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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode. I discovered my fiance's X rated past,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you should like watch watch it. That might be fun.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend. Now, my fiance has kept a rather important

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Speaker 1: secret from me, which I discovered at two thirty am

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Speaker 1: this morning, and now I'm scared, lost and confused. This

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Speaker 1: will take some explaining, so I'll break it up into chunks.

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Speaker 1: Here is the backstory. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: my other me, and if you want to go submit

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Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: subread it. So our wonderful relationship. We've been together for

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Speaker 1: almost a year and it has been completely blissful. I

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Speaker 1: love her more than I have loved anything, and from

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Speaker 1: what I can tell, she really loves me too. And

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Speaker 1: I try really hard on this relationship, not to the

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Speaker 1: point that I'm possessive and controlling. She has as much

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Speaker 1: freedom as she wants. I will always make her a

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Speaker 1: cup of tea when she needs to cook her most

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Speaker 1: of the dinners, roll her SIGs in the morning, meet

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Speaker 1: her whenever and wherever she wants, will always listen without

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Speaker 1: butting in, excuse her occasional laziness around her home, and

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Speaker 1: do most of the cleaning without being a weaner about it.

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Speaker 1: I earn quite a bit more than her, and I

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Speaker 1: generally pay for things, and I've been doing this to

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Speaker 1: help her get on top of her student debts and stuff.

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Speaker 1: Sounds like he's doing a lot. I am worried about,

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Speaker 1: like the imbalance of work in the relationship, and like

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Speaker 1: her not maybe like he's doing most of the chores

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Speaker 1: and bringing in most of the money.

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Speaker 2: Eh, I mean, hey, maybe he's your man who likes

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Speaker 2: to provide.

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Speaker 1: Hey, and if it works for him, that's okay a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Worry a little bit, but let's see. So

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Speaker 1: most of all, I respect her. I think she is

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Speaker 1: a truly wonderful and strong woman. We're both pretty serious feminists.

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Speaker 1: You get it on the perfect effing boyfriend jokes, but

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Speaker 1: I really do try to be as good as I

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Speaker 1: can for her. I just like doing it makes me

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Speaker 1: hurt with smiles when I do something special or even

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Speaker 1: just a bit thoughtful, and I can see her appreciating me.

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Speaker 1: We have never had any arguments, really, only minor disagreements.

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Speaker 1: Neither of us have ever raised our voices with each

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Speaker 1: other or been violent in any way. This is pretty

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Speaker 1: great considering the intensity in speed of the relationship. We

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Speaker 1: hate spending time apart and haven't slept in separate beds

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Speaker 1: since February thirteenth. I know it's sad that I know that,

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Speaker 1: but she does too, and we giggle unbearably when either

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Speaker 1: of us mention it. It sounds like you have a cute

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Speaker 1: freaking relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like you guys are a cutie pies.

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Speaker 1: Where's where's it going?

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Speaker 2: To? Run for the shoe to come in?

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Speaker 1: Drop? And oh my god, don't even get me started

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Speaker 1: on the spicy sleep. It's amazing. She gets my spicy

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Speaker 1: hobbies and I get hers. We have spicy sleep often

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Speaker 1: and it consistently is incredible, with multiple O moments all around.

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Speaker 1: We read to flat together, own a cat together, are

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Speaker 1: spending Christmas together, getting married in June and after that

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Speaker 1: planning to move to New Zealand and having kids.

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Speaker 2: They must have learned your meditation technique.

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Speaker 1: Quick, Okay, story time. I learned full body orgasm on

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Speaker 1: a meditation retreat like a while ago, and I did

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Speaker 1: it on the plane on the way back here.

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Speaker 2: I bet that was fun for everyone. I don't think

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Speaker 2: they saw, Yeah, Like they didn't see because I was

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Speaker 2: under that. They didn't see because I was under the blanket,

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Speaker 2: but they definitely heard.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, it's not it's not there's no omission. It's not

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Speaker 1: like that. It's just like that, oh euphoria. Just you.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's like being on a molly. Anyway. Neither

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Speaker 1: of us are new to this relationship business or feel

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Speaker 1: like we were rushing. We have both had a couple

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Speaker 1: of serious relationships in the past. I was engaged to

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Speaker 1: a girl for seven and a half years, and she

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Speaker 1: was engaged to a dude who didn't really treat her

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Speaker 1: very well as long as her having a lot of

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Speaker 1: fun whilst she was at UNI. How I know what

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Speaker 1: I know? Okay, So that is the background. Now we're

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Speaker 1: getting in to the uncovering of this spicy X rated truths.

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Speaker 2: Freaking get our shovels and our shake axes.

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Speaker 1: Back in April, I was laying in bed at watching

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Speaker 1: my beautiful significant other get ready for work. I asked

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Speaker 1: if I could look something up on the internet using

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Speaker 1: her phone as my battery was dead, and she agreed.

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Speaker 1: I unlocked it and saw a strange message from a

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Speaker 1: man using only his initials in the text, saying, looking

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Speaker 1: forward to seeing you again later today. I'm at the

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Speaker 1: Apex Hotel. I'm in room whatever.

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Speaker 2: No way he can afford the whatever room at the

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Speaker 2: Apex Hotel.

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Speaker 1: I scrolled up to get the context and couldn't make

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Speaker 1: sense of it. All I could see was that they

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Speaker 1: have met before in hotels and have a long text history.

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Speaker 1: To be perfectly clear, that is generally how I saw

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Speaker 1: the message. I'm not a snooper. The previous time they

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Speaker 1: met was at a hotel in London in February, when

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Speaker 1: she told me that her and her best friend, Jess

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Speaker 1: not a real name, we're going to an opera and

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Speaker 1: she was staying with her friend and she also had

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Speaker 1: some freelance calligraphy work down there. This is something she

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Speaker 1: said she used to do before we met, and has

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Speaker 1: not traveled away for it at any other point relationship

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Speaker 1: had a lot of calligraphy work. I freaked out, thinking

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Speaker 1: she was cheating on me. I hadn't pieced together much

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Speaker 1: of anything then. All I knew was a friendly man

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Speaker 1: meeting my girlfriend secretly in a hotel. When I brought

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Speaker 1: this up to with her later on, instead of stalking

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Speaker 1: her and calling the number of the guy texting her

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Speaker 1: I might add, she said that I have completely misunderstood

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Speaker 1: the situation. She used to do some free proofreading for

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Speaker 1: a human rights lawyer and from time to time he

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Speaker 1: asked her to help him out on the cheap and

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Speaker 1: it's apparently very illegal, and that is why she didn't

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Speaker 1: want to say anything.

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Speaker 2: Stop. That is such a lie. Stop it Stop. That

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Speaker 2: can't be true. If it was that illegal, there'd be

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Speaker 2: no record of it in your phone.

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Speaker 1: She explained that that was all London was, and that

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Speaker 1: the dude had paid her well and given her a

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Speaker 1: gift because they go back to when she did an

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Speaker 1: internship with him whilst she was at UNI. I told

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Speaker 1: her I would have understood, but she needs to understand why.

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Speaker 1: That freaked me out, and just asked her to be

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Speaker 1: more honest with me in the future. No shouting was done.

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Speaker 1: I felt a little hurt, but put it in the

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Speaker 1: back of my mind. Besides, it was cool that we

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Speaker 1: scored a few hundred quid and we got a pizza Q.

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Speaker 1: A couple of months later, same dude, similar situation, different hotel.

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Speaker 1: I found out this time because I was being a

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Speaker 1: bit playfully nosy while she was using her phone and

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Speaker 1: snuck up behind her, saying what you're doing or something

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Speaker 1: like that. I saw enough in those few seconds to

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Speaker 1: know what was going to happen. I asked her about it.

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Speaker 1: Got a little upset, saying I asked her to just

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Speaker 1: be honest about this in the future. She said she

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Speaker 1: was going to tell me, but it just hadn't crossed

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Speaker 1: her mind. A couple months after that, her friend Jess

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Speaker 1: moved up to our city. Jess is cool, She's a

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Speaker 1: cool lady, and they got along really well. I suspected

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Speaker 1: in the past from hearing bits and pieces that she

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Speaker 1: was an escort, which made me rethink my lovely lady's

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Speaker 1: rendezvous with a mystery man for cash, and the way

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Speaker 1: that there seemed to be some weird, unsmoken history between

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Speaker 1: the two. But I put it to the back of

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Speaker 1: my mind. You're putting too much to the back of

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Speaker 1: your mind, sir. Your head's gonna go all like this,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm just gonna fall over. I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: like a turkey staring at the sky and you're gonna drown.

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Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just astounded he's believing, like believing these lies. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like who, there's people out there believe that she's literally

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Speaker 2: texting the dude as you in real time in front

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Speaker 2: of you. And then is going, oh, it didn't cross

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Speaker 2: my mind that I needed to tell you about the

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Speaker 2: guy I'm currently talking to right now. OOPSI did. Just

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Speaker 2: didn't cross my mind. It would have crossed your mind instantly,

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Speaker 2: Kat said, she is.

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Speaker 1: So full of crap. Yeah, I agree. I try to

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Speaker 1: give her a few opportunities to say if something was up,

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Speaker 1: just asking generalized questions when we had been talking about

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Speaker 1: spicy sleepwork in that we have lots of interesting political

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Speaker 1: issu discussions, and she said nothing. After a short while,

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Speaker 1: she finally explains to me that Jess is in fact

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Speaker 1: an escort and was I still cool with that? In her?

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Speaker 1: Of course I was. She was still the good friend

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Speaker 1: of my fiance who had been nothing but nice to me.

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Speaker 1: Who am I to judge? I even gave her another

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Speaker 1: opportunity in the nicest possible way, Wills having a walk saying,

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Speaker 1: be honest, have you ever done or considered doing escort work?

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Speaker 1: She laughed and said, of course not. She didn't think

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Speaker 1: she'd be capable of doing it.

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Speaker 2: And now I got the climax, everyone's favorite, big of

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Speaker 2: the escort experience.

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Speaker 1: Of how I know for sure? I overheard my lady

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Speaker 1: and Jess talking about something at a party wilst a

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Speaker 1: bit wasted. I didn't hear much, but I heard them

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Speaker 1: talking about Estan not his real name and an initial

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Speaker 1: not s in the same breath. The same fake name

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Speaker 1: and initial combination going on in the messages. I once

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Speaker 1: saw there was mention of some problems, something about remembering,

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Speaker 1: and I thought I heard that he was going to

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Speaker 1: be coming up. This all happened on Friday. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be the paranoid boyfriend. I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: just start answering ridiculous questions again. I just sat on

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Speaker 1: what I thought I heard and tried to be skeptical

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Speaker 1: and rap about it every time I went over anything

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Speaker 1: in my head. I remember how she acted slightly strangely

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Speaker 1: with her responses, and I thought at the time that

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Speaker 1: could be a sign of lying, but I wasn't sure

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Speaker 1: if I was just remembering this wrong. Finally, after going

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Speaker 1: a bit quietly mad and not wanting to bring things

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Speaker 1: up again, we were up late watching the US elections

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Speaker 1: last night with them in the UK, both hoping the

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Speaker 1: Americans would do the right thing and reelect Obama. She

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Speaker 1: fell asleep and I was staring at her phone with

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Speaker 1: all of this crap going on in my head. So

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Speaker 1: I did something inexcusable.

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Speaker 2: Wait, so this is twenty twelve, I think.

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Speaker 1: So, And I opened it and went through her messages.

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Speaker 2: I honestly feel like that switches up a lot of

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Speaker 2: the context of this why well, at least in terms

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Speaker 2: of like modern like sentiments and like popular culture. I

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Speaker 2: feel like there's a huge difference between like house like

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Speaker 2: like sexual drass courting lices.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean because like early girls, and like the

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Speaker 1: popularization of it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right, it's it's become way more like, I guess,

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Speaker 2: tolerated or mainstream whatever you want to say, but which

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Speaker 2: it is to be clear, it's fine to do that stuff

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Speaker 2: like it doesn't make you im moral.

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Speaker 1: Monster or anything, but it's also fine to not be

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Speaker 1: okay with that in a relationship. Sure, and also not,

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Speaker 1: but it's I don't think it's fine to do that

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Speaker 1: secretly while in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: She's laughing about it on purpose, and she's probably doing

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Speaker 2: it because it's ruined previous stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I feel awful for this, and I don't

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Speaker 1: handle guilt well. I saw messages from Jess about this

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Speaker 1: Stan guy, where she said that the hotel she was

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Speaker 1: taken to in London recently with another client was really

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Speaker 1: nice and quite a lot like where Stan used to

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Speaker 1: take them, that Stan was going to be about in

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Speaker 1: our city soon. I saw that Jess, at some point

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Speaker 1: in September I had a companionship job with a couple

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Speaker 1: really rich guys where she just hung out. Did she

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Speaker 1: want to go with her second time round? I know

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Speaker 1: you are spoken for it, but I thought I should ask,

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Speaker 1: and they weren't expecting anything, well, at least not the

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Speaker 1: previous night. But things might change and I will obviously

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Speaker 1: give you cash for this. And I froze and felt sick.

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Speaker 1: She replied, saying she wasn't sure if she would go,

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Speaker 1: but then said only if you come round and help

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Speaker 1: me dress up. I checked out the dates and this

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Speaker 1: went on, and I honestly think she didn't go ahead

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Speaker 1: with this. I can't remember exactly what I and we

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Speaker 1: were doing that evening. I looked further through her messages

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Speaker 1: and read the single message on her phone that was

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Speaker 1: there by Stan, addressing both my fiance and Jess by

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Speaker 1: their initials, saying he was going to be around. They

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Speaker 1: should meet up together again like old times, and maybe

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Speaker 1: this time try something new. He hadn't replied to this message.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do at this point. I

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Speaker 1: was guilt stricken because I couldn't trust her enough to

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Speaker 1: not go through her phone, but at the same time

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Speaker 1: distraught about the whole escort thing. I woke her I

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Speaker 1: couldn't do anything else. She seemed mad at me for

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Speaker 1: going through her phone and got very pissed off. I

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Speaker 1: apologized a whole bunch and properly broke down with the

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Speaker 1: stress of it all. I didn't ask her right away

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Speaker 1: about everything, because she clearly wasn't in the right mood

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Speaker 1: to discuss it. She said she was angry and tired

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Speaker 1: and wanted to talk on a clear head. By this

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Speaker 1: point I had already sobbed a whole bunch and couldn't

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Speaker 1: have made it any clearer to her. How sorry I was.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yes, you did something wrong by looking through

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Speaker 1: her phone, like that breaks the trust of the relationship,

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Speaker 1: but also like there was a lot of evidence that

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Speaker 1: you had beforehand that you ignored.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, like the most ridiculous lies I think ever

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Speaker 2: that I've heard.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I amy Lynn says something. I'm thinking I'd be

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Speaker 1: distraught that she lied more than anything, like is that not?

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Speaker 1: Are we not going to focus.

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Speaker 2: On that at all? And That's what I'm just drought about.

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Speaker 1: I'm just drought about that a lot. I feel like

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Speaker 1: he's so in love that he's not He's not even

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Speaker 1: registering that he should be mad to She said that

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Speaker 1: she was also hurt because I had been keeping this

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Speaker 1: to myself instead of speaking to her, and whilst doing

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Speaker 1: that telling her how great everything is, she thought I

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Speaker 1: was being insincere in what I had said. I explained

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Speaker 1: that I genuinely meant the nice things I had said,

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Speaker 1: and there were some cognitive dissonance going on. When any

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Speaker 1: specifics came up, she was reluctant to say anything too specific.

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Speaker 1: We talked it through without actually really mentioning the whole

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Speaker 1: escort thing, to a point where we're both saying we

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Speaker 1: love each other and they both want to try to

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Speaker 1: make it work, and it sucks. I was scared she

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Speaker 1: was going to leave me there it is. He is

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Speaker 1: not acting in his self interest because he's too scared

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Speaker 1: of being alone.

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Speaker 2: Fear. Far, best things in life are on the opposite

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Speaker 2: side of fear. Oh, you can't get to the good

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Speaker 2: gooey gum drops. You're all miired in the fear swamp.

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Speaker 2: All right, you gotta get out of this swamp of

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Speaker 2: fear and eat up those Yeah, you know what, you

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Speaker 2: know what he means. You know what I'm saying, Mike Way.

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Speaker 1: I asked her if he could still talk about the

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Speaker 1: escort thing when things were more calm, even though I

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Speaker 1: had betrayed her trust, and she said, yes, you're being

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Speaker 1: too apologetic here, dude. We have canceled our cinema double

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Speaker 1: date tonight. Talk about it. He finally went to bed,

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Speaker 1: and she opened up a bit and said she didn't

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Speaker 1: go ahead with that paid date and then whatever job

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Speaker 1: because she would have felt icky. The fact that she

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Speaker 1: considered it and got back to Jess is enough to

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Speaker 1: upset me. Still wouldn't talk about the hotel meetings, though,

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Speaker 1: and remained vague. She repeated to me that she hadn't

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Speaker 1: cheated on me though.

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Speaker 2: Right, No, officer, that wasn't me. I didn't romb the bank.

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Speaker 1: I'm just working. It's not it's not it's it's not

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Speaker 1: even sex. It's really not even sex.

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Speaker 2: I didn't cheat on you. I got paid to do this.

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Speaker 1: It's not like I wanted to do. I gained you, dude. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I remember so clearly, her story of her London trip

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Speaker 1: changing with each bit of information I gave her about it,

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Speaker 1: what I knew and how odd I felt. The really

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Speaker 1: upsetting part is that it is my birthday very soon,

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Speaker 1: and we were going to go away for the weekend,

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Speaker 1: starting with a gig. She became quickly reluctant about this

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Speaker 1: about the time the message from stand camp, saying she

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Speaker 1: wasn't sure if she could get the time off work

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Speaker 1: to leave early enough and seemed weird. When I said

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Speaker 1: I didn't care. I'd pay for her train down and

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Speaker 1: we could meet after the gig and have our weekend.

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Speaker 2: Then she's like, dang, he had a solution to that problem.

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Speaker 1: I want to go meet with stanf ah.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm suddenly indisposed, Bug says.

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Speaker 1: Really said, oh, can we please talk about the escort thing, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, he's being so accommodating for something that she's

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00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:18,359
Speaker 1: she's so obviously transgressed so many boundaries in the relationship,

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Speaker 1: right and he's the one apologizing, like, yeah, this, this

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Speaker 1: man has absolutely no backbone in the relationship, like none, none, none.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just a season of in survival mode right now.

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Speaker 2: It's like, how do I make sure the relationship stays alive?

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Speaker 2: And it's like this that I thought this shouldn't be

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Speaker 2: some cringey, biting story about being like, oh, my girlfriend's

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Speaker 2: had sex with someone else before. Yeah, but it's like

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Speaker 2: I think your girlfriend actively was getting paid to sleep

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Speaker 2: with other men while she was with you, which is

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Speaker 2: a big deal.

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Speaker 1: That's a big no no. I you know, call me

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Speaker 1: old fashioned, call my old fashioned. Maybe I'm still back

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Speaker 1: in twenty twelve. Yeah, but I don't know if I would,

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Speaker 1: I would, I would be down for this. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's uh feeling like a red big red flag, brother.

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Speaker 1: Big red flag. Well, this weekend exactly when San is

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00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 1: in town. She still has one of the days off

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Speaker 1: when we are not away, but I am working, which

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00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 1: was the suggested date by him. You know what, I

345
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,680
Speaker 1: think I could forgive her, But I don't know if

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00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,040
Speaker 1: I'm being a fool? Da kodo? Is he being a fool?

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00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,040
Speaker 2: I don't think so, you know, I don't. I don't think.

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Speaker 2: So what what you don't think he's being a fool? Oh?

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00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,800
Speaker 2: I must have uh uh? Oh? I didn't hear that, right,

350
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 2: did I? Can you say that one more time? Please?

351
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 2: Think he's being a fool, but he's he is forgiving her?

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00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,520
Speaker 1: You know what? I think I could forgive her? Oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm being a fool.

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Speaker 2: I heard the negative of that. See I heard not forgive? No,

355
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 2: not forgive a fool.

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Speaker 1: I still love her, and our relationship has been practically

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00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 1: perfect except for this. This is a big accept She

358
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,119
Speaker 1: stresses a lot about money, thanks to two student loans

359
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,600
Speaker 1: and an old flatmate leaving her in more debt, so

360
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,640
Speaker 1: I can see why she would do it. She gets

361
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 1: upset that I pay for most things and has said

362
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 1: to me on a number of occasions that she doesn't

363
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,439
Speaker 1: want me thinking that she is taking advantage of me.

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00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,960
Speaker 1: I don't. I just want to help herself so we

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00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 1: can get on with our lives together and not have

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00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,439
Speaker 1: to worry about past debt. If there were truly no

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00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,960
Speaker 1: feelings attached and it was just a job, I could

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00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,920
Speaker 1: be accepting of that, even though I wouldn't ever want

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00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 1: her to continue doing it. The biggest thing I feel

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00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 1: is betrayal. Yes, yes, you should feel betrayal. She was

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00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: lying to you. She broke the integrity of the relationship.

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00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 1: You could be okay with her sleeping around, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like I am down all right. I think two people

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00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 1: can establish any kind of relationship they want if they

375
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,639
Speaker 1: had talked about it before and she's like, hey, you

376
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 1: know you have you have your job as an escort.

377
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm cool with that. Thank you for telling me before

378
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: we get into the relationship. Keep going about it, you know.

379
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 1: And if that was communicated, that would be fine. You

380
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,000
Speaker 1: can create any kind of relationship dynamic you want. That's

381
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,919
Speaker 1: the beautiful thing. It's true about relationships. But what you

382
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 1: can't do is you can't have a lack of integrity.

383
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,280
Speaker 1: You can't have lying right, And yes you should feel betrayed,

384
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 1: but you should grow a backbone and realize that the

385
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 1: integrity of this relationship is gone. It is not a

386
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,959
Speaker 1: simple thing to just say, oh, it's just this one thing.

387
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 1: It's just this one lie. No, it is a big

388
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,439
Speaker 1: lie that compromises the entirety of the relationship.

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00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 2: You're like, Oh, this house is so perfect. Look at

390
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 2: this beautiful beach house. It's got five floors, eight hundred

391
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 2: million square feet and they're giving it to me for free.

392
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 2: Oh wait, the foundation is made out of sand and

393
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 2: as soon as I step into it it will collapse.

394
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 2: It's gonna crumble and fall upon me.

395
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: Or maybe they just need to read secure and maybe

396
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 1: it'll all be okay.

397
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,880
Speaker 2: Actually, actually just read polysecure.

398
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, dude, I mean god, is it like, like,

399
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,639
Speaker 1: what do we tell this guy to get to?

400
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:10,800
Speaker 2: Just where do you think she learned those moves? No? Ego?

401
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,120
Speaker 2: So are you sure you don't want to watch see these?

402
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:14,960
Speaker 2: Are you sure?

403
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 1: I think? I think? Dude, this man has sex brain.

404
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,920
Speaker 1: He is so caught up in the amazing sex fog

405
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 1: that and I've been there, brother, it is it is

406
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: a dangerous, dangerous No. But talking about the sex brain.

407
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 2: None of us won the lottery that lets the one

408
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 2: person per year have sex. But that's how that works.

409
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:37,400
Speaker 1: One year.

410
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,920
Speaker 2: I see acting like he doesn't know what the lottery

411
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 2: is over here, Dude, this guy's crazy.

412
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 1: But we got a little bit more to this story.

413
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 1: But brother, get out of the sex fog. Brother, Oh, brother, oh,

414
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 1: not telling me straight up even before we started getting

415
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: really serious, even when I gave her a number of

416
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 1: opportunities framed with the sincere phrase I would be angry

417
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 1: with you. My question, what the F do I do? Reddit?

418
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 1: I am lost? This relationship means everything to me. She

419
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 1: seems so honest, seems and sincere in all the nice

420
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 1: things she tells me and tells her friends. They all

421
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 1: get on with me really well and are so lovely

422
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 1: to me because she truly does speak highly of me

423
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 1: to everyone. How do you know which means she really cares? Right?

424
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 1: I don't think any of her friends know about any

425
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 1: of this, and though Jess is a good friend, they

426
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 1: are not BFFs or anything. I needed to write all

427
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: this down just to help me process this. I'm sorry

428
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 1: it so long. I'm typing this will shaking and choking

429
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,719
Speaker 1: back tears in my office at work, completely unable to

430
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,199
Speaker 1: get on with anything. By the way, you should get

431
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: on with full episodes with stories just like this. Go

432
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 1: to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app search. Okay, storytime,

433
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 1: there's another relevant update. But before we get into this

434
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 1: final update, what do you think OPI should do? Opie

435
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: is asking what should I do? What should op do? Ude?

436
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 2: Op? You literally said at the end, You're like, I'm

437
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:03,119
Speaker 2: barfing and pooping, like completely losing my cool. I can't

438
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 2: even move through my life. Yeah, brother, I think you

439
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 2: got a walk, you got the trade, you got lied

440
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 2: to like, you got a way that spine and a walk. Yeah,

441
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 2: with your head held straight, I think lesson. You're like,

442
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,640
Speaker 2: this relationship means everything to me. That was your direct quote. Hey,

443
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 2: maybe don't put all your eggs in one basket next time, buddy.

444
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 1: Also, the relationship that you thought you had is not

445
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: the relationship that you have exactly.

446
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 2: So it's like that, really, the relationship you thought you

447
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 2: had is what means everything to you, But you don't

448
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 2: have that anymore. Yep, So you actually you gotta start

449
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 2: grieving because it's already gone.

450
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: But let's get into the final bit of this story.

451
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 1: How should I approach talking to her? She doesn't do

452
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 1: arguing well, so I don't want to be on the attack.

453
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: Otherwise she will end up being on the attack or

454
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 1: be become so upset that we won't get anything sorted again.

455
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 1: Noodle's fine. I hate conflicts so much, Noodley, how can

456
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 1: I make it up to her for reading her messages?

457
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: I guess my biggest concern is that she has had

458
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 1: some emotional problems in the past, and I really don't

459
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: want to trigger another downward spiral in her whatever happens.

460
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 1: She's been good and pretty consistently happy since me well,

461
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: at least on the surface, but she has been to

462
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 1: some dark places mentally, and I just don't want her

463
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: to return there. I love her, Jess effing say some words. Reddit,

464
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,479
Speaker 1: I need something right now. Thank you so much for

465
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: being there, and we have a really important edit message.

466
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 2: Wow, I wonder what that's gonna say. Dude, Dang, I

467
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 2: I got You're lost in the sauce.

468
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: You's lost, dude. He's asking the questions. V Rod says,

469
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 1: how can she make it up to you? Dude?

470
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 2: Right? What the right? Like? Like like you undo all

471
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 2: those guys. You are operating from a position of like

472
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 2: why are you the one responsible for everything wrong and

473
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: bad that has happened? And you're not responsible for how

474
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 2: she's gonna emotionally react to your truth that you feel

475
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,399
Speaker 2: betrayed and that this probably isn't gonna work cause you

476
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 2: are barfing and farting all day over how emotionally turmoiled

477
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 2: you are.

478
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is bad.

479
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: This is bad, dude.

480
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: It sounds like she's never taken accountability for anything in

481
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 1: this relationship. Zero zero.

482
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 2: She's still lying. Bro. Oh, it's my lawyer friend, and

483
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,159
Speaker 2: it's actually really illegal, so I can't have it.

484
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,400
Speaker 1: But I never told you ambulance is op one, get

485
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 1: tested and two. You are focusing on the wrong betrayal,

486
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 1: correct a man. But we got an edit.

487
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 2: We got an edit, really important edit message.

488
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 1: A lot of people are saying that she is sleeping

489
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: with loads of guys behind my back loads loads, just

490
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: taking some loads. I really do not think this is

491
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: the case of anything. I believe it is an old

492
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 1: client or something. I spend enough time with her and

493
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 1: know her work friends well enough to know with some

494
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: confidence that her sleeping with a ton of people isn't

495
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: the case. And comments she lied to you about being

496
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: a spicy worker. She lied to you about being a

497
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: spiky worker. She lied to you about being a spicy worker.

498
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 1: Are you effing kidding me? Right now? Get tested? Figure

499
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 1: out if you can live with this air bus A

500
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: thirty of a lie, I personally would be out the

501
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: door well before I thought about writing to Reddit to help.

502
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 1: Holy crap, dude, she lied to you about being a

503
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: spicy worker, and you were asking how you can make

504
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: it up to her. Another reply, OK, please listen to this.

505
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 1: I've seen a ton of guys just like you, insecure,

506
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: with low confidence, and girls like this they prey on them.

507
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,719
Speaker 1: They come in with whirlwind romances and give you everything

508
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: you want romantically and spicy sleep. You'll ee. They make

509
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 1: you believe that they are your whole world and you

510
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: are theirs. In the end, it's a lie on the

511
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: scale she's told you. It's very evident that she's pulling

512
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: a scam job on you because instead of apologizing profusely

513
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: and telling you the truth, she made you feel guilty.

514
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: You're begging to stay with someone who was dishonest with

515
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 1: you about a very huge if you from the get go.

516
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: I also would like to point out so these guys

517
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 1: she's being paid, you know, to sleep with, right, I

518
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: think on a larger level, you are paying her lifestyle

519
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: and she is trading that in this. I think she

520
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,479
Speaker 1: doesn't love you as much as she's saying, and it's

521
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,120
Speaker 1: just using you as a meal ticket and to fund

522
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: a lifestyle.

523
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: What no, not only would wait, wait, the liar can lie.

524
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 2: The liar's gonna lie about more stuff.

525
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, could tell you about you.

526
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 2: Get out of town, though, brother, I can't handle that

527
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 2: level of insanity coming from you.

528
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: Now, instead of feeling remorse, she shifts the blame on you.

529
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,479
Speaker 1: It's very telling where your self esteem and confidence has

530
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: been it this whole time because you feel like you

531
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: need to fix things. It's not your fault comment to well,

532
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: seeing as how you are considering forgiving her for this.

533
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: You don't seem to have a problem with the idea

534
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 1: of your girlfriend as a spicy worker. But the betrayal

535
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: you speak of is the fact that she has been

536
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: hiding it from you. She has been lying to you

537
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 1: over and over for your entire relationship. What does this

538
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: tell you? It tells you that she will lie to

539
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: see if you trick, you, do whatever it takes to

540
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,199
Speaker 1: make herself appear to be the kind of girl you

541
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,879
Speaker 1: want her to be. She isn't willing to stop doing it.

542
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,239
Speaker 1: She's only going to continue to hide it from you.

543
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: Even if she promises to end it will she really

544
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: or will she just become better at hiding it? Exactly

545
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 1: what other secrets does she have? This is supposed to

546
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: be the woman you are going to spend your life with,

547
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: and you can't trust a word, she says. Stop apologizing

548
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: for checking out her phone. She gave you no choice.

549
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: Blind trust isn't good for any relationships. Trusting someone who

550
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,479
Speaker 1: deserves to be trusted is very easy. This girl has

551
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 1: been lying to you for day one. How can you

552
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 1: expect to have trust in her? I would walk away

553
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 1: as I feel she isn't capable of being trustworthy. Anyone

554
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: who can lie to someone they love that easily for

555
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,719
Speaker 1: this long with no guilt will probably never change their ways. Nevertheless,

556
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 1: if you want to make it work, you have to

557
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 1: sit her down, be strong, stop apologizing and letting her

558
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 1: make it seem like you are in the wrong for

559
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 1: what you did. This is about her. Get the truth.

560
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: Get the truth out of her no matter what. And

561
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: if you still can't because she keeps lying, and walk

562
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: away and don't look back and hope he does respond.

563
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: Oh my god, yes, op he does.

564
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 1: Respond, maybe a little bit more with a backbone this time.

565
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: Thank God, So thanks. I really am being a pushover.

566
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 1: I just need to be strong this evening, and then

567
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,919
Speaker 1: I'll have an idea about all of this. It is

568
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: nice to hear from so many people that I shouldn't

569
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 1: beating myself up over this, and that is where that

570
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: is in a way. Do we think he's actually gonna leave?

571
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 2: I think I doubt he's ever getting on the internet

572
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 2: again after literally I'm sure everyone just eviscerated him. So

573
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: I doubt there's an update. But yeah, I would say

574
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 2: he left. Yeah, I'm gonna without a doubt that man left.

575
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 2: I don't think so he did. He realized it took

576
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 2: I hope so I took a big title wave.

577
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 1: But it's easy. It's easy to say that in a message.

578
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: I think it's harder to actually convince.

579
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 2: I think, uh, I think here's what happens, okay, all right,

580
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 2: tell me. He tries to break up with her.

581
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: He tries to break up with her. They're at the.

582
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: Airport because they were going to go on a vacation together. Yep,

583
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 2: and he just couldn't hold it anymore. He breaks up

584
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: with her at the airport.

585
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 1: Can they hear you?

586
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 2: She gets off, she gets arrested. Done, She's done now,

587
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 2: She gets arrested at the airport. No one ever sees

588
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 2: her again. She disappears. Op now goes on a globe

589
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 2: trotting journey, buys the first random flight. You had to

590
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 2: find her, Yeah, sure, let's do that. He finds her

591
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 2: and then no, he starts in his journey to find her.

592
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 2: Ye like, and try to find everywhere the Indiana Jones,

593
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 2: the plane with the red line. It's going all over

594
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 2: the place, and he finds her in Oh god, I'm

595
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 2: trying to think of that. What was that place that

596
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: had Hillary Clinton's emails?

597
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 1: I do not know. But what I do know is

598
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: this story was bonkers.

599
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 2: Is there just the old There's a comment saying, yeah,

600
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: thanks guys, I'm gonna get tested. Yeah. I think I

601
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 2: think he's done. I hope so, I hope so he's done.

602
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: He's a field researcher and antarctica now but taking ice cores.

603
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: But do we have another story? We got one more story.

604
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: I confronted my possibly cheating boyfriend, and now I'm ashamed.

605
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: Don't feel ashamed for confronting a cheater.

606
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 2: Over the last several days, my boyfriend, whom I live with,

607
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 2: has just been distant and irritable, not violent, not physical,

608
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 2: just short tempered, seeming le on edge, not really interested

609
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: in talking much. It seemed to come around almost out

610
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 2: of nowhere. And by the way, this comes frum user,

611
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 2: is he cheating? Eleven sixteen and if you want to

612
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

613
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 2: story times subredded. So he goes to work earlier than

614
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,479
Speaker 2: I do. And this morning, while I still dozed, I

615
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: heard his phone ringing as he was getting ready for work.

616
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 2: I glanced at the clock and saw it was exactly eight.

617
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: My boyfriend almost always leaves the apartment at seven fifty

618
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 2: to make sure he catches his bus to work, so

619
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: whomever was calling was calling at a time he normally

620
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 2: would have already left our home. I heard him quickly

621
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 2: walk to the phone and silence it, not pick it

622
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 2: up or talk, just to turn it off, sus, which,

623
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 2: as we all know, is not how you answer a

624
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 2: phone call. So after he left, he didn't know I

625
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: was up. I did something I feel bad about. I snooped.

626
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 2: I went into his Facebook and nothing, I mean not nothing.

627
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 2: There were posts, all of which I had seen as

628
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 2: his Facebook friend. His Facebook conversations were fairly banal. Some women,

629
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 2: some men, and of the women he's spoken to mostly

630
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 2: just what's up, how you been, happy birthday, congrats.

631
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: On the new baby.

632
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 2: Was his normal, normal, normal, normal women conversation. I looked

633
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: at the profiles of the women he messaged and that

634
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: had been messaging him, to see how they might know

635
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: each other.

636
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: The bulk, Yeah, this is way too hard. You didn't

637
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: have any evidence. You didn't have any evidence. You've broken

638
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: the trust of the relationship. I don't like this.

639
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 2: Maximum snoopage was who called you?

640
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: Yeah?

641
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 2: And short of that, Wait, this is too much, too much, actually, no,

642
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 2: anything beyond that, way too much. Yeah. The bulk of

643
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 2: those were high school, college and grad school friends, a

644
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 2: few work colleagues. Nothing out of the ordinary or unusual.

645
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 2: All pretty banal, mindless social networking jatter. I'm not a

646
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 2: jealous person usually, so I'm not bothered by occasional exchanging

647
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: pleasantries with female friends and past acquaintances. I should have

648
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 2: stopped there, I went into his email. You should have

649
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: stopped like way before, even where you are right now?

650
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 2: And uh again, nothing too out of the ordinary. Some

651
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 2: Black Friday emails stuff I sent him, stuff from his mother.

652
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 2: The first few pages were just very boring. You went

653
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 2: through pages and pages.

654
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: That's too much.

655
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,719
Speaker 2: I'm assuming there's gonna be something here, right Wait, pages

656
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 2: of what emails? Pages we went through like she went through.

657
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: I went through the emails, next page, next page. This

658
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: is what what has he done? You should just break

659
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: up secure, you break up now, because you can't be

660
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 2: in a relationship with someone if you feel like this.

661
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: When they get a phone call, they don't answer.

662
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not prepared for it.

663
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 2: That we thought maybe that he didn't answer it because

664
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 2: it was eight and he's late. He doesn't have time

665
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 2: to answer the phone anyway. On his Google Hangout chat

666
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 2: window on the left, I saw two conversations, one from

667
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: his ex amy. I didn't want to open the chat

668
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 2: to make it look like I was there. But the

669
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 2: last message was him to his ex amy two days

670
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 2: ago saying hey, are you around? And then there was

671
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 2: another girl, Beth. I didn't recognize the name. The last

672
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 2: message from him was thanks, let me know when you

673
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 2: want to meet up. Smiley face included not the smiley

674
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 2: face damning evidence and yeah, it's like you're gonna go.

675
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 2: I saw what you did a smile. Who are all

676
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 2: the other women in your life making you smile.

677
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: I mean, the text of the X is a little suspicious,

678
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: but I don't know.

679
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 2: But this could literally be for any reason and under

680
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: the entire sun as of right now.

681
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: Okay, let's keep you all, let's see you.

682
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 2: My final curiosity at this point got the better of me,

683
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 2: so I checked his browsing history and again nothing scandalous really,

684
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: no secret, nothing, no Craigslist took ups. But the history

685
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 2: shows another email account having been logged into the computer

686
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: under a woman's name, let's call her Carol. Carol. I

687
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 2: tried to open this one, but it wouldn't work. It

688
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 2: had to be signed out. And none of this explicitly

689
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: points to anything. All I have is a more than

690
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 2: normally grumpy boyfriend, a strange call at eight am he

691
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: didn't pick up, him trying to reach his X, talking

692
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 2: and Google hangouts to a girl about meeting up, and

693
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 2: a strange female name having logged into her email account

694
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 2: on his computer. There is no smoking gun here, no

695
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 2: obvious cheating, just a whole lot of little things. Yeah,

696
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: just little things. There's not even normal stuff. There's not

697
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: even a good or a bad attach to them. There's things.

698
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: The only thing that seems a little suspicious is the X.

699
00:33:56,360 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: But it's not like it's not a It's not enough

700
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: to warrant this kind Like I feel like she should

701
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: immediately apologize for what she did.

702
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, he'd be like, I don't know what happened. Now,

703
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,320
Speaker 2: you had that call in the morning and I went insane. Yeah,

704
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 2: so I'm considering confronting him, but if I do, it

705
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 2: means admitting I violated his privacy and didn't actually find

706
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 2: anything definitive. Somebody please tell me what to do. You

707
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 2: should probably just, I don't know, break up with this guy,

708
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 2: because I don't think you should be in a relationship.

709
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: I don't know if you need to break up quite yet,

710
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 1: but you need to have some serious conversations about where

711
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: this insecurity is coming from and try to remedy it,

712
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: because this kind of jealousy and insecurity will hurt your

713
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: relationship long term. It is already hurting it. It's already

714
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: hurting it, but like I think it'll cause even more

715
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 1: problems if it's not addressed.

716
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we have an update, folks. What's quid and

717
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 2: just many? Alright, yes, yes, yes, well it's official. I'm

718
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 2: a witch. Put the bee in front of their folks.

719
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,399
Speaker 2: I texted him based on what you said, asking him

720
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 2: to call me on his break from work and that

721
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 2: I really needed to talk to him, and he called

722
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 2: me immediately. I told him what happened and confessed to everything,

723
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 2: but said, while I understood if he was angry, I

724
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 2: just needed an explanation for all of it. And here's

725
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 2: what he said. He said he was having some money problems,

726
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 2: nothing serious, and that he didn't want to alarm me.

727
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 2: That we were still paying our bills, but things were

728
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 2: extremely tight otherwise, that the rays he had been counting

729
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 2: on didn't work as he had hoped because he's on

730
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 2: some sort of payment plan with his student loans and

731
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 2: is obligated to tell them of any change in salary,

732
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 2: and when he informed them of his raise, they increased

733
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 2: his loan payments and basically wiped out the rays.

734
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: That sucks. Hey, it's sam og host. We're going get

735
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: back to these delectable stories. But here's three minutes of

736
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: ads from our sponsors to help support the show.

737
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 2: He didn't tell me because he didn't want me to

738
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 2: think we weren't okay, that we are, just that he

739
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 2: was running extremely close to the bone.

740
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: I feel like that's also a red flag on his part.

741
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 2: What that he didn't want to be like, Hey, I'm

742
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: literally destitute, but we're paying bills.

743
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think you should be very honest

744
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 1: with your partner about the financial situation.

745
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 2: I think it's a coin flip for me, really. I

746
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 2: mean I think it's like, you know, if it's like

747
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 2: this is a temporary I'm getting out of this. This

748
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 2: is I don't need to let anyone know that I'm

749
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 2: a you know. But wait, they're married, right, you know what,

750
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 2: I don't even know. I think I don't think they're married.

751
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 2: Is it a boyfriend, I don't think they're married.

752
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: They're not married.

753
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 2: They're not married.

754
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: Okay, if they're not married, then I think it's fine. Yeah,

755
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: if they're married, it wouldn't be fine.

756
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 2: Right, I mean, if you have joint finances. But anyway,

757
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 2: in terms of the contact with his ex, well, she's

758
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 2: part of the reason he's in that mess. He basically

759
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 2: supported both him and her for months when they were together,

760
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 2: waiting for her to get her crap together. When she

761
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 2: finally did not, he dumped her, but left him with

762
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 2: a lot of debt in his name that he acquired

763
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,959
Speaker 2: believing that she'd make good and now two years later,

764
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 2: the payments on it are starting to stress him out.

765
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 2: After he dumped her and told her why, she promised

766
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 2: to fix it and promised to start paying him back

767
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 2: by the end of this year. So the message to

768
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: her was vain hope that she'd actually make good on

769
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,800
Speaker 2: her promise and see if she'd start paying him back. Unsurprisingly,

770
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 2: it went unanswered.

771
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like all of this makes sense,

772
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: Like these are good explinations. You're all yes, which is

773
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: gonna make I feel like he's got to be like

774
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: a little bit upset about the trust being breached.

775
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, by biop, I gotta say I would probably take

776
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 2: a step back.

777
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 1: I don't think I would break up from this. I

778
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: would be like, hey, like, we got to work on this.

779
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 2: So the email account in a woman's name, it was

780
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 2: me kind of to make a few extra bucks. He

781
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 2: started doing some online survey sites, and he told me

782
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 2: one of them allowed two members per household to join

783
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,240
Speaker 2: instead of just one. So he created a fictitious female

784
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 2: second person, which was essentially him doing a second account

785
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 2: as the female of the house. I e. Me ah,

786
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 2: But he didn't want to actually violate my privacy, sigh,

787
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: and give them my real name. So he made up

788
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 2: a fake name to pose as the woman living at

789
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 2: the address and named the email a Lee.

790
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 1: He's being so accommodating and so thoughtful on her behalf

791
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 1: of her privacy. That's like, that makes what she did

792
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: even worse. Exactly, Yeah, it's like ikes.

793
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and in the interest of your privacy, which you know,

794
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 2: in hindsight, I guess I didn't need to care about it.

795
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: Oh.

796
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 2: So he then gave me the password to the email

797
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 2: so I could see and it is all survey invitations.

798
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 2: The strange phone call wasn't a phone call. As he

799
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 2: was headed to work, he checked the weather on his

800
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 2: phone and realized the temperature had dropped substantially overnight, which

801
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 2: is true. We're in the northeast and we had a

802
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 2: massive cold front. And realizing his fall jacket wouldn't cut it,

803
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 2: he went to dig his winter clothes out of the

804
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 2: closet and then he couldn't find his phone. Already running

805
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: late for the bus because of having to get his

806
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: coat and the gloves, he used his watch to page

807
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 2: his phone. Is this a thing? Yes, it is. You

808
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: can do that with the smart watches.

809
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:53,360
Speaker 1: Do you think it is okay to tell a partner

810
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: like a boyfriend girlfriend, or to not tell a partner

811
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 1: a boyfriend, girlfriend that you're living with, that you're having

812
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,800
Speaker 1: money troubles that you believe that you can fix.

813
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 2: I might get flagged for this, but I think that's

814
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 2: heavily weighted on, Like if you're well, it's rooted in culture,

815
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 2: and if you're like a man and like you know,

816
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: you're feeling this, like ah, if she feels like I

817
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 2: can't provide for her, she's gonna leave me. It's like

818
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 2: it's only natural that you're like, well, I shouldn't tell

819
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,879
Speaker 2: her that I'm broke right now because I want things

820
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 2: to go good, And a lot of women have left

821
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 2: men for being broke, not saying that that's what all

822
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 2: women do, of course that's not true, but like, you know,

823
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 2: so if he's like I got this in the bag,

824
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 2: I got this in the control. Yeah, sure, I got

825
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 2: that raise and then my student loans f me over,

826
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 2: but I've got it.

827
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 1: As he feels like he can pay all the bills,

828
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 1: I do think feel like if they're financially tied, though.

829
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: Which are we doing? Know? I agree with that. I

830
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,479
Speaker 2: think if you're financially tied. You can't even really hide

831
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:53,280
Speaker 2: that in the first place.

832
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 1: Well, I think he's like paying for her things, like

833
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: he's paying bills for the both of them, and like

834
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: maybe she could help. But Helena Bayin says he is

835
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 1: a liar, dude. I think, like I guess my like

836
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: I I would communicate if I was paying joint expenses

837
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 1: for a partner. I would probably communicate if I was

838
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: having moneys. I mean, like even like I was, like

839
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 1: when I was like a few years ago, I was

840
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 1: like super broken. My girlfriend at the time was raised wealthy,

841
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 1: and she was always like, why aren't you taking me

842
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: to NOBU? And it would be like, I'm broke, I

843
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: got no money, and that was informative for her and

844
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:31,240
Speaker 1: she asked that less.

845
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, she asked les. She started asking it.

846
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 1: Less, she started asking it less.

847
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 2: Look like he's lying yet, But it's like it's I

848
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 2: know people who are like this, and that's why I

849
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 2: know that, Like, yeah, it can be a lie, but

850
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 2: it's like, I there's not there's no that you just

851
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 2: didn't say, like right, he is, he is looking. He

852
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 2: is trying to look out for her because he's like

853
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 2: I don't want to stress her out by her now

854
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 2: knowing that the money is tight, because it's a stressful

855
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: thing to know. Yeah, so you don't have to know

856
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 2: it because it's not gonna change anything. The money's still

857
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 2: gonna be tight. What's he gonna do. He's gonna say,

858
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 2: go get a job. No, he's not gonna do that.

859
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: But hem. I but I think I think like in

860
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: a and I think it it helps in a relationship

861
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: to know, especially a relationship where you're living together and

862
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 1: it's committed, not when you're like dating or whatever, but

863
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 1: when you're living together and it's committed and you're sharing expenses.

864
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 1: I think I think it is good to communicate. I

865
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 1: know that's not everyone's relationship style, but I feel like

866
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: it would avoid potential pitfalls.

867
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 2: With the phone, the phone was ringing, but it was

868
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 2: really just an alarm. Realizing that he had left it

869
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 2: in the other end of the apartment, he ran over

870
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: to silence it so he didn't wake me up. The

871
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,759
Speaker 2: other woman he wanted to meet, Beth, belongs to a

872
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 2: tabletop gaming club.

873
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: Oh, he's just a beautiful nerd.

874
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 2: He plays Warhammer for war NERD.

875
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 1: That's trying to provide for his girl.

876
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 2: Still which, by the way, if this guy's tight on

877
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 2: cas she needs to stop playing Warhammer because those minifigs

878
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:08,720
Speaker 2: are so Actually, yeah, I know there's people spend thousands

879
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 2: of dollars building their like army or whatever. It's crazy.

880
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's a super expensive to D and D

881
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 2: like Giant. Yeah, it's like DD in Space thousands. Yeah,

882
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 2: like no, like, oh my god, just for one like

883
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 2: big guy, he's like, kadude, I just don't have enough

884
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 2: money to really pay for the bills and my thousand

885
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,280
Speaker 2: dollar whatever collection.

886
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: Oh god.

887
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 2: Okay. So the woman a friend of a friend who

888
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 2: reached out to their mutual friend let's call him Dan

889
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 2: a few months ago, asking Dan if he knew a

890
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 2: friendly attorney she could ask some advice for regarding a

891
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,839
Speaker 2: situation with her landlord. Dan put her in contact with

892
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, who then gave her some advice. Beth then

893
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 2: reached out to my boyfriend recently, thanking him for his advice,

894
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 2: but saying she couldn't afford to pay him, but that

895
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 2: since she, Dan, and my boyfriend were all into tabletop

896
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,919
Speaker 2: gaming and she's a good painter and model builder, did

897
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 2: he have any models she might be able to build?

898
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 2: And paint for him as a thank you man.

899
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 1: It's like, I just need money please, but love God,

900
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,240
Speaker 1: no money.

901
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,439
Speaker 2: He this guy just the angels started singing when he

902
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,839
Speaker 2: read that. In that in that message, he did as

903
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 2: he always does and gave her some at the club

904
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 2: sometime the message, Beth told him they were done and

905
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 2: to let him know when he wanted them back. So

906
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 2: he said for her to let him know when she

907
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 2: wanted to meet at the gaming club to give them

908
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 2: back to him.

909
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: Miss Woozy says he's a lawyer. He won't be broke

910
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:39,800
Speaker 1: for long then? Is he a lawyer?

911
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 2: I guess, dude, he's gonna be some kind of law

912
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:44,399
Speaker 2: he has something.

913
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 1: He's gonna be. Maybe maybe he really it's like I

914
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: gotta feel like I gotta figure it out. Like it's

915
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,919
Speaker 1: not like it's like like money is tight, but it's

916
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 1: not like it's not a it'll be fine in a month. Yeah,

917
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: maybe it's like going to be I think he might

918
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: have it all lock. I don't know, he's a lawyer.

919
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: Who knows who knows?

920
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 2: Is he? Maybe he's just like the receptionist at the

921
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 2: lawyer's office.

922
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like what's the paralegal apparent? Legal.

923
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 2: He's like the janitor. Yeah, he's this is good will hunting.

924
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's just he's just shred in law documents.

925
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, that's really funny. All of your legal

926
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 2: expertise is just like the twenty percent of the document

927
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 2: you can read before it rose.

928
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 1: The friend is a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Way, but

929
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: it's OPI the.

930
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 2: Friend is, so we had it backwards. Stan's the lawyer. Okay.

931
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 2: He then said there was something he had been hiding,

932
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 2: and I braced myself. Oh, and then he told me

933
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 2: what he was hiding was he had started smoking SIGs. Again,

934
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 2: throw him in the Thames, dude, he knew I disapproved

935
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 2: of him smoking. He is actually already a cancer survivor

936
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 2: at thirty five. You wouldn't be, dude, cancer survivor smoking.

937
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,959
Speaker 1: Broad communication on both ends of this relationship right now.

938
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 1: This is bad. This is not good.

939
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're going to get back to

940
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:04,760
Speaker 2: this episode.

941
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 1: But a quick three minute break with aswer more sponsors.

942
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 2: Under the stress of the situation he was in, he

943
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 2: fell off the wagon and hid it from me, but

944
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 2: he realized using a dangerous and expensive habit was literally

945
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 2: the opposite of a good idea when he's money stressed.

946
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 2: So after a few weeks he went cold Turkey a

947
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 2: week ago. That totally not him behavior like the irritability

948
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 2: and quick to snap attitude was him quitting smoking, and

949
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 2: he didn't want to admit it to me because he

950
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 2: didn't want to admit he had started again. So the

951
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 2: things he was hiding from me was that he was

952
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,400
Speaker 2: under some financial stress because a raise he was planning

953
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 2: on didn't pan out, but he didn't tell me because

954
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 2: while he was tight, we weren't at risk of not

955
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 2: having our obligations taken care of and didn't want to

956
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 2: worry me, And that he had gone back to and

957
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 2: subsequently quit smoking again, and that any observed attitude changes

958
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,320
Speaker 2: were because he was quitting smoking again. The strange female

959
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 2: contacts were essentially innocuous. They were trying to get his

960
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,399
Speaker 2: ex to pay what she owed and arranging with someone

961
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 2: to pick up something she did as a favor to him,

962
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,879
Speaker 2: and a fictitious email account created to make a few

963
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 2: spare bucks doing online surveys. The strange phone call was

964
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 2: not a phone call. It was a misplaced phone he

965
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 2: had paged with his watch, which started ringing loudly, and

966
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 2: he quickly silenced it to not wake me up. And

967
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 2: by the way, you can wake up and listen to

968
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 2: full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify and

969
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 2: Apple podcasts and iHeartRadio and wherever you listen to podcasts.

970
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 2: Oh you gotta do is search on Okay story Time

971
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 2: and you can listen to basically all of them.

972
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: Man, I guess my story we have a little bit more,

973
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: But I just feel bad communication on both ends, like

974
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: they need they need to work work, work with each

975
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: other a little bit more.

976
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I mean.

977
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,919
Speaker 1: I don't think it's relationship ending. I just think it's

978
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: like not a.

979
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 2: That do think, Like I hope I don't make everyone

980
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 2: upset when I say this, but I think that Ope

981
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 2: needs to do more work on like where did that

982
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 2: intense belief that's something I'm being cheated on? There's someone else,

983
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 2: there's something going on, like wherever that came from needs

984
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 2: to be like one hundred percent addressed before like and

985
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 2: you can really move forward from this.

986
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,840
Speaker 1: And I think also like by the same token, I

987
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 1: think Opie's partner needs to inquire like why didn't he

988
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:28,760
Speaker 1: like feel safe to share that there was financial stress

989
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 1: and why didn't he feel safe to share that he

990
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: started smoking in because you know, like our partners should

991
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 1: be able to help us through our tough times, right,

992
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: if we just keep that all in, it's just gonna

993
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: be really hard to establish a relationship.

994
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,919
Speaker 2: Smoking thing I can get because it's like a lot

995
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 2: of that's deeply rooted in shame. And he's a cancer survivor,

996
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 2: so it's like extremely absurd for him to be smoking.

997
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 2: So he's so like, I get that, and he definitely

998
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 2: could share that, and he did. He said the reason

999
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 2: he didn't is because it's like, well, we can still

1000
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 2: pay all our obligation, but there's more to life than

1001
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 2: just the obligations, you know.

1002
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: That's why I think it's not relationship. And I just

1003
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 1: think it would be better to have all these things

1004
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 1: out in the open. But I understand, I understand why

1005
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 1: he's he's doing that, Like you know, there's there's there's

1006
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 1: this shame, probably from the financial side and from the

1007
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:16,919
Speaker 1: smoking side.

1008
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 2: And eleanor Ban says that is right. It came from

1009
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 2: all the behavior from him quitting smoking was what made

1010
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,320
Speaker 2: her like suspicious, So it came from somewhere.

1011
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: I just think there needs to be again. You know

1012
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:28,839
Speaker 1: what it really is.

1013
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 2: It's that she looked, and she looked deeper and even deeper,

1014
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 2: and even it's like the fact that you felt they

1015
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 2: need to keep going until you found something.

1016
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 1: I feel like, but she was right, she was right,

1017
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 1: she was there was things that she was hiding from

1018
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 1: her and I mean specifically about.

1019
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: A woman is what I was sure. But found the

1020
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: Google hangout messages and then was like, there it is there.

1021
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 1: I thought it was a woman, but there there was

1022
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: things that she was hiding just in general. So I think,

1023
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 1: I guess it's like I think what happened is you

1024
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 1: have a vicious cycle of people hiding things from each other,

1025
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: and when it turned out to like what happened is

1026
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 1: now people are escalating what they think it could be.

1027
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 1: And it was really not that not that bad. And

1028
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: if we had been a little bit more communicative, if

1029
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: he had communicated early and often, a lot of this

1030
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 1: would have been avoided.

1031
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 2: Actually one hundred percent of it, just straight up, clear, honest,

1032
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: vulnerable communication. None of that happens.

1033
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:29,240
Speaker 1: But I want to hear where we ended.

1034
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 2: All right, I feel like it's gonna end well, yeah,

1035
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: feel okay. And then after I land it all out

1036
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 2: and was bracing for the worst a breakup. He says this, no, no,

1037
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 2: oh man, no way, we saw that.

1038
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,439
Speaker 1: You are really keeping us on the edge of the sort.

1039
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, guys, all right, here we go, okay, that

1040
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 2: he understood where I was coming from, that I was

1041
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 2: probably suspicious because I knew him well enough to know

1042
00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 2: something was being hidden, being the money troubles and the smoking,

1043
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 2: but I didn't know what that something was. He was

1044
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 2: annoyed that I went through his things, But he's somewhat

1045
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: understood because my instinct that something was being hidden from

1046
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 2: me were fundamentally true, even if the things weren't that

1047
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,560
Speaker 2: big of a deal. And he didn't tell me for

1048
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 2: a fairly good reason, and that he didn't really have

1049
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 2: anything to hide from me anyway, so he was sorry

1050
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,800
Speaker 2: he didn't tell me he started smoking again and knew

1051
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 2: I was sorry for doing what I did, and that

1052
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 2: he could overlook my snooping if I could overlook him

1053
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 2: not admitting he had been smoking again, and we could

1054
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 2: just move forward with no hard feelings. I don't effing

1055
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:39,839
Speaker 2: deserve this, man, Oh, I think you do. And that's

1056
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 2: the end of that story. Yay, we got a good one.

1057
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: We got a good one. But I feel like the

1058
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 1: lesson op he should take away from this is communicate

1059
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 1: with each other about all of these things. Communicate about

1060
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 1: the fact that you feel like there's something off instead

1061
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 1: of snooping. And he should communicate the fact that he's

1062
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: struggling if he feels like he's struggling. Right, If you

1063
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 1: communicate about these things, you can, like, like I think,

1064
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 1: in all your relationships, if you're ever struggling, giving people

1065
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 1: the opportunity to do the right thing by you, I

1066
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 1: think is is almost always better than holding it in

1067
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: and being like a little bit more and not not nefarious,

1068
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 1: but being like I got this. You know.

1069
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 2: The money subject is so interesting to me because it's like,

1070
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 2: I genuinely think all of that was just from the smoking.

1071
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 2: And he didn't feel that he needed to say any

1072
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 2: of that, yeah, because he felt like, as long as

1073
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 2: the bills are paid.

1074
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 1: There's no issue issue.

1075
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:38,720
Speaker 2: So like, where is the theoretical like amount of financial

1076
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 2: pressure to feel where it becomes like now there's an obligation.

1077
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 2: It's like, is it when the bills can't be paid

1078
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,000
Speaker 2: or is it before that? If it is like like

1079
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 2: if you want a good relationship. As soon as you feel.

1080
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: Stressed, you should you should tell your partner like, yeah,

1081
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: I feel stressed.

1082
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,399
Speaker 2: So if you're just like man, I'm like I don't

1083
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm not making enough money right now. And she's like,

1084
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 2: oh my god, well I do about it. You're like,

1085
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 2: well you could maybe do you want to get another

1086
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 2: job so that I can't. It's like it's like, all right,

1087
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 2: I'm doing nothing. I don't know. It's I and I think,

1088
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:09,959
Speaker 2: but I think I think if you can't pay the bills,

1089
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:10,959
Speaker 2: that definitely needs to be said.

1090
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: But I think in that situation, it's like, hey, like

1091
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm just feeling stressed about money and she's like, oh,

1092
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 1: like I don't, like I can I can get another jobs?

1093
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,439
Speaker 1: Like I don't think you need to do that yet,

1094
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: but just I just want to let you know that

1095
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 1: I feel stressed, and like, if there's things that pop

1096
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: up over these next couple of weeks that that maybe

1097
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 1: are suboptimal for our relationship, it's probably because I'm stressed

1098
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 1: about money. I just feel like what it could do

1099
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 1: is it could open up this period of grace for

1100
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 1: for someone if they're experiencing that, And I think that

1101
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 1: goes for anything that you're stressed about. You're like, oh, man,

1102
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,320
Speaker 1: like I just, you know, hit a car this morning

1103
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 1: and I'm stressed about about it. And you tell that

1104
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 1: to like the people, I think they'll extend you more grace.

1105
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's the allowance of someone to

1106
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I understand the the whole of of

1107
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 1: what this person is showing up with, and now I

1108
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: can better accommodate them in my life and how I

1109
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 1: treat them. At least that's what I think, but I

1110
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:06,839
Speaker 1: would love to know what you guys think.

1111
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 2: It sounds like a good take to me, But I

1112
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 1: Believe that is the end of that story and the

1113
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 1: end of this episode.