1 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:57,319 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: for joining me for session three fifty eight of the 12 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls podcast. We'll get right into our 13 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: conversation afterword from our sponsors. 14 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 2: Hi. 15 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 3: I'm doctor Alfie. I'm on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. 16 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 3: I'm in session today discussing youth mental health concerns. 17 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: After living through a global pandemic, missing years of in 18 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: person interaction, and dealing with the constant onslaught of violence 19 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 1: displayed on social media, I think it's safe to say 20 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: that our kids are far from alright to talk with 21 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: me today about some of the concerns youth are facing 22 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: when it comes to their mental health. I'm joined by 23 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: my colleague and fellow psychologist, doctor Alfie Brelan Noble, A 24 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: thought leader in her field, Doctor Alfie focuses on mental 25 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: health and suicide prevention for intersectional youth and young adults 26 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: of color. She's a regular contributor for outlets like The Grio, 27 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: Today Show, with The Breakfast Club, The New York Times, 28 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: and others. Over, we discussed the impact of racial trauma 29 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: on youth mental health, how parents can monitor their child's 30 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 1: activity without invading their privacy, and strategies for cultivating an 31 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: environment in which a child can express themselves freely. If 32 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share 33 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: with us on social media using the hashtag TBG in session, 34 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,519 Speaker 1: or join us over in the Sister Circle. To talk 35 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: more about the episode, you can join us at community 36 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: dot therapy for Blackgirls dot Com. Here's our conversation. Thank 37 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,839 Speaker 1: you so much for joining me today, doctor Elfie. 38 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 3: Thank you for having me my sister. I am so appreciative, 39 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 3: my sorrow, I had throw that in there right quick. 40 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 3: I am really grateful for. 41 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: You, absolutely, Thank you so much for joining us. So 42 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: I wonder if you could get started by telling us 43 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: a little bit about your work with the Acoma Project 44 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: and what really interested you most in youth mental health. 45 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, so my work really is an outgrowth of my 46 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 3: own up bringing. I'm from Virginia Beach, Virginia. I'm from 47 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 3: in between where I grew up, and we're all about 48 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 3: the same age. I'm a little bit older than these guys, 49 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 3: but Chad and Pharrell, otherwise known as the Neptunes, they 50 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 3: grew up in one direction about three miles away from me, 51 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 3: maybe five. Then in the other direction less than two 52 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 3: miles away from me. Timberland grew up the super producer 53 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 3: and Missy Elliott's from a couple towns over and from Portsmouth, Virginia. 54 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 3: And so that childhood growing up a Virginia Beach, I 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 3: think was the impetus for a lot of my interest 56 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 3: in youth mental health. Because I'm sure a lot of 57 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 3: the professionals that you have on your podcast we grew 58 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 3: up in environments where my parents are Baby Boomer and 59 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 3: Silent generation, right, and so they were doing what they 60 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 3: thought was best for us, which was moving us to 61 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 3: another area where they thought we could have great opportunities 62 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: in public schools. I come from a public school family, 63 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 3: and so it was rough, right, because I was just 64 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,040 Speaker 3: sharing with somebody. They said, tell us something that would 65 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 3: blow a millennial's mind if they knew this was part 66 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 3: of your experience. And I said, we used to have 67 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 3: these classes. Now, maybe y'all had track in two. I 68 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 3: certainly didn't hear it. With my children. We had superior, 69 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 3: average and remedial classes. And guess whose classes all the 70 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 3: kids of color were and remedial, right, And so I 71 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,559 Speaker 3: was one of the kids in the superior was honest class. 72 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 3: But just think about the terminology. That's what I grew 73 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 3: up in. Like you're telling the kid they were remedia 74 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 3: and it's on your report card that you're in like 75 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 3: the little r you're in remedial classes. And so it 76 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 3: was tough being a smart, I don't know, like relatively 77 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 3: self confident with my books. Now we can talk about 78 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 3: the other stuff, but being confident with my books and 79 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 3: knowing that I was smart, and I had teachers at home, 80 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 3: so I knew stuff. And so that was tough growing 81 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 3: up in an environment where I felt isolated. And so 82 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 3: the youth mental health piece really did come out of 83 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 3: my experiences growing up in Virginia Beach and knowing what 84 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 3: I experienced in predominantly white spaces being a black girl, 85 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 3: a dark chocolate black girl, and I just felt like, 86 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 3: if I can be a light for another young person 87 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 3: at any point in their life who might be experiencing 88 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 3: something similar or anything that interferes with their mental health, 89 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 3: I really wanted to try hard to be that light. 90 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 3: And that's how I really got interested in it because 91 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 3: I know what my experiences were. 92 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 1: So that's quite a special cool heart of peers that 93 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: you grew up with, right, So clearly there's something going 94 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 1: on in that area that also leads to lots of 95 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 1: creativity and greatness as well. 96 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. 97 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's funny because Farrell's producing a movie that I 98 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 3: think Hallie Bailey is going to be a start in, 99 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 3: and it talks about his growing up in these apartment 100 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 3: I know exactly where the apartments are. They called the 101 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 3: Atlanti's Apartments. This is all out in the press release 102 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 3: and everything. I was like, I know Atlanti's Apartments. I 103 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,719 Speaker 3: remember being down there, was in the area closer to 104 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 3: the ocean front. And so when he talks about skateboard 105 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 3: pee and surfing and I'm like, I know exactly what 106 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 3: he's talking about because that was our childhood, you know, 107 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 3: growing up in that area. There were so few of 108 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 3: us black kids, and so you gravitated to the things 109 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 3: your peers did, right, and your peers surf, our peers skateboarded, 110 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 3: So that's what we So there had to be something 111 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 3: special down there, Like these parents, these black parents down 112 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,039 Speaker 3: there and these Filipino parents were like pushing something into 113 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 3: these kids to make us think we could do great things. 114 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 3: And you've got these folks who are out there doing 115 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 3: great things. So I'm not in their stratosphere, but I 116 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 3: give them all the respect they deserve. 117 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: Here in a sphere of your own. That's okay, So 118 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 1: talk with me, doctor LFA, about why it's important for 119 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: us to also focus on youth mental health as a 120 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: part of our larger conversations about mental health in general. 121 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,679 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think about I was sharing with you earlier. 122 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 3: I love the fact that we have the same degree. 123 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 3: And part of what I learned and part of what 124 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 3: I gravitate to with having that particular psych background is 125 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 3: this focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion before it was popular, right, 126 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,279 Speaker 3: So we had the multicultural Handbook of Counseling, way back 127 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 3: in the day before anybody was checking for that. The 128 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 3: Super Brothers, right, So we know those guys are icons 129 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 3: in our field, Like you know, there's so many in 130 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 3: our field, doctor James, White people like that. And so 131 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 3: when I think about those folks, I think about the 132 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 3: fact that they really created a space back then, like 133 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 3: late eighties, early nineties, early two thousands, for us to 134 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 3: be able to have conversations about having a big tint 135 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 3: that everybody could fit in. So whether a person had 136 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 3: a disability, whether a person was LGBTQAI plus counselor psyche 137 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 3: was talking about that like decades ago. And so it's 138 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 3: just the idea that for our young people, just like 139 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,400 Speaker 3: with anybody I think about, like therapy for black girls, 140 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 3: I actually think about girls, the girls who grow up 141 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 3: to become women. I think about the trans girls. I 142 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 3: think about the non gender conforming young people who may 143 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 3: lean feminine sometimes right, And so when I think about 144 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 3: all those young people, I think our field rit laars 145 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 3: the whole all of psych all of psychiatry, all of 146 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 3: social work. Although they've done better than we have in nursing, 147 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 3: nurse practition, psychiatric nurse practitioners and those folks. I feel 148 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 3: like we as a field have not done a good 149 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 3: job of amplifying and centering the unique mental health needs 150 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 3: of diverse young people, right because when we build interventions, 151 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 3: we build them and we have this category called non white, 152 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 3: which I cannot tell you how much I hate that term, 153 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 3: because that's not how we identify ourselves. And so for me, 154 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,119 Speaker 3: it is why would we not focus on youth mental health? 155 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: Because our young people, they don't get those issues addressed 156 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 3: as young people, They're going to grow into adulthood carrying 157 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 3: those issues which you know well and talk about all 158 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 3: the time. So so much of our experience as adults 159 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 3: is rooted in what were our experiences as children, And 160 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 3: so why wouldn't we start the conversation with our young people. 161 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 3: Why would we not want to support young adults who 162 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 3: graduated high school and maybe in the military, out working 163 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 3: or starting families, or in college. All of those young 164 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,079 Speaker 3: people have needs, and those are periods of heavy transition, 165 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 3: like you're going from elementary to middle middle, the high 166 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 3: hi to college or the work or the military. 167 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 4: You're getting married and. 168 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 3: So finding yourself and trying to figure all that stuff out. 169 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 3: And not having mental health support is too much. So 170 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 3: I figure we can do a little something to support 171 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 3: our young people and make sure that their mental health 172 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,199 Speaker 3: needs are met. And that's why we do the work 173 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 3: that we do at a COMA. 174 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: So I know I don't have to tell you, but 175 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 1: I will share for the benefit of our audience these 176 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: staggering stats that are coming out from lots of organizations, 177 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: but the Pew Research in specific talked about from twenty 178 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: eighteen to twenty twenty one, we saw suicide rates among 179 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: black youth grow at a faster rate than any other 180 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: racial group. And so can you talk a little bit 181 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: about what factors really contribute to the heightened struggles that 182 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: we're seeing and that are leading to some of these 183 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: increased suicide rates. 184 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 4: Absolutely, so two things. 185 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 3: I had the great pleasure of being part of a 186 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 3: group with the Congressional Black Caucus led by Representative Bonnie 187 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 3: Watson Coleman Wring the alarm. The Congress and the federal 188 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 3: people were task force. We were the working group. So 189 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 3: the working group was comprised of twenty twenty five Black scholars, 190 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 3: all different kinds of disciplines whose interest was in these 191 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 3: increases in black youth suicide rates, and we put out 192 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 3: this Ring the Alarm Report with Representative Watson Coleman. And 193 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,199 Speaker 3: one thing that we don't talk about in general, again 194 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 3: going back to how we do research around youth and 195 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 3: young adult mental health, one thing we don't talk about 196 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 3: enough is racial trauma and the unique experiences of young 197 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 3: people of color around these issues of racial trauma. So 198 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 3: when you look at the research that we've done at 199 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 3: a COMA, we put out something called the State of 200 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 3: Mental Health of Youth of Color. The Big Full Report 201 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 3: was put out in twenty twenty three, and what we 202 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 3: find is that about eighteen percent of all young people 203 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 3: of color from our survey, which should reflect the larger 204 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 3: population of young people, report exposure to racial trauma in 205 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 3: the prior year. Now, eighteen percent doesn't sound like a lot, 206 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 3: but in my mind, nobody's asking the questions. So if 207 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 3: we were to ask the question more frequently, who knows, 208 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 3: the numbers might be higher. But it's the idea that 209 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,439 Speaker 3: we decided to ask the question, and that's not typically 210 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 3: a question that's asked. So we often talk about the 211 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 3: usual suspects, intergenerational trauma, right exposure to other kinds of trauma. 212 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 3: We talk about young people just in general, with worries 213 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 3: about climate change, finance, COVID. There's so many things that 214 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 3: our young people are faced with that are slightly different 215 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 3: from maybe what older millennials and Gen xers and older experience, 216 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 3: and so I think it's just the perfect storm of challenges. 217 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,320 Speaker 3: And let's not forget I think social media can be 218 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 3: a force for good, but one of the challenges with 219 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 3: social media is they're constantly bombarded with information. So whether 220 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 3: that's world affairs, all these wars and conflicts going on, 221 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 3: or more day to day stuff like comparing yourself to 222 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 3: your peers. Oh so and so got a new car 223 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 3: ford their birthday. I don't have a new you know 224 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 3: what I mean? Or so also got the latest essential sweatpants. 225 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 3: I don't have essential swept I just got regular sweatpants. 226 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 3: So it's all these challenges that they have that I 227 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 3: feel like it's important for us, is the caregivers in 228 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 3: their lives to give them tools to help them manage 229 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 3: and cope. 230 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,319 Speaker 1: You know, it always is such a struggle to me, 231 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: doctor Elphie, and I know we are both parents. I 232 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,599 Speaker 1: feel like it is such a heartbreaking experience and we 233 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: talked about this on the podcast before, about like how 234 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: to prep your young people of color for this world 235 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,319 Speaker 1: that they are entering. 236 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 2: Right. 237 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: So, when you talk about like racial trauma and all 238 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: the protests that we are seeing happen even in real 239 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: time right now, right what kinds of conversation should we 240 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: be having with the young people in our lives. What 241 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 1: suggestions would you give to parents and caregivers about how 242 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: to open up and give them some strategies. 243 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 3: I think the first thing is exactly what you do here. 244 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 3: It is helping people understand how to look at these 245 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 3: things for themselves. There are too many of us again 246 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 3: gen X and older, much less so for millennials younger, 247 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 3: but there are too many of us who grew up 248 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 3: as parents of color, Black parents in particular, and caregivers 249 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 3: where we never had conversations about mental health. That's not 250 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 3: something you talk about you either, right from the South, 251 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 3: You pray it away, right, go to doctor Jesus. There's 252 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 3: nothing wrong with that. But you also have to have 253 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 3: things day to day, moment to moment to help you. 254 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 3: And so what I say to parents and caregivers is 255 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 3: you have to be modeling for your young people that 256 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 3: you take care of your own mental health, that you 257 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,719 Speaker 3: are concerned about your own mental health. And I think 258 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 3: if we don't start there, you got young people. They 259 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 3: can sniff out in authenticity a mile away, right, So if. 260 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 4: You say you should do they're like, but you don't 261 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 4: do it. 262 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,680 Speaker 3: You come in here yelling and screaming, and you stressed 263 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 3: all the time with why I got to do it? 264 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 4: So I think it's being. 265 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 3: Clear with ourselves, which is not a quick fix, but 266 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:48,959 Speaker 3: I think we can start there. 267 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 2: Then. 268 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 3: I think in terms of having a conversation with young people, 269 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 3: it's really critical that we maybe write out a script. 270 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:56,079 Speaker 4: Right. 271 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 3: You got to think about what are the messages that 272 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 3: you want to communicate. And I think more important than anything, 273 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 3: I heard somebody say this yesterday, you have two ears 274 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 3: and one mouth governing yourself accordingly. Actually it was my 275 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,079 Speaker 3: husband's pastor, And what I took from that is it's 276 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 3: important to be willing to listen to what. 277 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 4: Our young people are dealing with. 278 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 3: And then as we're listening, your listeners know all this terminology, 279 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 3: but for other folks who might be new to it, 280 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 3: it's important to do active listening, right, so you'd be 281 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 3: nigh in your head, your mouth is closed, you're looking 282 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 3: at the young person, you're not looking at your phone 283 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 3: or looking away. And then the other thing I think 284 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 3: that's really important is to listen with the intention of 285 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 3: love and care, not with the intention to fix, because 286 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 3: if you go in trying to fix everything for them, 287 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 3: sometimes our young people will shut down because they're not 288 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 3: looking for a fix. They're just looking for support and 289 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 3: they're looking for somebody to listen. So those are some 290 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 3: of the things I say to parents and caregivers. 291 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that. More from our conversation 292 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: after the break, but first a quick snippet of what's 293 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: coming next week on TVG. 294 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 2: One of the key findings though that I saw was 295 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 2: the ways that black women often used humor to talk 296 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 2: through some of the oppressions that they faced. So it 297 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 2: could be racism, it could be sexism, agism, but it 298 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: was the way that we told the stories to each other. 299 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 2: Where we inserted humor, we retold the stories. We were 300 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 2: the characters right in all of these stories. That really 301 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 2: made me think about the ways that we use humor 302 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 2: in telling our stories, and that it's so innate that 303 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 2: it just happens right. We're storytellers and we just continue 304 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 2: to tell these stories and use humor at every part 305 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 2: of the way. Even when we thought we should be crying. 306 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 4: There was a. 307 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 2: Moment where we are literally laughing and crying at. 308 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 4: Some pretty serious things. 309 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 2: But the ways that we were able to handle that 310 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 2: was through the humor. 311 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: I know. We also know that sometimes even some of 312 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: the symptoms of anxiety and depression and other things look 313 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: different in youth, and probably particularly in youth of color, 314 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: than they do maybe in adults. Can you give us 315 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: a little bit of insight into what we may be 316 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: on the lookout for in our young people? 317 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 2: Sure? 318 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 3: So one of the things we did with our survey 319 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 3: was we asked young people. We use some of the 320 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 3: same standard surveys that are used with what they call 321 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 3: the YRBSS. That's an annual survey that they do with 322 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 3: teenagers all over the country that's put out by SAMSA 323 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 3: and the CDC. So we use those same questions and 324 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 3: we add to some of our own. And what we 325 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 3: find is when you look at the symptoms that young 326 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 3: people report, say, for example, anxiety, young people will say 327 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 3: that they have a hard time making decisions right, they 328 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 3: have a hard time concentrating, they get fearful, not just 329 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 3: having a hard time by making decisions, but worry about 330 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 3: making decisions. So it's like meta worry, right, it's like 331 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 3: worry inside, the worry inside, the worry for depression. I 332 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 3: think sometimes what we're looking at often in young people 333 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 3: of color because of different cultural moraising values right, not 334 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 3: right or wrong, they're just different. Anger and aggression an 335 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 3: assertion is often what you will see in our young 336 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 3: people of color who might be experiencing depressive illness instead 337 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,680 Speaker 3: of sadness. I call it like the e or syndrome. 338 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,239 Speaker 3: Everybody who's depressed not walking around looking like you're. Some 339 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 3: people who are experiencing depressed walking around just looking angry, 340 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 3: And I tell parents and caregivers look. Part of why 341 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 3: that's effective for young people is it has the same impact. 342 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 3: When you withdraw and isolate yourself and shut people out, 343 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 3: you're actively trying to get people to leave you alone 344 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 3: because you want to be alone with your sorrow and 345 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 3: the heaviness. 346 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 4: The same thing happens when you're angry. 347 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: Right. 348 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 3: I remember that old er Kabaidu song bag Lady. It's 349 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 3: like when people see you coming, they take off running. 350 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 3: And so if you're angry and like aggressive and leave 351 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 3: me alone and everything gets on your nerves all the time. 352 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 3: You have the same net effect. People go away, they 353 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,959 Speaker 3: don't want to be around you, and it serves your purpose, 354 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,919 Speaker 3: which is you want to be alone as wallow and 355 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 3: the sadness and the sorrow. So I try to tell 356 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 3: parents and caregivers and all of us pay attention to 357 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 3: day to day sort of mood swings or day to 358 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 3: day behaviors, and if it changes for one day, maybe 359 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 3: that's not the thing to worry about, because young people 360 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 3: go through moods, we all do. But if it persists, 361 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 3: you notice if it persists for a week, ten days, 362 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 3: two weeks, and you're seeing sort of some of the 363 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 3: same stuff, the sadness, the isolation, the disinteresting things that 364 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 3: used to love, then maybe it's time to check in 365 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 3: or think about going to get some help. But if 366 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 3: we don't communicate with our young people, that's one of 367 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 3: the things that we found in our research too, is 368 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 3: the caregiver young people die. Ass that have open lines 369 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 3: of communication are better able to identify and begin to 370 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 3: navigate the process because they're communicating right, so you know 371 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 3: what's going on with you. But if you don't communicate, 372 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,199 Speaker 3: you may never know what's going on. So these are 373 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 3: the things I try to encourage our caregivers and parents 374 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 3: to think about. 375 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 4: But it's a lot, right. 376 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,439 Speaker 3: You already got many things you're trying to jug right already, 377 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 3: don't eat breakfast, we know that, right, And so it's 378 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,959 Speaker 3: just really hard to keep up with all of it. 379 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 3: But that then becomes that paying attention and just understanding 380 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 3: your child on a day when they hear she or 381 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 3: they feel neutral. That's how you can begin to calibrate 382 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 3: because that's the child's baseline, and you can sort of 383 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 3: look for those ups and downs and the intensity of 384 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,360 Speaker 3: the ups and downs once you understand day to day 385 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,400 Speaker 3: what is my child like? And too few of us, 386 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 3: myself included, pay attention to what's my kid like day 387 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 3: to day when they're just kind of neutral. 388 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,679 Speaker 1: So I wonder, doctor La, if you can give us 389 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 1: a little more insight into how we can establish these 390 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: open lines of communication. So you already gave us a 391 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,160 Speaker 1: little bit in terms of like listening more than we talk, 392 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,879 Speaker 1: But what other kinds of things can we do to 393 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 1: cultivate this space with the young people in our lives. 394 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 3: I tell people it's hard to guess, and we always 395 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 3: gonna get it wrong, and sometimes we get it wrong 396 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 3: by the kid's intention when we try to guess what's 397 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 3: cool or what's popular, because the minute I said, oh, 398 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 3: I don't like that, it's not cool anymore. 399 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 2: Right. 400 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 3: So, like I'm a big old school hip hop here, 401 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 3: and I like a lot of new artists too, But 402 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,439 Speaker 3: when I start talking about an artist, like my favorite 403 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 3: right now is central Cy and Dave, they're from the UK. 404 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 4: Love them. The minute I started talking about Central Ce, 405 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 4: my son was like, Mom, you tweaking. That's why. Don't 406 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 4: do that normal? 407 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: Right? 408 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 3: And so it can be hard to try to figure out, right, 409 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,960 Speaker 3: And so I think what I encourage caregivers and parents 410 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,160 Speaker 3: to do is again, pay attention to what they're looking at. 411 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 3: So when they're watching TV, you don't have to go 412 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 3: sit down with them necessarily. They may not want that, 413 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 3: but look at what they're looking at. Are they looking 414 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 3: at Dragon ball Z? Are they looking at My favorite 415 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,879 Speaker 3: used to be The Backyard Agaans. I love The Backyardings 416 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 3: God Rest their Sister Soul Janis Burgess. That show was phenomenal. 417 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 3: But my daughter used to love Scandal reruns, And so 418 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 3: what are their interests, right, Like they go to school, 419 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 3: what are they doing at school? Like nowadays everything's like 420 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,479 Speaker 3: trying so you can't fifty thousand emails today, right, So 421 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 3: you can see what kind of things are accessible to 422 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 3: your child or what they have available to them at school. 423 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 3: One trick that I learned a long time ago is 424 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 3: try a reading or book club. One of my kids 425 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,919 Speaker 3: is loves reading. Can we think of a book that 426 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 3: we can read together, and then just have these periodic 427 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 3: check ins over the course of like six weeks, just 428 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,879 Speaker 3: twenty minutes, let's sit down and talk about the book. 429 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 3: Or your child's not a reader. Can you take them 430 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 3: for ice cream? Just randomly, just go find something to do? 431 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 3: Can you take them to the movie? So it's finding activities. 432 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 3: They don't all have to cost something, but finding activities 433 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,679 Speaker 3: that you can do where the focus is not a 434 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,199 Speaker 3: staring at each other. The focus is we're doing something 435 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 3: together and hopefully in the course of doing that shared activity, 436 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 3: you find the openings to have a conversation. So it's 437 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,640 Speaker 3: being creative with the stuff that you already do. Can 438 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 3: they help you cook? Are they interested in helping you cook? 439 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 3: When you're washing dishes? And that's their chore. Can you 440 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 3: go in and say, I'm gonna help you for twenty minutes, 441 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 3: let me get this side over here, you get this side, 442 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 3: and those then become ways for your young people to 443 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,199 Speaker 3: get used to you being around, right, because sometimes what 444 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 3: we do is, I remember this from high school a 445 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 3: million years ago. I come home or go straight up 446 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 3: to my room. I come out to eat, I go 447 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 3: back to my room. Where's the opportunity to interact? There 448 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 3: really isn't any. So it is finding stuff that you 449 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 3: already do and either inserting yourself into it with your 450 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 3: child or the young person you're caring for, or it's 451 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 3: inviting your child into things that you like to do 452 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,199 Speaker 3: for very brief periods of time because you know their 453 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 3: attention spans are not. 454 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: Long, right of course, of course, so I need some 455 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: insight as a parent myself, Doctor Elfie around because you 456 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 1: already talked about electronics and how so much of their 457 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 1: lives exists on these little screens. What is the fine line? 458 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: Because I do think it's probably fine around allowing them 459 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,679 Speaker 1: to have privacy, but also needing to know like what 460 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,679 Speaker 1: they're watching, who they're talking to, what they're paying attention to, 461 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: like what is the line there. 462 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 3: One tool I think we have to have is going 463 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 3: back to communication. We have to have a way to communicate. 464 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 3: So whatever that is for your family, figure that out 465 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 3: and stick with it. 466 00:22:59,000 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 4: Okay. 467 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,399 Speaker 3: So the direct answer to your question from my experience 468 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,199 Speaker 3: to research that we do and having two of my 469 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 3: own children, is I like to give them enough freedom 470 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 3: that they know and they can see a demonstration that 471 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 3: I trust them, I am trusting you. But that freedom 472 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,679 Speaker 3: has limits. Right, So I was weird. My parents are 473 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 3: from Mississippi, and it was very much just do it 474 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 3: because I told you to do it right, Just do 475 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,359 Speaker 3: what I say it. 476 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 2: Do. 477 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 3: And there are a lot of parents who are wearing 478 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 3: their children that way. I'm not saying there's anything wrong 479 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 3: with that. So if that's the relationship that you have 480 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 3: with your child, and you know your child is gonna listen, 481 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,400 Speaker 3: you can set those boundaries. This is how much time 482 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 3: you're gonna spend on this device per day. Don't touch 483 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 3: that device so that homework is done or your chores 484 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 3: are done, whatever the case may be. I'm gonna give 485 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,160 Speaker 3: you latitude with these platforms. Let's figure out which platforms 486 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,920 Speaker 3: you're gonna use, because you can't have eight of them, 487 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 3: you can have two. Let's figure out which two you're 488 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 3: gonna have, and then you know again, if communication lines 489 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 3: are open, I think you build a kind of relationship 490 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 3: where you can say to your child, I'm gonna give 491 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 3: you space. If this works for you, I'm gonna give 492 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 3: you space. Used to do this without me over your 493 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:06,400 Speaker 3: shoulder monitoring. But I don't want no fence to this right. 494 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,359 Speaker 3: Don't let me find out it's a fake TikTok and 495 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 3: the right that you got me following and I find 496 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 3: out some of because then I'm gonna take all of it, 497 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 3: do you. 498 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:11,959 Speaker 4: Know what I mean? 499 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 3: So it's being really clear. So I'll tell you what 500 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 3: we did with ours when we were younger. One is 501 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,239 Speaker 3: out of high school, one is about to be out 502 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,239 Speaker 3: of high school. We did a contract the condition of 503 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,440 Speaker 3: you getting this phone that I'm paying this bill for. 504 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 3: Is this contract. One other thing I learned from the Obamas. 505 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 3: I watched them on some interview years ago when he 506 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 3: was in the White House. She said limited screen time. 507 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 4: That blew my mind. 508 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 3: I had never considered it. So they said that their 509 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 3: children had no screen time during the week, and I 510 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 3: was like, well, what does that mean? No TV, no devices, 511 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,239 Speaker 3: no nothing, right, So have a contract that works for 512 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 3: your family. And I think it really is trial and error. 513 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 3: I don't think that there's any rule for how long 514 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 3: it should be, how short it should be. I think 515 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 3: it's what works for your family. And I think what 516 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 3: you find is when those lines of communication are open 517 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:00,040 Speaker 3: and you set those boundaries, not always, but of and 518 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 3: you'll have a very compliant child who's okay letting you. 519 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 4: Know what's going on. Right. 520 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,679 Speaker 3: But if we don't set those boundaries, it's like a 521 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 3: free for all. We either gonna set those boundaries or 522 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 3: the world is gonna set those boundaries. And we don't 523 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,640 Speaker 3: want the world to set those boundaries. So those contracts, 524 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 3: lines of communication, and us as caregivers getting clear what 525 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 3: is acceptable to me for a daily amount of time 526 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 3: I'm willing to allow my child to be on this platform. 527 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,160 Speaker 3: And there are all kinds of folks out here doing 528 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 3: things to try to set national standards, but again for 529 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 3: those of us who are parents of color, those conversations 530 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 3: often don't include us, and so we have to find 531 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 3: the ways that are culturally relevant, culturally appropriate for us 532 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 3: to be able to set those boundaries. But setting them 533 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 3: is the key we have to set them more. 534 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:56,439 Speaker 1: From our conversation after the break, we've already outlined some 535 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 1: of this, But I wonder if you can talk a 536 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: little bit more about the impact of social media on 537 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: youth and mental health. So, I know a lot of 538 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 1: the organizations like Instagram and TikTok they have these mental 539 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 1: health tanks, force and things for looking at youth and 540 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: how they interact with their platforms. Can you talk a 541 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 1: little bit about what kinds of things we need to 542 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 1: be paying attention to as it relates to youth and 543 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 1: social media. 544 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 3: Sure, so some of the tools that are out there, 545 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:25,480 Speaker 3: you've already talked about some of the platforms. Instagram has 546 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:30,360 Speaker 3: a monitoring tool where the parent and the child can 547 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 3: be connected to each other, and you have like different 548 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 3: levels of how you monitor what your child is doing. Right, 549 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 3: And so I think there is this idea that a 550 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 3: lot of these platforms recognize that it's kind of a 551 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 3: wild wild West out there, and we got to try 552 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,120 Speaker 3: to wrap our arms around it. And I think more importantly, 553 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 3: it is imperative for us as parents and caregivers to 554 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 3: be the ones monitoring and supervising and supporting our young 555 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,280 Speaker 3: people and teaching them the right ways to use social media. 556 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 3: So from our data, what we know is for our 557 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 3: young people they struggle with some of the same things 558 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,679 Speaker 3: in social media that they struggle without in the world. 559 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 3: Not for young people of color, we know from our 560 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,960 Speaker 3: data not seeing good representation of themselves, not seeing enough 561 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 3: representation of themselves. 562 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 4: And so what do they do. 563 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 3: They try to fill in the gaps so I don't 564 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 3: see it, I'm going to create it. And if you're 565 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 3: creating it without a sense of what needs to be 566 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 3: out there, what needs to be shared, and what needs 567 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,159 Speaker 3: to be private, because you've never had those conversations with 568 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 3: your family members. But what they do is put it 569 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 3: all out there, right and once it's out there, you 570 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 3: can't get it back. And so I think part of 571 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 3: our responsibility and part of what the challenge is is 572 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:41,399 Speaker 3: helping young people have a clear understanding of the landscape. 573 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 3: What exactly is social media? Where does that stuff go? 574 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 3: What are your rights? What is privacy? What is confidentiality? 575 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 3: And so I think if we don't know, we can't 576 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,879 Speaker 3: communicate effectively to our young people, and we sort of 577 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 3: lead them to their own devices or to their peers 578 00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 3: who may also not know right, So I know this 579 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 3: one young sister, her name is Lars. Lars is like 580 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 3: under thirty, and she's been an advocate in this area 581 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 3: of supporting young people around their use of social media 582 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,880 Speaker 3: and how they interact with it for a decade, right, 583 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,119 Speaker 3: so since she was in high school, just finished in 584 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:19,919 Speaker 3: high school. And then our responsibility around privacy, confidentiality and 585 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 3: support is to really sort of lay out the rules, 586 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,679 Speaker 3: to sort of ask how young people get them focused 587 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 3: and ask them to like really think about what they're 588 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 3: doing and to really understand what they're signing up for 589 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 3: when they put all their business out there, and to 590 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 3: understand what are the parameters that they really should be 591 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 3: operating within, and to recognize things like once you put 592 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 3: it out there, it's out there forever. So you might 593 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 3: be fifteen now, well when you're thirty five and trying to. 594 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 4: Get that job, it's still going to be out there. 595 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 4: And is that what you want? 596 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 3: So I used to have this thing I would tell 597 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 3: young people, remember the grandma. We call my grandmother Mama Alice, 598 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 3: big Mama, a boi la rue. If you don't want 599 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 3: a buela to see it, don't put it on the internet. 600 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 1: Do you know. 601 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 3: I mean, like, just think about it. And I heard 602 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 3: somebody say I really love this the other day. She 603 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 3: said the five year rule. If it's not going to 604 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 3: matter in five years, then maybe it's okay. 605 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 4: But if it is going to. 606 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 3: Matter in five years, then you might want to think 607 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 3: about do you want that out there in the world. 608 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 4: So I don't think there's any. 609 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 3: Easy answer, but I think that there is some balance 610 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 3: between the latitude that we allow young people what those 611 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 3: impacts of social media, just that unfettered exposure might be, 612 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 3: and also setting them up for success by giving them 613 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 3: tools to help them navigate it when we're out of 614 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 3: my cause we can't be around twenty four to seven 615 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 3: to help. 616 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: Them, right, right, So I think some of this we 617 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: are still learning in real time. But I'd love to 618 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: hear your thoughts about how youth were impacted during the pandemic, 619 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: right So, I think we know some early things right 620 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,040 Speaker 1: just around what it meant to not be in the 621 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: classrooms and to the loss of socialization years. Well, what 622 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 1: kinds of things are you paying attention to right now? 623 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: You think our community also should have an eye on 624 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: about how youth were impacted. 625 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 3: I think for us, I'm just gonna speak to us 626 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 3: as black folks. I think that when I think about 627 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 3: our community globally, and I think about all the challenges 628 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 3: that we faced during the pandemic, I think about what 629 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 3: you know, and I know, and all your listeners I'm 630 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 3: sure know, and all your experts know as vicarious trauma. 631 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 3: And I don't think we can underestimate the significant impact 632 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 3: of the vicarious trauma that our young people were exposed 633 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 3: to around racial issues during the pandemic. Right, it was 634 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 3: like one thing after another. I don't even need to 635 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 3: start naming the names. I can think about my social 636 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,520 Speaker 3: media posts during the pandemic, and I felt like every 637 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 3: week I was making another post about how to cope 638 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 3: with some traumatic thing that happened to a black person. 639 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 3: If I said, curate your news once, I say that 640 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 3: a thousand times, Right, you can't sit and consume that 641 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 3: all the time. It's painful and it hurts you. And 642 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 3: so I don't think we can underestimate that. I think 643 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 3: our young people are still very much struggling, particularly our 644 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 3: Black young people, very much struggling with what it means 645 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,800 Speaker 3: to have to navigate all of that, right, to have 646 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 3: had to navigate all of that to still be carrying 647 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 3: the impacts of it, And so that's a biggie for me. 648 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 3: And then I think on top of that, there's this 649 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 3: interesting thing. We had a lot more conversations about mental 650 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 3: health during the pandemic. It sort of grew little by little, 651 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 3: And I was telling somebody this morning, following you and 652 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 3: following your work and just watching, right, it was always 653 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 3: on the rise, but just watching how it just shut 654 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 3: up during the pandemic because so many more people needed 655 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,560 Speaker 3: what you're offering. Right, we were all struggling, and our 656 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 3: kids were struggling. So I think the import of recognizing 657 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 3: that stuff doesn't just go away right when we're exposed 658 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 3: to trauma, that's lifelong impact. We think about aces, right, 659 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 3: you have these early childhood experiences, that's the rest of 660 00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 3: your life that it impacts you. 661 00:31:58,280 --> 00:31:59,719 Speaker 4: So that for me is a biggie. 662 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 3: Was the racial trauma, the social unrest, and then it 663 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:05,840 Speaker 3: was you couldn't get away from it because we're all 664 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 3: stuck in the house. So for me, that's a biggie 665 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,480 Speaker 3: that I don't think we talk anywhere near enough about. 666 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 3: On top of everything that you said, the loss of 667 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 3: the ability to hit those developmental markers learning how to socialize, 668 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 3: the loss of the educational gains that they might have 669 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 3: made is. 670 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 4: A perfect storm of a lot of things. 671 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,160 Speaker 3: But I think that by Carrie's trauma, I think that's 672 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 3: gonna be with us for a long time. People still 673 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,400 Speaker 3: trying to process and on top of trying to process 674 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,560 Speaker 3: what so many people struggle with and the the surch 675 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 3: in general talks about the loneliness right just you don't 676 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,920 Speaker 3: even really know how to be with people because you 677 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 3: spent so much time by yourself. So for me, those 678 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,840 Speaker 3: are things that we're gonna be unpacking for a long time. 679 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 1: It's so interesting that you mentioned ass because I'm pretty 680 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 1: sure that work didn't include a pandemic as like a 681 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,320 Speaker 1: life event that many of us would have been experiencing. 682 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 1: And so now that adds like a point so to 683 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 1: speak to people's ass school about the things that we 684 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 1: are going to have to kind of navigate through for 685 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:04,959 Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. 686 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 4: Amen A three one hundred percent. 687 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 3: And I think in addition to that asis point is 688 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,840 Speaker 3: the universality of it, like we all get that point, 689 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like some points, we are 690 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 3: all getting that point. And I think it just breaks 691 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,959 Speaker 3: my heart when I think about the number of people 692 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 3: who might have been exposed to those things sitting at 693 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 3: home by themselves, right, young adults, the number of young people, 694 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 3: like the whole college experience. I'm a Howard University grad. 695 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,080 Speaker 3: I can think about some of the students I've talked 696 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,240 Speaker 3: to recently. You had a whole generation of young people. 697 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 3: I think the graduating class this year, their first year 698 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 3: or two years in college. They weren't on campus, so 699 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 3: they're not going to get that back. Like those are 700 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,360 Speaker 3: opportunities that they're never going to have. And so I 701 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 3: think you're right, it's we all got that. I don't 702 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 3: want that point, but you know, we got it. We 703 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,959 Speaker 3: all got it, and it really is going to be 704 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 3: with us for a long time. 705 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, doctor LFI something that I've talked a 706 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,959 Speaker 1: lot about kind of in this post pandemic space that 707 00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,280 Speaker 1: we are in is the grief that I think a 708 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,960 Speaker 1: lot of us are, which you just talked about beautifully right, 709 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 1: Like this whole idea that the graduating class of twenty 710 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: twenty four also lost like their first two years in 711 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: high school or in college, and that is also grief, right, 712 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: Like it's not just about the lives we lost, and 713 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,279 Speaker 1: there were many, of course during the pandemic, but there 714 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 1: are also those experiences. I wonder if you could share 715 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 1: something for parents or caregivers or even the youth themselves 716 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 1: about how to process the expectation that it would have 717 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: been this one thing and then the reality of it 718 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:29,440 Speaker 1: being very different. 719 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a great question. 720 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,960 Speaker 3: I will tell people what I do for myself and 721 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:37,759 Speaker 3: what I do for my children, and I do for 722 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 3: my family, and I try to work on mindfulness. And 723 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 3: the reason I say mindfulness is helpful for me is 724 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 3: because I'm an anxious person, right. 725 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 4: It runs in my family. I'm positive. 726 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 3: I've never had a diagnosis, but I am positive I 727 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,240 Speaker 3: meet criteria for generalized anxiety. 728 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,719 Speaker 4: It's everything right, and it's just always coming at me. 729 00:34:55,800 --> 00:35:00,759 Speaker 3: And so I think what's critical. And I did this 730 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,760 Speaker 3: when we lost my mother to pancreatic cancer, like eighteen 731 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,759 Speaker 3: years ago. It was be present. I have to be 732 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,800 Speaker 3: in this moment. So I would tell myself, Okay, Mama's 733 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,360 Speaker 3: still here. We at the hospital. 734 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:11,839 Speaker 4: She's here. 735 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,359 Speaker 3: I have her right now, and let me enjoy and 736 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,920 Speaker 3: be appreciative of this moment. I can touch her, she 737 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 3: can speak to me that kind of thing, and I 738 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 3: think the same thing is true for me for grief. 739 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 3: Let me be present as an extension to that. I 740 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 3: tell young people all the time, if you feel it, 741 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 3: I want you to find a way. 742 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 4: To express it. 743 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:30,799 Speaker 1: Right. 744 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 3: So, whether that's journaling, whether that's exercise, whether that's talking 745 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,799 Speaker 3: to somebody like doctor Joy or a licensed mental health professional, right, 746 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,720 Speaker 3: whatever that is, you have to get that stuff out 747 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 3: because you cannot allow that grief to sit in fester, 748 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 3: right because that grief, unresolved grief, that complicated grief, that 749 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,160 Speaker 3: complex grief, that can have physical health outcomes for us 750 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 3: that aren't positive. And so it's important for us, particularly 751 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 3: as people of color, with all the other stuff coming 752 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 3: at us, we've got to be able to process greef. 753 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:03,080 Speaker 3: So we have to name it. We have to recognize 754 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 3: that what we're feeling is grief. We have to be 755 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 3: loving and forgiving of ourselves. It's okay to experience grief. 756 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 3: You can get online and google what are the stages 757 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,880 Speaker 3: of grief and figure out where you are pretty easily. 758 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 3: And then the final thing I say is, if you 759 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,839 Speaker 3: feel the emotions, allow yourself to feel the emotions as 760 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 3: long as you're in a safe space. 761 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:22,399 Speaker 2: Right. 762 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 3: Find that safe space might be in a bathroom, might 763 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 3: be in your bedroom under the covers. But allow yourself 764 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,920 Speaker 3: to feel your feelings, because suppressing your feelings does not 765 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 3: help manage grief. It is the expression of feelings. I think, 766 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 3: at your own pace, in your own way, even for 767 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,440 Speaker 3: young people, that allows us to grieve in more healthy ways. 768 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,399 Speaker 4: And grief understand it can take a long time, right. 769 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,879 Speaker 3: Grief is not like you get a week off from 770 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 3: work and you're supposed to be like fixed. I have 771 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 3: this really good girlfriend, doctor Helen Sue. She has ancestry 772 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 3: in Taiwan, and she taught me that in her culture, 773 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 3: you have a year to grief. And she told me 774 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,319 Speaker 3: about this client she had once who wore a black 775 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,279 Speaker 3: armband after he lost the loved one and he kept 776 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 3: it all for a year and was intentional. So what 777 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,520 Speaker 3: I did, We lost somebody close to us. So my 778 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,719 Speaker 3: daughter and I bought these little silver bracelets and you 779 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,200 Speaker 3: can add charms to them. They're very thin, and we 780 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,560 Speaker 3: bought them in honor of the person. And so a 781 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,879 Speaker 3: couple of people I know personally who've experienced different kinds 782 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 3: of grief, I have bought them one of those bracelets 783 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,400 Speaker 3: and said, this is just your reminder. You take it 784 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:26,880 Speaker 3: off when you're ready to take it off. But this 785 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 3: is just your reminder that you're going through grief. It's 786 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,320 Speaker 3: a difficult experience, and it's okay for you to feel 787 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,240 Speaker 3: your feelings, so that tangible thing to help you remember, 788 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,760 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, this feeling is grief, This sadness, this anger, 789 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,320 Speaker 3: this frustration, it's okay for me to feel. 790 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,160 Speaker 4: This has always been very helpful to me. 791 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,880 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. You know, you mentioned the Surgeon Generals, 792 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,879 Speaker 1: and you know all of the information he has shared 793 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,120 Speaker 1: around loneliness and how that is of course on the 794 00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 1: rise post pandemic, and he is mostly talking about that 795 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,120 Speaker 1: for adults, so I think we can only imagine what 796 00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 1: that may be like for our young people. Can you 797 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 1: give us any ideas or tips to share around, like 798 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,400 Speaker 1: how to help young people cultivate community and you know, 799 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,920 Speaker 1: really decrease that experience of loneliness. 800 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 3: I think they have to go read books by people 801 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 3: like doctor Joy where people talk about right, how sisterhood 802 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 3: heals like. 803 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 4: It, bringing us together. 804 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:21,080 Speaker 3: I think you can find work books that help young 805 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 3: people process. We certainly use them in my house, right 806 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 3: workbooks to help you process grief, or help you process loneliness, 807 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,960 Speaker 3: or help you develop social skills. 808 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 4: Right. 809 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,279 Speaker 3: I think practicing with our kids, our young people, the 810 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 3: people we care about, teaching them social skills. Right, So 811 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 3: we think often it just happens by osmosis. They watch 812 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 3: us and they get it. Everybody does know how to 813 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,439 Speaker 3: do that. So what can we give to our young 814 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 3: people to teach them how to engage? And it's really 815 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 3: not about you need to go doing social because that's 816 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,640 Speaker 3: what I did and it helped me. It's figuring out 817 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 3: and paying attention to what kind of kid do I 818 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 3: have to have a kid who shy? Do I have 819 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 3: a kid who will fade into the woodwork? Do I 820 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,440 Speaker 3: have a kid who's like out there and nobody knows 821 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:01,520 Speaker 3: who they are as soon as they. 822 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,680 Speaker 4: Hit the room. What kind of kid do I have? 823 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,320 Speaker 3: What is their personality like? So if we understand them better, 824 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,400 Speaker 3: I think we can do a better job of calibrating 825 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,160 Speaker 3: the tools that we give them. It's all about coping skills, 826 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,920 Speaker 3: the tools that we give them to help them develop 827 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 3: their own little toolkit for coping or managing relationships or 828 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,759 Speaker 3: managing interpersonal interactions, or managing their own emotions. But if 829 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:28,759 Speaker 3: we're not intentional with tools and we just hope that 830 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,520 Speaker 3: it's going to work, and we hope if they watch 831 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,120 Speaker 3: us they'll get it. I think we do our kids 832 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,360 Speaker 3: at disservice. So our job is to really equip and 833 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,360 Speaker 3: prepare them. But guess what, we got to have tools. 834 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:40,480 Speaker 3: We can't give them tools that. 835 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 4: We don't have. 836 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,319 Speaker 3: So it's imperative that we develop a set of tools 837 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 3: to help us manage some of those challenging things in 838 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,440 Speaker 3: our lives to be able to share those with our 839 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 3: young people. 840 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,400 Speaker 1: Doctor Elfie, is there anything we haven't talked about today 841 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,440 Speaker 1: that came up in your recent research report that you 842 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,320 Speaker 1: want to make sure we put on the radar or 843 00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:59,720 Speaker 1: related to youth mental health? 844 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 4: Yes, one thing. 845 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 3: The only thing is to end on a hopeful note, 846 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,919 Speaker 3: and to say that for our young people of color, 847 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,719 Speaker 3: what they tell us is that they have hope for 848 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,439 Speaker 3: the future. So over seventy five percent of our young 849 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,239 Speaker 3: people when we surveyed them, talked about having hope for 850 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,360 Speaker 3: what was coming in the future for them. So even 851 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,279 Speaker 3: with all the struggles, our young people are so resilient 852 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,160 Speaker 3: and they find a way, you know, to find the 853 00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,680 Speaker 3: best in things that are out there in the world. 854 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,920 Speaker 3: And then the other thing that they told us was 855 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,000 Speaker 3: that over sixty five percent of our young people have 856 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,680 Speaker 3: someone at least one person they love, which I thought 857 00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,680 Speaker 3: was beautiful. I'm sorry for the thirty something percent who 858 00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,920 Speaker 3: don't and around that same number had at least one 859 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:46,920 Speaker 3: person who they knew loved them, right, and so allowing 860 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,720 Speaker 3: space for our young people to talk about the things 861 00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,280 Speaker 3: that they're excited about, the things that they're happy about, 862 00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,920 Speaker 3: the things that bring them peace and joy, and the 863 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,279 Speaker 3: things that are good for their mental health. I would 864 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,359 Speaker 3: say that's the only other thing I would add in there, 865 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 3: because you're young people, your children, my children, they're so 866 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 3: beautiful and so wonderful, and if we can do any 867 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,120 Speaker 3: little thing to uplift them and support them and taking 868 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 3: care of their mental health, I am all here for it. 869 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,160 Speaker 3: So I just am grateful for you, and I appreciate 870 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,880 Speaker 3: the opportunity to talk about our work at the Acoma 871 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,520 Speaker 3: Project and our young people. 872 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,840 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that, Doctor Lpie. Please remind 873 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 1: us where can we stay connected with you? What is 874 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,960 Speaker 1: the website for the Acoma Project and any social media 875 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:27,719 Speaker 1: channels you'd like. 876 00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:32,080 Speaker 3: To share absolutely so all socials. If we're a COMA project, 877 00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 3: it all runs together aa k Is and kite o, 878 00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,680 Speaker 3: Emas and mary A a Cooma project. It's a take 879 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:42,279 Speaker 3: on Alkama West African I think for symbol. So we're 880 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:47,399 Speaker 3: on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, we got off the X don't 881 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,120 Speaker 3: mess with X, lead them alone, and we're on LinkedIn, 882 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,960 Speaker 3: and then our website is a Cooma Project dot org, 883 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,600 Speaker 3: and then people can always find me across all socials. 884 00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,400 Speaker 4: I always tease it looks like Drousie d r A 885 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:00,520 Speaker 4: l E. 886 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 3: So my son's friends Chris and me drowfi years ago 887 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:05,760 Speaker 3: when they were in middle school. So I've been Droughty 888 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,200 Speaker 3: forever and I'm literally everywhere as Drowfie. And the website 889 00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:10,760 Speaker 3: is doctor Alfie dot com as. 890 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 1: Well, beautiful. We will be sure to include all of 891 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: that in the show notes. Thank you so much for 892 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,879 Speaker 1: spending some time with us today, doctor Alfie. I appreciate it. 893 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,759 Speaker 4: Thank you, Doctor Joy, I appreciate you absolutely. 894 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,920 Speaker 1: I'm so glad Doctor Alfie was able to share her 895 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,920 Speaker 1: exercise with us today. To learn more about her and 896 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,040 Speaker 1: her work, visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls 897 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 1: dot com slash session three five eight, and don't forget 898 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 1: to text two of your girls right now and tell 899 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,680 Speaker 1: them to check out the episode. If you're looking for 900 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:44,120 Speaker 1: a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at 901 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,680 Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you 902 00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic or just be 903 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,200 Speaker 1: in community with other sisters, come on over and join 904 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,000 Speaker 1: us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of 905 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,239 Speaker 1: the Internet designed just for black women. You can join 906 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 1: us at Community Therapy from blackgirls dot com. This episode 907 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:07,120 Speaker 1: was produced by Elise Ellis and Zaria Taylor. Editing was 908 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,720 Speaker 1: done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining 909 00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,480 Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continuing this 910 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,839 Speaker 1: conversation with you all real soon. Take good care. 911 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:21,239 Speaker 2: What's