Speaker 1: we're in a Broadway musical. It's a musical. We're in

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Speaker 1: a musical. Wouldn't you say no? I would not? You

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Speaker 1: sing so well, it's like a dream come true. Stop.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to sing, but you're doing it and

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Speaker 1: it's fun. You have to admit it. You're singing and

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Speaker 1: it's fun. And now you can't stop. I can't stop,

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Speaker 1: and I will stop because I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: singing at all. This is the last time you will

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Speaker 1: hear me singing. What about Now? I'm done singing? And

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Speaker 1: that was fun, But I think we need to get

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Speaker 1: on with today's show without singing. What's today's show about?

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Speaker 1: You said you wanted to talk about joy, how to

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Speaker 1: feel joyful? Please just sing what you just said. I

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Speaker 1: won't ask again, I promise, Okay, Um, you said you

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk about joy. That is the true subject

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Speaker 1: of the show is joy. It's an emotion that we

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Speaker 1: all feel, but we never seem to get enough. Because no,

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Speaker 1: we never seem to get enough, maybe because we are

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Speaker 1: living in joyless times. Right run, If you could sing

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Speaker 1: what you say, you would find a brand new day.

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Speaker 1: Singing songs fill the heart. It's the way each day

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Speaker 1: should start. When you sing, you clear the air, so

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Speaker 1: there's nothing dirty there. Ask any little girl or boy.

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Speaker 1: Singing brings the greatest joy. Wow, you actually sang a

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Speaker 1: song one that I could sing along. Maybe I'll try

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Speaker 1: singing to singing harmony under you. We shall sing a

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Speaker 1: song together like two birds and sunny weather or shoes

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Speaker 1: shall be heard on high perfect harmony. When we try

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Speaker 1: too as one and one as two, the sound we

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Speaker 1: make is something new. The song is sung without a

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Speaker 1: hitch together. We have perfect bitch um. That was awful.

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Speaker 1: We we sounded awful, so hideous, a little fun though, right,

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Speaker 1: you know what. I never really admit this, but yeah

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Speaker 1: I was. I'm in a better mood. And that's what

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Speaker 1: singing is for. Okay, Okay, singing is done. And for

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Speaker 1: those of you just tuning in, today's show is about joy. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Ron And I've told you this for two years. People

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Speaker 1: don't tune into podcasts. We're not on the radio, we're

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Speaker 1: not live to set. I'll be honest with you. It's

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Speaker 1: a tough concept for me to get my head around

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Speaker 1: what you just explained, the podcast concept that there's not

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Speaker 1: and that's that's one of many modern things in media

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Speaker 1: that I'm just really having trouble getting a grasp of,

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Speaker 1: Like the Peacock Network, I mean, what is that? Or

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Speaker 1: HBO Max Strange, You're right, the paramount network. Don't CBS

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Speaker 1: all access? I mean, what's going on here? Has everyone

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Speaker 1: gone crazy? I mean I had access to CBS for

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Speaker 1: fifty years. We had a deal. They gave me football,

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Speaker 1: and I bought sampson I luggage. They gave me all

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Speaker 1: in the family and I bought wheat things because Sandy

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Speaker 1: Duncan told me to. That was our deal. Now CBS

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Speaker 1: says no deal, and you have to belong to a

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Speaker 1: gated community to even watch our shows. Sometimes the world

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Speaker 1: feels like a mayor to go around spinning in a

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Speaker 1: tornado that's ripping through a Walmart, cheap shoes and TV

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Speaker 1: sets and buckets of paint flying everywhere while I'm holding

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Speaker 1: onto my horsey for dear life. I know, Ron, it

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Speaker 1: does actually feel like that. But let's try, and we'll

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Speaker 1: just slow down a little and um just concentrate on

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Speaker 1: today's show. I mean, there just seems like a bunch

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Speaker 1: of superfluous stuff. Yeah, there's a lot, a lot of

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Speaker 1: what do you say, content? Yeah, it's a content rich

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Speaker 1: environment right now we live in there's a lot to

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Speaker 1: look at wealth. Carolina, thank you for the steadying kind words.

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Speaker 1: You're always the rock in the stormy waters of my brain.

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Speaker 1: The concept of joy? What is joy? By the way,

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Speaker 1: speaking of joy, are you familiar with that book The

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Speaker 1: Joy of Sex? I've heard of it. Those drawings, Oh man, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's there's back in my day that was naked people

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Speaker 1: doing things to each other. Oh boy. Anyway, concept of joy? So,

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Speaker 1: the big question that academicians have been pondering for millenniums

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Speaker 1: is what is joy? Is joy a person? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've known some joys that have given me great joy.

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Speaker 1: Joy Carrol comes to mind. She was a lounge singer

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Speaker 1: that I had a fling with. Fifteen years later, I

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Speaker 1: hooked up with a professional woman named Carol Joy. How

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Speaker 1: about that joy? Carrol and Carol Joy bookends. No, the

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Speaker 1: kind of joy I'm talking about is not a person,

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Speaker 1: even though both those joys gave me great joy below

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Speaker 1: my belt. Yeah, and Nick, that'd be great if you

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Speaker 1: could put a rim shot in there. Maybe we'll talk

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Speaker 1: about it, right, I mean, in fact, let me redo

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Speaker 1: the line. And Nick, you just lay in a rim shot.

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Speaker 1: That's how good? Sure? Okay, h even though both joys

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Speaker 1: gave me great joy below the belt. Yes, all right,

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Speaker 1: people tuning in now are really going to love the show.

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Speaker 1: What I'm talking about is that happy, spiritual feeling of

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Speaker 1: being alive on earth. Everyone deserves it, but not everyone

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Speaker 1: knows how to find it. Joy I'm talking about, I

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Speaker 1: hear you, I do. I mean to be honest listening

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Speaker 1: to you. And besides like the sound effects and any

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Speaker 1: of that, I think this could be a really helpful

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Speaker 1: episode of the podcast. I think everyone right now needs

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Speaker 1: more joy in lives, and I think that maybe we could,

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Speaker 1: you know, give some people some active tools to help them.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to tell them how to get joy if

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Speaker 1: you would just shut up, Okay, but first we need

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Speaker 1: to understand what isn't bringing us joy? Right? So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the Flip Side exactly like to play a game with

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Speaker 1: my dog Baxter from time to time where we throw

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Speaker 1: the most plainly joyless sentences we can think of back

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Speaker 1: and forth, regular sentences you might say that have no

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Speaker 1: joy in them. It's it's a lot of fun and

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Speaker 1: you can play at home to would you like to

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Speaker 1: play Carolina? Yeah, I'll try it. Okay, give me a

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Speaker 1: joyless sentence, you might say, or here in real life,

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Speaker 1: let me think. Um, here's one. They're having a sale

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Speaker 1: on tube socks at Nordstrum's rack. Oh that's good, that's

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Speaker 1: awful and joyless. That's really good. Okay, how about this one.

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Speaker 1: I'm on my way to the d MB. Terrible, Yes,

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Speaker 1: the worst? Um, okay, what about this? My name is Carolina.

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Speaker 1: That's c A R O L I N A. Oh. Yes.

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Speaker 1: Spelling your name out for any reason is the opposite

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Speaker 1: of joy. Here, here's one. Baxter always says they need

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Speaker 1: to fix that hole in the road. How about I

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Speaker 1: should try and learn Spanish. This bread got wet. The

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Speaker 1: dripping noise is coming from under there. Have you seen

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Speaker 1: the vacuum cleaner. Let's get on a zoom call at

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Speaker 1: eight am. I need to remember to call the insurance company.

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Speaker 1: This bottle is empty. I'm proud of my tofu salad.

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Speaker 1: How much gas should I get? I need a new belt? Um,

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Speaker 1: my cat just died. Hold the boat there, Carolina, you

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Speaker 1: crossed the line. The game's no fun if you bring

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Speaker 1: in sickness or death. Of course, that's going to be joyless.

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Speaker 1: That that that kind of joylessness is just going to

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Speaker 1: happen in life, and we call them tragedies. There's no

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Speaker 1: joy in the tragic. What I'm talking about is the

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Speaker 1: joylessness of everyday life. There's no joy in an eight

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Speaker 1: am zoom call. There's no joy in buying tube socks

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Speaker 1: at Nordstrom's rack, even if they are on sale and

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Speaker 1: it's a great deal. Fortunately for science, I have composed

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Speaker 1: a list of ten human behaviors that demonstrate you are

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Speaker 1: not experiencing enough joy. If you are doing three or

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Speaker 1: more of these things, then you need to stop and

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Speaker 1: find some joy in life. So this is your list

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Speaker 1: of behaviors that indicate you are living a joyless life. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: And I call it the Ron Burgundy Joy Indicator Meter List. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so is it a meter or a list both? It's

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Speaker 1: really just observations on behaviors I associate with joylessness. But

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Speaker 1: I may need to publish it one day in the

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Speaker 1: New England magazine of Science, so I need to call

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Speaker 1: it a meter or a scale. And you is the

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Speaker 1: word standard and study and laboratory. So you really think

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Speaker 1: people are going to be interested in publishing this? Well,

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Speaker 1: I just need to have the option and by using

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Speaker 1: those words it allows me to be published in the

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Speaker 1: New England magazine of Science. So these are ten behaviors

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Speaker 1: that could mean you're experiencing no joy in life. Correct,

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Speaker 1: and you can have one of them, are possibly two,

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Speaker 1: but if you're guilty of three or more, you are

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Speaker 1: probably a joyless person. Um, all right, well let's hear them.

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Speaker 1: Please locate them for the audience. Start with behavior number one.

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Speaker 1: You are a man over the age of thirty and

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Speaker 1: you wear blue jean cutoffs more than four days a week.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of strange because you would think someone relaxed

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Speaker 1: enough to wear cut offs all week long would be

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Speaker 1: a fairly joyful person. But there's a big difference between

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Speaker 1: relaxed and lazy. You know, so sweatpants and blue jeans

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Speaker 1: cutoffs are fine, and you're when you're lounging, although I

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Speaker 1: don't think I've ever been in a pair of blue jeans,

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Speaker 1: much less a blue jeans short However, if you find

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Speaker 1: yourself in church, or at a store that's not Walmart,

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Speaker 1: or at work in blue jeans cutoffs, then you're a

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Speaker 1: joyless person. Okay, Um, I don't think everyone will agree,

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Speaker 1: but let's just move on. It's science, okay, so you

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Speaker 1: can't agree or disagree with facts. Okay, it's an opinion.

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Speaker 1: But yeah. Behavior number two, you're someone who still thinks

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Speaker 1: you are getting amazing deals at Costco. I actually agree

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Speaker 1: with this one. It's just huge crowds. It's like a

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Speaker 1: joy less giant box of five dollar chickens and sea

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Speaker 1: containers full of awful clothes. Just yeah, I agree. Let's

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Speaker 1: go on. That haven't been said. Those five dollar cutlets

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Speaker 1: you eat those a's A they make a mean cutlet.

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Speaker 1: You're pan fried, a little olive oil, little salt. I

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Speaker 1: know how to cook chicken. It's okay, anyway, yes, us

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Speaker 1: go okay. Behavior number three. You watch more than two

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Speaker 1: hours of news a day. I mean, it depends what's

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Speaker 1: on the news, but sometimes I find myself watching the

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Speaker 1: news all day. Then you should be careful to two

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Speaker 1: more things, and you'll be scientifically proven to be a

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Speaker 1: joyless person. Wait, but you're a news anchor, so how

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Speaker 1: can you say this. It is precisely because I am

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Speaker 1: a news anchor that I can tell you that too

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Speaker 1: much news will make you joyless. That there was a

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Speaker 1: world many years ago, maybe in a different galaxy, that

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Speaker 1: presented people with the option to read the news from

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Speaker 1: what was called a newspaper in the morning, didn't watch

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Speaker 1: a half hour recap of the big stories at night.

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Speaker 1: They called that recap the evening news, and it was

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Speaker 1: a nice way to keep up with the events. But

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Speaker 1: now joyless people are glued to their phones looking at

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Speaker 1: news for four to five to ten hours a day.

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Speaker 1: Scientists don't know why these people do this. We we

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Speaker 1: are working on it. What we do know is it

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Speaker 1: makes you joyless behavior for taking pictures of your food.

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Speaker 1: What kind of joyless idiot takes pictures of their food. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm not talking about pink drinks you might get on vacation,

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Speaker 1: or birthday cakes or cupcakes that look like boobs. That

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Speaker 1: that is joyfull, that's in the joyful category. What I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about is a picture of a salad with an

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Speaker 1: avocado on it, or a plate of spaghetti. I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about a sandwich. Why why people do this is a

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Speaker 1: complete mystery to me. Okay, well, now I have to

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Speaker 1: fuss up. I take pictures of salads I make sometimes,

225
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Speaker 1: or a nice pasta dinner. I mean, I just think

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Speaker 1: it's nice to share with people something you like. Or

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Speaker 1: something you think is well done. And I do think

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Speaker 1: good food can be remembered. I call both. I mean

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Speaker 1: good food should be eaten. I think people take pictures

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Speaker 1: of food to show off. I'm eating a fancy sandwich

231
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Speaker 1: and you're not. You know, I'm eating a bowl of soup,

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Speaker 1: which makes me very interesting. People who take pictures of

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Speaker 1: food are joyless people. And that's two on you, Carolina.

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Speaker 1: You cannot afford to get another or you will be

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Speaker 1: a joyless person. I understand. Um, okay, what's next on

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Speaker 1: the list? Behavior number five people who try and walk cats.

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Speaker 1: I don't get. I don't get this one. You've seen them.

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Speaker 1: There's always some weirdo in the neighborhood it tries to

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Speaker 1: walk a cat like a dog. Not only is it ridiculous,

240
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Speaker 1: it also means you are a joyless person. Cat people

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Speaker 1: are not joyless. I'll start by because there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of people who love their cats. They do, however, experience

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Speaker 1: joy in a more cerebral, less fun way than dog people.

244
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Speaker 1: That signs. But cat owners who try and walk their

245
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Speaker 1: cats like dogs are joyless, plain and simple. No cat

246
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Speaker 1: in the history of cats wants to walk on a

247
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Speaker 1: leash around the block you and show me videos and

248
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,719
Speaker 1: tell me stories. But I know cats. Cats have spoken

249
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Speaker 1: to me. They have confided that walking outside a leash

250
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,840
Speaker 1: is the stupidest activity any human has ever tried. And

251
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:17,879
Speaker 1: that's including ultimate frisbee and hot dog eating contests. You

252
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: can step on supermanscape, you can spit into the wind,

253
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Speaker 1: but you don't walk your cat on a leash outside.

254
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Speaker 1: You simply don't do it. I just want to double

255
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Speaker 1: back and ask about the cats um talking to you.

256
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Speaker 1: Oh boy, Carolina, huh, I knew you'd raise a red

257
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Speaker 1: flag on that one. Look, the mysteries of the world

258
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 1: and the great unknoble universe dance around in your head

259
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:48,359
Speaker 1: like gravel in a tin pot, clanking and clanking without

260
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,360
Speaker 1: making music. Yes, cats talk to me. I am unusual

261
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 1: that way. It's not something I can explain. But the

262
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Speaker 1: universe is filled with the unexplained. Take jazz as rock fusion,

263
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,480
Speaker 1: for instance. There's no explanation for jazz rock fusion. Take

264
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:10,119
Speaker 1: the banana, no explanation. Take Rudolph Giuliani. How do you

265
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 1: explain Rudolph Giuliani? You can't. I can talk to cats,

266
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Speaker 1: and they can talk to me, and they all tell

267
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Speaker 1: me that walking on a leash around a neighborhood is dumb.

268
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Speaker 1: D U m B dumb. It's for joyless people. Is

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Speaker 1: it something you do, Carolina? No, as you know, I

270
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Speaker 1: have dogs. Okay, you're on the edge. I was holding

271
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Speaker 1: my breath. Okay. The next habit of the joyless behavior

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Speaker 1: Number six, men who wear sandals. Now this one is complicated.

273
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Speaker 1: Of course, men who live around the Mediterranean Sea, Greeks

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Speaker 1: and Italians North Africans can wear sandals. They've been wearing

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Speaker 1: sandals for at least four thousand years. I'm not talking

276
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Speaker 1: about them. But if you are an American and you

277
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Speaker 1: are sandals, than you are joyless. Okay, So besides people

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Speaker 1: who have lived around the Mediterranean Sea for thousands of years,

279
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Speaker 1: for many millennia. I don't know if this one's fair.

280
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Speaker 1: I mean, I wear sandals pretty much all summer long. Okay,

281
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Speaker 1: but you're you're a woman. Women can wear sandals. Men cannot.

282
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 1: What about when you go to the beach. Those are

283
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Speaker 1: flip flops. Flip flops are not sandals. There's a there's

284
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 1: a real distinction. Prison shoes and crocs are permissible, but

285
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 1: I frown upon them. I'm talking about leather sandals, handcrafted

286
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 1: hippie shoes for grown men. People who wear them are

287
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 1: scientifically proven to be joyless people. Behavior number seven people

288
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 1: who say they like the Denver Broncos. It's bad enough

289
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 1: that you live in America's most boring city. It doesn't

290
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 1: make you joyless, though, but saying you like the Denver

291
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 1: Broncos definitely classifies you as a joyless person. I'm sorry,

292
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Speaker 1: Bronco fans. You're You're not a terrible person. You're like

293
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 1: what we call a good person. You are a nice person, probably,

294
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Speaker 1: But because you say I like the Denver Broncos, we

295
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,879
Speaker 1: now know through science that you are joyless. And on

296
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 1: the scale of joylessness, you are also at the level

297
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:20,800
Speaker 1: of no fun So you are especially joyless. Maybe pick

298
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Speaker 1: another team, like the Arizona Cardinals. That one feels personal,

299
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: but can continue. Sorry for interrupting, okay. Behavior number eight

300
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Speaker 1: owning a duva cover. I'm what's wrong with owning a

301
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 1: dube cover? Be careful there, Carolina. Alright, you're you're treading

302
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 1: on thin ice over there. If you say you have

303
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 1: a duvet cover, then that's three on my list and

304
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: you are done. You're joyless. I actually just use blankets,

305
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 1: but I'm just curious. What could be wrong with owning

306
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: a dube cover? Well, are you kidding me? It's a

307
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 1: giant bag there. There there's no man made reason on

308
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: the planet for the invention of the dubaka. If you

309
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: have one, or more than one, and many people who

310
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 1: own duvets have multiple duvet covers, then you are especially joyless.

311
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: Not as joyless as a person who likes the Denver Broncos,

312
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 1: but you're still pretty dawn joyless. This seems harsh. I

313
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 1: mean it, just a duvet cover just technically protects your

314
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 1: duvet and keeps it clean, so then you only have

315
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 1: to wash the duvet cover. I'm not being harsh at

316
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: all here, Carolina. Walking a cat outside on a leash

317
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 1: is very dumb. Believe in costco has great deals is

318
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: also dumb. But owning a duvet cover means you're insufferably joyless.

319
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: If you want to experience immediate gratification and joy, not

320
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 1: unlike an orgasm, throw away your duvet cover right now.

321
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: It's not too late. Behavior Number eight people who like

322
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Speaker 1: hard Seltzer, Well, I'm good with this one because I

323
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: don't drink Lucky again, Carolina dodging a bullet because drinking

324
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 1: hard seltzer is one of the more joyless activities to

325
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: come from our modern times. I'll confess I I like

326
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: a good Scotch and soda from time to time, although

327
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: I prefer my Scotch neat or with a couple of

328
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 1: rocks on a hot day. But a tasty Scotch and

329
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: soda is a far cry from an alcoholic appleberry flavored

330
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 1: fizzy drink for grown adults who haven't even been weaned

331
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: off of juice boxes and animal crackers. Jesus and its

332
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: flavors are created in a laboratory by robots. These robots

333
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: then throw an alcohol and seltzer water and put it

334
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: in a can for dumbbells to drink. Here's the rub.

335
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 1: They look like they're having a good time drinking hard seltzer.

336
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 1: They might, They might even look like they are experiencing joy,

337
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: But the science is pretty clear here. These are joyless

338
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 1: people who should not be allowed in bars for the

339
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 1: damage they could be doing to the atmosphere. People who

340
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 1: drink hard seltzer are joyless. If they look like they're

341
00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: having fun, then how can you tell they're joyless. I've

342
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 1: been to parties where it looks like people drinking hard

343
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: Seltzer or having a good time. They don't seem oh,

344
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: I I don't doubt they look that way. That they

345
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 1: were probably taking their shirts off and shouting things like

346
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: go bracos. And these heart Seltzers were on sale at Costco.

347
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 1: I mean, heart Seltzer plays tricks on social scientists because

348
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 1: those that drink it do in fact give off the

349
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 1: impression that they are having fun, but multiple lab tests

350
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 1: show they are not having fun and they are joyless.

351
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: The ninth behavior on this list that is a dead

352
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 1: giveaway that you are a joyless person is owning a fish,

353
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: um a singular fish, like what do you mean? Or

354
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,640
Speaker 1: having an aquarium. Yes, if you have an aquarium with

355
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Speaker 1: some fish, a fish, or multiple fish, you are a

356
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: joyless person. I don't know, I can kind of see that.

357
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have an aquarium that takes up

358
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 1: a whole wall in your house and you have something

359
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 1: like a shark or an eel or a man to ray,

360
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 1: you're not joyless. You experience great joy. I've had such

361
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 1: an aquarium. I had had one behind my bed that

362
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: took forty thousand gallons of water inside it was a

363
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: short fin mako shark, a hammerhead shark, and a killer whale.

364
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: It was. It was amazing, and if you threw a

365
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,439
Speaker 1: live pig in the aquarium, the most beautiful colors of

366
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: red and pink would swirl around, giving the bedroom all

367
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: a whorehouse glow. That was very sensual. And I found

368
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: out the hard way a killer whale should not be

369
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: kept in such a small aquarium. Through ingenious sonar conversations.

370
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: While I slept, the killer whale, who was named Bloppy,

371
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: convinced the hammerhead shark named Jason Bourne to bang his

372
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: head against the glass until it broke. I was gonna

373
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: say it doesn't sound safe. It sounded insecure well, and

374
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: it caused a lot of water damage anyway. But apparently

375
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,120
Speaker 1: Bloppy's dream was to escape and eat me. It told

376
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 1: you that in the sonar in the sonar conversation. Yes,

377
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 1: fish are dumb, though, and when they escaped, they all

378
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: died on the floor, you know, flopping around without water.

379
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: But but the story has a happy ending, it does.

380
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: They tasted great on the barbecue. Where was I You

381
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: were saying that people who had aquariums were joyless? Yes,

382
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: I'm having trouble of following a little bit. Well, I

383
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: think I think I clearly made the distinction that what

384
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 1: I had was a cool aquarium. Yeah, what you had

385
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: was massively illegal, but um it sure was. That one

386
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: fish is lame, but killer whale. You have to remember

387
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 1: it was a different time. I didn't realize you needed

388
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: to have the paperwork and the health board and the

389
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 1: where is this paperwork? I never had it, That's what

390
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But what I had was joy But the

391
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: average human who just has a couple of guppies in

392
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: an aquarium, that's that's joyless. You ate your sharks because

393
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: they died on your bedroom war and I had to

394
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: cover up the evidence. I was about to do three

395
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 1: years in medium security prison for harboring wild animals in

396
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: an unsuitable environment. But an aquarium with fishes a joyless endeavor.

397
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: Listen to me, Carolina, medium security prison. Okay, an aquarium

398
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: with a few fish is a joyless endeavor. And although

399
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 1: I sympathize with these people, they are still joyless. If

400
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: it's the only thing on this list they are guilty of,

401
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 1: then they may very well experienced joy in their lives.

402
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: But my advice would be to eat those fish as

403
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: quickly as they can and get the aquarium out of

404
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: their house. There's plenty of fish in the sea, as

405
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: the saying goes, which in this case applies to actual

406
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: fish and the actual sea. You don't need a boring

407
00:26:50,840 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: box of water in your house. Ye. So that was

408
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: number nine. Um, what is the last indicator of a

409
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: joyless life? I think our listeners are very excited. Well,

410
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 1: I've written about it before, and I know at this

411
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 1: point it's almost heartless to bring it up because to

412
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: this day there is no cure. But the number ten

413
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: positive indicator of joylessness is being Canadian. I'm a little confused.

414
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 1: You just overaw being from Canada. I've met some joyful

415
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 1: Canadians that you met here in the United States. Right. Yeah,

416
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: Once out of their country, a Canadian can in fact

417
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: become a joyful person. But if they're still in Canada,

418
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: then they they make Denver Broncos fans look like SpongeBob

419
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: square Pants. Canadians are so joyless they can actually infect

420
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:59,479
Speaker 1: others around them and cause debilitating depression. That seems like

421
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, if you wake up in Canada, there

422
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 1: is no tomorrow. Oh my god, Yeah, there is no

423
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: hope of a future, only the drudgery of your endless

424
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: days and the horrifying bleakness of a night without in

425
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,119
Speaker 1: We'll be cutting this out. Sleep is an escape, and

426
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: escape is all you dream about if if you are Canadian,

427
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: you don't need to other indicators on this list. You

428
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 1: are joyless. Science is working on a cure, and the

429
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: most promising is to make your country part of the

430
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: United States. There's there's a lot of fear though that

431
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: your joylessness could infect u S citizens. So for now

432
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: we are working on other cures. Drugs and talk therapy

433
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 1: have been tested, but the results have been disappointing. In

434
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 1: the meantime, your best bet is to leave Canada. Any

435
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: place on Earth will do. Wait. So you participated in

436
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: a study about drugs and talk therapy with Canadians, Yes,

437
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: Canadian subjects who are suffering joylessness from living in Canada.

438
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: I was there in the room two way mirror watching

439
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: the studies. It sounds very controversial. Well, it's way ahead

440
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: of its time and a lot of times, Uh, you

441
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: can't let the general public know what you're doing because

442
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 1: it's so high level. Yeah, I wonder if anyone knew

443
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: what you were doing. Well, the thing is it wasn't working.

444
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: We had Pamela Anderson, Oh my gosh, Ryan Gosling and

445
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: the bear naked ladies. Those were our main subject, that's

446
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: what we're conducting the talk therapy with. And it was

447
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: I was so hopeful these clinical trials or they went nowhere. Wow,

448
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest. This sounds actually just plainly rude.

449
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: And I know for a fact that we have some

450
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: Canadian fans of this podcast, so I just want to

451
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: be respectful, and what I would say to them is

452
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: that joylessness is a problem that afflicts many people, not

453
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: just Canadians. As you can see by my scientific list,

454
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: there are a lot of joyless people in the world.

455
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: I didn't talk about racist or sexist or biggots of

456
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: any kind. I didn't didn't talk about proud boys or

457
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: people on Twitter. But as we know, these people experience

458
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: very low levels of joy and high levels of sociopathy.

459
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: Anger is a great indicator of low joy levels. So

460
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: my list isn't definitive, but it is scientific. It's it's

461
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: no coincidence that if you own a duvet cover, you

462
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: probably have a fish or shop at Costco or our

463
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: Canadian they usually link up. Most most joyless people have

464
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: at least three of these traits from my list. Okay,

465
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: you've classified all kinds of joyless traits, and you and

466
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: I had some fun thinking of joyless sentences to say.

467
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: But I just feel like in a podcast about joy,

468
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: you haven't really defined joy or explained how to get

469
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: joy out of life. For some of our listeners who

470
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: tuned in for that reason, Well, I was getting to it.

471
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I I I don't like feeling rushed, Carolina.

472
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: I'm not rushing you. I know you can eat an

473
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: Italian meatball sub and under five seconds, but some of

474
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: us like to take our time with things. So I'm sorry,

475
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 1: And I'm not accusing you of being a glut. You're

476
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,959
Speaker 1: young and impatient, and yes, you can be quite pushy,

477
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: even bordering on mean, but I'm not blaming you. Okay,

478
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: don't push me, though I'm not I'll push back. I

479
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: don't know much about the so called me too movement,

480
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: but I'm assuming there's still room for a fistfight or

481
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: two between us. I'm sorry, I'm not sure I'm understanding.

482
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: Are you threatening to beat me up because I asked

483
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: you to explain joy. Oh goodness, No, of course not you.

484
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: You're misinterpreting me again as always. But what would happen

485
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: if we just finally got to the bottom of this

486
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: anger we have towards each other and we we both

487
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: just got planks of wood and kicked the out of

488
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: each other. Well that's not really fair, because you've been

489
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: in so many weird battles and gladiator fights, and I've

490
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: never even been in a fist fight. What about slapping?

491
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in a slapping fight or a

492
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: cat fight? Women often get in cat fights with hair

493
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: pulling and scratching. I see it a lot in footage

494
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: from Miami Beach. You've been in some of these over

495
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: the years, I assume. No, No, not really. I mean

496
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: there was this one time in college I gone to

497
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: a shoving fight in a bar and I did end

498
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: up slapping that person. Exhilarating, right, I mean yeah, I

499
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: hate to admit that, but it was. It was kind

500
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: of refreshing. A good open hand slap for someone who

501
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: truly deserves it can be very refreshing. I once slapped

502
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 1: an old man who kicked my dog Baxter for no

503
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: reason at all. Baxter was minding his own business in

504
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: the park one day, chasing butterflies. He really can be

505
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: a stupid dog sometimes. When this elderly and threatened to

506
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: lock him up, I exchanged some heated words with the gentleman,

507
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: and although I'm not proud, I insulted his shoes. They

508
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: were these tacky auburn loafers. The apparently it didn't like

509
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: what I had to say about his shoes, and he

510
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: kicked back ster. Oh my god, yes, So I slapped

511
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: him and it was a wonderful slap, and he knew it,

512
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: and I think looking back on it, he even would

513
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,959
Speaker 1: say it was a well placed and well timed slap.

514
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 1: You shouldn't slap old men. Well, you shouldn't kick dogs either.

515
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the same. So now, so now

516
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 1: you hate dogs? Fascinating. I don't I have dogs. Just

517
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear stories about you hitting the elderly.

518
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: It's not allowable. I didn't make a habit of it.

519
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 1: I probably only hit a handful of old people in

520
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: my life. One came at me with a knife. She

521
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: was KGB in a hired assassin. Was it was? I

522
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: not allowed to defend myself. Don't twist what I'm saying.

523
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you're just you're a tall, large man.

524
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: Unless you're protecting yourself, I see no reason for you

525
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: to ever hit an older man or god forbid, an

526
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: older woman. There was a hit on me in the

527
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: late seventies. It was an open hit, which meant any

528
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 1: qualified professional could take their shot at me. I had

529
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: massad guys, Chinese guys KGB, and independent contractors coming at

530
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: me all hours of the day. One day in June,

531
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 1: I fought off four different hitmen, the last attempt ending

532
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 1: in a high speed car chase through the San Diego Zoo.

533
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 1: There was a lot of blood that day, most of

534
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: it hippopotamus, but also the French hitman who came at me.

535
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry why I missed why there was a hit

536
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 1: on you. Well, it was all a big mix up.

537
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: I looked like some Polish criminal named Ivan Blatsky and

538
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 1: they came at me. Yeah. Blatsky sent me flowers every

539
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 1: year for twenty years, thanking me for taking the heat.

540
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: We became good friends, even though he was a notorious murderer,

541
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: a drug dealer, and a human trafficker. Wait to what

542
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: happened to Ivan blacks. Well, he's living the good life.

543
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 1: He got a plastic surgery, moved to Florida and changed

544
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 1: his name to al Gore. Okay, al Gore, not that

545
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: al Gore geez, but yes, al Gore. He liked the name.

546
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 1: I guess I probably shouldn't have said anything. There's still

547
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: a hit out in Blaskey, and and now they'll know

548
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: he's living in Florida as al Gore, not former Vice

549
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: President Al Gore, who by all accounts as a humanitarian

550
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,720
Speaker 1: and pretty good guy, but just plain old golf playing

551
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: pool side, sitting al Gore. I feel like we maybe

552
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: got off on a tangent. Definitely did I know you hate,

553
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: but you made me do it. The woman who came

554
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 1: at me with a knife and throwing stars and spikes

555
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: in her shoes was a professional killer, trained in martial

556
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: arts and was as cold blooded as they. So you

557
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,439
Speaker 1: just slapped her in response back to tripped her as

558
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: she was lunging towards me, and yes, I got a

559
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 1: quick chop in as she was going down. Unfortunately for her,

560
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 1: she fell on one of her own knives and bled

561
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: out on my entrance. Baxter and I wrapped the body

562
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 1: in a sheet, with some rocks, and we rode it

563
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: into the Pacific and dumped her in the water. I

564
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: don't know how to talk about you disposing of a body,

565
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: but let's just we've wandered so far off from today's topic.

566
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 1: Let's just try to get back to it. Did you

567
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: think the story ended there, because that's not the end

568
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 1: of the story. No. Several years later, a poor Russian

569
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: man claiming to be her husband appeared at my doorstep.

570
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: I invited him in naturally. Yes, he had learned from

571
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: Russian authorities that a well respected news man and his

572
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: dog had killed his wife. He wasn't looking for revenge.

573
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,919
Speaker 1: She was only looking for a momento, something he could

574
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: remember her by, because they were very much in love.

575
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: I have a soft spot for lovers and and love,

576
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: as you know, But I'll confess I had no such

577
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: memento to give the porcel. However, thinking fast, I handed

578
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 1: him an unopened can of Baxter's dog food and said

579
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: with all conviction that his wife had asked me to

580
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: give this can of dog food to her beloved husband

581
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 1: if he ever came looking for her. That was the

582
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: best you could think of. Well, I was thinking on

583
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,280
Speaker 1: my feet, but here's the thing. He broke down, sobbing

584
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,279
Speaker 1: in my arms, clutching the can of dog food like

585
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: it was a human heart. And in some ways it

586
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: was a human heart. It was all I had left

587
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: of his great love. In another way it was it

588
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: was just a can of dog food, Carolina, I leave

589
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: you with this. Love is strange. It's an all encompassing

590
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: feeling of human purpose. It centers us, and it's perhaps

591
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 1: the only reason we're here on earth. It is also

592
00:37:46,719 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 1: a can of dog food. Okay, So what about Oh

593
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: what about joy? This the topic today's podcast was supposed

594
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: to be about joy, and you haven't really explained what

595
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: it is or how to get it. How the hell

596
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 1: should I know? I play the flute, I swim in

597
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: the nude. I take surfing lessons from an old woman.

598
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: I drink scotch and sit for hours in my car,

599
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: trying to look like an undercover cop. I go to

600
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: the zoo and watch Cheetah's pace up and down. I

601
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:30,280
Speaker 1: climb water towers and yell out my name. I build

602
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: dreamcatchers and collect old lanterns. I read about vikings, I

603
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: run backwards through malls. I eat anything that looks like chilli.

604
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 1: I write poetry. I danced like Pola Abdul, I enter

605
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: illegal street racing competitions. I'm recognized as one of the

606
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: world's best bird watchers. I pleasure myself. Yes, I pleasure

607
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:59,280
Speaker 1: my wife. I love dogs. I love flowers and songs

608
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: about flowers, and I love love. And that's me in

609
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 1: a nutshell. I have no idea what brings other people joy.

610
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: I only hope everyone finds as much of it as

611
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: I have. So there's no way for someone to find joy.

612
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:18,720
Speaker 1: There's no universal rule. No, there is not. I'm sorry

613
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: if I mislead everyone. You definitely did. However, there is

614
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 1: a trick I learned many years ago that will make

615
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: it easier for you to experience joy. Okay, what's that?

616
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: Stay classy. I'm Ron Burgundy. Thank you for listening to

617
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: today's podcast as