1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,520 Speaker 1: Self trust is the basis for self love, and we 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: don't talk about this very often because. 3 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 2: We're like, oh, you should love yourself. 4 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 1: She'd be able to look in the mirror and say 5 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,880 Speaker 1: that you love yourself. We do affirmations all these things, 6 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: and then we're like, why isn't this working? 7 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 3: Liz, thank you for coming hundreways to change your life. 8 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: One of my life mottos is never be the one 9 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,000 Speaker 1: to say no to yourself. 10 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: If you have a dream, go for that dream. 11 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: And if the world redirects you, that's great information to have. 12 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: We build our self trust by making promises to ourselves 13 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 1: that we can keep, and that's going to build you 14 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: that really stable foundation onto which you can build your 15 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: best life. 16 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 3: I'm Radiabluka and on my podcast a Really Good Cry, 17 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 3: we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space 18 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,319 Speaker 3: for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you 19 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 3: to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. 20 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. 21 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 3: I have my little cards here is you can see 22 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 3: because I have so much to talk to you about. 23 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 4: But Liz, thank you for coming. 24 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 3: Honestly, I just have to tell you, firs that reading 25 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 3: your bookwa to Change Your Life. Honestly felt like I 26 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 3: changed my life a little day of time as I 27 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 3: was reading it, and it's because I felt like it 28 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 3: was not only filled with wisdom. 29 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 4: I love books that are just. 30 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 3: Infused and packed and like decadent with wisdom, and I 31 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 3: felt like you've done such an incredible job of bringing 32 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 3: not only wisdom that feels okay, cool, we've got experience, 33 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 3: we've got clinical studies, and we've got this, and we've 34 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 3: got all the information, but then what you've done, because 35 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,119 Speaker 3: of your own personal experience is bring it to life 36 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 3: through your experience, and I thought that was what was 37 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 3: really beautiful. 38 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 4: Because it feels so practical, and. 39 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 3: Even though a hundred ways seems like a lot, they're 40 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 3: all such easy, useful, easy to implement things that you 41 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 3: can do throughout your day that don't feel overwhelming. So 42 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 3: thank you so much for creating this book, because I 43 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 3: think it's going to help so many people, And who 44 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 3: doesn't want to live a better life, Like, there's nobody 45 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 3: in the world who doesn't want to live a better life. 46 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 3: And I think that all the changes that you have 47 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 3: recommended in this honestly feel like they. 48 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 4: Could do wonders for so many people, so well, thank you. 49 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: I received that so much and I really appreciate that, 50 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: especially coming from you. 51 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,920 Speaker 2: And one hundred does feel like a lot. 52 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: But I definitely don't intend somebody to pick up the 53 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 1: book and be. 54 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 2: Like, I'm going to change all these one hundred things. 55 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,119 Speaker 1: I really wanted it to be a resource that people 56 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,399 Speaker 1: would come back to at different points in their life. 57 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: They would leave it out on their table and when 58 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: they were feeling a little bit lonely, maybe one week 59 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: they'd pick up the section about how to up level 60 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: your friendships. 61 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 2: If having gut troubles, they could turn to that section. 62 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: I wanted it to be a long term resource and 63 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: pack in I always say the value of fifty books 64 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: in one book. 65 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 3: I totally felt that when I was reading it, because 66 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 3: I also think it's one of those books where you 67 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 3: feel like you can pick up and have a gap, 68 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 3: and then pick it up and have a gap, and 69 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 3: even if you don't make it through the whole book 70 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 3: and the beginning to read it straight, I would be 71 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 3: like I would maybe have a chapter, you know, a 72 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 3: section every couple of days, and you feel like you've 73 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 3: got so much from it, just from reading, and I'll 74 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 3: actually love how small the chapters are because they feel 75 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 3: so bite sized and so manageable. So even if someone's 76 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 3: trying to get into reading, for example, or sure, such 77 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 3: a great way of doing that well. 78 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: And I like it as an alternative to picking up 79 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 1: our phone in the little moments, like when you're past 80 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: the water is boiling, you can pick up the book, 81 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,800 Speaker 1: you can read a chapter. You feel so much better 82 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: than just spending that time scrolling on social media, which 83 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,239 Speaker 1: I know is so many of our defaults, including my own. 84 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, me too. 85 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 3: So I want to start off because I feel like 86 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 3: I already feel like I know you so well through 87 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 3: reading your book. But for anybody who's listening and it 88 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,079 Speaker 3: doesn't know your journey, you know you're someone who's gone 89 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 3: from being is it agoraphobic? 90 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 2: Gooraphobic? 91 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: Glora Phoe might say it different though in England I 92 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: always you're right, You're right. I wasn't calling it that 93 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: when I was living there, and I'm like, how would 94 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: my British friends? 95 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 3: But you said agoraphobic, So you've gone from being agoraphobic, which, 96 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 3: from what I understand, is somebody who couldn't even leave 97 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 3: the house or couldn't leave you a room to being 98 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 3: someone now who is traveling the world and sharing all 99 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 3: this incredible wisdom with people, and you did that through yourself, 100 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 3: like you created it for yourself to share a little 101 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 3: bit about yourself and how you got to whey you 102 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 3: won't now, Yes. 103 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for asking, And I won't shut up about 104 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: that journey. Sometimes I'm like, am I over talking about 105 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: this period in my life? But when I was in 106 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 1: that period of my life, all I wanted was to 107 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: hear stories of other people who had been where I was, 108 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,359 Speaker 1: who were thriving, who were living successful lives. I would 109 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: google every celebrity whoever had anxiety and be like, oh, 110 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: well they had anxiety, and look at them on this 111 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: talk show now, and it would make me feel so 112 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: much hope. So I won't shut up about the fact 113 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: that at one point I would have panic attacks. 114 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,280 Speaker 2: Literally, whenever I got out of that I would have 115 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 2: panic attacks. 116 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: When I went downstairs, I would abandon my shopping cart 117 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 1: at the grocery store because I was having a panic 118 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: attack and I needed to run home. And when I 119 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,280 Speaker 1: was in that period when I was having this really 120 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: really extreme anxiety, I'd already been a journalist for a 121 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,919 Speaker 1: decade at that point, so I relied on the only 122 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: tools that I really knew how to do, which was 123 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,600 Speaker 1: talking to experts trying to figure out what they recommended doing. 124 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: I emailed these people that I had absolutely no right 125 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: to email. I email like the head of neuroscience at Stanford. 126 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: I emailed a psychiatrist at Harvard, and ninety five percent 127 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: of them did not write back because they were like, 128 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,839 Speaker 1: why are you bothering me? But one of my life 129 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 1: mottos is never be the one to say no to yourself. 130 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: There's a tip in the book about never being the 131 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: one to say no to yourself. It's what I've shared online, 132 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: and it's so rewarding because people will tell me there 133 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: never be the one to say no to themselves. 134 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 2: Stories. 135 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 1: They'll be like, I didn't think I could get a raise, 136 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: but then I was like, I'm gonna not say no 137 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: to myself. 138 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 2: I'm gonna let my boss say no to me. 139 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: And then they get a raise, they get a partner, 140 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 1: they get a house, they get dream jobs, all of 141 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: these things. 142 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 4: That's a good massa. Oh. 143 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 1: It's the thing is the world will sometimes say no 144 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 1: to you. This is not a carte blonde to do 145 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: anything that you want, get anything that you want in 146 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: the world. But you should be your own biggest cheerleader. 147 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: You should not be the one saying no to yourself. 148 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 1: So you should if you have a dream, go for 149 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: that dream, and if the world redirects you, that's great 150 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: information to have. But then again, you were on your side, 151 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: so I never be the one to say no to myself. 152 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,839 Speaker 1: I email all these people, and the five percent that 153 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: did write back really gave me a different understanding of 154 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: what was happening in my brain, what was happening in 155 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: my body, and. 156 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 2: These little tools that I could begin to use to 157 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 2: feel better. Yes, so I started to piece together, like what's. 158 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: One tiny thing I could do, and then another tiny thing, 159 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: and then another tiny thing. And I don't want to 160 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 1: say I'm healed. I actually think it's really important to 161 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,559 Speaker 1: say I still struggle with anxiety, but like you said, 162 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: I'm living a life that feels big and exciting and 163 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: like myself again, and that feels really really. 164 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 4: Good, amazing. I feel that from you too. 165 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 3: When I came on your podcast, I honestly felt that 166 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 3: I love the how inquisitive you are and how your 167 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 3: zest for life was so apparent, Like you really want 168 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,359 Speaker 3: to want to learn, and I think that's such a 169 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 3: big part of creating a life that you love. Is 170 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 3: the zest for life, right, Like is the curiosity, the inquisitiveness, 171 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 3: the feeling of knowing that there is so much. 172 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 4: More to learn and to grow. 173 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 3: And I think if you don't lose that, there's always 174 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 3: a place that you can go, like there's always a 175 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 3: journey left to be had. 176 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 2: I completely agree. 177 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: I always say that curiosity is my superpower, and it 178 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: really is. 179 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 2: People will ask me like, oh, how are you good 180 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 2: at hosting a podcast? What are your best tips? Whatever? 181 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: And I'm like, be genuinely interested in the people that 182 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: you're interviewing, because I so am. 183 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 2: I want to know every little part of their story 184 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 2: and what they've learned. 185 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 1: And the advice that they have to give in all 186 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: of these things. And I'm so fascinated by human beings 187 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: and I feel so lucky that my job is to 188 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: sit down with them and get into their brains. 189 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,239 Speaker 3: For Yeah, you do it so well, and it feels 190 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 3: like it comes from such a genuine place. Now, obviously 191 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 3: there are one hundred things in this book and so 192 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 3: much more so I thought i'd pick out a few 193 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 3: bits that I really benefited from, and I thought maybe 194 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 3: would also resonate with the community. So the first thing is, 195 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 3: I just loved the first thing I read, which was 196 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 3: defining your best Life, because I think when it comes 197 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,239 Speaker 3: to our life, we either can be somebody who allows 198 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 3: life to happen to us and we feel like we 199 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 3: are on a journey that we're not in control of, 200 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 3: which you know partly we are, but we can also 201 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 3: be choosed to be an observer or a participant. And 202 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 3: so I loved that you even started with that because 203 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 3: it made me question, like, what is what is my 204 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 3: version of my best life? And I don't know whether 205 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 3: we often sit and even think about that. And the 206 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 3: first thing you spoke about was above all suffer Less, 207 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 3: and I love how short and simple you keep it, 208 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 3: but it makes you think so deeply. So I picked 209 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 3: out that because I feel like we are so used 210 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 3: to thinking about, you know, our physical pains, Like our 211 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 3: physical pains are so apparent to us, right like, oh, 212 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 3: I've got a shoulder ache, or my head's hurting, or 213 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 3: I'm feeling sick, you know, whatever it is. We feel 214 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 3: our physical pain a lot what we're not used to 215 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 3: doing is tuning into our mental, emotional and spiritual pain, 216 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 3: our vacancy inside. And so what are your tips and 217 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 3: what did you learn about this and how to actually 218 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,080 Speaker 3: do that to like suffer less but also tune in 219 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 3: to ourselves to know what suffering were actually going through. 220 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: I'll answer that in a second, but I want to 221 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: roll back to something that you just said because I 222 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: found it so interesting the idea of being an active 223 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: participant in your life, and it's something that I'm thinking 224 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: about a lot lately because I am a huge fan 225 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 1: of like what do I want my life to be 226 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: and trying to create the life that I want. But 227 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,839 Speaker 1: also I think that that can veer into a sense 228 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: of wanting control over things that you don't actually have 229 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,439 Speaker 1: control over. And I experienced this really recently. Have a 230 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: bunch of friends who work in the tech world, and 231 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,320 Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, their jobs are so stable, they're 232 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: so good, and I'm doing this thing where if the 233 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: algorithm turns against me any point of people stop listening, 234 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: like I can't do this job anymore. And I felt 235 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,839 Speaker 1: like they had a degree of certainty that I didn't have. 236 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: And I was really, really jealous of them, and then 237 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: these huge tech layoffs happened, and all of a sudden 238 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 1: their jobs felt incredibly uncertain. And it was this little 239 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: minor example in my life that shifted my entire perspective 240 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: that instead of trying to control everything and make every 241 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 1: things certain, which I was expending so much energy doing, 242 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 1: I needed to expend that same energy becoming comfortable with uncertainty. 243 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 2: So I do think there's an. 244 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: Interesting balance of being in the driver's state of your 245 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: life but also becoming comfortable with the things that are 246 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: out of your control. And I think that's a really 247 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: beautiful practice and something that I've been working on a lot. 248 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 1: Really I love that, so wanted to touch on that 249 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: in terms of above all suffer less. In the wellness world, 250 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: we have a huge problem where people make their lives 251 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,839 Speaker 1: worse thinking that they're performing in some sort of act 252 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: of wellness. 253 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 2: They think that they're. 254 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: Going to achieve wellness if they self flagellate themselves into that, 255 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 1: and that can include things like filling up your time 256 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: with things that you don't have time for, feeling stress 257 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: as you run from one healthy habbit to the next 258 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,839 Speaker 1: healthy habbit, while you're trying to make money while you're 259 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 1: trying to participate your family. It can include things like 260 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 1: spending a bunch of money that you don't have on 261 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: supplements that you don't need. It can include things like 262 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: being mean to you yourself. I didn't meditate today, I 263 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: didn't work out today. I can't eat as well as 264 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 1: this person that I see online. Why am I just 265 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: throwing down this Annie's mac and cheese at eight pm? Actually, 266 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: like with some frozen braccoli mixed Dannye're like yeah, And 267 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: there's so many ways that we act like we're being well, 268 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,959 Speaker 1: but in fact we're making our life worse. And one 269 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 1: of my mottos is that wellness is a tool, and 270 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: the second that wellness is making your life worse, it's 271 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: no longer wellness because our goal, again is to live 272 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 1: our best lives, to feel our best now and to 273 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: feel our best later. So if we're sacrificing one of 274 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: those two things, then we're not actually being well. Even 275 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: if it's cloaked and essentially a capitalistic ideal of what 276 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: wellness is. Yes, I yeah, I can definitely resonate with that. 277 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: You know, when you think about workhouts, it's like you 278 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: see all these intense workhouts that if you're not aching, 279 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 1: and if you're not, you know, in pay off your workout, 280 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: you haven't worked hard enough. And then you know, when 281 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: you're thinking about eating, well, it's like, you know, the 282 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: way that people think about it is, oh, I have 283 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: to starve to look good, like to look good and 284 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: to feel good. If I'm not feeling hungry and I'm 285 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: not starving myself will making myself feel feel like I'm 286 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: eating a smaller amount. That means I'm not successful in 287 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,200 Speaker 1: the way that I'm eating. And there's just so much 288 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: You're so right, everything is linked to pain. That pain 289 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: is like without pain, like no pain, no gain. 290 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 2: Right, that's what you literally and it's so not true. 291 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 1: Even with the eating, we think that if food tastes good, 292 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 1: it's probably not good for you. And then so, I mean, 293 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:38,839 Speaker 1: it's one of the reasons I love your book so 294 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: much is You're like, we can use all of these 295 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: beautiful spices, and not only do they make our food 296 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: taste good, they're also really good for us. We use 297 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: all these beautiful herbs, all these delicious vegetables. We're sold 298 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: this idea that something has to be uncomfortable or unsatisfying 299 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: to be healthy, and it's so not true, and I 300 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: think it prevents so many people from doing things that 301 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: feel really good and benefit them. 302 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think a part of it is also 303 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 3: I've been thinking about this a lot, even from patterns 304 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 3: and patterns that form in my mind when I see 305 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,959 Speaker 3: certain foods, or when I look at myself in. 306 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 4: The mirror, whatever it is. 307 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 3: Sometimes we do create pathways that aren't necessarily good for us, 308 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,079 Speaker 3: Like there are foods that feel like they're comfort foods 309 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 3: that we think are going to make us feel good, 310 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:26,839 Speaker 3: but they actually don't. 311 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 4: And so part of. 312 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,560 Speaker 3: Me also believes that there will be times we have 313 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 3: to create new pathways in our minds where this may 314 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: not feel good right now, but actually it is for 315 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:43,679 Speaker 3: my benefit later on. But distinguishing and differentiating the difference 316 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 3: between things which actually are not making us feel good 317 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 3: versus this is just me sitting in discomfort for a 318 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 3: moment for a short period of time, when in fact 319 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 3: I know it's going to be beneficial for me later 320 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 3: because discomfort is never good. We are wired to want 321 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 3: comfort in our life, We're wired to, but we want 322 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 3: to stay safe. That's what our nervous system wants. We 323 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 3: want to stay safe and in a place that feels familiar, 324 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 3: and so sometimes we can mistake discomfort for suffering, and 325 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 3: I think there has to be a difference between the two. 326 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 4: Suffering. 327 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 3: I don't think any of us should be doing if 328 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 3: we can avoid it. But discomfort is something that is 329 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 3: a place where growth happens, right, And so I love 330 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 3: how you said that way. Yes, you have to also 331 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 3: be in the discomfort and be able to sit in 332 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 3: it and be able to move through it to know 333 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 3: whether it's going to bring you joy or whether it's 334 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 3: going to actually be something that just teaches you a 335 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 3: lesson and you move away from. 336 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: I just did a podcast about the science of cravings 337 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: and how we can break bad habits with doctor Jared Brewer, 338 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: who's an incredible researcher and clinician, and he talks about 339 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: really getting into your brain and identifying the difference between 340 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: what we want and what we need. And often we 341 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: are trying to satiate a need with the want, and 342 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: the need might be I want comfort, I feel lonely, 343 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: I want satisfactor in some sort of way, and the 344 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: want is a cookie. By eating the cookie is never 345 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: going to satisfy the actual need. And that is an 346 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: area I think we can really stand to explore some 347 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 1: discomfort because sometimes that minor discomfort in the moment can 348 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: be the thing that leads us to what do we 349 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 1: actually need and how can we satisfy that need? 350 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. 351 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 3: I have a habit of going towards food specific foods 352 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 3: when I feel very anxious, and so I think that 353 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 3: that food for some reason is going to reduce my anxiety, 354 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 3: but it actually but actually when I eat it, it 355 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 3: doesn't reduce my anxiety. 356 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 4: I'm still thinking about the thing. It just brings me comfort. 357 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,479 Speaker 3: And so but for some reason, I've created this association 358 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 3: between those foods and my anxiety because that's where I've 359 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 3: tennded to for comfort. 360 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: It's not for some reason, it's literally you've built those 361 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: exactly things happening on a biological level. 362 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 3: Ex Actually, Yeah, was there anything that you found that 363 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 3: helped people up from the podcast and also anything that 364 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 3: you have in your book that helps people create new 365 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 3: pathways for that? 366 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 4: Like? What is it? 367 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 3: How do you stop that habit that you've created for 368 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 3: yourself over and over again? Because I still struggle with 369 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 3: that to actually create this new pathway in those hard moments. 370 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: One hundred person and the magic word that he shared. 371 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: I was like, how do we stop reaching for phones 372 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: when we don't want to reach for phones? How do 373 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 1: we stop eating things that we don't want to eat? 374 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: And I was giving him all these different very specific scenarios, 375 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: and over and over and over he was like, be 376 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 1: curious about that thing, like, lean into the idea of curiosity, 377 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: and curiosity is the thing that can help us push 378 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: back on those bad habits, cultivating a sense of awareness. 379 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: So even what you just said, your first step is saying, 380 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: I'm looking to first solve for my anxiety in these moments, 381 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: and it's not actually giving me that, it's giving me 382 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: a sense of comfort. And then you can walk back 383 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: to well, is it giving me a sense of comfort 384 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: or is there something else that could give me a 385 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,840 Speaker 1: sense of comfort? Really having that almost a childlike sense 386 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 1: of curiosity and exploration, and I. 387 00:16:58,960 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 2: Found that really useful. 388 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: What am I looking for when I'm reaching for my phone? 389 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 1: How am I feeling in these moments? And really turning 390 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: that curiosity dial way way up? 391 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 3: Yeah, So tuning in almost like internalizing and reflecting inwards 392 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,439 Speaker 3: of the reasons behind it, and I think sometimes we 393 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 3: avoid that because we don't want to go there. Like 394 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 3: there's so many times I don't want to advantage just 395 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 3: going to the comfort because tuning in and going fine. 396 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,400 Speaker 2: To being a human is so hard. 397 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: So for me, I'm like, let's get the tool, so 398 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 1: if we want to make changes, great and also let's 399 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: be so gentle with ourselves because being a human is 400 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 1: so hard and we need to allow space for that too. 401 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: And that could mean that some days you're so curious 402 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, what could I really use for comfort? 403 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 1: And maybe you call a friend, maybe you call your husband, 404 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: maybe you go for a walk something like that. Maybe 405 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: you just hold yourself for a little bit. But other 406 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,679 Speaker 1: days maybe that's. 407 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 2: Just means it For me, that's okay to Yeah, you eat. 408 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: Your bread and you're so happy with it, and I 409 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: think that there's space in this world for both. 410 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that, Thank you. The next one that 411 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 3: I want to go on to is sticking to your 412 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 3: habits and goals. I thought that was a great topic 413 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 3: because I think so many people struggle with that, and 414 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 3: I loved why you said the best workout is one 415 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 3: you enjoy enough to stick to that is It's such 416 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 3: a simple line, but it's so true. 417 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 4: It's like, there are so many people. 418 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,120 Speaker 3: Who are wake up and I just really dislike doing 419 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,199 Speaker 3: this way training, but I know I have to do 420 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,880 Speaker 3: it because this person does it. And you keep seeing, 421 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 3: you know, other people doing things. And that was another 422 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 3: part that I loved in your book, where you have 423 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 3: to really see what works for you, right, you have 424 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 3: to see what actually is good for you. So just 425 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,360 Speaker 3: because this person has done it and it was amazing 426 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 3: for them and it works for them, is this really 427 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 3: aligning with myself and with my goals? Is this really 428 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 3: helping me fulfill what I. 429 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 4: Need in my life? 430 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 3: And so I love you to talk about this topic 431 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,919 Speaker 3: a little bit and then yeah, share what you found 432 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 3: and what actually helps someone stick to their goals. 433 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 4: Yeah. 434 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: So there's some really great tools for that. And I 435 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: will say to the of knowing what you need. I 436 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: had a cancer researcher on the podcast recently and I 437 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: was trying to be like, what's the best diet for cancer? 438 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 1: And he's like, Honestly, the more we find out about this, 439 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: the more we realize there's a different best diet for everybody. 440 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: Our physiology is different. Our genetics are different, are the 441 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: way that our cells are literally functioning on, our environmental 442 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: exposures are different. There are so many different things. And 443 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: so that's when he was like, we get this data 444 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 1: from people who are like, oh, this die is the best, 445 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,360 Speaker 1: this die, so I ate this and this happened, and 446 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,120 Speaker 1: all of those things could be true simply because things 447 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: are working differently in their body, which is why I 448 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 1: think it is so important to tune out the social 449 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: media a little bit, take it all as information, try 450 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: stuff out, and then see what actually sticks with you. 451 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: There's some really fun tools for sticking to your habits. 452 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 1: Commitment devices is one of my absolute favorite ones. It's 453 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: from the research of doctor Katie Melckman who's from Wharton, 454 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 1: and it's essentially coming up with ways to force yourself 455 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,960 Speaker 1: to stick to habits because we're very quick to let 456 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 1: ourselves down the first and do I wish that wasn't true? 457 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,119 Speaker 2: Absolutely? Is it true? Yes? 458 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 1: So when you add on these little things that make 459 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: something sticky, because you are letting yourself down in a 460 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: different way which I'll get into in a second, or 461 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 1: you're letting somebody else down, you're so much more likely 462 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,719 Speaker 1: to stick to the habit, so that can look like 463 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 1: a financial loss for you. If you sign up for 464 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: a class that you prepay in advance, you can't get 465 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 1: that money back. 466 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 2: She has some great. 467 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: Research where she talks about how people who won't go 468 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: on vacation, if you get them to prepay for a 469 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 1: vacation that's non refundable, they'll actually take their vacation. 470 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 2: Days, which is a huge problem in the US. 471 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 1: There's so many people who don't take their vacation days 472 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: despite so much research showing it makes you better at work, 473 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: it makes you better at home, all these things. So 474 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 1: sign up for a prepaid vacation that you can't get 475 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: a refund on. But you can also do commitment devices 476 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 1: with other people. So if you have a friend that 477 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: you always do a walk with, you're not going to 478 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: let down that friend, even if you would let down yourself. 479 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 1: Whatever your habit is, if you can either find a 480 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: way to do it with another person. My whole cookbook 481 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 1: was called Health There Together, because I believe in the 482 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: power of people doing things together. There's so much science 483 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 1: to support it. But either find somebody else to do 484 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 1: it with, or find somebody to hold you accountable. Because again, 485 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 1: we're so much less likely to let somebody else down. 486 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 4: That's true. 487 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 3: I remember when I was working as a dietitian and 488 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 3: I would do an elderly clinic and it was so 489 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 3: interesting because the people who would come in who had 490 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:29,600 Speaker 3: lost their partners had no desire. They used to love 491 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 3: food and would be This is usually when they're a 492 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 3: bit malnourished, and so I would be trying to help them, 493 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 3: you know, put on some weight and gain some get 494 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 3: some better nutrition in them. 495 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 4: And they would have. 496 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 3: Such a love for food and they used to love it, 497 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 3: and then as soon as they lost their partner, they 498 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 3: lost the desire to cook, they lost the desire to eat. 499 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 3: They were just not interested. And community and being part 500 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 3: of something and having somebody that helps to encourage you 501 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 3: and be around you and and just feel that love 502 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 3: and support. 503 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 4: It affects everything. 504 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 2: And so what did you tell them to do? How 505 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 2: did you help? 506 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 3: Well, there were lots of wonderful community centers that had 507 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 3: been created in our area. And so like my mom 508 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 3: set one, I'm actually for elderly people who spoke my 509 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 3: native language, which is because you're outdy, because my grandma 510 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,920 Speaker 3: didn't speak English, and so what she did for them 511 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 3: was create every single Friday, and I think every single Tuesday, 512 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 3: all these cute old like Indian women would get together 513 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 3: and they'd sing together, and they'd eat together, and it 514 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 3: would really uplift them for the rest of their week. 515 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 3: Because some people don't even have other family members to 516 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 3: like spend time with them, that would be sometimes their 517 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 3: only interaction, but that small interaction would make such a 518 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 3: difference to their week they'd look forward to it. And 519 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 3: so it's almost like, what am I keeping myself healthy for? 520 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 3: Like what am I keeping myself well for? What's the 521 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 3: need for it if I don't have someone to interact 522 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 3: with or share it with or create memories with. And 523 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 3: so I think there's always a sense of there's a 524 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 3: beauty to accountability, but also so it makes you feel 525 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 3: so much happy at doing something with someone well. 526 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 1: And there's research to show that the number one predictor 527 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: of longevity and happiness is our relationships. It's from doctor 528 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: Robert Wadinger at the School of Adult Development at Harvard 529 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 1: is the longest running study of human happiness and health 530 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 1: in history. It's over eighty years long, and they found 531 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: that the number one predictor of health and longevity was 532 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,159 Speaker 1: our relationships, the strength of our relationships. 533 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, actually I remember Dan butna yea Dan Buttnah. I 534 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 3: loved when he had a section where he talks about 535 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 3: or on a podcast. He said keeping this is a 536 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,439 Speaker 3: little bit off topic, but keeping elderly part of the 537 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,360 Speaker 3: community and making them feel useful is also It goes 538 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 3: off the topic of what you just said. It keeps 539 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,919 Speaker 3: them alive for longer because they have a purpose and 540 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 3: they have a sense of like being part of something. 541 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 1: Well, and I think it works. It's so nice for 542 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,719 Speaker 1: younger generations too, Like we can learn from our history, 543 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 1: we can learn from the wisdom all these things. My 544 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: husband's father is ninety six years old and stories that 545 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,119 Speaker 1: he can tell are just the best. He was born 546 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 1: in the Great Depression. He was born when milkman came 547 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 1: around on like a horse and a carriage. 548 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 2: In his small town in Texas. 549 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 1: He had a refrigerator at one point that they got 550 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 1: and they had to feed coins into to like keep you. 551 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 2: Know what I mean. 552 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: You're like fought World War two, and I'm like, this 553 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,960 Speaker 1: is so cool that I get to hear these stories. 554 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 3: It is, Yeah, I know, I completely agree, and yeah, 555 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 3: companionship and having an accountability partner is just so important, 556 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 3: especially when you're trying to like stick to a goal. 557 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 2: It's bilateral. 558 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: It's like it's gonna help you stick to your goals, 559 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,719 Speaker 1: but then sticking to your goals is going to make 560 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: you relationships or it's just gone better like it's it's 561 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 1: it's good from all around. 562 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. And I also think fear is never an instrument 563 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 3: of change, Like when you're scaring yourself into something and 564 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 3: you're telling yourself even if it's I'm not going to 565 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 3: lose weight if I don't go to this workout, or 566 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,679 Speaker 3: I'm gonna you know, all those all those things that 567 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,440 Speaker 3: we internalize and tell ourselves and the negative self talk 568 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 3: we have to get us to do things, It's never 569 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,960 Speaker 3: an instrument of long term change. And so I think 570 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 3: we have to also learn how to change the way 571 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 3: we're phrasing things in our minds and also change the 572 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,680 Speaker 3: way that we are looking at an activity. Like if 573 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 3: your mind is saying to you, I'm not going to 574 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,960 Speaker 3: lose weight until I go to this workout, try and 575 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 3: change that to you know, I'm not going to feel 576 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 3: my best if I don't go to this workout or 577 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 3: I want to feel better in myself and that's why 578 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,199 Speaker 3: I'm going to this workout, or this workout makes me 579 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,640 Speaker 3: feel happy, and even if it doesn't right now, keep 580 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,679 Speaker 3: telling yourself that, because affirmations make such a difference. And 581 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 3: so yeah, I think we can't scare ourselves into doing things. 582 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:37,480 Speaker 3: It's literally like a child, you can't. You can't scare 583 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,639 Speaker 3: them into not touching something. They'll still touch it. But 584 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,680 Speaker 3: if you love them and you explain it to them, 585 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 3: and you with grace and love and patience tell them 586 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 3: that they're gonna understand and they're going to want to 587 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 3: do it for their benefit. And that's the same with ourselves. 588 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 3: We have to treat ourselves like a little child that 589 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 3: doesn't want to be taught out of fear. 590 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 1: I love that analogy, and I would add to it 591 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: that we can't shame ourselves. And I think we've been 592 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: told so many messages about who is lovable, what body 593 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: types are lovable, what faces are lovable, what jobs are lovable, 594 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 1: what salaries are lovable, all these different messages that we've internalized, 595 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 1: and we feel so much shame and we feel like 596 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,359 Speaker 1: we need to have these things to be lovable. And 597 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,959 Speaker 1: I think that if we can internalize that we are 598 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 1: lovable and we have worth exactly as we are, and 599 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 1: we get to do all of these things to take 600 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: care of us because we are so worthy of that love, 601 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: it completely changes the narrative around it. 602 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,439 Speaker 3: What was some of the things that you struggled with 603 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 3: in this area and then how did you change your 604 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 3: mindselling it? Like what did you do to make yourself 605 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 3: feel better or talk to yourself better in these situations. 606 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 1: I didn't work out until I was in my thirties. Like, 607 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: I worked at a wellness magazine and all of the 608 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 1: editors would like, do all these little workouts. I'd be like, no, no, 609 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: I'm cool, thank you so much. I'm the food director. 610 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: I'll be over here like making you guys yet me food, 611 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 1: which my desk was very popular because I always had 612 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: all the snatch. I bet the beauty editor was the 613 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,399 Speaker 1: only one who is like more, she had better stuff 614 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 1: than me. 615 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 2: But I was right below that. 616 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: But it was because I would go work out for 617 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 1: a little bit and then I'd be like, surely I 618 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: have abs now, and I would lift up my shirt 619 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: to check my abs in the mirror, and then I 620 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 1: still wouldn't have abs because I'd just been in the 621 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: gym for like twenty minutes, and then I would do 622 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,359 Speaker 1: it like all week long, and I'd be like, I 623 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,400 Speaker 1: bet my Boddy looks like this supermodel that I see 624 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: and it's like, oh no, I'm still feup. 625 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 2: Two, I still have the shit that I have that's 626 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 2: so cool. 627 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 4: That stretching did nothing, and it. 628 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: Was so disappointing, and I was so mad at myself. 629 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 1: I felt like I was a failure. And of course, 630 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 1: when you're just putting yourself in a situation over and 631 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,679 Speaker 1: over and over in which you feel like a failure, 632 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 1: You're not going to be motivated to continue to do that. 633 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: But when I was in my thirties, I made the 634 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 1: connection between working out and feeling calmer all day, having 635 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: my stress relieved, having more energy, and suddenly I had 636 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: motivation to do it because I had that one a 637 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: why that really really resonated with me. It's one of 638 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 1: my first tips in your book is find your why, 639 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 1: which we've talked about a lot. It's so so key 640 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: to making sure that you're not building a life that 641 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: might be dreamy for somebody else, but it is actually 642 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:08,480 Speaker 1: dreamy for you. 643 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 2: So I figured out why. 644 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: That resonated with me, and that made it so that 645 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: I was motivated because I could feel those results every 646 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,959 Speaker 1: single day. I wasn't waiting for some sort of ephemeral 647 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,560 Speaker 1: future that didn't resonate with me, that might not never 648 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 1: come or that might not ever come. Instead, every single 649 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: day I was like, Wow, I feel better right now today. 650 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,399 Speaker 1: And before I did the workout, I'd be like, ugh, 651 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. I don't want to 652 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,200 Speaker 1: do it, but I knew if I did it, I 653 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,679 Speaker 1: would feel better right. 654 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 2: Then, right away. 655 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: So I'm proud to say I stick to some form 656 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: of movement every single day, and sometimes the bar is 657 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: much lower, and sometimes the bar is higher, and that's 658 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: good too. I do think women particularly have been sold 659 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: a lot of messages about working out for burning calories 660 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: and for having our bodies look a certain way, and 661 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: there's so many unfortunate side effects of that. But one 662 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: is that the things that we classify workouts fit into a. 663 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 2: Very very very tiny knot because you're like. 664 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 1: Oh, a walk doesn't count because I'm not burning calories, 665 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: and burning calories is the sole goal for moving my body, 666 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 1: because that's what every magazine has told me since the 667 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,920 Speaker 1: second I could read and why to need. My definition 668 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,239 Speaker 1: of moving for my mental health to feel the way 669 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 1: I want to feel, to live as long as I 670 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 1: can to feel happier. 671 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 2: Has extended what workouts I can do. I can do yoga, 672 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 2: I can do walks. I can dance around to a 673 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 2: Taylor Swift song. I can lift weights sometimes too. I 674 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 2: can do pilates. 675 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: I can do all these things and they all count 676 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,240 Speaker 1: because my definition of what counts has broadened. 677 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think even the way that you think you 678 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 3: have to now it's even crazy. I feel even the 679 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 3: way that you think you have to look when you 680 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 3: do a specific workout, don't. 681 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,920 Speaker 2: Get me started. It's like it's wild. I do not 682 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 2: wear cute workout houses. I wear like the Bay T shirts. 683 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, the baggy T shirts and the sweats that 684 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,480 Speaker 3: you would never wear out. 685 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,120 Speaker 4: That's what we need to get back in. 686 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 2: Back in LA. 687 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,479 Speaker 1: I feel like it's probably ten times that like if 688 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: you're not writing, you're like little set, you're not. 689 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,400 Speaker 3: Not at school well, or you don't even want to 690 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 3: feel like, you don't feel like you deserve to be 691 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 3: doing the pilates because you don't have the cue outfit together. 692 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:07,560 Speaker 3: With it. 693 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 4: I do not. 694 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 3: I actually, you know, I love I have to say 695 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 3: because I love. I do enjoy movement, and I really 696 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,760 Speaker 3: enjoy working. I love trying so many different things, and 697 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 3: that was something that really helped me. It was just 698 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,840 Speaker 3: trying out as many things as possible to see what 699 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 3: I actually loved doing. I tried roller skating, I tried 700 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 3: trump I've got trampoline in the back. 701 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 4: I tried trampolining, a big one, the little ones. 702 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, the trubs are so good for your. 703 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,520 Speaker 3: Shaking everything out, like it really helps every time I'm 704 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 3: feeling a bit sluggish in the morning or feeling a 705 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,600 Speaker 3: bit stuck. 706 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 4: And stagnant and jump in like sense of it does. 707 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,680 Speaker 3: So I tried out so many different things and that 708 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 3: really helped for me to break out of the narrative 709 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 3: of what working out should look like. But at the 710 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 3: same time, I actually realized what a big part of 711 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 3: getting myself to go work out was having some really 712 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 3: cute clothes to do it in. As I felt like 713 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 3: there was a good balance of it of actually having 714 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 3: an outfit, just like you have outfits to go to 715 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 3: work or you haven't. You put on an outfit uniform, 716 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 3: a uniform yeah, or I'll get dressed to go out 717 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 3: to see my friends, or I'll get dressed to you know, 718 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 3: get onto camera. And there was a part that made 719 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 3: me feel excited that I have a section in my 720 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 3: wardrobe of clothing that is specific to when I choose 721 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 3: to move my body and work out and associate that 722 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 3: with good feelings. And so I think there was there's 723 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 3: the one extreme, but then there's also that feeling of oh, 724 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 3: I actually love waking up putting on my work out 725 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 3: outfits because I know that that sits me in the 726 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 3: mindset and the mood to get my body going and 727 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 3: makes me feel happy and energized. 728 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: Well, and I think the secret is figuring out what 729 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 1: is going to motivate you. 730 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 4: Exactly if it's going to. 731 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,280 Speaker 1: Motivate you, to make it so you can literally roll 732 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,240 Speaker 1: out of your bed and do some movement on the 733 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,800 Speaker 1: ground next to your bed and your Sweatband's amazing. If 734 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: putting on an outfit and making yourself feel you know, 735 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,640 Speaker 1: a little a little uniformed up is going to motivate you, 736 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: that's amazing too. 737 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 3: Totally, it's all such a personal experience. This was another 738 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 3: quote that I loved and I wanted to share it. 739 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 3: You said, instead of hating the way your cellulite looks 740 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,720 Speaker 3: at the gym and pushing your limits on the ways 741 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 3: to try to hate yourself into a body you love, 742 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 3: focus on how strong your body feels. How do you 743 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 3: want to use this strength you're creating? And I just 744 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 3: love that because it's so true, especially the part where 745 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 3: you say when you try to hate yourself into a 746 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 3: body you love, and that's what that's literally what we've 747 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,440 Speaker 3: been talking about. You end up telling yourself all these 748 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 3: horrible things just to try and get yourself into a 749 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 3: body you love. But by that point you said so 750 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:34,320 Speaker 3: many terrible things to yourself that even when you potentially 751 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,480 Speaker 3: get that body that you've been desiring and craving, you've 752 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 3: poured so much hate into yourself that you can't even 753 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 3: see yourself in that way anymore. 754 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 4: And so it ends up kind of being this vicious cycle. 755 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:44,040 Speaker 4: There isn't it one. 756 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: Hundred percent one of my mantras if we're sharing all 757 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,320 Speaker 1: the mantras here, Yes. 758 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 2: Your body is for living, not looking. And that has 759 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 2: been so so helpful for me. 760 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: And I just did a podcast with doctor Lindsay Kite, 761 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,560 Speaker 1: who does she has our PhD around how we perceive 762 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: our bodies and all these different things, and she took 763 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 1: it a step further, which is, not only have a 764 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: mantra like that, but also in those moments where you're 765 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 1: feeling caught up in your body being for looking, maybe 766 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: you're trying to close and you're not liking how they look, 767 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,440 Speaker 1: and yourself berating because of that, maybe just feeling bad 768 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,000 Speaker 1: about how you look in some way, go live in 769 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: your body in those moments instead. Go jump on your trampling, 770 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,959 Speaker 1: Go put on a song and dance to it, Go 771 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 1: make out with your partner, Go figure out a way 772 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 1: to get into the experience of living in your body. 773 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 1: And I find that really really helpful. But just the 774 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: mantra alone, my body is for living, not looking. I 775 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:34,040 Speaker 1: do not exist to be perceived. I exist to live 776 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 1: a full, rich, exciting, satisfying life has been incredibly helpful 777 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:38,720 Speaker 1: for me. 778 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, me and Jay were talking about this when we 779 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 3: were on a retreat in India, and it's so easy 780 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,120 Speaker 3: to get into the bodily mindset from the moment you 781 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 3: wake up, because you brush your teeth, you looking yourself 782 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,520 Speaker 3: in the mirror, you get you're looking yourself in the 783 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,280 Speaker 3: mirror from the moment we wake up. And so you know, 784 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 3: I constantly now every morning I wake up and I'm saying, 785 00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 3: I'm not this body. I'm a spiritual Like That's what 786 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 3: I telling myself before I even look in the mirror. 787 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,840 Speaker 3: I keep reminding myself like I'm here to like be 788 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,359 Speaker 3: an instrument, I'm here to be a vessel. I'm here 789 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 3: to be I have a physical body, but I am 790 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: not this physical body. And even just saying that to myself, 791 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 3: from the moment I wake up, I look at myself 792 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 3: in the mirror, and I see myself a little bit differently. Yeah, 793 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:19,719 Speaker 3: I might see bits like oh, I've got the spot 794 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,840 Speaker 3: on my face, or you know, oh, maybe I do 795 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,640 Speaker 3: want to change these bits about myself, but I don't 796 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:28,240 Speaker 3: get bogged down in living from the perspective of my body. 797 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,320 Speaker 3: And it really changes everything. It changes my interactions with people, 798 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 3: It changes how I view other people, and it allows me, 799 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,839 Speaker 3: if I'm seeing myself as the soul and not this 800 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 3: physical body, allows me to also see other people in 801 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:42,480 Speaker 3: that way. 802 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 4: Because what you. 803 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 3: Are feeling about yourself or how you're treating yourself is 804 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:47,960 Speaker 3: also how your energy is going to be perceived to 805 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 3: other people, and so. 806 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 2: That makes me not when I have a mirror in 807 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:51,960 Speaker 2: my bathroom. 808 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,520 Speaker 1: Yeah right, So interesting that like the second because I 809 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,360 Speaker 1: brush my teeth very first thing is like literally the 810 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: first thing that I do in the morning. Yeah, and 811 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: it is interesting that you're staring. 812 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 4: Yourself in the mirror. 813 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 3: I remember that I went to this village in Rwanda, 814 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,359 Speaker 3: and I remember somebody telling me there. And I may 815 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,879 Speaker 3: have got this wrong and the interpretation may be wrong, 816 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,399 Speaker 3: but he told me that they one don't like taking 817 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 3: pictures of themselves because they believe that that a part 818 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,880 Speaker 3: of you is like taken away every single time a 819 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 3: photo is taken, and they don't keep mirrors to look 820 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,359 Speaker 3: at themselves because they feel the same thing. As soon 821 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 3: as you're captured in some way, even if it is 822 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 3: through your own eyes, you are you almost like your 823 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:31,920 Speaker 3: souls being taken away from you. 824 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,359 Speaker 2: So do none of us have souls left with. 825 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:39,120 Speaker 3: I know, right, but I thought that was such an 826 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 3: interesting philosophy. And imagine living like a full day without 827 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,240 Speaker 3: looking at yourself in the mirror. 828 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 1: Oh, I feel like so many of us would feel 829 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 1: such a sense of freedom. Yeah, I feel definitely amount of. 830 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,080 Speaker 4: Brain like a lot of anxiety and then freedom. 831 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,000 Speaker 1: I feel like the amount of brain space we all 832 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,719 Speaker 1: devote on a daily basis to thinking about how we 833 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: look and how we're perceived this wild and if we 834 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 1: freed up that brain space, I'm like, what could we do? 835 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,800 Speaker 1: Especially women, I'm like, it almost feels like a trap 836 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: in some ways. And a way that we keep women 837 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,000 Speaker 1: out of power is to like set the perception that 838 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,319 Speaker 1: women need to wear makeup on a daily basis to 839 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,400 Speaker 1: go into public and men don't need to. So how 840 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 1: much time is that women need to wear high heels 841 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 1: to wear all these outfits and men men don't have 842 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,400 Speaker 1: the same requirements to show up. And I'm like, gosh, 843 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,560 Speaker 1: if we could get if we if you like it, 844 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 1: I'm not shaming you, Like I'm wearing makeup right now, 845 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: I'm wearing a. 846 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 2: Cute outfit all of these things. 847 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: But if that wasn't the expectation, if that wasn't where 848 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 1: the bare minimum bar was said, I'm like, what could 849 00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,359 Speaker 1: we be doing with all that time? 850 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,080 Speaker 4: And that Pamela Anderson has done that? Have you seen that? 851 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 3: Yes, it's just so and it's it's crazy because refreshing, 852 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 3: and it's a refreshing, but so so sad that it is. 853 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 3: She's probably one of the only parent Alicia Keys and 854 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:52,359 Speaker 3: probably two of the only people like it. 855 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,600 Speaker 2: And that it's like headline news, That's what I mean, 856 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,360 Speaker 2: such a big thing. It's like she's nobody's like George 857 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,320 Speaker 2: Clooney is nowhere with that exactly. 858 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,480 Speaker 4: And it's and it's. 859 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: Also interesting if you start to look at like magazines, 860 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,360 Speaker 1: the men's magazine covers that like they have like the 861 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 1: forehead wrinkles and like people like that sort of like 862 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 1: wizzled look. 863 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,720 Speaker 2: And women air brush within an inch of their lives. 864 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I I yeah, it's slowly but surely Pamela 865 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 3: Anderson and Alicia Kisa head in the movement. 866 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 1: Well, and it's so I also think this is another 867 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,880 Speaker 1: area we need to be so gentle with ourselves, because 868 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:33,400 Speaker 1: I think it's really hard to live in a world 869 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: that is filled with these judgments and want to change 870 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,080 Speaker 1: it and then be berating yourself for participating in all 871 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,400 Speaker 1: of that. So I could sit here and say, oh, 872 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,400 Speaker 1: it's really shitty that I wear makeup, that I have 873 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,200 Speaker 1: hair extensions, all of these different things, or I can 874 00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,799 Speaker 1: say I can be gentle with myself. I can want 875 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,360 Speaker 1: change I can do the things that are within my 876 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,359 Speaker 1: power to create that change, and I can be gentle 877 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,840 Speaker 1: the fact that I have to live in this world 878 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,640 Speaker 1: and I have to be perceived in these ways. 879 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 3: And I noticed that when I moved to La, everybody 880 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,200 Speaker 3: was hanging out going to the nail salon and like 881 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,080 Speaker 3: going to get their nails done a lot, and it 882 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,880 Speaker 3: was a regular thing that happened. And so I actually 883 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,280 Speaker 3: started doing my nails a lot, even though I fundamentally 884 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,240 Speaker 3: didn't enjoy spending time in the nail salon, absolutely despise 885 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,719 Speaker 3: spending I could not believe I was spending that many 886 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,520 Speaker 3: hours in the nail salon doing my nails, and I 887 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,719 Speaker 3: didn't enjoy the fumes, and I like, there was so 888 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:29,080 Speaker 3: much about the practice, and I have such a thing 889 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,360 Speaker 3: about putting toxic things on my body, and I know 890 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 3: that that's what it was. But because it was a 891 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 3: value and something that everybody around me enjoyed, I made 892 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 3: myself believe it was my value and part of my 893 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 3: like what I like doing. And last year I just 894 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 3: said to myself, I said, do I really if I 895 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 3: count up how many hours I will spend for the 896 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:54,200 Speaker 3: rest of my life doing my nails, is that something 897 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 3: I want to do and then going and getting them 898 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,480 Speaker 3: taken off? Forget about putting them on and getting them 899 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 3: And this is such a my new example, but it 900 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,120 Speaker 3: just brought me back. I thought of that when you said, 901 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,359 Speaker 3: are the habits and goals? Are the habits and goals 902 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 3: that I'm doing like rooted in my value belief values 903 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 3: and beliefs and in my goals and in my life journey. 904 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 1: And it was so interesting because in some ways you 905 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,719 Speaker 1: had a goal and a value around community and being 906 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,120 Speaker 1: social and then that was coming against another value goal. 907 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 3: A complicated it is, but then it also made me 908 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 3: realize that but because I started that trend for myself, 909 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 3: I kept going and doing it even though I didn't 910 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,759 Speaker 3: want to. And anyway, it just made me realize. I 911 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 3: made a decision last year that, Okay, I of course 912 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 3: I love spending time on myself like I but I 913 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,479 Speaker 3: would prefer to get a massage for myself versus getting 914 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,279 Speaker 3: my nails done. So not saying getting your nails done 915 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 3: is bad, but it wasn't aligning with it with many 916 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,560 Speaker 3: of my values or how I wanted to spend my time, 917 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,840 Speaker 3: and so I stopped doing my tonails, and I stopped 918 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 3: doing my fingernails and I was just like, and I 919 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,439 Speaker 3: stopped doing my eyebrows, and I was just like, all 920 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,319 Speaker 3: these things are so minute, but actually they made me 921 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,560 Speaker 3: feel so much more like myself and all those and 922 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 3: we don't realize that it's those micro things that we 923 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 3: do we can keep. The more micro things that we 924 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 3: end up changing about ourselves that are not aligned with 925 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,640 Speaker 3: our values and our goals, the further and further we 926 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 3: slowly are etching. So even if it's not a big leap, Okay, 927 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 3: we're not making a really bad decision or you know, 928 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:21,240 Speaker 3: making something that's so against our values, but the micro 929 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,440 Speaker 3: things build up. And so I was noticing the micro 930 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,600 Speaker 3: things were building up for me, and that's why it 931 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:31,400 Speaker 3: kept making me feel uncomfortable. And so yeah, just making 932 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,640 Speaker 3: that little it felt like a little step back towards myself, 933 00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,200 Speaker 3: and a little step back towards myself, which felt so lovely. 934 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,200 Speaker 2: I think that all the time about micro thoughts that 935 00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 2: we have. 936 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, because we'll be like, oh, I spent this time meditating, 937 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,160 Speaker 1: why don't I feel calm and peaceful and like I 938 00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,000 Speaker 1: love myself all day? And it's like, well, you spent 939 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: twenty minutes meditating, and then you spent eight hours being 940 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 1: incredibly stressed out, feeling angry to your boss, feeling mad 941 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,520 Speaker 1: at yourself. We're not getting enough done running from thing 942 00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: to thing, and it's like, well, that's so much more time. 943 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:01,880 Speaker 1: And I think it's so important to think about the 944 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,480 Speaker 1: thoughts that we are having throughout our day in addition 945 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,320 Speaker 1: to these larger practices. 946 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,400 Speaker 2: Which is I think it can be a little disheartening 947 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:09,719 Speaker 2: for people. 948 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:11,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes they're like, oh my god, I have to I 949 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,640 Speaker 1: can't like have this space to think, you know, whatever 950 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 1: I want. And it's like, yes, But also it means 951 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,920 Speaker 1: that that five seconds when you're not reaching for your 952 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,879 Speaker 1: phone while you're at a stap light and instead you're 953 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,080 Speaker 1: sitting and being with yourself. It means that catching yourself 954 00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 1: when you're yelling at yourself in your head and saying, 955 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,520 Speaker 1: how would I talk to my friend, how would I 956 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:30,920 Speaker 1: talk to my sister, how would I talk to a 957 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,680 Speaker 1: child about this? It means all of those little things 958 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,759 Speaker 1: are actually making a huge, huge, huge difference, And it 959 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,400 Speaker 1: means that every single moment we have the power to 960 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:40,920 Speaker 1: choose to make that difference. 961 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love what you said. About this stoplight, because 962 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:48,840 Speaker 3: filling the silences is something that I I've tried to 963 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,000 Speaker 3: work on. Because I'm in the car, I'm listening to music, 964 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,000 Speaker 3: or I'm catching up with friends on the phone, or 965 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,560 Speaker 3: you know, so many of us were on the toilet 966 00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,799 Speaker 3: and we're on our phone scrolling, and there's just so 967 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,719 Speaker 3: many moments which could be moments of internal reflection and 968 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,719 Speaker 3: just hear not even internal reflection, hearing our thoughts. Yes, 969 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,759 Speaker 3: they could be moments of just listening and tuning in 970 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,920 Speaker 3: and listening to what is actually being repeated over and 971 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:15,600 Speaker 3: over again in our mind again, micro moments of seeing 972 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,839 Speaker 3: what are the words, what are the thoughts, what are 973 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,080 Speaker 3: the things that I'm telling myself all the things that 974 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 3: other people have said that are staying in my body 975 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,600 Speaker 3: and in my vessel, because those things, if they keep 976 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,040 Speaker 3: repeating and we're not noticing them, they're going to leave 977 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,479 Speaker 3: deeper imprints in us well. 978 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 2: And having those moments to tune in is when you can. 979 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: Realize that's not my voice, that's my mom's voice, that's 980 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:39,719 Speaker 1: my teacher's voice, that's my ex boyfriend's voice. And I 981 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,759 Speaker 1: think that that's a really powerful differentiation to make too. 982 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,120 Speaker 3: It is the other thing that you said about the 983 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,840 Speaker 3: rest of the time that you're spending after your meditation. 984 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,400 Speaker 3: My teacher, rather than not Sami, he would always say, like, 985 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,239 Speaker 3: we're spending two hours meditating, but what are you doing 986 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,640 Speaker 3: for the other twenty two twenty two hours of the day, 987 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,440 Speaker 3: Because if and how can we expect to have this 988 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 3: calm meditative practice for those two hours if those other 989 00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 3: twenty two hours are fully chaotic. So it's not that 990 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,400 Speaker 3: you know, there's never gonna be perfection. Perfection doesn't like whatever. 991 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:11,680 Speaker 4: That even means. 992 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 3: But if you do want a beautiful and peaceful meditative practice, 993 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 3: you have to find a way to create those moments 994 00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,839 Speaker 3: during the day and think every single thing that you're doing, 995 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,040 Speaker 3: is this bringing me closer to that moment or is 996 00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,080 Speaker 3: this bringing me further away from it? Yeah, And so 997 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:31,280 Speaker 3: those little micro decisions, the micro moments, the micro thoughts 998 00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,440 Speaker 3: that we have, they do accumulate, and so we do 999 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,560 Speaker 3: have to be a little bit more mindful about those things. 1000 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:38,919 Speaker 3: But again, give yourself grace because you don't know what's 1001 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,560 Speaker 3: going to come at you that day and how you're 1002 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:41,600 Speaker 3: gonna end up reacting. 1003 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,880 Speaker 1: Well, and at every moment you're practicing something. So in 1004 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:48,040 Speaker 1: moments where you're practicing distraction, you're getting better at distraction. 1005 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,680 Speaker 2: At moments where you're practicing focus, you're getting better at focus. 1006 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:54,040 Speaker 1: At moments that you're practicing being reactive and stressed, you're 1007 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,480 Speaker 1: practicing that, and of course you're getting better at that. 1008 00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,400 Speaker 1: So I love thinking about it that way because it 1009 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:01,680 Speaker 1: means that even if I can just grab a tiny 1010 00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,719 Speaker 1: moment of reacting a little bit different, being closer to 1011 00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 1: the self that I aspire to be, that's a practice 1012 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,879 Speaker 1: and that's going to make it so I'm getting better 1013 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,360 Speaker 1: at that versus the opposite. 1014 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,040 Speaker 4: Absolutely. 1015 00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:15,160 Speaker 3: Another thing that you wrote about is temptation bundling. I 1016 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,279 Speaker 3: love that to stick to your. 1017 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,120 Speaker 4: Habits, and I realize I do that all the time, 1018 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:18,359 Speaker 4: but I. 1019 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,000 Speaker 3: Didn't realize it was, you know, I didn't believe a 1020 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,520 Speaker 3: au conscious things. So I'm trying to do I've read 1021 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,080 Speaker 3: Glucose Goddess's book, and I've been trying to do even 1022 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,960 Speaker 3: like a ten minute walk or something after I eat. 1023 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,240 Speaker 3: So in the evening, I find it the most difficult 1024 00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 3: because sometimes I just want to sit. 1025 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 4: And not not be active. 1026 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,840 Speaker 3: So whether it's a little show or a clip of something, 1027 00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,719 Speaker 3: or you know a voice, know that my mum sent me, 1028 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,319 Speaker 3: I will I'll be okay, that's like ten minutes long. 1029 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,319 Speaker 3: Let me find something that's ten minutes long and let 1030 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,120 Speaker 3: me watch it or hear it. And our partner something 1031 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 3: I know I love doing with something that I don't 1032 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,239 Speaker 3: want to do so much, and it's just been such 1033 00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,399 Speaker 3: so easy to get into it, and so I really 1034 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,160 Speaker 3: appreciate that, because why not take something that you love 1035 00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:59,600 Speaker 3: with something that you want to love and pare them 1036 00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:03,800 Speaker 3: together so that you have like more opportunity for success. 1037 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, A huge other part of my workout, beyond the 1038 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 1: telling myself different messages and all of that, but has 1039 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,640 Speaker 1: been saving my very favorite podcast to listen to while 1040 00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,480 Speaker 1: I work out. And the key with temptation bundling is 1041 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,400 Speaker 1: you don't allow yourself that thing unless you're doing the 1042 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,560 Speaker 1: thing that you don't want. So if you never want 1043 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,319 Speaker 1: to fold laundry, which is me, it's like my one 1044 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,399 Speaker 1: household chore. Yeah, and my husband's like, I do everything else, 1045 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:27,240 Speaker 1: can you fold the launch? 1046 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,640 Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't know, it's so. 1047 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,719 Speaker 4: Hard, but I it's hard. 1048 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,120 Speaker 1: It's so hard, and then it just piles up and 1049 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,759 Speaker 1: then it's dirty again because it's been staying a pile 1050 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:40,359 Speaker 1: for an hour or for days. But I saved Real 1051 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,879 Speaker 1: Housewives of New York, which was my first foray into 1052 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,759 Speaker 1: the Real Housewives franchise, and I loved it, and it 1053 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,360 Speaker 1: was like my favorite show, and I would save that 1054 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:48,880 Speaker 1: And I only got to watch that when I was 1055 00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:51,160 Speaker 1: folding the laundry. And you better believe that when the 1056 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 1: show was airing, I was folding the laundry on a 1057 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,160 Speaker 1: regular basis because I wanted to catch up in my 1058 00:45:55,160 --> 00:46:01,160 Speaker 1: favorite episodes. Unfortunately it's over now I have to find 1059 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,319 Speaker 1: a new show that I like. But you save your 1060 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,880 Speaker 1: favorite thing for the thing that you don't want to 1061 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,879 Speaker 1: do so that you have that motivation. If it's washing 1062 00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,000 Speaker 1: dishes for you, save your favorite podcast for that time, 1063 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,520 Speaker 1: and save your favorite show for doing chores. Save a 1064 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,400 Speaker 1: catch up with a person that you really want. 1065 00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:15,920 Speaker 4: To catch up with. 1066 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,359 Speaker 1: And it's a really, really powerful, a little treat. You know, 1067 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,560 Speaker 1: you can only get this fancy coffee drink that you 1068 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,680 Speaker 1: really like if you're doing your email inbox when you're 1069 00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:27,799 Speaker 1: drinking that fancy coffee drink. But there's so many ways 1070 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,879 Speaker 1: we can temptation bundle, and there's really powerful research behind 1071 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:31,600 Speaker 1: how effective it is. 1072 00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,799 Speaker 3: I I temptation bundle with recently it's spin. I didn't 1073 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:37,680 Speaker 3: actually mention this, and I just remembered. I was like, 1074 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,880 Speaker 3: I'm lying, there is another thing I watch, But I 1075 00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:44,319 Speaker 3: realized that I pair it with my walking so that 1076 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,799 Speaker 3: I then don't keep watching it because it's such a 1077 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,000 Speaker 3: good I watch Love Island. 1078 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,560 Speaker 2: Oh I haven't got into that. 1079 00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,960 Speaker 4: Don't do it. It's a don't do it. 1080 00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:56,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't want to watch it, but you can't 1081 00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,520 Speaker 3: help yourself. So my temptation bunding is also for the 1082 00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,680 Speaker 3: benefit of myself not trying to get into bed or 1083 00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,200 Speaker 3: not trying to sit in front of the TV and. 1084 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,719 Speaker 4: Watch episode after episode of it. 1085 00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,799 Speaker 3: So I'm like, okay, you get one episode of this 1086 00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:10,600 Speaker 3: while you walk and that's it. 1087 00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:12,879 Speaker 1: So it's that's such a smart use of it too, 1088 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:17,839 Speaker 1: like or if you like want to walk some yeah, 1089 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,399 Speaker 1: you're like, I only get to do this when I'm 1090 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,080 Speaker 1: doing this. That's the really smartest of it. As I 1091 00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,480 Speaker 1: want to call out, you've mentioned the voice note from 1092 00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,720 Speaker 1: your mom, and I feel like you're better at staying 1093 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:29,800 Speaker 1: in touch and like keeping close relationships with long distance 1094 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,520 Speaker 1: people than anybody I've ever met, and I feel like 1095 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,759 Speaker 1: it's such an inspiring thing, especially so many of us, 1096 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,400 Speaker 1: like I have so many friends in New York, I 1097 00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,440 Speaker 1: have so many friends in the UK and LA, like 1098 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,840 Speaker 1: all over, and it's such an important skill that we 1099 00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,359 Speaker 1: should all be cultivating these days. 1100 00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:45,600 Speaker 2: And I feel like you're so good at it. 1101 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:45,920 Speaker 4: Thank you. 1102 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,319 Speaker 3: I would say that a lot of my friends who 1103 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:51,520 Speaker 3: are actually in LA probably laugh at this because everyone 1104 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:54,719 Speaker 3: tells me I just never text back, and it's so 1105 00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:58,640 Speaker 3: funny because what's true is the further way they are, 1106 00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,480 Speaker 3: the more I try to keep in touch with people. 1107 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,640 Speaker 4: And it's probably good. 1108 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:06,279 Speaker 3: And bad, but I am I am infamous in my 1109 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,040 Speaker 3: friend group and my family group for never messaging back. 1110 00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,719 Speaker 2: Have you suggested that they just move away and I 1111 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,399 Speaker 2: never respond that. 1112 00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:14,799 Speaker 4: Would be yeah, I should do that. 1113 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,799 Speaker 3: But I also have told them I'm just What I 1114 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,000 Speaker 3: realized is I'm not a messager. I'm someone who if 1115 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:21,799 Speaker 3: you call me, I will always pick up, and if 1116 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,600 Speaker 3: you voice notoe me, I will voice it you back. 1117 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,360 Speaker 3: But I because my phone is used so much for 1118 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,880 Speaker 3: my work, I find it so difficult because people are 1119 00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,520 Speaker 3: messaging me during the day personal things, and then at 1120 00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:34,400 Speaker 3: the same time I have my work messages going on, 1121 00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,000 Speaker 3: and so I think I've kind of got a block 1122 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,080 Speaker 3: on messaging people back on my phone for some odd reasons. 1123 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,839 Speaker 3: I'm like, well, did you try to call me? Did 1124 00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:43,799 Speaker 3: you try voice? Not me, I've never not picked up 1125 00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:44,280 Speaker 3: your call. 1126 00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: But this is that's an important part of like figuring 1127 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,319 Speaker 1: out how to stand touched to its figuring out what 1128 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 1: are the ways that actually work for you that you 1129 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,239 Speaker 1: can stick to. Voice notes for me are the way 1130 00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,120 Speaker 1: that I stay in touch with people, and I love it. 1131 00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,160 Speaker 1: I just it feels like a connection, but it was 1132 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,000 Speaker 1: like a connection, not on demand, and in the time 1133 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,480 Speaker 1: that you can want to connect. 1134 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,439 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, I wrote you back just a month later. 1135 00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:09,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, I wrote you back a month later. Okay, there 1136 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,080 Speaker 3: was no time period pot on this message. I am 1137 00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,480 Speaker 3: very good at keeping in touch with my immediate family, though, 1138 00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:17,520 Speaker 3: I just I talk to my mom every single day. 1139 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,239 Speaker 3: I'll talk to my grandma if she remembers how to 1140 00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 3: use her face timing way whenever I can. And the 1141 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:26,600 Speaker 3: easy way I figured out with my mom because it's 1142 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:28,560 Speaker 3: the busier I got, the more she'd be like, where 1143 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:28,840 Speaker 3: are you. 1144 00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,439 Speaker 4: I haven't spoken to you? And she's used to talking 1145 00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:30,680 Speaker 4: to me. 1146 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,360 Speaker 3: About three times a day minimum, and so I bundle 1147 00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:36,160 Speaker 3: that with whenever I'm making my meals. So if I'm 1148 00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,400 Speaker 3: making my breakfast for her, it's like her lunch time. 1149 00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,040 Speaker 3: If I'm making my lunch, it's her dinner time. And 1150 00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:45,400 Speaker 3: so I kind of have tried to pick those moments 1151 00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,120 Speaker 3: because otherwise I'm with teams and days just go by 1152 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:49,200 Speaker 3: and I don't get to have it. 1153 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,280 Speaker 4: Actually, have it stank, Yeah, have it stanky? 1154 00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:54,840 Speaker 3: I love I love all the little One line is you, 1155 00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,240 Speaker 3: how can I favor it? The last thing that I 1156 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,200 Speaker 3: loved in that section not the last thing, but so 1157 00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,799 Speaker 3: many things in that section was think about your death. 1158 00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,360 Speaker 3: And the reason I picked that is because I actually 1159 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,719 Speaker 3: honestly think about my death every day, and not in 1160 00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,680 Speaker 3: a morbid way at all, not just my own death. 1161 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:17,520 Speaker 3: I think about people's deaths a lot, and it's been 1162 00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:21,120 Speaker 3: something that has motivated me to stay closer to people, 1163 00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:22,319 Speaker 3: to connect with people more. 1164 00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,120 Speaker 4: But I became more aware of it. 1165 00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,840 Speaker 3: Because we were talking about waking up feeling anxious, and 1166 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,520 Speaker 3: I said I was saying to Jay, I was like, 1167 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,680 Speaker 3: I realized, I actually think I wake up anxious a 1168 00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:36,200 Speaker 3: little bit every day, and he was like why, And 1169 00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:38,680 Speaker 3: it was because I was always reaching for my phone 1170 00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,120 Speaker 3: just to be like, let me just make sure, like 1171 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,680 Speaker 3: my mind would always wake up and the first thought 1172 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:45,960 Speaker 3: from the moment my consciousness comes into, like, you know, 1173 00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:50,120 Speaker 3: play in the morning. That's been my first thought from 1174 00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:51,919 Speaker 3: the moment I moved away, and that was seven years ago. 1175 00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:57,000 Speaker 3: And so it's been an interesting practice to allow that 1176 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,240 Speaker 3: to be because I don't think that ever really goes away, 1177 00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,640 Speaker 3: because as much as I believe what is will be, 1178 00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:05,080 Speaker 3: you can't help how much you care about people. And 1179 00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:09,920 Speaker 3: so it's been a really beautiful way to connect to people, 1180 00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,440 Speaker 3: to love people deeply, but also to realign myself, Like 1181 00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,560 Speaker 3: every time I think about my own death or even 1182 00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:17,919 Speaker 3: other people say that, I'm like, is. 1183 00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:19,799 Speaker 4: This what I really want to like every day? If 1184 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:20,840 Speaker 4: I am. 1185 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,759 Speaker 3: Doing these these little things, or if I'm saying yes 1186 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,360 Speaker 3: to a deal, or if I'm saying yes to spending 1187 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,600 Speaker 3: the next six months focusing on this, is this really 1188 00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:33,040 Speaker 3: aligned with who I want to be? And I think 1189 00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,799 Speaker 3: it's the one thing that is inevitable in life. But 1190 00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:37,640 Speaker 3: the thing we talk about the least, like death is 1191 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,279 Speaker 3: the one thing that is one hundred percent certain for 1192 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,480 Speaker 3: all of us, but we just don't speak about it enough, 1193 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:46,439 Speaker 3: and it feels like such a scary thing because there's 1194 00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:50,480 Speaker 3: this fear of the unknown. But I really love you 1195 00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,200 Speaker 3: that you touched on it in your book because it 1196 00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,880 Speaker 3: really is such a great way to realign yourself. 1197 00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, and one hundred percent is And I love that 1198 00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,600 Speaker 1: you asked about it. I will say that nobody has 1199 00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:03,600 Speaker 1: ever asked me about that tip in an interview. 1200 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,480 Speaker 2: I'm always trying to like shove it in because I 1201 00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,320 Speaker 2: think it is so important. 1202 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,440 Speaker 1: But nobody ever asked about it. And I think it 1203 00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,359 Speaker 1: is because it is scary. And the reason that it's 1204 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,400 Speaker 1: in the book is because I think it gives us 1205 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,520 Speaker 1: an incredible sense of perspective. You can both think about 1206 00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,439 Speaker 1: the ways that you want to be spending your days. 1207 00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:23,680 Speaker 1: You can think about, Gosh, if I'm ninety five years 1208 00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:25,799 Speaker 1: old and I'm looking back at my life, will I 1209 00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:28,080 Speaker 1: be happy with the amount of time that I scrolled 1210 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,880 Speaker 1: on social media today? Will I be happy with not 1211 00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:34,600 Speaker 1: having taken this chance or taken this risk? And research 1212 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:37,919 Speaker 1: shows by the way that the vast majority of us 1213 00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,799 Speaker 1: will far regret not taking a risk than taking a risk. 1214 00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:42,520 Speaker 1: And I think that thinking about your death can kind 1215 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,240 Speaker 1: of push you in that direction in a nice way, 1216 00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:49,200 Speaker 1: but also it can help you reframe the moments that 1217 00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:51,680 Speaker 1: you're living in your life. If you're ninety five years 1218 00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,200 Speaker 1: old and you're looking back in your life, I don't 1219 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,440 Speaker 1: think there's going to be a single person who will 1220 00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,120 Speaker 1: be like Gosh. I wish I had worried about my 1221 00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:01,080 Speaker 1: salulatee more at the beach, covered myself up with a 1222 00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:05,120 Speaker 1: towel and not really like that that was what mattered 1223 00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:07,279 Speaker 1: that day. That ninety five year old is going to 1224 00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,360 Speaker 1: be like I wish I had played with my friends. 1225 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,520 Speaker 1: I wish I had enjoyed the feeling of the sunshine 1226 00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,400 Speaker 1: on my skin and the sand in my toes. I 1227 00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,960 Speaker 1: wish I had drinken that cool drink and really savored 1228 00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,680 Speaker 1: every single second of it, and eaten a fun little 1229 00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:23,040 Speaker 1: snack and just enjoyed every single moment in these bodies 1230 00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,800 Speaker 1: because they are so precious. And I find that zooming 1231 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,640 Speaker 1: out and giving ourselves that perspective can provide a lot 1232 00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:31,880 Speaker 1: of clarity in how we're spending our time. 1233 00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,000 Speaker 3: I love that you gave the example because I think 1234 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,360 Speaker 3: that I've had so many moments, especially since moving to 1235 00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,880 Speaker 3: La where it's been like a pull moment or a 1236 00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,239 Speaker 3: sea moment, and because there's been too many people around, 1237 00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:43,600 Speaker 3: and I felt so conscious about like running into the 1238 00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,400 Speaker 3: sea or or you know, that became such a normal 1239 00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:49,680 Speaker 3: thing for me, of not participating in something because of 1240 00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:52,680 Speaker 3: my worry of how I'm going to look or how 1241 00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,520 Speaker 3: I'm going to be perceived, or not dancing at a 1242 00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,960 Speaker 3: party because maybe my dance means aren't as cool as 1243 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:00,000 Speaker 3: this other person, or I can't dance, or I don't 1244 00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:01,040 Speaker 3: have rhythm. 1245 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:03,840 Speaker 1: Or I have a firm belief about dancing. And I 1246 00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:05,400 Speaker 1: tell this to my husband all the time, which is, 1247 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,120 Speaker 1: there is no such thing as a bad dance, right, 1248 00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:09,960 Speaker 1: There's literally no such thing in the amount of us 1249 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:13,480 Speaker 1: who prevent ourselves from doing something that for thousands of 1250 00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:16,680 Speaker 1: years has been part of every culture throughout history because 1251 00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:19,400 Speaker 1: it is such an important way that humans express themselves, 1252 00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:22,359 Speaker 1: They feel things, they communicate. The fact that we don't 1253 00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,759 Speaker 1: allow ourselves to do that because of what we think 1254 00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,640 Speaker 1: is like I know, all or good is insane to me. 1255 00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:31,120 Speaker 2: A good dancer is somebody who is enjoying dancing. Period. 1256 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:35,560 Speaker 3: I completely agree, and I think over time, I've reminded 1257 00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,279 Speaker 3: myself of all those what you're saying of just am 1258 00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,920 Speaker 3: I really going to be worried about this when I'm older? 1259 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:41,080 Speaker 4: Like? 1260 00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,839 Speaker 3: Am I not going to really regret not running into 1261 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:46,480 Speaker 3: that sea and the ocean and feeling, you know, the 1262 00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:48,879 Speaker 3: waves and feeling the sun on my face and doing 1263 00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:49,640 Speaker 3: all of those things? 1264 00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:50,440 Speaker 4: Am I not gonna get? 1265 00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,240 Speaker 3: But you really have to remind yourself of that otherwise 1266 00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,240 Speaker 3: if you're daily pract serious in the moment. 1267 00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:58,319 Speaker 2: Yeah, it does. And I do think every time we 1268 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,680 Speaker 2: have the opportunity to dance that we dance, we will 1269 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:01,080 Speaker 2: at it. 1270 00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:04,120 Speaker 3: I agree with my team. We said every Friday we 1271 00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,360 Speaker 3: would meet and the two girls on my team we 1272 00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:09,960 Speaker 3: would put on this one song. And I'm like, Okay, 1273 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,239 Speaker 3: we have to do a little dance party to our son. 1274 00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:17,000 Speaker 3: It's called Dumpling And it's the Dumpling remixed Stylo G 1275 00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:30,319 Speaker 3: and Sean Paul and Spice Ready for the Bee. And 1276 00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,000 Speaker 3: this is like all of the we're doing like the 1277 00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:39,959 Speaker 3: funniest dance knows me. So anyway, that is the song 1278 00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:42,960 Speaker 3: everyone should play. Probably unexpected. It's so one of the 1279 00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,719 Speaker 3: things that people find so unexpected about me is my 1280 00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:46,640 Speaker 3: music choice. 1281 00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:49,560 Speaker 2: But I think you're just listening to like Xen. 1282 00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,440 Speaker 3: I feel like they are like you don't know what 1283 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:54,000 Speaker 3: I grew up doing or playing or going to the 1284 00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:54,680 Speaker 3: listening to. 1285 00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:57,840 Speaker 4: But yes, I agree about the dancing. 1286 00:55:57,880 --> 00:55:59,920 Speaker 3: It makes me you feel so happy, just shaking out 1287 00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:04,120 Speaker 3: body and just enjoying life. I like that you touched 1288 00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,439 Speaker 3: on energy in your book because I think we live 1289 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:12,240 Speaker 3: in serious fatigue culture where everyone is just always tired, 1290 00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:16,320 Speaker 3: Like everyone is just always feeling this lack of energy 1291 00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,800 Speaker 3: in their body. And yeah, share a little bit about 1292 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:21,560 Speaker 3: that and what you learned about it from all the 1293 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:22,279 Speaker 3: research you did. 1294 00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:26,680 Speaker 1: Energy is one of the most underdiscussed and most important 1295 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,680 Speaker 1: reasons that we can't stick to the habits that we 1296 00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:30,440 Speaker 1: want to have or to live the lives that we 1297 00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,120 Speaker 1: want to live. Because if you are tired, the idea 1298 00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:36,879 Speaker 1: of meditating, of working out, of making yourself a meal 1299 00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:38,840 Speaker 1: that's going to make you feel good, of calling up 1300 00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:40,719 Speaker 1: a friend to spend time with the community that we 1301 00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,120 Speaker 1: know is so healthy, so beneficial, is going to make 1302 00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,239 Speaker 1: us feel so good that all feels so daunting and 1303 00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,400 Speaker 1: so overwhelming. Yeah, like you said, we live in this 1304 00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,520 Speaker 1: completely energy drained state. So there's a few I think 1305 00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:54,240 Speaker 1: that before we're doing almost anything else we should be 1306 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,600 Speaker 1: asking ourselves what are the energy drains in our lives? 1307 00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,600 Speaker 1: And then what are ways that we can build more 1308 00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,800 Speaker 1: energy into our life? And both of those are equally important. 1309 00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,520 Speaker 1: So I think looking through your day and saying, what 1310 00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,840 Speaker 1: is costing me significantly more energy than the benefit that 1311 00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm getting for it, or what are these big energy 1312 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:15,760 Speaker 1: drains that I can maybe reevaluate and start to create 1313 00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,880 Speaker 1: different routines, create different structures to buffer around, and sometimes 1314 00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,800 Speaker 1: that can be people in our lives that we need 1315 00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:24,480 Speaker 1: to set better boundaries for. I have tips about setting 1316 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,800 Speaker 1: better boundaries and they are in the energy section of 1317 00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,800 Speaker 1: the book, and a lot of people are really surprised 1318 00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:29,240 Speaker 1: about that. 1319 00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:31,560 Speaker 2: But our relationships can be. 1320 00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:35,800 Speaker 1: Huge energy builders or they can be huge energy drains, 1321 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,120 Speaker 1: and the ones that are drains, if we create boundaries 1322 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,320 Speaker 1: around that, it can get us so much of our time, 1323 00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,960 Speaker 1: our energy. All of these things back, so identifying the 1324 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:46,520 Speaker 1: people who are sucking your energy and figuring out ways 1325 00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:50,160 Speaker 1: to set boundaries around them, and then also building in 1326 00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:53,040 Speaker 1: energy into your lives. So there's a few different pragmatic 1327 00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:56,280 Speaker 1: ways that I talk about doing that. One is taking 1328 00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:59,800 Speaker 1: care of your metabolism. We've heard metabolism talked about for 1329 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,760 Speaker 1: years and years and years is like fire up your 1330 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,680 Speaker 1: metabolism so you can burn those calories, And it almost 1331 00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:08,400 Speaker 1: needs a complete rebrand because that's not what it's about. 1332 00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:11,720 Speaker 1: It's about having the energy to fuel every single cell 1333 00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,720 Speaker 1: in your body, every single sell in your body. And 1334 00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,000 Speaker 1: so when we are out of metabolic balance, we're going 1335 00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,040 Speaker 1: to be feeling drained on a day to day basis. 1336 00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,760 Speaker 1: So a few little things that you can do to 1337 00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,800 Speaker 1: help with your metabolism is eating fat, fibrin protein at 1338 00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:29,120 Speaker 1: every single meal so they're not experiencing that blood sugar 1339 00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:32,760 Speaker 1: spike and crash that's going to leave you feeling really depleted. Also, 1340 00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,520 Speaker 1: if you move after meals, which you talked about, that 1341 00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:38,000 Speaker 1: could be really really good for your metabolic health. It 1342 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:41,000 Speaker 1: can essentially help balance those glucose levels in your body, 1343 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:43,440 Speaker 1: and it can make you feel a lot more energetic. 1344 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,600 Speaker 1: So those are two big, big things for metabolic health. 1345 00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:49,560 Speaker 1: But I think just that flip of thinking about my 1346 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:53,440 Speaker 1: metabolic health is not about calories, is not about firing 1347 00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:55,320 Speaker 1: up my metabolism so I can look cute in genes. 1348 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,240 Speaker 2: It's about having the energy that I need to. 1349 00:58:57,240 --> 00:59:01,160 Speaker 1: Fuel every single cell in my body is a really 1350 00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:03,200 Speaker 1: important shift and a powerful one. 1351 00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:03,480 Speaker 4: Yeah. 1352 00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:06,640 Speaker 3: And I think there's also the if you're eating you 1353 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:08,920 Speaker 3: could be eating all the right foods and getting in 1354 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,560 Speaker 3: thinking you're getting in all the nutrients that you need, 1355 00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,240 Speaker 3: but if your digestion is not there, and if your 1356 00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,200 Speaker 3: digestion is weak, you may not even be metabolizing or 1357 00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:20,560 Speaker 3: break By metabolizing, I mean breaking down the nutrients in 1358 00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:23,440 Speaker 3: the right way to assimilate or absorb into your body 1359 00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,920 Speaker 3: and actually create energy from it. And so you know, 1360 00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,240 Speaker 3: taking a look at if you are someone who feels 1361 00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:32,919 Speaker 3: drained of energy so often and it's become a regular thing, 1362 00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:34,960 Speaker 3: have a look at one of the foods you're eating. 1363 00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,440 Speaker 3: And I like that you touched on this as well, 1364 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:40,520 Speaker 3: the metabolic optimized meals, Like plan your meals honestly, write 1365 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,120 Speaker 3: a whole list and pop it on your fridge of 1366 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,880 Speaker 3: the areas where you're gonna get most nutrients. And I 1367 00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:51,720 Speaker 3: know you mentioned antioxidants, fiber, amigas, probiotics, and so look 1368 00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:54,520 Speaker 3: at all the main nutrients that you want to get 1369 00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:56,560 Speaker 3: and maybe you know, get a blood test done and 1370 00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,560 Speaker 3: see if you're lacking in any nutrients specifically. But if 1371 00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,439 Speaker 3: you're not and you just want to create a balanced meal. 1372 01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:06,280 Speaker 3: I recommend writing down all the main nutrient areas that 1373 01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,400 Speaker 3: you want to have on your plate, write down all 1374 01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:11,480 Speaker 3: the places where you know you can find them, and 1375 01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:14,120 Speaker 3: then create your shopping list around these, and then create 1376 01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:15,120 Speaker 3: your meal around these. 1377 01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:16,280 Speaker 4: So you pick one. 1378 01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,720 Speaker 3: From each category and you create your meal just around that. 1379 01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:20,560 Speaker 3: And it can be as simple as that, or you 1380 01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:24,240 Speaker 3: find three or four foods that you know or ingredients 1381 01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:26,760 Speaker 3: that you want to include every week that are different, 1382 01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:30,840 Speaker 3: that just allow you to have variety because nutrients, you know, 1383 01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:33,360 Speaker 3: the way that nature works is all the different colors 1384 01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:36,920 Speaker 3: and all the different textures that exist provide something different. 1385 01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:39,000 Speaker 3: And so if you're also someone having the same thing 1386 01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:42,400 Speaker 3: over and over again, make your diet diverse. Like taste 1387 01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:46,840 Speaker 3: the Rainbow, is you know, a medical recommendation, No. 1388 01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:48,439 Speaker 2: There's great research behind that. 1389 01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,080 Speaker 1: So you're like, we need to be able to similate 1390 01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:53,520 Speaker 1: our nutrients. And that's happening because of our microbion that's 1391 01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:55,920 Speaker 1: happening because of the bacteria like that, and the American 1392 01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:59,040 Speaker 1: Gap Project was the greatest research study that we have 1393 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,640 Speaker 1: done to date on the health of our microbiome and 1394 01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:04,560 Speaker 1: the single biggest predictor of a healthy microbiome more than 1395 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,520 Speaker 1: any other thing was diversity of plants in our diet. 1396 01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:10,320 Speaker 1: So there's literal research and the number of plants that 1397 01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:13,000 Speaker 1: they used in that study was thirty plants per week. 1398 01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,080 Speaker 2: And I think that's a really fun, easy goal to 1399 01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:16,440 Speaker 2: aim for. 1400 01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:18,880 Speaker 1: People are like, oh my god, that's insane, thirty plants 1401 01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,280 Speaker 1: per week, But it's not. If you make a pesto, 1402 01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:26,360 Speaker 1: you have like basil, you have a nut, you have garlic, 1403 01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,920 Speaker 1: you have lemon, you have olive oil, you're already up 1404 01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,240 Speaker 1: to like five, six seven plants right there. You can 1405 01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:33,120 Speaker 1: make that ahead of time, freeze it, put it in 1406 01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,400 Speaker 1: your scrumbled eggs, put it on your pasta. Add some 1407 01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:37,840 Speaker 1: peas to your pasta. That's another plant. There's so many 1408 01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,520 Speaker 1: ways that we can add these plants in, and again 1409 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:43,360 Speaker 1: the research really backs up that that diversity is so 1410 01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:46,280 Speaker 1: much more important than any specific superfood. 1411 01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:48,760 Speaker 2: The superfood stuff is just branding and marketing. 1412 01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:55,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, have those thirty Like, have thirty of your favorite fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, 1413 01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:58,920 Speaker 3: great good fats, Like, have them all written down so 1414 01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:01,600 Speaker 3: you just know where you're going to get your nutrition. Yeah. 1415 01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:02,920 Speaker 2: I love the idea I haven't. 1416 01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,840 Speaker 1: I haven't done that before, where I list out my 1417 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,840 Speaker 1: favorites and then almost like check off throughout the week 1418 01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:08,440 Speaker 1: if I'm getting If I'm getting them, I life. 1419 01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:10,040 Speaker 4: You get a little bit of happiness every time you 1420 01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:10,720 Speaker 4: check something off. 1421 01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:16,040 Speaker 1: I think those those little micro rewards building in our 1422 01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:19,040 Speaker 1: micro awards into our lives are so so important. I 1423 01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,160 Speaker 1: think that's also important for goal setting. You don't want 1424 01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,720 Speaker 1: just the larger goal. You want the little goals, the 1425 01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:25,560 Speaker 1: bite sized goals that you can check off, that you 1426 01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,040 Speaker 1: can achieve, that you can feel a sense of satisfaction. 1427 01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:28,920 Speaker 4: I love doing that. 1428 01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,320 Speaker 3: And I think about energy is this is a good sentence? 1429 01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:35,840 Speaker 3: No is a complete sentence? Just no, Yes, that's it. 1430 01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:37,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's about you. It's a boundary one. 1431 01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,360 Speaker 3: And you just and what you said about energy drainers, 1432 01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,720 Speaker 3: you know, being people. I also think sometimes and I 1433 01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,600 Speaker 3: love thinking about my life in this way and my 1434 01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:48,920 Speaker 3: relationships where there are what there's always going to be 1435 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,480 Speaker 3: people who you are giving to and people who you 1436 01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:54,080 Speaker 3: are taking from. Like I feel like that's that is 1437 01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:56,800 Speaker 3: also how as a human we're able to give back 1438 01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 3: and we're also able to receive from. And obviously there's 1439 01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:01,920 Speaker 3: a different if someone is fully taking advantage of that. 1440 01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,800 Speaker 4: But I think you need to make sure you. 1441 01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:07,440 Speaker 3: Are clear about the people you are pouring into and 1442 01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:10,680 Speaker 3: the capacity you have for that, because I noticed I 1443 01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:13,400 Speaker 3: was someone who always over gave, and by that I 1444 01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:17,720 Speaker 3: mean I think giving should never feel like a negative feeling. 1445 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,600 Speaker 3: And so as soon as you notice that your giving 1446 01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:25,480 Speaker 3: is starting to feel you're starting to feel resentful or 1447 01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,720 Speaker 3: used or abused in the situation where you are giving, 1448 01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:32,520 Speaker 3: you need to peel it back and say, Okay, I'm 1449 01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,640 Speaker 3: actually okay giving up till this point, and then I 1450 01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:37,440 Speaker 3: start feeling sour about it because then it's not giving. 1451 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:40,560 Speaker 3: And so you have to create those boundaries of realizing 1452 01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:43,680 Speaker 3: what feels comfortable to give, but then also know the 1453 01:03:43,720 --> 01:03:46,400 Speaker 3: people that you are pouring into you, that you have 1454 01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:48,680 Speaker 3: that are giving to you, and because sometimes the people 1455 01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,360 Speaker 3: you're giving to aren't going to be the same people 1456 01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,560 Speaker 3: giving back to you. And that was a really important 1457 01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:54,880 Speaker 3: lesson I had to learn where my position in their 1458 01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:57,560 Speaker 3: life is to be the giver, and the position of 1459 01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,560 Speaker 3: me in this person's life is for them to give 1460 01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:01,160 Speaker 3: a little bit more to me, Like my mum will 1461 01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:02,960 Speaker 3: always be the person that's giving more to me than 1462 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,600 Speaker 3: I am to her, and you know, it's almost physically 1463 01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,040 Speaker 3: impossible for me to pay back all the things she's 1464 01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,280 Speaker 3: given to me. But then I can also give to 1465 01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,200 Speaker 3: my friend who doesn't necessarily have a great relationship with 1466 01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:15,240 Speaker 3: her mum, and I can be the person who's giving 1467 01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:18,760 Speaker 3: to her in that way. And so that's really helped 1468 01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:24,440 Speaker 3: me create almost like a system with my community and 1469 01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:29,080 Speaker 3: you know, my nature around me, to have a beautiful 1470 01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:31,760 Speaker 3: relationships that are all kind of pouring into one another. 1471 01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:33,480 Speaker 4: And seeing it in that way. 1472 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:35,880 Speaker 1: Well, the interesting thing about giving is it actually is 1473 01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,080 Speaker 1: an energy and richer to an extent, and then it 1474 01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,480 Speaker 1: tips and it becomes an energy player. And I think 1475 01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:44,320 Speaker 1: that recognizing it in yourself when they given, because we've 1476 01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:47,320 Speaker 1: all been in the position of mentoring somebody, of giving 1477 01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,280 Speaker 1: advice and we actually really like that and that boosts 1478 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:53,480 Speaker 1: our energy. But when it tips, then it begins to 1479 01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:56,200 Speaker 1: take your energy, and developing that self awareness around when 1480 01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:57,760 Speaker 1: that's happening is really vital. 1481 01:04:58,120 --> 01:05:00,240 Speaker 3: Another thing that I found the end of the year 1482 01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:05,000 Speaker 3: last year, I was feeling so depleted, And by depleted, 1483 01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,080 Speaker 3: I don't mean like physically, I mean I felt like 1484 01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:11,920 Speaker 3: my everything felt dull. My conversations felt dull. With friends, 1485 01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,240 Speaker 3: with family, I felt like I was sitting in rooms 1486 01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:17,200 Speaker 3: sort of people and not wanting to contribute. I was, 1487 01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:20,880 Speaker 3: you know, relationships were suffering. I felt like I felt 1488 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:23,280 Speaker 3: dull inside. Everything was just feeling dull. And I was 1489 01:05:23,280 --> 01:05:26,040 Speaker 3: thinking to myself, why has this happened? And as I 1490 01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:29,040 Speaker 3: broke it down, I realized I had stopped learning. Like 1491 01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:31,400 Speaker 3: what I was doing was I had poured into my book. 1492 01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,760 Speaker 3: I was doing all these projects that were that were 1493 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:36,880 Speaker 3: requiring me to just keep doing, doing, doing, And what 1494 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:39,400 Speaker 3: I had stopped was the reading that I loved doing, 1495 01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:41,880 Speaker 3: the listening that I loved doing, of all the teachers 1496 01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:44,680 Speaker 3: that I'm that I that I have taken so much 1497 01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:49,920 Speaker 3: nourishment from. I had stopped reading, listening, observing and actually 1498 01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:52,800 Speaker 3: participating in life, like actually being there and being someone 1499 01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:56,480 Speaker 3: who was learning from every experience. And so in December, 1500 01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:59,000 Speaker 3: when I stopped, you know, took time off for the holidays, 1501 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,120 Speaker 3: I just started reading and I started reading six books 1502 01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:03,520 Speaker 3: at a time, and I started listening, and I started 1503 01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,920 Speaker 3: enriching myself and I realized the conversation I felt like, oh, 1504 01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:09,440 Speaker 3: this relationship is so boring, not my relationship, like a 1505 01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:12,160 Speaker 3: friendship is so boring, like that kind of the conversations 1506 01:06:12,160 --> 01:06:14,560 Speaker 3: with her anymore, and I realized it was all me. 1507 01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:17,520 Speaker 3: It was me because I wasn't feeling like I was 1508 01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:21,760 Speaker 3: contributing to this friendship, because I had nothing to give 1509 01:06:21,840 --> 01:06:23,320 Speaker 3: or offer. So we would be sitting in a room 1510 01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:26,400 Speaker 3: and it was because I didn't have exciting ideas or 1511 01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:29,800 Speaker 3: fun new things to share, and so I felt drained 1512 01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:33,720 Speaker 3: of energy because I hadn't replenished myself enough to be 1513 01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:35,959 Speaker 3: able to give, and giving was such an important part 1514 01:06:36,240 --> 01:06:37,200 Speaker 3: of how I felt. 1515 01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,280 Speaker 4: I felt nourished, and I wasn't able to give, and 1516 01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:41,560 Speaker 4: I wasn't nourishing myself. 1517 01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:44,800 Speaker 2: I'm love that you had the self awareness to recognize that. 1518 01:06:44,880 --> 01:06:45,840 Speaker 4: And now I feel so good. 1519 01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,840 Speaker 2: And I think there's two additional layers there. 1520 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:52,520 Speaker 1: One when we feel that sort of me feeling throughout 1521 01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:54,600 Speaker 1: our day to day life, often that can signal a 1522 01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:58,560 Speaker 1: dopamine imbalance. And so something like learning or doing something 1523 01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,600 Speaker 1: that feels a little bit difficult actually can bring your 1524 01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:03,160 Speaker 1: dopamine more into a state of balance. And things like 1525 01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,120 Speaker 1: social media and binge and TV and things like that 1526 01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:07,160 Speaker 1: can bring your dopamine too a. 1527 01:07:07,160 --> 01:07:08,880 Speaker 4: State you can doing a lot of that then too. 1528 01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:11,080 Speaker 1: That is out of balance. So literally doing something that 1529 01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:13,560 Speaker 1: feels a little bit hard. I interviewed doctor Anna Lemke 1530 01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:15,480 Speaker 1: for the book and on the podcast, and she talked 1531 01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:16,760 Speaker 1: about even getting. 1532 01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:18,280 Speaker 2: Caught in the rain with your groceries. 1533 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,600 Speaker 1: These hard moments that happen inadvertently in your life are 1534 01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:24,880 Speaker 1: actually dopamine balancers. And when you bring your dopamine back 1535 01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:28,760 Speaker 1: into balance, either through intentional hard moments like learning, like reading, 1536 01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:32,040 Speaker 1: like cold showers, things like that, or through these inadvertent 1537 01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:35,480 Speaker 1: hard moments, you begin to find that zest for life 1538 01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:38,640 Speaker 1: again and you begin to feel more motivated in these 1539 01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:41,440 Speaker 1: day to day moments, in these day to day interactions. 1540 01:07:41,920 --> 01:07:44,280 Speaker 3: You know, I remember when I lived in New York 1541 01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:46,080 Speaker 3: and I got caught in the rain and I was 1542 01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:49,560 Speaker 3: walking back from Whole Foods and I had paper bags 1543 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,160 Speaker 3: and I literally made it just to the door and 1544 01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:56,240 Speaker 3: all my everything fell apart and everything was on the floor, 1545 01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,200 Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god, this is the 1546 01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:00,640 Speaker 3: And then I picked everything up and I got upstairs 1547 01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:04,120 Speaker 3: and I was like, I amade it, And that actually was. 1548 01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:07,640 Speaker 1: It's a resilience fielder, like you get to remind yourself 1549 01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,000 Speaker 1: of your resilience, But also I love it because then 1550 01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:13,320 Speaker 1: when I'm in these hard feeling moments, I'm like, well, 1551 01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:15,160 Speaker 1: at least I'm balancing in my Dobamaine. 1552 01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I get like a little upside out of it, 1553 01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:18,880 Speaker 2: and it makes it feel a little bit better. 1554 01:08:18,960 --> 01:08:19,400 Speaker 4: It does. 1555 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:21,960 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I could honestly talk to you all day. 1556 01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:25,040 Speaker 3: This has been so incredible. Are there any other you know, 1557 01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:28,120 Speaker 3: parts of your book that are calling to you right 1558 01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:30,640 Speaker 3: now to share or anything else that you would want 1559 01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:33,120 Speaker 3: to talk about or share with the listeners that you 1560 01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:36,639 Speaker 3: are working on right now or thinking about right now. 1561 01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:39,240 Speaker 1: I feel like this is such a good interview, Like 1562 01:08:39,320 --> 01:08:41,880 Speaker 1: I feel like we've touched on so many of my 1563 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:45,360 Speaker 1: favorite parts of the book and also my favorite parts 1564 01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:47,920 Speaker 1: of what I'm doing in my life right now. I 1565 01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:49,479 Speaker 1: will say, I just want to touch on as we're 1566 01:08:49,479 --> 01:08:54,400 Speaker 1: wrapping stuff up, to be really gentle with yourselves. I 1567 01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:57,440 Speaker 1: think sometimes that you can get this barrage of information 1568 01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:58,880 Speaker 1: and be like, oh my gosh, I need to go 1569 01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:00,479 Speaker 1: out and do this. This this even my book title, 1570 01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:03,040 Speaker 1: it's one hundred Ways Change your life, But like, really, 1571 01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:07,000 Speaker 1: you don't need to do everything. You can take a tiny, 1572 01:09:07,080 --> 01:09:10,720 Speaker 1: tiny step for me with my anxiety. It wasn't I'm 1573 01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,360 Speaker 1: doing this, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. It was 1574 01:09:12,439 --> 01:09:14,280 Speaker 1: my very first thing I did was go downstairs and 1575 01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:16,080 Speaker 1: I made a smoothie so I could get some nutrients 1576 01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:16,320 Speaker 1: in my. 1577 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:18,519 Speaker 2: Body in a way that felt really accessible, easy and 1578 01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:19,280 Speaker 2: delicious to me. 1579 01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,839 Speaker 1: And then I stuck to my SMOOTHI habit for weeks 1580 01:09:21,840 --> 01:09:25,680 Speaker 1: without adding anything else, and not one other thing, and 1581 01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:27,800 Speaker 1: then that I was able to add in another tiny thing, 1582 01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:31,280 Speaker 1: another tiny thing. I Actually a thing in my book 1583 01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:34,559 Speaker 1: that I think is really important to talk about is 1584 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:38,559 Speaker 1: that self trust comes. Self trust is the basis for 1585 01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:41,360 Speaker 1: self love. And we don't talk about this very often 1586 01:09:41,400 --> 01:09:43,040 Speaker 1: because we're like, oh, you should love yourself, should be 1587 01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:44,040 Speaker 1: able to look in the mirror and say that you 1588 01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:45,960 Speaker 1: love yourself. We do affirmations all these things, and then 1589 01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,320 Speaker 1: we're like, why isn't this working, And it's because we 1590 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:51,920 Speaker 1: don't have the trust with ourselves to believe the kind 1591 01:09:52,000 --> 01:09:54,200 Speaker 1: things that we're saying about ourselves. We don't have that 1592 01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:58,200 Speaker 1: trust because we're constantly breaking promises to ourselves. So when 1593 01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,000 Speaker 1: we're saying I'm not going to reach for my foot 1594 01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:01,920 Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, and you reach for your 1595 01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:04,960 Speaker 1: phone anyway. That's a tiny broken promise to yourself. When 1596 01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:07,840 Speaker 1: you're saying I'm going to meditate today and then you don't. 1597 01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:10,519 Speaker 1: When you're saying I'm going to put my community on 1598 01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,960 Speaker 1: a higher priority part priority list in my brain and 1599 01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,880 Speaker 1: then you don't, you're breaking these tiny, tiny promises yourself. 1600 01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:19,080 Speaker 1: It's like having a partner who says every single day, yeah, 1601 01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:20,720 Speaker 1: I'll take the trash out, y'all take the trash out, 1602 01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,120 Speaker 1: and then they don't take the trash out, And of 1603 01:10:23,240 --> 01:10:25,280 Speaker 1: course you're not going to expect them to take the 1604 01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:27,320 Speaker 1: trash out. You're not going to trust next time they 1605 01:10:27,360 --> 01:10:29,360 Speaker 1: say they're going to do anything for you, because they've 1606 01:10:29,360 --> 01:10:33,960 Speaker 1: broken that trust. So we build our self trust by 1607 01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,920 Speaker 1: making promises to ourselves that we can keep, and we 1608 01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:39,200 Speaker 1: make promises to ourselves that we can keep by making 1609 01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:44,360 Speaker 1: those promises smaller, by not reaching too high, self berating, disappointing, 1610 01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:47,599 Speaker 1: and breaking that self trust, which is going to lead 1611 01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:50,439 Speaker 1: to a severance of that self love. So I'd say, 1612 01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:53,720 Speaker 1: so much good information, your whole podcast is filled with 1613 01:10:53,760 --> 01:10:56,200 Speaker 1: so much good information, your book, so much good information. 1614 01:10:56,640 --> 01:11:01,360 Speaker 1: But take little things, make little changes, and that's going 1615 01:11:01,439 --> 01:11:04,200 Speaker 1: to build you that really stable foundation onto which you 1616 01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:05,240 Speaker 1: can build your best life. 1617 01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:08,200 Speaker 3: I love that you said that. I went through that 1618 01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:10,280 Speaker 3: for a long time where I just didn't trust in 1619 01:11:10,320 --> 01:11:13,720 Speaker 3: my own voice because I had constantly one, I had 1620 01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,479 Speaker 3: other people saving me all the time. I would turned 1621 01:11:15,479 --> 01:11:18,200 Speaker 3: to other people to save me, and what I had, 1622 01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:20,680 Speaker 3: what that made me realize was in my mind, I 1623 01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,320 Speaker 3: had kept telling myself, I can't do anything by myself. 1624 01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,320 Speaker 3: I need somebody else to save me or at least 1625 01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:28,720 Speaker 3: guide me through something. I will never be able to 1626 01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:31,240 Speaker 3: do anything by myself because I'm just not good at 1627 01:11:31,560 --> 01:11:33,800 Speaker 3: and I had told myself that for such a long time, 1628 01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:36,160 Speaker 3: and then when I did start trying to do things myself, 1629 01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:38,920 Speaker 3: I made those goals so big that I was never 1630 01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:40,960 Speaker 3: able to achieve them. So on top of thinking I 1631 01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:43,600 Speaker 3: could only do something with someone else, I then was 1632 01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:46,040 Speaker 3: slowly thinking I was proving to myself that I actually 1633 01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:49,439 Speaker 3: couldn't do things by myself, And so other people's voices 1634 01:11:49,439 --> 01:11:53,879 Speaker 3: became stronger. I literally, you know, silenced mine so strongly 1635 01:11:53,920 --> 01:11:56,000 Speaker 3: that I couldn't even hear my own voice. That everybody 1636 01:11:56,040 --> 01:11:59,880 Speaker 3: else's voice was mine. And I did not believe in 1637 01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:02,479 Speaker 3: my own voice or my own abilities because I kept 1638 01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:05,440 Speaker 3: breaking these promises that I was making to myself. 1639 01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:06,479 Speaker 4: Over and over and over again. 1640 01:12:07,000 --> 01:12:09,400 Speaker 3: And it's exactly that I then felt like I had 1641 01:12:09,439 --> 01:12:13,719 Speaker 3: such low self esteem based on what I was doing 1642 01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:15,599 Speaker 3: to myself. It actually wasn't what other people were saying 1643 01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:17,599 Speaker 3: to me. And what it made me realize was no 1644 01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:19,840 Speaker 3: matter what other people were saying to me, because I 1645 01:12:19,880 --> 01:12:23,240 Speaker 3: felt a certain way about myself, it made absolutely no difference. 1646 01:12:23,520 --> 01:12:26,439 Speaker 3: So I was going into friendships and they will be 1647 01:12:26,520 --> 01:12:28,400 Speaker 3: like start, they will start talking to me about things, 1648 01:12:28,439 --> 01:12:30,719 Speaker 3: whether it was finance, or whether it was business stuff, 1649 01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,439 Speaker 3: or whether it was a lot of things. And I 1650 01:12:33,479 --> 01:12:34,720 Speaker 3: would say, oh, you know, I'm not really a good 1651 01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:36,400 Speaker 3: person to talk to about that stuff. I'm not really 1652 01:12:36,400 --> 01:12:38,680 Speaker 3: good at it. And so I kept saying that, and 1653 01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:41,639 Speaker 3: when it made me realize what it created all these 1654 01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:44,559 Speaker 3: friendships where they actually wouldn't want to turn to me 1655 01:12:44,600 --> 01:12:46,160 Speaker 3: for things, and I thought, why is that? And I 1656 01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:48,479 Speaker 3: realized it because that's the energy I'm putting out. I 1657 01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:50,920 Speaker 3: kept telling people I'm not good at this, I'm not 1658 01:12:50,920 --> 01:12:52,960 Speaker 3: a good person for this, I'm not an expert in this. 1659 01:12:54,240 --> 01:12:56,280 Speaker 3: Oh you know, I'm not into this type of stuff, 1660 01:12:56,360 --> 01:12:58,680 Speaker 3: or I'm just it's not me and I'm just not 1661 01:12:58,760 --> 01:13:01,479 Speaker 3: great at it. And what it was it basically shut 1662 01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:04,519 Speaker 3: off so many big parts of my friendships. And then 1663 01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:08,320 Speaker 3: because I didn't trust myself, they would be like they 1664 01:13:08,360 --> 01:13:10,680 Speaker 3: would end up feeling bad about me. 1665 01:13:10,920 --> 01:13:12,680 Speaker 4: And it'd be like, oh look she's late again. 1666 01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:15,479 Speaker 3: Oh look she's forgotten this, And now it's really biting 1667 01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:19,160 Speaker 3: me in the back because I've become so organized and 1668 01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:22,679 Speaker 3: I've become so good, I've worked so hard to actually 1669 01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:26,479 Speaker 3: commit to things and actually complete things and do things 1670 01:13:27,240 --> 01:13:29,960 Speaker 3: with commitment because I've built that up with myself slowly 1671 01:13:30,040 --> 01:13:33,240 Speaker 3: over years and years, but still because I'd created that 1672 01:13:33,360 --> 01:13:36,280 Speaker 3: narrative in other people's mind about me, I still have 1673 01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:37,880 Speaker 3: people saying to me, Oh, you know, are you sure 1674 01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:39,760 Speaker 3: you're not gonna lose your passport when you go out? 1675 01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:41,720 Speaker 3: And are you sure you can travel by yourself? It's 1676 01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:43,400 Speaker 3: so weird for you, Like I feel weird that you're 1677 01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:45,680 Speaker 3: traveling by yourself because you're gonna forget something. And I'm like, 1678 01:13:45,960 --> 01:13:48,479 Speaker 3: that is not who I am, But to them, it 1679 01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:50,280 Speaker 3: is who I am because I haven't shown them that 1680 01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:52,840 Speaker 3: I've even grown, or haven't shown that I believe in 1681 01:13:52,880 --> 01:13:56,160 Speaker 3: myself more by the words than I'm using. So anyway, 1682 01:13:56,240 --> 01:13:57,759 Speaker 3: I love that you touched on that because that's something 1683 01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:00,479 Speaker 3: I it took me a long time to work and 1684 01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:03,800 Speaker 3: I still feel like I am but I created this 1685 01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:05,640 Speaker 3: narrative in other people's minds about me. 1686 01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:08,519 Speaker 2: But that's why it's so important to not only allow 1687 01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:11,080 Speaker 2: ourselves to grow and change, but to allow the people 1688 01:14:11,200 --> 01:14:12,120 Speaker 2: that we love. 1689 01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:12,759 Speaker 4: To grow and change. 1690 01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:13,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1691 01:14:13,400 --> 01:14:16,559 Speaker 1: Yeah, and to constantly, constantly be checking in because people 1692 01:14:16,600 --> 01:14:19,400 Speaker 1: are changing, even as little as like do you still 1693 01:14:19,439 --> 01:14:21,519 Speaker 1: not like watching this type of TV show? Are you 1694 01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:25,160 Speaker 1: still interested or not interested in this activity? We trap 1695 01:14:25,240 --> 01:14:27,760 Speaker 1: the people that we love into boxes while trying to 1696 01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,360 Speaker 1: evolve so much ourselves, and I think we're doing our 1697 01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:33,200 Speaker 1: relationships our disservice. We're doing the people we love a disservice. 1698 01:14:33,240 --> 01:14:36,240 Speaker 1: So I would say to you, keep showing up as 1699 01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:38,400 Speaker 1: the person that you put the work into being. But 1700 01:14:38,479 --> 01:14:41,040 Speaker 1: also I think the people that you love need to 1701 01:14:41,240 --> 01:14:43,320 Speaker 1: create that space, even if you tell them like I'm growing, 1702 01:14:43,400 --> 01:14:45,280 Speaker 1: I'm changing, I'm a body. 1703 01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:45,840 Speaker 4: Yeah. 1704 01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:49,400 Speaker 1: I think it's really important to have people see us 1705 01:14:49,439 --> 01:14:51,040 Speaker 1: in the way that we want to be seen, to 1706 01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:53,479 Speaker 1: have people reflect the version of us that we're trying 1707 01:14:53,479 --> 01:14:54,720 Speaker 1: to be back at us. 1708 01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:58,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I agree, that's definitely something I'm working on. 1709 01:14:58,400 --> 01:15:00,759 Speaker 3: But thank you, thank you so much for the conversation. 1710 01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:04,720 Speaker 3: This was so wonderful, and for anyone listening, please go 1711 01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:07,920 Speaker 3: and buy the hundred Way, hundred Ways to Change Your Life. 1712 01:15:08,640 --> 01:15:09,200 Speaker 4: Liz Moody. 1713 01:15:09,320 --> 01:15:10,000 Speaker 2: It was such a. 1714 01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:10,800 Speaker 4: Pleasure having you on. 1715 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:14,000 Speaker 3: Thank you so much, so much, and I really hope 1716 01:15:14,040 --> 01:15:15,720 Speaker 3: so many people get as much as I did out 1717 01:15:15,760 --> 01:15:17,599 Speaker 3: of your book by reading it and listening to this. 1718 01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:18,799 Speaker 4: Thank you. Thanks