Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought I made myself
Speaker 1: perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
Speaker 1: gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests,
Speaker 1: you're o presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff.
Speaker 2: So how do you dare to surbey me? Welcome to
Speaker 2: I said, no gifts. I'm Bridgard Winegar. We're here in
Speaker 2: the studio right up top. We're coming to Chicago May
Speaker 2: twenty third, the Den Theater May twenty third. Did I
Speaker 2: already say that Chicago? I've only been to Chicago once.
Speaker 2: You better treat me well. The last time it was
Speaker 2: not for a live show. This is for a live show,
Speaker 2: so I want to be treated with respect, a little respect.
Speaker 2: I want to have a nice evening with all of you.
Speaker 2: Go to the Dentheater dot com, I believe, or google it,
Speaker 2: or on a LIS's this something we can put in
Speaker 2: the show notes. Absolutely on Aalasa's on top of it.
Speaker 2: You can look in the show notes. You can probably
Speaker 2: go to our instagram. There are so many ways you
Speaker 2: can shop online. So buy your tickets if they're still available,
Speaker 2: Buy a friend a ticket, come to the show. We'll
Speaker 2: have special guests I'm gonna bring some gifts from you.
Speaker 2: Never know what I'm gonna bring to give away because
Speaker 2: I've got to get rid of some of this stuff.
Speaker 2: And uh, just brace yourselves, brace yourselves for the theater. Ah,
Speaker 2: what else is going on over the weekend? I went
Speaker 2: to Medieval Times. First experience at Medieval Times. And if
Speaker 2: you don't think I bought a souvenir glass, You're out
Speaker 2: of your mind. This one has kind of lights flashing
Speaker 2: at the bottom. So I've been drinking my coffee out
Speaker 2: of that every morning, which is going to lead to
Speaker 2: a migraine, and that's fine. It's also not dishwashers safe
Speaker 2: because as a battery, so I don't know. It'll probably
Speaker 2: end up in a cupboard and then ninety years from now,
Speaker 2: someone ninety years how long am I willing to gonna live?
Speaker 2: Someone's gonna find it at an estate sale and they're
Speaker 2: going to say, this is state sale sucks. Should we go? Anyway,
Speaker 2: let's get into the podcast. I love today's guest. It's
Speaker 2: Zeke Smith. Zeke, welcome to I said no gifts.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy you're here. I had a big weekend
Speaker 2: over at Medieval Times.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm I'm very jealous because I went to Medieval
Speaker 3: Times once when I was a child in Dallas, tex Okay,
Speaker 3: and have always wanted to go back. And my husband
Speaker 3: recently shot a television show for to b It on
Speaker 3: two B Great in Toronto, Okay. And this was two
Speaker 3: Bey's for a scripted show, and they weren't They just
Speaker 3: didn't know all the nooks and crannies of like filming
Speaker 3: something and all the rituals. So there was no plan
Speaker 3: for a rat party.
Speaker 2: Oh sure.
Speaker 3: So I always love to be the party planner, and
Speaker 3: I lobbied really hard. I was happy to do all
Speaker 3: the logistic work to have to go to Medieval Times
Speaker 3: in Toronto.
Speaker 2: That's a great irat party.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And they said no, Yeah, No one listened to me.
Speaker 2: What's happening over at Tube? This is ridiculous. Tooby is
Speaker 2: out of control. First of all, my apologies to Touby,
Speaker 2: but come on, hire somebody that knows the basics of
Speaker 2: running a television show. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'll refuse to comment more because it's not my place.
Speaker 2: I just my husband.
Speaker 3: But I was just I was very disappointed they did
Speaker 3: not take me up them.
Speaker 2: Wow, that would have been great. Yeah, do you have
Speaker 2: any memories from your original medieval times experience?
Speaker 3: I just remember being my mother was very concerned that
Speaker 3: there was going to be no silverware and they will
Speaker 3: eat with your hands. Yes, So we went to like
Speaker 3: a Walmart or whatever and bought like a box of
Speaker 3: plastic silk, and my mom like brought it in in
Speaker 3: her purse and then was like concerned they were confiscated.
Speaker 3: Of course it's contraband, yes, and that. And they didn't
Speaker 3: have diet pepsi. They only had regular pepsi, and you know,
Speaker 3: we only drank diet.
Speaker 2: Of course, patty was a concern. Wow, I have well
Speaker 2: not to break, but I had a diet pepsi during
Speaker 2: my experience. Oh wow, so they've expanded their they've expanded
Speaker 2: it at least to diet pepsi. I still ate with
Speaker 2: my hands. I drank my soup out of the bowl
Speaker 2: holding my hands. Yeah, dipped my brit my clearly frozen
Speaker 2: garlic bread into the soup. Did not eat my corn,
Speaker 2: did not eat my clare that looked like it had
Speaker 2: been taken from a bad wedding somewhere.
Speaker 3: I'm not a fan of a mass produced a claire.
Speaker 3: I'm not either got to do it like you got
Speaker 3: to do it but Taga Louis style where it's very good,
Speaker 3: or don't.
Speaker 2: Because I think it is something that's so easily manufactured
Speaker 2: in a factory that it'll often be kind of like
Speaker 2: it's almost like an airplane dessert or something where it's
Speaker 2: just this is what we've got. Take it. I might
Speaker 2: give me a Milano, absolutely, this is me if like,
Speaker 2: if you're not gonna go all the way for the dessert,
Speaker 2: just buy a bag of chips a Hoy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fine, They're great.
Speaker 2: I will prefer that because chips a Hoy knows what
Speaker 2: they're doing, and somebody who doesn't care about his dessert
Speaker 2: is gonna make something worse.
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love to hear that. I had a pretty
Speaker 2: decent time at medieval times. I feel like it kind
Speaker 2: of feels like you're dining around a litter box.
Speaker 3: In a way. Yeah, I didn't think of it, but yeah,
Speaker 3: because there's just the horses pooping in the dirt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they have like those giant like they have
Speaker 2: the employees running around with like what are essentially giant
Speaker 2: litter box scoopers. So it's an odd experience.
Speaker 3: So I my father used to own a cattle ranch.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, so.
Speaker 3: I've I've spent a little time, and I believe the
Speaker 3: technical term for those are shit shovelers.
Speaker 2: That's a Latin term. Yes, wow, So have you spent
Speaker 2: time on horses?
Speaker 3: You know, we didn't have like horses. It was kind
Speaker 3: of like a small My dad got it after he
Speaker 3: and my mother sold their business and got divorced, which
Speaker 3: sort of happened simultaneously, and he had this like dream
Speaker 3: of being a cowboy, so he bought this little like.
Speaker 2: Ranch in.
Speaker 3: Prague, Oklahoma, which it's spelled like Prague, but we see Prague.
Speaker 2: There are several of those throughout the United States.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we also have a Miama, which is spelled like
Speaker 3: Miami Miama. Miama. Oklahoma is a very weird place. Both
Speaker 3: of our major airports are named after men who died
Speaker 3: in airplane crashes. Oh no, who will we Will Rogers
Speaker 3: in Oklahoma City, Okay, and then Wiley Post in Tulsa.
Speaker 2: That's tough. Was were they named after they died in
Speaker 2: the plane crashes? This feels like a weird move.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean Will Rogers was a very famous Oklahoma
Speaker 3: So it's like you get that, but then Wyley posts
Speaker 3: not as famous, and it's sort of like this seems
Speaker 3: like a bad trend.
Speaker 2: It's kind of a like a Springtime for Hitler situation.
Speaker 2: Let's try to just get this airport to go out
Speaker 2: of business. Wow? And were they big plane crashes or
Speaker 2: they these ones were They're like I'm a famous person
Speaker 2: and now I'm flying my own plane into the side
Speaker 2: of a mountain.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think like they're sort of like Amelia Earhart style.
Speaker 3: We want to go and like do some sort of
Speaker 3: flight that no one has done before.
Speaker 2: And then right the Hubris, Yes, where's the Amelia Earhart Airport?
Speaker 2: We need to get that going?
Speaker 3: Is there not one?
Speaker 2: I would love? I would go to that. That should
Speaker 2: fly through the Bermuda Triangle.
Speaker 3: You know what is a great airport is the Charles
Speaker 3: Schultz Airport in Santa Clara.
Speaker 2: Is it Peanuts themed?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Oh, it's this tiny little airport with all this
Speaker 3: Peanuts stuff in it, and it like you know, takes
Speaker 3: you to wine country like near Heals Bird right. I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 2: Is that the Sonoma region?
Speaker 3: I think so?
Speaker 2: But you can fly there direct from Barbank and all
Speaker 2: the airplanes are shaped like doghouses and the red barn.
Speaker 3: Wow, there's a Snoopy on all the planes.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's where I love Peanuts. I absolutely adore Peanuts
Speaker 2: and I feel like anything Peanuts themed I'm on board with.
Speaker 2: It's our current television screensaver.
Speaker 3: Oh you know how Apple, if you have Apple TV,
Speaker 3: it was like landscapes and now you can choose Peanuts.
Speaker 2: You can and it just is it animation or is
Speaker 2: it just pictures of the various animation.
Speaker 3: It's a lot of like Snoopy sleeping on his doghouse
Speaker 3: and then like running around. It's very Snoopy.
Speaker 2: Oh, this is very sweet. Yes, yeah, I'm still on
Speaker 2: the lion scapes because I like to try to guess
Speaker 2: where they are, and it's almost nine out of times
Speaker 2: ten times. Dubai or lax La.
Speaker 3: Is the areal of x is my worst airport in
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 2: It's such a that is the best version of lax
Speaker 2: You only want to be in a drone above it
Speaker 2: exactly if you're down on the ground level, forget it.
Speaker 2: They should do a screensaver of Burbank Airport. Oh, they
Speaker 2: should have something Apple could look into right well.
Speaker 3: And you hear it.
Speaker 2: Burbank is going to be completely redone soon. What's happening, Well,
Speaker 2: they're just.
Speaker 3: Going to update it so it doesn't look like a who.
Speaker 2: Have anybody touching Burbank. I agree with you.
Speaker 3: I think it just needs to be its own special
Speaker 3: little thing where you can, forgotten time, valet your car
Speaker 3: for twenty seven dollars a day and you literally drive
Speaker 3: it up, you throw your keys at the guy and
Speaker 3: in five minutes you're past TSA and you're.
Speaker 2: It's the best airport in the world.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's got like six Guy Fieri restaurants, and.
Speaker 2: It certainly does. I think it's fiery, bathroom gates, only
Speaker 2: four flights a day, It's so cool. I wonder, Oh,
Speaker 2: this is genuinely concerning to me. I wonder what. I
Speaker 2: hope it doesn't get in the way of it being
Speaker 2: so easy, one would hope.
Speaker 3: Well, I think there's also the limiting factor of there
Speaker 3: can only be so many flights out of out of Bourbank,
Speaker 3: right because of the noise pollution.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because it's kind of in a suburban area.
Speaker 3: Yes, there's like very residential and also all the studios, right,
Speaker 3: because like we're in studio city and right next to
Speaker 3: like Radford and Universal and all that, and you can
Speaker 3: definitely like hear the planes of being Wow.
Speaker 2: Definitely like a stop for planes is Yeah, so that
Speaker 2: will kind of probably keep it as small as possible,
Speaker 2: you would think. So we've got to preserve it. It's
Speaker 2: it's heaven on earth.
Speaker 3: It is the best light experience in the world.
Speaker 2: Do you know when all of this renovation is going
Speaker 2: to begin? Uh no, I've brought you on here at
Speaker 2: the Burbank Airport official.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: But that is that sent a jolt through my body.
Speaker 2: I don't want them touching it. It's my little precious airport.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't mind it being a little cleaner, Like if
Speaker 3: we wanted to replace some carpets.
Speaker 2: The carpets are a little rough.
Speaker 3: Maybe wanted to update the bathroom situation a little bit.
Speaker 2: That's part of the charm. It's part of the charm.
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, it's just like it's just been
Speaker 2: forgotten in the back of LA's closet and we get
Speaker 2: to take advantage of how easy it is. But maybe
Speaker 2: they'll clean the carpets, maybe they'll put in some tile,
Speaker 2: get one decent coffee place. Yeah, but I don't really
Speaker 2: care as long as I can just walk in essentially.
Speaker 3: Right, I'm happy to spend sixty dollars on a whiskey
Speaker 3: cocktail and chicken fingers and Guy Fieri's.
Speaker 2: How are the chicken fingers not bad? I believe I
Speaker 2: feel like Guy Fieri would be decent with chicken fingers. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The peak chicken finger is wingstop.
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, I've never been to a wing stop.
Speaker 3: It's worth even just postmaning. But the chicken tenders themselves
Speaker 3: right well, and they're ranch sauce. Oh is it's peak
Speaker 3: ranch stace.
Speaker 2: A good ranch that's basically my number one chicken finger
Speaker 2: dipping sauce.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'll take a barbecue or honey mustard every now
Speaker 3: and again, but ranch needs to be the center.
Speaker 2: And barbecue it could be any flavor. Essentially, you really
Speaker 2: never know with barbecue, but ranch, you're like there's a
Speaker 2: ballpark area of ranch. Sometimes barbecue sauce is a little sweet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it's got tons of sugar in it. It's
Speaker 3: essentially you know, the base green. The base ingredient of
Speaker 3: American barbecue sauce is ketchup.
Speaker 2: Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: If you're never a major on barbecue, no, I have Okay,
Speaker 3: but it all starts with like, dump a bottle of ketchup,
Speaker 3: add brown sugar, throw in some spices, a little vinegar mustard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like a vinegar barbecue sauce.
Speaker 3: Are you from? Where are you from?
Speaker 2: I'm from Salt Lake City.
Speaker 3: Oh, Okay. So you're not from a like a barbecue.
Speaker 2: Ring No, no, no no. I guess your tay would
Speaker 2: say it's more of a ranch ranch oriented mayo based sauces. Yes,
Speaker 2: because we are famous with our fried sauce, which is
Speaker 2: ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together. Where you're from Texas? Oklahoma? Oklahoma? Right?
Speaker 2: And what's moy.
Speaker 3: Yeah very much? So Oklahoma. And I hate to say
Speaker 3: this because Texas, but sooner. Oklahoma is just culturally the
Speaker 3: northern province of Texas, right right, It's like it's cowboys
Speaker 3: and Indians, it's barbecue and yeah.
Speaker 2: I always for the longest time, I kind of just
Speaker 2: assumed Oklahoma was very dusty.
Speaker 3: Well because that's where the dust Bawl happened.
Speaker 2: So one a time did not make this connection.
Speaker 3: That's where all the oakie is left in grapes of
Speaker 3: wrath to come to California. So Oklahoma. More fun facts
Speaker 3: aside from our airports named after people.
Speaker 2: Graft Is.
Speaker 3: So the dust Bawl happened because well, first of all,
Speaker 3: we kicked all the Native Americans out of the southeastern
Speaker 3: United States, right, Florida, Georgia, alban right, march them on
Speaker 3: the trail at Oklahoma. They're like, this is a wasteland.
Speaker 3: No one wants this. And then they were like, well,
Speaker 3: actually we're gonna let like even further marginalized that and
Speaker 3: we're gonna let white people have the good land. And
Speaker 3: then they just they farmed the land so much without
Speaker 3: any regard for the environmental impact that literally all the
Speaker 3: dust bowl happened, and dust was blowing all over the
Speaker 3: country because they just plowed up all of the roots
Speaker 3: of the things that keeps the dirt in the ground.
Speaker 2: That is such a crazy disaster.
Speaker 3: All right, and then the legacy continues. So when I
Speaker 3: lived in Oklahoma, there were maybe like three earthquakes a
Speaker 3: year that like were imperceptible, right three day in la
Speaker 3: exactly the ground shakes a little, right it happens. I
Speaker 3: left in two thousand and six, and when had the
Speaker 3: time I returned to see my dad, like five years later,
Speaker 3: there were something of like one hundred and seventy four
Speaker 3: earthquakes a day. What because they started fracking. So, fracking
Speaker 3: is a process of extracting oil on natural gas from
Speaker 3: the ground where you shale is a very porous substance
Speaker 3: rock material. Sorry, so you inject wastewater into the ground
Speaker 3: to break up the shale and like get the gas
Speaker 3: and the oil to come up. And for a decade
Speaker 3: they were like, no, it's not it's not the fracking
Speaker 3: that's causing their earthquakes.
Speaker 4: It's not the fracking, which is the reason why a
Speaker 4: curse lights, which is cursed the devil's are rumblin. But yeah,
Speaker 4: for like ten to fifteen years they're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: it's not fracking.
Speaker 3: It's not fracking. And then finally they were like, yeah,
Speaker 3: this is like becoming a problem and people can like
Speaker 3: light their the drinking water on fucking whoa.
Speaker 2: So, what's what's the latest status of earthquakes in Oklahoma.
Speaker 3: Well, they, of course, they put a couple of regulations
Speaker 3: on it, and it was back to like seventy years.
Speaker 2: Okay, seventy years, you can handle seven years. Wow, that's
Speaker 2: Oklahoma's gotta eventually learn a lesson about screwing things up
Speaker 2: with the ground.
Speaker 3: Well you know there is. It's just such a weird
Speaker 3: place that is so dominated by like anti regulatory, right
Speaker 3: Mary cowboy, Yeah, pro capitalist stuff. So we had we
Speaker 3: I haven't live there, and I'm basically like as a transperson,
Speaker 3: like illegal and open anymore. But there was a ballot
Speaker 3: initiative in sometime in the early odds, you know, twenty tens,
Speaker 3: where Oklahoma legalized cannabis right, uh, just for anyone to
Speaker 3: go and purchase. But it was it didn't come from
Speaker 3: where it came from California, which is like lefty hippies
Speaker 3: who think people should be able to like medicate with cannabis.
Speaker 3: It came from like the libertarian side of it. And
Speaker 3: of course everybody wants to smoke weed. So it passed
Speaker 3: this ballot initiative and then it was like okay, but
Speaker 3: there was no regulation on it. Oh wow, to the
Speaker 3: extent that it was so easy to get a license
Speaker 3: to grow cannabis in California that drug operators from Russia
Speaker 3: and China were just like buying and opening up cannabis farms.
Speaker 2: And then this was in Oklahoma.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they would go and they would have these huge
Speaker 3: grows and they would just like dump all their trash everywhere,
Speaker 3: and people would be like, like, there's a bunch of
Speaker 3: Chinese people making drugs in next door, and nobody knew
Speaker 3: whose job it was to go and like investigate it
Speaker 3: because there were like thirteen people who worked in like
Speaker 3: the cannabis organization and nobody knew if it was law
Speaker 3: enforcement or the cannabis people or who. So there was
Speaker 3: this like massive growth of international illegal drug cartels growing
Speaker 3: to Oklahoma, and.
Speaker 2: Then what I assume at some point there were some
Speaker 2: regulations put on.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they've now like increased the regulatory agency. It's
Speaker 3: not as fun as it was anymore, right, But I
Speaker 3: think they're now trying to like a lot of the
Speaker 3: legalization of cannabis. It hasn't been the economic boon people
Speaker 3: thought it was, nor has it had the like decriminalization
Speaker 3: d you know, prisonification effects people thought it would. So
Speaker 3: now I think, I know, Texas just banned even sort
Speaker 3: of like secondary products like Delta nine and CBD.
Speaker 2: While they're going in the other direction.
Speaker 3: Right well, because Texas legalized hemp products right like CBD
Speaker 3: and like you know, jute rope or whatever. But there
Speaker 3: was this loophole in it where you could sell sort
Speaker 3: of like it's not quite as potent as the weed
Speaker 3: we get here.
Speaker 2: It's called Delta nine. Uh huh.
Speaker 3: I actually, so when I go visit my mom who
Speaker 3: lives in Austin, now we would go and just like
Speaker 3: buy weed from the like smoke shot. Right now it's
Speaker 3: Delta nine. So me and my husband be like, we
Speaker 3: light it up and it. I loved it, because California
Speaker 3: weed is too strong, too much for you. I used
Speaker 3: to be such a stoner in New York when I
Speaker 3: was just getting like dealer weed from a nation, little
Speaker 3: white lesbian with dreadlocks.
Speaker 2: It was great.
Speaker 3: I had so much fun. But this week it gives
Speaker 3: me a panic attack. But in Texas it was like
Speaker 3: the shitty dealer right right, Well, I'm disappointed Texas.
Speaker 2: Texas is all over the place, good grief. Do you
Speaker 2: consider Texas the south with the west so or the southwest?
Speaker 3: Uh? Southwest is what I would say the answers. But
Speaker 3: here's here's also the answer is that there are parts
Speaker 3: of Texas that are the south, like in the eastern part, right,
Speaker 3: it's sort of a butt Louisiana and Missouri along the
Speaker 3: Mississippi River, you know, that was sort of the earlier
Speaker 3: part of Texas that like geographically has the tall trees
Speaker 3: and the rocks and.
Speaker 2: The rice a lot doesn't look like a Looney Tunes
Speaker 2: desert exactly.
Speaker 3: Then you know, you go all the way out towards
Speaker 3: like El Paso or Martha, it is a cool town
Speaker 3: and it looks like you're in the desert with like
Speaker 3: the skulls and the tumbleweeds and the Canthus.
Speaker 2: I was just talking to somebody about this. I don't
Speaker 2: know why, but yeah, because Texas is so cowboy focused,
Speaker 2: but it's also a lot of the South bullshit happening.
Speaker 3: Yes, I mean it definitely. You know, was on the
Speaker 3: Confederate side during.
Speaker 2: The Civil War. Yeah, I guess that kind of I
Speaker 2: think that maybe the answer there.
Speaker 3: And I was actually I was talking to you know,
Speaker 3: Guy Brandam. Oh, yeah, of course, I was talking to
Speaker 3: Guy Brandam about this. So college football is the major
Speaker 3: cultural institution of the South and the Southwest, I would say.
Speaker 3: And there has been a realignment of conferences where Oklahoma
Speaker 3: and Texas went from being in a conference that was
Speaker 3: like Kansas, Iowa, Texas Oklahoma to a conference that is
Speaker 3: the Southeastern Conference, and it is all of those like
Speaker 3: principal deep Southern states. So Oklahoma realigned itself in this
Speaker 3: cultural way to the South as no longer as part
Speaker 3: of like the Southwest. I mean it's all the same, right,
Speaker 3: It's all the Bible ball whatever, of course, but it
Speaker 3: is interesting because there was always such a thing like
Speaker 3: Oklahoma's not the South.
Speaker 2: Yes, and Oklahoma was kind of in a weird thing
Speaker 2: of its own. Oh it was Indian territory. Yeah. Culturally, yes,
Speaker 2: I couldn't quite place them. If you had asked me
Speaker 2: five minutes ago, what do you consider, well, I guess
Speaker 2: I would have said Republican weirdness.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, but culturally, like I said, is it
Speaker 3: is Texas with a small man complex.
Speaker 2: That's hard to hear. Oklahoma listener, we love you. Hey.
Speaker 2: I spent eighteen years in my life there, and I
Speaker 2: feel like people are moving to Tulsa.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hear that.
Speaker 2: I feel like they have some sort of like artists
Speaker 2: program trying to get people to go there.
Speaker 3: So they do. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 3: I was in New York few months ago and NYU
Speaker 3: has a Tulsa campus. Oh, fascinating, And I was like
Speaker 3: they had all these like I wish. I went to
Speaker 3: the book starts They're like NYU Tulsa, and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, what the fuck?
Speaker 3: You pay all this money to go to NYU and like,
Speaker 3: and you want to spend a semester in Tulsa.
Speaker 2: How bizarre.
Speaker 3: So I looked up the program and it's basically like
Speaker 3: they found a cheap and willing place where they can
Speaker 3: go send artists to like go right for six right,
Speaker 3: I think right, there is some it's mostly that.
Speaker 2: Right, Baron Trump is writing his play there now something
Speaker 2: like that is one woman show, incredible, god willing. Okay, well,
Speaker 2: I think we should talk about something else. There's something
Speaker 2: I just have to get to, uh, which is unfortunate
Speaker 2: and I'm not thrilled about it. I was excited to
Speaker 2: have you here on the podcast today. Well, thank you,
Speaker 2: I thought, Zeko, comeby, we'll have a fantastic time. We'll
Speaker 2: move on with our days. The podcast is called I
Speaker 2: said no Gifts, So I was a little I would
Speaker 2: just say it was a little unsettled when I saw
Speaker 2: you come into the studio. Look, I'm sure you've got
Speaker 2: at least one email with the title of the podcast,
Speaker 2: and you walk in holding what couldn't more clearly be
Speaker 2: a gift. Uh, I have to ask is it for me?
Speaker 2: It is interesting? Okay, I'm going to just push through
Speaker 2: my feelings here. Should I open it here on the podcast?
Speaker 3: Yes? I think you should because it really dovetails nicely
Speaker 3: with this question of culture and cuisine of the Middle States.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm excited to see this. Then, so here you
Speaker 2: got right, it's in this beautiful black bag. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: think we got that at a after party gifts somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they're the tote bags just piling up in people's closets
Speaker 2: from Yeah, various things. Okay, I'm gonna put it. Feels
Speaker 2: like there might be two things in here.
Speaker 3: They're actually uh four things.
Speaker 2: In Okay, does it matter what order I pulled them out?
Speaker 3: No, but I would pull the big one out.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's a big one. And you've really got them
Speaker 2: squeezed in here. That's oh. Oh, I'm thrilled at I'm
Speaker 2: already thrilled. I'm seeing a crock pot. We're seeing a
Speaker 2: slow cooker, yes, okay, And should I bring everything out
Speaker 2: at once? Yes? Okay, Oh, I'm so happy now I've
Speaker 2: brought out well, it's got to be seventy pounds of
Speaker 2: velvet to cheese. Wow, and diced chilis on a lish.
Speaker 2: It's this camera wise? Am I getting in the way here?
Speaker 2: Are you ready to? Are you about to scold me?
Speaker 2: Looks great? Looks great?
Speaker 3: Great?
Speaker 2: Wow? Oh my god, I mean obviously. I mean, first
Speaker 2: of all, I don't own a crock pot, which I'm
Speaker 2: so thrilled about this.
Speaker 3: Well, this is an intentionally shitty crockpie.
Speaker 2: So oh no, this is gonna be this is us situation.
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no no no. So they in Oklahoma.
Speaker 3: The dip, the thing that you eat that runs through
Speaker 3: your veins is Velveta rotel dip, right.
Speaker 2: Which is just this shelf stable cheese product. Of course,
Speaker 2: we love a shelf stable processed cheese.
Speaker 3: And two cans of these diced tomatoes and green chili
Speaker 3: is incredible. And you cube up the velveta and you
Speaker 3: put it in the crockpot with the rotel dip or
Speaker 3: the rotel, and then you put the lid on.
Speaker 2: It, right, and you just kind of let it milk together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I will give you a warning. It dries out,
Speaker 3: so you got to put the lid back on it.
Speaker 3: So if you set this out at a gathering you
Speaker 3: do need to inform your guests to put it back on,
Speaker 3: because otherwise it will become this like desiccated block of
Speaker 3: cheese product.
Speaker 2: That is very hard to cre a frack basically, yes, exactly. Wow.
Speaker 2: Well I've never I mean, I've obviously had queso in
Speaker 2: various forms of this, but I've never made it at home. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so this is the easiest way to do it.
Speaker 3: And really, if you're getting queso at a text Mex place,
Speaker 3: it's just this but thinned out with chicken stock.
Speaker 2: Oh. Interesting, they're scamming all of us.
Speaker 3: Well, if you like it running, you like it running.
Speaker 3: This is a very thick cheese.
Speaker 2: Dap right right, Well, tell me why you brought this,
Speaker 2: I mean, other than the fact that what a delicious
Speaker 2: thing to eat. Sure.
Speaker 3: Well, so my my husband, my now husband, when we
Speaker 3: first started dating and sort of, you know, we're like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is like a thing our first purchase.
Speaker 2: We went to Target. We don't go to Target.
Speaker 3: Anymore, of course, Oh sure, but we went to Target
Speaker 3: in West Hollywood, the one on like Santa Monica.
Speaker 2: Of course, uh Highland, it's Santa Monica and Librea Librea
Speaker 2: yea connected to I got best Buy and a rock
Speaker 2: and roll sushi I believe. Yes.
Speaker 3: So yeah, our first purchased because I I wanted to
Speaker 3: introduce him to this cultural statement of first purchase was
Speaker 3: a crock pot just for making queso and we still
Speaker 3: have it. Wow.
Speaker 2: And how was his first experience?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: He loved it. I feel like it's something you'd be
Speaker 2: hard pressed to find someone who doesn't love a melted cheese.
Speaker 3: With a tortilla chip. It's the perfect thing.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's fantastic. How often are you making it?
Speaker 3: I think we only make it when people come over
Speaker 3: at this point. Okay, though sometimes sometimes we love to
Speaker 3: have what I like to call it taco's gringoes night.
Speaker 3: Oh so we get you know, the ground beef with
Speaker 3: like of seasoning, and we get the hard shell tacos. Yes,
Speaker 3: and you know, the grated cheese. And so sometimes when
Speaker 3: we do that for dinner, we'll he'll insist that I
Speaker 3: but the thing is, it's like it doesn't keep so.
Speaker 2: No, I mean this. I mean it's meant to be
Speaker 2: on a shelf four one hundred years until you make
Speaker 2: it and then forget it exactly. It'll be rotten within
Speaker 2: probably ten minutes. What is this cheese made? I mean,
Speaker 2: it's so made out of milk and stuff, but they
Speaker 2: I guess they just made it out of like atomic
Speaker 2: ingredients basically.
Speaker 3: So I forget when this happened, but there was you know,
Speaker 3: probably like you know, sometime the economy was low to
Speaker 3: the government to support cheese producers. Producers, they bought up
Speaker 3: all of this cheddar cheese and like stored it in
Speaker 3: a cave. What and then they're like, well, we've got it.
Speaker 3: We can't just like keep cheese in a cave forever.
Speaker 3: What the government owns all this cheese, what can we
Speaker 3: do with it? And there had scientists come up with
Speaker 3: a pasteurized cheese product, so it does technically start out
Speaker 3: as chatter at least it's original iteration, and then it
Speaker 3: gets like boiled down in whatever to the shelf stable
Speaker 3: cheese product, and then they then it became government cheese,
Speaker 3: right rightment, the government has all this cheese, what are
Speaker 3: we gonna do?
Speaker 2: We're gonna give it to poor people right right, And
Speaker 2: now it's for everybody. And I would love to know
Speaker 2: where that cave was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I listened to that on an NPR podcast years ago.
Speaker 2: I'd have to Oh, it's like the cave in Aladdin,
Speaker 2: except first, I mean I would live in a cheese cave. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: I can imagine myself sliding down a hill of cheese,
Speaker 2: diving into it like Scrooge McDuck. Wow, what a whimsical
Speaker 2: thing for the United States government to have done. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then turned into this. I wonder when this expires.
Speaker 2: I want to see August twenty first, twenty five.
Speaker 3: Oh, so you better get on it.
Speaker 2: I only have a few months.
Speaker 3: We usually stockpile this that came from the back of
Speaker 3: the shelf.
Speaker 2: But it does say best Buy, so it's not like expires,
Speaker 2: so it probably has another forty years after that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm sure it's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it'll probably get like less tangy but
Speaker 2: or more yeap potential. I mean, it's cheese. We've got
Speaker 2: a lot of age.
Speaker 3: Have you ever opened up a big block of valveto like, No,
Speaker 3: you're gonna have fun when you like cut it out
Speaker 3: of the foil and it's like gooey, it also like
Speaker 3: solid and wiggily.
Speaker 2: Should I do it now?
Speaker 3: You're more than welcome.
Speaker 2: I mean we're on video here. I think we should.
Speaker 2: This viewer would be so unhappy if they didn't get
Speaker 2: to see this, and it's even like I've never noticed
Speaker 2: it's in like this weird little box.
Speaker 3: You just gotta like gotta see.
Speaker 2: The listener right now is so confused.
Speaker 3: I can just grab the bottom of it up right.
Speaker 2: No, I'll shake it all the way. Let him learn.
Speaker 2: Let's see here. Here we go. Wow, this is uh,
Speaker 2: this is much more well, how's it gonna survive? You know,
Speaker 2: the nuclear apocalypse? Whoa, it's so soft and weird. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're opening it. This is probably gonna smell up the room.
Speaker 2: Let's see here. I'm gonna have to make I will
Speaker 2: literally have to make keeso tonight. Let's see here. Oh,
Speaker 2: it tastes wonderful when made. But smelling that that close? Whoa,
Speaker 2: I just burned my nostrils out or something. Okay, let's
Speaker 2: keep going. Is this gonna get all over my hands?
Speaker 2: Let's see here spanking it? But listen to that. That's horrified.
Speaker 2: That is the grossest possible noise.
Speaker 3: You want to pinch a little piece off and try it. Oh,
Speaker 3: I won't make you do it. I'm just saying it
Speaker 3: would be rude. I did bring it here, I have
Speaker 3: to do it. But I am gonna say to you
Speaker 3: there was.
Speaker 2: I would rather eat raw chicken than uncooked processed cheese,
Speaker 2: like a like a what are those like the craft singles?
Speaker 2: If that's not melted instant nausea? Yeah, hard agree.
Speaker 3: I grill a lot, so we do like a lot
Speaker 3: of bike burgers, and I'm a believer in cheddar on
Speaker 3: a burger, right, but my hobby and everybody else likes
Speaker 3: American and healing those little.
Speaker 2: Plastic packets over the ground. It's like, ugh, oh, I'm
Speaker 2: fine once it's melted on the hamburger. But okay, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna try this and just uh letting everyone know I
Speaker 2: may become violently sick. So this could be the first
Speaker 2: episode I've come really sick on. Which is excited? Oh right,
Speaker 2: get the podcast wonderful, So start booking guests, start thinking
Speaker 2: of future guests. Okay, okay, I'm gonna oh.
Speaker 5: Oh, it's a gross I can barely swallow that. And
Speaker 5: it was true because it's like paste texturally.
Speaker 2: That is not for me. This has got to be
Speaker 2: Do you want to try it? No, girl, I grew
Speaker 2: up on that and that's with me to.
Speaker 3: School for lunch.
Speaker 2: Would they really I'm trying to think, is there any
Speaker 2: other time other than melting it that you use this.
Speaker 2: People put this like spread it on sandwiches, and.
Speaker 3: Maybe you could make like a pimento cheese, but again
Speaker 3: you would still sort of be like melting any.
Speaker 2: Right, I can't imagine this as our Oh no, ou
Speaker 2: it's on my hand. I'm gonna smell like cheese for weeks,
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 3: Are there any recipe ideas on the box?
Speaker 2: There's another one that I agree with, which is mac
Speaker 2: and cheese. Okay, sure, yeah, that makes sense right.
Speaker 3: There might even be oh yeah, see look the recipe
Speaker 3: is even on the can.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I love a can recipe. You can kind
Speaker 2: of count on these. And the recipe is it's just
Speaker 2: literally two pictures of the can or two cans, and
Speaker 2: then the cheese. Yeah, fifty percent less fat. That means
Speaker 2: nothing to anybody.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: And for the listener reviewer, if you want to know,
Speaker 2: this essentially requires two cups of macaroni. You need three
Speaker 2: quarters of a pound of cheese, so that's about a
Speaker 2: tenth of what you've given me here, and then a
Speaker 2: third cup milk and an eighth of tablespoon or teaspoon
Speaker 2: of pepper. That's almost nothing. And then you just cook
Speaker 2: all of that, I assume, boil the macaroni, and then
Speaker 2: throw it all together. What an easy recipe. This is
Speaker 2: a recipe podcasts.
Speaker 3: Now Okay, great.
Speaker 2: This is our first official recipe. It brought to us
Speaker 2: by Velveda.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Do you have any other favorite dips?
Speaker 3: Oh? My whole thing right now? Do you know lobna
Speaker 3: the like?
Speaker 2: Oh? I love labnar, Yes, of course, So I like to.
Speaker 3: Take lobna because it's also it's a little healthier than
Speaker 3: like mixing mayonnaise and sour cream together. I take lobna
Speaker 3: and I pour a packet of the Inden Valley ranch.
Speaker 2: This is a great idea of powder, yes, of course,
Speaker 2: and then eat vegetables. Yes, I do this with cottage cheese.
Speaker 2: You blend up cottage cheese with ranch.
Speaker 3: I actually use cottae cheese when I make macaroni and cheese.
Speaker 3: There's a great recipe from the New York Times that's
Speaker 3: like you take cottage cheese and then you add like
Speaker 3: mustard powder and cayenna and like nutmeg, and then you
Speaker 3: blend it up with milk and cheddar cheese, and it
Speaker 3: becomes like the slurry.
Speaker 2: I don't love that word. It becomes essentially a slime.
Speaker 3: It becomes slightly viscousque kind of medium thick.
Speaker 2: You ruined eating macaroni and cheese for everyone. But it's
Speaker 2: a good recipe. That's great, I'll send it to you, Okay, fantastic.
Speaker 2: I'd love that they didn't give me your email address.
Speaker 2: But oh yeah, I've specifically said do not give it
Speaker 2: to Zeke. I can't have him emailing.
Speaker 3: I mean, there are there are so many armed guards
Speaker 3: around us, like, I don't even like, why have me
Speaker 3: on the podcast if you are so afraid of me.
Speaker 2: There's a little red dot on your forehead right now, I.
Speaker 3: Was told if I move out of the chair, I
Speaker 3: will be shot.
Speaker 2: I'm excited about this mac and cheese recipe. Yeah, obviously
Speaker 2: cottage cheese is having a huge moment. Yeah, massive moment, which.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, well, I feel like everything that was cool
Speaker 3: in the nineties is now cool again. Yes, like baggy jeans,
Speaker 3: baggy jeans and cottage because cottage cheese was like the
Speaker 3: diet food, right it was like, oh, I'm watching my weight,
Speaker 3: I'm having lettuce cups and cottage h nebresca.
Speaker 2: Yes, And it's like, of course nobody liked that because
Speaker 2: you're eating the worst version of it. But now we've
Speaker 2: realized cottage cheese is wonderful, at least I have. I've
Speaker 2: been crowing about it on this podcast for five years.
Speaker 3: I have a half used bucket of cottage cheese, and
Speaker 3: my fridge should have brought that.
Speaker 2: I would have eaten the whole thing. I wouldn't have gagged.
Speaker 3: Now do you season it at all?
Speaker 2: It depends on what I'm doing, you know, like I am.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll just have it with chips, a few chips.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll have it with toast. Sometimes I'm trying to
Speaker 2: like mix it up with because some people like it
Speaker 2: with sweet things, and I don't know that I'm quite
Speaker 2: on board with that yet, but I'll I might throw
Speaker 2: some granola in there. Okay, I'm all over the map.
Speaker 2: I'm also putting it in scrambled eggs. I'm trying to
Speaker 2: and then I'll make my ranch dip. You're such a
Speaker 2: boy from Utah.
Speaker 3: Oh You're like, You're like you're bringing cottage cheese back
Speaker 3: to the culinary landscape of America. What do you eat
Speaker 3: it with? Well, chimps and toast. Now, if I'm feeling crazy,
Speaker 3: I'll put granola in it.
Speaker 2: And then ultimately I turn it into ranch. Well, excuse me, no,
Speaker 2: I think cottage cheese. If you can find a way
Speaker 2: that you enjoy it, what a miracle product.
Speaker 3: It's really I don't know too much about it. I
Speaker 3: just know that they sell it in full fat and
Speaker 3: low fat variety. But you to gull fat.
Speaker 2: There's no reason to get the low fat.
Speaker 3: No, that's another nineties That is.
Speaker 2: A nineties fat and the manufacturers of that product are predatory.
Speaker 2: They should stop. They should only serve full fat cottage cheese.
Speaker 2: I don't like the big curd one though.
Speaker 3: Oh you don't like a big curd. They like it
Speaker 3: more like a slurry.
Speaker 2: I prefer a slush, a slurry, dairy slush.
Speaker 3: If they could just dispense it out of the seven
Speaker 3: eleven slurpy dispensers.
Speaker 2: Right into it. Straw.
Speaker 3: It's one of those big, those big Boba straw.
Speaker 2: I'm not a Boba person.
Speaker 3: It's fine.
Speaker 2: I'm not a sweet tea person. So boba is sweet
Speaker 2: tea with a texture that's hard for me, and then
Speaker 2: it becomes a nightmare product.
Speaker 3: So what I like is at Westfield Centry City, which
Speaker 3: is heaven. It's quite a mall it is they have
Speaker 3: and of course I forget the name, but there's like
Speaker 3: a bougie Boba place where you can choose your sugar level,
Speaker 3: so if you want to do and they have like
Speaker 3: nice things like a strawberry jasmine right. Oh, with strawberry
Speaker 3: jasmin iced tea sounds nice, but I only want twenty
Speaker 3: five percent of the sugar.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 3: Interesting, and then I want strawberries at the bottom instead
Speaker 3: of the boba pearls.
Speaker 2: Oh, so this is a little more my speed. So
Speaker 2: I probably could get an unsweetened tea, yes, with dirt
Speaker 2: at the bottom.
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, that's put velveta in the bottom if you
Speaker 3: want it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember the first time I ever saw boba. It's
Speaker 2: a long time ago at this point, but I thought, oh,
Speaker 2: that looks so magical and exciting, and then I had
Speaker 2: probably two SIPs. I was like, this is the worst
Speaker 2: thing I've ever tried. And God blessed boba and everyone
Speaker 2: who drinks it. But for me, I can't. The backwash
Speaker 2: element of it feels strange. See.
Speaker 3: I discovered boba when I was like in high school.
Speaker 3: I think I was at debate camp at the University
Speaker 3: of Michigan. And of course all these kids who came
Speaker 3: from the East Coast and from California, like they knew
Speaker 3: what boba was. I was like, what is it? And
Speaker 3: I always got like a a green apple slush with
Speaker 3: the boba on the bottom, so it was like it
Speaker 3: was like an icy and then the tap yoga pells
Speaker 3: got like really hard, and so I wasn't like really
Speaker 3: into that. But for me, it was all about getting
Speaker 3: like the fruit slush.
Speaker 2: Oh right, of course I never would get.
Speaker 3: Like the like the milk tea.
Speaker 2: Right, yes, for me, I love the taste of tea,
Speaker 2: but once it becomes sweetened, it's a it's like the
Speaker 2: opposite of tea for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Culturally, I am from an unsweetened ice team part
Speaker 3: of the country.
Speaker 2: Oh interesting because I kind of would have assumed you
Speaker 2: were from a sweetened tea part of the country.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, that's southwest West, remember.
Speaker 2: Right, Sure, you guys have the right idea exactly on
Speaker 2: sweet and icy. I'll drink it all day.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2: Put a teaspoon of sugar in that, and I'm throw
Speaker 2: it in the garbage.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm also not a big believer in like squeezing
Speaker 3: lemon in iced team.
Speaker 2: Okay, So now now we're going to get in a fight. Okay, fine,
Speaker 2: you know like the sourness of the lemon.
Speaker 3: No, well, I actually prefer My favorite form of iced
Speaker 3: tea is a mint iced tea.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, if.
Speaker 3: You ever been to Fresh Corn Grill in West.
Speaker 2: Hollywood, I have once.
Speaker 3: They do a mint iced tea. Okay, and if you
Speaker 3: drink it all while you're there, they'll give you it
Speaker 3: to go.
Speaker 2: Ones. Oh I love a free refill, free refills. I
Speaker 2: think we're gonna lose them soon. And I'm so afraid.
Speaker 3: You know this is it's it's very interesting because growing up,
Speaker 3: I'm sure you remember this too. You go to a
Speaker 3: restaurant and you got a court glass. Yes, I got
Speaker 3: three pints in a big red plastic glass, enough for
Speaker 3: the whole family. Yeah, and you drink half of it,
Speaker 3: they bring a new one. And that's how it was.
Speaker 3: We never drink water with a meal. We just went
Speaker 3: right up to the soda fountain import it right in
Speaker 3: our mouths. But now, and I remember the first time
Speaker 3: we went to New York and we had to like
Speaker 3: pay per diet coke. Oh, and my family's just like that.
Speaker 3: That was the thing. That really threw them about New York.
Speaker 2: Of course, not the whole says.
Speaker 3: It was like, you're making me pay per dik and
Speaker 3: I gotta finish it, and then I gotta like wave it,
Speaker 3: and I got asked.
Speaker 2: For another one. Unacceptable.
Speaker 3: Yes, So we found this pizza place called John's Pizzaia,
Speaker 3: very famous, and there for five dollars, they'd give you
Speaker 3: a picture of diet pepsi, so we would sit down
Speaker 3: and immediately orderly.
Speaker 2: If you find something like that in New York, I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm there, I'm there. I'm trying to think of other
Speaker 2: places in New York I'll go for a free refill,
Speaker 2: and I'm coming up blank. You have to go to
Speaker 2: essentially a chain. Yeah, it's been a minute.
Speaker 3: I even't I lived in Los Angeles for like nine
Speaker 3: years at this point, and I did nine years in
Speaker 3: New York before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't think of a free refoo place. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I remember.
Speaker 3: The only place where you could probably get a free
Speaker 3: refill is if you go to a bar and order
Speaker 3: a non alcoholic memory right.
Speaker 2: And even there, I think it's gonna be tough. I
Speaker 2: think it's going to and they'll probably look at you
Speaker 2: like you're insane, like you're getting another soda, so.
Speaker 3: It's wow, do you really need another?
Speaker 2: The judgment there is really harsh. Yeah, but I feel
Speaker 2: like ten years from now, a free refill will be
Speaker 2: a thing of the past. And I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm going to do personally, I'm gonna have a meltdown.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, as far as sugar sodas go, it's
Speaker 3: still largely made with corn syrup.
Speaker 2: Yes, and we grow a lot of corn here. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So I don't know.
Speaker 3: Let's not speculate about the world. You were saying ninety
Speaker 3: We began like ninety years at a in the future
Speaker 3: at an estate sale, and I was like, girl, the
Speaker 3: country's not going to make it ninety the planet's not
Speaker 3: going to make it ninety years on a plane to
Speaker 3: go to Mars.
Speaker 2: This cheese will be the emperor of Earth in ninety years. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and to rise up and because cheese, I do feel
Speaker 2: like you see a crockpot at a lot of a
Speaker 2: state sales.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, I'm a big believer in a
Speaker 3: slow cooker. This is not when you want to actually
Speaker 3: like cook things like.
Speaker 2: A dangerous product. I'm so afraid to use this.
Speaker 3: That's why it's just for Kso I have this exact
Speaker 3: same crock pot in my home.
Speaker 2: And it is do you have another crockpot for other things?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 3: I do so many moons ago I did like, they
Speaker 3: probably don't do this anymore. I went to go like
Speaker 3: give a talk for Pride Month at Whirlpool in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Great,
Speaker 3: and I was brought there by like you know, the
Speaker 3: DEI right, and they were like, we can We're only
Speaker 3: authorized to pay you so much in cash, but then
Speaker 3: we have sort of like an unlimited budget to give you.
Speaker 2: Heaven Whirlpool products.
Speaker 3: So they all so kitchen aid is under that sure umbrella.
Speaker 3: So I got like a seven hundred dollars slow cooker
Speaker 3: and it has like an attachment with like an arm
Speaker 3: so it can like stir wostantly. And again I was Nico.
Speaker 3: My husband and I were just starting to date, and uh,
Speaker 3: you know, he's on this like big television show and
Speaker 3: this big flashy person and not trying to like, well,
Speaker 3: I can get cool stuff too, So I send them
Speaker 3: and I'm like, you know I can get I can.
Speaker 2: Get all the free appliances I want.
Speaker 3: Do you want an appliance? And so he he looks
Speaker 3: at it and this is this is very him. He
Speaker 3: finds like a one thousand dollars kitchen aid mixer.
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean this is I was going to ask
Speaker 2: you this because I would love I have a nice
Speaker 2: kitchen aid mixer at home, but if I was given
Speaker 2: carte blanche with kitchen Aid mixers, I'd have ten in
Speaker 2: my home.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he picked out like it's a special limited edition.
Speaker 2: Matt Black Latman's Kitchen Aid mixer.
Speaker 3: They're individually numbered because they only make Like, so, I
Speaker 3: really want to impress this guy.
Speaker 2: I'm really into.
Speaker 3: So I email the people and I'm like, if this
Speaker 3: is too much, it's okay, here you go. And not
Speaker 3: only did they send me the kitchen Aid mixer, which
Speaker 3: I you know, got to kind of like, yeah, they
Speaker 3: sent me two of the slow cookers, and they were
Speaker 3: willing to.
Speaker 2: Send a budget they've got for this.
Speaker 3: I know they were willing to send me like a
Speaker 3: washing machine, yes, forget a dishwasher. But I lived in
Speaker 3: an apartment in West Hollywood. Like, I didn't open a
Speaker 3: showroom and sell these things. I know now, I'm like,
Speaker 3: we had to replace our washer and dryer in our
Speaker 3: our home that we purchased five years ago because the
Speaker 3: people we bought the home from stole the washer and dryer.
Speaker 3: Oh we bought our home from They have great they
Speaker 3: had impeccable taste. So the house is really well done.
Speaker 3: But they were terrible people. So when you when you
Speaker 3: buy a home, you set a date that you're going
Speaker 3: to hand over the keys. It was we'd had problems
Speaker 3: and then it was like two weeks before we were
Speaker 3: about to move into the home. And this is like
Speaker 3: peak COVID, right, so like life is complicated. We email them,
Speaker 3: we don't hear back. I email them again and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we might be out at the outdate, what we might
Speaker 3: and then it was like no, ma'am. And then so
Speaker 3: what we had done was, you know, there was the
Speaker 3: date of the sale and then they wanted to have
Speaker 3: two months more in the house while they finished figuring
Speaker 3: out where they were going to live. And we're like, okay, fine, whatever,
Speaker 3: And so then technically we became because then we owned
Speaker 3: the house and they were our renters.
Speaker 2: Wow, technically, what a hassle.
Speaker 3: So the guy wrote back and was like, my child
Speaker 3: is had cancer. I mean he had been cured for years. Okay,
Speaker 3: but because the child had cancer. He didn't want to
Speaker 3: leave the house because of COVID restrictions, and the way
Speaker 3: that the law worked was like, you can't kick someone
Speaker 3: out of their home for uh having COVID health restrictions.
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, So I was, we have fucking squatters.
Speaker 3: They're trying to squaw so we had to get lawyers involved. Weird,
Speaker 3: and it was like it was such a hassle to
Speaker 3: finally get them out. And when you buy a house,
Speaker 3: they're like the things that are like included in the
Speaker 3: house price and then the things that aren't. So like
Speaker 3: your couch is your furniture, but anything that is like
Speaker 3: bolted to the wall, like light fixtures or Washington dryer
Speaker 3: or like cabinets in the garage, that's.
Speaker 2: Part of the house, right right.
Speaker 3: So when we were doing this walkthrough, when like we
Speaker 3: became the leasers and renters whatever, he was talking about
Speaker 3: all these like vintage light fixtures, which they are they're beautiful, sure,
Speaker 3: And he was like, yeah, we can talk about if
Speaker 3: you want to buy those from us, And I was like, no, ma'am, sir,
Speaker 3: ma'am sir, we own these. These are part of de Yeah,
Speaker 3: And like the guy like we're like, you have to
Speaker 3: specifically exclude those, and like it was not excluded, and
Speaker 3: then he wanted to fire his realtor, which he ultimately did,
Speaker 3: and in his realtor, in an attempt to sort of salvage,
Speaker 3: it was like, what if I just give you five
Speaker 3: thousand dollars like out of my own pocket. And so
Speaker 3: we looked up all the light fixtures and they were
Speaker 3: like forty thousand dollars worth of light fixtures. Who they're
Speaker 3: like really cool vintage pieces. So we're like, no, no,
Speaker 3: And if like we come to the house and the
Speaker 3: light fixtures aren't there.
Speaker 2: A lawsuit called the cops. Yes, they're stolen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we come finally we get to take over
Speaker 3: the house. The light fixtures are still there, but they'd
Speaker 3: taken the washer and dryer, and they had all these
Speaker 3: like cabinets in the garage which were sort of like
Speaker 3: piece together, right, they weren't like pieces that you got
Speaker 3: from Ikia, And they had taken all of the cabinets
Speaker 3: out of the garage as well.
Speaker 2: What what was the expectation of this person when they
Speaker 2: sold the home? Are they not familiar with the idea
Speaker 2: of selling an object?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: It was It was so weird. It was like we
Speaker 3: were four seeing them out of their home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was somebody like holding someone out, like we
Speaker 2: paid well over asking you of course during that time period, Yeah, wow,
Speaker 2: it was It was nuts. Yeah, there was something else
Speaker 2: going on, something dark. Someone had a gun. They were
Speaker 2: holding a gun to these people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Interesting, Maybe it was you. Maybe you're not telling us
Speaker 2: the whole stories. Can you force these poor people out
Speaker 2: of their house? Took their like fixtures.
Speaker 3: After paying them quite over asking price. I gave them
Speaker 3: more money than they asked off for their home and
Speaker 3: they were like okay, and then I was.
Speaker 2: Like, get out of there, it's mine now.
Speaker 3: Wow, another crazy little story if we have time, of course,
Speaker 3: so the uh it was a husband and a wife
Speaker 3: and a child, and we only interacted with the husband.
Speaker 3: But after they moved out and we moved in. Every
Speaker 3: now and again a package would come to the address
Speaker 3: address to the previous owners, which like sure you know,
Speaker 3: and she text me and be like, hey, you know,
Speaker 3: my aunt sent a gift for my my son. Can
Speaker 3: you you know, put it out on the and I'll
Speaker 3: come grabbing like yeah, not a problem, it's a gift
Speaker 3: for your trump people don't know you've moved.
Speaker 2: But then like the six month.
Speaker 3: Mark passed, which is like the acceptable time, yes, And
Speaker 3: then like every three or four months a package would
Speaker 3: come for her and she would text me and be like, oh, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna not.
Speaker 2: Like you're now just like the post office, right.
Speaker 3: And so after we got to like the two year mark,
Speaker 3: and she texted me to have the like telling me
Speaker 3: when to have the package out for her, and I
Speaker 3: was like, this has got to stop. We're going to
Speaker 3: be doing this for decades if we don't stop. So
Speaker 3: I didn't respond to her. And then she showed up
Speaker 3: at the the time that she had decided wow, and
Speaker 3: she's calling me and texting me, and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 3: not responding, and she's ringing the doorbell. So our yard
Speaker 3: is like gated in sure, So she then, I guess,
Speaker 3: punches in her her access code, which we thought we
Speaker 3: had deleted from the memory but had not. She punches
Speaker 3: in the access comes into the yard, looks around, doesn't
Speaker 3: see it. And then I wasn't home, but my husband was,
Speaker 3: so and my husband he's Filipino, and he comes out
Speaker 3: to the porch and because it's like what the fuck
Speaker 3: just happened, like because we could see on the security cameras.
Speaker 3: And he opens the gate and she's like, oh hi,
Speaker 3: I'm you know who used to live here. I just
Speaker 3: came from my package. And but like speaks like down
Speaker 3: to him because she thinks he's like yeah, like the
Speaker 3: I don't know. Uh, And she goes and he's like, man,
Speaker 3: this is our property. You have entered it illegally. You
Speaker 3: need to not you need to stop sending your ship
Speaker 3: here because we're done.
Speaker 2: Good for him, How did you react?
Speaker 3: She was like, uh, she like didn't know what to
Speaker 3: you know, she was a white lady who was like
Speaker 3: spoken with fourth.
Speaker 2: She was oh also for her, like what is your
Speaker 2: life that that's convenient for you? Get control of your life?
Speaker 3: I know, but a mess. And it's like and it
Speaker 3: was all it would be like one bra or like
Speaker 3: one pair of ply its like it would be this
Speaker 3: like minuscule style.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: There was one time where it was some sort of
Speaker 3: like tea she brought bought off Instagram.
Speaker 2: Like clearly, wow, what a menace? Yes, I mean whatever,
Speaker 2: good for her ultimately just kind of steamrolling everyone in
Speaker 2: her life. Alright, p H, Well I think we should
Speaker 2: play a game. Okay, We're gonna play a game called
Speaker 2: Gift Master, but I need a number between one and
Speaker 2: ten from you. Okay, I have to do some light
Speaker 2: calculating to get our game pieces. So right now you
Speaker 2: can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.
Speaker 3: I'll be right back. So I'm on the board of
Speaker 3: directors of a wonderful organization called LAD and we work
Speaker 3: in LGBTQ representation in media. Well you probably know it's
Speaker 3: from the GLAD Awards, which are super fun. If you
Speaker 3: would like to donate to our very important work right now,
Speaker 3: you can go to GLAD dot org or you can
Speaker 3: holler at me at z Kerchief on Instagram and my
Speaker 3: email is just Zkerchief at gmail. So if you would
Speaker 3: like to get if you were a person of consequence
Speaker 3: and influence and would like to get involved with GLAD
Speaker 3: and promoting LGBTQ plus quality, we would love to work
Speaker 3: with you. Or if you want to give us moneies,
Speaker 3: please feel free to holler at me as well. And also,
Speaker 3: if you are a showrunner and you are staffing a
Speaker 3: comedy writers m right now, I would love to send
Speaker 3: you my samples and be an asset to your team.
Speaker 3: So hire me and give me money, or donate to
Speaker 3: Glad and give me money. Money means the economy is
Speaker 3: great right now.
Speaker 2: So it's a time where people are feeling very generous.
Speaker 2: Well ultimately, what I'd say, especially the entertainment industry has
Speaker 2: never been better, right There are simply jobs everywhere for
Speaker 2: the take, No, I mean, uh yeah, what a nightmare everything?
Speaker 3: Uh my obvious. My husband's an actor. I'm a writer,
Speaker 3: and my husband has been traveling too far off land
Speaker 3: so much like you know, Atlanta and Connecticut to film
Speaker 3: over the price and it's just really inconvenient, particularly now
Speaker 3: that we have a puppy.
Speaker 2: Sure, a child in infants, yes, of course.
Speaker 3: And uh, my dad. I was going to Burbank to
Speaker 3: pick up my dad. He was flying in to see me,
Speaker 3: and I saw that there was like new studio construction
Speaker 3: around the Burbank airport and not far from here, and
Speaker 3: I like, I immediately called my husband. I was like,
Speaker 3: Warner Brothers is building new studio space. That must be
Speaker 3: you know, maybe it's just for the like the tax deduction,
Speaker 3: but maybe there's hope it's coming back.
Speaker 2: Oh I hope. So I really don't understand what's happening
Speaker 2: in the television industry. It's very scary. Yeah, listener, what
Speaker 2: can I recommend her promote? Well, I've got to be
Speaker 2: about telling you that we have merch available. Go to
Speaker 2: exactly rightstore dot com. We've got merch and you know,
Speaker 2: if you want leave a user review or a listener review,
Speaker 2: do whatever you want to support the podcast. We're also
Speaker 2: on Instagram. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: Do you ever sell the gifts that people bring you?
Speaker 2: I have never sold one. I've started giving them away
Speaker 2: at live shows. Okay, because you know I've We've done
Speaker 2: I think two hundred and fifty episodes and that's a
Speaker 2: lot of items to have.
Speaker 3: Well, you have a store, we could just.
Speaker 2: Get on there and start auctioning them off or just
Speaker 2: put them on he may. Yeah, that's true. Can you
Speaker 2: imagine the scandal for djer wineger is selling the gifts?
Speaker 3: I didn't want them in the place.
Speaker 2: It's very clear. Okay, and everybody donate to Glad. What
Speaker 2: a great organization. Hire Zeke Higher. Television writers in general,
Speaker 2: it's a nightmare. This is how we play gift Master. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm going to name three people, three celebrities, and three gifts.
Speaker 2: Three things you can give away. Okay, you're gonna tell
Speaker 2: me which gift you would give to which person? And
Speaker 2: why does that make pay? Perfect sense? Okay. The three
Speaker 2: celebrities today are Number one, dough Chi We love Doci.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, I got to meet her at the Gladaward.
Speaker 2: You're kidding. Yeah, Oh I'm so jealous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she won a glad Award.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's amazing. I mean she deserves a lot of awards.
Speaker 2: I mean the kind of almost Missy Elliott level visual
Speaker 2: music interaction at this point.
Speaker 3: Hers speature is actually fantastic. You can like look it
Speaker 3: up on YouTube.
Speaker 2: Very inspiring. Oh that's amazing, great, okay. Number two Diane Sawyer.
Speaker 3: Oh love, where's she been?
Speaker 2: Is she dead? I'm gonna google it. Diane Sawyer live.
Speaker 3: Such a fixture in the news world growing.
Speaker 2: Up, still alive?
Speaker 3: Great? Uh?
Speaker 2: First name, Leela. We're learning something about Diane right now.
Speaker 3: I guess it sounded too ethnic.
Speaker 2: Leela Sawyer, Leela, Diane Sawyer, Diane Sawyer and she's seventy nine.
Speaker 3: Oh good for her.
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, Diane, whenever your birthday is okay. And number
Speaker 2: three the Green Goblin kind of a spider man's nemesis.
Speaker 2: And the three things you'll be giving these people. This
Speaker 2: first one is from a listener. We don't we get
Speaker 2: listener suggestions for the other game we play, but this
Speaker 2: is a rare one. This is from a listener named Ashley.
Speaker 2: The gift is a Hi Ashley, A full hour of
Speaker 2: watching an expectant parent open gifts at a baby shower.
Speaker 2: That's kind of an experience. The second one is also
Speaker 2: an experience, which is a near death experience, and number
Speaker 2: three a reusable water bottle. So doci Diane Sawyer Green Goblin,
Speaker 2: a full hour of watching an expectant parent open gifts
Speaker 2: at a baby shower, a near death experience, and a
Speaker 2: reusable water bottle.
Speaker 3: Okay, I got it, So I am going to give
Speaker 3: the here's the thing, green Goblin. There's also a plumbing
Speaker 3: product called the green Gobbler. Really yeah, that's like a
Speaker 3: more environmentally friendly version of drainaw.
Speaker 2: Wow, Disney's going to sue them into the ground. Maybe.
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's a good product. I just bought
Speaker 3: some recently. Hard Yeah, so instead of like plunging your
Speaker 3: toilet when you plug it, which I'm sure you do
Speaker 3: on the regular branch, eating all that cheese.
Speaker 2: My home is just overflowing. Oh that's so cross.
Speaker 3: You can just pour it in and shut the lid
Speaker 3: and like leave it for five hours and then flush
Speaker 3: it on scarn.
Speaker 2: It's like a draino type product.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's more environmentally friendly, much safer. Yeah, green
Speaker 3: gobbler just pure acid. Yeah, donate to glad and buy
Speaker 3: some green gobbler. They're probably trumpers. I don't know. I
Speaker 3: went and I had to go find it, and it's
Speaker 3: hardware because we can't go to home.
Speaker 2: Deep word, it's just never ending.
Speaker 3: Yes, we won't have any money soon, so it's fine.
Speaker 3: Everything will just be the barter economy. But yes, so
Speaker 3: the green Goblin, I think he has had plenty of
Speaker 3: near death experiences, right, old hat right, So I don't
Speaker 3: think that is gonna because a near death experience can
Speaker 3: really be like life changing and beautiful. And we also
Speaker 3: don't want to give him anything beautiful. So I think
Speaker 3: he's a bad guy. We want to torture him and
Speaker 3: just make him watch an expected parent open.
Speaker 2: Gifts and what a guest at a baby shower. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he flies through the window and then he's sitting there
Speaker 2: quietly while the parent is opening the gifts.
Speaker 3: Right, and what story the parent can tell their child.
Speaker 2: Of course, what an amazing experience to have this man
Speaker 2: in kind of just armor his hovercrafts just in your
Speaker 2: living room.
Speaker 3: Well exactly, and you know, maybe he can be the
Speaker 3: gift of new life and the joy and love of
Speaker 3: expected parents can have some sort of a transformative effect
Speaker 3: on his heart. And I lead him to Christ and
Speaker 3: to give up his evil ways.
Speaker 2: And what a godfather to have? Yeah, my godfather is
Speaker 2: the green Goblin.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, you have Spider Man at your birthday?
Speaker 2: Well, the real Spider Man.
Speaker 3: He drove a Toyota gorolla. I once as a child,
Speaker 3: and I'll never forget it. Went to a birthday party.
Speaker 3: But I guess we were a little bit late and
Speaker 3: the like Batman like pulled up and this like jumped
Speaker 3: as far and like stubbed out his sick. I was like, Batman,
Speaker 3: that's not the batmobile.
Speaker 2: Batman has hit a rough patch, spend.
Speaker 3: They didn't make him like park around the block.
Speaker 2: Not a great bat He should have known to park
Speaker 2: around the block.
Speaker 3: Right, That should probably just be standard operating procedure. If
Speaker 3: you're a character, h and a non public character, you
Speaker 3: know when you're not just standing on the street trying
Speaker 3: to harass people. But when you're a hired character, this
Speaker 3: is professional hum. Okay, So I think that means, and
Speaker 3: I mean this in a beautiful way. In order to
Speaker 3: encourage her art and her growth as an artist and
Speaker 3: a truth teller and someone who brings a new perspective
Speaker 3: to the world, I'm going to give Dote the near
Speaker 3: death ex Oh, I like this. Diane Sawyer too close
Speaker 3: to death. Yeah, yeah, she's had enough.
Speaker 2: She'll get it soon enough.
Speaker 3: I don't want to bother her. She probably has a
Speaker 3: nice ranch out in like you know, Palm Springs. She
Speaker 3: has done her duty to the country by reporting the
Speaker 3: news faithfully and truthfully for decades. And like I'll give
Speaker 3: you a water bottle and leave you alone, give it
Speaker 3: to your gardener, give it to your grandchild, thank you
Speaker 3: for your service.
Speaker 2: And she probably is. Probably she might be forgetting to
Speaker 2: hydrate anyway at this point.
Speaker 3: Oh exactly. I mean, I will say, reusable toads. I
Speaker 3: don't need anymore. I have too many. I have to
Speaker 3: buy ten cents, you know, a bag for ten cents
Speaker 3: at Ralphs, and those those raups bags are very sturdy, right,
Speaker 3: And I should remember to bring them, and sometimes I
Speaker 3: even put them in my car and then just don't
Speaker 3: remember to bring them in.
Speaker 2: Of course it's a thing.
Speaker 3: But reusable water bottles.
Speaker 2: I'll take them off. I'll absolutely, absolutely, I think Doc's
Speaker 2: gonna do an excellent job with a near death experience,
Speaker 2: not a death experience, right, just gets close and then
Speaker 2: comes back hopefully doesn't well.
Speaker 3: As it was pitched, it was a near death experience
Speaker 3: with no risk of death occurring. That's at least the
Speaker 3: way I problem.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely, there's no risk of death.
Speaker 3: So it's like it could be as minor as like skydiving.
Speaker 2: Right yeah, I guess that kind of technically is a
Speaker 2: near death experience.
Speaker 3: Because you are hurtling out of an airplane.
Speaker 2: Right right, Yeah, So I mean sheese today was a
Speaker 2: near death experience. I can't. I could not possibly skydive
Speaker 2: is because you're not allowed to expose your skin to the.
Speaker 3: S when you're outside.
Speaker 2: I probably should at this point. No, my I think
Speaker 2: I probably would ultimately enjoy it. But my fear is
Speaker 2: that at that moment of about to jumping to jump
Speaker 2: out of the plane, and you have the person behind you,
Speaker 2: the trait or what are the expert I think that
Speaker 2: the animal instinct in my body would take over in
Speaker 2: such a strong way.
Speaker 3: And you would try to kill him.
Speaker 2: I think of an attack or like cause a thing
Speaker 2: that would ultimately lead to my death and probably their
Speaker 2: death as well, And I don't trust my primal instincts
Speaker 2: to be in control enough. Have you ever gone, I've
Speaker 2: never gone.
Speaker 3: It's I'm kind of like an venture junkie, so it's
Speaker 3: very much appeals to me. However, I was I threw
Speaker 3: so I was the best man at my best friend's wedding.
Speaker 3: He is a six' four heterosexual honkman From New, jersey
Speaker 3: and so we went to The poconos with like thirty
Speaker 3: hooligans From New, jersey and one of, them the guy
Speaker 3: who got the, drunkest the, fastest and the most often
Speaker 3: tried to start the most fights pete on people off
Speaker 3: of the like the deck, no and like started like
Speaker 3: throwing firecrackers into the. House he was a skydiving. Instructor oh,
Speaker 3: interesting AND i hear he's gotten sober and he's like
Speaker 3: bought in his own plane and he's like doing very.
Speaker 3: Well but the idea that that's the person WHO i
Speaker 3: would be trusting with my life an airplane really gives me.
Speaker 2: Pause, yes, yeah you don't really think about the professional
Speaker 2: behind the, jump.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah you know you want to think they're like
Speaker 3: fresh out of The Air, force right and then you,
Speaker 3: know highly tactical practitioner and. Whatever but, no it's like
Speaker 3: probably some twenty three year old they failed out of
Speaker 3: community college jumping out of. Airplanes, yeah, yeah you have
Speaker 3: no idea what that that person might be having a bad.
Speaker 2: Day oh, no thank. YOU i went indoor. Skydiving, Yeah
Speaker 2: i've seen.
Speaker 3: THAT i want to try.
Speaker 2: That somebody gave it to me as a gift on this,
Speaker 2: Podcast FLY I, fly and it was a it was
Speaker 2: enough for. Me did you do it At? CityWalk i
Speaker 2: did it At, CityWalk and going to City walk alone
Speaker 2: is kind of a near death, experience so it was
Speaker 2: thrilling in every way for. ME i recommend it. Once.
Speaker 6: Maybe.
Speaker 3: Yeah the parking At CityWalk is is, tough, atrocious but
Speaker 3: it is if you want to go to like DOING
Speaker 3: imax or like a big you, know big sure movie viewing,
Speaker 3: experience or you want to buy out a theater for
Speaker 3: like five hundred bucks or forty people, wow WHICH i do.
Speaker 3: Frequently you, know people pay me, back, right which of,
Speaker 3: Course but like we wanted to go See wicked not
Speaker 3: surrounded by? Teenagers right's right for gays adults?
Speaker 2: Only? Sure shall we bought it out and Saw?
Speaker 3: Wicked?
Speaker 2: Wow? Yeah or like.
Speaker 3: Guy brandon is a FRIEND i mentioned him, Earlier we
Speaker 3: bought out one and we did a bro.
Speaker 2: Screening, wow this is.
Speaker 3: Great, yeah we did it For.
Speaker 2: Cruella behinding out five hundred bucks does not seem that
Speaker 2: crazy for a movie, THEATER i.
Speaker 3: Know and you can fit forty people in, there so,
Speaker 3: right if you like divvy it, up it works. Out
Speaker 3: but the parking situation over there is is atrocious.
Speaker 2: Parking at a theme. Park, yes it's not for. Me,
Speaker 2: okay it's time you played the game very. Well by the,
Speaker 2: way we've got to answer a listener. Question. Great we've
Speaker 2: got people sending in voice, notes, emails all kinds of
Speaker 2: things TO i, said no gifts at gmail dot. COM
Speaker 2: i think we'll do a voice note, Today, onalise could
Speaker 2: we hear a voice? Note Hello bridger And.
Speaker 6: Aalise i'm not going to be telling you my name
Speaker 6: for reasons that may become clear in a, second BECAUSE
Speaker 6: i am looking for your assistance in some ideas of
Speaker 6: HOW i can exact petty. Revenge there's a member of
Speaker 6: my family who has greatly greatly screwed over the rest
Speaker 6: of my family in ways that are monumental and indeed,
Speaker 6: irreversible AND i don't want to cause any property. DAMAGE
Speaker 6: i don't want to cause him any physical, harm BUT
Speaker 6: i do want to annoy him for the rest of his.
Speaker 6: Life if you have any, THOUGHTS i thought perhaps that maybe, You,
Speaker 6: bridger have tried to exact revenge on some of your ungrateful,
Speaker 6: guests and maybe you would be willing to share some
Speaker 6: of your favorite techniques with.
Speaker 2: Me thank you so much for your. Help mmmmmm. INTERESTING
Speaker 2: i wonder what happened in this. Situation this seems like
Speaker 2: a genuine. Problem what did this family member?
Speaker 3: DO i that's Very that's WHAT i have to do with,
Speaker 3: money like absconded with something that was supposed to be
Speaker 3: everyone's general, inheritance, right you know? RIGHT i have two
Speaker 3: ideas for petty. Revenge, oh, yes well ONE i SO
Speaker 3: i had a friend who moved in with a girlfriend
Speaker 3: right before the, pandemic, okay and then the girlfriend was.
Speaker 2: LIKE i want to break up with.
Speaker 3: You you have to. Leave, oh and we're talking Like
Speaker 3: april twenty.
Speaker 2: Twenty, oh that's like. Him, Sorry april twenty. Twenty everybody
Speaker 2: had to just stay in the relationship for at least another, month.
Speaker 3: And she like went and like stayed with her. Family
Speaker 3: And i'm, like, why why does my friend need to
Speaker 3: give up the apartment when you can go stay with
Speaker 3: your family and my friend doesn't have that. Option so
Speaker 3: my WHAT i told her is that she should right
Speaker 3: before she hands the keys back, over she should take
Speaker 3: a massive dump in the toilet and not flush. It,
Speaker 3: great SO i would, say should you go to this
Speaker 3: man's house and visit, him you should encourage everyone to
Speaker 3: not flush and to blow up each individual.
Speaker 2: Bathroom, everybody get as sick as humanly, possible.
Speaker 3: Go and house some taco bell, yes get a Cheesy gordida,
Speaker 3: crunch and then you you give him.
Speaker 2: Head over To. Darryl's, okay that's a good. One the
Speaker 2: second one is. Glitter oh we're.
Speaker 3: Sand glitter never goes. Away you go and you just
Speaker 3: smear glitter on all of the surfaces of his. Home
Speaker 3: he will be cleaning it out for. Decades he will
Speaker 3: probably die of the microplastics that he and jests as
Speaker 3: a result of.
Speaker 2: It fill up an envelope with that and mail it to. Him,
Speaker 2: yeah mail a. Package this is. GREAT a box full
Speaker 2: of sand with a loose, bottom.
Speaker 3: Don't tell me with a good time.
Speaker 2: He picks this thing. Up life? Ruined any sand. GLITTER
Speaker 2: i think those are two of the anthrax anthrax is
Speaker 2: always an. Option those all feel like a decent petty go.
Speaker 3: Find an infected, cow like get That Benedict cumberbatch.
Speaker 2: Film is that where anthrax comes? From? ANTHRAX i feel
Speaker 2: LIKE i know where is anthrax.
Speaker 3: Leg it's not like the bubonic.
Speaker 2: Plague, Now i'm so.
Speaker 5: Curious anthrax spores are formed by anthrax bacteria that occur
Speaker 5: naturally in soil in most parts of the.
Speaker 2: World, okay so just some dirty. SOIL i feel like
Speaker 2: glitter is such a good way to just kind of
Speaker 2: you could even just dump it in his. Car there's
Speaker 2: so many ways to get glitter into a person's life
Speaker 2: and it will never.
Speaker 3: Exit, yeah you could also think of this if you want,
Speaker 3: to because She's she's, like you, KNOW i want to
Speaker 3: torture him for the rest of his. Life so there's
Speaker 3: all sorts of like fun petty pranks of like saran
Speaker 3: wrapping his car shot, right right right when you know
Speaker 3: that he's gonna like he's running late for, work if
Speaker 3: you can find a way to saran wrap his car
Speaker 3: and then ensure that he's running late for, work and
Speaker 3: then he has a saran wrap car and once he
Speaker 3: gets in steering wheel covered in, glitter, right just like
Speaker 3: make it like a fun thing you do with your
Speaker 3: family every six, months or like for the, holidays you,
Speaker 3: know like for the, holidays we're going to plan a
Speaker 3: new prank to prank Uncle. Frank you, know it could
Speaker 3: be a great way to bring the family back to.
Speaker 2: You of, course you have a common animate at this.
Speaker 2: Point what more do you? Need that should just like
Speaker 2: there should be like a almost a sure chart that
Speaker 2: every year one member of the family gets to destroy
Speaker 2: this guy's. Life, yeah AND i, said, MAIL i feel
Speaker 2: like sell his, address oh, yeah or email?
Speaker 3: Address oh you could give his address and phone number
Speaker 3: to The church Of Jesus. CHRIST a lot of Day.
Speaker 7: Saints former member sitting right, Here, YEAH i can tell
Speaker 7: what gave it, away and then you, know send some
Speaker 7: nice missionaries over to his.
Speaker 3: Home could do the same with.
Speaker 2: Scientology scientology is a brutal. One those people will not
Speaker 2: leave you alone and they. Are they don't pick up social.
Speaker 2: Cues i'll say, that. No And jehovah's.
Speaker 3: Witnesses, yes Though jehovah's, WITNESSES i feel LIKE i are
Speaker 3: a little more, mild you think.
Speaker 2: So the ones in my neighborhood have been relentless. Recently
Speaker 2: really it's hard because they're like, nice But i'm just
Speaker 2: leave me. Alone i'm not. Interested. Please this is why
Speaker 2: we have a locked. Fence this is WHY i have
Speaker 2: a door on my, home.
Speaker 3: Ghett i've only Had jehovah's witnesses like you'll see them
Speaker 3: ount with like a rack of pamphlets on the subway
Speaker 3: In New york or a public. Place they sometimes are
Speaker 3: at lax which is another reason to avoid, it or
Speaker 3: at The. Americana, yes but they're never especially Like i'm
Speaker 3: holding hands on my.
Speaker 2: Husband of, COURSE i will, say if these people come
Speaker 2: to your, door be nice to. Them i'm a former
Speaker 2: missionary and it's a miserable.
Speaker 3: Experience where did you?
Speaker 2: SERVE i was In East? Malaysia oh, WOW i. WAS
Speaker 2: i was supposed to be there for two. Years was
Speaker 2: there for four or five? MONTHS i. Guess then then
Speaker 2: you have a, breakdown et, cetera et. Cetera BUT i was, There,
Speaker 2: yeah and it was.
Speaker 3: HORRIBLE i you, Know i'm so sorry you had a horrible.
Speaker 2: EXPERIENCE i appreciate.
Speaker 3: That there is part of me that sort of loves
Speaker 3: The mormon mission culture because the idea that you take
Speaker 3: an eighteen year old out of high school and then
Speaker 3: you you go and you teach them how to speak
Speaker 3: a new, language and you give this like impossible task
Speaker 3: to them where people are going to be like mean
Speaker 3: and unkind and they have to figure it out and
Speaker 3: they have to write letters home and they can't have
Speaker 3: phones and they can't call it all that. Stuff that
Speaker 3: you go and you give them this experience where they
Speaker 3: have to like live by meager means and be part.
Speaker 2: Of a new.
Speaker 3: Culture and then after that they get to go to.
Speaker 2: College, well there's there are ups and. Downs, sure it's
Speaker 2: a little wing, CLIPPY i will, say, yes because they
Speaker 2: don't get to read anything but scripture the whole. Time
Speaker 2: and while your brain is, Forming, yes it's a little
Speaker 2: a little tough to be like you're a child for
Speaker 2: the next two, years your brain should be.
Speaker 3: Well i'm not saying everyone go be A mormon, missionary
Speaker 3: but some sort of experience like that where there is
Speaker 3: an open literature contingency in whatever you, Want, christy.
Speaker 2: That should be kind of a required thing for every
Speaker 2: eight year. Olds something that's just like you leave hometown
Speaker 2: and experience something slightly more difficult where you're going to.
Speaker 3: Learn and, obviously like so many people have so many
Speaker 3: challenging upbrings here In, America i'm thinking more about like suburban.
Speaker 2: White, kids private school students.
Speaker 3: Exactly, yes if you go to private, school.
Speaker 2: You have to be always started on. That but trust,
Speaker 2: ME i, went oh you. Did, yeah well you should
Speaker 2: be off building houses. SOMEWHERE i sho my dad's.
Speaker 3: Catigry there we, go there we.
Speaker 2: Go, NO i think That i'm kind of on board
Speaker 2: with that. Idea how did we get To mormon missionaries
Speaker 2: from petty? Revenge? Oh, yes send the missionaries to give
Speaker 2: up somebody's address, PHONE i guess ultimately docs this.
Speaker 3: Man, YEAH i MEAN i think that's just the thing
Speaker 3: is like whatever you, know one eight hundred number you
Speaker 3: can sign up with just your phone number and then
Speaker 3: it just bills your telephone.
Speaker 2: Company, yeah sign them up for free karate lessons at
Speaker 2: one of those they have those, restaurants et.
Speaker 3: CETERA i was once seeking sort of like nonviolent kind
Speaker 3: of secret ways to get revenge on. Someone and they
Speaker 3: don't have it. Anymore but it used to be that
Speaker 3: if you went to The department Of Homeland, security you
Speaker 3: could sign up for sign up anyone's phone number for.
Speaker 3: Updates oh and so there would be like fire, updates
Speaker 3: and there there's one hundred and twenty, things and you
Speaker 3: could just hit select all and then the phones would
Speaker 3: just get constantly spammed with all of these updates and
Speaker 3: people had to like change their phone.
Speaker 2: Numbers you can't do it.
Speaker 3: Anymore but that's another, thing is just to go and
Speaker 3: sign up his phone for all these people who are
Speaker 3: just gonna like call him and text him all the.
Speaker 2: Time somebody get in the comments and tell us some
Speaker 2: of these new things you can sign people up. FOR
Speaker 2: i think we should all have that in our back,
Speaker 2: pocket a way to basically ruin someone's. Life, oh we
Speaker 2: answered the question, Perfectly, okay. GREAT i feel like there
Speaker 2: was a range of, ideas a range of ideas a
Speaker 2: whole you, know just pick and. Choose it's a. Buffet
Speaker 2: whatever however you want to destroy, him do.
Speaker 3: It we'll do, it but like do it in like fun.
Speaker 3: Ways that don't ultimately hurt people that just are, annoying, right.
Speaker 2: Or watch Kill bill and kind of follow that.
Speaker 3: Formula on the advice of my, ATTORNEY i refuse to
Speaker 3: support that.
Speaker 2: Idea, YEAH i probably. Do, AH i have my beautiful crock.
Speaker 2: Pot i've got my gorgeous.
Speaker 3: Cheese, YEAH i MEAN i think it's been unwrapped for
Speaker 3: a little too long to be. Affected now you can
Speaker 3: already see it's like becoming even more neon on the
Speaker 3: edges where.
Speaker 2: It's, wow oh it's off. Gassing, wow this room is becoming.
Speaker 2: Toxic look at. That what a. Product, Well i've got
Speaker 2: to make some, case so may do with a different.
Speaker 3: Gotta give it a nice little we'll.
Speaker 2: Do one final. Spank, wow.
Speaker 3: That's sounds so. Naughty it is weirdly.
Speaker 2: Sacond that is a bizarre. Thing that's essentially it's a
Speaker 2: Great american. Invention, Zeke thank you for the. Gift thank
Speaker 2: you for being. Here how it's my pleasure and. Listener
Speaker 2: the podcast is. Over set the crock, Pot start making
Speaker 2: yourself some. Cheese do whatever you. Want i'm not in
Speaker 2: charge of. You that's your. Duty i'll talk to you.
Speaker 2: SOON i love. You, GOODBYE i said No gifts is
Speaker 2: an exactly right. Production our senior producer is ON A Lisa,
Speaker 2: nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed By Ben. Tolliday
Speaker 2: the theme song is By Miracle Worker Amy, mann and
Speaker 2: we couldn't do it without our, Booker Patrick. Cottner you
Speaker 2: must follow the show On. Instagram AT i, said no,
Speaker 2: gifts that's where you're going to see pictures of all
Speaker 2: these wonderful Gifts i'm. Getting and don't you want to
Speaker 2: see the gifts?
Speaker 1: Line?
Speaker 2: Man did you hear?
Speaker 1: Fun a man myself perfectly? Clear when YOU'RE i guessed,
Speaker 1: him you gotta come to me, Empty AND i, said no,
Speaker 1: guests your own, presences presents EN i already had too much,
Speaker 1: Stuff so how do you dare to surbey me