WEBVTT - RE-RELEASE: EP 10 - Torrah 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:05.600 This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 0:00:05.640 --> 0:00:07.320 that sounds like a soap opera, It sounds like a 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:11.080 drama movie, but it's so real and it's not the 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.400 only one. There are things we might not know about 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:19.520 somebody we live with, and there's so many stories like this. 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.480 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:40.800 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:46.240 change everything. About a year ago, we heard from a 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:50.080 listener with a story that floored us. Tora Giles is 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:52.920 a history professor in Colorado. But she grew up on 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:55.960 the California coast with her seven siblings. 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:58.480 And we grew up on a farm, so my life 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:02.560 was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up 0:01:02.600 --> 0:01:07.080 super religious. In the Seventh Day, I'dventist church as a kid. 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.600 The church was Tora's life. She went to a Christian school, 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:13.840 her friends and after school activities were all through the church, 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:16.600 and she assumed that her life would follow the same 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:20.120 path that was modeled by the women around her. Graduate 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:23.000 high school, get married, and start having kids. 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.720 Funny enough, I thought as a kid that twenty years 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:31.240 old was being a grown up, and twenty five year 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:34.800 olds were old, and so I thought for sure that 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:40.840 I would be married by twenty but I never really dated. 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:45.959 After high school, Tora became a full time nanny and 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.200 she tried to give dating a shot. 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:52.680 I finally went on one date with a guy and 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:54.760 gave him like the little peck at the end of 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:58.880 the night and was just like, no, that was not 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:00.920 for me. I did not like that. I don't want 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:01.320 a date. 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:06.120 Torra started to realize that the traditional path wasn't for her, 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:09.800 so instead of trying to find a husband, she started 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:11.440 planning for a new career. 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:15.160 And decided to go to college and I studied history, 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:16.720 which was really fun. 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:21.040 After undergrad she moved to Colorado to pursue a pH 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:22.120 d in history. 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:26.160 I was living in this really cute, tiny apartment in 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:31.320 the older section of Colorado Springs, so cute and just 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:34.079 loving my life. I felt like I had really kind 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:36.360 of arrived. I had a job, I was teaching, I 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:39.200 had friends. I was very happy. 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:43.560 She loved teaching, especially American history. 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:48.160 It was so much fun. Keeps us in mind. January 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:50.600 of twenty seventeen, and I decided it would be a 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:55.480 good time to teach conspiracy culture and elections in United 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:56.760 States political history. 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:01.520 By this time, Toro was in her mid thirties. She'd 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:05.400 tried dating for years, but ultimately decided she didn't need romance. 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:07.359 Her life was complete without it. 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:12.040 Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:15.440 of my life, and I was sort of settled into 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:18.600 that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.520 It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:25.040 dating apps, I wasn't looking for it, and I certainly 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:26.960 was not looking for him. 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:31.000 In that class, she met a student named Erin. Like her, 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:32.880 he was also in his mid thirties. 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:39.200 He had a service dog, this really cute English mastiff 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:43.480 named Osa, and she had the best underbite, and she 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.040 would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.760 So I was always very aware of his presence, partially 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:52.360 because of her. He would come up after class and 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.960 we would pet the dog and chat a little bit. 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.960 Aarin was a veteran, a former Army medic who'd lost 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.119 his foot in an explosion in Iraq. 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:06.320 I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.240 He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:10.600 cat parking past. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.560 The disability was a big part of his life, but 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.000 it didn't define him, and it certainly didn't hold him back. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:20.159 He was finishing his bachelor's degree on his way to 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.960 start nursing school. After each class, he would stay behind 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:25.000 and chat with Tora. 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.760 He had a very slow way of speaking. There was 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.360 no rush for anything in life. I always had the 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:34.080 vibe that he was one of those people that would 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.600 talk forever if you let them, and so I would 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:40.480 start to gather my things, and eventually he started walking 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:42.960 me to my car because my class was from seven 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.400 to ten pm, and it was very surface level chat 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:51.280 throughout the whole time. I was his teacher, usually about class, 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:54.840 usually about some interesting fact. He was like a sponge 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:55.560 for information. 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:59.680 Aaron shared that he was Native American talk tall, which 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:02.839 was a big part of his identity, and she noticed 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.000 that he was always immaculately put together. 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.680 He had kind of long hair that he kept tied 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.200 back in this low knot on the back of his head, 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:17.040 kind of slicked back low. I hesitate to call amandun 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:19.800 because I know that was hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.880 what it was. And he had a cowboy Western Bible 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:27.320 thost not like costume, but he wore a lot of 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:31.760 very nice button ups and jeans and leather boots, so 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:34.640 that was pretty much his uniform. He just had this 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:39.360 confident air about him that he knew he was smart, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:41.440 he knew he was good looking, but he was also 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:46.760 kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:52.560 I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura. 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:56.720 Aaron and Tora kept talking every week after class for 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:58.000 the rest of the semester. 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:04.760 At some point in those conversations, I brought up the 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:08.599 fact that I had been a nanny, and a few 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.080 months later he came to me after class one day 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.280 and said, we need to switch where my son is 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:17.720 going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.240 a nanny. So we chatted a little bit about that, 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:21.880 and that's how I found out he had a child. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.599 I didn't know that before. He wore a ring, so 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:26.280 I knew he was married, but I didn't know that 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:28.719 he had a kid who was a baby at the time, 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:31.080 maybe four or five months old. So that was sort 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:34.480 of our first foray into anything personal. Was just that 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.840 bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare. 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.960 After the class ended in May, Tora got a Facebook 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:45.960 friend request. It was from Aaron. He was already Facebook 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:50.080 friends with other teachers, so she accepted the request. 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:52.520 Then about a week later, he sent me a message 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.800 about nine ten o'clock at night. I was already in bed, 0:06:55.800 --> 0:06:57.600 and I thought, well, that's weird, what the heck? And 0:06:57.680 --> 0:06:59.800 so rolled over and checked the message. It was from 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:03.200 him and he just said, you know something, very casual. 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:06.200 How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:10.120 whole time thinking like, what does this guy want? Keep 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.560 in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:16.120 not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.320 given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right. 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:22.080 They chatted for a few minutes before Aaron revealed why 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:23.080 he had reached out. 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.080 He said, do you know that I'm going through a 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:30.840 pretty bad divorce And I said, oh no, I had 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.880 no idea. So we chatted a little bit about it. 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:37.840 He said, yeah, actually she was arrested last night. We 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:42.320 got into an argument and she got physical, and I said, 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.680 that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. And then 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.120 I did the nice thing which I've since learned not 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:52.240 to do, which is I said, is there anything I 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:58.560 do to help? And he said, well, I might need 0:07:58.600 --> 0:07:59.600 some help with my son. 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:04.800 Toora read between the lines, Aarin was desperate. He was 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:07.880 about to start in an intensive two year nursing program, 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.080 and now he would likely have full custody of his 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:15.320 infant son. She felt for his situation, and the next day, 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:18.480 while Aaron was on campus, he's swung by Tora's office 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.560 with his baby in tow. He wanted to thank Tora 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:24.600 for the semester and for offering to help. 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:26.920 And I sat and listened to him, and I held 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.120 the baby, and oh my gosh, she was the cutest 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:31.920 little thing. And then as we started wrapped up that conversation, 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.760 it was the end of my day and I said, okay, well, 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.679 if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:38.920 I have a paper I have to work on tonight. 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:40.760 Would you be able to come over and just hang 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.600 out with him while I do my homework for an 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:45.480 hour or two and then I'll make dinner. 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.320 Almost reflexively, she said yes. 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.920 It was more this like Christian sense of duty that 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:58.079 I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show up, 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.840 even if it's inconvenient or you don't want to, And 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.960 that was my first thought is I don't really want to. 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:05.400 I don't really want someone who's going to rely on me. 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:09.000 I don't really want to be involved in someone else's drama. 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:13.320 And I have a full time job, I'm teaching, I'm busy. 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:16.280 In addition to that, she did in want errand to 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.839 mistake her kindness for something else. 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:23.080 I'm worried all the time that men are going to 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.960 take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:28.960 I was so anti dating and relationships that it was 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:32.200 just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:34.520 about all this is I'm driving the twenty minutes to 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.160 his house, like, okay, I'm going to have to think 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.400 of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:40.080 saying yes. 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:44.360 When she got to his house, her anxiety dissipated. He 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:47.600 was just erin and that made her feel comfortable. 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.720 He was himself the way he always was with me 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:55.800 after class, just very warm and friendly and kind, thoughtful. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:10:02.640 So I stayed, had dinner, and then you know, stay 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:04.440 and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:06.200 to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:11.000 after the boy goes to bed, and I didn't really 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.600 have anything going on, so I thought, so I stayed 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:15.439 and we had a beer, sat out on the back patio, 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:18.240 and he told me a little bit more about what 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:22.079 was going on, and it was pretty bad. There were 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.280 holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.040 a hole in the wall in the dining room. And 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:31.079 we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:33.120 shared a little bit of the emotions that came up 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:35.240 with him. Oh, I feel bad and she is my 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:38.679 son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this and 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:40.320 I need to get out of this marriage. 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.760 That night, they ended up talking until one am. 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:46.560 I have work at eight am, and he said, just 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:50.720 crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas, here's 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:55.280 a toothbrush. Just crashed downstairs. And I did, which is 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:58.280 so out of character for me. I felt a little weird, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.760 but I was very happy to be around him and 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.400 just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.920 to be helpful, I love to be needed. So I 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.199 stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.240 to work, and then the next day he said, hey, yeah, 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.080 I've got a test coming up if you're pretty. Later on, 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:18.839 I went back over there. 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.600 Soon she was going over to Aaron's every few days 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.160 to help out with his son. It felt like the 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:26.120 right thing to do. 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.319 I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:31.360 it very clear to him, I don't let people touch me. 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:34.200 I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I am just 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.440 here to help. I want to be your friend. I 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:39.120 want you to feel supported. But that's as far as 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:41.520 this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.280 we're just friends. I don't let people touch me. The 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:47.079 fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.800 You have to respect that, and he really did. 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.360 After Aaron would put us on to bed, the two 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:55.200 of them would stay up and have a drink on 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:59.320 the back patio and just talk about life. It became 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:00.520 their little ritual. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:04.679 He was a very guarded person, so a lot of 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:08.240 what he would talk about was things that were very 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:12.160 present right now. If he brought up the past, it 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.920 always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:17.480 me with that story. And he would point that out 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:20.000 in a very subtle way of oh, I don't really 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:27.080 tell people this story, but you're different. We just never 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.360 ran out of things to say. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.320 After about two months of this, Toro went back home 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:34.240 to visit her family in California. 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.920 The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:40.960 up and I'm talking with him on the phone, and 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.880 they're seeing that this person is making me kind of 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.160 giddy and smiley and those kinds of things. 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.560 She had never talked about a friend like this before. 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:53.240 When she got home from that trip, she went straight 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:54.240 to Aaron's house. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:58.280 He had cleaned the whole house, he had some of 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:02.120 my favorite music on Baby was in bed. He had, 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.760 you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.120 me home and thanking me for being his friend. And 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.079 that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.720 gonna have to keep an eye on this because here 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.280 I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:19.240 Here he is bringing me flowers. So there was this 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:24.280 undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying him like, we're just friends, 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:29.600 but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:33.640 a movie, not touching. He just just leaning like my 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:37.920 head on his shoulder or something so benign, So middle school. 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.840 But it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:41.400 to do that. 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:45.480 One night, while they were up late talking on the patio, 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:49.360 Aaron finally said what they had both been thinking. 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.640 He said something to me like, I think you're in 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:53.920 love with me, and I said, I think you're in 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:57.480 love with me. And that was it. We were in 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:01.480 a relationship after that. 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.920 That day became their anniversary. 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:09.959 I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:14.360 of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.800 about because that part is perfect in my mind. 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.840 After writing off Romance, Tora found a man who defied 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:44.960 all expectations. Aarin was strikingly handsome, determined, respectful, and he 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:48.760 was an incredible father. Tora moved into his house and 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:53.080 their relationship deepened. That's when Aarin opened up about his 0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:57.760 traumatic childhood. He said that both of his parents were abusive. 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:04.400 His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional, and 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:06.400 these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.240 the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them, 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:09.760 or see them or go to visit them. 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.480 When he was eighteen, he ran away from home and 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.920 joined the military at the time the war in Iraq 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:19.120 was just beginning. He worked his way up to become 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:24.160 a Special Forces medic, but his military career ended in tragedy. 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:27.960 He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:31.560 through a city of some kind and hit an id 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.160 and the humpy in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't, 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:39.880 but the impact knocked THEIRS off its balance. He got hurt. 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:44.040 His foot was amputated because of that injury, and he 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:45.960 was medically retired and then came home. 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.960 Aaron spent weeks in the hospital recovering from his injury, 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:54.920 and even in this time of crisis, his family turmoil continued. 0:15:55.600 --> 0:16:00.040 His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.520 get medical power of attorney so that he could sell 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:06.680 Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:12.280 his grandparents on the Choctaw reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:16.120 fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:19.360 and kicked his dad out of his life. 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.280 This is one of the reasons he needed Tora's help, 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:26.840 because he didn't have anyone his family and his ex wife, 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:32.320 they weren't safe people. Tora realized he'd spent his entire 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.640 life moving from one traumatic situation to another. 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:41.600 The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:43.680 I have had a hard life. I have had a 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:48.720 physically hard life. I've been injured, I've had surgeries. 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.000 Even though it had been years since Aaron was injured 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:54.960 in the war, it was part of his everyday life. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:17:00.160 He walked with a very slight limp and kept that 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:04.640 leg pretty stiff, but he always kept a stock on 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.840 that foot, and I just figured he wanted to protect it. 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.320 He had a couple of different doctors who were working 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:15.199 on maybe a better prosthetic because he ended up injuring 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:17.240 his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:20.320 he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic. 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.160 And that wasn't his only injury from the war. He'd 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.560 also injured his back, his shoulder, and his arm. They 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:30.800 were constantly getting reinjured, causing Aaron to go to the 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.679 doctor in pain. But despite all this, he still thought 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:38.960 for full custody, especially because of his childhood. Aaron was 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:40.640 determined to show up for his son. 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:48.199 He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:52.480 so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.960 it came time to go get the boy out of 0:17:56.000 --> 0:18:00.480 bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:01.880 him the Boy. I'm going to call him the Boy 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:03.000 because I'm not going to say his name. 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.320 The boy was only a few months old when Tora 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:09.800 met him, and she was there for all of his 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:11.000 big firsts. 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.159 The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.479 hip from day one. When it was time for him 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:20.840 to start eating solids, I was the one who decided 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:23.360 how that should go, because I have twenty years childcare 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:27.320 experience and this is his first child. He and I 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:29.200 would just light up to be around each other. 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:33.480 The boy took his first steps to Tora. The three 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.440 of them fell into a kind of domestic bliss based 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.640 on a foundation of love for each other and love 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:42.800 for Aaron's son. After a year together, Tora felt like 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:45.359 this was her family now. She didn't want to go 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:48.960 through the formalities of a wedding and marriage, so instead 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:52.359 they lived as common law spouses. They just started calling 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:56.600 each other husband and wife. With Aaron in school, Tora 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.760 took on more financial responsibility. 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:05.520 He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:10.000 you know, life is expensive, so we were always a 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:13.199 little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:16.919 provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed, 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.760 but that usually meant that there was no food in 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:23.040 the refrigerator for adults. So I started doing things like 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:26.199 pitching it on groceries, and I took over the Wi 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:27.600 Fi and the trash bills. 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.000 Aaron had to make a monthly home equity payments his 0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:34.520 ex wife, and the expenses just kept coming. 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:37.879 Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:40.439 new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.560 to pay off five thousand dollars in credit cards in 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.520 order to get a refinance on the mortgage, so we 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:47.479 didn't lose the house. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:51.520 Despite the stress of loving paycheck to paycheck, Tora was 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:56.400 filled with love for her family. Everything was precariously perfectly balanced. 0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:01.720 That was until Aaron got sick. One day, he woke 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:05.840 up in excruciating pain with a very high fever. Tora 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:07.880 had to go to work, so Aaron went to see 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.920 their family doctor by himself, and when he got there, 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:13.720 his fever was so high he needed to go to 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:14.919 the er right away. 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:17.720 One of the things that they thought might be going 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:20.000 on when he was in the er was that he 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.119 was having some kind of an infection from his amputation. 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:26.960 He called Torah from the hospital and she rushed over, 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:29.920 but when she got there, he wasn't in a hospital 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:33.399 room erin was just sitting by the hospital entrance in 0:20:33.440 --> 0:20:34.160 a wheelchair. 0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:37.800 He said that they ended up accusing him of being 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:41.280 pain med seeking, and he said that was racist, that 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:44.919 was because he was brown. He literally ripped the ivy 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:46.920 out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:49.359 and I kind of yelled at him all the way home, 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:52.200 like what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.280 is going on. He had a very high fever. He 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:57.000 was in a lot of pain. I could see that 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:59.680 he was miserable. It's been a long, awful day sitting 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:01.520 in the ear are getting tests done on him and 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:03.040 all of them coming back negative. 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:07.280 In addition to the fever, Aaron was in excruciating pain, 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:11.960 debilitating chronic pain from his old combat injuries. But this 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.679 time his doctors weren't able to figure out what was 0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:18.720 going on, so Tora stepped in to take care of him. 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:22.040 This whole time, I'm icing his back, I'm getting the 0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:25.480 ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:29.680 icing his shoulder and driving him around to doctor's appointments 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.160 because he's in too much pain to drive. I can 0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:34.720 see the pain on his face. I can see him 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:38.000 changing and drawing into this pain in his life of 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:41.720 being in chronic pain. He stopped going to the gym, 0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:44.040 and then he stopped working out in the garage, and 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:49.199 then he stopped moving. Eventually, he just sat around all 0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:53.159 day and the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:55.960 all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable. 0:21:56.880 --> 0:22:00.280 He spent weeks on the couch, unable to function. To 0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:04.240 keep his spirits up, he showed Torah his favorite YouTube videos. 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:08.600 You mentioned have you ever heard of stolen valor? Soon 0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:12.040 he pulled up YouTube and we spent I would say, 0:22:12.080 --> 0:22:16.440 probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed 0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:17.520 for stolen balor. 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:21.720 Stolen valor is the term for people who impersonate military 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:24.200 service members and veterans, and so. 0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:27.520 There's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up 0:22:27.600 --> 0:22:32.480 to a person wearing a uniform, insay a mall and saying, 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:35.480