Speaker 1: Novel.
Speaker 2: This show contains adult material, references to drugs and swearing.
Speaker 2: You have been warned listen. Okay, Look, I've been shamed
Speaker 2: on this before because people think I do have sexual
Speaker 2: people sometimes too quickly. Sure, maybe there's some truth in
Speaker 2: that three months. I do not have three months in
Speaker 2: my life to spend not fucking someone that I'm spending
Speaker 2: time with me I'm a savage. Are you bored of
Speaker 2: modern dating? Meeting the same people from the same apps
Speaker 2: in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close
Speaker 2: to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway.
Speaker 2: It's time to change the narrative on how we find love.
Speaker 2: It's time to start looking for love in all the
Speaker 2: wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure up
Speaker 2: only picking people who are the total opposite of my type.
Speaker 2: And after twenty eight of these dates in two months,
Speaker 2: will I find that special someone or Well, this experiment
Speaker 2: proved that I should just give up on dating altogether.
Speaker 2: It's time to find out. I'm Grace Campbell and this
Speaker 2: is twenty eight dates later. Dan, Yeah, do you ever?
Speaker 2: You and I have the same problem, right, which is
Speaker 2: because the performers we worry that first impressions first dates,
Speaker 2: we have to be performing, and I find that quite draining.
Speaker 2: Do you ever worry about like the conversation running draw
Speaker 2: on a day?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like one of my biggest well maybe not even
Speaker 1: on a date, like a fear of mine or like.
Speaker 1: Something that I don't understand is what do couples talk
Speaker 1: about after like four years, five years, like even longer?
Speaker 2: What do you talk But it's I guess, what do
Speaker 2: you talk to your friends about after five years?
Speaker 1: But a lot of the time you talk about.
Speaker 2: Well maybe that's why lots of these couples opening up
Speaker 2: their relationships, because then they have interesting stuff to talk about.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I guess, and I think that, but I
Speaker 1: think that's the future. I think like monogamy is not
Speaker 1: the perfect thing for everybody.
Speaker 2: So on this day I did something that I would
Speaker 2: never do in the real world because to them, as
Speaker 2: I no, I didn't. Actually, don't be so rude that
Speaker 2: I did something which I would never do, because, as
Speaker 2: I've already said, I hate fucking questions like this, and
Speaker 2: I hate being asked with questions like this, and I'd
Speaker 2: rather sit in silentce.
Speaker 1: What did you do?
Speaker 2: So I've been sent this thing online and it's like
Speaker 2: thirty six questions that you should ask someone if you
Speaker 2: want to fall in love with them, right, And it's
Speaker 2: been like New York Times, Cosmopolitin whatever, and it's like
Speaker 2: questions like, I guess, get to know someone, but to
Speaker 2: see if you like have compatibility with them.
Speaker 1: I just don't understand the science behind questions like this,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think the science
Speaker 1: behind falling in love is going on enough dates. I
Speaker 1: mean like, if I spend enough time with somebody, I
Speaker 1: think he's just kind of falling.
Speaker 2: I think the science of really falling in love with
Speaker 2: someone is chemical, to be honest, I think it's like
Speaker 2: you do tell you bit.
Speaker 1: Of care in the toilet? Yeah, I see it.
Speaker 2: It's like now spell it is like I remember my
Speaker 2: uncle said this to me when I was younger, and
Speaker 2: he was like, the smell of someone is like forty
Speaker 2: percent of like what you actually fall in love with.
Speaker 2: There was someone I was once in love with, and
Speaker 2: once I realized I wasn't in love with them anymore,
Speaker 2: was when I smelt his cologne in an airport and
Speaker 2: didn't like the smell. And then I was like, Wow,
Speaker 2: I think I'm over him.
Speaker 1: No, but that's the smellst one's cologne. I think you're talking.
Speaker 2: About that, no, because it's it's no, not at all.
Speaker 2: It's the smell that you associate with them, so like
Speaker 2: I guess. And also a man's colone or any perfume
Speaker 2: whatever changes on someone's skin, so like how someone's scense smells,
Speaker 2: Like if you wore this colone, it would smell different
Speaker 2: on you to how it's spelled. My ex boyfriend, et cetera,
Speaker 2: et cetera. That's why people try lots of different perfumes.
Speaker 2: Should check it out.
Speaker 1: So I just wear links Africa every day and my
Speaker 1: boys out there, Africa boys out there.
Speaker 2: So we tried this. So this guy, his name was Michael.
Speaker 2: I picked this guy because you just seem like a
Speaker 2: really nice, handsome guy from his profile. But the bigger
Speaker 2: experiment in this day was that we did something I'd
Speaker 2: never normally do and it did give me the ick.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good?
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good. I didn't really know what to expect,
Speaker 1: to be honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's fair. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I had a little look yesterday night at what some
Speaker 4: of this, like some of the stuff you do so tell.
Speaker 2: Me what did you think about me? Be honest, any feedback, Thank.
Speaker 4: You so much.
Speaker 5: Well at first I was like, oh, so all the
Speaker 5: stuff with your dad. I was like, there's no way
Speaker 5: you could do that if you're black like that, it's
Speaker 5: just not it's not well yeah African.
Speaker 2: Parents is being like talking about yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if not now when about your vagina? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean exactly is that thing with you? You know when
Speaker 1: the older people are there, like have as much sex
Speaker 1: as you can now, like love your body now because
Speaker 1: it will change, and.
Speaker 2: Don't say that it will change I'm going to have
Speaker 2: a c section anyway.
Speaker 1: No, but also just gravity, like gravity will affect us.
Speaker 2: All if not now when when you catch saying anyway?
Speaker 2: But it was like really good chat from the start,
Speaker 2: like we had Yeah, we had good chat and it
Speaker 2: was like fun. There was just a lot of banter.
Speaker 2: He did say that he'd thought from judging me that
Speaker 2: I would have definitely not been popular at school. Wow.
Speaker 2: I found that really really offensive.
Speaker 1: I mean that is offensive.
Speaker 2: It is offensive considering how that he.
Speaker 1: Can sum it up so perfectly.
Speaker 2: No, because we've already covered this, like I was so
Speaker 2: popular square, I had a war on my nose and
Speaker 2: nobody even said anything bad.
Speaker 1: You were like the most popular posh girl. Your horse
Speaker 1: is the biggest to get it.
Speaker 2: If not now when? Okay, So we've been talking for
Speaker 2: a bit, and then I was like, okay, even though
Speaker 2: this date is actually flowing, and maybe I should have
Speaker 2: used these questions in the one where the conversation was
Speaker 2: a bit more stifled any of the other day one
Speaker 2: of the more constipated dates that I've been on. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I've been given a task, which is to use this questionaires.
Speaker 2: I started asking him questions. So I have a list
Speaker 2: of questions.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we go.
Speaker 2: Okay. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any
Speaker 2: quality or ability, what would it be photographic memory. I'd
Speaker 2: love to be able to speak every language in the world.
Speaker 2: I'd love that. I just think you then get such
Speaker 2: power because then you cannot hear when people are.
Speaker 1: Talking about you.
Speaker 4: Do you hear all those stories like oh I was
Speaker 4: in this foreign country and some guy who was talking
Speaker 4: in another language and they were basically that a dickhead,
Speaker 4: And then I spoke back to her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done that. I can speak French
Speaker 2: and I've been in France several times when people talking
Speaker 2: about me, Like I was once on the Metro and
Speaker 2: these girls were talking about my hair and they were
Speaker 2: like making all these jokes about how like I've probably
Speaker 2: lost loads of hair brushes, like in my hair.
Speaker 1: Roasted.
Speaker 2: And I was like, a good one, We'll so fuck you.
Speaker 2: I can hear what you're saying. And then they actually
Speaker 2: didn't even care.
Speaker 1: I mean, that is honestly one of the funniest things
Speaker 1: that I've heard.
Speaker 2: I actually didn't even tell that story. Probably what they
Speaker 2: actually said was I wonder how many hair brushes are
Speaker 2: in her hair right now, like that she's been trying
Speaker 2: to brush her hair and they have gotten lost in
Speaker 2: her And they were discussing how many hair brushes could
Speaker 2: be inwre in this moment.
Speaker 1: That is genius. That is genius. That is a shade.
Speaker 2: If you could wake up with any ability, Dan, what
Speaker 2: would it be? Can I guess?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I guess time travel?
Speaker 1: Wait, so okay, the question being like, is it like
Speaker 1: marvel ability, We'll refine it.
Speaker 2: No, No, we'll refine it, okay, time travel.
Speaker 1: So you know me so well, and you think the
Speaker 1: one thing that I would want if I could wake
Speaker 1: up tomorrow is time travel because I want to be
Speaker 1: gay in the past. I want to be this gay
Speaker 1: in the past. No, thank you.
Speaker 2: I was kind of pissed off when he said that
Speaker 2: he thought I was definitely not calling school, because as
Speaker 2: you can imagine, that's a bit of a misunderstanding of me.
Speaker 2: So then I grilled him on that a bit.
Speaker 1: But I love that he was open enough just to
Speaker 1: say it, no, I love it dead in the eyes
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, nerd.
Speaker 2: I was just like looking in the mirror of ages,
Speaker 2: trying to figure out what it was that made you
Speaker 2: think I was like cool of school.
Speaker 1: Get this ship off your shoulder.
Speaker 2: Because I don't because I don't think it's my hair
Speaker 2: because I hate my hair makes me look really cool, right, Okay,
Speaker 2: that you were nerds.
Speaker 5: I was a big nerd even to like.
Speaker 4: There was a day actually and I think about this
Speaker 4: moment so much and I hate myself for it.
Speaker 1: It was like the first year of un.
Speaker 4: And we all went to the pub and three of
Speaker 4: my friends and it was like this guy and his girlfriend.
Speaker 4: We're just talking, having a few pints. All three of
Speaker 4: us whip our DS's and we played Pokemon, And it
Speaker 4: is the most I think about.
Speaker 2: It and I including the girlfriend, not.
Speaker 5: The girlfriend girl just like looking at us.
Speaker 2: Like, oh my god.
Speaker 5: I'm doing with these massive.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, no.
Speaker 5: One nerdy something that burn Thursday?
Speaker 3: What you're going to do? So when did you lose that?
Speaker 1: Do you know what? I am so fucking cool that
Speaker 1: when he said DS, I was like Dick's eyes. It
Speaker 1: took me so long to realize what DS was. I
Speaker 1: love the level of paranoia in this date as well.
Speaker 1: When it was like asked what you would want, you
Speaker 1: were like, I can learn all the languages in the world,
Speaker 1: not to build communities or like relationships, but to find
Speaker 1: out if people are talking about your behind your back.
Speaker 1: And then you've been there, Like I just spent ages
Speaker 1: looking in the mirror trying to figure out, like what
Speaker 1: it was about me that made you think I was
Speaker 1: a nerd at school? Like I just with the level
Speaker 1: of paranoia.
Speaker 6: Because I was sober. That's the downfall, thoughts allowed. Yeah,
Speaker 6: he's also being so open. That's like he's a sweet
Speaker 6: He was really sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we actually had a really it was really sweet.
Speaker 4: Yea.
Speaker 2: He was telling me that like every year for his birthday,
Speaker 2: he has tradition where he gets all his friends together
Speaker 2: and he's task them with writing like a stand up
Speaker 2: set or like a song, or like a game idea
Speaker 2: or like whatever, and every year, like on his birthday,
Speaker 2: like every and I thought that was really cute, right,
Speaker 2: But then he said he had this girlfriend once who
Speaker 2: didn't really get it, and then he broke up with her.
Speaker 2: I was like, you're so cute. You like really have
Speaker 2: your own individual like personality. And I liked that.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a cool hot nerd do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My piano player Robin, they do
Speaker 1: that for their birthday as well, Like I really birthday.
Speaker 1: They get their friends to little performance. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that's such a nice thing to you. I mean,
Speaker 2: my friends would never do it.
Speaker 1: But they've got no talent.
Speaker 2: Anna did you hear that? Anna? Anna? Where are you babe? Anna? Anna?
Speaker 2: Come out the cupboard, Come out the cup now? Anna
Speaker 2: need to come a fucking batter? Dan? Did you hear
Speaker 2: what he just said about it? She can try?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Would you ever like to be famous?
Speaker 5: The reason I'm because I want to be.
Speaker 2: I don't know this going to make your famous, all right?
Speaker 5: So I would like to be famous.
Speaker 4: But for what a load of class famous like David
Speaker 4: Mitchell level famous.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's like quite iconic famous.
Speaker 4: It's like UK famous.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: I can go into Spain and no one's gonna name me.
Speaker 2: But I feel like a lot of people look at
Speaker 2: David Mitchell and they're like, I know you from somewhere, but.
Speaker 1: They don't know exactly. It must be like do you
Speaker 1: get it?
Speaker 5: Like do you get people who sort of recognize you?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: I only ever get people who like truly love me.
Speaker 2: Apart from that, no one, no, because I have a
Speaker 2: very small fan base of women who just assessed me.
Speaker 2: They are history. I'm not even lying. They would definitely
Speaker 2: if I did an Instagram story like I need a lung,
Speaker 2: someone would be like, here's my lungs?
Speaker 1: Like radio, Oh my god. Do you think if you
Speaker 1: did an Instagram story saying guys, I need a life,
Speaker 1: they'd give you a lie. Imagine the day. I love
Speaker 1: that he's calling the fun out.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, can I just say to people
Speaker 2: listening who might think that makes me sound like really insufferable?
Speaker 2: I do that ship on dates to be like how
Speaker 2: much can this person take of me? Because when they
Speaker 2: can't handle it, I'm like, Okay, you're so not my
Speaker 2: kind of person, whereas he was really taking it and
Speaker 2: was do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Can I just say that, like I performed the
Speaker 1: four Graceist shows her fan base. I always say, it's
Speaker 1: like the Wendy Williams fan base. Like it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's cool, it's intense. They love in the room is
Speaker 1: so brilliant.
Speaker 2: Always No, that's what my cousin says. My cousin comes
Speaker 2: and she's like, obviously, we're exactly the same age. She's
Speaker 2: my whole life obviously with cousins, and she's there like, no,
Speaker 2: it's mad watching these people love you more than like
Speaker 2: anyone in our family about.
Speaker 1: Sees me performed. She's like, a, I just watching other
Speaker 1: people laugh at you. That's funny because every time we
Speaker 1: hang out as a family laugh at me.
Speaker 2: But I just disagree. I think David Mitchell's bad. Famous Well,
Speaker 2: David Mitchell is from I mean, he's a comedic actor.
Speaker 2: He's also like the host of like would Alive to
Speaker 2: You but so funny sou in peep Show. He's one
Speaker 2: of the main guys in peep Show. And he's a
Speaker 2: great British comedian, but I get what he means in
Speaker 2: the sense of, like, you know, it's a bit like
Speaker 2: I'll only ever be like really famous in like hubs
Speaker 2: and Clapham and coffee shops in North London. Leave those places.
Speaker 2: Nobody knows who I am.
Speaker 1: Yeah, carry But it's an interesting question though, because I
Speaker 1: was out of the weekend and I was at like
Speaker 1: this like gay disco night absolutely fucked, like post verbal
Speaker 1: like real fuck. Had so many people come up to
Speaker 1: me and be like, oh my god, where you say,
Speaker 1: And I was like, not now, like if not now
Speaker 1: when though, when I'm not fu That's what I mean.
Speaker 1: So they're like.
Speaker 2: Glastonbury was like hell for me, but I didn't realize
Speaker 2: it was gonna because it's where there's a concentrated level.
Speaker 2: So David Mitchell is that kind of like famous?
Speaker 1: I guess yeah.
Speaker 2: And then he told me this story about his friend
Speaker 2: from work.
Speaker 4: She was saying she's been seeing this guy two months
Speaker 4: but they've.
Speaker 5: Not even slept together.
Speaker 2: Oh really, it's been like.
Speaker 4: Two months as well.
Speaker 2: How would you date that over two months?
Speaker 5: That is in sense, yeah, I would say if that
Speaker 5: situation ever happens to you, don't go to a comedy
Speaker 5: show and don't sit in the front row because it's
Speaker 5: not fun.
Speaker 4: I've seen someone and we've been together like.
Speaker 2: Three months or something.
Speaker 5: I never did anything.
Speaker 4: And we went to this comedy show and the guy
Speaker 4: like begged us as we ended, He's like, please go
Speaker 4: on the front, like it's just we want to make
Speaker 4: it look more full. I said, if you're not gonna right,
Speaker 4: it's down, get to the front. Straight away picks on us.
Speaker 5: And the guy I was like, Oh, have you guys
Speaker 5: like slept together.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, no, we've not. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's cool.
Speaker 5: How long have we've been together? Three three months?
Speaker 4: And from there every single person went through just roasted yeah,
Speaker 4: would you Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't like comedians.
Speaker 4: I don't like you.
Speaker 2: I have to say, right, he's telling this story, and
Speaker 2: I'm thinking, maybe that's because you like didn't want to
Speaker 2: have sex with him. Have I just offended you by
Speaker 2: being like I would never do that. So then I
Speaker 2: was being a bit more like nice after you told
Speaker 2: that story of like we were on the topic of like,
Speaker 2: you know, waiting to have sex with people, and then
Speaker 2: I was like, but how comes you hadn't He was like, oh,
Speaker 2: because she basically told me, like on our second date
Speaker 2: that she didn't believe in sex before marriage, and I
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, that's interesting. Yea, I personally would not
Speaker 2: then carry on day.
Speaker 1: At least he's respecting the boundaries of it, you know,
Speaker 1: and like obviously into the person enough to like still
Speaker 1: be with them.
Speaker 2: It was interesting. Listen, Okay, look, I've been shamed on
Speaker 2: this before because people think I do have sex with
Speaker 2: people sometimes too quickly. Sure, maybe there's some truth in
Speaker 2: that three months. I do not have three months in
Speaker 2: my life to spend not fucking someone that I'm spending.
Speaker 1: Time with, honestly. And also, like I always question, like
Speaker 1: is love real? Like imagine like falling in love with
Speaker 1: somebody and you haven't fucked them for three months, and
Speaker 1: then when you do, the dick is dead.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean.
Speaker 1: Love is not real. Yeah, if the dick is dead,
Speaker 1: then like I'm actually sorry, I don't love you anymore.
Speaker 2: But that's what I'm saying. For me, most of falling
Speaker 2: in love is about smelling sex intimacy. Yeah, so I
Speaker 2: just can't really imagine over three months me being stimulated
Speaker 2: enough by you if we're not having sex, because I'm
Speaker 2: not really looking forward to seeing you because I'm not
Speaker 2: thinking about sucking you. I'm not thinking about getting with you.
Speaker 1: And then what kind of relationship it must be such
Speaker 1: a different type of relationship. Yes, yeah, I guess you're right.
Speaker 1: You know, I guess that's a rectally true. But I
Speaker 1: also think, like for the people that save themselves to
Speaker 1: your marriage that first night when you're married, being like
Speaker 1: in your thirties and having virgin sex, like having the
Speaker 1: kind of sex that you had when we were like
Speaker 1: six names.
Speaker 2: They probably don't get to the peak of sex or
Speaker 2: they're like in their fifties. Oh, because sex just gets
Speaker 2: better and better and better from the first time you
Speaker 2: have it, but it takes a long time. I didn't
Speaker 2: start having good sex till I was like twenty five.
Speaker 1: I'm still waiting. Okay, So Michael sounds great. He was great,
Speaker 1: Like I'm into him for.
Speaker 2: You, Yep, I would see him again.
Speaker 1: Do you think actually, like asking those magazine questions was
Speaker 1: actually useful in work?
Speaker 2: No, I would say doing that that part of the
Speaker 2: day felt extremely ick to me and made me feel
Speaker 2: like I was slightly outside of my body. But the
Speaker 2: rest of the day it was really fun.
Speaker 1: But it becomes an interview, becomes like it becomes not organic.
Speaker 2: And really it felt really falced.
Speaker 1: Wait can you remember any of the questions?
Speaker 4: Um?
Speaker 2: No, sorry?
Speaker 1: Is that give us book of records? What was that
Speaker 1: longest silence on a podcast? Oh my god, grace be won?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you can't remember any of like what was?
Speaker 1: Surely it's like.
Speaker 2: I've been on twenty eight days, like so many of
Speaker 2: these conversations are blurring into I am screaming, Okay, would you.
Speaker 1: Be able to speak every language or be able to
Speaker 1: talk to animals?
Speaker 2: Oh, I'd obviously rather be able to talk to animal, but.
Speaker 1: Like what if they don't say much?
Speaker 2: Do you know how much I would love to be
Speaker 2: able to have conversations with Eddie, like because we're chatting
Speaker 2: all day, Like I'm talking to her all day, like
Speaker 2: we're talking about everything. I'm telling her what I'm doing,
Speaker 2: and I would love to know what she thinks.
Speaker 1: The thing that I would love for my cat to
Speaker 1: do is laugh at me. I'd love to make my
Speaker 1: cat laugh.
Speaker 2: I bet you he would never laugh.
Speaker 1: Just on purpose, and that's why I respect him.
Speaker 2: Next time on twenty eight dates later, Look, I'm going
Speaker 2: so rd and like sweating, like, can just feel how
Speaker 2: awkward you two are? No, isn't that that awkward silence
Speaker 2: that he drinks his water?
Speaker 1: Grace?
Speaker 2: Did you bully him under date? I think I did, honestly,
Speaker 2: that's not like you, Grace. Oh my girls, you around
Speaker 2: for me. I'm a savage. It can hurt.
Speaker 1: It.
Speaker 2: Twenty eight dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series
Speaker 2: is presented by me Grace Campbell, with help from Roz
Speaker 2: Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way. The
Speaker 2: executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mythillly Raw
Speaker 2: and Max O'Brien. Production management from Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wall.
Speaker 2: Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.
Speaker 1: Novel